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Get this and get it straight. Crime is a sucker's road and those who travel it wind up in the gut of the prison of the grave. The story you are about to hear is true. Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent. The Adventures of Sam Spade Detective the Adventures of the Saint starring Vincent Price. Bob Bailey in the exciting adventures of the man with the action packed expense Account, America's fabulous freelance insurance investigator. Yours truly, Johnny Doll. Happy holidays and welcome to a bonus episode of down these Mean Streets. One of my favorite shows to do each year is my annual Halloween special where I get to go outside the world of radio detectives and showcase other genres from the golden age of radio. This year, with Christmas coming, I decided I'd start a new tradition and roll out a king size special to celebrate the season. So today here are eight old time radio shows ranging from comedies to dramas, from Westerns to a piece of Christmas history, all designed to get you in the holiday spirit. We'll kick things off with Fibber McGee and Molly and a holiday episode from December 19, 1944. Then the screen Guild players present a radio recreation of the classic holiday film Christmas in Connecticut. And stepping into the roles played on screen by Barbara Stanwyck, Sydney Greenstreet and Dennis Morgan are Jane Wyman, Leon Belasco and a future US President named Ronald Reagan. After that, it's a trio of comedies with Mel Blanc, the man of a thousand voices trying to raise money to buy his girlfriend a Christmas present, Jack Benny trying to save money while doing some last minute shopping, and Jimmy Durante welcoming special guest star Rose Marie. Then we'll hear an episode of Quiet Please, one of radio's finest and most innovative fantasy and horror anthologies. But this isn't a scary story. Originally aired on December 26, 1948, it's called Berlin 1945, and it finds a group of American soldiers sharing Christmas dinner and the bombed out remains of a house in Germany for the holiday immediately following the end of World War II. It's a wonderful holiday story from the pet of one of radio's best writers, Willis Cooper. Then we'll hear a western version of Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol narrated by Jimmy Stewart in a holiday offering from his series the Six Shooter. Finally, we'll hear All Is Bright from the CBS Radio Workshop as it tells the story of one of the best loved Christmas carols of all time. Wherever you're going or whatever you're doing, I hope the holidays are safe, happy and restful for you and your family. I'll be back soon with more Old time radio detectives and crime fighters. But until then, I hope you enjoy these shows. Thanks for listening and happy holidays. 10 seconds. Oh, we got lots. Oh. The Johnson Wax program with Fibber McGee and Molly. The makers of Johnson's Wax for home and industry present fibber McGee and Molly, written by Don Quinn and Phil Leslie, with music by the King's Men and Billy Mills. The holiday season is a time when you want your home as bright and cheerful as you can make it. It's a time that proves, as much as any other, the value of protective wax housekeeping. If your floors, furniture and woodwork have been waxed regularly with Johnson's Wax, then it's a very easy matter to put on the finishing touches and have that richly polished kind of home that everyone admires. There are many accessories from one end of the house to the other that you can protect and beautify with Johnson's Wax. Either paste, liquid or cream. Your window sills, for example. Picture frames, ornaments, lampshades, Venetian blinds, refrigerator. Well, many of you know the list as well as I. When you wax all these surfaces, you protect them because the wax itself takes the wear and the surface underneath is safe. When you go over your house tomorrow, try out several of these extra uses for Johnson's Wax. Three of the most curious things in the world are the gyroscope, the pyramids, and the squire of 79 Westful Vista. And if you don't think he's curious, get a load of him sneaking a peek into the hall closet as we join Fibber McGee and Molly. Boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy. Look at all these Christmas presents. From Molly to Fibber with love. To Fibber from Molly with best wishes to the best husband a woman ever had. Wonder who that's for. I thought I was the only husband she ever. Oh, well. Oh, an envelope. Do not open before Christmas. Looks like it might be a war bond flap. Isn't sealed very tight either. If somebody's thumb ever get ever got caught in there and it'd flip open like it. Oh, my goodness, it did it. Maybe she didn't even mean to seal it. And if it ain't sealed, I suppose it's okay to read it. My dear husband, get out of this hall closet and stop snooping. I like that. To think she'd think that I'd think of stooping to snoop when she. McGee, where are you? Oh, caught in the act. I better put this stuff back in here fast. This must be the new belt. I've been hunting. I've been hinting about I hope this is a fountain pen. If this isn't a sweater, I'll. Where are you? What are you doing? I'm trying to get the door closed on the hall closet, Molly. It's so full of stuff it sprung open. Aha. I got it. That was quick thinking, McGee, old man. If she ever caught you doing that stuff. Well, that Reddit. I gotta straighten out that closet right after Christmas. What goes on here? I told you to stay away from that hall closet. You're much too snoopy. Why, Molly, do you mean to stand there in one of the best looking house dresses I ever saw and accuse your own husband by marriage of snoopy? Ah, dear, you can pump up more phony indignation than Donald Duck. Now get all that stuff put back in the closet. No, you better let me do it. Something in there you don't want me to see, baby? Well, if there was and I didn't and you already had, what's the difference? I didn't unwrap a thing. I never even shook anything. Only thing that even aroused my curiosity is that big white package with the blue ribbon on it. I don't remember any big white package with any blue ribbon. McGee, stop peering over my shoulder. Go read the paper. Okay, but gee, where's the back? Oh, Hello, Alice. Hello, Mrs. McGee. Hiya, Mr. McGee. Hi, Alice. Hey, what'd you do to your hair? Well, she's just wearing it differently. McGee himself here is getting very observant with Christmas coming on. Alice, ordinarily he could wear your scalp full of neon lights and he'd never notice it. You like my hair with the buns over the ears, Mr. Magee? Yes, I do, kid. I like the buns over the ears much better than that old sweet roll on top or that apple strudel you used to have falling down and back. My hairdresser says they're wearing it this way in Paris. Now. It's a nice hairdo, Alice. What do they call it? Herr Hitler? Because. Because it's more trouble than it's worth. Yes, I think so too. You got your Christmas creepers. I thought I had, Mr. McGee, but now I'm as confused as a kangaroo at a pickpockets convention. Why, dear? Well, I had a terrific bill fold for Harold, but I had to change the tag to Ronnie because I'm giving Ronnie's cufflinks to Rick to take the place of Rick's cigarette lighter. Because I quick had to give the lighter to Jimmy when he showed up here last night with a simply super pair of earrings. For me, that is a little complicated, isn't it? That's like the year when McGee gave me nothing but napkins and handkerchiefs, pillowcases and tablecloths for Christmas. He took the laundry list downtown instead of the shopping list. Well, gee whiz. You know, Alice, we're not doing very much for Christmas this year. The Treasury Department had beat Santa Claus down the chimney. Well, I told all the boys not to spend their money foolishly on things for me this year. I told them all to take whatever money they intended to spend on me and put it in war bonds. Good for you, Alice. Use the boys dough to back up the doughboys. Certainly. Anyway, I just assumed they gave me war bonds as anything else. Well, I've got to get back to the post office. Goodbye. There's a girl who has her heart in the right place on her sleeve. I don't know. She's a lot like I was when I was a girl, McGee. Except that she has 20 boyfriends and I just had you. Yeah, well, that wasn't because you were unpopular, Snooki. That was because there was an ugly rumor around Peoria that McGee had put a bear trap in Molly Driscoll's porch swing. That was more than a rumor, sweetheart. For 15 years after that, my father never sat down without first slapping the chair with his cane. Now, listen, go away while I get this stuff back in the closet. How about that white package with the blue ribbon on it? McGee, I swear I know absolutely nothing about that. You wouldn't kid me, would you? After all, when mysterious packages are hid away in a closet. Heavenly days. What was that? My belt. It busted. Remember how I've been telling you my belt was on its last legs? Well, it's a funny place to wear a belt, but I do remember your mentioning it several times. Looked awful, too. Supposed to been genuine calf, but I'll bet a cookie its mother was a paper mill. It's all gone up. My last belt, too. Oh, well, I can wear a necktie around my waist so I can get downtown and buy a new one. All right, dearie. All right, you win. Here, open this package. Why, this is a Christmas package. Gee, I shouldn't open this till Christmas. Open it. Well, okay. Well, what do you know? A new belt. Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle if this isn't a coincidence. Remember me to your nephew. Gee, with my initials on the buckle. Oh, this is a beauty, Molly. Thanks ever so much. Don't mention it. And Merry Christmas. First installment. My gosh, this is really Unexpected. Well, it shouldn't be the way you've been talking about a new belt the past few weeks. You should have taken out a hinting license. Here, throw this old one away, will you? All right, I'll put it in. Why, this is strange, huh? Looks like it had been cut halfway through. Oh, well, I've had a very sharp appetite lately. And my waist. Come in. Hello, Molly. Hello, Gary. Hello, Dr. Gamble. Hi, you big frontman for the Stork Club. Why call me Gary? You finally agree with me that I look like Cooper? No, that's just my abbreviation for garrulous. Why, Dr. McGee is not garrulous. I should say not. I haven't been out with a garrul since I married Molly. Yes, yes, I know. You two are the living exhibit A for the scientific theory of the attraction of opposite. Molly is so good looking and sweet and quiet and I'm. Yes, indeed, in spades. Say, what's all this Christmas stuff around here? You've been unwrapping a present, Magee? Well, he just broke his belt, Doctor. And as long as I was giving him one for Christmas, I thought he might as well have it now. Beauty, ain't it, Doc? Real pigskin. I shall not descend to any of the obvious retorts. My boy. It is a very handsome hunk of haberdashery. But aren't you a little ashamed of accepting your gifts? Now, according to my calendar, it's several days until Christmas. Well, I was just trying to keep up his spirits and his pants for the next week, Doctor. What do you use for a calendar, Doc? Cut a notch in a patient for each day of the week? No, no, I just glance in the mirror. If I seem to have aged 10 years, I know another day has crept by. You know, you ought to go away for a good long rest, Doctor. Someplace where you can't get near a telephone. Like any drugstore. Don't think I wouldn't love it, my dear, but I've got to stick around for the Christmas rush. What Christmas rush? You running a black market in pink pills? No, no, but us Cowtown Pasteurs expect certain seasonal phenomena about this time of year. Like kids swallowing Christmas tree ornaments. Selfish little animals that they are. An ornament so hard to get. And then, too, digital callosity is almost an annual epidemic. Heavenly days. What on earth is digital callosity? Calluses on the fingers from people rubbing them over greeting cards to see if they're really engraved. Well, it's nice to have you drop in, doctor. Particularly without McGee starting an argument with You. Now, just a darn minute. Whom starts all the arguing with whom? Doc always starts him, not me. Oh, now, don't give us that little sir decibel. You're as bad tempered as a dime store jackknife and you know it. I don't know any such a dirty thing. Just because you always start snarling at me with your big fat teeth don't mean I got a bad temper. Why, you peripatetic little biological aberration. You have the neurological reactions of a schizophrenic troglodyte. King's X. What do you mean, king's X? Doc don't play fair. I don't know what he's talking about. Well, I'll call it off till I look up some one syllable words, McGee. Anyway, I gotta get back to my office. It's probably full of experience. Expectant fathers. Expectant fathers? Yes. They expect me to tell them beforehand whether to have the nursery decorated in pink or blue. What do you tell them, Doc? I give them an evasive answer. I tell them to go fry a pig. Merry Christmas, folks. Thank you, doctor. Same to you. And a happy New Year, Doc. Isn't he a sweet old character? Yeah, great guy. It was a great loss to medicine when he started studying what a patient he'd have been. See, I wonder if it was he who sent us the big white package with a blue ribbon on it. Are you kidding? You don't have to play coy with me, tootsie. I wasn't born yesterday. Well, you might as well have been. You're so changeable. Now, if you. McGee, you'll go away someplace while I straighten up this class. I'll run over to Kramer's drugstore. I gotta buy a new fountain pen. Oh, no, no, no, McGee, don't do that. Why not? Well, I. I was. Well, why do you need a new fountain pen? Just this minute. Can't you use your old one? My old one? I only got one. Well, I meant. Well, what's the matter with it? Well, the point is, pigeon toed writes two lines instead of one. But maybe you'll get. When I registered with it at a hotel last summer, the clerk looks at my signature and says, you gentlemen want twin beds? You go ahead and fix the closet, kiddo. I'll run over to Kramer's and get out. Oh, dear. You win again, McGee. Here, open this package. What do you mean? Go ahead, open it. Well, okay. Well, I'll be. A new fountain pen. Gee, thanks, kid. Oh, this is wonderful. Merry Christmas. Second installment Boy, this is a wonderful pen. Just the kind I wanted, too, and just when I needed it. Why, you could knock me over with a feather. Molly, I never dreamed you. Hey, what are you looking for? A feather. Billy Mills in the orchestra and Jingle Bell. Now, don't bother me, McGee. I've almost got this closet straightened up again. How about that big white package with the blue ribbon on it? Does it gurgle or rattle or squeak or anything? Well, I haven't touched it. Somebody around here has got to keep his curiosity under control. And as long as there's only two of us, it looks like I'm elected. Hey, this is a wonderful pen you gave me, Molly. You like it, dear? It's marvelous. Only one thing wrong with it that I can see. My goodness, what's that? I just worked a crossword puzzle with it and it don't spell very good. That isn't a pen. That the ink. Oh, well, I'm really quite grundled with it. You mean disgruntled? No, I'm very happy. It's the finest pen I. Hello, friend. Hello there, Mr. Wilcox. Hi, Waxy old man. How do you like the new belt Molly give me for Christmas? Hey, it's beautiful. But aren't you folks a little previous with your Christmas presents? Well, he was getting so snoopy, Mr. Wilcox, I just had to give him a belt one way or another. So I took the easy way. Look, she. She gave me a fountain pen, too. Ain't that a Darb? Writes 10,000 words without filling. Don't know how many will write when I fill it. Don't you get it, kids? I says it right. Ain't funny, McGee? I thought it had a kind of a funny taint. You like the pen, Junior? It's very handsome, pal, but better get your name engraved on it. Be ashamed to lose a nice pen like that. Well, I couldn't get it engraved till after Christmas, Mr. Wilcox. I took it to seven different jewelers, too. Gee, did you really, Molly? Yes, and I got quite an inferiority complex. Leaning over $80,000 worth of diamond necklaces trying to get a three dollar job of engraving done. Well, gee, you should have taken it to my cousin, Big Bill Wilcox on Oak Street, Molly. One of the finest engravers in the country. I thought all the really great engravers were working for the government, Waxy. Oh, he used to. In Washington? No, Leavenworth. That's why they call him Big Bill. He got caught making 20s out of tens. They put him to work making little ones out of big ones for making Big ones out of little ones, eh? He's a terrific engraver, though. He's a. Well, here, wait a minute. Here, take a look at this common, ordinary little pin. What about it? Well, look at the head of it. Kind of scratched up, isn't it, Junior? Look at it through this magnifying glass, which I just happen to have with me. Oh, well, Heavenly days. Isn't that marvelous? Let me look at it. Well, I'm a son of a gun. What does it say, Junior? Can't quite read it without my glasses. It says you don't have to be sharp as a pin to know that Johnson's Self Polishing Blow Coat is the finest beautifier and protector of linoleum. Imagine writing all that on the head of a pin. Oh, there's more than that. It says if you're stuck with faded, worn linoleum, bring it back to life and beauty with Johnson's Glow Coat. The polish that shines as it dries. My gosh, he is quite an engraver. Isn't he? Waxy? Well, you know, the funny part of it is it only took him 20 minutes or less to do it. Oh, that's too much. Same length of time it takes for Glo coat to dry to a mirror like finish on your linoleum. Now, wasn't that a coincidence? Amazing. Here, let me put the pin back in your lapel, Mr. Wilcox. I'm afraid it might get lost. Oh. Ouch. Oh, I'm sorry. It's your story, Junior, and you got stuck with it. Well, here, let me take your fountain pen. Towel. I'll have Big Bill engrave it for you. Thank you, Mr. Wilcock. Thanks, Junior. Don't mention it. I'll have it back Friday. Okay. Ah, isn't he a sweet old. Oh, no, that's Dr. Gamble. Look, Molly, no kidding. That big white package with the blue ribbon on it, is that for me? I tell you, I don't know a thing about it, McGee. Cross your heart. Cross my heart. Well, my gosh, somebody must have. Hey, maybe Beulah put it there. Oh, Beulah. Hey, Beulah, you call me Ms. McGee? Why should I? You never call me Beulah. Mr. McGee wanted to know about this big white package with a blue ribbon on it. Beulah. Did you put it in the closet here, Beulah? No, sir. That package is a complete stranger to me. Well, that's strange. Ah, well, we'll find out when we open it at Christmas time. Have you got all your shopping done, Beulah? Yes, ma'am. Practically All I got left to get stuff for is Papa and Ira. Ira? Who's Ira? Here's my one and only, sir. At least he's one of the few and far between. Ira, he's the FBI man. Oh, heavenly days. Federal Bureau of Investigation. No man. Friendly but ignorant. What does he do, Beulah? He's the insurance man, sir. Yeah. He specializes in life insurance with double indignity. Indemnity? Yes. Only he may have to give it up on account of a greeting card he got this morning. On account of a greeting card? Yes, sir. You say, from the President of the United States. Greetings. What's his present status, Beulah? 5 foot 9 and a half in his sock. Family? No, no. How is he classified now? I classify him as ready and willing, sir. So he suffered with flat feet and astigma tears. Tis him. Oh, yes, tis, ma'am. He's so short sighted, he don't know his best friend across a taffy pull. Well, they don't pull taffy in the Army. Anyway, Beulah, he'll be okay if he can see well enough to pull a sergeant's leg. Yes, that's what I mean. Love that man. Hey, Molly, I think we ought to open up that package. I think it must have been delivered by mistake. It might have been at that, McGee. There's no tag on it or anything. You think we oughta? Well, I don't. Yes, I think we oughta. One side, baby. I'll soon solve this, miss. Well, if you really. Heavenly days. It's a beautiful negligee. Oh, my gosh. What's the matter? Oh, gee whiz. Oh, my. That was my present for you, baby. I bought it a month ago and forgot all about it. If I ain't the dumbest bunny. Oh, now, McGee. I think it's lovely and just what I wanted. It's the most. Oh, now, Hoona, come in. Hi, mister. We're all ready. Ready? Who's all ready for what? Kenny and Johnny and Buddy and Reddy and me. Huh? We're all ready to sing. Come on in, kids. Folks, three years ago, Ken Darby of Our King's Men wrote for our Christmas show an original musical setting for the poem. It was the night before Christmas. Everyone seemed to like it so well that we've been asked to do it every Christmas since. And we're glad to do it again tonight. Okay, Mr. McGee, go on, sit down now. Okay, you and you and Ms. McGee sit in a circle. You sit at the piano, Kenny. Ready, everybody? A one and a two and A three. Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring, not even a mouth. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care in hope that Saint Nekoa soon would be there. The children were nestled all snug in their wee Little Bear. Wild visions of sugar plums dance in their weeds. Little Bear, Mama in her curtain and I and my cat had just settled down for a long river's love to see what was the matter. Away to the window I flew like a flash, Tore open the shutters, threw open the sash. Then what am I wondering? I should have fear. But a miniature sleigh and a tiny reindeer was a little old driver so lively and quick that I knew right away that it must be Saint Nick. All bundled in fur from his head to his foot Old Santa was covered with ashes and soot. I drew in my head and was turning around when down the chimney he came with a bo. His eyes how they twinkled. His dimples how merry. His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry. His dull little mouth was drawn up like a bow. The beard on his chin was as white as the snow. The stump of a little old pipe he held tight in his feet and the smoke went around and around and around his head like a wreath. He was chubby and plump alright Chai on J. Then a laugh and a laugh and a laugh with a song. In spite of myself. He had a broad face and a little round belly that shook whiny laugh like a bowl full of jelly. He gave me a wink of his eyes and a twist of his hand. A chuckle and a smile I dropped. All the while I had nothing to dread. He spoke not a word but went straight to his work and filled all the stockings. Oh boy. Then turned with a jerk. Then laying a finger aside of his nose and giving a nod up the chimney hole he sprang to his leg. His name came up a song and away they all flew like a d. But I heard him exclaim and he draw Merry Christmas to all and to all good love. Oh, is he gone? Tis the night after Christmas and all through the house Mother creature is stirring. Not even the mo. The presents are scattered and broken my fear and St Nicholas won't come again for a year. The children are nestled all warm in their wee little beds While memories of sugar plums dance in their wee little hair. Mama in her kerchief and I in my camp. Life settled at last for a long. Ladies and gentlemen. 2000 years ago a star shone over Bethlehem to light the way to Peace and goodwill on Earth. Tonight, that star is reflected in the windows of millions. So our Christmas wish to all of you is that the men and women who have gone out to fulfill the promise of that symbol may soon return. Mission accomplished. Good night. Good night, all. I heard him exclaim and he drove out of sight. Merry Christmas to all of you. This is the National Broadcasting Company. Lady Esther presents the Screen Guild Player. The Lady Esther Scream Guild play tonight, Christmas in Connecticut. The starring players. This is Jane Wyman. This is Ronald Reagan, and this is Leon Velasco. Foreign Lady Esther presents the Spring Guild Players in Warner Brothers Delightful comedy Christmas in Connecticut. And our broadcast is dedicated to the 20th anniversary of Hawking Pictures which is now being celebrated throughout the world. Our play stars Ronald Reagan as Jefferson Jones, Jane Wyman as Elizabeth Lane and Leon Velasco as Felix the Lady Astor. Spring Guild Players and Christmas in Connecticut. Have you seen Smart Housekeeping magazine this month? Such a wonderful article by Elizabeth Lane. That's the only way to raise a kid. Out in the country. On a little farm. The kind that Elizabeth Lane writes about. To have a horse and cow like Elizabeth Lane. Oh, doesn't she make that farm sound heavenly? Gosh, those recipes by Elizabeth Lane. Boy, that's the kind of woman I'd like to know. Boy, that's the kind of woman I'd like to marry. Now, suppose that you were Elizabeth Lane. And suppose your writing was all a fraud recipe. You didn't even know how to boil water. And all the rest was fiction too. You had no farm, no husband, no baby. You and your editor had just made them up. Well, now perhaps you'll know how I felt that day before Christmas when my editor dropped that bomb in my lap. Look, Liz, I suppose you know about Yardley. He's our publisher, your boss and mine. He's the one who signs our checks. Anything else I ought to know? Well, he happens to be a stickler for the truth. If he finds out that we've been dreaming up all that junk, you right. He'll fire us both. Well, why should he find out? Listen, some fool nurse at the sailor's hospital wrote to Yardley and asked him to have a wounded sailor out at your farm for Christmas. I think that's very nice. My farm? I haven't got a farm. I haven't even got a wind. A box. You're telling me. Oh, Judge, what do we do? This is awful. You're conservative. It's even worse. Worse? Yes. Yardley likes the idea so much he figures he'd like to Go along too. Well, I did what I always do when I'm in trouble. I went to Felix for lunch. Felix is Hungarian, but he cooks like an angel. And I steered the whole magazine crowd to his little cafe. So naturally, he treated me like teacher's pet. And as usual, he was at the door to meet me. Hello, Liska. Hello, darling. It's good to see you. Hello, Felix. He's waiting for you inside. Your friend. You know, that's the one I don't like so much. John Sloan. I didn't know he was coming into town today. Well. Well, you have nice lunch and then I think up a new recipe for you to write. Yes. Oh, don't bother, Felix. I may not need it. What's the matter? Something wrong? Oh, no. Just a catalyst. Catastrophe, that's all. Catastrophe. Is that good? It's horrible. Well, you feel better when you go and eat. Go in, Liska. I pick you something very special. That's about the whole story, John. We who are about to be fired salute you. I wish I could feel badly about it, Elizabeth. Not that I don't sympathize, but. Well, this morning on my way in from the farm, I was thinking that you and I. Here we are. Look, Liska, I select the horserver myself. Thank you, Felix. First, some nice marinated Herrington cream. You know, Elizabeth, sometimes these things happen for the best. Baloney. After all, there's a better job waiting for you if you want it. The job of being Mrs. John Sloan. Horseradish. I know. You're not sure I know. But I'm willing to chance that. I'm certain you'll care for me in time. Nuts. Now, look here. Walnuts. Walnutty speakers is excellent. Now I go and bring them, dear. Felix. Isn't he amusing? Elizabeth, you haven't answered me. Oh, I'm not sure, John. I am. You'll need someone to look after you. And you love the farm. I know, from the way you write about it. What do you say? Well, my career is gone and I guess I'll have to get married sometime, so. Oh, I mean, Elizabeth, darling. Excuse me. Isn't his necking a little public? Hello, Dud. I just told John I'd marry him. We'll live on my farm. Isn't it wonderful? Well, there are two ways of farm. Well, that's right. You have got a farm in Connecticut. Now, Dot, if you've got any idea. Liz, it means my job. And it's such a cinch too, if you're married to Mara. Yardley can go. He can Send me, Sailor. You'll have a husband, a farm. What about a baby? Oh, I think I can help you there. Why, John, after all, I'm an architect. You know, when I planned the house, I thought of everything, including a nursery. And as it happens, there's a baby too. Don't tell me. Prefabricated. No, no. It belongs to a neighbor who's doing war work. She leaves the infant with my housekeeper. Say husband, farm and baby. Why, it's perfect. Not by a long shot. I still can't cook. Well, maybe you can, but Felix can. Felix? Don't you see, Liz? You just take him. There was no stopping Dud when he went into high. The next thing I knew, it was Christmas morning and I was up at the farm, standing in the living room before the local judge. Now this is the sort of thing I like. A simple wedding. Lovely and dignified. And short enough to get me home for Christmas. Just so we're quiet and don't wake the baby. Well, we'll do the best we. Baby. You'll have to hurry, Judge. We haven't much time. Apparently. Dearly beloved, we are gathered in the sight. Feliska, look. Already come, scum. Funny. The slave from the village must have brought someone. John, it's the sailor. He's here already. Two hours early. Oh, well, I'll go. You take the judge in the other room. Just a minute. Hello. Hello. I'm Jefferson Jones from the Sailors Hospital. Well, Merry Christmas, Mr. Jones. Won't you come in? Thanks. Your mother invited me. Elizabeth Lane. Oh, well, I'm Elizabeth Lane. It's my pen name, but really in real life. I'm Mrs. Sloan. Oh, I'm sorry. I sort of expected. I mean. Liska, why don't you ask him? He should put down that Packard. Oh. Oh, of course. So stupid of me. Mr. Jones, this is my uncle. Sleep. How'd you do, Liska? This one I like. You see, he brings a big present. It's a sort of a rocking chair. Well, what do you know? A rocking chair. Isn't that lovely? Wonderful, Liska. Just what you need. Here, I'll take the paper off. I read in your column where you couldn't find one. I hope you like it. Oh, I'm sure I will. Well, wait, let me try it. If you'll excuse me, ma'am. You're doing it wrong. Wrong? Yes, ma'am. My old man was an expert with a rocker. Solved all his problems that way. But he said you had to know how to rock. Well, don't you just rock? Oh, no. If you'd like me to show you. Why not? Liska, let him sit down. Thanks. Now, suppose you're tired and worried over a problem. Well, then you rock like this. So it is. Slow and calm, like you're on a ship on the open sea. And then you get to thinking slow and calm. Get it? That's the ocean rock, Uncle Felix. Isn't that wonderful? Wonderful. And then there's that horseback rock when you can't sit still, feel jittery, gotta be doing something. And then there's the lazy rock when you want something across the room and you're too lazy to get up and get. See? Well, really, I never knew there was so much to a rocking chair. Mr. Jones, I. Liska, what is that? The baby, of course, the baby. So quick. Well, he must have awakened early. Well, after all, it's 11:00. I guess we both know what that means, ma'am. Do we? Sure. I read your schedule in the magazine. 11:00. Time for a bath. Oh. Oh, yes. A bath. Say, Mrs. Lane, do you mind if I watch? Watch? Sure. Those little fellas are awfully cute in the tubs. Say, it's not good to let him cry too hard either. Oh. Oh, yes, that's right. Well, come along. I think we'd better get him up This. I like those two together. I like this very much. Felix. Felix. Where's Elizabeth? Oh, she goes to wash the baby. And Mr. Jones, I. I mean, he goes too. Well, I must say, this is very irregular. What am I going to tell the judge? Oh, I think you're of the judge. I. I make him nice martini. Maybe I make him too martini. Hey, sure got a pretty good pair of lungs. Yes, from my husband's side of the family. Doesn't look like you at all. I guess he looks like your husband, huh? Oh, no. More like Mr. Sloan's aunt. Well, you see, Mr. Sloan's aunt is. I can just about guess. Well, he'll stop crying once he's in his bath. Come on, we'd better get started. Maybe I shouldn't bathe him today. It's rather cold. But you always bathe him every day. Isn't that what you wrote in the magazine? Is it? I mean, it is, of course. Let me fill the bath and that for you. Thanks. You see? He likes it. Gosh, you don't know what this means to me, Mrs. Sloan. To watch an expert like you give the baby a bath. Oh, yes. Well, we might as well put him in with his diapers on. Oh. Oh, no, no, of course not. I meant to. Oh, wait a minute. I'll test the water. Yep, just right. My, you seem to know a lot about bathing babies, Mr. Jones. Oh, I used to bathe the neighbor's kid. You did? Help me work my way through night school. Well, how would you like to bathe this baby? You mean you'd let me? Oh, yes, of course. It's a relief to have someone else do it for a change. You know how it is, bathing him every day, week after week. It gets sort of monotonous. Say, this is going to be fun. Come on, Skipper. Off you come. See there? He likes his Uncle Jeff. Oh, I'm sure he does. He couldn't help it. All right, here we go. Now, off with your shirt. That's it. And now the rest. Say, Mrs. Sloan, you never told me his name. His name? Oh. Oh, we call him Robert. Well, that's nice. And now we're all ready for Robert. Oh, a short for Roberta. Oh, I guess you were hoping for a boy, huh? I certainly was. Come on now, princess. In you go. Atta girl. You know, the way you handle her, Mr. Jones, really, you'd make a wonderful father. You're not married, of course, by any chance? No. I guess the cards are stacked against me. Every time I meet a girl I like, it turns out she's already married. I couldn't hear you. What'd you say? Nothing. Just. Oh, Elizabeth. Oh, yes, John. Oh, Mr. Jones. That's my husband. Would you mind finishing up while I. Oh, not at all. It's a pleasure. Go right ahead. Thanks. You don't know what this means to me. What were you doing in there? Just bathing the baby. At a time like this? Well, I thought she should look her best for the wedding. There isn't going to be any wedding. There isn't? Not this morning, at any rate. Oh, but what about the judge? Mr. Felix took care of him, all right. His Honor, the judge just staggered home. The second act of the Lady Esther Springill play will follow in a moment. Now, a word from Lady Esther. I'm going to make a statement now which will probably shock every woman who is listening. Some of America's outstanding skin specialists have told me this, and here it is. Rubbing the skin of your face can make it look older faster than it should. And here is the reason why they tell me, and I agree. Because the skin of your face is fragile. The most delicate skin of your entire body. Rubbing can stretch and break down. The delicate under skin structure can make even a firm skin flabbier and Older looking than your age. But with Lady Esther For Purpose Face Cream, there's no need for harmful rubbing. This famous cream is so soft, you just smooth it on gently, then wipe it off. That's all. It dissolves as it touches your skin. Needs no help from your fingers. That's why you'll love the feel and the look of your skin after even one application of Lady Esther Face Cream without rubbing. Lady Esther 4 Purpose Face Cream cleans your skin, softens your skin and helps nature refine the pores. And it also leaves a perfect base on which your powder clings longer and looks lovelier. Lady Esther 4 purpose face cream asks no help from any other cream. You see, Lady Esther Face Cream contains one of the most beautifying ingredients known to modern science. This acts as an extra safeguard to help keep your skin soft, smooth and young looking. If you will try it, I'm very sure you'll want to use Lady Esther 4 Purpose Face Cream always. And now, Lady Esther presents the second act of Christmas in Connecticut. Starring Jane Wyman, Leon Belasco and Ronald Reagan. Well, the judge was gone and the wedding was put off. But it's funny, I couldn't make myself feel sorry. I guess Mr. Jones was to blame for that. He was tall and attractive, sort of like that movie actor, Ronald Reagan. The way he looked at me, I. I couldn't help but wonder. But I shook myself and told myself not to be a fool. And then when I'd settled down again, I forced myself to listen to John. What worries me, Elizabeth. Mr. Yardley might arrive at any moment. And you know what that would mean. Of course. One more for breakfast, Elizabeth. He's your boss, your publisher. If he finds out you made up all those things you wrote that you aren't even married. I know. And I don't care so much for myself. It's Doug Beachum. I wouldn't want him to lose his job. What do we do, John? Well, I talked to Judge Crothers on the phone. He's willing to come back tonight. Tonight? When all the others are asleep. Even if Mr. Yardley has already arrived. We can be married and he'll never know the difference. Maybe he won't. Well, all right, John, if you think. Liska, Liska, Liska. You will never guess. Guess what, Felix? Oh, just now I. I'm in the village and somebody asked me who I am and I say, I'm your Uncle Felix. My dear chap, why you're so excited about it? Excited? Who gets excited? Please, please. What's it all about, Liska? When they find out who you are. The famous Elizabeth Lane. And you come to live here. And there is a sailor here too. A hero. Well, they say you must come and be their guest tonight. Well, where? At what? At the Christmas party. Very formal. At the firehouse. The firehouse? Yeah, they say that you can come along too. Of all the unadulterated meddling. Now, Felix, you didn't say we'd be there. Your neighbors. Suppose that Mr. Yardley arrives. Maybe he likes a little party too. Oh, but John let his housekeeper go for Christmas. Who'll stay with a baby till her mother comes for. Don't worry, I find somebody to stay. Who? Who? Who can I find in a place like this? Me. Say, you're quite a dancer, Mr. Jones. Oh, I get around. I. I guess I should have gone into more training. I feel so funny. Old so of dizzy. Hey, we'd better get you outside. A little fresh air. Come on. You'll feel better in no time at all. Oh, I'm sure I will. Lovely out here, isn't it? The moon and the snow. Sure is beautiful. I hate to think I'll be leaving tomorrow. Oh, so soon? I'm due back tomorrow night. But I'll never forget how nice you've been to me. Oh, I'm glad. Let's walk. In those shoes? Oh, that's right. They are sort of inadequate. I guess I was just kind of. Hey, wait. I got a better idea. How about this sleigh? Oh, we couldn't. Why not? It's just parked here. We'll just imagine we're riding. You know, it might be fun. Up you go now. There we are. Gee, this is wonderful. Fur, robes and everything. Where'll we go for a magic ride? To the land of every man and every woman. Hey, that horse is moving. He wasn't tied up. That's right, he wasn't. You want to get out? Not me. You want to get out? Not me. You know, speaking of marriage, were we. Well, I guess I was just talking out loud. I kind of got marriage on my mind these days. Me too. Really? Any special girls? Well, I'd say she's extra special. Oh, she lives in New York? Not exactly. You might say the country. On a farm? Well, yes. Jefferson Jones, are you flirting with me? We'd better go back. Look, Mrs. Sloan, your husband might not like this. Oh, he wouldn't know. He's left. Left? Well, he had to see Judge Crothers. A little personal matter. Oh, and moments like these don't come very often. I mean, everything's so calm and still and the whole world asleep. All I want to say is, let it sleep. Yeah, me too. I say, let it sleep. You there. You, sir. Stop that confounded snoring. Wake up. I, sir, am Alexander Yardley. Who are you? Me? Oh, I am Uncle Felix, the nursemaid. Where's Mrs. Lane? Mrs. Sloan, Mr. Sloan, that sailor. Where's everybody? They all go to Christmas party in the village. Liska, I mean, Elizabeth. She is guest of honor. Oh, they know her, do they? Well, I shouldn't wonder. The best magazine feature in America. So this is the place I've read so much about. This is her farm, eh? This is the place you've read so much about. Tell me. What? About the baby. What should I tell you? Don't you know about babies? My good man, this is no ordinary baby. This is Elizabeth Lane's baby, the Smart Housekeeping baby. Tell me, could I see the little shaver? Just a quick look. I promise I won't disturb him a bit. All right. He's in this room, Mrs. Go. You can see from here. I bet that he looks just like he's gone. He's not there. Not there? You idiot. He's been kidnapped. While you were snoring? But why? Any thief could have entered this house I came in myself. Don't stand there, you fool. Where's the telephone? Now, Mr. Sloan, let me get this straight. You left the party to take care of a little business matter. When you returned, your wife was gone. Yes, Mr. Yardley. One of the villagers said she'd ridden off in a sleigh with Mr. Jones. Sailor. The man to whom we opened our hands, our hearts. Our home. His home. His home requires you. Mr. Sloane, have you any idea who might have kidnapped your baby? Well, no, I. I wouldn't know who'd kidnap him. And where can your wife have been all this time? I wouldn't know that either. I mean. Wait, wait, wait. Here she comes now. Felix, why are all the lights on and. Oh, Mr. Yardley. Yes, Mrs. Sloane. And I must say, it's time you return from your gallivanting. I wasn't gallivanting. No, she just took me for a sleigh ride. You, sir? I'll deal with you later. Mrs. Sloane, do you realize your baby has been kidnapped? Kidnapped? Taken from its warm little bed. Taken from this home. Oh, that. Really, there's no need to get excited. What of all the heartless, callous. Statements. Now, please, Mr. Yardley, you'll have a stroke. You. You dare to stand there and talk that way about the Smart Housekeeping baby. Do you realize what it's done for my circulation? No, but I know what it's done for mine. Now, Elizabeth, please. Don't please me, John. I've had enough of being told what to do. I'll do the talking for a while. Mr. Yardley, you may as well know the truth. John and I were never married. What we really meant to, sir, it was. We just never got around to it. You. You mean the Smart Housekeeping baby is. No, no. That's what I've been trying to tell you. There isn't any baby anyway. Not mine. No baby, no husband, no farm, no nothing. I made it all up. Eat it all up. Why, I'll be the laughing stock of the country, of the world, of the universe. Young lady, you're fired. Well, okay. But you owe me two weeks pay. And now, if it's all the same to you, I'm going to my room. I don't wish to talk anymore. Hey, wait a minute. To anyone? Oh, yeah. You mean to anyone but me. Come on, we're going to have a little conference alone. So that's the whole story, huh? On the level. On the level. And you are really not married? I'm as free as a bird. That's what you think. Come here. Mishka. Mishka, darling. Oh, Felix, go away. But this is important, Mishka. From Mr. Yardley. Oh, all right. Come in, Liska. Mr. Yardley asked me I should come and talk to you. About what? Well, just now comes a telegram from another magazine, American Housekeeping. They asked you to take a job, double the salary. They did? Yeah. But when Mr. Yardley finds this out. Oh, he begs you to stay with him also double the salary. Well, how did he find out? Well, he happened to see me open the Telegraph. You mean you opened Lisa's telegram? Not only I open it, I send it. Thank you, Jane Wyman and Ronald Reagan for your excellent portrayals of Elizabeth and Jeff in Warner Brothers Christmas in Connecticut. Say, incidentally, Ronnie, I understand that this is the 20th anniversary of talking pictures. Yes, Truman. 20 years ago, the silent shadows of the screen found a voice. To say the screen found a voice is rather an understatement, I'd say. Well, you're right, Jane. It certainly wasn't as casual as that. The four Warner brothers, Harry, Sam, Jack and Albert laid their last dollar on the line to make it possible. And with it went years of experimentation and heartbreak. The road which led to the perfection of sound pictures was a long and hard one. And speaking for all of us, in the industry, I think it's entirely fitting to pause for a moment and pay tribute to the men who made modern motion pictures possible. Thank you again, Jane, Ronnie and Leon, for appearing with us tonight. And now, before we tell you about next week's show, here's a word from one of America's best known beauty authorities. Lady Esther. Suppose you had your choice between two face creams and one jar said to you, you will have to use a whole jar of me before you see any difference in your skin. But the other little jar said, you don't have to use a whole jar of me. No, you will see and feel a difference after just one application, which takes only 10 seconds or so. This second jar is Ladies for Purpose Face Cream. And you can easily prove what one application will do. Just smooth lady Esther 4 purpose face cream on your skin, then wipe it off at once. You will see and feel the difference. The new softness, the younger, cleaner, fresher look of your skin. Most important of all, you will find that Lady Esther 4 Purpose Face Cream requires no rubbing or massaging. It's so soft, you just smooth it on and wipe it off, that's all. Now, why is that so important? Because the skin of your face is the most delicate skin of your entire body. Rubbing can stretch. This fragile skin can lead to slackness and the beginning of wrinkles. Without rubbing, Lady Esther 4 Purpose Face Cream does the four things your skin needs for proper daily care. And this simple little experiment I have suggested will prove this to you. Not hours or days from now, but right now. Next week, the Lady Esther Stringel Players will present the devil and Ms. Jones. It will star Donna Reed, Guy Kibby and Van Johnson. Be sure to listen, will you? Christmas in Connecticut was produced and directed by Bill Lawrence. The adaptation was by Harry Cronman. Jane Wyman can soon be seen in Night and Day. And Ronald Reagan will soon be seen in Stallion Road. Both Warner Brothers Productions. You save enough on the largest size jar of Lady Esther face cream to buy a box of Lady Esther face powder. So remember, ask for the largest size. Music on tonight's program was arranged and conducted by Wilbur Hatch. This is Truman Bradley speaking for Lady Esther. Thank you and good night. This is cbs, the Columbia Broadcasting System SA Bring out our star, the creator and originator of Buck Bunny, Mel Blanc. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'm very grateful for this opportunity to meet you and to introduce myself. I'd like to tell you a little about my background. When I first came to Hollywood, it seems when film producers heard my vocal calisthenics consistently and loud. They shouted, no. This guy don't rate with movie photogenics. They said my face was meant for radio. They said his face was meant for radio. Don't rub it in. So I developed character projection upon the air and finally got a call. Producers hollered mel is our selection. Cause he's the biggest character of all. Cause he's the biggest character of all. You guys can be replaced, you know. I became the happy postman With a manner so beguiling you remember Goodbye Missy Burns. Remember keep smiling. I became a train announcer and my consuls did a conga with train leaving on track five for Anaheim, Azusa and Kookamonga. They said that he'd look good on radio and everybody told him where to go. No coaching from the audience, please. As a violin teacher I made a nice penny which ain't doing bad when you work for Jack Benny. Wa ta tun your fiddle Brinjana why we shit had no strings on. I force a smile and try to please and cry upon my pillow. I've even been calliopes forgive me please. Petrillo could sing so long because his face was meant for radio. I heard that as Pedro. When I see a girl with grace, a chiquita I say pardon me for talking in your face, senorita. And then this little guy I've saved for last. I'm Zuki and in the picture shop I'm the president, I'm the vice to be, I'm the theatre it I'm not taking in a lot of gold. Because his face was meant for radio. It's a lie. Why do you think I got a fix it shop? Cuz I had to find a way to pay the rent. I'm it is known as a successful flop Cuz before I get a quarter it is spent. I'm on a lot of air shows if I'm lying I should choke. My tax consultant says if I get one more show I'm broke. So why do you think I gotta fix it shop? Cause for radio his face was meant. Agents get commission don't forget withholding tax. My dentist and physician and my wife's account at Saks Publicity and writers oh, my aching back and head. If I get laryngitis then I might as well be dead. My paper profits grieve me because they never reach the bank. My assets, please believe me like my second name are blank. So why do you think you gotta fix it shop? And I only hope the darn thing really clicks I and the lowest of the guys on top, he has found that fame and fortune doesn't mix there's dough for entertainment Bills and bills the whole day long. I even had to pay a guy to write this stinking song. So why do you think I gotta fix it shop? Cause I'm really in a heck of a fix I'm really in a heck of a fix. From Hollywood, Colgate Toothpowder presents the Mel Blanc Show. With Mary Jane Croft, Joe Kern, Jerry Hausner, Hans Conrey, the Sportsman, Victor Miller and his orchestra. And starring the creator of the voice of Bugs Bunny. What's up, guys? Yes. Colgate Toothpowder, for a breath that's sweet and teeth that sparkle, brings you the Mel Blanc show with Mel playing his new character, Zooky. Hello, everybody. Hello, everybody. Every hello, everybody. Everybody, everybody. Hi. And starring himself in person, Mel Blank. Hi, folks. Aga ugaboo agaboo boo uga. It's two weeks until Christmas, and in Mel Blanc's little town, young men eager to make a good impression are buying Christmas gifts for their young ladies. At the local furriers, Sam Brown is saying the clerk, I'll take this fur coat, wrap it as a gift and send it Christmas morning. At the jewelry store, Tom Williams is saying, I'll take this diamond bracelet, wrap it as a gift and send it Christmas morning. And in the candy shop where Mel Blanc has been shopping, Mel is saying, I'll take this two pound box of peanut brittle. No, don't wrap it as a gift. I'll eat it right here. So Mel ate the peanut brittle, right? Now we find him in his fix it shop with his girlfriend Betty. Being very low on funds, Mel is turning the pages of a mail order catalog, hoping that the pictures may suggest a gift for Betty. Broom handle, garbage pail, nail polish, eye wash, diamond ring, fur coat, wristwatch, pen wipers, shoehorn. Stop turning the pages so fast. Oh, all right. Well, let's start from the front of the catalog. Yeah, all right. Good. Page one, women's dresses. Page two, women's bathrobes. Page three, women's nightgowns. Page four. Betty, stop turning the pages so fast. We don't need this whole catalog anyway. That's right. I got you a perfectly wonderful gift last year without the catalog. Oh, by the way, Betty, what did you get me last Christmas? Oh, don't you remember, darling? Those long handled Chinese back scratch back scratchers. Yeah, and I've been serving salad with them all year. Gosh, Betty, won't it be swell when we're married and can have Christmas in our own little house. We'll get up Christmas morning and look at the tree with all the presents. Yes, and then maybe we'll hear the patter of little feet around the tree. Betty, Santa Claus doesn't bring children. I know that now. And I. I think you should also know that Willie Murdoch is giving me a wonderful gift and very expensive. Willie Murdoch? Willie Murdoch? He's probably just trying to impress your father. Betty, why does your father favor him over me? He's got little narrow shoulders, and I've got. Well, he's got a small forehead and I've got. He's got practically no chin, and I've got. Gosh, we look so much alike. I don't see how your father can tell us apart. Willie will take care of that with his Christmas gift. Oh, is that so? Well, I'm gonna get some money and get you a much bigger Christmas present. Oh, hello, Mr. Colby. Hello, Father. Betty, are you here again? How many times have I told you to stay away from this no good, timid nincompoop? Father, that's not true. Nell is not timid. That's right, Betty. Betty, this. This pauper will never amount to anything. Is that so? Yes, that's so. I bet you don't have a quarter to your name. Is that so? That's so. Well, look, Mr. Colby. Betty, you go on back to the supermarket. You should be helping Willie prepare for the new radio program. Yeah, all right, Father. Goodbye, mel. Bye, Betty. Mr. Colby, did you say something about a radio program? Yes, but it needn't bother you. Needn't bother me, Mr. Colby? Me? The greatest actor in town. Oh, never mind that. I came in to see if you could straighten out this signet ring I'm wearing. It's gotten a little lopsided. Oh, that's easy, Mr. Colby. Just lay your finger on the counter here. Here. Yeah, that's fine. Now, I'll just take this hammer and. Oh, milk. Blank. What's the matter, Mr. Colby? The ring isn't lopsided anymore? No. Now my finger reds. Well, Mr. Colby, if I've done anything to hurt you, let me make it up by acting in your radio program. Oh, what kind of a program is it anyway? Well, it's an idea my manager, Willie Murdoch, gave me. I'm sponsoring a program which appeals to the ladies. Great idea. Willie's Supper at the Supermarket. Supper at the Supermarket. See, that's a natural for me. I would make a perfect master of ceremony. No, I. Oh, don't go, Mr. Colby. Listen to this. Now, you have eight. Will you try for 16? Who does that sound like? Tommy Manville? No, no. Phil Harris. Oh, I'll even do his accordion. I should have said Baker. I'll even do Baker's Accord. I can do either one of them, but I'll do. But I'll do Bill Baker's accordion. Listen to this. Wait a minute. I'm a natural for. I'm a natural for radio. Mr. Colby, listen to this. You gotta start out each day with a song. Even if things go wrong, you come around to my program and all break every bone in your body. Now, how do you like that? Everybody wants to get into the act. Please, Mr. Colby, give me a chance. Besides, I need the money badly. I want to get Betty a Christmas gift. And I don't want to give her just anything. I want to give her something she'll like. Now, don't worry. If she likes you, she'll like anything. Besides, my manager, Willie Murdoch's going to be the master of ceremonies. Well, I gotta go now. Oh, wait, Mr. Colby. Just one more. Ah, there's good news tonight. The international picture is a bit clouded. On the one hand, we see good tidings. On the other hand, we see bad tidings. Who knows? Tomorrow may be just tidings. In conclusion. In conclusion, I believe it. Oh, gosh, I'll never be able to get enough money for Betty's gift. What'll I do? Ah, there's bad news for Mel Blight tonight. In conclusion, we can safely say that for Mel. It looks very blank. Use Cold Gate tooth Powder. Keep smiling just right. Use it each morning and use it each night. Don't take a chance with your romance. Use Colgate Tooth Powder. A breath of trouble can spell the doom of happiness between bride and groom. That little breath of trouble, I mean, unpleasing breath has ruined many a romance. Don't you be an innocent victim. Here's a helpful hint. Brush your teeth night and morning and before every date with Colgate Tooth Powder. For Colgate Tooth Powder cleans your breath as it cleans your teeth. Yes, scientific tests have definitely proved that in seven cases out of 10, Colgate tooth powder instantly stops unpleasing breath that originates in the mouth. What's more, no dentifres at any price cleans your teeth more quickly, quickly and thoroughly than Colgate Tooth Powder. Remember to buy it first thing. And remember the name Colgate Tooth Powder with the accent on powder. Don't take a chance with your romance. Use Colgate Toothpowder. Now, Victor Miller, the sportsman and Uncle Remus, Uncle Remus, Uncle Remus. Uncle Remus said Gather round me little chillers before you go to bed Just give him your attention Hear what he's got to say. I'll tell you how the animals got that way. The leopard's pappy got the gout from eating too much speckled trout his mammy dreamed of polka dots and that's how the leopard got his spots. That's what Uncle Remus said that's what Uncle Remus said From speckled trout and polka dots that's how the leopard got his spots. More, more, more, more. Uncle Remus, tell us more. The piggy saw his monkey friend swinging by his other end he tried the same thing on a rail and that's how the piggy got a curly tail that's what Uncle Remus says that's what Uncle Remus said He tried the same thing on a rail that's why the piggy got a curly tail. That's all, little chillers. That's all little chillers. The good little chillers. Time to go to bed. That's right, uncle, we must. Good night, uncle. We must, uncle, we must. Or we'll put a hole in in your head. Your Mel Blank tried to get the job of master of ceremonies on Mr. Colby's new radio program, Supper at the Supermarket, so that he could buy his girlfriend Betty as expensive a gift as the one his rival Willie Murdoch is getting her. But Mr. Colby turned Mel down cold and Mel still hasn't been able to raise any money. However, the wonderful thing about Mel is that he never worries. Despite his predicament, he calmly goes about his duties in the Fix it shop. Right now, his keen mind is tackling the delicate problem of restoring the voice of a mama doll. Gosh, if only gets Betty a better present than I do. With experienced fingers, he deftly manipulates the mess mechanism of the voice of the doll. I gotta get some money. Gee, my customers owe me plenty. Now, having completed the delicate operation, he dips the mama doll gently forward. Ah, just like new. Oh, I know what to do. Hey, Zuki. Yeah? Look, Zookee, here's a list of people who owe us money. I want you to go out and collect it. Oh, okay. Melee, you can depend on me. Gee, I hope I can collect some money for Mel. Well, here's the first house here. Meeting Mrs. Brown. I'll ring the baby. I'll ring the baby. I'll ring the baby. I'm not on the biller. Hello, Mrs. Brown. I came to collect from Emily. Mel's Repair job on your washing machine. What? Do you know what he did to my washing machine? I just put these sheets through it and look at them. Gee, what lovely lace curtains. Well, here's the Jones house. How do you do, Mrs. Jones? I came to collect a bill for Mel Blank. Well, here's the. The Smith house. How do you do, Mrs. Smith? I came to collect. Well, here's the Gibbs house. How do you. Well, here's the Martin house and me and nobody home. Well, Zookie, how did you make out? Oh, well, I. I collected 10 to the. 10 to the 5 to the 3 to the. Not a dime. Oh. Oh, mel, here comes Mr. Cushing, the president of the Loyal Order of Benevolent Zebras. Hello, Mel. Greetings, mighty potentate. Agaboo. Agaboo. Aga. How are you feeling? Not very well, Mel. Last Thursday, my wife and I had the worst fight we've ever had. Next morning, she was in the hospital. Poor woman. Poor woman nothing. She was visiting me. Brought me a pie. She says, eat it. It's good for you. It'll melt in your mouth. Well, did it melt in your mouth? Yeah, but it hardened in my stomach. Everything about that woman is hard, Mel. Her relatives, her feelings, her face, her voice. If only her arteries would get that way. I don't know why I'm standing here telling you all this. It's just that I got no one to talk to. Well, Mel, gotta be going before you ug a mighty potentate. Where you going? Well, I'm going to Colby's supermarket program. The wife will be there because they're giving away a $40 bottle of perfume to the oldest woman in the audience. Well, do you think your wife is old enough to win it? You really married a woman much older than you, didn't you, Mel? Age didn't matter. When I first met my wife, Babe, I worshiped the ground she walked on. Besides, she owned the property. I guess in your case, Cupid was a real estate agent. Say, did you go with Babe much before you married her? Well, I went with her for five years, and then her uncle died and left her $3 million. After that, it was a case of love at first sight. Oh, you only married her because her uncle left her that money. No, no, that's not true, Mel. I would have married her no matter who left her the money. Mel, how different it was when we were first married. I remember I carved our initials on a big tree. She was so touched, she kissed the tree. How romantic. Then what happened? The tree died. Matt, you're not. Not listening Very carefully. Well, I was just thinking, if I was the oldest lady in Colby Supermarket, I'd get the $40 bottle of perfume, then I'd give it to Betty and that would settle everything. Say, mighty potentate, do you know where I can get a lady's wig? Well, I could let you have one of my wife's, but I won't have any part of such skullduggery. Goodbye now. Gosh, I wonder how I sound as an old lady. Ah, thank you, thank you. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Well, well, well, are we having fun? Isn't supper at the supermarket a gosh dandy program? Yes, sir. Well, the woman with a funny hat can sit down now. Well, this is Willie Murdoch handing the mic back to your host, Mr. Colby, who will select the very oldest lady in our audience. Excuse me, young lady. May I sit next to you? Why, certainly, madam. My, you're awfully old. Well, I gotta be to win the prize I'm getting for you, Mel. You in a dress and a wig. Shh. Quiet, Betty. Now, I'll get you a better gift than Murdoch, and I don't care how I do it. Now, ladies, the highlight of our show, the awarding of this $40 bottle of perfume. I'm going to select the oldest lady in the audience. Call out your ages, please. 70, 80, 85, 90, 100. And that's my last offer. It's a very quaint way of putting it, madam. You say you were a hundred. That's right. 100 going on. Going on what on? Adrenaline. What else? Madam, what do you attribute your long life to? Oh, vitamins. Vitamins, eh? Yep. My uncle ate vitamins all the time, every day. Oh. Made him so lively and jumpy. Always jolly and happy. Finally, at 90, he died. He died, huh? Yeah. Pepe's funeral. Yerushal. Well, madam, before I give you the grand prize, we'd like to know what is your secret ambition? To get the bottle of perfume. You must tell us what your secret ambition is. Well, I'd like to go on the radio. Well, what could you do on the radio? Oh, I'd be a great mistress of ceremonies on your program like this. Guess who this is. You have eight. Will you try for 16? I know. Phil Harris. I. I should have said Baker. No, Tommy Manville. Hey, that sounds familiar. I'll take the perfume now. No, not the voice you do. Another impersonation, Grandmother? Well, all right. You got to start out each day with a song, even when things go wrong. I've heard that before. Only a short while ago. I like that everybody wants to get into the air. I'll take the perfume now. Mr. Colby, we only have 30 seconds left on the air. It's time for you to kiss the old lady. How dawn you can keep the perfume. So long. I mean, so long. Just as I suspected. Mel Blanc. I'll teach you to make a fool out of me. I'm gonna break every bone in your body. Gosh, Betty, imagine your father throwing me out like that. A fine way to treat an old lady. Oh, Mel, darling, it's all my fault. I should never have mentioned Willie Murdock's gift to you to get me a better gift. Look what what you went through. Yeah, the door of your father's supermarket. Oh, what's the use? Oh, look, here comes Willie Murdoch. Willie, what happened to you? Oh, your father didn't like the program, so he threw me out of the supermarket too. He did? Yeah. How do you like that? Everybody wants to get into the act. All right, we'll be back. Just a minute. Use cold in tooth powder. Keep smiling just right. Use it each morning and use it each night. Don't take a chance with your romance. Use Colgate Toothpowder. You know that breath of trouble, unpleasing breath has put the brakes on many a promising business career. So be on your guard against this handicap. Do this. Brush your teeth night and morning and before every date with Colgate Tooth Powder. For Colgate Tooth Powder cleans your breath as it cleans your teeth. Yes, scientific tests have definitely proved that in seven cases out of 10, Colgate tooth powder instantly stops unpleasing breath that originates in the mouth. What's more, no dentifres at any price cleans your teeth more quickly and thoroughly than Colgate Tooth Powder. Remember to buy it first thing after. And remember the name Colgate Tooth Powder with the accent on powder. Don't take a chance with your romance. Use Colgate Toothpowder. This is Mel Blanc saying thanks for listening. Good night and that's all, folks. This is BU reminding you that Cote 2 counter for breakfast treat and beef sparkle raising the Mount Blanche every Tuesday at this time. Be sure to join us again next Tuesday night for more fun with Mel and the people you'll meet in Mel Blanc's Fix it shop. 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Remember what happens at the tobacco auction at market A aftermarket independent tobacco experts can see the makers of Lucky Strike consistently select and buy that fine, that light, that naturally mild tobacco. Lucky Strike presents. The man who knows the tobacco warehouseman, Mr. Alexander Irvin. Well known tobacco warehousemen of Reidsville, North Carolina, said recently, for many seasons I've seen the makers of Lucky Strike buy ripe, mellow tobacco. Fine tobacco you just can't beat for real smoking quality. Smoke lucky myself for 14 years. So for your own real deep down smoking enjoyment, remember lsmft, Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. And Lucky Strike is the ideal gift on every Christmas list. So say Merry Christmas 200 times with a carton of 200 Lucky Strike cigarettes in their beautiful holiday wrapping. And for the specials on your list, a special handsome gift box of 500 Lucky Strike cigarettes each. So round, so firm, so fully packed, so free and easy on the draw. The Lucky Strike program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Rochester dynasty and yours truly, Don Wil. Ladies and gentlemen, as you all know, there are only three more shopping days till Christmas. So let's pick up Jack and Rochester on the way down to do their last minute Christmas shopping. Rochester, how far is it from my house to downtown? About seven miles, boss. Oh, fine. We ought to be there about. No? Yeah, it's a good thing we started last night. Yeah, there sure is a lot of traffic this time of year. And I have so much to do. I better check over this list. Clark Gable, a half a dozen shirts. Barbara Stanwyck, one dozen initial handkerchiefs. Gary Cooper, two pair of silk pajamas. Claudette Colbert, lace negligee. Rochester, I hope we can deliver these things by tomorrow. Yeah, you promised them they'd have their laundry back before Christmas. We may have to work late. Oh, well, let's not worry about that now. Dara will never get downtown at this rate. So slow riding behind the trolley. Do you want me to cast off and hook onto a bus? No, I can't stand those fumes. You know, Rochester, Christmas is a lot different now than it was years Ago. I remember one Christmas Eve when I was a kid the ground was covered with snow and as I looked out the window in the distance I could see someone dressed in red. Suddenly there came a patter of hoofbeats and a knock on the door. And the door flew open and a man said, the British are coming. He did not. He said, merry Christmas. It was Santa Claus. Then he came into the house and gave my cousin Cliff a sled, my sister Florence a doll and Rochester, you'll never guess what Santa Claus gave you. Me? What? A violin. That sweet old man did that processor. Don't be. Oh, there's the store. We better start looking for a place to park. Here's a place. Slow down while I see what it says on the sign. This parking lot reserved for the patrons of the Paddock Swimming Pool Company. One hour free parking with each $6,000 purchase. See? It's a shame we've already have a swimming pool. Oh, look, here's another free parking lot. Let me see. This lot reserved for the patrons of Dr. Whiteside, the friendly dentist. One hour free parking with each tooth pull. Rochester, I went last time. It's your turn now. Well, never mind. Let me out and you find a place to park the car. I gotta meet Ms. Livingston. Okay. See, there's certainly a lot of people downtown today. Jack. Oh, Jack. Oh, hello, Mary. Jack, I've been waiting for 15 minutes. Oh, I'm sorry. We got held up in traffic. Let's go in the store. Mary, you have my Christmas list, haven't you? Yes. Here it is. What does it say? It says, dear Jackie Boy, I couldn't meet you last night because the customer spilled a chocolate soda all over my uniform. So I. The list is on the other side. Give it to me. Wait a minute, Jack. Who's Josephine? The little blonde car hop at Silence Drive In. She used to work at the Glendale branch but they promoted her to Beverly Hills. Gee, I hope that chocolate soda incident doesn't send her back to Glendale. Glendale? You know, she's very pretty, Mary. The drive in uses her pictures and all their newspaper ads. Oh, yes, I remember. She was Miss Cheeseburger of 1946. Yeah, she'd have made it this year too, but her mustard was on crooked. Just goes to show you fate, a little thing like that. Let me see that list, Mary. Yeah. Gee, I still have to buy a present for my old girlfriend, Gladys Abisco. I don't know what to get her. You think she'd like a lipstick? I don't know. She got lips oh, stop being so catty. I know what, I'll just send her some flowers. Now, come on, before I do do any shopping, I want to open a charge account. There's the credit department over there. Now, Mr. Benny, I think we have all the personal information we need. Now, would you tell us something about your financial qualifications? What are your assets? Well, I own my own home, my own car. I have three paid up insurance policies. I have a radio program and I own some stocks and bonds. I see. Now, what are your liabilities? My liabilities? The horn blows at midnight, Mary. The horn blows at midnight. Oh, yes, that was a picture. Thank you. Now, Mr. Benny, in what bank do you keep your money? The bank of America. California Bank, Security Trust Company, Farmers and Merchants Bank, Mercantile Trust Company, Security Savings Bank. First national bank of New York. Pittsburgh Trust Company, national bank of Power. Can I help you, young man? Help me? Yes, yes. You've been standing in front of this counter for 10 minutes. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm confused. Well, that's understandable. You're confused because it's Christmas time, you've got the Christmas spirit, you're doing your Christmas shopping and you're looking at so many different things. Well, that explains why I confused in December. But what about the other months? Well, I wouldn't know. I'm just standing behind this counter because in a moment of enthusiasm I sold my pants. Oh, well, I'd like to get something for my parents. For your mother and father, eh? Yeah, how did you know? Well, I just figured it out. Gee whiz, I don't know what to get from my mother. You know, young man, looking at you, I can just picture your mother. You can? Yes, yes. Small, petite, gentle, a kindly smile for everyone. And spends most of the time sitting in a rocking chair, knitting. That's my father. Now try and guess. My mother. Oh, boy, she sure makes them toe the mark. You mean your father's afraid of your mother? Oh, everybody's afraid of my mother. When I was born, the stork left me a block away from the house. What? It's a good thing I knew the address. Gee, I wish I knew what to buy my mother for a Christmas present. Oh, I know. I'll get her one of these. What size Is this one? 38. No, that'll be a little too small. What size is this one here? That's a 44. That's fine. Put some bullets in it and wrap it up. Yes, sir. Send it to Mrs. Patricia Day. And put a card in the thing with all my love Dennis. Yes, sir, I'll do that immediately. National bank, bank of Manhattan, Sacramento Savings and Trust, San Francisco Bank Exchange, and the Benny Trust Company of Waukegan. Well, well, you certainly keep your money in a lot of different places. Yes, he's also got a St. Bernard with a coin slot in the brandy barrel. That's in case I get lost. Well, Mr. Benny, as far as your credit is concerned, that's all the information we need. Thank you. Now, come on, Mary, let's get my shopping started. Let me see that list again. There's Don Rochester. I know what to get, Dennis. He told me what he wants and it's such a silly thing. What does he want? A bulletproof vest. Hey, Mary, what would be a good thing for a nine year old boy? I want to get something for little Stevie Kent. Stevie can't. Isn't he the little boy who tackled you in the football game and sprained your ankle, huh? And you're buying him a present. Married was an accident. He didn't mean to do it. And why are you suing him? Him? I'm not. I dropped the case after he paid the doctor bill. Now, come on, let's try to. Mr. Jack Benny, please report to the credit department. Oh, darn it. What do they want now? Pardon me, miss. Would you mind waiting on me, please? Why, yes. What can I do for you all? Well, honey child, you're the same little gal wait. Waiting on me last year. You from Alabama, ain't you? I sure am. Are you all from the South? Am I all from the South? Honey, when I was born, the doctor held me up on my feet and slapped me with a candied yam. Well, call my Poland and mint my jewelers. If it ain't little old Phil Harris. That's me, baby. They purchased Louisiana because I was in it. I don't doubt it for a minute. Now, what would you like to buy? Well, I don't know. How would y'all like to see something nice and lingerie? Now, honey, you know you shouldn't throw me a line like that. See, Mr. Has, you're so cute. Yeah, everybody notices it. You know, Mr. Has, you're so much different than I pictured you to be on the radio. You're such a braggart. You sound so conceited. That ain't nothing. Wait like going on television. Are you all gonna go on television? Honey, when a man is as good looking as I am, television ain't a luxury, it's a necessity. Now let me see, let me see. I'm wondering, honey, what I can get for my wife. Oh, I'll send you what. Hey, give me one of them negligees there. Why yes. Shall I wrap it as a gift? Yeah, and fix the package up so she can't peek into it. Seal it over with some of that scotch and soda tape. I'll have it wrapped up for you in two shapes of a parson's tail. Wait right here, Mr. Harris. Say, mister, there was a call that I report back here to the credit department. Oh yes, Mr. Benny. The store has checked your financial standing and we're happy to say that the papers are all ready for the loan. Loan? I don't want to get a loan. No, we do. Well, how much? Jack, come on. You came here to do your Christmas shopping. Oh, yes, yes. You better call me at home, mister. Now come on, Mary. I might as well buy the flowers for Gladys Abisco first. Okay. Hiya, Jack. Huh? Oh, hello. Long time no see. That's right. Come on, Mary. Jack, who was that? Oh, he's that racetrack tout who used to hang around Santa Anita. What a guy. Come on, let's get away from him, huh? Oh, wait a minute, Jack. I want to stop the lingerie counter. I like this shade. Miss, I'll take this pair of two thread hose. You're wrong lady. This hose is three threads. Oh no, it's two thread. I beg your pardon, but it's three threads. Listen sister, don't argue with me. Not so long ago I was standing right where you are. That's. Tell her, Mary. I don't know why I'm so fresh. She's making more money than I am. Only during the holiday season. Anyway, Mary, you don't have to buy stockings. I was going to give you a pair for Christmas. I'll buy my own. I wore the stockings you gave me last year and everybody thought I was a nurse. How do I know the kind you want? Now come with me while I get the flowers. Hello, Mr. Benny. I see the yule time is catching up with you. Oh, hello Mr. Kitzel. Hello. Are you doing your Christmas shopping? Look at this unloaded bundle. The things I am buying. Now what's in that long thin package? This is a present I'm sending to my brother in law. It's a hacksaw. A hacksaw? If he gets it in time, he'll be home for Christmas. Mr. Kitzel, your brother in law is a prisoner. No, he's the warden. Well, if he's the warden, why does he want a hacksaw? He was playing through the Crowd consequences with the prisoners any loss. Oh, say, Mr. Kisser, what are you getting your wife for Christmas? I got it already here in this box. It's a beautiful c. Well, that's nice. What is it, fox or sable? On the label it's sable. In the box it's fox. Well, don't you know what you bought? I mean, didn't you ask the salesman? For $29, I should start an argument. Well, maybe you're right. She'll probably like it anyway. Well, goodbye, Mr. Kitzel. Merry you time, Mr. Benny. Merry Christmas to you. Say, Mary, while you're waiting for your stockings, I'm going over and pick out some flowers for glasses. See, all these flowers are so beautiful. I think I'll get these roses. Yeah, they're the nicest. Hey, Jack. Jack. Uh huh. What you doing? I'm buying flowers. What kind? I'm buying roses. What? Take the carnations. But look, I don't want carnations. I want Roman roses. Come here a minute, huh? Don't be a jank. The roses are a buck a piece. That's even money. I know, the same, Don. Carnations will get you six to one. Six to one. Don't take my weight for it. Here it is in the seed catalog. Look, listen, I'll let. I'll show you. Yeah. Now, let's see. Poppies, gladiolas, chrysanthemums, poison ivy. Now that's been scratched. Violets, daisies, roses. Yeah, here it is. Roses, blooms, early fades in the finish. Well, look it. I don't care what it says. I'm still going to buy the roses. Okay, it's your money. I wish that guy would leave me alone. Oh, miss, Miss. Now, let me see. I have my rifle cartridges, my rod and reel and hooks. Yes, sir. Now, is there anything else you need? Oh, yes, yes. A tent. Very well. How about this one over here? Well, that looks good. Shall I have it delivered? No, just put sleeves on it. I'll wear it home. Well, hello, Jack. Hello. During your last minute shopping? Yeah, I was just going over to the perfume counter to get a present for my sister Florence. Well, Jack, before you go, I want to show you something I bought you in the toy department. I gave you something like this last year, but you broke it, remember? Oh, yeah. But Donna, that was last year. I'm too old for toys. But Jack, this is so novel. Now just look at it. A set of toy wooden soldiers. Now that's not for me, believe me. Well, now just watch what happens when I wind them up. Now, People are watching, Dan. You can show it to me at home. Here it goes. It's a round. It's a bird. It's a holy folding track. Better buy Luckies Better by lucky Sluggy strikes a spoke for me Better try Lucky Better try Lucky Better by lucky spec. If I lucky Lucky strikes the spoke for me LSM LSM LSM LSM S, M. Oh, darn it. I'll have to wind them up again. Never mind, Don. Forget. It was nice of you to think of me. Anyway. I'll see you later. Jack. Jack, I've been looking for you. Oh, I'm sorry, Mary. I stopped to talk to Don Wilson. Oh, say, Mary, don't let me forget to buy something for Fred Allen. Fred Allen? Yeah. I don't know what to get him. He has nothing. Oh, I'll buy something for my sister first. Here's the perfume counter. Pardon me, sir. I'd like to buy some perfume. Okay, mister. What kind of perfume would you like? Well, I don't know what's popular right now. Well, here's something that's not too strong yet. Leaves a trail of broken heart. Oh, it's called Avec Tremble, Kumai Cherie Tre Bean. What does that mean? I don't know. I. I didn't take French when I was at Harvard. Oh, well, anyway, I don't think I'd like that. What else have you got? Well, here's some other perfume called Essence of a Locker Room. No, no, no, I don't want. Say, here's a perfume that looks nice. How much is that? 68 cents a gallon. 68 cents a gallon? What do you think, Mary? The same as you. The price is right. I didn't mean that. If you want something cheaper, here's some perfume for only 25 cents. 25 cent? What kind of a bottle does that come in? That don't come in no bottle. We keep it on tap. On tap? When I draw it fast, you ought to see the head on it. No, never mind. I'll get something else. By the way, mister, how come they put a fell like you behind the perfume counter? Oh, my regular job is in a delicatessen department slicing Limburger cheese. Limberger cheese? Yeah. Once a month they send me here to neutralize. Well, you must have just come up. Come on, Mary, let's go. Mary, let's go to another counter and see. Look, there's Rochester buying some cufflinks. Oh, yeah? I wonder who they're for. Let's sneak up behind him and listen. I think these are beautiful. They're very unusual. Yeah, but I don't think my boss would like them. They ain't his style. I see. What type of man is your boss? Well, he's medium tall, medium weight and rather conservative. By. By conservative you mean he's parsimonious. Parsimonious? What's that? Frugal. What's frugal? Thrifty. You're headed in the right direction, but you've got a long way. If I had those couplings already, I'd fire them. Quiet. I want to hear this. Now, let's see. Maybe he'd like something else. Why don't you buy him a nice wallet? He ain't got no use for a wallet. It. Where does he keep his money? California bank, bank of America Security, First national bank and a Filco Deep Breeze. A Filco deep freeze. Mr. Benny likes some of his money in cold cash. Rochester. Oh, hello, boss. I didn't see you. I know you didn't, but if you're going to buy me a Christmas present, buy it. Don't discuss my personal affairs. Yes, sir. Come on, Mary, let's go. Say, Mary, there's one thing I still have to get. What's that? A present for Don Wilson. I can get it right over here at this concert. Oh, clerk. Yes, sir? I was thinking of getting. Say, your face looks familiar. Didn't I wait on you last year? Yes, Yes, I believe you did. I was thinking of getting. Now I remember. You bought a pair of shoelaces, didn't you? Yes, yes, I did. Now I was thinking of getting. You couldn't make up your mind whether to get plastic tips or metal tips? That's right. That's right, Jack. Let's get out of here. Wait, Mary. I have to buy Don's present. Mister, do you happen to have. I remember how you kept coming back. First you'd get plastic tips, then you'd change to metal tips. Plastic tips. Metal tips. It was a hard decision to make. You see, Mister, I'd like to. Metal tips. Plastic tips. Metal tips. Jack it out, quick. Wait a minute. And you came back again and again and again and again. Lister. All the other clerks went home, but I had to stay. Look, Lister. But you're not going to do it to me this year. Plastic tip. Metal tip. Plastic tip. Metal tip. Get out of here. Get out of here. Get out. But Mr. Hallway, every one of you. Come on, Mary. Dip, little dip. People. All away. Ladies and gentlemen, since this is our Christmas show, we feel that it is fitting to close with the medley of Christmas Carols sung by Dennis Day. O little town of Bethlehem how still we see the above Thy deep and dreamless sleep the silent stars go by yet in thy dark street Shineth the everlasting light the hopes and fears of all the years the first Noel the angel did say was to serve and push hepherds in fields as they lay in fields where they lay keeping their sheep On a cold winter's night that was so deep now well, nowherell Nowhere Nowhere Thorn is a king of his Adore him O come let our. This is NBC, the National Broadcasting Company. C M E L S From Hollywood, Camel Cigarettes present the Jimmy Durante Show. Yes, the Jimmy Durante Show. With Alan Young, Roy Bargi and his orchestra. The Crew Chiefs Quartet. Candy Candido and yours truly, Vern Smith. Brought to you by Camel Cigarettes, the makers of Camel Cigarettes, wish all their friends a very merry Christmas. Light up a Camel and let Jimmy Durante and his company make your Christmas Eve a pleasant one. And now, here to start things off with his pal, a talented young comedian, Alan Young is the wizard of SNOZ himself. The one and only Jimmy Durante in person. You've gotta start off each day with a song. Now, even when things go wrong. Now you feel better. You even look better. Attention, listeners, if you got a new radio for Christmas, don't throw it away. That was me. And now, with my pal, Alan Young, I'll. Hey, Alan, where are you? I'm up here on the roof, Jimmy. Santa Claus was supposed to be on our program, but he's stuck in the chimney. Well, push him through. All right. Shannon, after falling 14 stories into the fireplace, are you feeling all right? I'm feeling mighty low. Jimmy. Jimmy, we saved old Santa Claus. Now I want to wish you a very merry Christmas. Same to you, Alan. But I'm kind of glad the excitement is over. I didn't mail my Christmas cards in time. So what happens? At the last minute, I had to seal 500 envelopes and lick 500 stamps. Jimmy, how did you do it? Does anybody want to buy a cock? A spaniel with a dry tongue. Well, Jimmy. Jimmy, I guess. I guess now is as good a time as any. Here's my Christmas present to you. Oh, Alan, you shouldn't have done it. It's a beautiful gift. I'll lift the COVID Just what I wanted, a musical garbage. Well, Jim, with all your important friends, I'll bet you forgot about poor little me. Alan, he said that. Kind of shy. Alan, you'll labor another mischief. Jimmy, I'm afraid you're laboring on our mispronunciation. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. But that's neither Krish nor Kringle. Here's my present. Here. Don't spread this around, but I knitted it myself. Well, it's a lovely tie. But what's this lump hanging on the side of it? That's the big toe. It started out to be a pair of socks. Jimmy, you know, it's flattering you should remember me after the busy week you've had. I understand you flew to Washington to deliver Christmas gifts to some of your influential friends. Yes, Alan. My first stop in Washington was the British Embassy. Where I dropped off my present for little Prince Charles. England's hair, apparently. Who at the moment has more apparent hair than I have. I hope you gave the little prince an appropriate gift. I hear for Christmas he's already got diamonds from Africa, rubies from India and gold from Australia. Because, you see, that little boy represents the British Empire. What did you give him, Jimmy? A safety pin. A safety pin? Yeah. Can you think of a better way to hold the British Empire together? A joke I got from an old coward. And if he wasn't such a coward, he'd show up for Noel. I don't know what Noel means. But, Jimmy, who was the next notable figure on your list? Alan, General Eisenhower was the next notary public on my list. And when I heard that he was in Washington for the holidays, I went over to his hotel suite to see it. And when I rushed in the door, General Eisenhower and up Rushed up to me and said, hurry, Jimmy. Run out and get General. I know. General Marshall? No. General Clay? No. General Bradley? No. General Electric. A bulb was out on his Christmas tree. But, Alan, the big moment in our interview came when we exchanged our biographies. Autographed in Latin. He wrote in his book Artist gratius artis. And then I inscribed the Latin phrase in my book. Jimmy, what did you write? E pluribus unum. Or Six Semper Fidels? No, the greatest Latin phrase of all. Quanta la gusta. Jimmy, there's only one duranty. Yes, Alan. Modesty forces me to agree. There's only one durante. What do you mean, there's only one duranty? I got a million of them. A million of them. Everybody wants to get into the act. It's. It's a girl. How do you like that? I've been transcribing to a more convenient body. But. Look, I don't know what your game is, but. I'm Jimmy Duranty. I'm Jimmy Duranty. I'M Jimmy Duranty. Take a good look, folks. Can you tell which twin is the phony? It's humiliating. It's exasperating. Gosh, Jimmy Durante's voice in a beautiful figure like yours. What about it? Well, it's like opening a jewel box and finding a salami sandwich. Alan, after that remark, I refuse to speak to you any further. Consider yourself oystercized. Sorry, Jimmy, I. I'll see you later. Now look, lady, what's your trouble? Well, I'll tell you. You see, I got myself a jambas of lemon soder all day long I have to put the big lemons in the big boxes, the medium lemons in the medium boxes, the small lemons in the small boxes. But I quit. Why? Too many decisions. Ah, they're making duranis in mass production so everybody can have one for Christmas. Wait a minute. I'm beginning to recognize the imposition. Why, it's my old pal who's been knocking them dead in the nightclubs around the country. Rosemary. Hiya, Jimmy. I mean, hi, Jimmy. Ah, it's great to see you again, Rosemarie. What brings you here tonight? Well, Jimmy, I just stopped by to get my Christmas present from you and it's something very personal. I hope it's not a lock of my hair I'm already down to scalp. No, Jimmy, I'm afraid all I want. All I want for Christmas is to hear you play the piano again. Why, I'd love to, Rose Marie. Just sit next to me here on the piano bench and let the scent of my taboo take its to. Oh, Jimmy, what a lovely arpeggio. Where did you ever learn such a haunting phrase? A passage inscribed by the gurgle of a clogged up water pipe. Oh, Jimmy, you know, when you play like that, it. It does something to me. It's just as though you were playing on my heartstrings. If you. Listen, Mr. Steinway, I think I found something to replace the baby grand. I love that man. I don't claim that he's a pedal rookie, but you must admit he's got his point. He's never played the President's ball or a concert over Carnegie hall. But I've been cheered at some of the bar's better joints. I know that I'm a fool to ever fall. You couldn't help yourself if you're his type. I want you. You want. You are. It's not his mind, it's his music that makes me mad for that man. He makes me melt. He's got magic and his Piano is part of this play. It's unintentional. He's unconventional. I always play just how I felt. I play my melody upon the ivory like this. Look at that gal melt. It's not as mine, but it's his music. He's charming and to boot on pews. Some guys compose concertos that make your spine shiver. But listen, you know that's not chopped liver. It's not as mine, but it is sick. That makes me mad for that man. Oh, what a technique. The musical genius. Jimmy, stop. Stop. Jimmy, please. Please, Jimmy, stop. Stop. I'm only human. I show no mercy. It's not his mind, but it's his music that she's mad for that man. We hope you're enjoying this Christmas Eve program. We also hope you're enjoying Camels. Rich and full flavored, cool and mild. Camel's choice tobaccos are properly aged and expertly blended for your smoking enjoyment. Light up a Camel. C M E L S Alan, why did you drag me away from the studio just to come outside and look at the Christmas tree lights? Yes, Jimmy. Just the sight of them brings back memories of home and childhood. Nostalgic memories, Jim. I guess you're right, youngie. It puts me in a nostalgic mood too. It kind of gets you. Yes, Jimmy. You see, this is my first Christmas away from home and mother. Oh, I see. Every Christmas Eve in my life I used to get into my long woolies and mama tucked me in a bed and mama place a long cool kiss on my forehead. She just isn't here to do it tonight. Alan. Yes, Jimmy. If you listen, Mrs. Young, it may be your little bird, but I'm feeding it Williams tonight. Oh, thanks. I feel much better now. Jim. I can't help thinking when I was a kid around Christmas, Santa Claus never visited our house. So to make up for it, my dad told us the family cow was a reindeer. He told you the cow was a reindeer? Yeah. For years I thought that anklers antlers hung underneath. Oh, that one. Well, that's a logical misdemeanor. Anyway. I know how you feel, Youngy. Gee, I'd love to be a kid again tonight. Look, Jimmy, let's not both be carried away you could ever be a kid again. Who couldn't be a kid. Why, I remember. Just like it was yesterday. 16 years old and a N A student in 3B. Alan, tonight, why don't we pretend that you and me are a couple of little kids that live in the same block spending Christmas together. Okay, Jimmy, but kids have all Got to have nicknames. There's Big Ear, Freckles, Buck Tooth Dimples. What's your nickname? I ain't got When I have no outstanding features. I love those Christmas fantasies. But Alan, you go ahead and I'll go slip into my short pants and beanie and join you later. Ah, memories. The youngs were very poor. There were 22 kids in our family. Only 21 pairs of socks. Mom called me Blackfoot. Yeah, 22 kids. The only thrill we ever got was the year we played ourselves in the Rose Bowl. Played ourselves. I'll never forget that one Christmas Eve, I wrote a letter to Santa Claus. I said, dear Santa, I want a bicycle. I needed a stocking to put it in, so I made my brother take off his long stocking. Strong elastic. But then I sneaked downstairs and overheard Mama and Papa talking. Papa said, mabel, this year I think we can buy little Allen a bicycle. After all, we only have 22 children. John. Yes, Mabel? There's something I want to tell you. You see, I. Oh, no, no, no. Not again. So after Papa took a slow boat to China, I realized I wouldn't get that bicycle I wanted for Christmas. I was beginning to doubt whether there was a Santa Claus. So in my darkest hour, I turned to my only friend, 7 year old Jimmy, who was the leader of the gang and the roughest, toughest kid on the block. I knew he was ready for action when I heard him say, hopscotch, anyone? Hey, Jimmy. Hey. How come you look so worried? Ah, we have to move. I think the people upstairs from us got a bad leak in their water pipe. I think. What makes you think so? Last night I finished my soup three times. Well, let's do something. Let's go feel for nickels and payphones. Hey, look who's coming down the street. Hey, it's that rich boy in his Fauntleroy suit and long curls. Yeah, he. Yeah, he thinks he's good. He thinks he's good just because he wears socks. Hey, Alan. Hey. Yeah? Why do you wear them long golden curls? Well, I'm only 6 years old and my mother won't tell me if I'm a girl or a boy. Hey, you mean you don't know what you're a girl or a boy? No, and the suspense is killing me. Well, I think I'll see you later, Jimmy. I think I'll go look for a woman with a bustle and hit your ride into town. How can you go into town? It's almost Christmas Eve. Ain't you going home and wait for Santa Claus? Ah, what's the use? I don't think there is a Santa Claus. I've been wanting a bike and I know I ain't gonna get it. What's the matter? You crazy or something? Why, I know there's a Santa Claus. Last year he brought me a beautiful bike with a bell on it. Yeah. Bet you didn't see him. Nobody sees Santa Claus. He sneaks into a house one night and then he goes away for a year. Ah, that ain't Santa Claus. That's me old man. You know, you're supposed to be the toughest kid in the block. Now I find out you believe in Santa Claus. Alan, just because. Just because you're tough don't mean you don't believe in Santa Claus. Santa Claus is real. He ain't a Fig Newton of the imagination. Well, if he's real, how come I ain't getting me bicycle? Look, Alan, you go on home and wait and I'll be by later. I'm gonna convince you there's a Santa Claus. See Jimmy, I told you I won't get that. Here it is, 12 o'clock. I know Santa Claus. Alan, you gotta believe in Santa Claus. If you believe there's a Santa Claus, there'll be one. Listen, someone's on the roof. He's sliding down the chimney. Hey, it's Santa Claus. Jimmy, look at Santa Claus. Merry Christmas, everybody. Look close, Alan. I think he's got something for you. Jesus. It's a beautiful bike with a bell on it. Santa Claus didn't forget me after all. Well, I gotta be wanting along now. Up, Dancer. Up Planter, Up Dunder, up Petrillo. Petrillo. Yeah. He's there to see that anything with a horn joins the Union Marsha Real pike at last. I'm gonna take it out for a ride right now. So long, Jimmy. Boss, there is a Santa Claus. Well, I hope no other kid comes up to me and say they don't believe in Santa Claus. That was the only bicycle I had. If you've still some last minute gifts to give, why not get some cartons of camels? Yes, those camel cartons are all dressed up for the Christmas Eve season. Bright and colorful with a space for your personal greeting. A carton of camels is so easy to get and such a pleasure to receive. And I'd like to add I rip off the cellophane, open the pack, take a little puff and just sit back. Going from jokes to the greatest of smokes. Folks, won't you try a camel? Gee, Jimmy was a Great idea to invite the whole cast to your Christmas party. Oh, the very thought of having the whole gang with me warms the cocktails of my heart. Wait till you see the 30 pound turkey my cook, Maggie is preparing. Hey, look through the window. The whole bunch is around the piano. How do you like that? They didn't even wait for me. The hostess. Let's go in and journey. Merry Christmas, everybody. Honey, let's get to the food. Grab some turkey. Don't be bashful, it's very nice. Besides, tonight I'm only charging 10 cents a slice. Enjoy yourself, folks. Enjoy yourself. But nobody eats the avocados. I just rented them to make the table look classy. Jimmy, all your friends from the show are here. What a turnout. There's the. Everybody listen, please. Attention, folks. My good friend Professor Nutberger wants the floor. Thank you. I have just composed a little Christmas poem to my wife, which it does me pleasure to read. My wife wanted a new mink coat to get. It was quite a production. So I just bought her two little minks and gave him an introduction to me that I made a sniff. Hey, Jimmy, I'm getting hungry. Take it easy, youngie. The turkey will be ready soon. While I'm waiting, I'll try one of these olives. Pipe pimento. It looks like everybody is getting hungry. Okay, everybody, let's eat. To the dining room. Let's march, march, march to the table There's a turkey so let's get in our share let's march, march, march to the table let's hope he's got bicarbonate to spare. Wait, wait, wait. Wait a minute, Jimmy, I don't see the turkey on the table. I'm sorry, folks. I'm sorry. I'll talk to the. Maggie. Maggie, where's that cook? Maggie, why don't you answer? Did Chloe answer the first time? It's humiliating. What's taking so long to get the turkey ready? Well, Mr. Smart, I covered the turkey with gravy made out of brandy, scotch, bourbon, rum and gin, and I put him in the oven. Well, what happened? Well, then two hours later, I opened the oven door and the turkey was blowing a tin horn and shouting, happy New Year. Look, Jimmy's been telling me what a great cook you are. Maggie, what are we having besides that turkey? Well, sir, I've been preparing a special recipe that's been handed down from my grandmother to my mother and finally down to me. What is it? Matzo ball soup. Look at the texture. What a cook. What a cook. Boy, what a cook. She can fry A crepe Better than Chet. Hey, Jimmy, somebody else is coming to your party. I wonder who it is. Well, why don't you open the door and find out? Okay, relax, boys. It's Hot Breath. Halahan. I'm glad. I'm glad you came, Miss Hot Breath. If the oven breaks down, you can finish roasting the turkey. Come on in, Hot Breath. Well, don't just stand there, big, blonde and boneless. Can't you see I'm standing under the mistletoe? And what about you, banana beak? Ain't no one going to take advantage. Go ahead, Alan, kiss it. Nah, Jimmy, you go ahead and kiss. No, you kiss it. Now you kiss. No, you kiss it. All right, I'll kiss her. Can we take that trip again? I think I know the road now. But go ahead and mingle with the guest. Ms. Hot Bread, would you like a warm Tom and Jerry? Just send over Tom and Jerry and I'll warm them up myself. I love this kind of carrying D. All right, all right. To the dining room. Set, march, march, march to the table we want food, food, food and soul. Let's march, march, march to the table. On your marks, get ready, set, roll. Wait a minute. This is the fasticatin. Still no turkey on the table. Maggie. Maggie. Yes, sir? Where's the turkey? Well, he took another drink of that happy gravy and now he's making passionate love to a can of chicken soup. This is a crisis. She's laughing and I'm being rubbed out of the social register. I don't know how I'm going to keep the party going. Just leave it to me. Flute, snoot, I'll liven up the party. Let's turn out the lights and play some party games. I don't know any games. With the lights out, you ought to be able to think up a few. I wonder if she has a luminous checkerboard. Well, well, what do you say, boys? I think the food is ready. Now. Let's see. Okay, everybody, let's see. Come on, let's march, march, march till the table. We'll rip that Twinkie Tear him right upon let. What's the matter now, Maggie? Well, this man had done sneaked out into the kitchen while the party was going on and ate all the turkey. What a catastrop candy. Candida. Isn't there anything left of that £30 turkey for our Christmas dinner? All that's left for Christmas is his two front teeth. I felt like a father to that boy. I even spent two weeks with him in a deep freeze. But never mind, gang. I got 10 pounds of jelly beans hidden under the mattress. While Maggie's roasting them, gather around a tree and pick out your presence. Jimmy. You really took care of the gang tonight. Ash. Nause, you are real Santa Claus. Oh, I wouldn't say that. Maybe not, Jimmy, but you're the closest thing to it. Come on, gang, let's go. He's Jimmy Duranta Claude. Thank you. The partner of Santa Claus his toy bag isn't on his back as he goes through the snow he's got a better place and once he hooks it on his nose I'm Jimmy Duranta Claus I'm the partner of Santa Claus Gee, you got me puzzled I recognize that brain, dear I'm not sure but somehow he looks like the leading reindeer the partner of Santa Claus is Jimmy Durant Jingle bells, jingle bell there's the way we go at Christmas time Jeep and I'm feeling mighty snow Jingle bell, jingle bell Santa's on his way who can afford a car today? I ride a no open slave I'm the partner of Santa Claus Tonight is Christmas Eve we know so up and down the hall, no creature stirring and before old Santa comes to call we'd like to wish a merry Christmas to you one and all From Hot bread, the Mahawata, the professor the fruit is Andy, Candido, Rosemary, Alan Young and Jimmy Durana. Foreign Christmas Eve symbolizes for all of us the joy of giving. This week, as every week of the year, the camel people are happy to send free camels to servicemen's hospitals all over America. This week, among other hospitals, free camels are being sent to Veterans Hospital Hines, Illinois. U.S. marine Hospital, Vineyard Haven, Massachusetts. Veterans Hospital, Outwood, Kentucky. That makes a total of more than 180 million cigarettes that the camel people have sent to servicemen, service women and veterans. Well, Jimmy, it's Christmas Eve and just about time to hang up your stockings, Alan. That's what everyone's doing. And folks, this is one night I don't have to be clever to know what's going on in your living room. The Christmas tree is all lit up, up. There's a bit of mistletoe hanging somewhere. The little folks are getting ready for a very long night. And the time for the real Santa to arrive is getting closer and closer. But more important, tonight our hearts are full of Christmas. We shake hands a little bit stronger. We say hello a little bit warmer. We walk a little bit lighter. And tonight the world is a lot, a whole lot better. But does it make sense for all these things to last only 24 hours when our Christmas tree and our mistletoe disappear. Should that be the signal for us to act any different than we do now? I don't think so. You know, it's a long year to every Christmas. Let's make it a long Christmas to every year. Merry Christmas, Mr. Young. Merry Christmas to you, Mr. Duranty. Merry Christmas, folks. Merry Christmas, Mrs. Malabash, wherever you are. The Jimmy Durante show was produced and directed by Phil Cohan. Listen in again next Friday night for the Jimmy Durante show with Alan Young, brought to you by Camels Direct. The makers of Prince Albert wish all you pipe smokers a very merry Christmas. Fill up your pipe with PA it's the National Joy. Smoke Camel cigarettes. Also invite you to tune in the Screen Guild Players next Thursday night when they present Pinocchio with Fanny Bryce Henley Stafford, Jeffrey Silver and Hunt Conrad. Quiet, please. Quiet, please. The American Broadcasting Company presents Quiet, Please. Which is written and directed by Willis Cooper and which features Ernest Chapel. Quiet, please. For today is called Berlin 1945. Good afternoon, this is Willis Cooper. The Quiet. The Free Story we're bringing you today is a Christmas story that many of our listeners have asked us to repeat this year. And though Christmas actually was yesterday after all, it's still Christmas today, isn't it? This was Christmas Day three years ago. Christmas 1945, in a ruined house in Berlin in Germany. Five soldiers around a table beginning their Christmas dinner. Staff Sergeant John Platner was carving. I am a guy that strictly enjoys Christmas. I'd enjoy it a lot more if I was at 504 N. Monroe St. Hey, you guys come to see me sometime in Peoria, you'll find out. Hey, hey, listen, I tell you what. Next Christmas, let's all go to Peoria and have Christmas dinner at Shelfy's house. Yeah, that's the deal. Bradley Park. Hey, I bet they're skating in Bradley park right now. Hey, it's 11:55 Berlin time. A seven hours difference. That makes it 0455 in the morning in Peoria. So? So they're skating in Peoria at all 4:55 in the morning in Peoria. Everybody's nuts. Well, come on, come on. Who said Whitely and the. Hey, don't anybody want a drumstick? I want a drumstick. Well, look at the T. Look. Oh, I'd rather look at. What's that under your arm, Lieutenant? That little kitty is the finest bottle of wine between here and Hobo. Well, open it, somebody. You ain't sending only one. Corporal Lester, there are Times when you discourage me with your thirst. Now, if you just walk outside to my jeep, as I was about to say, you'll find seven more of the same. Yes, sir. If he got off his chair like that when I tell him to get onto the morning report, I. I get it out of there. Where'd you get the wine, sir? Well, if you mean where did I get the money, there was a craft game last night with some Air Force ch. Airplane drivers, huh? Yeah, and I happen to hold some very excellent dice. My, my, what's that? Not cranberry sauce? Yeah, ch's Uncle Sanator can. Man, that tastes like home. Now, look, Lieutenant, don't pull right, Sergeant. I haven't had any cranberry sauce in swamp, Davis. I don't like to think about that either, Lieutenant. Well, look, you said a drumstick, Lieutenant. Yeah, to start with, Sergeant. Thanks. Mashed potatoes. And mashed potatoes. Hey, what's this stuff? I think that's turnips. Well, I'll eat any turnips. Turnips and fill it up. I. Sure. What are you so glad about over there, Corporal Morgan? Me? I was just thinking, sir, we'll stop at dangerous habit. Anybody open that bottle yet? Yeah, in. In a minute. In a minute. Hold up your copper. Here you are, fella. That's enough for a minute. Okay, pass it along. Where's Lester? With the rest of us. Where is that guy? Hey, somebody give me your hand with a box. Born boys. Help yourself to the stuff and holler when you want more turkey. Hey, shall we open all the bottles, Lieutenant? Look, will you sit down before your turkey gets cold? In the army, a mess sergeant should talk like that. Hey, not out of the bottle. Drink like people, you lug. Is it, sir? It's called Lackam Christie Morgan. Cheers of Christ. Yeah, well, I would eat some bread. Yeah. Here. Thanks. Cheers of Christ, huh? Right. You know, I drunk some of that once a deadly. Pour me some more, will you? Yeah. I think we should drink a toast, Lieutenant. I do, too. No, no, now don't start that again. Let's eat. Shut up. I need some gravy, son. Well, there's plenty of it. Yeah. Only toast I want to drink is when I climb off that ship in New York. That's one we'll all drink back down. Drink it right now. Remember what we were doing last Christmas? That's what I was thinking about. About a toast. Yeah. Yes, I think you're right. Morgan, Theo McAdams. Yeah. And big Gil Corcoran and Ed Peterson. Francis Wachter. That. That Kid Larry. What was his name? My brother. I think we better stand up for that gentleman. You. You say that toast, lieutenant. No, no, no. We'll just. Amen. I want some more. Tight. Yeah, come in. Oh, see, I haven't eaten like this since I was a kid. Hey, I. I sure remember my last Christmas back home. You mean at Som Davis, Griff? No, home. Hollywood. Yeah. Hey, we had a show that day. How long? Coast to coast. Say, what you do on the radio, Griff thing? No, I was an announcer. You don't sound much like an announcer. Hey, how about on the drumsticks? I sure reach your plate. Thanks. You want to hear me enough. Good evening, friends of the radio music world. Tonight we are again privileged to present the Army Air Force's Symphony Orchestra under the direction of Major Eddie Dunster. Direct from the Flying Training Command Auditorium in Santa Ana, California. Our program this evening includes by Ronaldo Hahn, La Creation du Monde by Darius Milo, selections from De Burger Aus Edelmann by Richard Strauss and to conclude, the inimitable folk song of our Russian allies, Krasny Sarafa. Did you hear what I heard? Did. Didn't come out of that. Hey, what? Get out of us like that, Griff. I popped a crooner in the eye. He was a master sergeant, so they shipped me. Is there any more wines after that? Griff, you ate a whole bottle of your. Don't look at it. Thanks. You know, Mike, last Christmas in P. The best Christmas I remember was down at Bliss one year. I was in big troop with the seventh Calvary. Oh, yeah? Yeah, there was a Mexican calvary outfit just across the river at Juarez. Now, they come over to play polo, see, and brought a bunch of their enlisted men along. And every single one of them lads had a quarter tequila in these saddlebags. Did you ever drink tequila, Lutens? Once. That is enough. There is a Mexican sergeant. I can remember his name. Sorrento Pablo Francisco Rafa del Rey Jimenez Jr. I mean, Junior. He taught me how to say Merry Christmas in Mexican. No kidding. Last. Where were you, Morgan, last Christmas? Yeah. You know where I was, lieutenant. At Vinon. No, I. I made a mistake. Well, before I got in the army, my last Christmas in the States was in jail. Jail? In jail. Never told. Told you guys that. Well, lots of people been in jail. Sure. Slide the bottle over this way. Yeah. Wait a second. What was your thought? Never mind, Lester. Oh, I don't mind, lieutenant. It wasn't the first time. Thanks, sergeant. A little more turkey, I guess. Coming right up. Why was your bo. A Hobo. Strictly a hobo. I never had it so good as in the army. You sure didn't like the army so well when I first joined the outfit, Morgan. Yeah, I know I gotta be kind of different when my brother joined the outfit. I never knew the kid very well before. Sure miss him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to stay in. Least I can do. Where was you, Lieutenant? When? Oh, oh, you mean my last Christmas home. Yeah. Where was you? Well, believe it or not, I was in high school. Oh, last year here I was supposed to graduate in 1941. When my class graduated, I was a tech sergeant at Camp Forest, Tennessee. Oh, what do you know. Where was your Christmas? In a hospital with a broken leg. Yeah. Played too much football. Oh. Hey, did you ever know a Lt. Col at Forest named Sweet? Miss, there was a million Lt. Colonels named Smith Solo. Look like Eisenhower was a major then. That is the guy. Yeah. Yeah. When the crou was going to assassinate Ike a couple of three months ago. Yeah. Remember this here Colonel Smith, he personified Eisenhower. I impersonated him. Yeah, played like he was him. He was a friend of Forest Luton out of the 130th Infantry. Where are you? Last Christmas out of the army shy. Gee. Jimmy and I got married Christmas Eve. Jimmy. Her. Her name's Celestine. Oh, who's called her? Denny. I didn't know you were married, Sheriff. Lieutenant. December 24, 1941. Hey, I didn't. Did I ever show your picture? No. You got it with you? Sure. Come on, let me see that. After you. She's a pretty girl. Is she blonde or red hair? Hey, let me see. Take a look. Let me see. Wait a minute. Remember where I came from? Oh, looks like my youngest sister. Hey, say Chris. Here you are, kid. Where was you Christmas? You see the picture? No. Take a look at it pretty well. What was you? Hollywood Canteen. Oh, boy. Hey, I was never there. Was there movie stars up to here? Betty Gravel? Yeah, in Peoria. I don't remember. Lester, get him. You don't remember Leonard Turner? Besides slice me off another slam away from you. I sure was. Well, after that let me have a little who shut at the door, huh? I didn't see anybody, son. Probably one of them hungry Joes from the first platoon looking for a second dinner. Well, nuts to him. Look, anybody else want some turkey pieces? Well, sonny, my mom wrote to me and he. She asked me what I wanted for Christmas. So I tells her, I mean Junior. All right, all right, all right. You know I'm kidding. I. I When I wrote I wanted one of her mince pies. Oh, why not? Now, don't tell me your mother sent you a mince pie. That can't be done. What do you mean it can't be done? Well, if I put them guys back in comps, they steal it, they steal your. Ey, come on, is the army putting out GI mince pies now? Now, look, man, this is no GI pie. Oh, what is it, Sergeant? Was it my mom? She sent me a thingamajig full of homemade mincemeat. Yeah, Wraps it up so it looked like a section of stovepipe. That so it won't run out. And by Gemini, it got here. That's great. Every step of the way from Melin, Ohio. Sergeant Platner. Yes. If you're kidding us, I'll personally turn you over to the toughest MP out there. Hey, no, I ain't kidding with him. But on the other hand, if you're not, I'll see that you get a bronze star with three oak leaf clusters if I have to whittle it out of the back end of the ker. Thank you, sir. Well, you can get out your pocket knife now, Lieutenant, because it's sitting on top of the stove here right now. Hey, look at that. Me and was handed lad. That used to be a Beckett, remember? Yeah. Well, we made it this morning. Hey, Morgan, what are you looking at, huh? There's somebody at the door. Go see who it is, will you? Yes. Can somebody open another bottle? Come on, let. Yeah, I got it here. I got it for me. A little of that for you, kid. What a dinner, huh? Oh, Sergeant, really, you've done yourself proud on this dinner. Why don't you eat some of it then, sir? I'm doing all right. Right. You only have two drumsticks. That's right, Lieutenant. Well, I'm giving some. Some right up. I thought I saw somebody there, but there wasn't. I want some more gr. Oh, wait a second. I started to tell you about the Christmas I got married in Fiori, you know. Hey, we have. Hey, there is somebody at the door, huh? Don't look like a GI outside. You come Sit still. Okay. You. You there. What's martin. See here. Come here. I'm sorry, sir. Oh, speak English, huh? Yes, sir. What do you want? Nothing, sir. I was just looking around at the destruction. It's terrible. Yeah. You're home here? No, sir. Have you got relatives here? No, no, I have no relatives here. Friends? Few enough friends, I'm afraid, sir. Well, there's are you hungry? I don't think so. Well, look, then you. You better not hang around. The MPs are tough babies. You got an identity kind? No. What are you, a dp? Dp? Yeah. Displaced person. Yes. Yes, I suppose you might say I am a displaced person. Well, look, wait just a minute, will you? Hey, you men. Men. You got any objections if I bring this fella in for a slice of turkey and a drink of wine? Okay. You see, even though I am an officer, I'm the guest of these boys. Well, you know, I have to ask them. You are young for an officer. Yeah, but wars don't seem to care how old you are. Come on in. Thank you. I am a little tired. Cold, too, huh? Yes, it is very cold. Well, I hope you got. I don't know what. Of course not, but sit. Sit down. Sit right down there. Pour him some wine. She'll. Merry Christmas, mister. Yeah. Merry Christmas. Yeah. Merry Christmas, if possible, mister. Yeah. Merry Christmas. Yeah. Merry Christmas, sir. Thank you. Thank you. He's got a. Yeah. It is good to sit down with friendly people. Well, you're among friends for a while, mister, so have fun while you can. Sorry. How about some turkey for our friend? Yes, sir. What'll it be? Lighter ducks? Just a little, if you please. Give him some turnips. All right. Shut up. You must not be so generous. It's all right. There's plenty for everybody. Well, who gross once more? Not me. When you're our friend here. Thank you. Well, let's drink up. Pass potatoes over here, will you, Morgan? Yes, Give me. Here you are, mister. Is your home near here, mister? No, my home was a long way from here. Oh, you. You're in a crow then, huh? Crow? Germany means. No, I am not a German. Your face looks awful familiar. Haven't I seen you around here sometime? I don't know. Have you been around here? Occasionally, yes. Will you shut up, Lester, and leave the man? Eat. Excuse me. Oh, I'm awful full. Hey, best Christmas I had. Left home long game ago. Yeah, me too. Me too. Oh, man. It could be that the presence of a guest contributes to your feeling of well being. Yeah, that's right. That's right. I think that's right. Yeah, sure. Well, you know what it says in the Bible? Do you? Wait a second. That side. Wait, don't rush me. It's. It's more blessed or something to give than to receive. Will you have some more mist? Thank you. Didn't I see that guy somewhere before? I think I've seen him, too. You men have Been together for a long time in this war. Oh, yes, sir. We're all expressed in the original outfit. We all started out together in the States and we said that we'd eat dinner in Berlin. There was a lot more of us then Fatner. Yeah, a lot more. A lot of good guys, Griffin. I'll say. Well, here we are in Berlin and we are having dinner, ain't we? Sure. It almost seems as if you were all spared for something more than merely fighting a war, you see, asking questions. I don't get it, miss. Fighting this war has done something for us. I guess. I wouldn't do it again for a lot of money. What has it done for you, man? Oh, I don't know. I. I guess you get to feel different about people after you've been through it. We have. Yes, I can understand that. Yeah, I bet you can. I, I. I bet you've been through a lot too, huh? Yes. Was you a soldier last year? No. Oh, yes. What's everybody so quiet about? A minute ago? We were all hollering and yelling and carrying on here. Everybody's fool. I sure fool. No, but isn't that flattener. It just kind of feels like Christmas. That's right. Like I. I remember on Christmas when we used to go to church in Peoria. No, like Christmas afternoon. I remember everybody feeling good, kind of. Kind of liking everybody. Yeah, that's right. Peace and earth. Peace on earth and goodwill to men. We ought to gone to church this morning. Hey, I went to church, you king. Yes, sir, I. Well, I got up early and I went out and I ran right into the chaplain. What could I do? Sort of wish I'd gone. They even sung Christmas carols, huh? O come all you sa. Hey, mister, that. That's an awful looking scar you got on your hand, eh? Yes, it was very painful once. Hey, let me see. It sure is. Them crouch do that to you? No. You speak awful good English. I speak several languages. Lester. Will you let the man alone, Lieutenant? I want to know who he is and what he's doing here. I know I've seen him someplace. Yes, I think you have seen me somewhere. But where? Where? I know where I've seen him before. Do you? In the hospital. I had the broken leg. It was Christmas. I prayed. I know where I saw you. Yes, I remember. In the snow, back in detail. And I was kneeling beside my brother the night he was killed. I saw you on the transport when we were on the way over here. It was in the mission Carmel. Yes, I saw you there once. When I was walking God at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier at Arlington at night, I was there. Was you in church this morning? I saw you there. Well, who are you? I don't know. Wait a minute now. Don't go yet. Wait and have another drink of wine. Yes, I will drink a cup of wine with you and then I must go. Let me open a new bottle here. Hey, guys, wait a minute. Okay, drink up. Thank you, no good. Goodbye, my friend. No, no, stay with us. Please stay with us. No, no, I must go. But listen, why? Why do you have to go, Mr. Lester? The whole world's waiting for him. After all, it's his birthday. You know it. The title of today's story is Berlin 1945. Quiet please. Broadcast of last Christmas repeated today by request the displaced person Ernest Chappell and the others in the cast were Ed Latimer, Frank Thomas, Melville Royck, James Monks, James Goss and Warren Stevens. Music for Quiet, Please is played by Albert Burke. Now for the word about next week, my good friend and our writer director, Willis Cooper. Thank you for listening to Quiet Please. Next week I have a story for you which I call the Time of the Big Snow. Will you listen? And so until next week at the same time, I am quietly yours, Ernest Chapel SA Here's a last minute Christmas shopping suggestion. Jingle bells, jingle bells, Bells off NBC. Oh, what joy to cook and bake while listening merrily. Pots and pans, sink and stove work goes easily. Kitchens ring with happy chimes when tuned to NBC. What will you hear in your kitchen after Christmas? Bacon sizzling, coffee perking, dishes clinking. And if you're lucky, a new sound. NBC radio listening on that new set. The perfect gift to lighten mother's long hours in the kitchen. Kitchen ring with happy chimes when tuned to NBC. James Stewart as the Six Shooter. The man in the saddle is angular and long legged. His skin is sun dyed brown. The gun in his holster is gray steel and rainbow mother of pearl, its handle unmarked. People call them both the Six Shooter. The NBC Radio Network for presents James Stewart as the Six Shooter. A transcribed series of radio dramas based on the life of Britt Poncet, the Texas plainsman who wandered through the western territories, leaving behind a trail of still remembered legends. There was a nip in the air. Not a freezing, biting, angry nip, but a sort of tingle that made the morning stars shimmer and swung them out of their orbits a little closer to the earth. It was a winter nip, all right, but not a hard winter. Not a winter when the cattle Would come down from the high places poking their noses into the ice encrusted ground. It was a mild winter nip. Mild enough so that the breath of the boy on the pinto turned only a few faint gray as he rode toward the campfire where the man was sitting. Howdy. Hello, mister. I see your fire. I thought maybe you wouldn't mind if I gave my pony a chance to warm up. Sure, sure. Myself. Home. Easy. You heading for Thompson's Corners, mister? That's right. I just came from there. Oh, why, you must have been riding all night. Just about. You see, I'm running away from home. Oh, that's all. Seems kind of a funny thing you'd pick this time of year to run away so close to Christmas. I mean. I hate Christmas. Oh, it's just for kids anyhow. Well, I heard aunt really say so. Christmas is for children. That's what she said. Johnny's old enough to do without all that fuss and nonsense. I heard her tell Mr. Franklin that. Oh, you don't live with your folks, huh, Johnny? I know, sir. They. They died about eight months ago. Oh, I see. Christmas was all right when they. When eyes are them. Of course, I was a lot younger then. Oh, yes, yes. It just beats me the way folks take Christmas so serious. Well, I don't know. Is it getting presents made any difference? As if I really cared about that knife. Was that what you wanted? A pocket knife? I don't want a knife. I don't want anything. I just wish there wasn't any Christmas, that's all. Well, I guess you aren't the first person to feel that way. You know, it seems to me. Seems to me. I remember reading a story once about a fellow felt the same way about Christmas you do. Just didn't have any use for it. What happened to you? Well, I. I doubt if I can call it to mind after all this time. But as I recollect. Now, mind you, this may not be word for word, but as I recollect the man that it was about, the one that hated Christmas, that is. Well, he. He was a real skin flint, he was. He's just as stingy as they come. His name was, let me see. Eben. Something like that. Eben? Eben, Yeah, I. I'm pretty sure that was it. Well, being so tight fisted, this fellow Ebon, he. He got to be the richest man in the whole territory. He owned a ranch. Oh, sure, sure. Had four of them. Four ranches and store buildings and farms and maybe a bank or two. He was rich. I bet he had a mighty fine ranch house. Uh huh. No, no, he didn't have a ranch house. Evan wasn't the sort to spend money on a ranch house unless there was profit in it. He just lived alone in town, had himself study room at the hotel. Well, anyway, one night while Evan was sitting in his room having supper, Christmas Eve it was. Well, on this particular Christmas Eve, his only kin, a nephew, lived same town. If you stop by the hotel to wish you a merry Christmas, uncle, and invite you to our place for dinner tomorrow. Christmas fiddlesticks powder. I suppose you'd be closing up your livery stable for the occasion. Why, sure, Uncle Ev. And just how are the horses know it's Christmas. Answer me that. Well, if they don't know it, we will. Can I tell Sally to expect you at 3? You can expect me all you like, but I ain't coming. Not at 3 or any other time. Oh, if you're making so much money, you can afford to be giving parties. Maybe I ought to think about raising the rents on the Lucy room. Oh, now I'll go and get out of here before I lose my temper. All this nonsense about Christmas. Fiddlesticks. Well, after that, Johnny the nephew didn't stick around there. He got out of Evan's hotel room the regular gallop. I wasn't very long before Evan had another visitor. He's a young fella, tall, lanky, not very good at speaking. He just plain ordinary cowpoke. He was the foreman of the S and M ranch. It took you long enough to get here. Where have you been? Selling off some of my herd. Without telling me about it? No, sir. That day you rode by, I was out in the range hunting stray. And a good thing I decided to check up on you. Jew. What's that cabin doing over by Holly Creek? And who are those people staying here? They're my family. I built the shack for them myself. I'm not gonna have a bunch of nesters in my property tear it down. But, well, one of my boys has been sick. I can't afford to. My concern. It's up to you to keep your family and what you earn. So see that you get rid of that shack tomorrow. But tomorrow's Christmas. Oh, well, then you'll have plenty of free time to tear it down. I'll be out the day after to make sure you've done it. Good night. Wasn't much use in argument. Quorum knew that, so he put on his hat and shuffled out. Now Evan was alone again. At least he thought he was alone. The clock on the mantle started striking eight. And that's the time. It's time for him to turn in. So he put on his flannel night shirt and reached for the kerosene lamp to set it on the stool beside the bed. And. And right about then, the strangest thing happened. Johnny. Old Eben saw a man's face looking right at him from inside that lamp. Eyes and hair, a nose and mouth, whiskers all. All just as plain as day. Jake. It was Old Jake, Evan's partner. There wasn't any mistake about it at all. It was Jake right to a te. Well, Evan sure didn't like the idea of having Jake right in the same room with him. You see, Jake had been dead for over seven years. Not that Evan really believed in ghost or haunts or anything like that. He told himself he just imagining all this. I got to get a hold of myself. He put on his hand to turn down the wick, but all of a sudden his fingers started trembling. There was Jake again, across the room, this time standing right by the bureau. No. And when the lamp slipped out of Evan's hand, the room didn't get dark at all. Jake seemed to be surrounded by a splotch of bright yellow light, and he was wearing the same boots and britches and leather jacket that he'd had on seven years ago, the day died. But as Jake came closer, Evan could see that he was wearing something else. A small leather saddle strapped across his back. And hanging down from it were two saddle bags stuffed so full of gold nuggets and mortgage papers and land grants that Jake could hardly drag him across the floor. You recognize me, Evan? Oh, sure, Jake. Why, sure, I'd never forget you, but, well, what are you doing here? And why are you wearing that G. Always thinking about land and money. Always scheming and conniving. That's why I wear it. And that's why I've come to warn you, Evan. The saddle you're fixing up for yourself is even heavier than mine. But I don't know what you mean, Jake. I ain't done no wrong. I ain't never done folks no wrong. Have you ever done them any good? Any good at all? Why, sure, I've worked hard. I've saved my money. I ain't been a burden on anybody. Why, you should see our ranches, Jake. Oh, the way I've built them up. I have seen them many times. And I've seen a lot more than that, too. That's my punishment? To spend eternity traveling around seeing mankind with its Trials and tribulations with its joys and hopes. Is that so terrible? Oh, Ebe, to watch him and not be able to help him. You'll find out how terrible it is. You'll find out. There must be some way of avoiding this. You always were my friend, Jake. Tell me what to do, Evan. You've got to find out for yourself. But how? Tonight at 1:00, you'll be haunted by a ghost. Another ghost. Pay him heed, Evan. Pay him some heed. Wait, Jake. Don't leave me without it. Jake. The yellow light sort of faded away and the ghost was gone. It was just like he hadn't even been there. And then. And then something caught the corner of Evan's eye. A little glimmer on the floor. And he bent over to pick it up. A gold nugget. Now where on earth did he. And then he remembered those saddlebags of Jake's. They'd been filled clear to the brim with gold nuggets. We're interrupting our story for only a moment and only to tell you, our unseen audience, that you have helped more than you may realize to make this a very merry Christmas for all of us on this program. You are being with us each week. Your many kind letters have told us that all the work that goes into bringing you the Six Shooter has not been in vain. And we're grateful. So friends from all of us, Jimmy Stewart and the Cat Cast, our writer, our director, engineers and sound technicians, our best wishes for a happy holiday season. Oh yes, and before I Forget it, beginning December 31st, the six shooter will be on the air on Thursdays instead of Sundays. That's beginning Thursday the 31st. The time of broadcast will be listed in your local newspaper. Thank you. Now Act 2 of the Six Shots Shooter starring Jane Stewart as Britt Poncet. Hey, you. Whisper Gold nugget. Then Jake's ghost really had been there. Mr. Yeah, I just wasn't any doubt about it, Johnny. What happened then? Did the other spook turn up? The one Jake said was coming to see us? Oh sure, Johnny, sure. Yeah, he was right on time too. Evan was lying in bed wide awake. Of course, he hadn't been able to do much sleep and he's too scared. It was kind of peculiar. Evan was half scared the ghost would come and half scared he wouldn't, you see. But before the sound of the clock had died away, there he was. He's sitting in in evans rocking chair like he'd been there all night long. And this ghost was a young fella. Oh maybe 18, 19. All duded up the way young bucks like to dress. You know, fancy chaps and checkered shirt and red bandana tied around his neck. Howdy, Evan. Reckon you've been expecting? I guess so. You ready to take a little trip? Yep. With you back, way back through the years. But how can I go with it? It's real easy. You see, I'm the ghost of Christmas Past. Your past, Evan. Let's shove off. The next thing Evan knew, he and that ghost were standing out on a snow covered prairie. There was a circle of covered wagons in front of them, and the people from the wagons were gathered together and listening to a tall, white bearded man. Behold, I bring you the Bible joy which will be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David, a savior which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign and you shall find a baby. The ghost turned and pointed to a boy sitting away from the others on the tailboard of one of the wagons. Small boy, oh, about 10 years old, with hollow cheeks and his eyes all red from crying. Oh, no, it was. It was Evan himself. On a Christmas day. A long, long time ago. Not a very happy Christmas either. It was only a week since the oxen had stampede and his ma had been killed when she fell from the wagon. His PA had died with an Apache arrow on his chest. I don't want to look at him anymore. Can't you show me another Christmas? Well, it was no sooner said than done. Now Evan and the ghost were in a bunk house and Evan saw himself again. Oh, it's 10 years older than the boy on the prairie, but he was lying on a blanket staring up to the ceiling. And then his pal Jake came running in, all out of breath. Come on, Eb. Get a clean shirt on. We got us an invite to a party, huh? Yeah, the boss is throwing a big shindig. He says he'll fire us if we don't show up. Evan couldn't help remembering that party. All the roast beef and the baked ham, square dancing and the pretty girls and their calico. He couldn't help saying out loud to the ghost, oh, dear, how I wish I'd. What was that, Evan? Nothing, Mr. Sperry, nothing. I was just remembering how I treated my foreman today, that's all. After that, the ghost took Evan to three or four more of his old Christmases. And none of them were very happy. Especially that Christmas when the young school marm sitting on the horsehair sofa had unwrapped the tiny box Evan gave Her. And then handed it back to him. It's a lovely ring, Evan, but I can't wear it. Well, you're. You're not courting somebody else. No, Evan, but you are. You're courting something else. Bill. Land and money, cattle profits. They mean more to you than I ever would. I'm sorry, Mr. Go, Ghost. No more of the past, please. I've seen enough. A man wants to forget. Sure, Evan. Whatever you say. And before Evan could blink his eyes, he was right back in the hotel room. But once he got there, he. He blinked real hard. Because all of a sudden, the ghost was becoming a different person. He was getting fatter, and his stomach popped out 2 or 3 inches, and a few wrinkles creased his cheeks. And finally his shafts turned into a shiny blue surge suit with a heavy gold chain dangling across the vest. Well, what's happened to you? Why are you so different now? You seem to be getting tired of the past, so I thought we might take a gander at the present. If you've got no objections. The hotel room just melted away. And Evan was looking at that cabin his foreman had built on. Holy crap. Well, that cabin sure was crowded. Oh, there must have been five or six children, all helping their mother get the Christmas dinner, all laughing and talking, busy as summer coats. But when their father came in, he had a long face and a tired mouth. And his wife looked up and wanted to know what was troubling him. Oh, I was thinking about old Evan. It's not a very pleasant thought for Christmas, Bob. By the way, what did he want with you yesterday? Was it about this cabin? Oh, no. No, of course not. Well, let's get on with dinner. Sit down, everybody. Now, where's my dinner? Well, I guess we're just gonna have to eat. And Bob looked all around the room. He was pretending he didn't see the little fella in the corner, the boy with an iron brace on his leg and a wooden crutch propped up against the wall. A little Tim. He wasn't going to be ignored. Here I am. So Bob picked him up and carried him over to the table. God bless this food, his house, us and our friends, even old Evan. Amen. The family found that part about Eben a little hard to swallow, but they finally managed, and Tim was the last one to chime in. God bless us, everyone. Evan didn't want to watch what was going on in that cabin any longer, but the next place the ghost showed him wasn't much easier on him. There was a big party going on at his nephew's house, back in the livery stable. And one of the ladies was blindfolded, you see, and. And she was trying to pin the tail onto a donkey. But. But there was something peculiar about this donkey, about the way it. About the way it was drawn. It. It looked more like a person than an animal. Well, Eben recognized who it was supposed to be right off. You see, folks, I invited Uncle Eb to be with us, but he turned me down flat. So I figured we'd have him here in spirit, if not in the flesh. Right. Back in the hotel room again. That's where Evan found himself. Spirit. Spirit. You showed me the past and the present. What's left to see? The future, Evan. The future. And that's how Evan came to see a Christmas of the future. A cold, brittle Christmas. And there were two men standing on a street corner and coat collars turned up so to keep out the snow. Oh, he's dead, all right. This is a doornail. Sure is. A Christmas present I never expected. At least whoever handles his property won't be as hard to deal with as he was. Wonder if they'll bother giving him a funeral. And in a frame house over on the side street in the edge of town, a woman was speaking to her husband. To me. He's been dead for years. Well, I haven't even thought of him since. I don't know when. And yet, you know, once. Well, once I was real fond of him. Funny, isn't he? Ghost. Who are they talking about? Those men on the street. That woman I used to know. Who is it that's dead? Tell me. And the ghost slowly turned and stretched out a long, thin, bony finger. And there, right at the end of that finger, was a tombstone, all covered with weeds. Eben could barely make out the name that was carved on it. Ebenezer Screw. No, no, no. What's this? Where am I? You know what? He was right in his own bed, in his own night shirt. And the sun was streaming through the frosted windows. But Evan didn't stay there very long. Not for very long. He got into his boots and trousers as fast as he could, and he dashed down the stairs, out into the street. Well, you see, the stores being closed gave Evan quite a problem. Well, he'd just have to make Fuzzy Wagner open the butcher shop up, that's all. Of course, Fuzzy didn't have much choice, seeing as how the shop was located one end of the buildings. And when Evan told him what he wanted. A turkey and a ham. Well, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. Better make it two hams and send them out to the cabin on the S and M ranch. And they're not to know that I ordered them, you understand, Fuzzy? Here's the money and a little extra for your truck. Well, before Fuzzy could get his jaw shut up again, Evan was on his way. And he headed right straight out to his nephew's house. And Evan was the life of the party to it. Well, the way he carried on. He's laughing and making jokes and telling stories on himself. And he insisted that they use that donkey with his face on it when they played games, you know, because that's what I've been all these years. A real four footed, long eared donkey. The next morning though, that's. That's what E and enjoyed the most. He was up bright and early and hitched the team for the buckboard and drove out to the S and M, hurrying the horses all the way. Come on, B. Come on, Martha. Step a little lightly. If you could just get out there before his foreman start tearing down that cabin. Whoa. Whoa, my. Whoa. Whoa. Yeah. Well, Robert. Yes, sir. I see you ain't carried out my orders. Well, it was Christmas. I. I just couldn't tell him I'll do it today. Oh, this is the last door. I'm not putting up with your shenanigans any longer, young fellow. But please, that cabin's coming down and. No buts about it. And then. And then we're building a new ranch house in this place. Big enough for you and your whole family. What? Oh, yes. I'm also doubling your wages as of last week. Merry Christmas, Bob. Even if I am a day late. No, not a day. More like half a lifetime. But Merry Christmas anyway. And. And as your son says, God bless everyone. Well, that's the way things worked out, Johnny. More or less. That's a fine story, mister. Real fine. I reckon I know why you told it to me. How's that? So as I'd understand about Christmas and how important it is to do for other people instead of just thinking about yourself. Well, no, no, I. I didn't have that in mind, especially the story just happened to come into my head, that's all. Maybe if I had to give Aunt Millie something, A present maybe. Oh, shucks, what could I give her? I don't have no money. Well, of course there are lots of things don't cost a penny. Not a single red cent, you know. Well, now you. Let's see. Take that little spruce over there. I'd be real easy to cut that down with a little fixing. Maybe a few doodads from around the house. I bet you can make a Jim Dandy Christmas tree out there. I suppose so. But what good's a tree without something to put under it? Oh, yes. Yeah, I see what you mean. Johnny, you don't happen to know Jim Bender, do you? And Thompson's Corner and his three daughters he's only got too Mr. Sarah and Emily. Oh, that's all. That's so. I was spending Christmas with them. I. It looks like I'm carrying an extra present. It's a real pretty little red bonnet with feathers on it. I couldn't take it, mister. Oh no, no, I wasn't thinking of giving it to you, Johnny. But I was sort of hoping that you'd show me the trail from here on in. Of course it would mean your turning around, going back home. But if I was to cause you changing your plans, I'd feel obligated to pay you back some way, you know. Well, it would be only fair. Trouble is I haven't got much money. So if you wouldn't mind accepting the bonnet instead, you'd be doing me a real favor. Johnny. There's Aunt Millie out in the yard. She looks mad in a wet hand. Well, there is a resemblance. I'll have to admit that. Where a tarnished have you been, John Carville? I've been looking high and low for you since dawn. Well, I just went for a little ride, Aunt Millie, to get us a Christmas tree, see? Christmas tree, fiddlestick. This gentleman won't cut it down. I'll just take it inside. Be right back. Mister, if we had any use for a Christmas tree. I suppose he's figuring there'll be a whole lot of presents under it. No, no, don't think so. But just between you and me, I. I got a hunch there'll be at least one person waiting for somebody. What are you talking about? Oh, no, no. It wouldn't be fair for me to speak out for Christmas, you know that. You. You don't mean he's got something for me? No, no, no. You must get too curious so early. But. But I thought he didn't like me. I thought he just hated having to live here with. With an old maid. I guess I just don't know nothing about kids. Nothing at all. I don't deserve to get. Well, I think I better get moving along. I say goodbye to Johnny for will you? And I wonder if you'd give this to him. Here. Tell them the little blade on it's kind of dull but a pocket knife. Yeah. Now, how did you know? Hold on. Oh, God bless you, Mr. And Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Please remember now, beginning December 31st, the Six Shooter will be on Thursdays instead of Sundays. We hope. Hope you'll join us in our new time. The Six Shooter is an NBC Radio Network production in association with Review Productions. The transcribed story was written by Frank Burt in collaboration with Charles Dickens. Mr. Stewart may soon be seen in the Universal International picture, the Glenn Miller story. Howard McNear played Scrooge and special music was by Basil Adlam. The entire production is under the direction of Jack Johnstone. All characters and incidents are fictitious and any resemblance to actual characters or incidents is purely coincidental. And now until Thursday the 31st. This is Hal Gibney speaking. Merry Christmas. Tonight here Rex Harrison and Anna Lee in the NBC Star Playhouse on the NBC Radio Network. Oh, look, the Queen Mary. The person said we'd meet her about 11. I have to see her. Those lights. Impressive, isn't it? Like a phosphorescent water box. Oh, much prettier. I suppose they are having a ball too. Oh, isn't it thrilling? Christmas Eve in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean and. Oh, gee. The CBS Radio Workshop dedicated to man's imagination. The theater of the mind. Today all is bright. A simple story of a simple song which from long lost beginnings, through the help of a persistent king and a melodious bird trained by a truant schoolboy, developed into the world's most beloved expression of the spirit of Christmas. The feast of men and women of good will and especially of children. Takes me back. That. Huh? I mean, I beg your pardon? I said it takes me back. That waltz, quite away, I'm afraid. Oh, yes, yes. Still, you're not playing it right. Oh, in what way? Not in a spirit. Not as the Viennese part of it. They are playing it as an English waltz, I suppose. Ladies and gentlemen. Ladies and gentlemen, this, as you know, is Christmas Eve. So on the eve of this, our greatest of holidays, we will play a melody which I'm sure you all know. Playboys. No. No. What? What? Who? I'm sorry, Mr. Conductor, I did not mean to be heard. Well, sir, I don't see why. Oh, by maestro. Ladies and gentlemen. I'm sorry I didn't recognize the voice immediately. Allow me to introduce, ladies and gentlemen, the noted, the famous conductor of some of the greatest orchestras in the world, Maestro Reinhardt Kramer. Ladies and gentlemen, the maestro is Austrian. I know. By birth, that is. And since this worldwide favorite of all Christmas Carols was written in Austria. I can't think of anything more fitting that the maestro himself should take over the baton. What do you say, ladies and gentlemen? Go on, old boy. It will be an honor, sir. Something all of us will remember. If you insist so. Thank you. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. There's a gu. You have the end, Mr. Whitson, sir. Here, Maestro. Thank you. Yes. I will have to ask your indulgence, ladies and gentlemen. Mr. Whitson. But this song, you see, has meant a great deal to me ever since I was a child. So long ago. That was in a place called Hallein in Austria, near Salzburg. The composer of this melody, Franz Grover was his name, still lived there when I was a boy and I went to school with his grandson, Felix. He later became a conductor in Vienna. Well, he also is now dead. It is really a very simple song. It was first written for just one guitar and two voices. Clear young voices. And the melody was somewhat different from the one we play today. It is only a peasant song, after all. A song without pretension. What feeling it has came from the hearts of two simple men, two friends imbued with devotion to their fellow beings, a love of life, humility in the face of its mysteries, and a deep sense of reverence. I say, old boy, why not tell us the whole story? My reliable British friend, of course. Well, this was in. Now, let me see. Yes, in 1818, just a short while after the Napoleonic wars, there were two men who met several times a week in a small village near Salzburg called over the local priest, Father Joseph Moore, and the school teacher. The two used to sing and play the guitar together. And the school teacher always helped the priest out on Sundays by playing the organ in the village. Christmas, of course, was the most festive season of the year. And no one for miles around ever missed the Christmas Eve midnight mass in Overdorf. But on the day before Christmas 1818, there was an unexpected disaster. Father. Father Globsa. Jesus Christus. Maybe Sky Darman. What is the matter, Franz? The organ, Father. I had called the children in for practice, but the organ won't play. I can't get a sound out of it. You're sure? Of course I am sure. But there's a midnight mass. It couldn't have happened at a worse time. The organ man is not due until February or March. But what will we do for music at the mass? We can't disappoint all those people. I will have to think France. Please go back to the church now. I will be with you soon. It's no use. France. Yes, Father? I can't make it work. It is all right, Franz. I have had an idea. Here's a little poem I have written. You think you could put this to music? Heiligenacht. But we have no organ, Father. Well, we still have our guitar. Ah, you mean we'll use the guitar? The guitar and two voices. Perhaps. That may be all we can count on, you and me. Yes. Let me see. Alice. Schlie eins im wacht. We don't have to do the singing, Father. There are two girls in the choir with the sweetest voices we have ever heard. And within a day, Franz Gruber had indeed set Father Moore's little poem to a simple yet beautiful melody. This is what the people of Oberndorf and the nearby mountain farms heard that Christmas. A melody so touching and so easily grasped that all the other children in the church quickly joined in. Sh. Well, that is how Silent Night was born. But there's more to it. First of all, the other night. The mice. Yes, the mice. And then there's a bird in the story too. Well, the mouse part is simple. When the snows began to melt in the valley of the Salzach where Oberndorf lies, the organ man, as Father Moore called him, arrived in the village. Organ building and repairing were highly specialized traits in those days. And many of the men skilled in them came from villages along the Tsila River. In the Austrian furnace all. Hello, Mr. Mara. Nothing serious, I hope? Nothing serious, Father. It's just that you don't seem to feed your mice very well. They ate out a whole section of the bellows the size of a silver tala and then built a a nest inside. I cleaned out the mice and put the patch on the hole. You want to try it out? Well, Mr. Gruber here plays the organ for me, Franz. Of course, Father. I'll try our new Christmas carol. Dearest High Holy Bear and their infant with curly hair. Say, that's a nice song. I never heard it before. That's great. Mind if I take it with me? I'll write it out for you. I couldn't read it me. I carry them up here in my head. Well, Mauraka, the organ man did carry the new song in his head. And when he returned to his native Tsila Valley, he taught it to all the children there. Later, the young Strassers, two brothers and their two sisters became especially fond of the song from Heaven, as they called it. And they worked out a four part singing arrangement for the two voice melody. Old Mr. Strasser was a glove maker, and when his children were old enough, he sent them each year to the many big trade fairs of Europe to sell his output. But the children often felt lonely, of course, and homesick. And they used to relieve their feelings by singing all the songs that reminded them of home. And so, one day, in Leipzig, the capital of the kingdom of Saxony, a dignified elderly gentleman. Approach. Don't the alarm, children. My name is Poland. I am. Well, in fact, I am the Director general of music of this kingdom of Saxony. Yes, sir, I. Well, I like your singing. Especially that last one you sang, the Song from heaven. What was that? The Song from Heaven. We call it that the people in our valley. Oh, and where might that be? In Tyrol. We are Austrians. Oh, a Tyrolean folk song. Well, children, I want to ask whether you would be interested in singing. Singing for me at the concert. This was only 15 years after Franz Gruber and Father Moore had written their little hymn of devotion. But Maura, the organ builder, had never troubled to ask who had written the song. And so, when the Oberndorf Carol had a great success in Leipzig and then swept through Europe, it was as an orphan. Another 20 years later, King Frederick Wilhelm IV of Prussia heard a melody during Christmas Eve services in the Berlin Cathedral. He called for the royal concert master. Your majesty, her ex. You are the concertmaster of the Kingdom of Prussia. What is the origin of that hymn, that lovely melody that was played tonight during our services? I'm sorry to say that I do not know, your majesty. The melody, if I might say so, suggests an Austrian origin. Haydn, perhaps. Well, then, it's off to Austria you go. I want to know who wrote that song. And I don't want to see you again until you found out. Yes, your majesty. Well, the Prussians are a determined people. And the Royal Prussian Concert master soon was on his way to Austria, to Vienna. First, of course. It was then the musical capital of the world. Most honored sir, I have been music librarian here at the Imperial Archives for many years, and I can assure you I've never heard nor read that melody. And I can further add that Joseph Haydn did not compose it. Nor did a great Mozart, of course. It is just possible that Joseph Haydn's brother Michael wrote it. Now that I come to think of it, there are certain similarities of phrases. Yes, yes, but where can I find out for certain? Most of Michael's works have been lost, unfortunately. However, he was organ master at St. Peter's Abbey in Salzburg for a good many years, you might inquire. There on went the Prussian concertmaster, Ludwig Eck. But in the length and breadth of Austria, he could find no trace of the song or of anyone who might have composed it. The Berlin concert season was coming up, and so one day, concert master Luti's Eck, miserable over his failure, reluctantly took a coach back to Berlin. He stopped at the inn in Bavaria on his first night after leaving Austria and composed a letter to the publishers of the official Prussian Hymn Book and would therefore suggest in the next edition of your hymnal, you list Silent Night, Holy Night, as probably by Michael Haydn, brother of the celebrated Joseph. Yeah, they know to do it. By next morning, though, Ludwig et recovered sufficiently from his disappointments to stop by in the dining room of the inn for a hearty breakfast. Now then, after the soup, a few eggs perhaps, and some of that wonderful bacon of yours. Then, yes, a half chicken and stein of beer, of course. That's bird, sir. That's Bird. My song. He has my song. Oh, I. I am sorry, sir, but I am not responsible for singing when I got him. Yes, yes, ma'am. Yes, but. But where did you get him? A traveler left him here, sir. Now, never mind that. Where did he get him? A man came from Salzburg, sir. He did say that he had bought the bird from someone at St. Peter's St. Peter's in Sapphire? So it was Michael Haydn after all. Tell my coachman we are not going on to Berlin. We're going Back to Salzburg. St. Peter's Abbey, Lord Square. Yes. The. The. The. The abbot. I am emissary of His Majesty, the King of Prussia. Now, please, please tell your abbot that I must see him. Ludwig's egg was cordially received by the abbot and invited to stay and examine Mikhail Haydn's remaining manuscripts. He poured over yellowing scores for a week and found nothing. And so Ludwig Eck went home to Berlin. There was one person, though, who had overheard the concert master's story of the Singing Finch, Ambrosius Franksteiner, who had himself studied at the Abbey School and was now choir inspector of the Salzburg district. He had developed an idea. Let's see now. The first two windows. That would be the fifth class. No, probably not that old. The next two. The fourth. I don't think so, but let's try it anyway. I hope I can still whistle. Ah, that's no good. Well, let's try the circle. Third class. Hey, Felix, your bird is back. That singing bullfinch you taught that Christmas song to. Why, you don't have bourbon. No. Yeah, well, listen for yourself. There couldn't be any other bird who knew that melody. But how could he have come back? Well, don't ask me. Let's look up, sir. What's your name, boy? Felix Gruber, sir. And you have been capturing birds and teaching them to sing and then selling them? Well, only a few times, sir. Oh, never mind now. I myself tried to earn a few groschen that way when I studied in that same room. Not that that is any excuse. No, sir. I have something more important now. Now, did you ever teach one of your birds a song that goes like this? Yes, sir. Well, where did you learn that melody? From my father, sir. He's a musician. He made it up. He made it up? Yes, sir. At home. We always sing it at Christmas. And where is home, may I ask? In Halleinsk, sir. My father is. Qu? Mas? Come on, boy. Jump down from the window. I'll catch you. We're going to Haline. You boys. You may tell the master that Felix Gruber has been excused for the rest of the day. Just to the right down the street, sir. That white house. I hope your father is at home. Oh, he's always home. Except Fridays and Sundays. So you did write that song? Only the melody, Inspector. My friend, my very great friend, Father Moore wrote the words. He died about six years ago in Wagram. Do you still have your original manuscript? Original? I don't know. It was so long ago, and the song was such a little thing. I would have to ask my wife Marie, or. Never mind now. You will find it later. But that little song of yours has gone a long way in the world. There was a man down here all the way from Berlin to find out about it. About that song? Yes, about that song. Here. Here is a copy of a book he left with me. It was published in Leipzig, and it has your melody. But here is what you had better do now that fame is catching up with you. Well, that's almost the end of my story, ladies and gentlemen. Except that the letter went off shortly. From Hallejn to the Royal Concertmaster of Prussia, Ludwig Eck. Authentic history of the composition of the Christmas song. Still and since this song subsequently appeared in a collection in Leipzig in a somewhat changed form. The author begs to submit a copy of the original music. Hoping that my essay will suffice. I am with veneration and highesty your most obedience. Franz Gruber died 10 years later. As poor as he had been born. And now, ladies and gentlemen, there seems to be only one thing left for me to do. And the only thing I was asked to do in the first place. And that is to play the song from heaven, as those Tyrolean children called it. As I feel it should be played. I hope that the orchestra and perhaps some of you will join me. Sa you have been listening to the CBS Radio Workshop. And All Is Bright. The story of Silent Night written by Henry E. Floyd Fritsch. With the original music of Franz Gruber. And additional music composed and conducted by Alexander Steinert. Rudolph Weiss was heard as Kramer, Joe Julian as Father Moore and Herm Dinkin as Gruber. This is Bob Pfeiffer inviting you to listen to the CBS Radio Workshop each Sunday at this same time. Stay tuned for suspense which follows immediately over most of these same stations. America listens most to the CBS Radio Network. Now here is our star, Vincent Price. Ladies and gentlemen. In a prejudice filled America, no one would be secure in his job, his business, his church or his home. Yet racial and religious antagonisms are exploited daily by quacks and adventurers. Whose followers make up the irresponsible lunatic fringe of American life. Refuse to listen to or spread rumors against any race or religion. Help to stamp out prejudice in our country. Let's judge our neighbors by the character of their lives alone. And not on the basis of their religion or origin.