What You Repeat Is What You Reinforce (And Why That Matters Right Now) - Don't Cut Your Own Bangs

Podcast Summary: Don't Cut Your Own Bangs
Host: Danielle Ireland
Episode: What You Repeat Is What You Reinforce (And Why That Matters Right Now)
Date: February 9, 2026

Episode Overview

In this heartfelt solo episode, Danielle Ireland explores the theme of hope—specifically, how our repeated actions and habits shape our lives, especially in times of stress. Drawing from both personal experience and her work as a therapist, Danielle weaves together a mixture of self-reflection, professional insight, and practical journaling prompts. The episode aims to give listeners a gentle push toward self-awareness and growth, providing a cozier, more hopeful perspective in the “messy middle” of modern life.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Need for Hope and Shared Experience

[00:30 - 04:10]

Danielle opens up about feeling a deep need for hope, something echoed in recent client sessions.
She sets the episode’s intention: to offer a “little dose, a little smidgen of hope,” likening it to flipping on a light in a dark room.
The energy in February often shifts from January’s excitement to a more subdued or challenging state—especially in colder climates.
She previews upcoming interviews for the month (Kat Greenleaf from the Soberness Podcast and Ashlyn Thompson from the Parent Empowerment Network).

“I’m going to do my absolute best today to treat this episode like flipping on a light switch in a dark room. When you turn on a light in a dark space, the darkness isn’t gone, but the darkness can’t deny the light.”
— Danielle Ireland [01:08]

Core Quote: What You Repeat Is What You Reinforce

[04:11 - 08:03]

Danielle shares a quote from James Clear’s Atomic Habits: “The things you repeat are what you reinforce.”
She reflects on how, as January’s “newness” fades, February becomes the true test of our habits.
Danielle discusses her personal habit of over-consuming news, examining how the cycle of repeat exposure to distressing media impacted her nervous system and sense of safety.

“The things you repeat are what you reinforce. I'll say that again. The things you repeat are what you reinforce.”
— Danielle Ireland [05:33]

Processing Habits and Inputs

[08:04 - 13:09]

Danielle details her struggle with frequent news checking, likening her phone to “an adult pacifier.”
She identifies the importance of being discerning with information intake—balancing the desire to stay informed with emotional wellbeing.
The need to audit not just media intake but all forms of consumption (food, entertainment, conversations) for their impact on mood and mindset.

“Almost every time I lifted my phone, particularly in the last week or so, I was being fed things that I couldn’t process and digest that was making my nervous system fire and constantly put me in a state of not feeling safe.”
— Danielle Ireland [07:50]

The Importance of Self-Inventory

[13:10 - 16:25]

Danielle suggests a gentle, compassionate practice: taking inventory of what we’re repeating in our lives and honestly asking if it serves us.
She encourages listeners to note how they feel as a gauge for whether change or reflection is needed.
Self-compassion and subtle adjustments are highlighted as kinder alternatives to harsh self-critique.

“If you’re feeling great, if you are feeling energized and hopeful and uplifted ... then you probably are doing great ... If you’re feeling other than that, that may mean this is an opportunity to just take a simple, kind, gentle intake of what are the things I’m repeating? Are they in service of me?”
— Danielle Ireland [10:38]

Learning Boundaries through Therapy

[16:26 - 23:20]

Danielle shares a formative story about her early days as a therapist, realizing she hadn’t defined her own philosophy or boundaries.
Her own therapist assigned her to write out her “philosophy of therapy”—clarifying what she was responsible for and what was not hers to own (e.g., her clients’ feelings or breakthroughs).
This exercise became a cornerstone for Danielle in understanding healthy boundaries, not just professionally but also as a parent and partner.

“What I wanted was for my clients to feel good. But what I know now is that if I was always trying to help my clients feel good, then that was bypassing potentially very important, maybe uncomfortable work.”
— Danielle Ireland [19:20]

“That is a way ... to practice in real time what boundaries are, in the best sense of the word—what do I want to own? What is truly mine, and then what is not mine to own...”
— Danielle Ireland [21:23]

Applying the Lesson: Self-Reflection Prompts

[23:21 - 26:00]

Danielle brings it back to the central question: “What am I taking in, what am I choosing to repeat, and what are they reinforcing for me?”
She recommends using these prompts in journaling, walks, or conversations.
The act of writing things down—habits, philosophies, goals—makes them more “official” and actionable.
Empowerment comes from the awareness and the small, conscious choice to adjust what doesn’t serve us.

“Sometimes we don’t know, we don’t have the clarity or the conscious awareness of what we are repeating or what’s being reinforced. So bringing that into your awareness can give you an opportunity to ... introduce something new, which feels empowering.”
— Danielle Ireland [24:55]

Closing Reflections & Resource Mention

[26:01 - 28:10]

Danielle gently reminds listeners about her children’s book, Wrestling a Walrus for Little People with Big Feelings, and her Treasure Journal, both available via her website and major retailers.
She closes by thanking her audience and reiterating the hope that this episode brings a “cozier corner of the Internet.”

“Your time, your care, your attention, they are our most precious resources. So thank you for sharing them here with me. I hope it was a cozier corner of the Internet for you and I hope that you continue to have an incredible day.”
— Danielle Ireland [27:54]

Notable Quotes

“When you turn on a light in a dark space, the darkness isn’t gone, but the darkness can’t deny the light.”
— Danielle Ireland [01:08]
“The things you repeat are what you reinforce.”
— Danielle Ireland [05:33, quoting James Clear]
“Almost every time I lifted my phone ... I was being fed things that I couldn’t process and digest that was making my nervous system fire and constantly put me in a state of not feeling safe.”
— Danielle Ireland [07:50]
“What do I want to own? What is truly mine, and then what is not mine to own.”
— Danielle Ireland [21:23]
“What am I taking in? What am I choosing to repeat? What habits am I repeating and what are they reinforcing for me? And then, do you like that?”
— Danielle Ireland [24:25]
“Your time, your care, your attention, they are our most precious resources. So thank you for sharing them here with me.”
— Danielle Ireland [27:54]

Important Timestamps

00:30 – Episode begins, Danielle expresses a personal need for hope
04:11 – Introduction of the quote from Atomic Habits: “The things you repeat are what you reinforce”
06:30 – Danielle discusses modifying her relationship with news/media intake
10:38 – Guidance on self-auditing habits and emotional check-ins
16:26 – Danielle’s story about developing her therapy philosophy and boundaries
23:21 – Journaling prompts and applying the main message to personal life
26:01 – Resource mentions and parting thoughts

Tone & Style

Warm, compassionate, self-reflective, and gentle—Danielle maintains an earnest and encouraging tone throughout, inviting listeners into a shared space of care, insight, and gradual self-discovery.

Final Takeaway

The habits and mental patterns we consciously or unconsciously reinforce shape our experiences and well-being. With a mix of vulnerability, practical advice, and therapist insight, Danielle encourages a gentle self-audit and compassionate curiosity as paths to greater hope and agency, especially in challenging times.

Transcript

A (0:00)

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B (0:30)

Hello? Hello, this is Danielle Ireland. Ireland. And you are listening to don't cut your own bangs. And today's episode is lovingly titled A little bit of Hope. Because that is what I really, really need right now. I need a little bit of hope. Every client session that I've had in the last couple weeks has had a very similar theme and tone. And so what that tells me is something's trending and this experience isn't unique to me. I am not the only one who needs it. And so I, I'm going to do my absolute best today to treat this episode like flipping on a light switch in a dark room. When you turn on a light in a dark space, the darkness isn't gone, but the darkness can't deny the light. And that's what I want to try to do with the very, very best, the most earnest way I can to turn a light on. Whether that's just a little click of a flashlight or illuminating a whole space. I want to bring a little bit of hope. And with that, the intention for this episode is to share a quote, share a little bit of processing, give you some insight on some things to come for the month of February, and then offer some questions that can offer hopefully some relief, some insight, things that you can carry with you, take with you on your walks or into your journal or conversations. And then we'll go on with our day. So we're just going to get a little dose, a little smidgen of hope, and then hopefully that can carry us with a little bit lighter load, a little bit more relaxed shoulders, a little bit less tension, and hopefully feel a little bit cozier. A couple things that are coming that I'm really excited about. I have two fantastic interviews that are coming up this month. One is with a woman named Kat Greenleaf. She was the host of a really popular show called Talk Stoop. She kind of paved the way in digital content before digital content really was what we understand it to be. Today she has a podcast called the Soberness Podcast. It's a celebrity sobriety podcast where she interviews all kinds of people from all walks of life that you could possibly imagine that are known in their field who have navigated sobriety in their own way. She's a total rock star. She is constantly evolving. She's incredibly dynamic. And that episode is really fun. And then I'm also bringing back a friend of the podcast, Ashlyn Thompson, from the and Parent Empowerment Network. We're going to have just a beautiful, heart to heart loving dialogue about these deeply emotional, tender things. But as Ashlyn does so well, she has a way of taking very heart led potentially heavy topics and opening them up in a way that feels so approachable and loving. In a way, she is like the way that TED Lasso is. If you haven't watched TED Lasso, by the way, that is your podcast homework, my friends. It's loving, it's poignant, but there's also humor and it's the kind of show that makes you feel better about humanity. Like, that's Ashlyn Thompson. And so she's coming up this month too. It's so fun. I can't wait for you to connect with both of those people very soon. We got more solo casts coming your way as well. So that's what's coming for today. We're gonna be talking about a little bit of hope. Here's the quote that I want to offer, and it's from the author of Atomic Habits and his name is escaping me, but I can reference his work from Atomic Habits. The things you repeat are what you reinforce. I'll say that again. The things you repeat are what you reinforce. We are in the month of February and all of that PR that we were talking about in the month of January, like, you know, New Years, new fitness goals, new business goals. We're just new, new, new, new, new, new. Well, February is really the month where we are put to task, particularly if you live in the Midwest. It is cold and it is snowy. Where is the sun? Where did she go? This is where some of the enthusiasm and some of the oomph behind a brand new goal being launched. A little less new, it's a little less shiny now and we're in February. So what are you reinforcing and what are you repeating for me? How I've dialed that quote in to my life and where I'm already seeing changes for the better. I, for the last couple weeks have been taking in way, way, way too much news on my phone. What I'm trying to do is be more discerning about my relationship with staying informed, my relationship with wanting to feel connected to the world and not do sort of a spiritual and emotional bypass and then also being honest with myself about where taking in information, the time of day I'm taking it in, where am I just sort of passively leaning into my phone and then almost being assaulted by images I can't unsee or by information that I wasn't prepared for because I've just fallen into this default habit of reaching for my phone between client sessions or it's like, it's like an adult pacifier. Anytime I'm not talking or doing something, I think about grab or I just grab my phone. And it's such a reflex. And given, given the charge of what is happening currently in the country and in the world, then also the way that the algorithm works. I almost every time I lifted my phone, particularly in the last week or so, I was being fed things that I couldn't process and digest that was making my nervous system fire and constantly put me in a state of not feeling safe. And what I know from the work that I do, I can't function in my life for the very real responsibilities of my life and operate that way. And so I needed to shift my relationship with how I was staying informed or how I am staying informed. And then how do I want to process those feelings? But bringing it back to the quote from Atomic Habits, the things I repeat are what I'm reinforcing and what I was repeating and reinforcing wasn't in service of me. Now I don't want to judge myself. I was doing the best I knew how. And this is pretty close to in real time. I was doing the best I knew how. And I can tell by the way that my body was processing all of that. That wasn't sustainable. It's not sustainable. Rather than to get prescriptive or even try to tell like this doesn't mean that this is how you should process information or how you should relate to any of that. It seemed like such a great opportunity to look at what am I taking in? What am I taking in my mind? What am I. Where are my eyes landing? What am I watching? What am I consuming in terms of entertainment, media, television? What am I taking in in terms of food and beverage? What am I consuming and what is that informing for me? How is that affecting how I'm showing up? The greatest gauge too, by the way, is if taking stock or taking inventory like this is even necessary for you, is how are you feeling? If you're feeling great, if you are feeling energized and hopeful and uplifted and you're waking up like Cinderella with the birds, you know, just making your bed for you. If you're feeling whimsical, then you probably are doing great. And you probably don't even really need to think about this if you're feeling other than that. That may mean this is an opportunity to just take a simple, kind, gentle intake of what are the things I'm repeating? Are they in service of me? And if they're not, what can a subtle adjustment be to help me be more in line with how I want to feel? And I have a real time example too, that may help offer just another way of looking at this. So when I first started working as a therapist, I. I didn't really consider what kind of therapist do I want to be. I knew I was working for private practice. I knew the types of clients that my practice was attracting. I also knew that I had to build a practice, and that required me taking just about anybody that would come in because I was in real time learning who I was best equipped to serve, who did I like serving. So I knew all of the philosophies that I studied. I was fresh with my degree, like I was just an eager beaver ready to just go out and heal the world. But what I didn't do was think about how did I as an individual, what was my position, what was my hot take in the therapy space, and what did I want to bring into the therapy room? It wasn't until I started going to therapy that my therapist asked me that very thing. Because one of the things that I was struggling with was really understanding what was I actually responsible for in terms of my clients. Because if I was responsible for their breakthroughs, then was I also responsible for what they didn't understand, what they didn't take in? If I was responsible for them crying, was I then responsible for their euphoria? I was not present and clear and aware enough of where my own need to rescue, my own codependence, my empathy, my need to please. I wasn't fully in touch with and maybe even honest with myself enough to know what was I bringing into the room and what was I actually doing. A lot of times, particularly in those early first few months, what I wanted, and I'm saying this with so much compassion for that younger version of me. What I wanted was for my clients to feel good. But what I know now is that if I was always trying to help my clients feel good, then that was bypassing potentially very important, maybe uncomfortable work. That doesn't mean going in with like a hacksaw and just making people feel like Shit for no reason. Because, God, who wouldn't want to do that? But I wasn't clear on what I was actually responsible for, so my therapist gave me some of the best homework I've ever been given. And it was, write your philosophy of therapy. What are you responsible for? What is your client responsible for? What do you want to own? How do you know if you're doing a good job? Because if you only know you're doing a good job based on your client liking you, well, that's. That can get real messy real fast. And it just. It helped me really understand what's mine and what's not mine within the context of a therapeutic relationship. And what's wonderful about that exercise is that is the heart. That that is a way I'll say, to practice in real time. What boundaries are, in the best sense of the word, what do I want to own? What is truly mine, and then what is not mine to own, to bring it back to. Like, the things that I repeat are the things I reinforce. There's so much going on in the world that is beyond my control, and it almost always has to do with other people because I can't control them. But what I reinforce, what I look for, where my mind goes, the habits I create, the way that I show up in relationships, what I consume in terms of food, media, books, those are things that I have influence over. Those are things. And I don't want to even use the word control, but that is where I can stake a claim and be of influence and maybe even be of service. And so bringing it back to, I wrote down my philosophy, and writing it down made it feel more official. I don't have it memorized, but the heart of it I do, which was, I'm responsible for showing up on time. I'm responsible for showing up to the best of my ability with full presence. I am responsible for being aware of the reactions and the responses that are happening in my body so that I don't make my work the client's work, that I don't make them responsible for making me feel like I'm doing a good job. They don't need to take care of me. I'm responsible for being as honest and ethical and discerning as I can be. And sometimes, oftentimes, I am responsible for saying the thing, even if the client doesn't like it. And then I also have to be responsible for what is my relationship with the truth and honesty and therapeutic compassion. Where do those intersect? And I have to be okay with living with the impact that I make because that's the charge that I have when I allow and agree to this type of work, that, that type of exercise I've used with my children. What am I responsible for? Am I responsible for making them happy or am I responsible for keeping them safe? Sometimes those lines get blurry because when they're happy, they're a lot easier to deal with. But that, but happiness can also look like having a lollipop for breakfast, lunch and dinner. And then that creates a whole other issue, right? It's just what I love about this process of what you repeat is what you reinforce. Sometimes we don't know, we don't have the clarity or the conscious awareness of what we are repeating or what's being reinforced. So bringing that into your awareness can give you an opportunity to either on a walk or in a conversation, or maybe just on a sheet of paper or in a journal, ask yourself, consider what am I taking in? What am I choosing to repeat? What habits am I repeating and what are they reinforcing for me? And then, then the follow up question would be, do you like that? Are you good with what you're reinforcing? And if not that, that's where you have the opportunity to introduce something new which feels empowering. Last but not least, just want to gently push out there that my children's book, Wrestling a Walrus for Little People with Big Feelings is available on Barnes and Noble and Amazon. Com. You can always pick it up off my website as well. It'll be linked for you in the show notes. And then a copy of the journal, the Treasure Journal, is also available for you there. It's a great place to take some of the processing that I talk about in solo casts and interviews and personalize it to you. So without further ado, friends, I think we did it. Thank you for being here. Your time, your care, your attention, they are our most precious resources. So thank you for sharing them here with me. I hope it was a cozier corner of the Internet for you and I hope that you continue to have an incredible day. It.