← Don't Cut Your Own Bangs
Loading summary
Transcript130 lines
- [00:00]
A
You just heard a moment from my conversation with Brent and Kyle Peace. And honestly, that moment encapsulates the entire episode. But there is so much more underneath. Hello, hello, and welcome back to Don't Cut yout Own Bangs. I'm Danielle Ireland, and I'm so glad you're here. Today's conversation is about a lot of things. On the surface, it's endurance racing, pushing your physical limits, doing something that most people would look at and say that is impossible. But underneath all of that, this is a story about relationship. It's about brotherhood. It's about trust. It's about what becomes possible when someone refuses to accept a version of the world that leaves people out. Brent and Kyle are the co founders of the Kyle Peace foundation. And together they've not only completed some of the most demanding races in the world, they've built something that is actively changing what inclusion looks like in sports, in workplaces, and in everyday life. One of the things that really stayed with me after this conversation is that while it's the racing that gets people's attention, it is not the whole point. The point is access community. The point is finding a way to say yes, even if the path forward doesn't exist yet. We talk about what it means to do hard things, how to know which of these hard things are actually worth fighting for. We talk about communication and therapy, about what it looks like to grow, and not just as athletes, but as brothers and as people. So whether you're in a season where things feel heavy or uncertain or you're standing on the edge of something that feels just a little out of reach, I hope this conversation reminds you that possibility is often a lot closer than we think. Okay, let's get into it. Kyle and Brent Peace, welcome to don't cut your own Bangs. It's such a pleasure to have you here. And while this isn't the first time we've. We've had one previous chat. I'm really excited to get into the meat of your work and what you stand for and just really dive into this conversation with you. So thanks for the time.
- [01:53]
B
Thank you.
- [01:54]
A
So racing is the draw to your work, to social media, to the motivational speaking that you both do. It draws so much attention. And I'm curious, when did the idea for racing first appear for you guys? Was it just a moment decision or did. Was it something that felt really obvious to you? Did it grow over time? I'd love to know when the idea of racing really began for you both.
- [02:19]
C
All of the above of what you were. I Mean, like, growing up, we were always interested in finding ways to include Kyle and what we were doing.
- [02:28]
A
Yeah.
- [02:29]
C
And, you know, that's the basis of our racing today. But when it really took hold was, you know, 2010, when I was competing in an endurance event for the first time. Kyle's experience that day of watching what everybody went through, not just my experience of watching people really pour themselves out from a physical and mental standpoint, just was this unlock moment for Kyle of. That's just like, what I go through every day. Like these just extreme swings. Right. Like living life in a wheelchair, it. It has challenges that are more obvious than some of what we might all deal with. And watching people go through an ironman, you see what they're going through, you can see it on their faces, the struggles. And so it really took hold and it grew from there. And it went from just us raising together to wanting to do an ironman, to wanting others to do it with us. Like, it was just this still constantly evolving idea between us as brothers that took its early roots when we were just little kids.
- [03:30]
A
What have you learned about each other through racing? And I know you mentioned it began when you were little kids, but when you're in. When you're in the throes of the race, like, what. What level of trust do you have to have as that team? And did that always exist from when you two were young brothers playing and just navigating life together, or did that evolve?
- [03:55]
C
Well, I mean, like, you have to trust somebody who carries you down a flight of stairs always. Like, Kyle never got to an age where it was like he crawled down the stairs by himself. Somebody always took him down. And I started doing that from a very early age of carrying Kyle down the stairs. And it developed. It strengthened the bonds that brothers have naturally, of being around each other all the time or having that connection.
- [04:22]
B
And.
- [04:22]
C
But what I would say that we've really learned is how competitive Kyle is. You know, he's extremely competitive, and in a good way. I mean, it's really impressive. It's part of the success that we've experienced. Like, you can't not do Ironmans and be determined to do them. But the trust has evolved as we've become endurance athletes together, where, you know, there would be times where there was tension and Kyle wouldn't talk to me or I wouldn't talk to Kyle because we both had this. We were creating a story of, like, well, he doesn't know what I'm going through, or vice versa.
- [04:53]
A
Yeah.
- [04:54]
C
And so that's evolved to where the last Ironman we did was probably the greatest level of trust and flow that we've ever experienced together.
- [05:04]
B
I think it also fucking right. I know that's all weird, but we both know the role to the responsibility we have on LinkedIn and we get something both sides of the win and that we have to be there to support one another and help each other through the dark times and the good times as well.
- [05:36]
A
Kyle, you said you both know the roles and responsibilities you each have. So I want to know more about that. When we chatted in preparation for this interview, Kyle, one of the things you said was you really felt like you. You were holding space for the emotional weight of the race. And I want to know more about that and if it's in any way connected to. And I'm pretty sure I pulled this through my research, but there was a video clip of you two playing when you were young and it was sort of understood that the family motto was Nev. Like there was never a mindset of no, it was how can we find a way to make it yes. How we shift it to yes. How does that translate to what you're holding space for in the mental endurance?
- [06:26]
B
Yeah, I think it's a great question. I think that really set themselves first. That goes back to the arts for being raping. I know that throughout races that they are going to be tired with public frauds. Where we hit the wall.
- [06:44]
A
Yeah.
- [06:45]
B
And so it can't really start. We have to go into make the cut off and take it to the physics or so now I just imagine myself putting my hand on right back and give a little push to get out. And that's where your mind is so strong.
- [07:11]
A
So the mental side, my work as a therapist, I work with a lot of people who are high achievers, high performers who are also silently carrying the weight of burnout. And as somebody who has never done an endurance race like this, I'm really, really so curious of how do you two decide? And maybe your capacity, maybe your resilience level is different. But I'm just curious how do you know the difference between hitting a wall and saying, oh, this is something we can circumnavigate, we can find a way forward. This is not going to stop us. Like, what is the level of hard and resistance that you want to push through and then you feel, okay, we need to stop, we need to make a change, we need to pivot, we need to reevaluate.
- [07:58]
C
So what I would say is, I would start by saying this, like when you talk to any. Any person in your line of work. If you were like, map out 365 days for me. Tell me how many were good. Like, if they. If people could really mentally do this. Right. How many of those were perfect? How many of those were good? How many of those were okay? How many were challenging? How many were, like, just awful. Yeah, Right.
- [08:20]
B
And.
- [08:20]
C
And over the course of 140.6 miles of racing that we do, we experience all of that. And the line between awful and good is really thin. And when you think about a whole year of your life. Yeah, it usually is. I mean, there's whatever we can get in the nuance if you want, but the nuance is. Is this. Like, if you have somebody in your family close to you die, like, yes, those days are much harder. That's not as razor thin. But when you think about, you know, pick something that could be really challenging. Like, if somebody gets really sick and you have to go to the hospital and you lose a week of work or something. Like, those five days were hard, but the 365 were made up for all of that. And so what we've learned through Kyle's life, but also in our lifetime as athletes, is that you can't have. You can't have just good to get through it, you have to experience some of the challenges. And so what we've gotten really good at is that Kyle's. There's another video I can send to you where I. I make this comment of, Kyle's got this massive toolbox that he's built up in his life because his suffering, his challenges are just more obvious.
- [09:29]
B
Right.
- [09:29]
C
Like, for him to come to this podcast today was a train and a bus and then waiting for somebody to open the door for him.
- [09:37]
B
Right.
- [09:37]
C
Like, my day was a very short commute in my car, and I walked through the front door and sat down at my desk, like, pick which one sounds harder to you? And so he has these really great skills, and so I don't have to go through it as much. And when we talked about being connected in that final Ironman, in that last ironman that we did together, the biggest part of that was me being able to say to Kyle, hey, I'm experiencing something hard right now, I want you to know. And Kyle being able to say, okay, you can suffer. I'll do the rest right now. Right. Because he's got to hold space for me to physically carry him down the stairs. To use that metaphor again.
- [10:16]
A
Yeah.
- [10:16]
C
Like, so. For 140.6 miles, no matter what happens? I have to carry Kyle the whole way and for 140.6 miles, no matter what happens, Kyle has to carry me the whole way. And so, like, again, in the context of a whole year of our lives or a 15 hour endurance event, we've got to have some good and bads. And so it's not that we are resilient in spite of our bad, it's that we're resilient because of the good and the bad experiences that we navigate together.
- [10:43]
B
My whole. My whole life, I think navigating, that's why I think we both are a huge part here on your line of work and what you do. And everybody needs to write the job too, but my whole life, I mean, navigating, we only get people to say, okay, now what? Inflate the suck. Order our locality.
- [11:17]
A
Yeah, embrace the suck. I mean, that really. That sums it all. That could almost be the title of this episode, really. I just, I think. I think it seems like there's this Venn diagram of within the constraints and the realities of what is true about this current moment in time. What can we stretch beyond what we ever thought was possible? Still carrying what is true. It seems like it's such a small bullseye of being able to go far beyond and exceed what from the outside an expectation would be. And then not only beat it, but beat it by, you say, 140.6 miles. Okay.
- [12:00]
B
Yeah.
- [12:01]
A
Okay.
- [12:02]
C
That's our chosen path of suffering.
- [12:04]
A
Right.
- [12:04]
C
There's a whole range. Right. But we focused on that.
- [12:07]
A
Right. And that was, I think, something too. You mentioned with there was a different endurance race where you're taking like as many steps as it would take to. To climb Everest. And you talked about how it's a privilege to do it because you can.
- [12:17]
C
Those are some events that I coach at that help us raise money for the foundation.
- [12:22]
A
I want to actually shift. How has that mindset specifically informed the Kyle Peace foundation and in particular the Youth Initiative? So there's layers to this, but you want to meet people where they are and then exceed maybe the limited capacity of how they imagine themselves or imagine what's possible for them. Can you tell me more about how that mindset has informed the foundation?
- [12:44]
C
It's a good way to frame it. What I would say is that the brotherly bond and the love that exists between us, that was the motivation for the foundation to allow others to just experience it.
- [12:56]
A
Yeah.
- [12:57]
C
But what it gave them space for was to be competitive or to just be a. I want to be here and be part of this community, like. Like listening to this podcast today, you don't have to go, well, then I guess if I want to learn how to. To deal with my internal silence struggles and I should do an Ironman. That's not what we're saying. What we're saying is give yourself space for that. Give yourself space to struggle. Like, Ironman is beautiful in that way that you have to learn to struggle.
- [13:25]
B
Right?
- [13:25]
C
But if you learn that through work with you or whatever. And so that's what the foundation did is it said, hey, whatever you're going through as a family, as an individual with a disability, like, we're providing you the space to do that. And it evolved over time that we had athletes that would go do Iron man like us. We had athletes that just wanted to do 5Ks because they loved the fact that there was donuts for breakfast. So that's what the love that we share, we extend to all the families of the Con Pisa nation. Come be part of this movement, and if for just a few moments, you don't have to think about your struggles, then we're all in on that. Because when you come out of it,
- [14:04]
B
you go, you know what?
- [14:05]
C
Like, if I can do that, I can do this thing. That's all it is, is it's space. It's the same thing that somebody's doing in therapy, right? Like, I'm giving you the space to share and to struggle and to work through this, and we want to do the same thing.
- [14:17]
B
Foundation.
- [14:19]
A
This idea of support and not having to do hard things alone really sits at the heart of this show. I'm going to take a quick pause from my conversation with Brent and Kyle to share a couple of resources with you, and then we'll jump right back in. If you're in a season of doing hard things and trying to hear yourself more clearly in the middle of it, the Treasure Journal is a guided journal I created to help you slow down, process what you're feeling and come back to your own voice. And if you are parenting a child with big feelings or loving someone through frustration, overwhelm, or moments where everything just feels like a lot, Wrestling a Walrus is my children's book that helps make those experiences feel more understood and a little less lonely. Both are linked for you in the show notes. They're there to support you. Okay, now back to Brett and Kyle. How has that informed your leadership styles within the Foundation? More context for the question. Simon Sinek did a TED Talk. It's like, I think the most viewed, if not one of the most viewed. But it's called why leaders lead or how great leaders lead. And it's starting with why. So you start with why and then you shift to how it does what it does and what it does. And so what's the thing you keep coming back to as the Kyle Peace foundation grows, as the reach expands, as more people become aware and want to get involved. What is the thing that you continue. You both want to continue to bring
- [15:40]
B
it back to the Kyle Peace as they won't go my best hand in that. Families want to be part of and they want to be seen and they want get their loved ones home. And so it goes beyond the racing because you want to. As we continue to grow we always want to consider around what we do. Is that during camp together and open torture there and.
- [16:11]
C
Yeah.
- [16:11]
B
Or to always come back to camp.
- [16:15]
A
I'm pretty sure I'm referencing a quote you said that the hardest step is the first one. And with all the endurance racing that you've done. Is that true? Like really not mile 120 something or
- [16:28]
C
like you know, the bet. Like the, the biggest advantage we have now, like we've done six Ironmans.
- [16:33]
B
Okay.
- [16:33]
C
And so the biggest advantage is that we've done six Ironmans but the biggest disadvantage is that we've done six of them. Like what's coming.
- [16:40]
A
Wait, wait, wait. You got it. You have to let a non endurance racer take that information and.
- [16:43]
C
Whoa. Yeah.
- [16:44]
A
Okay. 6. Can you do that fast math for me? What is that fast math? How many or slow. We can slow math it but that's something that needs to be known on a shirt. We have done blank miles.
- [16:57]
C
Shoot. Now we got to do. We got to do two more to get over a thousand. But it's 843.6 miles.
- [17:03]
A
So just under a thousand. We'll be generous. Okay. Just under a thousand miles in the race. Not including training you okay. And then some. You're still. You're really telling me the first step is the hardest. Really?
- [17:17]
C
Yeah. Because you know it's coming. So this is what we're talking about of what this365 mentality is. If I told you on January 1st everybody has got to sign up for at least we'll say 30% of the year is going to be hard. Like every year on January 1st.
- [17:31]
B
Are you ready?
- [17:32]
C
Like 30. 30% of this year is going to be really challenging. Are you signing up for that every year? And probably the answer is yes because you're going to get a third that's decent and a Third. That's amazing. If that means that two thirds of my year is pretty good. Like, I'm in. But like, I literally. So it starts with the swim. It's a 2.4 mile swim. This is how our day starts. And I've absolutely like, head goes in the water and my first thought is, I don't want to do this. It's the first thought that enters my mind. Right. Because in the next hour I'm going to be tired and then I've got to go bike 112 and I'm going to really struggle through that at times. So it is. And that means. Because you're willingly putting yourself out there to do that. I mean, I like, I even think about this. Like in my own therapy. I've told my therapist this, but she always asks at the end. She's like, well, how do you feel now?
- [18:16]
B
Right.
- [18:17]
C
It's a checkpoint for us. I always feel great when you're asking that question. But getting on the call with you, we do it virtual. Like getting on. I'm in my mind. I'm like, do I have to do this today? What's my excuse today? Can I get out of this today? Yep. But I'm like. Cause I'm coming to do work, I'm coming to do something hard.
- [18:33]
A
Yeah.
- [18:34]
C
So that's why that exists. I mean, there's certainly days where it's always the training days, though. Like, I get super excited to go train with Kyle because it's low pressure. Like, we're just gonna go hang out together for eight hours.
- [18:45]
A
You're right. The stakes are totally different. You're right. Well, I. I really appreciate that context because the first step can't be the hardest. It's gotta be the training. But. Okay, okay, I'm going to take your word for it. You've. It's convincing. You've convinced me. Okay.
- [19:02]
C
If it translates to anything challenging, like, that's the right. That is, that takes you out of your comfort zone. It doesn't. I don't recommend an Ironman for everybody, let alone for me and Kyle half the time.
- [19:12]
A
That's a very personal, very deep subtext that you wouldn't know if you didn't listen to the show. But I have a background in ballroom dance. I've always desired to want to run, but maybe that's the problem, is I don't want to run. But I can get over that first step. I digress. I want to get back to Ancona. One of the things you shared in our previous conversation, you called it Turning into the wind, there was like a headwind that was just creating a lot of intensity and it was near impossible for you to communicate. It was more challenging than you anticipated. And so you had to turn out of the wind to talk. And then that's where you, Kyle said, okay, I've got us, I've got this. If you could just briefly share that story because that was really powerful. And in particular, Kyle, what you were able to bring to that moment, I'd love to highlight that.
- [19:56]
C
So before Kyle says that, like the context is we, yeah, you, you make a right hand turn to go up this 19 mile stretch of road. It's to a small town in, in Kona called Havi. And we had learned all these lessons over the years. And when I made that turn, if you see whitecaps on the ocean, it's going to be really windy. And so I saw him, but before Kyle did and tried to just say like, I mean, clearly I was stressed about doing this in the headwinds. And so I said to Kyle what was going on and he kind of yelled at me and said, you don't need to worry about that. And by the time like I wanted to respond, it was so windy we couldn't really hear each other. So at the end of that 19 mile stretch is what we told you about before when we make the turnaround. And now all of a sudden we can see her a little bit better.
- [20:37]
B
And I think that my position when you're on a bike, I cannot either work, you know, in my mind, my attitude, spirit. And so that's what I will try doing. Give granted, focus on that road. And my campaign to accuse came out, you know, and then Columbia, you can't worry about that. And I did a pairing blueprint. My daughter and I, we were making that crime and we turned back around with mean today. You know what? I can always this is what he's feeling. Because so many times your life gets so caught in our own emotions that no, forget what the other person is going through. And I get to realize in that moment, like pray, try to get us up the hill. And I need to focus on him and give him for what he is doing to help us get by. He really didn't have to tell me. I knew it in my head. So we started talking anyway, I understand what you were trying to say, like understand where I was coming from. And I went and squashed it right there. That's in the past, right? So then I get the Maggie putting my arm around him and say, hey, I Love you. Thank you for helping us get up that hair. I think sometimes we have to remove ourselves so that we can see in the work that we're doing to get onto the characters.
- [22:10]
A
Yeah. That whole story. And thank you for that context and for sharing that. So Brent sees the white caps, knows what that means, and he's bracing himself, which is something I think all the time working with couples or working with families. When it comes to conflict, there's something that we see on the horizon, an argument we anticipate or something we're wanting to avoid. It's like metaphorically, it's those white caps, like, oh, shit, I'm going to be going right into the wind. This is really going to suck. And then bracing for impact. And then our partner in that interaction not either knowing or not seeing what our experience is. That's usually when we double down on our individual stories where conflict erupts. But you turned into each other. And it sounds like, Kyle, you tapped into a lot of empathy and it sounds like you. Brent also brought a lot of vulnerability to that. And maybe that was out of necessity. Like, that's such a heightened pressure moment. But sometimes those high pressure moments really show you what your core truths are. But it sounds like those two things combined really served you well.
- [23:21]
B
Yeah, it really. Because a lot of people, they get at the time, but they can hit.
- [23:27]
A
Sure.
- [23:28]
B
I don't know the terrible dialogues. Right. But it's about that. Their struggles and women that struggle, that they care about everything you love. But you may not understand that in the moment they're trying to bring it. Right. As you think about it, it's threatening. And even though we were in the biggest competition of our life, we are still pressured at the end of the day, and we have to be there for each other.
- [23:58]
A
Yeah.
- [23:59]
B
So I have to remove the obstacle that I was feeling in order to be there for Brent.
- [24:06]
A
Is there any more context to that story you want to add?
- [24:08]
B
No.
- [24:08]
C
I mean, I think you. I think you said it really well. That's the. Well, first of all, by the way, like, you talk about bracing. Like, that's why the first step is the hardest for us for this. Right. That's why I was trying to say, like, when you think about the year ahead, if you know how many days are going to be card, would you still sign up in an Ironman? We know there's going to be moments like that. And what we've gotten really good at over the years is learning how to be more vulnerable. And it's. It's easier for me, I've removed so much of that. And it's harder for Kyle because the last Ironman we did took us 14 hours and eight minutes.
- [24:41]
B
Okay.
- [24:42]
C
So for 14 hours and eight minutes, Kyle has one option, which is to be positive and empathetic and supportive and loving. Like, he has to be all of those things. And, like, Hawaii is the hardest race we've done. There's not a race that's like it for us. And so in that moment, it's probably one of the rare instances where Kyle and we've had two separate instances in Hawaii where he really struggled. And so when you tell that story out loud, like, you. What you might hear is, ah, Kyle's this fierce competitor, and Brent's struggling, and Brent's telling Kyle, and gosh, good on Brent. Can you imagine for Kyle that at that point we've been racing for five, five hours, and in that moment, it was just like, boom, he cracks. And he's like, don't worry about it. And it's like, no, no, I need you to. I'm begging you to worry for me because I have to climb now with my legs.
- [25:31]
A
Yeah.
- [25:31]
C
And you can't use them.
- [25:32]
A
Yeah.
- [25:33]
B
And then.
- [25:33]
C
And I shouldn't feel that. Right. I should just be like, I'm here to help my brother, but it's still hard for me. So it's like, if I say the water's hot and Kyle says it's not, we're both right. And in that moment, Kyle, he struggled for five seconds, you know, and then he had 19 miles to think about it, and so did I, because we couldn't hear each other. And maybe that was what we needed. We both needed to just be able to take pause. And so when we turned around, Kyle was ready to say, okay, I'm here for you. I love you. What do you need? And it was actually nothing. And as we told you when we talked before, the next 34 miles is probably the hardest 34 miles I've done on a bike with Kyle, because there was this crosswind. It was hot. It'd been up. We'd been on the bike for six, seven, eight hours at this point. And all we said to each other, be like, you know, how you doing, buddy? Goes, I'm so thankful for you. Or I would start to feel that same tension I felt when the climb started, and I would just blurt out, hey, I'm so thankful for you, without saying anything. Because the connection point has always been love between us and brotherly bond. It's easy to lose sight of that when you're struggling, embracing or whatever.
- [26:37]
A
Yes.
- [26:37]
C
And it's much easier to just for one brief moment to acknowledge that and stay grounded in it, because that's what allowed us to stay in the struggle.
- [26:46]
A
That is a bigger truth of virtually all conflict resolution. What we really want is to feel heard. And it's so easy to want to jump to, well, what's the solution? What's the fix? What's the new commitment? What's the thing I need to do? And truly, when someone says what they need to say and they actually feel heard, that's not 99% of the time, all of it. Sometimes there's a follow up action. But that's like you said, that was it. That was it. That's what we needed. I'm so glad that we talked about this because something else I was curious about and I think, Brent, you've done a really good job of making sure that the experience that Kyle has before and after a race is not missed. Because I was genuinely curious about this. For everybody listening who goes to the foundation online and looks at all of the great images that you have shared there or follows you on social media, which I highly encourage everybody needs to do. And in terms of our relationships with our phones, we need to flood our algorithms with things that feel uplifting and encouraging and hopeful. And I think that your feeds are great places for that. The thing I was curious about there is this moment, right? You're finishing the race and it's this beautiful high resolution photo. But when the cameras are off and the race is over and you're going home, what are those quiet moments like, what keeps you connected to your. Why?
- [28:06]
C
You remember E.T.
- [28:07]
B
the movie?
- [28:08]
A
Oh, yeah.
- [28:09]
C
Remember the scene where he's like experiencing everything that the alien is experiencing?
- [28:13]
A
Right.
- [28:13]
C
Like they're both having the same symptoms.
- [28:15]
A
Yeah.
- [28:15]
C
There's always these quiet movements and sometimes it's in the middle of the race or before the race where it's just us. And I Remember one in 2017 between the bike and the run where we were both laying on the ground in the changing tent and we were both just in a really bad spot. And I remember looking over at Kyle and him looking back and people are running around us, but it doesn't feel like that's like they're all trying to fix what ails us and we both were just smiling like, okay. And I think that's what it is, is it? The groundedness of we experience together. We feel those moments together. And so the finish line is not really for us the finish line is for everybody. That helps lift us up. What's for us is the quiet moment. It's that moment afterwards where. Which, like in Hawaii or 20, 24, I think it was two days after where we were sitting by the water having lunch and it was just like so calm and quiet and still.
- [29:08]
A
Yeah.
- [29:09]
C
And it was. That's why we did this. To just have this one moment together. Like we were willing to go through all those challenges for this because that's what keeps us grounded.
- [29:19]
B
I think for me, the hardest part my day, whether it's a rain or not and every morning or whether it's my brother or a caregiver or a parent, everything clean up. How am I there every day? For me, my day physical therapist is going to be hard. But then I was minded and that is that I get to do something that I love and I get to do it with somebody that I love well. And so it's in the moment that I think when I get down, and more often than most I get down for a second, then I go back to Kona or I go back to stardation the family. And again, it's amazing for my story, I wouldn't have it any other way.
- [30:10]
A
You know, listening to you both, it reminded me of something. I'm fairly certain I'm quoting Eckhart Tolle here. He talks about how our life, our whole life is the dash between our birth date and our end date. And when you were talking about those quiet moments, those grounded moments, the ones that were truly for you, like not the public moments and not the championship rings, like those types of moments. But I appreciate that so much. Thank you both for those answers. That left a. That left an impact that will leave an impact for me. And I didn't mean for it to work this way, but it just worked so well that. Kyle, you said something else that you never know the impact you're going to make. And I'm curious for you both, what would a meaningful impact from this conversation be for the two of you?
- [31:00]
B
You're doing it right now. I mean, you're. You're in a line of work camp that really is there for you. And I just believe that you are giving me your brain and your artisan. I stay breathe in and breathe out, you know, and focus on the good. There's not a lot of good going on right now, but you'll give people the opportunity.
- [31:30]
C
I. I rarely disagree with Kyle, but I think there actually is a lot of good going on in the world. And I think that you Know, being able to tune into that is the impact that. That I hope people take from this conversation. That it's so easy to say it's raining outside and feel like that's the worst thing that could be going on in your world, but it's also really helpful to be able to look outside and go, oh, wow, it's raining outside. Like, I can't wait to see the bloom tomorrow.
- [31:54]
A
Yeah.
- [31:54]
C
You know, so Kyle showcases that every day. There would be nothing wrong with us having this conversation today with Kyle sitting at home all day in a wheelchair. And instead, he chooses to live his life. He chooses to go outside and to see the things bloom in the world. And I hope that people are able to find, you know, what it is that lights you up and lets you see the greatness that is out there, if you're just willing to look. There's a quote that's lived in my head for two or three years now, which. And I'm forgetting who it's loosely attributed to, but it's basically, you know, all my life, I tried to avoid the struggles until I finally realized the struggles were my life.
- [32:31]
B
Right.
- [32:32]
C
That resonates really deeply because, like, things in life are hard. This is not an easy road. It's made easier by how you look at those things. And Kyle is the embodiment of that.
- [32:44]
B
And the.
- [32:44]
C
The impact that he has is by simply living.
- [32:47]
B
And it.
- [32:48]
C
It encourages all of us, from his family to his friends to the Kyle Peace foundation, to. To live their life fully in whatever capacity they can or want to.
- [32:58]
B
Just to add on to that, we all have a myth. Right? Like, present and struggles are there, and that's part of our mess. But when you're able to share your mess with somebody, that becomes a part of your story, too. And that goes back to what are you about?
- [33:19]
A
Yeah. And so I love that you said, your mess becomes your medicine. I say that so often in. In my line of work that your healing becomes your medicine, but I think your language, your mess becomes your medicine. That's even more clear. I'm going to borrow that, if you don't mind. I'll just continue quoting you.
- [33:34]
C
Take it.
- [33:35]
A
Perfect.
- [33:35]
C
Take it all.
- [33:35]
A
Thank you. Thank you. We're at a point where what I would love to ask is your don't cut your own bang moment. And just to give a little reframe for that question, it's a moment where something went completely awry. You went in thinking, this is going to be great, and then something didn't go quite the way you planned. But what you learned from that, that stumble, I feel like so much of my journey has been stumbling forward, and I'm curious what that moment has been for the two of you.
- [34:01]
C
There's a story that we've loved to tell over the years, which was from 2014, when we were doing an Ironman and it was really cold, it was miserable. And I went in, I went into the woods to relieve myself and had this momentary thought of, like, this is how it ends. I will quit this race. They will find Kyle on the side of the road. He will direct them into the woods to find me, and we will just. We will leave. You know, when I came out, that was the moment of, like, don't quit talk. And Kyle said, are you okay? And I said, no, I don't think I can do this. And we had like 56 or 60 miles or something like that to go. Kyle did an incredible job. And he goes, okay, just go to mile 57 for me. And I was like, okay, I think I can do one mile for you. So we did that. And for whatever it was that day, 60 something miles, that's all Kyle did, was count each mile for us. And all the while, he had these toe warmers on his skin that were literally burning his skin because I didn't put him on correctly. And he just stayed focused on what I was experiencing and notwithstanding what he might say about that story. But for me, it was that moment of learning that you have to lean. Like, we wanted it to be easy. It was our second Iron Man. This should just be easy. We did it before and it wasn't. It just presented different challenges than the last one. And that was the moment of, like, okay, if you're going to stay in this, like, you have to accept the challenges that come with this. There is no easy path on the road you're on together. And, you know, it taught us both a lot about learning how to be empathetic towards one another, what we were each experiencing. So I'm glad that I didn't cut my bangs in the middle of the woods there.
- [35:37]
A
Yes.
- [35:38]
B
A couple weeks ago, actually.
- [35:40]
A
Really?
- [35:41]
B
Yeah. We would get delayed to go to my job. Second job. Well, he said, what's wrong? Well, I have all these tricks covered up and I have 10 tricks to bring down, and I chose the earthquake. We have to focus on today. Be in a moment that. Yeah, so that was my. My bad. Motive was like, oh, wow. Like, they could see my overwhelming. And, oh, my mom went with a smile. You know, going back to what he said about you never know what a smile. You never know what opened up a door for me. So that's what I wait to do.
- [36:27]
A
What I appreciate so much about both of your stories is this is the second time. So, Brent, the thing I really took is like, well, this is the second time. It should be easy. I felt that the first six months my second son was alive. I'm like, this should feel easier. I should know how this goes. And it wasn't. Cause he was a completely different kid. It was a completely different race. It was completely different experience. His needs were different. I was different. And gosh, Kyle, just that one step at a time. People who are in recovery know that so well. One day at a time. Just one step at a time. Because that. The story of anxiety always has a context of time. Anxiety lives on time. So it's either this sucks and it will suck forever panic, or. Or I'm never gonna be able to get it all done, or there's not enough time, or it just. There's always a theme of time and peace coming back to the present moment that is so, so helpful. And it's. It's really encouraging. I have to say, too, with two athletes and two endurance athletes, to hear that those challenges still. They still come up and the internal talk is the same. I truly feel like that's one of the greatest gifts in the work that I do, is when you get to hear thousands of different iterations, that you realize how much our pain and our shame, our insecurities and our desires are the same. And so I really appreciate you guys bringing that context and for sharing your experiences with your own therapy. I'm just so appreciative that you were open with that in that way. And that was great. That was just so helpful. If there was one final thing, my biggest takeaway in preparation for this, and certainly now more than ever, is that you're continuing to want to stretch and expand what people see as possible for them. Are there any final thoughts you have on that? That specifically of, like, expanding and you can actually talk straight to the listener. The one thing that you're still trying to better understand about expanding what's possible. What do you want more people to know about that?
- [38:21]
C
I would just say that, like, what you're experiencing is real and to know that, but to know that if you're willing to take that first step, you can learn from that experience, you can grow from that experience, and you can be positive from that too. It's just being willing to be in that discomfort and work through it. And endurance has taught me that. Having a brother with a disability has taught me that and has allowed me to expand my human, expand myself.
- [38:48]
B
How would they get to take the first step? Getting our narrow, how that first step is going to impact the value, the way you care about and go after it.
- [39:00]
A
Thank you both so much.
- [39:01]
C
Yeah, thank you.
- [39:02]
A
This was awesome.
- [39:03]
C
Thanks for having us.
- [39:05]
A
If there's one thing that I keep coming back to from this conversation, it is the idea that the goal isn't to eliminate challenges, to erase obstacles, or to outsmart them. It is to expand what we believe is possible within. Brett and Kyle didn't wait for the perfect conditions. They often didn't have control over the conditions. They didn't wait for a clear path, but they built one together. And I think there's something really powerful in that reminder that we don't often get to choose what we're up against, but we do get to choose how we meet it, whether it looks like taking the first bold, brave step or asking for support or finding a different way to say yes. And if this conversation stayed with you the way that it stayed with me, I would love to hear what resonated, what moment made you pause, what shifted for you. Is there anything that you're thinking about differently now? You can always reach out. Those conversations mean more to me than you know@danielleanielireland.com and if you want to learn more about Brent and Kyle and the incredible work they're doing with the Kyle Peace foundation, everything is linked for you in the show notes. As always, thank you for being here. Thank you for sharing this space with me, and I hope you carry this reminder with you throughout your day. You're allowed to grow. You're allowed to take up space, and you don't have to do it alone. I'll see you next time. And in the meantime, don't cut your own bangs.