In his book, Challenging Casanova: Beyond the Stereotype of the Promiscuous Young Male, Dr. Andrew P. Smiler, America’s leading expert on the masculine self, talks about and challenges the Casanova Complex, which is the idea that all men and teen boys are interested in being sexually promiscuous. Smiler says that the truth is that most men and boys are not interested in having multiple sexual partners with no ties to relationship. Instead, most guys prefer their sexual experiences to be a part of a caring relationship.

Smiler points out that boys often miss out on conversations and lessons about how to develop healthy relationships, how to ask for what you want in a relationship, how to gain consent, how to give or withhold consent, and how to have a healthy, mutually respectful relationship. He recommends that parents and other caring adults:

begin to see boys as interested in building relationships and connection.
talk openly with boys about how to build healthy relationships, this includes discussing
- how to ask for consent for both physical and non-physical commitments
- how to give or withhold consent
- how to show and ask for respect
- how to practice agency in a relationship
- how to work out differences in a relationship
provide boys with open conversations about what it means to be in a healthy relationship and how to ask for help when they need it.

Challenging Casanova is a great book for parents and professionals who want to understand the modern boy. Dr. Smiler’s next book, Dating and Sex: A Guide for the 21st Center Teen Boy is a handbook for teen boys themselves, and will be out in December 2015.

To find out more about his work, check out Dr. Smiler’s website.