The Best Thing That Never Happened to Me

Summary

---

Podcast Summary: Don't Cut Your Own Bangs

Episode: The Best Thing That Never Happened to Me

Host: Danielle Ireland
Guest: John Kippen (Resilience & Empowerment Coach, Magician, Author)
Date: July 6, 2026

---

Episode Overview

This heartfelt episode of "Don't Cut Your Own Bangs" centers on the transformative power of accepting oneself, told through the remarkable story of John Kippen. A resilience and empowerment coach, and former IT CEO turned mainstage magician, John shares how a life-changing brain tumor and subsequent facial paralysis pushed him into deep personal healing—and ultimately, to use his journey to help others. The conversation explores themes of vulnerability, truth, self-acceptance, and finding magic in life's imperfections.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. John's Backstory—From Success to Crisis

• [06:33] John details his upbringing, career, and abrupt health crisis:
  • Grew up an only child, loving parents, middle-class upbringing.
  • Early passion for theater and creativity.
  • Started a thriving IT company post-college—"a creative problem solver" at heart.
  • Diagnosed with a large brain tumor in 2002 (acoustic neuroma), threatening his life.
  • Underwent a 15-hour surgery with permanent side effects: loss of hearing in one ear and facial paralysis.

2. Navigating Trauma & the Long Healing Process

• [08:47] Importance of support during medical crises:
  • “Bring a friend or a family member because it goes in one ear and out the other. You're in shock.” —John ([08:52])
• [14:00] Physical and emotional aftermath:
  • Removing mirrors from his home to avoid confronting his changed face.
  • "I didn't love my smile. And until I, not up here, not in my head, but in my heart, accepted my smile, I couldn't move forward. I couldn't heal." —John ([45:29])

3. The Road to Acceptance & Transformation

• [19:32] Truth as an illusion:
  • “Truth is an illusion. Everybody has their own truth... And the truth is formed out of your limiting beliefs.” —John ([19:32])
• [20:13] Years of withdrawal before resuming public life (12 years hiding):
  • "Missed so many celebrations because I just didn't want to have to explain... did not want to deal with the looks." —John

4. The Power of Vulnerability & Magic

• [25:17] How performing magic became a path to healing:
  • At the Magic Castle, John used his story to transform perceptions and create connection.
  • "I turned my biggest challenge into a super[power]." —John ([27:28])
• [28:37] Magic, presence, and vulnerability:
  • “Magic happens in your mind as a spectator.”
  • “Vulnerability in its purest form is magic… it's the birthplace of true connection.” —Danielle ([31:11])

5. Embracing the Long Journey of Healing

• [32:13] Ten years to reach the main stage at the Magic Castle.
  • Healing is not quick—time and consistency are essential.
  • "The joy really is in the process." —Danielle ([40:01])

6. Living Authentically & With Self-Compassion

• [40:18] The importance of living YOUR dream, not someone else's:
  • "Whose dream are you living?... You're wasting your life by living someone else's dream." —John ([39:36])
• [41:14] Ingenious adaptation during the pandemic:
  • Created a mask with his own face printed on it, subverting the idea of hiding.
  • "I work too hard, too long to get free and I will not hide for you." —John ([41:14])

7. Turning Pain Into Purpose: Coaching & Helping Others

• [38:00] How John's journey supports others:
  • “I have clients come to me because they're holding themselves back... my job is to get that out of them by asking open-ended questions, by building rapport.”

8. Connection to Notable Figures

• [43:02] Friendship with Jamie Lee Curtis, who wrote the foreword to his book.
• [34:24, 35:24] Performed magic for Alex Trebek, emphasizing the reach and impact of his story.

9. The Main Message

• [51:00] On treating others with kindness and seeing beyond appearances:
  • “Treat people who are different with respect to compassion... You never know, you might be in their shoes in an instant.” —John
• [52:29] On self-kindness as a prerequisite for kindness to others:
  • “We don't treat ourselves all that well... best way to treat others kindly is to look within.” —Danielle

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Impossible really means 'I’m possible.'” —Danielle paraphrasing John’s lesson ([05:30])
• “You are the love you're seeking.” —Danielle ([00:30], [46:08])
• “My facial paralysis does not have to define me. I don't let it.” —John ([33:09])
• “Once you smell bullshit, you can't unsmell it.” —Danielle ([01:20], [47:07])
• “Magic is that thing that immediately makes you present.” —John ([30:08])
• “Different is your superpower.” —John ([33:09])
• “I will not hide to hide. Even through a global pandemic, I'm gonna live my life my own turn.” —John ([41:01])
• “What helps others get that realization? They understand they are truly powerful and have a chance to shape their destiny.” —John ([38:37])
• On asking for help and opportunity:
  • “But like the opportunities that you're asking for, you have to ask.” —Danielle ([44:58])
  • Jamie Lee Curtis gently nudging John to ask her to participate in his documentary ([44:04])

---

Important Timestamps for Key Segments

• [00:00-01:20]: The opening reflection on self-acceptance and happiness.
• [06:33-12:32]: John’s personal and medical backstory.
• [14:00-17:03]: The emotional impact of facial paralysis and the process of removal from mirrors/life.
• [19:32-20:13]: John’s perspective on "truth" and limiting beliefs.
• [25:17-28:37]: Transition from hiddenness to performing magic as a form of healing and connection.
• [31:11-33:05]: The role of vulnerability as 'the ultimate magic trick.'
• [36:56-40:01]: Discussion on anxiety, time, and the non-linear nature of healing.
• [41:01-41:14]: The mask story—"I will not hide to hide."
• [43:02-44:15]: Jamie Lee Curtis and the importance of asking for what you want.
• [47:30-49:51]: TED Talk behind-the-scenes and turning technical difficulties into memorable moments.
• [51:00]: Core takeaways about kindness and compassion.

---

Special Moments

• Magic for Alex Trebek ([34:24-35:24]): A heartfelt narrative about bringing levity and wonder to Alex’s battle with cancer.
• Kid's Honest Curiosity ([20:57]): “Mister, what’s wrong with your face?” Powerful moment on unconditional acceptance and difference.
• The Mask Trick ([41:01]): John turning a pandemic necessity (mask-wearing) into an act of radical self-acceptance.

---

Listener Gift

• Special Giveaway:
  • [52:29] John offers a free gift, only accessible to attentive listeners:
    • Go to johnkippen.com/freegift
    • Not linked in the show notes—audio-only surprise!

---

Final Reflections

Both Danielle and John frame healing as a creative, vulnerable, and nonlinear journey. The process of turning personal pain into empowerment and connection is exemplified not only through John’s own transformation but also his commitment to helping others recognize their own hidden magic and limiting beliefs.
Listeners are encouraged to be curious about their inner lives, seek support, and bravely pursue their own truths—even (or especially) when the dream looks different than expected.

---

“My message on the TED Talk was: treat people who are different with respect to compassion. You never know, you might be in their shoes in an instant.”
—John Kippen ([51:00])

---

Transcript

[John Kippen]

I didn't love my smile. And until I, not up here, not in my head, but in my heart, accepted my smile, I couldn't move forward. I couldn't heal. And once I accepted my new smile, I found joy. I found that I could love myself. And what's funny is when you get to that point, you overcome whatever that thing is that's holding you back and you want to share it with every person you come in contact with.

[Danielle Ireland]

Yeah. You are the love you're seeking.

[John Kippen]

Yes.

[Danielle Ireland]

Yes.

[John Kippen]

And you are your acceptance.

[Danielle Ireland]

It reminds me of something he said in an interview in A New Earth. But author Eckhart Tolle said before he went to sleep was, I can't live with myself anymore. And it wasn't about in the interpretation of taking one's own life. But what he realized is that he couldn't live with the self that was hating him. He couldn't live with that self. And that self never woke up. But he did.

[John Kippen]

Through my journey of coming to accept myself for who I am, immediately see others, how they're hiding before they recognize it. And so my coaching is all about not saying, this is why you're hiding. That's what's holding you back.

[Danielle Ireland]

My less eloquent way of saying that to clients, it's once you smell bullshit, you can't unsmell it. It's the scent in the air and you're like, huh, what am I smelling? Oh, it's bullshit. Hello, hello, this is Danielle Ireland and you are catching an episode of don't cut your own veins. And today I have the great pleasure of introducing you to someone I can now call a new friend. John is a multi hyphenate. He has had quite a life and he's an excellent storyteller. So this episode, you're gonna wanna buckle up. It is so good. Get those AirPods in, go on your walk, get safely in your car, get ready to listen because this is just an absolutely beautiful episode. But let me tell you a little bit about John. John is a resilience and empowerment coach. He was and is the CEO of a very successful IT company. He was a main stage performer at the Magic Castle in Los Angeles. So if that just gives you a little insight, is the level of his magic. He is a motivational speaker, he's a life coach, and he has a TED Talk that has received over a million views. And the heartbeat of this TED Talk is how he triumphs over tragedy with a diagnosis of a tumor the size of a golf ball that is separating his brainstem and the procedure he needed to save his life changed his life forever. Doing the work of healing does not come easily to anyone. But as John so beautifully puts in this episode, if John can do it, you can do it. He's using his story, his vulnerable and raw experiences, and talking about not only what happened to him, but how he moved through the impossible. He actually coins a phrase that I love and I'm going to keep, which is that impossible really means I'm possible. So the ultimate magic trick, the ultimate illusion, is what your limiting beliefs are about yourself and how do you use facing those fears and those limiting beliefs to transform your life. And in John's case, he takes that healing and offers it as a gift to us as listeners, to his clients, and his coaching practice, to the readers of his book. He has authored a book, the foreword by none other than the Jamie Lee Curtis from all of the places. You know her, most recently the Bear where she won an Emmy. But everything, everywhere, all at once, she and John are buds and she believes in him and believes in his work. And as a champion of that work, it just adds a little extra sparkle and fairy dust to the beautiful work that he's already doing to say that he's been vetted by someone who is so sparkly and magnetic and also deeply entrenched in holding space for the truth and honoring the truth. This is a heartfelt episode. So what I would recommend, if you're in a place to do so, is you might want to jot some notes down because John drops some beautiful wisdom nuggets in this episode and the book that he authored is playing the hand you're dealt. And what I want to share too. We talk about it in the episode, but I want to highlight this because it's really important. John is giving everyone who listens to the episode a free gift, but it is not linked in the show notes. It is only available to those of you who listen. It's a special little surprise embedded in the episode that you have to listen to find, but it is a free gift from him to you. So without further ado, get ready to sit back, relax and enjoy the beautiful wisdom of John Kippen Kippen, multi hyphenate resilience and empowerment coach, magician, keynote speaker, author and all around nice guy. Thank you for joining me today on the don't cut your own bangs podcast. A Hollywood legend wrote the foreword of his beautiful book, playing the hand you're dealt forward by the one and only Take it away, John Lee Curtis. Jamie Lee Curtis. Yes. So you have to stay and listen to the entire episode because he's going to tease out a special little giveaway that will only be revealed in the audio. So you gotta listen. It's not gonna be linked in the show notes, folks. So buckle up, sit down. This is gonna be a great episode with a fun gift for you. A special little dose of magic hidden inside. So, John, you. I mean, all the different fun things that we listed about what you do, you're a magician, you're a motivational speaker, you're a coach. What I know doing the work I do as a therapist is the skills and trade that you're building your life on. Those were skills that they were hard won. Like, nobody chooses, in my opinion. And in my experience, no one choose to go into a helping profession that hasn't needed help in their life. It's like the. Our healing becomes our medicine. And I really want to learn about not just what you offer, but your healing journey that put you in the unique position you're in to do the work you do. So welcome, and I'd love to hear from you.

[John Kippen]

So just quickly, the Reader's Digest version of my backstory. Brooke, Los Angeles, Middle class family, two great parents, loving, no sisters or brothers. Had everything I needed. They sent me to a nice school, and I got into theater. Started doing theater in college. I studied theater and became the big man on campus because pretty much I grabbed every opportunity that presented itself. Started a computer company out of college because I'm a creative problem solver. That's the thread that goes through everything I do in my life. Got a problem, I say, how am I going to solve it? And then in June of July of 2002, I was diagnosed with a 4 1/2 centimeter brain tumor called an acoustic dilemma.

[Danielle Ireland]

Yes. And this was. It was slowly severing your brainstem. Correct.

[John Kippen]

It was displacing the brainstem, causing not only hearing issues, but dizziness upon standing or walking. I had to have something done with it. I would not have survived.

[Danielle Ireland]

Mm.

[John Kippen]

And it was a whirlwind. I went and saw the doctor who finally diagnosed it after seeing him the MRI films, and he. He had no bedside manner. I remember sitting on the examining room table, Right. And the. The tissue tape was crinkling under my butt. I can feel the. I can sense the temperature. I'm. Heightened sensitivity. Looks at the MRI after talking to a neurosurgeon, and he turns around and says, john, you have a 4 1/2 centimeter brain tumor. It's killing you. We're operating you on Friday, you're going to go deaf on your left ear and there's a possibility for some facial weakness. We're going to do everything we can to prevent that.

[Danielle Ireland]

So he knew and in his own brash and abrupt way, essentially prepared you for the outcome and challenges that would come. Assuming the surgery was a success.

[John Kippen]

Yeah. He is a world renowned acoustic neuroma surgeon. He's one of the guys you go to when you kind of tumor and that's all he does. Wow. But he literally left the room and I'm sitting there and didn't bring anybody. And.

[Danielle Ireland]

Yeah.

[John Kippen]

A tip to anyone who's potentially going in for a serious diagnosis.

[Danielle Ireland]

Yeah.

[John Kippen]

Bring a friend or a family member because it goes in one ear and out the other. You're in shock.

[Danielle Ireland]

Right, Right.

[John Kippen]

Get home and you say, wait a minute. He said that the surgeon couldn't be 4 hours or 14 hours or 20. How long, how long was. You have all these questions? You know, getting a hold of the doctor to ask them again is just not the way our medical system works. These back to back to back to back patients. So I checked in the night before, they did blood tests and I tried to get an hour or two sleep. 6am like clockwork. The orderly came in and said, okay, get naked, get on this cold gray sheet over you and we're gonna take you to the operating room.

[Danielle Ireland]

I wanna pause your story for a moment. Cause there's a couple things that I wanna tease out a little. So one is you, the way that you tell your story so well, probably because you've told it on stages, you've shared it with others, you've written about it. There is something about a trauma that really marks the sort of bcad of life. And the way you shared. I felt like I was in the room with you when you were getting this bomb of news dropped on you. So you were theater trained theater kid, a creative person, a creative problem solver and a business owner. Like I think about that often when people are experiencing trauma. What was life? Sort of the illusion of normalcy, the, the, you know, the predictability of this is my life and this is my to do list and this is my calendar. So before that moment, you were just a guy on the west coast running a business, is that right?

[John Kippen]

Very successful business.

[Danielle Ireland]

And I just want to share briefly too. I haven't met too many other only children theater background. Because that's me too.

[John Kippen]

Oh really?

[Danielle Ireland]

I'm an only child and I was a theater major and started acting when I was 13.

[John Kippen]

So before.

[Danielle Ireland]

But the creative problem solver. God. My theater background has paid dividends in ways I didn't know at the time. I didn't know that when I was preparing for this interview. But now that you've said that, it's like that thing that I couldn't put my finger on has clicked into place.

[John Kippen]

I love doing improv. Improv is the, you know, everybody talks about being in the moment.

[Danielle Ireland]

Yeah.

[John Kippen]

What does that really mean, being in the moment? When you do improv, you have to be in the moment. The water, you fall flat, they're doing improv, looks at you, going, well, it's your turn.

[Danielle Ireland]

You've tapped in. Now you've got to say something. How are you going to move the story forward? Exactly. I feel most alive when I'm engaged in moments like that. And I, it's. I'm not a adrenaline junkie, but I would say that's my high. It's the flush of connecting with somebody like that. So you were running a very successful business. This bomb is dropped. You can barely remember what you were told and what your life is likely going to be. Assuming everything goes well, what is going to happen when you wake up off your. And how long Was your operation?

[John Kippen]

15 hours.

[Danielle Ireland]

And the surgery was a success. They were able to remove the golf ball plate. Yeah. So they removed the golf ball sized tumor.

[John Kippen]

I didn't have time to think. You know, I got one of my guys who worked with me, told him that he was going to be running the company for a month or two. He agreed. Had to shovel up some more money to get him to do it. But, you know, it is what it is. You do what you have to do.

[Danielle Ireland]

Yeah.

[John Kippen]

And then I just tried to think positively, hope for the best, the worst. You know, I had someone going to stay with me the first week, make food because I just wanted to recover and I didn't know what it was going to be like.

[Danielle Ireland]

Yeah, you're like, I just need a week to recover and then I'm just going to hop back into life. Hopefully.

[John Kippen]

Rolling the gurney into the surgical prep there, the nurse saying, hey, John, you know, we know you have to shave half your head. You want me to do it now or after you're under?

[Danielle Ireland]

So you didn't even know that they were going to shave your head?

[John Kippen]

Well, I didn't think about it. I mean, if I had thought about it, I got to shave part of my head.

[Danielle Ireland]

Right.

[John Kippen]

It's led to her. Please.

[Danielle Ireland]

Yeah.

[John Kippen]

And so they roll me into the operating room. You got these really Bright lights blinding you. And you're laying there, and they're like, okay, you're going to count back towards five. The next thing I know, I hear faint voices. It was like I was 30 meters deep in the pool, struggling to get to the surface. My way. This look. It was yesterday, literally trying to swim to the servants to regain consciousness. And finally, when I got enough, I realized that my dad was sitting on the edge of my bed, holding my hand, smile. But I didn't see my mom. So I asked my dad for my glasses, and he handed me my glasses. And I remember trying to look. And then I realized my head's band, right? So I had to figure out how to get the glasses and cockeye to get them on my face. And the look on her face was one of horrors. What did these butchers do to my son's face? And at that point, I didn't know my face was paralyzed. I have false healing. I just can't move.

[Danielle Ireland]

So you currently, you still have full feeling in your face. You just lost mobility.

[John Kippen]

So I didn't really understand what that look was.

[Danielle Ireland]

Right. How could you?

[John Kippen]

And then my mom handed me her compact makeup, and I opened it up, and I'm like, holy crap. And that I'm still getting accustomed to. The one thing I noticed is leading into surgery, I was constantly dizzy, and that dizziness was gone.

[Danielle Ireland]

Wow.

[John Kippen]

That was like, oh, my God. What a relief. So the doctor finally made way in, and I was like, so when's my face going to move? And he said, john, we were successful. The tumor's removed. Right. When we were closed the incision, your face stopped moving. But we think so it's just to do the swelling. And once the swelling goes down, your patients start moving again. So I'm like, okay, I can handle that. It's not a permanent thing. I can deal with it. So I'm in the hospital a week, and they're like, when you can do three laps around the hospital floor without a walker, we'll send you home. So that became my goal. I remember getting out of bed and then, no, no, no. Wait for the. I said, no. The doctor said that I need a ROC.3 lapse around. I want to get the hell out of here. Five days. I got home, my dad drove me home, and I sat on my couch and start healing. Check the email here or there. And I was taking lots of naps, and then I caught, and I touched the back of my neck, and it was wet. It was a spinal fluid leak on the base of the incision. So immediately, I called the doctors almost and said, oh, get your ass back here. And I went back to the hospital three times for them to redo the bed to try to prevent the leak.

[Danielle Ireland]

Wait, you call the hospital, hey, there's spinal fluid leaking out of my surgical incision. And they're like, yeah, you should get in a car and drive yourself to the hospital.

[John Kippen]

They didn't say how I should get to the hospital.

[Danielle Ireland]

Okay, fair, fair. But that.

[John Kippen]

Okay, wow, that's not good. There was potential for getting spinal meningitis, from what I understand is one of the most extreme pains out there.

[Danielle Ireland]

Okay.

[John Kippen]

I went back and forth three different times over that week. They tried. It was just right behind my ear, right at the base of the incision. So there was no way that they were going to be able to put a pressure damage to keep that, and so it could start healing. So they finally said, all right, tomorrow you're going to come in and we're going to do the incision and pull more belly fat out of your belly to fill the hole. And, yeah, this time they used staples and thick Frankenstein all the way up. But then I'm like, I was only in the hospital for a day. I did relax. I remember getting up and brushing my teeth. I'm looking at the mirror.

[Danielle Ireland]

Yeah.

[John Kippen]

And I got rid of all the mirrors in my house. I didn't want a constant reminder.

[Danielle Ireland]

There's so much specificity to what is uniquely your story. But what I have found is when people are able to share elements of their experience, it's when you go into the specificity of what you experienced. I can see myself in so many elements of your story in my own. When we get in deeper, it becomes somehow more accessible and universal. And in that way, you're not alone. Even though it happened to you. And that detail about your removing the mirrors from your home, it brings me to something I really wanted to ask you about. You share by saying, and then also by actually demonstrating in your TED Talk that once you began the healing process of really addressing your depression after your operation, that the story, it led you to magic, literally. And I also think in a more magical way, beyond performing an illusion. I know not to call it a trick. I learned that from Arrested Development. But there's something you said that I wanted to quote, that it's amazing how accepting kids are of the truth. You open up your TED Talk, which I will link in the show notes so people can see, but that you mentioned that this in a way that your permission and your humor and your honesty it created levity and lightness for something that would be considered maybe so precious and heavy. And what I want to speak to and open up a question, if that's okay, is I'm curious what your relationship with the truth is, because I think humor, in its highest expression is allowing us to laugh at something that we see the truth in. And yet it's this razor's edge between laughing at someone or laughing at something versus inviting us to laugh at the human experience that we maybe don't know how to name or express in another way. But I want to know personally for you what your relationship is with the truth and the value of embracing it. And then in your line of work as a coach, where do you see people struggle with it?

[John Kippen]

Truth is an illusion.

[Danielle Ireland]

Oh, tell me more. That just. That was a zingy response that you popped right out. Please tell me more.

[John Kippen]

Yeah, truth. Everybody has their own truth. Well, they're eating their own perspective. And the truth is formed out of your limiting beliefs.

[Danielle Ireland]

So the truth is formed out of your limited beliefs, your limiting beliefs. Limiting beliefs.

[John Kippen]

Okay, I just wanted to take a slight step back. I told you this was going to be the Reader's Digest. Yes, but it took 12 years to come out of that hiding.

[Danielle Ireland]

Well, how old were you when you had your operation?

[John Kippen]

33.

[Danielle Ireland]

33.

[John Kippen]

And fortunately for me, I could work from home, but I missed so many celebrations with friends and family because I just didn't want to have to explain it. I didn't want to have to deal with the looks. And I tell this story on my TED Talk and in my book at a restaurant. I wanted to get a burger at Tony Romas. I'm sitting there by myself in a booth, and there's a booth right in front of me and there's a family with a kid, two parents and a kid. And the kid, squirming, gets up and turns around, is now on his knees on the bench and looking at me. And he gets up and he comes over and he says, mister, what's wrong with your face? And in that moment, I didn't want to have a five or six year old come over and.

[Danielle Ireland]

Right.

[John Kippen]

And I'm like, okay, I had the strength to come out and go to a restaurant. I have to deal with this. So I started talking to this little boy and saying I had a medical procedure that caused me not to be able to move my face. Before I could continue, his mom grabbed him. Drug him back, don't bother him. The nice man, he has enough troubles already. I could leave him There. So I had to go to the little boy and I knelt down and I love. I said I love my new face because it's different. It's just like yours. And I remember it like it was yesterday. He took his fingers and he tried to distort his face to be crooked like mine. And he turned to his mom and said, look man, I can do that too. And then he went back to eating his meal. His question was answered. He had no judgment and his parents were like, holy crap, did we just learn a lesson? Raised our child. They whispered.

[Danielle Ireland]

But there is something. There's something to that woman's response to you that really resonated with me. And it also highlights the point you made so well about the. Essentially the truth being relative because she projected onto you what her perception of your life was. Don't bother the nice man. One, she didn't know you were nice though. You are. But she didn't know that.

[John Kippen]

Right.

[Danielle Ireland]

And she also didn't know what your troubles were or weren't. And she assumed that.

[John Kippen]

But I always wonder what her motives were.

[Danielle Ireland]

Right.

[John Kippen]

Was it to make me go or was it to make her and her son.

[Danielle Ireland]

It was for her. I think so.

[John Kippen]

And that's how I took it.

[Danielle Ireland]

I remember. So I have two children and I was pregnant once before and lost that pregnancy 12 weeks in. And I haven't thought about this in a very long time, but I remember going into a annual doctor's appointment and she saw on the chart that I was listed as pregnant and clearly now was not. And it was in her own discomfort of not. She was asking me about the baby thinking because she was not my obgyn, it was a different type of doctor. And she caught. Oh. And then I had sort of explained to her what that meant. And then she said, well, I'm sure you blame yourself and I want you to know it's not your fault. Like she took her discomfort and tried to turn it into. She positioned herself above as someone who knew what he was experiencing and wanted to offer me this sympathy. That was one. She was wrong.

[John Kippen]

Yeah.

[Danielle Ireland]

I didn't blame myself. And it that that moment was such an extension of her own inability to hold the moment and the discomfort of the moment and tried to offer it up as a gift for me. Which that's.

[John Kippen]

Yeah, it's your perception of how you deal with that. Losing a child can be empowering if you know that you can try again and get a child that not going to have any kind of defects. Have a good life, you know, whether or Not. You believe in God or not.

[Danielle Ireland]

Yeah.

[John Kippen]

Things happen for a reason, and we don't always understand the reason for them.

[Danielle Ireland]

I don't know if it. What the reason was, but I can say a gift from that was that somebody who lived with a very active monkey mind and a lot of head trash and some anxiety. The experience of the early grief, not for very long, but there was a moment in time where my mind was quiet. Not numb, but quiet. And it helped me realize, oh, there's the observer within me. And then there are the different conversations that are happening in my head that aren't me, which are maybe the perceptions that I call truth. Sometimes I want to bring that same question of truth, which you had an answer I was not expecting, which I love when I never see it coming. So thank you. Where do you see your clients? Because you're a coach, right. You are taking your healing and offering it as medicine to people that are trying to make a connection in their own life. So where do you see people that you work with struggle with the truth?

[John Kippen]

Everybody's hiding for some, something in their life. They have buried something so deep, and it keeps them from moving forward in their lives because it erodes their self. And that's what I learned through my love for performing. Going to the Magic Castle, sitting at a table with a paralyzed face. I'm this overweight guy with balding. Balding with a paralyzed face. I could sit at a table and have people come to me. I tell this story. Sometimes the Magic Castle is a place where you have to get dressed up to the nines. You know, when women get dressed up.

[Danielle Ireland]

That's true.

[John Kippen]

They're wearing their best outfits. Right. And all of a sudden, I'd have five or six women sitting at the table. And their reactions are very guarded. You know, they're sitting there with their legs and arms crossed. They're leaning back, and they have a smile that's more of a grin. Doesn't know what I'm about.

[Danielle Ireland]

Sure.

[John Kippen]

They don't know if I'm going to be inappropriate, if I'm going to go on to them, if I'm what it is. So they have no explications other than they're going to see some magic. So I start my act saying, hi, guys, my name is John, and I'm doing magic all my Life. But in 2002, I had a brain tumor. And when they cut open my head, they traumatized my facial nerve and some paralyzed face. Well, something happened to me on that table that day, Daniel. I'm not sure what it was because I was unconscious. All I know is I recovered. I realized I had acquired some new skills. And I paused. Yeah. And I wait for everybody to get on the edge of their seat.

[Danielle Ireland]

Like, what happened, John?

[John Kippen]

Skills I could acquire from having brain shirt look to my right, and I look to my left like, it's the biggest secret. Lean in, and I whisper in a loud voice as I am able to visualize people's thought. And then I do some mental magic. Mentalism. And what I just did was I turned my biggest challenge into a super.

[Danielle Ireland]

Yes, you did. And I want to pause you, because when you said that in your talk. Have. Have you read Elizabeth Gilbert's book, Big Magic?

[John Kippen]

Yes.

[Danielle Ireland]

When she talks about trickster energy, I was like, john Kippen is a freaking trickster. That is trickster energy that you can shift before someone's very eyes. It's like you are performing magic, and you are performing magic. You shifted before them, and you invited them, your audience, to see beyond their own limiting beliefs, their own did truth.

[John Kippen]

They were distracted. They wanted to know why it was paralyzed with the goodness. Did he have a stroke? Did he have Bell's palsy? What was it? So I found them being distracted when I was performing. So I got that away in the first two minutes. I explained why my face is paralyzed. Now I treat it as the experience is. Now I'm able to do superhuman thing. And now they're like, okay. So as I perform, I focus on spectator. Magic happens in your mind as a spectator.

[Danielle Ireland]

Oh, I love that. Magic happens in your mind. If you've ever wanted to start a journaling practice but didn't know where to start, or if you've been journaling off and on your whole life, but you're like, I want to take this work deeper. I. I've got you covered. I've written a journal called A Journal for Unearthing you. It's broken down into seven key areas of your life, filled with stories, sentence stems, prompts, questions, and exercises, all rooted in the work that I do with actual clients in my therapy sessions. I have given these examples to clients in sessions as homework, and they come back with insights that allow us to do such incredible work. This is. Is something you can do in the privacy of your own home, whether you're in therapy or not. It has context, it has guides, and hopefully some safety bumpers to help digging a little deeper feel possible, accessible, and safe. You don't have to do this alone. And there's also a guided, treasured meditation series that accompanies each section in the journal to help ease you into the processing state. So my hope is to help guide you in into feeling more secure with the most important relationship in your life, the one between you and you. Hop on over to the show notes and grab your copy today. And now back to the episode.

[John Kippen]

Magic is what you see, your mind or someone else sees in their mind. Magic is that thing that immediately makes you present.

[Danielle Ireland]

Yeah.

[John Kippen]

And you're. All of your centers are now in a heightened state. Whether it's a sunset or a beautiful beach or a beautiful woman or a magic trick or whatever it is, there's sense of wonder. So as I would start to take eat dinner, I would learn their name and I would use their names throughout the show.

[Danielle Ireland]

People love that people.

[John Kippen]

The one word in everybody's language that they love to hear the most, their own name. And so I use that as a way of engaging the audience and they start leaning in and now they've got real smiles on their face. And I can literally see this wall that women in today's society are forced to put up as a self protection. Yeah. I see this wall as they start to identify with me and they're like, I'm okay being myself. And at the end of this, they're asking permission to hug me. And having a creative mind, I wanted to understand what that is, what that. What was going on.

[Danielle Ireland]

You also, not only through performing magic, inviting the curiosity you could see in other people's faces into your opening act, essentially, or your sleight of hand. I'm going to show you this over here so that you can not see what's coming here. Vulnerability in its purest form is magic because it's the one thing sharing the story you feel like you couldn't share. Letting somebody see the one part of you that you would never let anybody see because you were so utterly convinced you would be outed or you would be cast out by exposing that vulnerability is the birthplace of true connection.

[John Kippen]

Yeah.

[Danielle Ireland]

Which is the ultimate magic trick. It's. It's like what they say in nightmares, if you stop and face the thing that's chasing you, it can't chase you anymore in the dream. And so you spent a decade. Did I remember that correctly? You wanted to be a main stage performer at the Magic Castle. It took you about 10 years and you did it.

[John Kippen]

I did, yeah.

[Danielle Ireland]

10 years, yeah. 10 years.

[John Kippen]

It was my creative coping. I had hit rock bottom. Was I suicidal? No, not really. But I was unhappy. Yeah, I was. My girlfriend left me and fortunately I had a job that I could focus on. But I needed something more. And through sharing something so personal and tying magic into it and making it a positive instead of a negative, people are attracted.

[Danielle Ireland]

Yeah. Well, because you're holding fire in your hand.

[John Kippen]

Yeah.

[Danielle Ireland]

You're not just saying it's possible, but you're living and you're turning it into a performance, which I think for an artist is one of the most selfless, beautiful acts.

[John Kippen]

It's what separates great artists from mediocre.

[Danielle Ireland]

I never thought about that with magic. What are they giving me to care about?

[John Kippen]

Yeah. What do I want them to think when they leave? The ability to put your own life gone. Can so cannot. That's my true message. Different is your superpower. My facial paralysis does not have to define me. I don't let it. Daniel. I live my life that it's better to ask for forgiveness and permission, and that's me in the butt numerous times.

[Danielle Ireland]

I can also say the opposite can bite you in the butt. I think I waited probably too long many times for permission that wasn't really coming because no one can ultimately grant it. Like, if there's a path you want to carve, like the job that you built, all of the different things that you've done, there's no Resume posted on LinkedIn. No one's like, that's an empowerment coach slash magician slash keynote speaker slash document like that. You have to get curious and still and listen to that little voice inside and follow that curiosity to a path that may not make sense for anyone for a really long time. And I didn't do that. And that can bite you in the butt too, because regret's hard to hold.

[John Kippen]

Came out on national television to his hand to the world and said, I'm scared. I am fighting the battle of my life and I'm going to ask for everyone's thoughts and prayers is what I'm going. I reached out to Nikki Alex's and I said, nikki, I need to perform. We're having a 75th birthday party in the entertainment.

[Danielle Ireland]

Hell yeah. I will go to his house and perform magic for him.

[John Kippen]

Restaurant.

[Danielle Ireland]

But for a restaurant. Okay.

[John Kippen]

Unique magic show, Jeopardy themes and the whole nine yards. And he was actually at table as one of my assistant daughter. So he was this. He needed to understand things. Work was genius. And so he was constantly looking at me like, that's not possible. Just brace it, Alex. You're not going to spread out. Just enjoy it.

[Danielle Ireland]

That's awesome.

[John Kippen]

And there's on my website, john kippen.com, there's magic videos and two videos of me performing. I said, alex, I need to share something with you that when you came out so publicly, you're done. Ask for everybody's support and love and prayers that resonate. I am here to give to you. You've been a part of my life, the lives of millions and your life's work is meaningful and I just wanted to. I'm a feeling no one ever takes the time to say for your life's work, you immediately started well enough.

[Danielle Ireland]

Well, anybody who makes something look easy that we do take for granted. And I think that, like I appreciate so much. In the telling of your story, you share not just the struggles, but the time. You had a vision of yourself on the main stage, performing at the Magic Castle, like the most elusive place where magic is. And you didn't just want to get in, you didn't just want to get an audition, you didn't want to just like get to perform an illusion like main stage. You didn't just have a goal, you had the goal and you did it. But you also say that it took you 10 years. And there's usually themes that run with anxiety about not enough and the crunchiness of time. There's never enough time. I'm not enough and there's not enough time.

[John Kippen]

And not being worthy.

[Danielle Ireland]

Yes, yes, yes. One of my main motivations when I started this podcast originally several years ago was I was starting to increasingly feel trapped in this sort of world of a before and after story. And it was no longer feeling inspirational. It was just another measuring stick for how not enough. Because it's great to see where somebody was and where they are. But when I'm knee deep in my own struggle, when I'm the caterpillar, goo and the chrysalis and I'm not the shiny butterfly, but I'm also not the caterpillar anymore, what do I do when my life is literally a shitty pile of goo? This is something that most clients don't come right out and ask me, like in sessions one, two and three. But it inevitably comes, well, I've been doing this for so many months. How much longer is it gonna take? How long is it going to take? And I just always, I appreciate when people can acknowledge the time and consistency that goes into healing is in the

[John Kippen]

journey, not in the destination. And that's something really focused on my client. I have clients come to me because they're holding themselves back in their life and it's my job to get that out of them by asking open ended questions, by Building a rapport. I could trust this guy.

[Danielle Ireland]

Yeah. Would you say that's your superpower as a coach?

[John Kippen]

Through my journey of reverse engineering who I am and who I wanted to, not the other side, I immediately understood. Not about me.

[Danielle Ireland]

Yes. It's only true every single time joy comes.

[John Kippen]

What helps others get that realization? They understand they are truly powerful and have a chance to shake their destiny. That's why I talk about limiting beliefs. We grow up with our parents or whoever raised us. Those are our belief systems. And so that's what forms who you are. You stop dreaming. That's what midlife crisis is all but out. Yeah. We got educated, we got a job. We built a career. We have a family.

[Danielle Ireland]

It's. I think the version of that I hear in my sessions is essentially, I did everything right. Shouldn't I be feeling better than I am? Like, I followed all the rules. I'm winning. Why does it not feel like I'm winning? And finding our way back to that? The unlearning and the unraveling, that is a. It's a process.

[John Kippen]

I'll talk to a friend. How you doing? And so many people respond. Living the dream. But is it your dream you're living? Whose dream are you living is you're wasting your life by living someone else's dream. And that's why you get to that point in life where it's not enough, because it's not your dream. You just finished the last 30 years building.

[Danielle Ireland]

Yeah. The joy really is in the process. And there's no way to enjoy the process of fulfilling the wishes of somebody else. Because you. What you're constantly chasing is, when I get there, then the relief will come. And then you're there, and you're like, well, where's my pot of gold?

[John Kippen]

Yeah. I spent 20 years learning how not to hide my face. And what happened In March, in 2020, the pandemic hit. Now, covering your face with a mask became not only politically correct, but government mandated. And I'm, like, sitting there thinking to myself, what do I do? So I found a company who prints things on masks, and I sent them a picture of my face, a picture of the lower part of my jaw.

[Danielle Ireland]

Trickster energy. John Kippen, Trickster. That's the new hyphen to your list of all of your accomplishments.

[John Kippen]

I would walk around and strangers would look at it, not understand.

[Danielle Ireland]

Right, Right.

[John Kippen]

People who knew me would do a double.

[Danielle Ireland]

I will not hide to hide.

[John Kippen]

Even through a global pandemic.

[Danielle Ireland]

Yeah.

[John Kippen]

I'm gonna live my life my own turn Yeah.

[Danielle Ireland]

I work too hard, too long to get free and I will not hide for you. Wow. Wow.

[John Kippen]

When I share that story, people like, well, John's done some soul searching, which

[Danielle Ireland]

is why your clients come to you.

[John Kippen]

Yeah.

[Danielle Ireland]

Yeah. I. I unfortunately have come across many people in the helping profession that haven't started with their first client, which is themselves. I put myself in that camp. I've talked about it on the podcast before, but I didn't start seeing a therapist until I became one, which is probably not the right order, but I didn't realize until I was sitting there trying to help people. And then my own stuff was getting activated in the session. It's called countertransference. And, yeah, I was like, oh, shit, I gotta look at the mirror. I gotta do a little more digging. But I think what leads a lot of people into helping professions is a desire to heal. And it sounds like in your case, you did the Herculean task of lifting your own self up before you said, now what can I offer you? I want to ask just a purely curious, selfish question before we get to the very end, I want to ask, in your book, Playing the Hand, your Dell, how did you connect with Jamie Lee Curtis? The same way you did Alex Trebek. Did you just find someone and you DM them and you're like, her assistant

[John Kippen]

worked for a production company in a previous job.

[Danielle Ireland]

Gotcha.

[John Kippen]

I knew Jamie was like, I need some help. My computer. Her assistant said, I've got the guy from you. And I remember being at Jamie's house. She knew me before my facial surgery.

[Danielle Ireland]

So you have a history that.

[John Kippen]

Oh, yeah, we met in 2000.

[Danielle Ireland]

Okay. Okay.

[John Kippen]

So she saw me before. She saw the struggle. She has two great kids and she adopted as her third child. She saw the ability to help me. And so I had a filmmaker friend of mine reach out and said, john, I love your story. I want to film a documentary on you. And I'm like, cool. I realized I'm paying for the damn documentary.

[Danielle Ireland]

Oh. So I want to offer you this gift. And by the way, here's the bill.

[John Kippen]

Yes, exactly. But at that point, I'm all in. And I'm like, what do I have to lose? I'm a risk taker. I can afford it. I've got money in the bank. Well, let's make sure we stay on budget or close to budget. So there I am working on Jamie's computer, and I'm staring at the screen, and I'm summoning the courage. Ask Jamie. So I'm telling her the story, my Friend Brian is going to direct this documentary about my life and my journey. And then I say, pause. And I'm just staring at the screen, feel these eyes burning into the side of my head. And Jamie says, and I love that

[Danielle Ireland]

she didn't do it for you, but she made you do it.

[John Kippen]

And then at that point, I realized what the question was. I said, jamie, will you be in my ducking butter? And she goes, yes, I will.

[Danielle Ireland]

Yeah.

[John Kippen]

She gets it going through her sobriety. She wears her sobriety on her shoulder as a badge of honor. And that is her message.

[Danielle Ireland]

Yeah.

[John Kippen]

If she can get people to stop drinking by showing up for people, that's her ultimate goal in life. And so she saw in me what I didn't see.

[Danielle Ireland]

And you asked the question. I think it's a lesson that I feel like I'm eternally playing a game of peekaboo with where I forget and then I remember, and then I forget and I remember. But, like the opportunities that you're asking for, you have to ask.

[John Kippen]

Yes.

[Danielle Ireland]

You have to say the thing which is so brave and so vulnerable. But then the magic is sometimes when you ask, someone will say yes. Now, in your case, she was essentially lovingly poking you until you asked.

[John Kippen]

There was a point where I was debating plastic surgery. Did I want to try to fix my face? Because at the end of the day, I wanted symmetry. At rest, I wanted to be able to get rid of the droopiness and just have a symmetrical base. That's all I really wanted.

[Danielle Ireland]

Sure.

[John Kippen]

Because I would see. I hate my smile. And I've had friends come up. Dawn, your first smile. We love your smile. I didn't love my smile. And until I, not up here, not in my head, but in my heart, accepted my smile, I couldn't move forward. I couldn't heal. And once I accepted my new smile, I found joy. I found that I could love myself. And what's funny is when you get to that point, you overcome whatever that thing is that's holding you back.

[Danielle Ireland]

Yeah.

[John Kippen]

And you want to share it with every person you come in contact with.

[Danielle Ireland]

Yeah. You are the love you're seeking.

[John Kippen]

Yes. Yes, you are your acceptance.

[Danielle Ireland]

It reminds me of something he said in an interview in A New Earth. But author Eckhart Tolle said that right before his essential death of the. He called it the death of his ego, but we could call it enlightenment or rebirth. But he remembers the last thing he said before he went to sleep was, I can't live with myself anymore. And it wasn't about in the Interpretation of taking one's own life. But what he realized is that he couldn't live with the self that was hating him. He couldn't live with that self. And that self never woke up. But he did.

[John Kippen]

Through my journey of coming to accept myself for who I am, immediately see others, how they're hiding before they recognize it. And so my coaching is all about not saying, this is why you're hiding. That's what's holding you back.

[Danielle Ireland]

What you said about once you. You see somebody's wall so clearly because you understand your own so well. My less eloquent way of saying that to clients, it's, once you smell bullshit, you can't unsmell it. It's the scent in the air. And you're like, huh, what am I smelling? Oh, it's bullshit. Well, John, I would love to know your don't cut your own bang moment on that stage.

[John Kippen]

There are a thousand people in the audience. And I had theatrical training. I had to talk, memorize. It had to be 12 minutes long, and we're doing a magic trick with other people that are coming upstage. I needed to control that. I got there early the morning of the TED Talk and helped the guys focus the lights so that it looked better. I'm all in. I want to shine in this TED Talk. I remember I'm going up on stage and I'm saying to the cherry picker operator, can I get a new hand? Because I have lighting experience. And I expected the presenter. Someone said, no, no, John, you're the actor. Go in your green room, and there's some donuts and coffee, and we'll call you already. But she did. She knew that I was there to make the entire event better, and she let me do it.

[Danielle Ireland]

That's awesome.

[John Kippen]

This is my field stage in front of a thousand people. And I knew that I had a limited time to get the audience on my side, to get the audience engaged. How was I going to be able to break their. Going through their phone, talking to a neighbor, drinking, eating, stacking, you know, full day of speech.

[Danielle Ireland]

Yeah.

[John Kippen]

So I said, I want to go first. And everybody, I said, great, but we don't want to ask. You can go first. And right before the emcee went on stage to introduce me, I turned Monopoly money into real money and then back again. So as a magician, everything was possible. I turned Monopoly into real money, but then I realized that's actually called counterfeiting for, like seven seconds. I did that to the emcee, and now he just saw a miracle happen. So he turns around and walks on stage deeming. And he told that story to the audience and said, hey guys, your next speaker just did a miracle. He turned Monopoly money into real money in front of my eyes. Pay attention to this cat.

[Danielle Ireland]

Yeah.

[John Kippen]

So I walked on that stage and I had the love of everybody in the audience I'd to love. Everybody wanted to see what I was going to do. Everybody wanted to hear what I was going to say so I didn't have to warm up the audience. I got the MC to do it for me.

[Danielle Ireland]

Genius.

[John Kippen]

And I do that every time I speak because it works. But anyway, three quarters of this week, I'm standing on my wedge circle and I'm delivering my talk and the front lights go out.

[Danielle Ireland]

Wait, you were three fourths of the way done when they went out.

[John Kippen]

I'm standing in shadows. And my first reaction was, whoa. And that whoa got the Letty guy to realize, holy shit, I hit the wrong button. And he brought the lights slowly back up. The lights went back up. I went. And so I got an amazing laugh from the audience because I cut the tension. I was doing improv. I remember walking off stage and the producer of the event said, john, don't worry about. We'll edit that part out. And I said, don't you dare. That was my finest moment. Don't you dare edit that out. I want that in the video. She just smiled as I went and sat down. And then the adrenaline was like walking out into the audience after the event. I mean, strangers just come up on me and holy cow, I resonate with your message. And my message on the TED Talk was treat people who are different with respect to compassion. That's what TED talks are all about. You want one key message, and that was my message. You never know, you might be in their shoes in an instant.

[Danielle Ireland]

I want to add to that another way to speak to the value of doing some self investigation, whether that's through journaling, through therapy, or seeking out a coach from someone like yourself, is because that expression of treat other people the way you would want to be treated. What I know is that we don't treat ourselves all that well. A lot of us, many of us, don't treat ourselves well. Which is why accessing the compassion of treating others kindly is sometimes harder for us to find. Jumping to criticism or judgment because there's something we're rejecting in us. So I think a way to do the thing you're saying that beautiful treat others with kindness and compassion. The best way to do that is to look within And I invite anybody listening to Go to the show notes, visit John's website, seek out a coaching call, grab a copy of his book. There are resources that can help you be kinder to yourself. To lowering the walls, to lifting the veil, to seeing yourself in a new way, to performing the ultimate illusion, which is to love yourself more fully exactly as you are. So that we can be kinder to each other because we need that. We need a lot more kindness. Thank you John. Do we have the information we need for our listeners to get the special code?

[John Kippen]

John kippen.com Free Gift Ooh, you heard it here.

[Danielle Ireland]

John kippen.com Free gift and this is only the gift for those of you who have listened this far. So if you listened in the beginning and you just tried to skip to the show notes, sorry, you ain't getting a gift. Thank you John. Thank you so much for joining me on this incredible episode of don't cut your own bangs. I hope that you loved listening because I thoroughly enjoyed making it. My favorite episodes are the ones where I get to learn something too. I'm also a listener and benefiting from the wisdom and insights of all of the experts, creatives, performers, adventurers, seekers that I get an opportunity to meet in this podcast format. Don't forget to check out the show notes and please, before you sign off, always remember, Rate Review subscribe to the podcast. When you interact with the podcast, it just helps send it out like a rocket ship to other people that are looking for the same value that you are. And it also helps create a conversation where I can continue to develop and cultivate something that benefits you more and is more fun for you to listen to. Feedback is great and also if you just wanna throw a compliment, that's sweet too. But thank you so much for being here. Your intention, your time, mean the absolute world to me. Thank you and I hope you continue to have an incredible day.