[encore] Indigo Girls

Summary

Podcast Summary: Don't Ask Tig Episode: [Encore] Indigo Girls Release Date: June 12, 2024

Introduction

In this encore episode of "Don't Ask Tig," host Tig Notaro welcomes the iconic folk duo, the Indigo Girls—Amy Ray and Emily Saliers—from American Public Media. The episode seamlessly blends humor, heartfelt discussions, and practical advice, showcasing the unique chemistry between Tig and her esteemed guests.

Guest Introduction and Banter

The episode kicks off with Tig's playful banter about the Indigo Girls' possible appearance:

Tig Notaro [00:00]: "I am so excited because it seems like the Indigo Girls might be on my podcast."

The back-and-forth teasing builds anticipation until Amy and Emily make their guest appearances, engaging in light-hearted jokes that set a warm and relaxed tone for the conversation.

The Indigo Girls' Partnership

Tig delves into the longevity and dynamics of Amy and Emily's partnership. The Indigo Girls share insights into their deep-rooted friendship and collaborative spirit:

Emily Saliers [02:10]: "We have known each other since we were 10, and we started playing when we were 15."

Exploring their sustained collaboration, they discuss the importance of creative distance and individual pursuits, which have fortified their bond and kept their music vibrant over the years.

Songwriting and Creativity

A significant portion of the discussion centers on their songwriting process. Amy and Emily elaborate on maintaining an equitable creative balance:

Amy Ray [03:29]: "We write our songs separately, so we have some creative distance on that."

They emphasize the importance of supporting each other's solo projects and living in separate spaces to nurture individual growth, which in turn enriches their collaborative efforts.

Personal Reflections and Advice

Tig and her guests reflect on the parallels between their musical partnership and long-term relationships, likening their collaboration to a marriage that requires continuous effort and mutual respect:

Tig Notaro [06:32]: "It's very much like a marriage. And you have to kind of fall in love and continue to work at things over and over as you go along in life."

Audience Questions and Responses

The heart of the episode lies in addressing listener-submitted questions, with Tig facilitating a candid and insightful dialogue.

1. Handling a Partner's Bad Mood

   Michelle writes, "How do I not take it so personally when my significant other is in a bad mood?"

   Amy offers wisdom on avoiding codependence through communication and trust:

   Amy Ray [13:39]: "It's just a practice of recognizing that."

2. Career Uncertainty for High Schoolers

   Jane writes, "I have no idea what career I want to pursue. Any advice?"

   Emily encourages pursuing passions without self-doubt:

   Emily Saliers [17:09]: "Don't believe that yet. Wait, you know."

3. Repetitive Song in Dreams

   Dressy writes, "Aerosmith's 'Dream On' haunts my brain every night. How can I stop it?"

   Amy humorously suggests a thematic solution:

   Amy Ray [20:35]: "Listen to Indigo Girl song over and over again."

4. Avoiding Lengthy Phone Conversations

   Allison writes, "I hate talking on the phone, but I end up on the phone for over an hour. What should I do?"

   Both Amy and Emily advocate for being direct yet polite:

   Amy Ray [24:07]: "Just be direct. Say you gotta go."

5. Vintage Advice from 1934

   Dorothy Dix's letter asks about dealing with unappreciated gifts in a modest marriage.

   Tig humorously contrasts past and present advice, while Amy and Emily provide contemporary takes on communication and value recognition.

   Tig Notaro [34:34]: "You killed something in his love that you can never conjure back."

Final Thoughts and Promotions

As the episode wraps up, Amy Ray and Emily Saliers promote their latest album, "Looklong," released in May. They express gratitude for the engaging conversation and encourage listeners to reach out with their questions.

Amy Ray [36:30]: "We do have a new album. It came out in May."

Conclusion

This encore episode of "Don't Ask Tig" masterfully blends humor, genuine camaraderie, and practical advice, offering listeners both entertainment and insightful perspectives. Amy Ray and Emily Saliers' candid discussions about creativity, relationships, and personal growth provide valuable takeaways, making this episode a memorable addition to the "Don't Ask Tig" archive.

Tig Notaro [37:14]: "If you're enjoying the show, please take a moment to rate and review us."

Notable Quotes

• Tig Notaro [00:00]: "I am so excited because it seems like the Indigo Girls might be on my podcast."
• Emily Saliers [02:10]: "We have known each other since we were 10, and we started playing when we were 15."
• Amy Ray [13:39]: "It's just a practice of recognizing that."
• Amy Ray [24:07]: "Just be direct. Say you gotta go."
• Tig Notaro [34:34]: "You killed something in his love that you can never conjure back."

Listener Engagement

Listeners are encouraged to submit their questions via audio messages to be featured in future episodes, fostering a more personal connection with the audience.

Tig Notaro [37:15]: "Go to dontasktig.org to send us your questions and you might hear it on the show."

---

Credits

Don't Ask Tig is hosted by Tig Notaro and produced by a dedicated team including Thomas Ouellette, Mary Knoff, Tracy Mumford, Phyllis Fletcher, Lauren D., Eric Rahmani, Christina Lopez, and Rocky Benlulu Dubin. The episode features theme music by Edie Burkel and Kyle Krusham and is a production of American Public Media.

Transcript

[Tig Notaro]

Hey, Danas and Beckys. What you're about to hear is an encore presentation of one of our favorite episodes from the Don't Ask Tig archives. Please enjoy. All right. I am. I am. I am so excited because it seems like the Indigo Girls might be on my podcast. And if you saw my Netflix special, Happy to be here, you know that I teased for an extended period of time that the Indigo Girls would make a surprise appearance on my special, and you'd. You'd have to see for yourself if they do or don't. But they are on this podcast episode. Well, actually, they're. They're actually not on this. Yes, they are. They actually are. They are on this episode. No, of course they are not on this episode. That is ridiculous. Why would I have them on my Netflix special and then on my podcast and do the exact same thing? That is. That's nonsense. But why wouldn't I do that? Why wouldn't I do that? The truth of the matter is, the Indigo Girls are here today. Amy Ray and Emily Saliers. They are here to. No, they're not. I'm kidding. Of course they're not here. Yes, they are. Yes, they are. Okay, I'm not even going to do this. It is my favorite thing to do in the world, but. Emily? Amy, are you here?

[Amy Ray]

I didn't know whether I should answer that or not.

[Emily Saliers]

We didn't know how long to play along with you on that one.

[Tig Notaro]

This is Don't Ask Tig. I'm Tig. And I guess you can ask just this once.

[Emily Saliers]

We are not alone and nobody is hopeless Everybody goes to.

[Tig Notaro]

We got a friend in Tig.

[Emily Saliers]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Hello, Emily.

[Amy Ray]

Hey, Tig. How are you?

[Tig Notaro]

I'm good. Thanks for being here. Hi, Amy.

[Emily Saliers]

Hi, Tig. How you doing?

[Tig Notaro]

I'm doing great. Happy to see your faces. How do you feel about doing an advice podcast?

[Emily Saliers]

I don't.

[Amy Ray]

I don't know yet.

[Tig Notaro]

You don't know. Okay.

[Amy Ray]

Not yet.

[Tig Notaro]

I have. I have faith in both of you. All right. And I'm just curious, just for myself, is it true you've played together since high school, or. I feel like it was even junior high school.

[Emily Saliers]

We have known each other since we were 10, and we started playing when we were 15, so we had high school. That was 8 through 12 in one go. Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay.

[Emily Saliers]

And so we started in 10th grade. I was in 10th grade, and Emily was in 11th.

[Tig Notaro]

That's.

[Emily Saliers]

But we knew each other before that for a while.

[Tig Notaro]

And. Is there a trick to getting along? And I know you've done your solo projects, and most bands kind of do go in that direction, but you continue to come back together. What is your trick to keeping it going?

[Amy Ray]

There's a lot of tricks to it, but they aren't really tricks. It's just a path that we found. And we write our songs separately, so we have some creative distance on that. And then we arrange them together, and that's what we do well together. And then we live in separate places and have a lot of separate friendships. We totally support each other's solo creative projects. And so we spend enough time apart that when we get back together, it's like we're ready to do Indigo Girl things again.

[Tig Notaro]

Nice. Yeah. I actually was curious because it seems like it's a 5050 split on the albums where it's. Is that true? It's half Amy, half Emily as far as songwriting mostly.

[Emily Saliers]

I mean, every now and then it veers one way or the other. Emily had one more song on this record, but we try to keep it pretty even just for.

[Tig Notaro]

Do you feel utterly resentful about one more.

[Emily Saliers]

That one song? No, there's so much other stuff to feel resentful about. I don't have to go there.

[Tig Notaro]

Now with the rough 5050 split.

[Emily Saliers]

Right.

[Tig Notaro]

I've all. As. As a fan of your music, I've always been curious. What do you do when somebody. When the other one brings a song, offers up a song for an album and you're like, hi, boy. And they're so excited about it and. And. And you're not.

[Amy Ray]

That doesn't really happen. I mean, honestly, the only. It happened one time a million years ago. Amy wrote a song about Squeaky Fromm, and I just wasn't ready yet.

[Emily Saliers]

No, it was Lucy Stoners.

[Amy Ray]

Oh, was it Lucy Stoners?

[Emily Saliers]

Yeah.

[Amy Ray]

But was that about. But you wrote about Squeaky Fromm.

[Emily Saliers]

I did, but remember Lucy Stoner's and you said, I can't see us doing that song.

[Amy Ray]

Right. So then it's happened twice.

[Tig Notaro]

That's pretty good about. And then. Has Emily ever brought a song.

[Emily Saliers]

You know, when Emily brings a song in, it's. For me, it's like. It's not whether the song is good because Emily's just a great writer. I'll hear a song sometimes and think, I don't know how to add harmony to that. Like, it's just. It's.

[Tig Notaro]

It.

[Emily Saliers]

It's a singular voice, that kind of vibe, you know? And I'll say, I think this is a solo song because it's intimate or it's got a perspective in it. That. And usually we know that now. Like, that's something that we just know when we write. Like, we know, like this is one that's probably not for us to do together kind of thing. But right nowadays, Emily knows already this, this is going to be a song I sing by myself or whatever. But I also think that we're better at editing the songs out before we play them for each other that we're not sure about, you know, or we'll say, like, I don't know about this song, and, you know, we'll openly doubt ourselves so that the other person knows it's not like a deal breaker, you know?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. You know, as you're talking, I'm thinking about just your catalog of music and just how different and diverse and how much you come together with your. The singing and harmonizing and guitar playing. And it's very much like. And I hate to be obvious, but it's very much like a marriage. And you have to kind of fall in love and continue to work at things over and over as you go along in life. And you guys, as a duo really exemplify that in a really incredible way.

[Amy Ray]

I think there's a lot of clear differences and some strengths like that Amy has that I don't have in the same way. And I mean, right off the bat, when we first started in high school, Amy had a lower voice and I had a higher voice. And back then, and then I was like singing a lot of church descant soprano parts. And Amy was always like a rock and roll acoustic guitar player. And I was more of a. I had taken some classical lessons. I was more of a picker type thing. So there were just things right off the bat that differentiated us, but there was never a problem. Like, we just used everything that we had, every tool that we have. I think that's why some of those early songs are just like chock full of descantes and harmonies and counter voices and all this stuff. Because first of all, it was fun to do that. And second of all, that's what we did. And so we. We weren't a band. We were two young women, girls really, when we started. So we just used what we had.

[Emily Saliers]

I. I think, like, the evolution thing is, you know, you just get lucky sometimes. I mean, part of it, you know, like, where it's the person that you can, you know, be flexible with and kind of go in and out of different phases. And it always realized that, like, you know, what you do together is going to be, you know, that's going to be the strongest thing or the thing that has the magic. But also, like, our relatives and our, like, friends, like, would constantly. Like my dad used to say before he passed away, you know, he would be like, every time I made a solo record, he'd be like, I like that record. But, you know, you and Emily, that's the magic. And I'd be like, thanks, dad. So it.

[Tig Notaro]

Were those his last words?

[Emily Saliers]

Pretty much. It's like. It's like. I mean, he. I'm serious. Like, it was like. Like something that I could laugh about a lot because it was constant. I was like, I know, Dad. I know. Every time I bring up a solo show, I know what you're gonna say. He's like, don't focus too much on that solo stuff, you know, and hilarious. And I think it's like.

[Amy Ray]

But it's true.

[Emily Saliers]

And I think that's, like, part of being in a community is that it's like having a marriage where they constantly remind you to, like, work it out. You know, it's the same thing. I mean, it's. You know, we are in a community that reminds us of what we are all the time, you know?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. It's like. It's just. It's the same as having not just a long marriage, but also old friends. It just. All of it keeps you in check. But. Yeah. Do you ever just sit around or hear an old song or even a new song? You're just like, God, we're so good. No, God, listen to us. God. Do you blow your own minds? Do you what?

[Emily Saliers]

Do you blow your own mind?

[Tig Notaro]

Oh, come on, Amy. All the time. Yeah, I'm just. I truly like hearing your music. I just picture you sitting around going, oh, man, listen to that. And then as far as, you know, let's say there's a kid out there listening that plays guitar, and they want to be a musician, a guitar player. Do you have any advice? As we ease into the advice world?

[Amy Ray]

I'd say for a new guitar player just to keep on practicing and to do it because you love it. And don't ever doubt that you will get to a place in the future that maybe you aren't right now musically on the guitar, but then it can happen and just have joy with the guitar and with music, because it's just an incredibly unique force in this life.

[Tig Notaro]

Indeed. Yeah. People, I think, oftentimes want, how long will it take until I'm good or how long until I can perform? Or when will I be selling out venues? And it's just like, you have got to. I mean, same with standup. I used to just ride my bike to open mics seven nights a week. And there was no part of me that was thinking. I mean, of course I had a crazy dream that I would be able to sell tickets at a theater, but I was really riding my bike to an open mic, excited that I might get picked. My name might get picked out of a hat to do three minutes of terrible jokes and then ride my bike home.

[Emily Saliers]

I think. Cause we were so young when we started, you know, you don't see it that way because it is, like, small goals. You know, you're like, maybe we can play that open mic at the sandwich shop next week. I mean, seriously, high school goals. I mean, it's. Yeah, we're lucky that we started so young because our whole ambition was like, so not ambitious. You know, it was like, let's go to play at the resort, get free drinks, and all our friends will come, and that'll give us enough money so that we can play a gig at a punk rock club where we don't get paid the next week. You know, like, it was just like mapping it out, like strategy. We're like, how can we maximize our fund? You know? And I think we, you know, we don't. It's a. I think we're lucky that we started that, that young, because I think it's hard when you start later. You do want to know how long it's going to take, you know, because you don't have as much time, you know, and you're thinking that way. You know what I mean?

[Tig Notaro]

I mean, I was in my mid-20s and I was still just like, yeah, this is fine. Whatever happens, that's the key.

[Emily Saliers]

I think, though, just like, not lack of ambition, but like the Zen of holding that at the same time that you have that long term goal, you kind of hold the present moment all the time.

[Tig Notaro]

Mm. Well, there are. There are people waiting for our advice. Are you ready to get in there and help people out to the best of our abilities. Let's do it. Let's dive in. Michelle writes, how do I not take it so personally when my significant other is in a bad mood, whether it be because of work, family, or any other outside scenario. Emily, do you have some.

[Amy Ray]

Well, I was just thinking, like, if you and your partner, spouse, friend, whatever you are, are affected by each other's moods when they don't have anything to do with you, it's codependence. And it's something that a lot of couples have to work on. And in my marriage, one of the big things that has helped me with that is that is to learn to build a trust. So that if she says, this doesn't have anything to do with you, now I begin to recognize what doesn't have anything to do with me. And it's just kind of a practice of recognizing that. But you have to talk about it like that. I mean, it just boils down to communication, really. When you said that, I took it personally because it makes me feel like, blah, blah, blah, you know, And a lot of times it's old stuff from our childhood or something we experienced, and something old will be triggered by somebody else's mood or whatever they say. And so it's a lot of, like, communication, honesty and building trust and then recognizing when something comes from your past that has nothing to do with the other person.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. And I also think it's good to give people space or ask them if they want space, which is, of course, part of communication.

[Amy Ray]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

But, yeah. So great. We started out heavy. Let's wish Michelle the best. It's a tough spot to be in. So take care. And we're gonna get to more questions right after this break.

[Emily Saliers]

I'm Franklin Leonard, founder of the Blacklist. We know what makes a good screenplay, but when it comes to what makes a blockbuster or a box office bomb, the truth is, nobody knows anything, including.

[Tig Notaro]

Our star panel of podcast guests.

[Amy Ray]

I was told this was a quiz program.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Amy Ray]

Just so you know, I just thought it was ripping.

[Emily Saliers]

Podcast Nobody Knows Anything, presented by fx. Find it wherever you get your podcasts. Oh, oh, oh. All righty.

[Tig Notaro]

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[Emily Saliers]

O'Reilly Auto Parts.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay, we're back. And we're potentially going to plug plot the course of someone's life here, so it's a big one. Emily, Amy, are you. Are you up for this task? Yeah, Emily.

[Amy Ray]

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I'm ready. Ready.

[Tig Notaro]

All right. Jane writes, I'm a high schooler and have no idea what career I want to pursue. I love writing, grammar, and musical theater, but I'm not good enough in any of those fields to make a substantial job out of being an actor or an author. Any advice?

[Emily Saliers]

Well, I mean, the first thing I would say is, how do you know you're not good enough? Because if it's because someone else is telling you that, or even the voices inside you of doubt, don't believe that yet. Wait, you know. Yeah, like, give it some time, first of all, and pursue what you love, I would say. And you know, in. However you need to pursue that, whether it's going to college and majoring in English or theater or going out there in the world and apprenticing at somewhere. But I don't think you can know that you're not good enough when you're under, I don't know, 25 or something. I think that people can do a lot in their life. You got to follow that road of something that you're passionate about, because it. It's going to have all these forks in it that's going to go off in different directions that'll be, you know, just. I just say my thing is always just work as hard as you can at everything that you do, whether it's sweeping floors or writing a song.

[Tig Notaro]

I feel like when you stick with something, it's really. I have to say, it's It. It can be rare, but I have seen it in comedy where there's. There's people that. Where I've thought, oh, wow, this. We're 15 years in here and you're still not good. This is fascinating. And you're still at it, and that person clearly loved doing it. But then there's this guy. I don't know what happened with him, but I went to some booked show in Los Angeles at some bar, and he was on stage, and I remember thinking, oh, boy, here we go again. And he was so, so funny. He had found his voice. There is something to be said for sweeping the floor really, really well and putting in the time for writing and performing.

[Emily Saliers]

Yeah, I mean, I was not like that great. It took me a long time to catch up to where Emily was at, and I was always kind of like, fake it till you make it. You know, I mean, if I had. If I had gone by some inner voice or what, my. Some people told me early on, I would never have stuck with it. You know, I just. There was a part of me that was just compelled to do it, whether I was good at it or not, honestly. So I'm a late bloomer, you know, And I think a lot of people are.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm for sure, a late bloomer. Oh, my gosh. It's embarrassing how long it takes me to bloom. All right, Jane, hang in there. Sweep the floor. Write the song, perform. Do whatever ever brings you joy for as long as it brings you joy. And the next question. We have what sounds like a really devastating problem. Dressy writes, as I lay my head down to sleep at night, Aerosmith's Dream on haunts my brain. Night after night, this happens. How can I put this to an end?

[Amy Ray]

Listen to Indigo Girl song over and over again.

[Tig Notaro]

I was gonna say, I feel like the obvious answer is Indigo Girls. I mean, that's fascinating though, isn't is fascinating.

[Amy Ray]

I mean, it's one thing to have. I've had a song loop through my mind for most of a day, but not night after night after night.

[Tig Notaro]

You know, I had a. I'm just realizing, speaking of dreams, and this isn't going to help Dressy at all, but I had a dream maybe two or three years ago, and you were both in the dream, and the dream was almost like a music video and it was. Do you know the band Rainbow? That classic rock band? No. They have a song called street of Dreams. And that was the song that was. That was playing in my dream that you were both in. And I never liked or cared about that song. And it was kind of a song that I didn't think anything about or I changed immediately because of that dream. I love that song. Now listen, I have more boring stories if you have time.

[Amy Ray]

I was just gonna say for Dressy, like, this is just a little baby practical suggestion. But Jesse, if you played music like at night when you go to sleep, like other music, I wonder if it would infiltrate your dreams instead of Dream on.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, Try an Indigo Girl song. Try Rainbow's street of Dreams. And then let us know if that helps at all. Dressy, we're thinking about you. Last question is one I think we're all looking for an answer to. Allison writes, I hate talking on the phone, but every time my friend calls me, I end up on the phone for over an hour. I don't want to be a jerk and not answer, but I also don't want to be on the phone for so long. What should I do now? I remember having this problem years ago, and I remember asking a friend of mine who's maybe 10, 15 years older than me, I shared this stress that I had. It was before caller id. It was, you know, it was just that lottery of answering the phone and saying hello. And then there is whoever it might be, and this person used to call me all the time. And I answered the phone and I would get stuck for long periods of time. And my friend's advice? Well, she just basically said, you are scared to come across as rude or as Alison says, a jerk. But think about this person who is hijacking your time and not considering that's equally as rude to not consider that maybe you need to wrap up. And so it's okay to just be as direct and forward and say, I have to get off the phone. But, I don't know, do you have any feelings, Emily or Amy?

[Amy Ray]

I mean, I would do what you just said, which is just to be direct. And, you know, I mean, I'd probably be nice about it and say, it's been really nice catching up, but I got to do this or I got to do that, you know? But I. I'm like that person. I do not like to talk on the phone, and I. I get drained of every ounce of energy when I'm engaged with someone in conversation, and I. I can't go on in it. So for me, it's worth it to just say, I gotta go.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Amy Ray]

And it doesn't. I don't. I don't think it's ever come across as being rude. There's a way to do it, but you'll feel so much better.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, yeah. When you think about when you're on a phone call and somebody says, oh, hey, I'm sorry, I have to go, you don't hang up and just trash your house out of frustration. I mean, it's just highly unlikely that somebody can't handle that answer.

[Emily Saliers]

If I was the other person and I was going on and on, it would be a relief to me for someone to say, I gotta go, because maybe I'm going on and on, and I don't even know I'm doing it, because that's me. Like, I'm just like, wow, you know, my brain won't stop and Emily has to do this, you know, she'll. She'll have to say, I. I can't. I'm going to bed. I can't. I can't talk anymore about this tonight. You know, like, if I'm having a million business ideas on the tour bus, you know, oh, I see at night because my brain works at night.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Emily Saliers]

I'm relieved if she says, like, I can't do this right now, or I'm really tired. I can't. I can't. Yeah. I like it when people are straightforward with me because it keeps me in line. I try to remember that because I. I know I think about. The person on the other end is probably appreciative if I'm Just honest.

[Amy Ray]

But, like, if I caught. If I called somebody a lot and, like, every time they were like, I can't talk. Right. I mean, I'd take a. I'd get. I'd take a bite of the Clue burger and, like, not call so much, you know, like, just.

[Tig Notaro]

Exactly.

[Emily Saliers]

Yeah, I can't talk at all. It's like, if you go on and on, right? Because it's like.

[Amy Ray]

Yeah, I just meant if. If. If I. If I could probably tell when someone didn't really like talking on the phone.

[Tig Notaro]

Right. And they're probably not calling you. That's the other thing is. Is to kind of get in check where, you know, what. What are they doing? Do they call me? How often do they call? How. When do they wrap it up? But I do think the more direct you can be, it's gonna leave. It's so nice when people are direct, and it leaves no question about what's going on. I have a friend that's in recovery, and she is so hardcore. And it cracks me up how in check and hardcore with her boundaries she is. And whether it's with me or somebody else, when she's taugh. When she wants you to leave, when she. And it's the funniest thing in the world. And I think some people take it personally and their feelings get hurt, but I always just die laughing and just tell her that I really appreciate it. And I find it so funny where she's, like, really hardcore. We'll just booch out of her house. And when you've settled in and you think you're good at reading a room, and then she's like, all right, ski daddle, get out of here. And. And I just. I don't know. I. I find it amusing.

[Emily Saliers]

And I have a friend that is really good at getting off the phone with me, and I just think about how he would do it, and then I mimic what he would do.

[Tig Notaro]

What does he do?

[Emily Saliers]

He's just really polite, and he's like, hey, I want to hear about this more. Um, and I'm glad we talked about it. Like, he's just really affirming. And then he'll be. But, like, I. I totally have to go. And, like, it's just his tone and his manner is so perfect. And so I'll think inside my head, you know, when I'm talking to somebody, and I have to go, like, how would he do this?

[Tig Notaro]

Wow. You might have an acting career in your future.

[Emily Saliers]

No, no, no. That definitely is not. You know, that's not true.

[Tig Notaro]

No, I Don't. I never thought I'd get into acting. I mean, you're. You're. It sounds like you're describing what a lot of actors think through me.

[Emily Saliers]

I'm a terrible actress.

[Tig Notaro]

My first time acting was on this Comedy Central show called Dog Bites Man. It was Zach Galifianakis show, and he had brought me on because we were old stand up friends and I hadn't auditioned or anything. It was truly just Zach said, oh, I want to. To come on. And it is the most embarrassing thing to see. I walk into the scene in the room, I have my hands out in front of me, and I deliver my lines. And then I just keep my hands directly in front of me. And I didn't even know I was doing it for the entire scene. I just had. I was like this, just holding. And other people said their lines in the scene, then I said my lines, but I just. My hands were frozen and so. I bet you could do better than that.

[Emily Saliers]

You found your voice. That was your voice. That was like your thing.

[Tig Notaro]

I guess so, yeah. That was the early days. But, Alison, you know what? If all else fails, just hang up on your front and just.

[Emily Saliers]

Well, now we have cell phones. It's easier.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, there's also that option.

[Emily Saliers]

Ye.

[Tig Notaro]

Click. But before we go, Amy and Emily, we have one more person to help, and this person is from the past. I call this advice of yesteryear. Okay.

[Amy Ray]

Yesteryear.

[Tig Notaro]

When Jerry brags about taking Ginny out, he learns that she dates all the boys.

[Emily Saliers]

So, as we see now, menstruation is just one routine step in a normal and natural cycle.

[Tig Notaro]

How do you choose a date? Well, one thing you can consider is.

[Emily Saliers]

Look, I did everything you said, but my boss still hasn't asked me to lunch.

[Tig Notaro]

Here we take a real question from an old advice column and we try to offer better advice than the original answer.

[Emily Saliers]

Oh, man, you're good. You're good. You're good with these ideas.

[Tig Notaro]

Okay, this. Come. Thank you. This comes from Dorothy Dix's letterbox from 1934.

[Amy Ray]

Whoa.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah. Dear Dorothy Dix, we are a young couple in very modest circumstances, just getting established. Recently, my husband brought me home from a business trip. A bracelet for a gift. I need so many things more than jewelry that I just couldn't help showing my disappointment when he saw how I felt. He gave me a $20 bill and said he would never give me anything but money in the future and that henceforth I could get my own presence. Do you think I made a mistake? Now, before I give you the answer to this. What do you. What do you. What do you think?

[Amy Ray]

Oh, man.

[Emily Saliers]

Sounds like a good, straightforward arrangement.

[Tig Notaro]

Pretty straightforward.

[Emily Saliers]

That's a good arrangement.

[Tig Notaro]

You know, just to get 20 bucks in your hand.

[Emily Saliers]

I mean, that's what she wants, right?

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, I guess so.

[Emily Saliers]

She needs.

[Tig Notaro]

I'm sure somewhere down the line she's going to want to open something with a bow on it, right?

[Emily Saliers]

Probably, yeah.

[Amy Ray]

You know what's so funny, though? As soon As I heard 1934 and you said, we're a young couple, first thing I thought was, okay, well, it's not a queer couple. There's no way.

[Tig Notaro]

Right.

[Amy Ray]

The second thing I thought was all the advice you'd give today, you wouldn't give in yesteryear. Like, you wouldn't say, communication is the key to a successful marriage, you know, why not? Because I don't think people. I don't think men and women. And I'm generalizing the dynamic. Yeah. I don't think that women had a place to engage as frequently with men in that way where it could talk about feelings and you could talk about what. Whatever codependency was and things like that. So my first thought was, God, good luck with that marriage. But that's not really advice.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, they're dead. But, yeah.

[Amy Ray]

Yeah, it worked out some way or another.

[Emily Saliers]

I think my advice is like, go. Is I. Well, first of all, I think there were people in the 30s that communicated. Probably it was more rare, but, like, my great grandparents were very, really good at talking. It was like a thing, like a model. Anyway, I would. I mean, I would say, go back to your partner and say, I'm sorry for the way I reacted to that, but I'm stressed out and I need. There's all these practical things that I need. But I realize that romance is important, too. So let's start over again. Give me. Let me keep the 20 for now. And next present, you know, give me another chance. That's what I.

[Tig Notaro]

And bump it up to 40.

[Emily Saliers]

Well, this is the 30s, though. I mean, remember, $20 was worth a lot of money right.

[Tig Notaro]

Back then. I know. That's one of the things that stuck out to me was I thought, wow, he's just tossing out $20 bills. This guy's got cash. So if you've got 20, you've got 40.

[Amy Ray]

What did Dorothy say?

[Tig Notaro]

All right, see, Emily's being very straightforward. She's essentially trying to get off the phone call.

[Emily Saliers]

No, I'm saying, how do you know her tricks already? You know her tricks already.

[Tig Notaro]

All right, this is Truly, the answer that was.

[Emily Saliers]

Oh, my God.

[Tig Notaro]

The trouble with practical people is that they are not always good judges of values. And they do not realize that a bit of foolishness that expresses a sentiment may be the most worthwhile thing that is possible for money to purchase. You let him down flat because he had been extravagant, because he wasted his money, because he hadn't brought you something useful. And you've killed something in him that will never come alive again. You've destroyed something in his love that you can never conjure back. The end.

[Emily Saliers]

Whoa.

[Tig Notaro]

I mean, I don't know if Dorothy had a rough run in with somebody. It sounds like there's a lot of resentment here.

[Emily Saliers]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

Like maybe Dorothy or whoever wrote this experienced something similar and is just like, you killed every bit of life inside my heart and soul, you know?

[Emily Saliers]

Totally. But there's merit in it, I guess. You know, maybe in the saying, like, let somebody give you a romantic, impractical gift and, you know, let them have express that part of themselves. I mean, you know what I'm saying?

[Tig Notaro]

No, I. I think you would. I think what you're saying is that you would have thrived in 1934. Well, that. That's. That's the end of Don't Ask Tig. And I think that you guys are very, very great at giving advice. Yeah. I just want to thank you both for coming on. And do you have anything that you would like to plug? A new album maybe?

[Amy Ray]

We do have a new album. It came out in May.

[Emily Saliers]

Trying to remember. Wait a minute. Do we have a record?

[Amy Ray]

I know it's been. Yeah, yeah, look. Long. It's called Looklong.

[Tig Notaro]

Well, get Looklong by the Indigo Girls and you can send in your own [e-mail] and we might try to answer them on a future episode. You can write them down or you can send them in as a voice memo. Again, that's dontasktig.org to reach us with your questions. Emily and Amy, thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

[Amy Ray]

So much fun.

[Emily Saliers]

Awesome. What a great idea for a show.

[Amy Ray]

So much fun. We'll see you down the road.

[Emily Saliers]

Bye.

[Tig Notaro]

Alrighty. Bye. Bye.

[Emily Saliers]

Bye.

[Tig Notaro]

Heads up. Don't Ask Tig has taken a couple of weeks off, but we'll be back shortly with more guests and more advice you probably should not take. I would love for you to send me your questions in an audio message because I want to hear your voices. Go to don't asktig.org to send us your questions and you might hear it on the show.

[Emily Saliers]

I wish that I could give you the answer I wish that I could make you believe I wish that I could put you on your path and set you free that's what your heart is for that's what your heart is.

[Tig Notaro]

If you're enjoying the show, please take a moment to rate and review us. Don't Ask Tig is hosted by me, Tig Notaro. It's produced by Thomas Ouellette, Mary Knoff and Tracy Mumford. Our editor is Phyllis Fletcher, executive producer, Lauren D. Engineering and sound mixing by Eric Rahmani, digital production by Christina Lopez, talent booking by Rocky Benlulu Dubin. Our theme music is Friend and Tig by Edie Burkel and Kyle Krusham and Listen to youo Heart by Edie Burkel. Special thanks to Hunter Seidman, Lily Kim and Alex Shaffert. Our executive consultant is Dean Cappello and Gobsmack Studios. Don't Ask Tig is a production of American Public Media. And as always, thank you, Dana. The Soul to Story podcast is about how teaching kids to read went wrong. But now we have a story about a school district where things are going very right.

[Amy Ray]

Let me make sure my friends are.

[Tig Notaro]

Sitting crisscross applesauce, hands in their lap.

[Amy Ray]

I've never had a child that couldn't read.

[Tig Notaro]

How did they do it? When I tell some of my other colleagues that may be at other schools that this is what I do and they would say, you kidding me? New episodes of Sold a Story are available now in your podcast. Apparently.