The Pee Covered Episode

Summary

Distractible: "The Pee Covered Episode"

Podcast Hosts: Mark Fischbach, Wade Barnes, Bob Muyskens (Ethan)
Date: September 30, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this lively in-person recording of Distractible, Mark, Wade, and Bob (Ethan) revel in their signature blend of chaotic banter, anecdotal oversharing, and tongue-in-cheek self-deprecation. This episode covers the hosts' recent life experiences—from potty training mishaps (hence the title) and medical misadventures to the philosophy of consciousness and the woes of podcasting structure. Along the way, they lampoon their own show, discuss the influence of their partners’ ideas, and take comedic detours into food trends, allergies, and the inevitability of technological obsolescence.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Banter About Hosting and Podcast Structure

• The episode opens with Mark noting the lack of structure due to forgetting his hosting notebook, and a conversation ensues about how little the hosts prepare on their own.
  • Mark jokes about delegating editing ("If we were both rendered incapable and then Sam died in a plane crash...retirement." [04:14])
  • They admit many of their episode ideas actually come from their partners, Amy and Mandy.

Generational Humor and Audience

• The trio plays with Gen Z/Zoomer slang, poking fun at their own outdatedness.
  • Ethan: “Do you ever just be in Ohio putting off a lot of Riz, and then you drop your phone in the Skibidi toilet?” [05:38]
  • Discussion about "no cap," Captain America, and whether the slang even belongs solely to Gen Z.

Allergies, Gut Biomes, and Scientific (Mis)Theory

• Mark reveals he's developed an allergy to Skyline Chili, theorizing about gut yeast fermenting alcohol inside his body after eating it.
  • “If you get a change in your gut bacteria, you can produce alcohol because it's bacteria that ferments rye...you get drunk because it's already in your gut.” – Mark [12:00]
  • The conversation devolves into imagined scenarios involving extracting vodka from Mark’s bellybutton, and riffs on game theory and MatPat.
  • Wade: “So we give the Mark Skyline, then we like put a little like one of those barrel tappers in, and we could just drink alcohol straight out of Mark.” [12:05]

Potty Training and Parenting Realities (The Episode's Namesake)

• Ethan (Bob) shares in vivid detail his experience potty training his son James, describing how much pee he’s encountered recently.
  • Bob: “I have never had so much pee on my skin as I have in the last several days.” [19:13]
  • He explains their timer-driven potty training method, the unpredictability of toddler aim, and how rewarding with books and fun is essential.
  • Concerns about potentially conditioning his child with Pavlovian responses arise (“The timer...it might.” [20:41])

Childhood Fears and Imagination

• Bob recounts James’s fear of Nightmare Before Christmas, contrasting his logical understanding of stories with emotional reactions to scary visuals.
  • “For like a week...every time he went to bed...he’s all, I’m scared of Halloween.” – Ethan [23:04]
  • Mark playfully questions at what age children "achieve consciousness," leading to a riff about memories and self-awareness.
  • “So he hasn’t achieved consciousness yet. True consciousness.” – Mark [24:19]
  • They joke about the different stages of consciousness, including existential dread and frontal lobe development.

Medical Negligence & Distracted Living

• Wade shares his recent ordeal with an infected foot, developing after wearing improperly-fitted dress shoes.
  • Wade: “At what point do you go to the doctor for an infection? Like, when you just get, like, a scrape or a cut, it's like, it'll heal.” [27:11]
  • Ethan and Mark express concern over his unwillingness to consult a doctor, instead choosing to ignore it despite obvious infection.
  • Playful ribbing about Wade's resistance to technology arises when he says his doctor is too old for digital communication.

Navigating Technological Change & Buying Habits

• Wade reveals he pre-ordered a Switch 2 and Pokémon game in-person at GameStop, to the incredulity of his co-hosts, who tease him about his old-fashioned habits.
  • “You went to a GameStop and preordered in person. Was it 2008?” – Ethan [33:28]
• The conversation spirals into their general distractibility, with Wade admitting he zones out of many aspects of life.

Podcast Ranking Angst and Balancing Improvement

• The group lightly laments their falling podcast rankings and contemplates whether enhanced structure, sound bites, or "mukbang-style" eating videos would boost their ratings.
  • “This is why we're falling in the charts. Because other shows have like, sound bites going into the ass.” – Mark [34:36]
• Mark notes the appeal of host cutouts and the diminishing presence of hosts on rival shows, humorously applying these ideas to Distractible.

Mukbang, Diets, and Eating Habits

• The trio briefly discusses mukbangs, the Korean trend of eating large amounts of food on camera, debating their ability to compete and their aging metabolisms.
  • “I thought just eating was a mukbang. Is it a certain amount?” – Wade [38:14]
  • Mark provides etymological clarification—'muk' (eat) and 'bang' (broadcast/room) [38:43]
  • Wade bemoans trying to lose weight and practicing intermittent fasting to control acid reflux.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Podcast Self-Awareness & Idea Generation

• “That's actually the secret of Distractible. We barely come up with ideas for ourselves.” – Mark [07:20]
• “People keep suggesting that they should be the ones hosting. And they're not wrong." – Wade [07:27]

Potty Training & Parenting

• “I have never had so much pee on my skin as I have in the last several days.” – Ethan/Bob [19:13]
• “We've been trying to potty train James...One of the strategies is he just doesn't wear pants or a diaper, and whenever he starts peeing...you just grab him and go…and run to the bathroom, which sounds like the most insane shit I've ever heard of.” – Ethan/Bob [19:32]
• “He does not care if his pee is aimed into the toilet.” – Ethan/Bob [20:13]

Gut Yeast Theory

• “You ferment sugar into alcohol in your gut, and you get drunk because it's already in your gut, so you absorb it right away.” – Mark [12:34]

Podcasting/Show Reflections

• “I think we just need to, like, take a step back from the rules of Distractible and just chat.” – Mark [06:42]
• “Maybe someday you'll want to win, man. Maybe someday.” – Mark [07:01]
• “On the bell curve of self-actualization, I'm on the wrong end of it now.” – Wade [25:19]

Medical Indifference

• “I was busy. With what? ...Just busy.” – Wade [29:15]
• “At what point do you go to the doctor for an infection?” – Wade [27:11]
• “You could... text your doctor, be like, 'Hey, my foot's really infected and stuff's coming out.'” – Ethan/Bob [29:13]

Being Distractible

• “I'm just so distractable.” – Wade [34:19]
• “You're not going to remember it.” – Mark [35:38]
• “One of the hosts barely even exists. I think one of those is secretly a cardboard cutout most of the time.” – Mark [35:23]

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Timestamps for Noteworthy Segments

• [03:08] – Mark riffs on being placed 'not in the center' to avoid looking tiny; group pokes fun at each other's attention spans.
• [05:38] – Joking about Gen Z slang ("Riz", "Skibidi toilet").
• [09:00] – Mark explains new allergy to Skyline Chili; segues into a gut yeast/fermentation 'theory.'
• [12:00] – Extended gut yeast and internal fermentation tangent.
• [19:10] – Ethan/Bob introduces the main theme: the trials of potty training and being covered in pee.
• [20:43] – Discussion on using a timer to prompt potty training and Pavlovian conditioning worries.
• [23:04] – Sharing stories about toddler fears, development, and when kids achieve "consciousness."
• [27:11] – Wade details his foot injury and his resistance to medical attention.
• [33:00] – Wade pre-orders the Switch 2 at GameStop, prompting generational jokes.
• [34:19] – Self-deprecating meta-commentary about being "distractible" and issues with podcast structure.
• [38:14] – Discussion on what 'mukbang' really means and the idea of doing a Distractible eating challenge.
• [40:07] – Wade talks about his attempts to eat less via intermittent fasting.

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Conclusion & Tone

The "Pee Covered Episode" is classic Distractible: meandering, irreverent, and full of self-aware humor. The in-person dynamic amplifies their comedic timing and casual ribbing. Listeners are treated to real-life anecdotes about parenting, medical mishaps, and everyday struggles, all mixed with random asides, pop culture commentary, and some surprisingly thoughtful reflections on consciousness and creativity. The hosts gleefully mock their own podcasting shortcomings, promising a continued and chaotic evolution for the show.

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Final words:
“Thank you everybody so much for being a part of this podcast experience. Be sure to follow it or we’ll kill you. Have a good day. Podcast out.” – Mark [40:40]

Transcript

[Wade]

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[Mandy]

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[Wade]

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[Mandy]

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[Ethan]

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[Mark]

Yeah, we basically don't leave the Internet ever.

[Wade]

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[Narrator/Intro Voice]

Evening gentle listeners or watchers and welcome to Distractable. This face to face episode microscopic Mark lords his lady explains internal fermentation then explores sentience, mortality, mukbang and guilds. Wide angled wade drinks. Mr. Iplia has a sartorial scrape but regales with RPG antics and raid biologist Bob Minmaxes admits Pavlovian water sports requests one shots and splashes on skins. From editorial issues to serious sporting injuries.

[Ethan]

Yes.

[Narrator/Intro Voice]

It'S time for the pea Covered episode. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

[Ethan]

Whoa.

[Mark]

It's time for distractable. It's time for another episode where we're in person and we have purposefully placed me not in the center, so I don't look tiny. I don't look tiny, right?

[Ethan]

You look huge, man. Huge. Huge.

[Mark]

I'm huge, right?

[Wade]

What were you saying? I zoned out.

[Ethan]

You could be supportive. Why can't we be supportive?

[Wade]

We can be supportive. I just zoned out.

[Ethan]

What do you mean you zoned out? How did you zone out? We're sitting five feet away from each other. Mark just started talking loudly. Jesus.

[Wade]

You guys were talking about tech and I zoned out.

[Ethan]

No, we were talking about the podcast. Literally.

[Wade]

You were like, 40%. You could zoom out.

[Ethan]

I was like, oh, it's the hardware.

[Mark]

Of how we make this podcast.

[Wade]

Yeah, I know. And I was bored.

[Mark]

You could edit an episode if you had to, right?

[Ethan]

I think we should make it. We'd edit an episode. I think that would be.

[Wade]

Remember when you had Tyler edited episode of. Like you'd be like that these days.

[Ethan]

Well, it was pretty good, actually. It was. The process was funny to watch, but the episode was fine.

[Wade]

It has been 10 years since I've edited a video.

[Mark]

Well, then time to dust off the skills.

[Wade]

And I'm just saying there was no skills then.

[Mark]

Look, if we were both rendered incapable and then Sam died in a plane crash. Whoa.

[Ethan]

I mean, fell asleep forever.

[Mark]

Lived in a plane crash.

[Ethan]

Okay, Sorry, Sam.

[Mark]

And then all the other editors also became incapacitated, and there was no one except you to make sure that episode gets out on time.

[Wade]

Retirement.

[Ethan]

Mr. Spotify is calling your landline at home and telling you, we need distractable. The episode has to come out. No, it's a landline. You don't have voicemail.

[Wade]

We don't have one of those. We're safe.

[Ethan]

I just assumed you would have a landline.

[Mark]

Airlines can have voicemailing.

[Ethan]

It's called answering machine. It's not a voice.

[Mark]

Oh, right.

[Ethan]

You have to have an answering machine. Where I guess you do still leave a voicemail. Technically, probably. But, like, you get a message on your answering machine.

[Wade]

You start to call your answering machine.

[Ethan]

Dude, those were cool. You could call in and you pipe punch in your secret code. We never had that. But. But I saw it on Seinfeld. I did that on Seinfeld. That was cool.

[Mark]

How old are you guys? I don't remember that.

[Wade]

Literally your age.

[Ethan]

Yeah, we're about. We're about the same.

[Mark]

Sure, Mr. Zone out.

[Wade]

Yeah. I might look like Uncle Fester, but I'm the same age as you.

[Mark]

I don't know. He doesn't know Tech. Some Boomer tendencies over there, but you know who doesn't have Boomer tendencies? Our Gen Z audience hit him with a Zoomer joke.

[Ethan]

Do you ever just be in Ohio putting off a lot of Riz, and then you drop your phone in the Skibidi toilet?

[Wade]

No, Cap.

[Ethan]

No, that's not. Well, actually. Is that Zoomer?

[Mark]

I. Yeah, I think that's sort of.

[Ethan]

That sort of covers more. A broader generation. I feel like lots of people use no Cap. Cap or no Cap.

[Mark]

Look, there's. That was not a good thing for me to set Bob up for, and.

[Ethan]

I like Captain America, so I'm not a fan of that language. What does that mean?

[Wade]

No Cap.

[Ethan]

Hey, Cap. No Cap.

[Mark]

Captain America killed people.

[Ethan]

I don't like Captain America. I'm a fan of that language.

[Mark]

No, no, no. He killed Nazis.

[Ethan]

I love Captain America. He should do more of that.

[Mark]

As you may know, I don't have my notebook, so I can't score anything. So we're not gonna do any scoring.

[Wade]

Thank God that we didn't have the host track, because I don't have one either.

[Mark]

I don't have a coin.

[Ethan]

I have my stuff. My. My normal stuff is, like, right over there. I could get my coin, like, D20.

[Mark]

I think we just need to, like, take a step back from the rules of distractible and just chat.

[Wade]

It's convenient that you're the one hosting and you want to do that.

[Mark]

Yeah, it is. It's not convenient for you when really it works out.

[Wade]

I can lose. I'll find a way.

[Mark]

Maybe someday you'll want to win, man. Maybe someday.

[Ethan]

No, that's the secret. It's like Wade's Incredible Hulk. Secret is he just never wants to win. So when he does win, he's actually really disappointed because then he has to host.

[Wade]

Sometimes. Sometimes. Sometimes I have ideas, but once a year.

[Ethan]

Yeah, sometimes I have Mandy's ideas.

[Mark]

Sometimes I have Amy's ideas. Yeah, that's actually the secret of distractal. We barely come up with ideas for ourselves.

[Wade]

People keep suggesting that they should be the ones hosting, and they're not wrong.

[Mark]

Not wrong.

[Wade]

The girls should be the ones hosting.

[Mark]

I mean, Amy came up with 90% of the video ideas for Unisonas. That was 90% of me just cranking ideas. So idea machine. Really earning the creative producer time.

[Ethan]

Well, it's really funny. We were hanging out and I forget one of you guys, I forget it might have been you. We were just hanging out, talking, and, like, someone was like, God, remember all the really good distractible episodes, like the Escape Room? And you just listed all the episodes that were, like, Mandy's ideas that I took, and she was in there. She was in the conversation. She was just all, those are good episodes.

[Mark]

You can quit the research foundation. Just become an idea person. That would really be great for this podcast.

[Wade]

See, I put effort in and people forget. I do bread and everyone's like the cannoli episode. A classic.

[Ethan]

I haven't bought enough fridges to have any more classic episodes of my own.

[Mark]

Don't worry. The most perfectest crime is coming, guys.

[Wade]

Oh, yeah, we. Man, we've seen the. The technology of a whole assembly line going into making.

[Ethan]

I've seen the board with the. The pins and the red yarn linking it all together.

[Mark]

Man, it's going to be crazy when that happens.

[Wade]

Today.

[Mark]

Nope, not today. So we haven't been together in a while. Ohio has changed. In Ohio news, Skyline now has chicken chili.

[Ethan]

What did you say about it? Groundbreaking.

[Mark]

Tasted exactly.

[Ethan]

Oh, exactly the same.

[Mark]

There is a new development. I am allergic to Skyline.

[Ethan]

Yeah. That's so weird. Do you think it's because you had said that thing about the yeasty permutation thing, or do you think it's just an allergy to something specific?

[Wade]

Is it your yeasty permutations?

[Mark]

Yes, my yeasty permutations.

[Ethan]

I see, I see.

[Mark]

Look. No, what he's.

[Wade]

What he's saying.

[Ethan]

Not him.

[Wade]

What he's talking about.

[Mark]

He's saying there's this thing for some people. I don't know how common it is, but where. If you have your gut biome, which is bacteria, if you didn't know, your gut is just basically a whole bunch of bacteria. Right. Okay. There's intestines in there. It's not all just bacteria, okay?

[Ethan]

It's Lyme Body's just a sack full of juice and bacteria.

[Mark]

You know, some people so ready to go. Like, I hate when they explain things. I'm an expert.

[Ethan]

And mitochondria, where your power comes from.

[Mark]

Yeah, yeah. Which is basically a bacteria.

[Wade]

That's why we spit on our food before we eat it, so we can digest it outside the body, then put it in. And the bacteria is like, go where you need to go, little fellas.

[Ethan]

That's.

[Mark]

I don't know what he's talking about. Someone banned this.

[Ethan]

You extend your proboscis, you vombulate on your food, and then you ingest the pre digest. Pre digested. I shouldn't have tried to say that word. Pre digested. Not a good one.

[Mark]

Anyway, there used to be a theory that you see by shooting rays out of your eyes.

[Ethan]

Is that why they invented ray tracing?

[Mark]

Well, that's the funny thing, because it's the same process. Yeah, you can tune out. This is gonna be technology talk.

[Wade]

Don't we see by rays of light going into our eyes? Not al.

[Ethan]

That's technology talk right there. Calm down.

[Wade]

The eyes, guys. Oh, I learned that before that, though. Anyway, talk about your ray tracing.

[Mark]

No, I'm talking about the gut. Right, we'll get to that later.

[Ethan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mark]

Okay, so rays of your gut. You know, food goes in bursts of sunshine energy. Right. But there's yeast in things, right? So yeast is used. Well, certain types of yeast probably. Is it yeast?

[Ethan]

I mean, yeast is used for anything that ferments and also in any sort of like. What's it called? Certain types of dough. Yeah, yeasted doughs.

[Wade]

But whatever one does in the palm of my gut. Remember that Spider man movie?

[Mark]

I don't remember that Spider man movie, but I remember another one with a similar quote.

[Ethan]

You know, I fancy myself a bit of a scientist.

[Wade]

I fancied scientist once.

[Ethan]

I'm a fancy scientist. What are you talking about?

[Mark]

We slip in universes, like suddenly changing Spider Man.

[Ethan]

If you think that shit gets unhinged when we're all talking on the delay of Internet and we can't physically interact with each other. We've done this before. You know what happens?

[Wade]

Yeah, Gut, gut, gut yeast.

[Mark]

Gut yeast. Maybe not yeast. If you get a change in your gut bacterium, you can produce alcohol because it's bacteria that ferments rye.

[Wade]

So if we give you star.

[Ethan]

It ferments. Sugars, sugars, sugars. Fermented alcohol.

[Wade]

So we give them our Skyline. Then we like put a little like one of those barrel tappers in, and we could just drink alcohol straight out of Mark.

[Ethan]

Yeah, get a hose in the top of Mark. Just add a skyline coming in. And then get a hose out the belly button. Vodka, I assume.

[Mark]

Another hole. Just.

[Wade]

That's convenient.

[Ethan]

I don't want to drink.

[Wade]

What if we open a brewery and Mark is.

[Ethan]

I don't want to drink Mark's ass juice. I'm sorry.

[Mark]

All right, fine. My belly button. Okay, whatever. I. I have a scar below my belly button.

[Ethan]

Well, she's dead.

[Mark]

Yeah. Tap into that that'd be great. But that is actually what happens. You ferment alcohol. You ferment sugar into alcohol in your gut, and you get drunk because it's already in your gut, so you absorb it right away. So you're like perpetually drunk because your body just won't stop producing alcohol, which.

[Ethan]

Has another layer of joy for someone who has a sensitivity to alcohol in your system.

[Mark]

Yeah. So when I had Skyline and the secret ingredient Skyline. And I'm about to be assassinated by Mr. Skyline. But this, the secret ingredient of Skyline is yeast. Right. They use a lot of yeast in their chili, which gives it a certain flavor, and maybe that's fermenting an alcohol in my gut. And I know some biologist is going, no, no, that's not how I would work.

[Wade]

Just a theory. Not even. I can't even say. It's like a game.

[Ethan]

Cut theory.

[Wade]

We did not put that much effort into the theories. That's really insulting. Matpat.

[Ethan]

Mark had it. Mark thought things.

[Mark]

I bet on some idea board for Matpat's office, there is a body theory to min max. Like working out bigger loads.

[Ethan]

That's his next adventure. He's going to start a podcast and write a book about min maxing body.

[Wade]

That's just a theory. A sex theory.

[Ethan]

I'd watch that.

[Mark]

What's the theories?

[Ethan]

I don't.

[Wade]

It's on Matpat's board.

[Ethan]

How to do. How to be good at sex stuff. I don't know. Today we're gonna talk about what you should do with your hands. All right?

[Wade]

Are you tired of going like this? Dirty?

[Ethan]

Should I put my hands in the air like I'm being held up at gunpoint?

[Mark]

No, I just wondered how he's gonna rope five nights at Freddy's into it.

[Wade]

What was the FNAF to like? It was that chica that everyone loved. Was it Bonnie? There was one that, like, people, like, I thought.

[Ethan]

Yeah, it was, wasn't it? Not the messed up old chica, but the new chica from the second one that everyone got real horny about.

[Wade]

Yeah, easy to tie into that.

[Mark]

How would you have sex with a robot? How would you do it?

[Wade]

Program a hole.

[Mark]

Programmers in the pocket. You can't program a hole.

[Wade]

Not with that attitude.

[Mark]

You wouldn't download a hole, would you?

[Ethan]

Whoa.

[Wade]

No, you upload.

[Ethan]

Whoa.

[Mark]

You know you wouldn't download a car. Well, you don't know about cars.

[Wade]

All right? Man, I literally drove here in your rental.

[Mark]

Anyway, what were we talking about before that guts.

[Wade]

You're allergic to Skyline, right?

[Mark]

I'M allergic to Skyline and it's not a severe allergy, but if I eat Skyline, I get a flush that is similar to when I would drink just like if I had one Smearn off ice.

[Wade]

Schmear. Is it Schmear. What's this smear? Is it Smearnoff?

[Mark]

It is Smirnoff.

[Wade]

Oh, okay.

[Ethan]

I thought I had something to add, but he's right opposite. Fair enough. Yeah.

[Mark]

Anyway, so that's go.

[Wade]

That means Schmeich's hard lemonade.

[Mark]

Oh, yeah.

[Ethan]

Wouldn't it be Mike?

[Wade]

Damn it, you're so much smarter than me.

[Ethan]

Mike Shard lemonade. It connects the words together.

[Wade]

Mike Shard lemonade.

[Ethan]

It makes you say. It makes you say like a pirate Mike Shard Lemonade. Or like a. It's more like a boat captain, but whatever. You only don't need o.

[Wade]

Don't say that.

[Ethan]

Yeah. You know what that was? That was Mr. Krabs. That's what that was. Spongebob, me boy. We're gonna have some Mike Shard lemonades. Yardy dirty dar. Yeah, I remember that episode. Probably weird product placements in that show. This episode is brought to you by McDonald's new special edition gold sauce. There's nothing like the anticipation of when you know There's a new McDonald's sauce and you're waiting to get the chance to try it. There's special edition gold sauces. Sweet, smoky, tangy, made to go on chicken. You have to go try it. New special edition gold sauce at McDonald's is made for your chicken favorites. It says gold as it gets at McDonald's for a limited time. All right, I'm going to go get some right now. I'm out of here. Going to get McDonald's. I'll be back. I'll come back.

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[Mandy]

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[Wade]

This episode is brought to you by Uber. You know that feeling when someone shows up for you when you need it most? Yeah, we all need that sometimes. And Uber knows that Uber isn't just a ride or a meal delivered. It's showing up no matter what.

[Mark]

I think that might be them knocking on the door. And because they're, you know, Uber's really good about getting them right to where you are. To them or the FBI. I'm not 100% sure.

[Wade]

Yep, when it really matters, whatever it is, you show up or there's a will. We're on our way. Uber on our way. Download the app Today.

[Ethan]

I have a bold proclamation.

[Wade]

Okay.

[Ethan]

I have never had so much pee on my skin as I have in the last several days.

[Mark]

Given that I know human pee, I know what event you were at like a few days ago, and I'm kind of curious what might have been going on.

[Wade]

Oh, that's the one.

[Ethan]

You don't want to know. You don't want to know. No, actually right on Monday of this week. I think it was kind of an accident, but it ended up happening on Monday of this week. We've been trying to potty train James for a while, and it started with just like, we'll just let him sit. Like, we'll let him sit on the potty. We'll try and catch him. And there are a bunch of strategies that are really intense like, one of the strategies is he just doesn't wear pants or a diaper. And whenever he starts peeing or pooping, you just grab him and go and run to the bathroom, which sounds like the most insane shit I've ever heard of. But the strategy that we have gone with is set a timer for, like, start at 15. It's at 20 minutes. Now, you set a timer, and you slowly lengthen the timer, and every time the timer goes off, James goes to the bathroom so that it's like he hopefully doesn't have an opportunity to go in his diaper. You get in there, and if he sits and if he goes, he goes. If he doesn't go, it's fine. It's like, you make it fun, and you have, like, books and you hang out, and he gets rewarded for going and being good.

[Wade]

It's like Pavlov's dog in this. When he goes to school one day, like, the bell goes off for next period. He's like, oh, no.

[Ethan]

The timer, it might.

[Wade]

Okay.

[Ethan]

We're unsure about the Pavlovian things that were building into our son, but this is one of the methods that, like, it's online. People are like, it works. But I trained my kid in one week, but he's been doing really good. He likes it generally, and he does generally what he's supposed to do, but he does not care if his pee is aimed into the toilet. And so if you're not paying close attention, because, like, I set him on there and I get him situated, so it's good. But he sits there and he wiggles and he does stuff, and he might stand up and sit back down, and by the time he actually does go to the bathroom, a lot of times you're just standing there, and all of a sudden it's just like, ah, get that. Aim it down. But he's doing really good, and he's making progress. Got to get potty trained so he could be ready to go to preschool, because he's a smart kid, and he's gonna need more mental stimulation. He needs. He needs to learn. He's pretty much only happy if he's learning shit, which is awesome, but exhausting when it's like, okay, it's 45 minutes till bedtime. I'm exhausted. And James is like, tell me about every animal in the Sahara. And I'm like, God, I only know, like, five.

[Mark]

I thought you did so good on the animal part.

[Ethan]

Yeah, no, I literally. The Quetzalcoatus. I know. Quetzalcoatl. Whatever that dinosaur I know so many more animals than I ever did in the rest of my entire life. Because James will just be like, tell me about animals. And I'll be like, well, what about penguins? And he's like, I know about penguins. Keep new ones. God, I don't know. I gotta go study. I wasn't ready for the pop quiz.

[Mark]

That's delightful.

[Wade]

Just make up animals.

[Ethan]

That's dangerous. You remember shit. That's true.

[Mark]

I mean, authors do it all the time. Have you gotten into mythical animals yet?

[Ethan]

Not so much. That actually is an interesting thing. He sort of. Developmentally, he's starting to get to the place where he, like. He understands that stories exist in, like, other worlds kind of. But he really doesn't get that all stories aren't just, like, things that happen in real life all the time. So the crate. Like, we. Mandy and I both really like Nightmare Before Christmas. Classic movie. Enjoyable movie. Terrifying for him. He loves the music. If you just play the music, he's all, this.

[Wade]

This is a terrifying movie.

[Ethan]

But, like, the. The visuals of the movie and the characters of the movie. Yeah, he is immediately just like, ah. We had a thing where we just. We showed him, like, Nanny showed him, like, the first minute. And after stuff started happening on screen at the very opening of the movie, he was like, it's scary. It's scary. And for, like, a week afterwards, every time he went to bed, we, like, do the whole thing. He's all happy. We read books. We put him down. We're like, all right, good night, dude. And he's all, I'm scared of Halloween. Oh, God. And we're like, it's not real. It's okay. It's a movie. Those guys can't hurt you.

[Mark]

The timings bad because Halloween's right around the corner, so that's probably. Probably gonna work.

[Ethan]

But, like, stuff he sees in real life that might be scary to other kids, he's actually pretty chill about, like. He thinks we go to, like, Menards and home stores and stuff, and they have those huge witches and. And when we're at the store, he's like, ha. Giant witch. And he thinks it's awesome. But in movies and stuff, like, if it's too creepy or, like, Nightmare Before Christmas, it's very, like, stylized and. But if that existed in real life, I wonder how.

[Wade]

Hocus Pocus.

[Ethan]

That would be scary, because I would agree.

[Wade]

But I was scared of. Was it Billy? The guy with the sealed mouth?

[Mark]

Oh, yeah.

[Wade]

He was scary.

[Mark]

Wait, how old?

[Ethan]

James turns three in December.

[Mark]

Oh, so he hasn't Achieved consciousness yet true consciousness.

[Ethan]

I don't know what that means. Yeah.

[Mark]

When did you achieve consciousness?

[Ethan]

Oh, I don't have any memories before I was like. Actually like 3ish, but I have like.

[Wade]

2 memories of being 4.

[Ethan]

He's had object permanence since he was born, so I feel like.

[Mark]

Hardly counts.

[Ethan]

I feel like that's exactly what that is.

[Mark]

No, not true consciousness. You got. You got when your first memory. You've got when you realize your own mortal coil is slowly shrinking. And then 25, when your frontal lobe seals up like a trap.

[Ethan]

It seals up and stops growing or doing.

[Wade]

No, mine's still leaking.

[Ethan]

Well, it can shrink. It just stops getting any bigger or more interesting.

[Wade]

Oh, yeah, it's leaking.

[Mark]

Yeah. All right.

[Ethan]

Well, yeah, you're not going to get any shorter like some people do, but your frontal low.

[Mark]

I saw your head slightly tilt towards me, man. I saw it.

[Ethan]

Like, it's like you're not getting shorter. You're. You're in the prime of your life. But I mean, saying the word short doesn't just always mean it's about you.

[Wade]

On the bell curve of self actualization. I'm on the wrong end of it now.

[Mark]

Okay, what does that mean?

[Wade]

That means I'm slowly losing myself.

[Ethan]

The music. The moment you want it, you better never let it go.

[Wade]

Oh, he said. He said, bitch, you better never let it go. Is it that what he says?

[Ethan]

I. I'm not enough? I'm not authority on that. You might be right.

[Wade]

Do you know the Eminem?

[Mark]

Yes, I know the Eminem.

[Ethan]

I like the peanut butter ones. Sorry. I do, though. Peanut butter M and M's are the superior kind. Fight me. I don't dislike peanut, M&M's. Yeah, anything that kills Ethan. Love that man.

[Mark]

I love guns.

[Ethan]

That dude, scissor whip, which is like guns. Kill him. What an idiot.

[Mark]

One bullet.

[Wade]

That's all it would take. Those stupid gun M and M's. We couldn't eat on tour.

[Ethan]

You remember that one show, we walked in the green room and P out M M's and. And AK47 just stacked up on the table of the bag. And we were like, get these out of here. I'll never make it.

[Mark]

Did you say what's going on in your life yet?

[Wade]

Nope.

[Ethan]

Oh, cool. All right. You're just not participating.

[Wade]

Thank you. Yeah, it's distractible shirt. I had to. I was gonna say I had to kill people to get it, but I don't really want to make that proclamation.

[Ethan]

Did.

[Wade]

No, it was just sent to me.

[Ethan]

Oh, that's true.

[Mark]

Yeah. What? No delay. You guys speak in.

[Ethan]

One of us speaks at the same time as the other, and so does the other one. And we say the same thing. None of them are riddles or rhymes.

[Mark]

Man, you really sounded so. At the same time there. I only heard one voice.

[Ethan]

Yeah, Sounded like just. I was talking.

[Mark]

All right, what's going on with your life?

[Wade]

I hurt my foot. Got real infected. Was real scary for, like, a couple days because I was like, at what point do you go to the doctor for an infection? Like, when you just get, like, a scrape or a cut, it's like, it'll heal.

[Ethan]

You haven't been to a doctor for that?

[Mark]

No.

[Ethan]

I mean, it's getting better, right? So, like, it looks like I would have already gotten to a doctor a couple days ago.

[Mark]

It was pretty shady.

[Wade]

It was pretty. How did you that happen? I got fitted for dress shoes, and I wore them. They did not work properly.

[Mark]

When you got fitted, did you tell them his world?

[Wade]

Yeah, well, no, I told them. It was like. Actually, it was a little bit loose in the back. I was like, my foot's kind of, like, sliding out a little bit. They're like, oh, no, no. These fit. Just make sure you slide all the way back, then tighten the shoe. And I was like, I've put on shoes my whole life. I feel like I've done that correctly. And they were like, oh, the problem is you're wearing these temporary dress socks because they try them on. The real dress socks are thicker. I'm like. Like, they're really not, but okay.

[Ethan]

What were you. Were you buying a suit at a fancy store where they assumed you were gonna have, like, merino wool dress socks or something?

[Wade]

They sold me the dress socks.

[Ethan]

Oh, so they shouldn't. Well, the real dress socks are thicker. Sell them these fake.

[Wade]

They have the little crappy things that, like, you try them on with, right? The little, like, put these on. They're closer to dress socks than your real socks, and they're like pantyhose or something. But they were like, oh, no, you're real. You're gonna be perfect. That'd be great. And then, like, within an hour of wearing the shoes, I was like, this is unusual. I. I've walked in dress shoes before. Ow.

[Ethan]

Did you slide your feet all the way back before you tightened?

[Wade]

I sure did. My right heel was all bruised up, but there was no blister or anything. Left foot was just like, die. And then, man, it felt like it. But, yeah, it got real swollen, real red. No other colors. It Wasn't like, green or anything.

[Ethan]

I kept track of that discharge or pussy.

[Wade]

Oh, a lot.

[Ethan]

It was concerning.

[Wade]

It was like three days of.

[Mark]

And you didn't.

[Ethan]

You didn't go to the doctor, check in on that? All right, Even, like, text. You know, you can, like, message your doctor, be like, hey, my foot's really infected and stuff's coming out.

[Wade]

I was busy. With what?

[Ethan]

You're not telling us what you were doing. I don't know.

[Wade]

Just busy.

[Ethan]

It's not interesting.

[Wade]

You wouldn't.

[Ethan]

You wouldn't want to hear about it. Very busy, though.

[Wade]

Thought in my mind was I might need a doctor. But, like, I also don't want to go all the way to a doctor for a little scrape because, like, you.

[Ethan]

Could do it on your phone. You could. I text my doctor all the time.

[Wade]

My doctor text. He's an older dude.

[Ethan]

What do you don't have, like, the app or, like, my chart or anything? Like, my doctor for years, I never did. Okay, well, it's.

[Wade]

Yeah, you know what?

[Ethan]

That's on me because that's technology, and I should know better.

[Mark]

Technology. That's true.

[Wade]

No, but it was a little sketch for a little while.

[Ethan]

No, that looks bad, dude. I would have definitely, like, at least. Oh, no, this a doctor.

[Wade]

That was almost perfectly healed. You should two days ago.

[Ethan]

That does not look great. That looks like it probably felt real bad.

[Mark]

I don't know how a shoe did that to you.

[Wade]

Well, it happened. I had to wear them a couple.

[Mark]

Days in a row forward and tied it. Yeah, it was like an inch back there.

[Wade]

Yeah, it was not. Was not a good time, but we're doing okay other than that. What did I do?

[Ethan]

You were busy, so I was very busy.

[Wade]

No, can't think of a thing.

[Mark]

What the fuck, man? What the fuck do you zone out of your whole life?

[Wade]

I mean, just smiles doing stuff.

[Ethan]

Do you. Do you have that click remote? Do you accidentally keep fast forwarding through bits?

[Wade]

Sometimes it feels like it.

[Mark]

Are you fast forwarding right now? And we wouldn't know it.

[Ethan]

That would make a lot of sense.

[Wade]

This is 100% a moment. I would.

[Ethan]

What the damn.

[Wade]

I might have just said that for the bit. I might not have. This episode is brought to you by Mentos Gum. Keep things fresh. It's important. Right? And I'm not just talking about fresh breath. It's important to switch up your routine whenever you can. I just. I'm the person who can't help but chew. You put up an amendment in your mouth.

[Ethan]

You're supposed to suck on It.

[Wade]

I'm like, swallow. So I kind of need gum.

[Ethan]

You turn into a cartoon dog. I'm sorry. Next time we hang out, I'm giving you a mint just to see what happens.

[Wade]

And of course, another way to refresh every day is with Mentos gum, available in a range of fresh flavors like spearmint, fresh mint and strawberry. Mentos gum. Yes to fresh. This episode is brought to you by Welch's Fusions, the newest drop from Welch's fruit snacks. We've got to warn you about the consequences of eating Welch's Fusions. It's like three dudes hanging out on a rooftop talking about the future.

[Mark]

Three dudes hanging out on a rooftop installing solar panels to provide a sustainable future.

[Ethan]

Three dudes on a roof installing solar panels so that they can power their computers and record their brilliant idea for a podcast.

[Mark]

Pretty awesome consequences if you ask me. New Welch's Fusions are so good. Each one is a combination of two fruity flavors in one juicy bite. One flavor on the outside, another on the inside.

[Wade]

It's an unbelievable taste sensation. So they are recommended for experienced taste buds only. You've been warned. New Welch's Fusions, please use responsibly.

[Mark]

All right, fine. Then I guess we'll just circle back to whatever the hell else is going on in the world. Fun stuff, right?

[Ethan]

Only good things as far as I've heard. I don't listen. I listen like Wade listens to the news.

[Wade]

Yeah, there's no real way to address the news, is there?

[Ethan]

New iPhones came out. How about them? Huh? Yeah, that's pretty fine. It's not really time for me to get a new one. Well, I have a 15, so it's like almost a couple years old, but also it still works perfectly fine, so.

[Wade]

Oh, sorry.

[Ethan]

Whoa.

[Wade]

I had a thought. And my thought would both be jerking for some reason.

[Ethan]

Do you need to get it out?

[Wade]

No, I can wait.

[Ethan]

I was just sort of bantering. It was not very interesting. You can go.

[Wade]

It's not that interesting, but it was something I did.

[Mark]

Why don't we just let him go for it?

[Ethan]

Yeah, I want to know now.

[Wade]

I Pre ordered the Switch 2 finally. And by pre order, I mean because I'm getting it comboed with the new Pokemon games that are coming out. So I'm gonna be playing Switch 2 and soon. I don't know when it comes out. I should check the receipt. I think it's October or something. What month is it now? Scroll the Internet.

[Mark]

You go, oh, Pokemon.

[Wade]

I'm looking for that word.

[Ethan]

I Know how do you even. You went to a gamestop and pre ordered in person. Was it 2008?

[Wade]

I still have the gamestop card from.

[Ethan]

A Power up card. I do, man. Do you pay for your Power up subscription annually?

[Wade]

Probably because I've never canceled it.

[Mark]

This is great. I love this because not only did you go to a GameStop and buy this, but you didn't pay attention to anything else. Tunnel vision.

[Ethan]

Big posters on the wall. Pokemon coming October.

[Wade]

I don't even know the time. They told me the date, but it was in and out.

[Ethan]

You didn't listen. Yeah, probably, man. What do you do at restaurants? You're sitting there looking at the menu and the waiter comes over like, hey, welcome to. Welcome to Red Robin. You guys want to order your drinks? But. And you look up and you're like, did you say to me, who is this person? Why are they talking to us?

[Wade]

It's getting to the point where I'm like, the next 10 years I might. I'm just so distractable.

[Mark]

This is where if we had like a middle mid point of the show, we would freeze frame and then we would come back out of the commercials. That'd be really good.

[Ethan]

We don't do that though. So it's just. You're just still here.

[Mark]

You know, other shows do that where they have like, sound. This is why we're falling in the charts. Because other shows have like, sound bites going into the ass.

[Wade]

Even after our vicious attacks on those above us, we're still falling. Yeah, this is your guys fault. I can't believe we've done our part.

[Ethan]

I can't believe none of those other shows got canceled after what we threw out there.

[Mark]

The shame of them. You think that would have pushed him off the Internet?

[Wade]

I thought Amy Poehler would be running for the hills after what you said.

[Mark]

I fear that we may have only given them promotion.

[Wade]

Yeah. And made ourselves look foolish in the process.

[Ethan]

Yeah, we should talk about our show because then that'll give us the same promotion. And we know lots of things about our show.

[Wade]

Yeah, I don't. I don't know.

[Ethan]

Yeah, no, you don't.

[Wade]

You guys have gotten very tasty.

[Mark]

That's the thing. Like, one of the hosts barely even exists. I think one of those is secretly a cardboard cutout most of the time.

[Ethan]

Like a partially sentient cardboard cutout that can just say some things sometimes but has no idea what's really going on.

[Mark]

Yeah, exactly.

[Wade]

That is such a good idea.

[Mark]

You're not gonna remember it.

[Ethan]

You don't even know what we Were just saying.

[Wade]

He said something Wade's probably cardboard cut out. You meant me. You didn't say it.

[Ethan]

Yeah, we definitely met you.

[Wade]

It was very obvious. I agree. It probably would be me.

[Mark]

Well, if we're gonna have some kind of structure and then I guess we gotta talk about. I guess the world.

[Wade]

The Maltese Falcon. I don't know. It's from some show, but it came.

[Ethan]

It's a movie, isn't it? Isn't the Maltese Falcon like an old like Humphrey Bogart movie? Like where everyone's maybe.

[Wade]

I think maybe once.

[Ethan]

It's like an old. Isn't he like an old school. Like classic American actor Humphrey Poker.

[Wade]

Like before our time by a while.

[Ethan]

Like black and white. Like meh.

[Mark]

I watched many classic movies.

[Ethan]

Come on, honey.

[Wade]

Was he the. Frankly by deer. I don't give a damn guy. Is that someone else one? I think the movie experts out there like. No, they're doing it again.

[Ethan]

No. Yeah. No. Right. Because that's. Is that from Casa. No, that's. Is that from Casablanca? No, that's not from Casablanca. He's in Cat. I shouldn't talk about this. I don't know anything about Humphrey Bogart, but I'm pretty sure. Frankly, my dear, I just don't give a damn. Like, it's the wrong quote. But it's what everyone says too. But I don't know what the real one is. Frankly, my dear, I just don't fucking care.

[Wade]

Everyone gets the Darth Vader quote wrong too. The know I'm your father one. People say that one wrong too, actually.

[Mark]

You know, Amy was listening to the episode where you guys shortened famous quotes and said it was one of the funniest things.

[Ethan]

Film me.

[Mark]

Really?

[Wade]

So was that the. I'm ready for my close up, Mr. DeMille.

[Mark]

Yeah, I gotta do, man. Honey, remember when we had good ideas?

[Wade]

No.

[Mark]

Maybe we should just come up with ways we could improve.

[Wade]

We should just do more part twos and threes. Some of those episodes are bangers.

[Mark]

I know, right? Why do we keep coming up with new ideas?

[Wade]

Dude, I love stealing your guys ideas for part twos and threes. I keep doing it. I know.

[Mark]

All right, we got a brainstorm how we can be better.

[Ethan]

Oh, is that what we're doing now? No, no, no.

[Mark]

What did you have an idea?

[Ethan]

Well, I was just gonna say you've been in Ohio. You're allergic to skyline. I was thinking we could just talk about Ohio stuff. But I think we've done that before is the other thing. I just realized.

[Mark]

No, no. We got to Be better. How do we get better? Yeah, what are those other podcasts doing that we aren't doing?

[Wade]

Go to lunch while filming. We should do that.

[Mark]

That actually probably would be much better than. I'm so hungry right now.

[Ethan]

I have not eaten yet either.

[Wade]

I wasn't sure if we were gonna mukbang. Mukbang.

[Ethan]

Oh, we would be good. We could. Between you and me, and you're a pretty good eater, but between you and me, we could have a. We could finish a mukbang, which I'm not sure if they do that or not because on those videos, it always looks like way more food than any of those people could ever eat. But I feel like we could do it. We could win.

[Wade]

I thought just eating was a mukbang. Is it a certain amount?

[Ethan]

Well, aren't it all the, like, trendy mukbang videos is like, it's a whole fucking table of food and then there's like two people and they're like mukbang.

[Mark]

I'm not 100% sure where the concept of. I mean, mukbang is Korean and muk is eat and bang is. Bang is room, I think, actually. So it's like eating room or eat room or something. Oh, my fucking phone.

[Ethan]

Would you like me to do phone things?

[Mark]

What are you trying to do? Look up what the origin of mukbang is. We could transition this to a restaurant. Didn't work, guys. It didn't work.

[Wade]

Excuse me. Can we have these six tables so we can set up our filming?

[Mark]

No, people film at restaurants all the time.

[Wade]

That's true. Yeah. I don't want to be that.

[Ethan]

Maknyon is eating and. Oh, yeah, when a gyuk is next to.

[Mark]

In the end, it becomes.

[Ethan]

And then Bang Song is broadcast. That's what this says.

[Mark]

Oh, that would make more sense. Yeah.

[Wade]

Mukbang broadcast, filming or eating.

[Ethan]

The. The ones I've seen because I'm not into mukbang stuff is. It's way more food than those people eat. They just throw a bunch of it away, like, guaranteed.

[Wade]

I don't do that. I don't want to waste food.

[Ethan]

But we would eat. I'm just saying we would do it. Well, but you were going to say something about it.

[Mark]

I was going to say there's multiple types of eating videos. There's challenge videos where people eat a record amount or try to eat.

[Wade]

I need to lose weight, man. I need the opposite.

[Mark]

Well, actually, these people are incredibly skinny most of the time.

[Wade]

Bastards. Or good for them.

[Mark]

I mean, you don't have to always Be so mean.

[Wade]

I'll get them. We'll get them. Who are they? Let's do an episode where we insult them for being skinnier than me.

[Mark]

We're gonna skinny shame you. I'm gonna show you. All right, but mukbang is just. Just eating a lot.

[Wade]

I don't want to eat a lot. I just want to eat some.

[Mark]

You always want to eat a lot.

[Wade]

No, I've been cutting back. I've been cutting back. I've been trying to eat less. My window for eating is like noon to 8 or noon to 10. Intermittent fasting kind of, but more so because I get really bad acid reflux if I eat after like 8 or I want to get to 8 eventually. Right now I'm stopping at 10.

[Ethan]

Non consensual intermittent fasting. Intermittent fasting. That's the coolest kind.

[Wade]

Well, it's better for one, it gives me. Keeps me from snacking late at night, and two, it makes me feel better when I lay down. So it just seemed like the right combo. And it's like if I try to get a lot of eating done in the middle, it's like, okay, I'll eat lunch, I'll eat dinner, and that'll be good for me.

[Mark]

I think we've officially run out of conversation topics, so thank you everybody so much for being a part of this podcast experience. Be sure to follow it or we'll kill you. Have a good day. Podcast out.

[Sponsor Voice 2]

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