Furious & Disgusted!

Summary

DOPE AS USUAL Podcast

Episode: Furious & Disgusted!
Date: June 30, 2026
Hosts: Thomas "Dope As Yola" Araujo & Marty O'Neill

---

Episode Overview

This solo episode of "Dope As Usual" pivots from a cancelled guest booking to an unfiltered, conversational deep-dive between Thomas and Marty. The duo riff on everything from Vegas antics and stand-up sets, to guest no-shows, harsh critiques of new media culture, frustrations with parenting trends, generational differences, internet content, OCD superstitions, safety paranoia, and an extended (and hilarious) segment sampling their "Unrestricted" video content. The episode is both a window into their personal lives and a raw commentary on the weirdness of today’s world.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Guest No-Show & Pivot to Solo Vibes

• Timestamps: 00:53–02:22, 12:04–12:47
• Original plan was a guest episode, but a late cancellation led to an impromptu solo.
• Thomas and Marty joke about guests flaking, including high-profile “no shows” like Chance the Rapper and Devin Haney, and the rarity of it:

  "Damn near 300 episodes. We've only had four people stiff us, right?" — Marty, [11:56]

• The atmosphere is relaxed, unscripted, and organically jumps from one tangent to the next.

2. Vegas Stories, Stand-Up Gigs, and Comedy Musings

• Timestamps: 03:18–09:55
• Thomas recounts a Las Vegas trip for his sister’s 21st: lessons on gambling (winning at roulette with the number 11), catching a No Doubt concert, and performing a show with Josh Wolf.
• On testing boundaries in stand-up with edgy racial humor, and dealing with cold audiences:

  "I'm keeping that. I don't care if you guys don't like it." — Thomas, [08:07]

• Humorously laments forgetting a key line about the first time he saw a Spice Girl’s boob.
• Notable quote:

  "The coolest thing I ever saw up to that point was the Green Ranger turn into the White Ranger. So seeing boobs is way cool." — Thomas, [08:48]

3. The Search for Hobbies & White Guy Activities

• Timestamps: 09:55–11:14
• Playfully contrasts adrenaline hobbies often associated with “white people” (skydiving, jet skis, race cars) with their personal interests.

• "All the extracurricular white activities. Yeah, Vegas is Vegas, man. It's dead." — Thomas, [10:09]

4. Culture Commentary: Social Media, Parenting, and Generational Angst

• Timestamps: 19:14–35:41
  (Intense rant zone.)
• Thomas launches a frustrated diatribe on coddled “Mexican kids”, overprotected teens, screen-obsessed children, and “reverse evolution.”

• "Stop serving your fing kids when they're teenagers. ...Every fing Mexican kid comes out fing coddled and doesn't know how to do sht because their f*ing parents do it for them." — Thomas, [21:56]

• Marty agrees, describing the pandemic of kids who can’t do basic tasks:

  "I feel like...the evolution stopped and it's going a little bit backwards now." — Marty, [25:39]

• Critiques the toxic cycle of social media, mindless content, and chasing clout for sponsors:

  "I gotta be right here, ready. I will gladly shut off my pages if we can reset the social media world. Start again. I'll start again from zero." — Thomas, [19:41]

5. Rants on Internet Culture & OnlyFans

• Timestamps: 29:56–40:21
• Thomas roasts the trend of “OnlyFans girls” and cringy, predictable viral skits, longing for genuine humor or artistry:

  "Nobody wants a mainstream female rapper, I should say, because all they do is talk about sex the whole time." — Thomas, [30:11] "OnlyFans girls are cool, they're chill. I don't want your fake ass skits. I don't want your fake skits, dude, fake tits, okay? Fake skits. Not cool at all, dude." — Thomas, [31:42]

• Yet balances critique with advice and actual support for women he knows on the platform.

6. OCD, Superstitions, and Existential Anxiety

• Timestamps: 43:24–51:14
• Candid talk about Thomas’s OCD: rituals, superstitions, counting, and how childhood trauma and coincidence (like a friend’s death) anchored these patterns.
• Notable quote:

  "For someone so high and calm, I have the worst OCD." — Thomas, [44:29] "If I step on a crack, I have to step on two of them because it's even, I promise." — Thomas, [48:57]

7. Personal and Family Safety Paranoia

• Timestamps: 50:24–54:57
• Insight into the hosts’ genuine anxiety about safety, connected to previous lives selling weed and stories of close calls.

• "I'm constantly paranoid because I used to sell weed. Like, always think it's when I used to come in my house." — Thomas, [50:50]

• Intense discussion about kidnappings, especially of women/children, and the hosts’ visceral reactions to that threat.

8. Unrestricted Preview: Outrageous Clips, Childhood Ball-trauma, Unfiltered Banter

• Timestamps: 56:00–94:02
• A self-described "light sample" of their exclusive “Unrestricted” show: video reactions to gnarly, weird, and sometimes distressing clips (injuries, accidents, animal mishaps), peppered with ball-injury stories from childhood.
• Notable quote:

  "This whole episode is called Out My Balls Idiocracy. … Out My Balls and Idiocracy. We're stupid. The whole world is stupid now." — Thomas, [87:13]

---

Memorable Quotes

• On generational decline:

  "We're like reverse evolving... as far as the generation goes." — Marty [25:39]

• On OnlyFans content:

  "Just show your ass. Nobody wants to go oh, dropped this. But nobody wants to fake stupid. Just post it." — Thomas [33:08]

• On social media reset:

  "I'll gladly shut off my pages if we can reset the social media world." — Thomas [19:41]

• On OCD rituals:

  "I've counted my steps since I was a kid just to make sure I land on an even number." — Thomas [48:59]

• On "white guy hobbies":

  "All the extracurricular white activities. Yeah, Vegas is Vegas, man. It's dead." — Thomas [10:09]

• On comedic bravery:

  "You're fearless." — feedback from Josh Wolf to Thomas [08:07]

• On life advice:

  "You can't be sad living in the present because it's happening now... So, live in the present." — Paraphrased wisdom from a Chong episode [95:16]

---

Timestamps for Important Segments

| Time | Segment Description | |--------------|---------------------------------------------------------| | 00:53–02:22 | The guest no-show, adjusting to solo, podcast vibes | | 03:18–09:55 | Vegas trip, comedy set, roulette story, No Doubt show | | 12:04–12:47 | Reviewing guest flakes: Chance the Rapper, Devin Haney | | 19:14–29:56 | Angry rants about coddled youth, technology, social media | | 29:56–40:21 | OnlyFans, the problem with viral internet “skits” | | 43:24–51:14 | Thomas’s OCD and superstitions, impact of trauma | | 50:24–54:57 | Paranoia, stories of safety/fear, kidnapping stories | | 56:00–94:02 | "Unrestricted" content preview — gonzo video reactions, stories of getting hit in the balls, gross-out workplace accidents, animal mishaps, and more (wild banter throughout) | | 95:16–99:15 | Closing advice, life wisdom, travel gripes, episode wrap-up |

---

Tone & Style

The episode is classic “Dope As Usual”:

• Open, rapid-fire, and unfiltered.
• Raw banter laced with expletives, self-deprecating humor, social frustration, and left-field nostalgia.
• Seamless mixture of the personal and the universal, finding catharsis in both rants and laughs.
• No topic off-limits, from sincere (parenting, loss, OCD) to the totally absurd (dick injuries, ball trauma, internet skits).

---

For Listeners

Didn't catch the episode? You’ll walk away understanding:

• The high-wire unpredictability of podcasting when guests bail.
• How stand-up comedy both empowers and terrifies even seasoned performers.
• That the hosts are passionate about calling out clout-chasing, mindless trends in online media.
• A raw account of how parenting choices, technology, and pop culture are shaping (and sometimes dooming) the next generation.
• Why Thomas is dead serious about his superstitions, step-counting, and knocking on wood.
• That they can find humor in the most painful childhood memories — especially those involving a “dick shot.”
• Their “Unrestricted” content is where things truly go off the rails — for those craving more, it’s just $8/month.

---

Closing life advice:
"Live in the present. You can’t be sad living in the present because it’s happening now... Don’t be a lazy f***, drive nice, let people merge. Stop cutting me off." — Thomas [95:16, 98:24]

Perfect, perfect, perfect.

Transcript

[A]

Oh, you can. Perfect. Perfect, Perfect, Perfect. What's up, guys? Welcome back to the Dope As Usual podcast. My name is Thomas Dopas. Yolo, whatever you want to call me. The is my co host, Marty o'. Neal.

[B]

What's up, folks?

[A]

Usually he's way over there. And real quick, this camera right here, it was on me. And then we're like, why is it so white? The white balance is thrown off because it's not pointed at Marty.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

That's a pasty man.

[B]

Exposure.

[A]

That's a pasty man. No lie. We're like, the white balance is off.

[B]

Readjust that.

[A]

And then my camera was on him. They're like, you look fatter. And I went, oh, that's the problem. So it turns out I'm not even fat. It's been a wide angle, a 0.5 this whole time. Sick. Turns out I really am just all in shape. That'd be. I just didn't know.

[B]

It's just been confusion through the lens this whole time.

[A]

Yeah. No, even at home. Like, damn, these mirrors are. Mirrors are dicks. Sorry, guys. What happened? Here we go. Welcome back to the Dope As Usual podcast. My co host, Mario Neil. What's up? And then I said, this camera there. I got distracted. That's what it is. Hi. Welcome back to the podcast. Today is a solo episode. If you remember from two weeks ago, the solo episodes. We're trying to figure out the guest episodes. We got Marty back at the table. A lot easier, a lot more convenient. A lot easier not to throw joints or say hi to. Have to go around the camera to say, what's up to this guy. So we're back. We have a solo episode today. We were gonna have a guest episode. We were waiting for our guests for, like, 40 minutes. And Marty. Marty has been a vlogger since, like, I forgot he was, like, 16. Marty has vlogs of him growing up all the way to now. It's really funny to see Marty's size 48 pants work because the outfit just. Weren't you, like, fabulous?

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Just like, fabulous. I like it. Or like a. Like an anwin mixtape. It's great. And then matching shoes. You match more back then than you do now.

[B]

That's a fact.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I used to really be on my show.

[A]

Me too.

[B]

I mean, I kind of am, but to, like, 20. Like, I'll match to a point. But I used to, like. It used to be like, isn't that crazy?

[A]

I don't. I thought yesterday, like, I used to really care, like, Nah, those jeans look cool. That looks cool. Let's do that. Yeah, I'll wear that. Now I'm like, I'm Adam Sandler and just wearing basketball shorts and a shirt again with some shoes that have somewhat of the same color. Even though I have hella shoes and I need to stop buying shoes. They're all vans. They're all black and white.

[B]

I had all the Js to match the outfits. I remember this old lady in the cubicle I worked in one time. She's like, wow, you really go all out to come in here. Made me feel like, yeah, I guess I am kind of swagged off for this cubicle right now.

[A]

Better than looking like you. Yeah, you're right. What a dick. You really go all out to make yourself look good in appearance. I'm old. That's what she wanted to say.

[B]

By the way, get my mixtape too.

[A]

Oh, I'll give it to my son. Yeah, I sell weed to your son. We had a guess and now we don't. So you know what that means. Zero notes. So we're just gonna keep going and start talking about stuff. This weekend, I was in Las Vegas. It was super fun, super sick. Shout out to anybody I met out there. Shockingly enough, we. My little sister turned 21. So we're like, hey, let's bring her to, you know, Vegas. She's never been there. She wants to go. I was showing her how to play roulette. I put five dollars, like, I was like, 25 bucks minimum. Put five bucks on five numbers. See what you do. And then she, like, lost all her money. I was like, ah, all right, I'll try one hand. And I hit on my hand five. I'm like, oh, cool. Got some chips back. Rocco was there. And John's favorite number is 11. We always been on 11. Like, ah, put five on 11. And. And it hit. I'm like, oh, cool. Five, 36. Let's run it. Cool off of five bucks. Sick. And then when you win, the chip stays. I hit 11 again. Won it again, even though I didn't bet any money again.

[B]

Five, 36, you get.

[A]

You get $36. If you hit the number, you get 36 times your money. So you put 100 bucks, you 36, 3600. You put a th 36 bands.

[B]

I didn't realize that.

[A]

That's why the first time I ever played roulette, I put money on Chava on 22. He's like, Put on 22 for me. I'm like, I got you. And I hit. She handed me these chicks go, whoa. So he has 36 to 1. I put $10 on the one. $360. I was like, no way. They got hooked anyway. 11 hit again. Three in a row. I've never seen that in the existence of all time gambling. Never. At number two, the pit boss walked over. Number three. They wanted me to leave. Like you, you can't bet on that anymore. I'm like, you know what? I should have put more money on number three. Because I'm like, there's no way you

[B]

put on it the second, third time.

[A]

I never put any. At least the chip rise. If you win, you win again. Back to back. It's like a thing for the, for the game. I'm like, damn, I just won three times. I bet $5. I won $500.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

Pretty cool. I never done that three. Back to back to back. Anyway, I went to the no Doubt concert. Super cool. This is just listen to no Doubt a lot when I was a kid. And then she turned into Gwen Stefani. Then I stopped just because I liked no Doubt music more than pop music. I'm not a big pop music person. She's like a better pink.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

Yeah, but she has an insane voice. Watching the show was like, cool little graphics cool. Damn, she could see her ass off still. Wow, dude. Anyway, concert was cool. I had a show with Josh Wolf. The past three sets I've been going up and going. I got this.

[B]

I'm not even tripping.

[A]

I didn't go over my set. Let's see if I can do it without it. And I go up there for the first series, things go, oh, that's right, that's right, that's right. So this time I was, I like three seconds in, I'm like, ah, how do I start this again? I swear to God. To the beginning of a song. Oh, wait, what's the There it. I couldn't catch it. I said the first part went. Nice hat, man. Hey, nice cat, boy, man. I walked over and went, oh my God. Oh, yeah. I was stalling for like a good three and a half second, which is not a long time, but for me it is. I'm not comfortable in the silences yet. I, I, I don't like it yet.

[B]

What would you have done if you couldn't remember? How do you bring it? What do you do?

[A]

I would have put in my phone, my guys, I'm sorry, I've been smoking hash all day. We're back. And that's what have been it. Anyway, I get to the su. I have a suicide pit part. You've seen it. And I went, let's see how this goes. Cuz I. They. I don't feel like they were going to feel it. I don't know why. And I said the first part. The Middle Easterns. And I went, yeah, it's going about as good as I thought. Cuz there was not a people. And then people were laughing like, yeah, that's that. Yeah. And I said the Asian part. Not a peep. I said the black people. I even went, get ready, black people. And I said the black people part and again. And I got some laughs and I went, yeah, you guys like this as. As much as Seattle does because they hated it. And then I got into the white people part and I was like, oh, you guys don't like this white audience? Yeah, I got to the Mexican part and like people laughed. Nobody knows history, I guess. Do you know that the Mayans used to sacrifice people to make the sun come out? All right, Marty, thank you. Half the people are like, huh? I'm like, are you stupid, man? You switch this bit. Because I guess you guys don't know history. And they didn't perfect the agriculture. And they perfected agriculture, not patience. That's funny. I don't care who you are. That's true. They should just waited like two more hours, the sun would have came out. That's the problem. Yeah, anyway, yeah, they didn't like that. They didn't like that at all. I even made a point of saying, like, yeah, I'm keeping it. I'm keeping that. I don't care if you guys don't like it. And I moved on to the next. The first thing Josh said when I got off. You're fearless. Like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're fearless. That's good feedback. Like, yeah, I knew they weren't gonna like, I like it. It's for that one guy laughing. Fine with me. And then I did my. I forgot a big piece of my last story. Dude, I forgot one line. I talk about the first time I got to see boobs. When I was a kid. I thought the coolest thing I ever saw up to that point was the Green Ranger turn into the White Ranger. So seeing boobs is way cool. Like, it was like the whole thing. I forgot it.

[B]

Forgotten first set of boobs?

[A]

Well, no, I mean in public. I saw Posh's boob from Spice Girls. Her whole boob.

[B]

It's a quality boob right there.

[A]

And I don't even say it in the Bit because nobody's gonna believe me after. After I got told talking. My sister, the one that's a dick and never believes anything and says I'm wrong. It's like, you remember we saw her boob ago? You remember? I wasn't even gonna mention it because you're always a dick. So, yeah, we saw she had a base tail. Yeah, she had a paste. Exactly. She remembers. Anyway, it was cool. It was fun. Met some cool people. Met the. A fan, a security guard. He show up to the show, shout out to you. I actually got to ship him a package. And yeah, it was cool. That. That was really it. I went to Vegas and didn't really get. I need some hobbies. Like what do you like to do? Smoke weed? Wh.

[B]

I don't know, like jet ski, like that. Or like, you know, that's a hobby. Like.

[A]

Yeah, no, I wanna. I want a hobby I can do without. Climb, say, without risking my life.

[B]

Skydive.

[A]

All the white people investigate. Screams like, yeah, that's what white people get stabbed and murdered. Dude, I'm good. I call the cops, stop a pimp from hitting and hitting his hooker. Like, that's how you get. That's how you get killed. All the extracurricular white activities. Yeah, Vegas is Vegas, man. It's dead. It was completely dead.

[B]

Do the race cars next time. That's fun.

[A]

Drive.

[B]

You go on the racetrack and they

[A]

let you drive good dudes, I've seen it done. My homies did it. I don't. I mean they, they whip you in it. They'll have a professional driver drive you around first. I'll do that. I don't want to whip a 150 mile an hour car. That's Dino own. Because I know me, if I own it, I'm gonna be like, I'm not taking that corner that fast. You know how much I had to pay for this thing? And over there, like. And die, you know? Like, I've never taken a car that fast, let alone a car I never drove.

[B]

I'm gonna go as fast as it can possibly. Go down the stretch, then swam on the brakes and do a horrible turn around the corner. That's how I'm doing it the whole time. Drifting, barely not hitting the wall.

[A]

Yeah. No nascar. No matter how much Marty doesn't like it. It's in his blood, dude. You just hear, I'm going to go as fast as I can and then skirt and not hit the wall. It's nascar. I'm good. Okay.

[B]

It's going to look horrible. Not in like a cool type of way.

[A]

It's going to be like, you want joy? You going to take dabs?

[B]

I'll do a little bit of both. Appreciate you.

[A]

I rolled a little joint for our guest. I rolled this joint and you know my. Oh, I, I, I didn't start my detox because I don't know. I know our guest gets high and then she just was like, I'm not coming. Like, I would have started this morning. Oh, I have a week. I need one solid week not smoking. I need it. I need it to happen.

[B]

Damn near 300 episodes. We've only had four people stiff us, right? We're just going over the numbers on that.

[A]

Yes, I think so. We had a guest today. We had your best friend Jaleel. We had Chance the rapper. We can't give him another chance because he had four. Ran out of chance, four reschedules the minute we're supposed to start. It's tough. I can't let you just play with my time like that. I have to do. And then I can't remember the last person. There was one more.

[B]

Devin Haney.

[A]

Devin Haney. Yeah. Yeah, he. He just never showed up. We talked to him.

[B]

We had it set, paid for flights.

[A]

TED talk paid for his flight. And then it was like, hey, dog, were you.

[B]

How about no?

[A]

Then just tell us no. Did you need a flight?

[B]

I made some custom graphics, kind of printed out.

[A]

Did you need a flight? Is that what it was? That's not good. You need to make more money playing. Playing boxing. Playing boxing, man. And Rocco, you totally feel free. You can move. Okay. Yeah. That's it. That's it. We haven't had that many guest flake, but, you know, it is what it is.

[B]

Amazing.

[A]

This is fun. I'd rather all day I talk than. So, so yeah, I'm good. That's fine with me.

[B]

We try to get interesting people on here for you guys, but you know, always down to run a solo at a moment's notice.

[A]

Oh, yeah. I didn't prepare for a solo. So, you know, I usually have like a topic or two. Blah, blah, blah. Yeah, I didn't really prepare this time.

[B]

You were. Tell me about the super famous dude that got killed by the helicopter.

[A]

Oh, that's so sad. The full Oliver tree died is so sad. We've had him on the guest wish list for five years. Never once got a hold of his management. Nobody ever respond. I mean, fool's famous as still a fan. I think it was like 2017, maybe 2018. Rocco was a little kid And I showed him, like, you've heard of Oliver Tree? And then you went to a show recently. Yeah, yeah. That was like, eight years ago, man. Now he's been hilarious since. I just remember the kid with the bowl cut in the scooter. I'm like, who the is this kid? I like this guy. And that was it. He's been taken off ever since. And it's just so sad. You guys didn't know Oliver Tree passed away in Brazil from a helicopter crash. What the. Come on, man. So sad, dude.

[B]

Like, on a touristy type helicopter.

[A]

I don't know. I don't know. Along with other people. Sorry. Along with other people passed away, too. A big YouTuber from South America. I don't know who. I don't really follow YouTubers, but so, so damn sad, dude. Just anybody doing something with their life and trying and doing something different is like, oh, what a loss. Super sad.

[B]

Everybody that they help out and it trickles down to

[A]

really sad, dude.

[B]

Did you watch UFC 250? UFC Freedom?

[A]

So you seen Idiocracy?

[B]

Or.

[A]

We just talk about it. Okay. We're so close. Like, I.

[B]

Did you watch the opening sequence of

[A]

I only watched highlights on YouTube. And I'll say, we're such a joke in the world. Like, every country must know we're. Our president's tough. Like, you know, we're just lame. Us as a country is just whack right now, dude. Like, a president makes us look bad. We look bad. Everything we do, stupid. There's so much corruption. And now we're like, hey, fight on our most sacred landmark of the country, the place that no one should ever step foot on. Yeah, throw a fight right there. Yeah, throw a fight with a bunch of foreign dudes on our front. Like, what the, man? It should have been all American fighters. First off, I don't give a. UFC freedom. UFC freedom. 250 should be Americans right there fighting. I'm just being an. Who cares if they're not Americans? The thing that bugs me, it's like the walkouts were inside. Like, they were inside.

[B]

That felt like a fever dream. It felt very weird.

[A]

You could just be in the Oval Office, I guess, or like, in the White House. Like, I have no shoes on. You can't be barefoot in the White House, dude. All right, that's just. You can't do that. You can't. That. That's.

[B]

They did a full to open it up. They did a full. These walked a full mile. Oh.

[A]

Oh, Trump.

[B]

No, it was Trump and Dana White. And this this is what made me. At first, I was like, oh, I don't like this at all. This feels very creepy. At first I was like, oh, this is just a big ego session for this dude. Literally a full walkout. Going through all the halls. Completely unnecessary. Following them through all the halls just to walk out. Like the fighters did. Very, very weird. Weird. And just like. I was like, oh, this is off. Putting it. And then. Then I was like, this kind of feels like some Gilead shit. You know what I mean?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

When they zoomed it out and I was like, this feels a little like Gilead. But I will say, as it went on, the production value of it was great.

[A]

I'd never seen. I just saw the fight. Just.

[B]

Just the production value of it. The way they produced it was great. The fact that they had 80,000 people directly next door was insane. It was so. Because they had the stage. But then at like, a location directly adjacent to was like fucking Woodstock.

[A]

Why would you go to that if you can't see the fight? I just go home, watch it. Just.

[B]

Just to be there.

[A]

So, you know, I mean, you gotta be a real. I mean, I might say a real. To fucking show up and go, I'll stand in the lawn. I can't see.

[B]

It's a bullshit.

[A]

And everybody's just on their phones watching the foot. You gotta be a real dumbass to pay $80 for a drink to go stand on a lawn so two dudes that run the country can go, yeah, we crushed it without lifting a finger.

[B]

But it was very much like. I mean, it's a. He did create a scenario where it's like gladiator times where he gets to kind of sit back and watch these two dudes, like, fight to the death. Basically.

[A]

That's what he was doing there.

[B]

Yeah, the.

[A]

You're right. That is some gladiator. We're just going to sit back and watch at our home. It's like Gladiator Part one with Walking Phoenix. You're right. I just think it makes it look. Makes us look real goofy. You're never gonna see another country go, we're gonna throw a fight on our lawn. Mexicans park there. That's what makes it look stupid. You're gonna fight on it.

[B]

I would have liked it on the grass. That would have been cool if they did it on the lawn. I mean, I get it, but, you

[A]

know, they shot a guy for running into the lawn of the White House, murdered him, shot him on site, and we're just fighting on it. I don't Care about policies. But I can't wait for this to go away. I can't wait for us to get back to this is the principle. He knows more than you and he's running the.

[B]

And he's behind the scenes. He doesn't want to be all famous.

[A]

Yes. I'm over it, dude. I'm over it. We need to reset these guys all the time.

[B]

You guys are supposed to be optimizing earth behind the scenes.

[A]

Social media reset, dude. Yeah, we need it. I gotta be right here, ready. I will gladly shut off my pages if we can reset the social media world. Start again. I'll start again from zero. It if everyone could start again from zero, that would weed out 60 of people going, I need to make money, so I'm gonna do most. All right. A lot of social media people make a social media account. They do that. Blah, blah. They make footage, they make content. And then sponsors come in. Cool. Most people go in like, I'm going to get these sponsors to make this content so I can make money. It's not. You like doing social media. You like a business of social media, which makes you do goofy, goofy, goofy weird. Because money's first. Could you imagine? I can't imagine. I can't fucking imagine that. I'll just work, I'll just go get another job. If I. If it didn't work, I'll just get the job. I said that before we started. I'll work at Walmart. I don't give a. I'll manage that in like less than three years. Like, yo, this guy knows how to read. And he backed the truck up and didn't hit anything. He's the manager. Yeah, yeah. I'll just be the only competent at Walmart because ask a. At Walmart for something and watch this. Well, you can't chat gbt that. I don't really know where that that is. Maybe in that. In the frozen food aisle. You ask for frozen food. Like, oh, I'm dumb. Why did I ask that question? We're both dumb. The world is just so stupid. I have. I'm not gonna say who, but I have someone in my family that's kind of young. No, that. My little brother, man. My little brother dude. Not Rocco. My little brother, man. My brother dude. Mexican. Stop doing everything for your kids, you Mexican moms. Knock it off. This is a psa. Stop serving your fucking kids when they're teenagers. Stop doing their laundry when they're teenagers and stop babying them. Every fucking Mexican kid comes out fucking coddled and doesn't know how to do shit because their fucking parents do it or their moms do it for them. My mom did. She's not even really messy. She's the Jewish side. That's why I'm like, I have to do everything myself. Fuck. And she's still complaining because she's Jewish. She's always there. My stomach hurts. Like, yeah, I know, I know. Stop being serial bitch. Fuck. Sorry. That was the other side of me. My little brother doesn't clean his room, do his laundry.

[B]

He was with your dad.

[A]

Yeah, he doesn't do his laundry, which is fine. It's like, okay, okay, that's fine. Your baby. That's cool. We were at a fucking restaurant,

[B]

and

[A]

he had a steak, and he's like, I'm not hungry. And then he got the most expensive thing in the restaurant. Didn't finish it. I'm just looking at him like, I'm gonna hit you. You didn't want to eat anything, so I'll just get fries. Then you're like, actually, me. The 75 steak. Like, all right. Oh, you want to try it? I'll get it for you. But eat it. Didn't want to eat it anyway. Grabs a knife like this. Fork, fork in the steak, which is arcade manish. This would be a lot easier to control. It's okay. You never eat steak. Most Mexicans don't eat steak. It's called carne asada. It's already flat. You don't really need. I never ate steak till I was 22 years old. Never even seen it.

[B]

Crushing steaks.

[A]

Yeah. Got the knife on his fork, on his steak knife, started cutting it. I'm watching him like, there's no fucking way this is real. And he goes, it won't cut. I went, turn the knife onto the blade, dude. Put the blade down first. Like, I was so mad. Like, do you really not understand that the blade of the knife has to. That's what cuts. Oh, turn the knife. He was on the flat end of the knife. It's not working. Like, the knife's upside down. I think I was just raised. I was just raised by a person that didn't want to raise me, so I had to do everything myself. So I'm like, at first five, I was doing my lawn. What is going on? That's what pissed me off. I'm like, how old are you? I was sitting there, like, so furious, like, dad, what the are you doing with him? It just. I don't know why. I just automatically get mad at them, like, what are you doing? I'M I genuinely furious. Even right now. I'm starting to get sweaty. I. It infuriated me.

[B]

How old is he?

[A]

14 years old. Dude to the knife over.

[B]

He's gonna be driving next year.

[A]

He's gonna be on the road soon. Stop babying your kids and make them do stuff. Make them try. Make them. Make them attempt to think. Get them off the iPad. Stop giving your kids an iPad as it's the babysitter, you lazy. I see that everywhere I go. Talk to your kid. Do something. God. Jesus Christ, bro. It bugs me so bad watching it happen. It's like, no, not to my brother. It's not gonna happen. Nope. That's why I'm on his ass every time I see him, like, do that. Stop. Do you really think you can't do that on your own? Oh, yeah, I could. Wait, I'm. I'm gonna. I'm gonna take your room. I'm gonna take your room from you. Like, it's. It's a. I don't know, man. It's just. It's a fury. It's infuriating. It's like little things. It just bugs me. That's all. Right now. Little things. But I mean, it should bug you. If you saw your. If you saw Cam. I don't get it.

[B]

Yeah. No, I'd bash my own head off the.

[A]

Thank you. You're like, how did I fail? What was I doing? That's what I would think. It just. It just that, like, drained me thinking.

[B]

They have, like a severe disadvantage. They're like. We're like reverse evolving.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Where their brains. It's like the evolution stopped and it's going a little bit backwards now. I feel like as far as the generation goes, just trying to hire people. You know what I'm saying?

[A]

You know what it is just like scrolling.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, it shows your brain. Yesterday I was on my phone for like four hours, from 10 to 2, just taking dabs. Rosie was kind of sick. She's laying there, so I'm just kind of like. And at the end, I was like, mad. I was like, my head hurts. And then I felt like, not an anxiety, but like, what the I could do. I can't imagine being seven, Right. Thinking that and feeling that. What it is, is sad, happy, mad, mad, mad, sad, happy, happy, cool. Within one minute. Have you ever got in person, Marty? Have you ever had someone make you super mad and make super sad and make you laugh in within a minute? Probably not. Your brain's not supposed to fluctuate like that. Your Hormones are spiking and then you should spiking down. And the aggression's going and it's going down. It's like. It's like getting all the sodas at the machine and going, I can't taste this Sprite. Like, yeah. Because it's mixed up. And that's like our emotions in the brain. Like, I feel like our. You get hot, you get mad, you get this, you get that. You see the worst thing you've ever seen. Then you see a proposal.

[B]

Oh, it's all kind of meaningless, just mauve blur.

[A]

And then it's like, yeah, school shooting. Yeah, people get shot outside. I saw school shooting today. Like, that used to be the talk forever. Now it's like, oh, another one.

[B]

The country would stop.

[A]

What's from those first. Yeah. So if you have kids, young kids, just do yourself a favor. Don't create a big mouth breathing dummy. Don't let him be on the iPads all day for coming from someone that doesn't have kids. I've watched this happen. I've seen it. I've gone through it. I have little brothers and sisters, and I watch the differences in behavior when the iPad's taken away. It drives kids insane. I promise you. I. It's. It's ins. My little. My uncle's kids, dude, were 247 iPads. All day, every day. I watched my godson watching four hours of fans spinning. That's what he was watching.

[B]

You're supposed to just listen to that.

[A]

Watching a fan spin that someone recorded and put on YouTube. He watched it for like an hour.

[B]

That's some serial killer.

[A]

That's scary.

[B]

That's like one of the kids in the movie where he's just drawing the circle circles.

[A]

Looks bad. He's drawing. Oh, he's got a little bit of blood.

[B]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

Dude, I'm telling you, man, you can turn into zombies with that. And it's not even the. The what you're watching. That phone is flashing every 0.2 seconds in your eyes. We were at a comedy show. They do. They do a red light at night in the background so you can see like he color and light and everyone's phone just flashing a million times a second. Everyone. You could see it. We took a video of it. It's insane. I wonder what that does to your retinas in your brain. Probably throws off your signals. We're a computer. You don't point a. A red laser into your computer screen because you're like, it's gonna mess it up. You don't Put a magnet on your tv so it up.

[B]

Unless that camera sounds right.

[A]

That's what we're doing. That's what we're doing. Our brains, man. Because I feel dumb after scrolling. I feel stupid. And then I'm like, let's go for a little longer. Let's check out some more videos. Well, I have to get friend restrictions. Watch some. Done. Brain rotted. It's bad, dude.

[B]

Yeah, we do unrestricted. Doesn't help that I don't like watching videos knowing, like, just thinking about somebody made this just to get my views. Like, I don't.

[A]

I don't like, like 10 hours of fireplace.

[B]

I get a lot of suggested, like videographer videos and it's just. It's like almost like I'm just over it.

[A]

Like it's too much.

[B]

I don't.

[A]

It's too many options.

[B]

It's not anything that I actually want to watch. It's just. You're making that. You think the algorithm is going to want to up. So it's like not even what you wanted to make in the first place. You're just trying to reach this metric of views. But then it's like, what do the views even mean?

[A]

SoundCloud rappers.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Making music to make music, to hop on a trend, to hopefully get money, to hopefully get music so you can ride the way. It's like going to Baggirls club. If I'm ratchet enough and I fight, I could be cardi B. What if I drop a song and I get a feature and I get a chain? We don't. Coming from the rest of the earth. This is the most sexist you'll ever hear me say. Nobody wants a female rapper. I'm sorry. Nobody wants to listen to a female rapper because all you talk about is dick and then getting bbl and then dicks and then getting a bbl and then cashing out with a scammer and then having sex with his brother and getting his scamming money. All female rap. That's pushed on the. Sorry. Nobody wants a mainstream female rapper, I should say, because all they do is talk about sex the whole time. And I know there'll be people in this comment section going, so do men. Yeah, but there's more. Those guys suck. It's the other ones we care about. It's the. I want a Lauryn Hill.

[B]

Right?

[A]

That's what I'm. That's what I want. I'll listen to that. That's an artist. That's not a female rapper. Oh, she's just some rapper. Is the easiest way to go. She'll have a shove an only fan soon. And it's so sad to say because the, the goal is like, I'll just get kind of famous pop and you know, I'll show my ass and do these stupid ass videos. Did you drop that? Oh, no. Well, I can't stand the fake only fan girls videos. It's the worst thing I've ever seen. It's like fake porn scenarios on. Why is this on my algorithm? I don't want this

[B]

on Instagram.

[A]

On Instagram, they just flood my with a bunch of. And look at I know onlyfans girls. They're cool, they're chill. I don't want your fake ass skits. I don't want your fake skits, dude, fake tits, okay? Fake skits. Not cool at all, dude. Because it makes me feel like, do you think I'm dumb? And then I go, wow, a million likes. There's a million dumb out there. You're it up for us, dude. You know, I mean like those lame ass. You're making us look bad by thinking, oh, the guys will like that. No, dumbass guys will like that. And the 13 year olds that are watching your page will like it just because you're a girl. And like the thought process is like, well, the thought process of these hoes. Yes, the thought process is he starts doing stupid on the Internet. You make a real bad song, you get like an old school rapper that's no longer popping like Soulja Boy in music, but he's still relevant in the Internet. And then you get like a blue face and then you go, hey, make a video with me. And then they drop another song and they go on a podcast and talk about some ho. And then they try to go on a girls podcast to talk about some other ho. And then hopefully their streams go up and they make only fans thought process. God damn, am I wrong? You let me know.

[B]

I don't think so.

[A]

I don't think so either. I've watched this happen so many times. And you know what's crazy? I support fully support the only fans. Girls I know. A lot of them go do your. I've helped one set up before, our old homie, she was like, I'm gonna start my only fans. All right. She did it. I went, can I help you sit for 10 minutes. And I gave her all the steps. Like, do this, do, do this, do this. And that makes so much money. Like, yeah, don't do this. Fake stupid, stupid. Just show your ass. Nobody wants to go oh, dropped this. But nobody wants to fake stupid. Just post it. I made her change her. I had her change a couple things and went. Watch. This will help. I don't care what you make. Just do this with your stuff. She makes money.

[B]

I've never been on Only Fans. Is it, I don't know, goofy, tick

[A]

tock content I have? No, no, no. I'm only talking about Instagram. Only Fans girls. Oh, sorry. I don't know about the website. I have no idea. Sorry, I don't know what the idea is.

[B]

Instagram. Gotcha.

[A]

Only Fans girls. Only Fans models. Not models. Not porn stars. Only Fans girls.

[B]

That's a difference.

[A]

Different. Porn stars are published map models are published. Only Fans Girls. You could do from your house. You never have to publish anything. You could just have an Only fans, which is totally cool. Make money. That's what I mean. She was doing that. She like, does modeling stuff and tries, but, like, that's what she was leaning toward, like, trying to do more like porn star stuff. And she did for a while and she made a lot of money on it. But it's just. I have no problem with that. Do that. Go to strip clubs with Rosie. I don't give a. I'm saying, you know, I don't care about the obscene nudity. It's the dumb skits that drive me crazy. And I'm over here talking like, I'm like. It's like it matters. No, it doesn't matter. I'm just talking to Marty's taking a dab for any girls out there, like, massaging. Shut the up.

[B]

If you were wondering if we thought these skits were goofy or not. Now you.

[A]

That's all I care about at the end of the day. Like, you skits are stupid. I see one Only Fans Girl that I actually press like on this because my algorithm is so stupid. How to make homemade Gatorades. Homemade this. How to get protein. And then boom, I dropped this. Like, who are you? I always put not interested and it pop it you. No, no, I love Instagram. Never take it back. You let me be the algorithm dude. It shows me the dumbest.

[B]

Anyway, I feel like Instagram's chilled out the past couple.

[A]

Totally has, man. Over the past like eight months, I've gotten like 70 less of the dumb debauchery that I don't care about. Like, it's the fake.

[B]

Are they flagging our post? That really haven't been.

[A]

We haven't been doing that much stuff.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

But still crazy. I mean, we used to have to

[B]

go in there and manage that all day long.

[A]

What's up guys? Taking a moment from this super, super structured and non chaotic episode to talk about our sponsor and that's Puffco. Bunch of new products. I just got some new colorways and let me show you brand new Puffco Pivot. This is the Sapphire edition, okay. And you know everything always matches. So coming in with the matching box, I can't tell you how many times this has come in handy because it has everything I need in one little capsule. I take this, I take this and that's all I need for the day. Also coming in with the sapphire blue. This is the Puffco Peak. But look at this thing. Nice ass color. Everything matches. Good job. This is like a powder. Soft to the touch. Sapphire blue looks great for all your needs. Check out everything they have to offer. PuffCon is coming up. I know it's a couple months away, but it's gonna crack creep up on us faster than we think. Puffco peach Sapphire Joystick Cap, 3D Chamber Fast USBC charging, swappable glass top. You've probably seen on my Twitter or my Instagram the custom tops. Yeah, it is fun. It's like hitting different rigs. You can just switch it up and real time temperature control, guys, as good as it gets until the Puffco Peak Pro. But this is the brand new Peaks from Puffco. Once again, thank you guys for supporting the sponsors that support us. Thank you to Puffco. Back to the episode. I'm not stupid, that's all. Like when, when people ask, I say something to entice you to ask them a question. Don't do that to me. It's like my mom does that and it bugs the out. You know what I'm saying?

[B]

Like loft out a sentence.

[A]

Ready? Here we go, man. Dude, like, God, I wish it didn't look like this. I wish. I just wish it didn't feel this way. God, today would be so much better if that didn't happen. What happened? Just tell me what happened, right? I hate that. I'm not stupid. Oh, I should ask like. No, just tell me. I'll ignore a doing that to me like, oh, that sucks. I won't even say nothing for sure. I do that to my mom all the time. Oh man, I can't believe that happened. Nuts walk off. Don't give a. Don't do that to me. Just say it. Don't. Don't beat around the bush to think like I wanted this so you can say this. So that's pretty, pretty much when it's like, dumb skit. Oh, my pants fell down. Like, don't do that to me. Just say, you are an only fans not interested. Block. You see my block list. It's shocking. I'm tired of seeing those stupid ass. I will block that bitch. So dudes too. If I see a dumbass skit where I'm like, yo, the guy that jumps around like a buffoon and eats with a big mouth. I blocked that so fast. I can't. I can't do the dumb.

[B]

I don't get this goofy Internet.

[A]

Why do I get it so much? Maybe because I'm liking stupid on Tick Tock. Because my Tick Tock likes are funny. It's the goofiest you've ever seen. But like, a lot of it's like tweakers. I have a lot tweaker talks fun dude.

[B]

He's got Twitter videos on duck immediately.

[A]

My Twitter shit's different. I just scroll, scroll, scroll. I'll pick a video that looks up and scroll under it because I start doing related related. I'll scroll till it gets away from up. And it's kind of funny. My phone knows exactly what the I want to see. Except for Instagram. I don't know why they do that to me. They feed me some that I do not care about and why are we still talking about this? My bad. I'm sorry I'm over here ranting. It pisses me off, man. I can't believe that happened to me. Oh, man, that really sucks. Could you just tell me, man, don't tell. I hate it. Sorry I said it again because it's so aggravating to listen to. But yeah, I hate when people do that to me. And that's the equivalent of the Internet doing a fake skit. It's bad. Oh, yeah. It's only fans girl. Dude, I saw her do one video. I scrolled. It was somebody coming out of the water. I'm like, what the. And like, she went to go slam something and she went. You probably thought I was gonna slam that, huh? No, this is just an ad for my only fans go watch me be naked and go, yeah, there we go. Exactly. She's like, I have nothing to say. I'm just the only fans girl. She has another. Like, I have. I am. Do only fans Just watch. Click the link like, yeah, that's the way to get him. Yeah, that's the way to get him. And you made me laugh. I like you not doing that. But yeah, good for you. I'll give you a like, give you one little like, hey, man, it matters. Some people really care about that and it helps it.

[B]

What's your next dates,

[A]

ladies? If you want to come out and support us, you're talking about only fans girls. Hey, and it is what it is. And only fans girls are cool. Sorry, before I say that, before I get shunned and canceled, it's the dumb that I don't like be talking about this in full detail. My next. It's 45 minutes of me sweating and going, what the. I'd watch that actually. It's like Lewis, Lewis. Black but brown. You guys get it. Dan's like, I'm gonna call them. It's already passed. Okay,

[B]

ship is sold.

[A]

Yeah. Sorry. Dopasyola.com dopegyola.com for all tickets. My next show is June 25th at a place called Harvell's. July 1st, I'm doing the Brea improv 2 sec. Biggest improv in the country. Bray improv on July 1st. Jack Jr. July 19th, I think. Or 18th or 19th. Me, JoJo Garcia is doing his ten dollar ticket night again at the Covina laugh Factory. It's 10 bucks, guys. Ten dollar ticket. Come on, come watch comedy. It's really fun. Then July 30th, I'm in Houston, Texas. I'll be with OT. I'll be with Chuck. I'm gonna have all these fools come out to the show. I'll be a Jack Jr. In Houston, Texas. July 30th. I don't remember where it's at, but it's a live nation show. Come see the shout out to Jack Jr. Three shows of Jack Jr. Yep, I got some. I know David Lucas. We're supposed. Oh, Rocco's birthday's this weekend. We're supposed to have two shows with David and they got rescheduled. So now I don't. So we're gonna go do Rocco's like birthday at my mom's.

[B]

Where were they supposed to be?

[A]

Bakersfield, Costa Mesa.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

So these got reschedules. Not canceled, just got rescheduled. So as of now, that's all the dates I have. I do. I'm not gonna get into everything, but I do have a. A little meat meeting coming up very soon with some somebody I want to meet with finally. Like someone I'm excited. Like, he does what talks. Don't talk to me. Scrun it. I feel like when Marty DM me, like wants to work with me. Well, let's do it. Yeah. So I got this. I have a meeting with this movie director and I don't even want to say what movies they are. But my favorites of all time, and you guys know what I'm talking about, we're just gonna leave it at that. My favorite guy ever, the director that directs movies with him, hit me up. Or hit up somebody I know to come meet when I go, oh, I'm supposed to go meet with Nas next week. I have a collab coming up with Nas. And while I'm there, we're supposed to link and talk about movie.

[B]

Too sick and random.

[A]

Run it, dude. I'm down. That's sick. I was in the sauna, and I was sitting there dying. I'm like, how am I gonna get into an Adam Sandler movie? It'll happen one day. I'm still working toward my. You know, I'm trying to think things out loud, guys, and say them out loud. Because if this is that simulation they're talking about, that's just like a cheat code. Going up, down, left, right. Rich, you know, you say. Say things out loud. Like, I'm gonna get damn sound. I don't know how, but I will. And I'll be his connect, and he's an old man trying to get back into the Weeds game or something. I don't know. I don't care or no. I just know that if you say things out loud and you work toward it, it'll happen. Try to do things every day that'll help it. It'll happen. I remember me and my Uncle John. One day, he's like, one day I'm getting paid to just drink beer and try it. I go, one day, I'm gonna get paid to smoke weed, tell people how it was, and grade it. Yeah.

[B]

Goes the other way, too. You gotta watch your words. I got power.

[A]

That's why I don't say things out loud. And I knock on wood a lot. You guys see me knock on wood all the time. It sucks. I have. For someone so high and calm, I have the worst ocd. And no, I don't even talk about. I have horrible ocd, dude. It sucks. I have to touch everything in even numbers or someone's gonna die. Why? Why is that in my head? Why does that go in your head? Go, Something bad's gonna happen if you don't knock on wood right now. I get a lot of images in my head. A lot of my friends dying all the time. People I know just dead. I have it. It flashes in my head, and I'm like, no, no. And the one time I was very superstitious, I was to Wear this black Green Bay packers beanie I got from the liquor store every night to hold my hair back. When I started growing my hair, I was like 14. And then I'm like, I have to wear it. I did it last night and everything turned out good today, so I need to wear it again so nothing bad happens. Why? Why does that happen? That's been in my head since I was a little kid. I've been counting since. I'll talk about that after. I'm like, no, no, dude, chill out. It's okay not to wear the beanie, dude, no one's gonna. Nothing's gonna happen. I remember the beanie was on the ground and I'm like, it's fine. I woke up, my uncle John's friend fell into a meat grinder. The next day, my Uncle John's best friend died. Someone killed him. We've talked about it before. No, he's not tall enough to fall over that. It's just not possible. He fell into a meat grinder and died at work the next day. Literally the worst way you could possibly think of dying. And not even the grinder. He got into the grinder, but it was the shoots that pushed the meat in to a tube. So like he got broken down into a tube and lived through it and then died later. Come on, man. And I remember when I heard it, I was in the room and I went in there, I was crying, I was like, no. And I looked at the beanie, went, oh my God, it's the beanie. And I remember, like, I have to never, not again. And I have not since I was 14. Like I. I will stop the car to knock on wood if I have to. And I don't know why this always made me feel better as a kid. I have weird ocd, dude. When I first met Rosie, I was doing all this. She's like, what the. And then for my birthday, she bought me a little block that goes in my keychain that says knock on me. And it was a little piece of real wood so I didn't have to keep stopping. And because I would stop, I will stop the car if I have to,

[B]

to find some wood to knock on.

[A]

I promise you, it's the weirdest. Then I got to the point where like, knock on paper. At least it's part of a tree. Cuz I cat, I was like, I gotta stop pulling over. It got to the point where I'm like, I have no wood in the car. Like, I swear to God, maybe it's cuz I'm a weird ass kid, but I've been doing that since I was like 5.

[B]

Just dialed into your brain. God damn.

[A]

Always has been.

[B]

Why?

[A]

But I was right. Chris died the next day. What, While I was at school? Nah, come on, man. The next day you can. You can speak things into existence very easily, and that's why you have to go. Nope, no, that's not true. That's not gonna happen. It's weird, dude.

[B]

The power of thinking and speaking affirmatively is one of the biggest changes in my life.

[A]

So speaking negatively could be one of the worst things in your life. If it goes one way, it goes the other. It's just the balance of life. It has to. There's a God, there's a devil, there's evil, there's good, there's that, there's this. I promise you, dude, if you're out there and you feel that way, you're not. Oh, you might be insane too, but I don't know. I don't. Where'd I get that from? I. I don't remember ever going like, this is the moment. I need to start doing that. Like, I don't know. I've been. I count on even if I touch something, it has to be even numbers.

[B]

You just set these rules in your head one day as a kid, basically.

[A]

Like, did I do it right now? If I step on a crack, I have to step on two of them because it's even, I promise. And the even thing came from Uncle John when I was a little kid. He's like, stop putting on odd numbers on the TV and volume. I go, why? He goes, some battle happened. What? He said, TV might pop, explode. Like, dude, you're right. Numbers too. And that's why I started doing the numbers visually instead of just touching. What a weird, weird thing to have as a kid. It's still to this day, it's really

[B]

annoying to deal with.

[A]

If you ever see me walk and I double step, it's for that last even number. I do it. I did it right now.

[B]

What do you mean, counting your stops?

[A]

Count my steps everywhere I go. Do you guys not count your steps? Even when I'm talking to people, I'm still counting my steps. Maybe it's a movers thing because we used to count our steps every time we go anywhere from the truck to this room, truck to that room. So you know how many steps in case you're carrying something heavy, like, all right, 75. I'm there. It's just a thing we always used to do. But I've Counted my sense since I was a kid just to make sure I laid on an even number. Yeah. Marty. While I'm having conversations and filming, it's still happening.

[B]

The even number thing. Is there other things or it's just the even number thing.

[A]

Just numbers and thinking of things that are terrible and making them not happen.

[B]

Sounds like a movie plot.

[A]

It sucks.

[B]

Dick cuts of the kid. He looks at the beanie. The meat grinder, bro.

[A]

It's sad. It really happened to which is the part.

[B]

Yeah. Would it. Would you still be so locked in with it if that didn't happen?

[A]

No. That's the first time in my life I was like, it's okay. And then someone literally died. The worst way possible that I know that I just smoked weed with the day before.

[B]

God was like, it's not okay. Yeah.

[A]

I think it was God's way of going, hey, be on your always know that something can happen. Because I'm very cautious. You know me. I'm on high alert. Even in my own house, which is the worst thing. I check my room every time I get home. I talked about it. I check every corner of my room every time I get home.

[B]

Most incidents or whatever happened at the house.

[A]

Yeah. I just don't want to be chilling and go. And fool's got me drawn like, oh, I got nothing. I'm done. Because you can't get out of that situation without getting shot. And people are weird. You never know. I've seen Six Sense. I don't want some weird I used to work with or something show up my house. People are good with technology. They just shut my ring off, come and turn it back on.

[B]

Oh, dude.

[A]

I My. I'm constantly paranoid because I used to sell weed. Like, always think it's when I used to come in my house. Used to open my door fast all the way. Like, in case the motherfucker's behind my door. I'm not even in the house. I'm out. Like, just in case it bounces back, like, oh, someone's back there. You know what I'm saying?

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Because if someone's behind the door, it won't close all the way. So I open it all the way to the wall before I walk in. I mean, just to be cautious.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

In hotels, I walk in the middle in case a motherfucker's chilling. This doorway tries to get my Dude. Things happen, man. Rosie. I always make her walk in the middle because she's a girl. Someone could just. I was talking about this weekend because I showed Monica her friend, like, Walk in the middle. Why are you walking by the wall? What if A opens his door and snatches you and I grab Rosie? But look, she works out all the time. What's she gonna do? I have one arm and this is all I'm doing. And I'm on the phone, I'm not even that big. I just throw you my hotel room, you're gone. Which is very real scary. Especially in Vegas, man.

[B]

Well, yeah, when we were staying at the Strat, they had the whole. They had their own SWAT team called their own C team tactical force in the hotel cuz so many bitters were getting kidnapped out of there.

[A]

I could, I could imagine walking to, back to your room, a dude next to you waiting, waiting, waiting.

[B]

Bam. Now you're in Mexico.

[A]

Gone, gone druggie. Real quick you wake up, oh, she's up. Walk right out with you. Could you imagine I'm going downstairs to get the, to get something real quick, come back and you just gone forever in full of, full of cameras. Still gone forever. Yeah, I mean they'll know who took you, but that fool's gone.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Nah, shit's scary out here, dude. People get snatched up at the grocery store and get robbed with the grocery stores we go to. It's on Tick. There's a page called like 818 something on tick tock Instagram. Rosie follows it just to show. People do weird scams all the time. Like the past. That powder that makes you dizzy and fall down, they put that on the inside of your door handle. So you ever touch your door handles? Powder? Get in, lock the doors. Isn't that. Or the dollar when you pick up the dollar and it has fentanyl on it or the chloroform. People like leave money on the, on the. I've watched one of these videos, it was in. Lady like gets out of her car to take something off of her windshield because they put like a note and right when he gets out, some full rag right to her face, dude snatches her up right there. Don't put baby on board stickers in your car like. Well she has at least one to two kids I can snatch. People are weird. I've watched people like in these foreign countries like talking to a lady and. And then she just like bam, snatch her kid after like having a full conversation with you normal looking 30 year old lady. And then right when she walks out, there's already a car open. Bam. She hops right in with your kid. Nah dude, then my life's over cuz I have to now kill all of you. I'll do the taken. Like, I'll die. This is the end of my life now. What the. Right.

[B]

I genuinely don't know how parents go on from.

[A]

Like, I don't. I don't ever want to know. I don't ever hope none of us ever know because it's weird. I wouldn't be able to sleep every night. Every time I eat, go, what if they're not eating? I'm eating. I can't do this. Nope. Done. I have to find somebody else, find the craziest gangster I've ever met to walk my ass to wherever these people are, and then die in a shootout like Walter White at the end, as I watch my kid run off to the cops, like, yep, level. This level was a good one. Like, when I get up there, they're gonna be like, damn, dog, you went out sick. You're coming back as Conor McGregor, dude. For real. Like, yeah, that's you. Wow. You're gonna come back six foot five and athletic, like, but you're gonna be gay, so it's gonna be a weird life. Like, I like girls. Like, you won't remember that once we send you back. And that's how the world works, I guess. You come back like, dude, you got 16 trophies and this. You could trade those in for ability to jump in your next life. Okay.

[B]

I like it. Good deeds and intentions.

[A]

Yep. Damn, dude, you. You're gonna live on a yacht. Not because you're homeless, because you decided to do that today because you're gonna be a billionaire.

[B]

I like it. I mean, that's karma. That's.

[A]

Yeah, I believe. I believe it. And everybody. That was real mean. Like we said before, you're the food guy in India. Just with the feet in the food, doing that crazy. That's you when you come back if you suck, because that guy's just getting people sick constantly. What's his karma gonna be?

[B]

An unrestricted clip, by the way.

[A]

Yeah, unrestricted clip. Dude, we had this guy, like, this Indian food vendor, man. Like, it was AI, though, right? That was AI. But there's a guy close to that that me and Rocco have seen. That's why we brought that up. Thought it was so funny,

[B]

man.

[A]

You just live in the Congo and you're a soldier. Like, that's the kind of life you get if you're a bad guy. I don't know. I don't know how the world works, but I know that much. What are we talking about, unrestricted?

[B]

We gonna get into our little preview.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Damn. This. This episode got weird. Talking about me, mad about skits, and then people get kidnapped. What the hell's happening? I don't remember how we got here. So, guys, real quick. There's a thing called Dope as usual, Unrestricted. We're now in year. A year and a half, maybe. Like, episode, what, almost 100.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay, so every single Friday, Marty and I, you see this. This podcast called Dope as Usual. It's on all platforms. Well, we have a website called Dope as usual podcast or Dope as usual dot com. Either of them working on the same page just in case somebody tried to be a dick. We got them both. Are you ready? Every single Friday, there's a new solo episode. Marty's in his. In his stream spot at his house. I'm in my stream spot at my house. We phone in. Looks great. And we watch. It's like, ridiculousness. We watch. Hey, what's coming next? So what you're about to see is some wild. This is in Brazil.

[B]

Blah, blah, blah.

[A]

Let's go. But we show you that sometimes it's like, oh, that was awesome. Or sometimes like that. You. Yeah, you got to show that on your website. You can't show that on social media. Stick. I died or, Damn, look at this. Drug deal gone wrong. Or the. We've. We don't show murders anymore. We used to not be mindful of it and show the first 60 episodes. Graphic. Graphic. Graphic things. But I was like, whoa, isn't that crazy?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then we thought, like, dude, who wants to watch people die on the happy weed show? You're right. Well, no more murders, but we'll show crazy. It's about 45 to an hour and 45 minutes. There's never a time supposed to be about a half hour. The. The shortest one we ever did was 48 minutes the other day, and that was awesome. But it's us about an hour and a half anyway. An hour episode. Every single Friday, Marty and I, we can show the weed we're smoking. Show the hash we're smoking. Take dab right then and there, get high, take bongers. Because we're at our own houses. And not even that. We're not on YouTube. It's all only on our website. So to watch these episodes, you got to sign up for Dope as Usual. Unrestricted, it is. $8 a month. Eight bucks a month. Four episodes a month. On top of the four episodes, one. Every Friday, there's a forum. We have an open chat in there, drop questions. We go through the questions, drop Suggestions? There's a Q and A. There's a this tab. There's this tab. And there's a Rate my reefer. What are you smoking? Upload your weed. Show us your weed. We show it like Mark from Arkansas smoking Blue Lobster, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, boom. And we rate it. Rate my reefer. We rate your weed. I know people do full videos on YouTube about that. We just do it. It's part of the. It's part of the world over there. And we'll do it on the show. We'll show it during the episode. It's fun. But we can't show that stuff on YouTube. Most of the clips you can't show on YouTube anyway because they're either graphic, violent, full of drugs, cussing a lot, or it is what it is. You already know YouTube. We're. This is probably restricted now for smoking this very, very, very legal joint that I have in the comfort of our own warehouse. As I'm an adult, even though it's legal here, I still get. We still get in trouble for this. So on our website, we can't because it's ours. We're going to flag ourselves. No. So what we're going to do right now is do a little snippet of unrestricted. We're going to go over these videos. If we have to blur them, we have to blur them because some of them might be bad, some might be. We're just showing you, man. This is usually ready. Boop. Box in box. Marty's above me, and I'm here at my house, and I'm spinning around in my chair. I'm taking dads and Mars taking dabs, and our backgrounds are fun. Ready? Go. First clip. This is a wrestler guy. I have no. Oh, how about this? Unrestricted dosual podcast dot com. Go sign up, bruh. Boom. First clip is a Hawaiian or Mexican wrestler, and I don't see another wrestler around, so I don't know why he did this to his own dick. Very weird. Very weird clip. Go press play. Rocco, please. Right on his own dick. Look at his face. He's like that. He gave up his body. Oh, he kicked that guy. Okay, he did kick that guy. He didn't hit it with the full

[B]

force of his dick.

[A]

Then he didn't see the point. Look at him. He's like, my dick's not there. Anyway. Look at him.

[B]

He's not even hurt.

[A]

He did kick the guy, but that was a straight dick shot. Right now he should have his own balls out.

[B]

Yeah. No, you're supposed to Be crying blood

[A]

like, That was all.

[B]

It's the most brutal you've ever taken to the deck.

[A]

What's the most brutal shot you've ever taken to the dick? You know what, Mar? I don't know.

[B]

I got two of them.

[A]

You dick. I hated my quarterback in ninth grade. I was the center. I hiked the ball. My quarterback was a little douchebag. And then we became really good friends after we stopped playing together. And then now he's like a friend. If I saw him, he'd be very excited. I haven't seen him in a long time, but he's the man. Shout out to Nick Calvino. He's the man. He would.

[B]

Oh, that smack me.

[A]

I'm like, oh, we're playing. What the. I gotta get you the ball. You want to hurt me? What if I let this in? I'm gonna let this guy in. But I would never do that. Look like, I can't play, so I would never do that. I was just. I guess I'm getting hit in the dick, I guess. You piece of. I get in the huddle, like, dude, what the are you doing

[B]

Way.

[A]

Yes. He was a little. And then during a game, he did it while we were playing against another team. Like, the other line was like, what the. It wasn't like a go. He went and smacked the out of me and went, oh, what the.

[B]

That's actually gay at that point.

[A]

It's very funny. Very gay.

[B]

I would never even.

[A]

It was more annoying because he. Because he knows, like, I was a kid that would get real mad. But I don't like hitting people, so I would, like. It would be a lot for me to, like, hit you. And then during practice, while everybody was watching, I was long snapping. And I know when he's calling the. Calling the numbers, he's looking the side. I long snapped into him so hard, he started crying. Hit him in the dick so violently. Long snap. I can long, like, do the long snap with the two hands and spin it behind. I was a long snapper anyway. I snapped. It hit him so hard he dropped. I remember his mouthpiece guy came out. He started crying and breathing deep and knowing I wasn't in trouble at all. Every coach. No, every coach was watching, and I went, you stop doing that to me. And nobody said anything. He never did it again. That was it.

[B]

That's how you got to do it. I tell my kids all the time, you got to stop that immediately.

[A]

Yeah. No, it happened for, like, games. If I didn't know what to do. And I was like, stop doing that, dude. And quarterback's not allowed to do hitting drills, so I can't pop his ass. And the thing is with me hitting drills, like, that was my. Shut the up. Because I was lower. I was always stronger than everybody. And I would wreck people except Vince Wilkins and this kid named Lou. You guys, man. Only two people ever. That's like, how are you stronger than me? You guys. They would run me over like I was a little boy. And it hurt. I never got a stinger in my head until I got hit by this full Vince. And he would always pick me to. To hit because I was the other harder hitter. And I'd be, stop hitting so hard, bro. We're about to start playing, we're doing warm ups. And he would hit me so hard, I'd get a throbbing stinger headache before we start every game. And I'd be like, well, you're giving me a headache. Stop. Hit harder, Mike. Your second string, you. That's always thing like, you're not even good. You're just big. I'm starter on every single thing. Punt, kick, offense, defense. Like, go sit down. Go sit down. I'm gonna go in. I would talk to him like, hey, hey, take your seat. Second string, right? I'm gonna go play. Well, I'm hit you like, yeah, but you're never gonna hit anybody else. And then he was dog at the game. He would. He would be the. He was our fullback that would run standing up and get popped. I don't know. Anyway, I'm mad. I'm all mad now. Yes, I've been hitting the dick. Marty. Pieces of dude. Yeah, it hurt. How'd you get hit in the dick party?

[B]

The worst one was when I was played lacrosse practice.

[A]

You are white. Holy.

[B]

I stayed. It was. We had basketball practice. The lacrosse team came in afterwards, and I was like, I'll try it. I'll play with you guys. I had no idea what I was doing. Oh, it was the lacrosse team I had on. I put on the shoulder pads with my basketball jersey.

[A]

You look all dumb.

[B]

Yeah. But I started playing defense, like basketball, like this. I'm guarding the guy with the stick out. Like, I'm like guarding him. Like basketball, bro. Just point blank takes a shot directly to my balls. No cup, no sort of protection. Just basketball shorts.

[A]

Thin and one nylon.

[B]

Exactly. I dropped to the ground. I was like, my dick's definitely bleeding something horrible. I'm not having kids. And then I basically crawled to the door of the gym, went out in the hallway, and that was the End of my lacrosse career.

[A]

Nobody helped you out.

[B]

No, that was lacrosse.

[A]

Crawled. I crawled into the hallway. There's no field in Earth. On Earth that's next to the hallway. You had to go a while in the basketball court. Oh, never mind. That makes way more sense. I just imagine you crawling off a field, through a parking lot to the school. Like, there's far right? The feels always, like, kind of far. Wow. Marty, I just thought. I just thought you'd, like, crawl. I don't know why.

[B]

I got the fuck out of there, I put the stick down, and that was it.

[A]

Wow. And then you fucking was like, I'll do this, but only on frozen water.

[B]

My hockey career was way before that. That was when I was a little kid. This was in high school I'm talking about.

[A]

You know, it's funny. They went, I'm gonna knock the tin strap off this guy. I'm gonna knock his little beard off.

[B]

Shot my dick off.

[A]

Marty's fuck crackers. Crackers white. He just turned racist against his own kind, right?

[B]

That's when. That's when it all went.

[A]

Yeah. He's like, man, when did I get J's? I just have J's on. Holy. That's what happened to you?

[B]

I already didn't belong.

[A]

One time. Oh, one time. When Rocco was five, we had a mustache party. For some reason, Rocco likes mustache parties. Like, everybody wear a fake mustache. This weekend, we're actually having a mustache party for Rocco's birthday. My mom's. A mustache party.

[B]

Go.

[A]

Wow. It's been a long time since I've seen a mustache party with rock. Okay, the last mustache party, we're water balloon fighting at. At my Uncle John's. And Rocco came around the corner, full basketball guard.

[B]

Hey.

[A]

And I went to peg him with a balloon, and I hit him so hard in the dick, I didn't mean to. And it wasn't filled up enough, so it never popped. It just. It was a full 40, 80, basketball, as hard as I could. And I hit Rocco. And I saw it not break. And I saw him just instantly. And he, like, almost started crying. Then he started, like, tearing, like, oh, my God. I. That's so. He's hurt. I've never hurt him before. It was very shitty. I'm gonna do it again. Right when you walk in to Mom,

[B]

I'm gonna pop you like that. Throw in dumb and dumber. When he hits her with the snowball

[A]

way harder, I, like, put my leg up because he. But he was, like, four feet away. Like, my arm almost touched him. That's how close he was when I let go. Like, it. It was bad. It was bad. This. It was terrible actually. Anyway, that's all of our stories.

[B]

All right. I guess the other time was I was probably like six or seven playing in the front yard with the neighbors. Yeah, right. Balls.

[A]

Is that what Rock was doing? Balls. Six and seven balls.

[B]

Me and this girl got into some little fight or whatever. She was like my best friend next door and she like. I don't know if we like pushed each other or some, or if we just like said something to each other. Honky. Just boom. Her first thing. She just clean. Just kicked me in the balls and I just.

[A]

White, black, Mexican, Puerto Rican, black girl, keep going.

[B]

So I just collapsed and then I didn't cry. I was like, I. In my mind, I'm like, my first ball kick, I ate that. I didn't see that coming at all. Totally surprised. And then that was it.

[A]

Marty, you're just jogging. Memories for me. Soon you say My neighbor. Oh, I have another story. I lived in Clovis, California. Our neighborhood black chick across the street was mad ghetto ass lady. And her name was Shanayna from Martin. Shanay? No, no, she lived next door to us. She had a daughter named Shanay.

[B]

And this girl was Junior.

[A]

Yes, she was cool. Honestly, when I think back, I think my dad was just being a racist and calling her Shanae because she looked like. Like Martin Lawrence, Shanayna from Martin Joe, all dumb and she. She looked just like. And I loved Martin as a kid. So I'm like, she. Is that really she? No, I'm three years old. Like that's not her from tv?

[B]

No.

[A]

Why my dad say it? She can't have another name. I'm a child. I only met one of each name. So I'm like, yeah, that's her name. She's the one from tv. Anyway, when I was like, that's not her. She's. This is her name. But think of it now. I think my dad was just being a racist going next door, cuz. That's funny. Anyway, she was cool. We always played. There was this little girl across the street, this little white girl, trailer trash. Her family was trailer trash. We were Mexican ghetto trash. These ones were black ghetto people. It was just a whole smorgasbord of failures, right? And with kids and everybody ghetto as everybody's 19 with all their kids like 35 year olds. Like, damn, this is the neighborhood, huh? But all of them had like a job. McDonald's affording a house. So what did he Say about the economy. First off, man, everybody afforded the spot. This is the same street where they. My best friend jumped me with his cousins. That story when I was like five for nothing. Oh, he kicked me or I kicked him in the dick. Never mind. Anyway, sorry. Ice cream man always comes by. I come outside if I have change and I'll get stuff. I'm like 4 years old at this time and a little girl across the street, we're all playing tag and for some reason, like, we come around the corner and she just kicks me in the dick. Hard as. It's hide and go seek. When the did that rule start? As I remember, she hit me.

[B]

That's how she tagged you.

[A]

I. I was here.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Maybe she was trying to get me away from her, not to tag her.

[B]

She's it. You guys touched?

[A]

She kicked me. Yes, technically, she is it. And then I told my mom, and I think my mom talked to her. Mom don't remember. I remember we're like that girl. Not playing with her no, more like weeks later. We're playing a game for kids. We're doing it again, and she bites me in the fucking arm and leaves deep ass marks. And I remember being so fucking mad. I'm grabbing her hair like this, and I'm trying to pry her off my arm. And I'm crying. I'm like, I'm forward. I remember looking at her, seeing her teeth dig into my arm, and I'm trying to rip her hair back. And I remember she's like, just trying to hurt me. I don't know why. And then I was crying. I ran inside. And then my sister ran in like a minute later, same. She bit my sister.

[B]

Rabid.

[A]

Oh, my mom. My mom did go across the street, though. And her mom was scared, I'll say that, because what the wrong with your kid? Yeah. Anyway, seventh grade, that was in Clovis. I'm in seventh grade, Mr. Mondo's class. This girl comes in, says her name, and I go, I know a name that you look like her. Go talk to her. It's the same girl moved to Merced in my classroom 10 years later. And I remember looking her go, did you use the lip? She goes, yeah. I go, do you remember? She goes, yeah, that's you. Me? Never talk to her again. Like, you stupid. You're the one. That's you. You bit me, dumbass. I'm the one you bit. That's all I remember. Like, I'm old enough to punch you in the face, but obviously you're a girl, so I'm not gonna do it, but I'm gonna tell. I'm gonna tell myself. I don't know. It was a trip, though. Like, you moved an hour away to my knee. Oh, yeah. We're all poor. We all live in the poor ass. Okay, makes. Makes sense. This is the poor school. But it's like, wow, what are the odds? I just heard her name went. I know a name that. That's all I remember because I never talked to her again after she bit me ever again. We never played again. I didn't. Nope. I don't even talk to her. She would try to come play, like, get away from us. We wouldn't let her play with us at all ever again. She was all that. My mom even said, do not ever talk to her again. I'm like, yeah, I won't watch this shun happen. And then I shunned her ass at school, too.

[B]

Her.

[A]

Wow. So, yes, I have been kicked in the balls.

[B]

Marty.

[A]

Yo. Hey. We just. I just talk a lot.

[B]

Welcome to unrestricted.

[A]

What the. Is one clip Unrestricted every Friday. Are you ready for clip two, Marty? Oh, because he hit his dick. Good question. I like that. That's why under strictures are so long. Because I will just talk forever. Okay, real quick. I have no desire to go into the ocean up to my knees. That's cool. That's fine. If I could see it. I've seen sharks get to the shore. If I get bit by a shark up to my knees, I will make it a mission to go murder sharks. I will go to Japan wherever they kill dolphins, and I will kill sharks in a tank with them. I don't give a. If a shark takes my leg that

[B]

close to shore, it's called retaliation.

[A]

That's. Anyway, I'll start taking fins off and just let them bleed out. Sharks. Are you ready? I have no desire to go in the ocean. I have no desire to scuba dive. I don't want to go on a boat. I don't want to go underwater. I don't want to look at an old cave wreck or a shipwreck. I don't know how cool it is. No matter how many reports of no sharks. Look at this video and tell me you want to go in the ocean to look in shipwrecks. What kind of Caucasian disease is this? Dude, go look what's coming at him. Marty, look at the eel. Watch, watch, watch. Keep watching. It's not as big as I thought. I thought it was a monster. It's really not that big. It was just the angle of that tunnel, it looked like a dragon. He had to plan a man in the mouth to stop it from attacking. The thing was just gonna kill him. Not like, hey, let me get past you. I'm just gonna eat you, dude.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Look at that thing.

[B]

Come on.

[A]

He grabbed it by the jaw.

[B]

Water's so much worse than earth. Like, yeah, we got lions and bears,

[A]

but, like, no lion's gonna drown me as he eats me to death. Could you imagine drowning as you're dying? Like, both two bleeding out. Bleeding out. And, like, this is the worst. And it was gonna find me.

[B]

It was pretty sick looking. I mean, it was pretty sick looking.

[A]

I always say. People always say it, dude. And I'll say it again. Marty, clip this for everyone out there. What are the odds of dying in an airplane? Better than way, way, way less than a car accident. I can control the car. Ready? What are the odds of getting bit by a shark? You know what the odds are? Coconuts, more likely. Fuck you. Coconut's not gonna eat me alive. The shark odds. If I told you, hey, man, at Griffith park, there's a lion. But it's like, the odds are crazy that you're gonna get bit. Are you still gonna go to the park? Fuck, no. So why are you getting the ocean with a bunch of swimming lions? I don't have any desire. I've dodged gang bangers my whole life. I'm not gonna get eaten by a fresh shark at the end of all this. So that's all you, dude. That's all I'm gonna say. There's more room on the boat for you because I'm never getting on it. Continue. Okay, hold on. Press pause and go back. So real quick. I only show in this clip because I think it's an insane cool miracle. This guy says bye to Earth. All right, ready? This guy thinks he's gonna die. His parachute does not open. His second parachute does not open. First off. Come on. Or no second parachute up. So he's, like, catching some wind down, but he's still gonna die, dude. And look what he says. Just read the captions. It's really sad. Okay, I'm dead. Goodbye, and lives. Lands in a thicket of bushes and lives. Dude, he lived.

[B]

Damn. He just accepted death.

[A]

He said, okay, I'm dead. Bye, bro.

[B]

You gotta be more upset than that, Marty.

[A]

Thank you. That's when someone gets in an accident, gets out. You see him on, like, well, why aren't you? That's my shit. I'd be more upset. You know what? I would say. I would say. I would. I would. Like, what would you say? If that's on your way out and you're like, it's gonna be on camera. I'm gonna leave. I'm say something funny, dude.

[B]

Yeah, it's got to be something funny.

[A]

Something funny, right? Like. Or a mystery. Like, I started Black Lives Matter. Did he really?

[B]

Wow.

[A]

And then just throw everybody off forever. Like we'll never know because he's dead.

[B]

Okay, I like that.

[A]

Or something crazy mysterious.

[B]

What if I sprinkle crack on myself on the wall?

[A]

Shut the up, Marty. I'm gonna die. Then I'm gonna sprinkle some little crack on me. Goes back to I don't want to leave no mysteries. And I'm a sprinkles of crackle. Get out of here, Marty. You know, I'd be like as I'm falling, like, she wears underwears with dick holes. Hit the ground. Because, you know, I wasn't like super sad on the way out. I accepted it. I had the mind to go. What's one of the funnier things in this life that I've seen? Yeah, she wears underwears with in. It is definitely it.

[B]

Nobody's gonna get it.

[A]

But still, the few that do. That's. Yeah, that's like my suicide bit. It's for you.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

For the one guy laughing. Everybody else is mad at me. Dude, you should see what I'm looking at. Mad faces.

[B]

They cancel you for being transphobic.

[A]

And afterwards they don't even celebrate it because of it. Anyway, you got to say something funny. You have to, right? Like light just started crying in the last episode. What a done. It's from a show. It's from. It's from. It's from a show. An anime. What is the shinigami. That clip I sent you was creepy. You should watch it. I forgot. What the fucking did you. Death Note. Wow. I could not remember the name. Death Note. Wild to show. Anyway.

[B]

Burnt. Did you see the clip where they like have the bungee jumper and they like walk her off and throw her over the.

[A]

In the same. Yes. All over trees. The next morning in the same place. So when I saw. I went Read de Janeiro. I saw it again. Like, what the is going on over there, man? Yeah, they just throw a girl off without connecting it. I think that was on purpose. It's the only thing you got to do. There's three guys. And did you know that they all ran away immediately? The workers ran immediately. Had to helicopter to find one of them. Caught all of them.

[B]

Oh,

[A]

well, then, I mean, yeah, it's so sad. Do they throw this girl like on a bungee thing? And they throw her. As they throw her, she just hits the floor and they all look at each other like, not even. Like, no, just like a. I thought.

[B]

I thought you clipped the wrong.

[A]

Yeah, you're not even sad. Just killed this young ass girl. It was up. She smacks the ground and dies.

[B]

That's a club we used to watch.

[A]

Yes, we would have watched an unrestricted. But I can't. We can't do that no more, dude, because some people, like, yo, I was smoking a joint. They just showed a guy get murdered. I don't know about this. Oh, you're. You're right. You're right.

[B]

We hear you guys in the Forum.

[A]

Yeah, we're in the four. Also, I was in a Zoom meeting with these guys as a commercial with. He's like, hey, I'm a unrestricted member, by the way. I go, shut the up. He goes, yeah, showing the murders, man. I go, why? He goes, kind of a day bummer. Like, ruins the day. Go. You know what? You're right, man. You're right. You know, I'll stop. And that's when I said, hey, we should stop because of that real interaction. Because, yeah, chill on the murders. Because sometimes we'll be like, look at this gang banger. He's just standing there. 80, 80 fools come out from Brazil. Or some crazy, like, whoa, what did he do? It's just a crazy clip. But we're like, yeah, you know what? Maybe we shouldn't watch that. Maybe we shouldn't show that to the world. Let's just show some cooler like this guy throw his dick into the bars.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Next. Oh, Warning. Distressing content. What is this? Okay, stop speaking of the dick in the bars. I'm only showing this to show when I say, you never know what could happen. This is what I mean. This guy's working. Marty. He's just working at. At a warehouse. He falls, falling from 20, 30ft. No matter what. Sucks. Look where he lands. Go ahead. It's the worst thing you've ever seen in your life. Have you ever been hitting the balls, Marty? Dick shot. What's the worst dick spot dick shot. You ever had that on his dick and leg. He hit his dick and snapped his hip in half. Can we see if you can look at his hip snaps around that thing. He's on a hand truck. Or like, what would you say, like a. What are they called? Pallet jack. Yeah, you know the pallet jack has the handle that goes up and stays stiff. He lands. I mean, you can see. What am I saying? What the am I saying?

[B]

Perfect place, bro.

[A]

You gotta press pause. You gotta. You gotta press stop.

[B]

Can we still open that?

[A]

Okay, go back then. Dude, the. The. The news article is crotch first. Look, he landed dick first. Not even that. He definitely RUP his ass.

[B]

Oh, yeah, everything.

[A]

His intestines are bruised. His tailbone snapped. Everything's broken. You can see his hip snapped. You see his hip where it's pushing out? Like his hip is broken when he hits the ground. Watch. Press play. Look at it on the ground. Oh, look at it on the ground. Snapped when he picks it up.

[B]

That thing, that big thing kind of like.

[A]

It was just. I think he was working on the lights up top and that fell and he fell. He should have been strapped in. First off, you're always supposed to be. Oh my God,

[B]

what's the road.

[A]

That's almost worse than the girl kicking me. That's second worst, I think. Oh, my God. We gotta start. He hit him as your ass starts. He hit like in his ass crack his dick and snapped his hip.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, it's like he was like sitting down as he was falling, like. Like some jackass stunt.

[A]

See, look at this. From the lap from the unrestricted. We used to. We showed a guy jump off a building to kill himself. Lands ass first on a pole. The pole goes through his entire body in his intestines, and it's sticking into his neck. Was alive for like 30 minutes. And they're, they're going, how do we get him off of the pole? His ass is sitting on the ground. A four foot pole. I got the thick parking poles are in his ass. Ripped through his entire body. And it's poking out of like, not poking out. It's about to push out of his neck, remember?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he's just like, for real. My life sucked before. That's why I did this. Like. Oh. But now we watch this. This guy got workers comp and like he's. He's crushing. He's never. I don't know if he has balling anymore. He. He might have. He ruptured his balls right now.

[B]

Oh, for sure. His balls are gone. Free vasectomy.

[A]

Next clip. Wow, that was a bad one. Okay, okay. We might have to blur this because it is shooting. Let me give you the breakdown. This is in Pasadena, California, not far from where we are. Two cops are leaning up against their car, as you can see. And he goes, hey, just to mess around. Points a Gun at him, which is the dumbest I've ever heard. Hey, what's up, fellow co worker? And puts his gun away. Watch what happens. The page is called police incidents. That's the page you don't want to be on. Look, he goes. Hey. Draws on his homies to around the guy does the same thing from inside and shoots him. Shoots him. Not even in his vest. Right in his shoulder blade. You can see him like, ah. He shoots the. I bet she doesn't get fired.

[B]

Yeah, I think they both get fucking fired.

[A]

Honestly, dude, the first guy needs to be fired. Why did you bust out your gun like that? Sup, dude?

[B]

You don't do that, they'll take away your gun, period. If you were to do that right at him. If you're doing that just to be funny, they're taking your shit away.

[A]

I'm pretty sure you know what it is. They probably have like a quick draw like thing between them. So you know what? I take it back. Cops should be horseplay thing. That's fun. Make cops keep doing that. Just don't shoot each other. We need cops like that. I put it away. That's the cop you want to save you. Because he at least like, I'm deadly with this. I will shoot that robber right now. Maybe. Maybe they're good guys. Maybe they're good.

[B]

Teach some trigger safety. This other guy though, God, you need some tricks. Yeah, I mean he really pointed it at him. Put his finger on the trigger, aim, caught him right in the next to his vest.

[A]

What if he hit him in the neck or the face or the balls? We're on topic for this episode. This whole episode is called Out My Balls Idiocracy. This is the number one show in the world is Out My Balls and Idiocracy. We're stupid. The whole world is stupid. Now

[B]

continue completely different video. If he would have got his balls.

[A]

Okay, we might have to pull this too because it's. I feel like animal cruelty. Even though it's not cruel because it was an accident. I've never ever, ever, ever seen anything like this happen since Randy Johnson threw that fastball and he killed that bird.

[B]

The butterfly.

[A]

The butterfly. Oh, when you killed. It's so crazy going through that vlog going, scammer, scammer, scammer. That guy's a scammer. That guy's a piece of. That guy's gonna get killed by somebody. That guy's a scammer. Wow, the whole house of scamming, man. Randy Johnson. If you don't know who he is. He's a baseball player. He threw a fastball. It's a famous clip where he throws a fastball and a bird happens to fly by, and the ball hits the bird right before the batter, and the bird just goes. Every feather just explodes off this bird. He throws a ton of mile an hour. Fastball. Bird's dead. It just flips. Dead on the field. When I was a kid, it blew my mind when they showed that on espn. This is part two. But the even worse, because it's, like, close. It's sad. This guy goes to do a tail slide, and a bird goes to land, and he just kills it.

[B]

Come on.

[A]

Right on his neck. What are the. The birds not even flap. It's not even moving. That bird was dead immediately. He laid it right on his head. What are the odds of that? Dude, come on. All this man's body weight, immediately, all

[B]

he needed was one second to bail

[A]

out of the quarter. Quarter, second, quarter, second, middle second. What are the odds that happened?

[B]

No, that was like death by a skateboarder. That bird knew what he was doing. He had enough.

[A]

No, I feel so bad. I shot a bird with a BB gun when I was at my grandma's to see if it would actually hurt it, and it died. I haven't stopped thinking about it. I was, like, five.

[B]

Yeah, I did that.

[A]

I was. Oh, I remember it on the ground. Go. Oh, he's dead. He died because of me. What a terrible day. And then I just kind of like, I'm not gonna ever shoot anything again.

[B]

Same.

[A]

And I never did.

[B]

I saw a mongoose get hit by a car while we were in Hawaii. It was the car in front of us. It was the most violent, horrible thing, because then it did the thing where it just kept violently spinning and spinning and spinning. And I was just, like, hoping Emmy wasn't watching, but April saw it, and she was, like, mortified. Oh, but, yeah, that was.

[A]

Have you ever hit an animal before we get out of here? Have you ever hit it with your car? No.

[B]

No. God bless. Like, hitting deers is a real problem.

[A]

Oh, yes, true. I was on a delivery one time. Smoking bowls. Drive with many like I do smoking balls. Put the pipe down. Car is full of smoke. Driving down. Parsons, if you don't remember, said, there's no sidewalk. It's kind of not country, but it's about to get country. So, you know, there's. There's a mailbox in the road, like, right at the edge of the dirt Street. Street. There's, like, your yard touches the street kind of country. You've seen that. And there's cars parked on the side. So there's like, you can't see this lawn right here. And I'm driving, not speeding at all because I'm smoking a blood. And speed, speed while I was actively smoking because do one thing at a time and I don't know where. I just see like a blonde color. What the. Oh, it's a big ass lab. He's under the truck, like trying to get something. He comes out. And as he comes out, I just take him out. Bam. Smack. His head, just his upper body hits my car. I slam my brakes sideways. I hop out. So I'm like, no. Oh, this dog. And then I get out. The owner was trying to get him. So he was like, come here. It was an old white man cup. Old couple, like 70 years old. Biggest white man. Like, oh, that guy used to be a fighter or something. He's a big ass. Old. The dog's just running in circles. Running in circles, like big circles. Like weirdly big, like 40 yard circles. I'm like, come over here. And he finally gets it back and just starts to lay down. And I'm like. And I'm over the guy's shoulder, like, I'm so fucking sorry. And he's looking at me furious. And the wife's like, it's okay, it's okay. I'm so sorry. I didn't see it. It crawled into the truck. He said, how fast were you going? He goes like 30. It's like, I wasn't even doing the speed limit. And he was so mad that nothing I did was wrong. He was just like, huh? Because I'm like, I didn't do anything wrong. Your fault. Why is he running under the truck into the street? Your fucking fault. He knew it. And I was like, is it okay? And he's like, I don't know. And I asked the guy, he's okay, I don't know. Anyway, I'm sorry, man. Okay, man, I'm gonna leave. And I get to the delivery, I look and there's so much fucking hair in my bumper because it hit my bumper. It flopped down and grabbed the hair and ripped hair out. I sold the car with the hair and I could not get it out without taking the bumper off. We tried. My dad, we tried prying it down. I got some of it off. I cut what I could and the rest of it was just like slid under my. My light where the bumper splits. It hit and it went boom, boom. But like, because so Much weight. So fast. It opened it real quick and ripped. His dog was fine. I don't know if it wasn't. Never went back, actually, but I'd like to think he was for our purposes here today.

[B]

He was good.

[A]

I'd like to think he was fine. I drive that. Drove there every day. Never saw it again, though.

[B]

Not a good sign.

[A]

Not my fault, dude. 80 pound dog. Big dog. Like a big dog. Like the dog from Full House Big. That's a big dog. Comet. That's the first thing I thought was like, oh, my God, it looks just like Comet. This is terrible. And I remember thinking, like, do I get in trouble? I didn't do anything wrong. It's your dog crawled under your truck as you're actively chasing him into the street. Sounds like I'm the adult in this situation and you're just mad that I'm the adult in the situation. Trying to take care of me. I could have kept going.

[B]

He owed you for your damages.

[A]

He my bumper up, but I was like, don't care. It popped it in and out so, like, quick. So it just cracked like the fiberglass. So it looked shitty, but like, it wasn't broken. And I went, I'm fine. I'm not gonna ask him to pay for my bumper. I just might have killed his dog. Let me go back to work. And it was the day I covered someone's shift. And I'm like, oh, man. Anyway, yeah, I've got hitting the balls before, dude. Oh, okay. So that was unrestricted, but usually it's a little more up Sometimes we see some wild fights can box across the world. We've seen some fools take out 10 guys. No exaggeration, just beat the out of people. We don't show murders as much anymore, but that guy did kill his own balls and dick. That was insane. I don't ever want to work where it's that high. Remember you talking about earlier with hobbies? None of those. Not one of them. Dude. This has been the dope as usual.

[B]

Podcast a little light sample, unrestricted.

[A]

Oh, yeah, light sample, unrestricted to end the show.

[B]

Picture lots more weed and yeah, we

[A]

can actually get showing your weed on there.

[B]

And we're chilling at our houses and

[A]

picture that a lot easier. What's up? Next week we'll come back with a guest episode. We'll lock somebody in and have fun and do another week of work. Remember guys, we're here to pass the time. I hope if you're at a warehouse job, you just have your headphones in. And now you're like, oh, about to go home soon. That's what it's all about every day. Because you remember if you ready to look at Chong. The only thing I think about all the time from any guests, like, you can't be sad living in the present because it's happening now. The past, you might be regretting. In the future, you might be scared. So live in the present. You'll never be mad or sad or anything. You know what? You're right. Because if I think about having to go back to this warehouse tomorrow, I'm gonna lose my mind. Thinking about, I have to go to work in four hours or I have to clock in a couple hours is depressing as going, I gotta do that again. All right. I gotta pass the time some. And I. That's why we're there, because I remember what it's like. We were just talking about the office. Like, the worst thing in the world I hate is a cubicle. So I had to do a cubicle yesterday for a. What would you do?

[B]

You're looking at cars.

[A]

Looking at cars. I do DMV online. The last time I went, I went, I hate this place. Nobody knows how to make a line at the airport. They said, group one, why all you lined up? We're all gonna get on the plane. It's a crowding the OR. There's always a 90 year old man that's been flying forever. That's like, yeah, I'm gonna stand right here. I'm group four. Like, you're in the way and you cut everybody. I don't know how the airlines can't get it right. I fly a lot, so I'm just like, anyway, get right, make time, pass. Don't be a. Don't be a lazy. Drive nice. Let a in sometimes let emerge. Don't be a dick. If you get in road rage, don't get out of the car because it's never gonna end good. That's my other piece of advice. You rarely get shot in a road rage incident without getting out of the car. Are weird and wild and scared and can't fight, so you might get shot. So chill the out. Pay attention while you're driving. This is not enough to merge. Look over your shoulder. Stop cutting me off is what I'm saying. Look over your shoulder. When you merge, you're allowed to. Don't just look at your mirror. It's called a blind spot. I'm trying to teach you. Go to the Dopa Joel channel called how to Drive. I did a video like that. It's called how to Drive and I show you how to drive. If you don't have anybody in your life, they can teach you how to drive. Do you remember that video? It's called how to Drive. I made it because I was tired of people in LA not knowing how to drive and I was just getting a big following. Well, I need to teach people how to drive. I guess if you have to make someone break, you're an so only pull out if you know you're not going to have them to make anybody break. Get into the flow of traffic. You know what really grinds my gears? That's how I feel right now. Rocco just found the picture, huh? I really do have a video called how to Drive. Guys, somebody almost crashed into me within 30 seconds of that video. Guys, thank you for being here. As Marty would say, just keep doing it. You're at the top of the mountain, you're about to get there. It's another level with everything, all that type of art. Marty has a long sleeve on. You're not gonna listen to a white man in a long sleeve. If this is 1991, he might be the biggest music producer in the world. Look at this outfit.

[B]

You need a deal.

[A]

Yeah, you need a deal. If not, you go to that guy, Sean Puffy Combs. Yeah, I've heard he. He's dating Jennifer Lopez right now. I heard he does cool stuff. That's how. That's why it's 1991. Because he's not p. Did it yet. References. All right, pay attention, guys. All right, that's it. I'm just talking at this point. Only fans girls make funny. I suggest. I'm not gonna buy it, but you might get more if you make funny. Stop being dumb and cringy. Just make fun

[B]

of.

[A]

That's it. I have no more advice. Stop leaving your kids in the car. That's it. How many times I sat in a van in a mall for three hours because my mom was like, stan, I'll be right back. Like, I could just go. I don't know. I'm just talking at this point. Guys, thank you for being here. Drive safe. If you listen to the show, be careful. We haven't had a car accident in two years. Used to get people. I was crashed my car. I was Wallace in the show. I'm happy it doesn't happen anymore. Thanks. Be safe. Tell a friend to watch the show. If you really like the show, go to unrestricted. It's well worth it. I. A hundred percent. It's eight dollars a month. There's four new episodes a week. I mean a month and all the cool. So thank you guys for being here. We appreciate you. Go to ethica.com our collapse till there's go follow Marty's Instagram Marty made it. Thank you guys for being here. This has been the dope as usual podcast where Marty and I we want to say thank you for supporting our show. Thank you for being here. Drop a like we appreciate you guys have a dope ass day. Perfect,

[B]

Perfect,

[A]

Perfect.