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Don't Cut Your Own Bangs
Stress Symptoms You’re Ignoring (and What They’re Really Saying)
00:27:55
Stress symptoms you’ve been brushing off aren’t flaws—they’re messages. In this Don't Cut Your Own Bangs mini-series - Put Down the Panic: A Kinder Guide to Stress, therapist Danielle Ireland, walks through the quiet ways stress shows up (jaw...
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Morning Zoe. Got donuts.
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Jeff Bridges why are you still living above our garage?
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Wow, impressive. Let me try. T mobile is the best place to get iPhone 17 Pro because they've got the best network.
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Nice.
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Je free.
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You heard them.
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T mobile is the best place to.
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Get the new iPhone 17 Pro on.
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Us with eligible traded in any condition. So what are we having for lunch?
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Dude, my work here is done.
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Hello. Hello, this is Danielle Ireland and you are catching Put down the panic A kinder guide to stress. This is a mini series within the don't cut your own bangs podcast. I am Danielle Ireland and over these next few episodes. This is episode four but over these next few episodes we break down what stress really is, how it shows up and how to put it down because you deserve call without having to earn it. You know that stiff neck you maybe always blame on your pillow or that stomach knot that shows up every time you get a ping notification on your phone? Well, it could be random or it could be your body's early warning system. And the longer we ignore these signals or don't know how to interpret these signals, they're not going to go away. And over time they can persist increase in like an avalanche. Take us down in the form of burnout and we don't want that. We're going to be talking about stress symptoms that you might be brushing off today and why listening to them could radically transform your life and make things go a little bit smoother for you. Especially as we are rounding the corner of September, stepping into October, which is essentially holiday season. A little side note, I went to a pumpkin fall related festive type activity with my kids this weekend and man, not only I mean it was fun for the fall festive and pre Halloween shenanigans, but God, they were also letting you know so clearly that Christmas is just around the corner. For those of us who celebrate Christmas, it is right around the freaking corner. There were trees everywhere. In addition to all of the pumpkin, festive, hyperactive sugar rush that was happening with my kids, there was also a confusion on their faces of, is it also Christmas? Yeah, that's coming. We are. We are right there. We are in it. Let's talk about identifying the symptoms of stress that you may not see coming that could potentially save you from experiencing some pretty heavy and severe burnout coming very soon in the holidays. The body keeps the score in real time. Your body is always responding to what you were thinking, what you were feeling and what you are doing. And sometimes it sends notifications and it sends signals and it says, it's time for updates long before I'm ready. And these updates aren't optional, common things that I may ignore. That oftentimes it's not always A plus B equals C with this process, but it is. A therapist I used to work with talked about walking the cat back when I would find myself in burnout and I would kind of walk backwards through when did the first stages onset? Like, when did I start to notice this feeling coming on? The more I looked back, I was able to see, oh, that was something my body was showing me. That was something my body was showing me. There were maybe four or five different things that I didn't see as related, but only in hindsight could I see, oh, I think all of that was trying to let me know something's up. Well, the goal, the goal is to help slow down the momentum before it takes us under. Let's talk about what some of these symptoms are. Now. I just want to preface with this too, that you can experience any one of these and maybe not be on the road to burnout. It could be something separate, but the point is to really try to be discerning in filtering this information for yourself and taking an internal scan, which actually is something we will talk about in a little bit. But take an internal scan to see. On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being my best day in the most perfect place in my life. Like an idyllic vacation setting. If that's a 10 and a 0 is I don't want to get out of bed and I don't want to face the day. If you are, let's say, having a level nine day, but you're also experiencing one of these stress symptoms, there's a chance that it may not be connected. This is I think a little easier to suss out though, if you find yourself in struggle on some level where you are aware or you've been going through a particularly hard season and you're noticing these symptoms too. It's just I find that the broader we can pull our focus and the more resources we have to increase our sensitivity and our awareness to our experience, the more quickly we can identify and then the more quickly we can course correct if and when it's needed. Common signs that could be very simple and easy to ignore, dismiss right off, or even medicate over. So you can just get through the day. Kind of like having a head cold. You're treating symptoms, but you still have the cold. Common signs could be headaches, clenched jaw, feeling irritable, gut issues, and sleep troubles. Now, every time I have burnout, almost every one of these is present. Actually, I'm gonna be, let's be more honest, every one of these is present when I am experiencing burnout. And I would say the one that for whatever reason I had the least ability to access and see it as stress related was sleep disturbances. It was just so easy to write off, like, oh, maybe I had too much caffeine, or oh, maybe I was on screens too late in the day. All of which could also be true. But what I also started to notice when I would be in these seasons of burnout, when I would tend to myself emotionally, the symptoms started to release. I think it's also important to highlight that when we are creating, I'll say, positive generative momentum, when I start to make some positive shifts in one area of my life, whether it's food choices or movement, meditation, journaling, it does trickle in to the other areas of my life too. But I'm, I'm wanting to really have us think about burnout, stress management, recovery as a more holistic, rounded approach, rather than trying to isolate or identify one specific problem and treating it in one specific way. So again, my, my sleep disturbances, I would usually wake up two to three times a night, have a really hard time falling asleep. I would wake up in the middle of the night. I would also have a hard time going back to sleep. I wasn't getting longer than two to three hour stretches of sleep at a time, if that. And then that just manifests itself when I would wake up tired, over caffeinating, moving slow, then feeling less productive. You can just start to see how this chain reaction, it can be really hard to see the woods through the trees when you are kind of kicked up in that emotional sandstorm. But that's where if you find yourself like, gosh, every time of month when I'm preparing for this particular type of meeting, I find that I experience tension headaches or whenever I go in to deliver this particular type of presentation, or when I find myself opening my email inbox, I start to feel a little nauseous and queasy. You may not have all of those direct point to physical point points of connection, but what I can promise you, because this is just true of all of us, our bodies are always responding to what we're thinking, what we're believing and what we're doing. So as you're moving through your day, what you're thinking about yourself, what you're thinking about the world, if you're operating in a place of like, I'm running out of time and I don't have enough time, your body is going to be responding in some way, shape or form and catching what that is can really help you start to course correct when you need to. More than anything, what I want to normalize for you and for myself is that when your body is responding to stress and making those physical symptoms known to you, it is not weakness, it's not a character flaw, it's not lack of follow through, it's not self sabotage, it's those are all examples of really self critical thoughts and beliefs that come out in therapy sessions when I'm talking about this very thing with clients. It is not weakness and it is not your fault. It is your body's natural response to the way that you're interacting with and engaging with the environment around you. Why we brush it off, why we may not be as focused or as tuned in to the responses of our body as we otherwise might. We overemphasize the desire to find what's normal versus what's common. And like, well, that's just normal. Everybody has challenges sleeping, or this is just what happens when you reach a certain age. Or it's just stress. Everybody has stress. Or we'll do this comparative suffering gauge to see how worthy or deserving we are of experiencing stress. If there are other people, whether in our lives, in our communities or on the news, that are suffering more like, well, I'm not struggling as much as this person, so it can't be burnout. Burnout is for people who have problems bigger than mine. Or we'll kick the can down the road and we'll push and delay making time for ourselves. I just need to get through this month and then I'll take vacation and then I'LL catch up on rest. But when people do that, the likelihood is you're going to be so exhausted, fatigued, maybe resentful and just not feeling your best by the time you get there, or you're going to roll into your vacation sick, which then it's not really even a vacation, you're just spending it in recovery. We will either push it off, we'll say we'll deal with it later, or we'll minimize it and say, well, it's just stress. It's never just anything. It's always in response to something, even if we don't know what it means yet. Or we just try to normalize the experience and therefore not address it. And I would say that there are several experts out there. One is Gabor Mate, for one, also Tricia Hersey, who founded the Nap Ministry, that we as a culture have normalized behaviors and ways of being and moving in the world that are actually very counter to our well being and in line with our detriment. I would be really cautious to set your bar for how you should be able to respond, move through, engage with, or interact with the world based on what you see other people do. Because what they're presenting on the outside and what they're experiencing behind closed doors. I can tell you as a therapist who speaks to many people behind closed doors, and even I know I'm getting a version of their vulnerability. But not the rawest, most tender, broken down in the closet version. We all have deeper, more personal, more private layers. And the point is we never truly know what somebody's experiencing, no matter how shiny the package may look on the outside or how productive they may look. And I bring up productivity and shininess because when it comes to stress, one of the things that also gets in, one of the major themes that gets in people's way is I can't slow down and stop because I have more to do, or I'm not allowed to feel this way because I haven't hit my goal yet. There's so much internal conversation and chatter and chaos that's just swirling around in our brains at any given moment. That can make isolating what we need, which is generally rest and hydration and sunshine and taking deep breaths, but that busy chatter in our mind, that's the last thing on its mind. That's the last priority. Normalizing and acknowledging that we do live in a culture that celebrates and rewards the hustle. And this is not an anti work, anti productivity, anti goal podcast. Trust me, it's not. This. This podcast coming to Life is a goal of mine. It's really about acknowledging that we are all breathing in the same toxic fumes, right? We're all breathing the same air. And so we are affected and impacted, maybe in slightly different ways, because we're all individuals and yet we're all part of a system. And that system really likes us to be hooked into consumption movement. Consumption movement. And so when your body is saying, hey friend, I think we need to slow down, I think we need to take a beat, I think what maybe we should do is rest and read a book in a cozy chair outside and not rush to that next meeting that isn't really needed. Or that meeting. That could be a five minute phone call, that five minute phone call, that could be an email, that email that is not urgent, no matter how many exclamation points it has in the subject line that could so easily be responded to tomorrow. It's more about layering in that level of discerning of there are the demands of the world, there are the demands of the people in our lives, and then there are the needs, and I would also say demands of our body that we can potentially reprioritize and put that at the front and let everything else fall in line from there. The other thing that's so crucial to note is that suppressed stress does not vanish. I'll say that again, suppressed stress doesn't vanish no matter how long you were able to sustain it. And I will say for most of the clients I work with, particularly clients who find themselves in a regular relationship with burnout, they typically have a high level of resilience to stress, which is why they don't really feel the negative impact of stress until it's already taken them down. Because their threshold is high, they're likely very vigilant, feeling like they're moving constantly. And I would say in many respects they're very productive people. But one of the common threads and fears and themes for people who are very productive, very on top of things, feel a tremendous sense of responsibility, is that it will all fall apart when they slow down. Which is why they don't slow down until they're essentially bedridden. And I don't mean that sarcastically, and I don't mean that exaggeratingly. It's something will take them down, an illness or an injury, then they're in bed and then there's nothing that they can do. And what always amazes me when I have found myself in that very position, because I am in this group, I am not outside of this group. In those moments where you're really knocked down, when you actually have to stop, when you can't show up, that you realize the very thing that your brain would never let you admit, which is that nothing is that important and that life can go on without you. That is completely the opposite of what your fear based, stressful, anxiety driven, burnout fueling mind will let you believe. It's I cannot stop, everything will fall apart. These are all the people, places and things that need me when you are opted out. Like the people that are in hospital beds. They had to do lists, they had checklists, appointments they needed to show up that couldn't be canceled. Well, they're canceled. And so let's, as a community and from one friend to another, try to give ourselves the space, the grace, the capacity and be sensitive and tuned in enough to not just try to repair ourselves when we're broken, but nurture ourselves as we move through our experience to maybe live a life I don't know that we're thriving in, not just trying to survive through. If we weren't living in pursuit of a gold star in every area of our life, where might we feel more joy, more zest, or have more energy? If you are starting to notice some of those stress signals in your own body and you want a way to process them gently, I would love to direct you to two resources. The first is the Treasure Journal. It's a seven part guided journal and meditation series that I created to help you listen to yourself more closely and create some white space for calm if you've got kids in your life. And my children's book Wrestling a Walrus for Little People with Big Feelings could also be just for you. It is a playful approach to helping them and you navigate and make space for the larger big feelings before they take you all down. Case in point, this morning I thought we were all going to go down when my 4 year old looked in the mirror and didn't like the shirt that she was wearing to school. It happens. That was her walrus. And you know what? We got through it. We survived. Today she made it to school clothed. Both of the links for these resources are waiting for you in the show notes. And just a quick reminder, next week is the final episode of this mini series and I will be sharing a special gift just for listeners here on the podcast. You won't find it anywhere else, it's only here in the audio and it's a special goodie just for you. Let's talk about what these symptoms are. If you are identifying yourself in any of the things I've mentioned so far. Let's talk about what some of these symptoms are really saying. This stress, in the way that it's presenting in your body is not failure, it is information. The way your body is responding to stress is not failure, it is information. And there are a couple of practical practices that you can start to use to even assess as you're moving through your day. Like, maybe you're listening and you're thinking, that's probably true for me, but off top of my head, I don't even know where I would fit in this. That's okay too. Absolutely. Okay, we have to start somewhere. So the first is to create a body scan break. And I like creating when I do these little breaks or these mindfulness exercise or these somatic embodied exercises. Set a timer on your phone, and I'm assuming you have a smartphone, because I'm assuming you are like everybody and you're hooked on phonics and you're plugged into the interwebs just like me. I use an app that I love. If you don't like using the typical alarm app on your phone, there's an app I like to use called Insight Timer. I have no affiliation, although I should probably look into that. I have no affiliation, no sponsorship with them. It's just an app that I truly love. They have a free version and a paid version. The free version is great. What I like about it for this purpose is it's not an alarm sound or a phone sound that activates stress in me. It's like a soothing, calming tone or gong or a little chime. Do what feels good to you. But I set a timer for one minute. Maybe if I'm feeling really ambitious. 3. For our purposes, let's just say 1. And you're gonna do just a quick head to toe scan for tension. A minute, a conscious, present minute, can feel like a really long time. I would actually walk through and give you an example of what that scan will be. But I've been told by clients that when I do those meditation exercises, it's very relaxing. And so in the off chance that someone listening is driving, I don't. I don't want someone to listen to a mini meditation in this episode and get a little too calm for the road. With that in mind, I can talk you through. So you set your timer, you put your phone down, you sit anywhere comfortably, or you can lie down if you're in a position to do that too. And you just start from the top of your head. And I like to imagine this, like, beam of light. I don't know if it's like a science fiction movie laser scan, but I just imagine this beam of light starting from the top of my head, going down, past my forehead, past my eyes, my face, and it just scans my arms, my shoulder, my back. And I just become more aware of any place that I would be holding tension. One of the sneaky places that I often find I'm holding tension that I'm not really tuned into is my hands. I'll notice if I'm actually journaling later in the day or in the afternoon or the evening before bed. I can tell by how, like, if I'm holding tension in my grip with my pen, that I've likely been clenching my hands during the day. It's a subtle little cue I've picked up over the years. But that scan, even if no place in your body is particularly pinging at you as a stress response or that you're holding stress somewhere, the exercise itself will also soothe you and calm you, which the benefit to that can be from a place that's more neutral, more present and embodied. If you find yourself moving into tension later, you're also going to be more likely to be tuned in and aware of that when it arises. So you really can't lose with that exercise. It's a win, win, win. The other is gentle movement. So that can be stretching, walking, shaking it out. I'm sure anybody who has a TikTok account has seen those lymphatic vibration plates. I have one. I could probably swing my camera and point down at the floor. I've got one. Sometimes, between either therapy sessions or podcast recordings, I'll stand on it for a minute. And it just. I don't actually know the science behind what it's doing for my lymph, but I joke with my kids. It's shaking my sillies out and it's fun and it just feels good. And I feel circulation in my body, so I get the benefits of shaking out any tension without actually having to go and do anything. It's real, like, it's lazy girl movement in the best possible way. But as you also know, and if you've been listening to this podcast for a while, I love me a walk. I could go on walks, really, any time of day, rain or shine. I love, love, love walking. So, yeah, those are some of my faves. Oh, and stretching. Stretching is always good for a multitude of reasons. So move your body. That gentle movement will help you also isolate where you're tight and holding tension. Since I've gone from teaching ballroom dance where my tension a lot of the times was in my feet and in my ankles and in my shoulders from holding up dance frame, it has now moved into my hips and low back because I spend so much time sitting. The stretching and where you feel the pain and the stretch will also definitely cue you in onto where your body might be holding tension or is restricted. The other is a breath reset. So this is a little different than the body scan because what you're focusing on the body scan are specifically sensations in the body, throughout the body, from your head to your toes. But a breath reset you can. If anybody is box breathing, that's a great example. There are so many great breath exercises. If you forget any specific technique, just remember to breathe deep and breathe slow. Breathe deep. And if you're holding a lot of tension, what I would also encourage you to do is be in a sitting position when you try to engage with this deep belly breathing for the most because you oftentimes if you're restricting your breathing and then you start breathing deeply and taking a lot of oxygen in, you can get lightheaded. So I don't want anyone to trip or fall or get so lightheaded that they pass out, which is actually possible. But box breathing is you breathe in for four, you hold for four, you breathe out for four and hold for four. Another really good one is you breathe in for four, you hold for six counts and then you breathe out for four. You can. And you can also extend it. I'll be perfectly candid. In my day to day life, unless I'm actually walking through a workshop or a speaking event or on a podcast, I don't actually do a ton of specific numbered counting breathing exercises for myself. I just like breathing in for about as long as I can take air in, holding as long as comfortable and slowly letting it out. But when I go to yoga classes and things like that, I'll always follow along and participate when someone else is leading it. But just that's just a little side note for how I do things. My point for sharing these simple exercises is that when our stress feels big, we oftentimes think that the way out or the way through also has to be as big as our fear, as loud as the noise. And the truth is, radical shifts can happen one degree and one minute at a time, gently and slowly and consistently. And you will find yourself to be in a completely new place by doing one, two, or even three of these tiny little shifts consistently and committedly you don't need to go on a yoga retreat, you don't need to go devote yourself to an ashram. But obviously if you want to do those things, like take me with you, let's all go, that would be really fun. The point is, is that you have two shoulders and you are allowed to drop them anytime. Now, let's finally conclude with how we can actually respond differently to our stress. Small changes matter. Remember, respond early and don't wait until you're breaking or broken to say any wait. I need a pause. I need to do something differently. I need to shift this priority and actually put it over here because you are a priority. And we don't always put ourselves on our to do list. But that's the place where we should start because there's only one of us. So all the other things that you want to get done and accomplished and all the goals you have and the people that matter in your life, you are the connected thread to all of those. And you deserve to be prioritized. Even if that means dedicating three hours to starting Gilmore Girl is over. It can also be rest and repair. It can be breath. It can be journaling. It can be all the beautiful things I've talked about. And it can also be maybe letting yourself rot on your couch for an afternoon with a friend, solo with a pet, a blanket. The thing that I have said, but I feel like it bears repeating because usually the best things do, is that stress does not disappear when you ignore it, when you numb it, when you try to replace it by shopping, adding an extra glass of wine, busying yourself, making your to do list longer, being hard on yourself. Those things never make the stress go away. It will just get louder. But when you listen to the signs and the signals that your body is trying to show you, your body doesn't become an enemy, a problem to fix, something to put things into and cover things over to try to survive and get through your day. It becomes your friend. Your body becomes the ally moving you through your experiences and letting you know how to move through in a way that feels good holistically. Thank you so much for listening to Put down the A Kinder Guide to Stress, a miniseries from don't cut your own bangs. Remember that your body is your greatest ally. It is a teacher, and it is always, always sending you signals. Your peace does not have to be earned. Share this episode with a friend or a loved one who might be brushing off their stress and make sure that you subscribe to the final episode of this mini series in the next two weeks. So next week we'll have a really fun interview coming at you. But two weeks from now, the last episode in this series is out. And that's where your free gift will be. The special gift just for listeners here on the podcast. And you won't want to miss it. Your time, your attention, mean the world to me. Thank you again for being here. It's an honor and a privilege and a pleasure. And you know what? I'm gonna go on a walk. Well, actually, I'm gonna grab a snack. Then I'm gonna go on a walk. See, look, I'm just ticking boxes. I'm just crushing it. My body is so grateful. Okay. But for real, thank you for being here and we'll talk next time.
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