I Can Do Hard Things. But Why Am I?

Summary

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"I Can Do Hard Things. But Why Am I?"

Podcast: Don't Cut Your Own Bangs
Host: Danielle Ireland
Guest: Asia Coffey
Date: June 15, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this thoughtful and honest conversation, Danielle Ireland welcomes back award-winning cake artist and content creator Asia Coffey to the Don't Cut Your Own Bangs podcast. They reflect on Asia’s growth as a baker, teacher, and business owner over the past five years—since her original 2020 guest appearance. Together, they delve into themes of perfectionism, burnout, finding purpose in creativity, imposter syndrome, giving oneself grace, and redefining what “doing hard things” really means. This episode offers compassionate wisdom for anyone striving to show up authentically—especially high-performing, big-feeling humans craving a little more ease and self-acceptance.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Giving Yourself Grace & Redefining Hard Things

• Asia describes how her approach to life and work has evolved:

  • It’s now easier for her to “give myself grace and know that I don’t have to go into anything...expecting to do top of the line all the time.”
  • “I can do hard things, number one. And also stopping to check in with myself to see how hard do I want to make things for myself.” ([00:12], [39:13])

• Danielle responds with enthusiasm:

  • “That is like the takeaway of takeaways. Yes, you can. And how hard do you really want to make it?” ([00:37], [39:50])

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2. Asia’s Creative Journey: YouTube, TV, and Teaching

• Consistency Over Perfection:

  • Asia committed to posting on YouTube biweekly in 2019, without a detailed plan—just the drive to stay consistent. Her early content was filmed and edited on a cell phone, imperfect but authentic.

    • “I didn’t really have a plan other than I had to get a video out every other Friday...I’m just going to put it out here. I’m not going to stop myself and say just because it’s not perfect, I’m not going to put it out there.” ([15:46])

  • Danielle's reflection:

    • “I never thought of it like that...that voice in your head, the perfectionist, is really trying to protect you...I never thought that as selfish and getting out of your own way and just saying, hey, I’m gonna show up imperfectly because that’s what I’ve committed to do.” ([17:12])

• Growth as a Teacher:

  • Asia finds joy and purpose in teaching: “One of my superpowers...is to teach and be a teacher.” Her teaching extends from cakes to knitting and language basics. She values making her content accessible for learners at every stage. ([13:16], [32:46])

• Navigating Success and Imposter Syndrome:

  • After competing on Food Network’s Holiday Wars, Asia experienced a confidence slump: “Any cake that I made in 2022, I felt like that cake was not good enough. And it was the thought of, hey, I was on this TV show...now I’m back home, and I just don’t have it.” ([34:06])
  • She’s since shifted her focus to “just baking and making things that don’t necessarily look fantastic...but absolutely delicious.” ([34:06])

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3. Value, Service & Letting Go

• Letting Go of Control:

  • Asia speaks about the paradox in her work: High craftsmanship for cakes, but letting go in teaching or creating content. She distinguishes between where she has control (the cake itself) and where she must surrender (how others receive or use her lessons).

    • “I let go of myself so that I could give the most important parts to other people, so that they can...create for themselves.” ([28:37])

  • Danielle summarizes:

    • “For the elements that are not within your control, there’s this relationship, this beautiful relationship you have with surrender.” ([30:16])

• Focusing on Service:

  • Asia says, “Knowing that my content is valuable to someone out there, many people I would hope, is what keeps me creating.” ([32:46])
  • Danielle connects: “My nerves are about me. So if I focus on letting it not be about me and being of service, those nerves really dissipate...” ([26:05])

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4. Volunteering, Community, and Impact

• Giving Back as a Sugar Angel

  • Asia volunteers for Icing Smiles, a nonprofit that delivers celebration cakes to children with serious illnesses and their siblings.

    • “It is almost the equivalent of Make a Wish for a child, but it’s cakes...and it’s just a wonderful, wonderful organization.” ([07:10])

  • Danielle highlights:

    • “What a thoughtful and creative way to show up...your gift and your art and the beauty you’re bringing into the world is cakes...so beautiful.” ([08:26])

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5. Navigating Change, Growth, and Uncertainty

• Growth Milestones:

  • Asia’s channel reached 1,000 subscribers in July 2020; five years later, she surpasses 100,000 subscribers and millions of views.
    • Describes it as “slow and steady wins the race” growth, with patience as a key ingredient. ([25:08], [20:16])

• Dealing with Change and Planning Ahead:

  • Asia is taking 2025 off from teaching in-person classes to “recalibrate and be intentional about where I want to go from here,” acknowledging distraction and procrastination as challenges but also part of the journey. ([40:09])

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6. Self-Compassion, Retrospective Wisdom & Looking Forward

• Advice to Her Former Self:

  • “The best is yet to come and to keep going. Because things will change, but they will change for the better.” ([43:11])
  • “As long as you start, you will end up being somewhere doing that one thing that you never thought that you could do.” ([45:50])

• Dreams, Possibilities & Children’s Books:

  • Danielle encourages Asia to consider writing a book, inspired by her wisdom and journey. Asia reveals, “For at least a year I’ve been thinking I want to write a book, but I feel like it doesn’t need to be a cake decorating book.” ([46:34])

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Grace & Doing Hard Things:

  • “I can do hard things, number one. And also stopping to check in with myself to see how hard do I want to make things for myself.” - Asia ([00:12], [39:13])
  • “That is like the takeaway of takeaways. Yes, you can. And how hard do you really want to make it?” - Danielle ([39:50])

• On Letting Go of Perfectionism:

  • “I’m not going to stop myself and say just because it’s not perfect, I’m not going to put it out there.” - Asia ([15:46])
  • “Getting out of your own way and just saying, hey, I’m gonna show up imperfectly because that’s what I’ve committed to do.” - Danielle ([17:12])

• On Surrender & Creative Control:

  • “Where do I have the most influence and control? And for the elements that are not within your control, there’s this beautiful relationship you have with surrender.” - Danielle ([30:16])

• On Imposter Syndrome and Receiving Praise:

  • “Don't sell yourself short. You're great at doing one thing, but you could become really great at doing another thing too. Just take that opportunity, take the learning experience and make it work for you.” - Asia ([49:59])

• On Starting Late and Reinventing:

  • “No matter where you are in life, you can do a complete 180. As long as you start, you will end up being somewhere doing that one thing that you never thought that you could do.” - Asia ([45:50])
  • “Anytime I can hear any iteration of ‘I started late or this didn’t turn out the way I thought, but somehow I still landed here,’ that soothes my soul.” - Danielle ([45:16])

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Important Timestamps

• 00:12: Asia on giving herself grace (“I can do hard things...how hard do I want to make things for myself”)
• 07:10: Asia explains her role as a Sugar Angel with Icing Smiles
• 13:16–19:11: Asia shares her journey mastering YouTube, committing to consistency
• 28:37: Duality in control—perfection in cake art vs. letting go in teaching and content
• 34:06: The aftermath of TV success and its impact on self-confidence
• 39:13–40:09: Discussion on grace, setting expectations, and redefining “hard things”
• 43:11: What Asia would tell her former self (“the best is yet to come”)
• 45:50: The power of starting, regardless of where you are
• 49:59: Asia’s “don’t cut your own bangs” moment about not selling herself short, even among experts

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The Tone & Language

Throughout the episode, Danielle and Asia speak with warmth, honesty, and vulnerability. Danielle offers heartfelt encouragement, and Asia responds with humility and practical wisdom. Their conversation is filled with genuine laughter, moments of mutual understanding, and tangible compassion for those listening who see themselves in the struggles and hopes shared.

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Final Takeaways

This episode is an invitation to reexamine how we approach our ambitions, perfectionism, and self-worth. Asia’s journey demonstrates the power of patience, the value of showing up imperfectly, and the importance of tuning in to what truly serves us—not just what looks good on paper. Listeners will find comfort and actionable encouragement to give themselves more grace, focus on service, surrender what’s beyond their control, and start (or start over) wherever they are.

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Find more about Asia Coffey and her work in the show notes, including links to her YouTube, Instagram, and volunteer opportunities with Icing Smiles.

Transcript

[Asia Coffey]

Easier for me now is giving myself grace and knowing that I don't have to go into anything, not just like cake design, expecting to do top of the line all the time and just giving myself grace and knowing that, okay, I can do hard things, number one. And also stopping to check in with myself to see how hard do I want to make things for myself.

[Danielle Ireland]

Oh, hold, wait, wait, wait, wait. I got to sit with that. I can do hard things and how hard do I want to make things? Oh, that is like the takeaway of takeaways. Yes, you can. And how hard do you really want to make it?

[Asia Coffey]

Yeah. So just going back to cakes and things at home in the last few years, there have been some fantastic popsicle cakes here and there, but there also have been times where I've said, okay, we're getting ice cream cake from Ritter's. What flavor do you want? And I make that order, go pick up the ice cream cake, and we sing happy birthday and we just go from there. So again, just allowing myself grace and knowing that it doesn't have to be thousand percent or just high, the top of the top every time and just managing expectations as well. So that's where I am with that. The one thing that I would say is still a challenge is knowing where to go from here.

[Danielle Ireland]

Hello. Hello. This is Danielle Ireland and you were catching an episode of don't cut your own bangs. The remedy for comparison and feeling like everyone has life figured out but you. And today's guest is a really special repeat guest. When I decided to take the audio format of the podcast and move it into video, it was suggested to me by a very credible source that I pare down the bank of episodes that I have to my top 50 downloads. And today's guest was in that top 50, Asia Coffey. She is an award winning cake artist, cake decorator. She was on season three of Food Network's Holiday wars and she shares her passion and artistry for cake baking and helping add value to anyone's life at any stage of baking that wants to improve, learn and grow and just continue to enjoy all of the beauty of baking. That episode, the original episode I had with Asia, we looked back in the archives before we actually started recording our episode today and she was a guest on July 28th of 2020. Since then, I've made two humans. Life has had a lot of twists and turns. We've had a global pandemic and Asia has hit some incredible milestones in her career, all of which we talk about and really flesh out in the Episode. If you have ever considered yourself maybe an imposter like you don't belong. Do I really deserve to be here? Is it too late for me to get started? How long is too long before I need to abandon a goal and try something else? These are themes that she touches on in a way that I have found is just so beautiful to Asia. She has this, this gift, truly. And I recommend everybody who's not already subscribe to her YouTube channel, follow her on social media. The artistry, it's one thing to say it, it's another to see it. And I have the benefit of seeing her beautiful work. I've also consumed her beautiful work because her art is something you eat and digest, which is just incredible to me, which we also talk about in the episode. But she has this balance of the desire to execute at the highest level in the areas of her work that she has influence and control. So when she is actually approaching a cake or approaching something that she wants to make, she's going to do everything she can to make the thing she makes to the highest degree it can be. And then in terms of how it's received, how it's packaged, then she surrenders and lets it go. And it's one of the healthiest, one of the mentally healthiest processes with approaching creativity and work that I've seen in a really, really long time. This episode feels like a breath of fresh air. So if you're looking for a little inspiration, looking for something sweet, and wanting to learn how to make space for big feelings, this is a good episode for you. Get ready to sit back, relax and enjoy this episode with Asia Coffee. Asia Coffee. Welcome back. You were like one of the OG guests for me when this was just audio way back in the day. We looked it up right before pressing record. July 28, 2020 was when we recorded our first episode. But since then, five years. Five years since then, I've had two children. You've hit some incredible milestones in your business that we're going to talk about and a lot of life has happened. So I'm so excited to have you back.

[Asia Coffey]

Thank you for being here. I'm super excited to hear that I am your first guest that has joined you on the newer podcast. So thank you so much.

[Danielle Ireland]

Oh, it's my pleasure. I have to say, like, one of the things I remember loving about talking to you the first time and as I've been refreshing myself on your recent content and how it's grown, there is such a sincerity and sweetness to you. And I mean sweetness. Literally. And also with regard to the sweet treat that you make and help others make. But there's such a genuine sweetness to you that was so present and so genuine back five years ago when we originally recorded. And I just love seeing that as your business and your success has continued to grow. It's as soon as I heard your voice again, I just felt it again. And so I just, I just want to start off by saying, you know, good, good on you. You're just, wow, so sweet. Well, thank you.

[Asia Coffey]

Thank you.

[Danielle Ireland]

So you are an award winning cake artist. You're a cake decorating instructor, YouTube content creator that. Let me just flash forward to something we are going to talk about. You hit a hundred thousand subscribers on YouTube, so just, I mean it's taken off. I, I mean I remember seeing the early, early videos you appeared on season three of Food Network's Holiday wars and you share your passion for cake baking and cake artistry through teaching in person and virtual classes. And yeah. Oh, and you also volunteer for Sugar angel and Icing for Smiles. I am just so excited to highlight your beautiful work and invite the don't cut your own bangs listeners to you that maybe didn't meet you the first time and or welcome back people who fell in love with you from way back in the day being able to

[Asia Coffey]

share my story and where things have gone since we last talked. I do want to go back to the very the last point you made about volunteering with Icing Smiles. And as you mentioned, I am a sugar angel with that organization and I remain active with the organization and it's just a wonderful, wonderful organization. Just to give a little bit of background, it is almost the equivalent of make a wish for a child, but it's cakes and they also have cookies and cupcakes as well. So the aim of the organization is to provide celebration cakes for families with a child that has very serious illness. Not only do the Sugar Angels, which I am a sugar angel, provide cakes for the child, they also provide cakes for siblings of the children as well. And so as a sugar angel at this point in time, I've made five cakes for the organization over the last few years and it's been a wonderful experience and I really can get behind the mission of the organization. I think it's great. It's one of the, it's one of my favorite things to do. So I absolutely love and enjoy doing that.

[Danielle Ireland]

And what a thoughtful and creative way to show up for children and for families and for siblings of littles who are going through medical, medically Complex challenges. I mean, I think we, there's, there's so many needs to be met and I, I've had the good fortune actually in the last month of introducing or interviewing Dr. Tasha Faruki, who is a pediatrician who actually has a, a child in palliative care who's experienced Make a Wish and she's a strong advocate and fundraiser for Make a Wish, as well as Jordan Arighetti from SupportNow, which is a, essentially, it's a, it's a virtual wraparound service to help families and people who are loving and supporting individuals who are going through really challenging, life altering, whether it's a diagnosis or a natural disaster. Find support. I'm just continually impressed by. You can show up in whatever way you know how, and that is meaningful. And so your gift and your art and the beauty you're bringing into the world is cakes or, and, and baking and thinking of offering up love and generosity in that way. That's so beautiful. I'll make sure to link in the show notes because, I mean, there's lots of ways that people can connect with you that are already available in the show notes, but I'll make sure to include that organization as well. So if anybody wants to either get involved, has a passion for baking too and would love to donate, or I'm sure there's other ways to give back.

[Asia Coffey]

But thank you for highlighting. My pleasure. Is there if there's anyone who may be interested because they love to bake or they are cake artists, cake decorator. The organization's always looking for sugar angels in any area, no matter if it's in the city, the state. This is a nationwide organization, so they're also in need of sugar angels to create cakes. And then also anyone who's willing to support the organization would be great too. So thank you.

[Danielle Ireland]

I think that's one of the things when the work that I do as a therapist, it's, it's, this is an expression and a way of showing up that makes sense for me in my life and my, my gifts or my interests and, and so anytime I get to see how other people find their own way of doing that, it's so, it's so beautiful. I'd love to shift to July 28, 2020. Asia was a mother, wife, baker, and she had goals, she had aspirations. And today in August 2025, you've hit some major milestones. So I would love to. Can you just make a brief synopsis of the last five years for me? But can you just catch me up a little bit on like, what are some of the things when you think about the last five, what's, what's grown, what's changed, what's evolved.

[Asia Coffey]

Thinking back to July of 2020, so much has changed. The first thing I will say and talk about is, is where I was like mentally in 2020 as far as what I wanted to do with my cake decorating business and what I knew I wanted to do and what my goals were then and there. I would say around the end of 2019, I made the decision to really stay consistent on YouTube. I posted my first YouTube video, if I'm recalling correctly, in 2011. Posted the video, didn't have any thoughts or goals around what I wanted to do. All I knew was that I learned how to do a really neat technique. I filmed myself doing that technique and I just wanted to share it with as many people as I could. So from 2011 up until the end of 2019, I hadn't even posted probably five videos to my channel. But at the end of 2019, I decided that once and for all, I am going to go all in full in making cake, decorating related content and posting it every two weeks and tried to stick to that schedule. So as everyone all knows, what happened in 2020.

[Danielle Ireland]

Yeah, but you say that though, and I think that there is this almost collective memory loss that we have where like, well, no, it couldn't have been five years, it's only been three years. But I think we just. Time was compressed and stretched in such weird ways. But please. Yeah, but yeah, Covid. Covid happens.

[Asia Coffey]

So with. I would say that with everything happening around that time, it made things a lot easier for me to stay consistent because I was filming my content at home using my cell phone. I still to this day use my cell phone to film my content. But at that time I was just trying to stay consistent with everything and just make sure I posted and stuck to my posting schedule. I would say between 2020 and 2021 is where my YouTube channel saw the most growth. I was getting tons and tons of subscribers, like comments, people just really engaging with the content. And it was fantastic. It was a goal of mine just to reach more people because one thing that I've learned over the last couple of years is I've had this fortune of realizing that one of my superpowers, and it's almost, I want to say one of my life aspirations is to teach and be a teacher. And as I kind of look back over my life, there have been situations where I found myself in a teaching role Showing people how to do something, whether it's cake decorating or how to knit or how to, how to speak Spanish, just basic Spanish. I've always been teaching something. So being able to teach cake decorating in this way and share videos on YouTube, which, as everyone knows, it's a worldwide audience, it's just been an incredible experience because I'm learning things about how baking works in certain ingredients and certain things, you know, for from overseas and around the world, anywhere.

[Danielle Ireland]

I want to pause you just for a moment because I something really piqued my interest when you talked about, you're like between 2020 and 21, or was it 2019 and 2020, you decided, oh, yeah. Hello, Siren. No, don't be sorry, you can't. Yeah, you can't help that we're recording in real life, but perfect. But I really want to go back to when you were, you said, I decided to go all in. And I committed to every two weeks I was going to post a video. And you wanted to reach more people. I, I would love to zero in a little bit on what. Was there a strategy? Was there a commitment you made? Was there a process you followed to how did you, when you decided my goal was to reach more people, what did you do to execute that vision?

[Asia Coffey]

So when I decided on that goal, the, the crazy thing is when I look back and think about it, I, I didn't really have a plan other than I had to get a video out every other Friday. So in hindsight and how I have changed and shifted the way that I do things strategically now is very different from how I looked at it back in 2020, 2021, to where it was like, I'm filming, I'm editing, I'm putting it out, filming, edit, put out. It's just the whole process and just making sure that I, I, I hit that every other Friday. And I had a situation where in, I believe, March of 2020, my computer that I used to edit, like completely went down for a couple weeks. So I said, you know what? I have editing software on my phone, so I have a couple of videos on my channel where the quality isn't the greatest. But I said, you know what? I'm just going to put it out here. I'm not going to stop myself and say just because it's not perfect, I'm not going to put it out there. So it's a lot of getting out of my own head about being consistent on providing value to other people as opposed to being thinking about it selfishly and saying, oh, well, since this doesn't look a certain way, I'm just not gonna put it out there.

[Danielle Ireland]

I've never thought of it like that. I'm getting full body chills. I never thought of it that way. That voice in your head, the perfectionist is really trying to protect you from having to experience the perceived worry of how you might be judged and how I never thought that as selfish and getting out of your own way and just saying, hey, I'm gonna show up imperfectly because that's what I've committed to do.

[Asia Coffey]

Exactly. And I had to do that in that moment. And I will say over the years I have, it's very rare, but it does happen in terms of being on YouTube or creating any kind of content. You know, there's the video component to it and then there's also the audio component to it. One thing that I like to do in my videos is I like to put music in the video just to kind of help with the energy. Because I don't see myself as a very high energy person necessarily. But rarely it happens. I'll get people who comment and say, oh, this music is too upbeat or the music is a little too loud, you know, so I've turned it down. But I try to make sure things are not necessarily perfect, but they're good enough. And that first and foremost, I'm providing as much value to someone looking for the kind of content, how to separate an egg whites from the egg yolk. Someone can click on the video, watch, get the information they need and, and hopefully they subscribe. If they don't, that's fine. But I'm always here for anyone who needs help with anything.

[Danielle Ireland]

Yeah. So it sounds like in the beginning you didn't really have a strategy beyond. I'm committing to the process. And how did that trajectory work? Like, I mean, obviously you're. You're sitting here today and you've got that full plaque from YouTube. You know that you've hit a hundred thousand subscribers. But was it slow to start or did it feel inconsistent? Like what was. It's almost kind of like you were out at sea. What did that feel like?

[Asia Coffey]

I just kind of went forward and kept. Just kept going. I think a big part of it for me even now is just letting go of the expectation, I will say, in terms of my channel and the niche that I'm in. Food, related content. There are some things, there are ups and downs that have to do with seasonality. Of course, I get a lot of views around Thanksgiving, around the holidays. One thing that just recently happened with everyone kind of going back to school in the summer ending is I've seen a few drops in my viewership, but again, it's that seasonality of people are doing other things and, you know, they're not necessarily focused on focusing on baking and cake decorating. So letting go of the expectation that a video or real or short is going to go viral, because that has yet to happen for me. I have some videos with, with some great views, but for the most part, it takes most of my videos about four to six months to actually gain traction. Yeah, I'm being very serious.

[Danielle Ireland]

That is. Yes, that's. And for anyone listening who maybe is not in the content creating space, who, like, when Asia says that there's a dip here or a slow to build, I just want to put some numbers out there to just to really highlight what you're talking about. Like, oh, I've seen some dips, so there's a video instantly make them better. Five mistakes to avoid before decorating your cake has over 1.2 million views. Okay, so, like, that's, that's the, the tide pool that Asia's, you know, swimming in. And, or, or let's see. Oh, okay. Her YouTube channel has received over, wait, 4.5 million views and over a hundred thousand total subscribers. So I just want to put that into context because as you're saying, yeah, there's some dips. I mean, I'm sure, though it sounds like your growth has been almost kind of like slow and steady wins the race. And so I would imagine as you sort of acclimate or assimilate to each new summit that you reach, you're probably feeling and experiencing it in a very similar way, because it's not all at once. But I would love to, if it's all right. Can you tell me more about as much as you can recall that journey? Because everybody starts somewhere. And so if anyone listening is whether it's a creative endeavor or starting a new relationship in any sense where you're starting over again, I'd love to bring the conversation back briefly to what was it like for you going from like 0 to 100? Because that's the, that's the seed I'm in, right? Cause I, I, I didn't have a YouTube presence. I had a podcast presence, but I didn't have a YouTube presence. And so I definitely feel, I'm, I'm feeling very tender, very amateur hour. But that's okay. You gotta start somewhere. But zero to 100, 100 to a hundred thousand. I wanna take those leaps with you.

[Asia Coffey]

If we can go back zero to zero to a hundred. At that point, I posted one video and I just let it sit. No expectations, no nothing. All I knew was that I learned a neat, neat technique, wanted to record myself doing it, do a little bit of voiceover, put it up, and I just let it sit. What really kind of piqued my interest was that people enjoyed the video. Mind you, this is my first video, so very poor quality video, very poor quality edit audio. I think a lot of the video was actually recorded in vertical, which was not hot at the time. So looking back on that, I'm like, oh, I did that wrong. But whatever, I put it out there. So I was more so in the mindset of, if they come and watch and enjoy, that's fine. If they come and watch and don't enjoy, that's fine. And then I really started paying attention to the channel. When I got more, got closer to about 300 subscribers or 500 subscribers at that point, I had really only posted a couple of videos and let them sit. So again, when I say that it takes, you know, several months for a video of mine to actually get some traction, it's just myself being patient and just letting things sit, letting the platforms or the algorithms do what they need to do to reach the people who were actually enjoying and getting value from the content. So from there and actually seeing the numbers and knowing that, okay, I put out these videos and the audio's not great, the video itself isn't. Isn't the most fantastic or cinematic thing out there that people, I'm still providing. And the fact that that was happening really kind of propelled me to do more and to really sit down and say, okay, I'm going to go in and be consistent with this and just keep going. So it started off as, ho hum, I posted this video, oh, okay, people are interested, that's fine. And then the next step was, oh, okay, maybe I got something here and maybe I can do some more stuff that maybe people would like. And then actually doing that. And then the next step with, for me was saying, okay, I'm really going to buckle down and actually do this and be consistent. And Danielle, actually, now that I think about it, right, the time that we recorded the first podcast, if I'm remembering correctly, and I think this is right, I had just hit 1,000 subscribers. I hit it, I believe on July 3rd or 4th in 2020, I think I had, whoa.

[Danielle Ireland]

So this is like a real booking.

[Asia Coffey]

I think I had just hit a thousand subscribers. And that's kind of a milestone in and of itself on YouTube. I bet that was getting to a thousand was really exciting. And I didn't realize that it would take about five years to get to 100,000. But in between getting that thousand and a hundred thousand, so much has happened. And there's been times where I hadn't been consistent. There were times where I felt like I wanted to give up. There were times where I had scheduled to do live streams and did them. Only three people showed up scheduled to do time live streams, and had some personal things come up in life, and I had to cancel and hadn't done a live stream since then. But just experimenting with content and just trying to see what works and what provides the most value to people.

[Danielle Ireland]

So two things are, I think, becoming more and more clear to me as you're talking about what the journey of the last five years has been. One was not feeling so attached to the outcome and letting yourself try. And the other is value. How can I be of service? And it reminds me of something I used to say to myself back in the days when I would either do like performance and dance or performance on stage or even like a live speaking event, that my nerves are about me. So if I focus on letting it not be about me and being of service, those nerves really dissipate because once I'm focused on what I'm actually there to do, it's not about me anymore. So I really appreciate hearing you say that. And I. I am actually really interested because again, this, this, this next comment. This is. I think I. What I really would love to invite people to do that are not already following you on social media, on Instagram, all of which, by the way, are linked in the show notes or haven't seen your YouTube videos. The artistry, the execution, the beauty in the cakes you make. I have commissioned your work before. It is that what you make is so exquisite and something that's coming to mind. And this is probably gonna be an older cake for you, but you made a birthday cake for your son, but you made like a pancake stack. You made a stack of pancakes. But. And so it looked. It looks like a stack of pancakes with like maple syrup and melted butter, but it's a cake. And these illusion cakes, I mean, the, the level of precision and artistry and execution. I'm. I know that something that I asked you back in our original interview was what's it like to create something so beautiful for it to be consumed? It's almost like making a sandcastle but to go back to this relationship with you, the relationship you seem to have with, like, I'm going to put it out there. If it's not perfect, it's not perfect. But you, you seem to have these two different sides of you. One is it is going to be executed flawlessly to the highest artist integrity. And then in this other space that's not making cake but making content or teaching about cake, you're kind of like, well, you know, I guess how do you balance that part of you that is a. That wants to execute at such a high level? And also it's like, well, it's so

[Asia Coffey]

funny that you bring this up because I actually thought about this this morning. Like my life in general, there's so much duality and balance in terms of how I do things. I will say, when I make a cake, there's a lot within that process that I can control. Whereas if I am like teaching a class, there is a degree to where I can control things. Or if I'm filming content, there is a degree to which I can control things. But half of it, I would say 50% of when I'm creating content or I'm teaching a class, there's so much more interaction in terms of working with other people to where I can't control the outcomes 1000% with that. Whereas I have a lot more control if I'm in the act of the creative endeavor as opposed to putting something together for someone else to turn around and create their own creative endeavor. And in a sense, it's more so like a letting go. I let go of myself so that I could give the most important parts to other people so that they can take that seed planted within their own mind and their own experience and create for themselves. So it's a. It's just a different way that I look at it. Whereas I can be more focused like a thousand percent into something. And then on the other end, where there's other people involved, I can focus but not be completely focused because the goal is really for that other person.

[Danielle Ireland]

I was a student just then. I was a student in the School of Asia Coffee. And it. That was so. It was the takeaway that I'm going to leave with. I don't think I can quote what you said exactly back, but the takeaway, that is so true. And I find the best lessons bear repeating. You just said it in a different way that I needed to hear. And I hope anyone listening is hearing this too, that you are focusing your energy when you're trying to execute at the highest level, it's where do I have the most influence and control? And for the elements that are not within your control, there's this relationship, this beautiful relationship you have with surrender. It's like when I'm making the cake, that is my zone. I know how to show up in this zone. And then what other people do with that information, that's not really about me anymore. So you can, wow, that is one that's so healthy, that is so, so mentally healthy. So gold star, mental health gold star. But that's also just such a great reminder not just for a creative, but for anything you're. That reminds me of feedback. I actually gave a client who they had an aha in a therapy session and they almost always what happens when somebody has like a connection or an aha is it can it shifts from this sense of relief of oh, I have this new sense of clarity now and then, Ah man, now I have to bring this information into the world and I have to communicate it somehow. And so much I think of the stress or angst or what people might say is like a fear of confrontation in that is really they're trying to anticipate control or manage how the other person receives it versus what I have control or the greatest influence on is showing up with an open heart, with curiosity, with vulnerability and with clarity. That's where I have influence. That's where I have the most power. And the vulnerable part is letting that go to be interpreted, received, liked, disliked, dismissed, ignored or embraced. That's the vulnerable part, is the part you can't control. Thank you for that. What keeps you inspired to keep creating?

[Asia Coffey]

Probably the number one thing that keeps me inspired to create, it's just knowing that I'm helping other people and just anyone, anywhere. My content on YouTube and when I teach my classes, everything that I know and that I'm teaching and I'm willing to share any, anything I know, it's meant for everyone, no matter where they are in their cake decorating journey, no matter if they've never made a cake before and they're doing it for the first time or they've made thousands of cakes and they just can't get this one technique down right. And they're looking for answers. I am here for anyone and everyone who is looking for answers. So knowing that my content is valuable to somewhere, someone out there, many people out there, I would hope is what keeps me creating and wanting to share. So I would say that's the gasoline that powers my vehicle.

[Danielle Ireland]

Have you made anything really incredible or Beautiful or delicious for your family lately? Because, again, like, I just. I think it was when I thought about that cake you made for your son's birthday, it made me wonder, what are they eating now? What are they loving now? Cause they're five years older.

[Asia Coffey]

Exactly. So as the years have gone by, and then there's been some challenges with that too, that I'll touch on a little bit. So, as you know, I was on tv. I was on a Food Network TV show, and I cared a low point after the show. And it's something that I touch on one of my YouTube videos, and it's very briefly that I just touch on it. And I haven't had people comment on it, but being on a television show and being in the national spotlight and being known locally a bit, it really impacted my confidence and my skills or how I felt about my skills. Any cake that I made in 2022, I felt like that cake was not good enough. And it was the thought of, hey, I was on this TV show, and I was with this group of people, and we made amazing cakes, and we did fantastic things, and now I'm back home, and I just don't have it. That was the feeling that I had. And for about a year and a half, I was gonna slump it in a low point. And during that time, as I was making things at home for my family, I would start out with these big ideas of things I wanted to do. And over the years, I realized that sometimes my. My boys didn't want that or some of my family members didn't. So I would say maybe in the last couple of years, I have made some pretty delicious things that were. The goal of those things were to be delicious. Not necessarily fantastical to look at, but absolutely delicious. And I'm smiling because over the weekend, we have a peach tree at home, and the peaches are ready. They're just ready to go. We picked the peaches, and I made peach cobbler over the weekend. And like everyone at home, so excited about it, but just baking and making things that don't necessarily look fantastic or over the top, but just getting back to basics and learning more about basic baking and honing those baking skills at home has just been my focus. So that's what we're eating at the coffee house.

[Danielle Ireland]

Oh, I love that. That is. Thank you for that answer and for that vulnerability. There's been two. Two major places where I've really related to things that you've said, and even through the specificity of your experience, I've seen myself in it earlier this year, I believe it was back in May. The podcast was mentioned briefly, but it was highlighted on the Today show. There's been a couple of times in my life where I've been surprised by something beautiful to the point of ugly crying. Like, one was when my husband proposed, the other was when he threw me a surprise birthday party. And I think at its core, what part of what that sense of overwhelm is? I think not all, but there's this little almost like swirl of color and the frosting of am I, do I deserve this? Am I worthy of this? And it's like equal parts so grateful and wanting that very thing that has happened and then also doubting somewhere in some way that I am worthy of holding it. And not super proud to admit that, but it's true. And, and so as you're talking about what 2022 and the aftermath was like, I feel in many ways that's probably an accurate reflection of where I am. It's. I'm wanting to meet this moment. I'm wanting to show up in a way that says, yes, I do, yes, I can, yes, I will. And all the while there is this thread in this moment too of, yeah, can I do this? Can she do this? And seeing where you're seated in yourself now, three years after that gives me a lot of comfort and a lot of hope. So I just appreciate you sharing that so much. And the other is when you going back just a few moments ago, when you were talking about you started the YouTube channel, not with the intention or some grand ambition, you started it with a desire just to highlight something that benefited you and then discovered, I think this can be something. And you allowed that to mature and nurture and just allowed it to be. And everything about that, you, it, you feel certainly a couple, few years ahead of where I'm at, but I see myself in your journey and it's a real light for me. It's a real guiding light. Just wanna say thank you for that. And I wanna ask you now too. What challenges are you facing now? And so on the flip end of that question, what's easier for you now?

[Asia Coffey]

Those are fantastic questions.

[Danielle Ireland]

Well, thank you.

[Asia Coffey]

Easier for me now where I am in that whole process. And it is a journey, easier for me now is giving myself grace and knowing that I don't have to go into anything, not just like cake design or anything in life, just expecting to do top of the line all the time and just giving myself grace and knowing that, okay, I can do hard things, number one, and also stopping to check in with myself to see how hard do I want to make things for myself.

[Danielle Ireland]

Oh, hold, wait, wait, wait, wait. I got to sit with that. I can do hard things. And how hard do I want to make things? Oh, that is like the takeaway of takeaways. Yes, you can. And how hard do you really want to make it?

[Asia Coffey]

Yes, definitely. And so just going back to cakes and things at home in the last few years, there have been some fantastical cakes here and there. But there also have been times where I've said, okay, we're getting ice cream cake from Ritter's. What flavor do you want? What flavor do you want? And I make that order, go pick up the ice cream cake and we sing Happy Birthday and we just go from there. So again, just allowing myself grace and knowing that it doesn't have to be thousand percent or just high, just the top of the top every time and just managing expectations as well. So that's where I am with that. The one thing that I would say is still a challenge is knowing where to go from here. Of course, I've had a lot of growth in terms of my content. Specifically this year in 2025, I have made the decision not to teach cake decorating classes this year. I do have a preview class coming up here in the next few weeks, which is is meant to be a preview of how the cake decorating beginners classes are going to be held, the in person classes for 2026. But I specifically took this year off to try to reorganize some things, focus on some things that I hadn't focused on previously but had made a plan to just recalibrating and being intentional about where I want to go from here. I would say that has been somewhat of a challenge because I get distracted. I procrastinate. It's a part of life. Just having an idea, sitting down, seeing how feasible things are, and then making a plan to work. From this point, that still continues to be a challenge, but it's a journey that I'm on and just trying to

[Danielle Ireland]

make progress toward thinking about Asia coffee today at the coffee house and then thinking about the Asia that I got to sit down and talk to. July 28, 2020 Was there anything that your former self from 5 years ago needed to hear or needed to believe or anything that would have been helpful to her that you feel like you could, knowing what you know now, you could have said then? Because there are moments where I'm trying to look back on earlier versions of myself and find ways to thank me. Oh, thank you for taking that off my plate so I didn't have to juggle too much today. Or thank you for fitting that workout in the morning because I am so tired now at 4 o' clock and it's just not gonna happen. I'm. That's a new way that I've been offering grace and love and just nurturing myself in a, in a new way because I, I think sometimes I can look back on previous versions of myself and cringe. Like, fashion trends change, hair trends change. I didn't know as much then as I know now. And so I'm trying not to be so embarrassed by former versions of myself. But when you look back at yourself five years ago, what do you think that version of you really needed to hear?

[Asia Coffey]

I think that version of me from 2020 needed to hear that the best is yet to come and to keep going. Because things will change, but they will change for the better. Like thinking back to 2020, I would have never in a million years thought that, number one, I would be on a TV show. And then I want to give a little context to that too, because being a cake artist, cake decorating instructor, it's not my, it is my business, but it's not what I am classically trained to do. So for a long time it was a side venture that I did several years ago. I did make an official business out of it, and that business continues to grow. So I have a lot of a different background from what most people in my niche or in my area would, would, would be like. When I grew up, I wasn't baking with anybody. I learned cake decorating and baking when my oldest son was 7 years old. So that was in the recent time. It's not something I've been doing for decades necessarily. So one, I never knew in a million, never thought in a million years I would be on tv. Number two, never thought in a million years that I would have a growing YouTube channel and that I would be over a hundred thousand subscribers to the at this point. And there's a lot. I mean, those are just a couple things, but I feel like it's going to continue to get better as long as I continue to be patient and remember the why of what motivates me. And that is providing value to people through my content and helping them as I can.

[Danielle Ireland]

Wow. It's wise, it's hopeful, but it's also true. And it seems like the wisdom you have for yourself for five years ago, I would have to imagine that'll be a Very similar experience you have five years from now. The best is yet to come. Like, you think this is good? Just.

[Asia Coffey]

I hope so.

[Danielle Ireland]

Wait. Yes, I feel it. And again, another way that I can absolutely relate to you. I was a theater kid turned ballroom dance teacher who got my master's late in life. I mean, at least how. That's how I felt when I was 29 and 30 going back to school to get all my prereqs to even apply for my graduate program. I think anytime I can hear any iteration of I started late or this didn't turn out the way I thought, but somehow I still landed here. That soothes my soul.

[Asia Coffey]

Exactly.

[Danielle Ireland]

That's what I'm hearing.

[Asia Coffey]

I think it's important for people to know that no matter where you are in life, you can do a complete 180. Like, as long as you start, you will end up being somewhere doing that one thing that you never thought that you could do.

[Danielle Ireland]

As long as you start, you'll end up somewhere that feels like that needs to be like a children's book. I don't know if, but I actually wrote a children's book and I published it this year. And I swear, Asia, like your artistry and your voice and being a mom, I don't know if you've ever put that on your list of things as like a future goal, but man, that. What wisdom.

[Asia Coffey]

Just say that. Because for at least a year I've been thinking I want to write a book, but I feel like it doesn't need to be a cake decorating book. So it's so interesting that you're saying that.

[Danielle Ireland]

Chills, Chills. Tingles all up and down my legs. Oh, man. Okay, if this is a you got it here first moment when this episode airs, listen back to your own words because I think that you have said a number of things that could make for a really impactful story, however you choose to package it. Thank you. Thank you for sharing that and maybe I hope that synchronicity maybe sparks something for you and maybe we'll have to have a follow up podcast when you're launching the book. I feel like we're at the point now, Asia, where I would love to invite and ask you to share if you have a don't cut your own bang moment for round two.

[Asia Coffey]

Okay. Don't cut your own bang moment.

[Danielle Ireland]

Well, it's gonna be good, I can tell.

[Asia Coffey]

I will tell you that, and I've mentioned it a couple times. Being on a television show. I've learned so much and got so much out of that experience. And, Oh, I will say that being a part of that experience was really eye opening. First of all, I never worked on a team, the group of two other very talented cake artists and bakers, and being the odd woman out was a different experience because again, late in life, I didn't come into the competition with being someone who worked at a bakery or being someone who was in this and woke up early and did all these things. I came from just a different environment, and I was really inspired by my teammates to take what I was doing and what I had learned in a different direction. And so there was. My teammate who has her own bakery in Wisconsin, had said to me, she expressed that she thought I was very talented. And really, up until that point, many people had said that to me. But to know that I was on a team with this individual, and she had expressed that, and she herself has her own bakery and does beautiful work and had been on previous shows, that really impacted me to want to dig deeper and dive deeper into actually baking. So up until that point, my focus had been cake decorating. But over the last few years, I've gone more into baking and learning those kinds of things. So all of this to say just that whole experience of just seeing things from a different perspective got me to the point of thinking, okay, there is more here. And don't sell yourself short. You're great at doing one thing, but you could become really great at doing another thing to just take that opportunity, take the learning experience and make. Make it work for you. And don't try to sell yourself short.

[Danielle Ireland]

Oh, don't try to sell yourself short. So somebody who is an expert in their own right and in their own way saw you as a peer and saw the potential in you to go further. That is a really great don't cut your own bang moment. Because I think that when we imagine holding or navigating big experiences or scary feelings or things, that we don't always see success as something to prepare ourselves for, or I would say, like a sincere compliment, as something to prepare yourself for. We're ready to brace ourselves almost for the hard stuff that sometimes we can almost feel blindsided by someone saying that, I believe in you, especially in a way that you don't expect from a person that you admire. And in that way, I. I really see that and how accepting, being seen in that light is its own vulnerable role.

[Asia Coffey]

It is. And the other part of that, too, is the whole imposter syndrome that I had up until that point, coming in from a different environment. So to hear that from her, it

[Danielle Ireland]

was especially impactful in so many ways. That is what happened in May. It was like, what am I doing on that? What am I doing on that list? And also letting yourself be seen. Letting yourself be seen is bold and it's. Even if it's something you want, it's. It can be scary. But it sounds like since that time, you let yourself integrate and take that in and move forward. What I would say with a really beautiful balance of confidence and humility. You wear both really well. So thank you for that answer. I love that each moment is different, but there's something just so true. Thank you so much for your time, Asia. Thank you for being here again and congratulations to all your success. Truly. I'm so excited to just see what continues to evolve for you. No pressure, obviously, but I'm very excited about whatever book you might be making. All of the ways for people to connect with, all the resources we've shared and ways that they can connect with you. They'll all be linked in the show notes as well.

[Asia Coffey]

Fantastic. Yeah. Thank you so much for having me. This was fantastic and fun.

[Danielle Ireland]

Thank you so much for joining me on this week's episode of don't cut your own bangs. I hope that you enjoyed listening because I thoroughly enjoyed making it. Anytime I get to sit down and engage with Asia, it's such a gift and the best things in life are shared. So the fact that I get to share it with you just makes it all the more sweet and enjoyable for me. Thank you for being here. I hope that you enjoyed it. I absolutely adored this conversation. Make sure before you hop off, please remember to rate, review, and subscribe to the podcast. Your engagement with the podcast helps it grow, whether you're watching on YouTube, whether you're catching on Apple podcasts or Spotify. Wherever you listen, click subscribe, click follow. It'll make your life a little easier because you never have to hunt to find this content because there's always gonna be more coming. And then it also helped the podcast grow. Also, if you've got a question, hit me up. Send me an [e-mail] subject line Bangs if there's a question about this episode you wanna dive into a little deeper, or if you're curious about something we could talk about in a future solo cast, the answer is yes, if you've been listening to the podcast in various episodes. I talk all the time about making space for big feelings, and there is almost no other place I like doing that more than journaling So a link in the Show Notes to the Treasured Journal if you have ever thought about journaling but didn't know how to pick it up, or if you had that process going for a while but you abandoned it and you're like, I just want to find a refreshed way of approaching it. You probably want to consider grabbing a copy of the Treasure Journal. You can also get a companion meditation guide with the journal that just really adds to the self discovery, self exploration process. I also have my children's book Wrestling a Walrus, which we touched on a little bit in the episode. But I'm trying to also honor your time and not cram and fill these episodes with so many ads and wanting to just remind you that these products are out there, they mean a lot and I felt really fueled in the process of making them because I believe in them and I believe in the value that they offer. So I want to make space and time for them here and I'm trying to explore new and potentially better ways to do that. That honors you and honors me. The Wrestling a Walrus for Little People with Big Feelings is another great resource. You can grab it on Amazon.com barnesandnoble.com and if you forget, always have those fancy show notes. I think that's it. Thanks for being here. I appreciate you and I look forward to catching you next time. Hope you have a wonderful day.