Podcast Summary: "Regulate Your Nervous System, Rewrite Your Story"

Podcast: Don't Cut Your Own Bangs
Host: Danielle Ireland
Guest: Marianne Tchaikovsky – Acupuncturist, Chinese Medicine Practitioner, Emotional Well-being Strategist, Coach, Author, Retreat Leader
Date: November 17, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode explores the daunting “in-between” space of personal growth—where you are now and where you want to be—through an insightful conversation between therapist and host Danielle Ireland and her guest, Marianne Tchaikovsky. Drawing on personal experience and professional expertise, Marianne shares the "Well Being Code," her framework for emotional healing and self-belonging, offering listeners permission to feel big emotions and concrete strategies to move from burnout to authentic radiance. The conversation is grounded, wise, and often humorous, as both women reflect on their journeys of healing, self-compassion, and creating a life aligned with inner wisdom.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introduction & Background

• Danielle introduces Marianne as a “multi-hyphenate healer”—acupuncturist, coach, Chinese medicine practitioner, and more. Marianne is celebrated for her expertise in nervous system regulation and emotional well-being (01:11).
• Danielle recounts meeting Marianne during a vulnerable period following a miscarriage, describing how her “body was trying to tell me some things I needed to pay attention to” and her gratitude for Marianne’s support (01:40).

2. Emotional Healing & Chinese Medicine

• Marianne explains Chinese face reading as “an ancient branch of Chinese medicine,” emphasizing how facial features map internal emotional and physiological patterns (10:28).
• Danielle and Marianne discuss the interconnectedness of mind, body, and emotions:

  “The more I learn, the more my jaw drops on the floor with connections… emotional experiences or stress… paint a picture of deeper understanding of how all our whole system is interconnected.” – Danielle (12:50)

3. The Well Being Code: Four Pillars

Marianne introduces her signature methodology, “The Well Being Code,” built on four pillars—Regulate, Rewire, Resync, Radiate:

a) Regulate

• Acknowledging and honoring emotions is foundational. Unprocessed feelings are stored physically and can manifest as dis-ease (15:21).

  “An emotion is never wrong. If you do not express an emotion, what happens is it gets trapped in an organ. And that’s where disease starts to take root.” – Marianne (15:21)

b) Rewire

• Empowering clients to notice how thoughts become feelings, feelings become behaviors, and behaviors create outcomes.
• Coaching helps “re-route” self-talk and supports new, more supportive narratives (see also 17:00-19:25).

c) Resync

• Integrating new insights with daily routines, and using practices (like travel or rest) to step outside daily “operating life” and gain perspective.

d) Radiate

• Emerging into the world more visible, confident, and authentic.

  “When they (women) belong to themselves, they can show up in a way that is impactful and reduce the noise of that inner critic.” – Marianne (53:58)

4. The Five Elements and Emotional Expression

• Marianne details the five elements: Water, Wood, Fire, Earth, Metal, each connected to organ systems and emotions.
• She identifies Danielle as “primarily a water element”—depth, adaptability, but can slide into fear when stressed—while affirming the healthy expressions (wisdom, courage) that arise from emotional processing (22:18–24:13).

5. Belonging vs. Proving

• Both women reflect on “belonging” versus hustling for approval. Marianne discusses her experience as a biracial woman in a mostly white, small Midwest town and how this led to a lifelong drive to overachieve and seek external validation (26:10).
• Danielle identifies “managing perception to get something from someone else” as a sign of being out of alignment, influenced by Elizabeth Gilbert’s concept of chasing “LAVA” (Love, Approval, Validation, Acceptance) (32:38).

6. Nervous System Regulation

• Both stress the necessity of biological and emotional “regulation” before meaningful change. Danielle shares the HALT tool (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired) for self-assessment before taking on tough conversations (35:50).

7. Travel, Retreats & Stepping Outside “Operating Life”

• Marianne shares the role of travel and retreats in personal transformation:

  “You can’t often see the picture when you’re inside the frame. Stepping outside, pausing, pouring back into myself... that’s when I can see what my heart has wanted all along.” – Marianne (39:21)

• Travel offers new cultural perspectives, disrupts routine, and reveals patterns needing to change once home (43:26).
• Marianne explains how experiences like Morocco’s communal culture, France’s midday rest, or even the challenges of unpredictable travel build resilience and adaptability (43:26–46:31).

8. The Power & Pitfalls of Achievement

• Both share personal moments where external achievement masked internal feelings of inadequacy (“hustling for worthiness”) and how belonging to oneself brings truer fulfillment (54:10).

  “When you regulate, rewire, resync and radiate, you stop hustling for belonging and you start belonging to yourself.” – Danielle (61:59)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On emotions as signals:

  “Your emotions are not a problem to fix, but they are signals. They’re invitations, information holding something important for you to know.” – Danielle (61:58)

• On regulating before transforming:

  “We cannot affect change, we cannot affect healing if the person is dysregulated, if they’re stressed out—no way.” – Marianne (34:40)

• On travel as transformation:

  “A week away in a year is a blip. But it helps me come back being a more present mom. Everyone in my treatment room benefits when I come back.” – Marianne (44:00)

• On the loneliness of performing for others:

  “Even when you get all of that... it’s the PR representative that is actually receiving the compliments… it’s a mirage that’s getting the flowers, not you.” – Danielle (55:13)

• On the challenge and necessity of self-belonging:

  “You belong to yourself.” – Marianne (56:10)

Important Timestamps

• Introduction & Marianne’s Background: 01:01–06:53
• Chinese Face Reading & Body-Emotion Connection: 09:26–13:05
• The Well Being Code Introduction: 15:11–15:21
• Digging Into the Five Elements: 19:25–24:13
• Belonging, Achievement, and Burnout: 26:10–32:38
• Nervous System Regulation, HALT: 35:50–37:17
• Travel/Retreat as Reflection & Healing: 39:21–46:31
• Integrating Adventure & Resilience: 46:31–51:12
• Well Being Code, Radiate: 53:58–54:10
• Visibility & True Self: 56:10–56:13
• Don’t Cut Your Own Bangs (Personal Story): 58:26–61:32
• Closing Reflections & Resources: 61:58–63:37

Tone & Takeaways

The conversation is tender yet practical, mixing humor, honesty, and actionable wisdom. Both Danielle and Marianne encourage listeners to normalize big feelings, step out of performance-based living, and cultivate a self-nurtuating relationship—using tools from therapy, Chinese medicine, travel, and more. Listeners are reminded that wellbeing is not a destination but a way of being; by regulating emotions, challenging burnout patterns, and intentionally stepping outside of day-to-day life, we rewrite our stories—one compassionate step at a time.

Resources Mentioned

• Marianne Tchaikovsky’s Well Being Code & Quiz
• Danielle’s "Treasured Journal" and "Wrestling a Walrus" children’s book
• Show notes with links to retreats and coaching offerings

For those feeling the pull of “the messy middle,” this episode offers validation, language, and new maps for coming home to yourself.