Distractible Podcast – "Viewer Discretion Is Advised"

Release Date: October 31, 2025
Hosts: Wade Barnes (Host), Mark Fischbach, Bob Muyskens

Overview

This Halloween episode of Distractible leans hard into the bizarre, the unsettling, and the just plain weird. Wade steers Mark and Bob through a contest of scary, strange, or hilariously offbeat news stories, veering between playful banter, real-life anxieties about security and safety, and the absurdities of both online and offline culture. The result is an episode that’s as chaotic as it is entertaining, with memorable moments about haunted dolls, unsettling mascots, and the scientific pursuit of… well, you’ll see.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Chronological Confusion & Halloween Antics

[04:44–06:00]

• The episode opens with a messy attempt to determine whether it’s actually Halloween, leading to time-based absurdities:
  • Mark riffs on the confusion, saying, “It was the there of when it was then… but behind me, in front of me now. I'm looking forward to it. We're all looking behind me at it.” [04:49]
  • Bob and Wade struggle to keep track, culminating in:

  “Did you fucking do anything for Halloween or will you or not, man? What?” – Wade [06:09]

2. Birthday at TwitchCon & Real-World Scares

[07:10–10:16]

• Bob shares about his birthday trip to TwitchCon in San Diego: great city, less chaos than feared, but can’t avoid recent distressing headlines.
  • Bob: “I don't want to talk about the issues with the con itself because there was some crazy shit that happened.” [07:10]
  • The group discusses a disturbing assault on a streamer and the lack of adequate security—an unexpectedly sobering moment.
  • Mark: “In this day and age, when enough incidents have occurred in the past, how security could not be of maximal concern. It blows my mind.” [08:38]

3. Mark’s Iron Lung Movie Update & Wedding Fun

[10:39–14:54]

• Mark offers a mix of (almost) happy news: his film project, Iron Lung, is nearing completion after years of delay and stress:
  • “God, get this thing out of me, man. I am so, so—. I mean, it's not. It's not done for a while... There's some cool steps coming up.” [11:22]
  • The movie's project file is literally titled “IronLongFinals6” after multiple supposed “final” versions.
• Mark also reveals that his wedding photo is now the top post on the Five Nights at Freddy’s subreddit, replacing a developer apology post.

4. Personal Records & Podcast Competition

[15:35–16:12]

• Wade reminisces on his own claim to fleeting online fame:
  • “When I proposed to Molly at PAX, we were the number one, like, Twitch clip for a week.” [15:35]
• The trio’s usual competitive structure is in play, with points awarded for stories, jokes, and various forms of “winning.”

5. Main Segment: Scary (and Disturbing) Stories Contest

[19:02–47:15]

• Wade tasks Mark and Bob: bring the scariest or most unsettling stories, in the spirit of Halloween.
  • “It's Halloween. It's time to inflict terror and fear on our audience.” – Wade [19:21]

A. Mark: The Frog Swallower

• Chinese Woman Swallows Eight Live Frogs to Ease Back Pain
  • “You're about to shit yourself from the fear you're about to have. Chinese woman swallows eight live frogs to ease back pain.” [20:13]
  • She ended up with a severe parasitic infection but, as Mark dryly notes, “her back pain... I don't see anything about it.” [24:24]
• Frogs & Dogs: Mark blends animal antics into horror, sharing a tale of his dog Chica’s ill-fated attempt to eat frogs at the park, resulting in a foaming mouth and enthusiastic repeat attempts.

B. Bob: The Haunted Frozen Doll

• The Bilingual Doll that Wouldn’t Die
  • Family in Houston buys a “Frozen” talking doll: after years, it randomly starts speaking Spanish, becomes “impossible” to throw away, and ends up taped to a truck’s bumper in Minnesota after surviving trash day.
  • “When the doll came back of its own accord, it stopped speaking English completely and only spoke in Spanish.” [26:25]
• Mark, disturbed: “I got even scarier. I got something that's gonna scare your fucking pants off...” [27:13]

C. Mark: Multiple Hamburglars

• Union City Police Capture Two Hamburglars
  • “Let that sink in. There was more than one Hamburglar, and now there are... Who knows how many Hamburglars?” [27:13]
  • Discussion about the genuinely disturbing look of Hamburglar and the creepiness of mascot costumes.

D. Mascot Horror Hour

• Mark sends the group down a visual rabbit hole of vintage Disney mascots:
  • “Viewer discretion is advised. Get ready, buddy. You're not. Boom.” [30:17]
  • “It looks like they are, like, scarred. Everything about it makes my skin crawl.” [30:22]
• The gang riffs on how old-school mascots veered from “uncanny” to “nightmare-inducing”—“One looks like... a slit in the throat is the mouth...” [33:30]

E. Bob: The 19ft Baby 'Lily'

• Massive Baby Statue Appears in English Town
  • Erected for environmental education; to the guys, it reads as the setup for “a British horror film.”
  • “When Lily learns to walk, it's going to be a problem.” [39:22]

F. Speed Round & The Nut Maxers

• Mark brings the truly disturbing:
  • “Meet the nut maxers obsessed with shooting bigger loads.” – Mark [41:55]
  • Bob, immediately: “You were right. You were right. That's it. That's all we needed. You are absolutely right.” [42:02]
  • Article discussion leads to jokes about “citizen jizz scientists” and “nut maxing.”

G. Bob: Rare Face-Distortion Disorder

• Bob closes with a real-life rare syndrome causing facial feature distortion (“Mario Party face minigame IRL!”).
  • “A rare condition that affects how a person sees faces. ... It like widens everything in a way to where it's like…a wide demonic mouth smile.” [45:37]
  • Mark: “Imagine if a guy was so obsessed with Donkey Kong that he got plastic surgery to make his face look exactly like Donkey Kong. And you tell me that's not Donkey Kong right there.” [46:41]

6. Point Scoring, The Wheel, and "Surprise Golf Rules"

[49:00–54:04]

• Wade meticulously tallies points for each weird or comedic moment.
• The “Wheel” segment brings random, often game-changing, advantages or penalties.
• Surprise: “Golf rules” flip the outcome, making fewest points the winner. Bob, who underperformed by usual measures, wins.

7. Memorable Quotes & Banter

• “Bald is on third. Got him. Zoom.” – Bob [06:30]
• “King of Meat” – running joke about Wade’s San Diego exploits [09:37]
• “Viewer discretion is advised.” – Mark, recurring [27:13, 30:17]
• “No, I had happy. I was so happy. That's why I was so—I was really happy.” – Mark [52:27]

Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• [04:07]: "That was the daddest dad sneeze I have ever heard." – Mark (early physical comedy)
• [08:38]: “In this day and age... how security could not be of maximal concern. It blows my mind.” – Mark
• [10:05]: “Heart goes out to Emiru. Just so it doesn’t seem like we’re all dancing around it.” – Mark, amid TwitchCon safety discussion
• [11:22]: “Get this thing out of me, man. I am so, so—” – Mark on finishing his film
• [14:33]: “Me and Amy—this picture from our wedding is now the number one all time top post in the Five Nights at Freddy subreddit.” – Mark
• [20:13]: “Chinese woman swallows eight live frogs to ease back pain.” – Mark, kicking off the stories
• [26:25]: “When the doll came back of its own accord, it stopped speaking English completely and only spoke in Spanish.” – Bob
• [30:17]: "Viewer discretion is advised. Get ready, buddy. You're not. Boom." – Mark (beginning the mascot horror slideshow)
• [39:22]: “When Lily learns to walk, it’s going to be a problem.” – Mark, about the baby statue
• [41:55]: “Meet the nut maxers obsessed with shooting bigger loads.” – Mark (as the room groans)
• [47:39]: “This fellow in Tennessee had perfect vision... Woke up one day and had this and just about lost his entire shit because everyone looked not human anymore for no reason.” – Bob
• [52:55]: “Bob was tripping over his own feet the whole episode.” – Mark, during final tallies
• [56:10]: “Golf rules came all over everything.” – Bob, in peak Distractible style

Notable Segments & Timestamps

• Episode Dissolves into Chronological Mayhem: [04:44–06:13]
• TwitchCon & Security Discussion: [07:10–10:16]
• Iron Lung Update & Wedding/FNaF Story: [10:39–14:54]
• Scary Stories Segment Begins: [19:02]
• Frog Swallower Story: [20:13]
• Haunted Frozen Doll Story: [24:38]
• Hamburglar Horror: [27:13]
• Mascot Madness: [30:17–35:53]
• The 19ft Baby ‘Lily’: [36:10–41:21]
• Nut Maxing/‘Citizen Jizz Scientists’: [41:55–44:22]
• Rare Face-distortion Disorder: [45:33–47:39]
• Wheel Spin, Points, and Golf Rules Reversal: [49:00–54:04]
• Outro Banter & End: [54:39–End]

Tone & Highlights

• Language: As irreverent and kinetic as ever: a mix of dry wit, goofiness, honest horror, and charmingly self-deprecating banter.
• Key Memorable Moment: The visual deep-dive into vintage cartoon mascots and the group’s increasingly horrified reactions.
• Recurring Gags: "Viewer discretion is advised," running riffs about time confusion, and the spiral into competitive absurdity over points and the Wheel.
• Mark’s Wedding/FNaF Story: A moment of sweetness and bizarre fandom overlap.
• Nut Maxing: The group’s genuine discomfort quickly devolves into hilarious riffing on citizen science, the history of medical experimentation, and bodily functions—classic Distractible energy.

Conclusion

A quintessential Distractible episode: chaotic structure, competitive storytelling, deranged Internet finds, and an underlying warmth between friends who delight in scaring, bewildering, and cracking each other up. It’s Halloween for weirdos—and a perfect introduction to the podcast’s tone for the uninitiated.

Winner:
Bob, by “Surprise Golf Rules,” i.e., the fewest points

Next Episode Host:
Bob Muyskens