Down These Mean Streets (Old Time Radio Detectives)

BONUS - Christmas Caper Countdown (Part 2)

Release Date: December 10, 2025
Host: Mean Streets Podcasts

Episode Overview

This festive bonus episode features two holiday-themed detective adventures from the Golden Age of Radio:

1. "Santa Claus is No Saint" – The Saint (Vincent Price as Simon Templar), aired December 24, 1950
2. "The Plot to Murder Santa Claus" – Rocky Fortune (Frank Sinatra as Rocky Fortune), aired December 22, 1953

The host curates these old-time radio classics to showcase how even Christmas Eve can’t escape the lure of mystery and crime, featuring suave sleuths, mistaken Santas, shoplifters, and a murder among the tinsel.

[00:55–02:43] Episode Introduction

• The host sets a cozy, suspenseful tone for the "Christmas Caper Countdown," briefly introducing each radio play:
  • The Saint: Simon Templar's attempt to gift Christmas cheer as Santa goes sideways when he is swept into a jewel heist.
  • Rocky Fortune: Rocky’s seasonal gig as a department-store Santa spirals into a case involving stolen pearls and murder.

[02:43–30:47] Segment 1: "Santa Claus Is No Saint" (The Saint)

Main Cast

• Simon Templar (The Saint): Vincent Price
• Louie: Saint’s loyal cabbie
• Sally Walters: Accused secretary
• Carla Worth: Jewel owner
• Claude Worth: The suspicious husband
• Joe Hudson: Thuggish pursuer

Plot Highlights & Key Moments

[03:16] The Setup

• Simon Templar is preparing to play Santa at a charity ball, aided by his sidekick, Louie.
• They banter humorously about Simon’s suitability for the role.
  • Louie (on Simon's lack of padding):
    "Santa Claus is fat. Oh, you're not fat." (03:51)

[05:01] The Intrusion

• A gun-wielding woman (Sally) bursts in, demanding "the stuff" she believes Simon (whom she mistakes for "Fats Boylan") possesses.
• Templar maintains his trademark dry wit, diffusing tension even at gunpoint.
  • Simon:
    "If you're going to shoot me, I insist on knowing your name." (05:15)

[07:01] The Mistaken Identity & Jewel Heist

• Joe Hudson joins the fray, also after "the stuff," furthering the confusion over Simon's identity.
• The plot thickens: all are searching for stolen jewels from the Worths' Christmas party.

[10:53] Clues & Pursuits

• Simon and Louie deduce from Sally’s bag—a driver’s license, secretary badge—her real identity and possible motives.
• They set off to visit Carla Worth, leading to classic drawing-room suspense.

[12:26] The Worths' House

• Carla recounts the Santa-clad thief's disappearance and the missing jewels, implicating "Fats Boylan."
  • Carla Worth:
    "Santa Claus had disappeared. So had the jewels." (13:09)

[15:01] At Boylan’s Place

• Simon and Louie find Boylan dead, not as "fat" as advertised—implying he had used costume padding to smuggle out the jewels.
  • Simon:
    "He wasn't Fat." (16:22)

[17:32] Following the Trail

• Hudson, hired by Carla Worth, is caught tailing Simon and Sally. Carla suspected her husband and Sally were secretly involved.
  • Hudson:
    "Mrs. Worth is the babe with a doll. Mr. Worth is a very well educated bum." (19:03)

[22:32] The Reveal – The Perfume Connection

• Simon deduces Sally’s perfume was present at the murder scene—walking her through the logical links between the jewels, Fats, and the murder.

[24:13] The Real Culprit

• Claude Worth confronts them with a gun. Simon reveals Claude masterminded the jewel heist to keep the insurance money (and perhaps free himself from his wife).
  • Claude:
    "You, Mr. Worth, arranged to have them stolen. Indeed." (24:31)
• Sally, an unwitting accomplice, is almost killed; Simon subdues Claude.

[25:54] Closing Sentiments

• Carla shares a flirtatious Christmas wish with Simon—
  • Carla:
    "You've been sort of a Santa Claus to me. May I?" (25:55)
  • Simon:
    "Santa Claus is no saint." (26:10)
• Louie reminds Simon of his missed charity gig. They head off, capering into the night.

[30:47–55:53] Segment 2: "The Plot to Murder Santa Claus" (Rocky Fortune)

Main Cast

• Rocky Fortune: Frank Sinatra
• Gail Grayson: Young girl, central to the case
• Laura Grayson: Gail’s older sister
• Mr. Primm: Store supervisor
• Marty ("Big Elf"): Santa's thuggish helper
• Sergeant Finger: Police sergeant

Plot Highlights & Key Moments

[31:36] Rocky’s Holiday Job

• Rocky hires on as an auxiliary detective and temporary Santa at Quackenbaum's Department Store.
  • Rocky:
    "So next day I am an auxiliary Shammas for Crackin Baums department store. Kind of a high class 5th Avenue dispensary where for only 50 bucks you can buy your girl a mink toothbrush." (31:36)

[33:54] A Mysterious Letter

• Little Gail delivers a threatening note for Santa, warning:
  • “You know what we want for Christmas. We better get it, or you'll never live to make those Christmas Eve deliveries. Signed, you know who.”
• Gail limps, wears a brace, and only wants an expensive elf doll.

[36:53] Caught Shoplifting

• Laura, desperate to fulfill Gail’s Christmas wish, is caught with the elf doll.
• Instead of turning her in, Rocky lets Laura go and pays for the doll himself, earning her gratitude and affection.
  • Laura:
    "Rocky, I could kiss you." (37:58)

[39:22] Shady Santa & Store Scuffle

• The store’s real Santa seeks Laura’s contact info, arousing Rocky’s suspicions.
• They come to blows in the locker room, broken up by store management.

[41:58] Framed for Murder

• Rocky is questioned by Sergeant Finger after the store Santa is stabbed.
  • Sergeant Finger:
    "There ain't no Santa Claus." (42:37)
  • Rocky, momentarily a suspect, is cleared by his alibi.

[45:25] Doll in Peril

• Rocky returns to Laura’s flat, retrieves the elf doll, but soon after, Gail is lured away by a man with a black moustache searching for the same doll.

[48:36] Climactic Confrontation in the Store

• Rocky chases clues back to Quackenbaum’s, where he and Gail are cornered in the darkened toy department by "Big Elf" Marty—revealed as Santa's murderous accomplice.
• Rocky and Gail improvise with toy rockets and space guns to distract Marty, culminating in Rocky knocking him out with a baseball bat.
  • Rocky:
    "My gift to Santa’s helper was a Louisville Slugger right on top of the noggin." (53:06)

[53:32] All Is Revealed

• Gail innocently announces she found "pretty marbles" (the stolen pearls) inside the elf doll.
• Sergeant Finger recovers the evidence; Laura and Gail are elated with the coming thousand-dollar reward.

[54:13] A Merry Christmas Kiss

• Rocky and Laura share a kiss—ending the case (and the episode) on a romantic, hopeful note.
  • Laura:
    "Couldn't you just kiss me instead?" (54:13)
  • Rocky:
    "Why not?" (54:15)

Memorable Quotes by Timestamp

• Simon Templar:
  • “If you're going to shoot me, I insist on knowing your name.” (05:15)
  • “Santa Clauses, as Louis pointed out to me earlier tonight, are fat. Therefore, Boylan entered this house wearing padding underneath his costume. He left it with a large jewel box in place of the padding.” (23:52)
  • “Santa Claus is no saint.” (26:10)
• Rocky Fortune:
  • “Just what I said. Fortune. What's her name and where does she live?” (39:40)
  • “There ain't no Santa Claus. Because somebody stuck a knife in him. He's laying on his face over in Quackenbaum's Department Store.” (42:37)
  • “My gift to Santa’s helper was a Louisville Slugger right on top of the noggin.” (53:06)
• Louie:
  • “Mr. Templar, the trail of unconscious bodies you're leaving behind you tonight. If laid end to end… Yes, Lily would look terrible.” (25:38)

[55:53–End]

Reflections and Closing Messages

[27:02, 55:55] Vincent Price's Holiday Message

• Encourages listeners to embrace the spiritual side of Christmas and uphold American freedoms, tolerance, and diversity.
  • “Let's judge our neighbors by the character of their lives alone and not on the basis of their religion or origin.” (55:55)

Episode Themes & Tone

• Nostalgic and playful, combining lighthearted banter and romance with classic whodunit tropes.
• Holidays as a backdrop for both generosity and greed, redemption and danger.
• The episodes balance quick wit, suspense, and a dash of sentimentality—true to the golden age detective tradition.

For First-Time Listeners

This holiday episode brings together two legendary detectives—The Saint and Rocky Fortune—in festive, cleverly-written capers filled with double-crosses, mistaken identities, wisecracks, and heartwarming resolutions. Both stories highlight the enduring appeal of radio’s golden age: sharp plotting, rapid-fire dialogue, and winsome performances by icons like Vincent Price and Frank Sinatra.

Whether you're revisiting old favorites or discovering these classics for the first time, these tales offer the perfect blend of Christmas spirit and good old-fashioned sleuthing.

Notable timestamps for quick reference:

• [03:16] – The Saint dons his Santa suit.
• [13:09] – The Worths’ Christmas party and theft.
• [16:22] – The jewel-smuggling reveal.
• [26:10] – Simon’s playful "Santa Claus is no saint" coda.
• [33:54] – Gail’s ominous note to Santa.
• [42:37] – Discovery of the murdered store Santa.
• [53:32] – Pearls found inside the elf doll.
• [54:13] – Rocky and Laura’s Christmas kiss.

Merry Christmas and happy sleuthing from Down These Mean Streets!