Don't Cut Your Own Bangs

Episode: From Stressed to Steady with Dr. Kate Lund

Host: Danielle Ireland
Guest: Dr. Kate Lund (Clinical Psychologist, Peak Performance Coach, Author)
Date: October 27, 2025

Episode Overview

In this episode, Danielle Ireland welcomes Dr. Kate Lund—a psychologist with over 15 years of experience, peak performance coach, bestselling author, and TEDx speaker—to discuss practical ways to cultivate resilience in the face of overwhelm. Drawing from Dr. Lund's journey as a child with a rare medical condition, an athlete, a mom, and a mental health professional, the episode unpacks how personal context and intentionality can help us move from feeling stressed to steady. The conversation is rich with real-life stories, actionable tools, and reminders to embrace both the messy and the meaningful moments.

Key Themes & Discussion Points

1. Defining Resilience Through Lived Experience

• Dr. Lund’s Background: Lived with hydrocephalus as a child, requiring repeated surgeries and frequent hospitalizations ([07:27]).
• Parents Modeled Resilience: Focused on what she could do, not her limitations. This mindset became the foundation for Dr. Lund’s own resilience ([08:16]).
• Sport as a Channel: Chose tennis (a safe sport for her condition) over hockey, cultivating skill and identity. Tennis became a central part of her emotional coping ([09:21]).
• "Second Place" and Internal Drive: Dr. Lund rarely won first place but found meaning in participation and progress, not only outcomes ([12:47])—

  "For me it was really, truly passion driven from the inside out because I appreciated how much it meant to me to be able to be there in the first place." —Dr. Kate Lund [13:31]

2. Context as a Tool Against Overwhelm

• Personal and Social Context
  • Context helps define realistic expectations and prevents us from falling victim to comparison, especially in the age of social media ([17:18]).
  • Dr. Lund describes how overwhelming social media context can be, especially as a parent (e.g., college admissions information overload) ([18:31]).

  "Helping folks to build awareness of their context and what's going to be most important in helping them thrive within that context." —Dr. Kate Lund [17:18]

• Comparison & Self-Acceptance
  • Social comparison is natural but exacerbated by social media. Recognizing and anchoring in our unique context lets us flourish on our own terms.

3. Intentionality, Goals, and Mindfulness

• Intentional Living
  • Being intentional with energy and attention is essential in a world full of distractions ([21:25]).
  • Clarifying one’s “why” (à la Simon Sinek) helps prioritize and reduces overwhelm ([22:16]).
• Mindfulness as a Stress Tool
  • Dr. Lund recommends the “relaxation response” by Herbert Benson: pick a soothing word/phrase, breathe deeply for 5 minutes in the morning and 5 minutes at night ([23:27]).
  • Mindfulness isn’t just the practice—it’s about internalizing calm so you can apply it in moments of real stress ([24:56]).

  "Really want folks to start to internalize what it feels like to be modulated in the moment." —Dr. Kate Lund [24:23]

  • Presence allows a calmer nervous system for both everyday stresses and high-pressure events, whether games or parenting young children ([26:15]).

4. Community and Social Support

• Connection Looks Different for Everyone:
  • For Dr. Lund, connecting with people while pushing her twins in a stroller built community and sustained wellbeing as a new mom ([27:38], [28:15]).
  • Emphasized that the form of community depends on context: online, hobby meetups, or traditional mom groups.

5. Emotional Intelligence

• "You Can't Give What You Don’t Have":

  • Helping clients become aware of how their emotions affect themselves and their surroundings ([29:55], [33:52]).
  • Techniques: mindful conversation, careful listening, reflecting, and especially journaling.

• Journaling Prompts

  • The "daily wins" exercise:
    • Write 3–5 things that went well each day and why;
    • 3–5 things you wish went differently;
    • Pick one from each list to reflect further ([35:35]).

    "...the wins part, it neutralizes our lens and doesn't keep us stuck in that negative loop." —Dr. Kate Lund [36:35]

6. Managing Energy and Avoiding Burnout

• It's a “work in process”: Dr. Lund practices mindful decision-making, regular exercise (Peloton workouts), and is careful about commitments ([37:43]).

• Energy budgeting: The host discusses how some activities energize while others deplete, and Dr. Lund recognizes the hard-earned lessons of overcommitting ([39:19]).

• "It's a work in process. And I'm making some tweaks moving into the new year... I think this past year I took on too much." —Dr. Kate Lund [39:16]

7. The “Don’t Cut Your Own Bangs” Moment

• Dr. Lund shares a recent on-air “white room” experience where, despite preparation, she lost her train of thought on live TV, underscoring that even experts stumble. The lesson: be kind to yourself, regroup, and remember you can always recover ([44:08]).

• "Sometimes there are those moments where, well, maybe more than sometimes, I do bump up against that cusp of overwhelm..." —Dr. Kate Lund [43:16]

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• “Building my life around, finding incredible possibilities on the other side of challenge kept me driven and ultimately helped me find my true calling.” —Quoted by Danielle Ireland, originally Dr. Kate Lund [10:56]
• "Your experience could also lend itself to feeling victimized by your body or powerless to circumstances... But there was something that really stuck about, all right, this is me, this is who I am, this is what I'm up to and this is my best and that's enough." —Dr. Kate Lund [14:16]
• "Connection is going to look different for all of us. And this is what I work with folks on as well. There's no one size fits all. And that goes back to context." —Dr. Kate Lund [29:25]
• "...when I feel overwhelmed, I feel like I'm in a boat without oars and the water's choppy. I've just lost that clarity of intentionality." —Danielle Ireland [41:19]

Timestamp Guide for Key Segments

• 05:21 — Dr. Lund’s personal backstory and how it shaped her approach to resilience
• 09:21 — Tennis as a source of identity, resilience, and connection
• 12:47 — Lessons from being a “second place” athlete and internal vs. external motivation
• 17:18 — The value of context and managing social comparison
• 21:25 — Navigating intentional living and the tension between gratitude and striving
• 23:27 — The “relaxation response” technique for stress
• 27:38 — Building community as a new, overwhelmed parent
• 29:55 — Emotional intelligence: you can’t pour from an empty cup
• 35:35 — Journaling prompts around wins and learning moments
• 37:43 — Managing commitments and burnout; intentional energy use
• 43:16 — “Don’t Cut Your Own Bangs” moment: the TV live “white room”
• 44:08 — Lessons in handling mistakes with self-compassion

Episode Takeaways

• Resilience is built through context, not just in spite of adversity but by embracing limitations as launching pads for growth.
• Intentionality—in energy, goals, and self-care—is key to moving from overwhelmed to steady.
• Mindfulness isn’t just a buzzword; small, practical routines can create enduring steadiness.
• Community and connection are unique to each of us, but universally necessary for wellbeing.
• Emotional intelligence must be cultivated in ourselves before we can offer it to others—especially as parents or leaders.
• Mistakes and “messy moments” are normal—respond with gentleness, not self-judgment.

Resources Mentioned:

• Dr. Kate Lund’s book: Step Away: A Modern Guide for Overwhelmed Parents to Reclaim Strength and Connection
• Dr. Lund’s podcast: The Optimized Mind
• Host Danielle Ireland’s children’s book: Wrestling a Walrus for Little People with Big Feelings
• Guided journal: A Journal for Unearthing You

For more information: Check the episode show notes for all relevant links to Dr. Kate Lund’s resources and Danielle Ireland’s work.