Worst Tech Issues (Compilation)

Summary

Distractible – Episode Summary: "Worst Tech Issues (Compilation)"

Date: February 28, 2026
Hosts: Mark Fischbach, Wade Barnes, Bob Muyskens

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Overview

In this laughter-packed compilation episode, Mark, Wade, and Bob dive into a parade of their most frustrating, bizarre, and hilarious tech mishaps. From camera calamities and audio dropouts to haunted lights and Tesla easter eggs gone rogue, the crew recounts how even the simplest attempts to record a podcast can be sabotaged by glitchy gadgets. Expect chaotic attempts at troubleshooting, running jokes about Mark’s cursed setups, and tangents into the surreal.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Constant Connectivity Issues

• The episode repeatedly features Mark freezing or dropping out of the call, prompting endless rounds of “Hello?”, confusion, and troubleshooting by Bob and Wade.
  • Example: The trio’s go-to solution (“Unplug it and plug it back in” – 04:00 C) becomes a running theme.
• Mark describes an incident where his ethernet adapter, integrated into his motherboard, starts appearing and disappearing:
  • “My ethernet adapter just failed. I've never had that problem ever.” (07:15 A)

2. Tech Troubleshooting Chaos

• Mark’s sound, camera, and lights all seem possessed, with unpredictable shutdowns and restarts:
  • “Literally my camera lens is like shadowed right there…Oh, that. I just moved my monitor. That’s what it was…” (14:06 A)
  • “I don't get it. I can't. I'm not even connected to it in the app. I’ve unplugged it, turned it back on, reset it. It still just turns off every once in a while…” (12:29 A)
• Bob searches frantically for his laptop charger, narrating his quest live:
  • “Oh, it's in my backpack, which is upstairs next to my computer. Okay. Fuck.” (05:55 C)
  • Later confesses: "It was right here, five feet away from me." (06:25 C)

3. Mark’s ‘Haunted’ Gear

• The guys riff on the idea that Mark’s gear is haunted or that he’s being deleted by AI for “talking shit about their AI” (11:25 C).
• Ongoing debate about Mark’s light failures and his camera firmware update woes, with jokes about AI object permanence and existential dread.
  • “I'm slowly sinking into a pit of lava, and I am really embracing the pain and taking it like a champ.” (14:36 A)
  • “I think Mark is slowly being engulfed by hell.” (14:25 B)

4. Relatable Home Office Struggles

• Mark's lighting situation becomes a microcosm of at-home tech woes:
  • “My camera was running out of power before this, so I had this as my accent…now it’s my main light.” (14:52 A)
  • Mark demonstrates desperate fixes: “Maybe if I just turn the light so well, then I…I lose illumination.” (13:21 A)

5. Absurdist Tangents & Small Talk

• The group discusses unique butthole prints (17:46 C), “anus chocolate,” and jokes about being caught in embarrassing situations thanks to wearing microphones.
• Bob randomly brings up not showering and candidly discusses how grimy he feels in contrast to Mark's vacation-rested glow (18:40 C, 18:55 A).

6. Tesla’s Bizarre Easter Eggs: “Cowbell Mode”

• Mark details his fraught relationship with his Tesla, a car riddled with issues. He then describes accidentally triggering the "cowbell mode," which loops Blue Öyster Cult's “Don’t Fear The Reaper” with Christopher Walken sound bites.
  • “For 20 minutes…donk, donk, donk, donk, donk, donk, donk.” (23:43 A)
  • The only way to stop the cowbell? Activate “fart mode,” which overrides the music:
    • “Activate fart mode and press the fart button, and that will interrupt the cowbell and it will stop playing.” (25:06 A)
  • Wade, incredulous: “I’ve seen a car with heated seats once.” (25:17 B)

7. Customization and Useless Features

• The gang marvels at Tesla’s ability to customize horn and lock sounds with MP3s, which Mark notes sarcastically “takes extra time on the production line.” (26:56 B)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Mark (tech paranoia):
  • “They tried to take me out. It didn’t work. The world government.” (03:25 A)
• Tech despair:
  • “I'm now rendered deaf. But I don't know why because my computer is still on. Internet's still working. They can hear me, but I can't hear them.” (04:05 A)
• On Tesla’s quirks:
  • “I drove it off the lot as a piece of shit. It's been a piece of shit through every year of its warranty…” (22:25 A)
• Mark’s resignation:
  • “It started out as like millennial cringe. I'm like, yeah, I remember that. That's fucking stupid. And I'm me, so obviously. But Nick, come back. I'm gone. Now my light doesn't work. My camera goes out of focus every once in a while.” (15:40 A)
• Existential tech failure:
  • “Our world is dedicating bit of their graphical power to developing these models. And this is the progress. I'm…they're deleting me. I'm going out of focus again.” (11:16 A)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [03:05] – Mark’s first freeze/fake disappearance; running "hello" jokes begin.
• [04:00–06:10] – Mark’s audio malfunctions, fuse talk, Bob’s charger saga.
• [07:15] – Ethernet adapter disaster; Mark forced onto Wi-Fi.
• [14:06–15:14] – Lighting woes escalate; Mark gets dramatic about his equipment.
• [22:12] – Mark’s Tesla horror story and the infamous “cowbell mode.”
• [23:43] – Blue Öyster Cult loops in Tesla; forced to use fart mode for salvation.
• [25:57] – Cowbell mode nightmare scenarios (funeral processions, hospitals).
• [27:12] – Winner speech: Wade shouts out Shakira and offers classic nonsense.

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Tone & Energy

The hosts lean into a tone of friendly ridicule, self-deprecating humor, and surreal frustration amid their tech fails. The language is playful, sarcastic, and peppered with spontaneous jokes, with a genuine camaraderie and mutual agitation at technology’s many pitfalls.

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For Listeners Who Missed It

This episode is a must-listen for anyone who’s ever battled home tech gone haywire. From haunted lights to the relentless march of the cowbell, Mark, Wade, and Bob capture the universal pain (and comedy) of podcasting (and living) in a world ruled by gadgets determined to betray their owners.

Best for: Fans of classic “Distractible” chaos, tech sufferers, and anyone who appreciates hearing three friends dogpile on each other’s foibles with relentless wit.

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Transcript

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Price guarantee exclusions like taxes and fees apply. Fastest based on Ookla speed test intelligence data second half 2025 all rights reserved from camera calamity to synthetic eclipses, it's time for worst tech issues.

[B]

Mark is either gone or sitting very still.

[C]

Hello? He's thinking. Hello.

[B]

Hello? Let's try a simple one. Mark, how many fingers? Hello?

[C]

Oh wait, I know how to fix this. Mark, how many fingers?

[B]

Hello? I texted you hello. You know what, Bob? I'm gonna give you a good Internet point. Thanks.

[C]

That seems fair.

[A]

Hello? They tried to take me out. It didn't work. The world government.

[C]

Oh sweet fucking Jesus.

[A]

No, no, not again.

[B]

Hello? All right, sorry everyone. We had to break in the middle of our context there. Mark's tub got us all very wet, so we had to take a moment to dry off. But where we were chatting just a moment ago, which is right where we're picking up for you guys, but a few minutes later for us. Oh, there they are. Red. And what happened?

[C]

Hello?

[A]

Why did. Can you hear me? Suddenly my. A light went out and this. My headphones went out. That's not good.

[C]

Unplug it and plug it back in. Unplug it and plug it back in.

[A]

For everyone listening, I am now rendered deaf. But I don't know why because my computer is still on Internet still working. They can hear me, but I can't hear them. Bob's pointing at a mouse. Hold on. It's. What happened was. I think. I think the guys outside working on things blew us very specific FUS use that is only like to one plug in this office.

[B]

Control it. Control it.

[C]

Look at this one. It's like a gold camo. Why are you.

[A]

Why are you showing your controllers? I can't understand you. The back of the controller.

[C]

This one doesn't have the USB C though, which is disappointing.

[A]

Back, back. Xbox, usb. Usb. Plug the plug. Plug a USB in. Oh man. Okay, hold on. Let me, let me troubleshoot lenses.

[B]

Oh my God. Is that a markiplier? Ass shot in 2024 editors. You know you gotta do with that.

[C]

Look, look. Look at caveman Mark.

[A]

I gotta go check the fuse box. I'll be right back.

[B]

The fuse box. So easy. A markiplier caveman can do it.

[C]

Hey, guys, My computer is dying. Oh, fucking shit. I need to go get the charger for my laptop. Or apparently it's at 10% battery.

[A]

Run.

[C]

Run. My chair closes. Blocks my office door from opening. Ha.

[B]

Head empty. Foam wet. Not on walls.

[A]

It's not my fault my laptop is dying. I didn't realize

[B]

Will. This might need to be an edit out depending on what's said here.

[C]

I had it plugged in over here for a while.

[A]

Oh, no.

[C]

I think maybe it got put in the cabinet at some point.

[B]

I really wish he'd start talking about us.

[C]

I'm not saying that you touched it. I know. The painting people moved. All the shit around.

[A]

Painting person feel like we shouldn't listen to that.

[B]

I know. So what's up, small talk? You got anything interesting in life?

[C]

Oh, laptop charger. Where did I leave you? Oh, it's in my backpack, which is upstairs next to my computer. Okay. Fuck.

[B]

I can't un. Listen.

[C]

Oh, I'm wearing a microphone. I wonder the heck you can still hear me. Did you guys hear me that whole time?

[A]

We were. Kept going like, oh, no, we shouldn't listen to this.

[C]

I found my charger. Guys. It was right here, five feet away from me.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

Can you believe it?

[A]

Oh, man. That's crazy.

[B]

We were trying not to listen, but we couldn't help it.

[C]

Why would you try not to listen?

[A]

We were trying to talk over you.

[C]

I'm the one. I'm the one who went to the bathroom wearing my lav. That's the. That's the rule.

[B]

Hello?

[C]

Mark, Are you taking the longest drink of coffee in history or are you frozen? Hello?

[B]

I think he's gone. Remember that noise Mark was talking about his computer started making? I think something might have just gone horribly wrong.

[A]

Hello?

[B]

Hi.

[C]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Okay. All right.

[A]

Yeah, that. That was super weird. My ethernet adapter just failed. I've never had that problem ever.

[C]

And it just started working again. Or did you have to like go into the device manager or something?

[A]

I switched to WI fi. If I go into my device manager, my ethernet is now appearing and disappearing and the whole adapter is like on and off. And what's weird is that's a motherboard integrated ethernet adapter.

[C]

Yeah. That's not great.

[A]

I don't like that that happened. And I heard that weird fan whirring that might not be a fan. That might be the power supply.

[B]

Yeah, you might be in trouble this episode.

[A]

Let's look at this way. You know, if I were to list the. Why did that happen?

[B]

Are you.

[C]

Are you about to get consumed by a creature of the darkness? Are you all right?

[A]

For those who are. Oh, my God.

[C]

Oh, God, it turned itself back on. I'm not doing anything. Mark, are you in? Nope.

[A]

You know, maybe I just will not look up. And I think that if we had to tie together aliens eating people and meat eating. Nope. Is a perfect example. And I'm so glad you brought that up. So when it. It said it was going to have, like, an XLR for audio in expansion thing, it came out two years after the camera came out. They finally were like, here's the plate. And I'm like, where. Where am I?

[C]

Why?

[A]

I didn't do it.

[C]

You okay, buddy? Mr. Stark, I don't feel so good. Too much abuse of the bomb switch. The camera's getting ornery.

[A]

Hey, I ordered a new mattress. Ding dong.

[C]

Dumb.

[B]

Oh, so we have an idiot, a sleep deprived guy, and a sick guy doing a podcast episode today, and this is what you get.

[C]

Wait, you left yourself as the idiot?

[B]

Yeah, I don't have any other excuses right now.

[A]

I was telling you I was. I was doing a firmware update on this thing.

[B]

Oh, what's the lens like on that? We should see the lens.

[A]

It's the same as a bomb.

[B]

It's like when you give toddlers technology, they make their first video and it's, like, really shitty, and they look at it embarrassed, 20 years later, like, what was I thinking?

[A]

We don't have to be these people, guys. We can change our lives for the better right now. Doesn't that blow your mind that you could just decide right now to become a different person?

[C]

I'm gonna stand up. I'm becoming a different person as you speak.

[A]

I'm gonna stand up.

[B]

Have fun with that, losers.

[A]

I'm standing.

[B]

Mark, your height didn't change that much.

[C]

It did, though. I'm on camera.

[A]

That's so rude of you. I'm literally out of the frame. I'm so tall.

[B]

Plot twist. You have a little stepping stool by your chair.

[A]

I know this is gonna rip cables out from everywhere, but here I go.

[C]

Mark freezes and disappears again.

[B]

Mark, no.

[C]

Oh, everyone's froz. Why did that happen?

[A]

What could have possibly pulled.

[C]

Who did that? You must have lost wireless fidelity for a moment. Oh, he fro. Why is that happening?

[B]

Oh, you're stretching those Cables.

[C]

Mark, I think you're still out of frame. You're going to have to keep moving it.

[A]

I gotta keep going. It's got so far up to travel. Here we go. Am I still here?

[B]

For now.

[C]

I appreciate you picking such a nice pose to freeze in.

[A]

Why is it instantly our fault?

[C]

That's.

[A]

Yeah, that's quite a leap.

[B]

Well, I don't know who else to blame. It can't be my fault, so it's gonna be someone else. I'm blameless.

[A]

I. The lie was so hard. It pushed me out of focus. I don't know what.

[C]

Mark went flying across the room and lost focus.

[A]

Our world is dedicating bit of their graphical power to developing these models. And this is the progress. I'm. They're deleting me. I'm going out of focus again.

[C]

They heard you talking shit about their AI and they were like, don't you want access to it? And you better not.

[B]

Or Mark has been AI this whole time and the servers are just updating and he's getting blurred out because they can't process him while also updating.

[C]

Yeah, every time Mark goes out of focus or his light turns off and on again, that's just the AI losing object permanence for a second and having

[A]

to remember what the hell was going on.

[C]

What's going on? Oh. Oh, you're out of focus. That's weird.

[B]

Yeah, that's so strange segue. You always have something weird going on every time.

[A]

I don't know why that's been happening. I did a firmware update for this lens, which is a weird thing to say, but it still is a little funky.

[C]

Oh, we almost had a whole episode without Mark saying the word lens. Points to Mark for saying lens unprompted.

[A]

Oh, God, what have I done?

[C]

Oh, sweet Jesus. No memory card, Mark. There's no memory card in slot one, you madman.

[A]

It's fine, it's fine, it's fine. That's why I've never ever crossed this threshold. God, this freaking light. I don't know. I don't.

[C]

Listeners. Mark's light just turned itself off for like the dozen time today.

[A]

I don't know why. And here it is again. It just turns on and off. I don't get it. I can't. I'm not even like connected to it in the app. I've unplugged it, turned it back on, reset it. It still just like turns off every once in a while and then turns back on. TGP thingo ping.

[C]

I like that.

[A]

I'm frozen Help.

[C]

Your thumbnail just updated, so now it's the frozen image on the sides panel.

[B]

You're so good at holding a pose.

[A]

Hello there.

[C]

Hey, man.

[B]

Welcome back.

[A]

It froze so thoroughly, I couldn't even hit the reboot button. I had to shut the whole thing down.

[B]

Your computer heard you might be upgrading it for belling.

[A]

I better get in line because I got the other computer I just built right next to it ready to go.

[B]

Don't let them too close to each other. They'll talk.

[C]

You. Are you okay, Mark?

[A]

I got a light glare on my screen that I don't remember being there before. I can't see my face when we're talking. Did your.

[C]

Did your setup move or something or.

[A]

I don't know. That's a strange thing. Like, I have my haunted light here that I still haven't fixed, but this is the other light and I. I don't remember seeing this harsh of a glare on this. Maybe if I just turn the light so well, then I. I lose illumination.

[C]

Mark's got some real problems.

[A]

Oh, but then there's blessing at the back.

[C]

Okay. I was gonna ask Mark how he's doing, but we can tell. If you're watching on Spotify podcasts, if you're watching the video only available on Spotify, you could see the horrible situation that Mark is in.

[A]

It's suffering.

[C]

Look at the illumination levels, Mark. It's not.

[A]

Yeah. I don't have quite the same amount of edge lighting, but if it goes this way, then it's gonna just. It's gonna glare the screen and right there. And literally my camera lens is like shadowed right there. Oh, that.

[C]

Fix it. Oh, perfect.

[A]

I just moved my monitor. That's what it was. My monitor got moved too. Anyway, it's all good, guys.

[C]

All of Mark's problems are solved. That's all you got going on over there, right?

[A]

It was such an easy fix. I am professional. You should laugh at that. That's that. I think you told it well enough to earn some.

[B]

I think Mark is slowly being engulfed by hell. The more we go into this.

[C]

Yeah. Mark, are you. Second circle, third circle. How far down?

[B]

What's happening to you?

[A]

People are just listening at home. I am slowly sinking into a pit of lava and I am really embracing the pain and taking it like a champ.

[C]

You just want to see if your body can take it.

[A]

Yes, exactly. And surprisingly, it can. It can.

[B]

Didn't you look normal like two minutes ago?

[A]

Yeah, no, my. My main light. They're just these little battery powered lights right now. Because that's all I could bring with me. One of them just went out because I don't have enough plugs for anything. My camera was running out of power before this, so I had this as my accent. Little like, flavor light. Now it's my main light.

[C]

Is it only red? It's not like adjustable or. No.

[A]

I could turn it to another color, but it.

[C]

Oh, no. Well, leave it though.

[A]

Yeah, exactly.

[C]

Okay, I see. I know. I'm with you. It's freaking Wade out. Wade looks like he's gonna have a panic attack.

[B]

I don't. It's funny and scary at the same time. And I. I realize that I'm not mentally stable at the moment, but it's really. Everything's really funny.

[A]

This better?

[C]

Oh, that's way better. I love that.

[B]

That reminds me of the thing whenever you put up to your finger and you're like, oh, I see my finger bone.

[C]

Oh, yeah, there you go.

[A]

Uh huh.

[C]

Yeah. If you don't watch this show now, you have to.

[A]

It started out as like millennial cringe. I'm like, yeah, I remember that. That's fucking stupid. And I'm me, so obviously. But Nick, come back. I'm gone. Now my light doesn't work. My camera goes out of focus every

[B]

once in a while.

[A]

I'm just creating random timers for things to occur.

[C]

For how much money you've spent on cameras and light technology, you have got to have finicky lights and camera.

[A]

I don't. This isn't the good light. That's why it's in here.

[C]

Oh, I see.

[A]

This isn't the good lens. That's why it's in here. This lens was 500, which is not cheap.

[C]

But you were generalizing.

[B]

I also keep all of my best stuff in boxes.

[A]

That didn't help at all. I thought that if there was a bright behind me, it wouldn't be like, oh, that. That background's bright enough.

[B]

You really just look like you're green screened in at this point.

[C]

You got it too. I don't know.

[B]

Look, I could be in Mark's office too.

[C]

Headers explode. Dark's background.

[A]

Wait till I do this. I'll give you something to explode on. No, there we go.

[C]

There we go.

[A]

Oh, there we go. Guys, my. My capture card is broken.

[C]

Dune.

[A]

What?

[C]

Dune. You're in Dune?

[A]

I'm in Dune.

[C]

Doesn't that look like the. The palace in In. Wait, hit the.

[A]

The screech.

[C]

I'll queue up the point. Ah.

[A]

It started actually on almost the correct note. That actually was really Close.

[C]

Yeah, but then he didn't understand what you were trying to get him to do.

[B]

Yeah, I don't know what the hell you're referencing.

[C]

What's wrong with that one part of Dune? Wait. Oh, it's your microphone.

[A]

This is a really inconvenient cutout that definitely won't be exploited.

[C]

I'm sure no one will ever do

[A]

anything wrong with this.

[C]

Random, unrelated question. How wide can you open your mouth?

[A]

Oh, really wide.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

Everything.

[A]

I hate everything. How about this?

[C]

Oh, look at that. Is this the whole. Is this. Is this small talk? Is this your small talk?

[A]

No, I got other small talk.

[C]

Let's do small talk. Let's move on to small talk. Wait, go ahead. I. My understanding is that's actually true, that if you got a butthole print, every person would have a unique. But hole print. Did bark disconnect or.

[B]

I thought he was just that disgusted with you. Maybe he did disconnect again.

[C]

Hello.

[B]

I really thought he was just that, like, not having it with what you said. Oh, here's the text. Here you go. What were you talking about that made me think of anus chocolate.

[C]

Something about. I was going to bring up that we have.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Hey, man.

[C]

Hey. How's it going?

[A]

What in the fuck did I walk into? Have Uranus and eat it too? Oh, so fucking close.

[B]

Best looking.

[C]

I didn't shower. Like, I showered yesterday morning, so it's been like more than a day since I've showered.

[B]

Are you trying to talk yourself out of the point or into it?

[C]

I'm just being honest. Like, I don't know how I look to you guys. I feel pretty grimy. I'm not feeling like I look that.

[A]

That great. I showered just yesterday. I'm on vacation. I'm so rested and relaxed. I'm glowing, practically.

[B]

If that's how you two wanted to determine it, I guess I can go that route. I was going to say I was going to give it to Bob because Bob's camera quality is just so much better today. So he looks.

[C]

I. I am. I'm more well lit. My camera is definitely doing. Doing a lot of work here.

[A]

Hold on. Let me turn on studio light. Yeah.

[B]

My God, your shoulder is so sharp center stage.

[C]

No, come on. On.

[A]

Come on. Do it.

[C]

Come on. Come on. Come on. Do it. Come on. Come on. There you go. Yeah.

[A]

For some reason, center stage, it kind of follows me, and then when I turn it off, it just zooms in. But why would it zoom in?

[C]

That's really confusing. Yeah, apparently it can now. It was not, like, designed to do this, but it just started doing a thing where you can have it generate something and then take, like, a frame. Oh, for fuck's sake.

[A]

Listen to AI camera. Zoom out, Zoom out, you fuck. You could take a frame, which I'm

[C]

gonna indicate like this. You can take a frame of video.

[B]

All right, well, our final score is 20 to 17. After the wheel spins. Mark, would you like to give us a winner speech?

[C]

Mark, did you disconnect?

[B]

Hello? He's frozen. He is frozen. Mark. Hi.

[C]

Oh, hey. There he is.

[B]

Hey, man. Welcome back.

[A]

It was my USB thing that has the Ethernet plugged into it. And I kicked it and it.

[C]

Oh, no, wait, Mark, he's gone. Oh, no. Oh, man. Yeah, I hope he was like, I'm gonna show him how I kicked it. And then he kicked it again.

[A]

I'm back.

[B]

Hey, man.

[C]

Yeah, I wouldn't kick that thing a third time.

[A]

I didn't kick it again. It just. Riverside caught up and was like, hey, you're not. You don't exist. Kick me out of the session.

[C]

They can relate to it. They can relate to it.

[B]

I'm sure they could. Oh, come on.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Oh, did Bob. Is Bob gone?

[A]

Oh, Bob, come back. What a frame, though, to leave on.

[B]

That's a great frame.

[A]

That's a great frame.

[C]

Hello.

[B]

Hey, Bob.

[C]

Oh, okay. There we go.

[B]

Hey, man, welcome back.

[C]

Wasn't like, Mark, where my eyes were in different directions and I was all, hello. The reason I turned my light on is because I feel guilty about it. But possibly for the first time ever, this is. Yeah, I should turn that setting off on my camera.

[B]

That's a great setting, man. What are you trying to show us?

[A]

You gotta learn to do the political gestures. Yeah, like. Oh, yeah, like, if flight attendants or two fingers for, like, the. You know, the Disney people that would

[C]

probably still do it. I don't even know.

[B]

And V's and B's are pretty close.

[C]

Didn't you also say before this recording to remind you to talk about something, Cowbell.

[A]

That was it.

[C]

Cowbell.

[A]

Rick was 8. Cowbell.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

So I still. Much to my chagrin, and I've talked about it endlessly. Drive my Tesla that I've had for eight years, the giant piece of shit. And that's not just me, like, hating for hating.

[C]

No, it's been bad. It's been really bad.

[A]

I drove it off the lot as a piece of shit. It's been a piece of shit through every year of its warranty in which it's been in service every single year. For many times, same problem. And they' replacements on the suspension three times. And now it is officially out of warranty. So if it happens again, I'm screwed anyway. In Tesla, there's a cowbell mode that is activated by pressing the cruise control four times. And the thing is, if I press it twice and it doesn't activate, I'm going to press it, because to activate it, you press it twice, right? I go to click, click. And it doesn't go. So I go click, click again. And then I activated cowbell mode. So for the rest of the fucking drive, to Tyler'.

[B]

Wait, so is it this? Is it actually the song? Is there something weird about pressing cruise control multiple times and Don't Fear the Reaper coming on?

[A]

It is exactly. It was exactly that.

[C]

It's.

[B]

Don't.

[C]

What the.

[A]

It was a whole. I couldn't figure out how to turn off because pressing it four times again only restarts the song.

[C]

And I'm in the middle of driving

[A]

on the highway, so I'm just like. So for 20 minutes. Donk, donk, donk, donk, donk, donk, donk.

[C]

All our time. It's a long song, but even when the song ends, it just loops.

[A]

It loops after the first few lines and then Christopher Walken comes out and says, I gotta have more cowbel. I got a fever, and the only

[B]

prescription is more cow bell.

[C]

And then it goes again the whole fucking drive. Teslas have the vibe of, like, websites in the early 2000s, where it's like, I'm going to this website because I need to order whatever printer ink. And it's just like a printer ink website. And you load it up and just, like all the small things starts playing and a bunch of clip art is, like, dancing around the screen. And then in the middle, it's like, yeah, click here to buy a printer ink. We'll ship it to you.

[A]

It's so stupid. It's so stupid. And you know how I turned it off? Because I actually had to. When I got there. I googled it. How the fuck do I turn off? It's a bunch of people thinking, like, I don't know what the fuck happened?

[C]

You, like, say something or something?

[A]

No. The easiest way besides shutting the car completely down, then turning it back on is to activate fart mode and press the fart button. And that will interrupt the cowbell and it will stop playing. Dude.

[C]

The fart mode is funny, though, because it'll make different seats in the car fart. That's funny. I don't think any other car in the world has that kind of fart mode.

[B]

What?

[C]

Oh, have you never seen fart mode, Wade?

[B]

No, I don't. I've seen a car with heated seats once.

[C]

Oh, yeah, Is that too. That's not part of the fart mode, though. It so in. In yours. Is it the right stock? That is the. The cruise control one, or is it the left stock?

[A]

It's left. Left. Lower one.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Because we have a model Y and it's the dock which the passenger in the car could absolutely reach. So anytime if they wanted to, a passenger could just reach over and just go.

[A]

And then cowbell mode would probably start, I think.

[C]

And that's fun.

[A]

At least. It was only 20 minutes, but I feel like if I was on a longer drive, I would have pulled over. So maybe it's the worst case to be in.

[B]

But imagine the worst times, like you're rushing to the hospital and you actually do it. It's just.

[C]

I bet you can activate fart mode with voice commands, though. So if it ever happens again, you just hold the voice command button, just be fart mode, and everyone in the car could just be like, what the. What clown gar are we in? What the hell?

[B]

In a funeral procession, you got people in the car morning and you actually activate cowboys. Like, I'm so sorry. Let me activate fart mode.

[A]

Don't tempt Elon. He would put in a voice activated fart mode.

[C]

What funny horn noise do you use, Mark? That's the real question.

[A]

Can you customize the horn?

[C]

You can change the horn and the like, lock sound, the walk away lock sound kind of to any sound you want. You can literally put MP3s in.

[A]

Wow, that's great, man. I can't wait for that.

[C]

So I assume you use a funny novelty sound for those things. Oh, wait. This is what you're missing for not having a car. Just to let you know.

[B]

Well, at least I know why I can't get one. They're so busy programming useless into it. That takes extra time on the production line.

[C]

Don't talk about fart mode. Two points for Wade for being correct apparently, but also a point to Mark for sportsmanship, because that's just good sportsmanship.

[B]

I think Judge Judy is pretty close.

[C]

Okay, Wade has to give a winner speech. Wade, what do you have to say for yourself?

[B]

I think it's very fortunate I have to give a winner's speech. I want to stand a little bit of a podium here. I think it's been a while, maybe since I hosted. Maybe not that long. I can't remember, but anytime I lose, it feels like it's been forever since I've won. I want to give an apology to Shakira, who I've not mentioned in a little while, and I've seen some beautiful posts from people about Shakira and statues and performances and her SNL appearance, and I don't know that she's gotten the spotlight for me. She deserves Queen, we are so back and you're in my thoughts. Always into a good game or whatever you do. Embrace these nuts. They're not on camera. Hang on.

[A]

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