Podcast Summary: Don't Cut Your Own Bangs

Episode: Self-Compassion, Fertility, and Trusting Your Body Again
Host: Danielle Ireland
Guest: Dr. Erica Bove
Date: February 2, 2026

Overview

This episode of Don't Cut Your Own Bangs explores the intersection of self-compassion, fertility, and learning to trust your body again. Danielle Ireland welcomes Dr. Erica Bove—a physician, reproductive endocrinologist, and coach—to discuss her journey from practicing Western medicine to embracing a more holistic, intuitive approach. The conversation is rich in storytelling, therapeutic wisdom, and actionable advice for anyone navigating big life transitions, not just those on a fertility journey.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Introducing Dr. Erica Bove & The Value of Blending Science with Intuition

• Background: Dr. Bove has a career as a double board-certified OB-GYN and reproductive endocrinologist. She is transitioning to focus on coaching and integrating intuitive wisdom with evidence-based medicine.
• Science + Intuition: The theme throughout the episode is merging information science, Western medicine, with the wisdom of our bodies (Danielle, 03:25).

“She empowers high achieving women to build their families with confidence, self compassion, and community.”
— Danielle, [02:50]

2. Trusting Your Body and Navigating Medical Systems

• Dr. Bove’s Journey: Initially set on curing eating disorders based on her own experiences, Erica found her calling in OB-GYN when she noticed “my body would not. I was tired… but then I got to my OBGYN rotation, and I was, like, not even looking at the clock. I was inspired.” ([08:00])
• Shift from Medicine to Healing: Despite her success, Erica felt constrained by the traditional medical system’s limits when emotionally supporting patients. This led her to establish a coaching practice as “my job is not just to be a doctor into my coat, but it’s to heal the people and build their families.” ([11:30])
• Identity and Shedding: Both women discuss the emotional “shedding” that precedes career and life pivots. Dr. Bove recently resigned from her hospital job, symbolizing this transformative change ([12:50]).

3. Self-Compassion for High-Achieving, ‘Quietly Exhausted’ Women

• Unique Struggles: High-achieving women in fertility crises often carry the mindset that what has made them successful elsewhere (grit, industriousness, perfectionism) won’t work here.

“For high achieving women, the equation… of what’s worked to get people successful is not going to work in the fertility space.”
— Dr. Erica Bove, [14:40]

• Dropping Into the Body: Instead, the work becomes about slowing down, calming the nervous system, and asking deeper questions about desire (“What is my body actually asking for?”).

• Making the Esoteric Practical: Danielle asks how to bridge logical, solutions-oriented thinking with body wisdom. Erica responds:

“Our thoughts, our feelings are data. They are teaching us things… In trauma… we store things in our body that we don’t even realize. How can we reconnect the mind and the body in a way that allows us to move forward with this journey?“
— Dr. Erica Bove, [16:40]

4. Practical Tools for Emotional Awareness and Regulation

• Parts Work & Internal Family Systems: Danielle references the metaphor of multiple selves—inner critic, fearful child, etc.—that all deserve acknowledgement ([19:39]).

“Even just acknowledging that they're there, I find it dials the volume down of whatever they're screaming at you by half instantly.”
— Danielle, [19:39]

• Letting Yourself Feel: Both emphasize the importance of feeling emotions instead of repressing them, referencing acceptance and commitment therapy and the discipline of “allow, acknowledge, feel.”

• Self-Talk Example: Erica models self-soothing self-talk with parts:
  “Thank you for trying to protect me. I’ve got me now… You can still be on my bus. But I need you to pipe down right now. Cause I’ve got this.” ([20:41])

5. Personal Stories: Fertility, Miscarriage and Integration

• Danielle’s Story: She details her own journey—late start to trying for children, work burnout, miscarriage, and how compartmentalization led her to seek more holistic healing (e.g., acupuncture).
• Permission to Integrate: Danielle shares,
  “I was living so compartmentalized and fractured… Rather than integrating, I am all of me, all the time.” ([26:40])
• Acupunctural/Alternative Medicine as a Pivot: The humbling realization that being “all head” was insufficient. Erica confirms this is a common pattern.

6. Making Space for Possibility: Creativity and Fertility

• Creativity as Antidote: Both embrace the idea (echoing Martha Beck) that “the opposite of anxiety is not calm. It is creativity.” ([29:53])
• Energetic Shift: Dr. Bove emphasizes,
  “When people start to get creative, this process is going to happen soon. Like, I just. I see it.” ([28:24])

7. The Power of Trust and Energetic Breakthroughs

• Case Study: Erica recounts the story of a patient with trauma, multiple failed fertility attempts, and hypervigilance. Only when the patient opened to trust did the treatment finally work.

“If you can open the door of some belief, some possibility, some trust in the body that it will do what it’s supposed to do, that’s when I see the magic start to happen…”
— Dr. Erica Bove, [32:40]

8. Self-Compassion for Healing and Resilience

• Accessible Tools: Dr. Bove recommends Kristin Neff’s Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook ([38:20]), and Danielle emphasizes the daily choice to add “a drop of compassion” to the inner world.
• Reframing Self-Talk: Science supports that self-compassion improves performance, refuting the belief that it leads to weakness.

“People’s performance actually improves when we’re self compassionate… The inner coach is so much stronger, better than the inner critic.”
— Dr. Erica Bove, [41:34]

9. “Don’t Cut Your Own Bangs” Moment: Red Flags, Self-Forgiveness & Healing

• Literal and Metaphorical Bangs: Erica shares the story of actually cutting her own bangs as a child, then reveals her adult “bangs” moment—rushing into marriage against her intuition due to perceived biological pressure and external expectations ([46:16]).
• Ignoring Inner Wisdom: She recalls crying the entire night before her wedding, but rationalizing it instead of listening to her body’s warning.
• Toxic Partnership: She details the unraveling of her marriage, years of survival-mode, motherhood, infidelity, and eventual, difficult divorce.
• Growth and Empowerment: Erica stresses the importance of forgiving herself, choosing healing, and being a different role model for her own children.

“Even though I didn’t initiate the divorce, I started to understand that it was necessary. And I just…that moment of–I definitely did my own bangs and thankfully I’ve learned from that experience and grown and healed.”
— Dr. Erica Bove, [59:53]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the limitations of traditional medicine & healing:
  “I was very disheartened with how I was able to actually help them in the context of the Western medical system that we have… how can I actually reach my people?”
  — Dr. Erica Bove, [11:00]

• On compartmentalization:
  “I was living so compartmentalized and fractured. This is who I am in this space… Rather than integrating, I am all of me, all of the time.”
  — Danielle Ireland, [26:40]

• On the mind’s “bad neighborhood”:
  “Sometimes my mind is like a bad neighborhood that I found myself walking through alone at night and so wanting to help make the mental space a friendlier place to be.”
  — Danielle Ireland, [37:20]

• On giving compassion to ourselves:
  “Why not offer a drop of compassion? It’s like a drop in the bucket by comparison.”
  — Danielle Ireland, [39:43]

• On trusting transformation:
  “If you can open the door of some belief… some trust in the body that it will do what it’s supposed to do, that’s when I see the magic start to happen.”
  — Dr. Erica Bove, [32:40]

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:20 — Introduction to Dr. Erica Bove & her approach
• 07:44 — Erica’s medical journey and shift to intuitive work
• 12:50 — Erica resigns from hospital job, embracing change
• 14:40 — Unique struggle of high-achieving women and fertility
• 19:39 — Internal parts, self-acknowledgement (“IFS” & self-talk)
• 26:40 — Danielle’s personal fertility and integration story
• 28:24 — Making space for possibility, creativity as a healing tool
• 31:51 — Case study: energetic trust breakthrough in fertility
• 38:20 — Self-compassion workbooks and starting points
• 46:16 — “Don’t Cut Your Own Bangs” moment: Red flags, marriage, healing
• 59:53 — Self-forgiveness, growth, and hope for the future

Tone

Gentle, affirming, and deeply human. Both Danielle and Erica model transparency, vulnerability, and warmth, fostering a “cozy corner of the internet” where listeners are welcomed to bring their whole selves—regardless of where they are on the spectrum of fertility, life change, or personal growth.

Resources Mentioned

• Kristin Neff’s Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook
• Martha Beck: The Way of Integrity, latest book on anxiety and creativity
• Danielle’s Treasure Journal and Wrestling a Walrus (children's book)
• Erica Bove’s coaching practice, Love and Science, podcast, and website

Closing Reflection

Danielle and Erica’s conversation is a testament to the power of blending scientific understanding with embodied wisdom and self-compassion. Whether you find yourself on a fertility journey, navigating burnout, or simply learning to be more gentle with yourself, their stories and strategies offer comfort, practical tools, and hope.

For further exploration, see the show notes for links to Dr. Erica Bove’s resources, Danielle’s books and tools, and recommended readings.

“This is a conversation starter, not a conversation ender.”
— Danielle Ireland, [61:35]