Uncle Si Dishes Out Dating Confessions That Will Make You Blush

Summary

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Duck Call Room – Episode Summary

Podcast: Duck Call Room
Episode: Uncle Si Dishes Out Dating Confessions That Will Make You Blush
Air Date: August 26, 2025
Hosts: Si Robertson & Justin Martin (plus Willie Robertson, John-David Owen, John Godwin, Jay Stone, Phillip McMillan, Jacob Mayo)

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Episode Overview

This lively episode of Duck Call Room brings the usual crew together to reflect on their rural upbringings, share hilarious hunting misadventures, reminisce about teenage pranks, and—most notably—reveal some of Uncle Si’s most mischievous, awkward, and surprisingly cheeky dating confessions. True to form, Si’s storytelling sparks big laughs, friendly teasing, and wild tangents, but at the heart of the show are enduring themes of friendship, mischief, and Southern tradition.

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Key Discussion Points & Highlights

1. Growing Up Without TV

• Jacob & Si share about not having TVs as kids (01:03–01:14), instead hanging out at community "stores" with wood-burning stoves.
• Nostalgic rural life: Gatherings at small-town spots like McDonald’s for morning coffee.
  • Memorable quote:
    • "You can spit on the side of that wood-burning stove and go at the store." —Jase Robertson, (01:38)

2. The Mystery of Modern Technology

• Automatic car features baffle Si (03:39–05:07)
  • Si describes fighting with his truck’s lane-direction assistance, convinced that “they've gone too far, too far. Too many bails.” (04:53)

3. Si’s Legendary (and Unlucky) Deer Hunt

• Si recounts shooting at a “30-inch spread” buck—or as he calls it, a “Louisiana moose”—six times and missing every shot. (05:15–10:18)
  • Turns out, his rifle had been dropped by his son, making it impossible to aim true.
  • Memorable quote:
    • "I missed him six times, okay." —Si Robertson, (09:10)

4. Changing Times: The Digital Duck Stamp

• Discussion about the new digital hunting license (11:19–13:54)
  • Si expresses his frustration with technology and phones, recounting multiple failed attempts to adapt.
  • Classic line:
    • "My wife has done wasted like $3000 buying me 3 phones..." —Si Robertson, (11:50)

5. Si’s “Killer” Touch with Technology and Watches

• Tells the story of a platoon member who killed a $10,000 Rolex just by wearing it (14:44–15:57)
  • Quote:
    • "Only person can raise this from the dead is Jesus Christ." —Si Robertson (15:55)

6. Si’s Blush-Worthy Dating Confessions

The Drive-In “Date”

• Risque story of chasing an Italian girl from the front seat to the back seat during a drive-in movie. (20:50–21:30)
  • Hosts “remind” Si about children listeners; Si rolls on undeterred.
  • Quote:
    • “She was trying to hide and I was seeking.” —Si Robertson, (21:17)

The Infamous “Combing Hair” Analogy

• Si likens a good hunt to “having a fine-looking woman sitting on the end of your bed combing her hair.” (17:23–18:12)
  • Bizarre yet oddly poetic Si wisdom:
    • “That's what it’s like, boys … a fine-looking woman combing her hair.” —Si Robertson, (18:11)

The Family Pizza Date

• Dating an Italian-Cajun from New Orleans: Meeting her family, trying shockingly smelly homemade pizza (25:14–27:43)
  • Quote:
    • “The cheese they use, this was like somebody, you know, bathroom … the cheese had been dead for centuries.” —Si Robertson, (25:43)
  • Despite the stench, Si admits: “It actually ... it was delicious. Smelling that bad, I really wasn’t going to eat it … I ate the whole thing. It was 14 inches.” (27:00–27:42)

High School Girls and Yearbooks

• Si claims girls would call him, not the other way around. (19:04–19:53)
  • “Did you call girls on your home phone?”
    “No, they called me.” —Si Robertson, (19:09)

7. Pranks and Teen Mischief

• Teenage antics: Doorbell ditching, rolling houses with toilet paper, elaborate Christmas pranks (35:42–40:16)
  • Relatable quote:
    • “Teenagers do stupid things.” —Si Robertson, (36:07)
  • Jacob admits to rolling a house right before a wedding reception: “On the way home, the mom was out there sobbing … I felt so bad.” —Jacob Mayo, (39:44–40:14)

8. Parenting & Overprotective Dads

• Si and Willie reflect on meeting their daughters’ boyfriends. (42:14–44:52)
  • Si jokes about intimidating Tracy, his daughter’s boyfriend, with trophy deer skulls:
    • "Treat her wrong, your head will be up there. And it will read, killed by Pompa." —Si Robertson, (44:07–44:19)

9. The Bully Story

• Si’s high school days: Remembers a tiny classmate, Allen, besting the school bully in seconds thanks to Golden Gloves boxing skills (45:31–48:20)
  • “I’ve never come up with how many times did Allen hit him before he hit the ground.” —Si Robertson, (47:33)

10. Si’s Wild Teen Logic

• The golf ball planting saga:
  • Believed golf balls would sprout into baseballs if planted, thanks to Phil and Tommy’s prank (51:49–54:13)
  • Key wisdom:
    • “Adults are boring. Yeah, none of them plant golf balls … you need to have a little wonderment in your life.” —Si Robertson, (54:25–54:38)

11. Final Reflections—Never Lose Your “Wonderment”

• Hosts reflect on staying young at heart.
  • Song reference: "I hope you dance." (54:54–55:13)
  • “Don’t ever lose your excitement or your wonderment.” —Si Robertson, (55:11–55:13)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “When I first met Martin, I thought he was 15 to 20 years older than me.”
  —Willie Robertson, (02:54)

• “Only person can raise this from the dead is Jesus Christ.”
  —Si Robertson, telling the broken Rolex story, (15:55)

• “She was trying to hide and I was seeking.”
  —Si Robertson, on a memorable date, (21:17)

• “Treat her wrong, your head will be up there, and it will read, killed by Pompa.”
  —Si Robertson, intimidating a suitor, (44:13–44:19)

• “Adults are boring. None of them plant golf balls..."
  —Si Robertson, (54:25)

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Important Timestamps

• Si's first TV memories / small town gathering spots: 01:03–01:46
• Car technology and Si's “battle with the truck”: 03:39–05:07
• Si missing the deer (“Louisiana moose”): 05:15–10:18
• Digital duck stamp / Si vs. phones: 11:19–13:54
• $10,000 Rolex killed instantly: 14:44–15:55
• Drive-in Italian girl date tale: 20:50–21:30
• Pizza with aged cheese adventure: 25:14–27:43
• Si’s “combing hair” analogy: 17:23–18:12
• Intimidating boyfriends / deer skull warning: 44:07–44:19
• Allen the boxer vs. school bully: 45:31–48:20
• Planting golf balls to grow baseballs: 51:49–54:13
• “Wonderment”/closing reflections: 54:25–55:13

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Tone & Style Observations

The conversation is pure Duck Dynasty: Southern charm, tall-tale humor, friendly ribbing, and a surprising amount of heart. Si constantly wanders into double entendres and mischievous confessionals, which the others playfully steer back (or let him roll). The chemistry between the crew is genuine and infectious, and Jacob Mayo’s knack for translating or summarizing Si’s rambling stories brings extra laughs and clarity.

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Takeaway

If you missed this episode, you missed a heap of classic Si story-spinning—from wild deer hunts to drive-in dates, Italian pizza, and questionable teenage logic. But at the core? A call to keep your sense of wonder, laugh at your own mishaps, and maybe—just maybe—never stop chasing a good story.

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Transcript

[Willie Robertson]

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[Jase Robertson]

This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Checking off the boxes on your to do list is a great feeling. And when it comes to checking off coverage, a State Farm agent can help.

[Si Robertson]

You choose an option that's right for you.

[Jase Robertson]

Whether you prefer talking in person on the phone or using the award winning.

[Willie Robertson]

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[Jase Robertson]

Like a good neighbor.

[Si Robertson]

State Farm is there.

[Jacob Mayo]

Dude, I want. I'm like a Pentecostal kind. I never watched TV like that growing up.

[Willie Robertson]

Did you have a tv?

[Jacob Mayo]

No.

[Willie Robertson]

You really didn't have it?

[Jacob Mayo]

My parents didn't let us have TVs.

[Si Robertson]

I didn't have one either.

[Willie Robertson]

It's like TV in the.

[Si Robertson]

I watched one.

[Jacob Mayo]

Oh, yeah. I just never watched it because my brother would beat me up for the remote. So I just kind of had a.

[Si Robertson]

TV that I watched.

[Jacob Mayo]

They had a situation.

[Willie Robertson]

You had a tv?

[Si Robertson]

No, no, I didn't have one. The store.

[Jase Robertson]

The store. Go down to the store and sit around.

[Si Robertson]

He had a store and the post office.

[Jase Robertson]

You spit on the side of that.

[Si Robertson]

One at the store as a tv.

[Jacob Mayo]

Where was your house?

[Jase Robertson]

My house was down the road.

[Si Robertson]

300 yards down the road.

[Jacob Mayo]

Oh, yeah?

[Jase Robertson]

Yeah. You can spit on the side of that wood burning stove and go at the store.

[Si Robertson]

Yeah. Oh, you had to have a heater.

[Jase Robertson]

That's what you need. You got a wood burning hater. One of them Franklin haters.

[Jacob Mayo]

They need a quarter.

[Si Robertson]

Franklin. Yeah. Discussed, you know, found out what. Well, see the difference?

[Jase Robertson]

You can load them things up, they'll glow red.

[Willie Robertson]

I don't want people hanging out, though.

[Si Robertson]

Oh, yeah, you do.

[Willie Robertson]

I want them showing up, buying things and making a new.

[Jase Robertson]

You got. They get to talk.

[Si Robertson]

This was like a. Oh, I got.

[Jase Robertson]

To have that bait. It was like.

[Jacob Mayo]

That's like McDonald's at 6am in West Monroe on. Well, Rose, there's like a bunch of old people that go there and drink coffee and just shoot.

[Si Robertson]

And they're just.

[Jase Robertson]

My dad did that at McDonald's. Bamboo. Y' all don't even remember that. That was way over there.

[Willie Robertson]

This was a wild start to the podcast. And speaking of old men who sit around at restaurants, Martin is not here today. But he used to always.

[Jase Robertson]

He's not an old man, but he.

[Si Robertson]

He's probably a Waffle House.

[Jase Robertson]

He looks like an old man, but he ain't old.

[Si Robertson]

But he ain't.

[Willie Robertson]

That is true.

[Si Robertson]

When I first met in this outfit.

[Willie Robertson]

When I first met Martin, I thought he was 15 to 20 years older than me.

[Jase Robertson]

I know.

[Willie Robertson]

I said, yes, sir. No, sir. And then he was like, we went to high school together. And I was like, oh. But he used to always sit at Waffle House with all the old men until he realized what that was doing.

[Jase Robertson]

To his mothered and covered. That's what he'd get every.

[Si Robertson]

Yeah, you're there every morning. Okay. Yeah. You're.

[Jase Robertson]

We going somewhere. We pass a Waffle House, his truck just automatically pulls in.

[Si Robertson]

You can't stop it.

[Jase Robertson]

Mother and covered, baby.

[Jacob Mayo]

Yeah. New cars have LDA lane direction assistance. His head wda.

[Jase Robertson]

That's right.

[Jacob Mayo]

Waffle direction assistant.

[Willie Robertson]

This is why we bring Jacob into.

[Si Robertson]

The duck call room.

[Willie Robertson]

Jacob, Bella's husband's here again, and he just taught us something.

[Si Robertson]

Lda.

[Jase Robertson]

Yeah.

[Willie Robertson]

What is that?

[Jacob Mayo]

His new truck has got it.

[Si Robertson]

What's the lda?

[Jacob Mayo]

So it's like you turn on your car.

[Jase Robertson]

Yeah.

[Jacob Mayo]

Put it on these new cars. I don't know what it.

[Willie Robertson]

They're like spaceships, I guess.

[Jacob Mayo]

I mean, I don't know what year it started, but you can turn it on. And essentially, if you hit a line, your car feels you hit the line, it'll like, put you back in the middle.

[Jase Robertson]

Yeah.

[Si Robertson]

Does your car. Well, no, no. It done that to me one day on that new Ford I had, and it scared the living. You know what I mean? You thought so, okay, look, I'm going along, and then all of a sudden, this is going. And I'm going, no.

[Jacob Mayo]

He was pushing back on. He wanted to go off.

[Si Robertson]

I might go back. It wouldn't. It just kept going over. Wait a minute.

[Jase Robertson]

Yeah.

[Willie Robertson]

So I was.

[Si Robertson]

When I got marked, you know, Philip showed up and I said, hey, question. He said, what? I said, that truck took over and it was driving. I said, turn that off.

[Jacob Mayo]

You can turn it off.

[Si Robertson]

Yeah, yeah. And I turn it off. Yeah. I said, turn that off. He said, oh, okay. Yeah. He looked around. Okay.

[Jase Robertson]

Is the devil Apollo's car on cruise? It'll do it. You can just take your hands off, sit back.

[Si Robertson]

Yeah. Because if you go towards the line.

[Jacob Mayo]

Yeah.

[Si Robertson]

It'll put you over.

[Jacob Mayo]

It'll be like.

[Si Robertson]

Yeah, it'll go over.

[Jacob Mayo]

It's just like a smooth.

[Si Robertson]

The first time it did it, I said, they've gone too far, too far. Too many bails.

[Jacob Mayo]

How big is your steering wheel? You's holding out pretty wide.

[Si Robertson]

Well, hey, no, no, I was fighting.

[Jase Robertson]

That's like that Derry.

[Si Robertson]

But it won.

[Jacob Mayo]

He was holding.

[Si Robertson]

Yeah, no, no, it won.

[Jase Robertson]

I know. That was like that deer he shot down there off the middle levee.

[Willie Robertson]

This one.

[Jase Robertson]

Oh, he got a tape measure after it.

[Si Robertson]

Hey, how big was it? Hey, it was a 30 inch inside sprayer. That is that night. Look, I went home that night and my wife is over. She said, you are crazy as a bedbug because I. Because I had a stupid ruler.

[Willie Robertson]

You just had that on you?

[Si Robertson]

No, that's. That's how. That's the hunt over. I'm like this, y', all. And I'm going out now. I got the two feet and I said, I said to myself, sigh. Two feet is a monster. I said, yeah, but boys, it ain't there. So I run it out, going out. I run it out another three inches both ways, yo. And I said, 30 inches. I said, now that's what I'm talking about.

[Jase Robertson]

That wasn't a deer, that was an elk.

[Si Robertson]

I told him when? I said, when he was asking, what you shooting at? I said, I'm shooting at a moose that's out here. The bull.

[Willie Robertson]

The mysterious little Cassandra.

[Si Robertson]

Look, Phil, look, I'm still shooting at him. And Phil is on his four wheeler with it still running and saying, what are you shooting at? I said, I'm trying to kill that big buck right there. And he said, where? And I said, hey, last time I shot him, I've shot him six times.

[Jacob Mayo]

Six times.

[Jase Robertson]

He was putting pins.

[Si Robertson]

He went, look, here's what it starts. It started. Yo, a doe and a yearling come up on the end of the levee, walked about 15 yards toward me at like 125 yards. Then they went over and went into the lake because we had it pumped up. Right?

[Jacob Mayo]

Right.

[Si Robertson]

Well, I looked and I seen something of deer. He's coming and he's got his head down. I said, that's a buck. So I just got my rifle ready and I put the scope on him. He's walking through the wood. I said, oh, my goodness, he's a monster. So he comes up on the levee, does the same thing the yearling and doe do, walks about 15ft toward me, turns and stops at 125 yards. I just put it right behind his shoulder and just.30 out six. Well, he didn't jump, didn't do nothing, but he just wheeled, went back on the other side, went to the, you know, went out and height. Then he turned left and starts running toward me. I got a bolt action joke.

[Willie Robertson]

Complete with sound effects.

[Si Robertson]

Yeah. So he runs up there, stops, flash, you know.

[Jacob Mayo]

So what do you do the second time?

[Si Robertson]

Right. Well, next time, no jump. No. No hunch or none of that, you know. So I shoot at him, what, three.

[Willie Robertson]

Times, and he's not even scared yet.

[Jacob Mayo]

Hey, he goes back to the he on his muffs.

[Si Robertson]

No. So I shoot two more times while he turns around and runs back.

[Willie Robertson]

Now he's nervous.

[Si Robertson]

No, no, I've got one. One shell left and fail.

[Jase Robertson]

Pulls.

[Si Robertson]

Hey, he's 30 yards. Dog nut Phil ain't showed up yet. He's coming down the levee. I can hear him and see him. But the deer's looking at me at 30 yards. I put it right there on the white spot. Just. I bear down this time. I said, bam. Expect him to fall. Well, he don't. He takes off. I think that was the fourth shot. I shot two more times at him running. When Phil comes up, what are you shooting at? I said, that big deer just run away. The moose. So I told him, yeah. And I said, hey, look, I'm gonna stay right here and I'll direct you where I shot every time and use check, you know. So he goes out there and I said, right there. Stop. Look for blood. He said, no blood, no hair. I said, come forward right here. Stop right there. Look. Okay. And I said, hey, look, the last time y' all told him, he. I said, you standing right there, 30 yards. He said, right here? I said, yeah, right there. I said, it should be blood there. He should be blood. No blood.

[Willie Robertson]

No blood.

[Si Robertson]

Yeah. So I missed him six times. Okay, so.

[Jacob Mayo]

So you never killed him?

[Si Robertson]

No. So I go home and I. I thought, you know, I said, that gun's always been true. Just, you know. I said, what? I said, oh, that's right. I forgot. My son borrowed that at 30 out sick.

[Jase Robertson]

That's what I'd have said.

[Si Robertson]

Well, no, no. So I called him. I said, hey, you know, the last time you borrowed my 30 out 6, something happened. Why didn't you tell me about it? He said, oh, you know, that's all I heard him. He's. Oh, I'm so sorry. I said, scott, did you realize you didn't tell me you did something? That gun world. I just missed 8 inches. Moose. A moose of the lifetime in Louisiana. He said, yeah, I should have told you. I dropped it out. I dropped it out of the deer stand when I was getting ready to go.

[Jase Robertson]

Oh, y'.

[Si Robertson]

All. So I go the range, put some bullets in it, shoot a 4 by 4 target. It don't hit the target.

[Jacob Mayo]

I need to get me one of them signs so I can blame all my.

[Si Robertson]

I know. So look, I finally get it on paper and it's shooting 18 inches high and 18 inches to the right.

[Willie Robertson]

And I said, yeah, that's a, that's a good way to go.

[Si Robertson]

That's way to miss.

[Jacob Mayo]

You should have aimed 30 inches to the left and you might have hit.

[Si Robertson]

No, no, that's what Phil said. He said the first time, if I had a shot and he didn't fall, I'd have been moving that scope somewhere else. And I said, well, you don't understand. When I threw that rival in, I could strike him at 100 yards.

[Jacob Mayo]

Yeah, well, we should have that air tag on that deer just to see.

[Willie Robertson]

What it's still out there. So.

[Jase Robertson]

Oh, he's seen him for 10 years.

[Si Robertson]

Oh, hey.

[Jase Robertson]

Oh, that.

[Si Robertson]

Book right there died because nobody look that deer. If he had been killed, he'd have been on the front page of the bun roll paper.

[Willie Robertson]

Oh yeah, well, it's, it's almost hunting season. Yeah, Martin's already said it's still till season.

[Si Robertson]

Oh, well, no, yeah, that's right.

[Jase Robertson]

It's tail seasons close.

[Willie Robertson]

Have you got your duck stamp?

[Jase Robertson]

I ain't got my duck stamp yet.

[Willie Robertson]

Well, you know, you can it [e-mail] now and just have a digital version.

[Si Robertson]

Oh, I seen that, I seen that.

[Willie Robertson]

Are you going to have yours on your phone?

[Si Robertson]

Well, hey, look, I'm glad they finally come up with because look, they. Martin done it last year and when I got, I got a book. My Hunt Life. Exactly. A book.

[Willie Robertson]

Oh yeah, welcome to Louisiana.

[Si Robertson]

In my wallet. I get it out of paper or.

[Jase Robertson]

You can get it on your phone. Now put it on la wallet.

[Si Robertson]

My wife has done wasted like $3000 buying me 3 phones. I started out with the flip phone, the other one.

[Willie Robertson]

Then I got a thousand dollar.

[Si Robertson]

Yeah, that's the only one was a thousand dollars. None of them things will work for me.

[Jase Robertson]

I remember.

[Si Robertson]

Said, hey look, usually you go duck hunt with me, so I'll have it on my phone. There you go.

[Willie Robertson]

What was Missy doing?

[Jase Robertson]

Missy brought Phil a phone one time and was showing him it was a flip phone.

[Si Robertson]

Yeah.

[Jase Robertson]

And she went through and he Was real patient. He listened to her. She gave a good definition.

[Si Robertson]

Yeah, he was acting like he was gonna care. Keep it.

[Jase Robertson]

He said, punch number one for Jason. It'll call Jason. Punch number two for Al, and it'll call out punch number three. And she went through all the stuff and she went to hand it to him, and he looked at her, he said, I ain't that busy. But he's always asking us, get on that black box.

[Willie Robertson]

Get on that front.

[Jase Robertson]

Where's that front at?

[Willie Robertson]

Breaking news this season the duck stamp went digital. Digital, baby. No more waiting in line. No more worry about losing it in the washing machine. Just go to duck stamp.com by the all new digital duck stamp and boom. It's on your phone ready to show. If a game warden asks, it's official, it's instant. And it's helping save the places we hunt. 98 cents of every dollar goes to preserving wetlands, which means more ducks, better seasons, and a future for our kids and grandkids to enjoy. Sigh. How many duck stamps have you bought?

[Si Robertson]

Your life go uncountable?

[Willie Robertson]

Well, probably about 77, but you probably brought extra because duck accountable boy, Uncountable duck stamps go to a bunch of great things for our habitats. I love duck stamps because they help protect fish habitats and duck habitats. All the things the duck stamp is the best way to give back to the environment. The environment we need for our ducks and our wildlife to.

[Si Robertson]

You know, I like the part about.

[Willie Robertson]

Make it where we can harvest them.

[Si Robertson]

Artists draw the ducks. Oh, yeah. They put on the duck stamp and.

[Willie Robertson]

Now it's right there on your phone.

[Si Robertson]

Yeah.

[Jase Robertson]

Yep.

[Si Robertson]

Boom.

[Willie Robertson]

So don't wait. Get your digital duck [e-mail] today. That's duckstamp.com. let's do it right this season.

[Jacob Mayo]

Duckstamp.com It'll keep the game wardens away.

[Si Robertson]

That's the thing when they. You know when that was when I had my band and when I was on the road, I needed to be contact. So they bought me a phone and then done same thing. Phone will not work with me.

[Jacob Mayo]

Did you slam it on the ground?

[Si Robertson]

No. It don't make any difference. I had a guy that worked for me in the army. The lieutenant had one of them. What was that? What you got?

[Jase Robertson]

Walkie doggy.

[Si Robertson]

I found Swiss Swiss Swiss wash. $10,000.

[Jacob Mayo]

A Rolex?

[Si Robertson]

Yeah, Rolex.

[Willie Robertson]

Mine.

[Si Robertson]

He had a Rolex.

[Willie Robertson]

Not a 10,000.

[Si Robertson]

Lieutenant had a Rolex.

[Jase Robertson]

They don't work either.

[Si Robertson]

Look, I had a kid in my platoon and lieutenant is fixed to hand His Rolex to that kid. And I said, sir, don't give that to him, because if he puts it on his wrist, that Swiss watch is dying. Why? Why? Well, I'm just. This kid had something in his brain. Blood. Yeah. Because. Hey, the lieutenant said, oh, go ahead and put it on. Look and see if you like it. Yo. So as soon as you put it on, it broke. Hey, the second hand.

[Jase Robertson]

Come on.

[Si Robertson]

Locked up. Don't. I said, no, no. We walked over there and I said, sir, you better not let him put it on there. I said, he's going to kill it. And he said, I'll go ahead and put it on, sir. So he slid that band over his hand that second hand took. So I said, hey, dummy, I told you, look. Hey, it got so bad, he took a Jewish jeweler where he bought it. They couldn't resurrect it. Yeah. So look. No, they sent it back to Switzerland where it was made. And, hey, they got a little letter saying, sorry, sir, our experts have tested it. The only person can raise this from the dead is Jesus Christ.

[Willie Robertson]

The Swiss said that?

[Si Robertson]

Yeah, that's what they said. Hey, old little boy, kill that watch.

[Jacob Mayo]

So look, if you want a paraphrase version of what just happened is that SA missed a moose in Louisiana six times.

[Si Robertson]

Six times.

[Jacob Mayo]

Somebody got him a phone. Didn't work, and it didn't work. All it said was dialing. And then a pretty woman in Nashville could not fix the situation. You could fix.

[Si Robertson]

And because of that, he was fine to look at.

[Jacob Mayo]

She could have fixed it.

[Willie Robertson]

All right.

[Jacob Mayo]

We ain't going to go there, but, yeah.

[Si Robertson]

Oh, no, we. I got to go there.

[Jacob Mayo]

She could have fixed the situation, but because she didn't, his lieutenant gave some kid a Rolex in his pontoon. And because he gave the kid. I know. That was. That was the point. And because his lieutenant gave the kid in his pontoon a Rolex.

[Si Robertson]

We gotta keep him on. Boy.

[Willie Robertson]

I feel like we just found Jacob Mayo's spot here in the duck call room. He will take from 15 minutes of rambling.

[Si Robertson]

And I wish you would have been in my platoon when I got in trouble with the colonel. I said, I say, hey, translate this.

[Jase Robertson]

We went from. From buck.

[Si Robertson]

Yeah.

[Jase Robertson]

Stamps.

[Si Robertson]

That's right. From a moose to broken phone.

[Jase Robertson]

Broken phones.

[Si Robertson]

The only thing good about that was it was a fine little lady. That's what it said.

[Jase Robertson]

Boy, if it had been combing her hair, it would have been.

[Si Robertson]

That's right. If she'd only been on the end of my bed combing her Hair. We really had something.

[Jacob Mayo]

All right, all right. Commercial break.

[Jase Robertson]

That's what.

[Si Robertson]

S4.

[Jase Robertson]

We was in Arkansas. That come from. We was in Arkansas duck hunting and a bunch of millards come in and we raised up and we tore them up. Except for S. He never shot. He was just sitting there watching.

[Si Robertson]

Hey, we killed them all.

[Jase Robertson]

And size.

[Si Robertson]

I didn't kill them. My shot. I said, hey, you know what this like?

[Willie Robertson]

I said, like taking a tea break and not putting your mic back on.

[Si Robertson]

Yeah, well, hey, I said, you know what it's like, boys? I said, this is like you're at your house and you got a fine looking woman. Oh, goodness. I'm sitting on the end of your bed. Oh, boy.

[Jacob Mayo]

Combing your hair.

[Si Robertson]

Your hair. I call her Alice. All right.

[Jase Robertson]

Everybody elected each other and said.

[Si Robertson]

Said what? Everybody looked at me and said, what? We just shot a bunch of valor. And I said, that's right. That's right, that's right.

[Willie Robertson]

Anyways, what if we get you one of them children phones? Have you seen those fireflies? Yeah, well, they got all these phones for kids now because parents don't want to give their kids an actual phone. You're mic. You haven't finished the tea break yet.

[Si Robertson]

Well, hey, I've had three phones, so don't waste your money on. Buy me another.

[Willie Robertson]

I'm about to get Carter a phone that can only call because. Because I think he's got a lot of funny stuff that happens and I want him to call and tell me about it because I would call my parents when they were at work, but he doesn't have any way to call me.

[Jacob Mayo]

Y' all don't have a home phone?

[Si Robertson]

Who got a home phone?

[Jacob Mayo]

I don't know if I feel like if I had kids.

[Jase Robertson]

Do you have a home phone?

[Jacob Mayo]

I did growing up. I don't know.

[Si Robertson]

We had one phone. It was home.

[Jase Robertson]

Was it a rotary?

[Willie Robertson]

Did you used to call girls on it?

[Jase Robertson]

No, but I used punch button.

[Jacob Mayo]

I get that.

[Si Robertson]

Call me.

[Jacob Mayo]

I used to get people my home phone number.

[Willie Robertson]

Y' all missed it.

[Jacob Mayo]

What'd he say?

[Willie Robertson]

I said, did you call girls on your home phone? He said, no, they called me.

[Jacob Mayo]

Hey, I'd love to see what they wrote in your yearbook.

[Jase Robertson]

Oh, yeah.

[Willie Robertson]

Why did your eyes get so big? Do you remember it?

[Si Robertson]

What?

[Willie Robertson]

You have something in a year know about?

[Jacob Mayo]

Oh, yeah.

[Jase Robertson]

Oh, they wrote in his crack.

[Jacob Mayo]

There's like 20 girls that comb their hair in that year.

[Si Robertson]

It was probably something like, hey, the. He is the wackiest. I know he will be the last one to Become anything.

[Jase Robertson]

Yeah.

[Jacob Mayo]

No, but did they still leave their number? They still leave their number.

[Si Robertson]

Well, how. They still called me. There you go.

[Willie Robertson]

So they didn't believe what they were saying.

[Si Robertson]

Well, hey, they still call me.

[Jase Robertson]

Yeah. They call you?

[Si Robertson]

No. Cause if you met any of the girls that I dated, oh, boy, what.

[Willie Robertson]

Would they say now?

[Si Robertson]

They would say, hey, look, what would. Gertrude, that was the best. Okay? And I'll laugh all night long. The best date I've ever had. And I laughed all night long.

[Willie Robertson]

Thanks for adding the date.

[Si Robertson]

I'll give you an example. In my day, look.

[Willie Robertson]

I mean, that was the best.

[Si Robertson]

No, no, I'll give you a.

[Willie Robertson]

And I laughed the whole time.

[Si Robertson]

No, no, look, I don't gotta.

[Jacob Mayo]

I don't gotta paraphrase that.

[Si Robertson]

I ain't gonna date.

[Jase Robertson]

Cause everybody else is.

[Si Robertson]

When I drove my brother's car, okay, I didn't take a young lady to a movie house.

[Jase Robertson]

You went to the drive in?

[Si Robertson]

We went to the. What do they call that at the drive in? We went to the drive in. Well, I'll give you. I don't even remember what was on the screen. Oh, goodness.

[Jacob Mayo]

Oh, yeah.

[Willie Robertson]

There's children listening, remember?

[Si Robertson]

Hey, everybody that saw it said it was a really great movie.

[Willie Robertson]

Is it Jaws?

[Si Robertson]

Okay. No, no. But anyway. Well, look, she was an Italian. And look, I chased that girl from the front seat to the back seat. From the front seat back to the back seat all night long. Did y' all go to. Hey. And we had a blast.

[Jacob Mayo]

Y' all playing musical chairs or what?

[Jase Robertson]

Musical chairs.

[Si Robertson]

No.

[Willie Robertson]

Had some spaghetti.

[Si Robertson]

She was trying to hide and I was seeking.

[Willie Robertson]

Okay, all right. Pepe Le Pew. We got a. We got a cut right now.

[Jase Robertson]

Just play it like a heat seeking missile, baby.

[Si Robertson]

We had a wonderful night.

[Willie Robertson]

That's what I like to call high school. What movie was.

[Si Robertson]

There was nothing bad. We had a good time. Okay.

[Willie Robertson]

Yeah.

[Jacob Mayo]

Yeah.

[Willie Robertson]

What surprise was it, though?

[Si Robertson]

For real? For real.

[Willie Robertson]

I don't know, but what movies did you go see at the drive in?

[Jacob Mayo]

I never saw one.

[Si Robertson]

I didn't go there for the movie.

[Jacob Mayo]

He paid for a parking spot.

[Si Robertson]

That was one day.

[Jase Robertson]

I'd have went out in the woods somewhere.

[Si Robertson]

No, no, Jacob's right. Why not just go park out in the woods somewhere?

[Jase Robertson]

Go parking.

[Jacob Mayo]

I'm surprised you didn't take these girls to the mattress store and asked if they would comb their hair. And you just sit there and watch them.

[Jase Robertson]

Yeah.

[Jacob Mayo]

You know what I mean? That's what I told you were gonna say. You got everyone a comb and say, hey, just go in there store. Sit right there and comb your hair.

[Si Robertson]

That chair is always open. Oh.

[Willie Robertson]

Just starts talk.

[Si Robertson]

If y' all don't understand me, y' all gonna say what I said. Cause I got a translator. Oh.

[Willie Robertson]

Oh, that's so funny.

[Jase Robertson]

I don't know how apostrophe a Salie. Apostrophe.

[Willie Robertson]

S. You know what my favorite season is?

[Si Robertson]

Hey. What? The fall.

[Willie Robertson]

Which is a lot of good things, but it's also planting season. Did you know that many plants and trees actually do better when planted this time of year?

[Jase Robertson]

I didn't know that.

[Willie Robertson]

You have to know where to start.

[Si Robertson]

Didn't know it.

[Willie Robertson]

That's why I love fast growing trees dot com. Doesn't matter if you live in the sunny south like us or if the air is getting chilly where you are. Their plant experts can help you find the perfect fit for your space. They have more than 6,000 to choose from, like fruit trees, privacy trees, flowering trees, shrubs, and more. Jacob, you ever want to build a big wall of trees though Willie can't.

[Jacob Mayo]

See you, maybe so you can build them right there.

[Si Robertson]

Trees can help you.

[Willie Robertson]

And look com ask growing trees dot com. They got make it easy. You type in your zip code, they show you what zone will work and.

[Si Robertson]

They show you what grows in your area.

[Willie Robertson]

Look, all you gotta do is order online and your plants come right to your door from fast growing trees in just a few days with all the care instructions you need. Their in house plant experts are a game changer. Even if you don't usually make it through a season, they got you. They help you find the best American growing plants to thrive in your space. And with their alive and thrive guarantee, you know those plants are going to be there happy and healthy. Which is how I like my plants.

[Si Robertson]

That's why you go to fast growingtrees.com with the professionals.

[Willie Robertson]

Boy, they got them banana trees. You put them in a pot, put them on your back porch. That's what Allison did. The thing was awesome. This fall they have the best deals for your yard, up to half off on select plants and other deals and listeners to our show get 15 off their first purchase when using the code at checkout. That's 15 off at fast growingtrees.com using the code. Now's the perfect time to plant use to save the day. Offer is valid for a limited time. Terms and conditions may apply. Check out the link below or in the show notes and support the show. That's fast growing trees.com using the code duck. Well, well, I used. I used to take Girls.

[Si Robertson]

Starbucks.

[Jase Robertson]

Yeah, Starbucks.

[Willie Robertson]

They liked coffee.

[Jase Robertson]

Pioneer. Pioneer Pizza.

[Si Robertson]

And a pizza. Right. Not.

[Willie Robertson]

Well, yeah.

[Si Robertson]

Did a pizza parlor.

[Jase Robertson]

That's what we'd go to.

[Willie Robertson]

That's a story for another time.

[Jase Robertson]

And there was an old pizza shop over in Monroe. I forget what it was called, but I hate that.

[Si Robertson]

Just reminded me I'm hung up. I'm hung up on Italian women, right?

[Willie Robertson]

Oh, my goodness.

[Si Robertson]

Oh, yeah. Look, I dated another one from New York. I'm not New York.

[Willie Robertson]

New Orleans and Italian.

[Si Robertson]

Yeah. Hey, that's a good one. An Italian from New Orleans. Okay, that was a Cajun, too.

[Jase Robertson]

Brio.

[Si Robertson]

But anyway.

[Jacob Mayo]

Yo, how was her driving?

[Si Robertson]

No, no, look, she takes me home to meet her family.

[Jacob Mayo]

Okay, okay, this sounds more of a humble beginning here.

[Si Robertson]

As soon as we walked in, she said, oh, you're so lucky. And I said, why am I so lucky? She said, because, hey, we're going. We're going to make you an original Italian pizza. So they started getting out all the ingredients. And so the cheese they use, this was like somebody, you know, bathroom. And, you know, he's a bathroom. Oh, yeah, because you talking about, you know, the cheese had been dead for centuries. Centuries. Yeah.

[Jacob Mayo]

What do they have a dungeon of cheese?

[Si Robertson]

No, no, I don't. Hold on, hold on, hold on.

[Jase Robertson]

They had a cheese seller.

[Willie Robertson]

An Italian woman invited me over for the best pizza ever, and then they took a dump on the plate.

[Si Robertson]

Well, hey, the cheese. Hey, you talking about rotten. Smell it. But. No, no, but here. Cause I mean, I just. When they was cooking it, I was sitting there going, just good grief, y'. All. But then when they brought it out, yo, it looked so good. And it was. It actually. But you talking about stink. That cheese they had was raunchy.

[Jacob Mayo]

What'd they call that pizza?

[Jase Robertson]

Catfish Cheese.

[Si Robertson]

They was full Italian because they were speaking Italian a lot.

[Jacob Mayo]

Speak Italian?

[Si Robertson]

Oh, no. And they actually talk with their hands, too, like I do.

[Willie Robertson]

They're my Italian.

[Si Robertson]

Here's the thing. The pizza was delicious. Smelling that bad. I really wasn't going to eat it because it's just the way it stunk.

[Jase Robertson]

I'm surprised.

[Si Robertson]

I. Look, I said, hey, I don't go for it.

[Jacob Mayo]

I don't know if I've ever.

[Si Robertson]

Then I ate the whole thing.

[Jacob Mayo]

I don't know if I've ever ate anything. I said stunk.

[Si Robertson]

No, no, hey, I'm serious.

[Jase Robertson]

Anything that's got a wing, it.

[Si Robertson]

Well, no, no, but anything that's got.

[Jacob Mayo]

A wang to it.

[Si Robertson]

My mother and everybody in there, the grandmother, everybody in there laughed at me because I Said, yeah. I said, man, that thing stinks.

[Jase Robertson]

Yeah, that thing's turned.

[Si Robertson]

I said, that thing stinks. Are you really going to eat that? And I said, oh, you. You'll love it when you. If you. It's just got a bad, bad odor. He said, but the flavor in it is excellent. Same was right. I ate the whole thing. It was 14 inches.

[Willie Robertson]

14 inches?

[Si Robertson]

Yeah.

[Jacob Mayo]

Did they give you gum after?

[Si Robertson]

Oh, no.

[Willie Robertson]

Did your breath stink?

[Si Robertson]

You didn't kiss me, though.

[Jacob Mayo]

I believe it.

[Si Robertson]

We didn't kiss each other that night because, hey, today I'm serious. But hey, one year. I don't know what kind of cheese it was, but it had a delicious flavor.

[Jacob Mayo]

I'm glad I didn't park in the movie theater with the blind premiere with you and Christine in the car, I'll tell you that.

[Willie Robertson]

Speaking of. Go see the blind in theaters. I will not be in the parking lot.

[Si Robertson]

I would, like. Had fun.

[Jacob Mayo]

Oh, yeah.

[Si Robertson]

And I got a little cardio workout. You know, Tracy. Oh, my God.

[Jacob Mayo]

The doctor told him to.

[Willie Robertson]

Hey, that's why he's still kicking, even after all that copd. Hey, cardio.

[Jacob Mayo]

He told me, like, the third time on here. He likes to giggle and snuggle.

[Si Robertson]

He told me. Hey, look, y', all, he's lovable.

[Jacob Mayo]

He's a lovable man.

[Willie Robertson]

I don't.

[Si Robertson]

Well, look. Hey, Lord. Hey, any woman that you go out with, they smell good, okay?

[Jacob Mayo]

They comb their hair.

[Si Robertson]

They comb their hair. Yeah. And.

[Jase Robertson]

And they hide pretty good.

[Si Robertson]

And they hide.

[Willie Robertson]

Unless they're hiding from the greatest of all.

[Jacob Mayo]

You can throw them in the trunk. That's good.

[Si Robertson]

And they're very ticklish.

[Jase Robertson]

Okay.

[Willie Robertson]

Okay. Here we go.

[Si Robertson]

That's why we always laughing.

[Jase Robertson]

There you go.

[Willie Robertson]

Don't you ever tickle me while we're doing this.

[Si Robertson]

No. No. That's the story of my life right there, boys.

[Willie Robertson]

Yeah, It's a good story.

[Si Robertson]

Oh, hey.

[Jase Robertson]

Yeah.

[Si Robertson]

I loved it.

[Jase Robertson]

That's why I passed.

[Jacob Mayo]

I loved it.

[Si Robertson]

I did.

[Jase Robertson]

Wow.

[Willie Robertson]

I had something.

[Si Robertson]

I had a exciting life.

[Willie Robertson]

Yeah.

[Jacob Mayo]

Yeah.

[Si Robertson]

Okay. And a whole lot of fun.

[Willie Robertson]

Hey, you know what I did in high school that was a whole lot of fun?

[Si Robertson]

What?

[Willie Robertson]

We would go looking for people like you that like to park at, like, Foresight park and Levy and get the biggest spotlight we could find and park next to them and then just shine 10,000 lumens straight in their eyeballs.

[Si Robertson]

I had a copy one night.

[Willie Robertson]

What?

[Si Robertson]

And he asked the stupid question, what are you doing? And I said, I'm changing this good looking thing all over this car.

[Willie Robertson]

Well, we're glad you never got arrested.

[Jacob Mayo]

Yeah, yeah.

[Willie Robertson]

Did you?

[Si Robertson]

No. Now that I've never had the pleasure of it, because no, anytime I have anything to do with John Law.

[Willie Robertson]

Who's John Law?

[Jase Robertson]

Well, that's just.

[Si Robertson]

That's man in blue.

[Willie Robertson]

Oh, you did. You dipped, right?

[Si Robertson]

You're gone. Yeah. Oh, it's always, hey, whatever. When he pulls me over, it's, yes, sir. No, sir. Yes, sir. No, sir. Yes, sir.

[Willie Robertson]

You're not the guy that just runs away.

[Si Robertson]

Oh, no, no, no. Because I had told Jace once, I said, jace, you don't understand. You can be innocent. I said, there's a lot of innocent people behind bars right now. And I said, if you doubt it, hey, check with the warden sometime. I don't want no deal with John Law.

[Willie Robertson]

Wait, you think the warden.

[Si Robertson]

They lock the door behind you, then it's up to you and the lawyer. And hey, like everything else, you've got good ones, you got bad ones. You got some of them that are overworked, got too many clients, and he ain't got time for you. Guess what you gonna do. You're gonna be in them bars a long time.

[Jacob Mayo]

I've never thought about a police officer and a warden with clients.

[Jase Robertson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Willie Robertson]

And then your lawyer's overworked, tired, got three kids, a drinking problem, and you're stuck in jail the rest of your life.

[Si Robertson]

Jail? And you ain't getting that.

[Jase Robertson]

Well, all of them say they didn't do it.

[Jacob Mayo]

Yeah, if I was in jail, I'd.

[Si Robertson]

Want to be concerned. Some of them didn't.

[Willie Robertson]

I didn't do it.

[Si Robertson]

That happens all the time. They, you know, found new DNA.

[Willie Robertson]

Oh, my goodness.

[Si Robertson]

How long would you stay in there, sir?

[Willie Robertson]

You just watched.

[Si Robertson]

I was in 25 years.

[Willie Robertson]

You just watched Shawshank Redemption or something.

[Si Robertson]

No, no, I'm serious. The guy. It was in the newspaper here all what, eight months ago? 20 years.

[Willie Robertson]

You get the newspaper, first of all. Really?

[Si Robertson]

20 years.

[Jacob Mayo]

Is it the new star?

[Si Robertson]

Hey, I don't know what.

[Willie Robertson]

They still have that.

[Si Robertson]

I know.

[Jacob Mayo]

My grandma gets.

[Willie Robertson]

My grandmother gets it, too.

[Jacob Mayo]

That's how she used to look for.

[Si Robertson]

Garage sales on television. That it was a show and they checked into closed, so called closed cases. And I, you know, found new DNA. He was. He. He wasn't. He didn't. He wasn't the one that done it.

[Jacob Mayo]

He wasn't the one.

[Si Robertson]

No. And he spent 20 years in prison.

[Jacob Mayo]

He was just trying to play hide and seek.

[Willie Robertson]

That would stink.

[Si Robertson]

Oh. Oh, no, that would.

[Willie Robertson]

If you were wrongfully in jail, that would.

[Si Robertson]

That would Be a bug, you know, a bad guy, you know, he don't kill one.

[Jase Robertson]

Well, he was pretty close to something that was up to no good. For him to even be suspected, probably.

[Si Robertson]

Oh, no, I ain't never top.

[Jase Robertson]

They never come to my house.

[Si Robertson]

Well, no, no, but it happened to. I can't think of his son's name.

[Jacob Mayo]

A son.

[Si Robertson]

I'm telling you, he was. He was there just at the wrong time and wrong.

[Jase Robertson]

He was. He wasn't there.

[Willie Robertson]

That happened to me one time.

[Jase Robertson]

He was not there.

[Si Robertson]

Oh, he wasn't there. No, I thought he just looked there. He was there and didn't know it.

[Jase Robertson]

Looked not there.

[Willie Robertson]

He had an alibi. That happened to me one time.

[Si Robertson]

I'm just saying, wrong place, wrong time. It can happen.

[Willie Robertson]

I just drove past the farmer's market to pick up a friend and the friend picked up a tomato that was just sitting there because they were closed. Waved it. I said, put that down, dude. They're gonna think we stole it. He puts it back down, he gets in my truck, we drive off. A private investigator was watching the thing because people kept stealing from the farmer's market.

[Jase Robertson]

Yeah.

[Willie Robertson]

And then they said it was us and we had to pay like 200 fine or something. I was like, I didn't do. I just picked somebody up. But I'm glad I didn't go to.

[Jacob Mayo]

Jail for 20 years for a tomato.

[Willie Robertson]

Yeah, Tomato Joe. We still call them that to this day. Joe, you owe me bucks. If you're listening, you're a pharmacist now. You know what I love?

[Si Robertson]

What?

[Willie Robertson]

Smoothie. Homemade.

[Si Robertson]

You ever make a homemade smoothie?

[Willie Robertson]

You ever make one?

[Si Robertson]

Yeah, I've made.

[Willie Robertson]

They're great. And AG1 has helped me up my smoothie game. They've just introduced three new AG1 Next Gen flavors. You get the same benefits as the original, but now they have it in citrus, berry and tropical. And no, no drinking smoothies while they're hot. All three of these flavors are amazing in smoothie recipes. AG1 is still my daily health drink because it's so simple, it's a habit you can actually stick to. Just One scoop of AG1 is all you need because it contains 75 vitamins, minerals, pre and probiotics, superfoods to support whole body health. It supports energy, immune health, and it improves digestion. Plus, AG1 Next Gen is backed by four. That's four, not one, two or three. Four clinical trials that show it fills common nutrient gaps and supports gut health.

[Si Robertson]

What can you do? You can't beat that.

[Willie Robertson]

You can't beat One Scoop's got all that.

[Si Robertson]

One scoop does it, boys.

[Willie Robertson]

One scoop does everything you need. You know the only thing that's better than that? The way it makes you feel, you'd be ready to take on your day. You have a smoothie with a scoop of AG1, you'll tell the difference.

[Jase Robertson]

You'll be ready to climb trees.

[Willie Robertson]

And now you can have a tropical scoop. The vibrant, fruity flavor tastes like papaya and passion fruit. A citrus scoop. The sweet, tangy flavor tastes like lemon and orange. A berry scoop. The subtly sweet, tart flavor tastes like blueberry and strawberry. And you're getting all those nutrients right there in your smoothie if you throw a scoop in with your smoothie. So give the new AG1 flavors a try today. Head to drinkag1.com and you'll get a free welcome kit worth $76 when you subscribe, including five AG1 travel packs, a shaker, a canister, and a scoop. That's drinkag1.com. Duck to get started today. You know what we did as teenagers, that was stupid. And I can't. I don't really want to tell it in case they're listening, but we would go ring everybody's doorbell in the entire city of West Monroe at midnight and then wait till they opened and then.

[Jase Robertson]

Run and just waited till they opened it.

[Willie Robertson]

Yeah, that way it was scarier. I really feel bad about it.

[Jase Robertson]

Well, they know who you were then. Well, the idea is to ring it and run.

[Willie Robertson]

Yeah, we would ring it and wait till they could see us and then run just to freak them out a little more. And now I'm thinking like, then you.

[Jase Robertson]

Got a phone call. Your daddy coming there.

[Willie Robertson]

It's lucky I never got shot.

[Si Robertson]

Which proved my point when I said, hey, teenagers do stupid things.

[Jase Robertson]

Oh, yeah.

[Jacob Mayo]

Oh, yeah.

[Jase Robertson]

I done it.

[Jacob Mayo]

I did it.

[Willie Robertson]

What did you do, Jacob? The new age team. You had the Internet.

[Si Robertson]

That's.

[Jacob Mayo]

No, I did the same thing. I found out where my. One of my substitute teachers lived. And we would just do her house over and over again till she got in her car driving around the neighborhood looking for.

[Si Robertson]

For us.

[Willie Robertson]

I've hidden in a ditch from.

[Jase Robertson]

Do you ever. Do you ever roll somebody?

[Jacob Mayo]

Oh, yeah, that's my favorite.

[Jase Robertson]

Oh, here's a good one.

[Si Robertson]

She get you the next day at.

[Jacob Mayo]

School because she didn't know she was old. That's why I was bad.

[Jase Robertson]

Yeah, Paula, she wasn't.

[Si Robertson]

Folks, hey, this is. Don't do this.

[Willie Robertson]

I got. I got a good one.

[Jase Robertson]

Brother in law. He said, yeah, it Was Christmas. And Jackie, her brother, had his house all lit up, you know, decorated. He thought that was so stupid. He said, y' all never. He said, I'll never decorate that house. So we went over, decorated and decorated his house. We just done it the most. We bought lights. They would light. And then we put up a video camera, turned it on, waited for him to get home. And he count. Of course, he said a few choice words, but he was tearing things up.

[Willie Robertson]

Because you decorated his house for Christmas.

[Jase Robertson]

Yeah. Were you still there? Well, it was kind of trashy because he just kept on. I never so. And then during Christmas dinner, we turned it on the tv, and look, we did it the next year, too. He's grabbing his ass. It was. So we put. We put out a plywood painted sign on in the front yard and everything. We had it. Yeah, it was.

[Willie Robertson]

I used to love making the reindeer go into the rut. Oh, you were there, the two reindeer. You just get to get the one and put it with the other one.

[Jase Robertson]

Yeah.

[Jacob Mayo]

You were the connector.

[Willie Robertson]

Yeah. That was always fun. But the best prank I ever pulled. We went and found a bunch of leaves from somebody's yard that they had bagged up, and we stacked them in front of our friend Gabe's front door. And we just kept stacking leaves. And, you know, the door opens in.

[Si Robertson]

Yeah.

[Willie Robertson]

Then you ring the doorbell, Then you run, and then they open the door. And all the leaves fell in his house. And Gabe came back to school the next day and said, my mom said, if y' all roll my house again, she's going to ground me. He got grounded the next day, which is really mean when you think about it, but why don't you tell us that?

[Jacob Mayo]

Yeah. One of the first days of my sophomore year of high school, I had a new buddy, and he. I was staying in Monroe, and he picked us up to go roll somebody's house. And who's not down to roll house when you're a teenager?

[Willie Robertson]

I would go right now.

[Jacob Mayo]

That's what I'm saying. If somebody said, Tonight I had 50 rolls of toilet paper and just an address, I'm going, I'm in, like, you know what I mean?

[Willie Robertson]

We should roll Willie's house.

[Jase Robertson]

Sardine. Well, you can't get into the hood now. You can put sardines on top of the motor.

[Jacob Mayo]

Put soap in their grass for it rains, you know.

[Willie Robertson]

Sardines on top of the motor.

[Jase Robertson]

Oh, yeah.

[Jacob Mayo]

Yeah. So look, we went and rolled these people's house. My buddy of mine, you know, he. I'm just Saying he had a Miller Light in his hand. We wasn't too far down the road. He knew what we were doing. I had no clue. I was just like, we're going to roll this house. Well, we roll this house. I'm talking about to a T. Fun. Like, we're good looking. Yeah. Was great decorated. I mean, if rolling a house was Christmas Day, you know, we was the crushed it. We crushed it. Like we gonna win the prize.

[Si Robertson]

Well, we.

[Jacob Mayo]

We live right down the street. He drove, but, I mean, we just rode back. Well, the next day, he knew this. This was his buddy. They were either having a wedding there or having a. Like a. A rehearsal dinner. And I drove by that house on the way home, and the mom was out there sobbing.

[Willie Robertson]

Oh, you're a bad person.

[Jacob Mayo]

I felt so bad.

[Willie Robertson]

Yeah, you should.

[Jacob Mayo]

But that's all. Hey, I bet you right place, wrong time.

[Willie Robertson]

Show business, baby. Right place, party.

[Si Robertson]

And the kids just roll my whole house.

[Jacob Mayo]

Think about that. I felt so bad.

[Jase Robertson]

Well, they got something to remember you by.

[Jacob Mayo]

They never knew it was me.

[Willie Robertson]

I remember they came to school.

[Jase Robertson]

Never forget that wedding.

[Willie Robertson]

Philip McMillan and a family of camouflage people just showed up.

[Si Robertson]

Well, y' all don't miss it. We're just.

[Willie Robertson]

Yeah, well, yeah, no, I'm glad the kids weren't here for that part.

[Jacob Mayo]

Yeah, me too.

[Si Robertson]

Oh, that was the best part.

[Willie Robertson]

Now we're talking about stupid stuff you can do when you're in high school. Yeah, I don't know how we got here.

[Si Robertson]

We've been discussing how stupid teenagers can become. It's all rolling houses with toilet paper and all this junk. But before that. Oh, no, I was talking about all.

[Willie Robertson]

My dating years, and we're not allowed to go back there because.

[Si Robertson]

And the director saying, cut that.

[Willie Robertson]

No, we're not cutting it.

[Si Robertson]

It's gonna roll.

[Willie Robertson]

But anyways, Jacob, you recently were in the dating world. What's tell? Well, not re. More recently than the rest of us.

[Jase Robertson]

How long you been married?

[Si Robertson]

Matter of fact, how long been married?

[Jase Robertson]

40 years.

[Si Robertson]

Four. Four. Four year.

[Willie Robertson]

Four years. So, like, you were on like, dating apps and such?

[Jacob Mayo]

No, no, I didn't do that.

[Willie Robertson]

I wanted you to tell Sa about dating apps.

[Jacob Mayo]

You can tell. I got a question I would love to read. Size dating that bio.

[Si Robertson]

What is. What is it like dating Willie Robertson's daughter?

[Jacob Mayo]

What is it like?

[Willie Robertson]

Yeah, he's never.

[Jacob Mayo]

I felt like his pretty same dating anyone else.

[Jase Robertson]

What'd he do the first time you.

[Jacob Mayo]

Showed up over gave me a nickname or something.

[Willie Robertson]

Butt Cut.

[Si Robertson]

Yeah, but y' all know how will he is.

[Jacob Mayo]

I mean, if he wanted to be involved, he could. And if not, he just like, disappears. Whatever.

[Si Robertson]

I mean, it's your daughter. But, you know, hey, I think.

[Jacob Mayo]

I mean, I think it took time for him to adjust. Yeah, just. Or also just respect me as a man. Like, you got to gain respect, you know?

[Willie Robertson]

Not a man, a human being.

[Jacob Mayo]

We'll get to genders later.

[Si Robertson]

Oh, my daughter was dating Tracy.

[Jacob Mayo]

Yeah.

[Willie Robertson]

Were you rude? Were you rude?

[Si Robertson]

I was not. I was probably a little crude.

[Willie Robertson]

Crude?

[Si Robertson]

Crude. Yeah, because I told him, I said, you know, when you feel. You actually feel that someone is watching you. I said, you are. And I said that not only are they watching you, you've got a crosshair on you.

[Jacob Mayo]

I found. Is that a.

[Willie Robertson]

We can't air any of this episode. We've gone.

[Jacob Mayo]

Santa Claus, Assassin.

[Si Robertson]

Murder. Hey, this is life, yo. The first thing you gotta do is scare the young man.

[Willie Robertson]

I thought you about to think you.

[Si Robertson]

Better treat this young lady which respect and kindness. Because hey, otherwise you're in trouble.

[Willie Robertson]

I'm interested. I need to know these things because my daughter's six now and she comes home talking about some boy named. And I hate him because his name's John David. So. And I remember her kind of was there first.

[Si Robertson]

Hey, I remember her 16th sweet switch 16 birthday traces.

[Willie Robertson]

Yeah, I really wish.

[Si Robertson]

Okay, verify this. All the kids in the neighborhood always come to my house.

[Willie Robertson]

Really?

[Si Robertson]

Yeah, because it was always fun.

[Willie Robertson]

Wasn't scary.

[Si Robertson]

Yo, Pa is Paul is fun. Okay. Okay. They all called you Pa. Well, no, that's. That's what I called myself.

[Jacob Mayo]

Okay, that's just third person point of view.

[Si Robertson]

My grandkids call me Pumpa, which is German for Papa Poopa.

[Jacob Mayo]

Based on your story. I thought the Italians got a new boyfriend.

[Willie Robertson]

More of a carrying on your life.

[Si Robertson]

She brings him over to meet the family.

[Jase Robertson]

Yeah.

[Si Robertson]

Yeah. Well, the first thing I do is when he walks in. I've got all these German deer head mounts. Their skull. Okay. Their skull mounts.

[Jacob Mayo]

Right.

[Si Robertson]

I said, hey, look, you treat her wrong, your head will be up there.

[Willie Robertson]

Oh my goodness. You can't it. You said that?

[Si Robertson]

Yeah, I said it.

[Jacob Mayo]

And did you say Poo Paul was going to be on the plaque?

[Si Robertson]

And I said, yeah. I said, hey. And it will. It will read, killed by Poom Paul.

[Willie Robertson]

It will weigh up.

[Jase Robertson]

Yeah.

[Willie Robertson]

Measure you put on there.

[Si Robertson]

Okay. They go out, you know, he had opened the door like he should a gentleman. Okay.

[Jase Robertson]

You only got to say you make her cry. I make you cry?

[Si Robertson]

No, no, I, I.

[Willie Robertson]

What you said?

[Si Robertson]

I said, you heard Her. And I said, oh, you can't believe how much you're gonna hurt.

[Willie Robertson]

Yeah, I mean, he said he's just gonna make him cry. You're like. You're gonna rip people's arms off and beat them cruel.

[Si Robertson]

Prime delivery is fast. How fast are we talking? We're talking puzzle toys and lick pad delivered so fast you can get this puppy under control fast. We're talking chew toys at your door without really waiting. Fast pads, cooling mat and pet hammer. Fast and fast. And those training T R E A T s faster than you can say sit fast. And now we can all relax and order these matching hoodies to get cozy and cute. Fast.

[Jase Robertson]

Fast.

[Si Robertson]

Free delivery. It's on Prime. We had a bully in high school, weighed 250. Okay. He's 12th grade. 12th grade. Okay. What are you. So, hey, I'm in 12th grade, too.

[Willie Robertson]

How much did you weigh?

[Si Robertson]

Oh, look, a new kid comes into town.

[Jacob Mayo]

No buck 20.

[Si Robertson]

Okay.

[Willie Robertson]

How much did you weigh?

[Si Robertson]

Yo, Alan was about, oh, five, six, little short guy.

[Jacob Mayo]

This 250 pound dude.

[Si Robertson]

Yeah. No, no, no, the big guy. No, no, the big guy was all.

[Jacob Mayo]

Hey, what a character.

[Si Robertson]

No, no, about six, two. Well, about 250, you know, and he's in there. So. Look, we all do. We knew it was gonna happen. You know, opening day of school, got a new kid in the neighborhood. We all knew it, you know, so, hey, we all watch, you know, here comes Allen walking down the. You know, Alan won the class. Yeah, he's the five, four, weighs about all 140.

[Jase Robertson]

He's cranking.

[Jacob Mayo]

Yeah, he lost two inches.

[Si Robertson]

Five, six, whatever, but about 140, so.

[Willie Robertson]

I used to be taller, too.

[Si Robertson]

He's got 100, what, 150 pounds on him?

[Jase Robertson]

Yeah, fully half.

[Si Robertson]

Well, he walks up and gets in front of Allen and Alan stops and looks at him. Step left. The big bully step left. He steps back to the middle. Bully steps back, steps to the right. He stepped. So all that takes a step back. And he says, hey, I'm fixing to take a step forward. He said, and if you're still there in front of me, he said, I'm fixing to walk all over you.

[Jacob Mayo]

This is what the little kid said.

[Si Robertson]

Yeah, the little kid saying this.

[Willie Robertson]

When a little kid says that, you get out of the way.

[Si Robertson]

Oh, look. He steps forward and the big boy steps up with his fist out. Next thing. No, it's still talked about today, and we've never come up with how many times did Alan hit him before he hit the ground?

[Willie Robertson]

Who are you talking to about this, I like Tony.

[Si Robertson]

Every time we get together, we'd say, hey, how many times did Alan hit him before he hit the ground?

[Willie Robertson]

Alan was quick, y'.

[Si Robertson]

All. Hey, he become my best friend. And guess what? Hey, he got beat out in the semifinals of Golden Glove. So this kid is a boxer.

[Willie Robertson]

You knew one of the greatest boxers in the world, Alan.

[Si Robertson]

Oh, yeah.

[Willie Robertson]

From Vivian Louise.

[Si Robertson]

You are forced to look.

[Jase Robertson]

Oh, yeah.

[Si Robertson]

Talking about put it on him.

[Willie Robertson]

I would say all you heard, all.

[Si Robertson]

You seen was just fist flying.

[Jacob Mayo]

What kind of noises did the bully make?

[Si Robertson]

All he was going, all you hear was he didn't whimper. Then he failed.

[Willie Robertson]

I knew it was coming. I tried to pick up my computer.

[Si Robertson]

And it was a loud crash. And the fight was over.

[Jase Robertson]

It was.

[Si Robertson]

And the crowd went wild.

[Willie Robertson]

Do you think they could make a movie out of your life? Or would it? I mean, because it's more like a Netflix TV series.

[Si Robertson]

Wow.

[Willie Robertson]

I really think it's.

[Jase Robertson]

I don't think anybody could act to do it.

[Willie Robertson]

Yeah, that guy in the blind did it. All right job. But he was the serious.

[Si Robertson]

Yeah, but hey, no, they could. I don't know.

[Jase Robertson]

The young one. The young ones.

[Si Robertson]

As crazy as I am to pull.

[Jacob Mayo]

It off, I think it had to be like a TV show because there's so many different Johnny. Yeah, just a bunch of different seasons.

[Jase Robertson]

Oh, no, no.

[Si Robertson]

That's the reason my book that I wrote was a hit.

[Willie Robertson]

I told humble brag.

[Si Robertson]

Humble brag.

[Willie Robertson]

Get it on Amazon, suckers. I got a free triple wide.

[Si Robertson]

I told my whole life story, story from a childhood, by stories.

[Jacob Mayo]

Was there a chapter in there?

[Si Robertson]

But here's the best part of it.

[Willie Robertson]

Yeah, you left that out.

[Si Robertson]

It was the best part of it. Everything in that book, 95% of it is true.

[Jacob Mayo]

95?

[Jase Robertson]

Yeah.

[Jacob Mayo]

Heard it here first. 95%.

[Willie Robertson]

I mean, now you're legitimately Forrest Gump. Do you know the guy that started.

[Si Robertson]

Red Lobster who did what? I just checked. I was just checking. Where'd we go from my lobster? Red Lobster.

[Willie Robertson]

I don't know.

[Si Robertson]

Hey, I ate a lot of little red crawdads. Did. They stink, dude, what are you talking about?

[Willie Robertson]

Those stink.

[Si Robertson]

Those do stink.

[Jacob Mayo]

They stink, but taste good.

[Si Robertson]

I love it how you say something. It reminds me.

[Willie Robertson]

Look, please be the pizza.

[Si Robertson]

My uncle.

[Jacob Mayo]

Please be Italian women.

[Si Robertson]

No, no, my uncle. We're talking. We're fishing, talking trot lines. We're at the house making up trot lines. Me and Phil. My uncle says, hey, guys. He said, look, I know y' all saying bait, y', all. And Catch like little perch, just crawfish to use as bait. He said, but y' all throw the best part of the bait away, you know? I said, what are you talking about? He said, them potgut mammoths, because you catch a ton of potgut minnows. He said, that's the best catfish bait there is. I said, well, they're too little to put on the hook. He said, oh, you don't put them on the hook. He said, you get one of them giant sour pickle gallon jars. He said, eat all the sour pickles out of it, empty it out, clean it up real good. He said, then you buy you two bags of giant cotton balls.

[Willie Robertson]

What?

[Si Robertson]

Put it in the jar, and then when you go sailing for catching your trot line bait, he said, y' all always stow the potgut minnows away. He said, don't do that. Put them in a jar full of cotton balls and then put a lid on it and put it out in the yard for about a month. Well, hey, you leave anything in the hot sun in a hot jar for a month, it's going to go back to being just dead shiners. Yeah, well, all them cotton balls soak up that. That stuff. Okay, so we, you know, we're kids. Teenagers, stupid as usual. So we do this. Look, we had to take a hacksaw and cut the lid off after that thing, you know, fermented for 30 days. And then, look, we went to Red river and Phil had to bait him. I couldn't do it because the whole time, if I put him grab one of them cotton balls, I'd start puking.

[Willie Robertson]

I'm about to be.

[Si Robertson]

Phil baited up the trot line. We put it out across Red River. We did not catch one fish off of that junk. Okay? We left it out. Okay. Forgot it. That trot line is.

[Willie Robertson]

I thought this was a cool story or anything.

[Si Robertson]

Hey, look, that's just how stupid teenagers are.

[Jacob Mayo]

I thought you were gonna.

[Si Robertson]

Our uncle just paid us mad.

[Jase Robertson]

I heard a story that you planted golf balls because they told you they was going to grow in the baseballs.

[Si Robertson]

Well, I did. Hey, what? Look, I did. I told you that teenagers are stupid.

[Jase Robertson]

Phil and Tommy told him they'd grow into baseball.

[Si Robertson]

Hey, I was fixing. Making me a mint. Selling baseballs.

[Willie Robertson]

Why didn't you just sell the golf balls?

[Si Robertson]

Hey, I got them from the golf course.

[Willie Robertson]

You stole golf balls from the.

[Si Robertson]

Well, no, no, no, I didn't steal them. They was in the pond. I went and dug them out of the pond.

[Jacob Mayo]

That's a business now, hey, and look.

[Si Robertson]

I had them in the last rows where I was saying, okay, let's see. I was counting. Hey, I've got 45 baseballs fixed to come out of these ground right here.

[Willie Robertson]

How old were you?

[Si Robertson]

12.

[Jacob Mayo]

Had you done any drugs before they told you that?

[Si Robertson]

No, I didn't do any drugs. I thought.

[Willie Robertson]

Well, 12's not a teenager.

[Si Robertson]

Hey, but you talking about disappointment months, I'd be disappointed. No, no. After the allowed time, I never sprouted. I said, hey, maybe, maybe it's like potatoes you didn't fertilize. You plant pieces of tomato, it goes into a potato plant. Yo. And then you. They're on the ground, you got to dig them up. So I said, well, that's what's probably happening with the golf balls. It's probably a baseball by now, so let me dig them up. Okay? Then I dug them up and guess what?

[Jacob Mayo]

What?

[Si Robertson]

They were still stupid golf balls.

[Jacob Mayo]

Did you only have.

[Willie Robertson]

Oh, hold on, hold on.

[Jase Robertson]

How did that happen?

[Willie Robertson]

Because you're lumping all 12 and 13 year olds in together. How old are you, random child?

[Si Robertson]

Hold it.

[Willie Robertson]

She's 11.

[Jase Robertson]

He's 11.

[Si Robertson]

Would you look? She's a female. She's smart.

[Willie Robertson]

You knew golf balls didn't grow into baseball.

[Si Robertson]

You need to ask the kid there. That's a boy. Boys are stupid.

[Willie Robertson]

Well, he's not 12. Don't call the young kid with the cool hat that just walked in here. He calls me that all the time.

[Si Robertson]

But for you, sir, it grow. You grow out of it. Okay. Yeah, you're okay. You're okay. Yeah, you grow out of it.

[Willie Robertson]

He hasn't grown out of it yet.

[Si Robertson]

Well, I ain't growed up.

[Willie Robertson]

Well, that's.

[Si Robertson]

See, I refuse to grow up.

[Willie Robertson]

That's.

[Si Robertson]

Adults are boring.

[Willie Robertson]

Yeah, none of them plant golf balls.

[Si Robertson]

They don't plant golf balls. Well, look, hey, you need to have a little wonderment in your life.

[Willie Robertson]

Could you imagine if it happened, though?

[Jacob Mayo]

Wonderment. That a word? Yeah, wonderment.

[Jase Robertson]

Yeah, it's a word.

[Willie Robertson]

Do you have any idea how bad I wish.

[Si Robertson]

Don't ever lose your wonderment yeah, don't.

[Jase Robertson]

Lose your wonder man.

[Willie Robertson]

Are you singing I hope you dance.

[Jacob Mayo]

Right now by Leanne Womack?

[Si Robertson]

That's her.

[Jacob Mayo]

I like that song. That's.

[Si Robertson]

I love her. I love. Great song.

[Willie Robertson]

It is a jam. It's a great commercial.

[Jacob Mayo]

Are you singing?

[Si Robertson]

It's a jam and a gym.

[Willie Robertson]

Yeah. He said he hopes you never lose your sight of wonder.

[Si Robertson]

Don't ever lose your. Your excitement. Yeah.

[Jacob Mayo]

So go plant golf balls. Yeah, they're baseballs.

[Jase Robertson]

Golly boy.

[Si Robertson]

Cause hey, all they do is disappoint you when they don't turn into baseball like they told you. Yeah, then that was a grown up that told me that they were grown. That's another reason I ain't gonna cry lie to you.

[Willie Robertson]

Well, we need to end this. I don't know how.

[Si Robertson]

Yeah, we don't.

[Willie Robertson]

Leanne Womack and sigh both Hope you dance so. Psalm 149:3 Let them praise him with his name with dancing making melody to him with the tambourine and the liar.

[Jase Robertson]

There you go.

[Willie Robertson]

One day we're going to dance with Liam Womack in heaven.

[Si Robertson]

That's right. You don't know how it works, but it could. You don't have to sing in key. Well, no, he sure I didn't say that. God didn't make a lord, y'. All. Joyful noise.

[Jacob Mayo]

That's right.

[Jase Robertson]

Yeah.

[Willie Robertson]

He threw in some instruments right there.

[Si Robertson]

Sam.