John Crist Survives Willie Robertson’s Most Offensive Questions

Summary

Duck Call Room Podcast – Episode Summary

Episode Title:

John Crist Survives Willie Robertson’s Most Offensive Questions
Air Date: June 4, 2026
Host(s): Willie Robertson (filling in), Si Robertson, Phillip McMillan
Guest: John Crist (comedian)

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Overview

This raucous episode of the Duck Call Room features comedian John Crist, returning to the show for his third appearance. With regular hosts out of pocket, Willie Robertson grabs the reins, and what follows is a mashup of hunting lingo quizzes, hilarious road stories, and candid conversation about comedy, faith, and family. The group digs into John’s Mennonite roots, the making of a funny man, and the sometimes bizarre experience of being famous in small-town America.

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Key Discussion Points and Segments

1. Who’s in the Room & Setting the Stage

• [01:04–02:45] Willie, filling in for Martin, takes over hosting. He’s joined by Si and Phillip, plus special guest John Crist. Early banter includes jokes about old friendships and Si calling himself “the homeless guy” in the room.

2. John Crist: Podcasting & Going Mainstream

• [02:50–05:24]
  John shares about recording with Sadie Robertson for her podcast and his own, Net Positive:

“Which is what we’re trying to do... We’ll find the positive.” – John Crist [04:29]

Willie teases John about his “mainstream” turn and the importance of explaining church lingo to wider audiences.

“There is kind of a church language, though, that people…” – Willie [06:13]

3. Duck Commander Glossary—John Gets Quizzed

• [06:15–15:29]
  Willie and the crew grill John on duck-hunting terminology:
• Terms like “cut 'em” (when to shoot) and “hit 'em a lick” (give a call to ducks that fly by) are explained.
• Willie: “Let’s play a game. Hit 'em a lick—what does that mean?” [10:14]
• John: “Like, slap the duck?” [10:42]

The segment reveals John has a novice outdoorsman’s knowledge but a quick wit.

4. Duck Species and Outdoor Street Cred

• [15:31–18:47]
  John is challenged to name duck species (with mixed, often comic, results), and the group goes down a hilarious rabbit hole about being misidentified in public.
• Willie recounts being mistaken for himself in a Florence, AL Walmart underwear aisle.

“He never even asked. He just walked out... and I’ve always wondered if he ever found out that’s him.” – Willie [18:38]

• John on mistaken identity: “People say to me that Trey Kennedy is a comedian that I look similar to… and they love that middle school bit, which is his bit. And I just go, ‘You wear it.’” [19:14]

5. Fame Encounters & Diner Stories

• [25:12–28:14]
  Funny tales of being accosted by fans in country restaurants; Si’s story about posing for a mob at Lambert’s Cafe; and comedic mishaps with drunken bands at charity events.

6. Comedy Road Stories and Intrusive Thoughts

• [30:20–34:09]
  John shares his most painful comedy set—and the valuable advice he got afterward about never backing out, even after an awkward encounter with a blind audience member.

“If you go in, the only way out is to keep going.” – Advice from Tim Hawkins as relayed by John [32:58]

They riff about “intrusive thoughts” – the dark/funny ideas that flash into your head but you never act on (revving the engine at a student driver, wanting to pull a plane's emergency exit).

“But you ever been sitting in the airplane? You go, I want to pull this emergency exit.” – John [31:16]

7. Wheelchair Boarding, “Jetway Jesus” & Crossing the Line

• [34:10–39:39]
  Talk turns to the phenomenon of people using wheelchairs to board planes early, only to leap out walking on arrival (industry slang: “Jetway Jesus”). Willie’s been dying to shout “It’s a miracle!” at such moments and finally does, with hilarious results.

“She just pops up... and I said, it’s a miracle!” – Willie [35:18]
John: “That’s a real term for people that are cheating the wheelchair...” [35:42]

8. The Pressure to Be Funny — On and Off-Stage

• [41:47–42:46]
  John talks about always being expected to be funny, even at weddings or golf outings:

“Your reputation’s on the line every time. That’s why we never want to do it.” – John [42:05]

9. The Making of a Comedian: Family, Faith, Background

• [45:01–55:00]
  John reveals he’s one of eight children, raised by Mennonite parents, homeschooled and in a big church.

“My parents are Mennonite... They don’t believe in war. They don’t believe in the health and health care. Like, it’s kind of God’s sovereignty.” – John [46:15]

Much comedic hay is made over Mennonite customs, large families, and the notion that men have to perform to win a mate:

“Men need to perform to attract women... and women... just have to go outside.” – John [51:20]

10. Juxtaposition: The Secret Sauce of Comedy

• [56:11–57:38]
  John explains that comedy often lies in incongruity—when reality and presented image don’t match:

“What you need in comedy is some kind of incongruency or juxtaposition in some sort.” – John [56:22]

11. Education, Career Path, Early Jobs

• [57:51–59:40]
  John’s hometown college, Samford University, degree in “Electronic Journalism,” and first post-college job at a church—fuel for later comedy.

12. Touring, Material, and Family

• [63:01–63:38]
  John discusses his current act—topics include AI, texting parents, relationships, and being engaged. He’s careful to anonymize jokes about his large family, so no one sibling gets singled out.

13. Wrap-Up and Reflection

• [64:32–65:07]
  Willie and John reflect on their friendship and the changing landscape of touring, interviews, and podcast promotions. John jokes that he planned his visit for when Martin and JD are gone.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On the demands of constant podcasting:

  “You got five podcasts, and they all last 200 minutes... It's a whole different [scene].” – Willie [59:56]

• On mistaken identity:

  “People say to me that Trey Kennedy is a comedian I look similar to... and they love that middle school bit, which is his bit. And I just go, ‘You wear it.’ I just go, thanks.” – John Crist [19:11]

• On intrusive thoughts:

  “You ever been sitting in the airplane? You go, I want to pull this emergency exit.” – John Crist [31:16]

• Si’s Advice to John on Duck Hunting:

  “My advice to you: don’t get involved in it.” – Si Robertson [09:51]

---

Engaging Highlights & Running Gags

• Duck Lingo Games:
  The crew keeps John guessing and mostly guessing wrong about arcane duck-hunting terms.
• Fame in Walmart:
  Willie’s recurring story of being mistaken for himself and playing along.
• Wheelchair Boarding Banter:
  The running bit about people faking disabilities for plane boarding, with the phrase “Jetway Jesus,” and John admitting, “I look up to him because he can say whatever he wants, whenever he wants.” [38:53]

---

Key Timestamps

• 01:04: Willie introduces himself as guest host
• 02:50: John talks about podcasting with Sadie Robertson
• 06:15–15:29: Duck call terminology quiz
• 18:47: Willie’s Walmart story
• 25:12-28:14: Fan encounters and restaurant stories
• 30:20: Intrusive thoughts and comedy dangers
• 32:58: The Tim Hawkins rule of "never back out"
• 35:18: “It’s a miracle!” wheelchair joke at airport
• 41:47: Pressure to always be funny
• 45:01: John’s Mennonite family background
• 51:20: Why humor is a male “survival trait”
• 56:22: Comedy as juxtaposition/incongruency
• 58:31: John’s college days
• 63:01: John's current comedy material
• 65:06: Closing, reflections, and goodbye

---

Tone & Takeaway

True to the Duck Call Room style, the episode is irreverent, fast-paced, packed with quick-fire jokes, stories from both the hunting blind and comedy circuit, and a peek at the real lives behind the personalities. There’s a lot of ribbing, warmth, and mutual respect—along with an open window into how comedy is born from faith, family, and the weirdness of everyday life.

For fans of Duck Dynasty, faith-inflected humor, or John Crist’s stand-up, this episode is packed with memorable tall tales, relatable confessions, and enough duck-hunting wisdom (and ignorance) to keep you grinning.

Transcript

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[A]

Think I can handle this. Who normally does this?

[B]

Martin?

[A]

I think I'm good, Johnny D. I hired both of them, so. Hey, guys, welcome back to the Duck Call Room podcast. I'm your guest fill in host. My name is Willie Robertson. I have. I'm filling in for. I guess I'm filling in for Martin and because I'm in his chair. And we've got, as always, oh, feel McMillions.

[D]

What's happening, fellas?

[A]

An old friend and foe.

[D]

That's right, our faux friend.

[A]

Hey, you were in my wedding, weren't you?

[D]

Yes.

[A]

There you go.

[D]

Absolutely.

[A]

That's how far we go back. That was 34 years ago.

[D]

It's been a while.

[A]

It's been a minute. Speaking of old Stu stuff, we got Uncle Sa.

[C]

The homeless guy.

[A]

We got Uncle Sign.

[C]

The clean cheeseburger is all it is.

[B]

Cleaned up.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Well, we ended up doing a podcast.

[A]

Okay, we'll put some. We'll put some words up so you can understand what he said.

[C]

Jalapenos on that. Cheeseburgers this time.

[A]

All right, Good deal. Size on one today. And today we have a special special special guest. This guy. This is a big deal here. You know, when I come into the duck call room, something has happened. Something either has went way wrong or way right. Today is a way right. This is a worldwide funny man from Nashville. I guess he's not from Nashville, but. Nobody's from Nashville. But he's got the Nashville lives in Nashville. This is John Crist. But actually, I think you've done this podcast more than I've done this podcast.

[B]

Yeah, it's my third time on what's up, John?

[A]

How are you, buddy?

[B]

Do you think everybody, when they tune in, are they relieved that Martin and JD aren't here?

[D]

Some are.

[A]

Or are they, like, I don't know, this audience? I'm not sure.

[C]

I'm not.

[D]

Some are.

[A]

I'm not sure. What do you.

[D]

I mean, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[C]

Everybody, they only listen to this podcast when they're down the dumps and then they. Lifting up, they'll laugh a little bit, have a little fun.

[A]

Is that true?

[C]

And they listen to my podcast.

[B]

Oh, there.

[A]

You call it my podcast. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Wow. That's.

[A]

This one. That's. Yeah, he just said it's my podcast.

[D]

And the boys.

[A]

This is the duck call room. Hey, wait a minute.

[B]

You're hosting. This is a big deal.

[A]

I felt. I felt like I took over.

[C]

You're not.

[A]

Speaking of CEO. Where are they? We're like, what. What's going on here?

[B]

Yeah, where are they?

[A]

This medical or.

[D]

I don't know.

[A]

Nobody knows who's their boss, really?

[B]

You're the boss. You sign the paycheck.

[A]

Somebody you know come to work?

[B]

So kids these days, Nobody wants to work.

[D]

You know where they are, sir?

[C]

Oh, I don't know where they are. I don't even know who they are.

[D]

I just got a text that said show up.

[B]

I think there's. They're hunting.

[A]

They ain't hunting. I know they ain't hunting.

[C]

I thought Hunter was the main man.

[D]

Who knows?

[A]

It's complicated. It's okay.

[B]

John David's at a concert, and I forgot where. Mark.

[A]

A concert?

[C]

Oh, you talking about. Oh, you was talking about the concert.

[A]

Today's Wednesday. Was it? Must be a church concert.

[B]

This absence is not excused. I don't think this is my excuse. Absence.

[A]

What is your pod? What's the name of it?

[B]

My podcast is called Net Positive.

[A]

Net Positive.

[B]

That's what I'm talking. Which is what we're trying to do.

[A]

That's why I wanted to segue to Net Positive.

[C]

If you can't be positive, keep your mouth shut.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

This.

[A]

We're not Net Positive, but we're.

[B]

We'll find the positive.

[A]

We're gonna. We're gonna find the positive.

[C]

Yeah. I' positive, baby.

[D]

Oh, here we go.

[B]

That's a great joke.

[C]

All right. I'm all the way positive.

[B]

Hunter, you got a clip.

[C]

Speed ahead.

[A]

So what did you do today? You did Sadie's podcast.

[B]

Came down and did Sadie's pod.

[A]

How was that? How'd that go?

[B]

Unbelievable.

[A]

Anybody cry?

[C]

Okay, why?

[B]

Yeah, that cried and that. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Heavy light, kind of.

[B]

We had some. The. The eyes watered.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Didn't go full cry.

[E]

Oh, wow.

[B]

Yeah. But we. Who.

[A]

I was. Who was on.

[B]

I think that's mandatory.

[A]

Yeah. Who was on the.

[B]

It was just her and Christian.

[A]

Oh, really?

[B]

And then she did an episode of my podcast.

[A]

Well, good. So you did that, and then y' all did your podcast here.

[B]

Yeah, we did an episode of My past. We just did two with Sadie back to back.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Got to get down to the conversation change when it's your podcast versus her podcast.

[B]

Yeah. I feel like I'm a little bit driver with jokes.

[A]

She's driving the other.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I would say lob in some joke because my. Well, I said my. She goes into what she say. She goes, well, you know, I really look to the example of David and start. I go, well, you got to tell everybody that's a. From the Bible. Like, I go, we. I knew what you're talking about, but all my crowd doesn't. Wouldn't first default.

[A]

How far have you went into the mainstream now? You got. You have. I mean, like, you have really gone mainstream.

[C]

I knew.

[B]

What I'm saying is I knew what

[A]

Jesus we're talking about. I don't understand this.

[B]

This does. He goes, well, obviously, the life of David. And. And I go, well, David, you got to tell him.

[C]

Who's David?

[B]

Yeah, who's David? I know for the.

[A]

There is kind of a church language, though, that people.

[B]

Yeah. What would be. What would be the top five or six words of. Of duck call glossary. That if you said a. Some of the terms of duck. Of duck hunting. I wouldn't know what they were.

[D]

You got them?

[A]

Probably. I don't know. I'd say probably most of them. You don't look like a duck hunter. Have you ever duck hunted? Look, Carhartt. Oh, my God. He just flash a car.

[D]

Amazon brought it. This.

[A]

That's your. That's your ticket. That's your golden ticket.

[C]

Look.

[B]

This is.

[A]

You literally just cut the tag off that thing.

[B]

I bought this at Zara.

[A]

But were you laying out, like, what to wear? Did you.

[C]

Did.

[A]

Wait, hang on. Did you wear that for that. Those podcasts?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, you did this.

[B]

I was like, I'm. Oh, I did your.

[A]

I thought you put the card on.

[F]

Just.

[B]

He's got some poncho on. Yeah, I should have. I was like, who's gonna. How am I gonna.

[A]

Two of us have on poncho. Yeah. And you. You're rocking the car because you thought it. I'm going to fit in with a manly Hunter.

[B]

Yeah. It's not going to wear up.

[A]

Oh.

[C]

Always give a shot for the side.

[A]

Did you think he was a hunter?

[B]

Do I look like a hunter?

[C]

I would never think he's a hunter.

[A]

Why. Why would you. Why were you joking?

[C]

I tell you, he's got the Nashville look.

[B]

Because of my hair.

[C]

Yeah. Hair.

[B]

Oh, yeah, that.

[D]

Obviously you used to look a little bit like that when you were younger.

[A]

Yeah. In the military, your hair.

[C]

Yeah. I played with a wall socket a lot. That's what my point

[B]

got him. Yeah.

[A]

So have you ever. Have you ever hunted at all?

[B]

I went on a safari.

[C]

Oh, wait a minute. Where?

[B]

In Africa.

[C]

Oh, my goodness.

[B]

I went all the way out there. I didn't kill anything, though. They didn't.

[C]

I know, but. Yeah.

[B]

Okay. Don't say it like that.

[A]

I'm just.

[C]

No, no. What all did you see?

[A]

We went just to look. You just saw some animals?

[C]

I looked.

[B]

I saw. Yeah. I didn't shoot any of them. Yeah. I had too much moisturizer.

[A]

Against hunting. Are you just like.

[B]

No, I'm not. I just never done it.

[A]

Just never done it.

[B]

Yeah. No.

[A]

Never got in.

[B]

I had a BB gun when I was a kid. Shot squirrel.

[A]

That's not a went.

[C]

Well, speaking about that. That's in the news in Oregon.

[A]

Oh, here.

[C]

They're trying. No, no. They're trying to get rid of hunting, ranching.

[A]

Here we go. Somebody's been watching Fox News.

[C]

It's been on the news.

[A]

I didn't see that. I did see that.

[B]

Trying to get rid of hunting.

[A]

They put it there.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And they have enough signatures to. To, I guess, a vote. And they're going to vote whether or not they outlaw hunting, fishing.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Fishing and ranching in the whole state.

[A]

Well, like, I think it's. Any killing of animals in any way. Even cattle. All of it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Gone.

[C]

Yeah. I think there's some kind of

[D]

conspiracy

[C]

going on around that all these people.

[A]

Is that what it took for you to realize that something's going on? Just that story in Oregon. That's when you're like,

[C]

it's some kind of illness going on. Okay.

[A]

So. Yeah. Probably none of the lingo.

[B]

Well, like, run me through a couple.

[A]

I mean, I don't know how basic.

[D]

Like, I can tell you. Here's what you need to know. Nobody moves until Phil says cut them. Because when I went.

[C]

Bill or Jace.

[D]

When I went. Well, yeah, Phil or Jace. Because when I went duck hunting for the first time ever, it was the last time, and I got barred for life.

[B]

You didn't do it right.

[D]

I didn't do it. I didn't wait till Phil said cut them. And they never. I never could go back. And even so, I couldn't get me in.

[A]

Because you're Phil as well.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, right.

[A]

The feeling. You couldn't pass away, so it sounded like you were talking about yourself. Nobody moves till Phil said nobody.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

You know Phil, Robert.

[C]

But my advice to you, don't get involved in it.

[B]

Don't start. It's an addiction. I won't be able to stop.

[C]

Yeah, it'll get in your blood and

[B]

cut them is what you're cutting the dogs loose to go chase them down or something.

[C]

That's why. That's the deal.

[D]

That's when you shoot them.

[B]

Oh, cut them.

[A]

Cut them.

[D]

Got them.

[C]

Because you hear this. A lot of hit. Hit them. Lick.

[A]

Hit him a lick.

[C]

That means.

[A]

Hang on. Let's. Let's.

[D]

What could it mean?

[B]

Let's play game.

[A]

All right. Hit him a lick. What does that mean?

[B]

It would be like. Like I never getting, like, spanked growing up. Like two licks. Hit him a lick means hit them. Don't kill them.

[A]

Don't kill them.

[B]

No, don't kill them. Just hit them. So you slow them down.

[A]

Nope. Hit them with what, like one lick?

[B]

Only hit him once.

[A]

The gun, like, hit him with, like, slap them. Somebody said, hey, hit him a lick.

[C]

I like it. It's going pretty good.

[B]

Slap. I would say slap the duck.

[A]

Slap the duck.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. The answer is slap the duck. Gar head of my lick would.

[C]

What that means is ducks have come over.

[A]

They've come over.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

And want to call if whoever saw

[C]

them said, hey, hit him a lick. They give them a hail call.

[B]

They've come over what, the ridge or something? The mountain?

[C]

No, they just come over the blind.

[B]

Oh, the blind.

[A]

Your sight. Yeah. You're sitting over water. They fly by and somebody says, hit them or hit them a lick. And that means give them a little call.

[B]

Give them a little.

[A]

See if they're going to turn. Make that turn.

[E]

All right, look, springtime is here. It's warming up. You know what that means? That means more outside cooking. And y' all know we love to eat beef around here. And that's why, because of our friends over at Tritels Beef makes such a good product. Baby, ain't it good?

[C]

It's so good.

[A]

It's our friend Cy Robertson would say, buy on the grill.

[E]

Look, before we got try tells getting ready for a cookout, man, somebody had to run the grocery store, do all the things grab whatever was left in case you were late in the day. And you never really know where that beef come from. But with Tritel Beef, we skip the grocery store and do it a different way. Tri Tails comes from a family ranch out in Texas. They're a fifth generation American ranch, so they've been at it for a while now. Look, the beef comes straight from their ranch and other ranchers they work with who raise cattle the same way. Their steaks are properly aged and shipped straight from the ranch to your door. We threw a couple of rib eyes on the grill. Look, salt, pepper, garlic, hot fire. That's all you need. Look, because I tell you what, when the beef comes from people who raise cattle for a living, you can taste the difference. The tenderness and the flavor are fantastic. So if you're stocking the freezer for grilling season, go check out Tritels beef. I know in size case. Christine loves it, which is just a. She doesn't eat meat.

[C]

She's being a big me. These are folks.

[E]

Yeah, just go to tribe.com duck that's tribe.com duck support ranch families and eat some dang good steak.

[C]

Now, once they turn around and come back, you know, you might say, hey, get a little softer.

[B]

Okay,

[A]

Another trivia question. Okay. Do you call at ducks faces or their butts?

[B]

That's a good caller is the thing, right?

[C]

That's. Yeah, that's a good question.

[B]

Okay, so I bet when they're going away, you got to call them back.

[A]

So you would say that's a good.

[B]

But calling it the butt.

[A]

There you go.

[C]

That's a good enough.

[B]

Let's go.

[C]

And when you have a call when

[B]

they're coming towards you and why is. Is there. Because there's always like duck call competitions. Is. So if you all five of y' all go out, is there one caller who's running the calling?

[A]

There's a person in charge. There's always a person in charge.

[B]

Point. Somebody's running point. Guard.

[A]

Somebody's got to run point. And so it's according to whether or not you're good at calling. But there's other duck sounds.

[B]

So not John David.

[A]

No, John David wouldn't be like me. There's other. There's other ducks. So there's other ducks.

[C]

Yeah, there's like, they don't let me blow a mallard.

[B]

They don't let you do it.

[D]

But he can.

[B]

He's really skilled at it.

[C]

They don't let me. But they do let me bow Gadwall.

[A]

All right, so Gadwall Okay, That's a different type duck.

[D]

Hold on, Zach.

[B]

Well, that sounds like something from, like, when you all gather around, like somebody from Lord of the Rings to say, we're starting the hunt.

[A]

They say Gadwall.

[B]

The Gadwall. Gadwall. Did I get it?

[C]

No.

[A]

Let's see how many ducks. Let's see how many ducks he can name.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

Okay. We've given you one Gadwall.

[B]

Oh, that's the kind of duck. No, Mallard.

[A]

Mallard. Mallard.

[B]

Red tail.

[C]

What? Hold on.

[D]

He's on a roll side.

[C]

I'm just saying.

[D]

Let him go.

[B]

Red tail.

[A]

All right, good answer.

[B]

I would say feathered.

[A]

Feathered.

[C]

Good.

[A]

Very good. Smothered.

[B]

Webbed. Webbed feet.

[A]

Okay. I feel like now you're just going.

[C]

Your name is body parts. Okay.

[B]

That's just their parts. Oh, there's some of the nice ones are mallard. Those are the rich. Those are the good ones.

[A]

Those are the rich.

[C]

Those are called green heads.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And some of them Drake. Some of them don't want them. Right. You go now.

[C]

Yeah. The drake has a green head.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

The hand is. What color?

[B]

Red.

[F]

Nope.

[D]

Perfect.

[C]

You gotta think about it, mom and dad.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Wait a minute. This has nothing. Wait a minute. That has something to do with the color.

[B]

I gotta take this Carhartt off. I think you don't qualify anymore. But it's like. It's kind of like fishing where you have the fit, and then you're like, that's the right color bait to get it. Because you're saying they're flying over and they. You do it, and it's not authentic.

[A]

Have you went fishing before?

[B]

Yeah, of course. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, of course. Like, I mean, like that. I don't feel like you're. Of course.

[B]

Well, it was on a.

[E]

Of course.

[A]

I've got a car shirt on.

[B]

It was on a carnival. On a Carnival cruise.

[A]

Could you name more fish?

[C]

Hey, he fished on a Carnival cruise.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I like it.

[B]

They took us out right to the spot.

[A]

You feel like you can name more fish than.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Bass, trout, crappie. I was up at Luke Bryant's house. They got a bunch of those. Oh, I wasn't at his house, but I was on this river. I was down river. I don't want to get. I don't get fact checked on that.

[A]

So I feel like you could name probably more country music singers than you could.

[B]

Oh, yeah, plenty. I feel like you. What could you do? How many ducks are there?

[C]

A bunch.

[B]

Five?

[A]

There's a bunch.

[C]

Oh, a bunch.

[A]

There's a bunch.

[B]

Kinds of ducks.

[A]

There's a bunch.

[C]

And, you know, all green wings, hill blue, blue wing, teal, cinnamon, teal, wood ducks. Whistled ducks. The Mexican whistle ducks.

[A]

You know, there's ducks that we don't have here.

[C]

So red has canvas.

[B]

Where are they at?

[D]

The coots.

[A]

The old coot.

[C]

Coot.

[B]

But. So what's the. If you come home with one gans, there's no way you got that one hooded. What is that

[A]

around these parts? I figure if we got a canvas back, I mean, that's pretty rare for us. Yeah, those are.

[C]

They come through here, but they normally stay long.

[A]

But. But other places, like, they're coming on the red, right. They're more.

[B]

What's this right here?

[C]

That's the blue wing tail.

[B]

Because they got a blue wing. That's what I was doing. I was describing the cut.

[A]

I felt like. I felt like. I felt like. I felt like. You did good. All right, now look. So what have you been doing?

[F]

Have you.

[A]

Are you on the road? Are you doing.

[B]

I'm on the road. Let's see. We're going this weekend to Florence, Alabama.

[A]

Oh, man. I got a funny. Florence, Alabama.

[B]

I don't want to brag.

[A]

Can I tell you my Florence, Alabama Hit me. Okay, so. So I was in Florence, Alabama, and I was speaking for a thing, and I realized I don't have any underwear. And. And I'm.

[C]

You don't have any?

[A]

Tebow was speaking as well. And I thought Tebow would probably just go with no underwear. But I thought, I. I've got to have underwear. Yeah, yeah. It needs to. I'm on a stage, you know, I can't. So. So I go to Walmart, the Walmart in Florence, Alabama. And I'm standing there in the underwear section. This is like last year. And this old boy looks at me and he goes, yep, yep, you look just like him. That's all he said. But he didn't say who. Yeah, I said, you think so? He said, oh, yeah. And he said, matter of fact, hey, do you mind if I take a picture of you? My butt. My son is never going to believe that I met somebody who looked just like Willie Robertson. And I took a picture with him, and he never even asked. He just walked out looking at the picture, said, he's gonna love this. And I've always wondered if he ever found out that that's him.

[C]

Yeah, that was him.

[A]

Why would Willie Robertson be in Walmart and Florence, Alabama underwear?

[B]

Yeah. There's no way. I wouldn't believe it, but I was he never gave it up. Somebody said. People say to me that Trey Kennedy is a comedian that I look similar to. And somebody goes, oh, did. You're. You're my brother's favorite and my wife's favorite. Can you take a photo? Can you take a video? Yeah. And they go. And they love that middle school bit, which is his bit. And I just go, you wear it. I just go, thanks.

[A]

Yeah, I do.

[B]

I never correct them. I just.

[A]

I get every. I get. I've gotten so many different people, and I wear every one.

[B]

You look like Uncle Sigh. Do they ever say that?

[A]

No. Who. Who would you think that people. Who would you think that people think I am?

[B]

Oh, man, you probably like a Dan Bilzerian or something like that. No. Who?

[A]

You know, I used to get a lot.

[B]

Who?

[A]

Zach Brown.

[B]

Oh, I see that.

[A]

Zach Brown. But that was a while back. But I've gotten a. Oh, yeah, you

[B]

look like Zach Brown.

[A]

Yeah, I've gotten people who are like,

[C]

you used to look like.

[A]

Love your music. And I'm like, thank you so much.

[C]

When you had your mullet.

[D]

Oh. Oh, yeah.

[C]

Who you. Singer. Country singer. Just.

[B]

Okay, not.

[A]

Not specific. Just a general country singer.

[C]

Well, no, no, this. Everybody knows him.

[A]

Oh, oh, you're. Oh, we're playing game again. You're. You look like country singer.

[C]

Well, no, no, you do, because you asked what y' all was talking about. Well, who have you been mistaken for when you had the mullet? You was. You want us to look enough to like him to be.

[A]

There is one person I do look like, but way back, like.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

30 years.

[C]

I mean, when you was in high school.

[A]

This is a no day. I used to get this. Yeah, I know. He's talking about.

[C]

Yeah. Who?

[A]

He's from Kentucky. He has a very, very famous daughter.

[D]

Oh, Billy Ray Cyrus.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

Well, he was young. He had to do it. He looked. They could have been twins.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

In fact, I was in. Where is he from? Eastern Kentucky. And I was. I was there, and someone said, you have to go to Applebee's because Billy Ray goes here. And they're gonna. They're gonna think it's him if you. If you show up. So.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

And when I'm in Nashville. Actually, I was just in Nashville. Oh, I just saw you in Nashville.

[B]

You're there.

[A]

And I went to the. I went to the coffee shop, and the guy said, are you with a band? So every time I'm in Nashville, you think I'm a singer.

[B]

You fit right in down there.

[A]

And the guy telling me this has on, like, a very strange hat. Beard, piercings everywhere. And so. And I said, no, you, You. I'm not in a band, but I get that a lot. I said, however, it's just like, I think that everybody that looks like you that works in a coffee shop is in a band. And he goes, I am in a band. Like, they're all working at a. They're working at some other job. Yeah.

[B]

So you're not a bad. Yeah.

[A]

Until it works out.

[B]

So they say, sigh. Looks like maybe Willie Nelson.

[A]

So who have you got? Who's your doctor? Is it Willie Nelson?

[C]

Yeah, it's bigger than that. Look, I'm in church, okay? Okay. And a guy walks in with a guitar case.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

It comes up, says, outside. I turn around. Yeah. He said, I was told to give

[B]

this to you out of the blue.

[C]

Just out of the blue. And he said something about the blue. He said, Yo, LeBlue, somebody, you know. Well, I just said, well, let me grab it and go put it in the car. I didn't even look at it.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So I get it home and open it up, and it's a Dobro.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

And I look and I see. All I see when I first look is I see Willie, you know, on the guitar, pulling the darn.

[A]

Oh, you thought it was me?

[C]

No, I said, willie's pulling a darn prank. Then. Then I looked over to look at more. Then I could see the other name.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And it's Willie Nelson.

[B]

Yeah, there you go.

[C]

So Willie Nelson signed this Dobro, and somebody named LeBlue said, hey, go give it to Uncle Si. Well, I've got it at the house. I've got a dough bro that's got Willie Nelson's signature on it.

[A]

Secondhand pass. Willie Nelson autograph.

[C]

Possibly.

[A]

Possibly.

[C]

Oh, no, it's his. It's his. His.

[A]

Well, how do you know?

[B]

And how do they know you're at church?

[C]

Hey, I've seen his signature before.

[B]

Can't argue with that.

[F]

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[C]

But now there's a lot of people I wanted to be when I was out with my band that I didn't get to me.

[B]

Dolly Parton, one of them never met Dolly.

[C]

I didn't get to meet her, you know, but I. I met.

[A]

Who did. You met? Who was your. Who's the. Who's the coolest person you ever met?

[C]

Me. I got you on that, buddy.

[A]

I forgot it was your podcast.

[D]

Yes. So we. So we were in. We were in Springfield, Missouri, and we for side. We were going to see his dentist, and we pull into Landry's. Okay.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

And we were starving. So we get there, we walk right in, and it's.

[C]

This is the restaurant where they throw

[A]

Roll of the throat.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[D]

So we go in, and it's Lambert's. Lambert's what?

[A]

That's what threw me. You said, landry. I was like, lambert.

[D]

Lamberts. So we get there and we are walking into the table, and this group stops I. And they said, has anybody ever told you you look like Uncle Si from Duck Dynasty? He said, ma', am, every day of my life. And he walked off and went and sat down and they followed him. And once he took the first picture, there were 200 people gathered around, just buzzing. I was like, he barely got to eat anything.

[A]

And.

[D]

But I mean, as soon as they found out it was. I was just. It just went crazy.

[B]

Well, you would think that they. You're like that. Like the Walmart underwear. So we're like. Actually, Landry's would be the place. You single. Why would he be? I go, that's exactly where I think Willie would be. That's exact. Where do you think that y' all are? In Hollywood? Yeah, that's where they. They should be among the people.

[A]

Think I'd be in Walmart by now. It's Alabama. That is unusual.

[B]

I mean, that'd be. Yeah.

[A]

I mean, because that's out of like, the Walmart in West Monroe.

[B]

Sure. Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Not the Walmart in Florence. Like, who would go there? Just about underwear.

[D]

We were in Phoenix when they had the fires. And so I was doing a fundraiser for, you know, all these guys. And so he's up on stage, and it was really late at night. He's like the last one to go up. So him and his band go up, but it ain't his band. It's a band that's already there. So they start playing. And they must have. They must have. Oh, no, they had way too much.

[C]

I walked in, they had opened a brand new bottle of Jack Daniels me up. Okay. And they had opened the second one. They had already down that first one.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[D]

So. So they. So when he finally goes up, they start playing and they're like playing way too fast. And he was like, hold on.

[B]

Just going for it.

[D]

So then he calls me, philip, get up here and help me sing this song from the audience. I'm like. And he was like, get up here

[B]

and help me get up here.

[C]

Nobody. Everybody was so drunk. It didn't matter anyway, right? That would not squeeze the frog and made him.

[A]

Besides that, what knocked you out of headlining was the. They were always so late because you were the last, you know, the headliners,

[B]

the last show Jones.

[A]

Just too late.

[B]

Well, what happened?

[C]

I happened. That happened a lot, right?

[A]

I mean, you had a standing room only place there at a warehouse in the middle of a passage.

[C]

Everybody.

[A]

Why didn't you. Like, they had a blast, right?

[C]

And I did, too.

[B]

You do a reunion tour?

[A]

Why didn't you keep. I didn't. Why did you stop? Like. Yeah, you had everybody going.

[C]

I didn't stop.

[A]

Oh, you're still going.

[C]

Oh, why? We played.

[A]

Oh, crap.

[B]

I'm sorry.

[A]

I didn't realize you were still in the game.

[B]

Yeah, come on.

[C]

I was just telling you the beginning of it was, you know, kind of

[A]

like, do you need any music for what? You get an opening? Like. Yeah. Do you have.

[B]

How about you come on tour with us?

[A]

Is it just you?

[E]

Is it?

[B]

I got two other buddies, but we'll kick one there before.

[A]

But there's no music acts.

[C]

No, I got two buddies, but we'll get one of them.

[B]

Get how? Uncle Sigh. Featuring Uncle Sigh. It's a great idea.

[A]

How long? I want to ask him if, you know, he's. He's a visitor. So how long is your show? Like, how long do you go?

[B]

Me? Like 100 minutes. I do about 60 of them.

[A]

Let me do the math. So it's 100 minutes total. You're 60. You're an hour. You're an hour.

[C]

50 minutes.

[B]

It's like a pod. Yeah.

[C]

Probably only give them that. An hour.

[A]

You do all new material every show? No, for the year, I do just mix and match old stuff.

[B]

And, like, if you come to all three shows this weekend, It'll be probably 95%.

[C]

Write your own material.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

No, I mean, as opposed to like last year or three.

[B]

Every time we come to a city, it's all new because.

[A]

Yeah, you're hitting.

[B]

So we won't go. We'll go to, you know, 100 markets or something. We won't go to Back to Jack. We don't come back to Florence until the show's 100 new.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So we just make sure.

[A]

Do you ever come three shows in Florence?

[C]

No.

[B]

No, one in Florence? One in one in Atlanta. Yeah, I'm making Florence. Three shows in Florence would be great.

[A]

That's what I thought.

[B]

Wow.

[D]

And look, I love your show. It's hilarious. It's so funny. I mean, anybody that hadn't seen you, you got to go and watch.

[B]

It's.

[D]

It's awesome.

[C]

So.

[D]

Because I've been watching your material, I was driving to work the other day, and there was a student driver. Okay. Beside me, and I was, like, thinking, like, John. I was like, what if I get beside him and rev the engine and try to challenge him to a race? And I was. I was like, yeah. Stuff just might pop into your head,

[B]

you know, Intrusive thoughts.

[D]

Intrusive thoughts. Yeah.

[B]

You go, yeah. You see that? You see that cyclist? I always say, you ever been driving? See that cyclist? You go, I wonder if I just, like. Yeah, Just, you know, just scare him a little bit. Yeah, I never thought that. Yeah, I have.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

You know what I did. I'm telling you. Wow.

[A]

Serial killers.

[D]

It's just a joke.

[A]

Like, the worst.

[B]

See what happens. Yeah. I always wondered if you like it's. Just those thoughts come into your head and you go. And you don't do anything with them. But it's just like. But you ever been sitting in the airplane? You go, I want to pull this emergency exit.

[C]

What's the.

[A]

I have thought about.

[C]

Yeah. What's the worst match you've ever had in comedy? Yeah, just in with a, you know, you go in there, come in, you start and like the people just proud all the time.

[B]

People are not there, they're not into it. I'll tell you one time, so early on now I've seen everything, right? People have passed out in the show. Medical emergencies, like the power goes out. I've seen it all. At the beginning, I was, I was talking to everybody. This is at the Denver improv probably in 2012. 13, talking to everybody in the front. You know, if I say what's going on? You just come off the set of Duck Dynasty, I'll make a joke about that. I go, look at this guy. Looks like he just came from whatever, right? Kind of talking to everybody. So there's two girls sitting right here and the one girl's looking like off, like off this way. And I go, hey, if I'm going to talk, you're. You're next, right? If I'm talking to you, you better look me in the eye when I'm talking to you. And her friend goes, she's blind. Oh, dead serious.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

And I go, and I was very young as a comic. I go, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to like offend you. Like, I'm a Christian. I didn't mean to like. And I feel like, I feel like God was like, not the time.

[C]

You know about this towel. Yeah.

[B]

Oh, I felt horrible. And then so I kind of backed out of the set. I said, thanks, everybody. I was doing 10 minutes. Nobody cheered. It was. The energy came out. It was horrible. Okay, so Tim Hawkins, who's a friend of mine, is like kind of a mentor, just like Fox worthy and cable guy. I told him this story. I go, I felt so bad. I offended this girl. He told me, he goes, you can never back out if you're comic. And you go in.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

The only way out is keep. If you go that you only way out. So I go, what would you have said? And he goes, easy. Be like, you're blind and you're sitting in the front row of a sold out comedy show. It's kind of a selfish move. And. And she would have died.

[C]

You should give this, you should give

[B]

this somebody else yeah, she would have died laughing at that. Cuz she, she came back to the green. I felt so bad. I invited her back to the green room after the show because I wanted to apologize to her.

[A]

She couldn't find it.

[B]

Hey, you got to keep talking about the intrusive thoughts. You can't do it. No, but she, she came back to the green room and she goes, I come here to this comedy club every week. I love sitting up front and putting the comics in uncomfortable positions. Meaning like I, like, I'm part.

[A]

Oh, she's got it.

[B]

She was like. And I go, the worst thing you can do with someone with a disability like that is to like go after everyone else and then tiptoe around them. No, you gotta, you gotta go. And everybody else would be like, I can't believe you said that. But she. If I would have said that line, yeah, she would have been dying. Oh yeah, she would have been dying.

[A]

I just had this conversation. We were just together. Me and you were actually, we were out there with the fans at the Caleb.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

You were ahead of me. I was by. And so. And by the way, I was soaking hot.

[B]

It was hot out there.

[A]

So we had this conversation because I told Corey a couple of the things I said out there. She was like, you can't say that. I said, I think you have to because I think it's the same. So one was this something I've always wanted to do. So I don't know how many airplanes were they. You know, there's a lot of wheelchairs and so they're wheelchairing people up. So you're on. And so I'm like, oh. And you're. They get to go first. But then when they. Then they just jump up and walk. And so I've always wanted to just scream. It's a miracle. But. But I haven't, I haven't done it. I bite my tongue because then I'm like getting on the plane with them. And so I don't want them to be, you know, I don't want like pain in me, you know, And I see. So I go. And so we were doing that and there was a lady in a, in a chair, she was in a wheelchair. And they're like, hey. She's, you know, she's, whatever. And I'm like, hey. And I'm trying to say hello. And she just pops up.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

And yeah, then she's like gonna come to me. And I said, it's America. I finally got the line and everybody just died laughing and Cory's like, you did not say this, Cory.

[B]

And Sadie would be like, you cannot.

[A]

Yeah, but I was like, I've always wanted to do it because she was like, she was on the front and then. But when I came up, she's like, oh, I'm getting this picture. And she gets up like, you know, jockeying in, getting the self.

[B]

She overcame it. They call it on, on the. The flight attendants and people in the airline industry call it Jetway Jesus. That's a term, really? That's a real term for people that are cheating the wheelchair to get up in the front. And then as soon as the plane deboards, they're all gone.

[A]

The warmer weather's here, the rain's here, and the bugs want to be here, which is frustrating. But if you got a pesty, the

[E]

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[E]

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[A]

I had that happen to me on a flight to Taiwan. There was an older, older man.

[B]

You on there to hunt? No.

[A]

This year I was going to film a. We were filming a TV show about our optics that were made over there. So this guy, there's like a medical emergency and they said, this guy's having trouble. And we're like, oh, no, like, this is gonna be a long flight for something bad to happen. So they cleared the. Like, the back row. Like, they moved people's seats. And. And he just lays down and sleeps, like, the whole trip. I was like, I hope he doesn't pass away. When that flight landed, that little sucker jumped up.

[B]

No.

[A]

And was moving people out of the way to go out. Go out. And I'm looking at him going, are you kidding? He just slept.

[B]

That is crazy.

[A]

And he hit the wall. He hit some giant American dude who just said, no, no, no, we're not doing that. And I thought, that little sucker. He did the whole. You know, I just need to. I need to lay down. And that sucker laid.

[B]

There has to be. There has to be an in between of, like, you know, you run your own business, you kind of have a little. And. And this guy doesn't care at all.

[A]

Right.

[B]

He'll say whatever comes to his mind at any time. There has to be an in between is what I'm saying. Yeah, that's an in between. Sadie and Sai. There has to be an in between ground.

[A]

Yeah. They're. Yeah. Is there?

[C]

I would trip and fall over it.

[A]

Now.

[B]

Now I look up to him because he can say whatever he wants, whenever he wants.

[A]

He's an old man. He can do it.

[D]

He can get away, and he's away with it.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

John, he's the one that uses the wheelchair, and I push him. And Willie, we did see you at one airport when he jumped up and you yelled, it's a miracle. And we busted out.

[A]

I did it out.

[D]

Yeah, you tried it out on side.

[A]

Hey, by the way, I did do the wheelchair one time.

[B]

I've done it once.

[A]

I just wanted. Like, I wasn't injured, but I just

[B]

thought, oh, I haven't done that. No, no.

[A]

I just wanted to see what it was like. And so I get off a flight, and they're like, does anybody need a wheelchair? And so the girl is at the Houston airport, and she pushes me forever, you know, she's like. And I was like, I'm going to give her a monster. She's going to be glad.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

But here's what's weird. As we were going, and I'm in the wheelchair, I literally started feeling like I was hurt. Like, I felt injured, like, Mom, I really did. I thought, yeah, guilty. I did. I felt like I was. I felt like I'd injured. Like, when I got up, I was like. Like, kind of bracing myself, like something had happened.

[B]

Somebody rolled this wheelchair over my foot. So I can Walk out with a limp.

[A]

Okay, so here's the other thing that happened in that line. You may have gotten one that you. You may have gotten as well. So there's a. There's a lady, and she's like. And she's got something in her hand.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

So I. And I said, what is. Is a chick fil. A gift card?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, and it's someone who had passed away. It was like, so what do you say?

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

What do you. Like? There's hundreds of people. I just made a joke.

[B]

It was a photo of someone that's passed. Yeah, the sign.

[A]

Yeah. No, they just wanted me.

[B]

They're giving it.

[A]

Yeah, they just wanted me to have it. So, John, do you make a joke or do you get serious?

[B]

I would be like, I would make it. Well, there's a bunch of other people around that want you to make about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

It's packed.

[B]

They go.

[A]

Made a joke.

[B]

You did?

[A]

I did.

[B]

What'd you say?

[A]

I just said, whoa, this got weird.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[A]

And everybody kind of like, you know. But I was like, you threw. I mean, shells. Like, you just.

[D]

I just ate at chickfila. And so that was on my mind.

[B]

Yeah. And to be fair, if. What's it. Was it her husband or something? If he's a fan of you. He got a good sense of humor.

[A]

Well, that's what you would have liked that. That's what pushes me to say funny stuff, because I'm like, that's what they're expecting, especially in these awful situations, you know?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. You have. But like. Like, so me versus Sadie, for example, you come to me, you're thinking, I'm gonna. That your reputation kind of goes before they think Sadie's gonna. If Sadie made a joke, it'd be, like, so offensive because you're like, oh, we thought we were gonna cry and pray or be. But you're like, oh, if Cy makes a joke, you're like, if. If he was serious, it would be confusing. You'd be like, what do you.

[A]

Do you feel like that's pressure?

[B]

Whenever I think it's easier now. The problem is, I'm saying, when everybody's

[A]

expecting you to be funny, are you ever just like. You didn't say anything. You're like, yeah, this guy's a dud.

[B]

Well, that's what. We never take a. Everybody's like, come say a few words or speak at my wedding or say.

[A]

I go say something funny.

[B]

Yeah, your. Your reputation's on the line every time. That's why we never want to do it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We never want to.

[A]

You avoid those situations all the time.

[B]

I don't want to say anything ever. I don't think I ever want to say anything.

[A]

Do you just say no and you just dud out.

[B]

I'm just. I was. I'm happy to be here. I. I come to your wedding. I don't want to say anything. Yeah. Unless it's, like, my family or something.

[A]

Yeah. It's a lot of pressure.

[B]

Yeah. Well, like, you know, if a guy. Guy invites me out to, you know, play golf or something. Hey, come. If we're in Florence, this guy goes, I remember it. That. I go, I'm not doing that. You're like, why not? It's a nice golf course. Like, I got to do four and a half hours.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

With this guy.

[C]

Right?

[B]

Yeah. Hey, do a. Do the thing right. And you go, ah, I'm good on that.

[D]

You got to be able to turn it off some.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Golf in Nashville with the comedian. I won't say who it is.

[B]

There's only three of us.

[A]

Initials are N.B.

[B]

we'll take your word for it. Okay. Got it.

[A]

So. And we got the first tee box. I said, are you gonna be funny today?

[B]

Oh, yeah. And he probably said, oh, no.

[A]

He just rolled his.

[B]

Yeah. He goes. He goes, you gonna shoot some ducks out here? Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

I think we're clocked up. Yeah. One time a girl came. It was either. What was it, like, stories like that. Some girl. I was either saw. It. Must have been on Instagram. She goes, hey, I love to. I don't know, like, meet you. Or, like, it's my dream to meet you. Or, like, I've. You've always been an encouragement to me through, like, hard times or something. I don't know. Something like that. And she was. Had a shaved head, so I was like, connect her with my. So we can do, like, a meet and greet.

[A]

You assume.

[B]

Yeah. And then she just said she, like, worked at a coffee shop. And, like. And I go, get out, dude. Get out of this green. I was like, that's, like, using the wheelchair. I was like, oh, you. I think you framed this message.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

In a way that made me feel like you had a diagnosis of some sort.

[A]

Yeah, I had that happen. One time. This guy came in. He was like, can you please meet my son? He's like. He's a military. Like, the whole thing, you know? And I said, yeah, bring it. And I'm looking below the knob of the door when he came in. He's like, 38 years old, and he was in the army, like, 20 years ago. I'm like, you totally oversaw. Like, I think it was like, little scooters coming in.

[C]

He's like, on the way home.

[A]

Hey, Willie, how you doing, man? Yeah, I was like, oh, you're in the military. He's like, oh, £400 was back in the day. I'm like, the guy told me, oh,

[B]

he was in the military. You're like, all right. Yeah. Well, yeah, he was probably in the office. He looks sound like he worked in the office.

[A]

We probably have all heard it off. Okay, so what made. What do you think made you funny? Like, you're from your background or growing up.

[B]

Oh, well, I'm one of eight kids.

[A]

That's funny.

[B]

So they're. Yeah. And my dad was a preacher.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

That's funny.

[B]

They also. And my parents are Mennonite.

[A]

No, they're not.

[B]

Yeah, they are. No, My parents met at Mennonite college. Yeah, they are not Amish. Not Amish. Mennonite. Which is like.

[A]

Is that the.

[B]

No, that's Amish.

[A]

No, no. But the Mennonites go.

[B]

They have the beard, too, once they get married, right?

[A]

Yes, Right. There's a thing.

[B]

Yeah, you have the beard once you get married.

[A]

I always get confused. That's why I never, ever mention any Mennonites marital status, because I can't remember

[B]

the bears after everything. This is where you draw the line. This is where you draw the line. Hey, guys, let's be serious about the Amish marital status after making fun of.

[A]

Wait, hang on. Are you still Mennonite?

[B]

No. My parents broke away from the Mennonite. They met at Mennonite college.

[A]

I mean, if you are, that's okay. This is a super friendly Mennonite zone.

[B]

Yeah. Is it?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You can embrace it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, did everybody break away?

[B]

Martin said I didn't mention it. All the siblings or my parents met.

[A]

There's no Mennonites listen to this show.

[B]

I guarantee they might be. Well, the. No, we're thinking about Amish.

[A]

I'm not. I realize the difference between men and I.

[B]

Okay. You do?

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, there's. I mean, I don't know all the exact.

[B]

It's very, like. This is why probably we didn't hunt because they were pacifists. They don't believe in war. They don't believe in the health and health care. Like, it's kind of God's sovereignty. I'm speaking a little out of line here, but. But God's. God will. It's like kind of the same where the. The dancing with the snakes. If you get bit by the snake and you died, it was God's will. If God's gonna heal you. Not. We weren't that Right. But it's a very, like, size.

[A]

Laughing.

[B]

It's a very. Like that. Like, a lot of you were a little. My parents are Mennonite. My dad.

[A]

Well, hang on. But you act like their parents. But you were as well, right? Don't you come with the whole package when you're a kid?

[B]

I don't know if I was. My parents.

[A]

We all broke off before you were.

[B]

Yeah, my parents broke off to go to.

[A]

So you weren't born into.

[B]

Not like on a farm.

[A]

No. Okay.

[B]

Yeah. I got this car heart later.

[C]

So how many. How many. How many kids? You said what, eight.

[B]

Eight kids? Yep.

[A]

Hey, those men and I, they get after brothers.

[B]

That's offensive, dude. You can't keep going.

[A]

We have a lie positive. No, I'm saying that's. That's one of the parts. There's not anything negative about me. Things are awesome. They get out.

[C]

Hey. That biblical. When God said, hey, go forth and multiply, they took it to heart, baby.

[A]

That's a positive.

[B]

Your parents get after. It is crazy, dude.

[A]

Oh, that's why. Because I said your parents?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Oh, okay. John, I need to tell you something. Your parents had. Your parents had sexual intercourse. I'm just telling you. I'm just. I don't. I know you haven't thought about that, but it.

[C]

I. Most kids can't get over that. That their. Their parents actually had sex together.

[D]

Tell him again. Sigh. He ain't paying attention.

[C]

Well, I'm telling you, they don't. They can't. It just does something to their mind to look at dad and mom and say, oh, no. You mean they actually had sex together? Oh, unfortunately, yes there, son.

[E]

You know, the older I get, the more I actually enjoy y' all hard work. I used to hate it as a kid, but now that I'm older, I enjoy getting out there. And now the boys, they're planting stuff. They want to know what stuff grows, how it grows. I tell them, boys, I know some folks that know a lot more than me, and that's the folks over at Fast Growing Trees, because Fast Growing Trees is America's largest and most trusted online nursery with thousands of trees and plants and over 2 million happy customers. And they have over 6,000 plants to choose from, like fruit trees, flowering trees, shrubs. There's guaranteed to be something perfect for you. They got something for everybody. They'll actually help you pick what will grow where you live. So that you're not guessing. Look, it's simple. Click it, order it, plant it. Everything shows up healthy with their alive and thrive guarantee. And if you don't have a green thumb, it doesn't matter because fast growing trees has plant experts and they will help walk you through it. They'll teach you all about it. You'll know more because fast growing trees makes it easy to get your yard looking right without making it a hole ordeal. And now that we finally started getting some rain here, man, my cherry trees, they pop.

[A]

My green giants just keep moving up.

[E]

They looking good though. They're doing well. They made it simple. The directions came with it. We did what they said. And now we've got actual cherry trees. They have great deals on spring planting essentials. Up to half off on select plants. And listeners to our show get 20% off their first purchase when using the code at checkout. That's an additional 20% off. Better plants and better growing at fast growing trees dot com. Using the code at checkout. Fast growing trees dot com code. Now's the perfect time to plant. Let's grow together. Use duck to save today. Offers valid for a limited time. Terms and conditions may apply.

[A]

The question was what made you funny? I'm so what number what out of eight?

[B]

Third. I'm third. Two older brothers.

[A]

Okay, that's not even middle.

[B]

What would the middle. Maybe there's a four.

[C]

This strikes me so funny.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

No, no, really, what that you come from that background and you're a comedian for what you do for a living.

[B]

Yeah, I think I saw. I think I saw.

[A]

So you're number three.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So were you trying to get attention?

[B]

I'm 100.

[A]

I'm the third child as well, so.

[B]

Well, you're obviously.

[A]

I mean there wasn't a light litter behind me like you, but like.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, there was.

[A]

But I feel like you're trying to get.

[B]

Trying to get. Do something. Well, you know, they said in the, like in the. This will relate. This is a hunting related analogy.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So why they say why are. Men are typically. Typically not always funnier than women. Men are funnier than women. And they said this is why back way back in the stone ages, see women, Men need to perform to attract women. So whether that's. You're going to be the hunter, you're going to be the. In the army, you're going to protect, you're going to be the leader, you're going to be Going out and build the home you're going to. And then there's. And women to attract a man. Just have to go outside.

[A]

Right.

[B]

They don't have to do anything. They just have to exist.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so there's guys like me that had no skill.

[D]

Skills.

[B]

I'm not joking. I mean, they had no skills. They could do it, like, completely.

[C]

All they gotta do is walk by.

[B]

No, but you had to be funny. You had to perform. You had to do something. I. I always felt like that.

[A]

Because women like funny people.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I mean, that's one.

[B]

That. It's a. That. Well, that's why they say all the way back to, like, the caveman days, why men are. Because they have to do. There was guys that are, like, in my. My brothers were very athletic.

[C]

That's why the jester always got the girl. Let's go, dude.

[D]

You gotta. You gotta be able to perform.

[A]

Okay. Okay. You were number three.

[B]

Yeah. No skills.

[A]

Are your siblings. Were they funny?

[B]

I would say not. Not like, not professionally, but not. But good sense of growing up.

[A]

I mean, were you performing for them when you.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Dr. Robertson, he. He had an identity classes as a child.

[A]

So you. So were you funny in school?

[B]

I would think I would always be the guy. I'm always the guy that.

[A]

You got a public school homeschool.

[D]

He was the funniest one at his home.

[A]

I love home.

[B]

I just get roasted on the podcast.

[A]

Home school is the best. I mean, it's the every. Like, just the whole thought of it. Because I'm like, I wish I'd have went to homeschool.

[B]

It was awesome.

[A]

I mean, I had a 1 in 4 shot of being top of my class, like, you know what I'm saying? Golly. I feel like if I would have went to home school, I definitely would have been a comedian. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Yeah. You stuck with it.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. I was always. I was always kind of. I think I was seeing, like.

[A]

Well, that went homeschool all the way through. Like, you got a degree.

[C]

Okay, that would have been.

[A]

That's. Hang on.

[B]

That's across. Dude. That's across the line.

[A]

Did you get a high school degree from your. Your.

[D]

He graduated.

[C]

Thank you.

[D]

Lordy.

[C]

What if we had. I had been homeschooled?

[B]

Yeah. He'd not have made it.

[A]

Oh, y'.

[C]

All.

[A]

Yeah. Hey, we all wouldn't have. Y' all wouldn't have ever learned.

[C]

An interesting thought.

[A]

You wouldn't have learned. Y' all would have just worked. Granny would just made you work and fish. And you just said hey, screw that. Go out and. Did you perform?

[B]

Did you perform pretty well in public school?

[C]

Yeah, I guess I did.

[A]

No, you didn't.

[D]

Well, the performance.

[B]

You made it through.

[C]

I was always doing stuff to get in trouble, so, yeah, I had to perform.

[B]

Is it a performance?

[A]

I missed the question.

[B]

Did you, like, make it through?

[A]

Did you perform well in school? And you're going, yeah, I was always in trouble, so, yeah, I guess.

[C]

Well, hey, I did real well.

[B]

He was performing.

[A]

You were performing?

[B]

Yeah. Get. What was your gpa, huh?

[C]

All days and C's. Hey, I wasn't in the school, so.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

I wasn't.

[B]

I really wasn't into it.

[A]

He was performing homeschooled. So did you.

[D]

Did.

[A]

Were you active in church?

[B]

Very, very active.

[A]

So is that where you kind of.

[B]

Yeah, well, on your social. Oh, 100.

[A]

Well, that was your whole.

[B]

That's my only. So. And I remember. I remember.

[D]

How big is.

[A]

How big was the youth group?

[B]

Probably. Oh, man. I mean, the church is probably eight, nine, hundred or something like that.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

So you had a pretty big congregation.

[B]

Oh, yeah. I remember going to.

[A]

Were you making all them laugh?

[B]

Girls?

[A]

Yeah. Not the guys.

[B]

Well, I mean, I would just remember because I didn't know any, like, girls right. At home school, it was just me and my brother.

[A]

Because.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, that's across the line, dude. That's strike three.

[D]

So we're. When it came to something funny, were you the one coming up with the funny material? Are you. Were you the one who heard it and said it out loud?

[B]

I. I was very shy. I remember when mom and dad would. Something awry would. And they would all come to me to kind of discuss it. You know what I'm saying? Like, mom and dad would be up in the front of the van yelling and says, somebody says something wild. And then it would be like, what's John gonna have to say about this? There's a lot of that. But no, like, I would never get up in front of everybody and be speaking or nothing like that.

[A]

How old are you?

[B]

42.

[A]

42. I thought I heard that on your podcast where you said. And I never thought about, like, that. Where you said, growing up, I listened to this podcast. Would that. Would that be true?

[B]

Maybe.

[A]

Yeah, I think you said that. But I thought.

[B]

Talking about.

[A]

I didn't think. Have you ever thought about that? I don't think about people growing up listening to podcasts. It seemed like podcasts happen.

[D]

Gotcha.

[B]

Yeah. It's weird.

[A]

It was like, oh, wow, they're both. There are people now who Are saying,

[B]

oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

When I was little, we're old. I used to listen to your podcast.

[B]

You're like, I don't even know. Podcasts were around.

[A]

So did you actually answer the question? What do you think? Was it the.

[B]

And that's not how you say it.

[A]

Menonism, giant family, your parents getting after. Was it all that. That just, like.

[D]

Yeah. Environment.

[A]

And if I'm saying, why were you the only one out of eight that became a professional comedian?

[B]

Well, I just, like, I think the. I think you would see, like, for example, what you need in comedy is some kind of incongruency or juxtaposition in some sort. So you would see, like, hang on,

[A]

sir, tell him what juxtaposition is.

[B]

It's like a turn. It's like you see two things that are different.

[A]

You didn't learn that in homeschool.

[B]

Learn that. Or like, let me try to think, like, maybe something would go, like, awry in church. And my dad has a good sense of humor, so we would, like, he would handle it very, like, with dignity and respect. And then we come home and kind of talk. So you need to see. If you're in politics, you need to watch the press conference and then be like, well, I know him and he doesn't act. You know what I'm saying? Well, you need some. Wait, hold on. That's why comedy became huge. Not to bring up the topic, but became huge in 20, 19, 20. Because in Covid, all those politicians were like, you have to do this. And then we were like, we see you.

[D]

Right. Yeah, right.

[B]

Or the. But that's a lot. There's a lot of hip hop. You need some level of. You said this, but that. We can't make a joke about that because that doesn't line up with that. That's where some. That's got to be some kind of. It doesn't add up.

[A]

I think I agree.

[B]

Where funny things happen in youth group. And you're like, this guy, our youth pastor. Everybody's like, this guy's a go. This guy's our hero. And I go, this guy that works at Circle K. Or, you know, something like that. Like, that's not. Yeah, something like that.

[A]

Did you go to college again?

[B]

Say it in a different tone.

[A]

Say it like, what is wrong with me asking?

[B]

No, you said it like. It said it was not demeaning, it seemed to me.

[A]

I assumed you didn't hunt, but I'm not assuming you didn't go.

[B]

He said, did you go to college? That's how you said that.

[A]

No, no. Say, this sounds like me and my wife.

[B]

Say, tell us.

[A]

This is me and Corey every day. Say, no, the way you said it. No, no, the way you. Look,

[C]

I know what you meant just by the way you said it.

[B]

Say, tell us about college. Yeah, that could be an easy way.

[A]

Okay, so you didn't go to college.

[B]

I went to.

[A]

That's me making an assumption that you did.

[B]

Stanford University down in Birmingham, Alabama.

[A]

Oh, that's right.

[B]

Yeah, I went down there for a little bit.

[C]

No, he did go to college.

[A]

But you did. How long. How long did we make that?

[B]

All the way, dude. I went all the way through. I graduated.

[C]

Hey, you got a degree?

[A]

You have a degree?

[B]

Yeah, I got a degree. What's your degree? Electronic journalism.

[A]

Electronic BS on that. That's not even a real degree. It's not a real.

[B]

I'm text it to Martin.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Electronic journal, which is like newspaper, TV and radio.

[A]

Wow. How many years it took two electives.

[C]

It took two electives. Ballroom dancing and basketball.

[A]

I'm calling BS Four and a half.

[B]

Somebody look it up.

[A]

Electronic journalism.

[B]

Well, I knew I couldn't read a book and, and take a test on it. I knew I, I didn't, I couldn't do that. My brain doesn't work like that. If you. But he said, right.

[A]

So right out of college, if you went to college, if, if you did graduate.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Did you go right? Did you say, I know what I'm going to do?

[B]

No, I, I working for like a church.

[A]

Ah, he did the chair.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Put your time in.

[B]

Yeah, I got it. Yeah. That's where all the jokes come from.

[C]

And I. That drove him to comedy.

[B]

Yeah. There you go, dude.

[C]

There you go. There you go.

[A]

Hey, man, this has been an interesting conversation.

[B]

They're not going to have jd, they're not going to have their jobs back. They're going to go. We love this so much. Those guys are boring. We got to have you guys in there every time.

[A]

Burden that they have to carry.

[B]

So that's what he gets for missing work.

[A]

So much for coming down. This has been fun. And you're, you know, we're going to go on tour together in the promotion of stuff. I feel like. Tell me you've seen this because it's so different now. You know, used to you doing an interview for like, they're like, it'd be four minutes, you know, or this one's gonna be six minutes. Oh, yeah, you do. To promote something, you know, the TV show, whatever. And now with the podcast it's like, okay, you got five podcasts, and they all last 200 minutes a p. And I'm like, oh, my God. Like, it's a whole different. Yeah, you know, it's like, yeah, now

[B]

you guys are my friend. All right, I know y'.

[D]

All.

[B]

So that's a different. But you. Sometimes you go, what. What are we doing? I just don't take them anymore. If I go, I don't want to do that. Like, this one was like, I know y'. All.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I'm like, ah, so long. Like, it's. I mean, I.

[B]

Well, there's only.

[A]

But I love listening to podcasts.

[B]

Yeah, but there's only so much you can talk about. Like, tell us about some truths that you and Corey have learned in your. And you go, oh.

[A]

I'm like, yeah, nah, like, give me.

[B]

It's too much, dude.

[A]

I get really bored, and I just fine. Sit there long enough, and then I just want to get up and walk around.

[B]

And that's the first time I ever met you at that. That conference.

[C]

Conference?

[A]

Which one?

[B]

In Sacramento. We were both on it together. Me and you were on a conference together in Sacramento? The Bayside.

[A]

Oh, Bayside.

[B]

This had been 2016. We went to. We went to Topgolf. Oh, you remember this?

[A]

Yeah, that's when I. You remember what I did with the topgolf?

[B]

No.

[A]

So. Oh, no, I was mad because. So they have a pre Tee. It's like a little rubber tee.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[A]

I'm like, that's not high. I need the ball because I want to hit it over the net. That. So I took. They had these little syringes like. Like full of jelly.

[B]

They still got those.

[A]

So I took all that apart. I put the syringe in the. In the rubber things on the ball state, and the. The thing exploded like, plastic went everywhere, and everybody was laughing so loud. I did hit it over the net, but they were. They were cool with it, actually. They gave me a lifetime membership at that Sacramento.

[B]

You got. You got the black everywhere.

[A]

I don't know that I've ever been back to top. That's when. So the past time ago. So the pastor, Ray.

[B]

What's his name? Ray.

[A]

Yeah, Ray. Ray was going through all his questions.

[E]

He.

[A]

And so he's on, like, question.

[B]

You guys were up there. He was asking you questions.

[A]

So he's on, like, question 30. Like, we're in the green room, and he's like. He's like. He's like, question 34, and he's going through him. He's like, you know. And I said. I said, pastor, I think you got enough questions. And he goes, okay, I just want to make sure I'm thorough. We did 35 minutes. You know how many questions he asked us?

[B]

One. Yeah, exactly.

[A]

When we walked out the stage, he said, I only asked one question. I said, I told you had plenty of questions.

[B]

We're not going to get to all this. Yeah, yeah. We'll figure it out together. That was 10 years ago, man. Honored to call your friend for that long.

[A]

10 years ago.

[B]

Too long.

[A]

Was it?

[E]

10.

[C]

In your comedy routines, what do you. What do you. What's the subject?

[B]

Oh, subject. Let's see. I talk about.

[A]

When you were in homeschool, what was the subject?

[B]

Well, we talk about. Let's see.

[A]

AI Talk about AI Size and AI.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

All right. You need a little AI, Dogs. You might need a little artificial.

[B]

Artificial. Yeah. Let's talk about my parents. My parents texting, the family, group chat. Now I'm engaged, so I talk about that. Pretty good bit. Me and my fiance doing stuff. October.

[C]

Relationship's always a good one.

[B]

Yeah, relationship's always funny.

[A]

Hang on now. That's a bad. If you ever get into hunting in

[B]

October, that's a bad time.

[A]

Rough.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

For ducks.

[A]

According to where you. No, you'd probably be all right.

[B]

My buddy texted me the other day. He goes, hey, you know. You know any. Anybody have any land? I live in Nashville. I go, what do you mean? He goes, turkeys. I go, how do you know if they're on the land? He goes, I'll find them. Is that how it works?

[A]

That's how it works.

[D]

You got to find them. Does your family. Does your family ever get mad at you or get on to you for a joke?

[C]

No, that was coming to him for their answers.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I mean, everything goes wrong.

[B]

I would say I got enough of them. We can kind of say, my brother in. In Washington. There's no brother in Washington. So there was like, oh, they're talking about. They don't know who it's about. Nobody knows. There's enough people that they go, my brother is, you know, him and his wife that, you know, which one is he talking about? Or my brother. One of my brothers doesn't discipline his kids. I want to hit that kid. And nobody knows which one you're talking about.

[D]

Yeah. Which kid?

[B]

Yeah. No, they don't know which one. Yeah.

[A]

Did they all come to your shows?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, they all come out. Yeah.

[A]

Well, this has been very fun. I know you've got. You've got so much stuff to do, and as do we. And so you have podcasted out, you've put some time in with Sadie. Now you got.

[B]

I saw all the best. I saw all the best people. Really? Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. You really did.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You got them on. It's a good time.

[B]

It's kind of nice. I've actually planned it around Martin and J.D. not being in town. This is when I want to come.

[A]

I was actually kind of smart, so. John, thank you so much. Thank you for coming down to be a part of the duck call room. I will look forward to seeing you in Nashville.

[B]

Let's do it again soon, brother.

[A]

We see each other, so. All right, buddy. See you guys later.

[C]

Sam.