Young, Wild, & Out of Control w/ Jack Jr

Summary

DOPE AS USUAL Podcast Episode Summary

Episode: "Young, Wild, & Out of Control w/ Jack Jr"

Hosts: Thomas "Dope as Yola" Araujo & Marty O’Neill
Guest: Jack Jr (comedian, entrepreneur)
Release Date: May 13, 2026

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Episode Overview

This energetic episode of the DOPE AS USUAL Podcast brings on stand-up comedian and hustler Jack Jr for a raucous, revealing, and often hilarious exploration of his life story, hustle-driven mindset, and brush with the dark side of nightlife and addiction. Hosts Thomas Araujo and Marty O’Neill prompt Jack to reflect on comedy, family, drugs, strip clubs, ethnic identity, fatherhood, health, and wild stories from years in Los Angeles.

Throughout, the tone is loose, authentic, and peppered with real talk, cultural observations, and unfiltered quips. There are few boundaries, but plenty of laughter, candid life lessons, and moments of unexpected depth.

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Key Discussion Points & Notable Moments

1. Introductions, Fatherhood & Generational Change

• Jack Jr immediately notes a chilled vibe, joking, "You guys are very stress free...there's no kids here" (00:48).
• The hosts discuss parenting teenagers, sexual orientation in today's youth, and generational attitudinal differences, referencing shows like Euphoria and their impact (01:10–01:43).
• Jack laughs about recognizing changes: "This generation coming up now, like, it could go either way” (01:36).

2. Armenian Identity, Stereotypes & Comedy

• Thomas and Jack riff on the Armenian community; Jack explains comedy is "new" to Armenians: "They're very serious people, bro" (03:51).

• Jack shares experience auditioning for Euphoria as ‘the Armenian villain’ (01:47–02:16).

• Delving into stereotypes and cultural differences between Armenians, Italians, and Mexicans: tracksuits, machismo, and business rivalries (04:36–05:13).

• Jack delivers a cultural lesson: “Armenians invented the ATM...the MRI machine...the coffee machine.” (07:21)

  • Thomas: “You're lying to me.”
  • Jack: “No, these are true...Armenians are inventors...That’s why Armenians are so good at scams...” (07:32–07:55)

• Jack educates the hosts on Armenian history and ongoing genocide issues.

  • “Turkey committed genocide against Armenians in 1915...We’re the first Christian nation.” (08:14–09:11)

3. Jack’s Upbringing & Multicultural Household

• Jack’s family speaks Spanish at home, reflecting a mixed Armenian-Latino background, and he describes his father's journey from Lebanon to LA (10:19–10:41).
• “My dad learned Spanish to hook up with my mom. My dad speaks seven languages...” (09:44–10:19)
• Recalls learning Armenian in school later in life and discusses language barriers in families (10:24–11:10).

4. Drugs, Hustle & Strip Club Chronicles

• Jack confesses he "skipped marijuana, went straight to cocaine after high school," sharing wild stories of his early drug use, including learning the art of selling by being his own best customer (12:20–15:00).

  • “I was never a weed guy. I was a cocaine guy.” (12:15)

• Describes night jobs to support standup: “So I was a strip club DJ...Did that four years, I worked everywhere, Deja Vu, Godfather...” (16:09–16:26).

• Shocking strip club story: a jealous customer kills another on the floor— "He slits his throat on the…while he's like this...That's the freaking story I heard." (18:34)

• Paints nightlife as “dark,” sharing how he protected dancers due to lack of real security (17:23).

• Balancing hustles: Jack parlayed “dirty money” into opening his own cellphone store and business ventures (20:35–20:55).

5. Romance, Marriage, & a Wild Period

• Discusses relationships, breakups, fatherhood, divorce:
  • “I went straight...then I’m like, enough of this being this nice boy, gonna be a badass...that's what girls want. Nice guys finish last, I'm gonna be a piece of sh–” (21:37–22:03)
• Admits drugs and strip club life spun him out, but comedy "saved my life” (22:24).

6. Business Mindset & Amazon Hustles

• An explanation of Amazon drop shipping, leveraging supply and demand for passive income (23:12–24:26).
  • Thomas: “Amazon drop shipping is the number one thing I did not know existed.” (24:12)
• A candid discussion about work stress, running multiple hustles, and the appeal (and pitfalls) of seeking “shortcuts.” (24:56–25:40)

7. Personal Health, Weight, and Getting Back on Track

• Jack and Thomas riff about weight gain, vegan pitfalls, American diet, and vitamins (37:04–38:10).
• Interplays health with motivation to get back to the gym— "When I saw your video, you motivated the hell out of me, bro." (39:16–39:20)
• Both share stories about chronic back pain from car accidents and the impacts on lifestyle (39:29–39:41).
• Hilarious exchange about sleep schedules and the toll of the hustle: “I wish I could fall asleep like you don’t smoke weed, just go straight to sleep. That’s incredible.” (122:09)

8. Parenting, Fears & Legacy

• Thomas’s anxieties about having kids— "My greatest fear...what if my kid sucks?" (33:04)
• Jack offers: "You're gonna hate your kids no matter what. You love your kids, but then they disappoint you a lot." (33:53)

9. Food, Culture, and Poverty

• The hosts and Jack compare favorite foods, “boring” eating habits, and growing up on simple meals due to poverty (44:00).
  • Jack: “We ate that because...when you’re poor. We didn’t have anything growing up.” (45:55)
• Comic observations on vegetarianism, Mexican and Armenian food traditions, and the humble bean and cheese burrito (44:09–46:14).

10. Comedy & Professional Turning Points

• Jack’s origin story:
  • After hitting rock bottom, considering suicide, his dad suggested the open mic, starting his standup career (61:09–61:21).
  • First joke: confusion between ‘running lines’ (acting) vs. cocaine lines.
• Recounts surviving an accidental meth experience: “I did meth by accident.” (60:19–60:21)
• Details the impact of COVID on comedy, and a pivotal Dubai show leading to sobriety; loss of friends to fentanyl-fueled overdoses:
  • “My buddy Rico goes, jack, I came here to tell you that we’re proud of you...Go home...They go out, they get a bag and they die...Saved my life.” (75:33–75:45)

11. Observations on American Culture: Media, Movies, and Childhood

• Deep dive into favorite movies (52:00+):
  • Jack: "Three Amigos", "Godfather 2", "Blood In Blood Out"
  • Thomas: "Truman Show", "Forrest Gump", "American Beauty"
• Comic riffs on why certain films mean so much, and the problem with modern roasts and award shows:
  • "It wasn’t a roast. It was a podcast...the guy getting roasted should not be able to commentate with a microphone the whole time." (65:41–65:54)
• Explores childhood influences, cartoons (Gummy Bears!), multicultural music, and memories of catching late-night Spice Channel and Howard Stern on TV (86:59–91:07).

12. Comedic Dangers, Fans, and Wild Encounters

• Jack and Thomas swap stories about outrageous fan encounters—like being approached at the urinal (94:33–95:14) or fans overstaying their welcome at strip clubs (96:02–97:07).

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Notable Quotes & Time Stamps

• On Armenians in Comedy:
  "Comedy with Armenians is new...they're very serious people, bro." — Jack Jr (03:46)
• On Hustle:
  "I went from, like, street hustling to freaking owning my own business." — Jack Jr (20:43)
• On Surviving Addiction:
  "My buddy Rico goes, Jack, I came here to tell you that we're proud of you...Go home...they get a bag, and they die." — Jack Jr (75:33–75:45)
• On Fatherhood Fears:
  "I'd rather be gay than lame. For sure...You can take a dick, but not a joke." — Thomas (34:19–34:41)
• On the Dark Side of Strip Clubs:
  "People think it's a cool job, you're working with naked girls...No, it's not." — Jack Jr (19:47)
• On Cultural Crossover:
  "Armenians and Mexicans are very similar...religious, family people, hustlers..." — Jack Jr (09:14–09:21)
• On Weight & Health:
  "Vegan got you fat?...I ate more bread and cheese...I'm an American, so I eat like shit." — Thomas (37:08–37:29)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Intro/Parenting Generational Gap: 00:15–01:43
• Armenian Comedy, Stereotypes, & History: 03:12–09:21
• Jack Jr’s Family & Multi-Cultural Upbringing: 09:31–11:10
• Drugs & Strip Club Hustle: 12:20–20:55
• Business Transitions & Amazon Drop Shipping: 23:12–24:56
• Personal Health, Weight, and Gym Talk: 37:04–39:41
• Sobriety & Near-Death Experiences, Fentanyl Crisis: 75:33–79:16
• Comedy Origin & First Jokes: 61:10–62:46
• Food, Poverty, and Upbringing: 44:00–46:14
• Movie Discussion & Roast Debrief: 52:00–72:25
• Fan Stories & Strip Club Weirdness: 93:43–96:58

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Final Notes

• Jack Jr and Thomas have strong chemistry, blending streetwise wisdom, brutal honesty, and cultural pride.
• The episode is a true "hang"—conversational, uncensored, packed with humor, dark stories, and solidarity.
• Jack Jr’s journey is a testament to resilience—moving from addiction and nightlife to a successful career in comedy, fatherhood, and business.

Catch Jack Jr on tour (jackjrcomic.com), and keep up with the hosts for more wild stories and unique perspectives on DOPE AS USUAL.

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[End of summary]

Transcript

[A]

Oh, you can.

[B]

Perfect. Perfect,

[A]

Perfect, Perfect. What's up, everybody? Welcome back to the Dope as usual podcast. My name is Thomas Dopas. Yolo, whatever you want to call me. This is my co host, Marty o'. Neal.

[C]

What's up, guys?

[A]

So, sup, guys? We're back. We're here to talk about life, drugs, problems, accomplishments, and everything in between. And today we have a special guest. You may have seen him seen on my Instagram a lot lately or just scrolling and seeing ridiculous clips on the Internet. Welcome comedian Jack Jr. Yeah, man. What's up?

[B]

What up, man?

[A]

What's up, dude?

[B]

I'm chilling, man. I'm trying to get at your guys's level, bro.

[A]

Hi. Hi.

[B]

You guys are very stress free. When I walked in here, everyone seems so happy and chill and you have a lot going on.

[A]

There's no kids here.

[B]

There's no kids here.

[A]

Marty has three children. But not here. Not.

[C]

They're damn sure not here.

[B]

That's why you work overtime, huh?

[A]

Look how happy he is right now. He's smiling. We're 30 seconds in, dude. Wait, what's. What's the oldest you have again?

[B]

I have a 21 year old.

[A]

That's right. 21.

[B]

21 year old.

[A]

17.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, 17.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

Tough age. 17, 16, 17. Not for me.

[C]

I'm like, all right, we'll see you later.

[B]

Oh, really? Yeah, I'm going through with the. They have girlfriends now.

[A]

They're. Yeah, you two, you're going through that too?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Marty's daughter's gay, so I thought I'd just throw that girlfriends now. What happened? Is it Marty daughter's gay.

[B]

Oh, your daughter's going through. That's what. That was my next thing, like, how do you know? Like, when my son's like, I'm seeing someone and I was like, boy or girl? You know, like.

[A]

Or both.

[B]

Yeah, that's cool, man.

[C]

Yeah, I could go. This generation coming up now, like, it could go either way.

[B]

Euphoria, right?

[A]

Euphoria made every girl go, I think I'm curious. Like, you're just bored.

[B]

I actually auditioned for the new season for the villain. They wanted an Armenian guy and I auditioned for that character for Nas. It's out right now. My buddy Jack. God, another Jack.

[A]

No.

[B]

Yeah. Sorry to God.

[A]

How random.

[B]

How random.

[A]

Do they want you to cut your hair?

[B]

So they. They wanted an Armenian of mafia kind of guy. So I slick back my hair. I'll send you the clip. I audition. I have my. I have my chest hair out. I have my chain. I'M like, I am Nazim. I do the whole thing. Oh, I didn't get it. But I wanted you scared America too much.

[A]

Like, that's afraid of, right?

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

But even though you didn't speak whatever the. They blew up the Twin Towers with, that's all I can hear as an American. Oh, as soon as I, like, spit's gonna come up like those bomb. Yo, I gotta remember real quick. Real quick. Yeah, I've talked about it on here.

[B]

Yeah, I did.

[A]

Really? Really. I. To me, I did terrible one time in Downey, and I'm like, oh. On stage, I'm like, this sucks at Bessel. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. The owner's Armenian.

[A]

Oh, okay. I did it with the demographic. When I walked in, everybody looked like the tree from Pocahontas. They were all old as. Really all old grandmas in the crowd. I went, you guys hate me. Another time is when I did all our meeting crowd at the bar with you, and I went, this is not going good. And then the other day, I didn't even talk about it at the Netflix as a joke. Like, it went okay. Not like I wanted to, but Sacramento. I'm like, yes, it went great.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Comics were. Oh, great.

[B]

And then.

[A]

What is it about Armenians? They don't like me, dude. They don't like me. I promise you, they don't with me.

[B]

No second. I speak like, no, no, no.

[A]

What is it?

[B]

They like you. I like you, man. You're a good guy.

[A]

Well, you're half Mexican, man. Maybe that's why. Dude, other half's not with me. No, for real. I need inside information. I went up at the bar with you. I talked about comedians for a minute, 20 seconds. They were like, ha. Oh, it's going to go good. And then I started talking about. Not that and that.

[B]

Yeah. They're like, wait.

[A]

Guys stared me down.

[B]

They're just trying to figure out. They're waiting for, like, they're just. I think comedy with Armen is new.

[A]

It's new.

[B]

It's.

[A]

Oh, AR is very.

[B]

They're very serious people, bro. They're very, very serious people.

[A]

Unless they're in a group smoking and they're laughing their asses off. Yeah, that too. All my neigh. And we come. Hello.

[B]

Stand up. Stand up. Yeah. If you notice, they're always. They're always angry. I do joke about this, too. Like, the. I feel like our culture is. They're a lot very angry because they're wearing all black. And you know, when you're out in

[A]

the sun, it's hot.

[B]

Hot. So when you're hot, you're irritated, you're sweating, you're in a bad mood.

[A]

Small.

[B]

You smell, you're just kind of irritated. That's what they're kind of angry scam.

[A]

Didn't go through. Pissed. There you go.

[B]

Something.

[A]

Yeah, See, that's all I know about them, dude. I know that they love to get hair plugs. They love cigarettes and smoking them. Yeah, that's all I know about them.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What do you know about Armenians?

[C]

They got some sick ass cars.

[A]

And that's true.

[C]

Adidas tracksuits and like that.

[B]

Very close to the Italian culture. Yeah, very close. Very manly machismo. Like. Yes.

[A]

You know, and me. And then you don't like that, dude,

[B]

they're like, why, what are you doing here? Or they might be mad that you have that you're. You're like right next to them. Yeah, you're built. Your business is right next to their business.

[A]

We're the only ones in this entire block are not Mexicans, except for the fools looking for work. So there you go.

[B]

That's what I'm saying. They're like, why is Jose have the same car as me, you know? And your car is. Your car is amazing.

[A]

They feel threatened by you, maybe.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. It's a very nice car. He's the reason why. You know what's crazy? So he pulled up in my show. Can I say what kind of car you have?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. So he pulled up in a Maybach, right? And it's so funny. The owner of the club goes, jack, can you move your car? I'm like, my car's not even here. And it was. And he. It was his car.

[A]

I was in a parking space.

[B]

He. It wasn't a parking space. That wasn't a parking space. That was the back of the club. And at the Bell Flower Club in Bell Flower.

[A]

Oh, John told me to park there.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Long story short. Long story short, two days later I went and got a Mercedes.

[A]

Like, I was just like the most Armenian ever.

[B]

I go, hey, man, you motivated me. I want to go to Mercedes. I was driving a Kia for a while and I just felt really like

[A]

I was stepping up a little bit. And it's not even like, oh, this is better. It's more like the little kid in me is like, oh, yeah. That's all it is.

[B]

It felt amazing. Honestly, the Mercedes, I just. It felt. It feels. Feels great.

[A]

You're 60, 40, automated now.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It went up. The stock. The stock went up for real. And the AMG, they're like, oh, 65, 35.

[A]

No, dude, I used to. I had my white Honda here for, like, the first two years I lived here. Cops constantly staring at me. People. And like, almost like, what the. And as soon as you or any of these cars, they're like, oh, you're on me.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, you're okay. Yeah, it's what the. People look at you differently, man.

[A]

No, just here. Oh, here. Just in Glendale. Mervyn. Dude, just like, I don't have a cigarette for you, man. Armenians, they have a very. A tone of like, old, mean grandpa. Yeah, like, you working? No, like, it's like, dude, that's how I feel with them, man. I need to learn some more stuff already. Mexicans love to have kids.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Stereotypical lazy. Because they're not. Where the. Did that come from? Don't get it.

[B]

No, Mexicans are definitely not lazy.

[A]

Where the did that stereotype come from?

[B]

No.

[A]

Ever. I don't get it.

[B]

I don't understand what ethnicity is.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I'm, like, lazy American.

[A]

Doesn't matter what color you are. America's pretty lazy.

[B]

I would pre agree with that.

[A]

What are some stereotypes about Armenians that only in Armenia would know so I could talk to these guys?

[B]

You know what? Let me tell you some good stereotypes. Good. Some good things Armenians have done. Armenians invented the atm. Armenians invented the MRI machine. Armenians invented the coffee machine.

[A]

And lies. You're lying to me.

[B]

Okay. No, these are true also fibs. Armenians invented. Dude, we invented some, like. Some, like, really serious stuff.

[A]

Quick coffee, quick money, quick scans of your body. Everything's a shortcut. Shortcut. Shortcut.

[B]

Yeah. And I. I had the joke. I do. Is, like, the reason why they built the. All the army has built the MRI machine was to get the personal injury case more money fast.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Armenians are inventors. That's why they're so good. That's why I think that Armenians are so good at scams, because we are really good at inventing. And they have the Soviet Union mindset because we were only. We were only, like, allowed this much money a month. This. You know, it's communism.

[A]

You got to remember, we're in America. Pretend this is Armenia.

[B]

So that's what I'm saying.

[A]

Where's the rest of the world to that? What's next to Armenia?

[B]

So Armenia is in the caucuses. It's surrounded by two other countries, Muslim countries that are trying to kill us right now, like, till. Till today.

[A]

So that's why Sacramento didn't really, like, my Middle Eastern blow. Up.

[B]

So, like, you know, like, what's happening in Israel and Palestine right now?

[A]

Barely, but go ahead.

[B]

So there's a genocide beef. There's a genocide. Yeah, okay, I know we were going to talk about that, but we're talking about.

[A]

I was joking. So what are we going to talk about? The genocide. I was joking, man, but keep going. Go ahead.

[B]

So tur. Turkey is. Committed genocide. Turkey committed genocide against Armenians in 1915. And the neighbors. Aer b John. They committed a genocide. Right now. It's going on right now. It's been going on since 20 Aer B John.

[A]

I think with me.

[B]

No, no, it's. Yeah. So these two countries hate Armenians and this because they're Muslim countries and we're Christians. We're the first Christian nation. And we have been there. And. And they're trying to get us out. They're trying to annihilate us. That's why I've been using my platform to talk about Armenians, because Armenians and Mexicans are very, very, very similar. We're both very religious, very. We're family people. We're good people. We're hustlers, and we work together in prison and outside of prison. Yeah.

[A]

I just learned more than I ever had at school.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Hella education.

[A]

You guys are like the Mexicans. You've very forgotten about because I don't. I don't. I've never learned about you ever in my life. Ever.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like right now. Ready? What's one thing you know about Armenians? Nothing. Before I moved here. Shavo.

[B]

I know.

[A]

I'm like, what's Armenian? He goes, from Armenia. Oh, that's how I found out.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I didn't know nothing.

[B]

Yeah. I don't think I felt. When I lived here my whole life. My, my. We spoke Spanish at home. I didn't speak army until, like, I was in third grade. My dad learned Spanish to hook up with my mom. My dad speaks seven languages. My dad left Beirut, Lebanon, came here, learned the language, learned Spanish. He says he till his day does this joke. He goes, you know, speak Spanish. But I'll say in Spanish first. Which basically means if you don't speak Spanish, go back to your country. So my dad learned Spanish. Go back to your country in la.

[A]

Oh, in America. Like, what the is.

[B]

No, no, no. So what do you think?

[A]

What the we. Okay.

[B]

So he came here, he learned Spanish, he met my mom, he spoke Spanish there. They hooked up, we started a family. Come to find out we're speaking Spanish at home. And then. Then my dad goes, you know, you're Armenian too. And I was like. So my dad put me in Armenian school and I learned Armenian and that's how I learned about the culture.

[A]

Damn. He hid that.

[B]

They didn't hit it. He just didn't speak it. He wasn't, he wasn't speaking at home because my mom didn't speak Armenian and all my Armenian family was back home in Armenia.

[A]

Did your mom ever learn?

[B]

My mom understands a little bit. A little bit. It's not an easy language. Together a long time.

[A]

I'm 41 years, one sided in the language department. This will learn a whole thing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Just to be like, hey, I like you. She's like, hey, I've been with you for 40 years. I don't know anything you're talking about. That's crazy. No.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's like my stepmom pretends she'll know Spanish. I mean English. She's been here for 25 years. You don't know. How'd you get through the store?

[B]

Yeah, how'd you.

[A]

Yeah, how'd you get. How'd you get your life?

[B]

It's amazing though.

[A]

You're a liar. Just say you don't want to talk to me. Yeah, just say, dude. Okay. So you grew up here in la, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then you said, you told me you've been doing comedy for almost 17, 18 years.

[B]

Comedy years. Se. 17 years. Are you guys smoking?

[A]

Yeah, I have a clip. I have a clip. Cuz he's a smoke.

[B]

I just almost go, am I giggly right now?

[A]

This man got the joint and went from that far away and went, oh, and got high for two days straight, bro. I swear to God. You saw the cherry light up somehow from this far. I went, oh, you hit it. And then he just.

[B]

And then I go, I go, I'm going to call an Uber. And I called an Uber and I literally went straight to the vending machine in my hotel.

[C]

This a tight move.

[A]

Yeah, he doesn't really smoke. So I'm like, oh, you're going to hit this joint.

[B]

I was never a weed guy. I was a cocaine guy.

[A]

Me too. Yeah, I love all drugs. I.

[B]

But I, I skipped, I skipped marijuana. I went straight to cocaine after high school.

[A]

What age? Oh, after school. Oh, you're a good kid. What were you like at school?

[B]

I was a sports guy. I was playing basketball.

[A]

Football.

[B]

I was, I was an athlete. I was athlete, you know, I was athlete. Trying to get girls. That's all I was trying to do. I was drinking a lot in high school. I was drinking a lot in High school. Yeah, I was a jock, but I guess kind of a jack, Jack. Jock. Jock.

[A]

I like it.

[B]

So yeah, then. And then like when I was like 19 years old, I was like, I was just being, you know, reckless and I never really liked weed. I never liked downers. I'm more of a upper kind of guy. And one night some girls like, I want you to snort this and then I want you to out of me. And I was like, okay, got you. And that was it. That was the first time got turned out then I was like from a hot chick. Not college. I was high school after high school, but I didn't go to college. So I guess. Yeah, college, College years.

[A]

Yeah, college years.

[B]

College years. I went to school.

[A]

I went to college for five years to a two year.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Never graduated.

[B]

Yeah, me.

[A]

So I. I went to college too. I went to college.

[B]

I went to college parties. The first time I actually went to university, I got paid for it. To do standup?

[A]

No. Yeah.

[B]

That's an opening joke. I'm like, it's crazy to actually apply to this school. I'm just kidding.

[A]

Okay, so you're a good kid, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You dabble in the drugs.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you remember the first time you ever bought a sack yourself? A sack of coke?

[B]

Yeah, yeah. You remember it? Totally.

[A]

How, how, how?

[B]

I was terrified. I was terrified.

[A]

Six. Yeah, that's enough, right? Here's your money. I didn't know what the. I was buying. I was 13 or 14 left.

[B]

Damn, Graham. Yeah, I remember like you want a te? Oh, like a te.

[A]

That meaner 10 you want?

[B]

Yeah. Do you want a. You want a. An eight ball? What do you want? And I was just like, God, I just want. I just want one ball. I don't want.

[A]

I would have scam the out of you, dude. I just want one. I'll take one crack wrap.

[B]

Yeah, totally. It was like at that point and the, and with. With. Did you buy it off of Mexican?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Probably the problem with that was I was buying. Cuz when you do cocaine, you know how it is, you do one bump and it's like you want to do another one every 10 minutes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I think by the time I. I was hurting the car going, you know, doing it with a girl and, and we wanted another one and another one, another one. So I kept going back to the guy, like, like six months almost, right. The guy goes, hey man, a bigger. He goes, why don't I give you this? And he made me like a distributor, but I was only selling it to myself. He made me a.

[C]

He was.

[B]

I'm front you a brick. Yeah, exactly.

[A]

Over the course of the month, said,

[B]

and the worst is that now you have. Now you have. You went from this thing to this thing, and you're just like, what are

[A]

you doing with your life?

[B]

And then, then you became the guy to yourself.

[A]

I'm the man.

[B]

I remember one time, I remember one time someone was like, hey, Megan, you can. Can you call your guy? I called myself. I was like, walked around, I'll be right there.

[A]

Oh, yes. I started selling weed. Yeah, it's exactly like. I'll go get it from him. I went to the bathroom, broke it down, came back, he said, he's almost out. And that's exactly how it started. Yeah, but like, when you get a sack that big, it's like when you go to football practice, they're like, hey, sell this box of chocolate. Yeah, kid, don't eat it all. And then you have to pay for it all. That's exactly what would happen if you give me a brick.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Or.

[B]

I was very organized. At one point I would take. I'm like, okay, I need to sell this to pay for this. The profit.

[A]

You know what I mean? So good. You're good at business.

[B]

I used to text people like, hey, it's a blowout sale. Like, you know, I was literally like, same. Yeah. I'm like, hey, I'm going to be gone all weekend. I'm going to be gone all weekend. So if you need to pick up, get it right now. I was doing so. And I only had like 10, 15 customers and I trusted all of them.

[A]

Sound like me. Sound like me.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I used to have a couch outside my house. I would leave sack 10 sacks on this side, ounces on this side, eights. Never got robbed, dude.

[B]

It was. It was. It helped me through for comedy. When I first started doing comedy, like, I was. So I was strip club. I was a strip club dj. Yeah, I did that right here on the cross street.

[A]

Oh, for real?

[B]

Right there.

[A]

No way.

[B]

I worked there in 2000. Oh, 456-720-04525. Yeah, like three, four years. I worked there. I worked at Godfather, I worked at Nicola, I worked at.

[A]

Wait, isn't that east la?

[B]

I worked at all of them, bro. I worked at. There was a. A club called Godfather in on Seda. I worked at the one here. I worked a lot of them, man. I was at Deja Vu for a little bit. I was at. Yeah, that's right, guys in the main stage. That's Diamond. Oh, hell yeah.

[C]

Pre recording.

[B]

Two for one, two for fun. Get her done.

[A]

Two for one, two for fun. I went to Deja Vu. And now that it's gone, I can say this. They don't sell alcohol or. Right?

[B]

None of them.

[A]

So I went there, I get a lemonade. Cuz I'm like, sucks $25. I tip the girl. I'm like, you know what? I just got here. It's cool, it's lemonade. I gave it to my wife, she drank it in 20 minutes. She's, oh, flopping, starting to throw up, can't remember. I'm like, what the has happened? We went home, she don't remember anything of the night.

[B]

They put G in her drink.

[A]

It was for me, that little.

[B]

Trying to get you high. Could you.

[A]

I gave her ten dollars on a fucking lemonade, bro. Here's ten bucks.

[B]

Lemonade, dude.

[A]

She tried to get me. What a bitch, man.

[B]

But that, that lifestyle, man. It's freaking dark, man. I've seen some dark stuff. I've had throwing people out over here. Like, I remember one guy was like hating one of the girls, and there wasn't really security with just some freaking old Armenian guy in the front smoking a cigarette. So, like, I would have to protect the girl because essentially these girls are what make me money.

[A]

Yeah, they have to tip you.

[B]

So they tip me. So I'm protecting these girls. I make security. I walk into their car, I'm doing everything I had to throw some guy, I put him in. I put him in a headlock and threw him out. And apparently that guy knew another guy and they knew the owner. And then I got in trouble. I got. They moved me from that club. They fired me, but they didn't fire me. They moved me to the one in Canoga Park.

[A]

He's allowed to choke her. Yeah, but get out of here.

[B]

I was defending the girl. You know, I've. There's been nightmare stories. You know, I hear a crazy story. I wasn't working at some. But another DJ told me that because these customers get obsessed with these girls. They get obsessed. Like, that's my girl. They visit her every day. They. They're obsessed, right? So this is the story I heard. The DJ was, blah, blah. There was a girl. There was a girl on stage that was his customer, some Russian guy in the back, right? And he was in the back and this college kid came in or just something. He just ran into a bunch of money. I don't know if it was college or something.

[A]

Some.

[B]

He had a lot of Money. He came in and he just starts tipping her, tipping her, tipping her, tipping her. And she just. He's like, in love with her. Just throwing hundreds, a lot of money. The other guy gets jealous, he kills him. He slits his throat on the. On the freaking thing. On. On. While he's like this. He's so psycho over this girl, he kills him. That's the freaking. That's the story I heard. I don't know what strip club was, but I heard that story from another. From another dj.

[A]

I totally. I totally believe it.

[B]

Yeah, people are weird, bro. It's wild.

[A]

So how do you get the knife in there, bro?

[B]

These. Some of these places. I don't. Freaking. I know.

[A]

That's crazy, right? Yeah, because, like, I talked about, like, strip clubs that sell food is weird to me.

[C]

Food?

[B]

Yeah. Like, you know who had good food? The rouge on Raymer. I don't know if it's still there. My buddy DJ. My buddy Eli DJ'd there and they had a dead beautiful steak. It was amazing.

[A]

You shouldn't give out fool's knives when they're drunk.

[B]

Oh, I didn't even think about that. Yeah, see.

[A]

Hey, what's up, girl? You don't like me? What do you think is gonna happen, bro? This is jealous of another dude going, hey, you're paying her bills, you.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, man. It's crazy.

[A]

I imagine the big Russian henchman with a bald head did it.

[B]

But you know what's crazy? People think it's like, oh, that's such a cool job. You're working with naked girls.

[A]

No, it's.

[B]

You know, it's not. You know why?

[A]

Because your boyfriends are outside.

[B]

Not even that. They're just like. They're gross. Like, they're like.

[A]

They're like, babe, do you see in the string?

[B]

Can you see they're showing me their. Like. Like, does it, like. Because they're on their period. I know why some girls pregnant. I know why some girl's pregnant on stage and giving two for ones for real. Oh, it's just a wild life, bro. I did that for a while. And that paid comedy that. I did that at night for three, four days. And then I would be able to go do comedy shows, you know, because I wasn't working. I was. I was selling and I was DJing. That's all I was doing. Before that, I was working at T Mobile as a T Mobile rep. So basically, I did that. I DJed, I hustled, I grinded, I got all my money together. I opened up all that Dirty money I turned into a positive. I opened up my own cell phone store in the Gullah Galleria, and I had Verizon kiosk in front of JCPenney.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

2008, 2009, 2010. And I had a thing called gadget guard where I did a. When the iPhone came out. Yeah, scratch proof things, bro. I was. I went from, like, street hustling to freaking owning my own business. Did all that. Got married, had a kid, divorced. I'm freaking now I'm crazy again. She took all my money, and I went crazy, and I started doing comedy.

[A]

Yeah, you got married. You told me the other day. We broke up for a long time. Then we got back together. This is the same.

[B]

Oh, different girls.

[A]

So the first one's in Modesto?

[B]

No, no, no. So the one I'm with right now. Phoebe.

[A]

No, no, the first one. We have your first married.

[B]

My marriage was in. In 2009 with Maria. She. We. We were together. She's. She lived here. No, we. And then she lives in Modesto now.

[A]

Okay. And that's your oldest son?

[B]

Yeah, she's. She's the only one I have a kid with. She. She's the first kid I had a kid. But before her, I was with Phoebe. We were together from, like. So I went from, like, I was

[A]

it to get with somebody, break up with them, have a child, go another life and go, I forgot. Yeah, we used to be together. Let's go back together.

[B]

It was because it was like, she was always the one. She was always a woman. Like, well, I was always a good person when I was with her. When we broke up the first time, I went cuckoo. I started DJing. Strip club, drugs I thought I took. I went a little crazy because I was a good boy. I was a nice boy. I had a job 9 to 5, took care of her. You know, I went straight. And then I'm like, all right, enough of this being. This nice boy going to be a badass. I'm going to be a dick. I'm. That's what girls want. Nice guys finish last. I'm going to be a piece of.

[A]

Shut up.

[B]

You know? You know, talk. You know what I'm talking about.

[A]

Come to my house.

[B]

Yeah. Come here. Show my day. You know what I'm saying?

[A]

Okay. Okay.

[B]

So I went. I went, like, the bad, badass route for a while, and then I was just being active. It wasn't me. You know, thank God nothing crazy happened. But I did that life for a while. I was on drugs, drinking, sex every night. Threesomes. Like, been with tons of girls.

[A]

Oh, so.

[B]

So city.

[A]

Oh, man.

[B]

You can't get it up.

[A]

I'm DJing twice a night, man.

[B]

Yeah, I'm just seeing naked girls all night, bro. It sucks. But, yeah, I did that. And then comedy lives will save my life, bro. I got. It's just been awesome. And that's why, like, when I asked you to come work with me, it's like, I see a lot of myself in you. Like, you're. I said. When you told me you had a bunch of businesses, I'm like, oh, man, I used to do that.

[A]

Yeah. I didn't know that's what you used to do. So I get it now. Yeah.

[B]

When. That's why I was like, amazing. I saw your warehouse. I'm like, oh, this is. This is like, kind of what I still want to do is I want to open a pot. I want to. I'm always thinking about. I always like meeting people that either I can help or they can help me, or we can grow together or something like that. And I.

[A]

We're just seeing avenues. You're like, that's an avenue. Yeah. And you. Can you do that?

[B]

Yeah, it's sick.

[A]

Like, yeah.

[B]

Marijuana papers, right?

[A]

What's it called? Yeah. Oh, proper papers.

[B]

Just.

[A]

Just regular papers.

[B]

Freaking awesome.

[A]

Yeah, it's sick.

[B]

That's. So.

[A]

There's so many different avenues with weed. But, like, when I see people start up anything or like, you ever seen Amazon drop shipping?

[B]

No.

[A]

If you don't know what to do with your life, look up Amazon drop.

[B]

Oh, yeah, you become a driver, right?

[A]

No. Amazon dropship. This is what my homie does. You got a warehouse. Have you ever ordered something from Amazon? Listen, you ever ordered something from Amazon and you get it. You're like, it's not an Amazon box that orders from Amazon.

[B]

What the.

[A]

It's because now Amazon only has 10,000 TVs, and once they sell out of those TVs, they go, hey, guy, you have 5,000 TVs. We'll take half your revenue. But we want to buy them all so we can sell them on Amazon because we have 500 orders now. And they go, yeah, that's an Amazon drop shipper. So you go, I know these phones are gonna pop. I got 50,000. Amazon sold out. They need 49,000. Yeah, I just sold 49,000. My homie works once a week. He comes in, lets the workers in, go. We have this many orders, done. Goes back home. Wow, I didn't know that Amazon drop shipping is the number one Thing I did not know existed.

[B]

My. So that's crazy. My, my friend does Amazon. She has, like, trucks.

[A]

She has a warehouse.

[B]

Yeah, she does that.

[A]

That's Amazon drop shipping.

[B]

Is that what it is?

[A]

Isn't it amazing?

[B]

Like, she has a whole warehouse of different. Of different.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

Because that was that what the same thing is.

[A]

That's exact. Because Amazon will run out and go,

[B]

hey, but it's so stressful, dude. I see her stressing out like crazy

[A]

because she has 18 different things.

[B]

It's crazy.

[A]

I bet you she's racking it up.

[B]

I don't know. I'm living a much better lifestyle.

[A]

Well, well, maybe she bought that warehouse. Maybe she's buying a new property. Because, like.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

You can only, like, make so much money, right? But like, so with. The same with the TV. But if I sold you 40,000.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. It's just hard with. I think, like, the, the stress is what. It sucks.

[A]

Yeah, it sounds like a lot of stress.

[B]

Smoke. So weed. I wish I could, bro. I wish I could be like, oh,

[A]

she should just get high a little.

[B]

No, but I, I, I. That's one thing I've been trying to switch over to.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I'm just not. I'm not productive on weed. I'm not productive. And I eat and I eat. Like you said that I eat like I. E. Bro. Like, I eat till I bro. I eat till I throw up. Like, that's how ridiculous. Like, I, I get this burning feeling and stuff. Like right now, you're so giggly and so happy.

[A]

Look at you.

[B]

Yeah, I'm just holding. He looks like the scary movie ghost. Yeah, it's him. You know what I'm saying?

[A]

I see it, actually.

[B]

So I'm just saying, like, I wish I could have that, but you could. No, I can't. I've tried it. I've done it.

[A]

You know what you need to do? Not smoke whatever you smoked and then just try little pieces. Everybody in the world you should talk to, it's me.

[B]

Yeah, I got.

[A]

My key for everyone is to make them like weed. Not, like, take this bone rip. I'm getting him so up. He's gonna like, why would you do that? Yeah, yeah, he's gonna hate it.

[B]

That's what I think.

[A]

How about a little like.

[B]

Or I smoke and then I start coughing until I get a headache.

[A]

You smoking some trash, man.

[B]

Is it?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, I got you.

[B]

But even someone gave me some weed in a wine bottle.

[A]

Yeah, them. Dude, that's some novelty, man.

[B]

I got you.

[A]

Don't worry. We're gonna give you this much weed by smoke on Monday, smoke this on Tuesday, take a bite of this edible on Friday night after a show.

[B]

Yeah. And that I think an edible one time. That freaking just got me paranoid as hell.

[A]

Yeah, see, not everybody should be. I, I, my milligrams difference is, is not normal.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Ten milligrams gets people high. Isn't that crazy? Crazy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So like 10 milligrams or maybe we'll lose their mind.

[B]

Yeah, I think 1 milligram will give me high.

[A]

5 milligrams might get you high if you're not used to it. But like, thousand. I'm like, dude, I get high.

[B]

I get high off hemp lotion. I'm not even lying. I feel like I.

[A]

That water's laced.

[B]

Is it? No.

[A]

Is it?

[B]

That's green there.

[A]

I know, dude. Yeah. See, I think maybe that's what you need to do anyway. Amazon drop shipping. If I knew, if I stopped everything I was doing, that's exactly what I would do.

[B]

You think that's gonna be a thing forever?

[A]

No, no. I'm just in the terms of, hey, you need it, I can buy it and sell it to you for a small fraction upcharge. That's what business is called. And, and middlemen. I'm like, I will do that forever.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Oh, like landscaping. I'll be the middleman between you and work. And I'll landscape your. Pay me.

[B]

Yeah, there's.

[A]

There's stuff. There's a reason where the do they get. The Mexicans is lazy. I don't understand.

[B]

Mexicans are not lazy.

[A]

Where do they find that? I want to know. Like this.

[B]

You know what I've been here. You know what I've been hearing lately? One of my friends, he hires Mexicans all the time, he says, which I'm proud of Mexicans for doing this. They're like, no, no, no, no. They're up in their prices.

[A]

Oh, I know.

[B]

And they're all the Salvadorians and Central Americans are. They're like, they're lowball on the prices, and that's why they're, they, they're fighting each other. Yeah.

[A]

He's like, hey, yo, I do it exactly, dude. Because I had hell of boxes, and last time they did it for like 80 bucks. We'll try to charge me 2:40.

[B]

Yeah. He's like, hey, noise inflation. Inflation. The thing with the thing is going

[A]

on in an alley. I know you are. You're not taking to the dump. We both know, dude.

[B]

Pulling up here right now, I got stopped by freaking seven Mexicans.

[A]

Yo. We have to be cautious of our doordash. These will flag them down. The doordash just give our food to people.

[B]

No way.

[A]

Yeah, because they're like this. So like, oh, it must be you for the door dash because you're in front of the building.

[B]

That's hilarious.

[A]

He's got a backpack on. He's four foot six, he's sweating. You think he ordered doordash? Yeah, he ordered this hummus plate, you dick. This little Mexican and they're faded.

[B]

If not, they don't stick it. The army's will steal your hummus plate

[A]

will still almost play. I went out there one time and all these dudes in a circle eating all of our food and went, you guys won. I'm. I'm just going to let Uber know they up cuz like it's not your fault.

[B]

Do they know what you do they know what you guys do here?

[A]

No, we keep everything under our neighbors

[B]

don't know what we do here. Oh really?

[A]

No, we're, we're silent. Yeah, we don't want. We just. We have a lot of fans and a lot of people think I still. I used to post a lot of pounds. 100 pounds. 100 pounds. I'm like, I think people think I have that here. Oh. So I don't want them busting in and going, there's no weed in here. Let me just take these.

[B]

Yeah, there's. Guys, there's nothing here.

[A]

There's nothing. There's barely any weed I in my backpack. I take it home, you know, or my house. I don't want people to know where I live cuz they think I have pounds in my house or something cool like full just weed and toys over and over and over.

[B]

Yeah, it's like, honestly, it's like Peewee Herman's house of Tell you this weed. What?

[A]

That's how I describe my house really all the time. I was. It looks like a pedophile interior without the kid. Like it does look like a child.

[B]

That's why he doesn't have kids, cuz he's still a kid.

[A]

There you go. I've touched myself, dude. If I can take advantage of myself. Yeah, it's awesome, man. You know where to go with that.

[B]

Good for you, man.

[A]

I'm glad I came here.

[B]

Whatever makes you feel better. Hey man, you're a cool guy.

[A]

Hey man. Toys are fun, dude. What's up guys? Taking a quick break to talk about the sponsor of this episode. Shout out to my bookie. The World cup is almost here. June 11 through July 19 this year, first time going down in three different nations. United States, Mexico, Canada, all of the west. All right, we're getting all the soccer. 20, 26 FIFA World Cup. I'm American. I grew up thinking football was the biggest thing ever. It's not true. Soccer, I found out, because it's awesome. And we get the World cup and we're gonna have it over here on our side of the earth, which is awesome. So if you're gonna bet on anything, make sure you bet with my bookie because you can put on the World cup anything, anytime, anywhere. You want to bet on your favorite team for the World Cup, Remember the bet back bonus. We have $500 to play with. If you want to bet 500 bucks, up to 500 you can bet. And if you lose, use our code dope as usual. If you lose, they're going to give you back 500 up to 500. Bet back bonus. When you do the checkout, when you do your bet, use our code dope as usual. You can bet up to $500 in your first bet, and if you lose,

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[A]

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[B]

Is that Tony Hawk?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I just met him at the System concert.

[A]

Oh, nice.

[B]

Yeah, I went to Sick New World. Yeah.

[A]

In Vegas. Yeah. I was supposed to go, great guy. I didn't go, he's. He's awesome, dude.

[B]

Yeah. I literally went up to. I was just like, I'm sorry, Tony, my friend wants a picture with you. And he goes, can I get one after? And I go, that's a good way to put it.

[A]

My friend's a. And wants to ask for a picture disturb you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But since he already bug, can I get a picture?

[B]

I go, I mean, I'm. Yeah, I see.

[A]

We had him here on the show one time. He doesn't get high on away. We. This is before we started going, should we smoke around people that don't smoke? Before we thought about it?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It was so box in here. You could see Tony Hawk slowly get. Yeah.

[B]

Right now.

[A]

He just.

[B]

He just blew on my face. And I was. I. I already felt it. I'm hungry. That's what she said.

[A]

I don't know. You can't just say things like that. Anyway. Yeah. Tony Hawk is. Do you have toys at your house? Are you one of. Oh, you have kids? Kids, bro.

[B]

I have so many toys. Never mind.

[A]

So many toys.

[B]

My son, my son is like, crazy, bro. So many toys.

[A]

Cool, though. Or like, stuff that you like.

[B]

He wants a new gun every day. Like Nerf guns Eastern. Yeah, it looks like a little freaking.

[A]

I want nuke, dude. I have a toy.

[B]

I want rpg. Hilarious.

[A]

So you have five children. That's insane. I, I, I don't know how you guys don't understand. I, I don't. I think I need to stop smoking so much weed and get. I've been wearing this health.

[B]

Have you been trying to have sex? I mean, I'm not trying. Have you been trying to have a baby? Have you been trying to. You're like,

[A]

yeah. No, no.

[B]

So you're not trying?

[A]

No.

[B]

Okay, so she's in protection. She's on birth control.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. I thought you were, I thought you were trying and she wasn't getting pregnant. No, that's what happened with me. Like with Phoebe. We were, we were trying and she wasn't getting pregnant. We were trying for almost six months. And I'm like, okay, maybe this is our age. So I go, let's go to Cabo. I took her to Mexico. I'm like, dude, in Mexico everyone's pregnant.

[A]

Yeah, everybody's.

[B]

The air. Just, let's go. We went to Mexico, we came back pregnant.

[A]

It's the water.

[B]

Yeah, she got pregnant instantly, bro. Baby came out brown as. It's not mine.

[A]

There's just something high at the airport.

[B]

You don't know how.

[A]

Yeah, see the thing I would like to start thinking, like, do you want kids? I don't think so.

[B]

I mean, you should have one.

[A]

My greatest fear. Ready? You ever have a, you know, you

[B]

should have one and just like, send it away for a while and write a letter, like, find me, like, you mind. Give them directions.

[A]

Supporting school. Oh, like one of those kids, like Francis from Malcolm in the Middle, just standing the off. But no, like, you ever, you have homies when you're a kid. You know, you have friends and then you get a little older. Like this guy's. I hung out with this, he's kind of sucks. Do you remember those guys? You got older. Like, dude, we stay all the time now. This guy sucks because of the kids. No, like, when you're in high school, like, damn, we stay out all the time now. You just like, I want that to be my child. But you used to be cool as and now you suck. But I gotta chill with you. Because you're my roommate.

[B]

Oh, I see what you're saying. But no, man, it's your kid. It's completely different. I get like, you're gonna hate your kids no matter what.

[A]

I just want my.

[B]

Right, you love your kids, but then they disappoint you a lot. And you like, I gotta find my son. On this morning, I literally just. I was gone all weekend. I came home and I was like, hey, kids, I'm home. Give me a hug. And this three year old's like, no. And I was like, you like, I'm like, I've been gone. Tripper.

[A]

Hug me.

[B]

Show me. Show me some love. And it's just.

[A]

Nothing. Nothing.

[B]

It's just.

[A]

But that's your kids. That's not what I'm worried about. I'm worried about them sucking.

[B]

Like, what? I mean, lay lame.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I mean, that's it. That's your fault then.

[A]

No, no, no, no. I will do everything. No.

[B]

Then you. They'll be fine.

[A]

That's not true. My sister sucks my par. Par. Never mind. Take it back.

[B]

I'm.

[A]

I'm the anomaly of this family.

[B]

Would you trip if they were gay?

[A]

No. I don't give a.

[B]

Something happen.

[A]

What are you worried about?

[B]

Go for it. I kind of suck.

[A]

I'd rather be gay than lame. For sure about you take a dick, but not a joke.

[B]

I hate this kid. Dude, you could take dick, but not a joke.

[A]

I don't like him. I don't like him.

[B]

Ass.

[A]

I don't know how to feel.

[B]

You're still young, though. How old are you?

[A]

36, man. I'm not that young.

[B]

Oh, you're not? You look young. You look great. I know you look great. You look good.

[A]

Because I don't have kids.

[B]

No facial hair, nothing.

[A]

No, I just started shaving like three years ago. I don't like it.

[B]

You have nothing.

[A]

I shaved this morning.

[B]

Oh, but you still have nothing.

[A]

No, when I. When it comes out, I look like when Carl's been. See his career started going down. Like I looked.

[B]

I look. When's that? Hold on.

[A]

Two days in like two days and you start seeing some type of color. And then four days in you're like, yeah, you're Mexican for sure. Huh? And then that's as far as I've ever let it happen.

[B]

You know what's crazy?

[A]

Who you look like, you know, you look like Mexicans.

[B]

No, you look like Alfred Robles when he used to be fat. Really, bro?

[A]

Do you want to know who I think I look like? Pull him up.

[B]

Oh, pull him up.

[A]

Hold on.

[B]

I want to show you a picture of Robles.

[A]

I want to see. There's a guy. I get mistakes for all the fucking time today.

[B]

And for lovers Used to be huge. Really?

[A]

The fool with the hat?

[B]

Yeah. He probably get mad at me. I put him on blast.

[A]

Yeah, it. It's not like he was a secret. I just googled not. Thank you, Marty. I love you, Marty. I like that. That's what you went for. Marty. I appreciate you. Dude, never mind. That's who I was talking about, dog.

[B]

Who's that?

[A]

Yeah, no, it's Paulo Costa. He looks like my cousin, man. You know what I'm talking about. Ricky Chacon, dude.

[C]

Okay?

[A]

The fat guy. Not the in shape, physical, peak athlete. I appreciate the effort. I appreciate it all, though. That was good.

[B]

Well, maybe Alfred had his fat pages deleted.

[A]

You got him deleted?

[B]

Yeah, because I can't find one.

[A]

I want my fat pictures deleted. I don't want people.

[B]

I mean, I was big. I was. I used to weigh 320 pounds. I'm too.

[A]

Yeah, but you still get those pictures.

[B]

You don't.

[A]

You don't mind the pictures, but yeah. Damn.

[B]

Damn. You can't find the pictures?

[A]

No.

[B]

I even typed in Alpha Robles fat.

[A]

You know what's funny?

[B]

Every time I think is Alfred Rose had a baby face just like you. I mean, you're. I'm not saying you're fat. He was.

[A]

He was even bigger. He was bigger. Pretty fat. What's that?

[B]

How much you weigh?

[A]

A lot more than that.

[B]

What? What do you weigh?

[A]

I weigh 324.

[B]

That's good.

[A]

But I don't understand. Where is it?

[B]

You don't see it?

[A]

I don't understand.

[B]

How'd you get big? What? You. What happened?

[A]

I was always like this. And then I got fatter on top of it.

[B]

When? Okay, when were you, like under 250?

[A]

Up until like seven years ago. Okay, so I went vegan one years ago.

[B]

What happened?

[A]

I'm going vegan.

[B]

Vegan got you fat?

[A]

Yeah, because I was like, I don't know how to eat. I'll just eat more bread and cheese. Right. Or bread and fake cheese. And then, you know, I'll eat veggie burger.

[B]

So you're vegan still?

[A]

No.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

I stopped a year and a half ago. That's the only reason why my.

[B]

A lot of soy and a lot

[A]

of soy all day.

[B]

Oh, that's what it is.

[A]

I'm an American, so I eat like shit nobody taught me. And then being Mexican on top of it, like, oh, Dog, sodas, food group.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Esparza's vegan.

[A]

I know, I know. I went to his house, I went to his party. I'm like, you have 80 types of meat and they're all soy. Yeah, this is why I'm fat, dude.

[B]

This is.

[A]

I need to. And I didn't need any of them. Like, this is why I'm fat.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

No, vegan did not do good. I used to be in actual shape. I used to do weightlifting competitions. I was young. Wow. I used to do things.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So now when I look back, I'm

[B]

like, wow, wow, wow. I was hot in my 20s.

[A]

Not even that.

[B]

I was just strong. Like, I'm not strong like you taking magnesium now.

[A]

I take vitamins.

[B]

Yeah, I've been doing that lately.

[A]

No lie. I'm on the verge of getting peptide patches.

[B]

I heard about that, cuz I. But then you're going to go bald.

[A]

You think so?

[B]

That's what they said. Too much testosterone, you start going bald and get smaller.

[A]

Not testosterone. What's it called? The Wolverine one. So I have a. There you go. I have a really up spine, right. And instead of taking stems, I'm afraid of needles. I don't do needles or else I'll go stem cells tomorrow. I just don't want to do it. But they have peptide patches where you can just put them on. Cuz I have a homie that had a bad eye.

[B]

What's in the patch patches?

[A]

It's the peptide. It's the peptide that rebuilding. It rebuilds. That one rebuilds, like up.

[B]

But there's testosterone in there. No, testosterone.

[A]

PPC is just. I just wanted to fix my back.

[B]

I went recently for one of those consultations and they did a whole testosterone thing. I mean, they're like, you have low testosterone. But it's like from the. Because the night before I got drunk, I was wasted. And then I did a blood test like the next morning. And then all my levels are. You're a lady. And they're like, you're dying. Like, I'm like, I'm all hungover. Like, I'm like, can I just get an iv? Get out of here.

[A]

No, give me IV first. But yeah, yeah, that's where I'm at. Because you said, oh, I want to get to the gym.

[B]

Like, dude, I really want. I really want to get. When I saw your video, you motivated the hell out of me, bro.

[A]

Let's do it, dude.

[B]

I'm really. I would do it.

[A]

My back. That's the only reason I Go to the gym.

[B]

Because my back's so up, I can't even carry my kid. My back is up.

[A]

Oh, really? Do you have a doctor before you back?

[B]

I've gone. I got a couple car accidents.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

So it's like my back.

[A]

I have.

[B]

I don't even know what's called my E12, E7, some. Something, whatever, whatever, TC, TCV L, TCL.

[A]

I have all. I know everything about the back now because of my doctor.

[B]

So when you have sex, you're more of a lay down kind of guy?

[A]

No, I'm like hover in the air like Superman kind of thing.

[B]

You're on top.

[A]

I throw her through the roof like. Like in Mortal Kombat. When you go to the next level, that's pretty much what happens with the dude. It's different.

[B]

It's good dude.

[A]

It's. It's like, what the what? No, I was waiting to see with.

[B]

I was waiting to see this. Okay.

[A]

Is this.

[B]

Okay, is this that kind of podcast?

[A]

It is what this door opens. You want to know what's behind it? Dude.

[B]

A dude.

[A]

Terry Crews.

[B]

Terry Crews.

[A]

Terry Crews from Friday, though. Not soft Terry Crews. That gets.

[B]

You're talking about training date Terry Crews.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Or training day Terry Crews. He wasn't.

[C]

He should have hosted that.

[B]

He was flipping pigeons.

[A]

Yo. I. I gotta say, I don't care if he's a cop. I'm gonna be the out of Alonzo. All those fools in the game in the neighborhood beat the out of him.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Beat his ass.

[B]

And they were all blood.

[A]

Kill him, right? No one's gonna know what happened. There's no body cammies. Oh, God damn.

[B]

He shot me in the ass.

[A]

I gotta be honest. Good movie. Really good scene.

[B]

I love it. And it was all improv, too.

[A]

I heard that was a lot of

[B]

that scene was improv.

[A]

Well, if I think about it now, it's a pretty stupid react. Shot me in the ass. Like, hey, man, you're supposed to be real deadly. And you're over here.

[B]

Basically.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. I thought about the other day. I told Rocco, like, when I heard this Japanese guy talk, it sounds like he just stubbed his toe. Japanese people talk like they just hurt themselves constantly. That's how I feel when I stand, when my back hurts. I sound Japanese.

[B]

I wish they did a Training Day prequel because the whole thing was about he. He over some Russians in Vegas.

[A]

He killed one. Yeah.

[B]

What if they did that movie?

[A]

It's called John Wick, dude.

[B]

What?

[A]

It's called John Wick.

[B]

Yeah, I seen John Wick.

[A]

That's pretty much it. Just a bunch of Russians getting killed over and over and over. It's just called John Wick. Training Day. Pre prequel to Training Day. I want to see the Mexicans then. Like. Yeah, he's just. They're just in prison.

[B]

That's the whole.

[A]

It's called American Me.

[B]

American Me.

[A]

It's called American Blood and Blood Out.

[B]

Blood and blood are American Me.

[A]

Oh, bloody blood out. Yeah, I talked to Marty about this. Blood and Blood out and American Me are like the Mexican classics, right? Yeah, but American Me is Boulevard nights, dog. Okay, that's all right. That's cool. But. But American Me is like Godfathers. Yeah, it's like the elevated gangster one. And then America and blood and blood outs like that. Goodfellows. Like we'll kill you outside on the street. And then American Dad, American Me's like, we're gonna stab you up the ass in prison with a knife.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And we'll let a white and an Asian in for some reason. Like, what the was so weird, huh? It's true.

[B]

Open your eyes and say you might like it.

[A]

All those actors, bro. All of them forever. Like, you raped a guy. That's where I know you. For a close up shot of raping a guy. Like be known as that.

[B]

Imagine how many takes they had to do for that.

[A]

Hopefully one.

[B]

Dude, could you imagine?

[A]

Can we get in four more angles?

[B]

Can we cut?

[A]

Can we cut?

[B]

Let's get. Bring.

[A]

Bring it back.

[B]

Bring.

[A]

Cry. Can you cry? All right.

[B]

Imagine there had to been like an editor, like, hey, should we get an ass shot?

[A]

It was always Edward James Ellis's face. Hey, can you get raped harder? But when I get closer. That's a weird movie, bro. You never seen American Me, right?

[C]

I don't think so, no.

[A]

The guy that takes souls from American,

[B]

he actually looks like. He actually looks like the white guy.

[A]

Or one eye, one late William Forsyth.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

In America Me, the story is that his right hand man's a white person. Mexican mafia, which is.

[B]

He's my best grandparents.

[A]

It's crazy. And then they have an Asian, the

[B]

guy from Mortal Kombat, and it's a Mexican mafia. The Mexican mom with the white guy and an Asian.

[A]

But the Asian's the most down one out of all.

[B]

Like they were ahead of their time. That was Panda Express.

[A]

A bunch of Mexicans running the show and a white guy. In case you need to read.

[B]

Yes, I like that.

[A]

I like that. All Asians. What is it with messages? They love diabetes and like shitty Chinese food. It's just a. It's a given.

[B]

I love Chinese food.

[A]

The bad one the better.

[B]

Any. Anything saucier, the better. Yeah.

[A]

Why is it.

[B]

I don't know if you. I know you just said it. I want to get it after the. This.

[A]

I. I don't. I don't not believe you.

[B]

I swear. I want to get.

[A]

Well, I was at the grove yesterday and I passed by that Chinese spot at the front. Went, looks bomb, but I know it's trash. And I just kept walking. Oh, it's just a big soup with chicken in it.

[B]

What my. Okay, top favorite foods, go.

[A]

I know it sounds crazy, but I don't.

[B]

You don't like food?

[A]

I don't really eat that many things.

[B]

You don't eat that many things?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

What's your favorite food ever?

[A]

Is this a bean cheese burrito? Cuz I don't know what I'm doing.

[B]

Bean and cheese burrito is your favorite from where?

[A]

Oh, no, no, no, you can't do that. Everyone, tango bell. No, everyone's a let down. Oh, this Mexican lady beaten.

[B]

Cheese burrito, bro.

[A]

That's it. Dude. I don't anything in my life.

[B]

What a waste of marijuana, bro.

[A]

Could you imagine if I. Dude, dude, could you. This is me not caring about food.

[B]

Oh my God.

[A]

Could you imagine if I was like, dude, eat. I just don't care cuz I don't eat meat anymore.

[B]

He'll go from YOLA to yolo.

[A]

I'll be dead. I'll die for sure.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Yeah. I don't. I don't know. I was talking about this. My heart.

[B]

So when your wife wants to go out to eat, what do you take her?

[A]

Wherever she wants to go. And I'll find something there. Okay, So I usually eat sides at every restaurant.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. Oh, shut up, everybody. I'm going to steakhouse after this for my friend's birthday and I'm gonna eat salad. I already know that.

[B]

Really?

[A]

I don't eat anything. I wish I cared because I don't care about food my whole life. I grew up poor as whatever we have. Yeah, I'll eat it.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

So I don't really know. Like, I don't. I had steak for the first time, like 22. I had chicken bones when I was like 20. Like, I don't. I don't.

[B]

Yeah, I get it.

[A]

I don't know, man.

[B]

It's all right.

[A]

I grew up either poor fat with my Grandma was like, McDonald's, McDonald's, McDonald's.

[B]

That's a white guy.

[A]

What do you.

[B]

What do you like?

[C]

I'm damn near kind of the same way Marty's been vegetarian. I just started.

[B]

You're a vegetarian?

[C]

I was for like dam near my whole life.

[B]

Why? It's because you were poor there options or.

[C]

No, I was kind of same should have said my mom. My mom was vegetarian, so it just went like that.

[B]

Oh, okay, cool.

[A]

Why you have the hippie version?

[C]

Yeah, yeah. She leaned towards hippie is why she was vegetarian and.

[B]

But so I grew up on like every coladas.

[A]

What does that mean? English. An American earn for holadas?

[B]

Basically. Basically like they're enchiladas, but there's no meat or cheese. It just. It's just tortilla with beans.

[A]

What the. Do you like bean and cheese burritos too?

[B]

Yeah, but it's like. But we ate that because you eat that when you're poor. We didn't have anything growing up.

[A]

Oh, that sounds great.

[B]

I. I personally loved it. You know, I. You know, there's no meat, nothing. It just. It's tortilla with pinto beans.

[A]

That's it sounds like what I eat right now, dude. That's exactly what I eat right now, dude. I don't know food. I don't know stuff. I know American. I know American nickelodeon commercials.

[B]

I want to take you out to dinner then. That's. That's my new thing right now. Like, instead of like spending money on like, like bougie stuff, I'll go to nice restaurants.

[A]

That sounds cool.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. I asked the waiter. I don't even know what I want to order. I go, what are you. What's good? Bring us some stuff. That's it.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah, Yeah.

[A]

I don't know, dude. I grew up with a. With a different.

[B]

I think it's my marine side coming in.

[A]

Pizza. Pizza Hut. Pizza Hut. I was a kid. I was a little American kid.

[B]

Shakies. I love Shakies.

[A]

You got some potatoes?

[B]

All you can eat buffet for like 10 bucks.

[A]

They stopped that as soon as America got ghetto, dude.

[B]

Oh, man.

[A]

Like we had that in our town of Pizza Hut and they were like,

[B]

what city did you go up in?

[A]

Merced.

[B]

Merced.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's not. Yeah, it's not very. I mean, I'm sure there's a lot of.

[B]

There's not a lot of fine dining in Merced.

[A]

There's nothing.

[B]

I think that what. The closest place is Ranch. Harris. Harris.

[A]

Is that off the 5 Freeway? It's been yours.

[B]

It's in Central Valley.

[A]

99. You're Patterson. Oh, 5 and 99. 5 is cows and 99 is like a meth. I mean, we see crackheads.

[B]

What a great neighborhood. Where you. Where do you live at? I live by the meth.

[A]

Yeah, well, you live by the cows and the meth. Oh, the five. It's very true. And everything I just said is a true statement. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know about food, man.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

What about you?

[B]

I mean, my number one is Chinese food. I love Chinese food. Chinese food. Sushi, I think. Anything Asian, I like Asian. And then I'll go daytime, I like Mexican food.

[A]

Daytime Mexican food stuff. Wow.

[B]

And Mexican food. I like Mexican food in the daytime. Like po meno some tacos. And then at night time, I like Armenian food.

[A]

Kebabs.

[B]

Armenian barbecue. Kebabs. KAD is like Armenian barbecue. It's like skewers. Oh, yeah.

[A]

With hella chunks of animals.

[B]

Yeah, Animals. Yeah. Vegetarian. Sorry. So you. When you're like. Are you like vegetarian? Like, you get sick when you see me.

[A]

No, no more.

[C]

I'm back.

[A]

Yeah, I'm already. Just started again.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. He's not gay no more.

[A]

That's pretty much bisexual, as my friends say. Yeah, yeah. Vegetarian. It's boring.

[B]

Yeah, bro. What are you worst?

[C]

You eat cheese quesadillas and peanut butter and jellies.

[B]

Your bathroom smells like shit.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Gassy and gross. No, man, when you eat health, when you eat like meat and stuff, it doesn't smell as bad. When you just eat vegetables. It's vegetables. Yeah. Well, I mean, what the is it?

[A]

I don't know. Honestly.

[C]

Vegetarians don't eat.

[B]

You're just so used to your.

[A]

I hold my breath.

[B]

Dude.

[A]

14 minutes at a time. I don't give a. That's where I get my most of my exercise, actually. It's working my abs, you know, squatty potty. I just go to the bathroom. Like Asians. Just a hole. What, like in China?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

There's just a hole in the ground.

[B]

There's a hole in the ground.

[A]

Yeah. I took the toilet out. Everywhere I go, I take a toilet out. Which you use the bathroom.

[B]

There's nothing in there.

[A]

It's just a. It's just a hole. I don't believe it's good for our backs.

[C]

Yeah, right, with the bidet.

[A]

Just the whole day coming and squirting shit right back out of the hole. Yo, I had you. What's the last thing you support? A potty?

[B]

Porta Potty.

[A]

What's the last time you use a porta potty? Dude,

[B]

at A Rams game.

[A]

Recent.

[B]

In the parking lot? Yeah. Well, like, that was last three or six months ago.

[C]

I'll push it to the brink of myself or whatever. It's gotta come.

[A]

I didn't say take a.

[B]

I peed. I peed.

[A]

I will. Outside of a store before I. In the porta Potty.

[C]

But I'm saying there's. I'm holding that pee forever, for sure.

[A]

I had to the other day on the drive. It's been a minute.

[B]

It's gross.

[A]

It was the biggest, most luxurious one, but they're.

[B]

They're not. Oh, no, I'm lying. I did the porta pot at Sydney World, but it wasn't a porta pot. It was like a flower.

[A]

Those are different. Those are, like, bathroom facilities.

[B]

Yeah, it's like. It was like this. Like there was electricity in there.

[A]

That's different. Like when there's. When there's tagging on the toilet seat. Carved. That's Porta Potty.

[B]

Yeah, puto.

[A]

Yeah. Always. Right? Yeah. Why would you put your gang on where people put their ass?

[B]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[A]

Why do you claim we're on YouTube? This is dumb.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, you think that one through, dude,

[B]

you're claiming the toilet.

[A]

Yeah, I. I don't think I've ever wrote on a bathroom. Bathroom. I don't think I've ever done that before.

[B]

That's the number one thing they do. The bathrooms.

[A]

They do. Gangsters love bathrooms. They like to let you know when you're shooting, like, Fourth Street. Like, you're right. It looks like this.

[C]

I always thought of it with that scene in Dumb and Dumber where he's like, be here Sunday, 8pm yeah, dude, he was gonna.

[A]

He was gonna rape him.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Remember that?

[B]

Yeah, for sure.

[A]

You know, I didn't get it as a kid. Yeah.

[C]

That was Cam Neely from Boston Bruins.

[A]

Oh, my God. He's an athlete. Yeah. Makes it even better. I didn't know that about Dumb and Dumber until I got older. Man, was he gonna rape him? Oh, man.

[B]

It wasn't rib, because he had to be here, so it was more.

[A]

He was gonna get him, though, because it's the guy that got. Got away on him. No. He's like, oh, now I got you. Oh. He starts taking his belt because he

[C]

hit him with the salt shake.

[B]

And then. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

And he starts tucking his thumb. Remember, he hits the ground, slide under the. That.

[B]

Sorry.

[A]

Damn, I'm gonna kick a lot. It's not gonna happen.

[B]

Never.

[A]

Have you ever up kicked? Ever try to take your pants off on Your back. It's not easy. You're gonna have a hard time with. I'm holding on to my dress. Basically that. Dude, I'll spin in circles until you just give up.

[B]

Try to get me.

[A]

I'm just sitting there spitting. All right, Tough. Three favorite movies.

[B]

Painting a picture. Yeah.

[A]

What's your favorite three movies of all time? Oh, favorite movies that you watch. You can watch back to back.

[B]

Three Amigos.

[A]

First person to ever say that.

[B]

Yeah. Three Amigos. Wait, any genre?

[A]

Anything, bro. Give you five.

[B]

Three Amigos is for sure up there.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Three of them is my. One of my favorite movies. So funny. You remember Three Amigos?

[A]

Of course.

[B]

My favorite. My favorite. For my favorite. One of my favorite scenes when Chevy Chase's character talking to a girl. And. And he goes, she goes, have you ever kissed a girl? And he goes, yeah. She's like, would you like to kiss me? And he goes, sure. He goes, what now? She goes, well, you can kiss. We can go take a walk and you can kiss me on the veranda. And he goes, lips will be fine.

[A]

Cherry Chase.

[B]

I wish he wasn't such a good. You know.

[A]

No, I just see all the bad things about him.

[B]

Oh, he's old, man. He's for like 90, bro.

[A]

I know. So my favorite scene is when the girl comes out and Martin Short has the finest girl of the whole movie.

[B]

Oh, my God. Like this.

[A]

This little bastard. I blew my mind when I was a kid. I wish I was like nine years old. Like this is allowed.

[B]

Three Amigos.

[A]

It's a sweater.

[B]

Three Amigos. Caro's way.

[A]

In the bottom. The cold ones are in the bottom.

[B]

In the way. The bottom.

[A]

Idiot. You deserve to get killed, dude.

[B]

And then I would say Godfather Part 2.

[A]

Do you like to laugh?

[B]

Oh, no. These are like. Yeah, it was my favorite movie.

[A]

I know. I'm just kidding.

[B]

And then we're gonna keep going. Then it's blood and blood out. Freaking. What's it called?

[A]

Ah,

[B]

Step Brothers.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I'm trying to think of.

[A]

No, you threw him back. I like them.

[B]

I'm trying to think.

[A]

Great. You know what?

[B]

Something. Nobody ever Born East LA is funny, too. I like Born east la.

[A]

Blazing Saddles. Nobody ever talks about Blazing Sounds is really funny, too.

[B]

Oh, I love watching at night. The Roxbury. I love Knights.

[A]

Yeah. It's just when I was a kid, I didn't understand why that girl wanted to bang Chris Kattan so bad.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Or no, Will Ferrell. She was in love with his ass.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I never understood it.

[B]

Oh, Wedding crashers.

[A]

Just watched it again recently.

[B]

I like Wedding Crashers. I left it in the movie theater.

[A]

Better when I was a kid.

[B]

Yeah, Way better.

[A]

Better when I watched it recently.

[B]

Go ahead.

[A]

I would have been like, hey, are you guys invited? You should get the out of the way. Who are these guys?

[B]

Yeah. Why are they nozzled?

[A]

That's it. Get the out.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And the movie's over. But you guys are successful. Like realtors.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And lawyer. What the. Yeah, that threw me off, man.

[B]

What about you?

[A]

My favorite movies ever are not fun. E. Say it. Truman show is my favorite movie.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And then Forrest Gump before Tom Hanks got allegations of being a creep was my other favorite movie.

[B]

And I just. I like Forrest Gun.

[A]

And then my other favorite movie, the other creep. Kevin Spacey's American Beauty is my other favorite movie.

[B]

I like the one. It's like so many kids that he. The. He wants to.

[A]

The underage girl, basically. Yeah. When you think about it that way, it's kind of crazy. It is kind of crazy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What a good movie, though. Yeah, that. Erase that part.

[B]

So you like chick flicks?

[A]

Chick flicks? Truman show is not a chick flick.

[B]

Those are all chick flicks.

[A]

Forest talks about a retarded. Exactly.

[B]

Those are all movies you watch on a date.

[A]

I would never date a girl. Go, hey, you want your existential crisis? Look at Truman Show. This could be happening to you. Get naked. She's sitting there talking about her life. That is not a movie.

[B]

No, I mean, I would watch all those movies on a date. Like, you want to watch.

[A]

You go to a movie with me.

[B]

You go to three. You go to the movie theater, and you're like, yeah, you know, little finger.

[A]

His mom's dying. Wow. His mom's dying. Yeah. I'm sure she has aids. You wanna take your pants off? She has aids.

[B]

They're gonna bury her. No, but I've seen their long movies.

[A]

He's taking. You know what I'm saying? What? Shitler's list.

[B]

What are we talking about here? Oh, it's a long movie.

[A]

Like wizard of Oz really gets your.

[B]

No, because, like. Because. Okay, my whole theory is, like, I do a joke about this. Like, we want to hook up with a girl, you put on a long movie, and then you get bored and you end up hooking up. That's what. That's. That's. That's strategy.

[A]

I love cinema.

[B]

Oh, okay. That's what I'm saying. Those are the movies I would take a girl to watch.

[A]

No, I. I get what you're saying.

[B]

That's why I have five kids.

[A]

This will watch this a lot.

[B]

Yeah, I put it on, they go, yeah.

[A]

Well, Jenny, such a terrible movie. You want to have another kid?

[B]

Yeah, pretty much just happens in this house. Yeah.

[A]

Yo, then don't watch the new Mortal Kombat or you're gonna have another child.

[B]

It's not bad.

[A]

That sucks. Really sucks.

[B]

My sister just saw it. I didn't. She said she took. She said, oh, fighting was cool. Yeah.

[A]

It was like watching Mulan, really. It was like, I can do it. Ah. I was like, all right. You should be dead. You should be dead again. Oh, you lived. I don't believe so.

[B]

The first one was better. Original.

[A]

All the originals were so much cooler with the. From Billy Madison place.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

That's what I want. I want her back. Even in her 60s.

[B]

I saw that. We were like 10 years old.

[C]

We were.

[B]

Might have been like seven.

[A]

I watched that on.

[B]

Yeah, VHS, dude. It was the best I saw in the theater.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Burbank Mall, AMC theaters, which. It was three bucks back then.

[A]

Sweet, that money like that. No, somebody's gotta take you. That's the thing somebody has to take.

[B]

I went for a birthday party. I don't forget.

[A]

See, that's cool. The only time I remember caring for school was when we went to a field trip. We were poor. We walked to the theater from our school.

[B]

Oh, you told me something crazy about your field trip was at a.

[A]

We just went and watched Lord of the Rings. That's it. It was three bucks a kid. We paid $10 and we walked. Where the did my $7 go?

[B]

Yeah, I get a paver.

[A]

Field trips. The teacher came up off of us.

[B]

If you really think about it, that's crazy.

[A]

We walked to the thieves three miles away.

[C]

They took the day off and got

[B]

paid, actually got paid to go to

[A]

the movies, do lines in the bathroom. Something. Dude, sucks.

[B]

And you only saw. You only saw part one.

[A]

You watch the recipes.

[B]

Watch the first one. That's what happened. When I first saw Lord of the Rings, I watched the first one. I was like, there's more. And there's more. I'm like, I had to come back to this. I'm like, no, I didn't say any of the Lord of Rings.

[A]

I've seen them in pieces while I was doing drugs with friends. Yeah, that's the kind of movie you don't watch. No, it's boring.

[B]

Yeah, it's too long. Conan, like, similar one. I like Conan.

[A]

This one, though.

[B]

It's one.

[A]

It's cool and it's

[B]

yeah, that was so fair.

[A]

I like the one hour Conan versus the three hour Conan Elijah Wood drama.

[B]

Elijah.

[A]

Dude, I haven't got through all the Harry Potters. Have you watched them all?

[B]

No, I haven't seen any of them. None of them. None of them. My only. My only Harry Potter moment I had is I was. I was at a house party and this girl had just broken her boyfriend, and we were hooking up in one of her friend's rooms, and her friend walks in and goes, what are you guys doing here? And then I grab a book reading Harry Potter and she goes, what's Quidditch? I go, I don't talk about.

[A]

She tested you with a. Yeah, this

[B]

was in high school, dude.

[A]

I. I would hope it's in high school. Yeah, like this F24. We're reading also. Why are you in the room? Oh, man. Okay, sorry. Back to where it started.

[B]

Yeah, you're a good kid.

[A]

Then you started doing drugs. Started up, but not really. You're just kind of living a life of a debauchery type of dude.

[B]

I was living the life of a guy who went to college but didn't go to college.

[A]

Yeah, that's fine.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What's wrong with that?

[B]

I was raging. There you go.

[A]

Raging, raging.

[B]

Partying, girls, drugs, sex.

[A]

And then what got you into comedy? Because you're real quick thing. Because your family is in comedy already. So.

[B]

Yeah. So when I was. When I was very young, I moved out of the house. I was 18 years old. I never moved back. I've been on my own since. Since then. And I took that dirty drug and strip club money. I opened up my own business. Open up my own business. And then I became like a hustler again, working for myself. And I stopped being the bad guy. Ended up getting a little pregnant, married her, live that lifestyle for like six months, and then divorced.

[A]

Six months.

[B]

And then what was the turning point?

[A]

Like, yo, it's months. It's six or six in.

[B]

It was just. I just. She wasn't the one. She just got pregnant. You know, I was a. You know, it was just bad.

[A]

We were.

[B]

It wasn't. Wasn't good. I wasn't happy. And then she moved to. She moved up north and she got me on child support, spousal support, attorney fees, all this stuff. I ended up losing my mind. I started getting back into drugs. I lost both businesses. Oh, yeah. Because my attorney fees are so expensive. I lost the will to work.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I was just like this, dude, I'm gonna just do drugs.

[A]

Cool drugs or Bad drugs. Coke called.

[B]

I was doing all the math. Cool.

[A]

Yeah, it's bad.

[B]

I did meth by accident.

[A]

Same.

[B]

It was like right there. And like, oh, what is this? Right?

[A]

You talk like you scream like Kiwi Herman.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It turns you into him, dude. And it goes up and it keeps going and it goes behind the eye like a s, right?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Somebody else has snorted meth.

[B]

Finally.

[A]

I've talked about it many times. It hurts so bad.

[B]

But then when we went back, one more burns.

[A]

Yeah, I did this.

[B]

So then I did that. And then I. I got in a really dark place. I was like, like, bro, I was like hallucinating. I was like, crazy.

[A]

Also, your meth a lot.

[B]

Staying, coke, math, all this. I wasn't sleeping.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, you're staying awake.

[B]

So then I finally told my parents. I go like, hey, guys, I need a. I lost everything. I lost. I don't know. My. My wife's gone, my kid's gone. Everything's all. I'm all up. Can we. You help me out?

[A]

My allowance.

[B]

I said, can I have something? I said, I really need to see a therapist. I'm thinking about killing myself. And then my dad goes, you know how expensive therapy is? And then he says, come to the club. Go on stage. And I did a first open mic and that's became a comedian.

[A]

Stop. I think I'm gonna kill myself. It's too expensive. Yeah, I need you to do it for free up here.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Actually, can you do the lights after too? Because the guy didn't show up, bro.

[B]

Literally. Are you fucking kidding?

[A]

So your parents were already into comedy before. Before this?

[B]

All the comedy club's been open since 19. Became a comedy club in 1993.

[A]

That's where they got it?

[B]

No, we've owned the club since 1986. It was a restaurant, karaoke bar. Restaurant, karaoke bar, buffet kind of thing. And then they had live entertainment, singers, performers. And then comedy started like around 93, during that whole like Fat Tuesday era, you know, at the Comedy Store.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Guy, Tory, Kim, Whitley, Buddy Lewis. And then we became a comedy club and just became full blown comedy club. So I just started doing comedy and then. That's it. Been doing it ever since.

[A]

Was your first joke you ever went up told first joke. It's the first thing you said up there.

[B]

The first joke I ever told was, oh my. I was like this. It's so crazy, man. All my friends are actors and like entertainers and comedians and like, I just like to party, man. I like the party. Like the party Bro, like, to party, man. Yeah. Like, the other day, I was like. I was like. My friend hit me up. He said, hey, man, you want to come run some lines?

[A]

I go, yeah.

[B]

I show up at his house with cocaine, mirrors, and straws. This guy pulls out a script. I'm like, what the. That was my first joke.

[A]

Incredible.

[B]

I'm like, I wanted to be Tony Montana.

[A]

It's all the way.

[B]

That was the first joke. Did so bad.

[A]

Nobody liked it.

[B]

Nobody liked it. And then the other one was, I'm half army out of Mexican. I'll sell you a cell phone, but I'll steal it right afterwards.

[A]

Okay. See, because look at half my family's Jewish, half my family's Mexican. As. And I was thinking, like, what is the teetering. What is the. What's the connection there? And I can't find it. I have one that's like, jewish people are cheap. My. Oh, well, then again, it goes back to Mexican girls like, yo, your quinceaneta is always the same day as her baby shower because the. Is pregnant. So I was thinking, like, what's a Jewish guy's version? Like, throw the party at the same time. Time to save money. And I'm trying to think of ways to connect it. It's so hard. Yeah, Jewish, Mexican, there's no connection at all.

[B]

Or your Jewish side hires your Mexican

[A]

side to build the deck.

[B]

That's the other one I have.

[A]

But then I don't. And then I call ice on them after, not to pay them. Yeah, I don't know. It's so hard. I don't have any Jewish in my family. They're all like, you don't look Jewish at all. Practicing Jewish people, you know, like, nobody.

[B]

If. If some. If you told I'm Jewish, this Mexican lying dog.

[A]

So you're good with money? Is that what you're saying? You're good with money?

[B]

Oh, he's. He's a cheap Mexican. He's.

[A]

There you go. A cheap Mexican. You're a cheap Mexican.

[B]

It's so hard, dude.

[A]

I've been thinking of it for my life, and I can't figure it out. Yeah.

[B]

Because there's absolutely no connection. There's nothing.

[A]

There's nothing.

[B]

Nothing. Like, there's no Jewish people enough. There's no Jewish restaurants.

[A]

What the. These fools control everything except the food industry.

[C]

It's a religion.

[B]

It's not like a. Yeah, but they

[A]

control the weather, they control the entertainment, the tv, but not food.

[B]

Mexican restaurant, Chinese restaurant. There's soul food. There's American cheeseburgers, Kosher There you go.

[A]

Kosher restaurant. A kosher restaurant. Yeah, but what does that mean?

[B]

But is there a kosher restaurant?

[A]

Yeah, there's, there's some restaurants.

[B]

Hey, Siri, is there a kosher restaurant near me?

[A]

Should get mad series in Middle Eastern. Are you talking about. That's what she said.

[B]

Something's wrong.

[A]

Please try again. Do you want to know the weather? That's just gonna ask.

[B]

Jewish restaurant near me.

[A]

Citibank, Chase Snack Lounge. Something's wrong. Please try again.

[B]

It's because I'm saying Jewish.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Mexican restaurant near Mexico 400.

[A]

You're actually on top of one. Sorry. Something's wrong. I think as soon as you said the word Jewish, they went, oh, yeah,

[B]

let me restart my phone. Yep.

[A]

Restart that, dude. Okay, so I got a quick question.

[C]

You guys both did the Netflix is a joke, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Barely be anyone.

[C]

What did you guys think of the. What'd you think of the roast last night?

[B]

Oh, you watch it? I watch it, yeah.

[A]

Okay, here's my thoughts.

[B]

Go.

[A]

It wasn't a roast. It was a podcast. Because the guy getting roasted should not be able to commentate with a microphone the whole time. Oh, that made it threw me off. He had a microphone, went, hey, wait to hear what you got to say.

[B]

He's supposed to shut up. Yeah.

[A]

You're like, I want you to on everybody at the end.

[B]

I agree with that.

[A]

That's the only difference I saw was like, this is a podcast.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

This supposed to rebuttal.

[B]

Yeah, I, I, I didn't even know. I didn't think about that.

[A]

That's the only thing I thought.

[B]

I didn't like the fact that they broke the fourth wall within, within. Like, I didn't write this. They were like, they're reading. Yeah. They kept saying that. Like, we know that they didn't write it. We already know that book.

[A]

I thought the. I mean, if you're most of the

[B]

people there, I would say, though, right? I know. I know a lot of the writers personally.

[A]

Yeah, no, I know. I know. Where the writers do, too, is just

[B]

so it's like, I just feel like,

[A]

like a community should write their.

[B]

A lot of comedians need help, you know, I think Tony help is different. You can tell Tony wrote his because he sounds like that. You know, a lot of people when they, they were talking, like, it didn't sound like them.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

They were reading it like they were just, like, it just didn't. It, it's, it didn't feel rehearsed. Like they should have rehearsed it a few Times, you know, I. I felt

[A]

like the explosions of laughter were pre.

[B]

The girl from that movie.

[A]

No thanks.

[B]

What's her name?

[A]

No, thanks. I forgot on her, dude, she. That movie almost didn't work because of her in the beginning of it, man.

[B]

Which one?

[A]

The black chick was terrible. The movie, dude.

[C]

There was two black girls on stage.

[A]

I forget.

[C]

Regina hall and Tatiana Taylor.

[B]

Regina's Regina the great.

[A]

She's great. I love.

[B]

I like Regina.

[A]

The other girls in that movie.

[B]

And also too, I didn't like the fact that. Why was Tiffany Hash and all them up there? I didn't even talk about them.

[A]

That was her, huh?

[B]

Tiffany.

[A]

She didn't even talk. She's a comedian.

[B]

Tiffany Hash is up there. She didn't get to talk. There was other people. There's other people on the panel that didn't get to talk.

[A]

I just thought there was gonna be way more stacked comedians and there should

[B]

have been more people that were close to Kevin up there talking. Yeah, like close people.

[A]

Like.

[B]

It would have been nice. It would have been nice. It would have been nice if his ex wife went up there. Kevin Hart's ex wife. That's a roast.

[A]

I really think the Cat Williams thing saved it.

[B]

Calvin said. Yeah. And then. Or have his current wife up there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Roasting him about the. All the allegations. Yeah. You know, you know what's crazy about that whole roast too? They thought about the DUI night. Kevin Hart's DUI night. I was there that night with him. I was at a nightclub with them that night. So it was so funny. I was like, oh, I remember that night.

[A]

I don't follow anything. So I don't know. You got dui. How do you get DY that rich? Just call somebody.

[B]

We were, we were at a nightclub and.

[A]

But don't you just call Uber?

[B]

Oh, no. He drove his freaking nice ass car.

[A]

But hey, guy, I'll give you 300 bucks, we'll drive my car.

[B]

Oh, maybe. Yeah, if you have exp. His car was sick though, dude. It was like a roaster. It was like a.

[A]

Thanks. Get someone to drive that. Yeah. If you're two seater, all faded.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Get someone to drive. Get on the flatbed.

[B]

It's not cool.

[A]

Take it home.

[B]

Definitely not cool to drink and drive.

[A]

400 bucks, that guy. 400 bucks.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Come on. I will. I promise you I will never get a crazy. That's insane to me.

[B]

Yeah, but you can you get a DUI with weed now too, right?

[A]

I will never get a drinking DUI ever again. Promise you will never I drove drunk one time three blocks away, and I went, should I do this? I need to move the car.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I just creep to the edge, like, looking for cops.

[B]

All right, go.

[C]

All right, go.

[A]

It's like, this would be the time I get pulled over.

[B]

And this is a terrible area where you're at right now at night time.

[A]

You just pull over central and not even that. Fools like to street race down south. It's the worst, man. Fools just don't care about lights, and they'll just keep going because their beamer is fast. Yeah, it's like, my car's fast, too. What the is wrong with you?

[B]

I don't get it, dude. I want. I want to do give a shout out to all the ghost riders, dude. All the ghost riders. They. They did. They.

[A]

Writers.

[B]

The right hus.

[A]

They said writer.

[B]

All the ghost riders, like, they literally did so, so well. And what sucks is you could tell that they were saying. Just keep scrolling. Keep scrolling. They were saying it alive. Keep scrolling. He didn't want to do this joke. You want to do like they wrote.

[A]

Oh, I thought they were kidding.

[B]

No, man, they wrote.

[A]

Not that one.

[B]

Not that one. They wrote so many jokes, and they were just like, yeah, that's like someone's work, you know? I know they got paid for it, but like she said, just run the jokes. Just say them all.

[A]

It's a roast. Or.

[C]

It kind of ruined it for me because I was there.

[A]

He was there watching it.

[C]

I was watching them just read it. They had a giant teleprompter.

[A]

That's the worst.

[C]

And it's like, bro, you guys, I want you, as you the comedian to roast this.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Also, it's like a scripted teacher.

[A]

Why'd they get the whitest man in America to do black excellence?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

With Kevin Hart.

[B]

That was. That was.

[A]

That was a little. You can see Shane Gills like this.

[B]

He's like, okay, it's cool.

[A]

All right, Usher. Right?

[B]

But they. They had some really good moments where, like, they were funny. It was really racist and funny, but I loved it. But it was funny. But when they were like, oh, no, no. I'm so sorry.

[A]

Don't worry.

[B]

I called her and asked permission to say this.

[A]

Like, just say it. Just say it.

[B]

Like, yeah, that's why I think the live ruined it. Like, if it wasn't live, they could have edited all that stuff. They could have made it look more clean.

[A]

I don't think about that way.

[B]

I don't think. I don't think next. I. I don't think live is the way to go. They need to edit those moments where it feels more real. Like I don't want to see, like them messing up, you know, it's funny.

[A]

I want you to edit out the real part so it feels real.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

And I know how, but I get what you're saying. I understand what you mean.

[B]

Who's your favorite roaster at all of them.

[A]

I gotta be honest, man. I cannot believe Barack Obama. The Rock made me laugh like that dude. Really? He actually made me laugh. He's like, you need the Rock just like your dad. I went, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

That was funny. No, when they brought up the picture of their dad.

[A]

Oh, his little baby. That's not fair. If your dad's this big, you can't compare anybody to the rocks.

[B]

I like, I like Naen Lin. You know, Naim Lynn.

[A]

I didn't think it was that funny. Really.

[B]

Oh, no, I love, I like for, for being one of the guys that actually knows Kev for that long. It just felt more authentic. It felt more, I've known n for a very long time.

[A]

There it goes.

[B]

But, but he's, him and Kev are really good friends. They see each other all the time. They work together all the time. And you could tell that even his opening joke was like. He's like, he said that this rose would help him. He's like, he could wait.

[A]

The black dude with the white on. Yeah, sorry, I, I, I mixed up with somebody else. He was pretty funny. Yeah, the older man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he was pretty funny.

[B]

He's not that much older, but black cracks, apparently.

[A]

CUZ that looks 55 to 60. And you're saying it's not that much over older?

[B]

No, he's like, I think he's like 44.

[A]

It's not true. It is not his. He has white jeans.

[B]

Maybe 48. I don't know.

[A]

There's no way.

[B]

But yeah, he was, he was my favorite out of all the roast because he's one that actually really knows him very well. And he said some stuff like it was funny.

[A]

I like BJ Okerson. Just calling him out on being a shitty friend.

[B]

That's great. That was great.

[A]

Because I'm like, oh, this is real. Yeah, he's really meaning this.

[B]

He gave him, he gave him $10,000, which is nothing.

[A]

$200 million last year.

[B]

You could have gave him 100 grand and it wouldn't have. And he could have wrote it off as a freaking gift. 100% isn't that messed up.

[A]

I saw this billionaire Guy the other day, you know those like balloon pop dumbass shows? Well, one of those shows that's in a white room where they ask questions, whatever. Or people sit in a circle, whatever the it is as a billionaire. And he goes, yeah, I gave a $280 million this year to so and so. Like, didn't even feel it.

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

Why can't I give away more money? He's like, that's why I make money, to help.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Didn't even feel it. Like you didn't feel 300 million. You're the man.

[B]

That's awesome.

[A]

That's awesome. Fix a whole neighborhood every week.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, dude. Yeah. I don't know, I just think like, that is awesome. But the fact that all those people on there are so ballin', so rich. And I was like, I really wish there was more comedians on. That's all.

[B]

How do you guys like Chelsea Handler?

[A]

She's funny.

[B]

I like Shane Gilson when he's a middle name penis.

[A]

So easy. Or did she get a boob job

[B]

or was just a push up?

[A]

Sure, yeah.

[C]

No, no, her boobs were like pouring out of her dress. Yeah, they were like picking up the whole stage.

[A]

The rest of her. Yeah, like, yo, you need something because you're dude wild.

[B]

She looked really old.

[A]

Well, I mean, she's older. She's like 60 now, right?

[B]

I don't know. Yeah, but she's probably 16.

[A]

You know what, let's just say that she's 60 for her. Like. Yeah, I liked her confidence.

[B]

I didn't know she that many black guys. They kept on roasting her thing.

[A]

Really Remember Chelsea Handler show. Like, she would talk about how she's like banging 50 Cent and I watched Chelsea Handler shows.

[B]

I never watched it.

[A]

That's the only reason I know who she is, because she was like.

[B]

I used to think her last name, I used to think her last name was last name was lately.

[A]

Get out of here.

[B]

I did.

[A]

Okay, back to the question I want to ask. Yeah, you stopped doing drugs. You told me a slight story that you said you got a really, really big stand up moment and you're like, yo, I gotta be clean for a month. Yeah, I got town.

[B]

I got booked in Dubai.

[A]

This is.

[B]

That's what it is. This is during COVID This is during recent. Yeah, this is 2021. I got booked in five years ago. Yeah, I've been clean. I've been clean five years. Like very clean.

[A]

I'm just kidding.

[C]

That's you.

[A]

But you actually have to do this before you Leave What?

[B]

Okay, so I went to Dubai, and it was a turning point in comedy for me because I thought comedy was done, Kovi was happening, entertainment was done. Comedy clubs are closed. And I'm like, oh, my God, how am I going to make any money? So I got this offer to go to Dubai, and I was like, what? I'm like, yeah, how much? Like, yeah, let's go. I went to Dubai, Mask, the whole thing. Florida, Dubai. I'm there. I'm there for two weeks. I did, like, five shows. Like, epic shows. Like, oh, my God, I crushed it. I felt alive again. Blah, blah. I talked to my boys. I'm like, dude, I'm coming back in a few days. Let's freaking party. It's on me. Let's do this. Blah, blah. And then I get back, and then they meet me at the haha. And then I'm like, come on, let's go. I'll buy the bag. And then my buddy Rico goes, jack, I came here to tell you that we're proud of you. You're doing so good. You just did Dubai. You have a really big future, bro. You're gonna be a big star. He goes, go home. Go home. I love you.

[A]

Go home.

[B]

I'm like, no, man, because party. He's like, no, man, go home. I love you. He kisses me, he hugs me. They go out that night, they get a bag, and they die. Oh, save my. All that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Save my freaking life, bro. It's crazy. And this is the one I saw

[A]

in the news, right?

[B]

Yeah. I haven't touched this stuff since, like, literally I was, like, two weeks prior sober, and then I just stopped doing it. I haven't done it since. I'm terrified of it.

[A]

Scary.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's like, oh, is this fun or death?

[B]

The crazy thing is, like, when they. When you. When you Google, like, pictures, like, it'll say local comedians die, offense, and all over.

[A]

I remember the night.

[B]

And in one article, there's a picture of me in the middle with both of them. It's like, me, Fu, and Rico. And people were like, you died? And I'm like, no, no, it takes you back. Yeah, I was up. But, yeah, man. I actually had a son, like, six months later. I named Jacob. His middle name is Enrico after. After Rico. So, yeah, it's pretty freaking wild, man.

[A]

It's like butterfly effect.

[B]

It's not. It's. It's not the same as it was before, guys. You know, people are just dropping like flies right now.

[A]

The fence, bro, it's just way too risky.

[B]

It's not worth it. And if you think about it, like, we got lucky. People said, you got lucky that night. You said you got saved.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But think about how many times we party and we're rolling the dice, bro. Dude, it's crazy.

[A]

It doesn't matter how balling you are, who you are. That.

[B]

Yeah. Mac Miller passed away.

[A]

Tom Petty was 60 something from Get It. Yeah. Oh, really? Yeah. It was fentanyl and cocaine.

[B]

I did not know that.

[A]

Yeah, isn't that up?

[B]

I did not know that.

[A]

Julio. That was coolio, too.

[C]

That's what I read.

[B]

And they got that actor from Bulldog Empire, the black dude, the big, really famous actor, Boardwalk Empire. He was in. He was.

[C]

He.

[A]

I've seen that show. There's a black guy in there.

[B]

Yeah, he was. What's his name?

[A]

Does he play this?

[B]

He's a villain. He's in a bunch of movies, bro. It's. That's.

[A]

That's school.

[B]

That's schooling.

[A]

You hear that?

[B]

That's schooling. Look it up.

[C]

Black guy, Boardwalk Empire. Oh, this guy. This dude here.

[B]

Yeah, here, that.

[A]

Oh, that's right.

[B]

He died the day after.

[A]

I forgot.

[B]

He died the day after my friends died. Yeah, it was that same batch. Not going around.

[A]

China.

[C]

Michael K. Williams.

[B]

Michael K. Williams.

[A]

Yeah. I blame China. They're the ones putting the fentanyl over here, man.

[B]

I don't know what it was, bro, but it wasn't.

[A]

It was pretty.

[B]

Like, not only them, it's just, like, recently, two more people died.

[A]

It's just, like, people are all the time over this.

[B]

Fentanyl.

[A]

The worst way to destroy a fun thing.

[B]

Yeah. I literally had a. When I got my car accident, I had to get a.

[A]

The shot.

[B]

Shot, and they're like, put 2ccs of fence and all day.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

That's like, timeout.

[A]

It used to be.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Like, what, Did Michael Jackson die of that? Yes. Prince.

[B]

Prince died from it, too.

[A]

That's a. They're sniping these, playing fentanyl, because there's no way that you're that rich. Going, I'm gonna just OD over some.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Like right now, right. If you want to do cocaine, you're gonna get good cocaine. Imagine if you're a billionaire, you're gonna get good cocaine, bro.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm gonna source this. I want to know the undocumented workers.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Sweated into this. Want to know his name and make sure he's healthy. Snort.

[B]

The worst is when people go, no, man. I get it from the freaking. I get the brick with the stamp on it. I'm like, bro, like, it just takes this much and you're done.

[A]

I get the brick with the stamp on it. Cuz I do trust that more. I do. I do trust it more.

[B]

Cuz I have. But it's so easy to just put it in a brick and a stamp on it.

[A]

I mean, to put that much fenol on a brick is a waste of time. Like, all you need is off all my guys.

[B]

It's terrible.

[A]

But it doesn't even help the cut. It's not even enough to fluff it. It's just to kill people. Only to kill people. It's the opposite reaction. It's to kill. It's only to kill people. There's no. There's no like, oh, this baking powder to fluff this. I make more money. No, there's no making more money.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Kill the customer.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This is not so.

[B]

It's someone. Someone trying to hurt us.

[A]

It's someone. It's China, dude. I promise you, it's going to come out like 10 years that some manufacturers were spiking the in Colombia. I promise you. Those want to take down this whole generation of you so they can come in and take it over. I would if I was like, hey, we're smarter, we work harder, and we make all this. That's already there.

[B]

All there. Yeah. And these guys are already taking all our.

[A]

It's already done. And the tariffs, you guys, I get it.

[B]

And this is all during Company too Chinese.

[A]

No. I'm just kidding. Company. Hey, man, it's all. The plan. Covid was just to say could spike the cocaine.

[B]

That's all this was, dude. Damn.

[A]

Peacemaker 3, dude, that's what it's about. Do you watch any shows since you're on the road?

[B]

No.

[A]

What do you do on the road?

[B]

Just so my schedule is pretty crazy. Like, I literally, I. I fly into a place I know.

[A]

But if you're flying, just.

[B]

Oh, on. Oh. I sleep on the plane all the time. I sleep where I write.

[A]

Awesome.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Better than watch Goodfellas again. I just did it.

[B]

That or I'll watch a shooty movie until I get bored. I fall asleep.

[A]

It's a good movie, man. You ain't never seen that movie. You think it sucks? If you think it sucks, it's great.

[B]

Jim Carrey, right?

[A]

Yeah. You haven't seen it?

[B]

I've seen it. Jim Carrey.

[A]

It's one where you have to say Jim Carrey.

[B]

It's a reality show. The reality show one, right?

[A]

I guess.

[B]

Yes. You stupid.

[A]

I guess you call it that? It's a great movie.

[B]

It's all right, man. I choose Liar Liar over Truman Shaw.

[A]

Of course I said, what's a better movie? Not what makes me laugh and have fun. Liar Liar is fun, but the trim

[B]

is like, what is that when you watch it? You said that was your top movie. Yeah.

[A]

Why? I think it's because that's Earth. I think that's what's happening to us, and it's right in our face also.

[B]

It's like the. What? You know what. What's it called? What's it called? Hunger Games. I think that's what happened with us, too. Remember Hunger Games? They're changing the weather. They're bringing all war. Same situation. All right, well, Tong Games is better.

[A]

I don't think so.

[B]

I think so.

[A]

There's tits.

[B]

I know you're seeing.

[A]

I know there's not.

[B]

I'm just kidding. Look at you. Like, really?

[A]

No, there's not. It's like Battle Royale, but white. Yeah, that's all Hunger Games is. They stole that from Japan.

[C]

They could at least.

[B]

Do you think right now someone's. Someone's making his dues right now?

[A]

There's someone forcing us. No, no. The tr. Oh, you've never seen the Truman show, man? No.

[B]

No.

[A]

Show is basically this. Ready, Boom. I'm not your friend. He's not your friend. We actually are all actors. Your wife's not even your friend. She's an actor. She's an actress. When you're gone, she's getting her scripts and her lines, and there's cameras and everywhere, and we all watch you, and you're not really allowed to travel. You think you're traveling, but you're not. It's just in this bubble that we keep you in so we can watch you. You're the biggest show on the planet, and everybody's watched this guy every move. Your wife, they. They broke you up. They made her script to break, up, to come back years later. Like, when he finds out that this is all happening, it's like, this is the worst thing that's ever happened in the world. And when he finds out, it's kind of like what our government's doing to us. It's like, oh, yeah, we're playing with you. Imagine this is the world, and you're just like, all right, well, the biggest show on here.

[B]

And then. So I get it. You watch this when you're high.

[A]

I watch as a child.

[B]

Oh, okay. Yeah. You guys remember Ed tv?

[A]

Yeah, I do remember at tv.

[B]

Remember that?

[A]

Yeah, I Didn't. It was. It was a goofy version of that.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

And tv. I'm a movie buff.

[A]

I love movies. Do you remember Joe's apartment?

[B]

No.

[A]

It was, like, 1991. Where all the cockroaches were in his apartment and they were like his homies.

[B]

No. It was the weirdest movie I ever watched.

[A]

All right, so you like movies? Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All right.

[B]

What's.

[A]

What's your. What's. What's.

[B]

I like old movies.

[A]

Me, too.

[B]

Okay, cool.

[A]

That you recommend people that aren't funny. Two movies that recommend you recommend. Like, yo, yo, I'm from Siberia. I never watched tv. What's two movies to blow my mind right now.

[B]

To blow your mind?

[A]

Not even. Not even. Like some interstellar. Just like, wow. That's what television is. That's what movies are.

[B]

Oh, now you're getting deep, bro. Like, I'm like. I like Independence Day with Will Smith there.

[A]

That's fine.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

A guy that's never seen movies go, what the Is an alien?

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

That's cool. But that movie's all right.

[B]

I don't know. I was just. I was. I was like, six, bro. The Untouchables.

[A]

I guess, but I keep going. Okay.

[B]

Was.

[A]

Okay. I'm gonna give him costa guy, man.

[B]

Oh, Tombstone.

[A]

Dude, you just like why people shoot each other, don't you? Tombstone. All right, how about 30 years later,

[B]

you don't like Tombstone.

[A]

Untouchables. It's just the same white dudes and their parents, man. It's the same actors with different style hats.

[B]

Star Wars. You want to hear Star Wars?

[A]

That's fine.

[B]

I'm kidding. I don't like Star Wars.

[A]

I don't like Star Wars. He loves it. Loves it.

[B]

Look at him. I look at his R2D2.

[A]

R2. You don't know Star Wars? That mother's little. Huh? R2D2 me, C3PO is the tall, skinny one.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

You like other white people shooting each other? What else do you like besides white people shooting each other, Dude. In different time periods.

[B]

I like chick flicks.

[A]

Like what?

[B]

The Notebook.

[A]

The Notebook's a good movie.

[B]

I like the Notebook. Good. I love the Notebook.

[A]

It's a great movie.

[B]

Yeah, I like the Notebook. I like any JLO movie made in Manhattan. I'm kidding.

[A]

Okay, Okay.

[B]

I just like JLo.

[A]

I don't.

[B]

Like I said I crush.

[A]

Everyone's talking to her about the Diddy thing. She dated his ass.

[B]

She. She got dittied.

[A]

Yeah, but nobody's talking about her. I Saw her in the crowd last night. They showed her for two seconds.

[B]

She's. Have you seen her in prison?

[A]

I don't want to see her.

[B]

I saw her in person.

[A]

She's like.

[B]

She's so hot. She's like, not real. She's like 60, bro.

[A]

I only think of her.

[B]

She's so hot.

[A]

South Park. I only see her as a hand puppet. Oh. That's all I can see. Oh, you're.

[B]

You like cartoons?

[A]

I just see her as a Cartman's hand. Have you ever seen that episode?

[B]

No.

[A]

It'll change your life. Really? Yeah.

[B]

Okay, I'm gonna check.

[A]

Watch flat or fat button, Pancake head. That's what it's called, the episode. You should watch that episode today.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Homework you should send to me right now.

[A]

I promise you I'll do stuff like that. I love south park so much. I will watch that just to show you.

[B]

Really? So did you like, did you like. I haven't seen Cyberbark. Yeah. Oh, I had sex.

[A]

Yeah, but you were also a child.

[B]

Yeah, I know, but.

[A]

Came out in the third grade.

[B]

Yeah, I know. I was into it. I was into sports, bro.

[A]

So was I.

[B]

No, you're at home watching tv.

[A]

No, no, I definitely was into sports. As captain of everything. I played sports my whole life.

[B]

So. As a kid, okay, as a kid, I was Ninja Turtles. Cool. Power Rangers. Epic.

[A]

But I throw south park in there, too.

[B]

No. And then I play Sega.

[A]

I play, like, Harry's Lawy a lot.

[B]

No, Harrison. Oh, it's dope ass game.

[A]

Play Sonic a lot.

[B]

Sonic. Sonic, yeah. And I played sports. I was outside playing hockey. Roller hockey.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But like, I was into, like, Mighty Ducks.

[A]

Yeah, but what happens at night?

[B]

At night time, I would jerk off

[A]

eight hours straight, dog. Put in time.

[B]

South Park. I think I discovered porn. What? And I was like, 15.

[A]

Were you doing before that? At night, man? That's what I'm saying. You're an American child. You were watching.

[B]

I was out. So when I was like, 13, 14, 15, 16.

[A]

I'm talking about before.

[B]

Oh, you're talking about what, 8, 9, 10.

[A]

Even before that, what you do at night. Oh, I remember everything.

[B]

I was a kid playing soccer in the streets, bro.

[A]

Now you can't play at 9 to 12 at night.

[B]

I think I was watching, like, melrose place and 921. Oh, you're gay.

[A]

That's fine, dude. That's fine, man. Just say, okay.

[B]

My favorite cartoon. Do you want to hear them?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Tailspin.

[A]

Okay, that's good.

[B]

Darkwing Duck.

[A]

Do you Love white people.

[B]

Keep going tailspin. Darkwing.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Oh yeah.

[A]

He likes ducks.

[B]

Keep going tailspin. Darkwing Dog.

[A]

Mighty Dog books.

[B]

Adventures of Gummy Bears. I'm a little kid, right?

[A]

Adventures of Gummy Bears.

[B]

Gummy bears bouncing here and there and everywhere.

[A]

No Rocco anything, you know. You know, I've never heard of that. I've never got stone.

[B]

They used to drink like a gummy juice and they would bounce and beat up the bad guys. It's pretty awesome. Adventures of Gummy Bears. Pull it up.

[A]

Pull it up.

[B]

Pull it up. Pull it up. Please. Adventures of Gummy Bears.

[A]

I need to know.

[B]

It'll change your life.

[A]

It's some Armenian awful wall show.

[B]

No, man, it's a Disney Channel show, you guys. Oh, yours are poor. No Disney Channel. Okay, watch Adventures of Brink. There you go.

[A]

I have never seen this in my entire. It's the real gummy bears.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. You're on some. Some. Some first generation.

[B]

Put a video press. Put any video, bro.

[A]

That. That. I've never. No. Never seen it.

[B]

Okay, well that's what I watched as a kid when I was like a little kid.

[A]

679 and oh, see, I was watching Scarface's shows like five my mom's not good. Oh, see, I was watching horrible as a kid.

[B]

It was pretty entertaining as hell, bro.

[A]

I remember this intro.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

I haven't seen this since I was a kid.

[B]

Gummy bears bouncing here and there and everywhere.

[A]

I've never watched an episode of this, but I remember the intro, bro.

[B]

It was a great show.

[A]

They like just. It was kind of like the. The Keebler elves, but just people.

[B]

But it was cool about this was like they were a family. Man.

[A]

Get the out of here. They were a real family with a strong Mexican household.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I also grew up with two sisters too. Okay, so I didn't have that older brother. Maybe I was gay. I think so. Atlanta's more said. I actually posted something I'm posting today.

[A]

Songs aren't. I'm just talking about.

[B]

I'm talking about like I was watching 90210.

[A]

Are they older than you?

[B]

Yeah, way older.

[A]

Oh, you have older sisters.

[B]

Older sisters.

[A]

That's different. Are they straight?

[B]

I'll try to flow my friends. Sister's friends.

[A]

Oh, that's. You said that started us with my friend's sister. Sister friends. What the. I don't know anything.

[B]

Dude.

[A]

All the weed that was been on that chair is seeping. It's getting it. What is this? Q? Tips for dabbing.

[B]

There's no Hash.

[A]

It's clean.

[B]

That was dirty Q Tips.

[A]

No, it's clean.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. So gay stuff as a kid stuff. Gummy bears, Right? All right, so you weren't watching up. Wait, were your parents on it? Like, they won't let you. Do you ever watch?

[C]

No.

[B]

I used to watch Howard Stern on

[A]

E. Oh, yeah, you were. Yeah, but they didn't know that.

[B]

No. Yeah, I watched Spice Channel, dude. Or Spice Channel one time.

[A]

You know what that is? My friend Anthony Avalo goes channel.

[B]

You know, Black box. You put up 99. It's game time.

[A]

It was weird.

[B]

Put in the Spy Channel. Put a Spy Channel.

[A]

The first time I ever saw it, Mario Spice Channel.

[B]

What's the Spice Channel, dude?

[A]

There was a Playboy channel.

[B]

Do you remember that?

[A]

It was a podcast. Yes, they would have a podcast. And everyone was just naked. Yeah. And these girls would talk about regular life, but just naked. And then halfway through the bike. So we're gonna have a scene being filmed in the back, just. And there'd be people filming porn right behind them. And I'm sitting there at 9 or like 11 going, what the is happening, dude? Yeah, they were gonna smoke weed, and then we're gonna hang out. Why are we watching this? This is awkward.

[B]

So you watched the south park your whole life? Yeah, fourth grade. So fourth year, you're.

[A]

What is nine?

[B]

Nine years old. Okay, what kind of music did you listen to in fourth grade? Say so.

[A]

Look it. My upbringing was very different because my mom likes Weird.

[B]

I was white growing up. Fourth. Fifth grade.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

Like, I like Everclear, Third Eye Blind, Nirvana.

[A]

That's America. You're American.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Say what? You're American.

[B]

American.

[A]

That's like a. I hear it at the gym. Music.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Bush.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Bush. Ever clear.

[B]

Everclear, Everlast. Ever.

[A]

Last.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, man, they just like, hey, man,

[A]

you're white, I'm white, yeah. Last ever Clear.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We'll throw two different shows.

[B]

And I listen to a lot of cumbia and.

[A]

Oh, yeah, I never Latin music. It's just weird. But.

[B]

Because in my parents club, they would. They have, like, a karaoke night, and they would play, like, El General all, like, cumbia, freaking Selena, all that kind of stuff. So I grew up with that. I grew up with all these different.

[A]

A lot.

[B]

A lot of stuff going on. As a kid, I was always working, too. My parents would take me to work a lot. So.

[A]

Good.

[B]

I started working. I was like. I think I was nine years old. I was bartending good, you know?

[A]

Should be.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Teach you some I always thought nine's too young. Do you remember yourself at nine?

[B]

I made a margarita. I was ten. Good. My dad. My dad. My dad was. What is that?

[C]

It's a spice channel.

[B]

Yeah, it's just a clip of a

[A]

guy kissing a chick. Oh, no.

[B]

It's softcore porn.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know what's funny? I never saw it like this. I always see this blurry spy channel. That was the best, bro. It was weird.

[A]

I was like, whoa, what the.

[B]

My neighbor had it. And he was like, my mom's not here. Come over. And we're just like, tits. That's.

[A]

That's what happened to my friend. I went. You brought me over for this? I don't. It's weird.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I want to watch this with you.

[B]

You're gay.

[A]

Like, you don't want to. That's why he's with another guy.

[B]

That's why he doesn't have kids.

[A]

No, for real. I don't want you in here.

[B]

Don't get a boner next to me.

[A]

That was his wife's channel. Yeah, no, it's just awkward. Like, do you go to ship clubs with dudes?

[B]

No, I don't like that.

[A]

All right, then you're telling me I'm gay, but I don't want to watch a virtual strip club.

[B]

If I go to a strip club, it's. I'll go with my friend, but we'll separate.

[A]

Yeah, because you guys are straight. Yeah.

[B]

Like, I'm like, hey, I'm over here. You go over there.

[A]

Don't look at me.

[B]

We'll see each other later. Everybody. Like, hey, good luck.

[A]

I go to strip clubs with my wife a lot. Like, it's the only thing we do besides we weed stuff, so it's a lot cooler.

[B]

Did you go with me? You just said no.

[A]

No.

[B]

Like, with your wife.

[A]

Oh, okay. Okay.

[B]

No, the reason why is because, like, I used to work at one, so I know how to talk to those girls I usually like. We'll just leave and we'll all take them back. You know, have a good time.

[A]

I don't talk to those girls.

[B]

Like, I can be your father. Yeah, that's right. I'm proud of you.

[A]

I'm proud of you.

[B]

Yeah, that's right, guys. A little back to back action. Oh, hell, yeah. Yeah. No, no.

[A]

I went to a strip club one time with some dude and his girlfriend, and then my wife and then their friend. And then I realized, realized I don't ever want to go with another guy in my life.

[B]

I wouldn't go with my wife.

[A]

That's weird.

[B]

You wouldn't go with your wife? No, that's gay.

[A]

Okay, so that's different.

[B]

No, it's not gay.

[A]

Very good. This dude, I. It was. Me and my wife were getting the LAP D. I look over and this guy's like, this. Look at me like, what the are you still here for? I'm like, yo, get your husband out of here. I was talking to the girl like, what's up with your husband? Tell him to go away. I don't want to be here anymore. And I just sat there like this. Yeah, you still here? Get the out. Oh. When you go to strip clubs because you have fans, you had a fan come up to a strip club as for a picture, not even that. What's the word? Anything ever shitty ever happened to you at a strip club with a fan?

[B]

The worst was not at a strip club, but at a club.

[A]

That's fine. Same.

[B]

I was peeing. I was at a urinal, peeing. And then the guy was. No, the guy was next to me, and he, like. He kind of was like, hey, hey, you're on YouTube, right? I go, I'm sure ignoring him because I'm peeing now. I'm ignoring him. He's like, hey, I'm talking to you. And he literally goes. He taps me on the shoulder. I go, bro, what? I. Don't touch me, bro. He's like, you're the comedian guy, right? I go, yeah, man. Go wash your hands. He goes, oh, my bad, my bad, my bad. Yeah, you phony dog. Are you gonna make a joke about this one day?

[A]

Yeah,

[B]

he touches, like. Yeah, that was. That's probably the grossest thing has ever happened.

[A]

That's gross. But, like, not even, like, over the top. Like, I. Dude, I haven't done a lot of shows, so. I've met fans. Yeah. I finally ran into, like, an extremely drunk one.

[B]

I won't leave you alone.

[A]

This man almost moved in with me. That's how much he wouldn't leave me. Oh. As I'm meeting other fans, he still talk.

[B]

I'm like, yeah.

[A]

Oh, you're still here.

[B]

They're just so star struck, bro. And it's just. It's just like, no.

[A]

Do you want to do this at the store? Why are you literally. Yeah, I can smell you. Yeah, that's not the bad one. I went to a strip club with my wife on our anniversary last year. We're in Vegas, Right. Apparently, it's a whorehouse. I didn't know this one was bad, but I went to a.

[B]

What's it called? All right, I'm going to Vegas tomorrow.

[A]

Oh, I'll tell. You tell me.

[B]

I tell now.

[A]

No, I mean, apparently, it sounds like it's called Sophia's.

[B]

Oh, I never been there.

[A]

It was a little different shout out to Sapphire. All right. Yeah. So I'm sitting there and I got this whole section to me and my wife, like, yeah, club. We're gonna get up, and these two girls come over, like, oh, yeah, this is gonna go great. And this dude, like, what? I'm like, oh, what's up, man? Nice to meet you. And he's like, dude, I know all the videos. I'm like, yeah. So I'm talking. He's a family. Yeah. I'm talking to him like, all right, man.

[B]

Later.

[A]

And I go back and I turn around and he's sitting with us. I'll go, what's up, dude? He goes, oh, you mind if I just chill with you guys tonight? Go. No, it's our anniversary. You know, I don't think my wife. He goes, outside and small. Got the ring. Go. No, it's our anniversary. Like, I'm probably just gonna chill. It's cool to sit here, like, smoke

[B]

a plug and then, you know. You don't read the room.

[A]

No, I'm telling you. No. Not even read the room.

[B]

Not even that.

[A]

The stripper girls looked at Rosie and went. And I went, I'm sorry. I'm apologizing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, you don't have clothes on.

[B]

And.

[A]

Yeah, I'm embarrassed. Yeah, this sucks, dude.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And after the fourth time, he finally. All right, I'll catch you later, man. I'm like, oh, yeah, we're in here. He was dropping someone off. He wasn't even.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

He walked in and saw me as he dropped someone.

[B]

Oh, my God. He was an Uber driver.

[A]

He was a driver, man.

[B]

Oh, my God, that's hilarious.

[A]

Oh, this sucks, dude. And then I just, like, left.

[B]

Yeah. Ruined the night.

[A]

Ruined. No, the girl was a weirdo.

[B]

But question. When you go to triple with your wife, you know, I mean, you don't have to answer this, but, like, she's gonna get mad if girl's on top of you. I think, like, a girl's giving you a lap dance. Is she getting mad?

[A]

We wouldn't go if she got mad.

[B]

Oh, I'm just.

[A]

No, that's awesome.

[B]

Then I respect that. Sounds like.

[A]

Thanks. No, it's fun.

[B]

I love your wife.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

No, it's fun. Nice lady.

[A]

Nice lady.

[B]

I like this one.

[A]

No, no. Going to a strip club with A girl Trippers go, you're not a creep, huh? And I go, yeah, exactly.

[B]

Yeah. I remember one time this girl goes, ill, you're married. I go, ill, you're a stripper.

[A]

There's a good one like, oh, you don't have a dad. Like, your dad's at the one next door.

[B]

Ivy Diamond Phoenix.

[A]

What's the weakest name you've ever heard?

[B]

Oh, the worst one was Spice.

[A]

That's not that bad.

[B]

I don't like it.

[A]

Spice Channel, Spice Girls.

[B]

I. I just don't like Spice. Spice. The worst is when they just have like normal names.

[A]

Here's Veronica.

[B]

There's Mary. Yeah, that's right, guys. That's Mary on the main sting. She's loving it.

[A]

Doing.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, that's cool. Yeah, the words, the ones, the funny ones are the Latina girls go, that's right, guys, floor is on the main stage. Floor. That's a name flower. Yeah. Fl.

[A]

Oh, this. That's a shitty.

[B]

I used to do it in Spanish, like, no propina, no coina. See a P. Let's go. No prop. No propina, no cocina.

[A]

You just said that in Sacramento.

[B]

I feel. I did on my show. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

I was like, I've heard that somewhere.

[B]

No propen on. I was. That was a good show in Sacramento, bro.

[A]

That was fun as.

[B]

Dude, that's dope. We're going to be in San Francisco, dude. My birthday. It's my birthday. When is this coming out? Say his name is my mom's.

[A]

When you said that. Oh, my mom's birthday.

[B]

Yeah, this is coming out tomorrow. Are you going to be in LA? May 15th.

[A]

Be in San Francisco.

[B]

Oh, you're already leaving.

[A]

My mom's birthday. I'm going take. Or we're going to go up early.

[B]

Yeah, I'm going to be there. I'm going the 17th.

[A]

Okay. The day of, Day of.

[B]

I have a show of May 15th for my birthday in LA. I was. If you want to do it, we'll celebrate on May 17th. Live Nation, baby.

[A]

And it's gonna be at Cobbs Comedy

[B]

Club, Hobbs Comedy club, San Francisco, California, 7pm you gotta come to this guy's hilarious. You gotta see him do. He does comedy standing up.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

Yeah, I do. Yeah, I do. And I'll tell you what, if you come, I'll smoke with you guys.

[A]

Oh, my God. Imagine after the show could. No, not even that. Dude, why you took a.

[B]

Like, I'll smoke like a joint.

[A]

Dad lives through his son to play football. That's how you Hit the joint.

[B]

What I want to do is this. Look, are you not leaving them? Are you. Are you gonna be there Monday too or no? Yeah. Okay, so I want to go Monday morning. Because I'm saying first. I'm saying Sunday, Monday, Monday morning. Let's get high and go get some clam chowder.

[A]

I'll go with you to the Pier 100. I'm down.

[B]

Okay. Hell yeah. That was called Fisherman's wharf.

[A]

Yeah. Pier 39.

[B]

Pier 39.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

The only place in San Francisco is not overrun by drugs. San Francisco sucks. Now, when's the last time you've been there?

[B]

Like a year and a half ago.

[A]

Oh. Used to go there every weekend. It's really not the same. I wouldn't leave in my car. I wouldn't do nothing. I park a valet. Like, it's bad.

[B]

Really? Yeah, it's bad everywhere.

[A]

No, San Francisco is robocop city.

[B]

Portland is bad.

[A]

I was just in Portland. I'll sleep outside in Portland. Really?

[B]

Downtown Portland?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, they closed. I. I think the freaking. The homeless took over a comedy club area. They closed it down because it was.

[A]

Yeah. San Francisco is the whole. It's. It's like. It's like a big trouble. Little China down there.

[B]

Really.

[A]

It's.

[B]

I can't wait. Get your tickets. Dot com. Use promo code. There's not. There's no.

[A]

There's a couple parts where it's just. It's just bad. I wouldn't park. It's. But San Francisco used to be the. Yeah, I heard it's coming back.

[B]

Yeah. What dates are you coming with me?

[A]

You were doing Houston, so we're doing this weekend. If you go, is it jackjrcomic.com?

[B]

yeah. Yeah. But you're gonna come with me in Houston too, right? Houston, Dallas, the 24th too, if you want to come.

[A]

24th and then the 30th.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No matter what. I know for sure. Houston also, Jack Jr comic.com or dopasyolo.com. i put all his. The dates in the. In the tickets so you can see them.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

17th will be at the cops comic club.

[B]

I'm excited you're coming to London.

[A]

I don't know. I don't think I can make it.

[B]

I don't know. They just. They just emailed me today. They go, are you bringing an opener? I go, I'll go back to you.

[A]

What's the date?

[B]

I'm July 19th in London.

[A]

Oh, it's July. I think It's a June.

[B]

July 19th.

[A]

Oh, July.

[B]

So I'm Gonna. I'm gonna do Netherlands. I'm doing Amsterdam.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

First time. I'm definitely gonna smoke over there.

[A]

Yeah, I'll. I'll link you up with the guys that own the shops.

[B]

Amsterdam over there and then London. And then I'm gonna add a Greece and Armenia. Armenia.

[A]

I barely speak English. These are black. We hate you.

[B]

They speak English.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Okay. No, we're doing a whole tour.

[A]

That's my first joke gonna come out. Remember when you just let Hitler take over all of this, guys. Backbone, I think. Not like, that's it. That's all I'm gonna say. That's my time. What do you.

[B]

What are your thoughts about Hitler?

[A]

I like it the way you said it. I like you said it. He has some ideas. Not all A's.

[B]

Yeah. You know, not.

[A]

Not shooting 100 all the time. He was into the arts.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Facial hair.

[B]

I don't think about him. I just know that one bad thing he did.

[A]

Yeah, he did one bad thing a million times. But, I mean, not that bad. Right? There's all weather. Weathermen.

[B]

I don't know. How's that? You're half Jewish. Are you circumcised?

[A]

Does that mean.

[B]

Are you circumcised? Ready?

[A]

Hold on. Hold on. The. Is that.

[B]

I don't. I don't think he's circumcised. You don't look like you're circumcised.

[A]

I like this.

[B]

How you can tell.

[A]

Like, just look at your eyes. I can taste it.

[B]

I just want to show. This is a big clip.

[A]

Jesus. Exercise. I can tell. I can smell it.

[B]

I can smell this. I can smell the foreskin.

[A]

For sure. It's in. It's in the air. You should see this. Full of the green room dude doing shots.

[B]

No.

[A]

I walked in, no clothes, po. It was weird.

[B]

What? That's not true.

[A]

Is true. I just clip it like that.

[B]

Like, I thought you're gonna talk about the fruit platter. Like. Like they got. I asked when he calls the dude.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Can I get a call?

[A]

I'm grown man.

[B]

No.

[A]

Some fruit platters.

[B]

No, I asked for a fruit platter, like a little thing, and they brought me a whole bucket of freaking fruit.

[A]

A Mexican full. Was like, you want to buy all of this? I'll cut it up for you.

[B]

Like, literally, it was like this. I was like. I'm like, you want. He's like, no, I'm good. Just date, like.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

That was a really. Sacramento was lit, bro. And I think, yeah, your friend, Your

[A]

friends are the best.

[B]

Would you like a kick?

[A]

You always have one friend, you know. You know, I've done three shows with you and two of them, a person that you bring, you go, I wish I never invited him. Yo, I won't say who, but there was one. All right? There was one man. I wasn't going to say it because probably get mad.

[B]

What show?

[A]

I won't say what show.

[B]

I'll figure it out, exactly what it is.

[A]

I know, but there was one guy and I'm like, oh, whose muscle is this? They go, no, he's a comic. I go, oh, I want to know what he's going to be like. I'm like, cuz he has a bike chain on. He's wearing a bike chain.

[B]

Oh, I know.

[A]

I need to know what his. I was like, oh, this guy's funny. Oh, he's kind of funny. And then proceeded to scream with his table for 40 minutes.

[B]

Yeah, I remember. That's. That's my. That's my homie. Homie Rocket. He's a, He's a. He's in a. He's in a.

[A]

He's.

[B]

He's in a biker motorcycle club. He says he's this big. I'm actually posting a clip of him today. Today because he's. He was yelling across the room and he was telling his wife, shut up. To the comedy show, like throughout the show.

[A]

Here's Jack on stage.

[B]

Yeah. I'm like, they're over there. Yeah, they're just.

[A]

I'm him.

[B]

Yeah, they're just like, shut up. Yeah. I'm like, what's. It was a wild show.

[A]

And then he sat with them, and

[B]

then he sat with them and then they got all quiet.

[A]

No.

[B]

And then I call him. I saw, you know, motorcycle gang. He's like, it's a club dog.

[A]

Okay. Because I didn't tell you because I had to talk with him backstage because a lot of the fans know, like, you don't know a lot about me. I grew up with a lot of weird things. Like my stepdad is a. Been to prisons a lot, right? So when I saw him, I go, oh, I know this guy. I could see it. And as he was talking, I go, I was right. Yep. I was right. He's just, He's. He'll punch the. He'll punch it out of you. He said to those guys, like, oh, you don't like it? Well, we'll beat you up.

[B]

Yeah, his chain is like, It's a bike chain. It's a bike Chain from a motorcycle. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

So when he wore. I go, oh, you hit people with that. First thing I thought, like, I've met you a lot through my stepdad. Just different colors of you.

[B]

You know what's actually funny about, now that you think about it, I. Because he's only open for me like maybe five times. And I'm very generous whenever someone asks me, because the first time you work with me There was like 6 comments on the show. And it's normally, normally not like that.

[A]

Well, that's what you said.

[B]

I'm very good at, I'm very bad at saying no. So if you ask me for a spot the day of and the owner's cool, I go, sure, I'm go do five minutes. It's going to help you out. It doesn't bother me at all. Like, no matter how bad the first comedian before I go up is, I'll

[A]

matter, I'll fix it.

[B]

Yeah, it doesn't matter. So I always give opportunity. So. But now that I think of it, the last time he opened for me at the Bray Improv, his. I think it was his girlfriend or his sister beat up some other person in the parking lot. I remember that. It was funny. Yeah.

[A]

I just remember at the end he, he started getting too drunk. He was talking, but his homies were loud. And there was a point where I

[B]

saw John, the owner. Oh yeah, look over.

[A]

And you went, hey, do you ever want to get booked here? That's the owner. Shut the up. And then they just left.

[B]

Oh yeah, yeah, I did say that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, I did say that.

[A]

Just left.

[B]

I go, I, I go, that's.

[A]

I.

[B]

Do you want to work here again?

[A]

Cuz John's a funny like stickler.

[B]

Yeah, I actually have to cancel my date there. I have a date there coming up. I'm going to be in freaking Europe. Oh, I like that Club Belarus.

[A]

I like it a lot. And John's funny as makes me laugh. Hell yeah, that. And then at the punchline.

[B]

At the punchline.

[A]

All right, so look at the hole in the back. So I got off stage and, and I tried to go back because I had to go to the bathroom. And then the only reason I didn't because I kept getting an arm on my neck. I was like, what's up, man? What's up?

[B]

He's like, come here, man.

[A]

I'm like, all right, I'll go over

[B]

there was the guy that tried to.

[A]

Yes, of course, man. And then he introduced me to this girls who like, hi, nice to meet you. I'm sweating my ass off. Hi. Yeah, and then the other guy just told me a whole 18 minute story about his drugs time. I was like, all right, all right, there's someone on stage, man.

[B]

Like, yeah, shut the.

[A]

I just, I didn't want to be mean because I know he's like, no, that's cool.

[B]

So, so sorry. Okay. Him, he's been, he's a fan. He's been coming to my shows in Sacramento for the past like five years. And I give my number out to everybody. Oh, I just get my number out always. Here's my number. I haven't showed my number in 25 years. So long story short, hit me up. I gave him tickets. I actually gave him a free ticket. And he's by the only comp I had. And he was the one who got wanted to fight the staff.

[A]

It was just Marty. Imagine if you had a full, bright, loud conversation the whole time while Jack was talking. That's what the guy was doing to the two girls. But an encouraging way. Like, super. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, yeah, that's a good one. But loud as.

[B]

That's my boy. Yeah.

[A]

Three people, separate people.

[B]

I go, can you shut up? Can you show. Hey, man, please shut up.

[A]

You made it funny, though. You made it funny. Like these white people would love to kick you out. Shut the up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he would stop.

[B]

And then you get.

[A]

And then toward the end, there was, they were pulling a girl off of somebody and she, her legs were in the air while she was holding on to something and they were pulling her.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, what happened?

[B]

And everyone's like, jack, your friends? I'm like, they're not my friends.

[A]

That's why I thought I was like, jack's your friends.

[B]

I know that. That's the thing. I, I, you're my friend. I get it, I get it. You're my friend. We work together, you know, But I know these people. And then they're fans and I, I try to, I gotta, I helped them out. I go, please, not here, stop.

[A]

I remember I was there.

[B]

I go, please, guys.

[A]

I just, Especially the white security guard. Dude was especially like all of them.

[B]

It's Live Nation, bro. It's a freaking huge event. Beautiful. So nice.

[A]

Every staffing.

[B]

Yeah, I don't like that ghetto stuff, you know? No, my club, my crowd's classy. My tickets are. It's a good crowd, it's fun.

[A]

I'm raised 10 bucks more for you. Damn, dude. Some of these ghetto ass fools. No, I've been to some. I've been to Some shows with Ken, and some of those shows are the epitome of Mexican ghetto. I've been to some where this had to physically, like, shut a up. And it's so funny to watch it happen.

[B]

Yeah. And they love it.

[A]

They love. I hate the fact that people love it.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Like, don't do that to me.

[B]

You can't even tell jokes. You're just yelling at the fans.

[A]

Do that to me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Shut the up. I got to say.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't want to talk to you. Yeah. You're a nurse assistant.

[B]

Yeah, man. Freaking. Freaking. Ken was the best man at that. I'm so. You knew him for a long time?

[A]

No, I knew Ken for, like, a year and a half. Ken's a big fan of my story times.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

So I met him through another person, and then they're like, yo, my friend's a big fan. I was like, oh, hell, yeah. I looked at. I'm like, this fool's funny. I've seen him before.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And we had him in once, and that was it. I started going to shows with him just to see, like, this is what comedy is. Like.

[B]

Yeah, man. I met. I met him, and I. I. He was so talented, and I was just like, bro, like, you're gonna. You're like, you. Everyone loves you, man. Like, you have this gravity that everyone's gonna be around you. Yeah, but he just wasn't healthy, man. And it's. It's something like you want, and it's also has to do with his age. Like, he was young. He didn't want to help himself be better. He wanted to go out like a rock star, you know?

[A]

Yeah, I think he. He. He definitely. Because I told my. The last thing he said, he brought me. I did the improv of Ralph Barosa. Did the improv. I got off stage like a movie. Some agent guy comes. Hey, man. Like, shut the up, dog. Come on. It's my first time. Don't do that to me. Go. Hi.

[B]

Oh, really? Who hived you?

[A]

I mean, but he knew who I was. I'm like, oh, Silvio Renee's manager. But I was like, oh, sick, man.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Hey, you sell tickets? All right, Come on.

[B]

Let's take you on the wrong world tour.

[A]

But no, he said. He's like, yo, I've seen you before. I never seen you before. That was great. I'm like, thanks, man. You know, my first time, really? I was like, yeah. And then I saw Ken because he came to everything. I. He would always show up. Like, I always be in the Green room. Like, oh, what the. I saw. You're on the list. Yeah, kid. And then the first year I ever did was with Ken. He forced me to do it. Yeah.

[B]

I'm happy he did.

[A]

Yeah, it was. He's the man. But the last thing he said to me, he was introducing me to people at the Improv. And I went to pay for a drink and she's like, no, you're fine. I go, what? It's like all up here.

[B]

You're fine.

[A]

And Ken's like, I know it's bad. Like, you get free drinks and you go kill crowds and go to the next show. Yeah, I can see why you like this. He goes, yeah, that's why I almost die all the time. Like, this is so fun.

[B]

It's.

[A]

Yeah, it's free. Come on.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he took a shot. I was like, damn, that's awesome. Yeah, that was it.

[B]

It's not. It's not only. It's just like. It's like. It's the lack of sleep. Like, touring, traveling, meeting people meet and greets. You're eating, like, every day, you know, not just camps. I'm in general as a comedian.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Unless you have your own personal chef or you're determined. Yeah.

[A]

There's only one.

[B]

You're like, don't eat at all.

[A]

Yeah. It's Josh. Only Josh Wolf is the only man I've ever seen that's on the road constantly. That's like. You eat like a Josh Wolf. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. You've seen him. He's freaking.

[A]

Eats like. Like he's perfect at a regimen.

[B]

If he had hair, he'd be perfect.

[A]

Oh, he has hair. You just don't see it.

[B]

No, it's. I was hat on.

[A]

He has hair this big. He's balding. No, Josh's hair is this big.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah, dude. He just didn't take it off. He's like.

[B]

He's a big ass Ford.

[A]

No, he does, bro.

[B]

You tell me the same guy.

[A]

I promise you Josh Wolf has hair. Do it.

[B]

I am.

[A]

He has. So he has hair like this.

[B]

My phone's off.

[A]

He has hair like that, bro. Really? Yeah, it's just.

[B]

It's Doc O. Vegas. Vegas jock.

[A]

Schwol. Yeah.

[B]

Okay. That's surprising.

[A]

He's. I've had him here more than any guests ever.

[B]

Love him.

[A]

That's the one where I told you I did two money mushrooms. That's Josh.

[B]

Oh, he loves mushrooms. I know. Oh, he loves it.

[A]

I can't keep it together.

[B]

See him.

[A]

I'm down.

[B]

It's Vegas. I did his show at the Monday night at the.

[A]

On industry.

[B]

Jimmy Kimmel.

[A]

It's fun.

[B]

Yeah, I'll do it.

[A]

It's all walks of life in there.

[B]

Let's go. I'm down next weekend with my wife this weekend, but May 25th, Memorial Day weekend. We can go. I think I'm good. I'm done.

[A]

I think I'm good. Yeah. Cause I'm gonna be there June 13th. That no doubt, too.

[B]

Oh, perfect.

[A]

Yeah, I was gonna hit him the next day also. Yeah, he has a residency Sunday.

[B]

Monday. Yeah, I'm in.

[A]

Thought Josh was bald. When you're that healthy, you can't help but grow hair, dude. Really?

[B]

I thought he was freaking bald. I seen pictures of him.

[A]

Oh, dude, Josh has more hair than all of us. It's like he might.

[C]

I think he just got a haircut, though.

[A]

Might have. But he, like, forces it under a hat the first time he took his hat off.

[B]

What the.

[A]

I thought you were bald. I swear, I thought he was bald, Dude.

[B]

Does he know you by YOLO or Thomas?

[A]

Both. Yeah. Hell yeah. Yeah. Just the man, dude. He's our first guest ever on here. Yeah, first guest five years ago, right? Yes.

[B]

Full body, but yeah.

[A]

Yeah. So this Sunday, San Francisco. This Sunday, baby Cobbs Comedy Club. You guys go jack juniorcomic.com or dopajolo.com the. Oh, right there. Perfect.

[B]

Yeah, bro, let's go.

[A]

San Francisco. Damn. I've been there in so long. I'm so excited. Dude, update.

[B]

I'm going to New Mexico. Out in New Mexico.

[A]

When?

[B]

Right after the LA.

[A]

Oh, 29th and 30th. And New York. Oh, New York. Fort Lauderdale. Yeah. Damn, I wish I could go. I already. Dude, I'll be in Seattle.

[B]

I'm doing about 60 more cities this year.

[A]

Wow. Good, dude. So.

[B]

So grinding, bro. Grinding so real quick.

[A]

So I. I've done like, three shows in, like, other states. What the do you do all day?

[B]

Me?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Father man. I think.

[A]

No, when you're all on the road, man.

[B]

All on the road. I. I ride a lot. I explore the city to see if. If it's somewhere I've never been. I'll go to a museum or, like, I'll do something. You do stuff. I do stuff.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Or I'll hang out with fans. I do meet and greets. I'll support a local business. Like a fan of mine, he goes, hey, man, I have a bagel shop. Can you come by? Yeah, I'll do a shout out.

[A]

I noticed you do that a lot.

[B]

I do that I always show love. I don't charge nobody for that. Just come show love. And it's just in, oh, two hours.

[A]

Yeah, we're about. I'm about to wrap it up right now.

[B]

But it's. It's all about keeping your mental health, bro. Before I would just get drunk every day, I would pre game.

[A]

Sounds awesome, though. I drank one drink and went on stage one. Oh, that's why you guys get up, up here. It's a little more fun.

[B]

Yeah, the wars is when you have two shows and then you're already up on the first one and you're like, seconds.

[A]

You're like, I've seen a lot of those comedians do that.

[B]

Yeah, bro, it's just nasty.

[A]

Yeah, nasty. You look bad, man.

[B]

Bro, I can't wait. I just texted Josh. This means fun.

[A]

Yeah, dude, Josh the man. Okay, so everybody that can find your. It's all Jack Jr. On everything, right?

[B]

It's all Joshua, everything, bro. Jack Jr. Comic.

[A]

Jack Jr. Comic on. Do you do Twitter at all?

[B]

No, not Twitter. I do threads. Really? I had Twitter. I took it down.

[A]

Get on Twitter, man. Really? Just get on Twitter. I suggested.

[B]

I used to write. So do you want to show the truth? I deleted it because once I started kind of doing pretty well, I didn't want to count when everyone was getting canceled, I said a lot of messed up. So I was like. I was scrolling and like, delete, delete, delete. I finally said, I'm taking forever. Just delete the whole account.

[A]

Yeah, you start up again, dude.

[B]

I had some. I had so. I had so many funny tweets, bro.

[A]

You started up again, man.

[B]

Nah, man. I'm afraid of what I say, but I say a lot of.

[A]

Don't say the horrible things now that you're older.

[B]

I say. I say worse.

[A]

Post your clips on there. Don't speak. Just post your clips, man. Like, like, like you do on YouTube shorts. Same. Yeah, just post your clips. Why wouldn't you?

[B]

Can you give us a guest spot?

[A]

Hold on. You talking to Josh?

[B]

Yeah,

[A]

bro.

[B]

No, man. I'm afraid of my mouth, bro. Yeah, you should just even right now, like, I'm like. I'm thinking. I'm trying to replay what I said. I'm like, I'm not gay.

[A]

The world. The world woke up a little bit, went, oh, that woke. Was stupid. Like, yeah, it was stupid. Has anybody laughed in five years?

[B]

It was so stupid.

[A]

No, because it's gay.

[B]

Everyone's getting canceled, dude.

[A]

Yeah. Who cares?

[B]

So many times.

[A]

Who gives? I remember people were mad at me. For not posting a black square on my page.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Can you shut the up, white lady that told me that out of here. Yeah, I.

[B]

Or it's like, how come you don't talk about Mexicans more?

[A]

How going.

[B]

Talk about our means more? How we going to talk about this more?

[A]

Can we just talk?

[B]

Can we just. I'm trying to make fun of everybody.

[A]

Hey, Mr. Rogers. How come you don't talk about the genocide? Like, we're here to. To have fun. That's the whole point. You don't get mad at Family Guy for not taking a stance in Palestine, even though they probably made fun of it a lot. I don't know. That's. That's how I feel. Dude, you'll be fine.

[B]

Just make a Twitter.

[A]

Say the. Say. Say the N word.

[B]

I'll make one. I can probably. Can I reactivate my account? Old account maybe?

[A]

Because then what happens?

[B]

That means I gotta get a new email. Teach me the ways, bro, I don't know. Listen, you have like three Jewish friends here helping you.

[A]

There's two guys and ones. No, dude, I'm terrible at that, bro.

[B]

This is like. This is like high product. Like, guys, if you're watching this from home, this is like a legit studio.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's sick sound.

[A]

We had a white guy that's speaks.

[B]

There's lighting, dude, it's great.

[A]

And this. He built this out of wood.

[B]

But we have a. I want this.

[A]

Do it.

[B]

I want. I want to do a set over there. Is that your set?

[A]

No, it just wouldn't work.

[B]

Why?

[A]

Because. Okay, I'm gonna hire.

[B]

I'm gonna. I'm gonna go to Home Depot across the street. I'm gonna get three Mexicans.

[A]

Hey, what is that language? What the is that? We speak English here.

[B]

I want to do. I want to do this one on this side.

[A]

Okay. They're going to charge you three bands. Yeah, yeah. You have a little chain on. They're going to go 4,000.

[B]

Hey, you better hide your watch.

[A]

Hi. My Rolex. And your earrings. Dude, you better speak a little more. More ghetto.

[B]

I'm going to send you there.

[A]

They're going to tax me, like, oh, you don't speak English. Oh, you don't speak Spanish, huh? Yeah, they don't with me. No.

[B]

This is a six. And you guys have, like, really good cameras too, bro.

[A]

Took a long time.

[B]

Time. How long you been doing this podcast?

[A]

Five years.

[B]

It's great, man.

[A]

It's been a minute.

[B]

That's great.

[A]

You do some more stuff, man. You definitely need to. But I know you said, I don't like interviewing people. I like to be interviewed.

[B]

Yeah, I don't want to.

[A]

I don't want to talk about myself. I want to have a.

[B]

The problem is I. I don't like, like, you know me.

[A]

You said, I don't want to talk to people.

[B]

I don't want to talk. I don't want to talk to you. Like. Like what? Cuz like if you're, if I'm talking to you, like, I'm going be like, dude, I'm not interested. No more like, let's stop. You know what I'm saying? I get so bored. I'm like. I'm like, okay, you're not even. Because you're funny, you're entertaining. It's.

[A]

You're great.

[B]

But sometimes people are just like, so. And I'm like, can I go? Like, it's just not fun. That's what I think.

[A]

That's.

[B]

I think that's more podcast. That's what I do. More podcasts.

[A]

Can you ask me questions I want to be asked? Because you suck.

[B]

Yeah, just have fun, man. I mean, this is. I mean, I'm. I'm surprised. There's like, we're completely sober. I thought there'd be tequila here or something.

[A]

There's. There's liquor is everything.

[B]

Oh no, we're middle of the day. I know.

[A]

So I was like, do you want

[B]

to take a shot? What you trying to say? I mean, it's 4:00' clock already. We're gonna evolve. Lunchtime.

[A]

Let's. Lunchtime.

[B]

Let's get something.

[A]

Damn. You know what? I'm starting thinking like, what do I want to eat in a day? What do I need at night? Marty knows what he's gonna eat. His digestive system works. At the same time every day, you probably wake up early.

[B]

I'm assuming I'm wake up at 6:30 every day, 7:30 sometimes rather kiss a

[A]

dude at that point. Man, I like, okay, that one.

[B]

Man.

[A]

I'm gonna be gay, dude. And then I'm not gonna wake up

[B]

and I'm in bed at 1:30. Am I every night.

[A]

Do you sleep for five hours? Probably. See, I sleep like same. And I heard it kills you.

[B]

What?

[A]

Not sleeping is the worst thing than a diet or exercise.

[B]

Really? You only need five hours.

[A]

That's what the guys that die early say. Okay, I found out.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. All the men that are into my wife.

[B]

Well. But I take naps though too.

[A]

Mexicans, dude.

[B]

Like right now, like right now I'm gonna play poker at 5:30 I have an hour to kill. I'm gonna take a nap at my car.

[A]

You're me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Now I see what the Mexican stereotype is supposed taking a nap in his car, but he's not meeting, so it's an amg. Take a nap. Outside of playing poker in the day, can I get a shot? You're Mexican as.

[B]

Dude, I play poker tonight. My. My day off on Monday. Monday nights I play poker to friends and we. We.

[A]

But you going to go sleep for an hour in your car?

[B]

Yeah. Or drive back all the way home, come back to play vulgar?

[A]

No, of course not.

[B]

I'm going sleep right here. Hey, Jew move.

[A]

Stick them together. Okay. I wish I could fall asleep like you don't smoke weed. Just go straight to sleep. That's incredible.

[B]

No, cuz I. If I smoke weed, I'll go get food and then. And then throw up and then go to sleep.

[A]

You want to lose weight?

[B]

You said that's the only way I can just be. I'm like a. What's it called? Bulimic. You're smoker. Yeah.

[A]

You eat, you throw up. Yeah, but not because you want to stay in shape. Just because you can't keep it down.

[B]

Dude, like the worst thing I ever did with my weed story is like my friends, like, listen, go to the store first, then smoke. I smoked before I went to the store, bro. I literally freaking. I grabbed it. I had the most random things. Dude, I like pistachio ice cream with sunflower seeds.

[A]

Gross. Yeah, gross, bro.

[B]

I literally had the weirdest things ever.

[A]

Let's go.

[B]

Hot and cold.

[A]

It was bomb.

[B]

No, in the beginning it happened. You woke up, you feel awesome. You feel you're getting a new stretch mark.

[A]

Oh, that's so up that I know what you're talking about.

[B]

You know what time I feel so weird?

[A]

What do you mean do I know what I'm talking about? I'm itchy. You're getting fatter. Damn. All right, Mars like what rock? What are you talking about?

[B]

You guys, sexy guys. Scary movie boy.

[A]

Scary movie. I know exactly what face when he

[B]

gets high on the phone.

[A]

He's saying you're white as a ghost.

[C]

Fact.

[A]

All right, let's get out of here. You have to go sleep. Poker.

[B]

Poker.

[A]

Yo, that's the most Mexican Armenian I've ever heard. Let me go take a nap and then play poker.

[B]

I'm going to take a nap so I can gamble.

[A]

You have a cigarette? Do you have a cigarette? Oh, also, why do Armenian smoke cigs with the windows rolled up in their Car. I don't know. I thought Jewish people like to get gassed the out. I didn't know it was Armenians, man. Really?

[B]

I don't.

[A]

I don't think. Yeah, look at every Armenian you've ever lived. And they smoke with a cigarette with. There's windows up in the car.

[B]

Up. No. Oh, yeah. They want it down with the music. Bumping.

[A]

No, I can hear the music. I can smell the clone through the window. Up. Dude, I'm telling you.

[B]

I mean, Glendo's not only Armenians, there's a lot of Persians. There's Arabs.

[A]

All the same person.

[B]

Not the same, bro.

[A]

You just said Guatemalan, Mexican, Salvador.

[B]

All I heard was brown Mexican.

[A]

That's all I heard from you.

[B]

Got it. Okay.

[A]

You think Armenian, Persian, like carpets and praying is what I hear.

[B]

No, no, no. We're Christian.

[A]

I know we're this.

[B]

We're not carpets.

[A]

I get it. We're not carpets.

[B]

We don't do all. We're not. We do high. You're so. You're so Jewish.

[A]

No Spanish, man. It's okay.

[B]

That's why you're famous, cuz you're Jewish.

[A]

I say was my. I'm only a little funny cuz I'm only half every.

[B]

Every episode brought to you by.

[A]

Brought you by by the weather, Brought to you by Hollywood Entertainment. Every sportscaster ever besides Shaq. Okay, well, man, he may be converted. I don't know. All right, let's get out of here. How big is Sha, bro?

[B]

Did you see Shaq? There's a. Someone take a picture of Shaq's hands at. And it was huge. Yeah, it was like two of my hands like this.

[A]

Let's fight him, dude. Come on, dude.

[B]

We can probably take him.

[A]

If all of us put our body weight on his legs and we had somebody choking my Korean. Dual Jabbar in the game of death with Bruce Lee, I'm pretty sure we could take Shaq out.

[B]

It's funny how Shaq has bodyguards.

[A]

Shut the up. Yeah.

[B]

When Shaq walks around, he has other people, like big guys around him and he's Shaq. His bodyguards are smaller than him.

[A]

Like, he could probably do.

[B]

He could probably beat up his bodyguards.

[A]

For sure.

[B]

He could beat up his bodyguards.

[A]

I was trying to compare that to something, but I don't have a comparison. That dumb. Yeah, that's like Superman. Like, I carry a gun. Like, are you stupid?

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

He's got Pac Man Jones, remember?

[A]

Yeah, Pac Man Jones on here. He's. He's security for Shaq. That's right. Really no, but he beats people up. Shaq can't talk. Sh. He's talking to Shaq. He can't hit him. I took flight on him. Yeah, that's a real adult thing to do. Pac Man Jones, when he was here, telling him, like, you're the man.

[B]

But he said, right here, this big guy.

[A]

Smell it.

[B]

I'm not gonna smell it.

[A]

Smells like success in football fields.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Cocoa butter. That's what I was thinking.

[A]

A little bit. A little bit. That's what I was saying.

[B]

That's what I was thinking.

[A]

All right, guys, Today we had on Armenian Kramer. And as you put the glasses on and puff your hair.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, damn.

[B]

Yeah, bro. Armenian, Mexican.

[A]

But I saw you put your comb in someone's hair on stage.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you put it back in yours.

[B]

Yeah, you're.

[A]

You're a wild dude.

[B]

I always put my thing in other people.

[A]

All right, guys. Jack, anything else you want to say before we get out of here?

[B]

I just want to say, bro, that's been a real pleasure just to meet you and, like, work with you, bro.

[A]

Likewise, bro. Thanks for having me up.

[B]

You two Jews. You two Jews.

[A]

The only one that's not Jewish here. All right, guys. Thank you so much. This is Jack Jr. Marty and I have a do best day.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Perfect. Perfect. You perfect.