Don't Cut Your Own Bangs

Episode: "I Hit the Wall—Here’s How I Climbed Back"

Host: Danielle Ireland
Date: September 8, 2025

Episode Overview

In this solo episode, Danielle Ireland, therapist and host, shares her deeply personal insights into recognizing and recovering from burnout. Framed as part of her "Put Down the Panic" miniseries, Danielle aims to demystify the “messy middle” between struggle and recovery. She wants listeners to feel seen, offer them gentle, actionable steps, and remind them that big feelings aren’t a sign of failure. The episode is rich with practical wisdom, personal anecdotes, humor, and a heartfelt call to treat ourselves with more compassion, especially in times of overwhelm.

Key Themes & Discussions

1. Recognizing the Signs of Burnout

Timestamp: 03:40 – 15:55

• Danielle explains that burnout creeps in quietly, unlike a sudden thunderstorm, and is often experienced by those who, “on paper, have everything going fine” but feel like they're “barely keeping [their] head above water” (04:44).
• Signs of burnout include:
  • Physical exhaustion, irritability, brain fog, and a loss of joy (“joie de vivre”).
  • Increased impatience and irritability, especially with loved ones. Danielle shares a vivid parenting example about sock negotiations with her toddler and how her reactions flagged her own burnout.
  • Activities that usually bring fulfillment (e.g., journaling, meditation, walking) feel like just “another commitment” or start losing their usual lightness and meaning.
• Important distinction: Feeling tired or irritable occasionally is normal. Burnout is persistent, cumulative, and affects multiple areas of life.

Notable Quote:

“Burnout doesn’t arrive like a thunderstorm... It sneaks in quietly. And then before you know it, you’ve hit a wall and you think to yourself, how in the heck did I get here?”
— Danielle Ireland (04:13)

2. Normalize and Name the Experience

Timestamp: 15:56 – 24:30

• Danielle encourages listeners to breathe and normalize their experience, stating that “you are not lazy, you are not failing, you’re not doing anything wrong” (16:00).
• She reframes burnout as an experience, not an identity: “Not that I have burnout. I’m experiencing burnout. I’m navigating burnout. I’m moving through burnout... because it’s impermanent” (19:25).
• Naming the experience is the first step to moving through it—similar to realizing you’re simply on a difficult ride that will eventually end.

Notable Quote:

“It is not a diagnosis. It’s not a character flaw. It’s not a failing or a failure. But now that you can name it... you don’t have to stay stuck in the confusion of the ick.”
— Danielle Ireland (17:32)

3. Rebuilding Your Energy From the Inside Out

Timestamp: 24:31 – 33:15

The Hierarchy of Needs Redux

• Rest is non-negotiable:
  • When in burnout, “rest is not optional,” Danielle asserts, drawing a parallel to wearing a cast after a fracture (24:56).
  • Even small improvements in sleep and rest matter.
• Nourishment beyond food:
  • Actual, sustaining foods are important, but so is laughter, creativity, and gentle connection. She shares her own tendency to miss bodily cues for hunger or hydration during overwork.
  • Creative breaks (even simple sketches), laughter, or stepping outside are ways to gently nourish the spirit.
• Allowing for help:
  • Burnout often leads to reluctance to ask for help out of fear of being a burden.
  • Danielle reminds listeners that loved ones usually want to help, and being needed can be rewarding for them, too.

Notable Quote:

“Allowing other people to show up for you may feel... like you’re making other people’s lives a little harder. And here’s the truth — you might be. But the people in your life... are going to want to show up for you.”
— Danielle Ireland (29:44)

4. Anchoring Daily: Small, Sustainable Practices

Timestamp: 33:16 – 42:00

The Power of Small Anchors

• Anchors are gentle, daily practices that help stabilize you amidst life’s turbulence.
• Suggested anchors:
  • Walking: Even just five minutes, regardless of weather. Danielle shares a story of getting caught in the rain and deciding to just “walk in the rain”—letting go of the need for perfect conditions (36:20).
  • Reconsidering your relationship with technology: No social media or email before sleep or upon waking; touch something living (child, spouse, pet) before touching your phone.
  • Hydration before caffeine: Drink lemon water before coffee to honor the body gently, not punitively.
  • Boundaries: Saying no or rescheduling as a way of protecting your energy—without catastrophizing about lost opportunities.
• Commitment to these anchors is personal and should feel kind, not punitive. “No one knows you better than you,” she says (41:25).

Notable Moment:
Danielle shares her “matcha week,” where she switched to matcha over coffee as her energy anchor during a difficult stretch—emphasizing experimentation and self-compassion.

Notable Quote:

“Anchoring into yourself in this new, or I would say renewed sense of commitment to honoring the truth of what your body has been trying to tell you.”
— Danielle Ireland (34:41)

5. Understanding and Redefining Guilt

Timestamp: 44:23 – 46:10

• Danielle clarifies that discomfort from asserting boundaries or saying no is not guilt.
• True guilt is when “my behavior didn’t reflect the way I want to be in the world” (44:53), not the discomfort from self-care or claiming space to rest.

Notable Quote:

“Making space for yourself in the world... that is not guilt. It may be discomfort of some kind, and that’s okay. But this isn’t guilt. This isn’t guilt.”
— Danielle Ireland (45:48)

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• “It’s the messy middle between before and after stories” — (02:18)
• On self-talk: “You can feel like everything is on fire while you’re sitting on a bench looking at a lovely view...” — (17:06)
• On burnout recovery: “Recovery doesn’t have to be dramatic, hard or scary. It can be gentle, one shift at a time.” — (44:19)
• Candid humor: “Tell me it’s Friday without telling me it’s Friday: I was in the middle of recording and had to pause for a phone call...” — (31:16)

Actionable Takeaways

1. Recognize and Name: Notice cumulative signs of burnout. Name the experience without self-judgment.
2. Rest is Essential: Treat sleep and rest as non-negotiable during recovery.
3. Anchor in Simple Practices: Try daily walks, gentle boundaries with tech, hydration before caffeine, and creative breaks.
4. Let Others Help: Ask for—or accept—support without guilt.
5. Redefine Guilt: Discomfort from self-care is not true guilt. You’re permitted to need space.
6. Begin Small: Identify one gentle anchor to experiment with this week.

Key Timestamps

• [03:40] Recognizing early signs of burnout
• [15:56] Normalizing and naming burnout as experience
• [24:31] Essentials of recovery: rest and nourishment
• [29:44] Importance of letting others support you
• [33:16] Daily anchors: practical examples and personal stories
• [44:23] Defining guilt vs. discomfort in self-care

Closing & Looking Ahead

Danielle closes by encouraging listeners to try a small anchor and to reach out with their experiences (danielle@danielleireland.com, subject: Bangs). She teases the next episode, which will focus on “silencing the noise and hearing yourself again” and shares an Elizabeth Gilbert quote about wanting “to feel safe in your own mind.”

Tone: Gentle, humorous, compassionate, and practical throughout.
Best For: Anyone feeling the burden of burnout, or seeking permission for gentle self-care.