Wade Definitely Has A Topic

Summary

Distractible Podcast: "Wade Definitely Has A Topic"

Date: July 27, 2026
Hosts: Wade Barnes ("Torso Terror"), Mark Fischbach (Markiplier), Bob Muyskens
Episode Theme: A chaotic, laughter-filled catch-up among three friends, exploring everything from poolside misadventures and Pokémon card scalping to faux family seances and existential gripes with the modern era — all loosely wrapped around Wade’s elusive “topic.”

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Episode Overview

This episode begins as a classic Distractible romp: playful banter, technical issues (Wade forgot a coin for deciding turns), and existential crises over PowerWash Simulator sponsorships. While Wade insists he “has a topic,” the episode quickly spins into a wide-ranging catch-up session, featuring hospital horror stories, passionate rants about scalpers, nostalgia for tangible video games, and a heartfelt appreciation for positive societal trends.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Opening Banter: Where’s the Coin? (00:59–04:59)

• Wade’s Dilemma: He doesn't have a coin to flip per podcast "constitution;" offers a lens cap in its stead, sparking a debate over lens cap fairness and the need for scientific testing.
  • “I want one of our fans who really loves statistics and numbers to go get a lens cap and flip it a thousand times…” – Wade (02:58)
• Camera Show-and-Tell/Zoom-Off: The trio gets distracted comparing camera features and making fun of Wade’s penchant for unflattering zooms.

The PowerWash Simulator Saga (04:26–06:04)

• Markiplier reveals a sponsorship for the Star Wars DLC in PowerWash Simulator, much to Wade’s mock outrage:
  • "I'm the Power Wash guy. There's no other guy besides me. Right?" – Wade (05:28)
• Spirited ribbing about who truly deserves the PowerWash title.

Content Creator Ethics: Free Codes vs. Buying Indie Games (06:45–07:59)

• Bob and Mark briefly debate the etiquette of accepting free codes from developers versus disclosing sponsorships and buying games to support creators.
  • “I always buy the game just because I'm like, stay away, FTC.” – Bob (07:04)

Hospital Confessions & Pity Points (08:17–17:55)

• Bob reveals he was hospitalized for an infected foot: urgent care, ER scare, and surprisingly decent hospital food.
  • “The doctor…just went, oh, I don't like that, and…walked out of the room like, oh, no.” – Bob (16:08)
  • Ultimately okay, but requests “pity points” for enduring it.

Pool Mishaps: Mark Nearly Drowns (09:29–11:26)

• Mark’s GoPro pool adventures lead to a panic over his lack of breath-holding capacity and a comical “reverse mammalian breath reflex” (inhaling water just before surfacing).
  • “I have the reverse mammalian breath reflex...right before I breach the surface, I go gasp with water.” – Mark (11:02)
• Discussion about irrational pool fears and deepwater anxieties.

Pokémon Cards, Scalpers, and Collecting Chaos (18:58–23:05, 31:35–41:57)

• Mark, Bob, and their families get deeply into Pokémon card collecting, lamenting online scalping, elaborate packaging, and the stress of opening packs with valuable cards.
  • “One of the big problems with Pokémon card collecting right now…is scalping, dude.” – Mark (31:49)
• Molly’s Chansey obsession, the “Logan Paul” cursed jungle set eBay listing, and the emotional dilemma of playing with collectible cards as adults/kids.

Notable Quotable Moment – Clowning on Scalpers (35:20–36:39)

• Wade’s satirical solution for scalping: Register every buyer in a national database and use Ticketmaster for public executions.
  • “First, we create a national registry of all online users…they submit their ID, their birth certificate…Public executions would be very fashionable in this.” – Wade (35:20)
• A “Black Mirror”-esque fever dream as a commentary on the invasive solutions big companies use.

On Owning Things in the Digital Age (49:05–53:54)

• Mark laments PlayStation phasing out physical discs, sparking reflection on digital ownership, fleeting licenses, and artificial inflation by corporations.
  • “Do you actually own something if it can just be snapped away?” – Mark (49:49)
• Bob and Wade riff on “two steps forward, one step back” corporate tactics and the futility of endless profits.

Family “Seances” and Childhood Memories (26:44–29:56)

• Mark shares a surreal family tradition: mock seances led by his grandfather, contacting the spirit “Aunt Fanny” using fishing wire and tableware.
  • “The spirit we always tried to contact was named Aunt Fanny. That’s the only time I’d ever heard that name.” – Mark (26:50)
• Bob and Wade are baffled by the idea, questioning if any family besides Mark’s did such things.

“Spagomi” – Litter-Collecting as Competitive Sport (54:01–55:50)

• Mark introduces the concept of “Spagomi,” a competition for picking up litter (originating in Japan), which recently held an event in Loughborough.
  • “I thought that was a positive 2026 thing…people getting rid of more litter seems like a good thing.” – Mark (55:50)
• Bob jokes about his disappointment that it isn’t a Chef Boyardee product.

Artemis II & The Moon (56:44–57:30)

• Brief celebration of Artemis II’s mission: furthest human travel in space by gravity maneuver.
• “No one owns the moon!” group chant (to Wade’s chagrin).

Sports Flopping and The World Cup (44:23–48:38)

• Positive coverage of the World Cup’s US debut is contrasted with everyone’s disdain for flopping in sports, particularly in soccer and basketball.
  • “The acting that goes into the fouls…the whole culture of it in soccer looks so silly to me.” – Bob (45:00)

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• Mark’s drowning reflex:
  "I have the reverse mammalian breath reflex...right before I breach the surface, I go gasp with water." — Mark, 11:02

• Bob’s hospital doctor:
  “…the doctor was like, okay, take your socks off, whatever. …just went, oh, I don't like that, and…walked out of the room like, oh, no.”
  — Bob, 16:08

• Wade’s “fix” for scalpers:
  “Public executions would be very fashionable in this. They already have the stadiums for it. We can sell tickets to the public and no scalpers will go there because…immediate sentence, immediate execution.”
  — Wade, 36:23

• On collectibles and play:
  “Pokemon cards for kids should still be a thing…”
  — Mark, 41:16

• Mark’s family séance:
  “The spirit we always tried to contact was named Aunt Fanny. That’s the only time I’d ever heard that name.”
  — Mark, 26:50

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Timestamps for Notable Segments

| Timestamp | Segment | |------------|------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:59–04:59 | Opening — The missing coin, lens cap fairness, camera antics | | 05:28 | “I’m the Power Wash guy. There's no other guy.” — Wade | | 08:17–17:55| Bob’s hospital story and “pity points” | | 11:02 | Mark’s “reverse mammalian breath reflex” | | 15:12–17:55| Bob’s hospital food & foot wrap discussion | | 18:58–19:40| Pokemon card opening anxieties; scalper frustrations | | 26:44–29:56| Mark’s “Aunt Fanny” family séance anecdote | | 31:35–41:57| Anti-scalping rants, data privacy, and digital ownership | | 44:23–48:38| World Cup positivity, sports “flopping” | | 54:01–55:50| Spagomi explanation and jokes | | 56:44–57:30| Artemis II, “No one owns the moon!” chant |

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Points, Competition & Winner

• Wade banks on “witness protection” wheel spins, but it doesn’t pay off.
• Bob racks up “pity points” for his hospitalization and thoughtful answers, ultimately winning.
  • “It feels like it's been a minute since I won, but because I know how many times I have won so far this season, I know that's really not true… I basically cheated by getting hospitalized.” — Bob
• Mark gets points for GoPro anecdotes, drowning reflex, and taking arguments about ownership, but comes in second.

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Tone & Style

• Language is informal, sharp-witted, and sometimes sarcastic.
• Frequent self-deprecation and meta references to the podcast’s inner workings.
• The trio rambles with purpose, looping from absurdity to genuine insight with comedic ease.

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Summary

This Distractible episode is less about “Wade’s topic” and more about friends being irrepressibly themselves—trading stories, bemoaning late capitalism’s oddities, and doubling over in laughter at each other's strange upbringings, anatomical oddities, and brush-ins with the medical system. The show delivers its trademark blend of through-line chaos, heart, and plenty of pointed social commentary—punctuated by the kind of banter that only comes from years of not taking each other (or the world) too seriously.

Listen for:

• NFT-level “national ticket registry” satire
• Mark’s aquatic self-destruction
• Bob’s hospital food hot takes
• Pokémon card market woes
• The eternal, unowned moon

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For the full Distractible experience, join the conversation, see if your childhood included family seances, and remember: no one owns the moon!

Transcript

[Bob]

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[Markiplier]

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[Wade]

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[Markiplier]

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[Wade]

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[Markiplier]

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[Wade]

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[Markiplier]

Fit for all times.

[Wade]

Good evening gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractable. This episode winning Wade the Torso Terror has a Pokemon marriage, pseudo seances, then slams scalpers Broken Bob, narrates nuances for

[Markiplier]

the listeners, gets infested by evil and rates curses.

[Wade]

Moneyless Mark wants flipping fans, drowns in the deep, has 9 inches and endorses Big Brother. From prognostications to solving scamming, he's time for Wade definitely has a topic now. Sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

[Markiplier]

Hey everyone. Welcome back to Distractable. I'm today's host. Those are words I don't get to say often enough anymore, but today I do. I may already declare myself the winner today just so I can host again, but I guess we'll see what happens in the end. Spoilers? I don't even know yet. Join as always by my co hosts, Mark and Bob. Hi guys.

[Bob]

I'm glad you don't know the future. That makes me feel much better about all of this.

[Markiplier]

This episode is not rigged, believe it or not.

[Bob]

We'll see if I believe that.

[Wade]

I just realized something. We have a problem. I'm in trouble. I'm looking around my desk and I'm noticing that there's one thing missing from my undisclosed location.

[Bob]

You don't have any lens caps.

[Wade]

Oh, I got lens caps, but I don't have a coin. And I think the constitution specifically dictates that it must be a coin.

[Bob]

Uh oh, I'm sure that won't come up.

[Wade]

I don't know the exact qualification with which that is going to be a problem for me. But it's currently problem. But I have a lens cap.

[Bob]

I would allow a substitute lens cap. I'm not going to be a hard ass about this.

[Wade]

The Constitution says either a coin or specifically a lens cap. And it has to be a lens cap.

[Markiplier]

Look, if there's one person that loves all the rules we've set as a die hard follower, it's today's host.

[Wade]

I want one of our fans who really loves statistics and numbers to go get a lens cap and flip it a thousand times and measure how often it lands on heads and tails to see how fair a lens cap is. And then do that with like five other brands of lens cap to find the most fair lens cap.

[Bob]

Yeah, you got to cover. You got to cover across brands because. What is that one? That's not a Canon that you have in front of you, is it?

[Wade]

This is a Tamron.

[Markiplier]

No, it was a lens cap. A cannon fires balls.

[Wade]

This is a new camera from my usual one. So let's see how it's good at close focus. Oh, nice and slow.

[Bob]

Oh, that's pretty crispy. Yeah, that's fine.

[Markiplier]

Yeah.

[Wade]

Yeah, but it's there.

[Bob]

Takes its sweet time with that focus pole.

[Wade]

But I can zoom.

[Bob]

Me too. Wade, can you do it?

[Markiplier]

I like how your face gets creepier whenever you do the zoom feature. That's just my face. Why do you tilt?

[Bob]

You should just lean forward and down like me.

[Markiplier]

It's way less creepy.

[Bob]

I wish I could reach my zoom ring without having to fucking cover my whole camera.

[Markiplier]

I also have a zoom feature.

[Wade]

Wow.

[Markiplier]

I got a lot of torso.

[Bob]

You're a Leanie man.

[Wade]

Like Leanie Boog.

[Markiplier]

Leanie Boob.

[Wade]

I even pronounced it hard.

[Markiplier]

Leanie.

[Bob]

What did you pronounce hard?

[Wade]

I'm not saying it again.

[Bob]

I heard Leanie Boo. I wasn't paying very close attention. Entrance.

[Wade]

I'm not playing these games. I'm downloading Steam and I'm gonna. I'm playing Power Wash Simulator.

[Markiplier]

That's a good dude. Have you played the Star wars dlc? I was sponsored for it, but like, regardless, you guys.

[Wade]

Wait, why did I get sponsored?

[Markiplier]

Wait, what the. Oh, I'm so sorry.

[Bob]

Everybody knows Wade as the guy who plays Power Wash Simulator. I don't know what you're so mad about.

[Markiplier]

Okay, one that feels like an insult to me.

[Wade]

You should be insulted. I'm insulting you.

[Markiplier]

They wanted someone, you know, a little bit more, you know, got what I got and you got.

[Wade]

What do you got that I don't I don't got. I can name, like, a million things that I got that you don't got.

[Markiplier]

Height, humbleness.

[Wade]

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.

[Bob]

For the listeners. Mark was counting his hairs on his head.

[Markiplier]

Okay, we don't have to tell the listeners everything. Some things could just die.

[Bob]

I just want to make sure they're up to speed. I don't want them to feel left out.

[Markiplier]

No, I was, though. I got to do the DLC for Monster. It was really cool.

[Wade]

Where are people trying to talk to me? That's what I wonder. Because, like, they must have. They must have tried to talk to me, right? They must have.

[Markiplier]

Hold on. Can we just. If Wade got this, I should. I definitely got.

[Wade]

Just saying. I literally am the Power Wash guy. I'm. I'm. I'm the Power Wash guy. There's no other guy besides me. Right?

[Bob]

That's what I call him.

[Markiplier]

If you're good at something, never do it for free.

[Wade]

I did give GoPro a lot of free publicity before I got this.

[Markiplier]

Oh, you did a whole Power Wash series? I don't think that was sponsored, was it?

[Bob]

No.

[Wade]

No, it wasn't. Yeah. Yeah, you're right, man. You're so right. Oh, man. And handsome.

[Markiplier]

Just give Bob, like, a free 10 points for not questioning the fact that I got a sponsorship.

[Wade]

But you're so handsome. But I said you were handsome, man.

[Markiplier]

I never felt so slapped and beat up from just words before.

[Bob]

I didn't question it because I just. I just assumed that you're lying.

[Markiplier]

I will. I will show you all the contracts right now in Minecraft. Wait, I don't have to allege that that's true. I could just show you.

[Bob]

Prove to me the amount of money they sponsored you for by sending exact amount, and I will believe you.

[Markiplier]

You know, I was starting to go for it, and then you kept talking, so now. Now's I'm not gonna.

[Bob]

Oh, no.

[Markiplier]

Not giving any points. You know what? Fuck you guys.

[Bob]

What are we doing here? Podcast.

[Markiplier]

Mark's playing Power Wash instead of participating at the moment, which is probably good for his points.

[Wade]

I'm sending five. I forgot I have to send a contract along. You know, business stuff.

[Markiplier]

That means he forgot to download Power Wash. Simon. He's downloading it. Then he'll play.

[Bob]

He's buying the DLC currently. He's like, oh, Star Wars D. Shit.

[Wade]

Oh, God.

[Bob]

Why do I always have to put the security code in?

[Wade]

This is.

[Markiplier]

I use this every markiplier. I forgot what it was like to buy a game.

[Wade]

I buy all My games. And frankly, when I, when I. Even when I play indie games, I still tip the developer most of the time.

[Markiplier]

Good boy.

[Bob]

I'm not on a high horse about this, but as content creators, we kind of should. Like, there's such an ethical gray area of people where it's like. Because I get why devs are like, oh, here's the key player game. But if you get that for free and you don't disclose that, even though it's just the dev, like sharing, like, that's a huge issue, you know, lots of streamers and YouTubers get in big trouble. Have gotten in big trouble for that. It's a big thing. And I feel like lots of people. I have no proof of anyone specifically, but I just feel like you get so many emails when you're on, like the lists. As a content creator type person, I know there are people out there who are like, oh, freaky. And they play the game and then whatever. And they never ever disclose that shit. I always buy the game just because I'm like, stay away, ftc. I'm cool.

[Wade]

Like, yeah, I don't want to. Yeah, I don't want to deal with any of that.

[Markiplier]

I feel like we're pretty good whenever we get keys. We don't do it with us three. But like the other recording group, I do. You have other recording groups?

[Bob]

Don't listen, Mark. He's still lying. He doesn't have any other friends, just us. That's why he comes back, despite the way we treat him.

[Markiplier]

But God, would not be depressing you guys. For my only friends it is.

[Bob]

I know.

[Markiplier]

That's why I'm bald and sad. I know I introduced you all. You all are assholes. Is that small talk? Small talk?

[Bob]

Well, since we didn't have small talk last week, am I allowed to talk about the fact that I was. I was hospitalized for three days?

[Markiplier]

No. Mark, you got any small talk?

[Wade]

Yeah, I'll go ahead. Thanks, Bob.

[Markiplier]

Just kidding, Bob. Floor is yours.

[Bob]

No, I was interested to hear what Mark was going to say.

[Markiplier]

Yeah, I know, but, you know, he's so busy with Power Wash SIM and not trusting my brand deals that I think you should go first. Unless Mark wants to go first. I'll go first. We can flip a coin, see who goes first of all. You guys have coins?

[Bob]

I think unless something specific is triggered. Only Wade really needs to flip a coin for this one if we're going to do that. I don't think.

[Markiplier]

Bob, you're such a good storyteller, maybe you should let Mark go First, just so he has a chance at anything.

[Bob]

It's honestly not that crazy, but it was miserable, so they've got that going for me.

[Markiplier]

Okay, Mark, you should definitely go first, because if he's miserable, we're going to Bob's fridge. Part three.

[Wade]

I, as you know, am sponsored by GoPro. Code Markiplier M A R K I B L I E R at checkout for 10% off. Also, this podcast is sidelong. Also sponsored. Did you know that?

[Bob]

Do we have our own code, or is our code also markiplier?

[Wade]

No, there's actually. They gave us distractable as well. Distr H D I B L E. It's been so long since we've spelled out our name like that in ad reads.

[Bob]

I know. We used to do that all the time. It is weird.

[Wade]

Anyway, I went in the pool.

[Bob]

Me.

[Wade]

This guy did. I did. Because I got the GoPro and it's waterproof, right? So I was like, I think I'll try to film some stuff. I'll do some. Where I do a big punch like I did before. It'll be fun. And I enjoyed swimming. Also, I almost drowned so many times because I'm incredibly out of shape and I cannot hold my breath for nearly as long as I think I can. I kept dropping the GoPro down because I don't know why. My brain was like, it's gonna float, right? And my pool's not, like, incredibly deep, but I think it's like. I don't know, like it has a deep spot that's about eight feet or something, maybe more.

[Markiplier]

That's like 10 markipliers.

[Wade]

You think I'm nine inches taller?

[Markiplier]

Eight and some fractions tall?

[Bob]

Is that what you think of me?

[Markiplier]

My own little Tinkerbell? I just talk it. Tuck you in my pocket.

[Wade]

Eight divided by how many you say? Like 10? Did you say 10.8 point. Oh.

[Bob]

Oh, man.

[Wade]

A 0.8.8 of a foot. What's point 0.8 times 12? I'm 9.6 inches. That's what you think of me, friend?

[Markiplier]

Hey, a lot of people would kill to be 9.6 inches.

[Wade]

That's true. You're right. You think of 9.6 inches.

[Bob]

You're welcome, buddy.

[Wade]

All right, I get you.

[Markiplier]

I get you, man.

[Wade]

Okay. All right. Around. Holy shit. Wait, no. Is that. No. Okay, that's not that crazy. Well, I mean. No. Do you mean circumference or diameter? What are we talking here?

[Bob]

I think he means circumference.

[Wade]

Well, that's. That's a perfectly average Circumference then so we, I go down and I, I kept going down to the bottom and grabbing it and then panicking very quickly. And every time, I don't know what this is. I have the reverse mammalian breath reflex. Whereas right before I breach the surface, I go with water. I don't know why.

[Markiplier]

Oh yeah, the drown me reflex. I love that reflex.

[Wade]

I'm not a pool guy, so I just, I get, I'm like, I'm so close.

[Markiplier]

I'm like, I'm there. Was your uncle like a fish or something? You're like, oh, better get some water before I make my jump.

[Wade]

Yeah, I don't know, I don't, I don't know what it is, but it wasn't working out for me.

[Bob]

I know it's not the same thing. Does the pool, especially swimming down to the deep end, does that trigger your like your ocean fear reflex thing or is that literally like, that's the ocean, this is a pool that's really obviously not the same.

[Wade]

If I'm in a pool alone, then, yeah, there are suddenly going to be sharks spawning in the pool when I'm not looking and I have to get out of it immediately. But Amy was there and, you know, so that, that helped.

[Markiplier]

I won't swim alone either. And it's not because of that. It's because the. Are you afraid of the dark episode.

[Bob]

So every time you came up, Amy just sees you go down, coming up almost to the surface and then dying a little bit and it's just like, it's fine.

[Wade]

Yeah, pretty much. I mean, she was just filming me from the side, you know, just. She put up a good Instagram story of just me with like the snorkel. The snorkel that goes up over the front for some reason. But it's just me like doing pirouettes in it. I get the top under the water

[Bob]

and

[Wade]

don't even think about it.

[Markiplier]

Oh God, you're so brave. Gagging on water to see if you could take it.

[Wade]

I had this idea though. Wouldn't you guys agree on a stream? I talked about this because GoPro doesn't make this. I don't know if any camera maker make this, but they have GoPro makes this thing that's a smaller version of it. It has built in lights. Right? Why don't they make a night vision, one of those where the light is an IR light so that you have both a night vision camera and the built in IR light. Like the Sony camcorders that Ethan and I used for Unus Annus all the time for the night videos. No one makes infrared cameras anymore. No one makes night vision cameras. But it's such a useful thing.

[Bob]

I don't know the physics of it. But, like, does infrared because it's a, like a lower frequency light wave, does it not travel through water as well? Because clearly, like, light travels through water, light gets diffracted or whatever it gets, it gets. It's different when it goes through water, right? It's darker, quicker, as opposed to air. So, like, maybe infrared doesn't penetrate water adequately for that to be, like, a valuable thing.

[Wade]

Oh, interesting. No, you're totally right.

[Bob]

Is there other, like, night vision technology other than infrared that could work as an underwater. I mean, maybe, but it probably costs like a fuck jillion dollars to really powerful flashlights.

[Wade]

I mean, ultraviolet. But I don't know if you can make a camera that does that because most cameras can capture IR naturally. They actually have built in IR filters to pull out the infrared. I don't know how many cameras can film ultraviolet. Get on that. GoPro. Hey, GoPro. Use code Markiplier to buy your supplies. I think it'll still work.

[Markiplier]

They see what they're. That's brilliant.

[Wade]

Just GoPro. Just a bunch of cigars smoking.

[Bob]

I know. GoPro was what, run by the epic rap battles of history guy.

[Markiplier]

I hope you guys used our codes while they lasted. They're both gone now.

[Wade]

Damn.

[Bob]

The CE, the CEO of GoPro sitting at home watching this episode. Like, how do they know I'm never

[Markiplier]

gonna call with them?

[Wade]

You were done with your hospital nonsense.

[Bob]

Well, now it's all hyped up. It's definitely. Anyway, it's not good. And I have an open wound on the bottom of my foot currently. And it's very open, which is not great. The bigger. Honestly, the wound, the cut or whatever, the hole in me is not the big problem. The big problem was that I got. It got infected. I had had this for a while and I was sort of taking care of it and just living with it, but I wasn't taking particular care of it, but it seemed fine. I had been keeping it clean and just like, trying to keep off of it, but not aggressively. And it got infected and it got infected. So like, on Thursday, I went to. Oh, Thursday, two weeks ago now. But I went to an urgent care, and they were like, oh, yeah, it doesn't look very good. Okay. And they gave me some antibiotics. But then literally the next day on Friday, it got worse and worse and felt like my leg was going to explode. And My whole leg from the knee down was like bright red. He was like, okay, well, we should probably go to the er, I guess. I don't know if one pill a day of antibiotics is going to do. And I went. And the doctor at the ER actually saw me very quickly. I was very impressed. It was very nice. We were in a room in the ER within like, I swear it was like half an hour. But the doctor was like, okay, take your socks off, whatever. And sort of looked down at my foot and just went, oh, I don't like that. And like walked out of the room like, oh, no. Oh God. Okay. Wow.

[Markiplier]

He handed in his medical license, was like, I quit.

[Wade]

I don't like this, I'm out.

[Bob]

But so I had. It had an infection, was pretty unpleasant. Slept in the hospital for. Well, I didn't sleep the first night. I didn't get. I went to the hospital late at night on Friday. I didn't get into a room until 7:30 in the morning and I did not get to sleep for any of that. So I was just like sitting up in waiting rooms in the hospital mostly waiting to, to get somewhere where they could start giving me like, medicine and shit. I got to eat hospital food, dude. I don't know if we just have a fancy hospital and I haven't gotten the bill yet, so I may regret this, but it was like, like room service and shit. It wasn't just like, oh, here's your prison meal. I had to call every meal. Breakfast, lunch, dinner. I had to call and be like, oh, yeah, I'd like some bacon and eggs. You just order whatever the fuck you want. It's like being on a cruise ship. It's crazy. It's like all, all inclusive except I paid for it, I think. But like, it wasn't bad. The hospital food was pretty good. And aside from being painfully boring, I'm fine. Infection is fine. But I do have. My leg is wrapped up from the knee down and I have a huge puffy thing on my foot to try and alleviate the pressure. Because the problem is it's on the bottom of my foot. So when I walk on it, it sort of prevents it from healing properly. I'm going to be fine. But there was definitely a couple days where I was laying in the hospital bed by myself, just like bored out of my mind. Like, ah, they're probably gonna cut my foot off, I guess. I don't know. What's that? Like, doesn't feel very good.

[Wade]

It's fine.

[Bob]

I'll be fine. I do feel like I was hospitalized. So wait, if you give me a couple pity points, I feel like it's like, that's pretty fair.

[Markiplier]

I'm writing something down, and I'm not

[Bob]

gonna say I'll judge you as a person, and our friendship will be affected if you choose not to give me a couple points for that, but.

[Markiplier]

So you're saying I have an out?

[Wade]

Depending on how this episode goes and the game, the way it is prepared goes, I think my only strategy to win is to land on witness protection three times in a row. I think that there's possibility. I think I still get the chance. So really pulling for that based on

[Markiplier]

the current score, I think you still have a chance.

[Wade]

Oh, can I get a pity point for something? So I got. I have these, like, you know, ergonomic bead wrist rests for my keyboard and stuff. And I bought another one. And I've been practicing, like, five nights at Freddy's 2 10, 20 mode. So my lot of mouse movement. I. I need a new one. And I was like, oh, it came, it arrived.

[Markiplier]

I'm.

[Wade]

It's here. And I get the scissors to go open it and cut right into it. I cut straight into it. It just.

[Bob]

What have you done?

[Wade]

Falling out. I bought it and was just like, oh, my God. So, yeah, that didn't.

[Bob]

Did you not see the small decal on the package that said, no sharps?

[Markiplier]

I have to use a big knife

[Bob]

with non sharps mark with non sharps.

[Wade]

Well, I just opened this with my bare hands and sharps, so I think I'm arming.

[Markiplier]

I've been buying a lot of Pokemon cards as I was talking about, and I've gotten some online, like, from ebay and stuff. And some of the way people seal cards is they tape it up in, like, bubble wrap. Inside the bubble wrap are two pieces of cardboard taped on all four sides. And then they'll tape the thing the card is in to the cardboard, and then that is also taped closed. And then once you get that open, then there's the hard case that they tape over the top so the card doesn't slide out. And some of this tape was made by God. There is no. You have to cut it like there's no other way. And I've got this card, you know, it's worth whatever, anywhere from 10 bucks to a couple hundred bucks, whatever. And it's like, I've got my Exacto. That was some wild thunder. I got my X Acto knife, and I'm like, please don't cut this card. I've spent an hour trying to open. I'm going to have your experience with Pokemon card. It's going to be very sad, but

[Wade]

if you do do that, all the other cards in the world go up in value.

[Bob]

So it's like a public service.

[Markiplier]

Watching people that, like, do card openings and then cut the cards in half or light them on fire or eat them after I own a copy of the card. Those hurt me slightly less.

[Bob]

I can't say I've watched for any length of time, but I have been. My interest has been piqued in the Pokemon stuff. So I have been buying a couple packs because my target seems to always have packs of the completely unpopular sets just on the shelf at msrp. But what I'm scrolling on socials and all those videos of people who open like 3000 packs of Pokemon cards a day in their stream every single. And they just have a utility knife or a razor blade and they just take. They're just like, flap, flap, flap, new pack with the blade and fucking tear it open. And I'm like, God damn, what if one of those is actually worth something? Like, Jesus, the people who open them like, it's a factory. Assembly lines. I couldn't watch it. It stresses me out. I know that the one pack I bought at Target that they had is not going to have a $50,000 card in it, but I'm still like, I tear it and I, oh, I hope this basic energy is not crumpled. I hope I don't foul the corner of it. And then there's just people online who spend a thousand dollars a stream, probably more. Probably $5,000 a stream on booster boxes and box. And they're just like, yeah, fucking fuck these guards. God damn.

[Markiplier]

I couldn't do that. I'm very slow. I opened packs with Molly. We've just been kind of like opening them together because we both like to collect. She's got a whole page of just like base set Chanseys. When she sees a chancey for like a good price or whatever, she's just like, I'm at it. I'm like, don't you have chance? She's like, I want more Chansey. So she's.

[Bob]

She really fucking likes Chansey. I get it.

[Markiplier]

If there are Chanseys in the world, watch out.

[Wade]

Like a whole wall of Chanseys, just like from floor to ceiling.

[Markiplier]

I hope she does not watch this because she probably would.

[Bob]

She wants to build a whole tent made out of laminated pages of Chanseys.

[Markiplier]

This is really random. There was a listing on ebay. It was like the entire jungle set, which is the second set of Pokemon cards to ever come out in the 90s in this giant frame. And the listing said, this is for Logan Paul only. So I guess. I guess they made a listing hoping he would buy their framed jungle set for some reason.

[Wade]

No, no. It was a warning. It was a warning. If you buy it, you will turn into Logan Paul. It's a cursed set. That's the thing.

[Markiplier]

Body get better, mind get worse. I could go for it.

[Bob]

That's. That's a. That's a crazy curse, man. But if you sell it to Logan Paul, you'll become Jake Paul.

[Markiplier]

So you're always a Paul.

[Bob]

Once a Paul, always a Paul Wade. You know what they say.

[Markiplier]

Well, that's an appalling decision.

[Bob]

Like the like from that Jungle Book song. Something, something, prickly pear something, Use the pawpaw. Paw something, something.

[Wade]

It's like that movie it Paulo's, where if you have sex with someone, you turn them into Jake Paul.

[Markiplier]

It follows. All right, that's funny.

[Bob]

Wait, you have to point at camera or does it count?

[Markiplier]

That's funny. You want a paw paw or a prickly pear and you pick a raw paw. Next time, beware. Don't pick a prickly pear by the paw. If you pick a pear, try to use the claw. But you don't need to use the claw. When you pick a prickly pear off

[Bob]

the big paw paw. That's the song. Yes, that's the one I was accurately quoting.

[Wade]

If I was judging, I would give that points.

[Markiplier]

Dude, I can't remember a person I spent 10 hours with two days ago. Like, I don't remember their name, but it's me.

[Bob]

Dude,

[Markiplier]

your name was Smurt. Smurt. It was Smirt. I don't know. My like short term memory is terrible, but like I can remember that. I could still probably recite most of the balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet or the Tomorrow, Tomorrow. Tomorrow's speech. Is that Othello? Like I can just pull that out of. Straight out of ninth grade. I'm like, yes, I still know it, but the shit I need to remember from like yesterday, it's like it never happened. It's. I hate. I hate the way my memory works.

[Bob]

Me too, man. Everybody does.

[Markiplier]

I talked to you. I started physical therapy. I don't know if I've given because we didn't do the thing last week. So I'm not having surgery on my knee. It's not a meniscus tear, no ligament damage. I have a cartilage Defect on the cartilage right on my thigh bone under my kneecap. There's like a big glowy spot on the MRI and there's just a lot of inflammation coming from that. So I'm doing. I'm taking an anti inflammatory and doing like six weeks of physical therapy, trying to strengthen the muscle and joint or whatever. Hopefully I get to avoid surgery. I could maybe need laparoscopic to clean it up, but I'm hoping to avoid it. But nonetheless, it's nothing major. It's just a cartilage defect that was maybe already even there and I just aggravated it. I'm not sure. I don't know how those work, but I did find all of that out. I don't know if I've given a knee update. Bob's leg update reminded me that between the two of us, we have like two good legs.

[Bob]

That's true. And they're approximately the same length. Thank God it's you and me.

[Wade]

Imagine if I had to donate each of you one of my legs.

[Markiplier]

We're just walking around like this.

[Wade]

I apologize. You're gonna have to do some leg lengthening after the fact. I'm coming for you.

[Bob]

What a weirdly specific but evocative way to demonstrate the height difference between us and Mark. Look. Look what I look like with one Mark leg. We told you.

[Markiplier]

I had this weird thing today where I looked in the mirror and I was trying to decide if I'm well proportioned or if I'm too torso y. It's like, do I have short legs and a giant torso?

[Bob]

It's not your torso. It's because you have a huge ass.

[Markiplier]

Oh. So when I look in the mirror in the front, see, is my back or my front ass.

[Wade]

Normally, people's asses bridge a small zone between their legs and their torso. Yours actually goes from mid thigh to like, lower back.

[Bob]

I like to call. I like to call your build the snowman. Your three ball snowman.

[Markiplier]

Nice. I'm a tripod.

[Bob]

Yeah. Torso, ass, and legs.

[Markiplier]

Explains why I never have any back pain. Because it's just ass. There's no back.

[Bob]

You're like Aunt Fanny from robots.

[Wade]

I've never actually seen robots, so. Wow.

[Bob]

Yeah, you haven't. It's actually very good.

[Wade]

I've heard and I know all the memes and it's. It's like got that song.

[Bob]

You know that song Fucking Slap. Plus you like Here Come the Mummies. I would say that song is not unrelated to the vibe that Here Come the Mummies gives. I recently showed that to James for the first time, and I hadn't watched it in, like, forever, and I was just sitting there with him like, oh, I love this movie.

[Markiplier]

I've never seen robots.

[Bob]

Great performance from Ron Williams. Great cast. Great movie. Love it. The visuals are awesome.

[Wade]

Did you know that fanny in the UK is slang for vagina?

[Markiplier]

Yes. Because I remember saying fanny pack, and people were like. I was like, what? I think fanny packs are kind of weird, too. And they were like. I was like, what? You know how the UK people laugh?

[Bob]

Classic, classic British laugh? Yes.

[Markiplier]

And thongs or sandals.

[Bob]

That one's less crazy. We call them thong sandals. Like, in America. You could have. I think we just say sandals a lot. But, like, Americans distinguish between, like, those are slide sandals or slides, and those are, like, thong sandals. Sandals. I feel like that's a thing here.

[Markiplier]

I get it. But aren't those kind of small to cover their whole foot? It's just like a band with a.

[Bob]

Aren't thongs kind of small to cover your whole ass and genitals region? I think that's the idea. I think that's the notion.

[Markiplier]

Wow. He's blew my mind. The whole point is, my Aunt Fanny is a phrase my grandparents used. We used to do, like, little seances at the house where, like, my grandpa would get, like. He would set up a thing where he'd, like, have, like, invisible string connected to, like, plates and cups and stuff. So we would do a seance, and he'd be like, spirit if you're in the room, and, like, he would pull a string, and a cup would, like, comes sliding down toward us and his kids. It blew my mind. But the spirit we always tried to contact was named Aunt Fanny. That's the only time I'd ever heard that name.

[Bob]

It just blew straight through the craziest part of that whole scenario.

[Wade]

Insane Wade. Lore drop just happened.

[Bob]

Set up seances with fishing wire, and you're like, yeah. And her name was Aunt Fanny.

[Markiplier]

Can you believe that your families didn't do. Hold on. Your families didn't do, like, fun little seance things?

[Wade]

No.

[Markiplier]

I thought that was kind of, like, commonplace. I. I.

[Wade]

Wade's family, they're all in a circle chanting, oh, no. And they start floating off the floor.

[Bob]

Baby Mark and I are wrong. Subreddit. I will come look at you if you all put it out there. Is it normal to have family seance time with Grampy and Grandpa?

[Markiplier]

Okay, this happened, like, three times in my life. It wasn't like we did. We got together once a week.

[Wade]

Three's a Lot.

[Bob]

That is an infinite amount of times more than it has ever happened in my life.

[Markiplier]

Yeah, we would. I'm trying to remember if they'd, like. My grandma always had tons of candles because she liked candles. So I feel like we probably lit some candles. We would just sit around, like, the kitchen table while we were playing. My grandpa would set up this thing. Yeah. Where you'd have, like, little wires and stuff set up where he could, like, make things happen. It was. I was always like, oh, the cup would slide from the cabinet to the table. It was. It would just blow our minds as kids. Like, oh, my God, Aunt Fanny's talking to us.

[Bob]

Now that I have a three year old, I'm like, yeah, I think James would probably think that was pretty fucking awesome. I think he would go crazy for that. But as a person who has never experienced such a thing, the fact that you thought that was just, like, normal is awesome.

[Markiplier]

It was just one of those things we did as a kid that, you know, you take for granted, I guess.

[Bob]

Sure, sure, sure.

[Markiplier]

I wonder how many things I did that I was like, yeah, everyone probably does this. That. Like, no one does.

[Wade]

Was this the only ritual that occurred, or were there other things with knives and blood?

[Bob]

How many goats did you sacrifice a year? What Was your average?

[Markiplier]

6.

[Bob]

Probably low.

[Markiplier]

We only sacrificed goats, I think twice, but it was about six times each.

[Bob]

Six sacrifices each. What the going on with these goats?

[Markiplier]

Yeah, six sacrifices per goat. We'd slaughter them. We'd stitch them back together. Cpr, slaughter them again.

[Wade]

You know, it's infinite. Food glitch. It's really weird, you know, I don't.

[Bob]

I don't know.

[Markiplier]

The seance is probably one of the weirder ones, but, like, I don't know. The Aunt Fanny thing triggered it because I was like, I never even met Aunt Fanny. Why are we trying to talk to her? But my grandparents were always like, no, we're contacting Aunt Fanny. I was. Okay, well, I don't know who she is, but you guys must. Maybe she died a long time ago. Maybe I just never met her.

[Bob]

It all makes sense when you say it all together.

[Wade]

And what you. Wait, what year was this when this occurred?

[Markiplier]

This is the 90s. I don't know.

[Bob]

Like, you were, like, a littleish kid.

[Wade]

1890s. Wait, which. Which.

[Markiplier]

Which century? No, 19. 1990s. I was probably, like, between, like, 6 and 10.

[Wade]

So what's the guy's name from 30 Rock who's an immortal being?

[Markiplier]

Brendan Fraser. That's not it.

[Wade]

Kenneth. Kenneth. Kenneth. You know Kenneth, right? Kenneth.

[Markiplier]

I think I saw one episod 30 rock ever, and it was probably when I was 10.

[Wade]

No, he's canonically an immortal being in the show. Yeah, he's actually been around forever. Like, legitimately. It's not exaggeration. Like, there's like, an end of the series episode where he's doing an episode from the year, like, a thousand years in the future, and he's still there, and somehow 30 Rock is still there.

[Bob]

Anyway.

[Markiplier]

Oh, I was thinking third rock from the sun. I never saw 30 Rock.

[Wade]

I never, always. I never saw a lot of it,

[Markiplier]

but, yeah, did I? Okay. I was like, wait, 2006? That doesn't sound right. Third rock from the sun is what I'm thinking of with John Lithgow. I was thinking of John Lithgow.

[Bob]

Wait, who was that? Who was the kid in that show? Was that Joseph Gordon Levitt?

[Wade]

Joseph Gordon Levitt.

[Markiplier]

He was in it, yeah.

[Bob]

He was like the. He was like the young guy in that show, right?

[Markiplier]

Yep.

[Bob]

What are we talking about? Is this an episode of a podcast?

[Markiplier]

It was. Well, there's a whole thing I had prepared, but we're kind of. We didn't do any small talk for Mark's Perfect is crime. So we just been kind of catching up.

[Bob]

I feel like every time this happens, I believe less and less that you actually had an episode prepared. You come. Come in and you're like, I'll just get him really going in small talk. And then after about half an hour, I'll be like, oh, I had a really great app. I had a whole thing written out, and I had all this stuff.

[Markiplier]

I could not plan for Mark to drown himself, betray GoPro. I didn't plan on you going to the hospital or breaking your foot. That was like.

[Wade]

My thing was like three minutes. I don't know. I don't.

[Bob]

I don't know what you're talking about.

[Wade]

Subreddit. How many times is this, in this exact scenario occurred.

[Bob]

Thanks, subreddit.

[Markiplier]

Here's what I was going to talk about. We're over halfway now through 2026.

[Bob]

Good.

[Markiplier]

This year's had some ups, has some downs, but overall, it's been a kind of frustrating year for me, at least. But I have a list here of some things that I thought were good and bad from 2026. And I didn't know if you guys had anything particularly you want to talk about for the year, but otherwise I was going to go through and we were going to try to solve some of the bad. Not all of it's 2026 specific. Like, like. But it. I think it's been what's. What I'm looking for. It's. It's gotten worse this year or it's like a bigger thing. The good stuff is all. I think mostly this year at least it's still true as of this year. So I'll just. I'll just go through getting into Pokemon card collecting. I've had a couple of different scam things happen where people. One of them was expertly done where I got scanned. I was just impressed with how thoroughly they did their job. The big problem with Pokemon card collecting right now, and probably a lot of things is scalping, dude. The scalping, people buying and just buying tons of it and then immediately relisting it for 10 times the price online is just the fucking worst. My original intent was for us to go through and we're just going to solve scalping, but we don't have time. I just want to talk about it. Do you guys have things like you try to collect where scalping is a problem? I know sports tickets and Pokemon cards are two things I've encountered it heavily in.

[Bob]

I don't do them actively. I don't, like, collect particular. If I do collect stuff, it's old enough and niche enough that, like, no one's fighting me for it. Like, I'm very proud of my collection of Top Gear DVDs and Blu Rays because I think I literally own every episode and the miniseries or whatever, the special episode. I think I own everything that you can own of Top Gear. I don't think anyone's fighting me over that in the aisle at Target. I do think the sport. The sporting events and concert ticket situation is out of hand. And I think it's. I only do that very rarely, but it always sucks because it's like. Like, why do you even have prices on the website? What are we doing here? Because the tickets go on sale for a game, a concert, in a specific location, whatever. They're gone in an instant and then they're three times the price. It feels like. I don't know what the exact numbers are, but this is a known problem. But then, like, there was a whole thing. There was a whole, like, lawsuit. There were. There was stuff done and everyone in, like, government of the people, the authorities were like, all right, guys, we solved scalping, so that's fixed now. So just go back to buying tickets and going and enjoying your concerts and your football games and stuff, and it's nothing like it. Maybe it changed the dynamic of how it is to be a scalper, but didn't fix shit. I don't understand why it's so hard. Like, technically I understand it's hard to prevent people, especially if they're buying stuff online, to be like, well, you're clearly the same person, even though you have a different ip, a different account, a different, different credit card, whatever. Like, I get that it's hard to discern that maybe for the company selling stuff. Why can't we deal with this? What needs to happen? Because it is awful. I want to go to like one concert or football game a year maybe, and every time I think about it, I'm like, God, I don't fucking want to deal with like buying tickets and being worried I'm going to get like scammed and they're not actually selling tickets or paying. Like, I just won't go. Like, I don't give, I don't care that much.

[Wade]

I have the solution. As always. Markiplier is coming in with the big fix. Everyone's going to have all their problems of scalping solved. First, we create a national registry of all online users. They submit their id, their birth certificate, their passport, and all of their necessary residential financial information. And we house them in a Ticketmaster only accessible database so that they run the gambit of everybody. We can trust them, right? We can trust them. So they have everyone's id, right?

[Bob]

Right.

[Wade]

They know everyone's age. They, they know who they are and they can see how many people are in your family. So they know the limit. They'll customize the limit based on you and your extended family. Not that extended. Let's say first cousinsonly.com.

[Markiplier]

wait, what are we selling? Sorry, I got distracted. Man, what a. What a callback.

[Wade]

I just remembered cousinsonly.com. so.

[Bob]

Whoa.

[Wade]

I'll get the callback point. There we go.

[Markiplier]

Is that a 3pe call back? That's an old callback.

[Bob]

That is a time ago.

[Wade]

See, if they know who everyone is, then they will not be able to sell it to someone who's undeserving of that ticket. Right. Scalpers will all get exposed and I think the only publicly accessible information will be those who have scalps. So it'll identify anyone who in the past have bought more than 10 tickets or whatever of their extended family. God help them if they, they had more kids later in life but bought a bunch before they're done for.

[Markiplier]

Right.

[Wade]

So it'll, it'll. I think public executions would be very fashionable in this. They already have the stadiums for it. We can sell tickets to the Public and no scalpels will go there because if anyone tries to scalp them right

[Bob]

on stage, immediate sentence, immediate execution.

[Wade]

Yes. I think we should put the judicial branch into Ticketmaster. I believe that they are trustworthy enough to.

[Markiplier]

You made those decisions or just limiting accounts to like, where they can only sell a certain thing like two times a year or something. Because like, if someone buys tickets to a sporting event and something comes up, you have to cancel and you're like, well, I've got these five tickets I'm not gonna use. I guess I'll, you know, reset. Like that'd be fine. But you're not. If you have that happen more than two to three times in a year, then like maybe like limiting things like that, where it's like, okay, well, it's less profitable for scalpers to do it because they really only limited how much they can do. I don't know why with cards that would be the case. Like, well, I bought this Pokemon etb, now I don't want it, so I'll resell it it for three times the price. Maybe you do that like once a year.

[Bob]

This might be controversial, but number one, I like Mark's idea the best. And I have. I have a follow up on that. Yes. Number two, I'm certainly not in favor of people who scalp Pokemon cards or other collectibles and ruin it. But I do think there's kind of a difference between concert tickets or sporting event tickets and collectibles, sort of the purpose of which is maybe to collect it for personal value. Like you just like something, you collect it. But also, I think a large proportion of people who collect any sort of collectible track the value of what they have. Right.

[Markiplier]

I don't mind individual cards. I'm about the sealed products.

[Bob]

I mean, that's. That's true. But I do, I just feel like there's some level of difference where it's like, well, it is sort of meant to be bought and then sold at a higher price, potentially.

[Markiplier]

Right.

[Bob]

That's sort of the deal. It still sucks. But I think Mark is right and I'm going to put on my conspiracy theory hat which is invisible, and just say Mark is talking about, like, we should implement a new system. Can we just be so for real and say there definitely already are profiles of basically anyone who uses the Internet for anything that the companies trade behind the scenes, like little real person trading cards. They know who we are. I'm confident that these big companies with access to all of the metadata on a specific user's like Internet activity Can look at a transaction and be like, oh, Gary's buying 30 more Taylor Swift era tour tickets. Man, that guy sucked. They know if you're going to keep records like that on us anyway, use them for good. Use that shit to shut scalpers down and be like, look, we know this is you. We know you've bought 100 tickets in the last three years. You hear there's a limit. Now you may buy two tickets. You're welcome. Like, fuck. If they're going to keep those stupid fucking secret profiles. No matter how careful you are with your data, if you buy things online, if you use social media, they totally know. They, they know. They just do. They have like a profile on every sing person who's ever touched the Internet.

[Wade]

Everyone knows this is something that they do. And like Facebook denied it for years, but then it was basically admitted that they are listening in on conversations, they're turning on the phone's microphones. They know all that stuff. I googled a new stove, right? Which is something that I've never really done because ours was like our burners kind of like going, going out a bit. So I was like, oh, Google new stove, stove. And then we're watching TV later and we're watching on an app where we have some ads. Never have I had a stove ad in my life. I've never had a stove ad ever. Every ad in the ad break was a stove ad. Different brands too. You want a stove? Oh, get this stove, dude.

[Markiplier]

I'm getting that. Like Facebook, I see Pokemon cards and stuff. I've been looking. Yeah, I've.

[Wade]

You know, it's crazy.

[Bob]

I know that like for legal reasons they're not going to admit this, that the corporations are never. Because they would potentially get in some sort of trouble. But I think it would buy more goodwill for corporations. Don't. Don't put shit on sale that you've already artificially jacked the prices up. Don't lie to us. If they were just like, look, you guys know in your heart of hearts, we do. We have that. Those, those things you think we have, we have those. So as a, as a form of repayment, we're going to use these online profiles we keep basically without your consent, you know, or without your knowing consent, we're going to shut down scalp. No one's going to be able to scalp shit. Like I, if, if a company did that one, I would not be surprised because I'm like, clearly I bought into that conspiracy or whatever you call it. Like, I'm pretty sure that's what's happening? If they were just honest and we're like, and you know we're going to use that information to just do you a solid, I'd be like, fuck. Well, if I have to engage with, you know, heartless evil corporations, I guess you're at the top of the list. At least you guys are honest and I appreciate that. You're like, we're going to fuck you. But also go, we'll give you a little something like, fine, great.

[Markiplier]

My one pushback to anything you said is the collectibles thing. Pokemon cards for adults are definitely like that. But like there was a value as a kid in getting Pokemon cards and just getting to around with them. Put one in like your bike spokes or actually like I played with them, I would like lay them face down and pretend I was like ash and I was going around finding wild Pokemon. I didn't counter one. And then like I'd have my evolution cards like, oh my God, I get to evolve my Charmander because we won three battles. I'm like, I fucked around with it. Nowadays it's like, I feel like if you see a kid with Pokemon cards doing that, you're like, oh God, that could have been a PSA 10 worth $30. Oh, these cards were $100 a pack. Why are you playing with them? Put them in sleeves, look at them for collectors. It's good, but like, I don't know. Pokemon cards for kids should still be a thing.

[Bob]

This is why kids need to buy. Kids need to get this shit and play with it aggressively. Don't let there be PSA tens. Have every Charizard in existence be all crumpled up and folded and torn from that one time your, your little sibling stole your fuck do shit. Come on, kids, I know you listen to this. Go play with your toys. Ruin them.

[Markiplier]

I'm gonna do that friend, that thing. A lot of our friends like, so I've been hanging out with Kat and Logan, our friends here in Cincinnati, and going to like some of these Pokemon things. We went to a card show at Eastgate Mall, which is not far from where we went to school in Milford, and Logan bought this ancient Mew card. I think overall it's like a hundred dollar card. But he got it for $1 because it's in such bad condition. And he was super excited. He's like, I'm gonna send this in for grading and I hope I get a 1 out of 10. I 10. He's hoping for the lowest possible grade on this real shitty card and some one of the Vendors, like, I'll run it over for you if you want. Like, people are, like, trying to help him ruin the card to make it worth. Because some people out there, they want nines or tens or they want ones. Like, nothing in between. The ones have a value. Then it drops down, and then at like eight and a half nine, it, like, goes up again or something. So he's like, I really want this shitty card to be a one. And everyone's like, I'll help you make it a one. It was some spit. Like, I don't know. It's just really funny. He spent a dollar on this card. Was super excited about it. So terrible. It's all crinkled and awful. Oh, God, it hurts my soul to look at it, but that sounds great.

[Bob]

I love that.

[Markiplier]

Let me jump over to one of the positives of the year. I thought, so the World Cup's over, FIFA, World Cup's over, right? I never really paid attention to the World cup my entire life. This year, I kind of did. I didn't watch the games, but, like, I checked on the scores of the different games. I knew who was, like, in the Gold Boot competition, like, who was. Who was scoring points. I was looking at people talking about, like, oh, which teams are favorite? How's the US Doing? And stuff. Stuff. I know we hosted it in the US So maybe there was just more press coverage because of that this year. But I thought, at least in the United States, a lot of people were at least tangentially aware or talking about the World cup compared to my recollection of years past and seeing people come to the US And I think we talked about this on the show. People like, dude, this city in Alabama is really cool. Oh, my God, I love the US I went to this place. Like, it's not as bad as I thought here in random town in Illinois or whatever. Like, I don't know, maybe it's, again, biased because it was here and there was a lot more coverage of it, but, like. Like, I felt like there was a lot more positive vibes coming from the tournament and from just people's experience with soccer and with, I don't know, the. The event and the places it was held and stuff. And I. I don't know, I thought that was nice. Positive, heartwarming, 2026 thing.

[Wade]

It was nice. Yeah. I mean, I. I saw a bunch of videos like that, too. Just really, really nice. I usually, you know, it makes our soft.

[Bob]

Our.

[Wade]

Our hardened hearts go a little bit soft in terms of, like, yeah, America. America could be Great, Great. It is. But I won't say that that phrase, you know, it could be great, period. That's it.

[Markiplier]

Like free. What are you talking.

[Wade]

Oh, but yeah, no, it's fun to see.

[Bob]

I totally agree with you.

[Markiplier]

Did you guys keep up? I don't think any of us went to any games. Would you guys keep up with it at all or watch any games?

[Wade]

A little bit. I knew who was playing in the vinyl.

[Bob]

I didn't watch a whole game the whole time. And can I just say, this is not exclusive to soccer, but. And it's probably because I'm an outsider, the acting that goes into the fouls and the whole, like, economy within the game of pretending you got hurt, holding your knee, writhing around the whole, like, discourse. I don't know what you call it. The whole culture of it in soccer looks so silly to me. It's like that in all sports. It's like that in the NBA. It's like that in the NHL affair, maybe out got like. It's like that in all professional sports. This is not a soccer only thing. But to. It's like, it's just in soccer. Something about it reads as extra hilarious to me because it'll be like two guys who run casually near each other and clearly don't touch. And one guy just like, does a front flip and is like, he's holding his knee like he got shot. And then the ref will come over and be like, no, play out. And he stands up and is like, like, fuck, I tried. God. And runs away. It's like, oh, that. That like, ruins sports for me. When that shit happens in any sport, I'm immediately like, fucking hate those. Like, I hate that player that did that. I understand it's part of the game. But the soccer ones are. Because in hockey, it's like, at least you're pretending he hit you in the face with a hard wooden stick. Or even in the NBA, there's a lot of flopping and bullshit, but it's like you're pretending you just got elbowed in the face, which would definitely hurt. In soccer, it's like, what are you pretending? You're pretending he bumped harder than it seemed like he did. Oh, no, I know, I know. I'm underselling it. And I'm not a soccer fan, so this is all bullshit. But, like, it just, whatever that happens in sports, it ruins it completely for me. And every moment I watched soccer, I'd watch for like five minutes and then some crazy bullshit would happen and I'd immediately be like, okay, that's enough sports.

[Markiplier]

The one that drives me the most crazy is actually in basketball. And I don't know if this still counts as a foul. I think it does. If someone goes to the three point line and they fake a shot and the other guy jumps you, then jump into the guy that jumped and the foul is on the guy in the air, it's like, oh, you shouldn't have jumped. You shouldn't have tried to go for the block. This guy then jumped into you, which means you fouled him. That pisses me off so much. It's like, why can't he. He jump. Go around him. He's in the air. Your opportunity is to move around. Now why is jumping into him the thing that basketball's like, brilliant.

[Wade]

Jerry, jump into him.

[Markiplier]

We'll get the call. I don't know why I'm turning into like Seinfeld. That wasn't the Jerry I was originally

[Wade]

going for, but ye to go for the epic rap battles guy a bit more. He actually has his fingers in everything.

[Markiplier]

Epic basketball fouls of history.

[Bob]

But yeah, like a lot of the rest of the World cup was. Was really great and it was fun to see.

[Markiplier]

Flopping's annoying. It's annoying in every sport. I agree with you.

[Bob]

It's in all sports and it always pisses me off. But it's not. That's not a soccer thing.

[Markiplier]

It's weird because, like, a lot of the times you'll see like the foul, that's definitely not a foul. And then you'll see someone get absolutely fucking clobbered and no one does anything about it. Someone's like like tripped, knocked down, stomped on, punched in the face. And they're like, play on, play on. And then someone brushes past someone, like you said. Someone goes flying back like they just got hit by Thanos and it's like, definitely a foul. That's how real human physics works.

[Bob]

Red card.

[Markiplier]

Get out. Yeah.

[Bob]

No, there's so many. I know. They're all one off. So there's so many examples of that where there's like a player. There's clips of soccer players getting just pummeled. Like there's a guy who tackles him, there's a guy who like grabs it. There's a. He goes to like four dudes and he's getting just beaten the whole time. And then he goes and keeps going and scores a goal. Goal anyway. And it's like none of that, none of that counted. But okay. I mean, he scored a goal so good. He did really well, I guess.

[Markiplier]

But soccer bringing Us all together, as we can tell.

[Bob]

I mean, maybe, maybe I'm underestimated. Most sports fans probably fall in that camp. Is there anyone subreddit answer my questions today. Is there anyone out there who watches sports and is like, oh, that was a great dive. He really earned that penalty for the team. I'm glad this is part of the sport I enjoy. I feel like every sports fan is like, like just fucking, just play, just stand, just don't fall down. Just keep playing. Come on, guys. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm crazy, but another bad.

[Markiplier]

Okay. PlayStation announced they were doing away with physical game copies in like two years. Physical game copies. I still, like, I still have like two boxes of DVDs in the other room. I never watch them, but I'm glad I own them. And I feel like console players especially, like one of the things about console is you got a disc or a cartridge or something and I don't know, there's something fun about this that I get. They take up space. But also like, if you ever want to put game it now the. There's a whole thing to be said about like, you must connect to online services or else you can't play game. That's annoying. But at least owning a physical game, I don't know, feels good giving taking away that choice and knowing that a lot of companies are like, hey, by the way, all those games you owned on PS3, well, PS3 service is gone, so where's your game library? That's man. And the whole like, do you actually own something? Something if it can just be snapped away?

[Bob]

You do not.

[Wade]

You do not know.

[Bob]

It depends in what sense you want to talk about it. Because yeah, legally you do own a thing. What you own is the right to a license as long as they permit it. That's just not a valuable thing. And you pay the same amount for that. At least when it was an option. You pay the same amount of that for that as you did when you bought a physical disk that you physically had in your possession that you, you still didn't really own. Because they could probably remotely disable your ability to play their game if you had a disc on the modern consoles. But at least you own something that has like, shit, it's physical matter.

[Wade]

But I guarantee the PlayStation Move is. It's one of those two steps forward, one step back thing or one step forward, two steps back. Whatever way you want to look at it, where they say we're going to discontinue all discs and then the outrage builds up and they're going to like, okay, all right, well, it's expensive, so we're gonna charge more for discs. And boom, suddenly it's commonplace. Because of course they want more money. And of course there's gonna be collector's editions and of course it's gonna be an option because if people, they know, they know they're not stupid. They're not that stupid. They're stupid sometimes a lot of these companies are stupid, but they're not that stupid because they know that human psychology is like, you just have to show them something outrageous that they'll definitely reject and then pull it back, quote unquote. But you've moved the goalpost. And now instead of it just being about like, oh yeah, no, there's no disc. Is like, okay, well, at least we have some disc. I'd be willing to pay however many dollars more for the disc edition. And it's just like, it's just, it's a bunch of bullshit. It, it actually is.

[Markiplier]

And EA is doing something similar with microtransactions in the mad Madden 20 or NCAA football. I think it was Madden Madden 27 there. There's like a. So you can play like their card collecting edition where you go and you buy online packs and you get cards for their ultimate team. And that was always like, you could spend real money to do, but then they've had like online on Offline, Dynasty and then Road to Glory where you make like a single player and you only play as that player on the thing. In 27 they added micro transactions for those where you can speed up progress or you can make it to where you earn more experience. Experience features that were actually just deep by default in the game last year and years prior.

[Bob]

Yeah, Weren't those just settings previously? In large part now?

[Markiplier]

Now you can slow it down or make it normal, but in order to speed it up, you have to pay for their micro transactions. So a lot of the, the football content creators have like United and they're all like making videos about how they're protesting. They won't work with EA directly anymore. They're refusing sponsorships and stuff because they're pissed off about that because they feel like they were misled. And then apparently EA let out a statement like, hey, we're rolling this back. We're going to take it out of the game. Game. And then I think, I think that that was also apparently a mislead where they were like, well, we're going to change it. But it's still, there's still going to be some transactions. The whole thing seems like a fucking nightmare. But it's another one of those things, like Mark was saying with the we're going to make it outrageous, and then whenever we actually get to what we really want, you guys are going to accept it. Because it feels like a good compromise

[Wade]

until we get to the point where people can push a button and materialize whatever they want, like Star Trek, you know, I don't think we're ever going to get away from corporate greed.

[Bob]

It turns out it's really hard to make infinitely increasing profits without somebody really getting fucked. It also turns out that the ones who are responsible for making the infinitely increasing profits get to choose who that is. Almost like there's a flaw inherent to that setup.

[Wade]

Just wait till they. They discover this concept where money isn't actually a real thing. Value is inherent to, like, how much it's worth. And it only works when it circulates. So all these goddamn gold hoarding dragons are actually hurting everything by. By not having the money flow back into the F. The only way it works, the Three Stooges things, was, you owe me 10, there's 10, and you owe me 10.

[Bob]

10.

[Wade]

That's how it works. That's the actual fundamental value of how it works. Everyone made money. Everyone paid everyone back.

[Bob]

Everyone.

[Wade]

That. That is how the system works. But if there's just a money trap occurring at the bottom of it, it doesn't fucking work. The system will break.

[Markiplier]

It's getting a little rickety. Let's move to a couple quick positives in. All right, up. Have you guys heard of spagomi?

[Bob]

Nope.

[Wade]

This better be a Chef Boyardee new invention or I'm out of here. I want to eat spagomi so bad. I already have it in my head.

[Markiplier]

Apparently there was. I don't remember where this took place at. The city was called Loughborough. L o u g H B O R O u g H oh my God.

[Wade]

Wait, no, hold on. Wait, pause. I've got the visual. Please don't ruin this for me. It's like little raviolis, but they look like cannolis with little sausage inside and a little roll and it's a can full of them. Just like Chef Boyardee Spagomis.

[Markiplier]

I'm gonna ruin this for you in just a moment.

[Bob]

Oh, no, no, no, dude. I can't wait for the Super Mario Spagomis to come out.

[Markiplier]

There was a competition for different groups in Loughborough. I think it's pronounced Loughborough, to collect litter. So I think Gomi. I'm not sure. What language? But Gomi is like litter and Espo is sport. So it's sport litter. So different groups went around like collecting litter in this town and whoever collected the most won. And that was like the competition. And I think the winning team collected like 28kg of litter. Litter. But overall, in one afternoon, 281kg of litter were just cleared from this place. I don't know what the prizes and stuff were, but apparently, like, it was good. It was enjoyable. It was really good for the environment and stuff. And so that might be like a thing that's spreading around is these like Spagomi competition type thing.

[Bob]

But like I'm saying that this is Japanese. The, the word, the word for trash in Japanese is Gomi and SPO is like sport.

[Markiplier]

I'm not sure where Loft burrow is. I don't think that's in Japan. Loughborough sounds more like.

[Bob]

Well, what I'm seeing is that this has been taking off and they have a Spagomi World cup held in Japan that has qualifying teams from around the world.

[Markiplier]

So yeah, I saw the one in Loughborough and that's, that's where I came up with it. But I did see that it was like apparently becoming more popular and kind of going global. I didn't see their exact origin, but that's the one I heard about. I thought that was a positive. 20, 26 people getting rid of more litter seems like a good thing.

[Bob]

Yeah, well, as long as this isn't a thing where it's like, okay, we put out litter so that it's a fair playing field. So we, we covered this whole area in willy spread out. Completely fair.

[Markiplier]

This is not a Mr. Beast video. I hope. I dropped 10 tons of litter. Now watch as 500 contestants compete for $10 million to clean it up.

[Bob]

We bought 50 sea turtles and a hundred tons of plastics. Last sea Turtle standing wins $3 million and this Ford Fiesta.

[Markiplier]

Like the turkey part gardening, but Mr. Beast sea turtle event. Allegedly. Let's bet he doesn't exist. I hope we're not giving him an idea.

[Wade]

Oh, yeah, he watches this podcast for sure.

[Markiplier]

Where's inspiration? Another one. I think this was this year. Artemis 2 was this year, right? Going like further than humans had ever gone in space.

[Bob]

It was. I'm not an expert, but I believe the whole. Once, once they were done with their launch and corrections, I believe they had no, no thrust input. It was a fully gravity maneuver to get all the around the moon and back, which is pretty sick. I'm sure that any rocket scientist Is like. It's not that sick. It's pretty easy, actually. It's just calculations, but it's very cool.

[Markiplier]

I know, Mark, you're not a big fan of the moon, but, like, overall, I think you like space.

[Bob]

Maybe they flicked it off when they went by.

[Markiplier]

I love the moon.

[Bob]

Guys, wait. We jump timelines.

[Markiplier]

Wait.

[Bob]

It's all different here. Wait.

[Wade]

No, I've always liked the moon. No, no, no, no, no. I've always liked the moon. And I like. I like. I like not having ownership of the. The moon, but no one should own the moon. No one owns the moon.

[Bob]

No one owns the moon.

[Markiplier]

I can't do that. I'll break my audio setup. I. I'd pound with you, but I can't.

[Bob]

I'm sorry. I. I have a strict no chanting rule. Just in general.

[Wade]

I. There's, like, the fifth chant. No one's joined me on the chant. Oh, one owns the moon.

[Bob]

Fifth chant today.

[Wade]

I just did a row, you know, for any. All right, here we go. I'll count it down, guys.

[Markiplier]

Three, two, one.

[Bob]

No, no, no. Is that what you wanted?

[Markiplier]

I had a bit more here, but we are getting a little low on time because we do have a thing we got to do. So I'm going to wrap there. I'll do points, and we'll do the wheels. I got through some of my topics. That was good. I had a topic for today. I had a topic. Sure, sure. Yeah. You guys think Wade just knows pagomi? I didn't know spagomi. I had to look up spagomi.

[Bob]

I am kind of with Mark. I'm a little disappointed. It's not a thing I could eat

[Markiplier]

as of right now. Mark, you lost the point for being mean about me getting a sponsor. You got a point for we all GoPro. You got a point for breathing water reflex. I found that funny. You got a point for us turning into Paul's. We're all Paul's, apparently. The Jake, Paul Logan, Paul thing. Oh, privacy gone. Scalpers. Two point. Bob said you were right at one point, but multiple times. Bob said you were right, so you got a point for that.

[Bob]

He was very right today.

[Markiplier]

You like the moon point and the moon chant point. You got 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 points, minus 1. So you got 7 points right now. Bob, you got a point for your foot being bad. Oh. You got three hospital pity points.

[Bob]

All right, you're gonna.

[Markiplier]

That might. That's gonna. I forgot that there were three points right there. You got a point for being my Pokemon boy. Because you're also collecting like me. That made me happy. I don't. I don't get to relate with you guys very often with the different hobbies we have. So it's exciting that I got one. I got one. A little guppy. I got one.

[Wade]

You don't even like Ryobi Days. I feel like you were also appreciat Ryobi Days.

[Bob]

Ryobi days is what's up. I love Ryobi Days.

[Markiplier]

I enjoyed your guys love of Ryobi Days. I've never bought a Ryobi Days thing.

[Bob]

Oh, are you. Wait, wait, wait. Are you invested in a battery system as far as power tools go? Or are you. Are you still on the market? Are you still like a free agent kind of thing?

[Markiplier]

Are you asking me?

[Bob]

Yes. I know Mark has.

[Markiplier]

I have like a screwdriver and a hammer.

[Wade]

Okay, so you're open.

[Markiplier]

You're open.

[Bob]

So he. You. So you need to get Ryobi then You need to be a one plus boy.

[Wade]

It is still Ryobi. Ryobi days right now. You still can get Ryobi days.

[Markiplier]

There aren't many days where I find that I need a power tool.

[Bob]

The more power tools you have, the more times you'll find that you need them. I guarantee it.

[Markiplier]

I gotta replace a couple lights, I guess, like, but do I need a tool for that?

[Bob]

Yeah. Why do it by hand even if you're not gonna use it? Just bring it and set it next to you and it'll make everything go a little more smoothly.

[Markiplier]

You got a point for too much ass Concert game. No, because the scalpers you got the companies use data for. Good point. Sports flopping. Bad point. Talking about how we own temporary licenses and explaining how that worked versus us owning real games and actual copies. Point. And explaining the science behind Artemis point. So you got a total of 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. Plus two more for the hospital. Pity. So you have 10 points right now. So it's 10 to 7.

[Wade]

All right, all right. Come on, Witness protection. Come on. Three witness protection points.

[Markiplier]

We need number. Number of wheel spins.

[Bob]

Today will be the day. It will give us one spin because of course it will. Oh, damn.

[Markiplier]

All right, two spins.

[Bob]

You got. You got two shots to find some magic. It's certainly not off the table. Wade, what are we adding?

[Markiplier]

This is going to be the Oprah Winfrey point. You have to write Oprah Winfrey. But this is the everybody gets a point. If you currently have a score, you get a point.

[Wade]

Interesting. But only if they have a Score

[Markiplier]

Only if you already have a score on here.

[Wade]

This way, everybody in the world doesn't get a point because that would. That would make spreadsheet very hard.

[Markiplier]

Yeah, if you're. If you're on the list, you get a point there.

[Bob]

Everyone who currently has any points gets a point.

[Markiplier]

So be careful. If we talk about, like, Hitler, don't accidentally give, like, Hitler negative points for sucking because this might give him a point. And then reverse golf rules and stuff.

[Wade]

It'd be like, yeah, a posthumous Hitler win would be crazy for this podcast.

[Bob]

That would. That would be shocking.

[Markiplier]

We would blow up on social media like, Hitler just wanted a podcast episode. You guys heard of distractions?

[Bob]

There's 117 things even maximized on my monitor.

[Markiplier]

It's hard to read these damn slices.

[Bob]

I have it on a huge monitor. I still can't really read it. Stuff

[Wade]

GoPro.

[Bob]

Why couldn't I think of things that I know? So many things Mark likes.

[Markiplier]

I was trying and I was like, wait, I'm not competing. I'm not. This is enough for me to compete for once. I. It took me a second to even

[Wade]

realize that I was so big.

[Markiplier]

And it was a quick.

[Bob]

I over committed and could not remember Chicken and dumplings. That's what I was trying to get out. And my brain was like, duh. Dumpling, pot, stickers, soup, dumplings.

[Wade]

My luck. I would have said something that first came to mind. It would have been something I don't like, but all right.

[Markiplier]

Thankfully you had time to think of something you like.

[Bob]

Well, as long as Mark doesn't get like more than two points, nothing bad can happen to me.

[Markiplier]

We'll find out.

[Bob]

Hey, Tom. Smallest. That would be me. Even with my messed up foot.

[Markiplier]

Bob, you win. Would you like to give us a winner speech?

[Bob]

Yeah, it feels. It feels like it's been a minute since I won, but because I know how many times I have won so far this season, I know that's really not true. It's just because we. We only do one a week now, so there's just more time in between, you know, so it's good. It's feels good to win. Always does. I do it a lot. I've been here before, so I'm act like I've been here before. Mark put up a good fight and I basically cheated by getting hospitalized and having an infection that threatened both my life and my foot. I'm not going to not take points for that.

[Markiplier]

So, you know, I think trips to the hospital do typically earn points.

[Bob]

So I lived.

[Markiplier]

Mark, you get the silver medal today.

[Wade]

I was really banking on that witness protection thing. I. They put all of my eggs in that basket. I set up this entire new area just so I could have that. You can even see the dolly still there. With things loaded on there that haven't even. I might as well just pack it all up. And I think I. It's best if I just announced my retirement from the podcast at this point.

[Markiplier]

In shame. How do you. How do you.

[Wade]

With prejudice.

[Bob]

Which way is disgracefully discharged?

[Wade]

Yeah, yeah, Disgracefully discharged.

[Markiplier]

All right, well, congrats on that. And I look forward to being gone, I guess. Can't wait. Yeah, okay, I get it. Be really awkward whenever there's one host and one competitor. I don't know how that's going to work, but, you know, as they say, the show must go on. But contractually, I'll have to see you next week because I think you're here for at least the next 10 lifetimes, according to our deal that we don't get paid for. Just our. Just our deal. Our group deal.

[Bob]

This is more like our deal with the devil type deal, not our, like, business deal. It's different.

[Markiplier]

All right, well, congrats again, Bob. Bobblehost next week where I'm sure something will happen. Probably that's the way these episodes work. In the meantime, go follow these guys. Market Markiplier Bob some said Boba player Bob at my skirm Minion 777 or Lord Minion 777.

[Bob]

I should have been Boba player. You're right.

[Markiplier]

Keep adding to the bounties, which all three of us are equally participating and working on, and we'll see you next time. Until then, podcast out.