Justin Martin Got Scared of the Police after Discharging His Firearm

Summary

Duck Call Room Podcast Summary
Episode: Justin Martin Got Scared of the Police after Discharging His Firearm
Release Date: May 20, 2025
Hosts: Si Robertson & Justin Martin
Featuring: John-David Owen, John Godwin, Jay Stone, Phillip McMillan

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1. Birthday Celebrations and Gift Exchanges [01:06 - 08:43]

The episode kicks off with an enthusiastic celebration of Justin Martin's approaching 40th birthday. The hosts share heartfelt and humorous moments as they exchange gifts, highlighting their camaraderie and playful teasing.

• Johnny D: “Johnny D is officially closer to 40 than he is 30 now.” [01:33]
• Si Robertson: “Hunter is the first person to give me a birthday present at all.” [02:04]

The team unwraps gifts, including a complex Lego set from Hunter, which becomes a humorous focal point. Si expresses his excitement, while Johnny D jokes about the practicality and age-appropriateness of the gift.

• Si Robertson: “I am touched.” [02:37]
• Johnny D: “And it's a combine.” [03:04]

2. Discussion on Pets and Their Impact [13:30 - 22:19]

The conversation shifts to the topic of pets, with the hosts sharing personal anecdotes and opinions. John-David Owen and Justin Martin delve into their experiences with various pets, expressing skepticism about dogs as emotional support animals.

• Martin: “I am anti pet.” [19:05]
• Si Robertson: “I had four turtles. Lizards as a kid.” [20:07]

They discuss the challenges of pet ownership, including the responsibilities and potential drawbacks. The hosts highlight the importance of purpose in pet ownership, especially regarding dogs used for hunting versus those kept as indoor companions.

• Martin: “They have a purpose other than sitting in the living room soaking up air conditioning all day.” [19:20]

3. The Main Story: Justin Martin's Firearm Incident [29:00 - 32:35]

The centerpiece of the episode revolves around Johnny D recounting a tense incident where he discharged his firearm in an attempt to shoot an armadillo. The story underscores the fear and confusion that ensued when police sirens responded to the gunshot.

• Johnny D: “So as I pulled that trigger, [sirens] and I was like, oh, God.” [30:33]
• Si Robertson: “Now, Armadillo has never died at normal hours.” [30:57]

Johnny D describes his panic upon hearing sirens, fearing immediate legal repercussions. He humorously details his attempts to manage the situation, including removing the armadillo from view and marking its location to deter other armadillos.

• Johnny D: “I sat him on that sewer drain as the inch it kind of. Because it's like the entrance to my yard. Just to let his buddies know.” [32:10]

The hosts reflect on the absurdity and tension of the situation, blending humor with the seriousness of discharging a firearm outside designated areas.

4. Medical Updates: Hunter's Surgery [46:00 - 52:15]

Later in the episode, the focus shifts to Hunter's recent medical procedures. Hunter shares his experiences post-surgery, including the humorous yet awkward moments of recovery with his father assisting him.

• Hunter: “So my dad was really uncomfortable, like, really, really uncomfortable.” [46:28]
• Johnny D: “You did you? Yeah. So you baited me into this.” [46:12]

The hosts engage in light-hearted banter about the nature of Hunter's surgery, making jokes about his recovery process and the challenges of post-operative care. They emphasize the support system provided by family during recovery, blending empathy with their signature humor.

5. Listener Engagement and Talladega Night [53:00 - 55:18]

The episode includes a segment where the hosts discuss emails and voicemails from listeners. A standout topic is the unique and memorable name “Talladega Night,” which sparks laughter and admiration among the hosts.

• Si Robertson: “They named their daughter ... Talladega Night. That is awesome.” [53:37]
• Martin: “That is the most awesome thing I have ever heard in my life.” [54:26]

The hosts celebrate the creativity behind the name and its significance to the family, reinforcing the community-driven aspect of the podcast.

6. Closing Remarks and Final Anecdotes [56:00 - 59:22]

As the episode wraps up, the hosts share final stories and humorous exchanges. They reflect on past mishaps, such as accidentally shooting possums and dealing with aggressive wildlife, maintaining the show’s blend of humor and storytelling.

• Martin: “I once put several holes in my own kitchen floor trying to shoot a possum one time with a 9 mm.” [38:53]
• Johnny D: “Let me just tell you something right now... I'm just saying.” [41:32]

The episode concludes with a heartfelt acknowledgment of Hunter's resilience post-surgery and the strong bond within the Duck Call Room family.

• Si Robertson: “I'm glad you're okay. How okay?” [51:56]
• Johnny D: “We're glad to have you back. We can throw paper at you again.” [59:15]

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Johnny D: “Johnny D is officially closer to 40 than he is 30 now.” [01:33]
• Si Robertson: “Hunter is the first person to give me a birthday present at all.” [02:04]
• Martin: “I am anti pet.” [19:05]
• Johnny D: “So as I pulled that trigger, [sirens] and I was like, oh, God.” [30:33]
• Si Robertson: “They named their daughter ... Talladega Night. That is awesome.” [53:37]
• Martin: “I once put several holes in my own kitchen floor trying to shoot a possum one time with a 9 mm.” [38:53]
• Johnny D: “We're glad to have you back. We can throw paper at you again.” [59:15]

---

Insights and Conclusions

This episode of Duck Call Room masterfully blends humor with real-life experiences, showcasing the hosts' ability to navigate through personal stories and light-hearted banter. The central narrative of Johnny D's firearm incident highlights the unexpected consequences of hunting activities, while segments on pets and medical updates provide depth and relatability. The camaraderie among the hosts and their genuine interactions create an engaging and entertaining listen for both long-time fans and newcomers.

Transcript

[Hunter]

This message is brought to you by Abercrombie and Fitch. I've been ready for summer for a while and now it's finally time for summer outfits. With a trip coming up, the A and F vacation shop has me covered. Abercrombie really knows how to do a lightweight outfit. Their tees, sweater, polos and linen blend shorts never miss. I wear Abercrombie denim year round. Their shorts are no different and have the comfort I need for summer. Prep for your next trip with the A and F vacation Shop, get their newest arrivals in store, online and in the app.

[Johnny D]

This episode is brought to you by Amazon Prime.

[Si]

From streaming to shopping, prime helps you get more out of your passions.

[Johnny D]

So whether you're a fan of true crime or prefer a nail biting novel from time to time, with services like Prime Video, Amazon Music, and fast free.

[Si]

Delivery, prime makes it easy to get more out of whatever you're into or getting into. Visit Amazon.comprime to learn more.

[Johnny D]

We're good. Hunter, you ready? Oh, Hunter. Hunter. Got you a gift.

[Si]

What is happening?

[Johnny D]

It's got batteries.

[J.D.]

Oh, it's got batteries. J.D.

[Si]

I'M so excited.

[Johnny D]

Actually, I don't know.

[Hunter]

Hunter, Happy birthday.

[Martin]

Is this.

[Si]

No. Start the show.

[Martin]

Yeah, start the show.

[Si]

Start the show.

[Martin]

Start the show.

[Si]

Oh, we roll it.

[Johnny D]

Yeah, we're rolling back to the duck.

[Si]

I'm about to say something super weird.

[Johnny D]

Well, welcome.

[Si]

It's super weird. Go ahead.

[Johnny D]

Welcome back to the duck call. Ladies and gentlemen, we got to let our fans feel like they're welcome. Look, today it's a big day.

[Martin]

It is a huge day.

[Johnny D]

Johnny D is officially closer to 40 than he is 30 now.

[Martin]

Amen.

[Si]

Well, that happened last year.

[Johnny D]

No, you were dead in the middle. Now there's no turning back. You're steamrol towards where I'm going to be in a few months. So 40s on the horizon there, big guy. Happy birthday.

[Si]

Today.

[Johnny D]

Happy birthday.

[Si]

Because my family's kind of been in flux.

[Johnny D]

Yeah.

[Si]

Hunter is the first person to give me a birthday birthday present at all.

[Johnny D]

Yes.

[Si]

Hunter is the only person that has wrapped something in wrapping paper. And you can tell he's the one that wrapped it.

[Martin]

Yeah. Because that is not done correctly. That is not done.

[Si]

I need I throwing it.

[Martin]

Throw it. Is it breakable?

[Johnny D]

It's. Oh.

[Martin]

Oh, my God. Hey, here comes Hunter.

[Johnny D]

Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday.

[Si]

That's not what they tuned in for. Y' all are terrible.

[J.D.]

Hold on.

[Si]

Is this from you, Hunter?

[Johnny D]

Yeah.

[Si]

Happy birthday. I bought it to you. I am touched.

[Johnny D]

Also, this podcast is not brought to you by Sonic producer Beth brought Johnny D3 of his favorite Coke Zeros to try, and we're going to see if he can pick out which flavor has been.

[Martin]

Oh, did you.

[Johnny D]

Johnny D got a Lego.

[Martin]

Oh, my dude has a Lego set.

[Johnny D]

And it's a combine.

[J.D.]

It's a combine.

[Si]

And a Millennium Falcon and a Millennial Hunter. I'm gonna put this together and have the time of my life. You should get stoned the same thing for his birthday. Legos are for kids. I do like Legos. And this one does look too advanced for Carter.

[Johnny D]

Hey, look. 100.

[Si]

Oh, this is gonna be fun.

[Johnny D]

Hunter didn't even go with a brand that we get. The boys is cheaper than Lego.

[Martin]

No.

[Johnny D]

Those Mega Blocks or whatever they're called.

[Si]

If y' all want to sponsor, cool. But y' all stink.

[Johnny D]

Yeah, they don't fit very well.

[Martin]

All right.

[Johnny D]

You know, for the. For the boys. They're perfect right now.

[Si]

I'm gonna put.

[Martin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Si]

Because they're gonna put this millennium together. Yeah, yeah. And they brought me Coke Zero.

[Martin]

They can't eat them.

[Johnny D]

Yeah. So the job on the Coke Zero.

[Martin]

Is you gotta guess the flavor.

[Johnny D]

They're. They're flavored, and you have to guess which flavors have been.

[J.D.]

That was ready. I didn't drink it. That one's ready. I didn't drink it.

[Martin]

Don't turn your nose up now. Come on.

[Si]

I don't know what this is. This is bad. Okay, there's coconut in this.

[Martin]

Oh, coconut.

[J.D.]

It's a coconut.

[Johnny D]

A coconut zero.

[Si]

I thought it looked like a lime, but it's. There's a lime in there.

[J.D.]

A lime in there?

[Johnny D]

Yeah. You do something to camouflage it, right?

[J.D.]

Yeah.

[Martin]

Put some lime in the coconut.

[J.D.]

That's right.

[Martin]

You know.

[Si]

Am I drinking right now?

[Johnny D]

I hope so.

[J.D.]

I hope so.

[Johnny D]

This thing can only get better.

[Si]

Hey, I legitimately don't know what's in this.

[Johnny D]

Hey, well, taste another one.

[J.D.]

Try that one I drank. I drank. I just put it in there. What's it like?

[Si]

That's pickle juice.

[Martin]

Hey, really?

[J.D.]

Pickle juice.

[Johnny D]

So you're getting hydrated.

[Si]

What is. I thought this was nice. Y' all playing jokes. Hey, no, that's legitimately a pickle inside that one. Nailed that one.

[Martin]

There's people that enjoy pickled, and I.

[Si]

Think there's rum in this one.

[J.D.]

Oh, but I don't know.

[Johnny D]

Hey, if there's not, you can go to my office and there can be.

[J.D.]

Okay, what's that one?

[Martin]

If there's rum in it, just hand it to me.

[Si]

That's A standard rig.

[Johnny D]

Nothing.

[J.D.]

A standard rig.

[Si]

Yeah. We got pickles. Standard rig. And I don't.

[Johnny D]

And then like strawberry.

[Si]

I tasted the lime, but there's. It's got to be coconut.

[Johnny D]

Is it coconut option. I make it make it dirty option.

[Si]

I know. I didn't know Sonic was getting in.

[J.D.]

On our tradition dirty. All right.

[Johnny D]

And here we go. Look, it's dirty out there.

[Hunter]

No liquor is in any of these.

[Johnny D]

I can tell you what I'm not gonna do. Go to Sonic and get my standard corn dog and tell them to make it dirty.

[Martin]

I have no.

[Johnny D]

Because I don't want to know what that would include.

[Martin]

I wanna. I wanna foot long chili cheese coney. And I want you to make it.

[Johnny D]

Make it dirty.

[J.D.]

Real dirty.

[Si]

That's walking to a mic.

[Martin]

Okay, Beth.

[Si]

My birthday wishes that Beth would be on the podcast. Here we go. All right. So apparently they used to do the pickle add on.

[Johnny D]

And I didn't realize that they'd stopped, but they did it special for you today. They just took probably the pickles that.

[Si]

Go on the corn dogs or the burgers. The pickle jar in this. This is mainly pickle juice.

[J.D.]

Pickle juice, boy.

[Johnny D]

Which ain't bad.

[Si]

It's not.

[Johnny D]

I mean, you're hydrate, man. Got the salt, got the vinegar. You're hydrating, man.

[J.D.]

It's pickle juice.

[Martin]

It is about to be softball, but he's going.

[Johnny D]

He's going to end up in that standard R. Hey, you need to take that.

[J.D.]

You need to take that over to Christian on the pickleball court.

[Si]

Throw it at him.

[J.D.]

No.

[Martin]

Pickleball don't actually involve pickles.

[Johnny D]

Well, hey, but it could actually.

[Si]

I love a good pickle, man. Feels like I feel special. Hunter getting me Lego.

[Johnny D]

Got flavored drinks and Legos, man. Happy ninth birthday, man. That's tight. You're only as old as you feel.

[Si]

I am a child. I will say this is not. This was the first wrap gift because my other gift. This is the age I'm at and the week I'm having. My refrigerator went out. So my mom, she's like, what can I get you for your birthday? And I said just some Lowe's gift cards to just take the ease of having to buy a new refrigerator off.

[Johnny D]

My adult gifts are the best, though. I love getting an adult gift, man.

[Si]

You know, it's way cooler than a refrigerator. The Millennium Falcon.

[Johnny D]

You know, the last thing I would say, the last thing that my dad bought me for a gift Christmas of that year, a blower. And I still use that thing And I love it. And I laugh every time. I love adult gifts.

[Martin]

I think it's cool that y' all, you know, actually get gifts.

[Johnny D]

Yeah, well, didn't mean to bring up that part of trauma. Now that you're a therapist, you probably get through it.

[Martin]

Yeah, I mean, I've worked past it, but it's because I'm transparently open, you know about it.

[Johnny D]

Yeah.

[Martin]

So it's cool that you got a gift.

[Si]

My mom will bug the fire out of you.

[Johnny D]

What do you think your kids got you?

[Si]

I can't say it yet. I know what they got me because I paid for it. Oh, and we haven't told them that.

[Johnny D]

That'S what they got you.

[Si]

That that's what. We might be going to the happiest place on Earth again this year.

[Johnny D]

Oh, but they got you that for your birthday.

[Si]

Yeah.

[Martin]

Yeah.

[Johnny D]

You're going to get dad life. You're going to get another lightsaber.

[Si]

No, no, that was way too expensive. We going. We drive it this time, too.

[Martin]

Oh, yeah.

[Si]

I guess. Struggling folks, please like and subscribe like.

[Johnny D]

Code, duck, wherever you can. Even if they ain't got it, just type it in. When you get to a coupon code somewhere, put in duck. Tell them that we sent you there. I don't know.

[Si]

Now we're going with Allison's parents this summer. That was what we decided to do this summer, so.

[Johnny D]

Oh, okay. Okay.

[Martin]

That's fun.

[Johnny D]

Disney, baby. Run that Disney back. That'll be fun.

[Si]

And I hope they don't. Well, I think we're telling them before this airs, but. And I also got Ben's a gift and Carter for good grades this year. I didn't know how good they were, but that Nintendo Switch to coming out, so that's coming in the mail. And that's for me, too.

[Johnny D]

Well, what'd you get Lottie then? You can't just get the boys.

[Si]

She didn't make A grades.

[Martin]

No. Yeah, that's. And look, I agree with that.

[Si]

I'm just kidding.

[Johnny D]

For real?

[Si]

Lottie's whole life. Is she good?

[Johnny D]

She get it?

[Martin]

Here's the deal. You don't get participation trophies. Okay? You don't get a gift just because everybody else is getting a gift.

[Si]

That is true.

[Martin]

You got to teach them early, so you got twins, so it's a little bit different.

[Johnny D]

Yeah, I get to everything.

[Martin]

Right. You know what I mean?

[Si]

That's for you, not for them. Yeah, they will.

[Johnny D]

No, I get two just to. I tried the. You know, they're what, two and a half? I tried. We've tried the one and one and to force the sharing.

[J.D.]

Yeah.

[Johnny D]

But it just initiates a fight.

[Martin]

So, you know, is it.

[Johnny D]

At this point, we're not. They're not old enough to reason with just yet. So we're. We're still on the identical toys for. For both boys. But it is funny. They. They gravitate, and whan is he. That. That kid's wild. They can be the identical thing, but once he identifies one of them as his, it's his. He knows which one that is between the two. And it is the craziest thing I have ever seen. I'm like, how? How do you know?

[J.D.]

Well, I fix that. Attention to detail.

[Johnny D]

Yeah. There's something different. There's something different about each one of them.

[J.D.]

He knows. And only he knows.

[Johnny D]

Because I've tried to go, like, their favorite thing when we ride in a car is to take a truck for whatever reason. So I've tried to go get just a random truck. And he's like, no, that's Jackson's. And I'm like, buddy, there. That was. There were two. There were two of them sitting there. How am I supposed to know?

[Martin]

Yeah, yeah.

[Johnny D]

But, you know.

[Martin]

Well, just got their twins, you know, identical, but fraternal still.

[J.D.]

Yeah.

[Si]

They ain't identical.

[Martin]

They're not identical?

[Johnny D]

No. God, no. They don't even look like brothers at this point.

[Martin]

I thought they were identical.

[Si]

No, just pay attention, man.

[Johnny D]

No, it's fine. Hey, but, man, you just had. So would you. You just. Your wife celebrating her first Mother's Day, huh?

[Martin]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, so she started as a bonus mom last year.

[Johnny D]

Oh, okay.

[Martin]

Yeah, but this year's got a whole nother. Whole nother vibe.

[Johnny D]

How'd that go for you, man?

[Martin]

It went really good. I think I did good. I got her some gifts that made her smile, and I would explain.

[Si]

Her kid.

[Martin]

Huh? What?

[Si]

You ain't her kid.

[Johnny D]

Oh, wow. We really go in there.

[Martin]

What do you mean?

[Johnny D]

Well, her kid I stand by.

[Martin]

That's them.

[Si]

Noah.

[Martin]

So Noah is in high school. He's a teenage boy. Okay.

[Si]

That's his job.

[Martin]

Yeah. He got her. He got her a card, and he helped promote the gift. But, like, I'm gonna just tell you, these teenage boys are a whole nother spectrum of dealing with things. I mean, really.

[Si]

Well, they're wild animals.

[Martin]

No, I mean, I'm just telling you.

[Si]

I did it. I finally did it.

[Johnny D]

What'd you do?

[Si]

I told my yard guy, just level it all to the root.

[J.D.]

Oh.

[Johnny D]

Starting over.

[Si]

We're starting over at the Owen household. There's bushes, there's sticks now.

[Johnny D]

So you got a blank slate.

[Si]

You know the first person I'm calling?

[Johnny D]

Who?

[Si]

Nobody. Because I'm just going to fast growingtrees.com and doing it myself.

[Johnny D]

There you go.

[Si]

Simple.

[Johnny D]

Why are you going there?

[Si]

Fast Growing Trees is the biggest online nursery in the US with thousands of different plants and over 2 million happy customers. Fast Growing Tree offers a wide variety of plants, including fruit trees, privacy trees, flowering trees and shrubs, all tailored to your climate and space with an easy online ordering process and quick delivery straight to your door. Plus, with their alive and thrive guarantee and expert support, your plants will arrive alive and thriving healthy. And you'll receive guidance on choosing the right plants and learn how to properly care for them. It's so easy, even my wife can do it. And ladies and gentlemen, that is saying something because that woman can kill a plant. But with the help of the good people at Fast Growing Trees, we're alive and we're thriving and it's great.

[J.D.]

Yeah, and she don't have a green thumb. She's got a black thumb.

[Si]

We don't have that yard looking tight again.

[Johnny D]

Slide over in that part that says low maintenance, that's the one you want. They have that as a checkbox to low maintenance.

[Si]

I am not a yard guy, but with Fast Growing Trees, even I can do it. If you're like me and you want to get into plants but have no experience, the website has everything you need. So this spring they got the best deals for your yard, up to half off on select plants and other deals and listeners to our show, they get 15% off their first purchase when they use the Code Duck at checkout. That's an additional 15% off at fast growing trees.com using the code duck. Fast growing trees dot com. Code duck. Now's the perfect time to plant. Use Duck to save today. Offer is valid for a limited time. Terms and conditions may apply. At one point, there will be a 17 and 15 year old sharing a room in my house, boys.

[Martin]

Oh, dude. You might have to upgrade. You might have to add on.

[Johnny D]

Yeah, you may have to holler at that remodeler.

[Martin]

Yeah, man. Got a guy.

[Johnny D]

You might have to put one of them out there in a garage.

[Martin]

Oh, yeah. No, no, no. Yeah, build a little. Yeah, that'd be cool.

[Si]

Yeah. As a kid who grew up in a queen size bed and a little bit spoiled.

[Martin]

A little bit.

[Si]

Time out, son.

[Martin]

I mean, I'm just saying there's a.

[Si]

Middle road somewhere that me and you can meet at, but I. I Don't see anything wrong with kids share a room. You gotta share a room when you get married. Might as well get used to it.

[Martin]

Yeah, but it's different when it's your 15 year old brother and you're 17.

[Si]

I ain't never had a brother.

[Martin]

No, no, no. I mean, but obviously. Well, like what we're getting at here is, is like when you got these.

[Si]

Two, you share the room with Phil, Huh?

[J.D.]

Well, yeah, but they. I get what he's talking about.

[Martin]

Yeah.

[J.D.]

You got to have your own space.

[Martin]

And that helps them build independence like you want. What you want during that time period is for the 17 year old to walk in and say, dad, this is just not working. Do I have your permission to put together my own space in the garage? That's the most ideal situation. That's what, that's how you know you have reached the level, like, all right.

[Johnny D]

I reckon that's why Willie lived in that cook shack growing up, because he got tired of Alan.

[J.D.]

No, no, it is, it's. It's. It's. You know, you ain't got no space.

[Martin]

No. You ain't somebody.

[Johnny D]

Just space.

[J.D.]

Somebody's always in your space. And that's not a good thing.

[Martin]

Now look, and look, I'm a guy that didn't have space anywhere.

[Johnny D]

Yeah. I mean, why, what you trying to do in private?

[J.D.]

Well, I'm just saying, hey, whatever would.

[Johnny D]

You do at 15 years?

[J.D.]

I'm just saying, hey, man needs his privacy.

[Martin]

What could you possibly do?

[Johnny D]

Privacy.

[Si]

Okay. Okay.

[Martin]

Yeah.

[Si]

Carter and Ben sharing a room forever. You want your own room, go buy it or rent it. One month at a time, kids. This is my house.

[Martin]

Yeah.

[J.D.]

Oh, good grief. Oh, boy.

[Si]

Well, they gonna move out like a year later. I ain't, I ain't changing that.

[Johnny D]

Buddy, we in the 2000s. They ain't moving out till six years later.

[J.D.]

Oh, they.

[Martin]

Oh, no. Mine is the age.

[J.D.]

And hey, they come back when they get grown.

[Johnny D]

Yeah, them days are 18.

[Martin]

Well, that's why I'm pay the White House.

[Johnny D]

I mean, you know, that's why you.

[Martin]

Pay for OCS is that they leave at 18. Oh.

[Johnny D]

Oh, do they?

[Martin]

They better. I'm going to say better. I'm. I'mma be up at OCS trying to get a refund check.

[Johnny D]

I've got. I'm going, I'm going to check back with you in three years.

[Martin]

Homeboy is leaving. He leaving mainly because we don't have the room. I mean, I'm having a remodel for this current baby. I need to then move oh, are.

[Si]

You saying another baby coming after this one?

[Martin]

I mean, I would like to have a girl. I mean, really, I would.

[Si]

Oh, man, I don't know that we need one of those.

[Johnny D]

A female Rucker. Yeah.

[Si]

Hey, man, hopefully she'll be like your wife.

[Martin]

No, I think she would be. Well, I don't know.

[Johnny D]

I'm trying to figure out what's worse, a female rooker or another male one.

[Martin]

Because I create clones, apparently.

[Johnny D]

Yeah.

[Martin]

Like, Noah is a replica.

[Si]

That's true.

[Johnny D]

Yeah. He just hit his growth spurt and kept going.

[Martin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. His didn't stop. But he also wasn't doing the things that I was doing to stunt that growth. You know what I'm saying?

[Si]

What stunts growth?

[Martin]

I don't know. Newport shorts in a box.

[Johnny D]

I thought that only happened in the womb. I didn't know it happened when you were out.

[Martin]

Newport Shorts in the box. A couple of.

[Si]

I'm gonna have to Google that if.

[Martin]

I'm gonna be on a couple of Philly mini blunts.

[Johnny D]

Oh, I'm in front of the other camera, Hunter, trying to move something. Dog. Did my wife get out there?

[Si]

Hunter, the tractor Hunter texted me. My. My Lego set was blocking the view of our beautiful host side.

[Johnny D]

There it is. Well, it's too big of a combine, man.

[J.D.]

I put it there.

[Johnny D]

I probably shouldn't have told you as a combine. Would you have known that was a combine by looking at you to call it a.

[Si]

That's a John Deere forge harvester.

[Martin]

Baby.

[Johnny D]

Yeah, us rednecks call it a combine.

[J.D.]

Yeah.

[Johnny D]

Not a harvester.

[J.D.]

Oh, that's an International Harvester.

[Johnny D]

No, it ain't international. That's a green one.

[Martin]

No, no, that's. That's John US.

[Johnny D]

That's.

[J.D.]

That's John Deere boys.

[Johnny D]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's. That's on Brand, man. Hunter trying to act like he a farmer. That's. That's cool, man.

[Si]

He's got me the farm thing. Then he was like, hey, but just for us nerds.

[Johnny D]

He tried to hide that Millennium Falcon behind the tractor.

[Si]

I got so excited when I saw this.

[Martin]

If we're getting on a Star wars conversation. Have y' all finished? Andrew, stop it.

[Johnny D]

What?

[Martin]

What?

[Si]

I've been through a lot, and I haven't been able to watch it, so just quit talking right now.

[Martin]

I'm not going to spoil anything. I wouldn't do that. I haven't finished it myself.

[Si]

Okay, well, I'm way behind, okay?

[Johnny D]

I haven't even gotten started.

[Si]

You should. It's a grand show.

[Johnny D]

Now I'm Good. Oh, dude, I don't need more things to watch.

[Si]

I don't either.

[Johnny D]

I'm. I'm in. I'm in a hobby shrinking category. Not. Not. Not expanding. So no new hobbies.

[Martin]

In fairness, you have very expensive hobbies.

[Johnny D]

I do. Yeah. And I got. There's two mantras at the Martin house. No new hobbies, no new pets. That's where we're at right now.

[Si]

Because now you're leaving space for a new girl.

[Johnny D]

That. I would qualify that at that age. Under pets.

[Si]

Yeah.

[Martin]

I'll say this.

[Johnny D]

Until I get the current one's house broken, they're still essentially pets.

[Martin]

I agree with the no pets thing. I think pets are part of the problem with America.

[Johnny D]

Oh.

[J.D.]

Oh.

[Si]

We're about to go down.

[J.D.]

Oh, you're anti pet.

[Martin]

I'm anti pet.

[Si]

Oh, man.

[Martin]

I'm anti pet.

[Si]

Why expound. Get blasted.

[Martin]

Well, no, I mean, like, I'm not going to make a very emotional with this.

[J.D.]

Pets become very emotional, especially when they pass away.

[Martin]

Yeah, Well, I just. I don't know. All right, so let me just refrain. Maybe not pets in general. You want to have a fish? Great. Get you a fish. But, like, my thing is when you buy a dog, right. First of all, if you spend thousands of dollars on a dog that doesn't have any purpose right now, Martin, dog hunting, dog, purpose makes sense.

[J.D.]

Okay, okay.

[Martin]

There's a purpose. I believe that they should have a purpose other than sitting in the living room soaking up air conditioning all day. That's just where I'm at. It's not that I'm anti pet. I just look.

[Johnny D]

But see, my boys are at the age where the animal. Every animal you see needs to be a pet. Like, turtles. Bring him in.

[Si]

I had four turtles. Lizards as a kid.

[J.D.]

They always want to bring it in the house.

[Johnny D]

Yeah. They got to bring it inside. They want to. They want to show the turtle their trucks. And I'm like, buddy, he.

[Martin]

The turtle doesn't care.

[Johnny D]

He could care less about your truck.

[Martin]

And you're messing up the natural order of things.

[Johnny D]

And he don't want you to drive your truck across his back.

[Si]

He's not a pet turtle. I had four pet turtles. Do you know what I named them?

[Martin]

I feel like.

[J.D.]

No.

[Martin]

No Ninja Turtle thing.

[Johnny D]

I know.

[Si]

Very much so. But you couldn't really tell them apart. I should have painted them orange, red, blue. Anyways, my mom bought me Nintendo game to get rid of them because they smell.

[Johnny D]

Yeah. Turtles stink.

[Si]

And so I had them for like a month. She was like, I will.

[J.D.]

What?

[Si]

What do we got to do here?

[Martin]

You put them in an aquarium.

[Si]

Yeah, then I put them in the pond.

[Martin]

Yeah, we set them free. They live in a natural habitat.

[Johnny D]

Hopefully they weren't box turtles.

[Martin]

Cuz that wouldn't have worked out too well. Did you find the turtles or did y' all go buy the turtles?

[Si]

I found the turtles. I think.

[Martin]

I would hope so.

[Johnny D]

Oh, man.

[Si]

I removed the turtles from their habitat. Kept them for a while. Stunk up the house.

[Johnny D]

Yeah.

[Si]

Was offered me Jan's a barter turtles.

[Johnny D]

One of them things. When you look at him, you don't think about him taking a dump.

[Martin]

But they do.

[Johnny D]

I mean, you really know, you look at a turtle, you don't think about him like, well, he's gonna take a dump at some point.

[Si]

I've never thought about a turtle pooping.

[Johnny D]

That's what I'm talking about. But they eat so much dead and dying stuff. Imagine what it smells like after it's been processed. Like it ain't good, you know, it craps a lot.

[Si]

Goldfish go.

[Johnny D]

Yeah, well, fish.

[Si]

Yeah, I cleaned out that nasty goldfish tank yesterday. It was worse than ever.

[Johnny D]

That's what I'm talking about. That's why Moana had it, right? Man, fish peeing you all day, that's all they do. They sit there and pee and then they swim in it, right?

[Martin]

Oh, yeah. No, no, no. I mean, that's true. I'll tell you where my thing with the dogs truly come from.

[Johnny D]

So you get. You're a dog hater?

[Martin]

No, I'm not a dog hater. We actually, there's a dog at our house. But it lived in the woods, right? It was a dog that lived in the woods. My wife started feeding it. $400 later. Now it's our dog.

[Si]

No, that's way worse.

[Martin]

Anyways, we saved this dog. We saved it.

[J.D.]

All right.

[Martin]

When I say we, I mean my wife.

[Si]

Does it live indoors?

[Martin]

No.

[Johnny D]

What's this outside?

[Martin]

It belongs to the street.

[Johnny D]

Does it have a name?

[Martin]

This dog wants to be in the streets. Her name is Lucy.

[Johnny D]

Her name is Lucy. Lucy. Yeah. So see, when. When pets. When animals get a name, that's. That's when.

[Martin]

Yeah, well, whenever you. You end up with 11 puppies in your mud room. That's whenever it gets real.

[Johnny D]

Or what caused them.

[Martin]

Well, there was this dog down the road. Anyways, you know how things happen. People. I mean, come on.

[Johnny D]

Yeah, but I was that dog at one point in my life.

[Martin]

Me and you both. But look, so, so, so here's. I had my. I remember One Christmas, whenever I was real young, my mom got me this dog. It was a pit bull, and her name was Jambi, right? Don't ask me. I just came up with it. Jambi, right. Well, there was some guys that lived down the road that, you know, were allegedly involved with dog fights and various.

[Johnny D]

Other, you know, nefarious act.

[Martin]

Nefarious activities. And so anyways, Jambi comes up missing, right? And so we're looking for Jambi. We don't know where Jambi went. We'll come to find out. The guys down the road had Jambi. And then I'm crying, right? And I'm upset, and I'm like, mom, we got to get Jambi back. And she said, no, Jambi's gone.

[Johnny D]

Jamie gone.

[Martin]

Jambi's gone. You got to charge that one to the game. We ain't going down there messing with them dudes.

[Johnny D]

Yeah.

[Martin]

Because they're another level.

[Johnny D]

One of them end up playing quarterback for the Falcons. No, I just wonder.

[Martin]

No, but. But. I'll tell you, it's a but again. It's just like, you spend outrageous amounts of money for something that doesn't have purpose other than to be in the house. And then what people are going to say in the comments, what about emotional support?

[Si]

Oh, boy.

[Martin]

Right? That's what they're going to say. Now, trust me, as a counselor, I've heard all this before, and I understand. I'm just going to say, me personally, I think that you can find emotional support through authentic, healthy community that doesn't involve a dog. Not saying that that dog doesn't help, but you need authentic, healthy community.

[Johnny D]

So what you're saying is you need something that can talk back.

[Martin]

You need somebody that can hold you accountable.

[Johnny D]

Yeah.

[Martin]

You need somebody that can love you.

[Johnny D]

Yeah. You gonna get blasted.

[Si]

Yeah, I've been enough trouble lately.

[Martin]

I'm. Hey, everybody, I'm here this week to take the heat off of Johnny D.

[Si]

Also, leave your dog at your home. I don't want your dog. You want your dog. Don't bring your dog into my territory. That's all I'm saying.

[Martin]

Oh, like you. You bring your dog everywhere you go type people.

[Johnny D]

You sound like you're talking about somebody. Oh, go ahead and expound.

[Martin]

Put an address on it, huh?

[Johnny D]

Yeah, go ahead and expound, friend.

[Si]

I love everybody's dog. Love.

[Johnny D]

You know, I've been a lot of places with s. You know what he's never brought with him?

[Si]

Sweet pea.

[Johnny D]

Sweet pea.

[Si]

That'd be annoying.

[Johnny D]

Yeah.

[Martin]

S about to hit you over, sweet pea right now.

[Si]

I'm fine if you want to have sweet pee at your house, but don't like let me touch it.

[J.D.]

Why?

[Si]

I'm allergic to cats.

[Johnny D]

No, I throw him a little.

[J.D.]

Catch. Hey, hold this boy for a while.

[Johnny D]

You can have a good time in bad boots.

[Si]

That is the most accurate statement I've ever heard. If you have bad boots on, it's impossible to have a good time.

[J.D.]

You can't have a good time.

[Johnny D]

Well, yeah, if your feet hurt, that's just misery, right?

[Si]

And that's why you need to covis.

[Johnny D]

Oh, boom baby. Flip it and reverse. You've ever wondered if you can pull off boots with your personal style? You owe it to your feet to pull on a pair of cobras. Being confident isn't about being different. Thank God. It's about being yourself. And we've got the world's most confident man in this room.

[J.D.]

It kind of the best part of it. Hey, you don't have to go west because hey, you are wearing west.

[Johnny D]

Yeah, you can bring the west to you. You can find comfor in the traditions of the west and confidence for making it your own. Honor the west by leaving your own boot print. To Covis crafts quality western boots for everyone from generational ranchers, not Sigh and lifelong cowboys. Sigh wants to be one to first time boot buyers. He's also not that because he's got a few pairs of boots. But he hasn't bought another pair since he got his first pair of To Covis.

[Si]

Because every they're all handcrafted.

[Johnny D]

That's what I'm talking about. With over 200 meticulous steps for broken in comfort right out of the box. So whether it's a long day or a big night, your To Covis are built to last and impress. There's no compromise between quality and style with these boots. Plus with To Cova's best in the west guarantee you get free returns and exchanges for 30 days. We know that because first time we ordered them they weren't the right ones for Sigh. We couldn't get them on his foot.

[J.D.]

I do get the right size.

[Johnny D]

There you go.

[J.D.]

Hey look, I don't think they ever can wear a pair of boots up. Yeah, because they're made by Taco.

[Johnny D]

That's what I'm talking about.

[J.D.]

I'm serious.

[Johnny D]

And right now you can get 10% off at to covis.com when you sign up for email and text. That's 10% off at t e c o v a s.com to covis.com seaside for details to covis hey, go out.

[J.D.]

There and scoot all over that page.

[Johnny D]

Point your toes west.

[Martin]

If you've made it further in the episode. I just want everybody to know I appreciate that you have animals that you love. I'm a huge advocate for all of that.

[Johnny D]

Look, there was here about a week ago, you could argue that I had a pet armadillo as much as he was hanging around. Oh, and tearing up my yard.

[Si]

Goodness.

[J.D.]

I was thinking they are destructive, but.

[Martin]

I don't tear some stuff up.

[Johnny D]

But let me tell you something. I don't have a pet armadillo no more.

[Martin]

That's right.

[Si]

Wait until you see this.

[Johnny D]

That was a fun little chess match me and him played.

[J.D.]

Y' all didn't tell me how big he was.

[Si]

Oh, wait till you see.

[Martin]

We get them. We get them all over the place at my house.

[J.D.]

But hey, that is a grown up boy.

[Johnny D]

He's a bull.

[Martin]

Oh, yeah. Oh, that's a good size.

[Si]

Yeah, that is the biggest armadillo.

[J.D.]

And they are very. They carry a lot of disease.

[Martin]

And that's why he has the gloves. People take of the glove.

[Johnny D]

Oh, yeah. I don't mess with him. Yeah, I mean, they are. It's hard to get leprosy from them. But they do carry leprosy.

[J.D.]

They do.

[Johnny D]

But you know, just, you know, I got kids now, so I got to be a little more careful about what I put my hands on. But no, it was a fun little chess game with my guy.

[Martin]

Oh, yeah.

[Johnny D]

Look, I'm not even holding him out like a fish picture either. So, like, I mean, I could have straight armed him and made him look even bigger, but now it was. So we, me and Johnny D and our wives went out on a town the other night. And then when I got to the neighborhood, I got to go in like two miles an hour. And Johnny D. Was like, what are you doing?

[Si]

What you trying to kill?

[Johnny D]

And I said, I'm looking for that armadillo, man. This is the time he generally is out and about, but that night he wasn't. And John D. Said, what are you going to do with him? I said, I got a gun in my truck.

[Martin]

Oh, you hit him with your everyday carry?

[Johnny D]

Oh, yeah, he got the. No, I went in and got the.22 on this one.

[Martin]

Okay.

[Johnny D]

The.22 pistol, which is hard. No, I mean, you see, I'm in a neighborhood, man. It's not. It's hard to find an angle where you ain't shooting at some. At something, right? So, you know, I slid out there the next night and there he Was. And so then it's so funny, man. I slid out there. I got up next to the fence. I was like, okay, if I keep this fence? Because they don't see very well, and I know that. But I slid out there. And then I take a step toward him. He turned and look. So he's listening, you know. And then I'd be like. I got nervous. Yeah, I got like. I was going. I got like. I was deer hunting, man. Like, because me and him, we. We got a history now because he didn't get that size last night. So he'd been after me for a while and always been able to slick me. But I finally. I got that rascal. But with the funniest part was. And Brittany was right there in the garage watching everything go down. As soon. I kid you not, as soon as I pulled that trigger.

[J.D.]

Sirens, sirens.

[Johnny D]

And I was like, oh, God. So then I start scrambling. I'm like. I get the mag, I get the magazine out. I get the magazine out of my pistol, take one out to hip thinking, you know, it means we close enough to 71292. That could be domestic violence or something. You never know at that time of night, you know. I mean, that ain't one. Good things happen when I. When I got him.

[Si]

Now, Armadillo has never died at normal hours.

[Martin]

The last thing you want to hear when you let off a shot in the neighborhood is a siren.

[Johnny D]

So. And of course, then next thing goes to our mind because he, you know, Armadillo is pretty tough. He toted that for a second. So he took off running. So I was like, oh, I got to go get him to prove my innocence, you know, Like, I don't live in the city limit, so I can discharge a firearm. It's fine. But, like, it just then I went into, like, full blown man. Here come the police. Like, everything I'm about to get. I'm about to get. 97 questions about killing.

[J.D.]

An army ticket, probably.

[Johnny D]

Here we go. Somebody going to get me for something. But I got. But they. It was just happenstance that the. That the sirens and the gunshot had nothing to do with me, but, boy, I thought it did. If you'd have seen me scrambling. I had the gun in one hand, a magazine in my back pocket. I don't know where the bullet that went in the. The chamber went. I just. Baby, it's out there in my yard.

[Martin]

You gotta try to find that thing before you mow your lawn.

[Johnny D]

But my favorite. Oh, I ain't worried about that. We've had so Much rain. It's probably done wash downhill by now. But look, my favorite part. You see, I. Right there on that sewer drain. That's right at the corner of my mailbox. So after I took the picture with my foe, I sat him on that sewer drain as the inch it kind of. Because it's like the entrance to my yard. Just to let his buddies know.

[J.D.]

Yeah.

[Johnny D]

Don't you come around here.

[J.D.]

You don't want.

[Johnny D]

If there was more than one of y' all, look what happened to him. So far we've been good, you know.

[J.D.]

Yeah.

[Si]

Viking good.

[Martin]

Yeah, you know that.

[Johnny D]

And you pay a lot of money for that stuff, manscaping and everything, Man. You know how much money I spend a fast growing trees to get that right?

[J.D.]

All they do.

[Martin]

That's right.

[J.D.]

Hey, all them things do is dig and root and dig.

[Johnny D]

Yeah.

[Martin]

In Texas, they race them because I live things.

[J.D.]

Got clothes like my fingers.

[Johnny D]

Oh, you. When I was sitting there like getting ready to do the deal, just hearing.

[Martin]

Oh, y' all never heard of that?

[Johnny D]

What? Racing Armadillo races?

[Si]

No.

[Johnny D]

That one wouldn't have been so good at it. He was, he was beefy.

[Martin]

Yeah.

[Johnny D]

Wasn't going to win.

[Martin]

Oh, they do. They do. It's a true story. I've seen it. When I was a kid, they'd race the Armadillos.

[Johnny D]

But I was.

[J.D.]

My wife. We got, you know, sweet pea. And then there's other four or five cats that live in the neighborhood, hang out at our house because she's been feeding them.

[Si]

That's your cast, bro.

[J.D.]

No, no, because. So I come home one, one day for filming and she said, you need to run me down there. I'm about to cat cat food, you know. And she said, I can't believe it. I just bought a 50 pound bag like two days ago.

[Martin]

Oh, they eating, they eating good.

[J.D.]

So she pours bowls out on the front and back porch. Okay.

[Martin]

Oh, yeah.

[J.D.]

So, you know, I heard something, you know, click the light on and look through the little window and hey, there's three coons. And I'm telling you, this is not a story. I'm looking at. Hey, these are Arnold Schwarzenegger coons.

[Martin]

Oh, yeah.

[J.D.]

Okay. They weigh about a hundo or 125 pounds. Okay. And look, there's three of them on the pork.

[Martin]

Collectively or each?

[J.D.]

No, each 125 pounds of pee. I'm looking and say. I said, baby, you need to quit feeding them stupid cats. I said, good, this is dangerous.

[Martin]

Cause they're not cats.

[J.D.]

Oh, no, they're raccoons. Look, I couldn't believe. I should have took a picture. I'm serious. When I looked, I said, with your cell phone.

[Martin]

Hundred, one hundred pound size.

[Johnny D]

Should have fired up that Samsung Galaxy.

[J.D.]

Oh, no, no, look, I'm serious. You talking about a bull, okay?

[Johnny D]

All three of all of us with an iPhone would have got a blurry picture.

[Si]

He would have. No, he had disposable cameraman.

[Martin]

In Houston, one time there was this. There's this corner store and this guy had raccoons all in the dumpster. The corner store.

[J.D.]

Oh yeah.

[Martin]

And so me and my friends were like, man, what if we just go in there and ask him if like he'll let us eradicate the raccoons from that dumpster. And I mean, what was I doing to y' all? Nothing. We were bored and bored. And so we. And so the guy was like, yes.

[Johnny D]

Yes, please get rid of them.

[Martin]

Get rid of them. And so we did.

[Si]

You almost did an impression. I decided you didn't want to. And that was my favorite part of the birthday so far.

[J.D.]

Look, when I lived in Alabama.

[Johnny D]

Yeah, you were headed towards a stereo.

[Martin]

No.

[J.D.]

Yeah.

[Johnny D]

You got away from it.

[Martin]

Yeah, I got away from it.

[J.D.]

Well, I lived in Alabama. I had to go to work at 4:30am okay? So it's dark. And I always wonder when would come I look, there's dead coons everywhere on the highway, okay. And I was wondering what in the world. Well, I was coming around the curve there and hey, there's one this I didn't know, okay? Coon is aggressive.

[Martin]

Oh yeah. No, they don't play. They got rabies.

[J.D.]

Cause look, he's in the middle of the road and the headlights hit him. And one of the headlights hit him. Hey, this idiot stands up like a grizzly bear.

[Johnny D]

Toted it like a man, didn't he?

[J.D.]

No, no, no. Go look and look. Hey, I was down on Phil's property squalling one day and I come walk in the middle levee, okay? And there's one of the biggest coons I ever seen down there, you know, he said, just on the edge of the levee, you know, look around. Why does. You know I have 30, 30 out deer hunting?

[Johnny D]

I thought we squirrel hunt.

[J.D.]

No, no.

[Martin]

With that 33.

[Johnny D]

He's after some of them 100 pound squirrels.

[J.D.]

And I'll slip it through the wood. So anyway, this big cone over right down there. So look, I just, I just knocked that at him. Well, that sucker raised up and hissed at me. I said, wrong answer, buddy.

[Martin]

Oh yeah.

[J.D.]

But when I talked you know, he run up a tree and I just let him get to the top and.

[Si]

Then just took a plug out of him.

[J.D.]

Oh, no. Hey, I blew him out the top.

[Martin]

Of that tree I once pushed.

[J.D.]

This is me, sucker.

[Johnny D]

Hey, hey, hey.

[Si]

Pure Talk, my wireless company, a veteran led company, believes every man and woman who has faithfully served this country deserves to proudly fly an American flag that was actually made in America. Sigh. You ain't big on cell phones, but are you big on that?

[J.D.]

I'm big on that.

[Si]

And that's why Pure Talk is on a mission to give an allegiance flag, the highest quality American flag, to 1,000 US veterans in time for the patriotic holidays. We got them all coming up.

[Johnny D]

That's awesome.

[Si]

Memorial Day, Flag Day, Fourth of July. Yeah, you like allegiance flags, don't you?

[J.D.]

Yep. I got one right in front of my house.

[Si]

Well, if you want to have a thousand veterans, have that just like sad does. Supporting this great cause is easy. Just switch your cell phone service to Pure Talk this month and a portion of every sale will go toward providing these high quality flags to deserving veterans. With plans from just 25amonth for unlimited talk, text, and plenty of data, you can enjoy America's most dependable 5G network while cutting your cell phone bill in half. The average family saves over $1,000 a year. I hope you hear that.

[Johnny D]

Whoa, whoa.

[Si]

That's a bunch of money, y' all. Super simple. Kept my same number, switched over. Now I'm just saving money. There's just more money. You know what? More money don't mean more problems. It means more food.

[Johnny D]

That's a win, win.

[Si]

That's a win, win, win. So if you want to win and you want veterans to win and you want your pocketbook to win, go to PureTalk. Do Dirk to switch hassle free in as little as 10 minutes. Again, that's Pure Talk.com Dirk to support veterans and switch to America's wireless company, Pure Talk.

[Martin]

I once put several holes in my own kitchen floor trying to shoot a possum one time with a 9 mm.

[Si]

Wait, what?

[J.D.]

Hey, man's got to do what he's got.

[Martin]

No, I mean, no joke. I was.

[Johnny D]

Hey, you couldn't just run him out of there.

[Martin]

That was not on my mind. All right, look, I got.

[J.D.]

I got a going on this where we lived in Alabama. Look, in our bathroom, there was a little square just in the floor. They had.

[Johnny D]

Oh, I got like for plumbing or something, like as you use off the ground.

[J.D.]

I didn't ever know it. Yoke height. It was Just. It would just set in there.

[Johnny D]

Yeah. Get you to the cross.

[J.D.]

My wife goes. It's like 1am in the morning. She goes in or uses the restroom and comes back out. She said, hey, you need to go kill that big rat that's in the. In the bathroom. So I go in there. Expecting a rat? No, it's about a 15 pound possum, you know.

[Si]

In your bathroom?

[J.D.]

Yeah.

[Martin]

Oh no, they'll get in the house.

[J.D.]

Oh yeah, because I. He just. Hey. He just pushed the thing up. Come on in.

[Martin]

So I was living.

[Si]

Did you shoot him in the back?

[J.D.]

Oh, yeah.

[Johnny D]

Let me just.

[J.D.]

Like Rucker, I found a big old.

[Martin]

I mean, I was staying. I was staying at. I was staying at this person's trailer essentially. This was after I'd gotten out of prison and stuff. I was kind of on a Texas tour. Anyways, I was stay. I was staying in. I was staying in this guy's trailer and it was a little dilapidated, just, you know, I mean, it wasn't. It wasn't a nice trailer. Anyway, I was staying in with no side pad, baby, you know. So look, I stayed at this trailer and there was a open bag of dog food up underneath the like island in the kitchen, right? And I'm sitting there, I'm playing Xbox, doing some other extracurricular activities, and I hear something in that bag of dog food just ruffling around and stuff. And back then I was kind of paranoid and I was more of a shoot first, ask questions right guy. So I seen something. So I just happened to have a 9 millimeter on the coffee table.

[Si]

Any person would while playing.

[Martin]

So look, and, and I kid you not, I grabbed that nine millimeter and I just start dumping into that bag of dog food.

[Johnny D]

That's so messed up, man.

[Martin]

Come. Come to find out it's a possum and I missed about five times.

[J.D.]

Did he play dead?

[Martin]

No, he was dead.

[Johnny D]

All I can picture is that scene from Dumb and Dumber. Harry, you're alive and you're a terrible shot. I mean, that's all I can see when I'm thinking of Rucker. I'm assuming partially stoned on something and just firing away randomly.

[Martin]

I was.

[Johnny D]

Let me just tell you something right now. Oh, size deal. If I walk in the bathroom at 1am and there's a possum buddy, you gonna have a whole different mess to clean up than a dead possum. Because if I'm going to the bathroom at 1, something has happened.

[Martin]

Oh yeah, it's an urgent.

[Johnny D]

And then when I see that I'm there something going to be sprayed everywhere. And I don't know, I mean just.

[Martin]

Clarifies to what it would but what?

[Johnny D]

Yeah, possums. I mean I don't know if we've talked about this or not, but we found one. Brittany got the video somewhere. Yeah. Yeah.

[Si]

Because there was one in Corey's house.

[Johnny D]

Oh yeah, that was the one. That's where we. Yeah, there was a little possum that got in Brittany's glove box of her car.

[Si]

Oh, and you shot the car like any normal person.

[Johnny D]

No, I. Oh, you didn't know. I grabbed the possum and put him out of it. I just.

[Martin]

Hold on. Are we going to act like what I did is just that far fetched?

[Si]

Yeah.

[Johnny D]

I'm assuming that the five holes you put in the floor weren't the first five holes, so maybe not.

[Martin]

I will say they didn't. They didn't decrease the value at all.

[Johnny D]

If anything added a nice little fan.

[Si]

Yeah, I can't. I don't have anything.

[Johnny D]

Yeah, no, no. Weird. Well, only possum store you Dublin killed that one at the time.

[Si]

I have shot a gun indoors but it was here to test out the. Yeah, this place was fun. We were testing out security so we shot holes in the roof to see if security would show up and they didn't.

[Johnny D]

Yeah, I can't do that.

[Martin]

Which is a natural thing to do.

[J.D.]

This was when I was at tech and was. I worked at the sheriff's office as a radio man. Okay. We get a call, okay, 711 has been robbed and this older deputy goes to it. Well, when he pulls up, he ain't even got. He's opened the door and the guy's backing out.

[Si]

Look.

[J.D.]

Well, he just starts firing with him. Well, deputy just pulled his pistol out and they're having a gunfight. Betrayed from the car he's shooting out of the windshield, the other guy's bad guy shooting in it, you know and they teased this guy the whole time. Then what are you doing shooting up the windshield? You know you want to pay for that, right? Next he said I ain't paying for it. He said he busted it first. He said all I wanted to do was stop shooting him. He had me.

[Martin]

We've. We've progressed to full. Full blown shootout stories. I'm not getting involved in any of those stories.

[Johnny D]

Yeah, what you got in that regard?

[Martin]

I'd rather not. I'd rather not discuss disclose any of those stories.

[J.D.]

Well, I'm like that deputy. I probably would. Blew the windshield out too. Just so the guy quit shooting.

[Martin]

Well, it's. It's definitely the safest way to go other than getting out of the vehicle. I mean, there's ways to look at anyway.

[Si]

This is why I stay in the same, like, two mile radius.

[Martin]

No, no, dude, it was impressive. Like, whenever you were thinking about selling that truck and I was like, how many miles it's got on? And it was like a ridiculously low amount. And I was like, well, John David didn't drive nowhere.

[Johnny D]

No.

[Si]

Yeah, no, I got gas the other day.

[Johnny D]

Hey, on about an 8 mile loop.

[Martin]

That's what I'm saying, ain't it?

[Si]

Like, yeah, hey, I got gas the other day. I got this new app and get you cheap gas at the place right beside where I work.

[Martin]

Oh.

[Si]

And then I was like, so now it's keeping up with every time I get gas.

[Johnny D]

Four weeks last time you filled up.

[Si]

I go, I go every four. I get gas every four weeks, man.

[Martin]

You got to venture out more. Nope.

[Si]

My metamorphosis into Big Dave is almost complete.

[Johnny D]

You getting there?

[Martin]

No. Yeah, you are getting a boat next.

[Si]

Yeah. I just need a bigger boat. And I'm not quite to the point where I'm going to tell somebody exactly how I feel. I haven't quite reached that point yet.

[Martin]

But I'll tell you this. You and you, you're getting there without having to go through the explosive anger phase, which is really good.

[Si]

Well, that's because I was just in that phase with him. Well, I was his child.

[Johnny D]

Not only that, that's because you don't work for in laws no more. Anyways, I think that kind of probably fueled it a little bit in him.

[Martin]

Yeah.

[Si]

Hunter. We need to talk about Hunter, by the way, now that we're. It's my birthday, so I'm gonna steer this conversation. He gave me a gift so we couldn't make fun of him, but now we can, because that time has passed. Hunter, are you okay?

[Hunter]

Well, after laughing, it kind of hurts again, but I'm okay.

[Si]

Hunter had major medical procedures.

[Hunter]

I don't know about major.

[Martin]

I mean, you went under the knife, man. Went under the knife.

[Johnny D]

And so, Hunter, you probably didn't know after you told me this story yesterday that I was going to bring this up, but yeah, I had it.

[Hunter]

Yeah, I did.

[Johnny D]

You did you? Yeah. So you baited me into this. No. Oh, okay.

[Si]

I got the best Hunter line ever.

[Martin]

Hunter's playing chess. Y' all are playing checkers.

[Johnny D]

No. So I was sitting in here recording an audio only thing, and Hunter walked in, pulled up a Chair. We just sitting there talking. Hunter, who helped you get dressed post surgery?

[Hunter]

My dad.

[Si]

Oh, that's sweet.

[Johnny D]

Go ahead, Hunter.

[Hunter]

So my dad was really uncomfortable. Like, really, really uncomfortable.

[Si]

Were you butt naked?

[Hunter]

Yeah.

[Johnny D]

Yeah.

[Si]

Oh, well, now I'm.

[Martin]

Now it's a little uncomfortable. You're a full grown man, and what you.

[Johnny D]

What you tell him?

[Hunter]

I told him if he. If he sees anything down there, he. He better. He's got to take pictures and send it to my friends.

[Johnny D]

That's not what you said yesterday, Hunter.

[Hunter]

Oh, what did I say?

[Johnny D]

You said, if it looks big, send it to my friend. And I only make this joke because I know after a similar area surgery that I'm not talking about the vasectomy. I had a completely different one. But when you're coming off of being put under, like, that little fog that you're in, you get told you say some pretty wild stuff, like, you know, Hunter's just fresh out of recovery room, and his dad's trying to get his pants on him. If it looks big, take a picture. It wasn't my friend.

[Martin]

Hey. Hey.

[Johnny D]

I said, why didn't I get a text, man?

[Hunter]

So my dad was really uncomfortable, and so I thought making jokes would make it better for everyone. I didn't know the nurses could hear us.

[Johnny D]

Yes.

[Martin]

Oh, this gets better.

[Si]

Why did you put. You should have had underwear on.

[Martin]

I had brain surgery and kept moving.

[Johnny D]

They put that little mesh surgery underwear on you, man, so you got to get out of that stuff.

[Hunter]

No, I didn't. No.

[Johnny D]

Oh, they didn't give you that?

[Hunter]

No. I was butt naked.

[Johnny D]

Well, you didn't tell me you had the surgery until you want to.

[Si]

Yeah.

[Martin]

My doctor.

[Si]

It is so hard to get my kid to eat healthy. The other two are great, but that one, he's just trying to live on waffles.

[Johnny D]

Yeah. And I would argue that neither one of mine are overly healthy. They have, like, six things they eat no matter how many times you put new stuff in front of them. But we got something new to put in front of them now with our friends over at Beam Kids. There hasn't been a product that brought all things kids need into one simple supplement. A way that I could trust until today. And that's why we're so excited to introduce to you the Beam Kids, all in one. Super powder. It's even chocolate flavor, so that. That checks some boxes.

[Si]

Super powder right there.

[Johnny D]

Yeah, it just launched, and you need to get your hands on it today. It has more than 40 essential ingredients to fuel healthy growth, including greens, pre and probiotics fruits, and vitamins. And what's even better, it comes in a chocolate milk flavor kids love.

[Si]

Hold on. Everybody loves chocolate milk.

[Johnny D]

All the things come right here. All. All what you need to get your kids eating better, get them eaten healthier. And look, you want to know what else cool it is absolutely pediatrician formulated so you know that you can trust it. And it was created by Olympic gold medalist and mom Shawn Johnson. Y' all remember her?

[Martin]

I remember her.

[Johnny D]

Yeah, that's right.

[Si]

She was shorter than most.

[Johnny D]

Yes. Because she wanted to find a simple way for parents to feel confident and about giving their kids the nutrition they need. All you got to do is mix one scoop of bean kids with eight ounces of water or milk, whichever one you prefer or whichever one your child prefers. Shake, stir, or froth, and enjoy, making it a convenient addition to any meal or drink. So we just got it in. I will report back on what the boys think of it. Beam Kids is now available [e-mail] doc. Because you're a listener to our show, you can take advantage of their limited time pricing of up to 35% off plus two free gifts using the code DUCK. Get your beam kids and your free gifts by heading over to shop beam.com duck and enter the code. That's shop beam.com duck and use code for up to 35% off today.

[Hunter]

The hernia itself was like at my groin, but they made incisions on my stomach. Oh, I have three incisions on my stomach. One was to pump me full of gas, one was for a camera, and one was to.

[Johnny D]

That all checks out.

[Martin]

What's the. Pumping you full of gas to create.

[Johnny D]

Space in there so they can see.

[Si]

It'S because you don't take any vitamins. The hernia, that's not.

[Johnny D]

He says gas, just air. They're just putting air in there.

[Si]

I'm just saying how good. There's a new medical mystery about you every time I come in this room.

[Martin]

How has your nutrition been? You've been eating cleaner.

[Johnny D]

How good was that first fart? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Si]

Well, so I hadn't seen Hunter in a week, and he. He text me to check in on me. He's like, hey, man, praying for your family. And, you know, everybody always trying to help out, and all anybody can do is, like, bring food. But I'm like, my kitchen's fine, y' all. Yeah, quit bringing me food.

[Johnny D]

You bring me refrigerator, though.

[Si]

Yeah, well, good point.

[Martin]

And Hunter said that's what broke the refrigerator.

[Johnny D]

All the food.

[Si]

Hunter said, let Me know if I can do anything as long as it doesn' involve lifting anything over five pounds.

[Johnny D]

That's why you got them Legos? Yeah, yeah, they about 12 ounces.

[Si]

I got to giggling. I said, hunter, go come help me move. No, he ain't helping me pick do anything. And then I said, you can't live because I can only lift emotions right now.

[Johnny D]

The only thing I can that did lift my moon, I think I can lift up is your spirits, buddy.

[Si]

Yeah, that's what Hunter hit me with. Well, we're glad you're okay. How okay.

[Martin]

How long are you unable to lift that things?

[Hunter]

Six weeks.

[Johnny D]

Yeah, six weeks, buddy.

[Si]

Yeah, he's going to.

[Johnny D]

Ain't nobody gonna remember the timeline. You can get away with this for at least three months. I'm just saying.

[Si]

He gonna milk it.

[Hunter]

I have a lot to do in June so I can't milk it that much.

[Johnny D]

Well, there you go.

[Martin]

Yeah. Lift a lot of weight in June or were you?

[Hunter]

A little bit.

[Si]

Yeah, I moved on a deadlifting tour.

[Hunter]

I. I have a short film I'm running audio for. I have a wedding I'm going to film and then I have to be a groomsman for a wedding.

[Martin]

Well, being a groomsman is a lot of heavy lifting.

[Si]

Yeah, you got to pay for a tux and then they give you like a pocket knife as a thank you. You know what we haven't done in a while?

[Johnny D]

Mark, we need to talk. I know. You said we had an Update.

[Si]

[e-mail] we don't get a lot of emails anymore because we've been doing voicemails, but I'm still reading the emails except for like a couple days. I missed it like three weeks ago. And there's 190 to catch up on. Sorry for those people, but [e-mail] We are almost at 25, 000 emails in our life, by the way. Okay, that's good. But Summer Night.

[Johnny D]

Summer Night. The mother.

[Si]

The mother of old Talladega Night of Dega Daga. She has proven well. She has. We don't have a birth certificate it but she sent a bunch of family photos.

[Johnny D]

Okay. And so now we finally.

[Si]

That guy's daughter is totally named Talladega Night. Like I'm not down.

[Martin]

Okay, well the guy in the middle.

[Si]

I think he's the one on the left there's Talladega herself.

[Johnny D]

Oh, in her own collector. Where? Shout out Michael Waddell.

[Si]

Anyway, there's the night family.

[Johnny D]

That's a Waddell fan.

[Si]

Yeah, oh, for sure.

[Johnny D]

Yeah, buddy.

[Martin]

Yeah. All right, so the girl's name is Time.

[Johnny D]

I go back to that. Are they like, demolition derby?

[Martin]

No, no, no, no, no. That's a. That's old model. That's dirt track.

[Johnny D]

Well, I just. That one looks like it's been through. That one's got some. That one's got a testimony. That's what I look like 12 years ago rolling up in there on Mother's Day, son. That's what I look like. Yeah.

[Si]

Anyway, that. Hey, I'm proud to know these people and I'm proud to be in their corner. They named their daughter. We were talking about with. And you're here, you kind of started the whole discussion, but they said on.

[Johnny D]

Yeah, on. Different names, different names.

[Si]

And she. She wins.

[Martin]

No, Talladega Night.

[Si]

That is their kid's name. And just.

[Martin]

That is the most awesome thing I have ever heard in my life.

[Johnny D]

But haven't you just typecast that girl for the rest of her life, huh?

[Si]

Don't matter.

[Martin]

No, dude, that's cool, man.

[Si]

Like, did you see the family photos? She was typecast second she was conceived, son.

[Martin]

Because if you ain't first, you're last.

[Si]

I mean, so was I. So were you.

[Johnny D]

How old you got to be?

[Si]

Oh, is he. Yeah, he's shooting for floorboards. We're all typecast. Might as well get your name on it, too.

[Martin]

Talladega.

[Si]

Look at Hunter. Dude, that's one day he's gonna be dressing his full grown child that has random illnesses.

[Johnny D]

Poor, poor Hunter. Man, I'm just saying, the apples don't.

[Si]

Fall far from the tree.

[Johnny D]

Poor Hunter. His dad and granddad tried to will him to be one, but it just ain't there, boys.

[Martin]

Hey, well, look, I appreciate that we had that conversation and then we learned about this extremely awesome name, Talladega. Oh, man, that is cool.

[Si]

That is awesome.

[Martin]

That is really cool.

[Johnny D]

Now, like, the pressure is really up. If you listen and your last name is Night, like, you got to come.

[Martin]

Up with something cool.

[Si]

Yeah, I don't think anybody's going to beat Talladega. I just. Like, she.

[Martin]

It's just.

[Johnny D]

Except for that.

[Martin]

Oh, my gosh.

[Johnny D]

That was just before Hunter said, take a picture if it looks big.

[Martin]

Hey, you.

[Johnny D]

Got him.

[Martin]

Why do you have the blanket over your head?

[Si]

Oh, you look like one of the apostles from the Chosen.

[Martin]

You look like this one of these. You look like you want to be a Jedi that's walking around asking. Asking questions and acting like nobody knows.

[Johnny D]

That's what happens when you order a jet off a Teemo, listen. That's what you get.

[Hunter]

This was wild. I. So they gave me the.

[Si]

The.

[Hunter]

I don't care. Drugs, wheeled me into the operating room, and then, like, my heart started, like, beating. I was like, oh, that's an operating room if I've ever seen one. I lay my head down on the.

[Johnny D]

Table, backwards from 10.

[Hunter]

I don't even remember that. The moment I laid my head down, I woke up with warm, heated towels and blankets over my head and my entire body.

[Si]

Oh, that'll manu it to the spa.

[Martin]

That'll freak you out.

[Hunter]

No idea why, but I have never been more comfortable in my life.

[Johnny D]

They must have run you down to the morgue if you got that.

[Hunter]

Well, they said after the surgery, which was like, 30, 45 minutes, I wouldn't wake up. They. They tried to wake me up, and I was just passed out for, like, two hours.

[Johnny D]

Oh, when they reversed it. Yeah, yeah.

[Si]

Oh, I don't come off anesthesia.

[J.D.]

Oh, I don't either. Cause I got a good story about it. Look, I had a cyst, okay, on my privates. So, hey, had it cut out. Look, you know, I'm privates. Oh, yeah. No, no, look, I'm fine. I'm walking down the base one day on the sidewalk, and there's a dude coming toward me in scrubs. You know he's coming, and the closer he gets, he starts stepping off of the sidewalk and making it like, a half circle, half moon away.

[Johnny D]

Yeah, he ain't trying to be around you.

[J.D.]

Yeah. And when we get even, he said, yeah, he's the one that bit me. Well, hey, this causes a big crowd the next day. I know I'm surrounded. I said, hey, I've never seen this clown before in my life.

[Johnny D]

Uh. Oh.

[J.D.]

And he said, oh, let me explain. He said, I was in the recovery room and you wouldn't wake up, y' all. And he said, so I slapped you. And I said, bad move, dude.

[Johnny D]

So even asleep, you don't like to be slapped?

[J.D.]

I said, hey, my mama don't even slap me.

[Johnny D]

Oh, Lord.

[Martin]

Man. And so you bit him?

[J.D.]

I bit him.

[Martin]

Like, hey, look.

[J.D.]

And look. This was, like, three weeks later. And, hey, my teeth marks were still very plain on this guy's arm.

[Johnny D]

Hunter, do you bite anybody?

[Hunter]

I did not.

[Si]

Then he'd end up at the dentist.

[J.D.]

When you get done with surgery, if they can't wake you up, I. They get Chuck. You know, it gets serious business.

[Johnny D]

Well, yeah, because that's the.

[J.D.]

You gotta. You got their job time. Yeah. You gotta start a time frame. They gotta get you awake.

[Martin]

Well, the slapping is actually a. They call it stimulation. You stimulate them. But Si said he wasn't doing no slap boxing. He's standing on business.

[Johnny D]

Well, speaking of standing on business, we got to get the heck out of here because me and Si got to go film Duck Dynasty. So, Johnny D, you got us a verse?

[Si]

Psalm 37:4. Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

[Johnny D]

Amen, buddy.

[Martin]

Lighting the Lord first.

[Johnny D]

Mr. Rucker, thank you for joining us again here in the duck call room. Johnny D. Happy 36th birthday.

[Martin]

Happy birthday, Buddy.

[Johnny D]

And, Hunter, get a pizza. We're glad to have you back. We can throw paper at you again.

[Si]

I love you. I'm going home to do Legos.

[J.D.]

Don't lift nothing, Hunter.

[Johnny D]

Yeah, don't lift a thing. We'll see y' all next time. Right here in the duck call room. We're out.

[Martin]

We gone.