Drama In The Family

Summary

DOPE AS USUAL Podcast — "Drama In The Family"

Hosts: Thomas Araujo ("Thomas Dopa") & Marty O’Neill
Date: June 9, 2026
Episode Theme: Family Feuds, Comedy, Growing Up & the Cost of Chasing Your Passions

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Overview

In this lively, comedic solo episode, Thomas and Marty reunite at the table and dive headfirst into stories about family drama (including a truly wild feud involving a cow’s head through a window), time’s relentless march, comedy inspirations, growing pains, excessive weed habits, lost opportunities, and hilarious moments of self-realization. Their trademark storytelling style blends humor, raw self-reflection, and banter—with plenty of memorable quotes and nostalgic tangents. The episode’s key motif: grappling with adulthood, legacy, and those wild family dynamics that never really settle down.

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Table of Contents

1. Experimenting with the Podcast Setup
2. Stories of Family and Growing Up
3. Comedy Inspirations, Legendary Sets
4. On Time, Change, and Legacy
5. Weed Habits, Economics, and Advice
6. Family Feuds and Wild Stories
7. Vacation Tales: Hawaii, Service, and Should You Say “Aloha”?
8. Closing Stretch: Reflections, Losing Weed, and The March of Time
9. Notable Quotes
10. Key Segments & Timestamps

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1. Experimenting with the Podcast Setup

• The episode opens with Thomas and Marty attempting to tweak their podcast table arrangement for better visuals:
  • “We’re gonna try something, all right? ... If it works and if Marty doesn’t have to get up, we might be able to have Marty back at the table, which would be very, very cool.” — Thomas [00:10]
• They joke about camera angles, headphones, and podcast technicalities before diving into stories and banter.

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2. Stories of Family and Growing Up

• Renaissance Fair Mishap: Thomas recalls attending a Renaissance fair when his mother was pregnant—she got hit in the stomach with a shield by a giant teen, starting the episode’s thread on unexpected family chaos. [01:56]
• Grading & Parental Involvement: Thomas describes how little his mother wanted to participate in school projects:
  • “My mom’s like your older sister, that’s like, do I have to bring him? ... You’re not even religious. Get an abortion. Why am I here?” [13:09]
• Marty’s “Time Warp” Moment:
  • His daughter is graduating high school and moving to her own apartment:
  • “...it is a weird time warpy thing where I just feel like I just graduated high school and was, like, hopping off and getting into the streets...” [09:17]
• Advice for Young Listeners:
  • “I encourage all you young people out there to think about that. Think about your future kids and them not struggling. Let that be your motivation.” — Marty [12:26]

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3. Comedy Inspirations, Legendary Sets

• Comedy Heroes Roundtable:
  • Thomas and Marty discuss the best standup specials they’ve seen:
    • Marty: “…Eddie Murphy Raw, Chris Rock Bigger & Blacker, Chappelle’s Killin’ Them Softly.”
    • Thomas raves about Bo Burnham’s “what.”:
      • “It might be, hands down, the best thing I’ve ever seen in terms of comedy and live performances.” [20:10]
      • Vivid description of Burnham: “It’s like watching Crash Bandicoot controlled. Like Tasmanian Devil when he cleans up the Space Jam locker or the floor—controlled.” [22:24]
• Comedy as a Life Goal: Thomas on wanting to create a theatrical, narrative-driven one-man show instead of typical standup: “I want this to be a show. I don’t give a f*** if in 10 years I’m on Broadway.” [20:25]
• Memorable Live Moments: Thomas talks about performing at the “Haha Comedy Club” and learning from other comics such as John Mulaney—“There was not a single misused word. There was no dead time.” [23:32-24:07]
• Discovering New Talent:
  • Shouting out rising comedians (Ray Lau, Jojo Garcia, Renee Vodka) and the rocket rise of comics from the podcast circuit to arena level. [25:32]

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4. On Time, Change, and Legacy

• Reflections on aging through pop culture:
  • “Seinfeld dropped on Rosie’s birthday... It has been 36 years since that show has came out... They're now the old guys they were talking about in the show. ...We are old.” — Thomas [07:22]
• The fleeting nature of time in their own lives:
  • “If I don’t pay attention, I’m gonna fast forward way too fast.” [07:58]
• Marty’s kids “time warp” as he helps his daughter move out (see above) [08:27-09:53]
• On legacy and changing family roles—moving from child to parent, and seeing elders age:
  • A vulnerable segment on Thomas’s grandfather’s dementia:
    • “My grandpa’s such a mean, mean, evil man. And to see him without that layer ... is like, this was you.” [113:54]

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5. Weed Habits, Economics, and Advice

• Weed Expenditures Shock:
  • Thomas walks through the economics of high-end hash and weed consumption:
    • “I was spending at least three bands [thousand dollars] ... every single time on weed and hash. I was going twice, three times a month.” [48:01]
    • “If I’m spending at least $5 to $7,000 on weed a month, what the f*** are you doing?” [52:12]
• Harm-reduction and Self-awareness:
  • “It’s not sustainable. ... That’s more than all my bills. I double my bills for hash.” [50:26]
• How to Save:
  • Prefers to work directly with growers for fair, quality prices (“shoutout Kaja Verde and Big Brain”). [55:52]
• Healthy Gifting Philosophy:
  • “I give people weed so they don’t have to buy weed. I hope it saves you some money, dude.” [47:28]
• Weed Mishaps:
  • Story of losing a half-pound box of prized weed at a hotel—complete with emotional ride and not calling the hotel:
    • “I left the half p[e] in the hotel and didn’t notice for two hours that shit’s been gone... If it was a zip, I’m like, yo, you can keep it. Not driving back for an ounce.” [70:04-73:16]

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6. Family Feuds and Wild Stories

• The Cow Head Incident (signature story of the episode):
  • Thomas’s family runs competing moving companies. This rivalry escalates beyond petty sabotage:
    • “There’s a camera footage ... one of my uncles put up signs ... There’s a video of somebody slicing and cutting it down... And then... somebody went up and down and slashed every tire in their neighborhood. ... Somebody got a dead cow head thrown through their front window.” [41:27 & 43:04]
  • “When you say through the windshield, like, it shattered...” — Marty
    • “Through the house window. The front window, Marty. Through the front window, dude, not through the car.” — Thomas [44:28]
    • They continue riffing on how absurdly over-the-top this family feud grew, joking: “If it’s that serious, just fight each other.” [44:14]
  • Final twist: Even after years, they don’t know who the culprit was.

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7. Vacation Tales: Hawaii, Service, and Should You Say “Aloha”?

• Luxury vs. Humble Roots:
  • Marty recounts his “bougie” experience at the Four Seasons in Maui and how it changed his standards for service (pina coladas, personal chefs, rich friends).
• Cringe or Respectful?
  • Marty drunkenly asks a Hawaiian cleaning lady if locals find it cringe for white tourists to say “aloha” back.
    • “To you guys who actually live here, is it cringe for me as a white guy to come through here and hit you back with a ... with aloha and steal your land?” — Marty [78:31]
    • The cleaning lady, bewildered, gives a blank stare.
  • Thomas’s running joke: “Avatar is Hawaii. … He just went and stole from all the little brown people. They turned them blue so they wouldn’t be like … you’re stealing from?” [79:59]
• Classic Stoner Misadventure:
  • April (Marty’s wife) gets so high on a Puffco in Hawaii, she can’t figure out which way around a rectangle is faster—kids won’t let them live it down. [86:44]

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8. Closing Stretch: Reflections, Losing Weed, and The March of Time

• Nostalgia about the Dope As Usual journey so far, setup changes, growth, and old videos [97:52].
• Updates on animated story projects and shoutouts to their global team [96:23-97:15].
• More tales of losing weed, weed economics, and why you shouldn’t flaunt your purchase habits [100:00+].
• Riffs about comedy, movies, and the evolving tone—and the sadness of seeing beloved comedians (like Chris Farley) gone too soon [102:21].
• Brief TV talk: disappointment in Euphoria’s finale season and how shows change as they get bigger [104:17–106:51].
• End with sleepy final reflections on family, aging, and the meaning of it all.

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9. Notable Quotes

• “There’s a video of somebody slicing and cutting it down. … Somebody got a dead cow head thrown through their front window.” — Thomas [41:27; 43:04]
• “It might be, hands down, the best thing I’ve ever seen in terms of comedy and live performances.” — Thomas (about Bo Burnham) [20:10]
• “My grandpa’s such a mean, mean, evil man. And to see him without that layer and just be a normal guy …” — Thomas [113:54]
• “If I’m spending at least $5 to $7,000 on weed a month, what the f*** are you doing?” — Thomas [52:12]
• “If it’s that serious, fight each other. … If you’re gonna take a decapitated animal and throw it through the wind ...” — Thomas [44:10]
• “To you guys who actually live here, is it cringe for me as a white guy to come through here and hit you back with a ... with aloha and steal your land?” — Marty [78:31]
• “Seinfeld dropped on Rosie’s birthday... It has been 36 years since that show has came out. They’re now the old guys they were talking about in the show.” — Thomas [07:22]

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10. Key Segments & Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment Description | |-------------|-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:00-01:27 | Opening banter, podcast setup tweaks | | 01:36-02:27 | Renaissance fair & shield-hitting-mom story | | 06:42-08:58 | Seinfeld/time passing/metaphysics on aging | | 08:27-09:53 | Marty tearing up over daughter graduating & “time warp” | | 12:07-13:43 | School projects, parental motivation, abortion jokes | | 14:41-16:15 | Comedy club reflections; performing, crowd reactions | | 18:47-20:25 | Favorite standup specials; Bo Burnham “what.” recommendation | | 22:24-23:05 | Burnham’s style — “Crash Bandicoot controlled/Tasmanian Devil … controlled” | | 41:27-44:28 | The true “drama”: family business feud, sabotage, and the cow head incident | | 47:28-54:00 | Economics of high-end weed, advice on saving, gifting weed | | 70:04-73:16 | Story of losing a half-pound of weed in a hotel, and the feelings that follow | | 78:31-79:37 | Marty’s question to Hawaiian cleaning lady about saying “aloha” as a tourist | | 113:01-113:54| Thomas reflects on his grandfather’s dementia, the softening with age | | 115:00-117:37| Wrap-up, Spotify promo, and closing thoughts |

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Final Thoughts

“Drama In The Family” encapsulates everything fans love about DOPE AS USUAL—chaotic storytelling, sharp cultural observations, big laughs, and a deep current of realness about family, time, creativity, and legacy. Thomas and Marty’s chemistry shines as they alternate between joking about $7,000 weed bills, dissecting beefs that end with livestock through windows, and pausing for moments of honest vulnerability about getting older and losing loved ones. Amidst it all, they never lose their hustler’s optimism or the “have a dope ass day” spirit.

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Perfect, perfect.

Transcript

[A]

Somebody got a dead cow head thrown through their front window.

[B]

That's cool. When you say through the windshield, like, it shattered it.

[A]

Through the house window. The front window, Marty. Through the front window, dude. Not through the car. Perfect, Perfect, Perfect. Hey, what's up, guys? Welcome back to the dope Usual podcast. My name is Thomas Dopasiola. Whatever you want to call me. I have this guy here at the table. We. We figured something out, guys. Marty. We. We're gonna try this episode. If it works. Awesome. All right, so our problem was Marty was at this table, and every one of those things was in the shot. And. And it looks stupid.

[B]

The live switcher, the MacBook.

[A]

And none of this could be seen.

[B]

Yeah, none of this whole area. My gear.

[A]

So we're going to try something, all right? We're going to see if Rocco can do this, and if it works and if Marty doesn't have to get up, we might be able to have Marty back at the table, which would be very, very cool. But when we have a guest. I'm not sure if I'm going to sit here or I'm going to sit here. You'll find out. Next guest episode. We're going to. We solved the problem by putting that over there. We. We'll figure it out.

[B]

We're here.

[A]

We're gonna try.

[B]

Hit us on the cameras one time. Here we go.

[A]

We need headphones. Dude.

[B]

Next time.

[A]

Yeah, headphones are coming back. All right. We're gonna put the little. The little speaker box thing over here. Not to be confused with the. What was it? The speaker box album from Big Boy. Oh, Remember that double disc album? That's the last time I went to a Renaissance fair. We're on the way. Mom was pregnant with you.

[B]

Oh. And out when Heya dropped, it came out.

[A]

I was all, roses smell like, dude, this song's stupid. And we got to the Renaissance fair.

[B]

America.

[A]

Whoa. Renaissance. My mom's pregnant. And then some guy threw a shield, and it hit my mom right in the stomach. And she lost her on this guy, even though it was an accident. His friends. He was like 6, 8, and probably 20 years old with a beard like Memphis. Just a huge kid. He looked like he was gonna fucking cry when my mom got mad at him. It was bad.

[B]

Hit her in the stomach with a shield while she was pregnant.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, yeah. But it wasn't like. They were kind of like, oh, my job. And he, like, hit her.

[B]

Oh, okay. Come on, man.

[A]

That was a dick. Anyway, that's the last time. Speaker box. I have adhd. Did you guys know that?

[B]

Does your ma see, though? Did she react to that post we put up? The one where you called her a idiot off top?

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

About the girl in front of the. In front of the club.

[A]

Crickets Find me in the club. Came out when I was in the six. Kidding.

[B]

The mage mazer. We blew his up this past week, bro.

[A]

I'm really thugging.

[B]

He went up like 3,4k followers. I don't know if that was us or not.

[A]

Are you ready? I read some comments on the. On the insert, on YouTube. On Instagram. You're late.

[B]

Oh, I know a lot of them.

[A]

You're months late. That's all it says.

[B]

You're just finding out about this?

[A]

Oh, my God. Watch our Instagram. Guys, you know what? Every solo episode, we do 10 minutes called Unrestricted. And if we have to blur out the clip, we'll blur out the clip. We need to. We need to show five clips every solo episode on Unrestricted. Every single Friday. Marty and I chill for what we say is going to be 40 minutes. It turns into an hour and 28 minutes every time. Every time. And we should show the most horrible clips, insane clips. It's awesome. It's fun. It's like ridiculousness, but just without a black guy. You like that? Just kidding. What's up?

[B]

Shout out.

[A]

I'm just kidding. I know that. And Chanel West Coast. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You're taking Chanel West Coast?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

And I'm gonna do this while I wear DC shoes and a straight build hat. Yeah, actually, you. You're robbed, dude.

[B]

I'm the. I'm the mix. I'm the perfect. I'm the mix of Chanel and Stilo. Cuz, like, I rap and like Chanel, I bring the videos back and like Stilo, so.

[A]

And you have the flat build hat. I'm just big black in this situation, I guess. Man. Big problems over here. Big black died 10 years ago today. I just saw the post right before

[B]

we started get the out.

[A]

Nine years ago today.

[B]

That's sad. That's horrible. Remember when he had the Balenciaga logo popping with his big black?

[A]

I didn't even know what Balenciaga meant.

[B]

Me either.

[A]

I was like, what balloons? Is that Russian? And I just kept doing whatever I was doing. The first time I saw a designer thing, I went. It was during Coven. We watched Sex in the City. Never watched it. And Rose is like, let's watch it. All right, watch it. What's up with all these person What's Valentino mean? What's Jimmy Choo? I don't know what the this means. And I'm like, oh, it matters. Like, girls. Like, oh, that. It's like fools. Like, these are. These are the six. These are the fours. Oh, in the colorway. Mocha this. Like, oh, okay, cool. And I get it. It's the first time I ever saw anything Designer. Was in 2020, right when Covet started.

[B]

I learned about that with you.

[A]

Yeah. I'm like, what did you know? There's these stores in the mall.

[B]

I genuinely didn't. I didn't know where.

[A]

I've never seen. I was like, there's, like, seven things in that store. I don't want to go in that store. Every store that's designed was at gta. Like, we have four shirts, the same shirt in four colors.

[B]

I always assumed I wasn't allowed in them. Like in Mighty Ducks 2 when they go on rodeo and then get the hell out of here.

[A]

You got me, dude. I did not watch it enough to remember that scene. Oh, no. I watched Mighty Ducks 1 five times. Much money is two and three once.

[B]

They're trying to get into, like, look at the girls and model the clothes on the. On Rodeo Drive.

[A]

Hockey.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, hockey.

[A]

Played hockey. That's different, dude. I'm so used to looking at you that I keep looking this way to look at you while looking at you. Marty. That's crazy.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Did that at least five times. This episode we've been filming for six minutes or maybe 20. I don't know. I don't know. Time on rodeo driving. They're looking at chicks. Yes.

[B]

Trying to go in. And he's like, my uncle Aaron Spelling is going to be very displeased at this.

[A]

Damn. That's back when Tori Spelling was super Fun famous. Oh, 90210 was out. Wow. The 90s were weird. You want us to hear something crazy? Seinfeld dropped on Rosie's birthday the day she was born. Seinfeld in that show are supposed to be 32 to 35. Okay, they were 32 to 35.

[B]

George is supposed to be, like, morbidly obese, too.

[A]

Yeah. And George was only supposed to be 30, I think, when this show started. 30. He was the younger one or. No. Same age as Jerry. Sorry, Elaine. Slightly younger. Kramer's like, five years older. Anyway, I've come to the real, the existential, like, death thing of life. I told Rocco today I'll figure it out. I'm gonna figure this out before we get old. We're living. We're living triple digits. All right? And it's not gonna start with one. Like, what was it? My little income and technology. We live to 200. 200, 240. Like a Talladega Nights. Like that shit's gonna happen, dude. So what the. Was I talking about how old they were?

[B]

But they were young. And boom.

[A]

It has been 36 years since that show has came out. About to be 37 years. They're now the old guys they were talking about in the show. What are you gonna do? We're old.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

They're now 70 plus. All of them are about to hit 70 or 70 plus. We watch these people's entire lives.

[B]

Mm.

[A]

It's weird because the camera's so good still. So it makes you feel like, how. How old is this? It looks a little older. Almost 40 years old. That means they're 75.

[B]

Gross.

[A]

Gross. And I watch these guys. I watch Seinfeld every single night. It's on the projector. I watch it every night no matter what. That's how I fall asleep. And these guys, man, I could start a show right now, and then some kid that's seven is gonna be my age going, that guy's 70. Like, no. I just feel like the world is click, and if I don't pay attention, I'm gonna fast forward way too fast or hit next and like, oh, let's get the decade. Damn it.

[B]

I went yesterday to this little ceremony they had. My daughter's graduating high school tomorrow. You want to talk about time warping by, like, it's like, oh, childhood's done. I completed a kid like, she's grown. Check one down. I almost. I did tear up a little bit. That was weird to think. Damn. Because the whitest of all time, like you were saying, her elementary school was like, yo, all the kids that are graduating from the school, wherever you went to high school, all the kids, the graduating class come back, we're gonna take a picture.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So you see, like, oh, it was. It was weird.

[A]

Oh, the kids that you remember.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, I meant the opposite. When I was in sixth grade, the graduating class that year came back to our sixth grade class. Like, we used to be in this class. They saw the teacher. I'm like, you fools are old.

[B]

Same idea.

[A]

17. And I was only, like, 12. My damn, these fools are old.

[B]

Moving her out to her own apartment. And this weekend, like, it is a weird time warpy thing where I just feel like I just graduated high school and was, like, hopping off and getting into the streets. And like, I'm like, you understand? I'm talking to her. You understand? Like, imagine a year from now you have a kid. You know what I'm saying? It just seems so far fetched. But I know everybody says it, but that the time is a weird warpy thing you get. You have a kid, then you have like two, three little chapters of life that happen. The kid's grown. It's weird. Maybe four, four good chapters of life and now you got an adult.

[A]

I'm trying to go to Neverland. Not Michael Jackson. I'm trying to go to Peter Pan Neverland. I trying to go to Hook Neverland. I'm not trying to go to click. I don't like it. I've see people when I do the show Merced that people I went to high school with went. You're old. I don't remember because I don't age like that. I'm like California weather. Like what season? It's December. It's. I'm sweating. That's how I feel. Like, how old are you? I got carted a couple weeks ago. I get it. I understand.

[B]

Yeah. We had a situation with the police. We had a really dumb situation with the police where heroin. It was really. It was the goofiest thing all time. And I had to come and pick up my kid and they didn't. They, they were like, thought I was too young looking to be your dad

[A]

and made me ID to make sure he wasn't stealing some girl. That's right. That's my kid. It's just agreeing. Yeah. You need the I.D. dude.

[B]

For.

[A]

Oh, maybe the thought you were like the old.

[B]

They thought I was just the homeboy coming through to.

[A]

I didn't think about it like that. I thought they were saying you're a creep. But of course she like, that's not my dad. Okay. She was pulling some. They thought that you were pulling some Ferris Bueller. Exactly. Come here. Come on, girl. Have you seen Ferris Bueller? Okay, that's the reason I like the Beatles.

[B]

Good reference.

[A]

Yeah. He now go for it. He did Twist and Shout. And I go, which song is that? Grandpa? And my grandpa was right goes, that's the Beatles. And he was right. My grandpa was never right, ever.

[B]

Oh, you got it.

[A]

He always just said for you to shut up so he could continue to watch what he was watching in a nice way. But like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, that's exactly what happened and keep moving on. Yeah. Old weird, weird times.

[B]

Yeah. OC Sheriffs, three squad cars pull up on my daughter and her friends. Because Taco Bell in the parking lot.

[A]

That's it. That's how safe her mind is.

[B]

It was just. Apparently it was a curfew.

[A]

Hey, your past curfew.

[B]

We're gonna hold you to your parents.

[A]

Come. That's how safe it is there.

[B]

Pull me out of bed at 1:30 in the morning or whatever.

[A]

We had nothing else to do.

[B]

Get me down there, bruh. Some goofy ass shit.

[A]

You were walking with that screw she can picked up at Taco Bell, right?

[B]

Literally.

[A]

It's different.

[B]

When I graduated high school, I was looking at an uphill battle. A struggle, bro. You got one in a billion chance of crashing out or making it. I said to myself, I don't want that for my kids. My whole goal is so that they. They don't have to feel like that when they graduate high school. Mission accomplished. She's graduating.

[A]

Great.

[B]

Great. She's going to Santa Barbara to go to school on the beach. She's gonna be chilling and have options. So I just. I encourage all you young people out there to think about that. Think about your future kids and them not struggling. Let that be your motivation.

[A]

Because when I was a kid, I just calculated my grade. Go. We're not doing the school project. My mom's not buying me this. We're not putting a volcano together. Can I pass while not doing. And I would calculate like now I'm gonna take my B to A to an F. I'm. I have to do this project because my mom's. My mom's like your older sister. That's like, do I have to bring him? Do I have to have them here like we want to. This was optional. You're not even religious. Get an abortion. Why am I here?

[B]

Why am I encouraging you to get.

[A]

Why am I here? You should have just got rid of me if you didn't want me here. You're not religious. It's the 90s. Portion's not bad. Oh, no. That was worse back then, huh? Now is hoes. You like that? That girl's gonna get mad. The one girl watching right now is gonna get so mad.

[B]

The girl that your mom on last week at the club watching, she's like, I get it. I understand.

[A]

Oh, real quick. I forgot a piece of my set without even realizing it. Pissed me the off.

[B]

That's how you know you're a real comic though.

[A]

I completely went. I was doing a set going. Did I forget? I forgot my whole Miami bit. Forgot it out of my gangster set because I cut.

[B]

I only had oh, the Dominican show. Yeah, it happens. It's fine. It means you're.

[A]

There's a real black dudes. I wanted to go, hey. Oh yeah. Because they were dying. I would like diet. Yes. That's how you know you're just gonna laugh. If you're dying at that, you're fine. Anyway, did the Haha comedy club? Crushed it. I genuinely looked around like, don't hype me up, dude. Don't scream. There was people cackling. Cackle loud as do. I had to wait. I went, damn. What the. I said that. What the. In my head I'm like, that was not. Oh, maybe it was that funny. Thanks, guys. Thanks, man. You do have the best job. Thanks, man.

[B]

Start thanking the crowd and.

[A]

No, I was talking about. I have disabilities. I was talking about Pineapple Express. Like, you do have the best job. I do. Thanks, man. He's talking about.

[B]

You are.

[A]

You do have that best job. You are a drug dealer. I don't remember what's happening anyway. Haha. Comedy club. That was fun. This is coming out after, so you'll miss it. Sunday. I'm just getting back from doing the Emerald City comedy Club in Seattle. I don't remember the street. Dopashyllo.com for all tickets. I'm be with David Lucas this weekend and I got unlimited time.

[B]

Oh, nice. How many shows too? One.

[A]

One. It was five. It was five. Four got reset. Two days got rescheduled.

[B]

And tell them about the nonsense. Maybe next time.

[A]

The nonsense. No, I don't know. I don't know if they want that out there like that. I'll just say supposed to be five. Supposed to be five. They got rescheduled. David's the man. David's funny as I'd never seen Renee vodka set till I performed with him the other day. Feels funny because you only see crowd work online.

[B]

Feels funny.

[A]

His head's funny, dude.

[B]

Oh, you don't think about that like they. They do the crowd work just to put out online. But it's like.

[A]

And that's why I don't post. I'm not posting my set. I'm posting a little. That suicide thing was a throwaway. Like, it was just like a. Yeah, that was fun. If I keep it, I keep. If I don't, it's fine. I just thought of that while we were driving. Remember we're driving? Yeah, they do kill themselves for no reason, huh? Japanese are dumb. What about white man? I just start writing it down.

[B]

It's a great book.

[A]

I just thought it was funny. It was just like, an easy thing I just made up. Obviously, there could be more to it, but Renee's funny as hell. Never seen him. I've only seen a perform with Ken, and him and Ken were just talking to each other on stage the whole set. So I've never seen Renee's jokes. He's funny, man. Real funny. I'm excited.

[B]

He's crushing it. So many people from the podcast are just crushing it in comedy right now.

[A]

Oh, Renee told me he. He. He brought that three, one, zero, baby dude. And he came up to. He's like, you're the YouTuber that smokes weed. I go, yeah, I am. What's up, man? He goes, oh, three, one. I go, oh, you're the dude from Ethica the rapper. Because he has a collab with ethical. We have his stuff in that room.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And Renee's like, yeah, she go on a show. He won't. He doesn't like me, so I'm not on a show. And I went, are you for real? He goes, why am I on the show? Yeah. I go, I've asked you four times. No, you haven't. What you smoke? Four goes, did you ask me? I'm like, full. I've asked you multiple times. I asked your manager. I've had. He's like, oh. I was like, the last time I asked you was with Ken. And I was like, I'm not gonna keep asking.

[B]

Dude, we will ask you a dozen times just to make sure.

[A]

Yeah. After, like, the fifth time, like, ah, you let me know when you want to come on, dude. So we'll have Renee on very soon. It was super sick. Jojo Garcia. I've been doing shows with a lot. He's super cool, super nice, dude. His dad passed away recently. You guys probably know Jeff Garcia, the comedian. So Jojo's his son. He's been doing a lot of shows. Officially next month, I'm gonna throw my own night.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Just so I can get more time. Oh, I'll go up there the haha or something, and like, yo, I'm gonna do 10 at the front, host it, bring up five different people. And then how does that work?

[B]

You just tell them you want a night.

[A]

If I could fill up a room, they're gonna be like, I don't care who you are.

[B]

Yeah, okay.

[A]

Yeah. And I'll bring Everybody out by 10 bucks. Dude, I don't want to make money off this. I'm gonna give all the money to the comedians, because usually the host that sets it up keeps the money. But the first three. I'm like, yo, I made two bands. Here's 500. Here's 500. 500.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Good karma forever. Now I'll start trying to make money off comedy after once. I'm like, yeah, no, this is what I do. Yeah. I'm excited, guys. And I talked about yesterday on Live. All I really care about is just doing more and more sets and more and more. Just doing more stuff. I forgot. Dude, Marty was the best stand up you've ever seen. Don't say Pimp Chronicles unless that's the best one you've ever seen. His eyes went big. You see him.

[B]

It's definitely. Pimp Chronicles is up. Pimp Chronicles is up there. The first things that pop into my mind is Eddie Murphy raw in the road. Chris Rock, bigger and blacker.

[A]

I've never watched that.

[B]

No. He had the Colorado Rockies logo in the background.

[A]

Never seen.

[B]

I remember the sets and the outfits. Chappelle

[A]

gild him softly.

[B]

Yep. Baby on the corner.

[A]

Hey, baby.

[B]

And. And Rogan. Rogan. Rogan. The one where he had the TNT thing on the front. He had the yellow kangal hat on. He was talking about Iraq. Weed back. Stoner Rogan.

[A]

That's old as.

[B]

So that's going to be my top that I can think of for now.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

There was also some of the Chappelle's recent too on Netflix was really good too.

[A]

I like the one where you smoked a cigarette.

[B]

Right? All of them.

[A]

All. I'm just kidding. All right, so I'm a big fan of comedy. You guys know that. I want you guys to do me a favor. No, I want you guys to do yourselves a favor and watch a certain stand up special. Marty, you watch it too, okay? I don't know if you know who this is. He's disappeared off the face of the earth. He's just like Prince. It's like, yeah, I'll come back when I want and I'll drop some for you and disappear. Do you know who Bo Burnham is?

[B]

No.

[A]

So, Bo Burnham, there's a. There's a stand up. He says many standard specials. There's a Santa special he has called. What? I believe it's his first one. I think it might be, hands down the best thing I've ever seen in terms of comedy and live performances.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It might be the most well thought out thing I've ever seen and makes the idea of my phone thing. I was. I don't say it, but I have this. I want to do a one man show. I don't really want to do Stand up like that. I want to. I want to be like, this is a play. That's what I've always wanted to do. I wanted to be. If I do story time and stories come out, I want the background to change for fake trees come in. And now I'm doing, like, I want this to be a show. I want to be. I don't give a if in 10 years. I'm like, death was on Broadway. But yeah, one man show. It's four hours long and I have to go to the bathroom in the middle of it every time. Like, it is so funny. It is so good. Bo Burnham's Stand Up. It's an hour, like, eight minutes.

[B]

Bo Burnham sounds like the sickest producer tag of all time.

[A]

Yeah, Marty, he's just so good.

[B]

I literally don't know anything about him.

[A]

Might be the best stand up I've ever seen in my life. It's just so well thought out. There's external environment things. 10 of it is jokes. There's a. It's a one man play. Those lights changes. There's. There's a piano. There's different instruments. There's. It's theater performance. It's a theater performance that happens to be hilarious. And this guy stands up and four times, hard as in the middle of a set, and goes right back to what he's doing and doesn't miss a beat. Nobody went, oh, this one. Yeah, that. That makes sense, actually, because this is the craziest I've ever seen in my life. And please don't take away just that from this episode. You might have to bleep that so we don't get censored. Meant to censor ourselves so we don't get more censored. Anyway, it's so wild and off the wall that when he did it go, yeah, yeah. What else could you do? Like, that would make me go, oh,

[B]

is he like, over the top or is he like Mitch Hedberg with it?

[A]

No, it's like watching Crash Bandicoot controlled. Like Tasmanian Devil when he cleans up the Space Jam locker or the floor controlled. It is so spastic and weird and awkward and hilarious and well thought out. And then you're like, this is the goofiest thing while being like, that's the deepest joke I've ever. What the. Is this guy gonna kill himself? Like, that's how I feel. Like, are you. You're sad. You could just hear like, oh, God, you're so smart that you're sad. It's. It's like his. It's Hard to explain. It's really weird.

[B]

A lot of it's just going over people's heads mostly.

[A]

I wouldn't say all of it, but a lot of it's like. It's just hard to explain, man. A lot of it's music. A lot of it's music. And he's playing the piano, he's singing, and he's got, like real Pixar style melodies. Like, this shit's good. It's incredible. I love it so much. I can't get over how much. How good it is, dude.

[B]

It made me just like, what age

[A]

bracket is he now? He's my age. He's our age.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

Exactly our age.

[B]

I was picturing, like a Josh Wolf style.

[A]

He started. He started when he was like 19. He was a big kid on Vine. 16. He started when he's 16 on Vine. He was the fun. I thought he was funny on vine. And then I saw him do some comedy once. I go, he's gonna be perfect for it. And I saw a stand up when it came out like 12, 15 years ago when. This is incredible. What is this? The best stand up I've ever seen in person live was John Mulaney at the. At this Hollywood Bowl. Shocking. That fool was so damn on point with every single thing. There was not a single mess misused word. Like, there wasn't any dead time. There was no downtime. There was no nothing. It was that I left to beat the traffic. He was still on stage. It was an hour and 28 minutes. And it went. We should. There's no way he's gonna keep going, right? No, no, he kept going. I heard him while I was getting in the Uber. Still, it took, like, me 20 minutes. Yeah. To get my car and everything, but I beat the traffic. I just. I don't know, man. And then one of the funniest things I've ever seen in, like, la. One of the funniest sets I've ever seen. Rocco Vinegary. This is a comedian named Ray Lau. He's an Asian dude. He is so funny. I just performed with him the other day and at the Laugh Factory.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

Yeah, nice. I came up to him like, oh, man, your shit's funny. He's like, my brother's here because he's excited for you. He goes, no, I'll go. You'll know who it is. Oh, where's he? I go, you'll know. And Rocco, I just said he's hilarious like five times. Like, oh, so he knows. Exactly. Because I saw Rocco later just Running around taking pictures. I'm like, did you meet Ray Lao? He goes, yeah. I told him he was funny every time I saw him go, yeah, he's gonna be a superstar. He's gonna be doing Madison Square Garden one day. Going to call that right now. That guy's so funny and well put together. It's over that. I can't even remember the bit was. But the way he was moving during that hip. I'll never forget the way he's moving. Like, that guy's funny. Dude.

[B]

It's funny. You say that like, it wasn't that long ago that, like, Shane Gillis and Tony Hoff and all these, like, arena MSG style comedians that we see now, they were just like regular, regular podcast circuit. That was not even that long ago.

[A]

Regular.

[B]

Dude, it's so.

[A]

Dude, they were still funny.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They just got the audience to go, oh, this guy's fun. I never seen him. That's all it takes. It just takes you to open up. Rayla. I would have never known if I didn't see him perform when I went with Rocco to laugh factory 3 months ago Just to go watch. When you go see Noel Miller. We went to go see, but he didn't. He ended up canceling that night. So that's what. We all went to go see him recently. Went saw Miller recently. That's how we saw Ray Loud because he, like, I think he filled in.

[B]

Gotcha. I love catching a new comic like that. When you don't expect a.

[A]

That is funny. He's one of those guys that has a day job. Like, he's like, coming up as a comedian still. I was like, you still have life experiences and observations. Just like, I was on the road. Hey, I was on the road. Like, I don't know what it is, man. That funniest guy I've seen in a while. Funniest performance ever. I saw the Hollywood bowl and the best stand up I've ever seen. I think it has to be. And people. Some people won't agree. I don't give a. That shit's fun.

[B]

It's interesting. You're getting like a different perspective from somebody working a day job than like a comedian that's on the road only doing comedy. You're getting a such person just completely different.

[A]

And now being on stage going, oh, man, this crowd sucks. Oh, man, this crowd's dope. John Mulaney. I can't. It's gonna take me a while to get to that point. Do an hour and a half, man. Oh, my God.

[B]

Masterful.

[A]

Perfect. I wish. I almost want to take a class. Like he was talking about the improv class. I almost want to take one of these classes, man. Every never been taught anything.

[B]

Everybody in, like, the class before us in like entertainment, you had to do that. You had to do that. They were all doing that for decades. The comedians and actors and like, people that became podcasters, that Second street, those improv classes. I think it just teach you to be better on your feet, period. Like, just quick.

[A]

Yeah, I gotta remember everyone in the audience is Aaron. Just talk. It's okay. I always hold back. I always hold back, dude. Yeah, yeah, that's weird. And I keep going. My sex. I want to forget it now. It's like my set. Would you just say I can see your knees. Why can't I see your knees right now, dude? Yeah, you're at a comedy show. Put some pants on. Go upstairs, put on some lotion. What is this?

[B]

No to a damn.

[A]

I don't have to throw it no more. That's cool. You know, for you being over there and me being a dumbass, I'm surprised I didn't GI Joe you.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Zip line over. No, no. Oh, put a GI Joe on a zip line. Put a pen. Pen cap in his hand because it hangs onto the line. And then you stick the joint in the big pen cap. Yeah, I wasted that whole year and a half.

[B]

Could have used one of these wires. Would have been really easy.

[A]

Dude, when your sister sucks and your parents suck and nobody hangs out with you, you come up with some fishing string and toys. I'm gonna have an army dropping right now.

[B]

I used to make traps. That was my thing with the fishing string and back in the day.

[A]

Oh, yeah. No, I wouldn't. I didn't want to hurt nobody. My luck. They hit their head after they fall. Just me. Like, I know my luck. Oh, you lost your leg because of me. The fishy work right through his leg or something stupid. Dude. I don't know.

[B]

I wasn't thinking about that.

[A]

Dude, I always think about that.

[B]

I had this one little cousin I was. We trying to lure right into it. Like, walk right in here like one

[A]

of my plastic knives. There's an anvil on the door. Just walk right here. I'm going to kill you. My aunt's going to hate me. Yeah, no. Okay, you know what? I lied. I used to set little traps, but, like, for my sister, I put the water cup on top of the door open one time.

[B]

Okay, that's standard.

[A]

Did not work. They have to be lined up Right under it. Like, that's why they do buckets. Yeah, you can't just do a water. A Pocahontas plastic water cup that gets hot and changes color with your body temp. Remember those? That's what cup I put up there. The body.

[B]

I came so close to getting April's aunt with the Saran Wrap on the doorway. The one time.

[A]

You're a grown man.

[B]

Yeah, I was grown at the time, Okay. I was like, april, we like live together.

[A]

Okay. The one you lived with. You're trying to prank her.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I know you just came home for a long day of paying for this house. Let me prank your ass also. You think you can take me to the store and then move into the studio because I'm a rapper?

[B]

Yeah, it's exactly going to happen.

[A]

You should have got her with the plas. Like, I'm a rapper.

[B]

What you I wrapped you.

[A]

Would you expect all kinds of rapid. It's coming out me more bars should have rap it. Do as she suffocating. What's up, guys? Taking a moment to talk about the sponsor of this episode. Want to say a special shout out to my boogie. As you know, you can bet with my boogie on anything, anytime, anywhere. Remember, no matter what you do, you use our code dope as usual. There's always a deal. We always got something going. Right now we're doing the bet back bonus up to 500. If you lose your bet up to 500, my bookie will just refund you. It's a win win situation because even if you lose, you get your money back. But if you win, you win. This is a super cool first entry bonus deal they're doing with us. Nonstop championship stuff going on. Remember, bet with my bookie. Right now, you can bet on the Stanley Cup. We got the Carolina Hurricanes versus the Vegas Golden Knights. And if you remember, we had Dr. Dubrow on here a couple months ago and he talked about the Golden Knights. And then I happened to go to a game that night. So, yeah, they made it all the way to the Stanley cup. Same season we were talking about them. So if you think they're going to win or you think the Hurricanes are going to win, bet. And remember, use our code dope as usual on the bet back bonus up to 500 bucks. Also remember, there's going to be a UFC fight on the White House lawn coming up very soon. If you want to bet on that, bet with my bookie. Bet on anything, anytime, anywhere. Back to the episode. What's the number? What's the One thing that's happened to you that you're like, no one will ever believe it. I'm glad you're here. I wish I had it on tape because Bob Saget would give me 10 bands if it was 1998 for America's Funniest Home Videos. Like, I remember one thing I did and went, no one's. I'm glad someone's here. Like. Like some movie. Has that ever happen? You ever did anything as a kid? You're like, no one was gonna believe I just did that. Nobody. Nobody saw that. Does that ever happen?

[B]

Yeah, there's a lot of. Like that.

[A]

Like what though?

[B]

Like some dumbass. When you, when you said that, the first thing that came to mind was when I got pulled over on my way to my first day of work. One time the cop pulled me over, he took my license. He's looking at it, he got a call on his thing and he's like, wait here. Took my license and left. And I'm on my way to my first day on this new job that I'm working for this gangster ass dude that's a chop shop, collections agency.

[A]

And.

[B]

And I'm like, a cop just took my license and like left me here. But I can't leave because he got my license. Then like a half hour came by and bro came back, gave my license.

[A]

What do you say? Sorry for the wait.

[B]

Not even. He just gave me my. Let me go better than ticket. That's what came to mind because I was half an hour goofy as that.

[A]

Okay, okay.

[B]

If I really thought about though, there'd be a bunch of dumbass.

[A]

Though there's a bunch of dumb. Like when I was a kid. Oh man. Just. Just things that I'm like, dude, I think I might be superhuman. I think I'm just.

[B]

Oh, not like goofy and like.

[A]

No, goofy. It could be goofy. Like one time me and my Uncle Carl's were chasing each other and this full got me and my uncle Carlos is four years younger than me. So when you get me, it's like, I'm not gonna let you be the last one. I gotta get the last. No matter what it is. Like, there's no way I'm gonna let your ass get me, dude. We used to play tag and I tag him and I'd have to leave for the weekend, back to home, and I'd tag him and hop in the car, lock the doors, but sorry, man, see you next weekend. And he would just be crazy, crying like, you, dude, what do you want me to do? You're it. As soon as we get part up, you're it. And I lower the window. But anyway, one time he got me and he got away. And there's a. There's a metal gate in between my grandma's garage and the front door. And that closes. It's hard to open. It's broken. So it's like, oh no. He got it and locked it on me. And I looked at him through the gate like when you trap a raptor and you think, hey, I was looking and I went, I made this raptor noise. I'm like, I'm gonna get your ass. And I ran around the garage and I just picked up a broom. No reason. So it. The broom with the plastic bristles? Yeah. And I turned that and I had it like this and I ran and I saw him and he went, ah. And he started running to my grandma's and I said it and I threw the broom like spear. And I looked at him like, there's no way, if I can even touch him, I'm gonna lose my mind. He's running up the three steps into my grandma's front door. As he's running, he slams the door. But as he does it, my broom goes in, goes in between his running legs and it goes. You know how the like stick in the spokes?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

It works on legs. I got him and he went. Smacked his face, door shut.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

And I just started walking away like, there's no way.

[B]

It's like an apocalyptic.

[A]

Yes, that's exactly how I felt like. Did you see that? Oh yeah, that's right. There's no cell phones and I'm six. No one saw.

[B]

No.

[A]

I must have been like eight because he's three and a half years younger than me. There's no way. I threw at 2 year old and he locked the door on me. We had to been older. Yeah, like that. Fun. Oh, man. You know what I saw today? This guy's like, I don't think I'm leaving China. He's like, I just played a pickup game and there's a guy here that was. There's a camera at top and there's two cameras in the back of the things like san this QR code. I'll make you a highlight reel of your shots of a pickup game. He just started things like. There's a highlight reel of everyone. Everyone has a highlight because I'm never leaving China. This guy's doing it for free. There's a guy sits there at the court just to make videos for people in China, like, that's what he's doing. Could you imagine that for football?

[B]

I would give to have that from my childhood. A highlight reel. I don't have one video, nothing.

[A]

It's all hearsay.

[B]

Not a picture.

[A]

Basically, I have one good catch. One time that I remember. Like, I'm gonna go to the NFL, guys. I don't think you know what just happened.

[B]

I was walking around with that NBA swag from seventh grade through sophomore year of college when I dropped out from 11 to 21. Just so far from not even close.

[A]

Hey, you never know. You could have been forced trained, dude.

[B]

It's true. Steph Curry's not that athletic or tall. It's pretty white, actually.

[A]

He's very athletic.

[B]

Not compared to like LeBron.

[A]

He's just bigger.

[B]

You know what I'm saying? He's not more average human compared to most NBA players.

[A]

Yeah, because he's like, what, six, two?

[B]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. He's somebody I could look at and be like, all right, it's possible. I guess I just got to be the best shooter of all time.

[A]

Threes in your face. All he does is yeah. And gets every shot on you. Hey, who cares?

[B]

As long as I could be the greatest shooter of all time, maybe I have a chance.

[A]

Yeah, if I don't know, man. It's like, what was it? Little giants? Like, I beat him once. You just need one. Yeah, if I can get one shot off on stuff.

[B]

Crap is actually a better path now. Like, you think about it. The chances actually making money through basketball. Could you imagine? You got one path to make money, and it's the NBA and it's the most compared to rap.

[A]

Got you one better.

[B]

Even though I never made a dollar off rap.

[A]

There's 900 rappers all with lil. You're not making it, dog. Change your name. Okay, What I'm saying is rap is dying. Music and streams are dying, okay? Concerts are dying. Maybe not as good as a route as you're a superstar athlete, but you're not going to NFL. You start your camp, you start your program, you get your warehouse. You train these athletes that will make

[B]

it to the end of NBA.

[A]

Then you train them for free for a 1% of your first year. This blah, blah, I'll train you for free. I'll do all this stuff. Then you just made a million dollars and then you make another warehouse. By the time you're 32, he's like, I own five properties in Long beach and I can still dunk, right? That's that sounds the route I would go. Train the guys that will make it for free because they can't afford it yet, but when they will afford it, you have a contract signed. Like, you're going to have to pay me for this time once you get your contract. And if you don't, you're going to pay me. This is like, that's my pro bono tax write off. Train this kid for free for a year While I charge 15 others to

[B]

build up your credentials and stuff.

[A]

Not even that. Just to be like, yo, this guy trained here? Are you with full sale? How low are you to full cell? Imagine the full cell got you into the full cell NBA.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, this is the guy that got me here, did it for free while I was 17 years old. He picked me up. Like, you do that, you get yourself a van, you start getting tax right off. You get a coach, you get another coach, you get another fool. And then at a point, you're just like running athletes.

[B]

Have you seen the mobile gym pull up?

[A]

Yes, I love it.

[B]

Super sick, love it. Are you kidding me?

[A]

Very cool.

[B]

All that type of like. I guess. Yeah, you can get real creative with it.

[A]

I guess I was trying to write a bit out. I was thinking, could you imagine how much money a dude's walking out of the bar? Go. Mobile strip club, huh? Whoa. Right out in the parking lot. Let's go. We don't have to drive. There's no cover fee. I'm gonna spend every dollar. I. You know they would.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

In a semi, park it.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

In a semi. Stationary. There's sections. It might look bomb inside. And then before you know it, ready? I'm at a strip club, drunk as I'm in Vegas. Oh, wait, no, I'm not. Oh, that's right. I'm in the back of a truck. I forgot.

[B]

There's no difference. Ac. You got a little room separation. Some holes. You're good.

[A]

Some holes. And women. He was talking about water hoses, guys. He respects women.

[B]

Get you a nice pina colada in that, you're good to go.

[A]

A nice pina colada. Kick your shoes off. Jesus Christ.

[B]

No, I'm on my luxury, guys.

[A]

Marty went to his homies, his rich homie's house. His rich homie had a personal chef there and assistance. Now, Marty can't not live that way.

[B]

No, it's true. I was bougie before that, though, because I went to Maui. I've been bougie since.

[A]

For about a month.

[B]

Been bougie.

[A]

Bougie for a month. And eight days called. Cool. 40 days, man. Man, they did 40 years in the desert. I'm doing 40 years in luxury.

[B]

And. And don't get it twisted that you guys remember from last season of the podcast or whatever that fool. I think it was actually episode one maybe of last year or some full. Ran the red light. T bone my truck.

[A]

That was definitely for that trip. That was longer. It was no way that.

[B]

However long it took. That long. But bro paid for Maui, so. Shout out to him and all my troubles.

[A]

My disc that came out of place. Shout out to my disc that came out of place from Maui trip. Dude, I need like 15 Maui trips right now from. From all the movies. The movie company that my uncle owned or something because my shit's. We're getting better. I'm gonna take a dab. Can I get. I don't even have the rig.

[B]

Shout out to your family, too. Your cousin Adrian came through like a superhero. We had a little situation and he came down and he went above and beyond.

[A]

Yeah. My whole family does moving. Whole family. Everyone has a competing company against each other. One did like, I'm going to do it. I'm going.

[B]

Oh, they're all different.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I thought it was just one thing.

[A]

No, dude, my dad has. My uncle wants My husband. My other uncle has one. My cousin has one. Remember my uncle. I told you when I moved to Portland and. Yeah. One of the biggest companies in America.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He got divorced. Company's gone. She let it. She. It's a whole nother story. It's crazy to lose like a mill because you're a weirdo. Anyway. Anyway. Lose a mill because you just made a bad boyfriend decision. Okay. Yeah. So they all have competing companies, dude. All of them. And then I won't get into it. Crazy. But my uncle, my cousin, we're all the same age. They have competing companies. There's a camera footage from a business because my. One of my uncles put up signs like, hey, come call me. And there's a video of somebody slicing and cutting it down. And he's like, that's him talking about my cousin. My uncle's like, that's my cousin. That's him. I know. It is like, dog, I know him my whole life. That's not even the shape of his head. I can see that's not him. He's like, no, it's him. And they got into a big feud, like where somebody went up and down and slashed every tire in their neighborhood. Why are you. The neighbor's cars up? That's crazy. I Don't know if it was him. We're just assuming because it happened right after, you know, I can only be so, like, I wonder who it was. Somebody got a dead cow head thrown through their front window.

[B]

That's cool. I've never considered doing that to a guy.

[A]

Oh, man. Did the kid. Was a cow already dead, dude, no,

[B]

you got to do it fresh.

[A]

I mean, my grandma has cows and kills them and sells the meat. I wonder who did that. Because Mong was like, nah, I didn't do that. Like, fool, you're wearing a leather jacket. No, I was kidding. But I was like, who do you think did it? Like, who do you think did it? Stupid grandma has cows? Who lives there? They just killed a cow the other day. Like, it's just. It was so wild. Like, exactly. No, when he said it, go. What, Through a cow head? Through my front window? Like, are you. Why don't you guys just fight?

[B]

Definitely. Just. Just box, slap, box, slap league. Do a roast battle.

[A]

Box. Dude, if it's that serious, fight each other.

[B]

If you're gonna take a decapitated animal

[A]

and throw it through the wind.

[B]

Vehicle. It's too much. You gotta just fucking.

[A]

Just started talking again.

[B]

It's too passive aggressive.

[A]

Just started talking again. It's been like, seven years.

[B]

When you say through the windshield, like,

[A]

it's shattered through the house window. The front window, Marty. Through the front window, dude. Not through the car. Not. Okay, I'll get that cleaned. This is where I live now. There's glass and blood. My kids are here. Like, what the.

[B]

You came home to it like that.

[A]

It's the middle of the night. They woke up to a head like, what was that? Ah, a cow head. Like, it's the God. The Godfather wakes up with his horse's head next to him.

[B]

That's a mafia show.

[A]

And we still don't know to this day who did it, but I'll say maybe the guy that has dead cows at his house and lives a mile away. Yo, this is crazy.

[B]

I'm no FBI agent.

[A]

I'm no detective.

[B]

No, no.

[A]

When that happened, I'm like, no, it didn't, Thomas. There's a dead cow head in my trash. But no, there's not. Goes. I had to clean up. Okay, I believe you. All the neighbor's tires.

[B]

Come on, man.

[A]

You know what that means. It was late, they were faded, and they couldn't remember which cars was whose, so they said, slash them all. That's exactly what happened. Just box each other. You guys are family. I'm not gonna do that to somebody. Also dab in here already. Oh, I fell asleep last night.

[B]

Is there anything better?

[A]

Yeah, I've had hella money in there. Oh, my God. A mill tax. It says tax free on it. Wow. Let me fill this up, Uncle Phil. Let me. Uncle Phil this.

[B]

It's been the hottest hash in the streets.

[A]

The hottest hash in the streets. I like that. I don't know. I have no idea. In your world, I get the same hash from the same guys all the time. Oh, I stopped being heady. Remember? I told you guys I'm gonna be transparent right now. The only thing. So don't be like, that guy's gross. Spending that much money. I don't have kids. I don't have any vices other than this. Really, I'll do anything, buy shit. I'm wearing shorts. Someone gave me a shirt I made.

[B]

It's true.

[A]

I don't really buy stuff. Like, you have crazy cars. Hey, asshole, I had a car before. All I did was upgrade that bitch. Yeah, it's a cool car, but if you think about it, a couple racks a month, you pay for a car. A crazy car, if you can, you know, it's not like you buy it all at once.

[B]

Make a big play for a down payment. Yeah, go get the car. If you want.

[A]

If you want. If you don't want, don't do it. But what I'm saying is the only thing I'm spending my money on is weed. And people really don't. Like, you get free weed. It's different for you. Like, I give it all away. 99.9 of the weed I get, I'm like, no, give it to somebody. I already have the weed I want to smoke. That's gonna go bad. By the time I even get to. It's gonna get dry. I might as well give it to somebody now. They don't gotta buy weed. I give people weed so they don't have to buy weed. I hope it saves you.

[B]

God bless.

[A]

Like, I hope it saves you some money, dude.

[B]

It does. It does.

[A]

Let's go. Yeah, I already did the promo for the people, so they get what they needed. I did it for free. So they like, y' all give me the weed. I'll post it for you. That's cool. I'll just help you out. I only do that for nice people. I don't do that for, like, tough tethers. I support these fools forever.

[B]

Organic sport.

[A]

They're awesome. Cool wife and husband couple. They're awesome people. I met him once. Anyway, every time I was going to this black market spot. I was spending at least three bands.

[B]

God damn.

[A]

Every single time on weed and hash. I was going twice, three times a month.

[B]

That's a lot.

[A]

No, that's too much, bro.

[B]

So much.

[A]

Not every time I was spending that much. I'll take it back. Not every time. When I was getting like, let me get this. I did that once a month. The other times I go there and try spending the rack at least, because the hash is 200 bucks a gram. 150. It was all that crazy I was getting.

[B]

Remember that's like your, your personal assistant right there, you know what I'm saying?

[A]

After I was like, wait, when did I come here last? I checked the text, wait, that was a week ago. I smoked all the hashtag. What am I doing, dude? We gotta remember like 2, 3K. You're like, that's insane.

[B]

What are you so expensive?

[A]

It's so expensive. It's stupid. But think about it. A gram. I'm getting two gram jars or they're a hundred dollar grams. Two hundred a jar. I get five jars of a thousand dollars. I will smoke two jars in a day.

[B]

Five jars for a thousand dollars?

[A]

Yeah. Each jar is two grams. A hundred dollars a gram. Each jar is 200 bucks. Five jars is a thousand. But think about it. I get a stack of these. This flavor. Get a stack of this flavor. Like I'm 2k in.

[B]

Yeah, no, on just a couple jars.

[A]

So it's not like I'm like, damn. Well, you're smoking three bands worth of. I'm like, no, I'm buying the most expensive you could possibly touch. Because I want to experience it. I've never tried it. I want to try it. And then I got hooked on the ice hatch. That's just a hundred gram. Like, oh no. That got me narcotically high. So I was like, I don't care, I'll buy it. I don't buy nothing else. I don't spend nothing else. This is my job. That's what I do. I need experience these things. It.

[B]

This is professionalism, actually.

[A]

Yeah. I was like, no, dude, I have a fridge full of weed I don't want. I'm gonna give it to somebody. I'm gonna spend this much money in this house. This is stupid. This is dumb. Dumb situation. What am I doing? What I do? Work with the companies I like and just be like, don't pay me, give me hash. Yes, I'll take that. And it's cheaper for you because you've made it at cost Instead of paying me, now you're getting that. They would love nothing more. More. Give me at cost. Like, yeah, 60 bucks for cost. Or I can give it to you as payment and it's a hundred. Yeah, I just made $40 off of promo, and you're smoking my. And I made 40 bucks. The company wins. Yeah, you win. Give me the hash, dude. That's all I care about. Just give me the hash. Thanks.

[B]

Period.

[A]

That's it, Leo. Also, the eights I was getting, the eights were 150. Remember that? That crazy. I was trying. I was doing video. Hold on. I was doing videos on stuff. Remember that? I'm not buying that. Expensive to go. Ooh. I was doing videos on it, too. Like, it was making content. It was fun, but it's unobtainable. If I made a billion dollars is the only way I can do that. It's not sustainable. You know how much money that is? That's more than all my bills. I double my bills for hat. No, stupid dude. Anyway, I got a zip, and the zip was 800. And I'm like, let me get a one and a half. I'll save half. And then it had so much other. It kind of got dry on me. What am I doing here, man? It's always a gamble. Like, is this weed worth it? Is this. All right, this lemon's 120. An eighth. Let me try one eighth. But I'm like, dude, I did four of those. Four different companies. I just spent 900, $880 or no, what am I saying? 800, 100, $480 on a half buy. $960 ounce. Are you Bill Gates? Don't do that. Because he doesn't got the money. That's just expensive, dude. I can't. I can't do that. And you got to remember, it's like, yeah, I can't write this off. My lawyers, my accountant's still trying, but it's almost like I can. It's an expense. I don't care about the tax thing. If I can write it off, I can't. Don't care. What I'm saying in the end is, like, if I spend that much money, if I'm spending at least 5 to $7,000 on weed a month, what the are you doing?

[B]

If it's not a write off.

[A]

That's not even if it's not. Stop. That's dumb, dude.

[B]

You have to be able to lock in with, like, a grower or something

[A]

that you like, because I can't find. Remember I used to buy a pound every month and I'd smoke that pound for about three weeks. Get down to the bottom, buy another pound that was costing me like fifteen hundred dollars. Eighteen hundred bucks. Perfect. Thanks. A little three hundred, five hundred a week habit. And I can roll huge joints and give people weed all the time and it's a like perfect sick. But those pounds are like 7 to 10k the ones I was getting now. What the is this stupid? What I'm saying is I went through my phase for about eight months straight where I spent that much money every month. And when I realized when I looked through my text the last time I went, that was a week ago. I'm not going here anymore. I can't. I can't afford that. That's. I can afford that. If I don't smoke like I smoke one jar should last me two to three days of a two grams. I smoke it in a day and then I work on the next one in the same day and probably go to the next. Sucks.

[B]

The little, the little grams. The grams go instantly. The two grams, everything should be two grams. I feel like that's the denomination to start with. Yeah, I want to bring a 5 grammar into the equation too mad when

[A]

John wouldn't give me a one grammar, like I only want one gram of this. He goes, dude, it's so much better. And I'm like, do not give me a one gram jar. What are you doing? It's like gone.

[B]

Two servings.

[A]

80 bucks.

[B]

Yeah, right.

[A]

I can't do that. Dude. That's. That's what it is though. I 200 gram and I cut a piece of it. This is a $40 dab arm. Who am I? And the thing is, I never asked for a discount ever. And those fools see my car and go, I am going to charge this full price. And I, I can't say no. I'm not going to ask for a discount. Pulling up in a car. And also I don't want to ask for a discount. This fool needs to make money. But they see me coming. I look like the teachers to me when I was selling we like this f got a government job. Three 320 ounce. They like. Okay, cool, cool. But I mean the first time. Sorry, Nathan. The first time I ever text this guy Nathan, I went, bless your soul, dude, did you just say yes to 380? I'm selling these for $200. You just paid the half of my rent in one ounce. He bought an ounce a week. That guy paid my rent. Shout out to Nathan and the Merced school system. Wait, he didn't work for the schools? What the am I saying? He did tv. Yeah. Isn't that crazy? Broadcasting sick. Anyway, his name's not really Nathan either, so it's fine. It's Nathan. He had a house he owned. I would pull up in his garage, it would open and he would close it halfway down. Like, my daughter's inside. So we do quick, man, this guy wears a suit to work. He's like 6 foot 10. Not for real, but he's tall as. Like. I remember Mean Ed's outfit. Like, yeah, man, you go, man. 360. This time it was a little cheaper. Oh, because I got this for 110. Like, I feel too bad, man. I can't keep doing this to you. But I'll do it to you if you ask me for some weed. Yeah. It got to that point, I'm done. I will not be. I can't do that anymore. I'm not gonna do that anymore. It's ridiculous.

[B]

So what's the alternative?

[A]

Alternative is I started getting weed from Kaja Verde and Big Brain.

[B]

Shout out. Both of them. Shout out.

[A]

There it is. Their weed is so good. It's so damn clean. And it is not an arm and a leg. Literal arm and a leg. Like I could buy a prosthetic arm and a leg for how much I'm spending on weed. Like, this is the only time on earth I could. Yeah, yeah, it makes sense.

[B]

Bionic.

[A]

A bionic arm and a leg, dude. Spending a Honda, a used Honda, every month. What a dumb, dumb, dumb decision. I was doing that every month.

[B]

I mean, at least you're authentic to this.

[A]

Yeah, like four to five months straight at least. No, maybe more. Ah.

[B]

Is there a lot of people living like that or not so much?

[A]

You think I'm on the lower end of spending bougie? I know people that are spending 500 bands a week a month on weed. Yeah, horrible. They might move some of it, but if they buy 10 pounds and they're 9k each, just 90k.

[B]

Hold on. What?

[A]

Some of these pounds are 10 to 12k. Some of the bougie pounds are 10 to 12 bands. Right? Like that elephant was 10 to 11k. 10k for the OGs, 11 for the gelatos, back when it was really at the peak. So if my homie was buying three at a time, smoke on. And one of his homie would split once, he'd buy two and a half pounds. So he spent 25 bands a month to smoke weed.

[B]

Insane.

[A]

What I can't even fathom. That's insane. But some people smoke like that, man. Like, if I was buying what I. If I wanted to smoke and I was smoking off that, that expensive weed, I'd be spending 100k a month. You got that? Give it to me. I'm not doing that. What? Are you kidding me? I live outside. I will live outside and walk everywhere with a hello weed. Because I won't be able to afford anything. I'll be in debt. What? So think about it. Like, if I was like, oh, I want a pound of that, but that's 12K. You're gonna fly through that in a week and a half or two weeks. Like, I'll make hash holes. But yeah, that was a 700 hash hole. You just real. You just put three grams in there. And two eighths at 150 each. All right?

[B]

Can't enjoy that.

[A]

Not fun. Not fun to me because as I'm smoking, I'm going, I could have bought like 3 people weed instead of buying. Like, I could have just spread the wealth instead of smoke this douchebag joint once in a while. Like, this is a 300 joint. Like, whoa, you want to go half? I'll go half. That sounds cool. As that's like a night out when you guys go to the club and people go to nightclub. I spent 300 bucks. Why can't I spend 100 bucks on

[B]

some heady sick one we got for the pump?

[A]

Exactly. That was like a. A thousand dollar blunt we got or more. I think it was a little more custom. Custom thousand dollars something. Dude might have been more, I think. Yeah, that smoked bomb, too. We smoked it right here.

[B]

It was like checkerboard and it had the logo on it.

[A]

We smoked it right at this table or that maybe the last.

[B]

No, I think restricted episode. Go check that out.

[A]

So, yeah, guys, when it comes to the wheat, like, I'm very serious about, like, I want to smoke what I want to smoke. I. I can smoke for free. I have a fridge full of weed and a weed company. I just don't want to take all of our top shelf. I'm not smoking the smalls. I'm not smoking the minis. I'm not budget smoking. I'm not. Just hear me what I just said and people. You don't smoke your own. I smoke our top shelf

[B]

that you gave me earlier was shocking.

[A]

That's the way. That's. That's the dopamine. Shocking. That was the dopest. Yeah, I was shocked.

[B]

Shocked.

[A]

Do you want to try this candy fumes.

[B]

Nice. Thank you.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

He had the casino theme at the show.

[A]

Real quick, John. Me and John started squishing the hatch. The same day I got a machine. Instead of using my machine, we started squishing together. He told me about rosin. Oh, he's like, I remember when John. All right, ready? I moved to. I moved to la. It's before Hash House was Hash House. I met John twice before this. I met him at a canvas cup. John's the first person to ever recognize me ever, anywhere. Isn't that crazy? I was walking, my first event ever, walking across the street, I started my press record. Some guy's like, hey. And I went, what do you want? Like, someone says hate you in public, and they walk right up to you. Like, are we fighting? I never met a fan before. Yeah, it just started. I was like, what's up? That's why I turned the phone off. Oh, yeah, it's me. So he goes, I just want to give you the shirt. Like, what? All right, give me a shirt. I was like, what the you doing okay? He told me his name. I was like, all right, cool, man. And I pressed play. And that's my first video on YouTube. My first vlog I ever did. Started with my feet walking into the cannabis cup.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

So I met him. I ran into him again, like a year later. I did, like a little smoke out after a cup, and he showed up, brought hell of fire ass weed. And then that was it. I hadn't seen him again for, like three more years. And I moved to la. Then I got a DM from John. I was like, oh, it's that fool. He's cool. And I he him up. He's like, dude, I just moved to la. I go, I just moved to la. He goes, I saw that. Where do you live? And I told him, like, in this area. I didn't know that fool. I'm not telling you where I live. I was like. And he goes, shut the up. I just moved right here. I go, no. And he sent me a picture of where he's at. Go. That's across the street. Is he trying to smoke all. Yeah, let's move it. So I went to their apartment, which happened to be just from Texas apartment, years later, his apartment. And we were smoking. And I wouldn't go by the edge of the window because I'm afraid of heights. That's the first time I've ever been like a skyscraper with all windows. So I was like, nah, I'll just sit back here. That and Then. So you know anybody with rosin? I'm like, bougie, you want me to get Ross smoke some wax? Who cares? That's. I thought I was like, awesome. He's like, here's 400 bucks if you can get Rosa for your friend. I go 400 on rosin. What the. I guess I went, it was 50 a gram ago. You're spending 50 a grammar. You might be dumb. I was like, that's the dumbest I've ever heard in my life. 50. I'll get it for you. I went and got him rosin from a place called Cali Sift. Came back and we just started hanging out from there. But I remember when he went, yeah, how many grams? I'm like, you're gonna smoke that expensive ass hash? And out. Because to me, I'm like spending 50 bucks on like 3 grams. What the are you smoking? That's crazy. I don't smoke a trash. At the time, the prices were the prices, so it wasn't trash trash, but it wasn't great. And then like a couple weeks, months later, Dabber Box hit me up. They gave me a press. Like, holy. They gave me a rosin press. John was talking about doing rosin. We started squishing rosin and the little bastard took all my bags, used all my hashbags. And then I already packaged it. I packaged mine. I've never. I don't think I've ever talked about this. I had a little hash company for a while. I never let anybody know who owned it. Holy. I forgot about that. What the was the name. It's I made. I had labels, I had card. Like the cars when hash came in packages of parchment. Damn. I forgot about that. I was packaging hash and selling that when I first moved to la. I forgot. Holy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then I was like, this sucks.

[B]

Why?

[A]

This is boring. The grams are like wet. It's hot. I didn't realize. Oh, you should be making cold. Or maybe you should like get parchment to do that. I know. Text. I had no text. And. And John just kept squishing. That's it. That's all happened. Just kept squishing and. Yeah, anyway, John had a huge booth. That's what we got here. We had a huge ass booth at Z Olympics. I had OG's son's baby shower, so I had to do that. And then from there went straight to Z Olympics because I had a show at in Hollywood that night. And it started at 8 now 9 and they getting pushed at 9:30 so I didn't have to rest as much. Anyway, go to Olympics. John had a 6,000 square foot booth. Damn. It's bigger than this warehouse. This warehouse is three.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Double the size of this room. It didn't feel like it though, huh? 6,000 square feet. Anyway, John turned a room, a building for his hash house booth into a casino. So they had dealers and tables and card games and Jason's behind the bars like, like the casino cage. And that's where you buy stuff, ash, everything, whatever. But you're playing for chips. There's real people there. You're not putting any money. Whoever has the Most chips wins five bands and then wins three bands and then wins 15. First, second, and third. They had cash boxes like the casino with money in it.

[B]

Sick.

[A]

Sick. Anyway, that's the biggest booth I've ever seen. And it was John's booth. How awesome. Super sick. Hash house booth is what I'm talking about, guys. Sick, dude. Oh. Anyway, I went to Olympics. It's the only time I've ever done this, guys. And I realized, like, oh, I gotta start thinking differently because I realize or I'm growing, I'm maturing more. I'm like, if I do this, I'm gonna be tired. I'll be worn out. If I get worn out, what if I do this, what do I do that? I'm trying to think because I've been trying to sleep. I've been going to sleep on time and so I've been trying and tracking it. I'm wearing a watch, all that, how did I sleep, blah, blah. I woke up, how much this, how much that, how much this? And went to John's movie for about an hour and 20 minutes. And I know I had about 50 minutes until I had to walk back to my car and go to the show, right? Because I had to go to the warehouse and grab something and then go to the show. So I'm like, yo, Rosie, let's take one lap. And I know, you know, it gets crowded at these events. Like there's. There's hella fans everywhere, man. Yeah, it's sick. I got out of John's booth, I got about eight feet. Never left. Never left, dude. Which is sick because I met hella fans. I only did it for about 15 minutes, Marty. And I just said, I'm leaving, leaving because I couldn't walk. I'm like, if I walk that way and it takes me 20 minutes to get back, I'm gonna be late for this show. And I thought if I get worn out and I get all this and I get all that and I get all spacey and I'm taking dads. I'm doing this. Like, what if I up my set tonight? That's the first time I ever went. I'm not gonna get high as I got to do tonight.

[B]

You made a business decision.

[A]

Never done that. I walked straight out, went back at the car. Didn't even walk through the event. And the event I wanted to see Decibel Gardens. I could see right there. I just couldn't get to it, man. In a good way. Like there's so many fans out there. I can't walk at events. It's incredible how badass I could walk. But as at a turtle's base, there's a thou. Oh man, it's. It's awesome actually. It's just if I, I can't. If I have to go do something like above clown. We had to move. I do this.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Nah, dude, this can't. It won't. It's almost like rude for you to ask me to hurry up. Like, will you want me to tell people no out of here. I'm gonna stop every time we gotta

[B]

get you one of those like glasses with the mustaches type shot.

[A]

No lie. I was thinking about getting like a real good makeup artist and making me like an 80 year old man. Just me walking around doing at the cannabis cups. I thought about this in like 2018. Never did it.

[B]

It's like that mask we on unrestricted. The dude on TV on Fox. You're one of those.

[A]

Me walking like Steve Smith when he is pretending to be the old lady in America. Dad. Because his dad. What was it? Stelio Kanto's episode? Yeah, Rand, I have adhd. It's okay. It's super cool. What the. We talk. Oh yeah, man. I'm not spending money like that on weed no more. I buy, I buy my weed. I talked about it on my pot on, on my channel. But I went to big brain facility before my Sacramento show. Check out a bunch of weed fire got a half pound. Got it the next morning. Had it all bagged in perfect bags, perfect zips with labels. They presented it so perfect in a box. I'm like, oh my God, this is incredible. And I was filming a video. So I'm like, yo, I'm gonna film and close it up at the hotel with this weed. So I'm filming this weed in my hotel. You might have saw the weed. It's called City of Trees, I think on insta. On YouTube. Go watch the video. I was exporting stuff, so I had My laptop open. I don't like Rosie carrying. So I carried all the bags and my Rosie. Just get my laptop. It's all I need. And then I got to Merced. Got a burrito. I'm like, yeah, my favorite spot, Merced. Let's go. About to roll a joy. I wasn't taking dabs the whole trip. I was completely sober. I'm like, yo, let me stop and smoke a joint. Not drive. Smoke it here and then I'll drive. And I went to the trunk and I opened the trunk and I went where the is that box? Must be in the back seat. And my memory's going, dog, you would know. If it's in the backseat, you remember everything.

[B]

I hate that little voice that's like, you know, that chimes in. You know what's just lost.

[A]

It's gone, right? I'm like stupid. I would never leave weed. I didn't want to put the weed in my backpack because I didn't want to get the weed stuck to the bag. It was so sticky. Want it to be perfect? Let me just leave it in the box. I left the half pe in the hotel and didn't notice for two hours that shit's been gone. It's either thrown away. Cuz I thought it was the empty box. There's only a half pound in it. Feels like nothing. Or the maid already got rid of it. She's not going to tell the front. Hey, I found all this I could sell. No, she's just going to put in her cart. It's gone. Dude, I didn't lose my mind. I slammed the door and then I stopped like my Happy Gilmore. Remember? He's about to throw it. Wait, wait. It looks like Happy's restraining himself. That's. That's me. And I got in the car and squeezed. I squeezed it with. It's okay. And I drove to LA weedless. I picked out one of them. They had no more of. It was the last of the crop. It's actually perfect right now. It's been sitting here for a minute and I think I dialed it in just right. It's the last of it. I went, oh my God, can I get some of that? He goes, yeah, I got you. I'm the day before I was talking about. I'll never forget. I've never forgot weed. I do not forget. We. I'm gonna forget my weed. I'm always. It's like my wallet. Check.

[B]

Never forgot.

[A]

I double check my weed. I forgot a 10 pack once at my homie Germs and He had a house party. I forgot it in a duffel bag in his room. In a room I noticed eight minutes later. I've never drove so fast. Drove right back. Boom. Got it checked every perfect put in my truck. I was like, yeah, that's the only time I ever got some weed until this Sacramento, you know, the only thing that made it better is that I had a great set. I was like, you know what? I did good last night. It's a good trade off. And I drove all the way home and I hit him up and I had to let him know what happened. I just bought another half pee. Oh,

[B]

did it even occur to you to call the hotel?

[A]

No. Hey, I left a half pee that you know is not there anymore. Can you lie your way around this for a minute? Keep me on hold. No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, it's here. Bull, it's here. I would have drove back for sure two hours back. Yeah, I'm pissed the whole time, but I would have drove back. I'm not, I'm not leaving. No, no, man. Left behind, like in the, in the war. I'm not leaving my bag of weed there. If it was a zip, I'm like, yo, you can keep it. Not driving back for an ounce. No, I can smoke an ounce. By the time I get there and back happy of cherry picked weed.

[B]

I would have said. I would have said. I don't know what I would have said. I'd have been blowing them up though,

[A]

if I would have remembered. If I'd have noticed right when I left and we would turn back, call my homie to go that lives there to go get it. And I checked out two hours early. I was like, ah, they can keep this room. I'm checking out early. I'm not. I always wait till they're like, are you checking out? Like, yep, I'm actually out the door. And I open the door, I was just packing. I. I'll wait till the last two seconds to get out of a hotel. The last time I remember I was in Denver and I was sleeping and I'm like, check out's at 11. It's 1059. Or it's 1058. I need to get up and get my room together. I was like, I'm going to call and extend it. They're like, you can extend it for three hours only. And go, oh, yeah, okay, I'll just do three hours. Thought you're gonna say 20 minutes. Everyone's like, it's $800 an hour. They always tax me and then it's $20 every hour after. Wait. Yeah. Can you give me till 3 o'? Clock? And I just slept until 3 o' clock for 20 bucks.

[B]

Yeah. Such a tight move.

[A]

It's like a 1990s price. Remember crossing on the freeway as a kid? I don't know what you did as a kid. I. That's how I learned to read street signs and all that stuff my dad would make me. It's the only thing that he ever taught me was like, you're gonna read everything on the road. And that's how I learned what's xing? What the is that? Like, it's crossing. Go. Where's the sea? This is not China. There's no exes. What are you doing in here? I was like four. I remember being a. A slightly bigoted little boy, like I am now. Like, there's no X's, there's no Chinese. What are we doing? Just. But to make myself laugh, like I just did now. What's xing? I remember I asked my dad, he goes, it's crossing. Where the is the sea? In my head, I'm like, why would they just spell crossing? Zing. Yeah. What are you doing to me? And I remember like, that's not China. Is that Chinese? Because I had. There's a lot of Zhangs where I'm from. Like, everyone's last name is X, I, O, N, G. Jong. That's how you spell it. And then I remember, like, why it's a Chinese. What? It's America. I wasn't like, girl, but I was like, we don't do Chinese stuff in America. What the. Cuz I remember all I'm reading, I'm like, I've never seen a Chinese word. I don't know why I thought that was a Chinese word. Because all the kids last names were that. Like, it has to be. These kids were Le, Ocean, and Mong. They were Mong. That's not even a Chinese last name.

[B]

I don't even know.

[A]

Zhang is. Is. Is. Is. What the. You just say is bong or can be. All the kids I knew were Mong, Cambodian or Laotian. So I had a bunch of Khan Jr. The neighbor from King of the Hill, the Asian guy. That's a. That's a. You're seeking the help.

[B]

I mean, I know it. I had never, like, sat there and watched it.

[A]

Okay. The dark guy next to it looks Asian. Is neighbor. That's a dick. That's a Le Ocean. I'm pretty sure isn't he say Le Ocean? Maybe he's Cambodian. Either one. All the same to me. It's all the exact same thing. Don't argue with me.

[B]

All right, now I need in the same. We're talking all these oceanic places. I'm going to take you back to Hawaii.

[A]

Oceanic.

[B]

I got April high as off the Puffco in Hawaii. Okay. And we had the pina coladas going.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

The cleaner lady comes through because my kids are, like, holding this against me, and they've been, like, teasing me, acting like I was in this moment, but it was a real thing.

[A]

Even Emmy.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

If the youngest in the house goes, you're retarded. Maybe you did some retarded, man. I don't know.

[B]

No, what April did was retarded. What I did.

[A]

Oh, okay, here we go. Here we go.

[B]

I was like. I asked this girl, and I was being serious, like, all right, I'm the cleaner.

[A]

Hey, what's up, guys? Do you guys want your stuff cleaned? This is the accent I have.

[B]

Of course. She's an actual Hawaiian. You know what I mean?

[A]

All the whole, hey, brother. Hey, brother. Do you want me to clean this Lilo and Stitch stuff? Lilo and Stitch. Lilo and Stitch. Do you want me to clean your house? That's all I know about Hawaii. Elvis is riding on sharks, first of all. What else?

[B]

They're amazing. This service made me be like, every company on earth needs to take a class for. From Four Seasons Maui. Because I've never experienced service before. It was. It was just different. It was amazing. But anyway, I asked, sorry, how.

[A]

When did you creep back so far? Sorry, sorry, sorry. I was just so, like, did I see you move? My bad. It threw me off. When I looked at you, like, are you getting farther? My bad. Lady comes in, Boom. Cleaning lady. Knock, knock, knock. Hi, clean lady. I'm here.

[B]

You go to Hawaii the whole time you're there with the aloha, Aloha, mahalo, Aloha. I like it. What they're saying is, like, peace, be nice. The whole culture is based on being nice. That's what aloha means. You be cool, I'm cool. We're all cool. Respect this place.

[A]

My name's Kunu.

[B]

It's all that Marshall. Anyway, I'm like, something to the effect of like. To you guys who actually live here, is it cringe for me as a white guy to come through here and hit you back with a.

[A]

With a aloha and steal your land? Is that weird? Is that weird?

[B]

While I'm here, take all your land and everything you want and then hire you back on this facility anyway. And I'm like, that was a serious question. I'm like, are you guys rolling your eyes at me? I'm trying to. I'm trying to tell you, tap into the culture and respect you guys here hitting you with the aloha back. But it's kind of like me saying burrito. Like I'm trying to. You know what I'm saying? I'm trying to finesse this out of.

[A]

At the wrong part of that.

[B]

That's what I'm saying. Throw some authentic English on that burrito.

[A]

That was great.

[B]

So if I hit you back with the aloha, are you A, rolling your eyes going, this guy? Or B, being like, cool, I'm glad that you respect where you're at. Let me know.

[A]

Or C, are you trying to. That's basically what that means. When a white. When I. What I do says is like, oh, my God, let me trap this one. That's. That's what everyone thinks.

[B]

Yeah, I didn't think about that. So anyway, I forgot.

[A]

We're in Hawaii. We're in America. We're talking about Mexico.

[B]

No, it ain't America. It's up that it is America. America. It shouldn't let it be its own.

[A]

This is America, dude. Yeah, we own that lambskin.

[B]

I'm not Mike.

[A]

We stole the out of it. That's the Avatar. That's what the Avatar is about.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

It was just Hawaii.

[B]

Avatar is Hawaii. Yeah.

[A]

He just went and stole from all the little brown people. They turned them blue so they wouldn't be like, are these little brown people that live in trees that you're stealing from? Is that Elvis for real?

[B]

Sorry. The plot of Avatar is the history of America and Hawaii.

[A]

But the plot of Avatar is also a straight stolen, stolen plot from Fern Gully.

[B]

Watch it.

[A]

His Avatar gets into the Avatar world. All he did was get shrank and now chills with baddy, which is played by Robin Williams. And that's a forgotten ass movie. Sorry. I have. I have attention deficits. Sorry. I just went and watched a whole head.

[B]

So anyway, this gave me a blank stare and she's like, I don't know. Basically.

[A]

You asked her.

[B]

Yeah. This is the cleaning lady, Marty.

[A]

I didn't realize you told me this, that you actually, I thought you were asking me.

[B]

Nah, I asked the cleaning lady.

[A]

You didn't tell me what she said.

[B]

Well, she didn't really say anything. She's basically like, I don't. I was drunk. But it was a real question why

[A]

it did not come out like this.

[B]

It was a real question that I met like, because I'm like in my own mind. They everybody, everybody, everywhere. Aloha, aloha, aloha. And I'm hitting them with the what's up? Yeah. Every good day.

[A]

Hey, real quick, is it cringe if I like say aloha back to you? What if I say it back to you? I'm gonna jump through this table. You just let me know what the fuck is going on.

[B]

Okay, that's basically exactly what happened. That's verbatim exactly what happened.

[A]

I know. And we were drunk kind of like that. Hey, Marty's like, Marty. When Marty's drunk, it looks like right when there's about to be a free throw and everybody's oh, I'm getting ready to box out. Hey, what's up? He's like that. Like he's about to jump up and get the ball. Every. That might be Marty's in full force. Marty's like the way Sauce Waka is the rapper. Hey, man, that's how Marty is when he's drunk, but just with his body. Hey, what's up? Yeah,

[B]

that's how I always am.

[A]

You. You do what Chuck does. Shadow boxing. OT's dad with the basketball animal all day. There'll be no ball and rock and this f crosses people. You'll get done warehouse all the time.

[B]

I'm going off the back where the whole fun.

[A]

You got to play NBA Street. Yeah, NBA Street's the one of the best games of all time. So is NFL Street. Have you ever played NBA street? Shit on 2K.

[B]

Come see me on that dreamcast too, by the way, I'll play you at Rucker park two on two.

[A]

I'm gonna around see me in that dreamcast. I was listening to the $0.50 debut album right now and I was like, damn, this is this had party hooked. No, I thought about it ended many men but he ain't buck and breathe. And I went, man, if I was in Buffalo right now, it's cold. I'd be walking with my hoodie on. Yeah, same.

[B]

He had him on. He had his poor. We had the junior poster on the wall in the trap house.

[A]

And for sure, for sure we gotta remember it's like in your state, it's the same guys in the lane that you're in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This shit's hard. It's like, what's the Comparable like LeBron.

[B]

That's it. Like no, no.

[A]

What's the comparable like, damn, this motherfucker's a real fool. And he made it. Not a rapper. I'm trying to think of the comparison. Like, I don't think there is a comparison.

[B]

It was. It was too dramatic. He had gotten shot. All this Dr. Dre, Eminem. There was so much vengeance and drama. He didn't give a. That's what I loved about it so much, was that whole energy. I had been a 50 cent fan way before he blew up, though. That was the thing. We had been on all those mixtapes far before that. We already knew.

[A]

I forget it's in New York. Buffalo's in New York. Because it always feels like a different state.

[B]

It might as well be.

[A]

For damn sure.

[B]

It's damn near. Might as well be Canada. Yeah, we're more Ohio than Manhattan.

[A]

Also, you meme pages, chill the out. They're meme and Betty the Butcher right now. You guys better chill the out.

[B]

For what?

[A]

Because he got his hair braided and his hairline starts back farther and like this needs to let it go. But he has a head of hair. Like it's. He has enough to braid Afro style.

[B]

Afro.

[A]

It's a braid. And you're saying let it go just because you're 19 and you haven't receded your hairline yet. Sometimes it happens early. So don't be a dick. You don't want to be the 21 year old going, oh my God, I should have made all those memes about this exact thing with this karma company. Yeah, chill the out, man. They're making. I've seen him like eight times on Twitter pop up.

[B]

Because Freddie Gibbs. Freddie, Freddie Gibbs was horrible.

[A]

How do you look at Benny the Butcher and go, imma make fun of this guy. Even though he's one of the hardest rappers of all time. And he's just the man and he's this. Let me make fun of him. Because his hair, like what I saw the thing that people don't dance because people get recorded and everybody gets made fun of. Like, that's exactly what it is. That's exactly what it is. Because people will make fun of you. Look at this. He's trying. Look at. Oh, he pulled that off. Oh, that works. That works like. Yeah, man, you just gotta DM a. You can actually talk. Sorry. You don't have to DM a woman. Sorry for the one girl watching right now. Sorry. Ally559 that's always in the chat. The only girl in the chat ever.

[B]

Dude, speaking of girls, let's not forget about April.

[A]

So.

[B]

April. So. Same. Same cleaner. We're walking to get to our room. We go out and walk down this long ass hallway. And then it comes to like a part where now you're outside, but it's just a wreck. It's a literal rectangle. Like this room. Damn near two of these rooms, size wise. Now you're walking along. You could either go straight and then make a left to get to the room. Our room is on. Like the far corner of the rectangle.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Like the direct far corner. I could go left and then right. Or I could go straight and then left.

[A]

I like the direction you're giving me.

[B]

Either way, it's a rectangle.

[A]

Okay. I like the way like the circle, you just end up back where we were. I know shapes, Marty.

[B]

I'm just trying to set this in here.

[A]

Got you.

[B]

April is somehow confused about this. Oh, that's April asked. April has this. April. She took a big old puff off the puff go. She was delirious. She asked this. Do you think it'd be faster to get to the hotel if we go this way or this way pointing down either way of the rectangle that we're in.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And the just glitched and spontaneously combusted and died.

[A]

Closer. She dematerialized right then and there.

[B]

Vaporized. Yeah, but that was like some true drunk. Where now the kids were on us both.

[A]

Oh, they were with you guys?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. No, the kids would not let this go.

[A]

Wait, she said it. Why she on you? Why are the kids on you?

[B]

Is it cringe as a white man?

[A]

You said white man. Yeah. Oh, man. Say. Saying white man. You should say white dude something like that. White guy or white dude something.

[B]

I might not have said, man. Yeah.

[A]

I don't know why it feels like.

[B]

Yeah, no, you're right.

[A]

Like Pocahontas or something. Like John Smith.

[B]

Yeah. I'm trying. I was trying to say, as a goofy white coming to your place is. Which is disrespectful. Me not saying it or saying it.

[A]

Let me know.

[B]

Trying to be real with you.

[A]

You're right. You should stone cold stunner everyone. Instead of saying anything with the aloha kick to the stomach, you stone cold center. But that way you're not rude. Like I didn't want to mispronounce.

[B]

They know how to wrestle and right rock.

[A]

I doubt it. The rock is not Samoa, not Hawaiian, you know.

[B]

You know what I'm saying? But yeah, shout out to that lady. I chased her down and gave her tipper and chased her down and pushed her next day. Yeah, I tell you, I tripped. I tipped her. But Then I tripped her, pushed her, took the tip back, robbed her, and went back to my room.

[A]

Sick. That's that buffalo.

[B]

Yeah, I had. I brought the screw I threw right

[A]

to a table here. Okay. I don't remember what we were talking about. And then Marty goes, let me back to April. And then I went, oh, my God, that was.

[B]

It was some girl. Because I said speaking.

[A]

No, that was 20 minutes ago. No, I'm saying the fact that I. Oh, yeah. Threw the conversation over there for 20 minutes is horrible. That's all. That's it.

[B]

That's what we're here for, folks.

[A]

Yeah, that's true. How long we've been here? 1:30 out of the dot.

[B]

It's probably. Is it. It's 1:30.

[A]

It's 1:30 in the morning. Marty doesn't stay awake. All right. What are the odds to sleep, guys?

[B]

That was some synchronicity.

[A]

We started right at 1203. I remember. Yeah.

[B]

So 130 is 1 30. God damn, guys.

[A]

Damn. Now, I. Why didn't I even ask? I should just do the math. 1:30. 1203, we started. It's the latest episode we ever done that wasn't with a guest. Marty's daughter. Daughter and son are graduating tomorrow, so he has to be busy. I'm leaving on Friday to go to Seattle because we had two shows Friday night, two shows Saturday night that's got rescheduled with David Lucas. So Friday, we're just chilling, I guess. We're going to a gay pride parade with Shereen, my sister in Seattle, or a pride thing. And then Saturday, I'm going to Mothership meltdown. Let's go. The best hash competition on Earth. I am so excited. Shout out to mothership. I'm a judge, and you know what? I always try to get the boxes, you know, weeks before, and I always lag. And I have to do the competition the day before. Right. This last one wasn't my fault. I. It says on the paper, the 25th. They go, no, it's the 20th. They go, Ah, it's the 20th now. They go, yeah, we need about 12. Well, mothership meltdown. I was getting one week before they said we're not gonna be able to get it to you in time. I'm coming Friday, the competition Saturday, once again, I'm doing a whole judging in a night. Again.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

I have, like, 40 entries. I think I'm gonna take 40 globs, 40 dabs. Back to back to back to back to back.

[B]

How can you be expected to.

[A]

I'll do it.

[B]

Really? Know what's going on the back end of the smell Look.

[A]

Done.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

Effect is not in my judgment. I'm not gonna get that high off a dad anyway.

[B]

You need to really sit on, like, a jar, a couple grams of it, to really understand what it's about.

[A]

Yeah, no, no. To get me high, I need to smoke. Like, they have the whole damn half of the jar. But how am I gonna smoke half the jar? That's 20 full grams I'm smoking in a night. I. I'm not gonna be able to do it. I know I won't be able to. My lungs will hurt because if I catch one harsh one, I'm done. My throat will be scrap. You guys know what it's like to be like, oh, God, burn my throat?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So once again, I'm doing it again.

[B]

I've been going on the blue. The low time.

[A]

I've been going on red because I'm from Merced, you know? I'm kidding, dude. By the way, guys, joking. Somebody clips this, the mayor is like,

[B]

see, I knew it. Yep.

[A]

That's why we didn't want you in the schools, kids. Do you want to donate to our school? Right after you guys, I would. I promise you. I'll do whatever I can. I'll sell a watch. I'll do whatever I need to. I would donate that money right to Merced High. You put the Thomas Araujo break room. Because I don't want any work being done in the room with my name. I want it to be the children detention room. I used to cocaine.

[B]

Cool idea, dude. That's a cool idea.

[A]

I used to rails with. If you've seen my standup show, Sydney from the ecstasy story. I used to do rails with that fool in detention. He wasn't just my coke dealer. He was my co provider.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

You know, you ever see those things? It's not a crack house. It's a crack home. Like, this is my coke provider, not my dealer. He's a caretaker, dude. He knows just. He knows just enough what to give me for free. And they go, hey, I know you're on one. School's over. You want to buy a sack? Like, I need to. I'm actually hooked on it now. Today you got me hooked for free off eight lines. Now I'm like, I don't want it to stop. School's over. We should have fun. Yeah, but, like, we'll buy a sack. But yeah, he did give me a lot of free cocaine today. I'll buy a sack. It was always just coke's actually so disappointing when you're.

[B]

When you're poor.

[A]

It's like, it's like a thimble. It's like the smallest. You know what thimble is?

[B]

You know from Peter Pan?

[A]

Yes. I was like, the things are Peter Pan. Let's go, Marty. I was just gonna say that from hook. That's exactly the reference I was going to use. Let's go, man. The very first time, the only time

[B]

has ever come up in life. Only thimble.

[A]

Except for my crazy ass stepdad. One time I walked in. Oh my God. Are you ready? One time I walked into my stepdad's garage where we lived and he had all the soldering things. He could make anything. He's an engineer. He's electrical engineer. He could do anything. Anything. He would solder stuff, make stuff, make tattoo guns. So his tattoo gun would be faster. If it'd be wider, he would make it. He's a tattoo artist. He's incredible. One time I walked in and I looked on his desk and I went, oh, that sucks. And it had finger condoms. You ever seen finger condoms? You ever seen finger condoms for electrical engineers? They're little pieces of rubber that look like rolled up condoms. And they're this big because they're supposed to roll over your fingers to not get zapped or whatever it is. I never know. But I walked and went, oh my God, my stepdad has a tiny dick. That sucks, dude. Oh my God. That's the first thing. I thought it for days. For days. Oh, no. And it says either baby or finger cons. I can't remember what it says. Google it. Finger.

[B]

It's not baby condoms.

[A]

I almost want to say it said that. I can't remember because I remember thinking baby dick. That's weird. What are they called? It's called a cot. Cot maybe. I thought it looked like a condom. Yeah, they're like skin colored, right? They're pink or tan. Yeah, they were skin colored to his ass. That's why it went weird. Condoms. I've seen condoms from like from school and. But they're bigger. That was not what I saw. No, no, no, no. They were just for the tips of the fingers. They were even small. Those are it. Those are there in the back. That's what I saw. That's what they do. So you don't zap yourself while you're soldering, I think. But I just remember thinking, oh my God. This full words is oh my God.

[B]

No, he has a medically time.

[A]

Yeah, that's what I thought. Like he keeps a whole bag of these. Oh my gosh. Holy. Married to my mom. That's all I thought.

[B]

That's.

[A]

Oh, God. I didn't even think about. It's like. That sucks for you. I'm burnt. It's almost two. I in my head just did this. I saw the lighter wit.

[B]

That's a first. You smoked the mic a million.

[A]

I smoked the mic so many times, dude. Yeah. I don't know why I brought that up, but that's. That happened. Also. Animated story time will be out soon. I know. This comes out Tuesday. It's going to be out soon. I might post it Thursday. Sixteen minutes long.

[B]

Yeah. It's like two years in the making.

[A]

It's cool. I love it. I would love to not tell that many stories online anymore and only do them on stage. Transition those on stage and all my old stories. Redo them in the cartoon form the way they were doing them. Get a whole nother audience.

[B]

So sick, baby. Oh, so there. Is he gonna cut them vertical too? Could drip them out like that?

[A]

I don't know. I just see YouTube. I didn't think about it actually like that. I don't know. But we'll find out. We'll figure it out. It's gonna be super sick. A fan actually hit me up and sent me a two minute sample of what it could be like eight months ago. And then four months ago we kind of locked it in. He's been working on this for four months straight making like hundreds of assets of me, young, me older me, this but cartoon form. Like he's making these assets.

[B]

I love that he's doing it. Not AI.

[A]

It's all eight bit.

[B]

Yeah. It looks amazing.

[A]

Unreal. Like some Mario. It's. It's cool. It's kind of graphic in some parts. Yeah.

[B]

It's got like aesthetic to it. It's very. It's well done. I gotta watch it again. Showed me.

[A]

I think he sent me the final version right now. As we've been here. He's awake right now. He's another country. I can't remember where it's at.

[B]

Shout out. Everybody we work with in other countries too. We got a global team here.

[A]

Shout out to Avi.

[B]

Big shout out. Ivy just got his one year. Huge shout out. Besides Rocco, the only person to stick around, be able to keep up that long.

[A]

Yeah. For real.

[B]

And give a. Doing a great job.

[A]

Forgot what this is like. Yeah.

[B]

It's been a minute.

[A]

No, the passing. I remember it now. We do so much that I'm like, oh, I Forgot we used to do that. I forgot we used to do that because now this is the way it is now. This is like with life and everything. When I watch old video. Oh, I forgot. I used to feel like that. I forgot. Like, do you know what's easier? Was it you wanted this voice.

[B]

It. It's been this way. The setup has actually been a long time.

[A]

Like over a year.

[B]

Like, I think it was like, like Cartel Bow and Maxo Cream Dane Cook.

[A]

Yep. Yeah. Over here. Over here.

[B]

It seems like so long ago. I want to get Brandon Buckingham back on to have him talk about all this.

[A]

You know what?

[B]

Speaking of great.

[A]

Adl Texas yesterday or tomorrow?

[B]

Tomorrow.

[A]

It's two in the morning now and I'll text him tomorrow.

[B]

Seems like he's doing better. I don't know.

[A]

He's doing great. I watched this video last night. I just almost smoked Mike. That's never gonna. We need to do something. Every time that happens, I need. I need to like. Something needs to happen.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like when you say the secret word in Peewee's playhouse or something.

[B]

Some. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

This has been literally just a kickback. This is awesome.

[B]

I like.

[A]

I dunked on Rocco yesterday. That's the big news. Oh, dunked. He has no mic so he can't defend himself.

[B]

I don't got him all the time in here.

[A]

No, no. We're at the basketball court and he was like this. I was like, oh, what Bad defense. Let me do something. And I ran up his leg like martial law from Tekken. Put my foot like in the end of Space Jam.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I put my foot on his chest and I jumped. And as soon as I jumped away. Oh, where's the ball? I forgot to get the ball. So I went, ball. Rosie, bro.

[B]

I knew it.

[A]

Yeah, Rosie threw it off the backboard. Bam. To my hand and I dunked it and I dunked it so hard I sent a shock weight and it knocked Rock. It knocked some of his hair off. It was crazy. And Allan Iverson showed up and he went, damn, kid, I'm glad I'm older than you and I didn't have to play against you. Cuz I wouldn't have been. Actually, you know what? I'd be a janitor if I. You're so good. And he walked off.

[B]

Damn. Rocco just said that all happened. That's the next animated story time, by the way, Part two coming soon.

[A]

So he's just gonna land in a spaceship in the baseball field and Newman's gonna go. Ladies and gentlemen, Michael Jordan and Noah's Gonna be like, oh, my God, let's run away. There's a spaceship here. Nobody freaked out. They just went as baseball fans. He's lifted up their hands to show their. Their shock and nobody left. And go, oh, Michael Jordan got off it. Cool. Thanks for ruining the game. The field's now charged. This field's charred. The second you leave, your boosters ruin the field. Game's over. Refund, someone's fired. You know, the. The repercussions for Michael Jordan landing on the field, man, they should have dropped him off outside the. Nobody saw. It's two in the morning. And when it happens, man, that's why I write all my at night. Because I think of the dumbest, goofiest to me, I just watched the whole movie and remember, oh, yeah, Bill Murray's in space.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Such a good. He was juking.

[B]

That's who we need on this show.

[A]

I don't want Bill Murray on here. I don't know if I can sit there and go, hey, man. Of course. Remember. Remember in Caddyshack when you were like, that was funny. Like, can we get your autograph? Marty wants your autograph signed to Thomas, his son Thomas. Do you remember it as you go? Remember in my Space Jam when you're like, I think I'm gonna. I'm gonna pass it. You feed me the rock and like, oh, this is it. My knees are bad. Remember that? And just keep rubbing my legs like, just like the Chris Farley. That'd be me. The bit over and over, rubbing my legs. Just.

[B]

Did you see the video of Chris Farley on Twitter of him? I didn't know bro could like on the. He's like a weightlifter or some. Like, he used to be like, hella athletic. Yeah.

[A]

I haven't seen the video. I guarantee he's putting up three.

[B]

Yeah. I was like, God. And he was talking the whole time he was doing it too.

[A]

Like, look at him.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Fat guys that are at that can move are always strong. He used to do cartwheels into the frame. You're fat, can hold your whole. Oh, this is not to be with. And he was my height. He wasn't big. He was bigger. He was bigger than me.

[B]

What was he, like 32 or some?

[A]

I think he was 34 when he died. I want to say maybe it's weird

[B]

looking at him watching this now. Like, how you see, like people in comedy coming up in comedy in la

[A]

and like, you could imagine what a loss. I remember when he died when I was a kid, I was so sad.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

33. Jesus age. Damn. Well, that's sad. Good note to go off on. Really sick. I wouldn't watch the movie. Last thing. I wouldn't watch the movie Obsession. If you like scary movies, I guess this is a scary movie. It was more of a thriller, really. Psychological thriller. It wasn't like a horse movie. It was one of the saddest movies I've ever seen in my life. I don't ever want to watch it again.

[B]

Oh wow.

[A]

Nope.

[B]

Ariana said it was great.

[A]

Good movie though. Okay, good. Put together movie concepts. Wild. I just don't like it. No, I like the movie. I don't like. Why do I want to be sad? I came to the movie to laugh. Like in Sister Act.

[B]

I don't want to be.

[A]

Made me laugh like Sister act dude or something. Make me make me laugh. Why the 15 minutes angle? Why the did I say yes to coming here? I hate the last scary movie I watched. Was it the new ones? And I hated being there like so I'm just gonna see her like this all the time. Waiting for a jump scare but doing this for some reason this makes me not. Cuz I don't like it, dude. I don't want to like jump scares. And I know it's coming and I see it and I still go, ah. It's like someone pretending to slap me. Go. I'm not really going to slap you, but it's going to look like it goes. I'm going go like this every time. Even I know you're not going to hit me. Only Kobe Bryant didn't do that. See? Even that. And I did it to myself. Almost blinked. That took everything in my eye. I'm going to go to sleep now. All my brain power went to me not blinking right. I'm dead.

[B]

Did you watch the last season of Euphoria?

[A]

Nope. Not.

[B]

Not about it.

[A]

I'm done. Shot 900 bullets into that house at the last. In the last season I went with everyone's just dead dude. Different show.

[B]

I wasn't really tapped in with this show but I kind of understood it to the point to really understand when we watched this last season, this is

[A]

obviously it's like makes every girl think she's bisexual. Pretty much makes every 14 year old girl go, I think I. I think I'm gay.

[B]

It did change.

[A]

No you're not. You're just bored. You watch. Do you remember when we were kids in the movie 13 came out with the two promiscuous ass. It did the same thing every and then kids 10 years before that. Every single year there's a decade, there's a movie that comes out that makes young kids go, yeah, me too. There's no 14 year old girl that needs to look like them. And there's a lot that look like them. It's like you're a little kid. You want Euphoria. Do you watch Euphoria or something? Because you're dressed really wild. No. You're not gay. You're not bisexual. Stop. No, it just turned every high school kid into a little older than they needed to be because they saw what it could be. It's like the 90210.

[B]

They made the new season like a movie though. Like something completely different. It's something. It should be. A different show with a different title.

[A]

I don't know, is she a hooker or something and someone become a hooker or like start selling drugs?

[B]

Yeah, lots.

[A]

It's like Rocco's girl counterparts are selling drugs.

[B]

She becomes ca Kingpin, basically.

[A]

She becomes a kingpin. The addict shouldn't do it all. I don't even want to watch it.

[B]

Yeah, no, it's very much like a movie. Like an over the top movie to the point that it's a completely different show.

[A]

I'm not gonna watch it. Is it end? It's all like it's over, over forever. I mean like the end episodes are like done.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Good. Okay.

[B]

It's like how Shameless. It's even way more. But Shameless became a completely different show than it's the started off as kind of similar to that.

[A]

I didn't watch the last. That season. I went and skipped and watched the last 15 minutes of the last episode. No, I watched the last episode. That show was so good and turned into absolute dog. Like unbearably could not watch the last season. It was so ABC Family with like everybody got brighter and it looked cleaner. It's like, why are you doing.

[B]

It's a problem. Like that's what happened with Euphoria. They got too successful, was too much

[A]

money and everybody's like, like you're. You're a drug addict. Why you clean. You know season one, like, yeah, that's a addict next door neighbor. Like that kid looks like he smells. Yeah, yeah, that kid sucks. The one that ended up marrying or getting with the other brother. Yeah, that first season was grind.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

I'll say this, you should watch Spider Noir only in episode two, but it's pretty cool. Nicholas Cage is spider man. Like 1920 to 1940. Maybe. Maybe 1930. Oh yeah, 1930. I said 19. 20 to 1940. And this goes. Goes. Yeah, that's why I just said the exact thing. 20 to 40. No, it's 30.

[B]

Jerk.

[A]

Yo. It's pretty sick. I'm watching in black and white because, you know, it's supposed to be in black and white.

[B]

You have the option.

[A]

Yeah, option to color black.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Anyway, I'm only in episode two. It's okay. It's pretty sick so far. I finished the boys. It's over. It's over.

[B]

I hate when that happens.

[A]

It's over. I'm still. I. We'll see. So should I get my. My guy on there? I live next door to one of these fools and he's cool. I gotta get him on this show. I don't see him that often. I only see every time go to the garage. And he goes to his garage. Hey, what's up? New episode. Because I, you know, it's one of my favorite shows. You guys know that? And since season one, I've watched and loved it. Every episode we watch week by week. Me, we used to have a watch party. And then I moved in my new house and went, I'm a. This. What the Is going on? That's the right there. Sick. That's all Tuesday, maybe. I have to get his ass on the show. I will bug him. I'll bug him. Next time I see him, I'll get him on the show. I'm excited. Let's go. Anyway, the show's over. Dude, that sucks. Me and Rocco were outside going to my car and we saw my neighbor. We just watched the new episode. And you know me, I'm like the most mellow ass dude until you talk. And I go, oh, yeah. I screamed in the middle of the street. What the. Because I was like. I was talking about the episode. I'm like, oh, yeah, I shouldn't be yelling this in the street. I went, oh, no, man. He was backing out of his driveway, driving off, and I went the. I was like. He's like, yeah, man. While I talk about the show, I'm like, I'm fucking pissed right now because I'm a fan, so don't tell me. But next week it better be better. Like, something better happen because there were so many things happening. Like, fuck, no. And every time I just. It's so fun to go. This is the real review for you for your show. Fuck, I'm mad, dude. Damn it. And then I go back on my house and go, what is my life? What is this? I go outside. This is incredible. I'M going back. I'm going. I'm tired. That's it. I just. I just think it's really fun to go. I love that. Last night's episode was the. All right, later, man. I put my trash cans back because I'm not trying to bug this, but he knows I know what's up. That was dying. I'm not trying to bug his ass. I don't cross the street to the. The other day when I was jumping in the street, he was there. I jumped. I was. So anyway, I think it's really funny. He has an in depth, real review every morning. Every morning after the show. If I see him. Damn. It's just a fun inception for me to go sick. That makes me laugh. It's really fun to me. There's no better way of being outside. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Marty becomes one room less. Tomorrow you have a free room. This weekend you will have an empty room and fill it with whatever you want because one of your kids is leaving.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Weird. Weird for me, too, because I remember when I saw her, I'm like, she's a little ass kid.

[B]

It's weird.

[A]

That makes you 20, 19.

[B]

She's in, like, elementary school or some.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

It's weird. I'm telling you. It was just. I was just. It was just preschool. First day

[A]

I saw a picture, I screenshot it of Cam doing something little as. Man. How old is Cam? 11. 12. 12. He was five when I met his ass. Emmy was what baby? Right? She was still a little. Yeah, no, she was walking.

[B]

Not very old.

[A]

She's 8 now, right? Yeah. Oh, she was still. Maybe. Never mind.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

I don't remember her being so small. Damn. I remember I saw a picture of Cam. Hell, a little. What the. I forgot all of. All of the pandemic.

[B]

My whole stretch of, like, working for all the other podcasters and stuff. The dope, as usual. Stretch has been as long as that stretch. Damn near

[A]

sick. We're overriding it.

[B]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

Let's go. We're erasing it actively. Not in a bad way. Just.

[B]

Yeah, no, that's sick. Let's tell something.

[A]

People are getting all old, Yo, Rocco saw today. But, man, my little cousin's been, like, hanging out with my grandpa, My mean grandpa. And, you know, he's been nice lately because he's old. This fool got on FaceTime with me today. She FaceTime like this. He was laughing and joking with me.

[B]

Oh,

[A]

Thomas, you're getting old. Like, you're old now. Because I'm not a kid. He has dementia. He's like, oh, Thomas. I go, you remember my name? Because he keeps mixing me up with my dad looks the same. And he goes, who's your dad? I go, full the. You think's my dad? Look at my face. El Mario. Damn, he's getting old. But today was weird, man. He did this like a little kid, like all happy in his bed. I'm like, this is it. This fool's done. He's not coming back.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

They. They diagnose him today with full on dementia. And I guess my grandma says he's staying up all night because he said these kids keep coming in and trying to mess with him and play around. They're like, there's no kids here. What the hell is happening? That's it, man.

[B]

That's horrible.

[A]

Weird, dude. My grandpa's such a mean, mean, evil man. And to see him without that layer and just be a normal guy is like, this was you. Everyone would be different if you acted like this this much. Damn, they're still scared of his ass. They're 50. All of them are at least 50. So it's just like, damn, dude, you used to do some evil things. I can't even say this on YouTube. We'll get flagged. You see some wild crazy to these fools. Anyway, to see my grandpa, 10 minutes later, my sister text me, grandpa's old as. Oh, Jamie, she. She FaceTimed you. I was like, yep. He was laughing. Oh, right. Sorry. It's just a weird chapter in my life where my dad was here last weekend and I could see the age on his face went, what? The four year old now didn't like that. That's weird. I don't remember that happening. And now my grandpa's old as. Life is different. Oh, God. All right. Jesus Christ. I'm gonna fix it. I'm gonna figure it all out.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Boom. Leave that up to interpretation, guys. This is one big long rant. Marty's at the table. I think we figured it out. I think it's gonna work. We gotta figure out the guest ones. But this is so much more fun than doing this. There's so many solo episodes.

[B]

Yeah. Type. Yeah.

[A]

It's just.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like the soul. Like, I forgot. Sick. Okay. I think we're gonna make it work. It's gonna be tight. We're gonna figure it all out, guys. Thank you for being here. We appreciate you. This has been the dope as usual podcast. Drop a like, but more importantly, support us on Spotify. Go press a like, go drop a go watch on there. I shouldn't be directing you off of here, I guess, but it is what it is. How about this? Go just check out our Spotify.

[B]

They got hella new features, all kinds of things. They're implementing all kinds of cool functionalities. That's real though. Go check it out.

[A]

People don't know cheaper than this on premium.

[B]

Oh, man, I'm trying. It's real though.

[A]

They got new functionalities dropping functions that

[B]

we literally, literally us literally put in it's latest shitter. I'd be rattling them off. Just know that they're there.

[A]

Isn't that crazy, man?

[B]

You want it to build a playlist for you and just give you type out what type of playlist you want. It's gonna cook it up. Brand new music. I did it the other day. That's a cool new functionality.

[A]

And every time you comment, just remember it's because they're nice and listen to us.

[B]

It's a fact.

[A]

We literally did that. Let's go. Views. You're welcome.

[B]

Transcriptions.

[A]

Welcome.

[B]

Clips. The vertical clips.

[A]

Welcome. We didn't get a dollar, but you're welcome. A lot of people think we made so much money on Spotify. Guys. We haven't made a. They just promote us and we help them out. Maybe we had like managers or something. We would have been like, yeah, we got $4 million. Like, oh, is that what a manager would have cost? Ah, well, thanks for promoting us. It's like the episode of the Office where they're about to give up 1% to the, to the accountants and they're like, we got you these food. They're like, oh, this is a nice gesture. Like, yeah, just the food. That's how they did it to us. But they're like, these guys are so happy. We invite them to the party. Just promote them. Like, yeah, that's all we want. All we, we just want a chance. That's really what it is. Just give us a fair chance like everyone else. This platform, not so much. We're not gonna get that. But it is what it is. At least Spotify gives us that chance. We appreciate you.

[B]

God bless.

[A]

Yeah, thank you guys for being here. We're gonna get out of here before I rant for another hour for Marty and I from the table. Let's go. This has been the dope as usual podcast. Have a dope ass day. Perfect, Perfect.