World Record (Today)

Summary

Distractible Episode Summary: "World Record (Today)"

Date: October 27, 2025
Hosts: Mark Fischbach, Wade Barnes, Bob Muyskens (with frequent contributions from Tyler)

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Episode Overview

This episode of Distractible, titled "World Record (Today)", centers around the idea that everyone holds a world record in something—at least for a day. Inspired by a passing conversation, the hosts humorously reflect on unusual or dubious “records” they could plausibly have held for a single 24-hour period. The episode is filled with personal stories, comedic banter, and playful competition, as the hosts attempt to one-up each other with the most outlandish, relatable, or just plain sad “world records” imaginable.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Saddest Tech Mishap: Tyler’s GPU Meltdown

[05:33–13:03]

• Tyler shares a photo of his extremely expensive GPU, which was damaged during travel due to a packing oversight.
• After unpacking in a new location, he discovered it was no longer functional:
  • “I turned it on and none of the monitors turned on... I hear a crunch as I pull it out. Turn it over. I'm just like, oh, no.” (Tyler, 09:20)
• The card cost $8,500, a figure Tyler is almost too defeated to repeat.
  • “If I can't repair, it's $8,500. Was that card.” (Tyler, 10:13)
• Group reaction: General horror and sympathy, with Mark comically texting “hi” (mistakenly, but repeatedly) in response to the tragedy.
• Tyler hopes for a repair and is surprised his Intel integrated GPU performs nearly as well in a pinch, leading into a discussion about brand loyalty in tech spaces.

2. Mark’s Almost-Perfect Wedding Meal

[15:08–18:52]

• Mark recounts attending a wedding in Appalachia with beautiful scenery and great food—but he missed the opportunity for seconds because he misunderstood the protocol.
  • “I could have had seconds. It's almost as bad as losing a $10,000 graphics card. Not having seconds.” (Mark, 16:31)
• This “tragedy” sparks a comedic tallying of whose day was sadder: Tyler (with his ruined GPU) or Mark (with his food deprivation).
• Wade jokes about the relativity of suffering and how such minor mishaps can feel catastrophic in the moment.

3. “Everyday World Records” Concept

[21:16–23:58]

• Wade introduces Mandy’s idea: at any given moment, everyday actions—like “longest pee” or “highest jump”—must have a global record-holder.
• This sparks the main competition: what weird or obscure “records” might each host have held for a single day?

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4. Personal “World Record” Claims

Tyler: The Longest Continuous Pee

• “My god, I cannot stop pissing.... I was just like. I don't know what happened to me.... I could not fathom how long it was taking... it was over a minute.” (Tyler, 22:02–22:51)

Wade: Most Pizza Slices Consumed

• In high school, he ate 26 slices at a CiCi’s pizza buffet.
• “That seems like a lot. I don't think I could do that. A lot of pizza be a bad idea anyway.” (Wade, 25:18; Mark, 26:04)

Mark: Most Pinky Toe Stubs in 24 Hours

• Recalls stubbing his pinky toe four times (three left, one right) in under a day, beginning with a comedy-induced mishap.
• “I don't know what happened to me, but I stubbed my left pinky toe three times and my right pinky toe once.” (Mark, 28:07)

Tyler (Honorable Mention): Most Ball Hits in a Day

• Remembers getting hit in the groin multiple times in one day during basketball and other unrelated incidents.

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5. Secondary/Funny “Records” and Tangents

• Most Money Spent in a Mobile Game Day
  • Tyler confesses to spending $1,400 in a single day, leading to a reflection on addictive game mechanics.
    • “I felt so dirty afterwards... I deleted the game immediately after I realized.” (Tyler, 32:35)
• Mark: Longest Sleep in 24 Hours
  • Once slept 26 hours straight as a kid—“No medicine involved. I just went, laid down and passed out.” (Mark, 31:10)
• Wade: Driving Distance in a Single Day
  • Claiming possible record for farthest driven solo in a day during a cross-country move—though the group debates the challenge of such an endeavor.
• Spilling Liquid on Keyboards
  • Tyler likely holds the record for most spills during a single recording session, resulting in using progressively smaller or spare keyboards.
• Gaming Achievements
  • Tyler: Top-two global DPS for a specific boss in World of Warcraft.
  • Mark: Most Diablo 1 gold duped on PlayStation in a day.

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6. Reflections, Life Achievements, and Comedic Speculation

• The hosts ponder the humor of an afterlife “achievement board” displaying everyone’s odd one-day records.
  • “Imagine getting to the afterlife and... you get to join the wall of shit, which is the wall where they hang the picture of everyone who's taken the biggest shit on any given day.” (Wade, 45:15)
• They conclude that, no matter one’s circumstances, everyone leads in something at some point—even if it’s just a tie.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Losing the GPU:
  • Tyler: “If I can't repair, it's $8,500. Was that card.” [10:13]
  • Mark: “Can I like, Venmo you a hug?” [06:48]
• Wade’s Pizza Story:
  • “I ate 26 slices of Cici's pizza... and before that day I was skinny as a rail and I've looked like this ever since.” (Wade, 24:46)
• Tyler's Record Pee:
  • “It was over a minute of constant pee.” (Tyler, 22:51)
• Mark’s Toe Misadventures:
  • “I went pinky toe first into the door frame. And something happened after that slam where I just fucking forgot how to walk.” (Mark, 27:57)
• Existential Humor:
  • “Can you imagine... in the afterlife and there's like a podium... Wade, you did stub your toes the most that day. Whoever's behind me, you looked at the most porn that given day.” (Mark, 44:55)

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Points, Competition, and the Wheel

• As always, points were tallied for contributions and comedic effect throughout the episode.
• Final points for this episode:
  • Tyler’s Balls: 2
  • Mark: 7
  • Wade: 8
  • Winner: Wade (Host for next time)
• The chaotic “wheel” mechanic entailed random point assignments, comedic spins, and inside jokes (“he who is immortal wins a point,” “Tyler’s balls,” etc.).

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [05:33] – Tyler’s GPU disaster story and group reaction
• [10:13] – Price reveal of the damaged graphics card
• [15:08] – Mark’s wedding food near-miss story
• [21:16] – Concept of “everyday records” introduced
• [22:02] – Tyler’s “longest pee” record
• [24:44] – Wade’s pizza-eating record detailed
• [27:57] – Mark’s toe-stubbing tale
• [31:00] – Longest sleep anecdote
• [32:35] – Tyler’s mobile game spending confession
• [41:01] – WoW boss damage brag
• [44:55] – Afterlife “achievement board” speculation
• [45:15] – The “wall of shit” metaphor
• [47:55+] – Points/competition wrap-up, wheel spins, and episode close

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Tone and Banter

The episode is playful, irreverent, and steeped in the show’s signature blend of absurdity, dry wit, and friendly competition. Recurring gags such as Mark’s accidental “hi” texts, the wheel, and the tallying of points build a sense of running inside jokes and camaraderie.

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Listener Takeaways

• Everyone—literally—holds some kind of unique record, no matter how trivial.
• The episode is full of relatable and surreal life mishaps, delivered with comedic self-deprecation.
• Distractible reminds listeners not to take minor life disasters too seriously; sometimes missing a second plate of mashed potatoes can be as “crushing” as smashing an $8,500 GPU—at least when you spin it with good friends.

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Transcript

[Mark]

This episode is brought to you by Welch's Fusions, the newest drop from Welch's Fruit Snacks. We've got to warn you about the consequences of eating Welch's Fusions. It's like three dudes hanging out on a rooftop talking about the future.

[Tyler]

Three dudes hanging out on a rooftop installing solar panels to provide a sustainable future.

[Wade]

Three dudes on a roof installing solar panels so that they can power their computers and record their brilliant idea for a podcast. Brilliant.

[Tyler]

Pretty awesome consequences if you ask me. New Welch's Fusions are so good. Each one is a combination of two fruity flavors in one juicy bite. One flavor on the outside, another on the inside.

[Mark]

It's an unbelievable taste sensation. So they are recommended for experienced taste buds only. You've been warned. New Welch's Fusions please use responsibly.

[Tyler]

This episode is brought to you by NOS Energy NOS Energy exists to boost your horsepower, so it depends on what kind of boost you need. Are you prepping for an exam? Are you. Are you prepping for a job interview? Or are you prepping to wake up in the morning? You a prepper?

[Wade]

Oh, I'm a big prepper.

[Mark]

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[Tyler]

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[Wade]

S.Com this episode is brought to you.

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[Wade]

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[Mark]

This episode is presented to you by Battlefield 6. Rip through the Skies in an aerial dogfight Demolish your environment for strategic advantage.

[Wade]

Harness complete control over every action and movement. Every aspect of Battlefield's core gameplay has been honed to feel more fluid, responsive and immersive than ever before.

[Tyler]

And with more maps, modes and ways to rally your squad. Battlefield 6 is the ultimate all out warfare experience, available now on PlayStation 5, Xbox Series X and S and PC.

[Podcast Intro Voice]

Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractable. This episode Breasty Bob, Mother to all and Pizza Plunderer Catalogues the gents Guinness Book Entry Trees Magisterial Mark has a crushing catastrophe. Admits ire for intel has extended expulsions and wows on wow. Wedding watcher Wade has Hobbit horror wipes out wings, Pulverises, pinkies and rizzes. Raid from a defined structure to Tyler's balls. Yes, it's time for world record today. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

[Wade]

Hello and welcome back to another exciting episode of Distractable, the coolest podcast that's ever lived. That's right. Distractable is not just a show that you watch or listen to. It is a living, breathing creature. That's why we have to be here. We have to nurture it. We're the caretakers. We feed it of our breasts and we make sure that it gets all the love and support that it needs in this world. I'm your host slash earth mother, Bob. I'm joined today by my co hosts slash competitors, Mark and Wade. Why are you making a face like that? That's the same intro I always do.

[Tyler]

I'm smiling, I'm doing a soft smile.

[Wade]

Oh, good.

[Mark]

I have a terrible memory, so I don't remember that ever being your intro before, but I believe you.

[Wade]

Every single time. I've always done it the same. It's very carefully structured. If you've never seen the show before, all of that stuff I just said is true. Also, there's gonna be points. And whoever gets the most points and or least points, depending on what happens at the end of the episode, host the next one because they shall be declared the winner. And that's it. It's like that one show with that other fat guy who wears glasses. Everything's made up and the points don't matter.

[Tyler]

There's another one.

[Wade]

It was on tv, something about big fan of Cleveland.

[Mark]

Oh, the French one. Le distracted.

[Wade]

Whatever. How you guys doing? Got any small talk?

[Tyler]

Yeah, but are you going to let me talk about it?

[Wade]

Have I not been letting you talk? Was I domineering you? Remember, remember? Listen, you have to tell me If I'm talking too much. Okay, don't, don't. Just let me st. Don't let me stamp all over you. I'm trying to create a Welsh space here. Shut up. What's up, buddy?

[Tyler]

Oh, the saddest. The sadness is abound. Had a devastating, devastating, devastating blow to my happiness.

[Mark]

That's great.

[Tyler]

Opposite.

[Mark]

That's not great.

[Tyler]

It's one of these. I'm going to text you guys a picture, but beware. It might be the saddest picture you've ever seen in your guys life. I'll get to the address after too, but prepare yourselves.

[Mark]

Is it a picture of the battery dying in my switch to while I'm playing Pokemon?

[Tyler]

Worse.

[Mark]

Oh. Oh, that is very sad.

[Wade]

Oh, Lord.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Wade]

What happened?

[Mark]

Listeners and watchers who were not showing the picture to. What we're looking at is electronics, but broke. Wait.

[Wade]

You could see the asset is cracked, but what happened to the. Would you try and install it with a sledgehammer?

[Tyler]

I. I don't know why I didn't think that this would happen. You know, I told you guys about this GPU that I bought, this really expensive one that was like, oh, but it's so powerful and good.

[Wade]

No, that's not that, is it?

[Tyler]

I told you this was the saddest story.

[Wade]

Oh, man. Oh, man.

[Mark]

Can I like Venmo you a hug?

[Wade]

Wait, wait, wait. Did you do it or did someone else do it?

[Tyler]

Though it's halfway in between. But I should have. It's. The responsibility's on my shoulders because I brought it with me to my undisclosed location. So I took my whole computer, packed it up, put foam in there and everything. I had it sealed up in a pelican case. I was like, okay, if there's ever a place for this to be safe and it's going to be here, right? I packed it in a way and I didn't even think about it. Where the computer would be. Like, if the front of the computer's here, I set in sideways and the back of the computer's here where the GPU sits, where when you lift the thing, it's hanging this way. So I just think of every time I picked up my pelican case and dropped it on the ground, the GPU went that way, in that direction. That's why there's a split right there is. Because it was just on the PCI Express launches. So I. I can't even really blame tsa. Not all the. All the foam in the world couldn't have stopped the tiny amount of movement that it had.

[Mark]

Which is like.

[Tyler]

It barely moved a few millimeters, but that was enough over time. Over a whole travel to another state to crack that.

[Wade]

No. That sucks.

[Tyler]

However, there is a possibility that it could be repaired. It's just the PCI Express slot, and that's bad. But that is a standard part. It's part of the board, so I think they would still have to get a whole new donor board for that card. But it's possible for it to get to be repaired, I'm hoping.

[Mark]

Oh, yeah, that looks fixable.

[Wade]

It's worth it, I'm sure, to get it repaired versus buying a new one, so. Fuck.

[Tyler]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Mark]

I didn't mean to text Hi. My phone just did that.

[Tyler]

You texted hi?

[Mark]

My phone just said hi, but it did.

[Tyler]

This is how little my friend cares. Jesus Christ.

[Wade]

I'm gonna send you the saddest picture of my eye.

[Tyler]

It's just like. It's not even like a. Oh, man. It's just. That is so dismissive of that. I appreciate it.

[Wade]

Oh, so you probably made it all the way. Like, you were bringing that with you to, like, a specific place. You made it all the way into where you're going to get your computer back out, and you were like, here we go. Set it up. Did you, like, turn it on and then something? Or did you. When you opened your Pelican, were you like, wait, what the.

[Tyler]

I had no idea until I turned it on. Because I turned it on and none of the monitors turned on, and I was like, oh, what's going on? The whole thing's lighting up. Everything else is working. And I open it up. I'm like, don't look weird. And then I unscrew the graphics cards, like, maybe something happened there. I hear a crunch as I pull it out. Turn it over. I'm just like, oh, no.

[Mark]

Hi.

[Wade]

Hi. Maybe it was a supportive high. It really depends on the intonation of it, you know?

[Mark]

Yeah, you really got to get the tone. Like Heath Ledger's joker waving a Harvey did. Hi.

[Tyler]

Oh, man. Yeah. Say hi to pay your respects. The new one.

[Wade]

Oh, my God.

[Tyler]

Yeah. So to remind everyone at home, that card cost me. I don't want to say.

[Mark]

I mean, it's already out there. It's gonna.

[Wade]

I know.

[Tyler]

I just don't want to say it again, because if I can't repair, it's $8,500. Was that card.

[Mark]

That card is more expensive than the most expensive tower I've ever built entirely.

[Tyler]

Yeah.

[Wade]

Hi.

[Tyler]

I heard words from. From the guy at the post house. I'M now, he used to have a travel case for his DIT setup, which is like they ingest the footage offset. It's not the guy you've met, it's another guy. And he had these two cards that were specifically for red footage and a few others that are like, for very specific ingesting. TSA for some reason, opened up his case, ripped those cards open like the COVID off, and looking inside, I. I don't know.

[Mark]

Hi.

[Wade]

That's just a murder. That's not an accident. That's terrible.

[Tyler]

Yeah. I don't remember what the price of those were back in the day, but it was not cheap.

[Wade]

So, yeah, that's more like, hi. And Marx is more like, hi.

[Tyler]

I see it on a website and this is probably what it used to be. Or this is probably the more recent price, but not what it used to be. 6750. $6750 for a new one of those now, which they don't even. You don't even need it anymore.

[Wade]

And he had two of them, and I'm sure they were substantially more. Maybe not substantially, but they were more some. Is it hampering your. What you were going to do, or are you just, like, using another computer or something and just sad about it?

[Tyler]

Weirdly enough, I was able to get everything I needed to do for now done with the integrated gpu, which is another thing where I'm like, everyone's sleeping on these intel processors, this latest generation, because it got like a few frames less in gaming. They're fucking productivity beast, these things. I was using the integrated GPU and I was able to scrub, at least scrub my timeline. It's not like my MacBook where, you know, I can actually edit the movie purely on. On that. But it was. It was keeping up just fine. I was able to go through what I needed, render out footage, export files. I forgot the intel has, like, these features. Probably all the intel haters out there are just like. But I'm. Dude, don't. Don't be. Don't be stuck on one manufacturer. Hey, good. A good card's a good card. This. This is a good card. So, yeah, it saved by ass. Yeah, it really did.

[Wade]

I have always thought that was silly that people pick teams like the brand of whoever, whatever large company makes your processor, your GPU is like, use the best, most cost efficient one. Who gives a shit? Yeah, it has gone back and forth. One has dominated, the other has dominated, like, whatever. If it's good, it's good.

[Mark]

How wonderful is that?

[Tyler]

Can we actually Talk about how much the hate was during that ad campaign.

[Wade]

And that's the only thing the subreddit talked about for two weeks.

[Tyler]

It was like they played one thing and it replaced the points on it. People were very mad.

[Mark]

Am I weird for liking it? Like, I liked the noise.

[Wade]

I think you just like it because it pissed people off. Like, you're.

[Mark]

I didn't like it at the time.

[Wade]

You're exactly that, dude. Yeah, but that's you.

[Tyler]

It is kind of you.

[Wade]

I know that part of you is like, oh, everyone hates that. God, I love that.

[Mark]

I didn't know they hated it whenever I first liked it. But also the fact they hated it, I kind of like that's. That's true. But separate.

[Wade]

I don't get that either. For anyone who's lacking context. We did a sponsored thing and it, like Mark said, they were. We. There was a line that we said in like every episode for a month or something, and because it was like a segment basically, and. And they replaced the point sound, which I don't even know if we still do point sounds very consistently because we don't really say, like, that's a point. It's like a secret.

[Tyler]

That's true.

[Wade]

You guys already have points. I haven't said shit. That way I can make it up and make whoever win that I want anyway. I don't know why it was so hated, but that was wild. What time to be alive. Was that like the record 23.

[Tyler]

Oh, yeah. It was like two years ago, maybe. For the record, there's many things about intel that I have big gripes about. How can intel literally make Thunderbolt and it doesn't fucking work on Windows platforms where their chips are. I don't get that. Look, I got it to work after reinstalling the drivers 10,000 times on one computer. But on the Dell computer that I got with like, the intel workstation card, they have an add in Thunderbolt.

[Mark]

Doesn't fucking work.

[Tyler]

I can't get it to work at all. Nothing I ins. I like. I'll install the driver, get something to plug in, work, I'll reboot it. Once gone, drivers just annihilated themselves. So I don't know, they got some work to do there.

[Wade]

But that's some very early 2000s computer shit. I remember when every. Every computer was just like that, where it's like, every time you turn it off, turn it back on, it's like, what thing is just fucking blown out of existence now? How many. How many times am I gonna have to reinstall Audio drivers before I hear my computer make a sound again. I love 2008.

[Mark]

On a related note, this past weekend, I went down to Appalachia, like the Appalachian Mountains in Kentucky, near Red River Gorge. And it was beautiful. Beautiful wedding, perfect weather, beautiful ceremony. Drive down was really, really pretty. It was like, we got down there kind of like, close to sunset. It was really pretty in the mountains going through at that time. Ceremony went off without a hitch. We all gathered up for, like, the reception, and then it was time for dinner. And dinner, delicious, perfect. But I didn't quite get enough to fill me up. It seemed like they were running low on some of, like, they had the salmon and they had, like, a pasta, which I always thought was bold to have, like, fish at a wedding. I love fish, but a lot of people don't. So, like, whenever we did our wedding, I was like, I don't know if we'll serve fish because, you know, so many people are kind of picky about it. They had salmon, and it was so good. But I was. I finished up. I was like, man, I could go for a little bit more food. But, you know, it is what it is. I guess, like an hour or two later, we're, like, wrapping up, getting ready, because we had to drive all the way back to Cincinnati. It was like a two and a half, three hour drive. We're getting ready to leave, and Molly's like, I'm surprised you get another plate of food. And I was like, what do you mean? They never called for seconds or anything. She's like, oh, no. But they were like, it was there. You could have gotten so much more food. And it was some of the best food. I don't know. I guess maybe just driving, having, like, fast food for lunch and driving all that way, it hit so well. It was like Southern cooking or whatever. I could have had seconds. It's almost as bad as losing a $10,000 graphics card. Not having seconds.

[Wade]

I thought that was going to, like, the fish was going to make you sick.

[Tyler]

No, it was perfect for the big reveal.

[Wade]

Mark destroyed an invaluable piece of technology through accidental whoopsie doos. And Wade didn't eat more food at his fancy wedding party.

[Tyler]

It was the worst wedding ever. They did not hand feed me secondsies.

[Mark]

I would have been nice.

[Tyler]

Believe this. They were busy, all dancing and stuff, and I was there, hungry.

[Mark]

Normally, whenever you guys have, like, something great or terrible, I can't really relate. But this time, I really feel like we were on par.

[Tyler]

Yeah, we're on the same High. Hi, my friend. Hi.

[Wade]

Yeah. Honestly, if we were having a competition of whose story is sadder, I'm leaning just ever so slightly towards Wade. I think it's very close.

[Tyler]

It's understandable.

[Mark]

I get it would have been perfect. Everything was so perfect and lovely. The drives went smoothly. Great.

[Tyler]

The guy that left a fourth star at that wedding, it was so beautiful, so happy for them.

[Wade]

But I don't even know how you showed up for this recording session. I would be curled up in bed.

[Mark]

Those, man, those mashed. It was like a red skin mashed potato. Just a little bit more of that in the corn and green beans would have just kissed, really.

[Wade]

They probably just threw it away. They probably had so much. They were like, feed the possums or whatever animals they have in Appalachia.

[Mark]

It was probably at least like $30 worth of food. Imagine wasting or losing $30 worth of something.

[Wade]

It was someone else's $30. You didn't even get the $30? No.

[Tyler]

Did. Did Molly get seconds?

[Mark]

I didn't ask, but oh, my God, if she did and hadn't shared in.

[Wade]

That moment, man, I hope she did. I just know you guys were sitting there eating your first plate, and she leaned over and was like, hey, I'm gonna get one more thing. Do you want anything? And you were just like, oh, my God, I'm weeping from the deliciousness of this food. Don't talk to me, woman. And she was like, all right, I'm gonna. I was just gonna.

[Mark]

Okay.

[Wade]

And she went and got another plate. And you didn't even notice?

[Mark]

No, no. She got up for a drink, right? It was a drink.

[Wade]

Uh huh. You get drinks and plates in the city. You got two hands. She has two hands, right?

[Mark]

Last time I checked. I guess I've not seen her in the last few hours. Things could have changed, man.

[Wade]

I have never been so down in the dumps in my entire life. Both of you, strong stuff. How could we recover crazy, crazy happenings? This episode is brought to you by Panda Express. If someone wanted to tell me that they love me, all they would need to do is get me some honey walnut shrimp from Panda Express. The message would not be lost in translation. In fact, I might even rather have honey walnut shrimp than words from an actual human mouth hole. If you're trying to get a message to me, honey walnut shrimp, however you want to say it, say it with delicious, authentically cooked American Chinese cuisine from Panda Express. Have you eaten yet? Order now or visit a Panda Express near you. This episode is brought to you by.

[Mark]

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[Tyler]

Petivity is reimagining pet care to help you better understand what's going on with your pets, with smart devices and at home health tests that proactively monitor their health.

[Wade]

Visit petivity.com this fall for a site wide sale on all smart devices and at home health tests.

[Mark]

This episode is brought to you by Uber. You know that feeling when someone shows up for you when you need it most? Yeah, we all need that sometimes. And Uber knows that. Uber isn't just a ride or a meal delivered. It's showing up no matter what.

[Tyler]

I think that might be them knocking on the door. And because they're, you know, Uber's really good about getting them right to where you are. It's either them or the FBI. I'm not 100% sure.

[Wade]

Yep.

[Mark]

When it really matters, whatever it is, you show up where there's a will. We're on our way. Uber on our way. Download the app today.

[Wade]

Well, perhaps my planned episode competition battle royale for today's thing will bring us all back to the joyous happy times or. Man, fucking something. I'm so sad, I can't even talk anymore.

[Tyler]

Am I crazy or is there a shadow appearing on the bed behind me? Is there somebody moving?

[Wade]

Did you see that?

[Tyler]

Right about here. There. Did you see that?

[Wade]

Or is that. I am seeing that.

[Tyler]

Is someone over there?

[Wade]

I think that's like, artifacting.

[Tyler]

God, I hope so, because I am looking at a wall and I'm like, I don't know where the shadows are coming from.

[Wade]

Mark an inch away from the wall. Like, hey, guys. Anyway, guys, if you change the time frame enough, we've all been the best in the entire world at something. And specifically Mandy had this thought and I wanted to talk about this. Every day, there is someone who jumped the highest in the world, ran the fastest in the world, whatever, took the biggest shit. Like every day, every 24 hour period, there is like one person who is the best at any given thing. Right?

[Tyler]

Somebody did take the biggest shit. That's crazy.

[Wade]

I want to talk about things that we think we might hold the single day record for.

[Tyler]

I got it.

[Wade]

And I have. Oh, Mark's ready. All right.

[Tyler]

Peeing, pissing. My God, I cannot stop pissing. I. I swear to God. Because I've been drinking a gallon and a half a day. I don't need to drink that much. Been doing it. Can't stop pissing. My body has not adapted. There is no adaptation happening. I'm thirstier ever because I think my body is shunting it all out of me. And people say that's what you're supposed to do. But I swear one of those times I was. I was. I was just like. I don't know what happened to me. I just could not get in a scenario where I could get to a bathroom like on a convenient time. And then I got a bathroom and it longest pissed my entire life. Unbelievably long. Over a minute. Over a minute.

[Wade]

That's too long. It was too long over just a minute of constant pee.

[Mark]

That's Austin Powers level, dude.

[Tyler]

I could not fathom how long it was taking. And you know how I know it was a minute? Because I've been. I've been wearing my watch and I'm able to look at the seconds pass by. I knew exactly. I didn't know exactly, but I knew it was over a minute because I only started checking my watch after it's been going on for so long.

[Mark]

Are we talking like full blast? You like trickling for a minute?

[Wade]

I needed to change pants after this.

[Tyler]

You know when a dam opens up and it's just the sluice gate going. That's usually me. And that was me then too. But you know, still long time.

[Wade]

Were you like in unbelievable agony before this or was it just.

[Tyler]

That's the thing. It was like. I kind of just realized after a while, like, oh man, I really gotta go. Had to go. So I think that day I hit the longest piss.

[Wade]

That's very possible. I'm gonna say you did. Unless anyone can prove it without us giving them the date or the exact length of your piss. I'm gonna say that you hold that record on that day. Longest consecutive. Consecutive concurrent. Longest non stop piss continuous. Continuous. That's a good word. Longest continuous piss.

[Tyler]

It was before I came out here. So it was like three days ago or something.

[Wade]

I was going to give you guys like a second to think because I think I have one. And I honestly think it's verging on impressive outside. The scale of 24 hours, like this might be a 36 to 48 hour record. I was in high school and I was in marching band. And there was a tradition that the tuba section would go and eat some nasty food to see if we could make someone throw up during the halftime show. And the band directors did not think it was very funny. But the tuba section did think it was very funny. And we went to a Cici's pizza, which is honestly not Nasty food. But like you can eat a lot of pizza. It's a. It's a pizza buffet. All you can eat pizza buffet. Very American. And I ate 26 slices of Cici's pizza.

[Mark]

Oh my God.

[Wade]

In one session. I'm not gonna say it was fast because we were there for a while, but I just actually ate 26 slices of pizza. And before that day I was skinny as a rail and I've looked like this ever since. But I swear to God, I hold the record for the most pizza eaten on that one day. Like I have to, right? Unless there was some pizza eating contest, which that happens. But it's not like every day there's a pizza eating contest.

[Mark]

Okay, 26 SL slices. How many pizzas is that?

[Wade]

They. I think CC's makes large eight slice pizzas or maybe medium eight slice P. I think they're eight slices. So that's a solid three and a half pizzas. There's a little, little more than three pizzas, not three and a half, but like. And it wasn't just like plain cheese or anything either. CC's often has like Mac and cheese pizza. Meat lovers ones that with like a lot like supreme with lots of veggies and loaded up and stuff. I just had whatever I wanted and I had all kinds. I probably. That's probably a record, right?

[Mark]

Yeah, I'm pretty sure I ate 37 chicken wings when watching a UC UK basketball game back in the day. I don't think 37 is probably anywhere close to a record. 26 slices of pizza might be.

[Wade]

It's not a bad number of wings.

[Mark]

Pizza does not sit well with me. So the thought of eating more than like four or five slices makes me feel actually ill.

[Wade]

I mean it's really heavy. It's very bready doughey. I honestly like I double checked because I start, I was telling that story once and I was like, wait, 20, 26 do I mean 1626 is. Sources confirmed, third parties have verified. Seems like a lot of people, like I could still eat, put away food pretty good. That seems like a lot. I don't think I could do that. A lot of pizza be a bad idea anyway. Wade, what were you gonna say?

[Mark]

So we have dick level record, mouth level record. I'm going to go all the way down to the feetses.

[Tyler]

Dick. Dick level record.

[Mark]

You had the piss record.

[Wade]

Oh, Mark's. Mark's record is dick level. Got it.

[Tyler]

I pee out of my belly button. Sir, please.

[Mark]

I had a 24 hour period. I'm pretty sure where I Stubbed my toes, I think four times. Three on the left and one on the right. My pinky toe specifically. And it all started whenever I was taunting Molly. She'd give me this like sound thing. I think for. I think it was her that gave me the sound thing for Christmas. And it had this like I pressed the button and go. And she was like playing a video game or doing something streaming. And I came. It was like I said some stupid joke, then played that and I went to run away like an asshole and went pinky toe first into the door frame. And something happened after that slam where I just fucking forgot how to walk. Because then like I in the same actual day hit that same toe again on a different spot. And then while trying to be careful with that, when I was going up a staircase and I don't know how going up a staircase I did this, but my right foot apparently was going up like this. And pinky toe right into the wooden top stair to get the other foot. And then I started like fucking cursing and spitting and hit the other one, trying to balance that one out. Going up the stairs again.

[Tyler]

What kind of bow legged ass, 45 degree walk you make it up the stairs?

[Mark]

I don't know what happened to me, but I stubbed my left pinky toe three times and my right pinky toe once. It was in the evening the first day in like the earlier part of the second day. So it was over two days. But it was one 24 hour span. Probably even like one 18 to 20 hour span. But it fucking hurts so bad. And my toes, especially on my left foot, I swear it took like three or four months before my toe felt normal again.

[Wade]

That does seem like a lot.

[Tyler]

That is a lot.

[Mark]

And it all stars. I decided to tell a dumb joke and play a sound effect and run away right into a door frame.

[Wade]

I mean that's what you get really.

[Tyler]

But yeah, but all the other ones, can you really blame it on that?

[Mark]

I think it was just that mental like, oh man, I better be careful how I'm doing the stairs. Or I was like overthinking it and then as soon as I stopped thinking about it, I better be careful. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know how it happened. Years ago, playing. We had a weird day with playing basketball where Tyler got hit in the balls. Like it had to have been seven times with a basketball in one day.

[Tyler]

Hilarious.

[Mark]

And that from my perspective was really funny. From his perspective, probably not so much. But I felt like my pinky toe might be karma from laughing at Tyler taking the basketball to the ball so many times literally in the same day.

[Wade]

Was any number of those. Someone like Tyler sitting on the ground, stretching, and someone walking up and just going right in the nuts.

[Tyler]

Just three in a row real quick.

[Mark]

I think if I probably misremembering, it was probably like three or four times with a basketball and then just three other weird things where I got hit in the balls that same day. But because I feel like one was at a movie theater and I don't think there was a basketball in the movie theater.

[Tyler]

Well, I guess we got to put Tyler on the scoreboard now.

[Mark]

Yeah, we gotta figure out how Tyler got hit in the balls so many times. But someone's got hit in the balls more than six or seven times in a day probably. But the pinky toe. The only thing. Pardon me. The only thing I can really think of that might be world record one day worthy.

[Wade]

If it makes you feel any better, I did think of one that we probably all. It's a tie, but we're all tied for first. Have you ever stayed awake for 24 straight hours? Because I know Marquez and I know that I have. Yeah, that's. There's a lot of people on that one, but that's a tied for first situation. So, like, that's just one on. You can rack it. You know, that's on the board.

[Mark]

I also slept for 24 hours once. I slept for 26 hours one time.

[Wade]

There's probably quite a lot of people, Quite a lot of people that have done that, but probably less, I would guess, have slept for 24 hours than have stayed awake. I don't know if I've done that.

[Tyler]

I don't think I've ever slept.

[Mark]

Yeah, I went to sleep at 7pm I was early teens, maybe not even a teen yet. I went to sleep at 7pm and I woke up and it was 9pm and I was. I felt so tired. I was like, oh, God, I've only been asleep for two hours. And I walked out and was like talking to my family and like, my mom's looking at me weird like, you hungry? You want anything? I was like, no, I'm good. Like, we just ate. And she's like, that was yesterday. And then like, I really thought she was like pulling a prank on me or fucking with me, but no. So I slept for like 26 hours.

[Wade]

That's pretty cool. I kind of like that. Like, well, I assume too. I assume you would be like, yeah, I had like the worst flu I've ever had. And so I just took like, took a double shot of nyquil and passed it. That's just.

[Mark]

There was no medicine involved. It was just. I just went laid down and passed out.

[Wade]

That's probably a pretty good one.

[Tyler]

I once had a phase, and this isn't the mobile game that I'm playing right now. I gotta, I gotta tell you, I quit that one because it was getting too much. But there was one time, many a year ago, not that many, but many a year ago, where I must have been in a 24 hour span, the guy that spent the most I had to.

[Wade]

Oh no.

[Tyler]

And I'm not proud of this one. I'm not. And I know that there are plenty of people that probably spent way too much in mobile games. Like this huge money thing. It was not a good mobile game worth spending money on, but it was one of those infinite clicker games that just. The numbers keep going up and they never stop going up. And I don't know if I was hypnotized or something. I was caught in this loop where I would, would drop a hundred bucks. I would be like, the numbers are going up. No, it's not over, man. It's not over.

[Wade]

I'll just talk.

[Tyler]

And then I'd be like. And then I'd hit that ceiling where you can't get any higher and just like. And I'm like, oh, come on. I was getting such a rush.

[Wade]

200 bucks. That must be the most I spent.

[Tyler]

$1,400.

[Wade]

Oof.

[Mark]

Oh no. There's people that spend more than that. Maybe not on that specific game, but.

[Tyler]

I know, but that. We're not looking for world records here.

[Wade]

We're just that day, on the right day. That definitely puts you like in the running.

[Tyler]

I felt so dirty afterwards that I. I spent all that money in the game and I deleted the game immediately after I realized.

[Mark]

I don't remember the exact number, but I'm pretty sure there was a Dokkan player who had spent, spent between 1 and $200,000 on Dokkan in a year.

[Tyler]

Oh, okay. That's a year divided by 365. Let's see if I've got him.

[Wade]

That's still a lot.

[Tyler]

Wait, how much was it? How much was it?

[Wade]

He said 1 to 200,000. It's kind of a big range for math.

[Tyler]

All right, but let's see. Even, even that, 365, that's only 410 a day. That's only. I got that beat.

[Mark]

Okay, maybe I got the Number. I don't know what it was. I think he said it. Someone said, at the very least there was a year where this dude spent 71,000 minimum. I don't know what the max would.

[Wade]

Have been, but that's baby shit. Mark's got that beat.

[Tyler]

I had that beat for that day. I had to have been.

[Mark]

I could tell you one game that I was addicted to. Raid Shadow Legends. No joke. I was super into playing it. That game, you could probably spend a hundred thousand a month if you bought everything and went crazy with it. Like, that game is very expensive and it's very hard to get the things you want. I can only imagine how deep the well can go on that one.

[Wade]

That's just making me feel a little bit better about my. I've never been mobile games, but I played a lot of CS Go and Valorant and some CS2, which are like tactical shooters that have gun skins. And boy, have I spent an embarrassing amount of money on gun skins for games that I kind of don't play anymore. But not like, probably. Oh, I'm probably into valorant for like 6 or $700 total, which maybe sounds like baby money, but I. I literally maybe spent 20 bucks ever on a mobile game. I'm. That doesn't get me. Other things get me. I spend plenty of money on stupid shit. You know how many phone cases I've.

[Mark]

Talked about owning the mobile games are? My. Like, I've had to get. I've told you guys, I've had to get away. I. I spend way too much money and time.

[Wade]

I get that. I get the appeal.

[Tyler]

I feel like maybe. Did I mention this already before? I might have actually talked about this exact thing last time because I believe I brought up the most recent game and I was like, I spended 50 bucks a day on that. And I quit that because I was like, it was getting ridiculous. Did I mention the other one you mentioned?

[Mark]

The one where you made your own clan and went ham.

[Tyler]

No, no. The only reason I'm worried is, like, I'm worried I. I got the number wrong. And I'm. I don't know what would be worse, if I was lower last time I mentioned it or higher.

[Wade]

Well, don't worry, Mark, because the subreddit will definitely correct you.

[Tyler]

They will, they will. I might have said something also where it was like, I'm not gonna say how much I spent, but.

[Mark]

No, you. You gave a number. I don't remember what it was. I don't know if it was hundreds or thousands. A thousand a day. Or something crazy. And you said because you were giving people diamonds or gems to join your clan or something to do their dailies.

[Tyler]

Oh, no, that was. That was the one. It was 50 bucks a day on the most recent one. And then I stopped. Yeah, so I had to stop that one.

[Mark]

That's not as bad. Bad. Not as bad.

[Wade]

Well, any other records you guys think you have? I think there's definitely some other ties.

[Tyler]

I have one, but I'll let Wade go first.

[Mark]

I tied for not owning a car for many days over a three year period.

[Tyler]

That's probably true.

[Wade]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

Well, I mean, you owned a car. It was just at the bottom of the ocean. Sure, sure. It's like that rock from that one island where it's currency and you can own it even if it's at the bottom of the ocean.

[Wade]

What do you think the longest, Longest, like, furthest driven in a single day is? Yeah, like, I want to throw my hat into that because I've driven. I drove when we moved from California back to Ohio. I drove that in three days. And there was definitely a day in there that was like a solid 14ish hours of driving with, like, no traffic, all highway, pretty, pretty fast, pretty far. But I don't actually know exactly. Like, is that. Do you think that's close or do you think that's not even close on that day?

[Tyler]

It's hard to say because truckers have limits.

[Wade]

Yeah, they can only go for like 11 hours or something. There's like a. There's like an amount of time.

[Mark]

It can't be more. Like, literally cannot be more than like a thousand to fifteen hundred miles or whatever in a day. Right. It can't be because, like, you want to stop.

[Wade]

Yeah. Like, you have to get gas or whatever. Like, if I could do math in my head, I would be doing so much math right now.

[Mark]

Like, if you're going 100 miles an hour for 24 hours, you'd be going, what, 2,400 miles?

[Tyler]

Oh, the math is hard on that one.

[Mark]

Well, that's why I'm picking a simple one.

[Wade]

But, like, I see. I see where you're getting at.

[Mark]

You cut it in half and you're like, at 1200. Okay, that's 50. So 50 miles an hour for 24 hours straight. This thing, you're not getting gas, you're not stopping. You're not taking piss breaks.

[Wade]

Like, and like, I do know that things like the Cannonball Run exist where guys get from, like, New York to whatever, somewhere, wherever on the west coast in like.

[Tyler]

But they're not doing that every day.

[Wade]

But yeah, I probably wasn't overtaken by one of them. I was probably, I, I bet it'd.

[Tyler]

Be up there because I mean most people probably tap out around like 8, 10 hours but there are some people that slug it. But on a certain day, who's gonna do that every day or have the perfect weather or have perfect no traffic?

[Wade]

You know, I like to think that it's possible just because I like the idea of having a car one because I'm kind of like car, I like cars.

[Mark]

I mean I can't see someone on any given day driving all 24 hours and going that much. Like it can't be that. You gotta stop for gas, you gotta piss, you gotta get food.

[Wade]

Anyway, did you guys have any other ones? Sorry, what was your number? Was my actual number. I didn't have a solid number. I mean I was going probably an average of, with stops and everything. Maybe an average of 50 miles an hour for say 14 hours of driving conservatively.

[Tyler]

No, I know I did a 900 and some odd stretch, but you know, 700 miles.

[Wade]

Oh, that's not as far as I would have thought. I was really hoping it'd be over a thousand, but.

[Tyler]

Well, Amy and I, we did on this recent one a 930 mile stretch to get back home and that was long day because we just wanted to get home. Anyway, I believe that there was a day that, and if not a day, a lifetime achievement for sure. But there was a day where it happened more than once and that had to have been pretty up there where I spilled liquid on my keyboard the most in a 24 hour period. And I think you guys remember that was a recording session where I spilled twice on my keyboard. I got a spare keyboard boosh on.

[Mark]

That one as well.

[Tyler]

I'm almost positive, unless I'm misremembering, I'm pretty sure.

[Mark]

Isn't that the one where you ended up with the world's smallest keyboard at the end?

[Wade]

Oh yeah. You're like a keyboard that you use on the TV or something. Weird.

[Mark]

Is that a drunk Minecraft episode?

[Tyler]

Yeah, yeah, I think so. I think Ori was over a couple episodes in that recording session. I can't remember. But even to this day I have that curse because like here where I'm at with tbd, I've spilled on a keyboard there. I've. Even outside of this on my laptop I've had a Red Bull can that somehow, you know, it's like, you know, people try with the bottle, flip it's a three quarter full can next to my keyboard. I tap it like this. I just brush my fingers across it. Does a perfect 180 like. Like open side down right onto my keyboard. And I hear it go glug, glug, glug.

[Mark]

I've only ever done it the one keyboard. I. I've learned that I have a flight, not a fight mechanic. Because every time I have problems with the keyboard, it's the S key that breaks. And it's because I'm running away so much backing up. Like if I played a horror game or something. I slam that runaway button. I've only spilled on my keyboard once. I don't have you on that one mark. You can have this. The spilt record.

[Tyler]

I appreciate that. I appreciate that.

[Mark]

I don't. I don't do enough. What else would I have had?

[Tyler]

There had to have been a day. World of Warcraft. This is an obscure thing, but on a certain fight during Wrath of the Lich King for elemental shamans, I was number one on Professor Putricide. Actually I was global. I was global number two. But that record had been set before me. So I was number two on the leaderboard there. So I had to been the best that day. I was the most damage on Professor Putricide as an elemental shaman that day. And probably for a while. Except that guy who did more than me the other time.

[Wade]

But we don't talk about that guy is perfecter. Putricide, the fight. That's the character that you were.

[Mark]

Yeah.

[Tyler]

That's the guy you're fighting. Yeah.

[Wade]

Okay. Got it.

[Tyler]

That was a tough one to do it. A lot of mobility. Not good for casters.

[Mark]

Years after Diablo 2 had already been out, I remember going back and playing Diablo 1 with a friend and we had to get fresh memory cards to save the game on. And there was a way you could do like a gold duplicating glitch. And I'll bet you on that particular day we duped the most Diablo 1 Gold on PlayStation.

[Tyler]

Hell yeah.

[Mark]

We got enough to fully like fill up four characters inventories with gold because each gold pile took a thing.

[Tyler]

Oh.

[Mark]

And that means like, you know, you take one little pile, you add it, dupe, add. Like we just kept doing that until we had so much gold that the whole ground was covered and our inventories were full. We probably have the record for most duped gold that not ever. But in that one day, probably.

[Wade]

You guys, I don't know if I have any gaming ones. I'm not. I'm not that good of a gamer.

[Mark]

That's so oddly specific. You probably do.

[Wade]

I don't know. I don't really know if I have any games that I was that into that there's such a specific thing about it. Possibly I have a pubg one. I think that's the game I have the most hours into. I have like 1200 hours or something in PUBG. There's. It's very possible that I have the most cars parked on roofs of buildings in a pubg round because that was kind of a hobby. I knew all the spots where you could get a nice. Get some air, get a good car up on the roof situation. That's maybe. I don't know. I just not. I'm not very superlative at video games. It was funny because I get really mad and try hardy and sweaty, but like I'm just not. I've never achieved much, you know.

[Tyler]

I probably went the most editing in a 24 hour period. I'm almost positive. And I know there's a lot of editors that pull late nights, but I probably. Two days in a row I had the record for a 24 hour period.

[Wade]

Oh, I did. I had, I had a couple more. I thought of that one. That one may be true. I know, I know. One you definitely have. Mark.

[Tyler]

Yeah. What's up?

[Wade]

Most fake blood inside your body in 24 hours. That is a hundred percent one that you have.

[Tyler]

Absolutely true.

[Wade]

I know for us fact.

[Tyler]

Oh my God. Yeah.

[Wade]

And boy, was that that pleasant sounding. And Wade, I did have one for you. Remember when we were on tour, we went to Fogo de Chow in San Diego. I think there's a not halfway distant chance that you ate the most meat of anyone in the world on that day.

[Mark]

Really?

[Wade]

I think it's possible.

[Tyler]

There was one time when your plate was this fucking high.

[Wade]

It was literally like, like, like stuff would fall off of the pile if it was too round or floppy. And you ate, you cleaned your plate. You did it, the gristle and everything.

[Mark]

I don't know if I could do that anymore.

[Wade]

And you hit the cold buffet. I remember you hitting the salad bar and getting some of the others. As a person who's consumed 26 slices of pizza in one sitting, I witnessed that and I, It's. It sticks with me, you know, there's a reason you're the king of meat.

[Mark]

It's. I think that people do like the hot dog eating contest and stuff. Like man, I don't think I scratched the surface of that, but maybe they didn't do it.

[Wade]

That day, there's. Those are like the small dogs, though. Like, it is a lot of food, but it's a lot of air volume with the bread. And like, I don't know. Hot dogs are not as dense either, right? They kind of. They're kind of like whipped meat sludge that congeals into wieners.

[Tyler]

I know one that, Wade, you might also have, but I know I probably have. I was probably the loudest one day out there. I was probably the loudest, I want to say. So wait, I'm sure that you had a day where you were the loudest. Bob, you're not typically a screaming kind of guy.

[Wade]

No, I've been loud. But I would be surprised if I caught. If I snagged that one. I'd have to be pretty lucky. But, yeah, you guys both could be up for that.

[Mark]

Can you imagine if we like there being an afterlife and you go, and there's like a podium where they're like, all right, let's go through your life achievements. And they're like, oh, Wade, you did stub your toes the most that day. Whoever's behind me, like, you looked at the most porn that given day. All the weird achievements being given out is like you're going in.

[Wade]

Imagine getting to the afterlife and then realizing that you, in fact get to join the wall of shit, which is the wall where they hang the picture of everyone who's taken the biggest shit on any given day.

[Mark]

You.

[Wade]

One day, you won. That would be quite, quite the thing. I mean, there'd be millions and millions of people on the wall.

[Tyler]

As not a larger guy, I probably wouldn't have taken it.

[Wade]

But maybe, you know, yeah, maybe there's a weird shit day. Who knows?

[Mark]

There's been a couple over the years where it's like, that is impressive. So maybe I did. I don't know.

[Wade]

Don't chew on that, Max.

[Mark]

Cooper loves that chew, too.

[Wade]

Oh, now he's into Cooper's food. Wow, he is loving it. What do you feed Cooper?

[Mark]

Blue Buffalo Life Protection Formula.

[Wade]

He never leaves a crumb.

[Mark]

I love it because it's made with high quality protein, nutrient rich fruits and veggies and wholesome whole grains.

[Wade]

Looks like we're switching to blue.

[Advertisement Voice]

Blue Buffalo foods are made with the superior ingredients your dog needs to thrive.

[Tyler]

Can your dog food say that?

[Wade]

Visit feedbluefood.com to learn more.

[Mark]

This episode is brought to you by Mentos Gum. Keep things fresh. It's important, right? And I'm not just talking about fresh breath. It's important to switch up your routine whenever you can. I just. I'm the person who can't help but chew. You put up an amendment in your mouth, you're supposed to suck on it. I'm like, swallow. So I kind of need gum.

[Wade]

You turn into a cartoon dog. I'm sorry. Next time we hang out, I'm giving you a mint just to see what happens.

[Mark]

And of course, another way to refresh every day is with Mentos gum, available in a range of fresh flavors like spearmint, fresh mint and strawberry. Mentos gum. Yes to fresh.

[Wade]

Anyhoozle. We're all really good at stuff. Some of us gooder than others. But anyone out there watching or listening, just remember that you definitely hold some single day records as well. No matter how you might feel about yourself, where you are in your life or your career, you definitely, whatever, drank the most Diet Mountain Dews one day or whatever your thing is, you know you did it. And you should be proud of that. And you should hold on to that. That will sustain you until you make your next big achievement. You can hang your hat on that. I'm gonna go over the points now. Mark, you earned points for Pain and sadness. I love intel. Fuck intel piston. 1400 dollars in a mobile game. Liquid Curse. And Professor Putricide. Tyler's balls earned one point. Wade, you earned points for. Hi. Appalachia. Appalachia. Appalachia. However you say that. Didn't eat food. Tragedy. Mouth level. Dick level. You said that. And I can't remember why, but you did say that.

[Tyler]

My piss thing. Your mouth thing.

[Wade]

Oh, right.

[Tyler]

My dick. Your mouth.

[Wade]

Mark's dick. My mouth. What is it? Thursday. Slept for 24 hours. Poor toesies. Making fun of Molly a lot. And Diablo gold dupe record. Which leaves the score at Tyler's Balls with one, Mark with seven and Wade with eight.

[Tyler]

We're back on top, baby.

[Wade]

So we still have to do the wheel.

[Mark]

Forgot about that.

[Tyler]

We gotta call Tyler.

[Mark]

Just his balls.

[Wade]

That's true. That's true. Tyler's balls will host such an episode.

[Tyler]

And he legally has to.

[Wade]

It's in the constitution. All right, how many spins shall we have? Oh, great wheel. Who always selects Three.

[Tyler]

Always Three.

[Wade]

Three spins it is, baby.

[Tyler]

Oh.

[Mark]

I don't even know what I'm gonna add or I don't add. You add.

[Wade]

No, you know what, Wade? That's fine. That's my thing today. I'm gonna add whatever Wade wants to add to the wheel you got. You got it, buddy.

[Mark]

Smallest violin point. Do we have that?

[Wade]

I don't think so.

[Tyler]

Actually, I think we. Wait, don't we actually have the smallest violin? Isn't there on there?

[Wade]

I did not see anything about the violin. Or sad. I mean, like, we really care if there's multiples. The. It's only the same eight things ever come up anyway. So it's all rigged.

[Tyler]

That's true.

[Wade]

We live in a simulation. Three spins it is, boys.

[Tyler]

I can't read it. It's too small. What if it's that one where I have to say out loud, he who.

[Wade]

This is the one that just got added. He who is immortal wins a point. I get a point.

[Mark]

I forgot. You're immortal.

[Wade]

Yeah, I'm immortal. I get the point.

[Tyler]

Well, we gotta find a way to pass the immortality. I do love the wording, though, and that is very nice.

[Wade]

All right. Spin number two. Man. I hope it's another point for me. Said the most.

[Mark]

Did I curse at all?

[Wade]

You definitely said it, like, one time.

[Tyler]

I don't remember saying it.

[Wade]

I don't remember either of you guys saying it a particularly large amount.

[Mark]

But Tyler's balls said it a lot when it got hit with basketball.

[Wade]

All right, point for Tyler's balls.

[Tyler]

Okay, I guess.

[Wade]

Yeah. Tyler's balls now has two points.

[Mark]

Mark, stick your mouth. My head. Tyler's balls.

[Wade]

Somehow I'm losing to Tyler's balls in an episode that I hosted. And I didn't think this all the way through. Shit.

[Mark]

Oh, no. At 10% chance to one man show.

[Tyler]

It doesn't mean that you do it. That's just.

[Mark]

It was.

[Tyler]

I believe it was at 8. So now it's at 18.

[Wade]

Yeah. So that counts as a spin. So we're done spinning. So the final score is Mark and Wade got no points from any of the wheel spins. So mark is at 7 and Wade is at 8.

[Tyler]

I don't think that's ever happened.

[Wade]

The points went to me, Tyler's balls, and no point. So the score stayed exactly the same. All right, so I need to add 10%. Winner's wheel. So this is 21.

[Tyler]

Oh, God. Math. Did it get increased from. I know it's at 8 because it was spun once since the reset.

[Wade]

21 degrees is 6, so it should be 8. So it should be 18. So that should be 0.18 times. 360. So that should mean the weight here is 64.8. So we'll call it 65. That should be 18%.

[Tyler]

That looks dangerous.

[Wade]

That escalated quickly. God help whoever gets that next. Anyway, Wade, you're a winner. Winner. Speech, bud.

[Mark]

This has not been My season of distractible. I've not won much this season.

[Wade]

I.

[Mark]

In fact, this might be an all time low for any of us losing in a season. I've lost a lot. But not today.

[Wade]

Today we're back on top, baby. I just want to say, I don't know if you recall, there was a time when I lost 23 coin flips in a row, or 13.

[Tyler]

Mathematically horrendous.

[Wade]

It was like I lost. I lost like a hilarious amount. I was kind of known for.

[Mark]

The chance of that happening to you was so. So infinitesimally, impossibly small. It was crazy. People thought we rigged it. They thought no one. Like, there were people that believed that we rigged it.

[Wade]

I just can't believe we actually didn't.

[Tyler]

I find it so fascinating because it wasn't just that you were always heads. You were calling it and you were just calling it wrong.

[Wade]

It's just wrong. You ever been so wrong?

[Tyler]

Because, like, with a lens cap, even if it was favorite of one side, it was incredible. That's where we came. People don't remember. That's where the triangle of fairness came from. Because we had to be honest. You cannot lie when you pick it up like this. You cannot flip it.

[Wade]

We don't do the triangle of fairness anymore because we all trust each other. And it's rigged.

[Tyler]

Mark, I gotta say, you know, I may have lost this one, but for this season, unlike what my opponent has said to besmart's my name, I am not the lowest low of loot losing this season. I am the low. I. I am the lowest low of losing this season. I'm the highest of the winning. So whatever he said was right.

[Wade]

What was that game we played where we were assembling furniture and Mark just kept yelling, the flower is inverted to the backside.

[Tyler]

Like some made sense.

[Mark]

It was the.

[Wade]

Yeah, no, it totally made sense. That's why Wade and I understood it every time you yelled it at us. Whatever.

[Tyler]

Whatever it was. There's a method to buy Madison. It didn't. It didn't succeed this time. So maybe it's time to go sane.

[Mark]

Calyx.

[Wade]

Oh, yeah. We were making the furnitures. That's right. Right.

[Tyler]

That's fine.

[Wade]

Anyway, congratulations, Wade, and condolences to Mark for not only the story that you told about damaging your computer, but also losing the episode, which is possibly even sadder than the first thing.

[Tyler]

Hi's in the chat to me.

[Wade]

Hi.

[Mark]

Hi.

[Wade]

Hi. Make sure you follow the podcast on whatever platform you want to get notified when the episodes come out. And make sure you follow us. Our names are probably on screen. Or maybe they're not. Sorry, editors. Wade's the Lordminion 777 or Minion 777 Markiplier My skirm. You guess which ones is whose. And until the next episode where Wade will host that's It Podcast out.

[Podcast Intro Voice]

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