Podcast Summary: Don’t Cut Your Own Bangs

Episode: Support Now with Jordan Arogeti—Why Support Makes Us Stronger

Host: Danielle Ireland
Guest: Jordan Arogeti (Co-founder, SupportNow & Host, Moms Like Me)
Date: September 1, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode delves into how we give, ask for, and receive support during tough moments, and why support makes us collectively stronger. Danielle Ireland, therapist and author, sits down with Jordan Arogeti, co-founder of SupportNow, to discuss the art of supporting others, decision fatigue in crisis, and Jordan’s innovative framework for understanding support styles—"support languages.” They explore the transformative power of community, address why people often do nothing instead of something when loved ones are hurting, and swap vulnerable stories from their personal lives. The tone is warm, candid, and deeply human, with laughter and wisdom interspersed throughout.

Key Discussion Points

1. The “Messy Middle” of Tough Times

• Danielle frames the show’s mission: tackling the daunting, isolating “in-between” times of life change, setback, or grief.
• Danielle highlights how fear, self-doubt, and anxiety thrive in this “space between knowing and not knowing.”
• She emphasizes that making big feelings less scary and more approachable is a shared goal.
• Both Danielle and Jordan stress the universal nature of hardship—everyone will need support or be asked to give it.

2. The Need for New Support Systems ([05:13]–[11:03])

• Jordan describes SupportNow: a modern platform to help friends and families “show up” during major life events (loss, diagnosis, disasters, etc.).
• “We live in a culture of cash and casseroles.” (Jordan, [05:59])—People default to sending money or meals, in part because platforms like GoFundMe or MealTrain make those options most visible.
• “It has to be made simple, it has to be made easy, it has to be made efficient, and it should feel different when you do it.” (Jordan, [08:19])
• Modern life and distance have eroded “the village,” making intentional support systems crucial.
• Danielle notes decision fatigue: People in crisis are often too overwhelmed to know “what they need,” and the question “How can I help?” can feel burdensome rather than comforting.

3. Shifting the Burden: Empowering Supporters ([11:03]–[13:27])

• Jordan: SupportNow prompts and guides supporters, taking decision-making pressure off those in crisis.
• The shame of receiving help is real; we instinctively say “I’m fine” even when suffering, creating barriers to real connection.
• “By letting your supporters proactively offer these things… it’s like a chisel in stone.” (Jordan, [11:51])
• Breaking the “shield” around people in crisis is essential for authentic support and reducing loneliness.

4. Broadening the Definition of “Tough Times” ([13:27]–[16:57])

• Danielle and Jordan enumerate events that warrant community support: illness, loss, trauma, infertility, pregnancy, new parenthood, emergencies, natural disasters.
• Jordan notes: “No one goes through life more than one or two degrees removed from one of these moments. It’s impossible because death is a part of life. Getting sick is a part of life. Accidents are a part of life.” ([14:49])

5. Why People Do Nothing ([15:55])

• Paralysis by Overwhelm: Not knowing what to do (“support paralysis”) often leads to inaction.
• Danielle connects this to primal biology: Overwhelm creates mental shutdowns (“too much power!” [16:16]), which is a normal brain response.
• There’s no blame or shame—just opportunity for self-discovery and doing better.

6. The Support Languages Framework ([19:01]–[24:50])

• Jordan introduces the Support Language concept—inspired by the "love languages" but focused on how we give support.
• Three axes shape a support language:
  • How you like to work: Individually vs. collaboratively
  • How you activate: Assertively/proactively or adaptively (waiting for instruction)
  • How you serve: Tangibly (action) vs. relationally (listening, presence)
• Eight potential support language types: Connector, Community Builder, Coordinator, Organizer, Listener, Harmonizer, Team Player, Problem Solver.
• “What it's meant to do is bring awareness to you so you feel empowered to show up when it's appropriate.” (Jordan, [19:31])
• The model is not rigid—support languages flex depending on the relationship and situation.

7. Reading the Room ([22:39]–[24:50])

• “Reading the room is the lost art of realizing you’re not the main character in every chapter.” (Jordan, [22:41])
• Danielle and Jordan discuss the importance of context—your closeness to the person and their needs should guide your support.
• Taking any action is better than none: Even a simple text matters; the point is connection, not perfection.

8. Why Support Feels So Hard in Modern Society ([25:06]–[27:10])

• Jordan: Our push for self-sufficiency (esp. among women/moms) and societal distance undermine natural communal care.
• We've lost the daily proximity and habit of pitching in that earlier generations relied upon.
• Technology, surprisingly, can help reconnect and “bring back the village.”

9. The Universal Thread of Suffering—and the Power of Community ([27:10]–[30:09])

• Danielle, as a therapist, underscores that “the emotional heart and thread” of hardship is universal—even if the details are unique.
• “So many of the struggles people feel, they are the same. What you’re feeling isn’t all that different from the people you know. They just may be hiding it better.” (Jordan, [28:53])
• Tools like SupportNow and the support languages quiz can nudge people into meaningful roles—even if just in small ways.

10. Self-Care, Caregiver Burnout & Letting Needs Exist ([30:09]–[34:12])

• Danielle: Seeing varied help options empowers people to ask for and receive more diverse support.
• Jordan flags the coming wave of “caregiver burnout” as the “sandwich generation” rises—a key challenge the SupportNow framework aims to address.
• “The more we can increase our own tolerance for our needs to be inconvenient to the people around us… that is, I think, the biggest hurdle or wall.” (Danielle, [32:33])
• Self-care isn’t selfish—it’s necessary, but may disrupt existing dynamics.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “We live in a culture of cash and casseroles.”
  Jordan Arighetti, [05:59]
• “If you don’t know what to do, you usually don’t do anything. So places that make it easy to do something—at least I’ll go click casserole.”
  Danielle Ireland, [07:49]
• “It is time for another iteration… to create a more compassionate, empathetic, modern place for friends and family.”
  Jordan Arighetti, [08:26]
• “The question, ‘How can I help?’ can create a lot more pain and frustration.”
  Jordan Arighetti, [11:22]
• “By letting supporters proactively offer these things… it’s like a chisel in stone.”
  Jordan Arighetti, [11:51]
• “Reading the room is the lost art of realizing you’re not the main character in every chapter.”
  Jordan Arighetti, [22:41]
• “Repair, repair, repair. It is never too late to acknowledge that you might have misread a situation…”
  Jordan Arighetti, [35:14]
• Danielle’s therapist wisdom:
  “Your experiences and your story are as individual as your fingerprint. But the emotional heart… is one that reaches so far beyond.”
  Danielle Ireland, [27:10]

Timestamps for Major Segments

• Defining SupportNow & “Cash and Casseroles” Culture: [05:13]–[07:07]
• Decision Fatigue for Those in Crisis: [09:48]–[11:03]
• Framework of Support Languages & Types: [19:01]–[22:39]
• Reading the Room: [22:39]–[24:50]
• Caregiver Burnout, Self-Care, and Needs: [30:46]–[34:12]
• Repairing When You Didn't Show Up: [35:14]–[39:13]
• Don’t Cut Your Own Bangs Moments—Disney Disaster: [39:43]–[44:58]

The “Don’t Cut Your Own Bangs” Moment (Listener Favorite!)

([39:43]–[44:58])

• Jordan shares a vulnerable story: She took her very young children to Disney while pregnant because “everyone on Instagram” was doing it, and it was a disaster. The lesson: Don’t make life choices based on societal pressure or comparison—honor your own needs and boundaries.
  • “I knew deep down, like, this probably isn't gonna go well. But I think that's what we do as moms. We want to project a certain reality that isn't always the truth.” (Jordan, [41:58])
  • Danielle commiserates, admitting she’s about to repeat the pattern—“shit, shit, shit, shit, shit”—by taking her young kids on a Disney cruise for similar reasons.

Actionable Takeaways

• Support now vs. support never: Even imperfect help is meaningful—do something.
• Find your support language: Take the Support Languages quiz at supportlanguages.com for self-awareness and ideas.
• Repair is always possible: Owning past mistakes or inaction strengthens relationships.
• Let support and self-care disrupt the status quo: Let your needs be “inconvenient” sometimes.
• Reject comparison culture: Your value is not in how closely you mirror everyone else’s highlight reel.

Resources & Further Learning

• SupportNow website
• Jordan’s TED Talk: (Linked in show notes)
• Moms Like Me podcast: (Linked in show notes)
• Support Languages quiz: supportlanguages.com
• “Wrestling a Walrus for Little People with Big Feelings” (Danielle’s book, also linked)

Tone & Vibe

The tone is warm, heartfelt, and refreshingly honest. Danielle and Jordan blend professional expertise with lived experiences, trading advice, laughter, and hard-won lessons about showing up—for others and ourselves. Their conversation models the very vulnerability, authenticity, and courage they hope listeners will embrace.

For anyone who’s ever felt helpless watching a loved one hurt, or lost in their own “messy middle,” this episode offers a modern roadmap—one where community, self-awareness, and a little grace can make support real and meaningful for all.