Uncle Si Outs Willie Robertson’s Unicorn Jammy Jams

Summary

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Duck Call Room: Uncle Si Outs Willie Robertson’s Unicorn Jammy Jams

Hosts: Si Robertson, Justin Martin, John-David Owen, John Godwin, Jay Stone, Phillip McMillan, Jacob Mayo
Date: June 2, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode is a classic Duck Call Room blend of humor, down-home wisdom, and wild storytelling. The gang dives into everything from biblical reflections to brawls with childhood bullies and an unexpectedly detailed debate on nighttime sock habits and sleepwear. Fans are treated to Si’s epic outing of Willie Robertson’s supposed unicorn pajamas, plenty of nostalgic tales, and some genuinely heartfelt fatherhood advice for a listener about to become a dad.

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Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. On Appreciation & Biblical Wisdom

• The crew initially riffs on “appreciation,” especially for teachers, using biblical references – notably the Book of James (aka “Jimmy”).
• They argue about the timeline of James’s writing, keeping the tone light and comedic, as Christine nicknames the apostle “Jimmy.”

  “James is. I call it the action book.” – J.D. [02:33]

• Discussion veers into quirky speculations about translating biblical names and whether everyone’s distantly related to King James.

2. Sibling Rivalry and Having Jesus for a Brother

• A running joke unfolds imagining what it would’ve been like to have Jesus as a biological brother, with plenty of competitive sibling humor:

  “If Jesus was my brother, I’d have an inferiority complex!” – Christine [03:01] "I'd bring him to every party for party tricks!" – Guest [03:27]

3. Duck Commander Memories & Pop Culture asides

• The group reminisces about Willie’s time on The Masked Singer (as a mallard) and pokes fun at his supposed identity crisis, paralleling bird-based confusion and flair for costumes.

  "They said he was a mallard, but he was a woodchuck was what he was." – J.D. [05:19]

4. Bullying, Old School Discipline & Coming of Age

• Everyone shares stories about bullies from their school days, street justice, and crucial parental moments.
• Phillip tells of defeating a school bully and the unexpected re-encounter as adults:

  "[The bully] punched me... I lit into him and I got the best of him, then the teacher, kind of a big lady, was holding him down..." – Phillip [13:13]

• Si gives his own advice and tales:

  "He keeps walking away, and this guy just keep going... I told Scott, 'You know that rule about not fighting? It just changed.'" – Si [21:11]

• Emphasis is on teaching kids to defend themselves but stresses patience and putting others first:

  “If you stop saying it’s always me, me, me... and say, ‘Hey, what about you?’” – J.D. [28:43]

5. Personal Quirks – Socks, Sleepwear, & Outing Willie’s Unicorn Pajamas

• A surprisingly in-depth group therapy session about socks and sleep routines:

  “I guarantee you I sleep in my socks.” – Si [31:51] “Once socks come off, they should not go back on.” – Martin [31:11]

• Si’s bed attire is explored, leading to Christine and others teasing him about needing pajamas with unicorns, and eventually “outing” Willie’s alleged unicorn pajamas:

  “I need to get me one of Willie’s shirts – pajamas – with the... what’s that thing with the horse, with the corn on his unicorn? Yeah, unicorn. Gimme a pair of Willie’s unicorn pajamas.” – Si [36:44] “Willie’s got unicorn pajamas?... He wears 'em all the time!” – Si [36:59] “I traveled a lot with him. I never saw him in unicorn pajamas.” – Christine [37:13]

  • The group debates whether this is a tall tale, keeping it in classic Duck Call Room style.

6. Advice Corner: First-Time Dad Edition

(Starting ~40:27)

• Listener Eric (from Easley, SC) seeks advice about becoming a first-time dad.
• Key takeaways:
  • Support your wife, especially in the first 6-8 months.

    “Be the guy that changes the diapers, runs to the store, gets whatever’s needed.” – Phillip [41:47]

  • You’ll be out of your depth, but that’s normal.

    “None of us know what we’re doing.” – Martin [42:20]

  • Si’s unique (and graphic) take on the difference between formula and breast milk is... memorable.

    “Formula goes up—bad, bad odor. Breastfeeding, no odor.” – Si [42:58] “If a baby needs a diaper changed... I’m gonna throw up on the baby!” – Si [47:03]

  • The “dad nose” invention: a scented clown nose for changing diapers.
• Final bible-based encouragement:

  “Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” – Martin, quoting James 1:4 [55:41]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On sibling rivalry:

• “Oh, I’d bring him to every party. Yeah, I’d do party tricks. That way you could drink for free.” – Guest & Christine riffing on bringing Jesus to a party [03:27]

Willie’s unicorn pajamas reveal:

• “Willie’s got unicorn pajamas? ... He wears 'em all the time!” – Si [36:57]
• “Is that true or is that a joke? I’m trying to figure out.” – Christine [37:21]

On fighting bullies:

• “He keeps walking away... I said, ‘Well, that rule just changed.’” – Si [21:11]
• “If you stop saying it’s always me, me, me, me, me, and live a little bit like, ‘Hey, what about you?’” – J.D. [28:43]

On sleep habits and quirks:

• “I guarantee you I sleep in my socks.” – Si [31:51]
• “Once socks come off, they should not go back on.” – Martin [31:11]

On first-time fatherhood:

• “Help your wife, love her through it... Be there for your wife and for the baby and just have fun and enjoy it. You’re gonna make mistakes, but you’re gonna be fine.” – Phillip [41:47]
• “Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” – Martin [55:41; quoting James 1:4]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [00:27] – Appreciation & Biblical wisdom
• [02:33] – Book of James as “Action Book”; Sibling rivalry with Jesus
• [05:10] – Duck Dynasty pop culture, Masked Singer stories
• [12:09] – Bully stories and old school justice
• [21:11] – Si’s parenting advice: Defending yourself
• [30:59] – Sock and sleepwear habits
• [36:44] – Si outs Willie’s unicorn pajamas
• [40:27] – Listener question: Advice for first-time dads
• [42:58] – Si’s formula vs. breast milk rant
• [55:41] – Perseverance as advice, James 1:4

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Overall Tone & Takeaway

The Duck Call Room remains a hilarious, heartwarming place where no topic is off-limits. The crew’s playful banter, storytelling, and grounded wisdom create an environment both zany and earnest. Whether outing an unsuspecting Willie’s fashion choices or digging deep on selflessness and perseverance, this episode is packed with the colorful authenticity fans expect. Perfect for a laugh—plus some surprisingly profound life advice.

Transcript

[Martin]

Foreign.

[J.D.]

We gonna crank this baby up or not?

[Christine]

Yeah. Farewell our way.

[J.D.]

Hey, what? Wait.

[Martin]

No, wait on you to say welcome back to the deck call room.

[J.D.]

Hey, folks. Welcome back to the duck call room.

[Philip]

Welcome back.

[Christine]

You're the one that was spouting off the titles of today's episode while we were. Before we were recording, so I figured you had something in your crawl, you needed to get out of there. Oh, he does.

[J.D.]

I really do, in a way. We need to talk about appreciation.

[Christine]

Teacher appreciation. I love it.

[J.D.]

Appreciation day. Okay. And look for teachers, we need to go from inward, outward.

[Philip]

That's biblical. Sigh.

[Martin]

I want a pizza.

[Philip]

You must have been studying late.

[Christine]

You have on your.

[J.D.]

I got an unshame after this one.

[Philip]

Oh, okay.

[Martin]

He's gone deep. He's getting ready to go.

[J.D.]

Okay.

[Martin]

Oh, hey, What. What are y' all doing in unashamed.

[Christine]

Hey, stay in the shallow end till you get over in the deep end.

[Martin]

Hold on, hold on. What are they. What are they? Did they have you read before going into.

[J.D.]

Well, hey, look, we're talking about double minded.

[Philip]

What?

[J.D.]

Okay, you're. When you're double minded, you're out.

[Martin]

Double minded?

[J.D.]

Yeah.

[Martin]

I thought y' all talked about the Bible.

[J.D.]

You're thinking about yourself too much. Double minded.

[Christine]

Y' all talking about schizophrenia. Double.

[Philip]

Oh, no.

[Martin]

Bipolarism.

[Christine]

Yeah. Like, where we at, Ray Finle.

[J.D.]

We're in James.

[Martin]

Yeah, James one.

[Christine]

Jimmy.

[J.D.]

Yeah. Well, James, I think we're going to cover all four.

[Martin]

Why do people.

[Philip]

Oh, the whole book.

[Martin]

Y' all are covering the whole book of James in an hour, man.

[Christine]

We doing that at Christchurch right now. And they aren't. They ain't even through chapter one and two. Two weeks.

[J.D.]

Well, I was just fixing. They're up to what, 1349, some episodes.

[Martin]

Pages of the Bible. Oh, unashamed. I don't know how many there.

[Philip]

They got a lot.

[J.D.]

I got a lot.

[Martin]

I'll look it up.

[J.D.]

Yeah, well, y'. All.

[Guest]

1300 episodes.

[Christine]

1300? Yeah.

[Guest]

A little over.

[Christine]

So they've been through the whole Bible at this point, right? Maybe. Yeah, we're now.

[J.D.]

Oh, yeah, they're working back.

[Christine]

That's the problem when you use one book.

[J.D.]

Well, eventually. Hey.

[Martin]

Well, there's no way they were like, hey, we're going to hang out in numbers for a few days. Imagine Jason out talking about numbers.

[J.D.]

Here's the thing about that, okay.

[Philip]

Math it up.

[J.D.]

You could read it a thousand times or ten thousand times as you'd always learn something that you missed.

[Philip]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Oh, I know that James is good too.

[J.D.]

Well, James is. I call it the action book.

[Christine]

I call it Jimmy.

[Philip]

Jimmy.

[J.D.]

Jimmy.

[Christine]

Do you think his friends called him Jimmy?

[Martin]

I bet you his name was.

[J.D.]

I don't know. But one of the.

[Martin]

As we say it today.

[J.D.]

But one of the questions. What would you have.

[Christine]

How Hebrews

[J.D.]

biologically do What. What would you do if Jesus was your brother?

[Christine]

Biologically, I'd have a little complex of. I'd have what they call these days an inferiority complex.

[Martin]

Oh, no, see, I'd have a. I'd be a problem.

[Christine]

Oh, yeah. My brother got this.

[J.D.]

Oh, no.

[Philip]

Oh, yeah. Then I could talk all the smack I wanted to.

[Christine]

Honey, my brother got this. Y' all. Wait till y' all see what he can do.

[Philip]

Hey, Jay, back me up on this one.

[J.D.]

I got in trouble about that one time, though.

[Christine]

I don't raise dead party. You'd be what?

[Guest]

I'd bring him to every party.

[Christine]

I'll do party tricks. Yeah. That way you could drink for free.

[J.D.]

Yeah, brother.

[Christine]

Jesus.

[Martin]

I brought water.

[Philip]

I'd get it. I'd get in a fight and let him guess.

[Martin]

BYO come right back.

[Christine]

I didn't bring anything, but I brought this guy. He didn't touch that jar.

[J.D.]

Watch what he said. Joke.

[Philip]

What?

[J.D.]

Hey, Jesus won't like that.

[Christine]

Oh, man.

[J.D.]

God does it again. Does something else. He said, jesus is not gonna like that. I then he said, oh, who is Jesus? That guy said, sick of Jesus.

[Christine]

Hey, who colored that duck on your hat? For real? Is that a honeyhole hat?

[Martin]

Yeah, it's a honey hole hat. You think I'm wearing another hat? Every once in a while, Drew come up with something wild. I'll just throw it on my head for fun. What's it look like?

[Christine]

He like. He got a blue head.

[Martin]

That's green.

[Christine]

That's not from here.

[Philip]

That's a bluebird.

[Christine]

His body is green.

[Philip]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Christine]

His head is blue. From this one. I'm saying from this.

[Philip]

I was gonna assess Johnny D's.

[Martin]

I just.

[Christine]

Oh, there you go.

[Philip]

Do that again.

[Christine]

Throw it over here and see if

[J.D.]

you couldn't do that in a thousand years. Look, do that.

[Martin]

I've got.

[Christine]

Can you see it in that light?

[Martin]

It's got a little blue tint to it. It's the elusive blue head. Blue winged mallard. Yeah, like the.

[J.D.]

But, hey, that color is in on the Mallard Drake's.

[Christine]

What, the blue head? Yeah, yeah. Just not the whole thing.

[J.D.]

Yeah, well, no, no, because I landed on that. Different angles. You get all kind of different colors on the green head.

[Christine]

Oh, yeah.

[Philip]

It looked like Willie on When he was on dances. Dancing with the Stars or What was that. Oh, what was that show?

[Martin]

He was singer.

[Philip]

A masked singer inside. And even know you were watching the whole time, but you didn't know it was Willie, did you?

[Martin]

You watch the masked singer until he do love karaoke.

[J.D.]

They said he was a mallard, but he was a woodchuck, was what he was.

[Christine]

Yeah. He's had an identity crisis, too.

[J.D.]

He's always.

[Philip]

Oh, my goodness. For years, since he was born.

[J.D.]

I had that when I was younger, too, though.

[Christine]

Don't we all?

[J.D.]

I'm telling you.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Martin]

Hold on. Back to James.

[Christine]

Yeah, yeah.

[Martin]

AKA Jimmy.

[Philip]

I can't.

[Martin]

I was trying to figure out how they actually pronounced it. I can't read it.

[Philip]

It's in.

[Christine]

But Google's got that deal. Can you hit play on it? They used to have. They had that deal where you.

[Martin]

I can't hit play.

[J.D.]

Nope. There's not a cigar. I don't know what language you are. You read.

[Philip]

It's either Greek or Hebrew. Is it Hebrew?

[Christine]

It's gonna have to be Hebrew. If it was James.

[Philip]

Well, no, he ain't Greek.

[Christine]

He's Jesus's brother.

[Philip]

But I' saying, if it could be translated, it could be translated in the Greek.

[Martin]

And then King James was like, I like that guy. We're gonna make that name James.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Martin]

That is what happened, isn't it? You think I'm related to King James?

[Christine]

Well, we all are, aren't we?

[J.D.]

No, I said. I said something.

[Christine]

Why wouldn't we be?

[Martin]

And then we're not all English.

[Christine]

I said, I'll go back to the same two people.

[J.D.]

You say Martin.

[Martin]

No, I'm.

[Philip]

Hold on.

[Martin]

King James in my line, bro.

[J.D.]

We got about four.

[Philip]

Yeah, hold on. Go ahead, sir.

[J.D.]

I. I said, james is an action book. What did you say?

[Christine]

I said, he's Jimmy.

[J.D.]

Oh, he's Jimmy.

[Martin]

And I tried to see how we should actually pronounce it, because ain't no way his name was actually James. No, I like me James.

[Christine]

I love.

[Philip]

He's saying, J A M E James, Jesus's brother.

[Martin]

Just saying that's. But when Jesus was like, hey, he didn't say James. He said whatever it is in Hebrew because it.

[Christine]

It comes.

[J.D.]

Oh, Jesus said, hey, bro, what's happening, Bro? Bro.

[Christine]

Y' all know. Y' all know a lot more about the Bible than I do. But it. James is one of the first books written after Jesus, right? Like, it's one of the first books written.

[J.D.]

Oh, I don't. I don't.

[Christine]

In the New Testament. I don't know, like in a timeline fashion. It doesn't. It's obviously not one of the gospels, but it's one of the first books written from a timeline perspective.

[J.D.]

Well.

[Christine]

And he was from a guy that saw it all.

[J.D.]

Yeah. And he was a pillow.

[Philip]

He was there.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[J.D.]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Well, of course he was from a guy that saw.

[Philip]

Yeah. So I said he didn't call him James. He called him bro.

[Martin]

Look at you, Martin. A little biblical scholar.

[Christine]

No, Galatians. No, no, no, no, no.

[Martin]

I'm impressed. No, no, Galatians was first.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Martin]

Followed by James.

[Christine]

Yeah, I knew it was one of the earlier ones.

[Martin]

And that's even before I really thrive

[Christine]

in the little books. Those are my favorite. Well, no, no, little books are. That's where I really kind of hang.

[J.D.]

Hey, that's the old saying about heist, you know. You know, it comes in small packages.

[Christine]

Yeah. Dynamite take.

[J.D.]

But just a drop of natural glycerin and egg.

[Philip]

Boom.

[J.D.]

Close up, baby. I really. Hey, little books are powerful.

[Christine]

Yeah. I've spent more time in the little books than I have the big books.

[Martin]

I got it.

[J.D.]

Oh, you got it.

[Christine]

Who?

[Philip]

Yeah, that's how you say James Yakuz.

[Martin]

Apparently it's from Jacob. I don't know. Names are weird. I got three of them.

[Philip]

You got more than that on. On our responses on our Facebook page.

[J.D.]

You got a lot more of that depending on who talks about you.

[Christine]

Yakuf. That's what she said. Yakuf.

[Martin]

That's what that person said. And that person could be wrong.

[Christine]

That's interesting.

[Martin]

What an interesting. Why now y' all don't even have to tune in. Ashamed.

[Philip]

He got it right here.

[J.D.]

I'll just shorten it.

[Christine]

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[Martin]

That's how you know it's good because those baseball players always Got good hair.

[Christine]

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[Philip]

Well, sigh.

[J.D.]

What.

[Philip]

What had you on a kick about putting others before yourself, which I think it's. I mean, I know it's biblical, but why were you thinking about it so much?

[J.D.]

Well, cause of the news.

[Philip]

Oh, yeah. You got to get off the news.

[J.D.]

No, I've turned it off.

[Philip]

Okay, okay. Hey, let's hear it for Cypher. Turn it off for a while.

[Martin]

Hold on.

[J.D.]

I really have.

[Philip]

It was. How long can you go though?

[J.D.]

Well, that's.

[Philip]

How long's it been?

[Martin]

Yeah. When did you turn it off? Because, boy, were you up to date before we started.

[J.D.]

Oh, I always.

[Martin]

You were informing me of everything.

[Christine]

He hasn't watched it this morning.

[Philip]

Okay.

[J.D.]

I always turn it back on just to see whether.

[Christine]

Hey, good news.

[J.D.]

Did you watch it?

[Martin]

Did you watch the news this morning?

[J.D.]

Huh? Did you check it? Yeah.

[Martin]

Hey guys, I'm off the news as of. It's 9:20 in the morning right now.

[Christine]

Good news. When you get home, the first games of the College World Series will be starting. So just watch baseball all weekend.

[Philip]

Hey, there you go.

[Christine]

Just watch college baseball all weekend. Get off of that stuff and watch college baseball. No, I. I go where people still make errors and it's highly entertaining.

[J.D.]

Well, no, no, here's what. Here's where it go. I'll be at 205 watching his Fox updates.

[Martin]

205. Oh, the channel number.

[J.D.]

Channel. Then I'll be over here watching the ball game. Okay. The Dodgers are playing the Cardinal stuff.

[Christine]

Don't watch Major League Baseball. That ain't October yet.

[Philip]

What happened to Gunsmoke?

[Christine]

He seen them all.

[J.D.]

I'm taking a break from him.

[Christine]

You know the problem with Gunsmoke? There's no new ones.

[J.D.]

No.

[Philip]

And he knows every episode.

[J.D.]

Oh, that is.

[Christine]

I bought like a classic rock station.

[Philip]

So then. So then why, when I go to pick you up, you got 10 more minutes of gun smoke. You're like, hold on, hold on, hold on.

[J.D.]

The best part's coming up because the

[Christine]

pistol whip ain't happened yet.

[J.D.]

It ain't happened.

[Christine]

It's just like Walker, Texas Ranger.

[Philip]

Christine's like, philip, he's not coming out until gun.

[J.D.]

Better than watching somebody get. Just stomped. Okay.

[Martin]

And watching somebody get stomped.

[J.D.]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Well, then you ought to love the

[J.D.]

news because, see, I don't know why he watches it. I was at the receiving end of the stomp. I never was the bad guy that could beat somebody up.

[Christine]

You just took it all.

[J.D.]

I was the one that took it, yeah.

[Christine]

Did you start it?

[J.D.]

Nope.

[Christine]

Oh, I was just curious.

[J.D.]

Do you dealt with bullies usually, though, when it happened that way, somebody else started it.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[J.D.]

Oh, I got a few good licks in because I was mad.

[Philip]

Well, I will say I've never been mad. When I. When I was in elementary school, we had. I won't say his name, but we had a bully and he was super tough. Now, I've never seen him fight, but everybody was so scared of him.

[Christine]

He had a good bluff in he.

[Philip]

I don't know, he had a pretty good right throughout. And I found out later, but a guy was like, you're new to the school. If. If you give me a dollar a week, I'll. I'll be your slack and take care of, you know, not let this guy mess with you. I was like, no, I grew up with brothers. I know how to fight. You know what I mean? So anyway, this guy came to me at lunch, the bully. He was like, hey, give me your money. I was like, no, you ain't getting nothing. And he punched me. And I'm telling you, I lit into him and I got the best of him. And then the teacher, kind of a big lady was holding him down. He hit her.

[Martin]

The big lady jumped on the bully.

[Philip]

Yeah, he was still fighting and I was away from him. So she was holding him like this and he popped her and he got expelled from school. Like, that was the last draw.

[J.D.]

What, did you whoop him?

[Christine]

What's he doing now?

[Philip]

I'm not going to say.

[Christine]

Can we find it? You don't have to tell his name, but can we find him on Facebook?

[Philip]

I will say, when I built our second house, he was doing the Sheetrock

[J.D.]

opening day of ninth grade.

[Philip]

Oh, you got into it with the bully.

[J.D.]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Christine]

Oh, that's the one. Yeah, we know that one, right?

[J.D.]

Yeah. We're sitting in blazers, seniors above us, seniors below us, pushing in it's a this fat boy, homie.

[Philip]

Oh, yeah, okay. I remember this.

[J.D.]

All right. But he got his due because he hit. He hit and he swung and ducked. I ducked. Well, he hit this head of mine and you heard it like a.22 rifle. Wait, boy. And I broke my thumb. I said, oh, I am going.

[Christine]

He doesn't stress.

[J.D.]

I grabbed him, jumped on him, and I just was. They had to pull me off like I won that one.

[Christine]

Hey, did he remember you when he was working on your Sheetrock?

[Philip]

Yes.

[Martin]

You're the reason he got expelled.

[Philip]

He. I mean, I was the last straw,

[Christine]

but I mean, I guess in the end he laughed. He hit you up for a dollar at school and you ended up giving him a few grand for sheetrocks.

[J.D.]

He wasn't in my school.

[Philip]

That's probably true.

[J.D.]

Teach you what a beat to live in. You know what?

[Philip]

You can't do that no more. Sigh. There's cameras in all the room back in the day.

[J.D.]

Hey, you didn't say it's teacher. Now you get your butt kicked.

[Guest]

It's nice to hear that you guys have stories on this because I was bullied a crap ton until high school.

[Martin]

Did you fight them?

[Guest]

I was like £100 and just super, super skinny.

[Martin]

Did you fight them?

[Guest]

Not well.

[Martin]

But you did fight?

[J.D.]

Yeah. Fight.

[Guest]

Not always.

[Philip]

Did you?

[J.D.]

Not always.

[Martin]

I give full permission.

[Christine]

Did your sister take up for you?

[Guest]

No, she was part of the problem.

[Martin]

What?

[Christine]

I knew it. You dag up twins, man.

[J.D.]

I had to talk about that. I come back when I said, I've been, you know, bullied. Bigger. Bigger student, you know. And he said. He just. He didn't say much, you know, just he. He just watched it. I'd come back in the next day and all that, you know. He said, well, high school, you know, I think one of those times I said, well, I gotta. You know, this kid's bothered me. He says, you're gonna get tired of it. And I said, what? He said, you're gonna get tired of it if he just keeps on, you know, beating you up every day you come to school, you get tired. Well, he was right. I finally got tired of it. And he could walk it up to me. You know what I'm talking about?

[Philip]

I hope he's dope hopping.

[J.D.]

He. He. No, no, he. He said something smart, you know, like, hey, give me money or whatever, yo, give me money.

[Christine]

Smart. That's just rude.

[Philip]

What happened?

[J.D.]

Well, no, no, I just told him, I said, hey, you get it? When he stepped toward me, I'll hit that sucker with everything.

[Philip]

You told him to come and get it.

[J.D.]

Oh, yeah.

[Philip]

And then you gave it to him.

[J.D.]

He come and got it, too. And I. I put. I put it on him. They had to pull me off of him.

[Philip]

Jd, what did your dad tell you about you were. Some bully was messing with you? One time he gave you a speech.

[Martin]

Yeah. Well, he just told me if he makes fun of you tomorrow at school. School. Drag him across the playground. So that was after I kicked him at church, and then he ended up working at the Honey Hole for years. We were you.

[Christine]

I didn't have. For me, for my dad, I didn't have any of these experiences. Really.

[Philip]

Well, no.

[Christine]

You saw.

[Philip]

There was nine foot tall, and we

[J.D.]

were saying, like, you was the big guy, you won the bully, but you was the big guy.

[Christine]

No, but I said. I didn't even see. I saw it one time where I took. There were these two. They were twins.

[Martin]

Classic.

[Christine]

Yeah. And. But no, they had down syndrome or something. So they always. They were George and Gordon. Great guys. Like, I was. I was friends with them. They. They had their ball and one. One pump. Come up there, took their ball and threw it on the roof. And about seven people. And I was headed that way. Proceeded to beat the crap out of him.

[J.D.]

Oh, goodness. Good.

[Christine]

Well, that's what I'm saying. For messing with George and Gordon. Like, you don't. Nah, nah, bro. Nah, nah. Like, everybody knew George and Gordon. They were cool, man. Like.

[Martin]

And so a bunch of high schoolers beat the crap. Good.

[Christine]

Yeah. Out of the kid that took the ball and threw it on the roof, I was like. I mean, we were all headed that way. Everybody from Westmore High School football team was headed that way.

[J.D.]

This guy will go get.

[Christine]

But seven of them got there first.

[J.D.]

Yeah. Get it.

[Christine]

And nothing happened.

[Martin]

Did West Monroe have a problem with thieves like these two?

[Christine]

Not that I'm aware of.

[Martin]

Like, everybody just kept coming up to y', all stealing your lunch money. I didn't know that was a real thing.

[Philip]

It wasn't in high school. It was before then.

[Martin]

Before high school, people would just steal your lunch money.

[Christine]

Yeah, yeah, I know.

[Philip]

I mean, look, mine never got stolen because, hey, you would fight them. I hopped on him. He said, y'.

[J.D.]

All. Because I didn't have any stole.

[Philip]

That's why you said, come get it because you knew he wasn't going to get it.

[J.D.]

I ain't going to find it.

[Christine]

Yeah, I never had no.

[Philip]

But I can see nobody wanting to bully Martin back in the day.

[J.D.]

I mean.

[Christine]

But I'm saying, I Didn't even witness

[Martin]

my whole bully experience. There was just. My friends were making fun of me at church, and so I kicked one of them. And then we got in trouble. But my dad said, well, if he's making fun of you,

[Christine]

I mean, I got my phone, but you didn't have to. Never bothered me. I was a husky kid, right? Like, you know, it was the only

[Martin]

time I ever got, like, in my feelings.

[Christine]

Big head, big belly. But I was like, yeah, whatever. Check out my report card. And compared to yours, you idiot. Like,

[Philip]

that's bullying.

[Christine]

Like, no, but in my mind, dumb people. In my mind, I was thinking, like, you'll be working for me one day. It's not that big of a deal.

[J.D.]

Make full circle. Look, I get married, y' all have

[Christine]

my kids, and then Christine turns into a bull.

[Philip]

There you go.

[J.D.]

No, no, Chris. Scott's about six. Okay? We moved to Fort Bragg, and the next door neighbor has got. He's got two sons. One of them's like, you know, Scott's age. The other one's about two years older. Well, they're older. And he's a bully, you know? And I told Scott because Scott had some issues he was dealing with, okay? And I told him, I said, you can't fight. Walk away from it. I said, if you fight, I'm whooped butt, you know? So he. He's got orders. He ain't. He can't fight. He has to walk away. So he keeps walking away, and this guy just keep going, you know, I'm sitting in the living room, watch tv, and I see him doing it. I walk out there and I said, doug, both of you come in a minute. You know, I said, scott, you know what I've. I've been telling you all your life? He said, about what? I said, fight. He said, yes, sir, I know I can't fight. I said, well, hey, guess what? That rule just changed.

[Christine]

You have my permission.

[Martin]

That's the problem, though. Eating healthy. As a person whose weight has been well documented to be a yo yo of sorts, eating healthy is the most difficult part of it, because when you're tired and hungry, you just don't feel like cooking.

[Christine]

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[J.D.]

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[Christine]

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[J.D.]

And I said, kid, I want you to pay real strict attention to this. I said, he's like a guard dog. A bad guard dog, a bad one. And I said, I've had him on a chain leash. I said, I'm fixing to take the leash off.

[Christine]

He should probably write a parenting book.

[J.D.]

No, no, hey. And I told him, and I said,

[Christine]

Scott, after 18, let him smoke.

[J.D.]

I said, scott, look at that. I said, if he bothers you again and you don't kick his. You know what I said, I'm fixing to kick yours. I asked the kid, I said, did you understand what I told my son? I said, hey, I've taken the leash off. And I've actually said, told him, sick him. Get him, boy.

[Philip]

Take it all.

[Christine]

Sick him, dogs.

[J.D.]

No. Well, hey, I walked back in. Sit down the recliner. What? The kid don't listen. He started bob again and son, hey, I had to go out there and yank because he was beating the living crap out of him. He said, well, is it okay? I said, yeah, it's okay. I said, you, you don't want to tell you that. I doubt if he'll bother ever bother you ever again.

[Philip]

No, he didn't want any more after that.

[J.D.]

He didn't want to bore.

[Martin]

Didn't want no more.

[J.D.]

No.

[Philip]

And I've always, I mean, I bully.

[J.D.]

As long as you let him do it, he's going to do it.

[Philip]

Yeah. And I taught my kids, I don't want them fighting, but I did say to defend yourself, you know.

[Martin]

Have you ever punched somebody?

[J.D.]

Hunter.

[Martin]

Hunter, right.

[J.D.]

No.

[Martin]

You've never punched somebody?

[Guest]

No, I swung and missed.

[J.D.]

He missed.

[Philip]

That's okay.

[Martin]

I'm really nervous that I'm going to start making fun of Hunter, and he's going to use this opportunity to punch me and.

[Philip]

Hey, J.D.

[J.D.]

out.

[Guest]

I swung, missed, and then the next thing I know, I was on the ground with an arm around my throat.

[Martin]

That's not good.

[Christine]

That's your sister.

[Guest]

No.

[Martin]

Hur. If you're going to swing.

[Guest]

His name was Zachary.

[Martin]

Oh, throwing out names.

[Christine]

Them loops are still open.

[J.D.]

We got to close.

[Christine]

We got to close them loops, bro.

[Philip]

Unfinished.

[Martin]

Hunter, if I let you punch me, would you?

[Guest]

No.

[Philip]

In the back.

[J.D.]

I will.

[Martin]

I will let you punch me on camera right now.

[Christine]

No, just so you can.

[Philip]

Yeah.

[J.D.]

Oh, go ahead, punch him.

[Philip]

Side does it all the time.

[Guest]

I don't need to punch anyone.

[Martin]

Oh, man. It's a good feeling.

[Philip]

Maybe somebody would take your place. Hunter. Let's find out online.

[Martin]

No, there's definitely people lined up.

[J.D.]

All right, who wants to take the punch for Hunter?

[Christine]

So since you haven't punched somebody, have you punched the wall?

[J.D.]

Maybe.

[Christine]

That crap hurts, don't it?

[J.D.]

That was Scott.

[Christine]

If it didn't hurt you, I know why you haven't punched somebody.

[Guest]

I'm not an angry person. I don't think I've punched a wall.

[J.D.]

We had maybe we had to redo a lot of walls.

[Christine]

Oh, he punched a hole in the wall.

[J.D.]

He'd punch a hole in the wall.

[Christine]

Fun story about when we moved in this building.

[J.D.]

No, no, because he's getting mad.

[Philip]

He's really mad.

[J.D.]

Okay.

[Christine]

There was a hole in the wall here.

[J.D.]

Dang old Sheetrocks.

[Christine]

Legend has it is before Big Dave joined his Friday night anger group with cr. Legend has it, I don't know. We none of us can confirm nor deny. Yeah.

[Philip]

Well, I will say that me and Bill Phillips and Kevin McIntosh and Big. I mean, Alan Robertson were playing spades, his trailer at Allen's trailer, before they

[J.D.]

moved and got a little blue house.

[Philip]

And we got into it, the table turned over, and me and Big, we had it out and we broke a lot of Sheetrock.

[Martin]

Y' all got in a fight at

[J.D.]

the card game over spades.

[Christine]

Yeah, buddy. How much time have you spent around we?

[Philip]

Oh, it don't take long.

[Christine]

Yeah, I mean, you and we got a lot in common. Y' all get everybody else to fight, and then they look up and y' all gone. Y' all get to Running that mouth. Y' all get to popping them jaws, and the next thing you know, you hear meat popping. And then you look up and they're like, where'd they go?

[Martin]

That's why.

[J.D.]

When.

[Martin]

That's why I had to. I had to mature out of church league softball. As I said, guys, I'm. I'm going to have to get on Judgment Day. I'm going to have to report back

[J.D.]

to the Lord what I said. Robertson's trick.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Philip]

Oh, yeah. I wasn't in it.

[J.D.]

Oh, hey, I wasn't. I was an instigator.

[Christine]

Yeah. Get everybody.

[Martin]

I can get a fight started and not be a part of it.

[Christine]

Yeah. 100%. Yeah. It's.

[J.D.]

Yeah, Everybody. Then everybody just comes to their sense of the message. What happened?

[Philip]

Yeah, what happened?

[Christine]

Yeah, I could see you and we.

[Philip]

Oh, yeah.

[J.D.]

Oh, no, he's got a. He's got a little. You know, if you poke. Poke the bear.

[Christine]

Oh, w. Yeah. Well, that. And he's so abrasive.

[J.D.]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Philip]

Yeah.

[Christine]

He's very abrasive.

[Philip]

Yeah.

[J.D.]

But look.

[Philip]

But I love him.

[Christine]

Oh, I do, too.

[Philip]

I mean, I know you do, but me and Si went to. We stopped by in Arkansas. We ate dinner with him and Eli.

[J.D.]

Yeah.

[Philip]

And we called up Elijah.

[Christine]

Oh, lies.

[Philip]

Like to call him. L. But. But no, you know, and. And I'm not an angry person. I'm not a fighter. I'm not. I mean, I can. But I. But I don't. But my brothers, they are just like, they're ready at any minute to go off.

[J.D.]

They can't take no smack. I mean, talk smack till you fix the. Get smack.

[Philip]

Yeah, but I think for me, working with kids for 30 years, I just think that it's helped me so much. It teaches me patience and going back to what you said, putting others before yourself, putting their needs above my needs, I feel like that. That's helped me with. With my whole life, especially my anger.

[Martin]

That's deep.

[J.D.]

Well, it actually make your life. Your life better.

[Philip]

I agree.

[J.D.]

If you stop saying everything's always me, me, me, me, me.

[Philip]

That's right.

[J.D.]

Live a little bit and say, hey, what about you?

[Martin]

What about you?

[J.D.]

Yeah, what about you?

[Martin]

Almost like it's one of the greatest commandments.

[Philip]

Yeah. Yeah. Love God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength, and love your neighbor as yourself. But it's just like when Martin was thinking, you know what? This is wrong, that what they're doing to these kids.

[Christine]

I'm.

[Philip]

I'm fixing to set things right. There's something that clicks. Where you're just like putting somebody else above your own needs.

[J.D.]

Well, this is. Oh yeah, this comes from Dr. Lee, our podcast we have with him. This is for all. This is.

[Philip]

I gotcha.

[Christine]

You can read it in that book right there.

[J.D.]

Hey, that.

[Martin]

That's Stuck in Space. That's a different book. The other book.

[J.D.]

Yeah, the other one.

[Christine]

The left book I think they probably end up bringing home.

[J.D.]

Where am I in this? Yeah, where am I?

[Christine]

Hey, you're stuck in space. I've had time.

[Martin]

You're stuck in space.

[Christine]

That's what I'm saying. I got a feeling you asked yourself the same question.

[J.D.]

Thinking about Doc's book though. I'm reading it. Oh yeah. You talking about a hard read. Especially when if you're reading it and trying to self analyze yourself while reading.

[Martin]

Oh, it's not a hard read. It's a introspective read.

[J.D.]

Well. Oh yeah, but it's a hard read because.

[Christine]

Make you change your shirt, huh?

[J.D.]

Yeah, it just makes, you know, you go so many different directions.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Martin]

How often do you change your socks?

[Philip]

We talked about that a while ago. He leaves them on.

[Martin]

We weren't recording.

[J.D.]

Yo, I think this is the third

[Christine]

day with the bucky on a shoe that I know makes your foot sweat, huh?

[J.D.]

No, this time's uncomfortable. Hold on.

[Martin]

But like, because I. It's a well documented fact that I love socks and if I ever win lottery, one of the signs will be that I just throw socks away after one use. And you're just. You're not even washing them.

[J.D.]

No, I just. I got so many pair of.

[Martin]

So why not change them?

[J.D.]

Well, I do. Whenever I think about it, I don't even think about it.

[Martin]

So did you take those socks off and then put them back on?

[Christine]

Oh, yeah, 100%.

[Philip]

No, no, those are new.

[Christine]

He laid. He wore them yesterday, Philip.

[Philip]

Yeah, but he never took them off.

[J.D.]

I took them off.

[Christine]

You slept.

[J.D.]

I guarantee you I sleep in my socks.

[Philip]

Now. You know why? His wife's got him 500 pair. It's like, I'll wear these for a while.

[Martin]

Okay, well that's better. That. Cuz once socks come off, they should not go back on. So it's better.

[Christine]

Is it better?

[Martin]

Yeah.

[Christine]

I bet when he finally does take his socks off, they're stuck in the mold of his foot. I bet it's like crusty. Like you take it off and it still makes like an L shape.

[J.D.]

Yeah, I set it up alone. I set it up on my table.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Martin]

So you slept in those socks last night?

[J.D.]

Yeah, I sleep in the Socks.

[Martin]

Size sleeps in his socks.

[J.D.]

We're like dogs. We all got quirks.

[Martin]

And you got plenty of them. Have you always slept in socks?

[Christine]

Yeah. You sleeping. Is that a regular thing? You sleep in them or they just too far away from you to take off?

[J.D.]

No, I sleep in them.

[Philip]

And he's cold at night. I'm telling you, he's cold.

[J.D.]

Well, hey, look, I ain't got any fat boy.

[Christine]

I do.

[Martin]

I'm getting more and more hot dog machine.

[J.D.]

Hey. I don't know why, but hey, I guess it's causes age. But hey, I get cold real easy.

[Philip]

Mm.

[Christine]

Do you?

[J.D.]

And my bed is the coldest thing in the world.

[Christine]

Well, Christine can slide over next to you and keep that change' cause you

[Martin]

got his socks on.

[J.D.]

Christine usually go to bed about nine. Okay. I usually go in there like nine, still 30 or 10.

[Christine]

Burning the midnight oil?

[Martin]

Yeah, yeah.

[J.D.]

I'm watching something Fox. First thing that happened is I slide my pillow next to her head.

[Christine]

I gotta watch Gunnersville on Fox News.

[J.D.]

Slide to it and next thing go just. Yeah. I'm hugging that woman to get warm, and she said she just. A lot of times she kicks me with my feet touching. She said, your feet are like ice. I said, I know this bed is.

[Philip]

And that's through the socks.

[J.D.]

That's with socks on.

[Philip]

Hey, the last time we me and silent.

[Martin]

I love socks, but I ain't wearing them in bed.

[Christine]

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[Martin]

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[Christine]

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[Philip]

Last time we went to Springfield, you know, we shared a room and it was 81 degrees in the room. And I said, philip, you gonna have to turn that air up.

[Christine]

I'm freezing at 81. 81.

[Philip]

I said, sigh. It won't go up no higher. Oh yeah it will. Oh yeah.

[J.D.]

I'm like, yeah, but I would have

[Christine]

got seven minutes of sleep that night. Maybe I'd have left 81. I'd have said, you know what? Life's too short in this hotel room. Ain't that expensive.

[Philip]

Open up the door just to get some cool.

[Christine]

Yeah. Anytime you're letting the 8 degree humid area and you know it's hot in there, it's like, go.

[Martin]

I would have slept in the car.

[Christine]

Oh, man.

[Martin]

Socks to bed.

[Christine]

That's it.

[Martin]

What are some of your other quirks? Side, you got any other ones that we have?

[Christine]

Where. What else you wear to bed? Just your underwear. Underwear and socks. No T shirts, none of that.

[J.D.]

Yeah, no, I wear a T shirt too.

[Christine]

You go to bed. Ready?

[Martin]

Bed like Winnie.

[Christine]

I said, we gotta have. We gonna have a fire alarm. I'm coming out dressed, baby.

[J.D.]

When I go take a nap, you know, most people will get undressed, you'll get out and underwear, take a nap. Oh, yeah.

[Christine]

No, that's the one time sleeping with clothes on is acceptable. You fall asle and it's. You don't get. Yeah, but you take a nap in a bed.

[J.D.]

Most normal people don't get under the

[Christine]

COVID Well, most of us don't go get into bed for a nap either. It's like you just fall asleep wherever you are. You lay on a couch and you

[Martin]

know in the middle of the day, putting on his sleep uniform, you going

[Philip]

to get a nap.

[Martin]

Which we just found out was socks, underwear, T shirt, T shirt.

[Christine]

The same T shirt you wear. You got sleeping shirts. Like, will you sleep in that tonight without your pants? Like, no.

[J.D.]

The only thing you're gonna do, take off.

[Christine]

He's gonna take off his shoes and his pants.

[Martin]

You don't sleep in a fishing shirt.

[J.D.]

No, this is. Hi. I don't.

[Christine]

That's a church shirt now.

[Martin]

I know. It's a good shirt. It's a nice shirt.

[J.D.]

It is in a comfortable shirt.

[Martin]

You sleep in that?

[J.D.]

Nope.

[Philip]

Take it off, hang it up.

[J.D.]

It wrinkles. It wrinkles. If I sleep in It.

[Christine]

So he's done it before.

[Philip]

That was a nap when I was cold.

[J.D.]

I will go. I'll leave it on.

[Martin]

We need to get you one of them giant, like, sleep shirts like that go down to your knees like your little.

[Christine]

He's got, like, a tuxedo. Yeah, no, what we need is one of them hats.

[J.D.]

No, I need to give me.

[Christine]

I need. You know, them old school, like, they want to be Santa Claus.

[J.D.]

No, no, I need. I need to get me one of Willie's shirts. Pajamas.

[Philip]

Oh, yeah.

[J.D.]

With the What?

[Christine]

I don't think they fit him.

[J.D.]

What's the thing with the horse with the corn on his unicorn. Unicorn? Yeah. I didn't Give me a pair of Willie's unicorn pajamas.

[Christine]

Willie's got unicorn pajamas?

[J.D.]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. You didn't know that? Oh, yeah. He wears a ball time. What? He. It's like he. Yo. It's like the cat with the blanket. Will he just prefer pajamas instead of a blanket?

[Christine]

And I traveled a lot with him. I never saw him in unicorn pajamas.

[J.D.]

I've.

[Martin]

I've slept in the same room as him many times.

[Christine]

Is that true or is that a joke? I'm trying to figure out.

[Martin]

This is the outfit we need for psy. That's. I think that would make you the most comfortable.

[Christine]

No chance. The size front of that would be so yellow because he pees so much at night. There's no. I mean, there's no way to get out of it.

[J.D.]

Yeah.

[Christine]

How's my man gonna take a leak? You at least got to have something with some britches for him.

[J.D.]

That's a Good point.

[Christine]

Yeah. ATT's too much.

[Martin]

You can't pull it up.

[Christine]

Now, if he had a catheter, no problem.

[Martin]

I'm not interested.

[Christine]

But who wishes that on anybody who

[Martin]

came up with that idea?

[Christine]

Deranged human, I guess. I don't know. It seems like there's an easier way to do that.

[Philip]

Apparently, a catheter won't work on side because when he's been in the hospital having his surgeries or whatever he's having, he fills up several of those big things.

[Christine]

I mean.

[Philip]

Yeah, he just fills them up. And the nurses got so sick of pouring them out, they were like, hey, can you pour that out when you get a chance? Yeah, I got to go take care of it.

[Martin]

You poured it out?

[Philip]

I poured out a bunch of. And so I said, slide, sigh, slow down on the tea. He was like, no, son, go get

[J.D.]

me some more ice, fill it up

[Christine]

again, run it back.

[J.D.]

Then I'd fill it up again. Oh, that's good.

[Philip]

He's got great kidneys.

[J.D.]

He does.

[Martin]

I don't know where we go from here.

[Philip]

I don't even know how we got here.

[J.D.]

That's a great point. Got any good email?

[Martin]

We filmed too much this week. There's no emails.

[J.D.]

There's no emails. What?

[Martin]

I mean we've, we've. I've burned through them all.

[J.D.]

Okay.

[Martin]

We're on a Friday morning talking about size.

[Christine]

Somehow we went from bullies to pajamas

[Philip]

Size socks is how we got there. It's all about size socks.

[Christine]

Well, I had no idea he slept and all that. Hey, that's interesting.

[Martin]

I got a good one actually there. An email came through last night twice and it's a very good one that I think we can spend a lot of time on.

[J.D.]

Okay.

[Martin]

Eric from Easley, South Carolina. Good country.

[J.D.]

It is country.

[Martin]

He did say, by the way, Bojangles is better than Popeyes.

[Christine]

I. On the way here I thought I was going to see you in the Bojangles line getting a biscuit.

[Martin]

I was tempted, but I'm on it.

[J.D.]

I'm.

[Christine]

I'm trying to chicken their chicken biscuit. Slang.

[Martin]

No. Chicken biscuit ain't much that steak biscuit.

[Christine]

You get the egg on it. Chicken, egg and cheese. Oh, you get eggs? Yeah, you get both. You get premature chicken and grown chicken.

[Martin]

A future bird and a real bird. Yeah, all in one biscuit.

[Christine]

Yeah, that's a bird. They look at each other kind of weird, but they go together.

[Philip]

Baby bird biscuit.

[Martin]

Is there cheese? Let's wrap this up.

[Christine]

Okay.

[Martin]

I know where I'm going after. No, I can't eat a biscuit.

[Christine]

Well throw the biscuit away and just eat the chicken.

[Martin]

Mojangles is not better than Popeyes, sir.

[Philip]

Bring me the first off, Eric.

[Martin]

But Bojangles biscuits and them and them hash browns are good too. I'm. I'm converting over to a breakfast Bojangles man. Anyway, Eric potatoes. He's another bow rounds bow round

[J.D.]

all round per day.

[Martin]

Why is fast food so good?

[Christine]

And breakfast, breakfast fast food.

[Martin]

Why does it make me so round? Gotta go jog or something. Anyway, it's getting harder because I'm getting heavier. Eric is 20. He's gonna have a baby boy in August and he just wants to hear some advice for a first time dad. What not to do, what to do and expect.

[Philip]

Wow.

[Martin]

And that's advice for first time dads. You should read James.

[Christine]

Yep. Jimmy's a good place to start because you're going to get to about verse two where it says Comp. Consider it pure joy.

[Philip]

Yeah.

[Christine]

When you face trials of many, many times. When you take that kid home. Trials are coming.

[Philip]

Yes.

[Christine]

No, it's. I mean, kids are great.

[J.D.]

Your life has just turned into the

[Christine]

first six or eight was all for the woman, so. But help your woman, ma'.

[J.D.]

Am. What were you saying?

[Christine]

Whatever that is.

[J.D.]

I was telling him. Hey. That his life has just turned into a three ring Barnum and Bailey Circus Barnum. It will never be the same.

[Martin]

It's a great movie.

[Christine]

The greatest show.

[J.D.]

But you have some interesting times coming ahead of you. Yeah.

[Martin]

What about you, Phil?

[Philip]

It's a lot. Now I would say help your wife and love her through it. And then look, be the guy that changes the diapers and runs to the store and gets whatever is needed. Some of my friends when we were younger and started having children, they wouldn't do that. They didn't know how. Their parents didn't teach them. They didn't have a role model. But help out as much as you can. Be there for your wife and for the baby and just have fun and enjoy it. You know, you're going to make mistakes, but you're going to be fine. Yeah.

[Martin]

None of us know what we're doing.

[J.D.]

No, that's the truth.

[Christine]

Things we suck at. Parents and marriage. You've never been either. You know, one of them deals. But no, it's fun, man. But yeah, just support your wife because the fir. I'm the first six, eight months. There ain't a whole lot dad can do, man, other other than support.

[J.D.]

Like you're on the edge of a grand adventure.

[Christine]

Yeah, support. I say support. So if she breastfeeds, wash all the stuff like just, you know, whatever.

[Martin]

Like do the dishes.

[Christine]

There's a bunch.

[Philip]

There you go.

[J.D.]

Oh, that's.

[Christine]

If she does, she's going to need to eat all the time. So learn how to cook.

[J.D.]

Your wife advice on that. Breastfeed is in. What? Because, hey, formula goes up bad. Bad odor. Breastfeeding, no odor.

[Martin]

I thought this was gonna be like a science thing.

[Christine]

I thought he done went down the RFK road.

[Martin]

Yeah. Your kid will not be as smart.

[J.D.]

Not only.

[Martin]

Not only that, it's just like, nah, them formula babies stink.

[J.D.]

The baby breastfeeds. He gets all the moms good stuff.

[Philip]

There you go upstairs. Oh, I know you're right.

[Martin]

Also,

[J.D.]

yo.

[Christine]

And we had a guy that used to work here said it makes great Mac and cheese.

[J.D.]

I just know.

[Martin]

I just know that's 100% true. Am I lying? He's not like that guy Also has tree stands. Wait, I just know this for my liking.

[J.D.]

The owner between milk, breast milk and formula. Hey, please breastfeed.

[Martin]

I'm out, dude.

[J.D.]

Jose, the odor is the atrocious.

[Philip]

Dang.

[J.D.]

Good grief.

[Christine]

Look, back in the day, Duck Commander was growing. Duck Dynasty was going on. The problem with that came with communication, right? Like, we had phone calls, emails, everything going in, out. We missed so much. But we learned a lot during that time, too. And that's why today's episode is brought to you by Crisis Quo, spelled Q U O. The business communication system built so that you never miss a call. Quo is the number one rated business phone system on G2 with over 3,000 reviews. That's why more than 90,000 businesses rely on it to stay connected with their customers. Quo makes it easy with calls, texts, voicemails, and contact info all in one clean dashboard so that you never miss anything. Your whole team can work off the same number so everyone's in the loop and nothing falls through the crack cracks. And you can use it from anywhere on your phone or computer. And you don't even have to change your existing number. Quo is not just a phone system. It's a smart system. AI automatically logs calls, summarizes conversations, and flags next step. It can even respond after hours and qualify leads so your business stays on even when you're off the clock. If we'd have had that back in the day, and we would have been a lot more efficient and we wouldn't have had 17 people in there fielding phone calls, we could have done it a lot tighter, a lot neater, and we wouldn't have missed a thing because we. We did miss a lot back in those days. But we don't miss anymore because we got Quo now. Money is on the line. Always Say hello with Quo. Try Quo Free plus get 20% off your first six months when you go to Quo.com.

[J.D.]

duck.

[Christine]

That's Q-U-O.com. I found neither one of them to be very appealing, so.

[J.D.]

Well, no, but hey, I'm telling you. Breast milk against formula.

[Martin]

How would you know?

[J.D.]

It's ten times bad. Older.

[Martin]

Okay, he is hung up on this. When was the last time a formula baby puked around you to make you remember this so strongly?

[J.D.]

They've done it quite often.

[Christine]

You didn't change diapers though, did you know? Can't.

[Philip]

Oh, yeah.

[Martin]

What a bunch of.

[Philip]

That's right.

[J.D.]

No, no, this is.

[Christine]

This is do as I say, not as I do here.

[J.D.]

No, no, this is one of them. Things like. Okay, do you do any plumbing, Mr. Robertson? No. Why not? Because I would take a simple thing as change it out the trap underneath the sink and say, hey, let's say this yards. A hundred dollars. If I did it, it cost me a hundred, maybe a thousand to change

[Christine]

out a P trap.

[J.D.]

I'm gonna break something. I'm gonna tear something up. That's like a baby. If a baby needs a diaper changed,

[Christine]

buddy, P traps now are PVC with little handles on, and they're the easiest thing ever change.

[J.D.]

So if you.

[Martin]

What's gonna happen if you change a diaper?

[J.D.]

I'm gonna throw up on the baby.

[Philip]

Oh, yeah. Never mind.

[Christine]

And he's been on formula. See? It's gonna stink.

[J.D.]

Hold on.

[Christine]

He's not on breast milk anymore.

[Martin]

He clearly was not breastfed as a Roberson.

[J.D.]

Could. Could do any. Anything was like when the dog poops in the boat and all that. He just. It ain't no big deal. Well, hey, poops, I'm on side boat

[Christine]

puking for dog crap.

[J.D.]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Is that why you were a cat guy?

[J.D.]

All right, well, I just don't stink. I.

[Christine]

You know, it stinks.

[J.D.]

Anything that stinks. No, I can't handle it. Nope.

[Martin]

How many diapers have you changed in your life? Legitimate. Zero. Never. But, but. So then how do you know?

[J.D.]

Because I puked on one before.

[Martin]

So you tried to change one.

[J.D.]

Tried it.

[Christine]

He attempted.

[J.D.]

And then, hey, me and the baby are covered with my vomit, plus his poop, you know, so, no, I. I don't do it. I attempted it once and it was a disaster.

[Philip]

So I'm glad. You know what? You can and can't do it.

[J.D.]

Well, no, no, I'm not Clint Eastwood. Man knows. Got to know his limitations.

[Philip]

There you go.

[J.D.]

Why start something that you know the outcome?

[Philip]

I knew that when you pull up to the house and say, hey, man, you need to go up to the hospital. Christine's in emergency room. I can't do it.

[Martin]

I was like, okay, Eric, you have to change diapers.

[Christine]

Yeah, it's not that. Don't listen aside. Ain't that big.

[Martin]

Even if you got. Look, I had a method. I would wrap my face in a. On the bad ones.

[Christine]

Oh, we got these things sent to it. No, on the bad ones. Now they got these things. The guy sent these things to me called a dad knows. So it looks like the little cloud nose, but it's. It's okay.

[Martin]

Now, see, I'd rather. I'd rather call all the bullies from the first part of this show to beat me up in front of the world before I ended up looking like

[Christine]

this goober like me.

[Martin]

I could put that on. On the.

[Christine]

On the toughies. Yeah, on like on.

[Philip]

What does it look like, J.D.

[Christine]

it's the. It's just a clown nose that scented. You put it all.

[J.D.]

You can't smell gas mask.

[Christine]

You smell like what?

[J.D.]

The only thing it was. What happened.

[Martin]

I mean, look at this guy.

[Christine]

Look at him.

[J.D.]

I would puke in the gas mask.

[Christine]

Smells great. I didn't use it on all of them, but there were some that needed it.

[Martin]

Look at this guy.

[Christine]

I'm just telling you, it works.

[Philip]

There you go.

[Christine]

S Theater. Coffee?

[J.D.]

Nope.

[Christine]

Whatever you need, man.

[J.D.]

I don't know what happened. It'd be boogers and snot and everything in that. That is true.

[Martin]

He does hack a lot.

[J.D.]

Just the thought of doing it. No.

[Martin]

I almost wish one of us have another baby just to bring in here and change the diaper next to side.

[Philip]

It'll have to be one of y'.

[J.D.]

All.

[Christine]

It ain't me.

[Philip]

I mean.

[Martin]

Hunter, Hunter, Hunter. We need you to have a baby.

[Philip]

Hunter, we need you.

[J.D.]

Have y' all seen the. The commercial with the little kids? Mom's got him on her chest on one of them little carriers. And he's sitting there with. He's got a normal expression. Then you hear yo. And then he has a big smile.

[Christine]

Made me too, right?

[Martin]

I mean, what is that a kid for? What is that a commercial for?

[J.D.]

I guess he's just pooped in his diaper. And then he smiles.

[Martin]

But is it like an insurance?

[Christine]

No.

[Philip]

Baby formula.

[J.D.]

Yeah, them mom and dad go.

[Christine]

His name's Eric. Eric. Hey, look, you probably want to list not listen to the last five minutes of this.

[J.D.]

Look, I agree with Philip, okay? You should help your wife with a baby any way you can.

[Christine]

Yeah. Support man. Change diapers, wash dishes, cook. If she does breastfeed, you got to cook a lot. And then

[J.D.]

don't make it worse. Just bow out and say, darling, I'm sorry. I can't do this.

[Philip]

I'll do the dishes.

[J.D.]

I'll do something else, but I can't do this.

[Philip]

Yeah, I'll cook, I'll clean. I'll do something new.

[Christine]

I like a good way to hear that same answer in about four bunch. All right. Honey, I can't do this. You gonna have to go somewhere else. Sorry, honey.

[Martin]

Oh, Eric, you can do it.

[Christine]

You can do it.

[Philip]

You can do it bad.

[Christine]

But the first six or eight months as a dad are pretty boring. Just to be fair. For me, it was. For me, it was all Mom Center. So I was just, I was like a housemaid almost, which was fine. I did all the nighttime stuff because, like, I can wake up, do it, go right back to sleep. Brittany, when she wakes up, she's up. So me, I just like, roll over. Hey, what y' all doing? Oh, you hungry? Cool to give him a bottle? Go back, sleep. Like, wasn't that big.

[Martin]

Get one of them feeding tubes and you can just feed them all night.

[Christine]

You ain't got to worry about feeds itself. Huh?

[Martin]

Do some math on Carter.

[J.D.]

They wouldn't ever look.

[Martin]

And he ate till 8am yeah, we

[J.D.]

don't ever look at this. That's why mom is Mom. Mom does so many things that we just overlook and, you know, and it's just part of her routine. And hey, and she doesn't even think about doing it, okay? It's just automatic.

[Christine]

Oh, a, no doubt. Yeah. They better at it than we are.

[J.D.]

Well, no, no, because that's, you know, that's why Mom's. Mom.

[Christine]

That's why I'm a mama's boy.

[J.D.]

Hey, I'm one.

[Philip]

Me too.

[J.D.]

And I am proud of it.

[Philip]

Hey, you are too.

[Martin]

You're. I've been texting my mom all morning.

[Christine]

Oh.

[Martin]

Oh, that's funny. Anyway, Eric.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Martin]

That's pretty good advice.

[Christine]

You'll be all right.

[Martin]

Yeah, I, I, I was, I don't know why I was going into it. Like, when your kids are 7 and 8. I guess that's because that's where I'm at.

[Christine]

That's where you, yeah, that's your stage. Like right now, being a dad is awesome because they're three, almost four, and they want to. If I'm home, it's like, let's go do this, Daddy. You bet you, buddy.

[J.D.]

No, no, because that's what I would fix. A mission to the, to 20 year old. Okay. It's a lot of new stuff happening in your life, but you'll look back on it, and when you do, you'll be glad that you did have kids.

[Christine]

Oh, 100%.

[Martin]

And you starting early, dog.

[Christine]

How old is he?

[J.D.]

That's the jewel of your laugh beginning there, Martin.

[Christine]

Or if I'd have had a kid at 20. Right now, they'd be 20.

[Martin]

That's, that's what's wild. Like that.

[J.D.]

All they do grow up and you look what's crazy, them two. You got let me out of here or, you know, it'll go by.

[Philip]

Oh, yeah, I agree.

[Martin]

How old was I?

[Christine]

Days are long.

[Martin]

How old am I?

[Christine]

Days are long, years are short.

[Martin]

Yeah. When Carter's 20. I'll be. What's. What's 37 plus 8. I'm better at math.

[J.D.]

40.

[Martin]

I'll only be 45. So I guess I was 25 when we had Carter. That's wild.

[Christine]

There you go.

[Martin]

Because I felt like I had a child when I was a child and this dude's five years younger than me. Yeah, you got this, man.

[Christine]

I'll be 56.

[Philip]

Surround yourself with some good people.

[J.D.]

Find it's kind of like child's having a child.

[Christine]

Well, we're all.

[Philip]

That happens a lot.

[Christine]

We're all children.

[Philip]

There's a lot of grandparents raising babies too.

[J.D.]

Yeah, that. Only that's what they don't want to mess with. What your grandparents. Let them. Let them have the kids. Let them spoil them.

[Philip]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Oh, yeah.

[J.D.]

I'm serious.

[Christine]

Oh, I'm too. My kid.

[J.D.]

They will get.

[Christine]

My kids love Granny way more than they love mom and dad, right?

[J.D.]

No. No. Because they will get more life experience. Experiences and more wisdom from your grandmother and grandfather.

[Philip]

That's right.

[Christine]

Every day I catch they're not going

[J.D.]

to find what mom, grandmom and granddad give them. They're not going to find it anywhere else.

[Christine]

Every day I catch shade about how Granny's cucumbers look better than mine. Every day. Granny's cucumbers are big. Yours are little punk. I know she's better at gardening than I am.

[J.D.]

Yeah, I know it's punk.

[Christine]

Yeah. Quit, you little punk. I know she's better at growing plants than I am, but that's all right. These will be all right. We're gonna eat them. Of course I ain't gonna eat them. They say they will and then they don't. But anyway.

[Martin]

Anyway, I'm gonna leave Eric with a Bible.

[Christine]

Are we going for the Jimmy? Are we getting into Jimmy?

[Martin]

We're just gonna be right there at the beginning of James.

[Christine]

Give me one or.

[Martin]

Yeah, James 1, verse 4. I think this is actually great advice for a first time dad. Let perseverance finish its work. Finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. That verse to me says what it takes to be mature and complete as a dad. Not lacking anything is perseverance.

[Philip]

There you go.

[Martin]

So it's gonna take a while, but you got this, Eric.

[Christine]

And in the words of patience, in the words of Chief Dan George from Josie Wells, endeavor to persevere.

[J.D.]

Persevere.

[Martin]

Perseverance. I wish that was on video.

[J.D.]

Endeavor to persevere.

[Christine]

We'll see y' all next time right here.

[J.D.]

Enjoy it.

[Christine]

They call us civilized,

[J.D.]

Sam.