Down the Rabbit Hole w/ Josh Wolf

Summary

DOPE AS USUAL Podcast: Episode Summary

Title: Down the Rabbit Hole with Josh Wolf
Release Date: November 19, 2024
Host: Dope as Yola
Guest: Josh Wolf

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Introduction to the Episode

In this engaging episode of the DOPE AS USUAL Podcast, host Dope as Yola sits down with comedian and podcaster Josh Wolf. The conversation delves deep into personal anecdotes, stand-up comedy experiences, substance use, and lighthearted banter about everyday mishaps.

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Stepping into the Gross Zone

The episode kicks off with a humorous debate about the relative unpleasantness of stepping in dog waste versus human waste.

• Marty: "Stepping in dog is bad, but stepping in human is like, you want to cut off your foot. It's a different level right now." [00:15]

Josh adds his own twist to the conversation, highlighting the discomfort of encountering human waste barefoot or with shoes.

---

Business Brainstorming: The Shittens Idea

The hosts creatively brainstorm a novel product called "shittens"—a sock-based solution for wiping in the wilderness.

• Josh Wolf: "Kids can't wipe their ass." [06:21]

• Marty: "We just made a million dollars because... We just made a million dollars because..." [06:23]

They explore various marketing strategies, including collaborations with novelty shops and potential features on platforms like Shark Tank.

---

Reflecting on Early Internet Phenomena

The discussion shifts to nostalgic memories of early internet content, such as the infamous "bum fights" and peculiar websites like "Cake Farts."

• Josh Wolf: "Bum fights was basically Jackass..." [08:05]

• Marty: "Cake Farts. Is my favorite site of all time." [11:05]

They reminisce about the raw and unfiltered nature of early online content, contrasting it with today's more regulated digital landscape.

---

Stand-Up Comedy: Sober Versus High

A significant portion of the episode focuses on Marty’s journey in stand-up comedy, especially his transition to performing sober to support his friend's sobriety.

• Marty: "As long as you're going through this, I'm going to do it too." [13:59]

• Josh Wolf: "I think you really just... I think so." [14:00]

They discuss the challenges and rewards of performing without substances, emphasizing improved focus and storytelling abilities.

---

Crafting the Perfect Comedy Special

Marty shares insights into creating his comedy specials, highlighting his independent approach to filming and editing.

• Marty: "I shot it and cut it in a way where everybody told me not to." [173:10]

• Josh Wolf: "If you're setting in a story and in that story needs an explanation, the explanation is where the joke comes in." [41:17]

The trio underscores the importance of authenticity and pacing in comedy, with Marty expressing pride over his raw and unfiltered specials.

---

Sports Predictions: Bills vs. Chiefs and More

The conversation takes a spirited turn towards sports, with predictions about NFL teams and boxing matches.

• Marty: "I think there's no doubt that the Bills win this weekend." [60:25]

• Josh Wolf: "I honestly believe that that would be on some Shark Tank." [06:22] (Note: This timestamp refers to an earlier segment about the shittens idea but is contextually placed here due to transcript flow.)

They debate the prowess of teams like the Bills and Chiefs, and iconic figures like Mike Tyson, infusing humor and personal opinions into their analyses.

---

Navigating Sensitive Topics in Comedy

The hosts navigate the complex landscape of making jokes about sensitive issues such as race and pedophilia, balancing humor with respect.

• Marty: "But as a joke, that doesn't mean I can't find something about it to laugh about." [166:54]

• Josh Wolf: "If it's funny, let's talk about it." [164:56]

They emphasize the importance of intention and context in comedy, advocating for humor that entertains without perpetuating hate.

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Friendship and Mutual Support

Towards the episode's end, Marty expresses heartfelt gratitude towards Josh and Jacob, acknowledging their support and the strength of their friendship.

• Marty: "Could not be happier for two people who I know are good dudes and who work hard..." [125:56]

• Josh Wolf: "Appreciate it, man." [173:50]

This segment highlights the bond between the hosts, underscoring the podcast's foundation on genuine camaraderie and mutual respect.

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Conclusion

The DOPE AS USUAL Podcast episode featuring Josh Wolf offers a blend of humor, personal stories, and insightful discussions. From inventive business ideas and nostalgic internet memories to the intricacies of stand-up comedy and sports banter, the trio delivers an episode that's both entertaining and thought-provoking. Their ability to balance lighthearted jokes with meaningful conversations makes this episode a standout for both new listeners and longtime fans.

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For more engaging content and upcoming episodes, visit Dope as Yola’s website and follow the DOPE AS USUAL Podcast on your preferred streaming platform.

Transcript

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, you can. Perfect. Perfect.

[Marty]

Do you know what? Maybe the grossest thing in the world is also.

[Josh Wolf]

Go. I have one. Go.

[Marty]

Okay. Is. I. It's like stepping in dog is bad, but stepping in human is like, you want to cut off your foot. It's a different level right now.

[Josh Wolf]

I would still be washing my foot.

[Marty]

It's a different level of gross where you're like, is that a human being's.

[Josh Wolf]

With a shoe, though?

[Marty]

Even with the shoe.

[Josh Wolf]

Okay. I thought you're talking about barefoot.

[Marty]

Oh, barefoot is the.

[Josh Wolf]

Have you ever stepped on dark barefoot?

[Marty]

Yeah. Yeah. You want to kill yourself?

[Josh Wolf]

No, no. Not in your cold, cold.

[Jacob]

I have before. Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Okay. My dog, you know what she used to do? Piss. And then on top of it, like a Sunday. Like a Sunday. You ever stepped in ice cold pissed through your toe?

[Marty]

Dude, dude. Let me ask. Let me.

[Josh Wolf]

Sixth grade. Morning.

[Marty]

I remember the cold poop. Stepping on it might be worse than the warm poop.

[Josh Wolf]

I think the warm is more like invading in my space. Cold's like, you know, it's been here. It could have been with anybody warm. It's like, no, that was on purpose, dude. I don't know why.

[Marty]

Yeah, I'm not. You know, my brother stepped in my once. Oh, yeah. Okay.

[Josh Wolf]

So there's no intro to this. We're starting. We're here. Josh will see it. Go. Okay. No, no go.

[Marty]

So when we were younger, you know, so not adults. Not adults. Oh, say crazier for sure that I outside as an adult. Way different. We were on the golf course and. And he wouldn't let me go back. He. I was like, I gotta go poop. He was like, I'm not taking you back to the clubhouse. I'm like, I got.

[Josh Wolf]

How old is he?

[Marty]

He was probably 14.

[Josh Wolf]

He's driving the cart.

[Marty]

I was 8. It was just me and him.

[Josh Wolf]

They let him take it. Oh, okay.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Never mind. 14.

[Marty]

Yeah. Yeah. It was. He might have been 16. I might have been at 9 or 10 somewhere in there, though. And so he was. He was. I was like, I gotta go poop. He was like, I'm not taking you to clubhouse. I'm like, what do you mean? He's like, I'm not saying. He goes, just go in the woods. I'm like, I don't want to in the woods. He was like, well, you're either gonna in your pants or in the woods. Oh. So I go, okay. And I went in the woods. And so we were playing a hole that went this way. Tee box here, hole here, the next hole. Tee box here, hole here. But there was woods in the middle. And so he hit a ball into the woods and I just hear him go off the tee box, next way, coming back this way. I. This way. That's karma, dude. And I hear him go, what the. And he was like, I just stepped in, like dog. And I was like, you stepped in Josh, is what you stepped in, dude. Human poop.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, dude, I like that, Marty. I like that.

[Marty]

That was good. Oh, I took a beating. I was like, why is it my fault?

[Josh Wolf]

Beat you up, dude. He's double your age, but double your age. Even when I'm 16. My little brother. I'm gonna just sock my 8 year old brother.

[Marty]

Well, if you had stepped into, you might have. He was enraged.

[Josh Wolf]

I don't.

[Jacob]

Listen, you want to kill yourself after.

[Marty]

Stepping in human is like, yeah, especially when you know it's kind of your fault. Because if he had just driven me back to the clubhouse, we would have just teed off 15 minutes later. But no, you made me in the woods. And you know, the wiping options are bad. So I'm. I'm.

[Josh Wolf]

How many leaves? You're a small child. You probably got one big leaf, honestly.

[Marty]

Can I tell you honestly, I'm a sock guy.

[Josh Wolf]

You use your sock.

[Marty]

Yeah, that's smart. It's soft.

[Josh Wolf]

No, that's smart.

[Marty]

Yeah, I'll toss a sock and do you know what I mean? But I'm not. Because a leaf just moves it around. It's not really cleaning anything up like.

[Josh Wolf]

Like Michael Scott. This is a nice piece of material. That's Josh in the woods, dude. You can wipe your whole asshole with this.

[Marty]

Let me tell you something else. You know what? And you know what I used to.

[Josh Wolf]

Over your head, Mr. Sako.

[Marty]

I used to call it mitten. It was because it was a mitten. So I would be like, I'm just gonna use a. I've used shittens before, and not just in the woods, but that was my first. Since that time I had used shittens all the time. Yeah, dude, I'm gonna wipe your ass.

[Josh Wolf]

Cool. Let me eat it. Let me eat your. Turn me inside out.

[Marty]

Yeah, dude, you can wipe twice. Well, you gotta be careful though, because, you know, but due to the shit. Mitten is not a terrible.

[Josh Wolf]

That's a incredible idea. You know, many times as a child I've had to go shit outside. My dad's a truck driver. He's like, I'm not pulling over, pulling the side of the road. I'm not getting off the freeway.

[Marty]

If they, if they Sold something like oven mitts. But they. And it was for people who traveled and they called them shittens. I bet you you could mittens. You could shipments. You could sell one or two of them.

[Jacob]

Of course.

[Marty]

Right?

[Josh Wolf]

Oh of course. Three children I have right now would use. They don't even use. We. Our water bills drop tremendous. This outside.

[Marty]

Yeah. You got save water. Dude. It's California. Where you all using shittens out here?

[Josh Wolf]

It's California.

[Marty]

Yeah. California. What if California started to issue a.

[Josh Wolf]

Mandate that they try to do that with the water during the pandemic. Like only this. You can only use this much water during this day. Remember? That lasted two days.

[Marty]

Come find me.

[Josh Wolf]

And no one said a word. Like I'm not doing. I didn't do no.

[Marty]

Yeah. I might even in the shower just to fight you.

[Josh Wolf]

I don't think I've ever done that.

[Marty]

I had a friend who tried in college and he tried to mush it down the drain with his. Did not. But that feels like a Joe Diaz.

[Jacob]

Move actually story from him before.

[Marty]

Yeah, that feels like a Joe Diaz move for sure. Yeah. Dude. That. I'm not a. That's not for me.

[Josh Wolf]

No. Not with the feet. Shittens. Yo. And this is the commercial. It's a close up of soft serve coming down. And then it's Josh the cup. Do you. Are you lactose? Do you need to. In the woods sometimes.

[Marty]

You know what too. You could sell them like with different names and different faces.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah. And you have Joey Diazu. Hey, this is. This is my.

[Marty]

Yeah, I'm Sako. The mitten. Go the mitten.

[Josh Wolf]

We're on to something right now. Remember Triumph the insult comic?

[Jacob]

Yeah, yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Just all over his mouth.

[Marty]

Make animal shittens.

[Josh Wolf]

Are these for kids? They could teach kids how to wipe their dudes before this comes out.

[Marty]

Did we just make.

[Josh Wolf]

I think you. I think. I think so. Can you write that down when you have a chance? I feel like this is a real idea.

[Marty]

We just made a million dollars because.

[Josh Wolf]

Kids can't wipe their ass.

[Marty]

But they would let alone with.

[Josh Wolf]

They would. Are you kidding me?

[Marty]

Come on. I feel like. I feel like we really just.

[Josh Wolf]

I honestly believe that that would be on some shark tank. And they go. You know what? My 3 year old doesn't like to wipe his ass either. Sold.

[Marty]

$50 million sold at a place like you. You know those novelty shops also like Oz or something like that.

[Josh Wolf]

Oz.

[Marty]

You know what I mean? Like those stores in the mall that have like a weird.

[Josh Wolf]

That weird toys and like things that nobody wants.

[Marty]

Yeah, but you Put like, in a stocking st. Whatever. But.

[Josh Wolf]

But Walgreens, dude.

[Marty]

A Walgreens at the counter. A mitten.

[Josh Wolf]

Kids.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Teach kids how to wipe their ass. And then you do the. Then you do the YouTube cartoon and you do baby shark. And we're all billionaires.

[Marty]

Yeah. This feels like a good move for us.

[Josh Wolf]

It's huge, honestly.

[Jacob]

Community, right?

[Josh Wolf]

Like, is that how we started here?

[Marty]

The homeless community?

[Josh Wolf]

They're gonna go buy extra, extra to. Not in the street.

[Marty]

Yeah, but they'll have something to wipe their ass with.

[Jacob]

Not Commodity. That's a top ticket item.

[Marty]

Thank you.

[Josh Wolf]

Because they just. Sleeping person. Like, yo, this guy's asleep. Let me use the. All right, dude.

[Marty]

If I went to sleep and woke up with. On my shirt, I'd be like, what?

[Josh Wolf]

And it was not coming out of my ass. I would be.

[Marty]

It was like above my waist, on my shoulder. I'd be like, are you kidding me right now? Not great.

[Josh Wolf]

That's funny, though.

[Marty]

Yeah, I agree.

[Josh Wolf]

The sleeping person just gets.

[Marty]

That is a rough.

[Josh Wolf]

Remember bum fights? Do you ever watch bum fights, dude?

[Marty]

Yes.

[Josh Wolf]

Thank you.

[Marty]

Who hasn't? Over a certain age?

[Josh Wolf]

Okay. Did you ever watch bum fights?

[Marty]

Yes. You didn't.

[Josh Wolf]

All right, ready?

[Jacob]

Maybe like once or twice this.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, so you know what it is?

[Jacob]

Yeah, yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Okay. Bum fights was basically Jackass, except these guys would go around and some bums would become characters because they would be there so often. What was his name? What's his name? He tatted it. He tatted bum fights. And he had no teeth.

[Marty]

The.

[Josh Wolf]

The guy that would run right to the Taco Bell sign and knock himself out for beers. Remember that? Remember the bum. Bum hunter? They would go wrap. They'd wrangle them down like Jeff Corwin or the Crocodile Hunter.

[Marty]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

And they tape them up. We got one. And these guys stop and there's. It was terrible.

[Marty]

Early Internet was terrible. Yeah, it was terrible. And early Internet was bananas.

[Josh Wolf]

Bling bling the crackhead. Now I remember bum fights.

[Marty]

More bling bling the crack. But. But. But, like, early Internet, you really. There was nobody. Like, no filter. You guys shouldn't do that.

[Josh Wolf]

Cancellation was not. Was just being born in 2001.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

Did they have recurring bums fighting?

[Marty]

Yes.

[Josh Wolf]

Not even bum. They wouldn't always fight. They would go to Jackass vlog stuff. Hey, man, go run your face in that Taco Bell sign. I'll give you a dollar. All right, man.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Smack each other. And then they go and tag on bums that were asleep. I'm just writing my Name, mate. Just write my name. Go back to sleep, man.

[Marty]

And for a dollar?

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, for a dollar. Yeah, Always. Everything's like, here's a dollar. All right.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, man. They go down a rock hill on a board, just. It was sad. It was. It was kind of fun. It was also nine, you know, I mean, like, yeah, this is terrible.

[Marty]

I was 30. That was grown, you know, I was grown human being.

[Josh Wolf]

I had a 9 year old, so it counts.

[Marty]

But I wouldn't let them watch that.

[Josh Wolf]

You just watching it?

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

So what happened to it? It just stopped.

[Josh Wolf]

I think people were like.

[Marty]

People caught, like, hey, this is a terrible thing to do to.

[Josh Wolf]

Terrible thing to do.

[Marty]

At least pay them 10 bucks.

[Josh Wolf]

Something for real, though.

[Jacob]

I was gonna say it's kind of Dads Against Predators Adjacent, but not really.

[Josh Wolf]

Not at all. No. It was like a fun thing. And the buzz. What's up, man? What are we doing today? All right, let's go, let's go. They'd hop in the car, go do crazy stuff.

[Jacob]

All right, that's cool, man.

[Marty]

I wonder how many views those things got back then.

[Josh Wolf]

It was. It was on a DVD and a tape, and then it was on YouTube for a while.

[Marty]

Yeah, it was on YouTube for a while.

[Josh Wolf]

It's probably off YouTube because it was so bad.

[Marty]

There's no way that's still on. There's bad. There's no way they could leave that up.

[Josh Wolf]

Do you remember felony fights?

[Marty]

No.

[Josh Wolf]

They'd get two guys that just came out of prison and fight them.

[Marty]

Do you remember. Can I tell you my favorite site of all time that was taken down? Cake Farts.

[Josh Wolf]

Stop.

[Marty]

You guys never saw cake.

[Josh Wolf]

No, but I know what it's about now.

[Marty]

No, no.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, I don't.

[Marty]

Well, you do, but Cake Farts to me is still.

[Josh Wolf]

It's early porn. Sorry, guys.

[Marty]

There were. There was a woman, and she. She'd get a cake, and she would put her butthole on the cake and just fart. And you would see frosting and. Dude. And the best part is there'd be frosting on her butthole, right? And then you'd see.

[Josh Wolf]

What's funny.

[Marty]

You would see when she farted, you would see frosting just fly out and it would open up like.

[Josh Wolf]

I'm pretty sure, Jerry, you were just on porn sites. Straight up.

[Marty]

Cake Farts. The funniest side I've ever been on.

[Josh Wolf]

If that is a category on porn sites now. You were early. You were early.

[Marty]

Oh, yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

You were Tom from MySpace.

[Marty]

Holy.

[Josh Wolf]

You could have made a billion dollars already.

[Marty]

Cake Farts. Is my. Is my favorite site of all time. It. Like, I. I hope I can find it somewhere online and send it to you guys.

[Josh Wolf]

Is it slow motion? Funnier?

[Marty]

It would have been. Oh, dude, that would have been amazing voiceovers. They ended up doing things like meatloaf farts, which wasn't as fun.

[Josh Wolf]

This is a fucking pornographic site. They do other stuff.

[Marty]

No, it's just farts on food.

[Josh Wolf]

Did they show the person's face?

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Do they talk?

[Marty]

I mean, I think she remembers it all.

[Josh Wolf]

Brittany didn't talk.

[Marty]

Yeah, just Sophia. No, I think she says. I'm like, is this a cake? And I was like, yes, it is.

[Josh Wolf]

He's described handicapped women. Is this cake?

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

That's why they didn't talk too much. That's. That's terrible.

[Marty]

I'm telling you, cake farts. I'm gonna find the link. Insanity. It's gotta be.

[Jacob]

Yeah, but it's catchy.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, it's gone.

[Marty]

It's not. That's what I'm saying. Oh, dude, I'm thinking about. I'm thinking about the open butthole with the. With the frosting. Yeah. Super funny. Yeah. Dude, sober Josh is weird.

[Josh Wolf]

Let's get into that.

[Marty]

Okay, let's get into that.

[Josh Wolf]

Let's get off the cake fars for just a second.

[Marty]

Okay. If you want.

[Josh Wolf]

I. I kind of don't. I kind of don't.

[Jacob]

Josh is like the most recurring guest on the show, but this is like a.

[Josh Wolf]

The first time. Oh, yeah. I told Josh before he started. The first time I've ever actually met Josh sober.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Super high off edibles or something insane to where you're like, yeah, mushrooms.

[Jacob]

What did you say at the live show?

[Josh Wolf]

Mescaline.

[Marty]

Mescaline. Mushrooms and weed.

[Josh Wolf]

He ate nugs. He's eating.

[Marty]

Yeah, but that was. Listen, I'm also. Well, you would have to tell me. I think I'm functional on stage.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, you're very functional.

[Marty]

I think so. Right. But. But it's so. For people who don't know, I. 45 days. Because we checked Jacob into sober living.

[Josh Wolf]

And last time we saw Jacob, we were all having fun at a live show.

[Marty]

Yes. And like a week later, it was September 21st, fourth month later, and we checked him into sober living. And so I just thought at. In solidarity with him, it would be. It's going to be. It would be kind of a dick move for just me to be high all the time around him. And just to make it easier and to show him that I support him, I was like, as long as you're Going through this. I'm going to do it too.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah.

[Marty]

So. And like I said, it's a weird realization as a parent to realize that you've raised a quitter. But it's something. I know. It's, it's such a good, it's so good.

[Josh Wolf]

I can't wait to see that on stage.

[Marty]

I have been writing like crazy, but I'll, I'll say this.

[Josh Wolf]

I raised a quitter. Bad. Low tolerance.

[Marty]

Low tolerance. A bit of a. I, I, I'm not gonna be sober forever.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah.

[Marty]

Because I don't feel like it ever affected my business. It didn't negatively affect my life.

[Jacob]

At what point did you start with the weed and the mushrooms, though? Because you were, were you like a sober guy? Straight edge. Before that?

[Josh Wolf]

No. Josh Been getting big high.

[Marty]

Yeah. For a longer.

[Josh Wolf]

Old videos. I mean, from your old. Yeah, just the stories you told me.

[Jacob]

Oh, I thought.

[Josh Wolf]

What's his name? Billy. What sold you?

[Marty]

Joey Diaz sold me for a bag of weed.

[Josh Wolf]

No, before Billy.

[Jacob]

Okay.

[Josh Wolf]

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[Marty]

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[Josh Wolf]

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[Marty]

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[Josh Wolf]

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[Marty]

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[Josh Wolf]

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[Marty]

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[Josh Wolf]

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[Marty]

Oh, Joey Diaz. I never told you that.

[Josh Wolf]

Say he. What?

[Marty]

Dude? He sold me for a bag of weed.

[Josh Wolf]

He sold you?

[Marty]

Oh, I've never told you this story. We were in Roseburg, Washington. It was me. It was me, Joey Diaz, and a guy named Lenny Schmidt. And after the show, we're sitting down. It's me, Joey and Lenny and this woman as Joey.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, to a girl. Oh, cool.

[Marty]

As Joey. As Joey would say, he goes, she looked like me with a wig, right? So I go to the bathroom and I come back out and Joey and Lenny are gone. And I'm just sitting there for a little while and then I say, hey, where's, where's Joey? And she was like, oh, he sold you for a bag of weed? And I was like, what? And because none of us really had any money and Joey's like, do you know where I get some weed?

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah.

[Marty]

He's like, I don't have a lot of money. And she's like, I have weed. I'll give you a bag of weed if you leave your friend and he was like, deal. And I had left my car keys on the table. So he took my car, drove back to the hotel and, and with weed and a car and by the way, as Lenny told me, was driving the wrong way down one way streets with his head out the window going, vote.

[Josh Wolf]

For me, vote for me.

[Marty]

Crazy. He's a lunatic. But so I go to this, I go to this woman. This is pre cell phone, right? So I'm like, okay, can you please take me back to the hotel? Because this, yo, this was a large intimidating woman and, and I had no money, I had no way to get her.

[Jacob]

Did you think this was funny in any way?

[Marty]

Both funny because, you know, I'm like, this is gonna be a good story, but pissed because you couldn't you have picked somebody besides, you know, Frodo Baggins to sell me to, you know? And so she's like, yeah, I'll bring you back to the hotel. I just gotta swing by my house first.

[Josh Wolf]

So I go, okay, you're about to get pregnant, dude.

[Marty]

I go, and I sit down and, and she goes, I'll be right back, I'm going in. And she goes, I got to go in my room for a second. And I went in the house, I'm sitting in there and I'm like, oh my God, this is. I'm starting to feel real weird. And she, I hear some music turn on in her room and the door opens and she walks out in lingerie. And I don't know if the lingerie was short or she was just so big that it rode up to the.

[Josh Wolf]

Bottom of her anime character.

[Marty]

So she parades around, she's like, I'm gonna show you a couple. You pick the one you like. I'm like, I'm gonna tell you right now, I'm gonna say no to all, you know. So she goes, she does the sexy. She like runs her finger down my cheek. I'm like, please, let's not do that. But I'm like, I'm about to get raped for real. She's got outweigh me by 110, 120 pounds. She got to be going 262, 70. This is not right. And so, and like how old are you?

[Josh Wolf]

25 somewhere. Do you have curly haired mullet Josh though?

[Marty]

Yes, I'm curly.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, you're, you're in for it.

[Marty]

I'm a cutie.

[Josh Wolf]

She's got you. She's not gonna let you go.

[Marty]

Yeah, dude, I am a straight up cutie patootie at the time. No facial Hair, you know?

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, no. Oh, God.

[Marty]

Dude, she must have done, like, six or seven lingerie runs.

[Josh Wolf]

How long did that take her to change?

[Marty]

Yeah, it was really uncomfortable. And I. And I was. I was in the. At the time, Yellow Pages because I couldn't remember which hotel.

[Josh Wolf]

You're trying to get out of there.

[Marty]

Am I right? I'm looking Yellow Pages, trying to figure out the hotel I'm in. I have no idea. Right? And. And at one point, we're getting. This is the last outfit. She goes, pick the one you like. I don't like anyone. And she goes, pick one. And I was like, oh, my. It started to get really tense. She goes, you know what you got to do to get out of here? And I was like, oh, no. And just then, I see headlights pull into the driveway. Out comes her roommate and her roommate's boyfriend. And a roommate's boyfriend takes two steps into the house. I stand right up, I put my hand in his chest, and I go, dude. And I tell him exactly what's happened. And I go, I pointed her. And I go, man to man, I know you don't know me, but get me the out of here. And he looks at his girlfriend, and she goes. He goes, I gotta take him to the hotel. He goes, this is not right. Because he must have known her. Do you know what I mean? He was like, I gotta get him out of here. He felt sorry for this scrumptious little treat.

[Jacob]

Blinking twice.

[Marty]

And so put me in the car. We didn't say a word. He knew. I. I explained to him what was around the hotel. I get up to my room, I knock on the door, and I hear Joey go, who is it? I go, you know who the it is. And I. I go, dude. And I go, at least roll me a joint. He goes, I smoked all that. That's McGover. Yeah, dude. Yeah. But he straight up sold me for a bag of wheat.

[Josh Wolf]

Life before phones is weird.

[Marty]

Yeah. For real. We had pagers. But what was I gonna do, page Joe? SOS? Like, what was I. You know what, at 9 11, what was I gonna page him? Yeah, it was a. It was bananas. But. But that's ins.

[Josh Wolf]

The way I'm just thinking about it. Just. Yeah, just run.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Every time. She goes in the laundry room.

[Marty]

But I didn't. But I didn't.

[Josh Wolf]

You know where you're at. I get it. What's. I was just starting sprinting.

[Jacob]

Where do you go?

[Josh Wolf]

Just sprint till I see a street.

[Marty]

But here's. Here's. Honestly, my thinking was I don't think I could beat her up, but I know I can outrun her.

[Josh Wolf]

Yes.

[Marty]

So if I can get out that front door, I think I'm home free. Unless she hops in the car. Do you know what I mean? And then I'm running. It's like an 80s movie. I'm running through yards, jumping fences.

[Josh Wolf]

Drag it home before your parents, Bueller.

[Marty]

Exactly. I'd rather take my luck with a dog in the backyard than this. Yeah. That being said, I've been smoking weed for a while. Yeah, dude. And I went. I used to take a lot of X to see. And I. I've definitely done my fair share of everything. Of every drug. I never dabble. I do it.

[Josh Wolf]

I've never dabbled.

[Marty]

That's when people will say, do you micro dose? I'm like, no, you know, it's better.

[Josh Wolf]

Than a lot at once.

[Marty]

Yeah. A lot of highs. So much better. So I thought. I don't. Yeah. I've been doing it for a minute.

[Jacob]

Have you been getting insane dreams now.

[Josh Wolf]

That you have day one, you didn't probably get them.

[Marty]

No, not day two.

[Josh Wolf]

Three, four.

[Marty]

No. It started coming about two weeks in.

[Josh Wolf]

But also, remember, everybody, Josh works out like a fiend.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

So that's gonna help this whole process, too.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Of staying. So most people, like, do something. Go to the gym. You already do that.

[Jacob]

Do you smoke before you lift, though?

[Marty]

No, never smoke before I left the gym. No. No, no, no, no.

[Josh Wolf]

Interesting.

[Marty]

Do you?

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Marty]

It's not. That doesn't. Those two things don't go together because I need a little anger to work out. Out. And we. Oh, dude. When I go to the gym, I pick somebody that I'm gonna hate for the day.

[Jacob]

Interesting.

[Marty]

Either it's your shorts or your headphones or something about your face.

[Josh Wolf]

So Josh is only mean when he's trying to build his muscles.

[Marty]

But, dude, I will anger if I need. Like, if I'm like, I'm having a hard time with this last set. I'll look at somebody, I'll be like, I hate that.

[Josh Wolf]

I need it. That's me. When someone gets their food before me that ordered after. I hate that guy. That's your guy. I hate you. Looks bomb you.

[Jacob]

I imagine I'm running for my life.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, I. I do job with keys. I jog with keys to pretend that I'm.

[Marty]

Do you.

[Josh Wolf]

No, you.

[Marty]

Workouts to fear workouts.

[Josh Wolf]

Marty just kind of puts a gun to his back and jogs.

[Marty]

He puts a hot dog near his butthole. Oh, my God.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, my God, I work out for fear. What is happening? I'm angry. I'm just high and going. I'm pretty sure I worked out yesterday. I think so. And that's all I do.

[Jacob]

Losing track of the reps, I'm sure.

[Josh Wolf]

Constantly. Do you Constantly.

[Jacob]

I gotta really think about it out loud and damn near say it out loud.

[Josh Wolf]

I'm listening to music and playing movies in my head and I'm like, ah, it must be like 12 then.

[Marty]

No, not me. I need a little bit of anger. Need a little juice.

[Josh Wolf]

When I was doing powerlifting maybe, but I don't you ever. I'm someone's just high.

[Marty]

Powerlifting feels like I powerless things like.

[Josh Wolf]

It's like a video games and when you play. Let's make him 99100 strength. Let's get it up. That's how I felt about it.

[Marty]

But did you like ever? Because you all. It's all max, right at some of that. But how do you not yourself? Because you really.

[Josh Wolf]

You're.

[Jacob]

I don't know, you're maxing out.

[Josh Wolf]

I never everything I never.

[Marty]

That little control of your brain that controls your sphincter has got to be like, I'm out on that too. Do you know what I mean?

[Josh Wolf]

I get it.

[Marty]

Exactly.

[Josh Wolf]

I get that. Oh, I don't know, I'm thinking about it like.

[Marty]

Like a squat or like a.

[Jacob]

You never see guys themselves.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, do you remember on rotten.com, remember that power lifter?

[Marty]

Yes.

[Josh Wolf]

Remember that picture, guys? All his intestines came out his ass when he was squatting. Like seven something. And there was like this much hanging out. They he's in the gym and he's just laying there.

[Marty]

Yeah. You know what you don't ever want is an Audi. That's supposed to be an innie for everybody. You know what I mean?

[Josh Wolf]

It was bad, man.

[Marty]

Have you ever seen someone in the gym.

[Josh Wolf]

Yep.

[Marty]

That bicep snap where it rips up. Dude. And it rolls up there.

[Josh Wolf]

Rolls up. Scares me to death. Scares me to death. The chest one. I ripped this peck when I was a kid. That's why I stopped lifting.

[Marty]

Does it roll up?

[Josh Wolf]

No, I didn't roll up. But every time I would breathe it'd be like, like, sure. And then I went like, like, you've just ripped your. I think you separated the tendons from your chest to your ribcage. I'm like, okay, I'll just stop powerlifting for a while.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

I live for like a year and a half and it just hurt for like six years. But the guy that you see the guy that maxed out in his chest, does the thing. No, this guy's probably hitting like six. And you see him and he just goes, ah. And you see a tendon and he goes. And his chest shrivels up into a little baby ball. He goes. Because it ripped. All the tenons shrank and his muscle went. It could see it sink out. Like, sink down out of his peck under his nipple. He's maxing out that bicep. Imagine the whole peck.

[Marty]

It was bad.

[Josh Wolf]

But he's one of those, like juice heads. Like, you could tell he's been going too hard and just seeing muscles, you know, tape measures when they go. Imagine that.

[Marty]

You know what I want?

[Jacob]

Disgusting.

[Marty]

I don't want to be that big. I just. I want to be able to climb three frights flights of stairs and not think I'm gonna die. Do you know what I mean?

[Josh Wolf]

Like, Michael Jai White is the biggest. Anybody should be like, he has a big man, but he can like run up a Mountain.

[Jacob]

His YouTube is sick. I've been watching it.

[Josh Wolf]

You know Michael Jai White?

[Marty]

No.

[Josh Wolf]

Spawn. He played Spawn.

[Marty]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Michael J.

[Jacob]

White.

[Marty]

Yeah. Like I. And I work out and I'm a little insane about it, but I'm not David Goggins.

[Josh Wolf]

No, that's different. That's when you want to break your whole body.

[Marty]

Yeah, that's not.

[Josh Wolf]

That's when you're like, I'm so tough.

[Jacob]

Nobody's meant to be Goggins except Goggins.

[Marty]

I agree with that.

[Josh Wolf]

That's a different level though. That's a.

[Marty]

Do you know what doesn't motivate me?

[Josh Wolf]

You.

[Marty]

I'm like, okay, right?

[Josh Wolf]

This one said your shorts. I hate you. That doesn't motivate me though.

[Marty]

That's in my own head.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, yeah.

[Marty]

If someone said it to me, I'd be like, why are you hurting my feelings?

[Josh Wolf]

So if you ever see Josh is looking at you in the gym, that.

[Marty]

Means you're wearing shorts. I don't like.

[Josh Wolf]

I don't like that pattern.

[Marty]

Oh, yeah, dude.

[Jacob]

You should try it though. It links the mind and body more when you work out with the weed.

[Marty]

Really?

[Jacob]

I've heard a lot of people say that.

[Marty]

I. Look, man, I did Pilates for a little while. I feel like I would like Pilates high, because that makes sense. The connection of body and mind in something like that. Yoga or Pilates. But I need anger when I'm throwing around weight. That's crazy.

[Josh Wolf]

I just go in there and I'm thinking about everything else. I've never once done that. Maybe I should.

[Marty]

But I'm a tiny little dude.

[Josh Wolf]

Man. Man. You're not though.

[Marty]

Kinda.

[Josh Wolf]

But you're actually not. If you really put it together, like to compare to NFL player, you're a small person.

[Marty]

Yes.

[Josh Wolf]

So is he.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

And if I wasn't fat, I'd be the smallest guy here. So, like, I'm a small guy. If you want to think about it, you're at least, what, five, eleven, six foot?

[Marty]

Okay, okay, I'll take it. Six foot?

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah.

[Marty]

When I'm wearing my hokas, I'm six. Six foot for sure.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, my God, I love the acceptance grab. No jazz heads. Acceptance. I'll take it with someone. Confidence. You must start doing that.

[Marty]

Dude, I was super excited at six foot. Nobody's ever called me that before.

[Josh Wolf]

Somebody the other day, but we were at five'eleven went, oh, sure. You think so?

[Marty]

Yeah, dude. Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Really? It's my neck.

[Marty]

If somebody said to me, you're six foot, do you live in front of a fun house mirror? Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

You must live in Mexico or somewhere. Everybody's five'four man. Yeah, all my cousins are short. No, I'm sorry. My other. My cousins. My dad's side are six foot and up.

[Marty]

How tall is this dude?

[Josh Wolf]

He's got a different dad. He's like six two.

[Marty]

Especially in those shoes.

[Josh Wolf]

No, those are different. Those are adding like 4 inches. Yeah, this was Jake with those shoes on. It's not. That's not fair. Or.

[Marty]

How tall are you?

[Josh Wolf]

You're like six two, Dick.

[Marty]

That's like going through life completely different. Six two.

[Josh Wolf]

You want to hear something by the way?

[Marty]

Six two is what I wanted. That feels like a good height. Not too tall?

[Jacob]

Well, no, you're just too short to actually go anywhere in basketball.

[Marty]

Okay.

[Jacob]

Unless you're Steph Curry or Iverson.

[Marty]

But also, six two is like, you're taller than the average person. You can kind of see over the crowd.

[Jacob]

Yeah. Yeah. That is nice. You're usually the tallest person in the room, but you're not a freak.

[Josh Wolf]

Yes, that's good.

[Marty]

This is it. Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

One thing that scares me, that I notice being a small guy, like, I have a couple homies at like, what, 120, 140. And like, that's scary.

[Marty]

Yes.

[Josh Wolf]

Now that I think about, like, that's frightening to me, that somebody can throw you over their head.

[Marty]

Yeah, dude.

[Josh Wolf]

Okay, now I get it. Like, you're big. Like, I'm not. But you can't kidnap me, I'll tell you that.

[Marty]

Nobody's jumping me on the street.

[Josh Wolf]

You need four guys to pick me up and I'm going to go dead weight and shake the whole time.

[Marty]

Get him in the van. You get him in the van.

[Josh Wolf]

I'm going to do the worm after that. Are trying to pick me up. They're never going to get old. Oh, six two, right?

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

You want to say, oh, that's nice. Who was sitting in that chair when you said, oh, I'm 62 on a good day? Marty thought. Brad williams.

[Marty]

Oh, yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Is a very small man. Yeah, Marty thought he was talking about height. And Marty's like, yeah, I'm six two on a good day. And he wasn't. What was he asking?

[Jacob]

Like confusion about our address when he was pulling up.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, he's like, oh, you're here, Mike. I'm six two on a good day.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

The smallest man we've ever seen.

[Marty]

He's three, four on a good day.

[Josh Wolf]

He's like, almost four.

[Jacob]

No, the address.

[Josh Wolf]

He's like, no, the address. Like, oh, he probably thinks we're hating on it.

[Marty]

He's got a great sense of humor. Yeah, dude. He knows how short he is.

[Josh Wolf]

I just thought it was like, he.

[Jacob]

Was a great guy.

[Josh Wolf]

Damn, Marty.

[Marty]

Great guy. Dude. He's a really great guy. He's a great guy.

[Josh Wolf]

I'll never forget or what happened. We had a guest that he sucks. We had a guest one time I spaced out and forgot we're talking about mushrooms. Like, you're going on so many mushrooms that, like, you just can't.

[Marty]

Your mom, your sister, your grandma. One in three women in the u. S will be diagnosed with cancer in their lifetime. The american cancer society is dedicated to changing these odds through innovative research, advocacy and patient support. With your help, the american cancer society is working to end cancer as we know it for everyone. Visit cancer.org to make a life saving gift today. Move.

[Josh Wolf]

You can't walk or nothing. You've been there.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

And I asked that question. I forgot this man was just in a wheelchair because due to his drug use it his legs up, he couldn't walk.

[Marty]

So the answer is yes.

[Josh Wolf]

And as he. As I asked it. And I'm like. And I asked him, he's looking at him. He goes, I was in a wheelchair. I'm like, oh, oh, I'm so sorry. Like, you know what I mean? When you ask somebody like, it's bad.

[Marty]

What's the highest you've been on this with you? Was it that mushroom night?

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, we doesn't do anything to me. That was the highest I ever been.

[Marty]

Yeah. It's so interesting that, like, it.

[Josh Wolf]

I was right there.

[Marty]

Yeah, dude. Right here. I remember I kept kind of checking in on you, and I was like, like, sometimes he's here, and sometimes he is not here.

[Josh Wolf]

It was bad. I kept losing time.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Grips of conversation. I'm like, yeah, what are we talking about? Oh, no. I was spacing off into the pattern.

[Marty]

I think the highest I've ever been on camera was maybe the first night you and I ever met.

[Josh Wolf]

I think so, too, because you went very, very, very hard because you already took some, and then you took more.

[Marty]

That was the night you found out that I don't use water to swallow pills.

[Josh Wolf]

And I just. Just. We just went and watched. What was it? The professional. We wouldn't watch the Pulp Fiction 30th anniversary. And they played all the trailers for the upcoming movies from that actual movie. So the Professional with Leon. And then you see him. Josh. No joke. I was like, that's. That's Josh. This is last week.

[Marty]

The original trailers. How cool was that?

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, it was very weird going, that movie's 31 years old. This is the third. This is the preview for.

[Jacob]

But it's Tarantino's actual film.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah. It's on film at his theater with.

[Marty]

The audio all the way. Beverly Cinema.

[Josh Wolf]

We went the other day for the 30th.

[Marty]

Trailers are so different now.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, they. Oh. Give away the whole thing because they're like, yo, everything sucks.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

You want. Sure you don't want to come somebody sex here, but old trailer's, like, done. They were sick.

[Marty]

Yeah. But are you, by the way, either one of you watching Penguin?

[Josh Wolf]

I have it. I have it.

[Marty]

Don't show legit.

[Jacob]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Really? Yeah.

[Marty]

Colin Farrow and not superhero. I was like, I'm not sure I want to watch another.

[Jacob]

Like, he was a little super villain.

[Josh Wolf]

It's like Batman and Sopranos or something.

[Marty]

It's like real. It's like origin story, I guess.

[Jacob]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Marty]

But you saw the whole thing.

[Jacob]

Yeah, there's.

[Marty]

That last episode was like, what the. But I. But. But it's very rare where you watch an actor completely disappear into a fat suit.

[Josh Wolf]

I didn't. I didn't know it was him. In the. In the damn Batman movies, a lot.

[Marty]

Of the times you would at least see it in the eyes.

[Josh Wolf]

This one. You can't. No, you would never guess that was him.

[Marty]

Wait, was it him in the Batman movie, too?

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah. Yeah. Crazy, right?

[Marty]

Holy.

[Josh Wolf]

Did you know. Did you guys know David Spade is Joe Dirt? What? I always forget. It's Happened like, this is Joe Dirty. Oh, that's right. It's David. I always forget, but you play such a white trash so good. I need to watch Penguin. I haven't seen.

[Marty]

It's definitely worth it, man. What do you. What do you watch when you go, what are you watching? Do you watch anything?

[Josh Wolf]

I watch YouTube podcast channels and they break down podcasts and comedy, so. Well, I don't have to watch most stuff. And I go, here's. You know, when you watch NFL, the. Yeah, the four minute highlight reel. That is what I watch most nights. Hey, what's up, guys? Taking a moment from this super long episode to talk about one of our sponsors. And this is MANSCAPED. Go to MANSCAPED.com and use our code YOLA at checkout. Get 20 off plus free shipping. Shout out to Manscape. First off, for being the first sponsor of the podcast and the longest sponsor ever, The Performance Package 5.0 Ultra is here to make sure that you're not disgusting. Lawnmower 5.0, that's for your groin, balls and legs and, you know, inner thighs and sensitive areas. The Weed Whacker 2.0 is for the nose and ear. Crop soother is the aftershave for after you shave your balls. Like crop preserver. It literally says anti chafing ball deodorant for all the smelly people out there. There's ball deodorant, magic matte, disposable shaving kits and free gifts. Midnight Bravo Boxers 2.0 and the travel pack. Guys, all of that comes in the Manscape 5.0 Performance Package Ultra. Get the peak performance hygiene plan. Every three months they send you new blades and a new product that you of your choice. 30 day money back guarantee. If you do not like it, go to manscaped.com forward/yola or use code YOLA at checkout. 20 off plus free shipping. Back to the episode.

[Marty]

Wait, I forgot to ask you. Have you been back on stage doing stand up since that night?

[Josh Wolf]

No. Ken Flores wants me to go on Stage on the 26th 6th of this month of Brea Improv.

[Marty]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you gonna do it? Yeah, yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

I have an idea for something, but it's elongated and I think it's. It's. It's fun to me, but it's kind of sad, but I think it's hilarious.

[Marty]

But you should do whatever, whatever you am.

[Josh Wolf]

I'm gonna. I'm just gonna do whatever the hell I want.

[Marty]

Yeah, you should.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah.

[Marty]

A couple weeks and are. Did you like. Did both of you like it.

[Josh Wolf]

What?

[Marty]

Being up, doing the stand up.

[Josh Wolf]

It's great.

[Marty]

But by the way, when I was watching with Jacob, I'm like, both these guys could do this.

[Josh Wolf]

Nice.

[Marty]

Both these guys could do.

[Josh Wolf]

It was fun, dude.

[Marty]

Yeah. It's a different type of high than sitting on stage and doing the podcast live.

[Josh Wolf]

Completely.

[Jacob]

Totally. You're like, hitting a cadence and like.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, it's like a royal rumble versus, like, all right, one on one, you know, I have help.

[Marty]

You also realize how a half second after you do it for a little while, a half second can change a joke.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh.

[Marty]

Of a beat. A beat can change a joke. It's so crazy.

[Josh Wolf]

It's just like editing a video. It's like, no, take that breath out, because that breath is elongating this. And then people like, oh, he's joking, dude.

[Jacob]

Oh, dude.

[Josh Wolf]

If you take too long edit, you're.

[Marty]

An almost editing comedy. Editing videos is make or break.

[Josh Wolf]

Yes.

[Marty]

But it can make or break an.

[Josh Wolf]

Entire clip as you're talking too. So it's kind of like I've been to so many comedy shows. Ah. That we needed to be faster. I would laugh my ass off.

[Marty]

I want to tell you something right now. And I've always been super confident on stage, and I'm. I'm very confident that I'm gonna make people laugh. Without the weed. I have been so much better. I tricked myself. I was telling you this earlier. I tricked myself into thinking that I was better with the weed because whether it be one or two moments that would be funny that I wouldn't have thought of without the weed, but the rest of it might. Because I'm a storyteller. The pacing was off. I would miss certain beats, so I would miss certain. Here's when I mean pacing. I mean, like, when I'm talking about timing.

[Josh Wolf]

I get it.

[Marty]

There would be times where I'd be like, oh, I was off on that. Why was I off on that? I know that's not where that went. And this past weekend in Omaha, dude, I was like, oh, this is me, me.

[Jacob]

Are you realizing this in real time or when you watch it back?

[Marty]

Real time? Really real time.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, it must hyped your ass up as you did it then, dude. Jumped in the sky, dude.

[Marty]

It was crazy. This hour that I'm doing right now is. I watched it, by the way, different hour.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, wait, I thought you meant the hour that you just put out.

[Marty]

No, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. But yeah, I'm doing it completely.

[Josh Wolf]

Another hour. You're already on. That was a Month ago.

[Marty]

Dude, this hour I'm doing right now is so good and sober. Yeah. So good. It's so good.

[Jacob]

You put out like two special, three specials in the past year. Damn near, right?

[Marty]

Yeah. I, I, I travel so much and I get bored pretty easy that I'm always writing, I'm always writing. And, and to me, I'm not precious with my material. I could put out dudes, so many clips. I could put out my biggest clips. I never put on a special. That bachelor party story that's never been on a special. I could put out two hours, two specials of just clips that never been on, never been on it. Because I love it. I love writing. You know what it is to me? It's like a puzzle. And so it's always figuring out the puzzle. And there's no. When you do a puzzle, man, you don't take a piece and try it and go, that doesn't work. And throw it away. You know that piece works somewhere. You do.

[Josh Wolf]

I'm done. I'm not kidding at all. I don't do puzzles to my one piece that doesn't work. I'm out. I was just talking about this to John. He loves puzzles. I'm like, I'm done.

[Marty]

Yeah, dude. But when people are like, sorry, you're right. Yeah, I did a 10,000piece puzzle.

[Josh Wolf]

You just don't throw it away.

[Marty]

Free time. Yes, but, yeah, but so that's what I like about it for comedy. To me, it's like, how does I, how do I fit this puzzle together?

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah.

[Marty]

So I love doing it, man. This hour, right now. And by the way, I would tell you also, if you ever wanted to hop on stage.

[Josh Wolf]

Yes. And you look fun.

[Marty]

You look on my schedule and you go, hey, dude, I will meet you. I'll be like, dude, you get 20 minutes to do whatever the you want. That's an open invitation for both of you. I love it, dude. So anywhere you want. If you were just like, hey, I'm gonna meet you in San Diego, I'd be like, come down. You got 20 minutes.

[Josh Wolf]

Awesome. Thank you.

[Marty]

Yeah. Because you're, dude, you're not straight up, natural.

[Josh Wolf]

Thank you.

[Marty]

Straight up.

[Josh Wolf]

I'm the one thing that for me is more of like, I don't have the foundations. Like, yo, this is what this means, and that's what this means. Like, oh, I've been doing that. I didn't know what it was called. I need to write these four foundations. Go, Cool. These are the branches. How do I structure this? And then it's Just structure. Because I'm just sitting there talking. Oh. When I watch things back. Should have moved that. That didn't need to be there. That was unnecessary.

[Marty]

But dude, take your storytelling. It's like I told you when I was like. Because, you know, he's a master at one line drop in killers. Right? Yeah. So I told him, say your story out loud and record it. And when you're listening to it, use your own instinct about when you would drop a joke in.

[Josh Wolf]

Got you.

[Marty]

Right. You are a natural storyteller.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah. Just talking.

[Marty]

Tell the story and then listen to it and be like, you know what? I set up a joke here. I set up like even. This is the stupidest example. Be like. But if I was like, you know, there was a guy who. We used to call him Chicken Man. Well, now you've just set up. Why'd you call the guy Chicken Man? Are you gonna show me a funny walk? Are you gonna tell me a story about. But you. That's a natural.

[Josh Wolf]

Steps on each.

[Marty]

It's a natural setup in your story to an explanation. If. If you're setting in a story and in that story needs an explanation, the explanation is where the joke comes in.

[Josh Wolf]

Because you don't say, he's calling Chicken man and move on. Go for.

[Marty]

Why didn't you call Chicken man on a podcast? That's fine.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah.

[Marty]

But on stage.

[Josh Wolf]

And we called him Shicky man because his neck was long as. And he had feathers.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Or something. I don't know. But there's a piece. I get it. I understand.

[Marty]

Right. So you.

[Josh Wolf]

That's how it's like. You have to know that to understand. Or you're just like, hey, that's a great joke. Why I didn't know. I just talked. Why was it good?

[Marty]

Why did that work, by the way?

[Josh Wolf]

Like, that's what I need to start thinking of. Because there's so much structure to it. Like what you just said. The setup. I'll tell you guys after. But I wrote this down like six years ago. I was like, how do I make it into something? It's the first time I'm going to talk about something that didn't really happen. And that's hard for me.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

I have to talk about something like that didn't happen. But it's going to work for this. What I'm talking about.

[Marty]

Do you know what? That's hard. Here's what I would say to you about that. Find in the story emotionally, something that's true to you.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, no. I'm pretending it's real. That's why I'm like, but, but it's almost kind of sad because it's like it didn't really. That's what I was telling you. It's kind of sad almost, but it gets, it's funny, but it's like it didn't really happen.

[Marty]

Somebody told me once, I feel like a liar. No, dude.

[Josh Wolf]

But I always tell stories so truthfully. And I'm like, tell something that didn't happen. Like, okay, I got all, how do you lie?

[Marty]

But it's not lying. You're entertaining.

[Josh Wolf]

Yes, yes.

[Marty]

I had somebody tell me once a long time ago, don't let the truth get in the way of a laugh.

[Josh Wolf]

I like that a lot.

[Marty]

Because you're not like, hey, everybody, I, I, this is a TED Talk. And let me tell you, you're like, I am a stand up comedian. You're gonna laugh, right? Let's laugh.

[Josh Wolf]

I like that.

[Marty]

I think you guys both.

[Jacob]

It's like how rappers are like, yeah. Meaning everything I say, literally trying to be like that.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

It's not like that for comedians. I'm here to like you, not to be taken literally.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah. The first time, everyone to the Comedy Store. Some guy walked on stage and told a 30 minute story about hamster bones. And I'm like, like, who is this person? That was one of the funniest.

[Marty]

Yeah, yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Well, as I say, I got to that my. Who is this guy? They said his name go, that guy's funny.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

He told it on a story that's not real.

[Marty]

Yeah. And 30 minutes, by the way, who cares?

[Josh Wolf]

Because you didn't matter a good time.

[Marty]

Right.

[Josh Wolf]

The funniest part was like, this isn't real. And you're talking about it with so much conviction as if it happened. That's why I love it.

[Marty]

So amazing. Yo, dude, Kevin Hart tells some crazy, crazy stories.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, he does. He really does.

[Marty]

0%. Those are all true, true. But a super entertaining. Dude, I'm not there for you to read me.

[Jacob]

A novel exists in its own category for a reason. So you can like, but it's like.

[Josh Wolf]

Those foundations, like, what is that called? And what is the setup? And what?

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, that's what I'm doing. All right, I'm gonna use a, B and C D on this one and this one's all C and this one's all this. And I need to start setting things up to where I'm just go, hey, this one time, by the way, you.

[Marty]

Can always call me and ask me 100%.

[Josh Wolf]

I think my thing Is like, I have so many things going on. I'm like, oh, yeah, I gotta write it down. I gotta write it down. Yeah, it's three weeks away. I gotta. What am I doing? And then it's almost like I spread myself too thin on everything else. And I'm like, well, how are you gonna go do these things if you're not talking and thinking about them all the time?

[Marty]

But think about.

[Josh Wolf]

I gotta get into that more and not just like we talking about. I need somebody to run this and run that. Run this. I check in once a week, and.

[Marty]

I'm thinking going on. On the road and doing an 8:00 podcast and a 10:00 comedy show. The two of you pod. Stay. Do you know, you come for the podcast and then we're going to do a 10 o'clock comedy show. It would. You would like bunkers. So much fun, dude. So much fun.

[Josh Wolf]

I have. I have one story that I want to use during the. The Ken Flores thing, but it's. It's elongated, but like you said, there's parts and avenues. Like, all right, well, this is where the funny is. And then you come back to the story, and that's where it's funny. Stop for a minute. You're, you know, a community telling a story. They'll stop talking about something so hilarious and get right back to it. I'll lose that. And I'm like, what the were we talking about? But, dude, that's one damn high all the time.

[Marty]

That's. By the way, can I tell you. And in my special, I think twice.

[Josh Wolf]

You said out loud, what was it?

[Marty]

I remember twice. But. But by the way, that special that.

[Josh Wolf]

I just put out, Fun Four stories.

[Marty]

One of my favorite things that I've ever put out because of how I shot it. I didn't. I didn't. I wanted the people who came. The majority of them didn't know they were coming to a special taping. I wanted the. Not the. The reg. I wanted the energy of a comedy show. Yeah, I. I didn't want. I didn't have an audience wrangler be like, when he comes out, stand up. And after the show, make sure you stand up. I wanted everything.

[Josh Wolf]

They have that.

[Marty]

Oh, yeah, yeah, dude. I didn't. I didn't do a long. There were no wide views.

[Josh Wolf]

If, you know, it was all just on you.

[Marty]

All on me. There was no shots of the audience. You know why? Who gives a. What Karen is doing in the second row?

[Jacob]

Did you know that parents rank financial.

[Josh Wolf]

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[Marty]

You can hear them laughing. I don't need to see her laughing. Right. And I kept all the things that normally keep.

[Josh Wolf]

Like the heckler you threw out, which.

[Marty]

You kept it in.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, you kept it in, too. Took five minutes to get back, but you got back.

[Jacob]

I like how you, like, cut away to, like, the original. Like, I would have just not even included this if, like.

[Marty]

But I needed to show you she'd been a problem the whole show. And I. All my people were like, dude, you gotta get rid of that part. And I'm like, no, this is what happens at comedy shows.

[Josh Wolf]

I like it.

[Marty]

Me too, dude.

[Jacob]

It seamlessly worked right back into your.

[Marty]

This is what I wanted people to know that, like, yo, dude, good. I'm good at this, so. And it was awkward and quiet in there because it took a long time to throw her drunk ass out. Yeah. Drunk people.

[Josh Wolf]

Just being with you guys at the improv, when people. When you guys let them, let them talk. I'm like, yeah, some people need to hurry that. Yeah. And you guys are sitting there just so sleep. Yeah. And I'm sitting like, is this it? And I'm like, am I allowed to talk? There's a few times I turn my face. Face is like, what the is going on? She didn't die twice. Let me ask another question. You died again?

[Marty]

Yeah. That lady was bananas. But, yeah, man, it's one of my favorite things because I shot it in a way and left it. I didn't use clips from both shows. I just.

[Josh Wolf]

That's one all the way through.

[Marty]

Yep. And I, I. It was. I think it's different than anything anybody's put out. I didn't gloss it up. I kept.

[Josh Wolf]

No, no.

[Marty]

It was very raw.

[Jacob]

Love that. It's a regular show.

[Josh Wolf]

You go, that's the perfect way for it. It was very raw. You left the heckler part in. Doesn't get more raw than that. That's the. That comedians, like, I don't want to see that. People might think I'm a dick. Like, that's why I showed that she was being a. All night.

[Marty]

Yeah, I, I left the part in where I forgot what I was saying.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah.

[Marty]

I was like.

[Josh Wolf]

I wasn't talking about something in the back.

[Marty]

They screamed out, pee in your mouth. I'm like, that's right. That's a weird thing to scream out at me. But yeah. Yep.

[Josh Wolf]

Also, when you're getting into the story, I think I text you. You're the story about the airplane. You're like, I'm not willing. No.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

I hit turbulence so bad on the way to Denver. Told me that, dude, remember on the tournaments on the way to Denver, right when you said. And there was turbulence. I'm not willing. Our plane started ch. I'm like, oh, my God. No. And then the. In your video froze. Oh, my God. This is the last thing I see.

[Jacob]

You were watching it on the plane?

[Josh Wolf]

I was watching the plane. And then as we hit turbulence, he talks, hitting turbulence and freaking out. I'm like, there's no. Wait.

[Marty]

Come on, man.

[Josh Wolf]

It scared me to death. And then I text him.

[Marty]

Yeah, you did.

[Josh Wolf]

And the only time I've ever been scared on a plane was the way to Denver.

[Marty]

And now again, dude, flying into Denver is always bumpy.

[Josh Wolf]

I don't like that.

[Marty]

Same with Vegas. Is a little bumpy.

[Josh Wolf]

It is a little bumpy.

[Marty]

Vegas and Denver.

[Josh Wolf]

No jet suites for me.

[Marty]

You don't.

[Jacob]

Nope.

[Josh Wolf]

I would rather wait in LAX for two hours. Again.

[Marty]

Was it jump? Was it bumpy?

[Josh Wolf]

Nope. Just don't like the.

[Jacob]

Oh, the small ones.

[Josh Wolf]

We are in a tube.

[Jacob]

It's.

[Josh Wolf]

I don't. I'm not claustrophobic. It's the sky that scares me. You know, high up.

[Jacob]

We are gravity thing.

[Josh Wolf]

If we're paying that much, all seats should rip off. And it's a parachute. How hard would that be?

[Marty]

That's a great idea, right?

[Josh Wolf]

The whole thing. Flotation device. I'll be dead.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Give me a parachute and let me hope.

[Marty]

I love this idea that goes trash come out, boom.

[Josh Wolf]

Parachutes use A as your fault.

[Marty]

You would need it for sure.

[Josh Wolf]

I would definitely need it.

[Marty]

I mean, I feel like if I was. If I was packing your survival case, A would go in there.

[Josh Wolf]

I'll be honest, dude. It's a crazy good idea. And that's some, like, target to help. And if it's microfiber. Oh, no. Kids can get all over their hands. Never mind, never mind. I don't know if they're. Never mind. I don't know if parents want pain.

[Marty]

They get all over there. When they're learning to wipe their ass, they get all over their hands anyways. There's on your hands. But I wipe my ass with your hands.

[Josh Wolf]

No, thanks. But. But yes, I'm good on that. I was scared also when you walked in. I thought your shirt said let him.

[Marty]

Oh, dude, this is.

[Josh Wolf]

It's this chirp. I'm dyslexic. It's a blue bird. So I was like, damn. A blue bird on your. Oh, damn. Josh got sober, started gang banging.

[Marty]

Yeah, they started. They started letting old Jews in there.

[Josh Wolf]

They did. You're going to run the.

[Jacob]

The.

[Josh Wolf]

The media portion of our game, please. Investment.

[Marty]

And you're our lawyer. You're going to do all.

[Josh Wolf]

All of it. I know you won't get paid for each job. I get that. You want five checks?

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

And that's it.

[Marty]

Yeah, dude. It is my. Yeah. And I appreciate you guys watching you guys always super supportive of the comedy, but I appreciate it.

[Josh Wolf]

Of course, man.

[Marty]

It definitely. You know what has, I think, revived my comedy is having Jacob on the road with me.

[Josh Wolf]

Because it's a whole new demographic. Not even that. It's a whole new part of your life that you wouldn't be talking about. Young guy. And what these guys are doing if you're by the. Hey, what about 24 year olds? Like, it's a little different when you're like, yo, my son, 24. You know about 24 year olds. Oh, you're dumb, huh? Exactly. And then it just keeps it going, going.

[Marty]

I like that his energy is also like. It's young comic energy, which is something that, like, I need. It's like, everything's great.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, go.

[Marty]

I love this. Yeah, me too.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah. The Moto 6 is sick. Omaha Motel 6.

[Marty]

I haven't stayed in a Motel 6.

[Josh Wolf]

I don't know.

[Marty]

A bag of wig.

[Jacob]

How long have you been on the road straight? Basically, like years. It has to be. I mean, I was looking at just the high on life. 20, 24 dates all year. But I know, like, it's probably never really stopped. Right?

[Marty]

Like, yeah. Starting at about maybe, I would say two years after or after Chelsea lately. So 2017. I've done 42 weeks a year here.

[Jacob]

Damn.

[Marty]

And not because I love the travel, but because I love doing standup. And I. I know this is going to sound cheesy as, but I. The energy I get from people laughing and that joy that's in the room is something that's really hard to replace.

[Josh Wolf]

It's like walking off the field. Like, I retire. Like. No, you.

[Marty]

Yeah, dude, you miss. It's so cool. Cool. And to hear people in meet and Greets be like, thank you. You know, your comedy has whatever. Whatever is, like, so fulfilling. It's super dope.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah. If you've never experienced that, you think that you're lying.

[Marty]

No. Yeah. Right.

[Josh Wolf]

You know how many times I've done meet and greets? Like, my back is literally broken. This disc is slipped. But this motherfucker's cool as he's all hyped up. I'm hyped up now.

[Marty]

And. But I'm sure people say things to you where you're like. Like, thomas, listening to you has saved my. Or it brought me out of depression. And you're like, yo, that is so, so humbling in a human way. Yeah. It really is. Like, like, outside of, obviously, the perks of doing it my job. But that is, without a doubt, especially as I've gotten older, the most fulfilling thing to know that in some way, I'm making other people's lives better.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah. And they're day cooler.

[Marty]

Yeah, dude, Super.

[Josh Wolf]

I think about what do I watch when my day. I want my day to be cooler.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

And if I met them over, I'd be hyped as hell. Like, yo, you know how many times I've watched you every day? Because I'm bored.

[Marty]

Thank you, dude. Do you know what I say to people at my shows? I go, look, I know who's on my list of people that I would leave my house to go see.

[Josh Wolf]

Yes.

[Marty]

The fact that I'm on anyone's list is so humbling. I. That's why, you know, when Jacob first started going on the road with me, you know, if a show wasn't as filled as we wanted to, he was like, does that bum you out? I go, no, dude, this isn't their fault. They got babysitters. They're so psyched to be here. They're not getting less of me just because there aren't as many of them. That's not how this works. They actually almost get more.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah.

[Marty]

Do you know what I mean? Like, this isn't their problem. And it's not a bummer. It's still super cool. Cool that I get to stand up here and do this, tell dick jokes and you know what I mean? And get paid for it. Right? So, yeah, man. It's. It's. As I've gotten older, I think I've started to like it more because I've started to appreciate it more now.

[Jacob]

You already got this other hour, so are you, like, planning the next special already?

[Marty]

Yes. And I. I would tell you, no joke. I probably have about an hour and 45 minutes of material right now, not counting some of the new songs that I've written that are just straight bangers. Bangers. So, like I'm, I'm, I'm ready. I'm excited when Jacob, whenever he's ready to come back out on the road and, and to come back out and like, oh, and by the way, this hoodie, I do want to give a shout out. These young dudes. I'm also for hustle. These young dudes, I met them at a kiosk.

[Josh Wolf]

Didn't you tell me about them last time? Yeah, you had a hat.

[Marty]

Bird Milk. Not Bird Milk. Bird brand.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, Bird. Yeah, exactly. You had someone last.

[Marty]

Yeah, these dudes, young 14, 15 year old kids who had a kiosk in a mall that their mom, they wouldn't let their mom sit in the kiosk. They made her sit away from it.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, I remember this.

[Marty]

But these dudes have been. Kiosk, kiosk, kiosk. They finally got a brick and mortar.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, wow.

[Marty]

Yeah, dude, I, I legit. It's one of the things that I love the most about you guys. They're good dudes who hustle and they're kids. Well, they're probably 22, 23 now, but.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, I thought you meant they were still.

[Marty]

Like to, to, to know what you want at that age. They designed.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, that's, that's insane. I didn't know what the, what I was gonna eat, you know, today.

[Marty]

How old were you when you started smoking weed? I mean, when you started selling weight?

[Josh Wolf]

Third? 14.

[Marty]

14. When he started selling it.

[Josh Wolf]

14.

[Marty]

And at 14, how much were you, how much do you think you were.

[Josh Wolf]

Selling an ounce every two days, three days.

[Marty]

And were you keeping the money or were you smoking your.

[Josh Wolf]

I would, I, I sold weed so I can smoke weed, which is how people start, Right. Most in high school. That's all I cared about. I would have not a dollar left over for anything. Yeah, well, I got an eighth for free today.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

And an eighth is a lot of weed when you're a kid.

[Jacob]

Come on.

[Josh Wolf]

Even a pinch of a bowl.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

And then you're like, oh, wow, I feel it. Let's go to the store. But I'm not gonna get. Because I already spent all my money and yeah, I was like 14.

[Marty]

And when did you start? Did you ever make money off it?

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, 18 is when I started like, oh, sell pounds. And I had a job at 18, so I was like, oh, my job pays my rent and the rest of it is just Whatever I want. Very reckless with it. I probably spent like 4, 000, probably a month on nothing. And that's all I'm like, profit I was making as a kid. It's a lot.

[Marty]

That's a.

[Josh Wolf]

At 18, a little kid, but sitting spending on nothing and smoking 2, 000 of that. Because what I would do is like, okay, I sold £4. I would take a QP of the firest nugs of. Of it, and I put it in my big, huge mason jar my brother broke years later. And it would be the best nugs and if I would take a QP out of each pound. So I know there's three pounds, because if I took a quarter of four, there's three left because I took quarter of each. I'm gonna sell all those three pounds. I get to keep this pound of smoke. There would be a time I have five pounds of weed to smoke, and I'm like, I'm broke, but I'm not selling my. All the time, dude. Until I was like 21, and then I started flipping and going, let me just sell this. What am I doing? What am I doing? And then it got so dry where I couldn't sell it the fire anymore. Everybody wanted a small, cheaper weed. And then I started playing Instagram, dude.

[Marty]

Yeah, I remember the very first time I told Jacob I was coming on this podcast, he nearly flipped the.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, I remember he was in another country, right?

[Marty]

He was like, what? What? I was like, do you know who this guy is? He's like, are you kidding me? Yeah, dude. He was. He flipped the ass. Awesome, right?

[Josh Wolf]

So sick everywhere. It's so cool.

[Marty]

This dude. You haven't mentioned the bills One time.

[Josh Wolf]

This dude is mentioned the bills.

[Jacob]

Well, actually, I got a little segment.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, I got a whole segment I dropped up. Here's the PowerPoint. Jesus Christ.

[Marty]

A band comes in.

[Jacob]

Just singing bills. Maybe want to shout and show.

[Josh Wolf]

What's that? There's a song they do.

[Jacob]

Yeah, it's like the Bills.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, you mean the bill. Make me want. Okay, I'm stealing our songs.

[Jacob]

All right, Josh's predictions. We got three things that are going to happen by the time this comes out.

[Marty]

When does it come out?

[Josh Wolf]

Next week.

[Marty]

Okay.

[Jacob]

Okay, so we're gonna get your predictions on three things. Three Sporty.

[Josh Wolf]

What a great segment question. I just saw what you just did.

[Jacob]

Nice.

[Josh Wolf]

I love this.

[Jacob]

All right, so first one.

[Marty]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jacob]

Bill's Chiefs. Possibly the biggest game in sports as far as I'm concerned.

[Marty]

Now, you know what my theory is? My theory is, if you want to beat him in the playoffs, you better lose this weekend because it's hard to beat a team twice. And for that reason, I don't think there's any doubt that the Bills win this weekend.

[Josh Wolf]

That sucks.

[Jacob]

You remember about my theory on the Chiefs was.

[Marty]

What's that?

[Josh Wolf]

I don't.

[Jacob]

Cruising for a losing.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, this fool said, cruising for a losing. Like kid Nikki. The hell? What do you mean, cruising for a reason for a loss. And he's like, cruising for a losing. I'm like, I like the cruiser for a losing. I was. Where's your jacket?

[Jacob]

It's time. I think we could beat him twice.

[Marty]

Nah.

[Josh Wolf]

Yo, I've been here longer than you.

[Marty]

Yeah, not going to happen.

[Jacob]

I know this beaten, but the Chiefs have been barely skating by.

[Josh Wolf]

They barely beat the Raiders.

[Jacob]

I mean, like, and whoever they played.

[Marty]

Last week on a block field goal. Oh, that was against the Broncos.

[Josh Wolf]

Real?

[Jacob]

Yeah, it's the Broncos. So, yeah, they're due.

[Josh Wolf]

Wait, you're East Coast? What are you.

[Marty]

Yeah, Patriots guy.

[Josh Wolf]

Since you're a kid, though.

[Marty]

Yeah, yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Okay, okay, okay.

[Marty]

I mean, listen, you can't love the Patriots.

[Jacob]

No, I hate.

[Marty]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jacob]

I was explaining to Cam, like, his levels of hate. Hate. I'm like, you're supposed to hate them. Hate the Chiefs with the deepest passion right now.

[Josh Wolf]

This is how racism starts. It's just, good thing it's for football.

[Jacob]

Funneling it in.

[Josh Wolf]

The good thing is for football.

[Jacob]

Then I'm like, then it's the Dolphins, then it's the Patriots, and it's the.

[Josh Wolf]

Mexicans.

[Marty]

And then it's the Armenians. I'll tell you what they are later.

[Josh Wolf]

They're Mexicans that's dressed nice. I swear to God, bro, they dress like Mexicans on Sunday. All of our neighbors dress like my brother Martin when he wants to go to church always.

[Marty]

You know, and somebody explained to me once there, this is. I was like. I was like, what's in Eskimo? And they were like, it's a cold Mexican. Mexican.

[Josh Wolf]

Cold Mexican is great. Dude. Freezer Hawaiian. Oh, I like that. Cold Mexicans is good. I've never heard of a cold Mexican, dude.

[Marty]

So you so cruising for losing.

[Jacob]

Yeah, I don't think that's going to.

[Marty]

Catch on, by the way.

[Josh Wolf]

Cruising for losing.

[Jacob]

All right, they do.

[Marty]

What do you think about the winning twice, the beating him twice in a season theory?

[Jacob]

I would love to see it happen.

[Marty]

That's not what I said.

[Jacob]

I think it's possible.

[Marty]

Okay.

[Jacob]

I think we beat him. I think we could very easily beat him twice.

[Marty]

Let me ask you on a scale of 1 to 1010 being most confident, how confident? Subtle results still you, but with fewer lines.

[Josh Wolf]

Botox Cosmetic out of Botulinum toxinae is a prescription medicine used used to temporarily make moderate to severe frown lines.

[Marty]

Crow's feet and forehead lines look better in adults.

[Josh Wolf]

Effects of Botox Cosmetic may spread hours to weeks after injection causing serious symptoms. Alert your doctor right away as difficulty swallowing, speaking, breathing, eye problems or muscle weakness may be a sign of a life threatening condition. Patients with these conditions before injection are at highest risk. Don't receive Botox cosmetic if you have a skin infection. Side effects may include allergic reactions, injection site pain, headache, eyebrow and eyelid, drooping and eyelid swelling. Allergic reactions can include rash, welts, asthma symptoms and dizziness. Tell your doctor about medical history, muscle.

[Marty]

Or nerve conditions including ALS or Lou.

[Josh Wolf]

Gehrig's disease, myasthenia gravis or Lambert Eden syndrome and medications including Botulinum toxins as these may increase the risk of serious side effects. For full safety information visit botoxcosmetic.com or call 877-351-0300.

[Marty]

See for yourself at botoxcosmetic.com.com did that.

[Josh Wolf]

Sound seven and a half?

[Jacob]

Yeah, I was thinking of the 13 second game when we almost beat him to go to the super bowl. And then.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, we've had three years of heartbreak with Marty on the show where they're about to go in the playoffs and we come back next week.

[Jacob]

But Travis Kelsey's look kind of shittily this season compared to his usual season.

[Josh Wolf]

Well, I'm not scared of the Jessica Simpson Tony Romo effect is happening to him.

[Marty]

Great reference, dude. I had not thought of that.

[Josh Wolf]

Taylor Swift is making his game. Game. He catches ball.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

And then he goes back to the huddles like, yo, get on point, man.

[Marty]

I'm telling you, dude, that was. You remember when that was going down, I was like ron.

[Josh Wolf]

And then he dropped the kick, he dropped the ball and then let it go to the Super Bowl. Yeah, I remember that.

[Marty]

Yeah, I remember. My brother was like, she must have the best in the world or, or.

[Josh Wolf]

He just hates her. And he's like, I gotta get her away now. She's on jumbo.

[Marty]

Well, all right.

[Jacob]

The Chiefs are so great at just marching on the field, you know, I hate them. I hate them for their greatness. They're great.

[Josh Wolf]

They are good.

[Jacob]

They're Steve Young, you know, but it's just the entire time we've got the our best like record since like 93 when we went to the super bowl right now.

[Marty]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jacob]

And we're young. We got a bunch of, like, no names on our team, basically, but that's kind of our style when we're good, so we'll see. Josh is kind of, like, tripping a little bit with all these interceptions he started throwing, but I.

[Marty]

Here's the thing. Thing. Me, personally, I would rather see the Bills lose and then have them face him in the playoffs, because I don't. As a Patriots fan, I don't want the Chiefs to. To be more of a dynasty than the Patriots, and I don't want Mahomes to push up on Brady. So I'm. I'm all for them losing. Right. But I think they're gonna have to lose in the playoffs to the Bills.

[Jacob]

Okay, that's fair.

[Marty]

That's my. That's.

[Josh Wolf]

That's.

[Marty]

That's what I'm hoping for.

[Jacob]

I'll take a player off one quick.

[Josh Wolf]

Did you guys see the clip yesterday where Patrick Mahomes is talking to the ref? They're mic'd up. No, he's running out of bounds, and the defender is about to get him, and he goes to the ref. Can you tell him when they're getting close? Tell me when they're getting close, please. Next time. And then it just says, are you serious? And it's an NFL page that posted. It says, are you serious? I'll find the clip. Oh, I'll find the clip. It says, let me know when he's getting close next time.

[Marty]

Time.

[Josh Wolf]

And the rest like that. Just whistle. Maybe he's talking to his offensive lineman, and it looks like he's talking to the ref. Yeah, but the NFL. One of the NFL pages posting like, oh, that's not a good look at all.

[Marty]

No, it's like, Tom Brady.

[Josh Wolf]

Like, this ball seems a little flat.

[Marty]

Hey, bite. Watch your tongue. Yeah, I'm pull. Listen, just so you know, I'm rooting for the Bills.

[Jacob]

Okay, Appreciate that.

[Marty]

Yeah, that.

[Josh Wolf]

All right, well, how does it feel? We just talked about this. Oh, and unrestricted, we can't, because we'll just say, just bleep it. We're talking about how, like, man, people are racist to white people sometimes. And, like, everybody's like, yeah, it's okay. It's fine. It's part of our media and the world. It's okay. Call him a cracker. Yeah, Adrian, what is it? Antonio Brown has a Twitter and things is cracker of the day.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

And I was like, dude, nobody would like it if Tom Brady had Wet back of the week. No, it would never work. Work.

[Marty]

No.

[Josh Wolf]

That would probably see the differences. Is a double standard. Half of me is offended.

[Marty]

But. But I will tell you this truthfully. You could call me a cracker to my face. It wouldn't offend me at all.

[Josh Wolf]

Not at all. It's funny.

[Marty]

It's a funny cracker. Like a saltine. Am I a.

[Josh Wolf]

Always assault. He's never a Ritz.

[Marty]

I'm not a Ritz.

[Josh Wolf]

No, it's. That's. What's the white trap we call somebody white. Try cracker. Ritz is a good cracker. Saltines suck. Salty is what you get when you're dying in wars.

[Marty]

Yeah. Saltine is like when you're sick. Someone gives you a saltine and some.

[Josh Wolf]

Ginger ale and you know, oh, I've eaten that a lot.

[Marty]

Me too, dude.

[Josh Wolf]

His blood boiled.

[Marty]

Yeah, dude, a straight buffalo cracker right there.

[Josh Wolf]

Just put some franks on. There's some crackers, shakes of Sprite, you know. Oh, also, do you guys remember how good Donnie McNab's Chunky Chunky Soup commercials were?

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Okay, start out. That's it. That's it.

[Jacob]

Michael Strahan, he ate through his teeth.

[Josh Wolf]

Remember that?

[Marty]

What do you think the best advertisement with an athlete ever was?

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, before my time. The Dr. Pepper one was huge. Where I think me, Joe Green throws his. Yeah, that was before my time. I'm gonna say the thing that I remember the most was like the Kobe Allen Iverson where they kept switching the Nike. They kept switching in between athletes and it was super hyper. And then Michael Vick was running down the field office.

[Marty]

That was super dope.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, that was so cool.

[Marty]

I think for me, and this is my era, it was the Bonos commercials. It was all Bo Jackson stuff.

[Josh Wolf]

That's different. That's before my.

[Marty]

Definitely before.

[Josh Wolf]

It never hit me as hard because I'm like, oh, yeah, cool commercial. Can we get back to the game?

[Marty]

Well, but if. But Bo Jackson is hard to explain to people who that weren't alive at the time.

[Josh Wolf]

He's a freak of nature. Yeah, imagine. Imagine Tyreek Hill going, you know what? It's time to do a different sport and be a pro at it. Actually, I'm going to be the best you've ever seen at it.

[Marty]

How about this? Not only that, how about. Imagine Tyreek Hill, but put a hundred pounds on him.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, yeah. Bo Jackson's a monster of a man. Whether he's. His first carry was a Monday Night Football. He ran that 85 yard. And there's a Point where you can't see his legs cross. Dude, he's moving so fast, it. It looks like it blurs.

[Marty]

You know when you see somebody, you're like, oh, they got the angle. And you're like, wait a second. Did he run through the angle?

[Josh Wolf]

That's Lamar Jackson, dude.

[Marty]

Yeah, dude.

[Josh Wolf]

He's not fair. He has an extra boost in those shoes.

[Marty]

He does.

[Josh Wolf]

Something's up. He doesn't look real. He spins off of people. It's like, how did that man not grab you? Well, I'm that fast. Like, are you really?

[Marty]

Kinda.

[Josh Wolf]

My God, you're so good. Just let him win, dude. Just get one good player around his ass. What is it, Josh Allen? Is it in you? Is that a sexual thing?

[Jacob]

Sports ass.

[Josh Wolf]

Is it in you? Sounds like that sounds a little not good.

[Jacob]

Not a real ad they put up.

[Josh Wolf]

But look at his face. Is it in you?

[Marty]

It looks like it's in him right now.

[Josh Wolf]

He looks disappointed. He's asking his wife, is it in you? Yeah, that's what I'm getting from.

[Jacob]

That's what I'm saying.

[Josh Wolf]

Okay. I think it's just like that.

[Marty]

That is a terrible.

[Josh Wolf]

That's not a good ad.

[Marty]

They did not focus group that ad.

[Jacob]

You know how many millions.

[Josh Wolf]

Look how small those guys are.

[Jacob]

Oh, massive.

[Josh Wolf]

You can see the sweat beads as big as your car. Yeah, he's definitely. That's. That's not. Is outside of a school. Is that what you're building?

[Marty]

That is a bad.

[Jacob]

This is downtown.

[Josh Wolf]

What about all the people that want to look out their window?

[Marty]

Is that a prison?

[Jacob]

Yeah, it's right across the street from the prison. I'm pretty sure.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh. Oh, my God.

[Marty]

By the way, is it in you? Is it the slogan you want in prison at all? Is it in you?

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, man, I love that.

[Marty]

Yeah, me too.

[Josh Wolf]

Okay, predictions, Chiefs, bills. That was a great one. Go to your next one. Oh, wait, we can smoke a joint.

[Marty]

Yeah, smoke it up.

[Josh Wolf]

Are you sure you're not gonna, like, fiend for this?

[Marty]

No, no, no. I'm pretty good with it.

[Jacob]

It's going down for free live on Netflix. Jake Paul, Mike Tyson.

[Josh Wolf]

Hold on. I gave you a giant joint and you're still gonna smoke it faster than I smoke much. Marty smokes like. Remember those old commercials where they're like, this is how much tar is in your cigarette.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Smoke it down in the machine.

[Jacob]

Balloon.

[Josh Wolf]

That's him.

[Marty]

Joe Diaz. Okay. Jodiaz went from never smoking cigarettes to smoking two packs a day. And not only that, he could kill a cigarette in three yeah, three and just put, and it would be down to the nub and just put it out.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, I used to try to do that. I was on coke. My friends in high school.

[Marty]

Only time I liked cigarettes. Coke or ecstasy.

[Josh Wolf]

See, ecstasy cigarettes are weird cuz you like, you don't feel it and you like, see the smoke move. It's kind of like a whole party by itself.

[Marty]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Josh Wolf]

I love that.

[Marty]

I love drugs, guys. Don't get me wrong, I, I big fan.

[Josh Wolf]

Every movie you ever see.

[Marty]

Big fan.

[Josh Wolf]

There's a drug in every universe.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

In the Star wars, they're all drinking at a bar. They're all doing like, there's something for everything in the universe. There's aliens right now taking a patch of something. I guarantee it.

[Marty]

Dude, drugs are a ton of fun.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, they are. That's the name of the episode.

[Marty]

You just gotta find the one that works for you. That's all. That's the, that's the thing. So who do I think is going to win? Paul or Tyson?

[Jacob]

Yeah, there's a lot to consider. I mean really, it's a real fight, right?

[Josh Wolf]

It's a real station fight.

[Marty]

Real fight. I think the longer it goes, the worse it is for Tyson, obviously, because being close to his age, stamina, not our strong suit. Okay, So I think if, if Jake Paul can get out of that first round because I think Tyson comes out, see him versus Rojo, I think he comes out swinging and I think there's no way that Jake Paul has ever felt that heavy of a punch.

[Josh Wolf]

No.

[Marty]

Do you know what I mean?

[Josh Wolf]

Like, as we talked about last time, he's never felt that you can't train for that. There's nothing you can do besides a bat with a pad on it.

[Marty]

Roy Jones Jr. Who, that was Tyson's last fight.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Marty]

Have you heard him talk about what it was like to get hit by.

[Josh Wolf]

Him those last few parts when he tried to take his head off? Remember at the end he was, dude, he was swinging for the fences in one of those rounds, man.

[Marty]

He's, and Roy Jones jr, He said he hit him in the chest once and he was like, I've, even at his age, he was like, I've never been hit like that before. So I, I, people don't consider old.

[Josh Wolf]

Man strength into this too.

[Marty]

But I think if it goes past first round, I don't think Tyler Tyson has a chance. I think, but I think if he comes out first, if it's, if there's a first round decision, I'm so, I'm Going Tyson.

[Jacob]

Okay.

[Marty]

Because I honestly, I think it's a lose, lose for Jake Paul.

[Josh Wolf]

I think it's a win.

[Jacob]

It's a win win for Jake. He has nothing.

[Josh Wolf]

I think it's a win, I think.

[Marty]

Because if he wins, he beat up a 50 year old dude.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, yeah. But if he loses, well, he lost.

[Marty]

To a 58 year old dude.

[Josh Wolf]

I think this is why, this is why I think it's like this.

[Marty]

Are you proud of yourself for being beating up a 58 year old if.

[Josh Wolf]

He'S a monster of our generation?

[Jacob]

If I beat the out of Michael Jordan in basketball right now, I'd be.

[Josh Wolf]

I don't give a 16 year old. No, no, no, no. But like think of it this way. Jake Paul might get some to gain.

[Marty]

By the way, Jake Paul is young, he's fast.

[Josh Wolf]

But if he knocks Tyson out like you knocked out an old man happy like you knocked out Tyson and if he gets knocked out by Tyson, the box, like you really fought Mike Tyson.

[Marty]

No, I said that's how I think. I think if in the boxing community you'd be like, dude, you, there's no way you got a shot against me. You just lost to a 58 year old dude. 58.

[Josh Wolf]

But would any of the people he fought get in the ring with Tyson besides Tyson Fury's brother?

[Marty]

Not, not the guys that he, he hasn't fought somebody super yet.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah.

[Marty]

But he hasn't fought a real box. So Tyson's obviously a real box and he's gonna come at him from angles. And dude still with his head movement. I bet you still super tough to him, but. So I'm gonna go Tyson.

[Josh Wolf]

The dips first round are scary. Yeah. Second at most. If not Jake Paul wins because there's.

[Jacob]

So much money involved either way for Tyson to truly care or does his legacy really matter to him and he's pissed.

[Josh Wolf]

I think it matters.

[Marty]

I think he, towards the end of what his real career was, was I think he had stopped caring. If you watch those fights, he, as soon as he got hit once he was kind of done, he didn't want to get hit anymore. In that Roy Jones Jr. Fight, I was like, oh, this dude likes fighting again.

[Josh Wolf]

You see it. He tried to take his head off a few times.

[Marty]

He likes fighting the few times he.

[Josh Wolf]

Really put his full force.

[Marty]

I don't think Mike Tyson wants to lose to Jake.

[Josh Wolf]

No. I don't think YouTuber there's no way he's letting it happen, happen.

[Marty]

I don't think he does and I.

[Josh Wolf]

Don'T think Jay Paul's got any kind of skill or stamina to. Stamina, yes, but I don't think he has enough skill to fight that.

[Marty]

So who do you think wins?

[Josh Wolf]

You think Tyson?

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Within the second round.

[Marty]

Yeah, I think it's gonna be early.

[Josh Wolf]

I think he's in so hard in his ribs, he hits a knee like Ryan Garcia did and it's over. I think he takes his whole hip bone out and crushes this kid. There's no. You can't train against that. No, but Jake Paul is as big as this table. I saw him in person. He's a big guy.

[Marty]

He's a big dude. And he's fast too.

[Josh Wolf]

He's fast, he's young.

[Marty]

Yeah, that's. This is what I'm saying.

[Josh Wolf]

He's not a scrub. I'll say that he might be a scrub as in terms of like his personality. You don't like the guy, he might beat your ass if you wet him in the street. He's a big dude.

[Marty]

Dude for sure. By the way, a casual guy on the street, he's beating the out of done. But a high ranked top level boxer. He's close.

[Josh Wolf]

Not even close, but I don't know.

[Marty]

If Tyson's that yet.

[Josh Wolf]

Even, even, even a different weight class class, I think wreck him.

[Marty]

I don't think Jake Paul would ever touch Ryan Garcia.

[Josh Wolf]

No, I'm saying even if someone in the two lowers of a weight class.

[Marty]

Would wreck Jake Paul, he could, man. Yeah, dude. Look everyone, if you're that much bigger, you've got a puncher's chance. Probably. Yeah, probably. But, but I again, man, boxing is such a crazy different. The skill level, skill is so important.

[Jacob]

So are you a UFC fan, man?

[Marty]

I am gonna watch that fight.

[Jacob]

Okay. That's the next one. We got a very controversial fight.

[Josh Wolf]

And this is Saturday too.

[Jacob]

Yeah, I think, I think it's the Saturday.

[Marty]

Yeah, it's so Friday, Tyson, Saturday, ufc.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, is it?

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

Jon Jones Stipe.

[Marty]

You're never gonna see me betting against Jon Jones.

[Josh Wolf]

No, he's David Goggins.

[Marty]

I don't know how you bet against the best UFC fighter of all time. Him. I just. You gotta beat him to show me that he doesn't got it anymore. And it's not like Steve. It's not like he's been fighting.

[Jacob]

Yeah, yeah, it's true. Because I mean the arguments against John is how inactive he's been, how, you know, I mean like if you're going to make an argument against them, as.

[Josh Wolf]

They say in tight.

[Jacob]

I was reading on Twitter like, you know, he's only finished, he's, he's finished like two fights in the past like 10 years.

[Josh Wolf]

You know what that means? He knocked out so fast he knew didn't need to finish the fight.

[Marty]

But, but, but like how, how, but how long, how much does this dude fought?

[Jacob]

Steep. Yeah, not that, not a, this is what I'm saying. Yeah, like, it's not like he's like a super young, right. These, that, that would be more like Aspinall, who's the current champ.

[Marty]

That's right.

[Jacob]

That's where the controversy is coming in.

[Marty]

I think we're going. But, but Dana White is a great businessman and I bet you Jones knows too. Let me beat the out of this dude real quick and kind of get a tune up before I fight a much younger.

[Jacob]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Marty]

Best in the world. Do you know? I, I, I don't, to me, that's the easiest pick. I don't know how you pick against gender.

[Jacob]

That's a fair point.

[Marty]

I don't, I don't. Right.

[Josh Wolf]

It's like, I wouldn't.

[Marty]

No, it's like, listen, this dude's got a gun and this dude's got a knife.

[Jacob]

Yeah, yeah.

[Marty]

Who's gonna win that one?

[Josh Wolf]

Exactly.

[Marty]

I'm gonna pick the gun.

[Jacob]

They are about the, probably the same, same age, the same kind of status in mma. Yeah, John's getting old, but he's still.

[Josh Wolf]

Like, what's he, 39?

[Jacob]

I've been watching for 10 years, I barely seen him fight. I feel like I don't really know him as a fighter. Like I've missed his whole prime.

[Josh Wolf]

I watched him when he first started, like the first five fights he had and he always did like a very polite ending. He would like, yeah, sure, walk right off. And then I was like, what? He said he's a coke monster. Imagine finding that man if he did rails before. That's an un. Unfair advantage for sure. Dude, Come on. He won't even feel you hitting it.

[Marty]

Yeah, if you can even hit him. But how weird would it be to fight someone who was licking his lips all the time? This guy.

[Josh Wolf]

I would like to see Jon Jones fight a bear.

[Marty]

Yeah, man.

[Josh Wolf]

Declawed bear I, by the way, that's the next.

[Jacob]

If you had a bat, could you beat up a coked out John Jones?

[Josh Wolf]

No.

[Jacob]

Or even. Hold on, I'm trying to think of something.

[Josh Wolf]

One swing, you grab it, pull me in close and it's over.

[Marty]

By the way, somebody who knows how to.

[Josh Wolf]

It's even worse. I'm gonna come off Feisty and too bad.

[Marty]

Sounds terrible.

[Josh Wolf]

Right in the chest, dude. So hard that I. Click I Together.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

I don't think we could all beat up Jon Jones together.

[Marty]

No.

[Josh Wolf]

I don't think all of us, us collectively could take it. Him?

[Marty]

No, dude. Four.

[Josh Wolf]

I think four or two trained. Trained athletes, dude.

[Marty]

Right now, I'm telling you right now, us against Jon Jones would be three punches.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah. Even this. Even this right here. He threw a couple elbows. As I'm trying to take him to the ground, he'd take my head off.

[Jacob]

One big slap.

[Josh Wolf]

Like this lower. So he catches me at the end on the way down.

[Marty]

I asked Brendan Schaub once, I said, what's it like?

[Josh Wolf]

Because you rolled with him.

[Marty]

I said, what's it like, dude? I said, what percentage of the world do you think you could beat up? And he was like, no, more. He was like in his prime.

[Jacob]

99.

[Marty]

99%.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah.

[Marty]

Is not crazy. Yeah. For sure, though, 99. Because I'm going to tell you right now, if you ask me, I'm not even putting every woman on the list.

[Josh Wolf]

There's a lady out there going back, fool, owes me a bag of weed.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

And a night. And that's who's gonna. You're gonna come in contact with.

[Marty]

No, man. Like, but. But 99 for sure, right? For him.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, I would say so. The only part of the world I'm a nervous about is Thailand. And when these fools come flying knee at me and elbow cross kick me like you're five foot one and you beat the dog out of everyone. Yeah, those guys are scary, dude. Jon Jones holds four of them and smashes them with the next one.

[Marty]

That's hilarious.

[Josh Wolf]

He beats him up with the other one.

[Marty]

He's just beating up Filipinos with Filipinos.

[Josh Wolf]

Exactly. Or smack them together. Or like Bolo Young. He's just like a can crusher. He's just crushing Filipinos off his forehead. Animations. I wish we had an animator that was like, don't worry about.

[Marty]

Yeah, I got that.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, that'd be. So we need. We need a courtroom sketch person to sit here for an episode. Just draws. That'd be cool.

[Marty]

That would be amazing.

[Josh Wolf]

That'd be cool. It's kind of like an interrogation. So.

[Marty]

But by the way, some of them are really good. And some of them. You're like, who's that?

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, that'd be me.

[Marty]

Dude. Did you see the statue of Dwayne Wade that they.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

You know what he looked like to me? Old Dwayne Wade. When. When. When Arnold Schwarzenegger can't breathe in Total Recall. He starts to die. He look like it dead on, Right? Thank you. By the way.

[Marty]

I felt. I. I felt so bad because when they unveil it.

[Josh Wolf]

Who's that guy?

[Marty]

He's there?

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah. Did you hear what he said?

[Marty]

No.

[Josh Wolf]

Who's that guy? Did he say that? Who's that guy?

[Marty]

Just get the dudes from the wax museums to come.

[Josh Wolf]

I know. Put that much work into that. Did you see the. The. Was it Ronaldo 1? Oh, my God, dude. Why are they doing that? They would make me look like Ronaldo in real life, then. Yeah, they're just making these pretty guys look like.

[Marty]

I tell you what, try to make a statue that doesn't look like them, and maybe you'll come closer to looking.

[Josh Wolf]

Ronaldo would look like the heads of the Beetlejuice with the guys dead on, dude.

[Jacob]

It was like. They unveil it. Like, what'd you guys.

[Marty]

That was of us? So, like, you're bad at your job, man. How much did they pay you for that?

[Josh Wolf]

Bad?

[Marty]

Yeah, real bad.

[Jacob]

How do you feel if you're Dwin Wade, like, so honored. You have a statue and then they unveil it, and it's like.

[Josh Wolf]

Looks like you hope it's a pranked and you think. Or punked, by the way.

[Marty]

Do you think for one second, like, is that what I look like?

[Josh Wolf]

Huh?

[Marty]

You're like, is that what everybody sees.

[Josh Wolf]

When they see me?

[Marty]

Holy.

[Josh Wolf]

You would. I would.

[Marty]

For sure. I would ask my wife. I'm like, is that what it looked like? Is that what I look like? Have I not been seeing?

[Josh Wolf]

Holy. You're so close to Matt McConaughey now. You're close. The sober Josh coming. He's. An accent's gonna pop out. He's gonna lose the beard, dude. Oh, it's coming soon. You guys are gonna link up and go to a beach and like, yo, Matt McConaughey has a twin.

[Marty]

I, by the way, I am all for. But someone said to us online, Jacob and meet and greet. Someone said to me, he goes, you kind of look like Matthew McConaughey. He goes, the. He does. I was like, thanks for the support. Appreciate it. Real nice.

[Josh Wolf]

Like, Matt, is that the guy from Nightmare Before Christmas you're with? Like, yeah, Jake. Tall, skinny jerk.

[Jacob]

He just went on Burton Tom's podcast.

[Marty]

Yeah, I saw that.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, yeah, that's true.

[Jacob]

It's pretty wild.

[Josh Wolf]

That's pretty cool, man.

[Marty]

Tom knows beard.

[Josh Wolf]

I did see that, and it made me double look on the thumbnail.

[Marty]

Me, too.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, yeah, you finally lost the fatness, and you're like, yo goes the beard.

[Marty]

Yeah, it was different. It's completely different. I was like, oh, he's got a jaw.

[Josh Wolf]

You have a jaw. You're 31 years old in this photo.

[Marty]

You look great.

[Jacob]

How long did Tom and Christina do your mom's house before it really became successful?

[Marty]

I don't know the answer to that.

[Josh Wolf]

I would say six years.

[Jacob]

I used to watch the show.

[Josh Wolf]

My sister used to watch her every apartment.

[Marty]

I don't know. But. But. But, you know, I. I. You know, and I work with Nadav, who used to produce the show, but he told me he was like, you know, you and Tom and Christina is not a comedy podcast. It's a relationship podcast. Yeah, it's relationship goals. It's how it started out. The. The OG fans are fans of the relationship and that, like, when Jacob and I were trying to really focus in the podcast, he was like, this is a relationship podcast. You're gonna be funny. That's part of it. But the relationship is turning into Jerry and Kramer.

[Josh Wolf]

Yes. And their connection.

[Marty]

That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. And so they don't worry about the funny, but the relationship.

[Josh Wolf]

Be there.

[Marty]

Yeah, yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Great way to put it.

[Marty]

But that is what makes it different. There's a ton of funny. Your. Your shorthand with each other. The how that's smart. How you guys are friends is the crux of the dude.

[Josh Wolf]

The most views we get is when it's just me and Marty.

[Marty]

But that's the thing. That's. That's what the podcast is. People love your friendship, and they're like, I would love to have a buddy like that. That's the aspirational part, right?

[Josh Wolf]

It's like watching Jane Son of Bob. It's like, yo, these guys are awesome. It reminds me of my friends. These guys are the.

[Marty]

Yeah, yeah. I wish I had a friend who didn't say a word.

[Josh Wolf]

He just paid for everything. Yeah. Jade's like the bubble. I mean, you wish you had a husband. A husband is what you're asking for. Don't say anything and buy it all. Close sober and you're switching it up. Who knows? Maybe the next 40 years I was.

[Jacob]

A husband, dude, president.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, you're the president. If you were the president, I would be asking you for so many favors, you would block my number. Hey, man, I just got deleted again. Could you get, you know, Mike Zuckerberg to just help me out?

[Marty]

Dude, here's If I'm Running. Here's what I'm running on. Chocolate milk water fountains. It's got to be like a sixth grade president.

[Jacob]

You got my vote.

[Marty]

No daylight savings.

[Josh Wolf]

We talked about this, right? These are the same goals. You told me. You're serious.

[Marty]

What was I high?

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, but you told me this. You said chocolate milk waterfall.

[Marty]

Yeah, dude, chocolate milk water.

[Josh Wolf]

There was one more good one. It was daylight savings.

[Marty]

A kid free airline.

[Josh Wolf]

I never cared about that. And then on my flight to Denver, kid kept kicking my chair.

[Marty]

I'll pay extra. And I'm not saying you know, and I had kids, but I don't now. And I would prefer especially on a late night, on an over. On a red eye.

[Josh Wolf]

Red eye.

[Marty]

Oh, yeah, there was a baby. And I'm glad that you flying with your baby. And cool. Don't I have an eye? Just give me an option like YouTube Kids. Yeah, dude, that's it. That's it. But I think daylight savings, obviously we legalize weed and I think we go four day work week.

[Josh Wolf]

Switzerland.

[Marty]

Yeah, dude, I think, I think those are.

[Josh Wolf]

What I'm going next is like. And no browns, no brown people at all. I think because they keep ruining the airline.

[Marty]

That's.

[Josh Wolf]

That's gonna be the next week, actually. No Mexicans either.

[Marty]

Only in Alaska.

[Josh Wolf]

Only if they're working and they're freezing. I only like my Mexicans cold and my wife's quiet. That sounds kind of cool. Like an album.

[Marty]

No, daylight savings is like a.

[Josh Wolf]

No, I don't like that.

[Marty]

It's a no brainer at all. You know who else doesn't like it? My dog. Because he's like, I think I'm supposed to be eating right now. I think I'm supposed to be eating. I don't know what the clock says, but my stomach says it's time to eat schedule.

[Josh Wolf]

Do you get hungry at the same time of the day?

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Marty]

Yeah, yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Do you eat around the same time of the day?

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Do you sleep around the same time?

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Okay, so sleep you don't have down. Do you work out around the same time of the day?

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Do you know what you're gonna eat sometimes?

[Marty]

Nah.

[Josh Wolf]

Okay, so I'm not that bad.

[Marty]

I open the fridge, he's on the road.

[Jacob]

40.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

Weeks.

[Josh Wolf]

Same when you're not. When you're just at home like, you know, like. I know the same day. Yeah. Wow. And you're always on. I am a procrastinating piece of. Because if you can do all that while you're on mushrooms, most of the days I just Started a schedule and. You ever watched the office?

[Marty]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Do you remember when they make Jan's like, hey, write down everything Michael does hour by hour. I printed that out and says, don't be a lazy. And I do hour by hour, half an hour. What I'm doing. I started last night.

[Marty]

How's that going?

[Josh Wolf]

Great. I scrolled for 20 minutes on my phone, and I looked at him. I didn't even get this done, but I was scrolling today. No, no more.

[Marty]

Do you know what? I like it. I did. My phone now tells me at the end of the day how long I was on it.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah. I'd scroll past it so I can pick me up.

[Marty]

I'm like, oh, that's a. That's a full day's work to me too. Oh, my. My God. Yeah. That is illuminating where you're like, oh.

[Josh Wolf]

Did I. I always hide it. I hide it and then go back to what I was looking at.

[Marty]

Yeah, that's smart.

[Josh Wolf]

Every time I go, dad, six hours. Every time.

[Marty]

Dude, are you. Do you savor your joint or you just get through it?

[Josh Wolf]

Marty's trying to get it into his butt from his mouth. That's how hard he's hitting. I'm like, I got to get it deep. He's trying to get through his intestines.

[Jacob]

Would say I'm savoring it.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

I could be like, hey, well, how'd that taste? It was good. Well, it wasn't even weed. Like, I have no idea. I was just ripping it.

[Marty]

Is that how you consume food, too?

[Jacob]

Yeah, I wolf.

[Josh Wolf]

Me, too.

[Jacob]

Immediately.

[Marty]

Oh, dude.

[Josh Wolf]

The first time I ever ate with Marty, I was like, is that real Marty?

[Marty]

No.

[Josh Wolf]

He ripped his sandwich into pieces like a confetti. It went. And then just started eating. Eat pieces of sand. I was like, what the is this guy doing?

[Marty]

Yeah, dude, I.

[Josh Wolf]

But it fell apart under his. For his defense, it fell to pieces.

[Marty]

But when I go out to eat with other people, I have to. Consciously Stop yourself. Slow down. Because if I don't. Before they've been like, how's your food? It's gone.

[Jacob]

I know. It's. I really think about it.

[Marty]

Me, too. Because I. When I'm eating at the pace I like to eat, I don't. Don't know if I chew it.

[Josh Wolf]

Do your legs lift like when puppies eat? You know when puppies eat the dish and the legs. That's Josh Applebee's.

[Marty]

Yeah, dude, I will. I probably shouldn't do that.

[Josh Wolf]

Whoa. I looked up and saw that.

[Marty]

That's a tough meme right there.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, I'm sober. Sober me.

[Marty]

Sober me. It's like this.

[Josh Wolf]

Nah. Yeah, he does. I. I do eat fast as. I guess I will say that I. I think. I think I could do a competition eating thing if I really gave a. And then I'm going, no, I can't. I can barely finish the one thing I ate.

[Marty]

Do you eat a lot or do you eat just fast?

[Josh Wolf]

No, I just think I eat fast.

[Marty]

What about you?

[Jacob]

If I'm just being me. Both. But if I'm, like, working out, and then if I'm working out, that means I'm paying attention to what I eating also.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

So then I'm like, slow it down. And, like, smaller, like, I'll count calories.

[Marty]

I think I eat more than I should because I eat so quickly. I don't know. I'm full.

[Jacob]

Totally.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, there's.

[Jacob]

There's no chance. I'm.

[Josh Wolf]

Thank you. That is my problem.

[Marty]

Yeah. I don't know. I'm full because I stand up and. God. Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

I chug so much water when I eat too, that at the end I'm.

[Jacob]

Like, yeah, but, like, if I go to a restaurant when I'm like, like, being healthy, I'm not hungry. Like, I always am coming home with, like, half or more of what I order.

[Josh Wolf]

I started doing that this year. I was so happy. And then I just ate it on the way home. I was like, what am I doing? I'm not hungry anymore. Yeah.

[Marty]

Saving it tomorrow. I just want something to do on the ride home.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah. Oh, really? This doesn't matter.

[Marty]

Yeah, that's like. You know, it's funny to me when I. When I obviously would get back to drug. Drugs, but when people. When people go out with drugs and they come home with some, I'm like, you're coming home with drugs. I. I never.

[Josh Wolf]

Okay.

[Marty]

I go out with what we're doing.

[Josh Wolf]

Okay. I see that.

[Marty]

There's never, like, if I leave trying to come home with drugs, I go.

[Josh Wolf]

Out drugs in a long time, but, like, mushrooms, and I just have what I have.

[Marty]

I have what I have. And I'm. And when I used to do coke, it wasn't like, I'm saving some for later. What? Yeah, there was no, it wasn't. I never made it later, like, 10 minutes from now.

[Josh Wolf]

Never made it.

[Marty]

Yeah, dude. Ever? No, you never went home. And if you went home with coke in your pocket and you found it.

[Josh Wolf]

Snuck it, you were like, what the.

[Marty]

Oh.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, you found it. You know, I will say I used to keep my baggies Little baggies.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

At the end, I'm like, all right. At least I got something. I flip it inside out, rub it all over my.

[Marty]

Me too. Me too. Me too.

[Josh Wolf]

Fly home, dude.

[Marty]

I remember the. The inside. I would keep cheap baggies. Like, you'd have them in your pocket.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah. Everybody's the ends.

[Marty]

Yeah. Do this at the end of the night, dude.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah.

[Marty]

You might have found a little. One more line and you hear sand.

[Josh Wolf]

Drop your heart with, like, in the Grinch, when his heart starts back up. That was me when I found coke crumbs.

[Marty]

Coke crumbs is a real deal.

[Josh Wolf]

Let's go like that.

[Marty]

Or if one, like, fell out of your nose, you're like, that's happened many times. Oh, dude.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Marty]

Oh, you would if you. If a little coke thing fell out.

[Josh Wolf]

Of your nose, you're, like, not proud.

[Marty]

No.

[Josh Wolf]

You know how many times I've. I used to get the water bottles trick. Me and my homies used to do this. Little caps of a water bottle, fill it up a little water and then hit it. And then the drip would come straight away so it wouldn't start, like, falling out and. Because sometimes we do so much, some, you know, you just snort in line, it fall right back on your straw. Well, my nose is plugged. I'm gonna eat that and gum it, because my nose would be shut off after doing so much.

[Marty]

What about. Have you guys got into or tried ketamine at all?

[Josh Wolf]

I haven't. I'm scared.

[Marty]

I. I dabbled a little bit. I don't get it.

[Josh Wolf]

I don't think you don't like it.

[Marty]

It's not that I don't like it.

[Josh Wolf]

Did you feel like you were floating then if you didn't like it, it. I ain't never trying it. Because if you liked it, did you.

[Jacob]

Have somebody, like, help help you take it, or you just did your.

[Josh Wolf]

He's in a hotel and he's like, I got some ketamine.

[Marty]

Yeah. Basically, that's exactly what happened.

[Josh Wolf]

Hell, no.

[Marty]

And that's Josh.

[Josh Wolf]

That's him.

[Marty]

That's right. That's the first time I noticed that. Except I've noticed that every time.

[Josh Wolf]

Isn't that insane?

[Marty]

Yeah, but I. But I've done ketamine lollipops.

[Josh Wolf]

That's right. You had those.

[Marty]

And I've done lines of. Of it, and I just, like. It makes me wobbly but not high. And I like to be high, dude.

[Josh Wolf]

I want to feel something.

[Marty]

I. I like to be high. And so maybe I didn't do enough. I Don't think.

[Josh Wolf]

Almost the problem. Almost a little nervous, like, oh, should I have done this?

[Jacob]

Feel like deep sunken place.

[Josh Wolf]

Like I want to fall through the blackness sky.

[Marty]

I walked around Philadelphia like I was wobbly as.

[Josh Wolf]

Everybody's wobbly.

[Marty]

I check. I called Jacob. I was like, like, come get me. And he was like, which one are you?

[Josh Wolf]

I'm the white guy wobbling the street. Which one are you?

[Marty]

Jesus is crazy. Find me. I'm in the. I'm with the other zombies out here.

[Josh Wolf]

I'm the zombies that could talk.

[Marty]

Yeah. Yeah. I'll be the only zombie that knows your name. Dude, come find me. But I, I, I don't need to just feel wobbly.

[Josh Wolf]

I, I've heard ketamine from, like, our homie, Nick Goblin. He's like, K holes and this, like, it's really bad. I've heard stories from other people. The guy used to work with. He used to catamine all the time, him.

[Marty]

Sounds like maybe I didn't do enough.

[Josh Wolf]

I don't think you did it right because I've heard only cool things. Okay. Sounds so fun.

[Marty]

What is it like? What am I missing supposed to.

[Josh Wolf]

The way I would describe. It's described to me is like I want my whole body to feel like TV static inside. Like when your hand falls asleep.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

My whole body to feel like that as I float.

[Marty]

I would love that too.

[Josh Wolf]

The weight in the sky and I can't see anything.

[Marty]

Do that sound. Sounds great. I must not have done enough.

[Josh Wolf]

Why am I. I don't know why I like that even since I just like that. Why do I like drugs so much?

[Marty]

But I like the drugs that, that I like the escape drugs. I like the. I don't like this.

[Josh Wolf]

I want Jesse Pinkman floating above his bed.

[Jacob]

This is.

[Josh Wolf]

That's what I want for.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

I want to fall, miss the bed and hurt myself.

[Marty]

I. It was weird, man. You know, I went to a concert sober for the first time. Time.

[Josh Wolf]

Who'd you see?

[Marty]

I went to the When We Were Young festival. Oh.

[Josh Wolf]

In Vegas.

[Marty]

Huge fan of Mike M. Sick. And to see Black Parade from beginning to end sober.

[Josh Wolf]

And the way he did that one. I watched that. My homie went very, like, almost theatrical when he came out. Very looking like a. Looking like a grown man accountant, dude. What? What?

[Marty]

By the way, he. They're gonna be here July 25th. Fifth at Dodger Stadium.

[Josh Wolf]

Well, then we're there 100% to get the coolest tickets possible. So when we're high school or when we're younger, like, I can't afford that. Like, let's just all get it together.

[Marty]

Yeah, dude. And for sure I'll be back on drugs by then.

[Josh Wolf]

Don't worry. I'm gonna slip up.

[Marty]

It's not for me. It's not even gonna be a slip.

[Josh Wolf]

No. It's not gonna.

[Marty]

It's just gonna be like, I've decided that this is enough for me. I think Jacob is a farther along. Farther enough along on his journey where he doesn't need me to be.

[Josh Wolf]

No.

[Marty]

And I won't, like, it'll be. I won't smoke weed in the green room. I won't. I won't be high in front of him is basically what it'll come down to. But I'll be high at my house. I'll be high if I go with buddies to a concert. You know what I mean?

[Josh Wolf]

You're an adult, responsible adult at this point.

[Marty]

That's right.

[Josh Wolf]

And now just like, yo, I'm floating through this life.

[Marty]

Let's go, dude.

[Jacob]

Why does it suck being myself on the road now?

[Marty]

Yes.

[Josh Wolf]

I mean, right?

[Marty]

I bring some people, like Lisa at who's and some other people who I really like. Sandy Danto comes on the road with me. But. And, But I miss my buddy.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah.

[Marty]

Do you know, like, think about that? I miss my buddy.

[Josh Wolf]

I see you on the road. I always assume. And I don't know why I didn't think about that aspect of it.

[Marty]

He. He. He weird almost because he, like, obviously, that's my son, but also, like, like, we're buddies.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah.

[Marty]

And we laugh together, we goof together. We play tricks on each other. Like, you know, I mean, you were.

[Jacob]

Traveling by yourself for so long, and then you get used to doing it like that.

[Marty]

It's gonna suck.

[Jacob]

Like, go back to it.

[Marty]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You do realize, as a comic, like, there would be some days I'd show up to the club and I'd be like, I haven't spoken to another human being today. Holy. Like, I've been there. I haven't said a word to another human. And it's 8pm like, you realize that. That, like, there's just a lot.

[Josh Wolf]

You.

[Marty]

You live half of your life by yourself. You're experiencing half of your life by yourself. And that is a bit of a bummer. It's what was driving me off the road. As much as I love stand up, I was like, I don't want to experience life by myself anymore. Like, it. That's kind of not the way I like being around people that I like. Like, I like you Know being around friends and family. You know what I mean?

[Josh Wolf]

But the. By yourself, like before I met Rosie, I was by myself 24, 7. Unless I was with somebody at my house or I was selling weed. It makes me feel like, how many points can I make today? What can I get done today? I was like, I'll stay up all night. I don't give a who. I gotta be around.

[Marty]

Yeah, but right now, but now it's.

[Josh Wolf]

Like that would sound like right now. Having to work over there, smoking weed the whole day, do what I want. It's a great job. That's the only way I can think about. Like, that was tight. Now be alone now. Like doing all this and having to do this and coming home, like.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

All right, I guess.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah. Well, I'm going to full home alone. I'm setting up to. I'm doing a bunch of. In this house. If I lived alone, the things that would be in my house would be in ridic. I'd have a fulls size dinosaur.

[Marty]

30 of those.

[Josh Wolf]

I'd have a dinosaur. A straight up full size dinosaur from. From some, by the way.

[Marty]

Let's go. Let's get the dinosaur.

[Josh Wolf]

I went to a weed event, Josh. Somebody had. Somebody had a animatronic, like animatronic dinosaurs that you could ride and they were big. He had a triceratops this big. Huge look, just like Jurassic park made sounds. He's like, it's like 6200. That's it.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

To buy a dinosaur, you might have.

[Marty]

To put it in the front yard on Halloween and scare some. Some out of some people walking around the corner.

[Josh Wolf]

I already have the idea. I ride it from my office to the kitchen.

[Marty]

Come on.

[Josh Wolf]

From the kitchen to my office. I don't walk on the downstairs and I just ride my. It's slow, but like, dude, who cares on a dinosaur like this. Marty, if I FaceTime you like, what's up? What are you doing?

[Marty]

Yeah, I'm on.

[Josh Wolf]

I'm on. I'm on.

[Marty]

Ted, does it make noise?

[Josh Wolf]

Yes, it's. The skin's all scaly. It looks like Jurassic Park. I'll show you the video.

[Marty]

Yeah, I might have shocking Todd.

[Jacob]

The triceratops.

[Josh Wolf]

I don't know, whatever his name is gonna be.

[Marty]

I might have to get one. That's pretty great, right? But, but dude, but, but like how.

[Josh Wolf]

We get on that? I'm sorry. Oh, see, look, it's sober Josh. Remember what we were talking about? I had no idea what the topic we were on.

[Marty]

Look at sober Josh.

[Josh Wolf]

Whoa.

[Jacob]

I never Even lived by myself. I went directly from my mom basement to moving all my.

[Josh Wolf]

Whole life. That's. I've never heard that.

[Marty]

Do you Rocco?

[Josh Wolf]

Oh no. You're by yourself. Never mind.

[Marty]

Do you. Does being by. Do you not like alone time?

[Jacob]

No, I love it.

[Marty]

Well, you have kids, you're like.

[Jacob]

I build it into my schedule.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

From 5:00am to 5:10am Marty's alone. And then his neighbor goes, hey, how you doing? And from 6:30 to 6:31, Marty's alone.

[Marty]

Yeah. That's plenty of alone time. Sure. Plenty of time to rub one out there for sure.

[Josh Wolf]

With a neighbor. No.

[Jacob]

Why?

[Josh Wolf]

He's talking to the neighbor. He does it. It's just eyes he sees. Yeah.

[Marty]

From behind the fence.

[Jacob]

He's referencing me doing bong reps at like 5:30 in the morning in my.

[Josh Wolf]

He goes under a tent where all this stuff is in the side of the house there a big blue like a tarp. And he goes underneath and there's bong stuff there. Hot boxes the tent. So in case his kids come out. They're like, I see smoke. I don't see my dad. I'm go back inside. And then Marty comes out of the tent with a bunch.

[Marty]

Is that true? I'm making ribs.

[Josh Wolf]

Or like for four, four seconds out of the day, Marty just.

[Jacob]

That's the bikes with the tarp over there.

[Josh Wolf]

He goes side of the house.

[Marty]

How did you decide you were like, you know what? That's where I'm gonna smoke weed.

[Josh Wolf]

I think it's hide and seek spots. That's where you smoke. Can I hide here in hide and seek? I can smoke in here.

[Jacob]

It's the little sneak off nobody. I don't. I'm trying not to get one. Yeah, it's some discreet undercover basically.

[Josh Wolf]

Not really discreet at all. Like look at a 6:2 man with a tarp over him. Yeah.

[Marty]

It's not too discreet screen when there's smoke billowing out of the problem.

[Josh Wolf]

He's FaceTimes with me on the other times. It's like his dad just talking under a tarp.

[Marty]

Why does he do your kids old.

[Jacob]

Enough to know 16, 10.

[Marty]

16. Oh come on dude, get the out of here. 16 knows that you're in the smoke tent.

[Josh Wolf]

Cam's 10 even if he goes in there.

[Marty]

Dude going into the tent at 16.

[Jacob]

I just blow the smoke under the tarp.

[Marty]

Oh, that does it. Sure. Yeah, sorry.

[Josh Wolf]

He stays underneath.

[Marty]

Yeah, that and it doesn't smell like weed in there at all.

[Jacob]

Festers under there for sure.

[Marty]

16. Yeah, that. That's a hard sell.

[Josh Wolf]

I always want to see the outside perspective of that. But every time with Marty, we like. We don't go under the tent together because I just.

[Jacob]

I. I'll just do a couple little quick ones.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

So I just. Because I'm. Otherwise, I'm just like. Like billowing smoke in my neighbor's backyard. So I just do those slow seeds.

[Marty]

Yeah, you're a gentleman.

[Jacob]

Yeah, exactly. Homeowner responsibility.

[Josh Wolf]

Did you see the neighbors under the tarp smoking again? Yeah. I don't know why he does that.

[Marty]

He's just smoking his backyard. What a weirdo.

[Josh Wolf]

We are. Yeah, we're smoking.

[Marty]

That's his backyard. Right. Can he just walk around there and do what he wants?

[Jacob]

You would think.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

You guys are taking hits and letting it go into the water.

[Jacob]

Skim the pawns, scoop the dog, pick up leaves and.

[Marty]

Yeah, you definitely need to smoke weed.

[Josh Wolf]

To do that stuff.

[Jacob]

That's what I'm saying.

[Marty]

Yeah. The picking up the dog is.

[Josh Wolf]

I guess that's cool. I do like to take a giant dab, then clean my house and clean my room. And I do do that.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

It makes me not remember what I'm doing.

[Marty]

I like to smoke weed and wash dishes. I like the sound of the water. I like the feel of the water. And it's kind of meditative for me, for sure. I'll clean the whole kitchen when I'm hot. No meth. Just pure weed. Yeah, a little. Damn.

[Josh Wolf]

And I'll clean the kitchen.

[Marty]

Yeah, dude, listen, I'll tell you what. Meth, I'm. I'm replacing the black backsplash on the.

[Josh Wolf]

That's a different.

[Marty]

Yeah, you know what? I think this light should be brighter.

[Josh Wolf]

Wait, you're back east. You guys don't have hard drugs like that out there, huh? It's not as rampant in Massachusetts.

[Marty]

Yeah. Yeah, dude. It's very methy.

[Josh Wolf]

Is it?

[Marty]

Yeah, for sure.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, I wasn't sure.

[Marty]

Yeah, dude. Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Did you say. I'm like. I never heard anybody talk.

[Jacob]

I never even liked Methwood. Didn't exist to me when I moved here.

[Josh Wolf]

So I called Method man that we don't have to bleep any words out. Method man was not very big.

[Marty]

Can you say methy? It's like Mike Tyson saying messy.

[Josh Wolf]

That is true. That is messy. It is true. This cop is cut with meth.

[Marty]

Yeah. I'm scared of that, man. Only done than it was.

[Josh Wolf]

Was it on purpose?

[Marty]

No, by accident?

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, that was my first time doing that too. It was an accident. On top of weed and you smoked it?

[Marty]

No, I thought it was coke.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, it was see through, though.

[Marty]

And I did a rail, and I was like, that burned my nose. But let me just try the other nostril under here.

[Josh Wolf]

Remember I told you it's like it.

[Marty]

Burned back here, but I tried it again in the other nostril just to make sure I wasn't doing it wrong.

[Jacob]

Song still burned?

[Marty]

Yep.

[Josh Wolf]

Do much, huh?

[Marty]

Worst it me up or like, in the finest.

[Josh Wolf]

I didn't feel high. It felt terrible.

[Marty]

I felt bad.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, it wasn't fun feeling like, oh, I'm high. Nothing was that. I just felt like, what'd you do.

[Marty]

Afterwards when we went to a club and then we ended up going to a strip club? This is. By the way, you think you look good when you're on method stuff, but shirts all ripped. Dude, you got a thin layer of sweat on you always, and you're cold. You know how bad I looked? I was asking girls for dances, and they were like, nah, nah, I'm gonna pass. I'm like. I was like, I got money. And they were like, yeah, that's cool. We don't want that money.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, dude, you must have been going hard.

[Marty]

Rough sauce just.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, Yeah. I would say you must have had fire marshal bill face.

[Marty]

Dude, I.

[Josh Wolf]

There's no way.

[Marty]

Sweaty John it up. You want to dance? And then.

[Jacob]

Horrible.

[Josh Wolf]

Nope.

[Marty]

Terrible.

[Josh Wolf]

And I get denied at a strip club. That is a horrible realization.

[Marty]

Oh, yeah.

[Jacob]

How long did it last for?

[Josh Wolf]

I'm shredded. I'm like, yeah, we'll pass. I. He had that going for him, too, and he cracked a joke, and they're like, you don't know.

[Marty]

Yeah, dude.

[Josh Wolf]

Everything be going for, oh.

[Marty]

I have money and money n. I'm still going to pass.

[Josh Wolf]

Your jaw is open right now. Cows chew grass.

[Marty]

How are you talking like that? I don't have any idea what you're talking about. Hated it, hate it, hate it, hate it. It lasted too long. I didn't eat the whole next day. I just felt terrible and dirty.

[Josh Wolf]

Huh.

[Marty]

Like your skin, too, but you're. Because it's all chemical and it's just. Just bad. I felt terror. Have you ever done anything like that?

[Jacob]

No.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Marty's as pure as the skin that he wears. The ears.

[Marty]

I've never heard of any. The term wearing the skin. That is real different.

[Jacob]

This is a nice.

[Marty]

Is that what you do in the tent? You just try out different skin underneath? Let me try some brownish skin and.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, for real.

[Marty]

But you don't strike me as a dude who tans No, I put my.

[Jacob]

Sunburnt skin back on. Get back to it. Yeah.

[Marty]

Yeah. It's white freckle and sunburn. That's basically what you got, right?

[Jacob]

Yeah. But all the freckles are kind of morphing into a good tan, though, so.

[Marty]

That'S just one giant freckle. A congratulations.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, my God. Oh, I like that. I don't remember what we were on the topic of.

[Marty]

No, me neither.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, good. So it's all of us. It's not just because I'm high drunks.

[Marty]

We were talking about.

[Josh Wolf]

That's what we were talking about. Meth and him wearing skin and you wear skins.

[Jacob]

Yeah, yeah.

[Marty]

Like four lambs.

[Josh Wolf]

Exactly.

[Jacob]

Buffalo Bill.

[Marty]

Buffalo Bill.

[Josh Wolf]

I was trying to warn you. I've been trying to warn you for three years.

[Marty]

Yeah, he takes that literally when you leave.

[Josh Wolf]

I don't leave. He puts me. There's a hole underneath this.

[Marty]

Yeah. And you put the lotion in the basket.

[Josh Wolf]

No, I'm ashy. He thinks, yeah, dude. I don't even get that. He's like, yo, here's the. That keeps you. Here's processed food only, so no one notices the difference.

[Marty]

Eat that Rice Krispie treat.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah. With the bacon.

[Marty]

Yeah, the microwave bacon.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, oh, I remember that. Oh, I remember that. What's the worst thing you've ever eaten on the road, Josh, like, to where you. You had it. You're like, I will eat. Not like. Cuz it's rotten or outdated. What is the worst thing you've like. Like Griswold's family Vegas vacation when he's giving them the blue chicken and the yellow.

[Marty]

Okay.

[Josh Wolf]

What's the worst you ever eat?

[Marty]

So here's the thing.

[Josh Wolf]

I'm.

[Marty]

I'm a pretty healthy dude and I am healthy when I eat.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah.

[Marty]

So I've worse. Not like in a processed food way, but I did try possum stew.

[Josh Wolf]

Was it cooked good, though? I don't know how to like, would it look cool? Like. Oh, I didn't. That wasn't possible. That looks good.

[Marty]

Yeah, it looked like stew, man.

[Josh Wolf]

Man.

[Marty]

For sure.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, I guess a stew. Just water food in it.

[Marty]

It looked like stew, but. But the possum. Here's the thing. I just can't get past it was possum. If you told me that's chicken stew, I'd have been like, hey, this is pretty good.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Marty]

But the fact that I knew I was eating possum was not. It was kind of gummy. Hey, I didn't love. I didn't love the. The stew Part was good. The possum I could have straight passed on. Yeah. No possum stew for anyone listening was not great.

[Josh Wolf]

At someone's house.

[Marty]

Okay. So I didn't know why you ended.

[Josh Wolf]

Up somewhere where they're like, yo, this is the. We eat.

[Marty]

Because I was in at a show, and the night before, somebody had brought me moonshine.

[Josh Wolf]

Cool.

[Jacob]

This in Alabama.

[Marty]

This was in Tennessee. And I was like, I. You know, I generally don't eat or drink things from strangers.

[Josh Wolf]

No smart.

[Marty]

Do you know what I mean?

[Josh Wolf]

What's in that clear liquid? People don't know.

[Marty]

People are like, well, I'm not a stranger. I'm like, you are to me. So if I just walked up to you on the street and was like, here's a sandwich. You'd be like, you probably not gonna eat your pocket sandwich, dude. You know, you just pulled that out. And so I was like, yeah, I don't think so. I. I take. I always say thank you. And so I would. Afterwards, the people. The guys in the kitchen were like, well, we'll drink it.

[Josh Wolf]

It.

[Marty]

And I was like, cool. And the guy was like, so you don't eat or drink things from meet and greet? What if I made you something at home? And I was like, yeah, dude. He was like, I'll make you something special. And I was like, cool, man. Possums, too.

[Josh Wolf]

He hated your set or something?

[Marty]

No. He was like, have you had possums, too? I'm like, we asked. Yeah. And I said.

[Josh Wolf]

You said, okay.

[Marty]

Well, I said, no, I haven't. And on purpose, like, I'm not out. Be like, do you have a possum stew like that? And he was like, have you ever tried it? And for me, I like weird. And I've always said weird in my mouth.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, dude.

[Marty]

But I've always said, how do I know I don't like it if I don't try it? I don't want to go straight up. No, no. But I should.

[Josh Wolf]

Have you ever seen Fear Factor?

[Marty]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

There's a few things I try to try.

[Marty]

Do you want. Would you eat? What would you first. Would you eat raccoon or possum first?

[Josh Wolf]

Possum. Because raccoons are like little friends.

[Marty]

There is a county. I just saw this news article where they're being overrun by. I forget what state it's in. They're being overrun by raccoons, so they're killing them. And this dude is selling raccoon jerky. I forget the news article.

[Josh Wolf]

Have you ever seen Pocahontas? Yeah, I Know what they could do?

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

How could you kill a raccoon?

[Marty]

I think because there's like 2 million of. Of them.

[Josh Wolf]

You round them up and you start a circus. Free labor. Where they just pick up trash on the road.

[Marty]

I do like the idea. Like, you dress them up in suits and stuff and.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah.

[Marty]

Give them a little town.

[Josh Wolf]

Small business.

[Marty]

Yeah. Like the mayor of Raccoon Town and llc.

[Josh Wolf]

Get him an llc. The small business owner. Independent women.

[Marty]

I like a little raccoon city.

[Josh Wolf]

Do you see what I'm talking about here? Yeah. And the mean ones look like him. Them.

[Jacob]

They have them. Like, we had one that, like, one was holding the garbage up, like, open. There was one in the garbage. One, like, damn near holding his arm.

[Josh Wolf]

Yes. They're smart as.

[Marty]

Yeah, but that's why I don't want 2 million of them.

[Josh Wolf]

No, I get that.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

They could swing the election.

[Marty]

Figure out how to vote.

[Josh Wolf]

No, they know.

[Marty]

Yeah. Rocky Raccoon here. Those little hands thing. Dude, but they got thumbs. They can hold up.

[Josh Wolf]

They know what to do. They can. They have their hand on the butt button. Dude.

[Marty]

Dude, here's the thing about raccoons.

[Josh Wolf]

What are you gonna say?

[Marty]

Okay, first of all, set up. One of my weird fears is going out and throwing away trash at night in the trash can and having a raccoon pop out. That is a fear.

[Jacob]

I've never thought about that.

[Josh Wolf]

Where do you see that?

[Marty]

Think about it. Every time I open the trash.

[Josh Wolf]

Are you serious?

[Marty]

Every time. That's why every time if I go out at night, I kick the trash can first. And I talked to it. I'm like, I'm coming in. Oh, dude, I. The idea that a raccoon's in there scares the.

[Josh Wolf]

Have you lived places where there's other raccoons?

[Marty]

Sherman Oaks.

[Josh Wolf]

There's a lot of raccoons out there. Yeah, dude, I have no idea.

[Marty]

Yeah, there's. There's a bunch of raccoons out there.

[Jacob]

Did one ever jump out at you or something? No, just the thought that it could.

[Marty]

Yes.

[Jacob]

Okay.

[Marty]

Okay. And. And not only that, dude, I had a friend of mine, and I don't camp, mostly because I don't want to sleep outside.

[Josh Wolf]

That's it. I don't want to sleep on the ground. That's. We evolved from this, dude.

[Marty]

This is my. My thing. I'll stay outside with you as long as you want. And when it's time to go to.

[Josh Wolf]

Bed, I'm going to slay in my car. I will camp, though. I'm not gonna say I'm not gonna camp. But it's also like, yo, you want to get bit by mosquitoes? And what if you wake up to a bear?

[Marty]

One mosquito in a tent will ruin your life. That is the most.

[Josh Wolf]

Put them to work.

[Marty]

But I. But my buddy was like, yeah, dude. We were at a 10 tent, and the tent unzipped a raccoon.

[Jacob]

Zoop.

[Josh Wolf]

Cool. I'd be scared, but hyped, dude.

[Marty]

I would. I would never go back to sleep.

[Josh Wolf]

What if a raccoon popped out of your trash, scared you, and then spoke.

[Marty]

And then unzipped my pants.

[Josh Wolf]

Or zipped them up like, come on, buddy. Come on, dude.

[Marty]

Get your together.

[Josh Wolf]

You're sober. Come on, buddy.

[Marty]

If they're. There was an animal that I would expect maybe a voice to come out of. Dog or raccoon?

[Josh Wolf]

It would be raccoon.

[Marty]

Yeah, raccoon. I can see in a bow tie and be. Excuse me. Huh? British.

[Josh Wolf]

British.

[Jacob]

I see an Australian accent.

[Josh Wolf]

I'm going full ving rhames.

[Marty]

Which ving rhames? The Arby's ving rhames.

[Josh Wolf]

No, no, no. I'm going ving rhames. I'm gonna get real medieval on his ass. And that's how my pulp. That's how my raccoon talks.

[Marty]

That's amazing.

[Josh Wolf]

A couple with pair of pliers and a blowtorch. Could you imagine if you're wrecked and then someone comes, there's 2 million and shoots him? You can't shoot raccoons, man. Come on.

[Marty]

That is not the voice I'm expecting to come out of a raccoon. That would me up. What if you taught your parrot to talk like bing Rhames.

[Josh Wolf]

Og's parrot talks and he will mimic you. It'd be so funny if you only played being rameshit for the day.

[Marty]

What if they've bear. It was like, we've got the meats. And you're like, what?

[Josh Wolf]

Stop right now. Are you telling me v. RH is the voice of Arby's?

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Are you guessing or do you know.

[Marty]

This is a fact? This is. Am I? I like 100 true. Can you. Can you.

[Josh Wolf]

No, no. Now that you said that, it sounds exactly like feet. I'm like, I didn't know if that was factual.

[Marty]

I'm like, almost 100.

[Josh Wolf]

Sure sounds exactly like it, doesn't it? I would never guess. That's like, yo, that's obvious.

[Marty]

That's the. We got the meats, dude.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, no. It's dead on.

[Marty]

No.

[Jacob]

What are we saying?

[Josh Wolf]

I say it's yes.

[Marty]

Say yes.

[Josh Wolf]

Now that you say it, it sounds like him, but it's probably not.

[Marty]

Am I wrong?

[Jacob]

It's him.

[Marty]

Yeah, dude. Yeah. Let's go.

[Josh Wolf]

That's so cool.

[Jacob]

He's the weakest voice of Arby's for over a decade.

[Marty]

I bet you he's made more money doing that than he did in. In any movie by far, for sure. Do you know what? I think the story, by the way? You know, Jack from Jack in the Box and his voice? I think the story, and it could be rumor, but I think it's true, is they couldn't find the right voice. And so the original director was like, this is what I want it to sound like. Like, they auditioned a gazillion people to be the voice and to be Jack. And the original director was like, this is what it sounds like. And they were like, why don't you do it? And so he started out as the director for the commercial and became Jack and just became Jack. That is the. That's the folklore that I had heard. But how. But he started out, he was like, I'm just gonna get this gig. And then probably never had to work again.

[Josh Wolf]

Phyllis was the casting person of the office. They're like, you're good. You're gonna be a character.

[Marty]

Is that true?

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, she was the casting director, dude. So, like, it's kind of awesome, man.

[Marty]

You. By the way, you know what? People have been sending me recently of myself that I forgot. I used to do a lot of stuff with Nintendo.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, yeah. The one I saw, and I sent it to you, I think.

[Marty]

Yeah, dude.

[Josh Wolf]

You were the white 80s America embodiment, dude.

[Marty]

They. The casting was, we need Dan Cortez. And I'm like, got it.

[Josh Wolf]

And you said, that's an MTV guy. Yeah, See, I'm not sure who that. I don't know what he looks. Can you bring. It's fine, but I'll look him up.

[Marty]

Mtv. Dan Cortez. Not now. Dan Cortez.

[Josh Wolf]

Is it in you? Oh, God.

[Marty]

That is. Is Dan Cortez in you? Mtv Dan. There it is.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, that's exactly what you were.

[Marty]

Yep.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, I remember this guy.

[Marty]

Yep, that's me. That's it, dude.

[Josh Wolf]

We'll go back. Go back. Like, go back. Scroll down with the guy right there and then to the. To the right. Right to the right. More right there.

[Marty]

Right, right, right, right, right.

[Josh Wolf]

He looks at the fool from. He is a guy from Seinfeld.

[Marty]

Yes.

[Josh Wolf]

That breaks his face.

[Marty]

Yes, yes.

[Josh Wolf]

So that looks just like you.

[Marty]

That backwards hat. That's you. That's dude, that's exactly what you were. So that. That's. That's how I showed up to all those Nintendo shoots.

[Josh Wolf]

Dude, you nailed.

[Marty]

But I had the long, long.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, it was very long. It was fair effect faucet long.

[Marty]

Yeah. Thank you. That's. You know what's funny is that, like, I would get out of the shower and out of the shower I felt like a professional wrestler. I'm like, I'm Rick Rude. You know what I mean? Yeah, dude. But by the time the Jew curl came, it was like that. Not so much Rick Rude, just your.

[Josh Wolf]

Muscle just goes away as your hair dries. Like, damn, you look small. Juky. Rick Jude.

[Marty]

Rick Jude. Hilarious.

[Josh Wolf]

I like that.

[Marty]

Yeah, I'll take that one, Jude.

[Josh Wolf]

I love. I love that Marty. Marty with his one liner. Yeah.

[Marty]

Rick Jude. That's like the past tense of Jew Jude. Yeah, I like that. Yeah, I'll take it.

[Josh Wolf]

Ben Jewish. Get the Yo. But your Nintendo thing, the people keep sending it to you. I just saw it on my Explore page and then I saw you post it.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

You've seen it, right? He's wearing the most. The denim. The denim you wear is like from another planet. You're welcome. It is the 80s. It's when they go back, a hot tub time machine. They go, whoa, what's going on here? Yeah, Josh is in the back of walking.

[Marty]

Yeah, exactly. With a vest and a backwards hat and long hair.

[Josh Wolf]

Girls. Oh, the curls, man.

[Marty]

Oh, yeah. Some Doc Martens.

[Jacob]

Commercials for, like, the games and stuff.

[Marty]

I did mostly, like, internal videos, you know, like, I think they call them.

[Jacob]

That sounds horrible.

[Marty]

Yeah, yeah. So I would just go in someone's and I would shoot it and then.

[Josh Wolf]

Turtle videos.

[Marty]

It was just like, videos. Like, you know what I did? So they. They were launching a.

[Jacob]

A.

[Marty]

A show called Donkey Kong Country. The game. And it was. The graphics were crazy. Some things people had never seen before. So we made a. A video that was like 38, five minutes long and put it on VHS and sent it out to people. So nobody had ever done that before. So things like that. Like we were trying to hype up games and then I did a lot of industrial. I did stuff just for the company and. But it was. Dude, I. It was like I had never. I didn't know people played video games for a living. Like, they just sat in an office and went through, like, every.

[Josh Wolf]

Find the glitches, find the errors. Yeah.

[Marty]

Press every button in every combination you possibly can in every area of every room. Crazy.

[Josh Wolf]

Now those are the richest people on the Internet are gamers, man.

[Marty]

It's so crazy.

[Josh Wolf]

I, I, I, I gaming in anime is cool now. It just blows my mind.

[Marty]

Is anime cool now?

[Josh Wolf]

It's as cool as rap music right now. Everyone loves animes now. Huge.

[Marty]

Don't you call it a cartoon, dude. If you call it a cartoon, people, I learned this from my daughter. They will lose their. It's not a cartoon, it's anime. I'm like, okay, what does that mean?

[Josh Wolf]

Animation?

[Marty]

Yeah, it's kind of a cartoon. Yeah. I don't know how you're doing describing it, but yeah, I mean, it's not.

[Josh Wolf]

Bugs Bunny, but it's crazy how like it's hyped video. If you, you play games. Oh, you game you stream. That guy's cool. It used to be like, yeah, f.

[Marty]

You were like, that dude's getting zero vagina.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah. When I was playing games, like this was playing games, but they play for.

[Marty]

Like hours at a time.

[Josh Wolf]

14 hours a day.

[Marty]

Yeah, I couldn't do that.

[Josh Wolf]

No, I couldn't do it. But if you love games, you're loving life. Going, going. I get paid for this. Great. And I, I could see that if you like that. I can't do that all day. Video games are fun though.

[Marty]

They are fun, man. But for me, like, I get bored of them real quick.

[Jacob]

Yeah, me too.

[Marty]

So I, I'm good with the brain.

[Jacob]

Power to figure out.

[Marty]

I'm a, I'm a, I'm a button masher. Jacob hates playing with me. I'll go, I'll play fight games. And I just hit every button at once. He's like, I, I play with you.

[Josh Wolf]

It's the worst button mashing. And I do it so awesome.

[Marty]

Oh, dude. I'm just like all of them except.

[Josh Wolf]

Try to match it the same way.

[Jacob]

I feel like my brain's kind of maxed out on like things I can learn maybe. I don't know. I haven't learned a new game since gta. Like I learned what I learned and that's it.

[Marty]

Yeah, same.

[Jacob]

I feel you try to play Elden Ring or like any of these games with a storyline or what the is Elden Ring?

[Josh Wolf]

It's a popular ass game. I just don't like Z to talk to this guy. Like, bro, can I shoot this guy right now? Then I don't want to play. My life is already quested talking to people's meetings. Let me shoot the guy.

[Marty]

You want me to talk to this elf?

[Josh Wolf]

Can I, can I throw like Filipinos? Can I smash an elf with another.

[Marty]

Elf with on my head like a beer can.

[Jacob]

Exactly.

[Josh Wolf]

Sober people today.

[Marty]

All three. Well, not bad.

[Josh Wolf]

We smoked one joint. You were like 12 at each deep.

[Marty]

Yeah. Usually a bunch of joints and mushrooms. I think the last time I was here, I thought you were on a boat. Yeah. Is that the last time I was here?

[Jacob]

Yeah, I think so. Maybe.

[Josh Wolf]

The last time I remember you being here, you were looking through the windshield as Jake was when I was, like, getting him out of the. Out of the cones. You're looking through the winch like this.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

And then you saw me and started dying laughing because you noticed that you thought. I think you thought I was inside.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

He's just staring through the window with his hands on the desk like that. And then. And you noticed. And then you laugh and you said, all right, buddy, I know when you're up, when you look almost like, not mad, you don't look mad, but you look tense. Like, that's what I know. He's gone space. Completely, completely gone.

[Marty]

And by the way, I say this every time I'm here, but I. I want to say this sober, for real. Could not be happier for two people.

[Josh Wolf]

Thank you.

[Marty]

Could not be happier for two people who I know are good dudes and who work hard and have done it the exact right way. And you guys have, like. Some people be like, man, I can't believe I did that to get here. You guys have just done the right way and been good to people and never changed who you are. And I could not, not be happier for two people.

[Josh Wolf]

Thank you, man.

[Marty]

I just want you to appreciate you. So dope to see.

[Josh Wolf]

Thank you. Yeah, do it. Feels like it's just been happening and this happened. You came on three years ago, more than three and a half years ago. Your first guest. Is that right?

[Marty]

Was that three and a half years ago? That was out there, too.

[Josh Wolf]

It's very wild how if you just backtrack that was here. It feels like it's the same month.

[Jacob]

That was the first dominoes, like, every week since then.

[Josh Wolf]

Yes.

[Jacob]

It was never the same.

[Marty]

That's kind of amazing. And I remember sitting down with you and leaving here thinking, he's already really good at that.

[Josh Wolf]

It's fun, man.

[Marty]

Yeah. Already really good at that.

[Josh Wolf]

It's been fun, dude. And the show's changed so much. Remember Marty used to be, like, in the back corner of the darkness. He needed a light. We had to get, like, a ring light. I don't remember what it was. We had a light on Marty, and behind it was abyss.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

40Ft of warehouse which kind of looks sick, but like he would look like he phoned in from another room.

[Jacob]

It was never in the plan for me to co host originally.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah.

[Marty]

How long you been co host?

[Josh Wolf]

Eight shows in. Yeah, eight shows in. We're like, yo, just. You should just. We should just. And then he came in the table, like, what? Season two. You came in here because we moved in here and was like, wait, you could just be here instead of over there. Because he was. You're over there for a whole season, damn near in this room.

[Marty]

And you would just talk through the headphones.

[Josh Wolf]

No. On camera or you or.

[Marty]

But he was on camera over there.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, he's always been on camera. He's always had a camera. But when he sat here, it was more like, okay, now it's more.

[Jacob]

Now I'm like solidified. I get hella prepared for each episode.

[Marty]

And really, like, this is you prepared?

[Jacob]

Yes.

[Marty]

Wait a second. What? Yeah. I bet you're super happy for you. I. I can't even imagine where it ends up, you know, for a place like Spotify to latch on to you guys even with so sick and to support you the way they do. Even when some people would shy away from the content. Right.

[Josh Wolf]

Always tells, do whatever you want. Please never be homophobic or racist.

[Marty]

Yeah, yeah, okay, no problem.

[Josh Wolf]

Gotcha.

[Marty]

Yeah, yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

So we're good? Yeah, thanks. And that's it. That's all we did. They're like, yo, thank you so much. Do you want to come to this? Like, yes, perfect. Hey, here's your.

[Marty]

This.

[Josh Wolf]

Hey, here's an article. Like, oh my God, they're cool, dude.

[Jacob]

Like, they implemented comments. They actually listened to us short form vertical video clips.

[Josh Wolf]

It took a year for us to get comments on that. But that was comments on Spotify us and another podcast. We kept pushing for it. They did it.

[Marty]

That's amazing.

[Josh Wolf]

There's comments on the whole platform now. Come on.

[Marty]

But you know what's cool is that most companies that are that big don't listen to creators. They don't listen to like somebody who does it every day. You know what would help is if this. And they're like, oh, we were talking.

[Josh Wolf]

To the head of everything. He's remember? We're like, who gives a about that? And I kind of got like, I wasn't pissed, but I was like, who cares? Because they're like, we want to do that because what if it lets people know we were talking about likes? Like, we don't want people with big platforms to show like, well, they're not getting a Lot of engagement. Yeah. Then do better. Who cares about that? And then I was like, damn. Oh, I'm sorry. I don't mean to say I forgot about a Spotify meeting with the only ones not suits. The only ones.

[Marty]

The only Josh Allen shirt on.

[Josh Wolf]

For sure, dude. The first one we went to. Remember that?

[Marty]

The.

[Josh Wolf]

The first one. Oh, people get dressed like they're in the background of CBS movies or whatever, you know, like, no logos. Nice. When you're an extra. That's how everybody's dressed.

[Jacob]

Like, we're just like, push trees out.

[Josh Wolf]

Push trees. Box pulled up, boxed. Oh, damn it. I get it now.

[Jacob]

They know where they're getting into.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, they knew.

[Marty]

But this is what I'm saying is they. They. The big. The mistake that a lot of places make is they. They acquire talent or they buy a project and then they change it. And you're like, well, you bought me.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Why are you trying to change?

[Marty]

Yeah, dude.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah. So they basically said, hey, we're going to support you and everything we do. We'll put you in the front. They put us in the front of. When you open Spotify by shows you may like.

[Marty]

I know.

[Josh Wolf]

Come on, man. Castle the Week podcast. They really like, dude, we're not like, we're not. Not signed or nothing crazy. They're just like. Just keep doing.

[Jacob]

We have our own manager. If we have. Yeah, we're like.

[Josh Wolf]

They don't like, have those part of the show already. Like, we're just. They're just helping us.

[Jacob]

But, like, we get things first. We got video first. Yeah, we got. We got. We're in the beta of the short form clips. They tested out like trailers for each episode with us. So, like.

[Marty]

But here's the deal. Here's the deal, dude, and for sure credit to you, man, is that you make banger clips and turn them around like that. Like.

[Josh Wolf]

Like, I need two Marty's though, dude.

[Marty]

The hustle between the two of you guys and you hustle on different.

[Josh Wolf]

Yes. I can't edit what he does.

[Marty]

Right.

[Josh Wolf]

But.

[Marty]

But. But it said. That's why it works so well.

[Josh Wolf]

That's why I guess I'm like, what, Marty? Oh, you talking about NAS 1988 block 8.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

What the are you talking about? Are you talking about the 14th bar? Yeah, yeah, like this full. Blake. Oh, you. I was lost.

[Marty]

I can't wait.

[Jacob]

We're good. Yin and Yang with that.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, yeah. Hell yeah. If I don't know, you know, it's perfect, dude. But when it comes to Spotify, they. They literally just tell Us just keep doing what you're doing. We'll help you and put you out, by the way, we put you in Europe of commercials.

[Jacob]

But it's so nice to not like I have to kick out two different versions of the episode, basically. So Spotify is just like the uncensored.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

Episode. But it's so nice to not worry about like an algorithm judging every. If you. I'm uploading a three hour podcast. It's judging every word in it on how much it likes it for. You know, I mean, so that's on Spotify.

[Marty]

It's just, it's quality.

[Jacob]

Yeah. It's just a.

[Marty]

Do they like. Yeah. It. There's nobody picking if they. Except for people.

[Josh Wolf]

Yes, yes. There is a perfect way to put people pick it. Not the algorithm. Fix it.

[Marty]

It's people who are like, this is good.

[Josh Wolf]

That's a perfect way to put it.

[Marty]

Yeah, yeah. But, but yeah, super dope. Yeah, super, super, super dope, super cool, man. Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Super stoked.

[Marty]

Absolutely.

[Jacob]

Yeah. We went. We toured YouTube too. We saw behind the Wall and everything.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, yeah.

[Marty]

And what'd you learn?

[Jacob]

It's pretty.

[Josh Wolf]

Like I looked at my account, went, oh, that's why.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

We'Re here about the podcast.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

And he's like, oh, okay. You know, here's a little couple things I would suggest, like, oh, this is meeting one. Can't wait for meeting four. It was in a big airplane hangar, like a giant.

[Jacob]

Where was it Henry Wright or Howard Hughes?

[Josh Wolf]

Howard Hughes, really? It's. It's three blocks long and they kept all the wood. So it's like a 60 foot tall building. Just open it and it has all the stuff built like incredible.

[Jacob]

Four levels up.

[Josh Wolf]

It's incredible. It's like. It's like the Noah's Ark. What I imagine it would look like inside.

[Marty]

No, it's shocking.

[Josh Wolf]

And they kept all the wood. And all the wood has a highlight. They had architects and a stylist. It looks like when you're walking through. Waiting in line in Universal. Like, whoa, sick. It's incredible, dude. And they have a Peter Pan meeting room where it's all Peter Pan. They have a Harry Potter room. Everything's all Harry Potter. Like Harry Potter came in. They were like, yo, they were in a dressy room.

[Marty]

Which room did you guys get to meet in?

[Josh Wolf]

We didn't mean today.

[Jacob]

We just walked the whole thing.

[Josh Wolf]

It was cool. And they have a little phone booths everywhere in case you take a zoom real quick. You can sit in there, plug in. What? The building's so huge. You might not be able to get your office in time. So just take your meeting in these cubes. They have, like, soundproof cubes.

[Marty]

Super dope.

[Josh Wolf]

Three restaurants in that.

[Marty]

Any electronic dinosaur.

[Jacob]

People had their dogs.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, you're allowed to bring your dogs. Everybody had their dogs.

[Marty]

Any tents that you can smoke in but the booths.

[Josh Wolf]

I don't know. It was shocking. Shockingly. There's a park in there.

[Marty]

I. I will say, the hot boxing of a booth just brings me back to the event that we did where you guys.

[Josh Wolf]

No, don't like that.

[Marty]

That was crazy.

[Josh Wolf]

It was too much. Much.

[Jacob]

The hot box itself.

[Josh Wolf]

The hot box over the head.

[Jacob]

An actual hot box.

[Josh Wolf]

That was so violently.

[Jacob]

That was really intense. Yeah.

[Marty]

I was burned.

[Josh Wolf]

My eyes.

[Marty]

Yeah. Jacob was like, you're gonna do that? I was like, no. 0 hard pass and flaccid pass. A total pass.

[Jacob]

It was like, I would imagine you're in a boat and though, you know, the windows just burst and the water pours in. It was like that rapid of just like hot smoke.

[Marty]

I mean. And were you just breathing the whole time? I. We never talked about it.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh. You damn near have to hold your breath because the air is so hot.

[Marty]

It comes in hot and so much.

[Josh Wolf]

It's. It's the fact that the smoke was so thick that you couldn't breathe it in with one gas, one breath, because it's so hot that you would choke immediately. That's what it's like being the house fire.

[Jacob]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Marty]

I was like, really?

[Josh Wolf]

Exactly. You couldn't see. I almost. I didn't know. I didn't want to move because of stage.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

So I just did this and I put a shirt over my face so I could have a little.

[Jacob]

You did it twice, right?

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

So I had a little pocket of air.

[Marty]

Is that what you did both times?

[Josh Wolf]

No, the second time I learned. The first time I just freaked.

[Jacob]

I thought, like, oh, it's gonna be no problem.

[Josh Wolf]

I kept my eyes open, trying to look at Marty, and then the heart instantly disappear. Oh, yeah. He's this far from me.

[Marty]

Did you think it was gonna be easy?

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, I did.

[Jacob]

I thought I was going to troll in there for a minute.

[Josh Wolf]

I thought I was gonna be there for 30, 40 seconds. I was there for four, not even three seconds.

[Marty]

Yeah. I, I, I, I. And this the one you stood in, too. I was like, nah, I'm not doing that.

[Josh Wolf]

I couldn't hold my. I was just trying to breathe the whole time.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Not hold my breath. If I would have held my breath, I could have Been there for a while.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

But I was trying to like, hit it.

[Marty]

No, because there's no way to really hit it, right.

[Josh Wolf]

You just die.

[Jacob]

You're just breathing. It's too much.

[Josh Wolf]

It's too much. It's how you kill. That's how they do experiments on monkeys with cigarettes. That was us, dude. That was us. You just died. I swear to God. Right?

[Marty]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

I would have died in there.

[Marty]

That looked intense.

[Josh Wolf]

Too much.

[Jacob]

Did you notice that the entire downtown area was boxed?

[Josh Wolf]

Dude, I didn't know. When I walked outside, I saw it.

[Marty]

The amount of smoke. Because that wasn't a small room.

[Jacob]

It was a huge, massive.

[Marty]

The amount of smoke that was in that room.

[Jacob]

It was like a church sized chapel there.

[Josh Wolf]

Easy there.

[Marty]

Easy. And there was no corner of that church that wasn't smoked.

[Josh Wolf]

It was shocking how much smoke was.

[Marty]

In one building, but multiple times.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Marty]

And so you had to open the door.

[Jacob]

Industrial fans. But then the right side was boxed from it too.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

Like the fact that the fire department didn't show up was insane.

[Josh Wolf]

It looked like the building was on fire.

[Marty]

It was from the inside. That's true. It was.

[Josh Wolf]

It was a contained fire inside.

[Marty]

Crazy. Because even if you didn't want to be high.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, you're.

[Jacob]

Oh, there's no zero percent be in the building.

[Josh Wolf]

There's people asleep. I saw people asleep.

[Marty]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, by the way, not asleep, passed out. There's a definitely a difference between asleep and passed out. It was like unconscious. It was pretty wild during the comedy show, dude. Okay. The people. A lot of people watching were so high. If the stage was here, some of.

[Josh Wolf]

Them were just like, oh, I saw a few people.

[Marty]

Yeah. Just looking in a different direction. Just like. Is that where you think my voice is coming from? Just box out. And I did love. That was the one of the first shows where I've done where everybody was that high.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, everyone in the room.

[Marty]

Everybody was that high.

[Josh Wolf]

She's like, oh, that guy's high.

[Marty]

Yeah, there's no.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, this guy's sober. That's what this one was. Well, that you're not high.

[Marty]

Just the. Just Andy and his friends were kind of worked. But they were the least high by far. Right. Because I think they were just going contact high. Which was still intense. Yeah, Much intense.

[Josh Wolf]

It was way too much.

[Jacob]

I'll say that if they hadn't aired out the. With the fans and stuff, like, there's no way you could even see in there.

[Marty]

It'd be like we couldn't have done the box rocks in the tube. Because that's what really did the damage.

[Jacob]

The giant bong. The giant filled the room up as.

[Josh Wolf]

Soon as the house fire, dude.

[Marty]

As soon as they opened it up, I'm like, is that how much smoke was in there?

[Josh Wolf]

Holy. When you see how thick the smoke is when it does the twirl back in at the tip, that's when I realized how scary it really was.

[Jacob]

I remember, like, seeing Jake just, like, when they took it off and then.

[Josh Wolf]

He just like, disappeared.

[Jacob]

Weird.

[Marty]

Yeah. I asked him. I. I was like, what was it like in there? He was like, it's hard to explain.

[Josh Wolf]

All of our ancestors went, yeah.

[Marty]

But it was frightening. Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Willingly.

[Marty]

Dude. As a Jew, I don't really. As a Jew, you're not getting me in a small place filled with smoke that feels for real.

[Josh Wolf]

That's what I'm saying. Like, half of me was like. And one foot in, one foot out in that. Dude.

[Marty]

No, that was not. But. And I think the people who lasted in there a long time, they're holding their breath. Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

They had to have. You cannot survive. You die.

[Marty]

Because you could have done one inhale.

[Josh Wolf]

And that's all you can get. And it was.

[Jacob]

So you can't get more air back in.

[Josh Wolf]

No. You can't blow it out. Because once you blow it out, now you're just breathless.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

You can't breathe in. That's why I did this. Hoping that I could get some force field of air around me.

[Marty]

Like. Like for real. What is that for the giant?

[Josh Wolf]

It's just for show. It's for. It's a Spencer's Gifts in real life. It's a novelty. It's not real.

[Jacob]

What a game changer was, though.

[Josh Wolf]

Awesome.

[Marty]

It was amazing. It was a great idea.

[Jacob]

It would have been a great show without it. But, like, ridiculous.

[Marty]

That's.

[Josh Wolf]

I was like, that needs to be on stage.

[Marty]

It made it a spectacle.

[Josh Wolf]

Ridiculous.

[Marty]

Sure.

[Josh Wolf]

But by far, that was the most smoked out I've seen any venue. I smoked out a house worse than that. But it's a smaller house in probably the same smoke. Just in the smaller house.

[Jacob]

I don't know what situation would bring about more people getting, like, as, like, hit with small.

[Josh Wolf]

That was like some hippie hill.

[Jacob]

Yeah. Like, when else does that happen?

[Josh Wolf]

I didn't even think about it that way.

[Marty]

Yeah. Not in a venue. In a venue.

[Josh Wolf]

You're not wrong. I didn't even think about that.

[Marty]

To find a venue that size that would let you smoke. Smoke weed in there.

[Josh Wolf]

There's yellow film on the walls in that place from that day that you can take a. A rip off the resin on the wall.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

Like, the torch that he was using to light this was like a regular torch.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

Like.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

The bowl was like this big.

[Marty]

Oh. When he was filling the bowl like this, I was like, holy, dude. He was just. He had a giant, like, like, back, and he was just. That was a lot of nugs. And it was a straight up blowtorch that he lit it with. It was a straight up.

[Josh Wolf]

It was two pounds. We spoke to those five hits, those five to seven. No, I brought two pounds.

[Marty]

That was two pounds. I wonder that was that much smoke.

[Josh Wolf]

It was two pounds.

[Marty]

People disappeared in there like that. I was like, I hope he's still.

[Josh Wolf]

There when they cute or it's three zips. Every. Every pack. So he probably did like, eight. Eight packs.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah. I had, like, this much left. I gave it to somebody in the walk out. There was like this much left, but it wasn't much.

[Marty]

Somebody was like, can I have your baby hand? And I said, of course you can have my baby.

[Josh Wolf]

What a good question. Yeah, yeah, I have more.

[Marty]

Don't worry. Plenty of baby hands.

[Josh Wolf]

Plain one.

[Marty]

Yeah. They were like, can I have your baby hand? I'm like, yeah, you can. Nobody's ever asked me.

[Josh Wolf]

That's a great question.

[Marty]

Yeah, dude, the baby hand's my favorite, man.

[Jacob]

You got a whole bag of them, right?

[Marty]

Oh. Oh, yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Like a monster. Somebody pulls you over.

[Marty]

Oh, you know.

[Josh Wolf]

Why do you have all these baby. This year's son, Jacob. That's your son, dude.

[Marty]

Jacob said to me once, because I keep my baby hands in this bag.

[Josh Wolf]

Keep my baby hands.

[Marty]

And I said to him once, I was talking to him about growing up, and I go, dude, you gotta grow up. He goes, dude, this is coming from a man who's got 50 baby hands in a purse. And I was like, fair enough. Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Now go to school.

[Marty]

Touche. You got me.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah.

[Marty]

Yeah. I probably do have 50 baby hands in a purse. Yeah. That sounds weird.

[Josh Wolf]

Fake baby heads.

[Marty]

Yeah. Everybody just baby.

[Josh Wolf]

Rubber baby, like. Like toys.

[Marty]

Yeah. And I put it on my finger, and that's what I.

[Jacob]

Smooth my joint.

[Marty]

Take it easy.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, God.

[Jacob]

Doesn't help.

[Josh Wolf]

No. It's from Toy Story everyone, basically.

[Marty]

And you just put that in your. It's class.

[Josh Wolf]

It's fun. I have this Koala Deville one.

[Marty]

Do you?

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

I don't know where it's at, but I know I. I have it. I used it once and it felt so sick.

[Marty]

It's a whole different Feel.

[Josh Wolf]

Or the ones, the sticks that have the clip and you can hold the joint. I have one of those in my house and it extends.

[Marty]

I think I like that. Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

You just sit there like this. Feel like the Dude.

[Jacob]

Like an aristocrat.

[Josh Wolf]

Yes. Or just like a slightly more elevated, elegant.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Big Lebowski Dude.

[Marty]

I like the long one.

[Josh Wolf]

It's so bald. Her. Or you can just clip it to something and sit there.

[Marty]

Wait a second.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah.

[Marty]

Think about that, too. Listen, I've been thinking about smoking weed for 45 days.

[Josh Wolf]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. A Damn. I forgot.

[Marty]

No, I'm, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I, I, I, I actually don't miss it. Like, I thought I was gonna.

[Josh Wolf]

Can you lift more? Because you're in the gym and you're more angry about. Oh, that's right, you're mad.

[Marty]

Yeah. No.

[Josh Wolf]

Are you more mad? Just. I bet you he smokes weed, but he gets high.

[Marty]

I, I, I, I thought I would really miss it, like a lot. A lot. And I don't. I needed a break. Like I said. I just needed a little 30 year decades, you know? Yeah. I, I need a little break. And like I said, it. It's so good to know about the comedy part.

[Josh Wolf]

That is cool and something you've never witnessed. Never.

[Marty]

I never thought I'd be like, I'm gonna be sober and do stand up. That sounds boring. Yeah, but, but this is. It's just been like, honestly, dude, I.

[Josh Wolf]

Didn'T smoke before the improv at all.

[Marty]

You didn't?

[Josh Wolf]

Hell no.

[Marty]

I was pretty high.

[Josh Wolf]

I was like, this is the first time I'm doing. I need to focus in think.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Jacob]

The fact that we did our first stand up after that live podcast.

[Marty]

Craziest.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, we were pretty hot. That thing, microphone blunt and then your birthday cake thing and then the other giant joint, and then we smoked the hash hole here and we had £2 in that thing. And then we all did that.

[Marty]

And then you did stand up for the first time.

[Josh Wolf]

Yes. And then we did all of that.

[Marty]

I had never done stand up. Up on the mescaline mushroom.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, yeah. First one, right?

[Marty]

Yeah. Man. I love being on stage on mushrooms. I love it. I love it because I don't know what's gonna happen. And that, for me, is like me.

[Josh Wolf]

And Joshua shits on stage, just opens his pants.

[Marty]

Wait, Shits on stage. I've, I told you.

[Jacob]

Yeah, okay.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, yeah. That's a shart.

[Marty]

Yeah. On, on my, on the outside of my pants.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, wait.

[Marty]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I told you, we went over that mystery.

[Josh Wolf]

Even better.

[Marty]

We did. We tried to solve it, but it didn't. There was no solving that unsolved mystery. But I, I, man, like, I do like trying new things, right? So I, I first I like trying getting really high on stage, and then I like trying mushrooms. This is like trying something new for me.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, for sure. At least it's clear headed.

[Marty]

Clear headed.

[Josh Wolf]

Remember it all.

[Marty]

Yeah, dude, not forgetting jokes. I'm better with the crowd.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah.

[Marty]

Oh, for sure. Better with the crowd. For sure.

[Josh Wolf]

You're noticing things more.

[Marty]

Well, I will tell you, I had somebody throw up at my show. I, you know, I do a Monday night residency in Vegas.

[Josh Wolf]

Yes.

[Marty]

And she was in the front row. When I came out, she was already asleep. And so I started to make fun of her a little bit. And then about, I don't know, 15 minutes in my set, she just threw it. Oh, she threw up. And her, I was. So I see them and then she throws up. And then they just sit there.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh.

[Marty]

And I go, hey, so you just threw up? And the guy goes, she'll be fine. And I was like, yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

I thought the problem.

[Marty]

Yeah, dude, there's puke. And he goes, yeah, but she's not gonna puke again. I go, how do you know that bad? And he was like, no, no, she's not gonna puke. I go, but, but you should probably go. And he goes, are you throwing me out? And I was like, if you want to put it that way, I guess. But maybe you should just go.

[Josh Wolf]

Or go cleaner.

[Marty]

He was so mad.

[Jacob]

Common sense is throwing you out.

[Marty]

He was, yeah, dude, society is throwing you out right now. The other people in the front row, they would also like you.

[Josh Wolf]

It smells like liquor. Throw up, bro. Nobody likes.

[Marty]

Yo, dude. They came back with wood chips and some baking powder during my show.

[Josh Wolf]

Wood chips to soak it up.

[Marty]

It was, it was crazy. Not the first time somebody's thrown up on my show before, but I've seen just about everything.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, yeah? Yeah. You told me about some horrible things that people did in the front row.

[Marty]

Yeah, I've had people in the. In at a New Year's Eve show. I've had people finger banging.

[Josh Wolf]

That's the one you told me. That's gross.

[Marty]

Yeah, the finger banging. I've had other people throw. Throw up.

[Jacob]

You have people in the crowd on.

[Marty]

A New Year's Eve show in Seattle. So you know when you missed it? You know when you're so drunk you kind of forget where you are? Okay. They started just by making out and that drunk. Make out? You know, at the table. Yeah.

[Jacob]

Like where? In the room.

[Marty]

So stage. And they're. You know, sometimes there's seats towards the back of the side of the stage. Right. And I'm up here, so I'm not really.

[Jacob]

Yeah. They're kind of in the shadows over there.

[Marty]

Yeah. And just. And I would. I. I do look around. Then I saw them and I commented because they. They were super drunk and they didn't even know where the they were. And I. And I did a little play by play about them kissing. I thought they'd noticed and they didn't. And then she ended up sitting on his seat and sitting on his lap and leaning back. That kind of one. And then, you know, I looked back again and her skirt was up. Ski. Yeah. And his dick was out.

[Josh Wolf]

Ski.

[Marty]

Yeah. And I was just like this. Happy New Year, everybody. For those of you who aren't tonight, take a look at that. Yeah, it was pretty amazing. And the staff was like. They ran over to throw them out. I go, they're not bothering anybody.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah.

[Marty]

It gives me something different to look at. And. And. And they're not bothering anybody. It's not like she's going. They're keeping it pretty low key. And it's New Year's. Happy New Year to everybody, you know.

[Josh Wolf]

And then you got sold to a woman right after.

[Marty]

Yeah. That was your karma.

[Josh Wolf]

Like, I didn't want this to come.

[Jacob]

So you just kept going with the show.

[Marty]

Well, I would turn back and talk to them. Every now and then. I'd tell a joke and people would laugh. People were distracted. And it's not like it lasted for 40 minutes, you know.

[Josh Wolf]

It'S like my set was short.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

That's why.

[Marty]

But they had some sex. And then. And then when she sat back down next to him, I said to him, I go, hey, dude. And he was like, hey. I go, I mean, you finished quicker than I thought you were gonna. And he was like, what? I'm like, yeah, we all just watched you guys, you know. He was like, no, you didn't. I'm like, what do you mean? No, we didn't. And everyone was like, yeah, we did, dude. We all just.

[Jacob]

Yeah, they were like blackout drunk.

[Marty]

They just kind of forgot. And since nobody was saying anything, you know how things just incrementally go a little further, A little further.

[Josh Wolf]

No.

[Marty]

Well, you've never been that drunk at a comedy show before.

[Josh Wolf]

Saying, like. Like, I would.

[Jacob]

This is at just like a regular club, like an improv or some.

[Marty]

It Was at a place called like Comedy Underground.

[Josh Wolf]

Okay, that sounds about right.

[Marty]

And yeah, the best club in the history of comedy.

[Josh Wolf]

Comedy Underground. Where you could have sex by the.

[Marty]

Stage in the basement. Of course in the basement. And used to be able to smoke in there.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, come on.

[Marty]

So by the late show, there was just blah blah in the basement. It was just like a thin cloud.

[Jacob]

Layer in New York City, right.

[Marty]

Friends, Seattle. Oh, it's where me and like Joey Diaz and Brody Stevens all started. And it was just the best club.

[Josh Wolf]

Literally.

[Marty]

Oh my God, the best club. I love a low ceiling.

[Josh Wolf]

I love a low ceiling. Sexual encounter.

[Marty]

Yeah, dude. I love a low ceiling.

[Josh Wolf]

She was breathing the smoke because she was on top of her. But he was. He was under the line.

[Marty]

It was amazing. That was. It was at a different time, but.

[Josh Wolf]

Different time where you just be the 90s. 2000. Early 2000, I think it might.

[Marty]

You might call it 90s.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah.

[Marty]

Oh hell yeah, dude. We did ecstasy in the basement with Yank with some of the Yankees.

[Josh Wolf]

Cool.

[Marty]

Yeah, dude.

[Josh Wolf]

This they do. Were they better athletes?

[Marty]

This one dude goes and I. Obviously I'm not gonna say who it is. If I take another hit, there's no way I'm playing tomorrow. And he took another hit and guess who didn't play. Yeah, man. It was a. That. That upstairs was a place called Swanee's and was owned by this dude named Jim Swanson Swanee, who was an ex ball player. He. But he never made it past Double A or Triple A, I think because he was a lefty catcher. You can't be a lefty catcher because most righties. Most batters are righties. Right. So if you're a left hander and people are stealing, you're never gonna see it. You're. You're. You have to throw over the right handed batter all the time. It's just harder. Right? This is easier. And so dreams are crushed because you.

[Josh Wolf]

Can'T go this hard to be it just half step.

[Jacob]

But.

[Marty]

But that takes too long. They've already sold the best. So he. All the ball players used to come there after the game pre cell phones. So nobody gave a. And. And the county underground was downstairs and so late night like. Well, it was a den of sin, dude. It was a good time down there for sure. For sure. But it would like I said, different time, man. Pre cell phone. People were out doing.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah. Horrible things too.

[Marty]

Yeah. For sure, for sure, for sure, for sure, for sure. Yeah, for sure. Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

This guy just thought about another day. Yeah.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

So I saw a murder I was like, let him kill or it's Saturday.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Marty]

I don't have a phone, so let's get the. Yeah, no, the. The pre. Cell phone. That was bum fight time.

[Josh Wolf]

Do you remember before when phones were coming out, you go, this is going to ruin everything. Do people think that or they thought, wow, I don't want a pay phone.

[Marty]

I don't think we thought it was bad.

[Josh Wolf]

It would be.

[Marty]

No, because the first phones were just phones.

[Josh Wolf]

Still cameras.

[Marty]

Yeah, they were just. And. And the cameras, the first cameras were like trash.

[Josh Wolf]

What is that, Bigfoot? Yeah.

[Marty]

What is that? No, that's me, dude.

[Jacob]

Really?

[Josh Wolf]

That's your brother?

[Marty]

That's our wedding day. What? Yeah. So that was kind of trash. I remember when I drove from New York to Seattle when I moved out.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, my God. You drove through the cold part.

[Marty]

I drove by myself with me and my Saint Bernard. Yeah. We drove from New York to Seattle.

[Josh Wolf]

You went with. With Beethoven all the way to Seattle.

[Marty]

100. He was. He was my buddy, dude. He. He. What's that, an accent?

[Josh Wolf]

Did he have.

[Marty]

He. Dude, he had a Swedish accent. Yeah, with the barrel.

[Josh Wolf]

And he definitely was like four day work weeks if he was Swedish.

[Marty]

I will tell you, it was so funny because. And I. I have a picture, I don't know if I have it anymore of his. Him in the back seat, his head out one side and his tail out.

[Josh Wolf]

Massive. Dude, that sounds fun.

[Marty]

He was such a good. But when he tried to sit in the front seat, I'd be like, dude, getting back, dude.

[Josh Wolf]

What? The dog that big just seems like a. A human that doesn't talk.

[Marty]

Okay, so here's the thing. When I moved to. Okay, when I moved to. From Seattle to la, at the time I drove down. And at the time when you lived in Seattle, you didn't really need a car with air conditioning.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, yeah. Why would you totally get that, right?

[Marty]

That the heat waves that have hit them recently, you didn't really get. Maybe there were one or two days and it might have been nice, but I didn't need it. And. And so I. But that's the car. It was a Saturn. That's the car I drove and I drove from Seattle.

[Josh Wolf]

It was beige. Huh?

[Marty]

It was maroon. Okay. And. But my Saint Bernard traveled in that car with me. So by the time I got to la, the problem with no AC was it's hot in la. But there was so much, excuse me, dog hair in the car that if you drove the windows down when you got out, you look like a wookie. Because the hair Just was flying all over the place. But if you drive in LA with your windows up in the summer, you're good. You're gonna basically give yourself heat strokes.

[Josh Wolf]

You tarred and feathered yourself with sweat a hundred percent daily.

[Marty]

I would like a. Yeah, because.

[Josh Wolf]

Because you have dust coming up.

[Marty]

Yeah, yeah. You look like he rolled around in a kennel, dude. That's why. Oh, that's. Yeah, but he was that. He was a. He also was not a friendly Saint Bernard.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh.

[Marty]

So kids would run up and be like, you know, Beethoven had to be like, no, no, Kuja.

[Josh Wolf]

Up. Oh, yes.

[Marty]

Big difference. Big difference. This dude is not your friend. He's not your buddy.

[Jacob]

That's not what I imagine.

[Marty]

Me neither. He was. He was super friendly. He got hit in the head.

[Josh Wolf]

Stop it.

[Marty]

By a van.

[Josh Wolf]

Stop.

[Marty]

Lived. But his. His head. The muscle atrophied in his head. So he used to have this giant head. And then he looked like a far side character. Tiny head, huge body. Right. Because it atrophied for whatever reason. But his personality changed.

[Josh Wolf]

He was just mad.

[Marty]

He. Yeah, dude.

[Josh Wolf]

Like, damn, my head gets smaller.

[Marty]

Yo, dude. He had a legit dent in his head. Are you legit dent in his head? And his personality just changed. He's still like me, but baby dog.

[Josh Wolf]

Cte.

[Marty]

Yo, dude. The fact that he got hit by a van in the head and kind of shook it off, I was like, this dude shitty out.

[Josh Wolf]

I was driving the van.

[Marty]

Yeah. He was just real mad about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it was. But. But one of my dudes. Such a good buddy to drive across. I've done all. I've driven from New York to Seattle, Seattle to California, Texas to California, New York to Florida. I've done Texas to New York. Oh, God, I love it, dude. If you're with. With your butt, your dog or your buddy, and you're stopping, like. I'm not. I'm not.

[Josh Wolf]

I'd never stop.

[Marty]

That's the thing.

[Josh Wolf]

It's like that. Let's get there right now. Yeah, man. I want some hurry, dude. I don't know why I'm always like, you're unlike. There could be killers over here. Let's go. Yes. Well, truck driver in time. My whole family's a truck driver. Like, why are we stopping?

[Marty]

Yeah, Because I want to see Mount Russ.

[Josh Wolf]

I would. I would. I went to the Grand Canyon for five minutes.

[Marty]

Was like, oh, yeah, we're passing through.

[Josh Wolf]

Like, yo, it's free. See, G, the desert is death.

[Marty]

I do it. It's cold.

[Josh Wolf]

It's the coldest.

[Jacob]

Thing in the world.

[Marty]

It's cold. Yeah, it gets cold in Vegas. It definitely does. It. It. It. That's the. To me, the best kept secret of Vegas is that the weather outside of three months in the summer, the weather is actually pretty awesome. Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Unless it's scorching high, it's fine.

[Marty]

Yeah, it's pretty awesome. It's. Listen, even when it's scorching hot, it's no worse than the Woodland Hills, for shit's sakes.

[Josh Wolf]

I don't know why it's so much worse in Vegas. It's like, oh, it's because the next building is 22 minute. God, it's so far. Everything looks like it's right there. Be like, it's so far and you're walking. It's like those cartoons where. Just keeps going.

[Marty]

Yeah. Dude, I swear, when people are like, let's just walk it. I'm like, no, you want an Uber. Whatever casino you're in, you want to Uber Uber there it. Nothing's right across the street.

[Josh Wolf]

Even if it is. It's the start of their property. 40.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

And they have 400 football fields until you get to the front door. Dude, over that, man. I was gonna walk to the Raider Stadium. I was like, from the. To the next part where from there to the. To the first parking lot, I went, no, no, not happening.

[Marty]

No. I'm gonna need a golf cart or a hoverboard.

[Josh Wolf]

I would definitely take a golf cart. That would be so fun.

[Jacob]

Mechanical dinosaur.

[Marty]

Or a mechanical dinosaur and die on the way. You asked Beth. One of my goals. I call it Golf Cart Living.

[Josh Wolf]

Paul Springs.

[Marty]

I just want to be in a community where I don't get in my car. I just get in my golf cart.

[Josh Wolf]

People do where I live right now.

[Marty]

That is it, dude. That people do it where I live too.

[Josh Wolf]

The golf cart.

[Marty]

I'm like, this is.

[Jacob]

It's a good lifestyle.

[Marty]

Yeah. Golf cart living.

[Jacob]

You got no real worries. You got nowhere to be.

[Marty]

Nah. What you want to do if the predominant. If you're. Most of your trans transportation is done in a golf cart. Yeah. You've.

[Josh Wolf]

You've come or you're Jewish in Florida. Yeah, but over 70.

[Marty]

Yeah, definitely over 70. Yeah, definitely over seventy. That my people definitely like a golf cart and some more. Yeah. It reminds us of that desert. We were there for 40 years, so we might as well. You know what I mean?

[Josh Wolf]

Our blood just seems to be pulled from the sand. Sand and deal. Not wrong.

[Marty]

No, you're not talking about grandma.

[Josh Wolf]

My grandma's.

[Marty]

I like A deal, man.

[Josh Wolf]

She was cool.

[Marty]

But I always said to people that when people would, like, try to upset me by making jokes about Jews and money, I'm like, are you saying that the worst thing you can say about me is I, like, good with it? Yeah. Okay, cool.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, I control the media.

[Jacob]

Positive.

[Josh Wolf]

Sorry.

[Jacob]

Racist, discrimination, black and big dick.

[Marty]

That's a pretty good. No black guy's ever been like, I do not have a big dick. Like, that's not racist. But I will tell you, you know who I do feel bad for, low key, and I never thought about this until now is a large black dude with a tiny dick. That's got to be a huge disappointment coming down the pike, because you know what that is?

[Josh Wolf]

The only ones that's happened to are the serial killers. Remember? The guy and his son, like, it's hereditary. Get a gun, because you're gonna be so mad. That's the guy that it happened to.

[Marty]

Yeah, yeah. Because everybody. You. Every girl you're with is like, really?

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, I disappointed my white dad for this. Come on. I got kicked out for you.

[Marty]

I'm not in the will anymore because of this. Are you kidding?

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, I love saying horrible. All that was racist and funny. That's up my alley.

[Marty]

But you know what? I'll tell you, dude, I think there's a difference.

[Josh Wolf]

It's not malicious.

[Marty]

Between being racist and racial.

[Jacob]

I like that.

[Marty]

Do you know what I mean? Racist.

[Josh Wolf]

I'm on the borderline.

[Marty]

To me, racism is a real negative connotation. But just because you're making jokes doesn't make it racist. It's racial. There's race.

[Josh Wolf]

It is. It is.

[Marty]

Do you know what I mean? Racist to me implies intent, hate, and.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, yeah, no, no. I would love to make fun of your accent.

[Marty]

Yeah, I'm on board. Can I say at least a little bit? I think accents. And I. And I started talking about this on stage.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, God, that's. We started sober.

[Marty]

But. Well, so accents are an interesting thing because I tell stories, and I'm a firm believer that there's a difference. Look, if I was gonna do a story and there was, because I like the specificity, and if there's, like, a Chinese person in a story I'm telling, the accent itself isn't racist. Right.

[Jacob]

It's detailed.

[Marty]

It's racist. If I make a gong sound before I do the accent, I think it's just funny. Racist. Right.

[Josh Wolf]

It's funny too.

[Marty]

I will say, the one thing about an Asian accent just bowed once. But the. The one thing about the Asian accent Though, which makes it a little racist, is that you can't do it without squinting your eyes a little bit.

[Josh Wolf]

Like, I've never done it. I don't think I. Just do it. Give me voice.

[Marty]

Give me the voice. Do it.

[Josh Wolf]

Let me do a good one.

[Marty]

Okay.

[Josh Wolf]

I'm thinking of a South park character I can do.

[Jacob]

He's ushered in racism since he's married. The first thing he's ushered into being.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, yeah, Filipinos. I got the. I'm good. My kid will be half Asian, but, yo, this is my son.

[Marty]

I'll call you my kid, too, by the way.

[Josh Wolf]

There you go.

[Marty]

All my kids. Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Say whatever.

[Marty]

Did you know that?

[Jacob]

No.

[Marty]

Yeah, yeah. They're all part tax.

[Josh Wolf]

Well, there you go. I'm scared of part of their ancestors. They might need us. I told you, Thailand's scary. The second I started thinking about South park elementary from South Park, I went, oh, my God, was I about to squint my eye?

[Marty]

That's right.

[Josh Wolf]

Racist.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

I didn't even notice. I don't think I do it. I just. I scream south park shitty walk a lot. So I think it's just part of my vocabulary. So I don't think I do the. I squint, but I'm almost there. I need to, like, adopt a Mexican, black, Puerto Rican kid. And, like, yo, I have all the races. We are Captain Planet. If we put our rings together, I can call you whatever I want.

[Marty]

Right. Let me ask you this, though. Don't you think that it's better to make. To say it's okay to make fun of everybody instead of saying, now only nine out of 14 people?

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, no. It's funny to me because when people go, you can't say that. Like, really, look at this.

[Marty]

Yeah, look at this.

[Josh Wolf]

That's the only thing I like to combat the censorship and go, hey, my wife block my.

[Marty]

Thing is that. Is that it's more racist and not.

[Josh Wolf]

Make fun of it because I feel that it's racist. Of course.

[Marty]

Is it funny if it's funny?

[Josh Wolf]

Restricted. We say. We're. We're fully. We're fully. If it's funny, let's talk about it. We can't get kicked off. Off the platform.

[Marty]

Yeah, no, no, I'm with you. We'll stop it here.

[Josh Wolf]

But no, no, the things I want to say. The other day, OT was at my house, he said some horrible joke, and I'm like, my mom's got racist jokes. And she was upstairs, and I FaceTimed. She gave me, like, what, 40, dude, she's had 50 years of locking them away.

[Marty]

Everybody over a certain age has got.

[Josh Wolf]

A locking them away and for all. Not just white, black and Mexican, Asian jokes. It's every one. Yeah, the 70s were so much funnier. Everybody was like, hey, just say it, because you're not gonna get canceled. There's no Instagram.

[Marty]

Dude, I'm gonna tell you a joke that you might have to take off. But Priest. Listen.

[Josh Wolf]

Was that racist?

[Marty]

There was Priest. There was a. While there. And listen, obviously this is a. To me, there's no topic that's off limits. Off limits. When people like. Well, do you like Holocaust jokes? If they're funny, yes. If they're funny, I'm on. Look, the funniest term for a Jew I've ever heard is oven dodger. That made me laugh. To me, that's a compliment. That means we made it out.

[Josh Wolf]

And I'm one of the athletics, dude.

[Marty]

One of my. In my history. My people are oven Dodgers. I'm here, you know, but. Okay, so crazy. Obviously. Pedophilia, not funny, but one of my favorite jokes of all time.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, no, it can be.

[Marty]

Ready for this? One of my favorite jokes. Okay, so this pedophile and a kid walk into a forest, take a. And the kid's like, dude, it's. It's dark in here. I'm scared. And the pedophile's like, you're scared? I gotta walk out of here by myself.

[Josh Wolf]

That's such a good one, though.

[Marty]

To me.

[Josh Wolf]

Incredible.

[Marty]

Now look, man, to me, as, as a, as a joke writer, that's a lot.

[Josh Wolf]

That's perfect.

[Marty]

It's just, it's just a good joke. Now do I. I think pedophiles should be hung up.

[Josh Wolf]

And you've seen Dads Against Predators. We'll show you some.

[Marty]

But as a joke, that doesn't mean I can't find something about it to laugh about.

[Josh Wolf]

No, it's, you know, that's a great setup.

[Marty]

I. Dude, it's.

[Josh Wolf]

I wish you're worried.

[Marty]

Yeah, I think, I think they. Yeah, yeah. I'm about to get canceled nine times over by that one.

[Josh Wolf]

But I was not. No, you're not. I know my kids part time.

[Marty]

Yeah, that's why I did. Yeah. I, I, I, I. For me, this is what I love about comedy, dude. I love the past. Be able to joke if you're gonna make it funny. If you can make it funny.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah.

[Marty]

Then I'm okay with laughing. It takes any situation.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, any situation. But sad stuff.

[Marty]

It's funny when people, like. Too soon. I'm like, not soon enough, bro. I wish you had come with that joke yesterday, right after they died.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, God.

[Marty]

There's no too soon.

[Josh Wolf]

That's the only time I'm like. Because, like.

[Marty]

Okay, but here's the thing. I will say this. There's a difference between too soon in public and too soon to my brother. There's no too soon to us. No, I get being respectful of that.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, sure. For sure. That's all I'm talking about. Every time you say something horrible. It was too soon. You do this.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

To your friend as you say it. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. That's the ultimate, like, I'm not racist.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

I'm not wrong. Kind of.

[Marty]

Yeah. Is that okay?

[Josh Wolf]

Yep.

[Marty]

I told the joke the other day where I did that. I was like, on stage.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah.

[Marty]

I go, maybe. Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Like it.

[Marty]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sober. Josh is so.

[Josh Wolf]

Josh is so. You can't even see my chest. I'm about to go hunt. Oh, my God. Dude. Okay, Marty. How long we've been here?

[Jacob]

250.

[Marty]

Holy.

[Jacob]

So you got through the rest of the year. You're. You're all over the country.

[Marty]

You're gone. Yes, yes, I'm all over the country. Comedianjoshwolf.com for tour dates. And I would say this about the special four stories. And you can go to four stories comedy.com, where you can go to my YouTube page. Go check it out. Because one, it's the thing I'm the. The I might be most proud of just because I shot it and. And cut it in a way where everybody told me not to. And those are always the things that I'm most excited about. And not only that, because I. Of how I was going to shoot it and cut it, paid for it myself, put it together myself, completely independent. So it would mean a lot of everybody went and checked it out on YouTube, too.

[Josh Wolf]

If you're, like, driving or something, just put it on and listen to that.

[Marty]

And here's the thing, dude, not only that, I was also told, you can't do a special that's just four stories. Nobody's gonna watch that. And for me, that's what I do. I tell stories.

[Josh Wolf]

Little bumps in between to keep you along. That's right.

[Marty]

That's right. And so I'm super proud of it. So I. And I. And by the way, I want to tell you, dude, the amount of people, like, I found you on yola.

[Josh Wolf]

Nice. Good.

[Marty]

Like, you have very loyal fans.

[Josh Wolf]

Big time, dude.

[Marty]

So loyal.

[Josh Wolf]

It's insane. Actually, every single place we go, every.

[Marty]

Super year it's super dope. I'll be. And like. So I'll be in Kentucky. I'll be. When you. When's this there? Next week.

[Jacob]

Tuesday.

[Josh Wolf]

Tuesday.

[Marty]

So Des Moines. That week. And then I do like a. An east coast swing of like Pennsylvania and I'm in Kansas City and the first week of December, I do like Pennsylvania. New Jersey. I'm in Seattle on New Year's Eve. I'm in Houston the day after Christmas. Like I am. I'm. I'm a Jew. I don't care. I'm just happy that you know what I mean?

[Josh Wolf]

I don't celebrate Christmas.

[Marty]

I. I mean, I do because it's way more fun than Hanukkah. Holy Spirit. It's pretty boring.

[Josh Wolf]

You want to give me the same whack ass present again?

[Marty]

Yeah, dude.

[Josh Wolf]

What do I do with the top? I spun that every way you could.

[Marty]

The dreidel once.

[Josh Wolf]

The dreidel just spit it once. Once. And that's all you have.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

The Asians got the. The string that they throw it.

[Marty]

It's pretty boring.

[Josh Wolf]

Where's that at?

[Marty]

Yeah, I'm with you on that. The Jew. Jewish holidays are menorah. The menorah is a real bore.

[Josh Wolf]

A bunch of can't. Thank you.

[Marty]

Although I had some candles. Do you remember that menorah bong I had?

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, that was cool. That's. That's cool.

[Marty]

That menorah bong was down with that. Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Or they put. Where you could put seven joints in.

[Marty]

You put eight joints in there. Yeah. Yeah. It so good. Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Smoking Christianity out of that instantly.

[Marty]

Dude, we smoking Jesus right out of that.

[Josh Wolf]

That's a rap beef. For real.

[Marty]

Yeah, man. But super proud of the special. So if you guys who are listening or watching could check it out, that'd be amazing. Jacob will be back on the road with me soon enough, man. And we do a podcast called hey man, which is. I'm looking forward to that first pod back where he kind of talks about. Because I don't want to tell his story about why he went in and all that. But I'm. I'm curious to see what he. I know, but I'm curious to see what he shares and what he has to say about it.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, that's why I won't even ask him. Well, what, Jake, tell me.

[Marty]

Yes.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, yeah.

[Marty]

For sure. For sure. For sure.

[Josh Wolf]

Do. So, comedian Joshwolf.com Yep. For all tour dates.

[Marty]

Yep. At Josh Wolf comedy on all socials.

[Jacob]

Dropping heliclips everywhere.

[Marty]

All the time.

[Josh Wolf]

Constantly.

[Marty]

All the time. And Then head to my YouTube page. Or I think it's still four stories. Comedy.com takes you right to the special.

[Jacob]

And you just re released father of the year, right?

[Marty]

Yeah, Just re released father of the year. You know, that was so crazy, dropping that and how it exploded. And it was one of the first YouTube specials. Yeah, it really. And it. It was one of those things that I was. Again, somebody was like, I remember people saying, we're not going to pay you for the special. Nobody wants to hear all these. Basically an hour story about how your son challenged you to a fight. I was like, this is good material. I know it's good material because I do it in front of people every weekend and they love it. And they were like, nah. And like, 11 million views later.

[Jacob]

Yeah, just one. Every. Every clip's up in the millions.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah, all of them.

[Marty]

So, like. So it's super cool. It's so. As you guys know, it's super cool to have people who are supposed to know what they're talking about go, you can't talk about that.

[Josh Wolf]

Of course.

[Marty]

And you go, oh, eat my dick. I absolutely can talk about that. That's right, dude. That's usually the best thing.

[Jacob]

Yeah.

[Marty]

So, yeah, dude. I appreciate you guys. Thanks so much.

[Josh Wolf]

Appreciate it, man. We've been here for three hours sober. It really.

[Marty]

It didn't feel like it sober at all.

[Josh Wolf]

Sober.

[Marty]

J. Three hours.

[Josh Wolf]

You. You don't. You didn't fall asleep or pass out. I think the first time we've ended it.

[Marty]

I know I have more energy. I told you.

[Josh Wolf]

Are you on a show tonight?

[Marty]

Yeah, I got a show tonight. It's a new material show. I'm gonna go. And just where you gonna be? At the Comedy Store.

[Josh Wolf]

Good.

[Marty]

What time? 8:00.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, yeah, time.

[Marty]

Okay. Yeah. And then I drive to Bakersfield tomorrow. In Sacramento tonight.

[Josh Wolf]

Up for that monster solo.

[Marty]

Yeah, I guess, right?

[Josh Wolf]

You. Have. You have you said Lee with you?

[Marty]

I'm bringing a woman named Tara with me. And then this other dude named Trey is meeting us there. But we do a theater in Bakersfield. Theater in Sacramento.

[Josh Wolf]

Sick.

[Marty]

Yeah, dude. And you guys open invitation to come do stand up.

[Josh Wolf]

Thank you.

[Marty]

Anywhere, anytime.

[Josh Wolf]

I'm gonna start actually writing these things down in pieces. Like, I hate puzzles, but that. That's good. It's my puzzle. I like that.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

You also, before we started, we've had the Gremlin on set for two and a half years. Josh walked in. Wow. I love this thing. Josh has said that every single show he's ever been on. This thing is awesome. Yeah, he said that last time, but he's been on shrooms every time he's walked in the door. Except today you go, I. I said that before.

[Jacob]

By the time he hits here, he's in the warehouse.

[Josh Wolf]

That's insane. He's been there for so long. He's been in every Everywhere.

[Marty]

Yeah, I. I noticed a lot of things. New walls.

[Josh Wolf]

He's white. Did you know he's white?

[Marty]

I did not.

[Jacob]

Just in case you didn't know, my pasty skin.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, that's. That's a skin.

[Marty]

Skin suit. Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

But, yeah, Buffalo Bill worked too. Good. Gross.

[Marty]

By the way, super comfortable seat.

[Josh Wolf]

Okay. All right. You loved it.

[Marty]

Yeah. Super comfortable seats.

[Josh Wolf]

Why would be.

[Marty]

Yeah.

[Josh Wolf]

Yeah. All right. Thank you. Thank you, comedian Josh Wolf dot com.

[Marty]

Yep.

[Josh Wolf]

Four stories comedy dot com YouTube Josh Wolf.

[Marty]

Yep.

[Josh Wolf]

Josh Wolf on. Oh, no. Josh Comedy on everything.

[Marty]

And if the four stories comedy link isn't up, just go to my YouTube page.

[Jacob]

You got three other specials up there too, right?

[Marty]

Yeah, four. I got Father Time. I got one call Father Time. I get Father Time. I got one call called Here for the Fun, which is like. It's honestly such a fun ride, but it's like an. It's, I think an hour and 25 minutes. An hour is just music, musical guests, having people come on stage offstage. Chris Kirkpatrick comes on and sing from Insane, comes on and sings a song with me. It's a great special dude. And there's father of the year. And then there's this one that I.

[Jacob]

Get up for jump cut.

[Marty]

Yeah, and the jump cut. Yeah, dude.

[Jacob]

There's special chilling on YouTube.

[Marty]

And then I'm gonna. I'm gonna. I think I'm gonna shoot my next one in January, February, and I think right back on, dude, I think this.

[Jacob]

Is the best one yet. And you just did the Netflix as a joke y one also. But that's.

[Marty]

By the way, so that hour you saw, I would say only 20 minutes of it is in the hour. I'm gonna Release that other 40 minutes.

[Josh Wolf]

Oh, really?

[Marty]

That other 40 minutes? I'm. I don't. I thought that was gonna be a special, but I've written stuff that I like more since then.

[Josh Wolf]

I just drew that other one out.

[Marty]

Yeah, I'm just gonna push it. I'll just. I'll just film it some other time.

[Josh Wolf]

Okay. Yeah, I can't keep up with that. I've already lost. You just named off five things an hour in each of them.

[Marty]

I love it, dude. I appreciate it, guys.

[Jacob]

Appreciate you.

[Josh Wolf]

Thanks. Man. Damn. Sober episode. Let's go. All right. Thanks for being here, Josh. Appreciate you. Next time we see Josh will be full Matthew McConaughey.

[Jacob]

Full of just hate.

[Josh Wolf]

Norton. It's a different movie.

[Marty]

All right, all right, all right.

[Josh Wolf]

Exactly. Thanks for being here, man.

[Marty]

Thanks, man.

[Josh Wolf]

Appreciate it. Guys. This has been the dope as usual podcast. Mario Deal. Joshua. My nose, as you can hear, is plugged from all the weeds. I'm trying my best to just talk, not sound like a crazy person. Sorry. Thank you guys for being here. I appreciate it. This has been the dope usual podcast. Have a dope ass day. Perfect. Perfect.