That Sounds Bad!

Summary

Distractible – "That Sounds Bad!"

Episode Release Date: April 27, 2026
Hosts: Mark Fischbach, Wade Barnes, Bob Muyskens

Overview

In this episode of Distractible, Mark, Wade, and Bob return to one of their favorite formats—escalating the negativity of ordinary (usually positive) things. Adapting from their past game "That Sounds Good," Mark hosts "That Sounds Bad!"—challenging Bob and Wade to take universally good things and spiral them into the most bleak, horrifying, or absurdly awful scenarios. The episode is, as usual, a rapid-fire blend of wit, friendly ribbing, improvisational gamesmanship, and genuinely funny (often dark) riffs.

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Key Segments & Discussion Highlights

Cold Open & Small Talk Shenanigans

(01:53–10:59)

• The episode opens with an offbeat discussion of the Coachella festival, K-pop, and movie soundtracks, quickly segueing into their signature goofing about "The Office" intro, voice acting, and the elusive character Torbek.
• Memorable banter about agency:
  • Bob: “But no, we're agentic. Oh, yeah. I have agency. Yeah.”
  • Mark: “Do you are sure? I am agentic.” (03:36)
• A recurring thread is whether Bob is being unfairly picked on for his voice and whether he should get voice lessons from the real Torbek (Andy Flynn), which spins out into a tangent about possible workout routines and social media misidentification.
• Goofy deal:
  • Mark: “If this is declared fair with all heads, we will...pay for voice training lessons for Bob until he can make the Torbek voice.” (06:19)

Light News & Tech Update

(09:16–14:11)

• Mark attempts a manic media update—“DaVinci got a new update. GoPro comeback...a lot of new tools with AI in them that are probably scary.” (09:32)
• Bob and Wade toss in low-effort tech names:
  • Bob: “Microphone.” (10:18)
• Discussion about new sodas, odd chemical names, and game word quirks—leading into a playful roast of Wade’s ineptitude at picking challenging words.

Life Updates, AI Progress, and Golf

(14:11–20:30)

• Casual chat about golfing, driving ranges, Bob’s car, travel logistics, and invitations to various activities—interwoven with the usual jokes about bodily functions and camaraderie.
  • Bob: “It's still fun to go drive golf carts around and just hit balls...It's fun.” (14:49)
• Brief update about “Real Good AI,” a project Bob is involved in, with Mark asking about research and publishing timelines (17:40–19:07):
  • Bob: “It is proof of concept for the future of good AI...Eric did that research and he's such a good little scientist that even though he's real sick right now, he's still working.”

Rules Refresher & Introduction to “That Sounds Bad!”

(20:30–22:15)

• Mark outlines the rules: he’ll prompt a good thing, and the contestants must take turns making it sound progressively worse. Whoever fails to escalate loses the round.
  • Mark: “If there's one thing you guys are good at, it's being negative.” (22:15)

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"That Sounds Bad!" — Game Segments

Making Donuts Sound Bad

(23:11–29:29)

• Bob: Eating a donut for breakfast triggers instant defeatism and unhealthy food spirals.
• Wade: The act of getting donuts is miserable—long lines, disappointment, and never getting your favorite flavor.
  • Wade: “You had to wait...forever to even get your donut. And then...they're sold out. Would you like this cake donut? ...No, I don't want.” (25:07)
• Bob: Office donuts are always gone or disgusting leftovers; communal boxes bring only sadness.
• Wade: The donut causes a nuclear armageddon in your gut, “fallout happening right in your butt.” (28:21)
• Bob: The fatal flaw—donuts are so soft anything could be hidden inside: “jelly, cream, razor blades, poison tablets...” leading to the horrifying “razor blade donut” scenario.
  • Bob: “You could be handed a donut with a dozen razor blades in it and not even be able to tell there was anything wrong.” (29:00)
• Wade concedes after the razor blade imagery.

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Making a Beautiful Sunny Day Sound Bad

(29:49–34:22)

• Wade: As a bald man, perfect weather is just a reminder of what he lacks—sunburn and no hair to tussle in the breeze.
• Bob: Beautiful days attract other people—skateboarders, unleashed dogs, loud kids—ruining any chance to enjoy nature.
  • Bob: “Every time I've been outside...there's always someone there to ruin it.” (31:00)
• Wade: Paranoia sets in; the birds are drones, the government’s watching, chaos and control slip away.
• Bob: The ultimate escalation—a beautiful morning in Hiroshima, August 9, 1945.
  • Bob: “Beautiful August morning....Hiroshima, Japan...Oh, what's that rumble in the distance?” (33:00)
• Wade: Admits Bob has him beat; he considered ending with nuclear war but Bob escalated first.

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Making Sex Sound Bad

(34:42–47:15)

• Bob: Dry, awkward, sticky limbs and chafing. “Just limbs and sweat. Just sticky. Just rubbing.” (34:49)
• Wade: Makes “solo leveling” sound superior—“I can get the job done faster and more efficiently” (35:25)—though Mark notes this frames masturbation as good, not sex as bad.
• Bob: Sex is an existential crisis. “Are they faking it? Was that fake? Are they just pretending?...You want to dissociate so hard that you barely even exist.” (37:02)
• Wade: Cheating ruins everything (one mistake, everything crumbles); uses the analogy of putting “my dick in the wrong hole.”
• Bob: The 2007 horror-comedy Teeth—vagina dentata, an actual medical condition (sort of). “...the story...about a woman whose vagina has teeth....And there's no way to know until it's too late.”
• Wade: Superhero world escalation (riffing on “The Boys”): lava ejaculate, hand-melting touches, sexual chaos.
• Bob: If you had sex on August 9 (again), you’re about to be a parent, “all kinds of stuff that comes along with that...poop being on parts of you you didn't know poop could get on...furniture...never smelling the same.” (42:52)
  • Bob clarifies it's terrifying for high schoolers.
• Wade: The one-night stand leads to an Antichrist baby (“you and sin have helped birth the Antichrist...” (45:03))
• Bob: Reeling from that, Bob goes for incest—the shocking, accidental revelation you slept with a close relative after a haze of lust clears.
  • Bob: “And then finally, the person next to you wakes up...they roll over...and say, what a magical night.” (46:38)
• Wade: Zeus, as classic punishment for sex with the wrong person, sentences you to eternal mythological torment—“Fuck your mom? I call that Tuesday. For eternity.” (47:09)
• Mark ultimately crowns Bob the winner of the sex round for his escalating darkness and shock value.

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Closing Moments & Winner

(51:14–54:59)

• Points are tallied; it's neck-and-neck.
• As Mark notes, “Wade has not won in a while. It has been a while.”
• Bob’s winner’s speech:
  • “I have mixed feelings about what all I ended up actually saying, but you do what you have to do to win. That's how important this show is...That's why I'm a winner. Because I do what I gotta do.” (53:35)
• Wade’s loser’s speech (over-the-top): hypothetical Zeus taboos, teethy chompers, and cold meat metaphors.
  • “Alas, I didn't get to all the descriptors. I did the best I could. I thought we had a good back and forth. I conceded a couple times where maybe I should have gone further. So I live a life of regret and failure, as all losers should.” (54:26)

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Notable Quotes & Comedic Highlights

• Bob (on donuts): “You could be handed a donut with a dozen razor blades in it and not even be able to tell there was anything wrong with it.”
• Wade (on a sunny day): “It's not the people outside you gotta worry about. It's them. They're watching inside. The birds themselves, they're drones.”
• Bob (on sex): “You'll feel what they're doing to you...But you know what you don't get to know? What are they thinking?...Are you doing a good job?...Was that fake?...You want to dissociate so hard that you barely even exist for a while?”
• Wade (Antichrist sex scenario): “All of a sudden, she's giving you some signs...And then the day of the delivery comes. Baby bites the doctor's finger...666 tattoo on the baby...you've helped birth the Antichrist.”
• Bob (vagina dentata): “It's a gamble every time. Maybe you like gambling with your dick...Just imagine the teeth. Vividly. Imagine it.”
• Wade (Zeus punishment): “Because the things I can do to you will make Sisyphus feel like he's on vacation...Fuck your mom? I call that Tuesday. For eternity.”

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Timestamps for Core Segments

• Cold Open, K-pop & Voice Acting: 01:53–09:16
• Media & Tech Update: 09:16–14:11
• AI News & Golf: 14:11–20:30
• "That Sounds Bad" Game Introduction: 20:30–22:15
• Donuts Round: 23:11–29:29
• Sunny Day Round: 29:49–34:22
• Sex Round: 34:42–47:15
• Closing, Winner & Loser Speeches: 51:14–54:59

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Episode Tone & Style

The tone is classic Distractible: whip-smart, irreverent, full of improvisation and escalation. Mark acts as exasperated but patient ringmaster; Bob and Wade sling wild scenarios and one-up each other with absurdism and grim humor. Genuine friendship and competitive stubbornness fuel the fun.

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Summary for New Listeners

If you've never heard Distractible before, this episode is a showcase of how the hosts transform everyday subjects into uproarious, darkly comic debate and storytelling. They move fluidly between silly asides about technology, real-life updates, references to their own lore (like Torbek and unfair coin tosses), and the kind of riffing that can only come from years of friendship. "That Sounds Bad!" in particular is a masterclass in comic escalation—what starts as a simple treat or a sunny day can, in their hands, become a tale of existential despair, accidental tragedy, or apocalyptic disaster. And when it comes to the most universal topic—sex—their spirals into horror, myth, and body horror are as funny as they are outrageous.

If you want to hear wit, dark comedy, and three friends gleefully making each other squirm, this is the episode for you.

Transcript

[Bob]

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[Mark]

Yes.

[Bob]

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[Podcast Narrator]

Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractable. This episode, mechanistic Mark gives a manic media update, then twists a trusted format. Befogged Bob wins elocution funding, nearly kills with his bores, accuses arithmetic and is defeated by D Nuts and juices. Well established Wade Self owns, loathes lightning. It deals in disappointment and dicks the wrong holes from Coachella Cold opens to superheroic sexcapades.

[Mark]

Yes,

[Podcast Narrator]

it's time for that Sounds bad. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

[Bob]

Did you guys see that? They performed golden at Coachella.

[Mark]

Why perform the other one? Cowards.

[Wade]

This is what it sounds like.

[Bob]

It was with a bigger K pop group and they added a ton of harmonies to it because it was like nine women on stage singing it. And I. And I saw people talking about it and I was like, they did the one. But they did the harmonies. They did not.

[Mark]

Yeah, getting that many people would be great for the song at the end that has the whole crowd going

[Bob]

and then how they sing in the lyrics about how they're singing in harmony, but they're not. Yeah, I know. It'd be crazy. Imagine.

[Mark]

Yeah, but no, golden, the one that wasn't the important pinnacle of the movie. So, like the fake out there building towards it to perform and then. Oh, no, this move is ruined.

[Wade]

All these companies taking the wrong message out of the movie. Go figure.

[Bob]

Hello and welcome to Distractable.

[Mark]

That's what you call a cold open.

[Wade]

All right, cue our office intro.

[Mark]

Do we have an office intro?

[Wade]

We do now.

[Bob]

It's the office intro with our faces over each of the characters.

[Mark]

Oh, we're gonna get sued.

[Bob]

And Steve Carell. We leave Steve Carell.

[Mark]

Right. Of course, none of us could replace him.

[Wade]

Now, introducing special guest Nevermind I don't

[Mark]

think they did that in the office where they go. And now our special guest.

[Wade]

Are you sure? Pretty sure. Season 14 Episode 2 It's been a

[Mark]

while since I watched it.

[Bob]

So Michael comes out of his office and goes, that's what she said. And someone goes, oh, my God. Steve Carell. Special guest Steve Carell.

[Mark]

Oh, my God.

[Bob]

So realistic.

[Mark]

Very realistic. Just like this podcast. It's almost like we're really here.

[Bob]

But no, we're agentic. Oh, yeah. I have agency. Yeah. Do you are sure? I am agentic.

[Mark]

Okay. Bob is agentic.

[Wade]

I thought you were an aphrodisiac. That's not the word I thought you.

[Mark]

You keep thinking, man. You keep thinking over there.

[Bob]

Oh, I could be both of those.

[Mark]

Yeah. Get those thoughts churning, man. It's almost gonna be your turn, Bob.

[Wade]

You're my aphrodisiac.

[Bob]

Torbeck can make you feel all kinds of things.

[Mark]

Torbeck, you sound.

[Bob]

That's how he always sounds. Shut up.

[Mark]

Doorbeck is here and depressed as usual.

[Wade]

I feel like he's in the room.

[Bob]

Not all of us are talented and accomplished voice actors. Actually, none of us are.

[Wade]

I think you are.

[Mark]

I think you could do that one. It's just poor back.

[Bob]

Stop showing off. God. Aww.

[Wade]

It's not showing off to Torbek.

[Mark]

Let's not. I think he was right about that.

[Bob]

Oh, look at me. I am Poorbeck. It is great to be here in the burg with you.

[Wade]

Introducing Ethan as Torbeck.

[Mark]

Wow.

[Bob]

Special guest guest Ethane Nester.

[Mark]

All right, Lisp point. Lisp point.

[Wade]

I'm sorry, Bo, we're being unfair to you.

[Bob]

I'll just be quiet for the rest of this one. Ethan, take my spot.

[Mark]

All right, Ethan, everybody. Welcome special guest Ethan.

[Bob]

Ethan Nestor.

[Mark]

Ethanester. What's up by Cranky Crew oh, there's no S's in there, so it doesn't.

[Wade]

Is there a rule about calling yourself out if you say something?

[Mark]

I don't think so.

[Wade]

I don't have to call myself out. Or yourself out.

[Mark]

Did someone say the word? Bob, did you say it?

[Bob]

No, he said it.

[Wade]

I said it. I. I said it.

[Bob]

He said that you all are being the you word to me. Yeah, well, now we have to do it, but I don't even know what for.

[Wade]

Well, I didn't know if I will.

[Bob]

If you had just shut your yap hole.

[Wade]

Well, we get yelled at a lot for not noticing. And I noticed, so I didn't know if I had to notice.

[Bob]

I think he was saying that you were being unfair for making fun of me for lisping or for not being able to do the Torbeck voice? I'm not sure. I don't know what his point was.

[Wade]

Just in general, you know, we were just. We were just being rude to Bob,

[Mark]

so he was saying we were unfair because you were getting shit for it.

[Bob]

It was unfair of you all to make jokes about me.

[Wade]

What a waste of this coin.

[Mark]

If this is declared fair with all heads, we will. You and me, Wade, we will pay for voice training lessons for Bob until he can make the Torbeck voice.

[Bob]

Oh, okay.

[Mark]

We will make it right. We will pay for those lessons. If it's doubly unfair, we get to make fun of Bob for his normal speaking voice as well.

[Bob]

That's pretty fair.

[Mark]

That's very fair, I think. All right, ready? Heads.

[Bob]

Oh, no.

[Mark]

Is that lady heads on yours? I can't.

[Bob]

Ladies. Heads. Yeah, lady is heads.

[Mark]

All right, we gotta pay for. We're gonna hire the actual guy from Legends of Adventurous, and we're gonna get him to get you to be able to be Torbek. And we will not stop paying whatever his fee is and. Or a comparable voice trainer because he might be pricey. Now that.

[Bob]

That shows popular, he's very famous and successful. Well, I mean, if I'm going to do this, I want the real Torbeck to teach me about Torbeck stuff, so.

[Mark]

All right, okay, well, we'll see what his availability is.

[Bob]

Price, cost be damned, you know?

[Mark]

Okay, you're going to. You're going to get a fair. We get you voice lessons for Torbek.

[Wade]

That doesn't look like the. Hold on a second.

[Mark]

Is that his name? Andy Flynn? Is that the guy's name?

[Wade]

Yeah, but I searched Andy Flynn and I did not get the right guy.

[Bob]

If you search Andy Flynn Avantress, he comes up. Oh, there's a. There's another, like, actor or someone who is also named Andy Flynn.

[Mark]

You were laughing like it was some porn actor or something, and I thought that it was going to be all right. The great Andy Flynn. Wow, man. He's working out. He's getting.

[Wade]

Oh.

[Bob]

Oh, my God. His whole Instagram is just him working out. What the shit?

[Mark]

Holy shit.

[Bob]

He's so jacked. I don't have to learn that, do I?

[Mark]

No. No. Well, unless it's part of Torbek, he might say it's actually part of it.

[Bob]

Oh, no.

[Mark]

Okay, well, hey, listen up, handsome. What's your day rate for getting Bob voice training to be Torbek?

[Wade]

We're not trying to replace you unless he does better than you, in which case Sorry.

[Bob]

I mean, given where I'm starting from, how could I not be better than him?

[Wade]

That poor guy is about to get hounded and he's going to hate us.

[Bob]

He's going to be like, what is distractible?

[Wade]

Who are these dumb fuckers?

[Bob]

God, I hate our fans.

[Wade]

I hate distractible, too.

[Mark]

All right, so that is handled.

[Bob]

Of all the times to get triple heads. I just say, couldn't I use that on a thing that actually mattered? I mean, not that I won't enjoy voice lessons with the great Andini.

[Mark]

You're literally immortal.

[Bob]

Was that from a coin flip? Oh, that was from a coin flip. Okay, never mind, Never mind, never mind, never mind. I don't have nothing to complain about. That's just me being a bitch.

[Wade]

I think Mark and I deserve some good coin flip wins.

[Bob]

Nah, you deserve nothing. Shut up, Mark. Continue your episode.

[Mark]

Thank you, I will. It's time to move on to small talk. Yes, we are now in small talk.

[Bob]

It's been a very derailed episode.

[Wade]

Times when we cold open, I'm going

[Mark]

to give a blast of news updates from the various things of nab. Of which I'm going to. But by the time this comes out, I will have already been. So no, you can't meet me there. DaVinci got a new update. That's pretty cool. GoPro come back. Maybe cool. Cameras came out. There's a lot of other new tools with AI in them that are probably scary.

[Bob]

I don't know.

[Mark]

Adobe's out of frothing in the corner or something. I have no idea. And then there's a lot of bags, a lot of lights, a lot of camera equipment, a lot of monitors for viewing things, audio equipment, kind of cool stuff like that. That's all you guys need to know, okay? As we do every week, we do a media and broadcast equipment news update.

[Wade]

That's true every week.

[Bob]

It's an interest we all share equally.

[Mark]

Equally. Wait, say one tech thing.

[Bob]

Microphone.

[Mark]

Okay, man, that's. That is technically correct. You get a point.

[Wade]

I had that one ready in the bank.

[Mark]

Just in case you look around at the closest thing in your room, like,

[Bob]

oh, microphone does wrist.

[Wade]

Wrist rest. Does that count? Does this.

[Bob]

This tech.

[Wade]

This count was technology made, right?

[Bob]

I. It's kind of.

[Wade]

I don't know, so techn.

[Bob]

All right.

[Mark]

His true laugh.

[Bob]

God damn.

[Wade]

Sorry. I had strawberry lemonade for lunchtime. Going fucking nuts.

[Bob]

Oh, my God. No wonder you're so crazy.

[Wade]

Yeah, I know I'm going crazy.

[Mark]

Look, I don't. I don't care if this has a billion red 40 and. And you know, it's. It's the Coke Zero cherry float.

[Wade]

It's delicious.

[Mark]

It probably has all kinds of chemicals in there to make it taste good, but God damn.

[Bob]

No, those are surprisingly good. I like those.

[Mark]

Acesulfame. Nice.

[Bob]

Does it have astatine in it?

[Mark]

I don't see any, but it's got phenyl ketoneurics.

[Bob]

Ketones. Those are good.

[Wade]

I've not heard of those since the Treaty of Westphalia.

[Mark]

We're never going to forget Westfalia.

[Bob]

See, you casually use that word in like so many episodes. And then you acted like you've never heard it before in your life. When we were playing the thing, I feel like that was a pretty generous word.

[Wade]

You had cheeseburger.

[Bob]

Yeah, well, that's long and weird. I'm just smart.

[Mark]

You had cheeseburger. He's right. He's right.

[Bob]

We talked about this. I told you. I was finding funny. When we were fighting those words together, you were like, oh, oh, I found a really good one. And I was like, all right, he's getting tough words. I'll get tough words.

[Wade]

Well, I thought there'd be more of the game where we had to like.

[Bob]

You were just sitting there being like, cheeseburger.

[Mark]

Yes. This will stump them.

[Wade]

There weren't that many 12 letter words.

[Mark]

The thing is, I can totally see Wade doing that. Where he finds he's. Where he's like, oh, oh, yeah. That's gonna stumble.

[Bob]

Oh, man.

[Wade]

Maybe I missed the assignment a little bit. Okay.

[Bob]

I thought we were on the same wavelength and we never are.

[Wade]

I'm sorry, man. When I searched for 12 letter words

[Bob]

second way play Slay the spire too.

[Wade]

Then we are the same wavelength.

[Bob]

Then we doesn't. Then we're all on the same wavelength.

[Wade]

And I've learned that lightning boy sucks.

[Mark]

He does not.

[Bob]

He's awesome. I. The best run I've had, solo run I've had has been with him. I got the craziest thing where I basically half my deck cost zero. And then I had a couple of that one where you put all zero cost cards from your discard back into your hand. I had things where on the second or third turn, I was just like, get them all back. Everyone's dead. Like, he's fucking crazy if you build them right.

[Wade]

I did not have that kind of luck when we were playing. I had one evoke and a bunch

[Bob]

of bullshit and plasma. Oh, plasma.

[Mark]

Oh, plasma.

[Bob]

Plasma.

[Wade]

I didn't even see plasma. I had lightning, cold, dark, and glass.

[Bob]

Glass is stinky. But Plasma is the way glass is

[Mark]

equivalent to lightning, except it diminishes. I think it shouldn't diminish over time.

[Bob]

I'd rather have dark. Yeah, of course.

[Mark]

Everyone would rather have dark.

[Wade]

Dark.

[Mark]

Dark.

[Wade]

Dark was great, but I only had, like, one dark. That's why I lost.

[Mark]

Get more dark.

[Wade]

I couldn't. I was at the heart and the mercy of the draw. And the draw was like, you know what you need? Glass.

[Mark]

Quit the game forever then. Quit it forever.

[Wade]

Let's play right now.

[Mark]

No, we have a. We have another game. Have you even small talked at all, guys?

[Wade]

I did. I said. I said I had strawberry lemonade today, and that's technically qualifies as small pot.

[Mark]

Yeah, you're right. You're not getting a point for it, though, technically.

[Bob]

Oh, my God, I hate that.

[Mark]

Yeah, I didn't give you a point for that either, because it scared me good. I'll give you the truest laugh.

[Bob]

Wade, you need to learn how to golf this year. I need more people in my circle who golf. Okay? We're going to. We're going to hit the range, and then we got to go play some. Some little local nine holes. You're good at sports. You're good at ball sports. You're athletic guy. You'll be fine at golf. It's very fun.

[Wade]

If you had said, like, volleyball, basketball, tennis, like, for some reason, golf and baseball, man, I don't know. Just. I need. I need a whole racket. The little tiny nub club. I'm just. Man, I miss the ball a lot.

[Bob]

It's not easy. The thing about golf is, doesn't matter if you're the fucking worst golfer ever. It's still fun to go drive golf carts around and go and just hit balls and try and get them near the hole. It's fun.

[Wade]

You say that until we're six hours in and I'm still on the hole one.

[Bob]

I'm awful. The last time I played nine holes, I lost, like, six balls in nine holes. Like, I'm terrible at golf.

[Wade]

But you're so strong. You hit the ball, it goes far.

[Bob]

That does not help you. One of the balls I lost, I lost because I hit it, like, 50 yards past the hole and I almost killed someone. If I hadn't yelled four, they hadn't turned and looked, I might have killed a guy. Still had a great time.

[Mark]

Well, the risk there is also that they turn right to the ball and get donked right in the face.

[Bob]

Yeah, well, everyone knows the front of the face is the most resilient Part of the head, back of the head. All you got is skin, bone, brain. Front of the head, you got cartilage. You got eyeballs and teeth. You don't need those to live. You got a lot of extra stuff that'll cushion the brain, which is really the part you got to keep safe.

[Mark]

Yeah. Yeah, I guess.

[Bob]

Yeah. And ears are not as protective as they seem.

[Wade]

Do you want to play, like, tennis instead?

[Bob]

Can we just play little golf? You could use my clubs. They're for tall guys. You're a tall guy.

[Mark]

Why can't we just go to topgolf and that'll be the end of it?

[Bob]

I mean, that's fine, too. That's fun. I like topgolf.

[Mark]

I know I wasn't invited to this, but, you know, I'm assuming I was invited.

[Bob]

Oh, dude, you're always invited. You just live across an entire giant ass country.

[Wade]

Now, hold on, hold on. Always. Mostly, you're usually invited.

[Bob]

No, look, my. My perspective is Mark is invited to everything that I do, but I know that there's just realities about how far away we live from each other, and it's not always going to line up.

[Wade]

So, like, I'm going to go hop in the shower. Mark's just invited.

[Bob]

If he wanted to, man, he could jump right in with me. I got a big, big, tall, big shower. Be fine. Lots of space.

[Wade]

Okay.

[Bob]

Got an extra brush. Can use a brush.

[Wade]

Would you help me hold it while I pee if you were in the bathroom with me?

[Bob]

I feel like that's up to him.

[Wade]

That's what I'm asking.

[Bob]

He could be invited. You don't get to dictate how he participates.

[Mark]

All right.

[Wade]

That's my small talk, Bob. You got me.

[Bob]

I feel like that was my small talk. Wait a minute.

[Wade]

I claimed it. Dibs.

[Bob]

Oh, shit. What else do I have going on? I have a car and Wade doesn't. How about that?

[Wade]

Oh, you still got that car thing going on?

[Mark]

Yeah. It was a nice car, too. That was great.

[Bob]

That's a great car. That was mine. That was in my driveway. That's my car.

[Wade]

It's a good car.

[Mark]

I already told you everything that happened in my life because we caught up. So.

[Bob]

It's tricky when you hang out in real life and it's not recorded. What do you. I guess we need to record it every time we're near each other, just in case it needs to go on the podcast.

[Wade]

We've been together every day, except for yesterday in some capacity.

[Mark]

There was a real good AI update.

[Bob]

There was.

[Mark]

I mean, at this point, it's like two weeks ago.

[Bob]

So trust me, there's a lot of people who are going to hear this who did not hear the update. If you don't know what real good AI is, you should check it out.

[Mark]

Real good AI.org for those that don't know about it. And yes, we're making AI and we're building our own data center, right?

[Bob]

Yes, yes, we're going to call it Real GPT. No, it's science. The good kind of science. Is there a bad. Is there evil science? I guess probably there's mad science, so I guess that's not good science. This is the fun kind of science.

[Wade]

Like flubber.

[Bob]

It is like flubber. It absolutely is like flubber.

[Mark]

Anyway, there was a breakthrough in training and getting the Gaussian process model in where it's normally a neural network. So that was big.

[Bob]

It is proof of concept for the future of good AI.

[Mark]

I know I asked this and they're not ready to publish yet, but when do you think that'll be published?

[Bob]

That is a tricky call. I don't know if I know enough about it to say for sure when it'll be published. I think it's already like there was already a newsletter type update that is. That's available on the website and I think there are some social media posts where Manny's talking about it. And like we stream every Thursday. If they come to the stream, they can ask about it. But publishing, getting it actually written up and published and all that stuff is like the slowest, most painful process ever. So I don't know if I can give an actual timeline for that. But. But he's working on it. Eric did that research and he's such a good little scientist that even though he's real sick right now, he's still working. He's busting his ass. Crazy for all of us.

[Mark]

For all of us.

[Bob]

If it turns out to be evil. We didn't do that part.

[Mark]

Yeah, for sure.

[Bob]

That was probably someone else.

[Wade]

Nature versus nurture. You can only do so much.

[Mark]

That's. That's what they say.

[Bob]

Maybe math is just evil. I mean, I've had inklings.

[Mark]

I've always thought math was particularly evil, but, you know, I've never known the math to prove it.

[Wade]

It could be very divisive.

[Mark]

No, sorry, too. Too late. Hush.

[Wade]

That's.

[Mark]

The buzzer rang. That joke was midair. It did not land in time.

[Bob]

That would have been such a good point to use that.

[Mark]

Yeah, that would have been good.

[Wade]

I'm invoking the Double coin flip rule.

[Mark]

Nope.

[Bob]

Okay. Notice this dodgeball.

[Mark]

That's a double fault.

[Bob]

Sudden death.

[Mark]

Next. Constitution. We got to make a challenge of some kind besides unfair. But it's like, you know, flag based. We got throw something.

[Bob]

Didn't we used to have flags and get rid of them?

[Mark]

Oh, you're right. Wait. That's vaguely familiar. Wait. Oh, wow.

[Bob]

But I don't know if we stopped using them because we forgot or if we literally were like, no more flags. Now we do the unfair coin flip.

[Mark]

Okay. Now we got an extra one where it's like we have to throw something, but every time it gets thrown, it has to be heavier than before.

[Wade]

Throw. That's going to get real bad real fast.

[Bob]

Yeah, I guess I'm not keeping heavy shit around my. My desk anymore.

[Wade]

All right.

[Mark]

Okay. We got to get on with the game because we've been doing this for 20 minutes already. We're not going to have any time. Get ready for a recycled idea from the past. Yeah. You know what time it is? Actually, it's a slightly evolved idea from the past.

[Bob]

That's the best kind of recycling dinosaur. No.

[Wade]

Okay.

[Mark]

All right, cool. No, you fools. It's time for that sounds Bad. Oh.

[Bob]

Play the theme song.

[Mark]

Yeah.

[Bob]

Wow.

[Wade]

Special guest, Steve Carell.

[Mark]

Steve. All right. See you.

[Bob]

He was on the other side of that door. He said he had to go.

[Mark]

I should have gone this way, of course. But I didn'. But it's fine.

[Bob]

I vaguely remember this wasn't it. That sounds good the first time.

[Mark]

Yeah, it was. That sounds good. This is now that sounds bad. Which is an idea that I got in the middle of. That sounds good. And I was like, wow, that probably would be funnier. And I believe that's correct. The way it works is one of you. I'll flip a coin. We'll decide who goes first, will say something. I will give you a prompt, and you'll go, give me a way that it's bad. And these are typically good things. And then you're going to make it sound bad, and the other person is going to make it sound worse. And the other person then it goes back to the first to make it sound worse. Whoever can make it sound bad, really bad, and continue the chain without going back. So the first person that says something that is not worse than the previous one loses. The other person gets the point. Makes sense.

[Bob]

Right?

[Wade]

Right.

[Bob]

Right.

[Wade]

Yes.

[Mark]

I think this will work better because if there's one thing you guys are good at, it's being negative.

[Bob]

Heads weighed.

[Mark]

Tails. Wait.

[Bob]

Cause he's bald. Hey, wait a minute. That's unfair. Oh, shit.

[Mark]

Wait, it's Bob. All right, tails, you're Bob.

[Bob]

Oh, good. Thank God somebody wasted our unfair already this episode.

[Mark]

Look at how prismatic it looks. It's like all blue and stuff.

[Bob]

Oh, that is cool.

[Mark]

It's just my. My reflection monitor here. But elgato, I need to say this. I have the prompter and it's very useful, especially if I'm recording. I can see if I'm recording and whatnot. But you either have this model or the fucking gigantic one. I just need a little bigger, that's all.

[Wade]

I need bigger than the giant one.

[Mark]

I have the giant one. Then I looked at how giant was. I was like, I can't physically put it up here, it'd be too big. But I need something just a little

[Wade]

bigger somewhere in between, you know, Middle sized prompter.

[Mark]

All right, Bob, you're going to make a donut. The delicious, delectable, sugary treat that is a donut. Sound bad?

[Bob]

Donuts taste great. But you know what comes with that great taste every single time you have a donut? Feeling of failure. You immediately, when you make the choice to have a donut for breakfast, you immediately feel like you've lost the day. Like, no matter how good it tastes, you're like, well, it's a donut day. So, you know, maybe I won't work out today. Like, who cares? I had a donut. Like, everything's down the drain. It's all downhill from here. Is a great donut. Maybe I'll have pizza for dinner. Who cares? It's donut day. It just comes with it. As good as it tastes, it's just not a solid start. It sets you up for a downward trajectory.

[Mark]

All right, that sounds, you know, I get that. I get that. You know, if you start with donuts, you got all that sugar going up in there. It's not good for anybody to start that way. As opposed to like, you know, an egg or something like that. You know, the food that has all the nutrition possible.

[Bob]

Perfect food. You feel like. I'm like, you could kill the world. Eat eggs.

[Mark]

Wade, can you make that donut sound bad?

[Wade]

Er, well, on top of just starting the day off wrong, because you're choosing to have a donut, the process of getting a donut is really fucking annoying, especially for us non morning people. Because donuts, you know, when you get donuts on your way to work, if you work a normal nine to five, you go and you get your donut and you get your coffee and you have to wait in the longest lines. We grew up in Milford. We went to school in Milford, right? And in Milford, there was a Dunkin Donuts right on the, like, out of the way if you're going to school. It was out of the way if you're going to work. I guess it's on the way to the highway. But the line would wrap around the building and then come out onto, like, the bypass. It would block up traffic. And you had to go and wait forever to even get your donut. And then you get there and you're like, I want this donut. I don't know. Strawberry frosted. Like, we're sold out. Would you like this cake donut?

[Bob]

I'm like, no, I don't want.

[Mark]

I just waited for 40 minutes for the strawberry.

[Wade]

Long lines and disappointment. Because the ones you want, they're limited in quantity. They can't possibly paint another. Whoa.

[Bob]

What kind of donuts does this place have?

[Mark]

A pink 76.

[Wade]

You know, that's how you get your strawberry.

[Mark]

Do you know how donuts are made?

[Bob]

Wait, Magic paint donuts? What the hell's going on?

[Wade]

Just put some little paint on it. Is that a strawberry? But no, they're like, we got this ugly cake thing.

[Bob]

Dude, I like cake dough. Cake donuts are delicious.

[Mark]

Not.

[Wade]

You want the strawberry frosted?

[Bob]

Well, you just kind of modify your expectations.

[Mark]

All right. Inconvenient. That's great. All right, Bob.

[Bob]

Another thing about donuts, when you're in like a group setting, they're almost always a letdown. You show up to the office, show up to the set. We've been on set, Marcus. Done a lot of show up and you see and you're like, ah, they got a box of donuts. All right. I was running a little late. I skipped breakfast today. I would really love to have a donut. That sounds fantastic. God, I hope they have some chocolate glaze or what? I don't even really care. I just hope they have a good. I hope it's not like jelly filled, powdered covered donut that's gonna make me a mess for the rest of my life. Oh, don't even. Whatever, I'll eat it. And then you go up to the box and you're like, ah, I'm starving. This is what I needed. And you open the donut box and for some fucking reason, there's one quarter of one bear claw in the box. 1. Who cuts up and touches donuts in a public box of donuts? 2. Who leaves one quarter of one donut? And three, why is the box still there. If there's not even one entire donut in it, it's always like that. I've never opened a box of donuts anywhere other than my own house and found a whole donut in it, let alone multiple that I could choose from at this point. There's a certain point where you realize, right? And so sometimes you see it and you're like that, I don't even need to look. That's probably fucking day old donuts. I don't even care. But you forget sometimes. And when you really need it, that's when you forget. And you're like, ah, there's. There's donuts, there's hope. And then you open it and it's fucking sadness and anger and it makes

[Mark]

your day worse every single time, man, those true words. Very bad.

[Wade]

Wade, you grab a donut, you're ready to take your bite, take it. Real interesting. Good flavor maybe at first. And then we zoom into the throat as the donut comes down. Mushroom cloud inside of you. Why? Cuz not a single fucking nutrient just entered your body. You just ate nothing but greasy fat and sugar and exploded within you. Telling your body, I don't want anything actually to eat. What I want to do is die 20 years younger. Arm a fucking get. Oh, there's fallout happening right in your butt. Hope you have a shelter built. You don't. There go your insides from all the grease, sugar, and fat content of probably the worst combination of things you can eat outside of directly eating poison or like bleach or something. So congratulations for all of the nuclear waste building up in your gut, because you're gonna be seeing that thing expand soon. Trust me, it does. It catches up.

[Mark]

Yep, you right. Donut. Armageddon. That's pretty bad, Bob.

[Bob]

Okay. Donuts, right? You know donuts, you've seen donuts. They have a fatal flaw. They're too soft. You don't want food to be too soft like that. You know what could go inside of a donut? Jelly cream, razor blades, poison tablets, anything small animals, worms, who knows? Donuts are designed to be filled, which is sold as a feature, but they're so soft, you could slide something in. You can't even see. You can't even see the hole where it went in. You could be handed a donut with a dozen razor blades in it and not even be able to tell there was anything wrong with it. And you take a big bite and boom. Razor blades in your mouth.

[Mark]

All right, man, that does sound bad. I don't like that. All right, Wade.

[Wade]

Revelations. No, I think I'll concede to the razor blade.

[Bob]

All right.

[Mark]

Yeah. Okay. All. Okay. All right. Razor blade donuts. All right. That was a horrifying visual. That sounded so bad, I thought I

[Wade]

had it with the nukes.

[Bob]

Now, you gotta look at every donut you see for the rest of your life with a little. With a little contempt.

[Wade]

Now, the razor blades were a step up, I can't deny.

[Mark]

All right, Wade, it's your turn to go first.

[Wade]

All right, you're gonna.

[Mark]

You go outside. It's a bright, sunny, beautiful day. Perfect temperature. Birds are singing. Make this sound bad.

[Wade]

Let me set the scene one more time. It's a bright, sunny day. You go outside, It's a bright, beautiful, sunny day.

[Mark]

Perfect temperature. Slight. Just the lightest, beautiful breeze. It doesn't even tussle your hair, but it cools. That's so refreshing. And then the birds are singing. And grass, green trees, leaves, beautiful nature.

[Wade]

Well, let me tell you why this really fluffs my feathers a little bit in the wrong way, Mark. Because I walk outside this beautiful, sunny day, there's a light breeze that doesn't even tussle my hair. And then I'm reminded by Mark, I don't have hair. I'm bald. And, you know, every time I go outside and it's a beautiful, sunny day with a light breeze, I'm reminded there is no hair. I could get sunburn. And my hair doesn't blow in the wind anymore. And that kind of takes a little bit of it out for me.

[Mark]

You're right. Okay, I get it. I'm sorry. I didn't realize there are some people that can't enjoy that.

[Wade]

Well, sensitivity training might do you some good, I guess.

[Mark]

All right.

[Bob]

All right.

[Mark]

Come down there, Wade. You slow your roll a little bit. All right?

[Bob]

It's a beautiful, sunny morning. You're outside. You've gone to your favorite park. You're out there to enjoy some nature. And you start your walk.

[Wade]

Ah.

[Bob]

Excuse me. Excuse me. On your left. Whoa. A bicycle. Oh, fuck. You know who the fuck is outside? People. People are outside. Every time I've been outside, try to enjoy nature or a beautiful day, there's always someone there to ruin it. There's always some kid on a bicycle or a skateboard or with a remote control car or a dog that's not on a leash for some reason in a public park. Or there's always some stupid person out there ruining that shit. The only place you're safe from people is inside your house or in the house of a Trusted friend or associate, where you know no one who's going to ruin it is going to be there. Maybe the backyard is safe, but even in your own backyard, you can have shit ruined by people. Outside stinks.

[Mark]

That's a good point. All these great weathers and fun things draw other people. And people are naturally terrible. We all know this to be true.

[Bob]

Awful.

[Wade]

Wade, it's not the people outside you gotta worry about. It's them. They're watching inside. You can go ahead, you can search and make sure there's no bugs planted on your lamps or your light sockets. But outside, there could be cameras anywhere. The birds themselves, they're drones. Who's watching from the moon? The government. Is there even a moon? I don't know. The Earth is flat. So why is there a round thing in the sky? Doesn't make a lot of sense to me. So I'm outside and I'm reminded of all the things out of my control. And all the people watching me that want to take me. Take my brain and put things in my butt. Yeah, I don't want to go outside. It's awful. Because all it is is chaos. Out of my control. And they. They control it all.

[Mark]

All right, man. Okay, cool.

[Bob]

All right. That escalated quickly.

[Wade]

Yeah.

[Mark]

Bob, can you go worse than that?

[Bob]

It's a beautiful morning. Maybe it's in the past. Maybe this is from another generation. Beautiful August morning. Sun's coming up. Lovely day. You're outside, it's about 8:15 in the morning, August 9, 1945. Beautiful, lovely morning in your home city of Hiroshima, Japan. And all you want to do is stand outside and soak up some sun. Oh, what's that rumble in the distance? All right, this might need to be cut out. I'm having second thoughts about this.

[Mark]

No. It's so funny. It's so funny. It's.

[Wade]

God.

[Bob]

Oh, man. Look. That might be one of the worst mornings a person has ever had. It's funny in this context, but also pretty serious. Pretty bad.

[Mark]

Pretty bad. Pretty bad.

[Bob]

Hard to. Hard to imagine. Much worse.

[Mark]

Can't ever joke about that thing. Much like other things that we can make fun of. For sure. I'm going to give you a point

[Bob]

for it,

[Mark]

but it's not over. Wait, can you go worse?

[Wade]

I just want you to know I had written a couple of things to escalate, and my last one was looking up the sky one last time before nuclear war.

[Mark]

He's got you beat.

[Wade]

He's got.

[Mark]

He's got you beat.

[Wade]

That was where I had it ending. So great.

[Bob]

Minds, huh? Great minds.

[Wade]

What is worse for you than that? I don't know.

[Mark]

I don't know. You concede. You can concede.

[Wade]

I don't want to, but. Yeah.

[Mark]

Yeah.

[Wade]

I got. I don't. I. Yeah.

[Bob]

All right.

[Mark]

That's it.

[Wade]

Razor blades. You look up at the clouds and Razorplay.

[Mark]

I thought at first that's where you're gonna go. Just like you're looking up La dee da.

[Wade]

Ah, my foot.

[Mark]

Razor, please.

[Wade]

That's not worse than.

[Mark]

Congratulations, Bob. That's two in a row. You're on a roll.

[Bob]

Feel great about that one.

[Mark]

It's right back to you to start. And you're gonna make sex sound bad.

[Bob]

Just limbs and sweat. Just sticky. Just rubbing. Just a lot of rubbing. If you're not prepared for the rubbing, there's a lot of chafing. Just gotta.

[Mark]

Just.

[Wade]

Ugh.

[Bob]

You know, just like.

[Mark]

You know, it's like a really disinterested sex ed teacher. All right, listen. You don't want. Ed's not it.

[Bob]

Ew. Ew. Ew.

[Mark]

Yeah. You both are sex ed teachers teaching a class about how abstinence is the right path. All right, Wade.

[Wade]

Sex may be fine for some. And it's a cooperative activity. One of my favorite animes and mangas. Solo leveling. I don't need a partner. The odds of having someone else get in my way and cause me extra time and stress whenever I know I can get the job done faster and more efficiently. No, thank you.

[Mark]

I'm gonna. I'm gonna. I'm gonna allow this, but I'm like. You made masturbation sound good as opposed to sex sounding bad, so.

[Wade]

Well, it's better.

[Mark]

I'll.

[Bob]

I'll.

[Mark]

I'll let it pass. I'll let it pass. That's the.

[Wade]

That's right. You will. I will.

[Bob]

Yeah.

[Wade]

I've determined it for you.

[Mark]

I may not. I'm thinking about it again.

[Bob]

All right, Bob. All right. Sex. Sex happens with another person. You'll feel what they're doing to you, and you'll feel what you're doing to them, and you'll kind of have an idea what's going on. But you know what you don't get to know? What are they thinking? What are they looking at? Are they looking at your hips? They looking at your chubby thighs? Are they laughing at your physique? Are they laughing at your technique? Are you doing a good job? Are they happy? You think it's going well? Do they think it's going well? Are they satisfied? Was that fake? Are they just pretending Are they faking it right now? Wait a minute. Am I faking it? Wait. Is this real? What's real? What's real here? You want to lose all sense of self? You want to disassociate so hard that you barely even exist for a while? Yeah, go ahead. Have some sex.

[Mark]

I love a dissociative crisis. That's. That is true, yeah. You will entirely lose your.

[Wade]

Your.

[Mark]

Your sense of personhood.

[Bob]

Happens to me every time, Wade. Worse.

[Wade]

Life with your partner is a beautiful dance, a tango. You guys have it all figured out. You know how you divide up the home chores, the work life, raising kids, so on and so forth. You have similar interests. You go and you see your movies together, you go on your walks. Everything is a perfect yin and yang. And then all of a sudden, one night, you have one drink too many at the bar. And all of a sudden you wake up and go, huh? What happened? Who's that? Oh, sex. Wrong person. Now my whole relationship's in pluck and all kinds of fucked up just because

[Bob]

of one bad sex.

[Wade]

I'm sorry. I'm on a keto diet, but I ate a roll. I break my diet and it's okay. But I put my dick in the wrong hole, and all of a sudden it's all gonna end. Sex ruins everything.

[Mark]

Wow. I didn't see that. All right. Okay. That. That's for. Sounds real bad, man. You're right. It all blows up, Bob. Can you make it sound worse?

[Bob]

Do you like movies? There's one specific movie I've seen that I wish I could unsee. Stop reading my script that I think will make you think twice about ever having sex ever again for any reason. Ever seen the 2007 film Teeth? Damn you the story. That's a comedy. Horror comedy in air Quotations about a woman whose vagina has teeth. Yes, this is real. This is a real medical condition. This is not fabricated for fictional movies. This happens. And there's no way to know until it's too late. There's no way for you to be able to tell. It's a gamble every time. Maybe you like gambling with your dick, but for me, I say it's not worth it. Just imagine the teeth. Vividly. Imagine it.

[Mark]

It's almost like there's razor blades in there.

[Bob]

That's exactly the motif I'm riffing on. Yes.

[Mark]

That was great. Yeah, that sounds horrible. Yeah, I remember in that movie when the doctor gets his fingers bitten off, he goes, vagina dentata. So I'm giving you a point for vagina dentata.

[Bob]

Vagina, dentata. What a delivery. Yeah, I'm actually screen sharing with Wade right now, so I'm just stealing all your ideas directly off what you did.

[Wade]

I had to double check and make sure I didn't still have the document up from the One man show.

[Mark]

All right, Wade, you got one chance to go higher.

[Wade]

Teeth pretty bad. Kind of a one off instance. I want you to imagine for a moment a world of superheroes and super villains, right? Imagine if we could all just get like a little shot and all of a sudden we could develop a superpower. But we don't know how that's going to come to fruition. Some people can fly. Some people get super strength. Some people come magma. Some people get really small and climb into dicks. But then they sneeze and explode. And there it goes. You never know what kind of horrible sexual shenanigans might come up. You never know if there might be teeth or worse than teeth or razor blades. Maybe whenever someone farts after they have a nuclear explosion come out. This world of superheroes can be amazing. But also, you got more than teeth to worry about. Because any kind of jizz or come or sensation or scream or laugh or spit. Could be acid, could be anything. Everything is a gamble. Every time you even go to hold someone's hand, it could melt your fingers off, much less putting your dick in there. This world of superheroes, heroes could be great, but it has a dark underbelly of sex, explosions, melting, pain, screams. And that little tickling sensation you can never quite get to go away, which is kind of itchy after a while.

[Mark]

Yeah, that does sound bad. That sounds worse than just teeth, I'll give you. Because you made me remember the boys.

[Wade]

I kind of stole everything from that. Yeah,

[Mark]

that's right.

[Bob]

All right, bob, let's put a time frame on this. Let's say, just as a specific example. It's not what you think. Calm down.

[Mark]

Okay?

[Wade]

Okay.

[Mark]

I thought on the 1945, perhaps it's

[Bob]

August 9th again, but it doesn't matter what year it is, okay? And it's definitely in like the 2000s or later, maybe it's August 9th of this past year. Do you know what means if you had sex on August 9 of this past year, it means that in less than a month, you're gonna be a parent and you're gonna be responsible for an entire other human being. And there's all kinds of stuff that comes along with that. And some of it is great, and some of it involves terrible, horrible, unthinkable things. And some of it involves poop being on parts of you you didn't know poop could get on. And some of it involves furniture you own, never smelling the same. But there are a lot of aspects to it. And unless you're ready for that shit, and unless you really mean that shit, you should just stay away from it. Because God knows how much you're having sex these days. How many kids might just be cropping up left and right. Who knows? Yeah. Watch out for that shit. Unless you're a woman, then it's way less of a surprise. But, you know, still. Whoa.

[Mark]

Still. Whoa. All right, here's my logic here. That's definitely the scariest thing in the world to some people. But to some people, it's what they really want. They want that. Weirdos. I know. Very strange people. Just bizarre. Right. I think there are probably a subset of people that want the lava cum, but it's probably a much smaller proportion of people that think that it's good than that it's bad.

[Bob]

So can I clarify that I was specifically thinking of this in the context of we're, like, teaching a high school health class, and that I think the breakdown of high schoolers who want to have kids on purpose is probably a lot lower than the general population.

[Wade]

That is scary.

[Mark]

It's probably true. It probably is very scary.

[Wade]

I'll take a stab and give it to him. I'll take a stab at it escalating from there.

[Bob]

Well, but he's the judge. He's the judge. I just. I felt like. Clarify.

[Mark]

Wade is passing on this to take another stab at getting even worse than babies.

[Wade]

This feels like the building on.

[Mark]

Right?

[Wade]

Like, I'm taking. We're taking each other's ideas and taking a step.

[Mark]

That's the whole thing.

[Bob]

Yeah.

[Mark]

Yep. All right.

[Wade]

Why did I do this? Okay, so you find that person. You meet eyes at the bar. They take a sip of their drink. You know what they're thinking, because it's what you're thinking. They want another drink.

[Bob]

Ah.

[Wade]

So you buy him a drink. You guys, you have some chemistry. You find out you have some stuff in common. You go home, you like rabbits, you have sex here, you have sex there. All the sinful that you can have, and then you find out they got pregnant. You're gonna be a dad. You don't even know this person's name. You don't remember their name. But, you know, I'm gonna. I'm gonna be there. I'm gonna step. Okay. I'm gonna try to raise this kid. You Stick around. You get to know the person. Okay? We have some chemistry. We can. We can. We can make this work. And then the day of the delivery comes. Baby's born. Doctor goes and goes to hand you the baby. And the baby bites the doctor's finger. Like, oh, that's kind of weird. I had to do that. Baby's handed over to the mom. Baby doesn't cry. It just sits there kind of looking like it knows something you don't. And then you see the 666 tattoo on the baby and you realize you and sin have helped birth the Antichrist because of your sex. Now you've got to raise the anti

[Bob]

Jesus because parenting responsibility always comes back to religion. With this guy.

[Mark]

You know, I wasn't falling the whole time, but I shouldn't have doubted. I shouldn't have died. That's true. What's worse than having a bunch of babies that you don't even know about? But maybe you do. The evilest baby.

[Wade]

Evilest baby. Hides the remote and all kinds of sick shit. That monster.

[Mark]

Bob, what do you think? You got another?

[Bob]

Sure, yeah. I could go worse than that. I got him locked and loaded over here. Sex does crazy things to your brain. Empties you of all reason. It drains you of any thought. But as soon as you get it on the brain, you're like, anything, anyone. Sex. I need it. I gotta have it. And then one day, you snap back to reality. Oh, there goes gravity. And you wake up and you look over and you're like, ah, Maybe we could do it one more time before I head out and never talk to this person again. And you're looking and you can't face the other way. And you're like, oh, it's weird. I don't. Can't really remember last night. This bedroom's kind of familiar. That perfume. Perfume is very familiar. It's crazy. Some strangely nostalgic about what's going on here. I don't understand. And then finally, the person next to you wakes up. They notice you're awake. They roll over and they look you in the eyes and say, what a magical night.

[Wade]

The best part of waking up is

[Bob]

that worse than Antichrist?

[Wade]

Incest. Antichrist. I don't know.

[Bob]

Really think about it, Mark.

[Mark]

Are you guys forcing me to choose?

[Wade]

Mark, would you rather have Antichrist or incest?

[Bob]

If you let Wade win, you have to have incest. That's the rules.

[Mark]

As far as, like, what sounds bad. My face went more at Bob's, so I'm gonna go with his as being Currently the leader. So wait. Unless you want to take another stab and going even worse. And then presenting me with another choice.

[Wade]

You go out. There's a beautiful festival happening, right? There's flowers everywhere. Everything is perfectly in bloom. Everything is immaculate looking. You would have a drink. Best drink you ever had. You take a bite of food, the best bite of food you ever have. And then the crowd parts, and you see her standing there, absolutely glowing, a goddess. The most beautiful thing you've ever seen. And you go up and you strike conversation. And she introduces herself, and you start talking, and all of a sudden, she's giving you some signs, and you're picking up on them. And you're giving signs, she's picking up on them. And you guys go and you find a nice, beautiful, quiet spot in the flowers, and you have sex like you've never had before in your life. And then she tells you afterward her name, Hera. You're like, hera. Hera. Wait a second. And then a bolt of lightning strikes nearby, and fucking Zeus appears and is like, did you just fuck my wife? Because the things I can do to you will make Sisyphus feel like he's on vacation. And you spend the rest of eternity paying for that sex and all the worst ways of torture you can imagine. Fuck your mom, I call that Tuesday. For eternity. Yeah. Your mom, I call that Tuesday. Bob. I don't know how I thought we were done a long time ago.

[Mark]

This is all right. I must say, that's. That's still. That. Still. You could walk away and be like, maybe worth it. Because you made it sound really good in the beginning there. And if you go into more detail of what Zeus. And there's the whole thing where Sisyphus, he might be happy, you know. Question. Jury's still out.

[Wade]

Oh, but you won't be. Zeus will make sure you're not.

[Mark]

Anyway, I'm gonna go with. Bob won that round, which means that he's. He's one.

[Wade]

That was one mob fuck. I'm talking about doing it for every

[Bob]

day, for the rest of your life.

[Wade]

And life is eternity.

[Mark]

Oh, is that the punishment?

[Bob]

He did throw that out there.

[Wade]

Yeah, every Tuesday.

[Mark]

I thought you were saying that to be like, huh? Fucking your mom. That's what I do every Tuesday. Compared to the punishment that Deuce is going to.

[Wade]

No, no, that was one of the. That was one of the days of the week.

[Bob]

I think that was one of the punishments. Yeah, I think.

[Wade]

Oh, I'm saying you're not doing the same thing. You're not just Pushing a rock up a hill. He's making you do all kinds of shit for eternity.

[Mark]

Okay, well, it still stands that Bob's made it sound really bad.

[Wade]

You know, the description was worse, but that's fine. You can. You want some variety in your life just to see if your body can take it. I get it.

[Mark]

You know, it's not making it sound bad, man. I guess. Anyway, I'm gonna give it to Bob.

[Bob]

He.

[Mark]

The sex. All right. Okay. We're closing it out. It's been a tighter race than you think, because. Wade, don't be so dismissed. Because Bob had me laughing real hard a few times. You had me laughing hard consistently in pretty much all of those. So here's the points as they stand. Wait. Office intro. Microphone. You had cheeseburger. The truest laugh. Did you win donut? No, it just says Donut. Oh, donut. Armageddon doesn't tussle my hair. Made me laugh really hard. Dick in wrong hole ruined. Fuck your mom. I call that Tuesday. So that's a total of 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 points. Bob is agentic. You are agentic. You got a lisp point that I laughed at really hard. Fair. Give you a point for winning the coin toss. We have to get you voice lessons to be Torbek. Ideally from Torbek. You won the donut round. Hiroshima made me laugh really hard. Which, you know, now that I say that out loud. Sunny day. You won that dissociative sex thing. Very funny. Vagina dentata. And then you won the sex round. So the sex one had a lot of. A lot of good lefts. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, an 8, 9. So it's close. Race still could be anybody's.

[Wade]

I have a document up, and the only thing written on this document at this point is std, which I. Yeah,

[Mark]

I can't believe neither of you touched on the STD front of things.

[Bob]

I feel like we just leapfrogged right past it. Yeah, that's okay. I have. I have Google up. And the last thing I googled, tried to get my next retort ready, was Hitler. Mom name. So I had plans, but. Oh, man, I French Mark.

[Wade]

This went places, man. This went places.

[Bob]

All right, how many bonus spins will there be? One.

[Wade]

Oh, only one.

[Mark]

Oh, God. If it ties again and I get another one, man.

[Bob]

Show Mark gets the one on the show immediately.

[Mark]

All right, it could happen. It could happen.

[Wade]

Only 30 letter words, Bob. We gotta find 30 letter words.

[Bob]

All right, are you. What are we adding to this one?

[Mark]

Who had sex most Recently. Unless you guys don't want to share

[Bob]

that we're all married here. Does that make that better or worse to share that? Got him. Got marriage.

[Wade]

I'm gonna text Molly. Molly, we gotta go have sex so I can win next week. Every day. Guys, can we take a 32nd, 32nd break for no reason before we spin?

[Bob]

It's the most important spin of your life today. Come on.

[Mark]

Free parking. Okay, so we add a point to free parking. Parking. And then there's a separate entry for getting free parking. Right? Is that.

[Wade]

Well, that means the final score just stands, right? Oh, right, because that counted. That was a spin.

[Mark]

Oh, that's true. That's true. I guess we do do that.

[Bob]

Oh, what a useless spin.

[Wade]

Great for Bob. Great for Mark. I'm the loser from this.

[Mark]

I'm sorry, Wade. That was really anticlimactic. I thought that maybe there would be like a. Oh, another tie. One minute. Man, you had some really funny ones.

[Wade]

Okay. Better be anticlimactic than Antichrist Actic.

[Bob]

Yeah, you really. You really go to the same places sometimes, huh?

[Wade]

Eventually you get to the gods and even Zeus.

[Mark]

Yeah, yeah. Still the gods. But congratulations, Bob. Not to be so all poor. All poor. But I just feel bad because Wade has not won in a. In a while. It is. It has been a while.

[Bob]

Long time.

[Wade]

All right, hold on.

[Mark]

It's been a long time. Long time. Bob Winter speech.

[Bob]

That went really great. I think that was all around very successful. I have mixed feelings about what all I ended up actually saying, but you do what you have to do to win. That's how important this show is. It's how life goes. That's why I'm a winner. Because I do what I gotta do. Thank you. That feels appropriate.

[Mark]

Wade, loser speech.

[Wade]

I've been sitting here thinking about how I could have made the last one sound even worse. And I was like, well, what if while lying there in bed, Hera rolls over and zoom. Zeus crawls out from inside her and drags you into the teethy chomps of vagina mess, where razor blades and the flavor of Kool Aid you don't really care for is all that's served. And then, like, the meat's cold and it's just a really awful experience in there.

[Bob]

Purple Kool Aid.

[Mark]

Oh, wait, wait.

[Bob]

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Look, I. I like the color. It's just gross. It's just not a good flavor. Kool Aid.

[Wade]

Alas, I didn't get to all the descriptors. I did the best I could. I thought we had a good back and forth. I conceded a couple times where maybe I should have gone gone further. So I live a life of regret

[Bob]

and failure as all losers should.

[Mark]

Yeah, that's true. Yeah, well at least you recognize that way and you can correct your mistakes next time. If there is a next time. Only one way to find out. Subscribe or follow this podcast to know. We don't know when we're gonna quit, but it'll be a shocking surprise. Better stay tuned to see when it is. Then you will cry.

[Bob]

I always cry after I cries all the time.

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