Distractible Podcast: "The Best, The Worst"

Date: March 21, 2025
Hosts: Mark Fischbach (B), Wade Barnes (A), Bob Muyskens (C)

Episode Overview

In “The Best, The Worst,” the Distractible trio dives into a classic game: proposing various topics and debating their “best” and “worst.” Combining banter, ridiculous stories, and moments of surprising insight, the episode showcases the hosts’ trademark dynamic as they riff on everything from numbers and smells to sports, parenthood, and conspiracy theories. As always, tangents abound and points are arbitrarily awarded, culminating in a dramatic wheel-spinning finale to determine the winner.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Opening Banter & Catching Up

Timestamps: 02:40–14:40

• The hosts spend time catching up, riffing on their respective weeks and new hobbies.
• Mark is excited about his partnership with Prusa, a 3D printing company, receiving several printers and launching into an animated side discussion on the merits of Prusa vs. Bamboo Lab printers.
  • Quote:
    “This YouTuber privilege is coming in hot and hard.” – Mark (06:12)
• Bob shares updates on his woodworking pursuits, highlighting clamp addiction and plans for an elaborate train table for his son, James.
  • Quote:
    “If you’ve got clamps and lube, you’re already two thirds the way to fun times.” – Wade (11:28)
• Pet updates: Bob’s dog Lexi is recovering from surgery, leading to a heartfelt and empathetic moment.
  • Quote:
    “We’re all pet owners here. We all get it.” – Mark (13:37)

2. Sports & Apparel Silliness

Timestamps: 14:40–22:45

• Wade laments the endless doom of being a Bengals fan, decrying the team's trades and ownership.
  • Quote:
    “My support and love of my team is at an all time...well, medium.” – Wade (15:18)
• Bob describes the absurdity of new Major League Baseball hats featuring unfortunate overlay designs resulting in team names like “TITAS” (Texas Rangers), “ASS” (Athletics), and “ANALS” (Angels).
  • Quote:
    “It’s just a green hat that says ass on it.” – Bob (19:24)
• This leads to goofy discussion about design oversight and accidental hilarity in branding.

3. Best & Worst – The Big Game

Timestamps: 24:47–53:05

Wade lays out the central conceit: he’ll throw out random topics, and the guys have to name the best and worst. No right answers, just persuasive—and often ridiculous—opinions.

a. Best Number

• Mark votes for 1, Bob for 24 (for “aesthetically pleasing, multiple divisors...all around good”), and Wade for 3.
• Tangents on athlete numbers, the triangle as the “strongest shape,” and gold medals.
  • Quote:
    “The best number is clearly 24, for reasons I can’t fully explain.” – Bob (25:57)

b. Worst Number

• Bob: “Any number over 13,000 is the worst number. They’re all terrible.”
• Mark: “Nine, because of the gas station 0.009 nonsense.”
• Debate includes the folly of the penny and American currency, with detour into stripper economics.

c. Best Awful Smell

• Mark: Cigarette smoke (not cigars or cigars are much worse).
• Bob: Two-stroke engine exhaust (childhood nostalgia).

d. Worst Bad Smell

• Mark spins a macabre, graphic tale: “cave diving, getting stuck, exposed to sewage, corpses, rust, fracking nearby,” all at once in “the devil’s anus” cave.
  • Quote:
    “You crawl into a crevasse like you do...and your gas mask gets pulled off...the fetid ocean water, all the other dead bodies of divers...sewage and rust...” – Mark (33:36)
• Bob: Changing his son’s diapers, not for olfactory offense alone but because of the duties it triggers.
  • Quote:
    “My worst smell is James’s poopy diapy...because it comes with the realization that now I gotta go change that.” – Bob (37:41)
• Wade: Traumatized by witnessing an infamous diaper change as a child.

e. Best Activity Tried

• Mark: “Sex is pretty cool...but not my answer.” More seriously, he reflects on how trap shooting was surprisingly fun despite never being a gun person.
  • Quote:
    “I didn’t think I was going to enjoy it that much.” – Bob (41:13)
• Bob: General appreciation for standup shows, improv, and “a good cry.”
• Wade: Recounts improv show memories, especially a man pretending to be in agony looking at his knees.

f. Worst Activity Tried

• Mark: Participating in a concert pit—jostled, uncomfortable, never fun.
• Bob: Parades—overstimulating, loud, never enjoyable.
  • Quote:
    “I have never been to a parade of any kind where at any point I was like, I'm glad we came. This is fun.” – Bob (48:26)

4. Speed Round: The Best (and Worst) Conspiracy Theories

Timestamps: 53:11–61:10

• Mark: The “caves with missing persons” overlay conspiracy; possible Bigfoot or lizard people connection.
• Bob: Sovereign citizens—people who claim they're immune to all law and whose courtroom antics are both “so funny” and deeply frustrating.
  • Quote:
    “The conspiracy is their own life.” – Wade (54:41)
• Flat Earth gets universal agreement as “the dumbest conspiracy.”
  • Quote:
    “It has to be a bit that’s gone on too long.” – Mark (60:01)

5. Finale: Scoring, Spinning, and Winner Speeches

Timestamps: 61:57–70:34

• Points are given semi-randomly for entertaining answers, with running jokes about “baldist” and the never-ending coin flip.
• Henry the dog is awarded “comedy points.” The scoreboard becomes: Mark (13), Bob (12), Henry (3), Listeners (1), Wade (2).
• After tense wheel spinning, Mark emerges the winner.
• Mark’s (facetious) winner speech:
  • “I’m a nice guy and I won. And those things are very good for me and everybody. I like winning and people like winners.”
• Bob’s “loser” speech is more philosophical, expressing contentment at the process:
  • “I never thought I’d be in favor of wheel spins and coin flips and all this. I like it now. I’ve done a total 180. [...] That’s who we are as people.”

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Prusa Hype:
  “I’m Team Prusa all the way, baby.” – Mark (05:20)
  “Did you tell them it'll be on the show?” – Bob (07:11)

• Absurd Opening Wordplay:
  “What was the last one? What was the last one, huh? Oh, a hinge. Like for your door.” – Wade (04:22)

• MLB Hat Riffing:
  “It's just a hat that says T toss. [...] A hat that literally just says ass.” – Bob (19:14–19:24)

• Currency Philosophy:
  “I don't think it should be legal for prices to include denominations you cannot offer as payment.” – Bob (28:44)

• Cave Diving Horror:
  “You crawl into a crevasse...and your gas mask gets pulled off...fetid ocean water, all the other dead bodies of divers...” – Mark (33:36)

• On Sovereign Citizens:
  “The conspiracy is their own life.” – Wade (54:41)

• Final Thoughts:
  “I’m the baldest. We will do the tie spin.” – Wade (64:55)
  “I’m a nice guy and I won. And those things are very good for me and everybody. I like winning and people like winners. I like me.” – Mark (68:49)
  “We made it all the way to the accidental tie wheel...I'm glad this is the way that our show is now.” – Bob (69:34)

Most Important Segments & Timestamps

| Segment | Timestamp | |-------------------------------------------------------------- |------------- | | Podcast theme & Pet/Personal Updates | 02:40–14:40 | | MLB Hat Discussion & Sports Tangents | 14:40–22:45 | | Game: Best & Worst (Numbers, Smells, Activities, etc.) | 24:47–53:05 | | Speed Round (Conspiracy Theories) | 53:11–61:10 | | Final Scores, Wheel Spin, Winner Announced | 61:57–70:34 |

Tone & Takeaway

Distractible is at its best in this episode: witty, meandering, a blend of inane and insightful, deeply personal and wildly tangential. Whether debating the best number, complaining about modern sports, or existentially riffing on parades and currency, the hosts’ chemistry ensures listeners are perpetually entertained. Their playful competitiveness, blended with a readiness to be gently vulnerable (or thoroughly ridiculous), makes even the silliest segments both sincere and hilarious.

For those who missed it, “The Best, The Worst” is a textbook Distractible experience: casual, absurd, and, above all, a celebration of friendship and pointless debate.