Loud, Ignorant, & Causing a Scene

Summary

DOPE AS USUAL Podcast Episode: Loud, Ignorant, & Causing a Scene
Release Date: December 31, 2024
Host/Author: Dope as Yola

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Introduction

In the final episode of 2024, hosts Dope as Yola (A) and Marty O'Neill (B) delve into a whirlwind of topics ranging from classic movie critiques to personal anecdotes about family dynamics, stand-up comedy ventures, and future plans for the podcast. The episode is marked by their characteristic candidness, humor, and unfiltered discussions.

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Movie Discussions: Forrest Gump and Beyond

The hosts kick off the episode with a critical analysis of the iconic film Forrest Gump. They dissect the portrayal of Tom Hanks' character and the underlying racial themes present in the movie.

• A: "[00:00]...What is a deaf person going like, I'm done with the story, dog. Stop with the handy sign."
• A: "[02:00]...He should have just jumped Jenny. Yeah, she would have saved him from getting the... syphilis."
• B: "[04:57]...Do we see Tom Hanks get violently canceled in life, or have we."

They express disappointment in how the film addresses serious issues, highlighting the character's naivety and the consequences he faces due to his innocence.

• A: "[04:57]...This is darker than I thought. This just got a little weirder than I thought."

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Christmas Family Gathering and Drama

The conversation shifts to personal experiences during the Christmas holidays, revealing family tensions and the dynamics of their gatherings.

• A: "[08:49]...Half my family, it was weird. It was the least amount of people that's ever been at."
• B: "[09:23]...Still heavy drama going down within your whole family."

They discuss absent relatives, strained relationships, and the evolution of family interactions over the years.

• A: "[11:02]...I played football. Oh, that's when my back hurts."

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Stand-Up Comedy Experiences

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to the hosts' forays into stand-up comedy. They share their experiences performing at various venues, the challenges of live performances, and reflections on their comedic styles.

• A: "[13:18]...She always bugs me... just don't be mean."
• A: "[45:45]...But when he said, I'm like, oh, how do I adjust?"

Notable Quotes:

• A: "[51:28]...I'm a perfectionist. And I'm like. It was like 90% of stuff I wanted to say and 10 left out."
• B: "[57:12]...the more you'll have it down. You got to listen back."

They discuss specific performances in Fresno, the impact of being underprepared, and the importance of audience interaction.

• A: "[64:30]...A lot of little bits. There's so many little things that could just be played off of."

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Sponsor Segments

The hosts take a moment to highlight their sponsors, RAW Rolling Papers and Hygienics, showcasing various products tailored for their audience.

• A: "[38:00]...This is the crumb catcher... portable ashtray..."
• B: "[98:00]...have push trees accessories... air freshener sticker packs..."

Notable Quote:

• A: "[40:19]...We got a present for Christmas. Our homie Monica gave us the push trees house."

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Personal Anecdotes and Stories

Throughout the episode, A and B intertwine personal stories, ranging from mishaps during DIY projects to humorous family interactions.

• A: "[22:32]...I convinced a girl that I got shot in the arm over the weekend..."
• B: "[77:37]...I have more by."

They recount experiences like building a bunk bed while intoxicated, dealing with allergic reactions, and navigating family outings, adding a relatable and entertaining layer to the conversation.

• B: "[100:53]...How many people you know that are grandparents already?"

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Future Plans and Goals

As the episode progresses, the hosts discuss their aspirations for the upcoming year, including expanding their podcast, enhancing their merchandise, and potential guest appearances.

• A: "[96:07]...We're trying to do six collections next year with them."
• B: "[121:07]...He looks so demonic."

They express excitement about new product drops, collaborations with brands like Zoomies, and setting higher standards for their content creation.

• A: "[122:35]...Sylvester Stallone, Jim Carrey..."

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Closing Remarks and Final Advice

In the final moments, A and B offer heartfelt advice, emphasizing safety during New Year's celebrations and reflecting on the year's journey.

• A: "[121:53]...Don't drink and drive. Just don't drink and drive."
• B: "[118:30]...Go check out his new book."

They reiterate the importance of responsible behavior, gratitude towards their listeners, and optimism for the future.

• A: "[125:18]...It was the last day of the year."

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Conclusion

"Loud, Ignorant, & Causing a Scene" encapsulates the essence of the DOPE AS USUAL Podcast—blending humor, honesty, and a touch of chaos. From dissecting beloved films to navigating personal and professional challenges, Dope as Yola and Marty O'Neill offer listeners a multifaceted and engaging experience. As they bid farewell to 2024, their commitment to growth and authenticity shines through, setting the stage for an exciting new year ahead.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• A: "[00:22] Oh, you're saying deaf Persian."
• A: "[05:08] Tom Hanks has been canceled so many times. The Internet."
• B: "[37:32] So much work. Christmas is so much work."
• A: "[45:06] I'm a perfectionist. And I'm like."
• A: "[57:39] Yeah... talking into the camera as if it's my friend."
• B: "[61:31] You're gonna figure it out."
• A: "[74:40] Did you not have inner dialogue popping."
• B: "[82:03] Oh, I seen it. Cat Williams."

These quotes highlight the dynamic and often spontaneous nature of the conversation, showcasing the hosts' quick wit and ability to navigate diverse topics seamlessly.

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For those who haven't tuned into the DOPE AS USUAL Podcast, this episode offers a glimpse into the hosts' eclectic discussions and their unique approach to engaging with a wide array of subjects, all delivered with their signature style.

Transcript

[A]

Oh, you can. Perfect. Perfect. That's insane. What's the deaf version of that going? Damn, that's crazy. As you're done. I'm, like, trying not to hear this guy's story anymore. What is the deaf person's version of. Damn, that's crazy.

[B]

Oh, you're saying deaf, Persian.

[A]

Deaf person. They could be Persian, too.

[B]

That's what I thought I heard.

[A]

Because you know how we can go, Dan, that's crazy. Oh, what is a deaf person going like, I'm done with the story, dog. Stop with the handy sign.

[B]

Yeah, it's like you just do this. Yeah.

[A]

Like I'm listening, but am I. Did we start already? Let's go. All right, we're here. What's up, guys? Sorry. Me and Marty have been sitting here about 40 minutes. Same stupid stuff.

[B]

I upgraded on the set here. We got a new addition.

[A]

Got a new edition. All right. No more front lawn mower grass clippings all over. I gave Marty a tray, then he went. I started breaking it up on the. On the table again, so we had to wipe down. Here we are, guys. Welcome back to the Dope As Usual podcast. We're here to talk about life, drugs, problems, accomplishments, and everything in between that might need to be bleeped, which is insane. Welcome to the show. This is my co host, Marty O'Neill.

[B]

What's up, guys? Guys, what's going on? Happy holidays. Happy New Year.

[A]

Happy last day of the year.

[B]

Last episode of the year. We're back.

[A]

We get the fresh restart button tomorrow. Ooh, let's go. Was it new New Year's? It's like you get a new start no matter what. You remember the. The. The hoe in Forest Gump, and she's talking to Forest. Don't you just love New Year? It's like you get a fresh start over. And then she got all. Yeah, she was disgusting. God, she was gross. She had like a. A buttered film on her mouth.

[B]

Forest even thought she was even he.

[A]

Oh, the other one. She tastes like cigarettes. Like, bro, that is called syphilis. Different kind of cigarettes. It's syphilis that was full of STDs.

[B]

There he was.

[A]

God, Forest, for being the most innocent man in the world that got taken advantage of. He's got multiple STDs, and we're going to start off the show like that.

[B]

Force has been with two. They both had horrible STDs.

[A]

They both been in that room. No matter what hotel room and scene that the girls are in, they've both interchangeably been in those rooms.

[B]

Yeah. It's true force is.

[A]

She should have just jumped Jenny. Yeah, she would have saved him from getting the. You know that commercial when people have like a incurable blood disease from sexually transmitted stuff. I'm trying to get flagged here, but. Oh, I guess I can't get fly. I already said too much. Now he has to take that. Good thing he's rich. He's got Magic Johnson money. Because every time that kid goes to school, he's going to.

[B]

He's going to the doctor at the end.

[A]

No, he's been rich the whole time. Remember the bubble gum shrimp company that's at the end, though, right on top of. Look at the house they live in.

[B]

Yeah, they had a.

[A]

They got land. They don't have a house. They have a slavery house. Oh, my God. Any house with a porch that vague is for going, get over here, get over here. For the whole family can spew hate. That's why the porches are so big. You know that?

[B]

Lots of hate.

[A]

Yeah, and they. And the short guys, they want to feel superior. So that's why there is always the porch that goes around the whole top, too. Oh, take a look down. I'm bigger than you. One day I'll be dunking on you like. No, no, you won't. And that's what happened. Well, remember, they start off with his uncles, and his uncles got the hood on, okay? His great grandpa, they're talking about my forest, and my family had this land. Of course his family was racist.

[B]

Yeah, they're in Alabama and they had.

[A]

The hoods on, remember? And they take it off and it's forest. It's Tom Hanks playing his old uncle. You know what kind of hood I'm talking about, man? It's not a white. I mean, it's not a black hood. It's a white hood. I forgot about that. They even had mass for the horses. I don't know if he says I can't remember, but you remember the clip they do show that that home is a broken home.

[B]

They just slid that in there.

[A]

Yeah, they did. And who.

[B]

A racist and a womanizer who watched.

[A]

Over Forest, the old black lady before his mom dies. Forest, it's your mama. All right, here we go. God, every day. It's such a good. It's such a good movie. Let's move on. Sorry, guys. This is how we're starting it off. Jesus Christ. That man's a slave owner. He owns property. That's the trees that he was chilling buried. This is darker than I thought. This just got a little weirder than I thought.

[B]

Do we see Tom Hanks get violently canceled in life, or have we.

[A]

Oh, you don't watch the Internet.

[B]

Has he? No, he hasn't. Really?

[A]

You don't watch the Internet? We'll talk about it after.

[B]

No, I. I mean, I know that there's like.

[A]

I don't even want to say keywords. How about this? Bleep this part out. Tom Hanks has been canceled so many times. The Internet. Because he's a. That's why I don't really talk about Tom Hanks in a good light anymore. Yeah, I just say Forrest Gump and I move on. So I didn't say. I only said Tom Hanks's name. He talked about a racist. It's weird, huh? It's weird.

[B]

Dude, Rocco's up on all the.

[A]

The whole Internet's on this dude. All right, ready? Back to her. Ready? Beep. So like we were saying. I'll tell you after because. Yeah, I think he's been getting canceled. Ish.

[B]

Jesus Christ.

[A]

On to the next. What's our topics of the day?

[B]

We just had Christmas.

[A]

You said it like, show and tell. Well, you know, Christmas just came. Mega man. He said it so, so wholesomely. You know, Christmas just passed. It was just Christmas born. Yeah, Christmas just passed. It's true. So Christmas is over. Marty FaceTimed me. I'm like, yo, merry Christmas. And he's like, look at Cam. And Cam is a literal meme rolled into more memes. He only speaks in memes, literally, but they're like David Goggin's motivational memes. And then he's just wearing a weighted vest and he's flexing and doing the grip strength and doing it. And then he gets down, does the push up board. He got nothing but workout gear for Christmas.

[B]

He couldn't have been happier. I've never seen a kid so just.

[A]

Juice and a Ronaldo head bust to put his headphones on. Then he put it next to his head, he goes, what? There's no difference. Like, Jesus Christ.

[B]

I would be such. This kid is wild parent if it weren't for April buying everything. I would never think to buy these kids the that you got them. Like, she's so good at it. Who would think to get a Ronaldo head to put the headphones on?

[A]

You're just busy, man. That's really what it is, dude. You're just busy. You'd be like sitting there going, what does he like? He likes workout stuff. Let me get him like a exercise Bike.

[B]

It is true.

[A]

You would have thought about it. If you're like, I don't fall asleep every time I sit, you'd probably be all right.

[B]

That's fair.

[A]

Yeah. You're just busy, man.

[B]

That's all you are, like, into the same now, basically, where it's like workout gear, video editing. That's it.

[A]

Sounds great.

[B]

April got me a punching bag.

[A]

Oh, yeah?

[B]

Pick it up today.

[A]

Sick.

[B]

Yeah, so I'm gonna hang that in the garage. I might do a little garage workout breakdown.

[A]

Marty's garage looks like those. Those memes you see online that says goals Garage. You know what it says? Like, everything's all placed perfectly. Like, you put a level on all the pictures.

[B]

We don't have attics or basements, so my garage is the laundry room, the storage room, my office.

[A]

And a gym.

[B]

And a gym.

[A]

But it's all works. And it all looks nice. It looks like a little. When you go into Ikea and you see the set, what it could be.

[B]

I'll take that.

[A]

Yeah, like, all the storage is up with the little seals that you can slide all the storage bins up, like. Yeah, it's on some stuff you see in, like, Massachusetts in the beginning of a Halloween movie or something. That's why I always imagine, like, oh, nice garage. Nice house.

[B]

Except for you got, like, Benny the Butcher and Ric Flair and everything all over the walls.

[A]

Yeah, but that's just tight, dude. Oh, what am I doing here? Sorry.

[B]

Shout out to cbx. Sick ass box. Thank you.

[A]

All right, so Christmas, Christmas time, half my family, it was weird. It was the least amount of people that's ever been at. My grandma' of my uncles is not talking to my grandma right now. And one of my uncles moved to Florida, so he's just over there. Everybody that be living it up, say what? My uncle, the one that's likes, guys, he's living in Florida, living it up, dog. He's crushing it over there, man. Everybody that be living it up. Yeah.

[B]

Still heavy drama going down within your whole family.

[A]

Even worse. It is getting hella worse. Oh, it just. It just does my love for you, dude. Okay, so not all right. My uncle don't go over there. My uncle's got my cousin, my other cousin, my other cousin, my other cousin, my other cousin, and my other cousin, he has a lot of kids. And all those kids are the kids that go to my grandma's. And now some of those kids, some of them are my age, some of them are 20, some were 19. None of them came damn near at the Beginning. So it felt weird. And then they all showed up individually. They all came, but it was weird. Not like this is the place we go. So my uncle, that's not like him and my grandma, my grandma's just mad at him and he's just mad at her. Anyway, if he's not there, then my uncle's not there. And then some of our cousins didn't show up and our other like cousins didn't come over because like last year was like a little kind of weird. So people started doing their own thing. It used to be the entire bloodline of our family was there with 50 fools on one football team tackling each other. And now it's like awesome.

[B]

People should try to keep that going.

[A]

But now it's gone, you know, I mean, because they have kids now, they do that version. They have their game. They have their game at their house. I'm gonna take it to your house. We're having our game. Yeah, I get it. I understand. It's weird though, because it's just. It was just odd because two of my uncles weren't there. So it's like, oh, this is kind of weird. But it's not. It was easy and it was weird because it was easy. Like everything was just like, yeah, we're here and it's done. Oh, we're on. It was fine.

[B]

Was your dad there?

[A]

Yeah, my dad was there. He was chilling. Yeah, that's it. I played football. Oh, that's when my back hurts. I try to reach up for an interception when I landed and went, ah. And my whole hip just went, you stupid.

[B]

An interception.

[A]

We're playing football. We're playing two hand touch on the five foot wide hill that you cannot cut. If you're going left, you're gonna fall. So just remember, I'm always gonna turn right. You can pick it every time. There's nowhere else to turn, dude. So we played football and we were chilling and it was fine. And that's what that was. Christmas hung out. Oh, I hung out for like four days and it was cool. I walked Bear Creek, which is our creek and our the one street that goes all the way through Mercedes. Like a creek now there's like bums and stuff, but used to be right behind the push trees house. And I walked it and I was like, damn, a full adult now. I went, was like, let me go walk the creek. Let's go do something. And it was crazy. And it was so boring just walking across. Thought it was going to be sick. And I'm like, I want to walk the whole thing across town. I did one loop and I was like, that was almost four miles. And I looked up my damn. It's like eight and a half miles. I'm not walking this whole thing, bro. And I'm dumb. I had only sweater I had that I didn't want to mess up was a push tree sweater. So I'm sitting there walking through my town with a logo on my back like a dummy. Stupid.

[B]

Like as in people just like.

[A]

It's just dumb. It's like, hey, what's up? What's up? It's like I felt like this is goofy. I'm literally walking down the main. Like, this is dumb.

[B]

No, that's perfect.

[A]

I don't know, I just felt like, you just wear a black sweater. Come on. Don't. This is me. Definitely me. Like, that's dumb. I don't know. I felt dumb. Anyway. Yeah, I went to Merced Mall and it's cut in half. No, I'm cutting a third. It's super sad. I went to the arcade. They moved. It used to be Pacsun where Joe used to steal from. I looked down at the arcade and it said a big PS in the ground pack, son. Still in the ground. They didn't even take the tiles out. And there's only two places in my mall food court that are still open. And there's like six shut down. And then that was it for Christmas, man.

[B]

You and your ma still arguing or.

[A]

No, my mom.

[B]

Last episode. You're saying you two got into an argument?

[A]

Oh, she always bugs me.

[B]

Gosh.

[A]

She always said some 14 year old. Don't be hitting me with the immature. Say, what do I do? No, she was at work. We got into it. She bugged me. I was like, hey, stop being negative. Hey, you're the only one being a dick. Hey, stop being a jerk.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then she's like, no. And I was like, come on, man, knock it off. And I was like, show. Who are you doing nails on? And she turns the phone and I'm like, I don't know the lady. And she's like, I argue with her all the time. Glad we know I'm the only one that doesn't argue with her. I was like. And I went, I wanted to hear this. That's why I was like, whoever's doing nails? I wanted to hear this. I was so upset at her. She bugged me so bad.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

Over some childish. Just like, don't be mean. Hey, can you not be negative? You can't. I'm gonna Lose my mind. I was, like, preaching, be positive. And as soon as you're like, no. I'm like, well, then I'll be negative to them. It just bugged me. I felt like I was the principal. I was like, hey, this is the sixth time. Come on. Like, hey, just be nice. You know the one. Not nice.

[B]

So do you get a hotel when you go there?

[A]

I only. I don't say my mom's anymore because the dogs, dude, I'm allergic to dog hair. I like John. Cat hair. I die. I can't smoke. I can't breathe. Some of my home, my aunt's house. I can't breathe, dude. Certain dogs, I just. I'm allergic, dude. I'll deal with it, but I am allergic. And then Rocco moved out, so now they have a spare room, so I could totally stay there. But, dude, I cannot breathe there. Not because there's dog hair everywhere. It's just because the dogs are there.

[B]

Do you ever have an actual asthma attack?

[A]

I used to have asthma as a kid. Just having an inhaler all the time.

[B]

Yeah, like, go to the hospital.

[A]

No, no, no, no, no, no. I've never had it like that.

[B]

Yeah, it's horrible. I had it twice.

[A]

Do you have asthma?

[B]

Cats? Yeah, apparently. I didn't know I had it off.

[A]

Cats.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's the least white I ever heard you say. Love cats, dude.

[B]

I went to my uncle's house. He had a cat. I never there before, and next thing I know, they're.

[A]

I'm inhaling his face.

[B]

I tried to eat the cat. Next.

[A]

He tried to suck the soul out of him, like in Green Mile. I was just trying to take the sick out. I caught an asthma. Yo. Did your mom ever try to heal you with stones? Was your mom one of those?

[B]

Probably without me knowing. Oh, I never needed healing. She was definitely trying to heal my dad. That did not work.

[A]

I never needed healing because I'm a ball of God. He said, that's where Cam gets it, dude. Jesus Christ. I never needed that human.

[B]

That was good. I cracked my collarbone. She didn't do nothing about that.

[A]

He went like this and snapped it right back into. Damn it.

[B]

I did. I re. Broke it multiple times.

[A]

In your sleep, you said. Right. Oh, there. My elbow.

[B]

And in real life?

[A]

Sleep is real life, too, man.

[B]

Well, yeah, I did like.

[A]

Real life, too.

[B]

It was like, once or twice where I had dreams where I would jolt.

[A]

That's right. When you broke it.

[B]

But then also, I was going up a ladder, and I hit it on the bottom rung. Of a ladder, too. And that didn't help it heal either.

[A]

You know what sucks? Falling asleep. You know, it's the worst time. I mean, but also a cool time. I don't think I told. I told Rosie. I think I did. And I couldn't. I couldn't remember if it was a dream or not. I was asleep getting a massage masseuse lady that we know.

[B]

Sick.

[A]

I fell asleep. You know when you're not trying to fall? I just fell asleep and I woke up. And did I have a dream that I grabbed her leg as if I was, like, falling and a dream like this, and then when I opened my eyes, I kind of went like this, and my arm was up and I'm like, did I just grab your leg out of nowhere? Because as I woke up, she was stepping away. I'm like, did I do that? Because that was real creepy if I did. And no one said a word. You knew I was asleep, right? And I went, I think I fell asleep. I just said it like that to be like, all right, let me alleviate your worries. I was dead because I couldn't remember. I was like, was that a dream or did I move my hand?

[B]

That's terrifying.

[A]

It was terrifying because I'm like, dude, I'm not a creep. Did I just look like a creep?

[B]

You had like an in real time.

[A]

Dream, like, yes, about what I was doing because I was awake and I'm looking at the ground and I like, open my eyes, my hands up here, and I'm like, grab your leg. Almost like if I was sleeping next to Rosie. Hey.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Anyway, that scared me.

[B]

I've never gotten a massage in life.

[A]

Today I found out Marty says boggles and never had a massage. That's insane to me, bro. Marty's gonna get massage and get taller.

[B]

Why? Sick.

[A]

Mark, watch. Marty's gonna get massage. It's gonna release some type of muscle thing. He's just gonna be like, I love Lucas. And all the Pink Floyd that his dad passed down is gonna just. Turns out Marty had a bad back injury as a child and it stunted his. Yep. It stunted what his dad was trying to preach. You never know, do you? Never had a massage. You know what? All right. Like, you should. I know. All right. You got to get a dude and put your chin. No, cuz. Cuz the way, like, right in your pelvic bone. That. Just ask him for it.

[B]

I know it sounds weird.

[A]

Just ask. Just ask him. I promise. They all do it. He puts his chin right in your waistband.

[B]

I didn't see that. All right, well.

[A]

Ask. Ask every time you get a massage and let us know how it goes.

[B]

I have Cam walk on my back and it just violently cracks and pops. That's. I do that.

[A]

That's cool. He. Bruce leaves you just. That's not a massage, Marty. I have my child put his heels in my back and he stomps all over him. No, but ask for it. But couldn't you put your chin in my waistband and then if I got you.

[B]

Dog coming up.

[A]

Coming right up. It's 14 extra dollars, but don't worry. Put it on the card. Yeah, no, you should get a massage. Don't ask for that, but you should get a massage. Maybe just because, like, you did marathons, do all that. You never know. Tight. What if. What if there's like a knot in there and they release and you're like, wait, that's what was hurting this whole time?

[B]

Well, I'm about to actually have to start doing physical therapy. Like, as in different the day yesterday, I did my first thing of physical.

[A]

Therapy in real time. Yeah, you should. You should definitely, definitely look into it.

[B]

Order it up.

[A]

Let's do it. Like, it's called this. What is it? What should we call it? The. The stubble. The st. What should we call it? When you rub your chin in my waist. Hey, could you put your chin in my pelvis? You should ask that when they do it for your physical therapy, they do that. I'm just going to start leaving these things and let them marinate and see what happens. I should do that to Rosie. It's just lie. I shouldn't just let it go. Like, let that.

[B]

See.

[A]

See what that goes? See where that goes? I used to that in school a lot. Not. Cuz I was like, I want to lie. I'm like, no, you're asking me stupid. Yep. You didn't know that? Oh, man. This for real. It was on the news. You saw it. This face has been there since I've been in the second grade. I have convinced people that they know is true is not true. I'm just a bastard, little bastard as a kid. But yeah, no, it's true. I can't. I don't want to talk about it. Never mind. I convinced a girl that I got shot in the arm over the weekend standing in front of her.

[B]

No, no wounds.

[A]

Are you serious? Like, yep, totally did.

[B]

I was grazed here by an AK.

[A]

And I walked off. I'm like, yeah, yeah, I did. Because I had a Pepsi. Remember Pumpkin spice? Oh, no, no, not pumpkin spice. It's. It's holiday spice. I walked up to this girl. Yeah. It just said it was just a holiday spice. It was just like a logo for the Christmas time holiday cheer. Holiday this.

[B]

It was just not like a flavor.

[A]

No. I walked up, she goes, oh, my God, I didn't know Starbucks makes Pepsi. And I went, what the did you say to me? She's read it pumpkin spice, and automatically assumed it was a Starbucks. But it says Pepsi on it and it's a can.

[B]

That's branding.

[A]

And I was like, oh, yeah. And then I just was like, yeah, I got shot in the arm in Vietnam. And then I just walked off.

[B]

Gotcha.

[A]

She's a teacher now. No lie. Part of the stand up set where I was like, some of my friends are teacher. That's what I'm talking about. It's like I'm at the age of some of my friends are teachers. That's who I'm referring to. That person I'm talking about now.

[B]

Gotcha.

[A]

Oh, oh. Real quick, real quick. I mean, guys, you guys got mad at me for this one time. Don't get mad at me this time. I'm just gonna show Marty real fast. I can't show his face because it's confidential, but that's the guy I'm talking about. The podcast pilot.

[B]

Oh, okay. Exactly.

[A]

Exactly how I described it. Pretty good. Sid from Toy Story, if you want to just really need to know. He looks just like Story.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

So I called him Sydney. Oh, I changed his name. I was like, sid, Sid, Sydney. That's why I changed his name in the stand up to Sydney.

[B]

Did he just pop up on Facebook or something?

[A]

And I'm like, you're a pilot. And I'm like, nope, writing it down. And I wrote it down. That's part of the stand up set, is that exact part. Because I saw him on Facebook, because I finally got Facebook.

[B]

Have you been on there, like, keeping up with people?

[A]

Hell no. I get on there to go, whoa, you got kids. I remember when you couldn't spell like that.

[B]

Yeah, I haven't. I haven't posted on Facebook in probably about a good three, four years now.

[A]

Oh, I just had it for like the past two years, a year and a half. So I'm. It's going, guys, this is the last episode of the year. I don't know where we're at. This is straight rant city. I have no idea what we're talking about. Don't know how we got. Oh, Christmas. And then how we get to Christmas to.

[B]

To that oh, we did the most Caucasian thing ever, which was.

[A]

I like the side of the sentence. Go completely. You adopted the ch. What? Go ahead.

[B]

Yeah, we adopted.

[A]

You adopted a.

[B]

Completely redesign a kid's whole room.

[A]

That's not why.

[B]

Without them noticing.

[A]

Cool parent. That's cool as hell.

[B]

Okay, I'll take that. That is CPS Cool parent.

[A]

Yeah. Wordsmith. Rhymer over there. That was perfect. CPS goes mad ways. Let's go. I like that.

[B]

This is the second time we've done this. Last time was with my first daughter, who's now like 17. When she. It was like 10 years ago.

[A]

17.

[B]

She's about to be in June. We gave Santa credit for the. Though we completely.

[A]

I'm pretty sure she do.

[B]

She got like we said.

[A]

How old was she?

[B]

She was like 10.

[A]

Oh. Oh, I thought you were recent. No, no, I was like. I'm pretty sure she knew it was Santa Claus. You mean Jesus, the Mexican.

[B]

We built the. The bunk beds, the loft bed with the slide. We painted that April hand drew or hand painted a chalkboard on the wall. All new.

[A]

Oh, the old one. The old.

[B]

Yeah. This is like 10 years ago.

[A]

New room at all. New room's crazy.

[B]

Now, this year, we thought we were going to be prepared. This was the first time me and April been together damn near 20 years. This was the first time that we had the presents wrapped for the kids, like, prior to like, 4am on Christmas Eve.

[A]

Oh, really?

[B]

The night before? Yeah. So I thought I was actually prepared.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

But then she.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Let's build a room.

[B]

Yeah, let's build a room after they fall asleep so they don't notice.

[A]

Where would she have to sleep at?

[B]

Oh, April's Mazda town. So they were in Cam's room sleeping.

[A]

Oh, good. Good move. Good. Like, yo, go to sleep, but not in your bed. No, we're not doing anything in your room. Just. We're gonna hot box it. You want to be good parents and not.

[B]

And then I do this thing where I'm like. I bring up, like, shots and. Oh, my God, I'm like the guy. The guy that owns this place sent these up. I don't know.

[A]

To who?

[B]

Just to April.

[A]

Oh, I thought you meant to the kids.

[B]

No, no, I'm moving on now. They're in bed.

[A]

Oh, God.

[B]

This was the real stupid part. So I got us drunk. I never really do this during the building directly before we started, I was like, I. I told you. I learned how to. I have a drink I make now called the Rumchata Ball.

[A]

Go, Go. What's going on here.

[B]

All it is is I got like a drink make shaker go. You put some rumchata in it and some fireball.

[A]

What's rumchata mean?

[B]

It's like a rum.

[A]

Oh, that's what it's called?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay, ready to go. Like Michelada.

[B]

Half and half.

[A]

Is it red? Is it. Is it. Is it tomato?

[B]

No, not at all.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Damn near like chocolate.

[A]

Okay. Go boom.

[B]

Rum chada and then same amount fireball. Yeah, Mix that up, two ice cubes, break it up real nice. Looks like chocolate milk.

[A]

Tps that's what that is. Let me get chocolate and fireball. Oh my. You love Josh Allen a lot. Drinking the drink of his home.

[B]

So. But then I noticed that there was also a bottle of crown from when April's friends were just in town. So then I poured a shots of crown. I don't know why I did this. I thought it was like gonna be Eve and then realized, oh, we gotta not only build a bunk bed, do a truck. We have to wallpaper an entire wall.

[A]

You guys did that? All faded. It looked great.

[B]

Shocking because you know, come do our bathroom already.

[A]

What the.

[B]

Dude, we're going to.

[A]

We're about to do our whole bat that. What? Because you guys did that faded. It looked like a Pinterest.

[B]

I took. We took two shots and then I got these. I facilitated all this and I realized as soon as we go to get started, like, oh, this was a horrible idea. I'm drunk already. So then I was like, I was like, get your together. There's no way you can be drunk now. Cuz I can't. I can't. I don't want to say give April that victory, but I can't like get us drunk and then not be able to build the we're trying to build.

[A]

I can't. Let me say it so it's better. I don't want to say what I really mean. I can't let her win. She can't be right just in the.

[B]

Scenario I put myself in.

[A]

That's cool.

[B]

So then I got my together and I prevailed. And we, we built this bed. It is wobbly as and not safe. And we do need somebody to come and actually, you know, tighten it up.

[A]

Or some in the middle of the night. What happens? Just laying on the ground.

[B]

And then I realized that she can't get up the ladder cuz the fan's in the way. So she's like can barely. But it's up and the wallpaper is up.

[A]

You want to first show you can't sleep on it.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

You'll die.

[B]

Basically, we hung a swing from the bottom of it.

[A]

Yeah, that's going to take that whole thing down.

[B]

And I saw the little thing start bowing. I was like, all right, we're going to.

[A]

It looks good. It's some Ikea. You just can't touch it. So I just look at it.

[B]

Barbie Dream House. She can just play with that.

[A]

She's a Barbie Dream House built into a grass wall with her name in it as a slide and a swing and a ladder. Any one of those things. It's a cool room.

[B]

I picked all the way back in the sketchiest apartment complex Facebook had, by the way, too. April's. Yeah. No. April sent me into some predicaments with picking up some furniture and off Facebook.

[A]

Yeah. What did you pick up on Facebook?

[B]

The Barbie Dream House.

[A]

Someone had that new.

[B]

It was clean.

[A]

Up close. She's just tagging on it. What the. We got burn marks on it.

[B]

Desk, chair. Made a couple.

[A]

It looked brand new. It's clean.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I dumpster dove and I got all these furnitures.

[B]

She got a whole new. The shit survived. That's where it looks best. April will put your together.

[A]

If you didn't tell me IKEA didn't come and do that when I would have not known the difference. Like, it's clean. That was hilarious.

[B]

So we were basically not shit face, but definitely drunk, Trying not to domestically fight April. You know, we're doing a good job, though.

[A]

I'm like, oh, because you're putting stuff together.

[B]

Yeah. You know, that goes.

[A]

I don't put stuff together.

[B]

No. Yeah, the first.

[A]

Can't do it.

[B]

When me and April first got together, there was literally a moment when we were putting together Ariana's crib where she was, like, talking while I was trying to, like, build something, and I damn near wanted to blast everyone.

[A]

Merry Christmas. Nice Christmas story, putting together a crib. Hey. Putting together this. This room for my daughter. Reminds me of the time I almost punched my recently pregnant wife in the fucking mouth.

[B]

She knew it, too. She remembers.

[A]

Oh, God.

[B]

She. I had to learn how to. It's clean.

[A]

It's clean. Wanted to blast her in the face. Yo, this is the best story I think you've ever told me. And you know a lot of people, like, this is the best. Domestic violence and child abuse. Like, I know. It's so messed up that. That's why it's fun.

[B]

People downstairs were actually doing it.

[A]

Oh, God. He's just trying to compete.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He just walks outside every Day. What's up, dog? I'm get. I'm putting her in line. And just. Marty just yells when April's not home. I told you to shut up. So the neighbor thinks he's cool. Domestic violence brothers. They slap hands together as a logo. There's knuckles are just bruised. Jesus Christ. Yo, I need, like a PowerPoint on stage. There's a logo. I was domestic violence guy. Just knuckles.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

With a little bit of hair.

[B]

The guy beneath us, he had the beater, the chin strap. He had the Dodge Stratus that he kept super clean. And this was beating the out of him.

[A]

She was beating his ass.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Domestic violence.

[B]

Not funny.

[A]

But it can be. And the fact he keeps his car super clean. You know why? Because he sleeps in there, man. He's scared of that. She's beating him up. Get me pregnant.

[B]

That was the dude that he had his vengeance on. The day that he had Ariana's baby shower. When he blasted her in the face as everybody was leaving. The baby shower? No, as he was holding his daughter.

[A]

And hit her with the baby in his hand.

[B]

Yeah, that.

[A]

That's. That's. That's self defense. I never seen nobody be the aggressor with a baby in their arm that always gets beat up.

[B]

We were cheering for him.

[A]

Oh, you knew it was. It was a bad thing. There's a Norbit situation going on.

[B]

Yeah, it was a.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

This is the dude that she. That drove down and slammed into the car. He put all the furniture on the.

[A]

White or black eye.

[B]

These are cold hearted whites.

[A]

Oh, okay. I was thinking it was going to be a black or a white chick with a black dude. I was like, damn, this is some racism going on. She's beating him up, taking his stuff.

[B]

Yeah, it sounds like this is racist.

[A]

I was like, everybody's outside. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

SpongeBob. What?

[B]

Pajama pants.

[A]

Oh, SpongeBob pants. I'm like, what episode are you talking about? I swear I was scanning, like, no pajama pants. The. You saying spongebob? Pajama pants. Dirty. The dirtiest of Uggs.

[B]

Yes. Baby fat mink on the hood with the Newports with.

[A]

With slightly reddish brown hair, tinted. How did I know? How did I know? I was just trying to think of the ghettoest I could think of, but a cold version.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Smoke Sigs. For sure.

[B]

All day.

[A]

All day. And she says bagel. For sure. She says, bagel. You didn't give me no bagels. Socked him in the mouth. Damn, that sucks. And he had the Justin Timberlake Day all whites thought they could pull because Justin Timberlake had that.

[B]

That's why we thought it.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

I don't know what.

[A]

I didn't know why I had it.

[B]

That just appeared one day because Justin.

[A]

Timberlake could dance and he was like, yo, if Soul Train was around still, I would be on it. And then all the fools are like, yo, I like that chin strap.

[B]

Mac Miller had the chin strap, right?

[A]

Huh?

[B]

Mac Miller had the chin strap, right?

[A]

That was just popular. Yeah, popular white dudes. I. I have, like, two white homies and they both had it sure was cool. No, that's normal. It's just a beard. I don't know where we're going with this.

[B]

I don't know what we talked about, but it was bad, so. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, we're up.

[A]

Blaster in the face is what you said.

[B]

We were up till literally 5am did.

[A]

You see the burglar come in with a red suit?

[B]

I did.

[A]

His name's Santa Claus.

[B]

So then you got kids. You figure they're up by like, 7:30.

[A]

Oh, gross.

[B]

Yeah. So then you gotta be up and be human somehow.

[A]

Disgusting. You know? I do. I'd sit with my hands on my knees.

[B]

I'm the worst. Yeah, like that.

[A]

Sleep on the couch. And when you spoke to me go, what's up? I go right back to sleep sitting. Like those fools that guard pyramids.

[B]

I do that. But also, I'm completely useless because I can't see. Because I can't put in my contacts after not sleeping that long. So I'm sitting there not being able to see.

[A]

And you have glasses.

[B]

No.

[A]

Get some glasses, man. Swear them around.

[B]

I'm either. I can. I'm either big aviators.

[A]

Get some, like, Spike Lee glasses.

[B]

I should get some OG Glasses Suck.

[A]

And those are the only ones you can wear for prescription. That would be hard. Marty. Marty's gonna look like that guy Wes. Wes Walker. The T. The tattoo guy. The tattoo guy that gets mad at everybody online. You know what I'm talking about? West something. He's all tatted. That's what Marty's gonna look like with those glasses. Anyway, he's the bald guy that gets mad at everybody. That guy. So no contact. You can't see and you're half asleep.

[B]

Just try to be human, get through it. Then I passed out till about 3:30. I missed the entire Chiefs game. And it was on Netflix Live, so it wasn't, like, easy to watch back for some reason.

[A]

O.

[B]

The chief's been barely skating by, you know, like.

[A]

Like, he uses Platform dispute. That's why we get demonetized. And, like, it's hate speech. There's. There's refs of YouTube going, that's a mama homes, bro. You can't talk about our guy like that.

[B]

It's real. It's true.

[A]

They're throwing flags at us all day. They're called age restriction. Every time you bring them, homes in a negative way.

[B]

Limited.

[A]

True. But the Chiefs, Yeah, they're not gonna win the Super Bowl. Anyway, Christmas passed. You were half asleep. Your kids got crazy things. And then what? It was over, and now we're back. Thank God.

[B]

So much work. Christmas is so much work, and I don't even do the brunt of it. All that. And then you want to, like, make a meal that takes the entire day to make, and then you eat it in like 15 minutes, and then it takes the rest of the half of the day to clean up after it.

[A]

While my aunt was cooking, you know, I did. I went to me and Eds and ordered a hell of pizzas and came back and it was so easy.

[B]

But you said it was trash, though.

[A]

I went back to get to redeem it, and it was fine.

[B]

You returned it?

[A]

No, I went back two days later, got a bunch of pizzas. I would never. I'll take a loss before I be a nuisance to somebody all day. My car has no engine, but I didn't want to bug. What's up, guys? Last episode of the year and our 2024 sponsor, Raw Papers. As you know, the official rolling paper for the do Usual podcast. Thank you guys for always supporting, always tagging us. Everything. Today we got a gigantic box from RAW to restock our section. And we got a bunch of stuff that we have not gotten before. And I just want to show you it real quick and go over it. Here we go. This is the crumb catcher. This just slips on the side of your tray, and you just pour it straight into whatever you're rolling. It's a dust pan for your tray, except it snaps right on. This right here is the catcher. You put your joint right here, it burns, and you just hold it like that. It can ash all the way on here, and then you just dump it at the end. It's a portable ashtray no matter where you're at. So this right here, arc lighter. Doesn't matter if you have fluid. As long as this thing is charged, you're ready to go. There it is. This is called the dark side ashtray. The presentation is just epic. And last but not least for Those of you that can't just hold the joint, it's for the game room. You're sitting here. So once again, shout out to raw rolling papers for supporting the podcast, the official rolling paper of the Dope as usual podcast. Thank you guys for supporting the brands that support us. Take a moment to talk about our brand new sponsor and this is Hygienics. If you want to check them out, here's the QR code of the website right here. Go ahead and check them out. Hygienics us. This is 100% the perfect thing for our audience. Simple soak for all your glass purposes, for down stems, beakers, bowls, any single thing, any glass that you use. Tools for the dab, pearls, tools for everything. Titan swabs. You see me use swabs every single dab, every single time. Because you have to keep it clean on their website. If you use our code, Dope as usual, you're going to get a free pack of Titan Swabs. No matter what you buy, subscribe and save every month, you're going to get your supplies restocked. Okay? You can cancel anytime. Satisfaction guaranteed. You're going to like if you keep your glass clean. You know, you constantly need products if you're going to be using it, if you're going to be putting it in your lungs, make sure it is not moldy. Created, labeled and packaged. Here in the United States, every single thing, every solution is lab tested for purity and performance. And some of the solutions have essential oil blends in code. Dope as usual is going to get you a free pack of Titan Swabs. Just get it, get it for your homie. Thank you guys for supporting the brands that support us. Back to the episode, how did you.

[B]

Come about this mailbox?

[A]

Oh, yo, we got a present for Christmas. Our homie Monica gave us her the push trees house. Her mom moved in after we did. We've talked about before. That's how I did the proposal thing. Rosie's. That's how I was able to go back. Anyway, Monica for Christmas, I opened the present. She goes, you know what this is? I go, is this the mailbox from Home Alone? Like this horse, this is a Home Alone mailbox. Like, why does this horse look so deep in my brain? Like I've seen. Yeah, I'm associating with that because I'm like that style old metal mailbox. And then she's like, it's the mailbox from the Puss Trees house. And I'm looking at it like, did you undentish goes, yes, it was all dent. I go, that's what it is. And she repainted it. And I'm looking at like, I paid my rent through this thing for years, and she took it. And I said, my friend stole it. Everybody's like, that's a felony. Shut. Shut up. Don't DM me. That's a felony. Call the cops. Then.

[B]

What is taking a mailbox.

[A]

Yeah, it's federal property. Can't touch a mailbox. Tampering. Can't touch mail. It's a federal offense, isn't it?

[B]

Her mailbox.

[A]

It's her mom's mailbox. And she took it off because she put a new one on. Yeah, I just said she stole it because it was funny. Ah, she stole it. I was kidding. But so many people, like, I need to let you know, all right, you know that's a federal offense. Then you're committing a felony, dog. Like, okay, that's the kid.

[B]

You actually said we were to have homework?

[A]

Yes, dude. Oh, my God. I know. Last episode, I said, I'm going to stop. Slow down. Smoking. And then I released the one man versus 140.

[B]

Hell.

[A]

People like, damn. We don't follow through with any of that. Like, chill out.

[B]

First off, that video has been in the works for, like, six months.

[A]

I recorded that two months ago, at least.

[B]

Was that all the. The. The, like, cooler. The chest full. Is that the same?

[A]

The chest. The chest. And then I had the other one that. The big box full. That's a different one. Oh, but, yeah, dude. Some people. Some people just. So some people raise their hand at. In college, don't get called on. And they go, let me go on the Internet and talk because nobody listened to me today. And they get mad when everybody goes, shut up. They go. Now they get pissed, and they go, I hate this guy. And I go, no, you don't hate me. You hate everybody else. You just got mad at me because that was the final straw that you. People get so mad at me a lot. Dude.

[B]

There's been once or twice where, like, I'll kind of respond to somebody if they're saying something shittily, but then they get mad at me for responding to them.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. It's called delusion.

[B]

Like, no, I'm, like, fielding this. Like, some customer service. I'm letting you know what the Is going on. I'm not trying to be a dick about this.

[A]

Yeah, some people are weird. All right, let's go on to the next part. Anyway, the mailbox is baller. I think it's a little too.

[B]

Where are you going to put it?

[A]

I don't know. I might frame it like I did the. The joint. It's so sick. I looked in there, like, I've never seen the bottom of this thing because it was always at eye level, so I couldn't see down in. So I'm like, wow. I've never seen the bottom of the mailbox before. So many sacks have been in that mailbox. It's insane.

[B]

You should have an artist do like a painting of, like a bunch of little sacks and dollar signs and then like, put it in the middle in.

[A]

The frame or something.

[B]

Big piece.

[A]

I like that I lit. That's how I. That's how I did every single. That's how I was able to make push trees start push pieces at. I was selling out that mailbox, dude. Just leave sacks in there, people. As soon as I clear it close, wait 20 seconds, I go in the mailbox and get the money.

[B]

Finest of homies would drop the sack off my model mailbox.

[A]

It's perfect. Yes, it is perfect. Until people start taking it from me. No one ever took it from me. I know who. I know who was there.

[B]

Mailman.

[A]

Not even that I'm a mailman was cool. Or mail lady was cool. But yeah, super sick little artifact to get.

[B]

How was the live show?

[A]

Oh, okay. So check this out. Little story. The 21st in Fresno. I got to do some stand up because Duno's on tour. Shout out to Duno. He asked us on the show. Ken Flores asked, like, so cool. It's awesome. I am not prepared. I don't ask or think like the way you're supposed to when it comes to doing stand up. I now know and I have to learn these by trial and error. Ken at 20 minutes, ended up doing 14. Get to Fresno. We're sitting back there. There's one comedian, I think another two. The two, Pete. The other two are on tour with Duno often. The. The guy, the Mexican dude that's flamboyantly gay. That guy makes a point of talking about it. Is so damn funny. That guy's hilarious. Anyway. God, that guy was funny. Anyway, we're there. We're sitting. We're hanging out the improv. I was going over notes, going over notes, going over notes. Memorizing, memorizing. I wasn't doing it for the Fresno one. I don't know why. I felt like dad, I got this down so that right there, I was under prepared.

[B]

But you had confidence more.

[A]

So, yeah, I was like, oh, I know. Exactly what I said. I got it now that I did the improv. Like, oh, I got it Reciting. I can recite it now. So I'm sitting there and everything's going great. And I'm sitting there, and I look at the paper with all our names, and I'm like, why do we have numbers by our names? And I look, it's like, why do I have the number by my name? And I asked the guy. He goes, oh, that's time. I go, what? Like, I have eight minutes. He goes, yeah, that's your shit time. My shit's 14 minutes. It goes together. Let me think about this. In my head, I go, I'm gonna do 14. Thanks, man. That's in my head. I'm like, I don't care what you say. I'm doing what I'm doing. You're not supposed to do that. You're bumping people's time. I get that. So in my head, I was like, you know, let me just ask, you know, when he gets dinner, gets there, my. Yo, can you bump that to 10 minutes? He goes, yeah, yeah, we could do that. I'm like, all right, cool. In my head, I go, I'm doing 14. At least it's only four. However, I was like, maybe I'll do 12. So what can I cut out? Like, what can I cut out? I'm sitting there 40 minutes before. I'm like, what can I cut out? What can I cut out? What can I do? This is kind of like. It's like a big one chapter, but the chapter needs to go. You want me to take a paragraph out? Ah, all right. So I'm sitting there. I'm thinking, I'm thinking, I'm thinking. And it's a brewery that do a bunch of live shows, but it's a brewery. It's not a comedy show. So before Duno goes on and before I go on, he's like, yeah, this crowd. I'm talking about the crowd. He goes, he's like, a crowd. Like, this is not, like, pure comedy. Fans, usually, because it's a brewery. So fools are drinking. Some. Some of these fools might come here.

[B]

There's.

[A]

They want to see the show. They come here often. Maybe they're my fans. He's like, 99 of them, like, or came here to see me. But it's like, he told me. He's like, but some crowds want some crowd work. They want to talk. I want to interact, like, around the. They see online comedy clubs are like, yeah, you can do material there all day. That's what they're there for if you do crowd work. And it's funny. Awesome. He's like, crowds like this are not so much into material. They want a little more crowd work. And my head, I'm like, well, I have zero. I don't have any crowd doing the.

[B]

Same thing, no matter what.

[A]

And I was like, oh, God. But when he said, I'm like, oh, how do I adjust? So I'm like 40 minutes before, I'm like, oh, dude, what do I cut out? Anyway, it comes time, I go on state, shout out to everybody. That was super stoked. 90 of the people that came up to me like, dude, I didn't know you're gonna be here. One of them had a push tree shirt from. From the Palm Springs with all of our signatures on the back.

[B]

Oh, nice. Hell, yeah.

[A]

I have the picture. I'll put the. Remind me when you're editing this to give you the picture, because the picture's cool.

[B]

You just organically had it, not knowing you're gonna be.

[A]

I'm not sure if he knew, but damn, dude, he's from Fresno, so it's perfect. He just came to the show. So I get on stage, and as I get on stage, I'm like, oh, it's an oven. Sick. And like, the. The Jewish side of me's like, dog, run. And I'm like, nah, man, we're good, dog. It's an oven in here. And I'm like, oh, wow. And that's what they call those wetbacks. Damn. There's just a bunch of racial things. Anyway, I'm pouring dripping sweat, like in cartoons, where it's just running. So I take my sweater off immediately. I'm like, oh, okay, cool.

[B]

A wet front.

[A]

Wet front. Wet. Yeah, get out of here. Take a sweater off. And I'm on stage. I'm like, wow, the sun is here. Sick. And I'm looking at this light like this, like when fools come out of caves.

[B]

Wait, what time was it? It was like.

[A]

No, it was a. No, it was like eight at night. It was the stage light.

[B]

Oh, gotcha.

[A]

It wasn't really the sun. There's a hole in your roof. No, dude. Anyway, the light was so bright, I'm like, this. Ah, sick. It's a brewery. People are having full conversations at their table.

[B]

Awesome.

[A]

I can hear multiple groups talking to each other. And I'm like, don't ignore it. And I immediately start talking about Fresno real quick. Because I was like, dude, let me just talk about Fresno real quick, because damn, it's crazy to be here. Blah, blah, blah, blah. And it looked nice. The area was not gang bangered out anymore. And I was like, damn, dude, I can. I could probably wear blue over here. That's how nice the area was. It's never been like that before.

[B]

A lot of people.

[A]

Yeah, that was fully packed.

[B]

Hundreds of people.

[A]

Probably 200. Maybe two. Yeah, at least. At least. Yeah, the whole room was packed. 200 people, at least. I would say I'm on stage and I'm like, all right, I don't have the same amount of time. That's all I remember. Like, I don't have the same amount of time. And I don't know why, like subconsciously started dropping little pieces out. And after we're going, oh, I didn't. Oh, my God. That. I left out the transfer, like the transit transition. Because when I went up there, I went, oh. Also, that's why I said, I need to stop smoking so much because I can't breathe. I said this on live. I could not breathe up there. Like, it was hot. Maybe it's the nerves. But I'm like. Two times I repeated myself to catch my breath. I said something. Yeah, I get all this weird, you know? Yeah. Like it is getting. It's weird. And I went into it like, oh, my God, I can't breathe, dude. It's like my lungs were going. Like, I just. I don't know what it was.

[B]

I think some of it is also like you're breathing into the. Like, I don't know. It's different managing your breath when you're like talking into it and moving around.

[A]

And I'm moving around. I'm talking to people. Like, it's different than sitting here, story time talking. I can go. Let me take that line again, dude. Let me like, not a line again. Let me say that again. So be. I'll say some stupid. And go. I like that. That was kind of funny. Let me. Let me say it again because I coughed halfway through. You know, it's like. Because you could edit. I edit myself while I'm filming. So you can't do it on stage. Oh, no. That's what I meant. And I did one of those. I meant. I meant that I messed up my wording up and I said the word and went. I'm already pissed off. I was just angry. I was just like, damn it, I can barely breathe. It's hot. I had to do this to see the crowd because I could not. I could not see anything.

[B]

You didn't look at your set visually.

[A]

At All I did bullet points. I did bullet points. Like, oh, remember to mention that. Mention that, mention that, mention that. That goes to here. That goes to here. That goes to your chapter titles.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I wasn't doing like the substance in it because I got the substance and I was missing like 10 of the substance. Three. Three parts. So I left out like 40 seconds.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

And that's a lot.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I compared it to. Those weren't vital to make it work. But it's like Pineapple Express, the movie. Pineapple Express. Remember when they're in the forest and it's all happy music and they're smoking joints with the butterfly? It's like a sick ass scene. If that scene wasn't in it. The movie still works. It's still awesome. But it's cooler with that scene in it. A lot cooler. Those parts are my butterfly scene. And that's. That pissed me off. When I got off stage, like, also, I said something to the crowd and I said something to the guy. People just loved it. Laughter. I'm like, damn, people really do like this crowd. I said nothing, basically. And people all laugh. Next. I'm like, I wasn't gonna choke. I just made a statement, man. Damn it. They really do want this. I don't know it. And I just started going. And I left off a part. I went, oh, I mentioned it as I was going. And then I went and recycled that line again. And I. For some reason, I just got like, you're. That's. That was trash. Like. And as I'm getting off my. That was not what I wanted it to be. I. People were laughing. People laughed. They were laughed at the parts that I wanted to laugh at, but it.

[B]

Was just like, there's things about it. The bother. Yeah. Like, damn it, dude.

[A]

I could have dunked it. I laid it up when I could have done. But I didn't dunk it because I jumped too early because I wasn't paying attention. You know what I mean? And my homie Jeeves got to come. So I'm like, damn it, I wish you would have came to improv. That one was. The improv was way sicker.

[B]

Like, oh, man, it's great practice though.

[A]

It was as I got off, I went, this is a dis. I'm only. I'm not taking a dick. But I'm good at everything I do. Almost football. You're good. Lifting weights. Oh, you're great. Writing. Oh, you're fine. Got A's in all my. At 4.0s. All that. Like, oh, Stuff comes easy to me. When I did the improv, like, the room, loved it. So many people. And I got to this one and go, this is what it feels like to be painful. Pissed at yourself. Like, disappointed.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I was so disappointed in myself. Just like those extra 40 seconds, repeating myself.

[B]

Didn't like it felt like you could have prepped more.

[A]

And then I told Rosie on the drive home from the. From the improv, I was just all hyped up, literally smoking. I was not driving. I was in the passenger seat smoking power. Smoking joints. The whole drive home, hyped. Got home ripping dabs. Just hype. It was a silent ass drive back from Fresno just like this. Thinking of all the times I was like, I can't believe I left that part out. God. And I told Rosie and she's like, it was fine. What, are you tripping? Was it. She's like, it was fine. Oh, but still, she's like. I could tell immediately that you were pissed when you were up there. It's not visible, but she knows me so well that I'm. There's a part I was like, I'm ready to get off stage. I was like, I already up. Can I press restart? It's like you're doing the speed run and you're like, I messed up. I'm never gonna get first place. Can I restart? No. Well, this is a wash. I can't make it.

[B]

I told you my army did that.

[A]

What?

[B]

We were doing, like a live show at Broadway Joe's in Buffalo, and I went. Their sound system was horrible. And I was, like, straining my voice.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Lost my voice. And he's like, that bring it back.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Then I had to go back from the top with no voice.

[A]

That's cool.

[B]

Yeah, no, that's awesome. That was. That's my homeboy that we sent the pushers package to.

[A]

Oh, you talked. You talked to him?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. So, yeah, it went. It went fine. It was not what I wanted. It went fine. And I'm a perfectionist. And I'm like. It was like 90% of stuff I wanted to say and 10 left out. So as I'm. I don't know what it is. As I'm leaving out, I'm like, you bastard. You dumb. You forgot that part. You suck. And I was just sitting there like, come on.

[B]

Well, it's better that one than one of the improvs.

[A]

I guess that's why I said it's better that I didn't do as well as I wanted to do here than at the improv. Was per. It went perfect. Exactly what I wanted.

[B]

Yeah, the more you do it, the more you'll have it down. You got to listen back. That's what I'll really get. All those little nuances, you're memorizing a song. It's the same thing, dude.

[A]

Also, Juno brought it up to me after, too. He's like, you gotta change that. I keep talking over laughing, laughing. I'm not used to response. I talk into the camera, smoking joints. I don't have a response. I know what people are going to react as I say it. Because I'm saying it. I keep. People are laughing and I talk right over it. I don't give any breathe. I don't let it breathe at all. No breath, nothing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I noticed every other comedian was. Wait. Do know. Damn near waited for silence before he said his next line. I'm like, oh. That kind of kept me in suspense, waiting to see what the next line is gonna be. And I'm over here, said something people like, end of the next part. And he's like, it makes people go. Makes them quiet down fast. And like, you want them just as a laugh, dude. I was like, thank you for that tip because now I totally see it. I was like, oh, I talked over every laughter. Every time people started laughing, I would talk. Right. I didn't let nothing breathe.

[B]

It's easier to finesse the timing when you fully have it. Memorized that.

[A]

And I'm not used to reaction. So when people reacting, it's. It's like, wait for the fluff. Like, damn, you think they're gonna laugh every time.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But, oh, they did laugh. And I'm like, oh, they did. I was just waiting to talk again. It's hard. This is not easy, dude. The timing is something I need to do. So I told Rosie the next thing I do, I'm gonna go on stage with no material whatsoever. Go. Hey, guys. I tell a lot of stories, throw out some topics until I have one go and just go and start talking and talk to the crowd and talk. And they get those topics from them and ease my way into talk because I don't like hurting people's feelings, dude. It's hard for me to talk to the crowd because a lot of the times you're messing with people and, like, I feel bad. How do you get over it, dude? I need. I get. And then I always talk to the camera as if it's my friend. That's why I give the tip all the time. That's how I do videos. Talk to the camera as if it's a person you're talking to. And then I keep looking at the camera as if it's a. The people in the crowd, as if there's a lens. Like, no responses. There's nothing coming out of you. Like, I'm just talking at you. And it's like, talk to the. Well, she said she had. You have to talk to the crowd. I think it was flipped. Sorry. Anyway, my, my. You know, whatever I use, I flipped it. And I was like, wait, I do need to talk to them as if I'm talking to the. That's right. Talking like it's a camera and I'm over here talking to them like they're not there. That's what it was. I'm trying to pretend that I'm not even looking at them because I don't want to lock eyes with somebody, you know, but you need to do that. You need to be talking to look at the crowd, talk to him, control the room. And I'm over here just like, hey, shut up. Back to my story.

[B]

Fine line between a seasoned comedian and new comedians. The eye contact with the crowd. Whereas with like, somebody like, I don't know, like Chappelle or somebody, like, the crowd might actually be scared to make eye contact with him because they don't want looking you dead in your soul.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So that's the one thing I want to do. Go up with no material. The next time I do something whatsoever and just talk, I'm like, oh, I got stories for days. Let's talk and talk to the crowd. I just need to start talking to people because what do we do? I need to talk to them as if we're right here.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because when we're here, we.

[B]

We say limitless.

[A]

The worst. And I will never. I could be here for 30 years, just spouting off with the driest lips of all time. This dying. But in the. On stage, why can't I do that? Because I'm not ready. Because I haven't done it enough. I've only done it twice. Need to get out there and start doing it over and over and over and over and talk with the crowd. Mess with going, I'll be home in 30 minutes. I don't give a what you say, bro. Like, let's talk and just start being like, here. I don't care who's sitting here. Like, I should be like that with the crowd. Like, I don't care who it is. I'm not nervous. Let's talk. This is our this is ours.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, on stage, like, this is my right. This is my time. That's why. That's why I need to get into it more. I have so many things written out, and I'm like, dude, I'm just gonna go up there and start spouting off until, like. All right, you like that one? All right. You like that, guys? All right. Tonight's called Help me, Help me Practice. Tonight's called Allen Iverson. Practice, Practice.

[B]

That's exactly what you need to be doing.

[A]

Yep. So that's what I say.

[B]

Even damn near once a week.

[A]

I was. That's what I was telling Rose. I want to go twice a week. It's not far. Twice a week, 15, 20 minutes of my time. Perfect. Trying to try these things. Maybe go up the haha room. Because he's like, dude, that shit's crazy. I'm like, yeah, but that's. That's the kind of crowd I need to be in front of fools that are going to try to talk. I'm like, all right. And I just need to get more comfortable going. I can roast you at any time if you talk to me. I can also ask you what you're doing and make fun of it in real time.

[B]

And then get back to what I was doing.

[A]

And get back to what I was doing. Yeah. I just need to get. I mean, I'm not seasoned whatsoever. That's all. I've shot a basketball twice, basically. And I'm like, yo, I'm on the team. Like, no, you're not. But you could be. Let's keep going. You have potential. Yeah, play horse Good.

[B]

Think about New Year's next year where you could be like, yep. When you look at, like, Ken, like, how aggressively he went every day, he's.

[A]

Out there every six nights a week, two, three shows a night. Going, going, go. One club. He only does crowd work. One does his material. One does. He does material. He's working. Let's go. This was working out all day, basically. Love it. That's why Ken's hilarious.

[B]

Exactly. He's got that presence of, like.

[A]

He's not rushed, dude.

[B]

He's standing there just staring you dead in your eyes at all. Everything he says is funny, basically. So he already knows that going into it.

[A]

My shit's rushed, dude, because I'm over here not waiting, but I'll work on it. It's just weird doing something I'm not. Like, captain, right? Yeah. Not because I'm the. Just because, like, yo, do good. I do things good. Like math. Math student of the year. Let's go. 4.0. Let's go. Easy.

[B]

You're gonna figure it out.

[A]

Yeah. Now it's like, damn, dude, this sucks.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, that's why I'm like, skating. I love skating, but I hate it because I suck at it. No matter how hard I try, I can't fly like some of these fools. I just don't want to break my. My body. Oh, yeah. Look at Tony Hawk over here, guys. I don't know if you can see him, but Tony Hawk first time out of the box. What was it? Remote control Tony Hawk. Let's go. Oh, my God. Only touched by a small Asian child that made it and me. And then the Asian guy that sold it to me, actually.

[B]

But he was the child that made it.

[A]

They didn't keep his masters.

[B]

He just had the foresight to not unbox this thing. He kept one as a small boy. He's like, yeah. He stashed like.

[A]

Like, African binders and Jesus.

[B]

1.

[A]

Oh, dude, we got some good shit going on in here. Little Pulp Fiction, no tea, then homies for life Spike. We look cool as well. Anyway, Fresno thing. Fresno stand up did fine. Fine in my book is like a seven.

[B]

Okay. Versus Braya would have been.

[A]

Bray was like, Brayo. I felt like I got, like. That was a nine. That was fun. That was great. There's things I could work on versus how in my. The Hollywood improv was like a five.

[B]

Oh, damn.

[A]

To me. Because there was fools on stage with me. I couldn't, like, was really say what I was saying. They're interjecting into my story, and I didn't expect that. I was like, yo, I'm trying to. I'm not good at this. Guys, shut up for a sec. I've never done this. So I was like, okay. But the first time we did our live show, that's our friend. That's our fans. Totally different. Completely different. It's, like talking right now.

[B]

Give that one an eight and a half. Nine.

[A]

That was fun. That was super fun.

[B]

I agree.

[A]

There's so many little bits. There's so many little things that could just be played off of. It's insane. And I see where comedians get their material. That's why they have podcasts, man. I get it. It's fun. Whether or not this is a career, this is fun. But I never want that feeling again of going, it's not that it did bad. I was like, you're unprepared.

[B]

That's the worst.

[A]

You were unprepared. And that's Your fault.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

There was a whole line about being married and I was that I wanted.

[B]

To say nobody else knows it, but you know it.

[A]

God.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That'S how I felt like, come on, fool. The dog got out cuz you weren't paying attention. Huh? That's your fault. Like, it's no one's fault but mine. Yeah, that's all. I didn't turn into my school project I knew about three weeks ago.

[B]

Basically, it's the worst feeling.

[A]

The worst feeling. Failing is like not failing, not yourself. Like, oh, you bastard. Like fools out there that make glass. Something comes out wrong. Like, what am I doing? What am I doing that I can't do this right? I know what I'm doing. I'm unprepared. That's my fault. It's the worst.

[B]

There's so much in video. There's so many chances for that to happen. For you to just be the worst. Oh, I forgot the SD card. Oh, we can't do anything grid for.

[A]

You to just be the worst. We got halfway to downtown from my house when Nikita to film us and I had to be out. So we only had an hour and a half. And Nikita goes, there's no battery in my camera. It hit him like he just. I just killed your family.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, that's how it is.

[A]

And he stopped it. He's like this.

[B]

Everything's ruined.

[A]

Ruined. It's another word from. Is that help?

[B]

Oh, o n. I don't know. Ruined.

[A]

I know, but ruined is probably the word where they say it. Rocco, he said ruined. We say ruined. That's another word. Marty says things like a pure white. Like the way it was supposed to be said. Documentary elementary. You say it right in the unrestricted version, by the way. Go check out unrestricted. All right. On the unrestricted episode today, we were saying some. And that's how we got there. All right. Anyway, I will never be unprepared again. That's bugs me, but I mean, it was fine still. From the outside. From the outside I was like those.

[B]

That horrible feeling can like stick with you forever and like, you'll never forget that again.

[A]

I. Well, I keep thinking about it.

[B]

I know I look like the room.

[A]

Was dark, the light was blasting me in the face. And there was one red light in the back pointing right at one guy with a certain jacket. All I could see was this man. And every time I turn, like, oh God. All I see is this one dude spotlighted in the crowd in the very back. I don't know why he kept throwing me Off. It was so crazy. Like, all of you speaking at the same time is really messing this up in my head. Of course this is messing me up.

[B]

First rule of stand up comedy is don't talk in the audience.

[A]

I just didn't realize, like, oh, dude, during Duno show, a one guy left. There was a door, right by doing it by the stage, one guy got up and walked out. He was so drunk, could not stop talking, like five times. Shut up, fool. All right, back to what I was saying, dog. Shut up. Just Duno was like, he's playing with it though. But oh, my God, that guy was so faded. And he. His daughter was there and she was so pissed off that he was acting like a dummy. He was just responding to everything Dino said as if he asked him the worst, worst kind of guy.

[B]

Echoing all this.

[A]

Oh, sorry, can I bring this up? We've talked about this before. My sister is that at the movie theater that won't shut up. We talked about this. I didn't know that. I was like, that's my sister. I didn't know that was her. She does that. There's a scary movie. Oh, get out the room. Scary movie.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

She's Brenda. She will not shut up. I found that out a while back. You know who else won't shut up? My dad talks to the screen as if it's gonna answer him. We went to go see Craven. Eight seconds in, I went, oh, my God, there's no way I'm gonna make it through the movie. My sister won't shut up. It's me, quiet as a mouse, watching the movie. My sister Elizabeth speaking at full volume. Who else is right there? My brother Johnny talking as if we can't hear him. And then my dad responding to everything.

[B]

The entire family.

[A]

Every time a word popped up, my dad said it out loud. Full volume. One year later, 30 years ago.

[B]

No, no, no.

[A]

Out loud. No quiet in his voice. Within 30 seconds, my brother was playing a video game on his phone. Damn, he has no attention span. It got so bad. I looked at Shereen and go, you're actually quiet. She's like, I can't. I can't add to this. She's like, it's too bad. Every time something happened, me and my sister were looking at each other like, oh, are you kidding me? And then my little sister Gray EB started going. And she started noticing, like, yo, some guy got his head caught up. Ouch. My dad said out loud, ouch. He pronounced the shit out of the ch, dude. I was like, damn, dude. I Kept doing this.

[B]

He's like ad libbing the whole dude.

[A]

He would not stop talking. Marty, Marty, Marty.

[B]

Was he realizing it or is he, like, trying to be as if he.

[A]

Was at home, as if no one else was. As the movie starting, my dad, full volume. Are we the only ones in here? There's 40. There's a group of six people next to us. There's five people there. There's three people there. The lady in four rows in front of us got up mid movie, never came back. I think she came through the other way and sat on the other side to not be rude.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

And she didn't want us to know. Like, I'm moving. I was doing this every time. You know when you're in the passenger seat and someone's driving like, and the person's behind them? You're like, I feel you. I feel you. I get what you want. Hey, hey, it's green. Why is he honking so fat? Because we're waiting for you to drop. That's how I was. Like that. Sorry. Oh, my God, Marty. I can't believe I didn't call you. Go walk outside and call you right then and there. It was so, like. No, no, no, no, no.

[B]

The worst.

[A]

It was the worst. And then every time it got quiet. I don't know if my dad was doing it on purpose. This fool dug into his chips and candy as if it was a. Like, he's packing for airport real quick. Just almost as if, like, he's part of the movie. It was comical how loud his shit was. And he would wait till the. Until it got quiet as hell. And I know that because he's sitting right there the whole time. I'm like, I've watched Craven already. I just wanted you guys to watch it. I'm just kind of sitting back. Just, just, just. I'm like, someone's gonna say something if.

[B]

I'm crunching too loud.

[A]

Yep, I'll go and I'll eat it after. This fool was. Oh, my God.

[B]

Did you not have inner dialogue popping.

[A]

Bubble wraps basically, with.

[B]

No, no. He.

[A]

He does. He does. He does this at the house where he talks like. Ah. He's just talking to the movie, like, as if the kids. Whoa. You see that? Oh, yeah. We're in the movie theater.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he's not like he's referring it to us. He's just talking. He's so used to not going. I'll tell you this right now. I did not know. It's not like he was being rude. It was so funny. The fact that he had no self awareness that he is speaking at full volume, not. Hey, what's up?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, ouch, ouch. With bass out loud projected out. Not like.

[B]

Like, if you were to talk to him about it afterwards, he would understand. What didn't realize.

[A]

Dad, for real, you were speaking out loud, man. No, I wasn't like dad. And every time my brother would say something, I would go, be quiet, people here. If I can tell my dad. Dad, shut up. I'm not gonna tell him that. But my little brother, I'm like, hey, be quiet for. What are you talking?

[B]

Didn't sink in.

[A]

Kind of like, dad, take a hit. You don't. It's not that. My brother was playing video games within. The credits are still open. There's still words on the screen saying, who directed this? He's already playing games and went, hey, put the brightness down in your phone. And then he started. He took a picture or something with a flash on our whole side of the theater. I'm embarrassed, man. Remember I told you when they were kids and I used to get embarrassed at restaurants with them?

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And nothing. It's just gotten older.

[B]

I'm embarrassed to even pull out my phone in a movie.

[A]

Oh, I'll put my phone like this.

[B]

Like the most covert screen brightness all the way down. I won't let my kids watch or play a game during a movie either. That'll be the day. Like 100 bucks.

[A]

We went to the Rams game. I brought my little brother. He's never been to a football game. I brought him. I bought cool seats. It's first quarter, opening drive. I look down and this fool is playing video games. What's he playing? Madden.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

I'm a. I'ma shoot him. That. I was like, I'm gonna shoot you. What are you doing? I'm playing Madden. Like, there's Madden in front of you, dude, come on. It's like we would just stay at home, bro. I have Madden. Then he just kept playing. Madden.

[B]

Damn. He kept playing.

[A]

I was like, dude, come. You know what? Do whatever you want. That's why I was like, you know what, man? You feel free to do whatever you.

[B]

Want because I feel like I'm about to smash her phone.

[A]

All my little sisters from my dad's side with the side that my little sisters, they're all jerks. Until about 13, 14. They're all super like, no, this is what I want. He's not like that. But it's more like, I can't tell you what to do, but I Want to yell at you. Shut up. He only ate Takis on Christmas. He ate nothing, Rocco. But Takis, he has a bad stomach problem. He only wants Dave's hot chicken here. And Takis and I go, I'm not buying you any Takis, bro. You ate it for two days. That's why you have brain rot. Because your body has no nutrients in that and it's just functioning to keep your ass walking. Like, you can't thinking sometimes, bro, I swear to God, it's like plants versus zombies with this kid sometimes. Like, yo, you playing Z. You're playing Madden at the game.

[B]

That's insane.

[A]

I'm. I'm going to throw up red on you. I'm going to make myself throw up on you. That's how upset I was. Anyway, you're supposed to be so excited.

[B]

At a game as a kid. I mean, I. I guess I get it, but you're supposed to be embarrassed to be on.

[A]

Oh, my God. I. Every time. This is how embarrassed and, like, polite I was as a kid. My grandpa. Every time my grandpa was anywhere, I was like, okay, my hat is completely straight. Gotcha. My grandpa died and I think like a couple months later, I wore my hat backwards. It's like, I've never worn my hat backwards before. I went like this one time, I was like, a little sideways. Not bad. So my grandpa's not gonna be here. So I was like, that's fine. In case I see him in traffic. I don't bite. You wear your hat kind of sideways. You know what I mean? My. I stopped watching Pokemon cuz that shit's stupid. Just gave up right then.

[B]

Judged.

[A]

That's it. I'm judged, man. And I think you're cool. So if you think that's just stupid, then it's stupid. So there it is, man. So, yeah, I was like, damn, dude, shut up. Watch the movie. And then he just kept talking full volume. That was it.

[B]

Did you bring it up to him or. No, no, it was hilarious.

[A]

No, no, I was like this at first. Oh, God, Oh, God, Oh, God. Jesus Christ. You guys are embarrassing as hell. It's like watching Impractical Joker.

[B]

This was the first time you all went to a movie together?

[A]

I've never gone to the movies with my dad besides Scary Movie one. And I remember when the dick goes through the glory and hits him in the earth. I was like, whoa, we're watching my dad. All right, man. Scary movie 1.

[B]

I saw Sandlot and Anaconda with my dad at the theater.

[A]

Was crazy. It was crazy. Which With LL Cool J.

[B]

Ice Cube.

[A]

Ice cube. Sorry. LL Cool J's in deep blue sea.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. JLo.

[A]

Sorry I mixed up my rappers.

[B]

Isn't the West Coast West Coast?

[A]

LL Cool J? Yeah. Ice Cube. J Lo's in Anaconda. Samuel Jackson, that one chick. And LA Cool Jays in deep blue sea. Why'd you stand that close to the. To the water like that? Why he stands so close? There's sharks all over the place. You're gonna stay right by the water, Give a speech. It's like the place with the one misplaced. Exactly. You deserve that one.

[B]

Go watch unrestricted. Go. Listen, if you're gonna watch any. If you want to be shocked.

[A]

There's conspiracy theories that are getting. Aliens are now saying that they're coming from the earth and from the water. And this. This black guy with the wolves is more shocking than that. The fact that he even allowed himself.

[B]

Over there is hella comfortable. I had a black lab, and every one of my homeboys was terrified of him. He was friendly. He was just big.

[A]

You mean black folks don't like dogs?

[B]

Yeah, period.

[A]

I mean, there's a fine line. All my homies, either black fools are super afraid of dogs, or they breed them one or the other. Like, I love dogs. I got six pits versus get your dog away from me when I come over.

[B]

It's like 98 to 2, too, though.

[A]

If. No if that. Every one of my biggest homies are dogs. Like, fool, punch it in the face. I'm afraid of dogs. I'm not gonna run from a sock that man. Oh. Unless. Depends on what it is. But no. Hell no. I'll suck a dog if I had to, if it's attacking me, not some dog. All right, now I'm just saying, like, I'm gonna. When unrestricted. Every animal. I'll suck that. I was just kidding. And unrestricted. Yeah. All my homies are afraid of dogs. Every one of them.

[B]

Yeah, Everyone.

[A]

A lot of my. A lot of my Mexican homies are afraid of dogs, too. I don't know one white guy that's afraid of dogs.

[B]

I didn't realize dogs are CPS activity.

[A]

They are. I mean, no. A lot. Every race loves dogs. But when we're speaking in types of stereos, then. Then definitely I would say almost all my black homies don't like dogs.

[B]

They like pits.

[A]

A lot of my homies do like pits. This is. This is prejudice. It's not at all. It's factual. But, you know, like, most Mexican households have a dog that's shaking all the time. Constantly shaking for no reason. It's not scared. It's just constantly shaking.

[B]

A little Chihuahua.

[A]

Little Chihuahua. All Mike. All Parkinson's. They're all. They're all just constantly. Just tweaking, tweaking like that. Maybe it's the beans. I don't know what it is. But all Mexicans have one dog that won't stop moving. And if you're a black, but you have either a pit or a rottweiler, that's just a fact and. Oh, never mind. We're not an unrestricted. I was gonna keep going. Oh, no. I'm so glad. Yeah, never mind. I'll just keep it. I'll just keep it. Keep it brief. Okay. What are we talking. What were we talking about?

[B]

Did you see how AB does the Cracker of the Day? He did.

[A]

Of course. I'd seen AB2 cracker the day he did Wet Back of the week Cracker.

[B]

Of the Year, Shane Gillis. And he did.

[A]

Oh, I seen it. Cat Williams. I saw what he won. Did you see Druggie of the Year? No, I think it was Hunter Biden.

[B]

Got that.

[A]

Yeah. That wins the hard R on that Cat Williams post. I was like, you're not even ready for that one. All right, that's C T, E. That's what that is. He has no inner dialogue going. Maybe you should.

[B]

Yeah, maybe you shouldn't.

[A]

Sorry. Yes. I'm blowing my nose with cool bathroom paper. You know why? I don't care about my skin. Ow. I had grip tape. I just blew my nose on grip tape.

[B]

We should get some Kleenex here.

[A]

Yeah. Casey, gas want you don't think about things sometimes.

[B]

Who's construction paper?

[A]

We have no to.

[B]

We got bubble wrap, glossy poster paper. If that work.

[A]

To blow your nose on. I've done it. My nose has been bad since I was a kid. I've always had to blow my nose constantly. It's always the valley. I have blown my nose on so many things because I'm in the car, the bus, and I can't do anything about it. It's bad. Oh, it's bad. I blow my nose on, like, straight poster. Like paper from an ad. Like stuff that crumbles.

[B]

Not meant for it.

[A]

Yeah, it goes sharp edges. Because it doesn't crumble. Right. I have sharp edge below my nose. A lot of times someone's hair. No, I'm just kidding. That sounds. That'd be crazy, though, in class.

[B]

No, that'd be baller.

[A]

All right. What are we talking about? Blow my nose? What we talking about before, Josh Wolf.

[B]

Said he never blew his nose before in life.

[A]

Josh said he's never blown his nose before. He only wiped it. What do you mean? Just never blow my nose. I don't know about you.

[B]

The idea of it doesn't appeal to me.

[A]

I've never squinted in my life. I'll just stare. It's like, what? What are you saying? Don't squint at all. Yeah, I don't blow my nose. No mucus. There's no mucus. When you're ripped. When you're a vampire, a bloodless, ripped vampire, you don't blow your nose.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So, all right, what was that movie? Oh, there was like some creatures. They were white and they were black. Buff as hell. Was it the Matrix? No, that was a too skinny one. There's a. Anyway, that's Josh Wolf. They're like dam. Basically transparent because they're so white and they're just buff. No, I never seen that.

[B]

Walkers. Yeah, I'm trying to. I'm trying to get in that club.

[A]

All right, you ready?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What's next? Oh, hold on. I got two questions for you.

[B]

All right. I saw you had some thoughts on the Kai Sonat.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Which I thought was interesting coming off him. His big boom with Snoop.

[A]

Well, I think he. So basically Kai's not his. His audience is mainly underage. That's like the thing that people are like, yo, you know, there's a lot of kid. But also like, you don't know that for a fact. You're just popular with kids because kids love the Internet. You're popular. College students too. You're popular with adults. So that. That is like where people draw the. Or like. Well, you know, your kids mainly. Mainly kids, like. But is it. You just say that. But yeah, a lot of kids know who I am. Doesn't mean it's because they like the Internet. Doesn't mean they watch me all the time, which they probably do. But I'm saying there's no facts for that unless there are, and I just don't know about it. Continue. He was on there going, yeah, smoking weed's not great. If you're not getting stuff done, get productive and then smoke after. Blah, blah. That's what he was saying. A lot of weed. People like, damn this. Full flip the script like that. But no, he didn't flip the script. He's speaking truthfully. If you're the type of per. And I put. Yes, he's right. Ish. He's like. Ready? Your cousin Mark, maybe your cousin Mark works hard and, you know, he has a job and. But he smokes a bunch of weed. He still has a job. He just smokes a bunch of weed. Like, what's wrong with that versus your other cousin? I don't know, Mike. Mike doesn't do anything at all. He was always a lazy kid, and now he smokes weed and really doesn't do anything. It was like, it's because he smokes weed. No. Do you remember Mike as a kid? He was a piece of. He didn't do anything. His room was always dirty. Now it just smells like weed. And that's my, My take on it. Lazy fools are lazy fools, and that's just a fact. Nobody hit the joy and go, duh, dog, I don't want to accomplish nothing. No one ever said that ever. This one, damn, I want to smoke. When he does that goes, yep, I'm done. And some people, like, I, I will go in on fools. And I never care about what other people are saying. But sometimes Twitter knows what they. What they're doing to me. And they'll feed me, like, pretty big followed people talking about how I quit weed. And it's, you should quit weed because weed makes your life worse. It always makes you like, Andrew Tate. That fool's take on weed is the goofiest I have ever seen in my life. And that's all. Yeah, you could be in shape and do all this stuff. That's great. No one's downplaying you for anything. But your take on weed. Weed is stupid. He's generalizing. And I think a lot of these people generalize to get a reaction out of people, like right now.

[B]

Yeah, it's easy to say that also when you're not. Don't have any benefit from it.

[A]

No, he's just saying, like, it makes you lazy. You'll never. You don't accomplish anything. You can't make money. It's like, wait, yeah, you can do all those things. What are you talking about? Like, I know super ripped potheads.

[B]

I'm.

[A]

I've never been. I've been fat my whole life. It's like, go back to the lazy things. Like, we didn't make me fat. I did. I just happened to be high. That's crazy. It's like, we didn't give me bad life decisions. I. I chose to be. I was a fat kid.

[B]

Ricky Williams smokes weed.

[A]

All star running Michael Phelps gets high. So shut up. So that's what his take was on it. A lot of weed. People like, hey, look at this jerk. And I just had the. I'm always going to speak what I think is real and I think is the right and not like the popular opinion. But if it happens to be my same opinion, so be it. But, yeah, because some people. We. People like, yeah, I'm not gonna do that. He's kind of right. Like, yeah, if you can't do. Don't just high all day if you can't get done.

[B]

The point is, don't be lazy.

[A]

Basically, that's all I give a about. Do whatever you want, smoke whatever you want. Just don't be lazy. That's all. Bless you. Silent camera guy. Is it the White Walkers? Shut up. You ready? All right, what's. How long we been here?

[B]

1:30.

[A]

All right, last episode of the year, we came in this materialist. We had just damn near a couple.

[B]

Notes, hella bong rips right before this.

[A]

And maybe that's what it was. Huh? I went to bed mad late and woke up early. I was like, well, not early, but woke up with, like, less than normal hours of sleep. I went, all right, let's think. Let's do unrestricted first. I just instantly didn't eat, just smoked bowls. So now I'm just kind of. Kind of burnt. But I have your questions. Marty, how do you feel. How do you feel being one of the few people going, it's going to be going into their 40s, not a grandpa.

[B]

Because my daughter's lesbian or something.

[A]

Well, and your. The kids aren't age of age, saying, how many people you know that are grandparents already?

[B]

How many people.

[A]

Oh, wait, you're. There's a lot of. Over here. And for some reason, just like in the. In the community, like, yeah, you can't do that. You have to have a child because our religion. Yeah, he's gonna beat your ass. But, like, it's okay. Sorry, that's not a thing in the culture over there to have babies at 15. You don't know any grandparents your age? You're telling me that? What?

[B]

Nah, not even close. I don't.

[A]

Never mind. I take it all back. Really?

[B]

No, it's kind of. I mean, we. I had my first daughter when I was so young, and she's saying it.

[A]

Like other people did, too.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You don't know anybody with a teenage. That's a teenage kid. What? Wow. It's the cold. It's the cold. We're keeping you guys away from each other over here. It's hot.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

I don't know what it is, but you don't Know. No. Wow. Okay, good.

[B]

Like people. No, not even. Not even close.

[A]

Oh, why? Just made us look bad. We face a question. How do you feel that about me knowing you going into your 40s? You're not a grandpa, damn it. Mind the question. Irrelevant.

[B]

Yeah. Now we got. So it's going to be my daughter's a lesbian. April.

[A]

Well, man, also, she's 16 years old, and you raised her.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Pretty sure she's not going to be having babies right now.

[B]

We. We reset the clock. I know. I could be like, I could be living my life right now.

[A]

Oh, you talking about with Emy?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If we reset the clock, Dan Cam's like, oh, yeah, I'm 10. I don't need any help, bro. I'm already doing.

[B]

We've always by far been the youngest parents in all the, like, classes, all the schools and everything. Like, by far. Because, I mean, if you think about it, like, I'm 38 now, so this is like, some of my friends are just now having kids. Like, a lot of normal people in like, 35, like, that's when they have kids.

[A]

Never mind, dude. Buffalo's got. They're diving through tables, but straight with plant. You have Planned Parenthood over there. They're doing a good job over there.

[B]

Yeah, no, we had all the team pregnancy and all that type of my. You know what I mean?

[A]

Like, I thought it'd be running rampant. I thought there'd be as many grandparents as there is snow over there.

[B]

Yeah, not so much.

[A]

Never mind. Take it back. There's a cultural difference. Okay, that question ready?

[B]

You got homeboys that are grandparents.

[A]

I guarantee if I look through my yearbook and go, oh, yeah, that kid has his kid. Has a kid. Her kid has a kid.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

For sure. And the thing is, like, some of them have babies at like 13, 14. So it's 20 years ago.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Some of these are grandparents at 32. Yeah, grandparents.

[B]

I got like two homeboys with kids that are like, my daughter's age, but they're like, normal. They're not on gonna be having kids.

[A]

You know when I realized, like, oh, damn, you started. When I meet some people's kids, I'm like, this grown ass man is your kid. Oh, wow. Like, Kev's got a grown ass son.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

He was a man running the pizza shop.

[B]

Oh, like that? Yeah. Like an actual grown man.

[A]

Yeah. With a beard and mustaches. That's your dad? Yeah. Oh, my God, I forgot. Some people have kids mad early. He's like, I haven't seen that in a while.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

So, like, going home, like, damn. That's right. Everyone's had kids a long time.

[B]

I got a kid that's just living her life. It's weird. It's like we only have two kids now. It feels like when we do stuff, it's only like four of us.

[A]

Yeah, for sure.

[B]

She got tents on the Mustang for Christmas.

[A]

I know. Pulled up, oh, like one of my homies, right? One of my homies is from Texas. I'm actually his kids by godson. Right. I have one of my homies. He used to live in Texas. He lives here. He's about 30. He's 38. He went back to Texas and found out he has a kid.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

That is like 21. He had when he was a kid. He didn't know. The girl never told him.

[B]

So do you owe 18 years of child support?

[A]

She just had a kid. So now my friend turned into a grandpa overnight. Did not know he even had a child. Then he's like, you have a kid too. I'm a grandpa. His son is only six. He's his first kid ever. He's like, damn, I'm a new dad. Turns out I'm a grandpa now. Isn't that crazy overnight to happen to somebody.

[B]

That sounds so insane. To be a grandpa's insane.

[A]

What? I would be like, dog. Yeah. This was not even in first grade yet. You're telling me. Now I have a grandkid. I gotta start this up.

[B]

Horrifying.

[A]

It sucks. It really sucks. All right. I don't remember what we're talking about. I'm just all over the place. What were we talking about here?

[B]

I don't know. Christmas.

[A]

Oh. Oh. I got the next question for you.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

What year are you moving closer to LA legitimately? Because we're coming up on 20, 25 tomorrow.

[B]

Yeah, it's true. If. If there's any hope of it being able to happen, it's going to be, I think, next year. Yeah. Because the one kids graduate in high school, the other kids graduate in middle school.

[A]

No, elementary.

[B]

Elementary. Elementary.

[A]

Elementary. No, he's not.

[B]

And it's our goal this year to get at least one property. Yeah. At least one more to two more investor. Like we're.

[A]

That's gonna happen so hopefully soon.

[B]

Yeah. That would be amazing.

[A]

That would be perfect. It would help so much. Everything. It would help. That's. That was the other question I had just to actually ask.

[B]

We're in here Saturday just to avoid this damn traffic. Basically.

[A]

Yeah. Dude. Also, if we start going live, what If Rogan's like, yo, I'm in town. Let's do an episode. Like. But now, well, it's Monday. We go live. Like, it's fine because everybody always knows it's random. So we don't do two episodes a week. If we go live, it's just going to be live and there's nothing we could do about it. So it might be 11, it might be 4:00, it might be 6:00. You never know. What if OT comes at 12? One in the morning. We run an episode one in the morning, live. You never know. Like, these things. We'll just get it done. But if. If Marty lived closer. So hopefully. Wait, you talk about 2025 next year.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, I was thinking 2026.

[B]

Yeah. Buying that house was such a monster. Not only buying it, but then renovating the entire inside and backyard. It just. Everything has been so much took this whole time. Yeah.

[A]

It looks like Irvine.

[B]

A little Orange county of the North.

[A]

Orange county of the North. I like that. That'd be so tight. We do so much. All right. Oh, also, papers are. Deposit is paid. Papers will be here soon.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Yep. Waiting on the final art. And then.

[B]

So what does the rollout look like for that?

[A]

We're trying to launch for champs. That's like right before March. Don't know if that was gonna happen, so I'd rather just wait for 420.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Get really, really prepared. Like, real deal. Get prepared.

[B]

Have everything be perfect and not perfect.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

How many, like SKUs are there going to be to start?

[A]

Four.

[B]

Different sizes.

[A]

One, two, three sizes. Tips. We also have something coming out that only us and one other company in the world's allowed to have. My friends. Friends with them. They're like, we'll give it to you. So I have something coming out, but not right at the beginning. I'm gonna wait a little bit because I want to. I'm excited. I'm really excited, dude. And oh, by the time this comes out next week. Yes, next week. New push trees drop. New push tree drop sweaters, shirts.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

Never done this before. They're going to be slightly more expensive because they have to be. It's all over. It's both sides printed. Oh, not all over, but up top to bottom. Damn near top to bottom. On the back two. Then I got one Cool. Faded, crazy look. You'll. I can't really talk about, like. Can't explain it without giving it away, but. It's a picture. But it. I can't. It's hard to say. It's sick, though. Then I got two sweaters coming out, but they're prints all over the front, all over the back.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

Like what? Like, very loud, but stupid tight. I'm excited for these dudes. They're gonna.

[B]

Yeah, they're gonna Zoomies around the website.

[A]

No, for the website. Because you're gonna drop Jeff's website. I was gonna do it for Zoomies. I pitched to them, and they're like, oh, try it out first. I'm like, yeah, because it's wild looking. Not, like, in a bad way. They're just like, you haven't dropped that yet. See if that works for your audience before we pick that up. Like, yeah, that's fine. I'll be the tester to see if it works at Zoomies. That's perfectly fine. Yeah, I'm excited. A lot of. A lot of new stuff coming with Zoomies, new drops. I'm trying to do six collections next year with them. Yeah, that's what they want to do. They talked. I talked to them last week, and I have a meeting next week to talk about all the accessories. So hopefully all those accessories you see at Zoomies will be pushed trees. Accessories. Yep. All over the wall, all the trays, all the. Every single thing you've seen there. All the bags, all the hats, the beanies, air freshener sticker packs. All. All of that little stuff. I want push. Just. Yeah, and it'll be like, I haven't seen that brand. Most people. I haven't seen this brand before. Oh, that's sick. Like. Yeah, I know.

[B]

Definitely need the air freshener for the car with the tree. I mean, it's perfect.

[A]

Yeah. I got a bunch of air freshers mocked up. And Homies for Life is finally trademarked. Took so long.

[B]

Jesus.

[A]

Yeah, took a while. Okay, on to the next.

[B]

That's all notes.

[A]

I got all the notes you got. All right. So did you have anything for the. I just spaced. I have to cut that out. I literally just spaced out for a while. Damn. I think. All right, cut that. Ready to go. All right. It's the last day of the year. Last solo episode of the year. This is the definition of Ranch City. It's been a while since we've done this.

[B]

Let us know who you want to see. We're getting. We're kind of regrouping with our guest wish list.

[A]

We got Be Real. Be Real coming for sure. I'll just say now we'll have. We have Dave Blunt's coming, but in a minute. They're doing some health stuff. Trying to get him in better shape right now. Nice to be healthier. And then we have Dave Blunts coming on. But I didn't know who he was until I saw him on Goblins thing. And the next morning, they dropped the next. This, like, the song that kind of made him the meme. The thing. I'm like, this is the guy that was just on Confidence podcast. And then I heard his music. Like, there's no way. And then my homie Nico, turns out he produces a lot of his music.

[B]

What is this music like?

[A]

Oh, my God. It's like satire. Damn deer. It's not what you expect. It's very, like, Gen Z. Very Gen Z.

[B]

But he's serious about his music. Or it's like a joke.

[A]

I think he's serious about it. But a lot of the lyrics he says are like, there's no way. That was a real lyric.

[B]

Gotcha.

[A]

You're messing around. There's nest. That's got to be. That was. That's for comedy. Right? Like this. There's just no way around some of it.

[B]

Is he a YouTuber too, or he just loves music?

[A]

I have no idea. It's just his music, as far as I know. And then we talked about him. We saw the green screen thing, which was hilarious. Yeah. So far, that's all we're gonna talk about. We don't have any more guests Exactly. Booked, but we have our wishlist coming up real quick. Leave it in the comments. My top five people I want to get right now that I want to talk to. I would love to get that guy, Mickey Mays on the. The gambler guy. He seems so wild and interesting. I don't know. I don't know. We need this. This. This giant giraffe. We need more room for this guy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Jesus. Yes. Guy. Mickey Mays. I want action Bronson on here.

[B]

It's tough. I was. We've had so many amazing people on.

[A]

And I. Jim Carrey.

[B]

Yeah. Okay. Has he ever done a podcast?

[A]

Yeah. Norms. Because he's hysterical. That's a. That's. That's. That's like a. We would love that type of thing. Like, Jim Carrey would be incredible. And honestly, one person I know our fans probably wouldn't care too much about. But that's the thing with our. With you guys. You guys, there's a certain purse type of person you guys want to see. Like, I could go get Brad Pitt tomorrow. I don't think you guys would give. I don't know if you guys would care. I'm gonna Be like talking about the movies and all this super sick stuff. Stuff I want to know about. But for some reason, our audience retention drops off big time when it's not somebody that does music that. With somebody with a personality hardcore. Because even actors don't do great. Certain comedians do great, but only ones that do stories.

[B]

Online personalities.

[A]

Online personalities do really well. And rappers are the worst in terms of. Not the worst. Like, the worst in terms of, like, retention. Because we look at the back end, like, damn, people just started leaving. They really don't care about rappers. That's crazy. But the person. I would love to get Sylvester Stallone on here and talk about a bunch of cool and how he gained 5 inches of height taking HGH.

[B]

I don't know about that.

[A]

He shaped all crazy.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

From the hgh. Yeah. I think those. That would be such a cool interview. Sit here and talk about some sick.

[B]

I mean, that's next. That's like you're naming these, like, iconic names. I mean, that is like the next level.

[A]

So cool, man. So sick that I had to invite my dad. Rambo was our.

[B]

Oh, I thought you said that. And your dad like him as a guest.

[A]

Oh, I think my. My dad said he would do it, so. Yeah, I'd do that one day. Let me know when, man. I'll wait. Give it like 5 months. See if he's still chilling. We still chilling.

[B]

Looks like he's doing great.

[A]

He just seems like he's doing good. So we'll see. And the other day, my. I FaceTime my dad, he had a beanie on and, like, he shaved his beard, like, when he was young. And he looked. I swear to God, if I just did this, like, oh, I'm 12 again. Like, oh, weird. Like, I haven't seen my dad look like that. So before there was FaceTime, he looked like he did when I was a kid. It was weird, dude. I don't know what happened, but damn. Well, you look healthy. Have you lost 20 years? As soon as you start being normal. Okay, so for the winners from last week's episode, check out Instagram, okay? Because it's the 31st. We're launching it today. Winners will be said today and the winners of Unrestricted, also, at the beginning, I'm like, unrestrict is fun. Unrestricted is cool. Now I'm like, oh, Unrestricted is awesome as hell. And it's where we can talk so much and not have to worry about anything. And we've been saying some horrible things. I needed to get it out, dude, because I Have these. And sometimes I say things like, yo, why are you going to say it? Just say, who cares? Sort of strict. I can say whatever. So unrestrict is like being on stage and no one's allowed to have their phone, but you can't say anything anyway. So I'm going to say horrible. I don't know what it is. Like, I'm so, so polite. But like, if, if you're like, let me turn it, can I, can I also, it's like I turned into Lewis Black. I just don't yell as much. I'm just. What else pissed me off? I don't know. It's really fun. But Unrestricted is really fun. Today was started off gruesome, started off wild.

[B]

Last week we did DMT and salvia trips, which we can't even say on this.

[A]

You have to bleep that. You literally have to bleep what you just said. What? The last title of the last episode on Unrestricted.

[B]

Go check that out.

[A]

That's not cool, dude. Okay, so last episode of the year, Rant City. Officially we're starting off next year. I'm excited. A lot of new stuff. I have to go to Mexico soon for a wedding. Yeah, soon for a wedding. Papers are coming soon. Push trees drops next week. The dopest is always doing what it's doing. It's. It's running great. What else, man?

[B]

Those in the super bowl looking like it might happen.

[A]

That'd be cool. Also, the clips are on the, on this channel now. What you Want to Do, 2024 and you can go watch all the videos from that year. 2023. Watch all the videos, clips, shorts. That's the categories on our channel now. That way. So if you click home, you'll see it all. But if you click videos, it'll have the timeline. A video, video clip, clip, clip, video video clip, clip, clip. But if you click the playlist like on the homepage, you can just watch everything from last year, everything from this year, all the shorts, all the clip. It's a lot more organized. So go ahead and check it out, guys. Thank you so much. We feel like real YouTubers, guys. We're finally, we're finally using it like.

[B]

How it wants to be utilized and paying attention to everything.

[A]

YouTube is going, yes, this is how you're supposed to do YouTube. Stop showing terrible things and saying hard things. Whatever else you're saying. Yeah, whatever else you're doing, you're saying, stop. We're like, no, we're not going to do that. But what if we Just bleeped a little sometimes.

[B]

We said all that on our own website.

[A]

Yeah, we'll say the horrible things on unrestricted and it's working perfectly. Thank you guys so much. We just dropped episode 17 yesterday, so thank you so much for that. We're going into the new year.

[B]

Wouldn't be happen if you guys weren't supporting it.

[A]

New year. I'm excited. I think that's it. I think that's it.

[B]

I'm feeling great. I'm feeling like we got this. This is right how you want to be feeling going into a new year. I feel.

[A]

Feel like I haven't taken my. I was in recess. I didn't take my shots. Magic minds. I wasn't on any of that. I feel so laggy.

[B]

I haven't been on my either. But I'm about to go full militant.

[A]

I ate so many bean cheese burritos. Emers said I haven't eaten cheese in so long. So I was first time I went back since eating cheese. I got to go to the spots I used to go to all the time. Oh my God.

[B]

Sick.

[A]

Oh my God. Burritos are so pop.

[B]

I saw you make that one thing. Whatever the dish you're making with the top down shot.

[A]

I made KFC bowls the other day.

[B]

That's what that was.

[A]

But no chicken. It was just mushroom.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Made the out of it. So we're getting back into. Into some stuff. I'm excited this year. I'm very, very stoked for this year. 2025, guys. Set some goals. I'm really stoked. You know what's crazy? Last January I made up. Remember I talked about from South Park Cannabilla buddies?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I thought about it about a week and a half ago. That was January. I forgot to update every month. How stupid. I should have done 12 of them and I did one.

[B]

That's how it goes. It's okay based on that.

[A]

Come on, man.

[B]

I forgot about that too.

[A]

I forgot about that. It's okay. I'm very more organized than I was this time last year. So it's okay. Hopefully this time next year I'm like jogging down the street like catch up Mario Lopez, you slow ass fool. And I'm just running by with gel. Saw out my hair. Oh, no.

[B]

He's the other media personality that can whoop your ass that we forgot about. We're talking about Rogan.

[A]

Thank you. Mario Lopez. George George Washington Lopez and George George Rogan. Why do I keep Joe Rogan and Mario Lopez can both fight and they both do media who wins in an MMA match.

[B]

Mario's way bigger than Joe.

[A]

Right, Joe.

[B]

Joe wins.

[A]

He's got straight nothing but muscle mass.

[B]

So does Mario.

[A]

Yeah, but he's got a different muscle mass. He's got a. I might be like, hoist Gracie on you. Or Joe Rogan is like, I'm gonna ground and pound.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And then break your arm if I can.

[B]

A little more vicious, more violent.

[A]

Marlope is like, I'm not gonna say a word, and I'm just gonna choke your ass out. I think Joe Rogan's got it, dude.

[B]

He's.

[A]

He's a. He's a ball.

[B]

He's got all those kicks and strikes. Yeah, yeah. Mario's not vicious.

[A]

No, he's.

[B]

He could be, but, like.

[A]

But Joe Rogan is in his. He's got deer meat in his teeth at all times. Like, he's, like, ready to go. There's enzymes of blood everywhere.

[B]

Mario's chilling his family on Tik Tok.

[A]

Yeah. Doing this chewing gum, dancing his ass off with a face of. This ain't every time. He's always like this chewing gum, dancing as if he was a. Like. But he is. He could. That's why it's like, damn, you're so cool if you're dancing. This kid like, that kid's gay as hell. Like, no, I'm not like, dancing. I'll never dance again. Marlon, call me what you want. I'm gonna be on TV one day.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They're like, call me whatever you want. I'm gonna dance with my hips harder then. That's why I think most dudes like, I'm not dancing, move my hips. Marlowe's like, don't worry. I'll do it for the world.

[B]

Pure ass. All these are gonna love this.

[A]

Yep. They're gonna love it. And they're like, she can dance. And he was chewing gum the whole time. He's too cool. And a toothpick. Yeah. Mario Lopez is Mexican. Fonzie. Here we go. Also, real quick, it's on Lifetime. Love Mara Lopez. But I. I saw a clip, and it made me laugh so damn hard. It's a. It's a movie starring. And it goes. Starring Mario Lopez as Colonel Sanders. There's a movie where Mario Lopez has whitish black hair, a mustache, and a goatee regularly ripped. He's playing Colonel Sanders. The Love Story. It's called A Recipe for Seduction. I'm not kidding, bro. I'm not kidding. And the whole time I. Every girl in the world's watching this. Every lady over 35 is like, yeah, Colonel Marlope. I swear to God, it's like he's like the opposite of Pepe Le Pew. It's like, oh, instead of he wants every girl, every girl wants this guy. He could be Colonel Sanders and they'd be like, yeah, love Colonel Sanders. Yo. I'm gonna show you the clip. It's incredible. Actually, you might want to just show a small clip maybe in the box or something. Or maybe just cut away to it for like 5 seconds. Cuz it's worth it to tell you something. We have a problem.

[B]

Secrets out, chicken man.

[A]

Who the hell are you? Harland Sanders, the new chef. Mario Lopez is Colonel Sanders. That's all I got to say. Let's end the show with that. All right.

[B]

I get juice every time I see Mario Lopez on the screen at the soccer game. This on the back of the plane screen when he was everywhere.

[A]

Everywhere. All right, let's get out of here. Yeah, it's the end of the year count of mil buddies. That starts next month and next. Oh yeah, next month. Because tomorrow's January. I won't forget.

[B]

If you feel like running a marathon this May or in February, have mar. No, we can let's.

[A]

Yourself up. Did you hear him? He just got four marathon runners. Go, hey, Marty, I live in Orange County. And then you're like, this guy tried to run 14 miles this morning at a pace of eight.

[B]

I mean, in like a live chat kind of way.

[A]

Marty's just gonna meet up with hulks of men like you said you wanted to run.

[B]

N. I can't.

[A]

No, I can't be around people.

[B]

Talk. I can't be around people. I'm a lone wolf almost.

[A]

Oh my God. Oh, well, let's end it with this. Marty son the other day asked Marty if he knew who David Goggins was. Because he watches David Goggins and thought Marty wasn't up on that.

[B]

Kinda. Well, that's what you told me. No, it's just he. He was quoting Goggins quotes and showing me the videos and like I hadn't seen it before.

[A]

Oh, like I hadn't seen it was that particular video. I thought you meant like he thought you. You didn't know who David Goggins was. He's from Buffalo.

[B]

Yeah, no, he. I put cam on to Goggins, never.

[A]

Mind video where can't.

[B]

Where he's. It's a one particular video where he goes, who's gonna carry the boats?

[A]

Oh yeah, and the logs while he's.

[B]

Like benching and he looks all demonic. And. And Cam was quoting that particular video.

[A]

They don't know me, son.

[B]

Good.

[A]

22. Who's gonna carry the boats and the logs? Who's one more to carry the boats? Thank you.

[B]

Yeah, you want to see. You want to look into the. The depths of a man's soul? Watch that video. I want to see Kennedy and Goggins boxing match, maybe. That'd be sick.

[A]

Is David Goggins a fighter, though? He's a Navy seal, but, like, is he, like, a boxer?

[B]

I think you gotta find a way to end Goggins.

[A]

Tim Kennedy's got that all day.

[B]

Yeah, that was a bad example.

[A]

But he's basically Wolverine.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, Kennedy's a horrible example.

[A]

Yeah, because he's like, oh, nice knee.

[B]

Yeah, I'm gonna chew through your throat.

[A]

That video makes me disgusted. Yeah, that making soup. Shit's nasty. Just by, like, the hair on his forearms. Not because he's hairy. Just like the hair on your forearms as you're choking somebody. Like, oh, who is this? Oh, dog, come on.

[B]

It's Tim Kennedy from the ufc. Is this smashing your face?

[A]

I play as you. This is.

[B]

Got my spinal fluid mixing in with my team.

[A]

Oh, Batman's beating my ass. I was just playing Dark Knight or Arkham Knight or whatever that dumbass game is. I don't like the Batman games. They're too complicated, man. I want to play Spider man and put fools in nets.

[B]

Damn. They should have gave him an extra little stat on his fight score of, like, murder kills.

[A]

Oh, and kills and kills.

[B]

Like death by Tim Kennedy's hands.

[A]

That's cool.

[B]

Go check out his new book.

[A]

I'm just trying to live, like, the scene of Pineapple Express like I talked to earlier. I don't want Tim Kennedy making soup in my life. I just. I just wanna. I just want to smoke joints with butterflies. And while being able to breathe, I'd.

[B]

Like to see him smoke somebody. That'd be nice.

[A]

And then me fight somebody. Yeah. We'll switch roles for the day.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

This is what you call making soup.

[B]

Tim Kennedy's got to take a Graham dab for the first time in his life he's never smoked weed before. And then fight you, David Goggins.

[A]

I'll do the half marathon, even though my back will be messed up. But you gotta dab with me all day.

[B]

That's fair.

[A]

There's a. There's a. There's a nice trade. No, that's too much for me. This is too much for me.

[B]

Come on.

[A]

No, my lungs will hurt my back hurts. Mile three, maybe even one 14 steps in. My back is hurt. So we'll continue, guys.

[B]

Goggins would rip them the dabber like a monster.

[A]

Yeah. All these guys would. I want to get high with Michael Phelps. I bet you his lung capacity. Crazy.

[B]

I don't really know anything about him at all. Swimmer, I mean, I know that.

[A]

That's it. All you know, he's an Olympic medalist, gold medalist like eight times over. And he can get highs. I'm like, I wonder what your bongs are hitting. The lungs are hitting the bong. I bet you he, he, he can look down on the six footer and rip it. He's that big.

[B]

Be a first. That's his regular one.

[A]

That's it. Yeah. That's his regular bong with his lurch arms. The blue guy from Space Jam. Like, that's. That's Michael Phelps. Hey, little guy. Exactly. All right. It's not an episode films reference, Space Jam or Forrest Gump. And it happened at the beginning and end of this episode. So let's get out of here. Shout out to Tony Hawk over there, making his life debut out of the box. Don't worry, bro. We gotcha. He's gonna be yellowed. That's how much we smoke in here. Tony Hawk.

[B]

The idea of that.

[A]

That's gonna be his name eventually. Damn. That was racist, but funny. Made me laugh inside. Oh, hold on real quick. No, I shouldn't show that. Damn it. Me and Marty were at this. We talked about it. I have a video of Marty, Marty mistake this female comedian for Jay Leno. And it was just the funniest thing I've ever seen in my. Is that Jay Leno? That's a female with blonde hair.

[B]

It's not a billboard at night.

[A]

A huge lit up billboard. Is that Jay Leno? No, it's the girl's name. That's right. Huge letters right next to her. Jay Leno's being beat up by the mafia right now.

[B]

Pre. MAFIA beat down Jay Leno.

[A]

Dude, dude. Jay Leno also caught a fire in his garage. We found out, remember, years before that.

[B]

Oh, yeah, he's been active.

[A]

Something's going on. Turns out he's got hella mistresses and they just. They beat his ass. You never know. I don't know. Maybe he's into that. You never know. He. He's just Fire Marshal Bill. We just don't know about it. That's Jay Leno. Could be Crimson Shin, Jay Leno, Mr. Incredible, Stan Smith, whatever else has a big ass chin. But that's Jay Leno. All right, let's get out of here. Over here. Talking about actual people. All right, guys, thank you so much. Thanks for being here. This is the last episode of the year. Have a good night. Do us a favor. Use Uber, walk on the sidewalk, use Lyft, call a taxi, phone a friend, all that. Don't drink and drive. Just don't drink and drive. You know, there's checkpoints. You know every cop in the world's gonna be out tonight going, who am I gonna get? Yes, they're gonna profile you. Yes, it's illegal and it's still getting a dui. You're not gonna be able to defend it. You gotta pay for the dui. Most of us. So don't be stupid and just be safe tonight. If you're gonna drink, just get a ride. Don't drink and drive. A lot of people are gonna crash tonight. A lot of people are gonna go to jail tonight. And did you know three felonies. I mean, three DUIs in California is a prison term. I don't know if people know that. If you get three DUIs is a sentence. I don't know how long it is. Some people don't know that. Things just DUIs. You go to jail, real jail for DUIs. Now just be safe. It's not worth it. You don't want to be listening to us through a. A smuggled phone in jail go down. I haven't been updated in months because, you know, New Year's Eve. I wanted to drink and drive. So just chill out, man. It's not that important. That party's not that sick. That bar's not that tight. And she really doesn't look like that. You're just faded. So don't drive home. I hope that made sense. And just bash the out of people. Whole fellas up. He doesn't really look like that dog. That's not really his car. Those are his homie shoes. That chain's fake. You don't really want to go home with him. So don't drink and drive.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

See, being unbiased here. I'm talking about both. I. I like the talking about guys better.

[B]

I have more easier.

[A]

Yeah, I have more by. You're not really the only girl he's talking to. What else? What else is he gonna say?

[B]

Socks are too low.

[A]

His thighs are small. I don't know what else. His socks are too low. If that's a thing for you, you're the type of. I ain't trying to be around anyway. Hey, fool. Low ass Socks, dog. No, thanks. Might be cool to hang out with, but not me. Marty, before we start just making everybody mad at us, let's just get out of here because Jay Leno hates us now.

[B]

Damn it, let's go.

[A]

Too bad we can't get a mafia friend. Can't get Jay Soprano over here.

[B]

I feel like we could get him on here for one.

[A]

Jay Leno's great. It's just the fact that he's getting extorted by the mafia. Scary. That's the first thing I could ask him. So out of all the cars, why did you walk to the place downhill in the middle of the night as a seven year old man fall in your face.

[B]

Why don't you walk off a cliff outside of a Hampton as a billionaire.

[A]

I say hampton is bro. When I had money when I was trapping because it's kind of nice. Not for a billionaire. All right, Jay Leno, have a good night. Once again, Will Smith. Step it up. Last thing of the year. Last time this year in a couple days. Cat Williams to change our podcast and said everything's going to change this year and it did. So what's gonna happen this year? I'm excited. The year of the truth. The year of growth. I don't know what else. I'm excited. Mario Lopez. Buffering. Let's call.

[B]

I'm buffering.

[A]

Buffering right now to get buff. That's my series going to be called buffering. Like what do you mean? Like I'm getting buffer or dog.

[B]

It's catchy.

[A]

Buffering. I like it. All right. Thank you guys for being here. Appreciate it. Let's get on out of here. Marty, thanks for being here.

[B]

Good year, guys. It's gonna be a good year.

[A]

Good year. Forbes, Zoomies, married.

[B]

Spotify.

[A]

Spotify. Top 10 creators of the year. Let's go. It's a great year. Last day of the year. Thank you guys for being here. Appreciate you. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. Is that it? You have anything else to say?

[B]

Appreciate you guys. You make it all possible.

[A]

Live switching very next episode. Very excited. Thank you for being here. From Marty and I. Thank you guys so much for being here. Thanks for leaving. Likes leaving notification bell subscribe. Make sure you still subscribe unrestricted. Thank you guys for signing up. We're. It's almost a thousand people now, which is really, really cool to see. So thank you guys so much for that. And I think that's it. Thank you for being here. Listen to this rant and listen to me stumble over words and yeah, I think we got a little too high mushrooms this year. A little too high this year. We had a couple solo, a couple smokeless episodes this year. Jake Johnson was this year telling his crazy ass story. We had Jeezy this year.

[B]

The guest list this year is ridiculous.

[A]

Mar Lopez this year at Bur we have Burner Part two coming back. Benny the Butcher this year. OT this year. Fluffy will sass. What a good year this year, dude. Okay.

[B]

Kicked off with Ken Flores 1.

[A]

Yep. Ending with Ken Flores too. All right, thank you guys for being here. This is the 2024 season. It's basically season three. So thank you guys so much. Thanks for being here. We appreciate you. Oh no, it would be going into season three, technically 21, 22. Oh, no, no, this is season three. I'm Burt. Heading into season four, 2025. Thank you for being here for Marty and I have a dope ass day from the dope as usual podcast. Goodbye. Be safe, drive careful, don't drink and drive. And I wish Hamburger Helper wasn't toxic, cuz I would eat that right now. Perfect, perfect, perfect.