Uncle Si Weasels Financial Secrets From Willie Robertson's Assistant

Summary

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Duck Call Room Episode Summary

Podcast: Duck Call Room
Hosts: Si Robertson, Justin Martin (Martin), Johnny D (John-David Owen), Phil, Willie Robertson, Chad, Jay Stone, Phillip McMillan, Jacob Mayo
Episode: Uncle Si Weasels Financial Secrets From Willie Robertson's Assistant
Date: December 25, 2025

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Main Theme & Purpose

In true Duck Call Room fashion, this holiday episode embraces hilarious Southern storytelling and camaraderie, with the core theme focusing on finances—especially as they relate to Willie Robertson, his assistant, and life at Duck Commander. The crew veers through amusing holiday tales, wild travel mishaps, sports nostalgia, fast food confessions, and the art of not blowing all your money—even if you stumble into a fortune. The conversation is peppered with memorable quips and genuine life advice, all filtered through the Robertson family’s unmistakable charm.

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Key Discussions and Insights

1. Introducing Chad and the Mysterious Job Title

• The gang welcomes back Chad, Willie's "assistant," poking fun at his ambiguous role and his origins ("Chad is the reason hello@duck call room.com exists" [01:28]), and how he handles Willie's personal finances without a fancy title (01:20–02:38).
• Chad is described as a "jack of all trades, master of none," overseeing finance, properties, and "whatever's needed," showing the multi-hat roles within Duck Commander ([02:19]).

"I'm not a big title guy... I kind of oversee all that, matter of fact." – Chad ([02:28])

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2. Icy New York Adventures

• Willie recounts a harrowing trip to Syracuse, contrasting Southern snow habits with Northeastern efficiency (02:56–04:33). Stories about big snowbanks and dangerous local driving provide comedic perspective on being out of one's Southern depth.
• The crew shares memories of Northern winters and the culture shock of real snow, leading to reflections on regional living and adaptation (04:59–06:01).

"In Louisiana, when it snows, we just wait for it to melt." – Willie ([04:12])

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3. Life on the Road: Fast Food Antics

• Travel routines come with food preferences: Domino's, Taco Bell, and Popeyes are crowned road trip essentials, leading to jokes about "dog food" cravings (06:28–07:09).
• Johnny D shares a father-son mission to score a McRib, documenting the hard-won success and chaos it brings to the family car (07:22–10:09).
• The universal love for questionable fast food bonds the crew through nostalgia and current cravings.

"We have killed some Taco Bell... that's kind of my go-to." – Willie ([06:33])
"Carter goes, Dad, this thing's beautiful... five stars. Although, very hard to eat while driving." – Johnny D ([09:36])

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4. Holiday Gifting—and Not Gifting

• Willie's anti-gift stance draws playful heat, revealing he and his wife don’t give presents for Christmas or anniversaries, while others share stories of thoughtful (or self-serving) gifts (11:37–13:13).
• The expense of family events and overlapping celebrations brings out the crew’s practical side.

"I've never done gifts." – Willie ([11:51])
"Living with you is the gift." – Phil ([12:01])

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5. Leftover Mishaps and Thanksgiving Traditions

• Old turkey horror stories abound, with Johnny D recounting a regrettable food experiment and Willie’s kid nearly eating literal mold ([14:04–15:28]).
• The talk turns to Thanksgiving favorites (pies, turkey vs. ham, year-old dressing), showing that food is always at the heart of family gatherings (15:47–18:15).

"I actually do like turkey. Most people don't." – Willie ([16:00])

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6. Cajun Christmas: Food and Pies

• The Robertsons’ Christmas food traditions blend Southern classics with easy-to-make crowd-pleasers like jambalaya and icebox pies (17:57–18:32).
• The crew debates over who truly makes the pie versus "just buying" it, putting homemade cred to the test ([18:00]).

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7. Cheese, Hibachi, and Cooking Memories

• Tangents on cheese favorites, burnt cheese's appeal, and childhood food dreams (19:43–21:01).
• Phil reminisces about an Italian girlfriend with "raunchy" cheese and about legendary 'sticky chicken' cooked with copious garlic (21:22–23:41).
• Recaps of backyard hibachi and home-cooking mishaps add even more flavor ([24:00–26:50]).

"Everything else gets worse when you burn it. But cheese gets better." – Johnny D ([20:07])

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8. Youth Sports and Growing Pains

• The crew compares kid sports now vs. then: from travel baseball burnout to weight limits in youth football.
• Gus (third grade) vs. Ben’s (second/third) provides ongoing jokes about growing up "giant" in the modern era (27:29–29:20).
• Sports nostalgia leads to epic tales of overalls-clad farmers dominating local basketball, old-school weigh-ins, and being the small kid on the field ([29:34–36:12]).

"He never wore anything but overalls... and would run over you, knock you down and make a layup." – Phil ([30:41])

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9. Modern Sports: NIL and Big Money

• The crew muses on NIL (Name, Image, and Likeness) deals, college and pro sports salaries, and whether million-dollar contracts change the athlete’s motivation (39:32–44:26).
• Financial wisdom—or the lack thereof—gets some laughs, with faux-Merrill Lynch advice and reminders of professional athletes who "lose it all."

"If you're gonna spend 50 million a year, you gotta make more than 150 or that ain't gonna last you." – Chad ([44:48])

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10. Financial Savvy & Running a Tight Ship

• $12 stadium pretzels? $7 water? The crew argues about life’s little rip-offs, public water fountains ("Montezuma’s Revenge"), and strategies for economizing with kids ([47:03–48:28]).
• Johnny D dreams of childhood luxuries ("Hawaiian Punch water fountain"), while Willie brings it back to earth: "A million dollars don't get you far anymore" ([52:51–54:24]).

"Nothing irritates me more than spending $4 on a drink they’re gonna take two sips out of." – Willie ([47:40])

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

"In Louisiana, when it snows, we just wait for it to melt." – Willie ([04:12])
"We have killed some Taco Bell. Taco Bell is kind of my go to." – Willie ([06:33])
"I've never done gifts." – Willie ([11:51])
"Everything else gets worse when you burn it. But cheese gets better." – Johnny D ([20:07])
"He never wore anything but overalls...run over you, knock you down and make a layup." – Phil ([30:41])
"If you're gonna spend 50 million a year, you gotta make more than 150 or that ain't gonna last you." – Chad ([44:48])
"Nothing irritates me more than spending $4 on a drink they’re gonna take two sips out of." – Willie ([47:40])
"A million dollars now just puts you upper middle class." – Willie ([53:03])
"But the living water, that's what's better." – Johnny D ([54:27])

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Important Segment Timestamps

• [01:05] – Episode opens, Chad’s job and intro
• [02:56] – Willie tells New York snow story
• [06:28] – Fast food confessions and road snacks
• [09:36] – Johnny D’s McRib mission
• [11:37] – No-gift philosophy in Robertson marriages
• [14:04] – Leftover turkey horror stories
• [16:00] – Turkey vs. ham debate
• [18:45] – Food tangents: Domino's, cheese, Cajun cooking
• [21:22] – Phil’s Italian girlfriend and strong cheese
• [24:00] – Backyard “hibachi” and fried rice
• [27:29] – Youth sports and travel ball
• [29:34] – Old days of sports, "farmer league" stories
• [39:32] – NIL discussion and sports contracts
• [44:48] – Financial advice for athletes
• [47:03] – The $12 pretzel and $7 water incident
• [49:03] – Water fountains and childhood dreams
• [53:03] – A million dollars: “just upper middle class”
• [54:08] – Scripture wrap-up: John 4:14, living water

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Ending and Takeaways

The episode winds down with signature Duck Call wisdom: finances, whether managed by Willie's "assistant" or not, ultimately come down to good sense, grit, and finding joy in the basics—family, food, teamwork, and faith. Bonus life lesson: if you ever get a urinal installed at your house, you’ve made it.

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This summary captures the laughter, insight, and quirks of a Duck Call Room holiday episode—perfect for anyone missing their regular fix of Southern wisdom and behind-the-scenes Duck Commander camaraderie.

Transcript

[Sponsor/Announcer]

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[Johnny D]

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[Chad]

Well, maybe not the ones where you're.

[Phil]

Being chased by a monster.

[Chad]

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[Phil]

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[Chad]

Kitchen, a statement glassware set, or just new cutlery.

[Phil]

If you got big dreams or small dreams and any size of budget, IKEA.

[Chad]

Can help you bring them to Life. Visit IKEA US DreamKitchen to learn more. Dream the possibilities.

[Johnny D]

What are we gonna talk about today?

[Chad]

I don't know.

[Phil]

We're gonna talk about life.

[Chad]

Okay. There you go. Welcome back to the Duck Call Room, ladies and gentlemen.

[Johnny D]

I will say, when I walked in here, so I said, I'm still on this life kick. Me too. That's good news.

[Chad]

Well, before you get started, let's introduce Chad. Chad has been here before. One time.

[Phil]

Three.

[Chad]

This is number. This is number three. I can't remember. I mean, I just know it.

[Phil]

Three or four.

[Johnny D]

It was so memorable. We don't remember.

[Chad]

No, I remember because Chad, as y' all may or may not know, is the reason that hello@duck call room.com exists. It is his brainchild.

[Johnny D]

So he stole it from another podcast, which is great.

[Chad]

That's fine.

[Phil]

Plus, he's always fun to be.

[Chad]

Imitation is the greatest form of flattery. And we're just imitating. Who are we imitating? I don't remember.

[Willie]

I just think some fun to be around because he takes my money at the poker table.

[Johnny D]

Yeah, you're the only person he does.

[Chad]

That to, but he gives it to everybody else, so it's fine.

[Johnny D]

Well, Chad, you have my old job, basically, don't you?

[Willie]

I don't know, man.

[Johnny D]

What's your job title? People, you're not just a friend. Like, you have a job or.

[Willie]

Yeah, I mean, I think you've done.

[Phil]

Every job there is. Is.

[Willie]

Yeah, yeah.

[Johnny D]

But are you willing?

[Willie]

We were just in New York and a guy asked what I did, and Willie was just watching. He's like, I've been waiting. I've been waiting.

[Johnny D]

Are you Willie's.

[Chad]

What was your answer?

[Willie]

Yeah, I just said I work on the finance work, property work, Whatever's needed, kind of just this guy.

[Johnny D]

Not a big title guy, are you?

[Willie]

Yeah, I'm not a big title guy, so. But it was so funny. Willie just stopped, and he was like, I've been waiting to hear.

[Johnny D]

Yeah, well, I'm still waiting. You have?

[Chad]

Still. Yeah.

[Willie]

I mean, I told you exactly what I told them. I kind of on the personal finance side, just kind of oversee all that, matter of fact.

[Johnny D]

Oh, yeah. So if anybody wants Willie to give him money, call.

[Phil]

Jack of all trades and a master of none.

[Johnny D]

A master of wow.

[Phil]

I can do it all.

[Willie]

But I will say I did. I did feel like we almost was going to die this weekend, this week in New York. Syracuse. We were there. And let me tell you, those boys up north that's used to driving in the ice. I mean, they drive like we would drive here on a sunny day.

[Chad]

Yeah.

[Willie]

Like.

[Chad]

If you're used to.

[Willie]

Let me tell you one thing.

[Chad]

Which one of y' all.

[Willie]

I was driving to, dad? We. We were.

[Chad]

Y' all just riding?

[Willie]

No, we were riding.

[Chad]

Yeah. Okay.

[Willie]

And that guy. We would. It would have taken four times as long to get there.

[Phil]

Oh, they don't. Most of the time up there. They don't slow down.

[Willie]

No, they did not.

[Johnny D]

My cars.

[Willie]

Cars was like, getting in their lane. They were slamming on the brakes. I was hanging on to everything.

[Johnny D]

It's your job to make sure that doesn't happen, though, is it? So you travel with Willie.

[Willie]

It's a little bit.

[Phil]

It's not the whole time like you. When I was up there in the army.

[Willie]

Yeah.

[Phil]

If somebody else was driving, I was.

[Willie]

I. I was. I. I was white knuckling.

[Phil]

Oh.

[Willie]

At one point, Willie was like, I'm texting my obituary at this moment. Like, he thought. He was like, this is ridiculous. The guy never slowed down.

[Chad]

Did he send it to you?

[Willie]

No, he's gonna send it to.

[Chad]

Because I would like to read it.

[Phil]

Then.

[Johnny D]

We could change it.

[Chad]

Yeah. I was just wondering what it said.

[Willie]

And something else. We were in Syracuse, New York. Something else I realized. Like, in Louisiana, when it snows, we just wait for it to melt. Like, we don't worry about what to do with the snow.

[Phil]

Yeah.

[Johnny D]

Because it's going to melt. Yeah. And it's not going to melt there.

[Willie]

You got to move it.

[Phil]

You got to move it all.

[Willie]

Moved it into another pile, and it just piled up. Just mountains of snow everywhere you look.

[Phil]

Now. When I was in Massachusetts and used to go to the club, I'd hitchhike Yeah.

[Johnny D]

And hey, how he met his wife.

[Phil]

Y' all drank drank a little too much one night.

[Johnny D]

How so how he met his wife.

[Phil]

And hey, I'll go up the hill. Fall roll down the other side.

[Johnny D]

Not how he met his wife.

[Phil]

They just push the snow off the side of the road. Well, hey, that thing make mountains.

[Chad]

Really?

[Phil]

Yeah.

[Chad]

They just.

[Johnny D]

How you get rid of.

[Willie]

Snow when it's 30 degrees outside piling it up.

[Phil]

Interesting on size.

[Johnny D]

What you gonna put on it?

[Phil]

So in the big parking lot that were the businesses they push it to the middle. Just make a mountain. I'm talking about. That's.

[Willie]

I mean where we were.

[Phil]

The dozer was just pushing as far up as they could go.

[Chad]

That's interesting. I'm glad I don't live in.

[Johnny D]

Yeah, me too. I woke up and it was 23 this morning. They had snow, told the kids goodbye and I went back in the bed.

[Phil]

They had stole several months a year.

[Chad]

Where's that?

[Phil]

Seven months a year in Massachusetts. It will snow the ground.

[Johnny D]

I don't know how y' all do it.

[Willie]

No, I could tell you I'd have.

[Phil]

It'd be summertime and it'd still be a pile of it just now melt.

[Chad]

They look at us at 90 degrees for a couple of months. It'll kill them. So I mean I get it wherever you're from, whatever you're used to. Yeah, but I'm not used to that.

[Johnny D]

Let me tell you.

[Willie]

I was there three days.

[Phil]

They have the snow at Syracuse.

[Johnny D]

Syracuse for three days.

[Willie]

Couldn't wait to get back.

[Chad]

What you do in Syracuse for three.

[Johnny D]

Days he sat around while Willie sat in a hotel room wondering what he.

[Phil]

Was going to do.

[Johnny D]

I've been there. Does Willie leave the hotel room now?

[Phil]

What do we do now?

[Willie]

Very, very little.

[Johnny D]

What do you do? I used to go explore. Ah, you just sit in the hotel room too.

[Willie]

I'm that old guy.

[Chad]

How much dominoes you eat on the road then? Cuz Johnny D had that mastered.

[Willie]

Yeah.

[Johnny D]

I don't have Willie's card number on my Domino's app anymore. I could put it back on there.

[Willie]

We have killed some Taco Bell. Taco Bell is kind of my go to.

[Phil]

We're on it.

[Willie]

If we're on a travel and driving Taco Bell or Popeyes. It seems like the two that's been going.

[Chad]

Yeah, y' all trying to get that dude wife's deal, huh? That's good. Hey, you got to put it out there in the universe, man.

[Johnny D]

You gotta Taco Bell and dude wipes on the Road with Willie.

[Chad]

So that's your two. Fast food is Popeyes and Taco Bell. Taco Bell. Interesting.

[Johnny D]

You like to get custat and good fried chicken and.

[Chad]

Yeah.

[Johnny D]

Dog food. I love Taco Bell.

[Willie]

I love.

[Johnny D]

It's dog food, but I love it.

[Chad]

Oh, I do too. It's just hard to eat. I don't. Whatever.

[Johnny D]

It's not a driving food.

[Chad]

Yeah, that's.

[Willie]

You have to stop and eat.

[Phil]

Yeah.

[Johnny D]

Although I did try another driving food last yesterday.

[Chad]

What's that?

[Johnny D]

Because I promised Carter something.

[Chad]

You didn't have your breakfast. Meat pie.

[Johnny D]

I'm off those. We hit a number that I'm like, oh, got to slow down, gang. It's the winner. Got to get back on the old program. Anyways, Carter saw an ad for the McRib being back.

[Willie]

I love him.

[Johnny D]

Yes. He was on a mission.

[Phil]

Yes.

[Johnny D]

To have a McRib.

[Chad]

Yes. They don't serve those at OCS cafeteria. We used to get them in washed all Paris.

[Johnny D]

I got a McRib 100%. Like the wheel thing.

[Chad]

I mean, it was.

[Willie]

Was it a McDonald's, but.

[Chad]

But it was a real patty. It looked like it.

[Phil]

What is this?

[Chad]

And we didn't only get it during the winter. We had that big.

[Willie]

Yeah.

[Chad]

Year round.

[Willie]

And I would always. That was the day I brought my extra money to get two.

[Chad]

Yeah.

[Johnny D]

A McRib.

[Willie]

Yes.

[Johnny D]

It's just in school cafeteria.

[Willie]

The knockoff was back in the day.

[Johnny D]

It had onions and pickles.

[Willie]

No, no, ours did not.

[Chad]

It's just a sandwich. You could put whatever condiments they had of it. I guess technically.

[Johnny D]

Was it shaped by, like, ribs? When.

[Chad]

Yeah, it had the little three. I mean, it looked like the same ex.

[Johnny D]

My whole life's been. I thought this was a McDonald's special.

[Chad]

I mean, some food group makes it and distribute.

[Johnny D]

So Carter was on a mission because he'd heard from probably Ryan Trahan or somebody that this is the world's greatest food.

[Chad]

The McGregor, the McRib.

[Johnny D]

I mean, it's. It's not bad. So we go to McDonald's on Saturday. It's on the menu. Take it. If you add of it, just take it off the menu. It's a TV screen.

[Chad]

Oh, no.

[Johnny D]

So then Carter's mad, and I was like, well, we had to get to a baseball tournament, so for Ben's. And I was like, look, I found an app because McDonald's has an app now. And I scoured Ouachita Parish, and only one of our surprisingly large number of McDonald's had the McRib. McDonald's, like eight.

[Chad]

Really?

[Phil]

Yeah.

[Willie]

And why would you run out? Like, why would you run out of that?

[Johnny D]

So for lunch yesterday, we go to McDonald's and I'm like, you will get.

[Chad]

To boy McRib and trash McDonald's all we want to, but then French fries are so good.

[Johnny D]

And, you know, I ordered one McRib, and when they had that, I said, go ahead and make it, too.

[Chad]

Yeah.

[Willie]

It's like getting.

[Chad]

Let me have a dial. Let me have this moment with my son.

[Johnny D]

I mean, we're just sharing a bond here.

[Chad]

Yeah. Heck, yeah.

[Johnny D]

I pass it back to Carter goes, dad, this thing's beautiful. They got five stars. Although, very hard to eat while driving.

[Chad]

Yeah, that would be a toughie because it is. It was lathered and soft.

[Johnny D]

We were in Allison's car. She was very upset, but we did it.

[Chad]

Did you get it with the onions and pickles or did you get that? Yeah. Did Carter.

[Johnny D]

Oh, yeah.

[Chad]

Oh, really? He.

[Johnny D]

Carter's got a refined palate.

[Chad]

There you go.

[Johnny D]

His mom's.

[Willie]

Allison.

[Chad]

Yeah. Okay.

[Johnny D]

We had sushi for lunch today. It's a problem.

[Chad]

Good for him.

[Johnny D]

Yeah, I don't like it.

[Chad]

That's fantastic. That's. No, McRibs are good. They're not. I do bypass the onions, but I'm.

[Willie]

Saying I get just pickles.

[Chad]

Yeah, just the pickles. Yeah, I bypass the onions, but, you know.

[Willie]

So what do you think about the McRib?

[Chad]

He didn't give it a thumbs down. He.

[Johnny D]

Now that he's got all his teeth, he'll like it even more.

[Chad]

I just don't say it would be.

[Phil]

It's hard driving, though.

[Chad]

Oh, yeah. You can't eat too much sauce. I mean, you can, but you. You should.

[Johnny D]

In my Sunday clothes, because we went after church, I was like.

[Phil]

Hey, Ryan.

[Johnny D]

Reynolds here wishing you a very happy.

[Phil]

Half off holiday because right now Mint.

[Willie]

Mobile is offering you the gift of 50% off unlimited.

[Johnny D]

To be clear, that's half price, not half the service. Mint is still premium unlimited wireless for a great price. So that means half day.

[Phil]

Yeah.

[Chad]

Give it a try.

[Johnny D]

@Mintmobile.Com switch.

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[Johnny D]

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[Chad]

New customer offer for first 3 months only. Speed slow after 35 gigabytes of network busy. Taxes and fees extra.

[Sponsor/Announcer]

Cmo.com.

[Johnny D]

Whatever happened to that little thing I used to have where I pressed a button and he would talk?

[Chad]

Donald Trump.

[Johnny D]

No, no, not that thing. That thing's wild.

[Phil]

You lost that thing?

[Johnny D]

I had a little keychain and it would go.

[Phil]

I think Hunter got rid of it.

[Chad]

Because you still got.

[Phil]

I was always pressing it.

[Chad]

You still got Phil Froggerson over there. Remember our friend Froggerson, our buddy brought to us. Our friend. That was always a fun one. Yeah.

[Johnny D]

That thing talks. Does he say happiness?

[Phil]

Does it talk? Yeah. I don't think so.

[Chad]

Yeah, Chad, I know I don't have to worry about Jennifer listening to this. What'd you get her for Christmas? Because I'm still looking for things, man.

[Phil]

We. We don't.

[Willie]

What?

[Chad]

You don't do gifts?

[Willie]

Jackpot on that. Yeah.

[Chad]

Oh, wow.

[Willie]

I've never done gifts.

[Johnny D]

I'm broke.

[Phil]

Christmas, couldn't get him to talk.

[Chad]

Anniversaries, no gifts at all.

[Phil]

Period.

[Chad]

End of story. So living with you is the gift.

[Phil]

Hebrews Chapter one says he's going to do.

[Willie]

Is that coming through?

[Johnny D]

I hear something, but he's Talking about Hebrews 1. He said, Save the planet.

[Chad]

Save the planet. And then the beavers come along.

[Phil]

Save them.

[Chad]

Yeah.

[Willie]

Johnny D. Would you get Allison?

[Johnny D]

I don't. Well, I got her a pot.

[Chad]

This is an expensive month for you, ain't it? Because you got birthday, anniversary, and Christmas all within.

[Johnny D]

Like this year was year 15 for the anniversary.

[Phil]

Yeah, but he gets it all done in one.

[Chad]

Yeah.

[Johnny D]

Yeah. Allison's sad for the mad and sad for the other 11.

[Chad]

Well, you got Valentine's Day coming.

[Phil]

Yeah, we don't really do much on that.

[Chad]

Oh, okay.

[Johnny D]

We just got to eat or something.

[Chad]

Yeah.

[Phil]

Anyways, our flowers.

[Johnny D]

I got her. I. I got her what? I get her some fancy pot.

[Chad]

Okay.

[Phil]

Cooking in something that's useful.

[Johnny D]

But for our anniversary, I got her something that benefits me in no way, shape, form, or fashion.

[Chad]

A red to Speedo.

[Johnny D]

No, that would benefit me because of how good I would look in it.

[Chad]

Okay, there you go.

[Johnny D]

But no, I got her some fancy coffee maker that shouldn't cost that much. I don't know why it does, but that's what I was told I should get her.

[Chad]

Oh, okay.

[Johnny D]

I have multiple people.

[Chad]

Well, good for.

[Johnny D]

But I don't drink coffee.

[Chad]

Good for you for listening.

[Willie]

You do not drink coffee.

[Johnny D]

I'm gonna put Red Bull in it and see what it does.

[Chad]

Well, Brittany just sent me a picture with the text of a thermometer that said 100.1, so I'm not going home.

[Johnny D]

Oh, you just leaving her on her own?

[Chad]

Yeah, she's grown up.

[Phil]

She's a grown up.

[Chad]

She's a grown up. My kids are at my mom's, and I'm going to go to the camp. What if I'm a carrier? I can't take that risk.

[Phil]

We go.

[Chad]

Can't take that risk.

[Phil]

Pretty good laugh.

[Willie]

The old vids going around, I hear.

[Chad]

Yeah, that's what they say. She got.

[Johnny D]

Can't say that anymore. Did I tell y' all what happened to me? What about the turkey?

[Chad]

What turkey? Oh, yeah, you got sick, but you didn't go on. You just said you got a little sick. How bad was it?

[Phil]

I never want to do that again.

[Chad]

You mess up to bed?

[Johnny D]

No, no, no. I went through a roll of toilet paper though. At both home and work. I left work. I had to leave.

[Chad]

Oh, yeah.

[Johnny D]

I ate the turkey.

[Chad]

Yeah. Did you know it was the turkey when you ate it?

[Johnny D]

Well, yeah, I cooked the turkey.

[Chad]

No, I'm saying, like, while you were eating. No, you're like, this is.

[Johnny D]

I did the sniff test.

[Chad]

Yeah.

[Johnny D]

Then I heated it up, which I think probably masked anything that might have been wrong with it. And then I ate the turkey. I said, I wonder how long you can eat a turkey after Thanksgiving. So I Googled it.

[Willie]

What day was it?

[Johnny D]

It was past what Google said you should do.

[Chad]

Okay, it just got lost in the fridge.

[Johnny D]

No, I knew where it was. Oh, I just thought. I mean, turkey on the shelf at the store lasts for a real long time.

[Chad]

Yeah, that's true.

[Johnny D]

So why wouldn't turkey that I cook last?

[Phil]

That's why the Robust is not big on leftovers.

[Johnny D]

Not me neither. No more.

[Willie]

So Friday I came in. Yeah, from out of town. Boys are there by themselves because some in service day. I don't understand that. I'm like, what have y' all eating today? Oh, we ate some fish sticks. I said, well, we gotta eat dinner. Chandler goes in there, gets the bowl of turkey or the platter of turkey left over from Thanksgiving and just started eating it.

[Johnny D]

I said, what are you doing?

[Willie]

This was Friday. Like this? Just Friday, two weeks.

[Chad]

Yeah.

[Willie]

I said, what are you doing? He said, eating turkey. I looked at it. Was literally mold growing on it.

[Chad]

Why is this penicillin?

[Willie]

I mean, no, he. He didn't get a piece with the mold on it, hopefully, but I threw it away.

[Chad]

You may want the piece with mold because you can treat yourself at the same time as you're making yourself sick.

[Willie]

It was our not cleaning out the.

[Chad]

Refrigerator for a little.

[Willie]

I was blown away.

[Johnny D]

Ate that.

[Willie]

I mean, I don't know how many bites he took, but he literally was.

[Chad]

Just, Dad, I don't think we've had you on here for a holiday. What's your favorite Thanksgiving dish.

[Johnny D]

Dad's a big pie fella.

[Chad]

He's a pie. Pecan pie. Dessert. Dessert.

[Willie]

But I know most people don't like turkey. I actually do like Turke turkey.

[Chad]

Really?

[Johnny D]

Who what most people do you hang out with that don't like.

[Willie]

I don't like to say it's dry, but I actually.

[Phil]

Most people cook it too dry.

[Chad]

Yeah.

[Johnny D]

Thank you. You want to cook it? You know how they say cook it to this degrees. That's not true.

[Chad]

Stop short.

[Johnny D]

Yeah, that's Nah, stop short of short.

[Chad]

Yeah.

[Johnny D]

Medium rare turkey is fantastic.

[Phil]

Well, I'll tell you about my son in law. He cooked one for this.

[Chad]

A lot of what happened to you?

[Phil]

He soaked it in some kind of fruit use.

[Chad]

Yeah.

[Phil]

And it was excellent.

[Willie]

Smoke it or fried or what do you do? Smoke it.

[Phil]

Just another one. All I know he actually marinated it in some kind of fruit.

[Chad]

Oh, there you go.

[Phil]

And it was real moist. Real moist and tender. It was that. That was the best turkey I've ever ate.

[Chad]

Well, since you're a turkey guy, Chad, turkey or ham though, like if you got the choice.

[Willie]

I honestly pick turkey over here.

[Phil]

Yeah, yeah.

[Johnny D]

Winter turkey is better than ham, man.

[Willie]

I like.

[Chad]

I like that is just.

[Phil]

I'm down. Hey, Pocket, remind me. My wife found all that dressing in the freezer.

[Chad]

Huh?

[Phil]

I'm down to my last one.

[Johnny D]

You've eaten all that?

[Phil]

I've. I've. She found about five bags from last year.

[Chad]

Oh, year old dressing. This like wedding cake.

[Phil]

Oh, hey. I mean it was a gallon gallon though, you know, one gallon Ziploc.

[Chad]

Yeah.

[Phil]

Full of dressing.

[Chad]

When you leave this earth and they study.

[Phil]

Hey, hey. That was better than what I made this year. Yeah, because it had enough sage.

[Chad]

You are.

[Phil]

You're marvel. Ask him what his favorite food was for Thanksgiving. I was saying duck and dressing.

[Chad]

What do y'. All. What food y' all do for Christmas?

[Willie]

Honestly, mom does the same. Now I will say we do.

[Johnny D]

You're a grown man, son.

[Willie]

Yeah, yeah, but we gotta even bring in something. Yeah, we go to her house Christmas do E.T. okay, Christmas Eve.

[Johnny D]

But do you bring something?

[Willie]

Yeah, we bring some pie. I make some lemon pies. Chocolate.

[Chad]

Chocolate.

[Johnny D]

Do you make the lemon pies or do you buy them?

[Phil]

What kind of pie?

[Chad]

I make them.

[Willie]

Make them. I make them. But it's easy. It's condensed milk and lemon juice.

[Phil]

It's like how do you make icebox pie? Lemon. Oh yeah.

[Willie]

It's the easiest thing in the world.

[Chad]

To make D. That gave that one a thumbs up. Okay.

[Phil]

No, no. Yeah. Hey, I ate the whole thing.

[Johnny D]

But they fixed the best pie.

[Willie]

I will say I like. And I know most people don't agree, but I like having that too. Fay something easy to make. Big pot of it. It's not a huge mess. Yeah, it's a ton of people.

[Phil]

And most people like that.

[Johnny D]

Yeah.

[Willie]

Yeah. You don't like Jumbo Jumbala? I just made a big old pot of jambalaya.

[Chad]

Oh, yeah. There you go.

[Willie]

Saturday.

[Johnny D]

You know what I had the other night? Since we're just stuck on food generally.

[Chad]

Is always our way out.

[Johnny D]

The man at the Dominoes on Cypress Street.

[Chad]

Oh.

[Johnny D]

Was making my cheese loaded cheese tots.

[Phil]

Loaded. What Loaded?

[Johnny D]

They put some tots down, they put it on a piece of parchment paper, they sprinkle a little cheese on there, they throw it in a box and bring it to your house.

[Chad]

Yeah.

[Johnny D]

Whoever says the world sucks is wrong because that's possible from your phone.

[Chad]

Yeah, you don't have to talk to a soul for that to happen. But my man bless America is all.

[Johnny D]

My man made a mistake of some epic proportion and accidentally spilled the cheese onto the tots. When I tell you there was two pounds of cheese in that box and.

[Chad]

It was baked, like oven baked, so the edges were crispy. You had like little cheez.

[Johnny D]

Its like it was the most phenomenal. And now I don't have that problem going to the bathroom anymore.

[Phil]

Clogged.

[Chad]

Yeah, completely.

[Johnny D]

But it was magical.

[Phil]

Oh, that's why.

[Willie]

Cheese.

[Chad]

I think I just picked dinner tonight.

[Willie]

Yeah.

[Chad]

Since I'm going to be on my.

[Willie]

Own, you just got to hope they make a mistake.

[Johnny D]

Yeah, it was totally not supposed to be that way.

[Chad]

Well, good.

[Johnny D]

But it was, it was great.

[Chad]

I mean, look, hey, God provides, man.

[Phil]

Oh, I do that on bread.

[Chad]

What?

[Phil]

Cut up sharp cheese.

[Chad]

Yeah.

[Phil]

Put it on bread.

[Chad]

Yeah.

[Phil]

And actually kind of burn it like cheese toast.

[Johnny D]

Why is burnt cheese so good? Everything else gets worse when you burn it. But cheese gets better.

[Phil]

No, you gotta. You gotta get it a little hotter than the normal cheese is just good.

[Willie]

I love cheese.

[Johnny D]

Hunter, what's your favorite type of cheese?

[Chad]

He tracks me as a provolone type.

[Willie]

Prepared for this question. I just like Colby.

[Phil]

What?

[Chad]

Colby.

[Johnny D]

Jack, you have to prepare yourself for what kind of cheese is your favorite.

[Chad]

I, Well, I, I.

[Johnny D]

Calm down, man. It's just, it's. You asked me a question, I panicked.

[Chad]

I eat.

[Phil]

That. Remind me about when I dated that little Italian gal.

[Johnny D]

Oh, praise the Lord.

[Phil]

Here, look.

[Johnny D]

This is what we're here for, people.

[Phil]

And she made me homemade Italian pizza. Look. When she Broke out the cheese. You talking about stink?

[Johnny D]

Oh, he's told this. Yeah, you told me.

[Phil]

No. Cause I was wondering. After the smell hit me, I said, oh, I don't think I can eat that. She said, oh, trust me. She said, you'll eat it because it tastes better. Okay. After you cook it. Yeah, well, it did. It was excellent. But you talking about. I mean, you talking about raunchy. I don't know what kind of cheesy it was, but this.

[Willie]

They cut that cheese.

[Johnny D]

This was your Italian girlfriend?

[Phil]

Oh, yeah. She was down in New Orleans. An Italian in New Orleans?

[Johnny D]

That's a wild.

[Phil]

That's a wild one.

[Chad]

That's a big issue.

[Phil]

Half Italian. Half. Half Cajun. No. You talking about a while.

[Johnny D]

Half Italian, half cake.

[Phil]

Yeah, yeah.

[Johnny D]

I don't know I've ever met one of them.

[Chad]

That's where you got Dewey sausage.

[Phil]

I'm gonna tell you, though, she was a fine thing.

[Johnny D]

And Dewey sauce.

[Phil]

Hey, she could cook pizza, too, son.

[Chad]

Oh, praise God.

[Johnny D]

The reason I married Allison.

[Willie]

Yeah, I was gonna say.

[Chad]

I mean, I'm with Johnny D. The worst pizza I've ever had. Still pretty good.

[Johnny D]

Pretty doggone good. You invited me to the Pizza Hut buffet right now.

[Phil]

It was just like, feel. Sticky chicken.

[Chad]

Sticky chicken.

[Phil]

Yeah. Yo, look, I'll come. Come down there about dinner time. He says, you're just.

[Chad]

Oh, you're talking about the smell.

[Phil]

Yeah.

[Chad]

Because I was trying to figure out how we got chicken and pizza were similar.

[Phil]

He's got chicken cut up in. In one of them iron pots.

[Johnny D]

Yeah.

[Phil]

And he probably had a pound of garlic. I'm just clove after clove peel and just threw all over the bottom of that big pan. Well, when I drove up and opened the door, it was just, whoa. I said, what are you cooking? He said, a new deal, and it's great. And I said, what you call it? He said, sticky chicken.

[Willie]

Sticky chicken.

[Phil]

No. He said, come over here. Look. Hey. So he opened the pot, you know, took the lid off, and I said, I won't be able to eat that. I said, you got enough garlic in there to. Good grief. He said, you won't even taste it. I said, you're out of your mind. Well, I said, well, hey, give me a leg. Let me try it. That was the best stuff ever.

[Willie]

Really?

[Phil]

And it didn't have the garlic taste.

[Chad]

That's good.

[Johnny D]

Hold on. But why would you put something in something if your explanation is you can't taste it? I always get mad whenever I'm like, I'm good. I don't really like tomatoes, and they're like. Oh, you can't even taste them. Then why'd you put it?

[Phil]

Well, now, by that note, that after you ate it, they knew you had garlic.

[Willie]

Oh, yeah. They could smell it. You breathe good sticky chicken.

[Chad]

Kind of like when you had Coney island for lunch.

[Phil]

Yeah.

[Chad]

Everybody knows where you've been.

[Phil]

But that stuff was. I mean, it was really good.

[Willie]

Who's got the recipe? Who's gonna make it? Who's got the recipe?

[Phil]

Well, there's somebody in one of K's cookbooks, probably. Yeah, he made it all time. He made about four or five dishes. That was just his specialty.

[Willie]

Yeah.

[Phil]

One of them was in the fried rice bocce. Yeah.

[Chad]

Yep.

[Phil]

Well, you know, he put that thing on that grill he's got in his house. Yeah. And, I mean, it would be full, you know, and he cooked that good.

[Willie]

I bet on Johnny D could do that.

[Johnny D]

I've been known to sling on a flat top. And a flat top is one of the greatest inventions known to man because you're either at the fanciest restaurant on earth, the Waffle House, or at the local hibachi.

[Phil]

Well, what's good about it is. Is it makes stuff crunchy.

[Chad]

And you can cook so much.

[Phil]

Yeah. Phil just has his whole grill's covered with rice and everything you put in it. Yeah. And he had two of them big spatulas.

[Chad]

Show us, Joe.

[Phil]

He was constantly just. Yo.

[Willie]

Yeah.

[Phil]

So it was. It was fun to watch him do it.

[Johnny D]

And I say, oh.

[Phil]

And the smell was out of this world.

[Johnny D]

Could you imagine going to the local hibachi restaurant and Phil Robertson walk out and stand in the middle of those 12 people, or 14, however many you.

[Phil]

Might not look at and be the.

[Chad]

Chef and start making a joke.

[Phil]

I was just fixing. He might not look that good, but, hey, that boy could cook that.

[Johnny D]

All right, boys. Got a little Japanese Kobe.

[Phil]

Yeah. I'll tell you, I doubt if he could throw the egg up on top of his hat and all that. Good.

[Chad]

Oh, he had the hand eye coordination for it. He could do that.

[Johnny D]

Oh, that's the easy part.

[Chad]

His delivery on, like, Japanese egg roll probably suffer a little bit.

[Johnny D]

Yeah, that'd be tough. When was the last time you went to a hibachi restaurant?

[Phil]

We've been, man. Phil filmed it for. For the show.

[Chad]

Yeah, we filmed a Duck dynasty one, like, at Ronin or something.

[Johnny D]

That's.

[Phil]

Yeah. But no, this was for Treasure. Family treasure. We stayed at home. It was my vacation at home.

[Chad]

You had a staycation.

[Phil]

Yeah, a staycation. That's what I called it.

[Chad]

Isn't your whole life a staycation?

[Phil]

Well, hey, but funniest thing he did. Look. Funny thing he did was like, look, he. He had one especially. Turned it sideways, threw an egg in the air. It hit perfectly on that bachelor cut it dropped the egg and. And yolk on it. He just slung the egg thing off of shell.

[Johnny D]

Oh, wait. They brought a. They brought a professional to your home?

[Phil]

No, no, Philip did it.

[Johnny D]

McMillan.

[Phil]

At his house? Yeah.

[Johnny D]

Don't believe it.

[Phil]

Oh, no. And hey, look, it was actually. It was actually half decent to eat.

[Chad]

Half decent.

[Johnny D]

What a robin.

[Phil]

I ate the rice and stuff. You? Yeah.

[Chad]

I mean, I was stunned it was edible.

[Johnny D]

It was actually.

[Phil]

I was more than stunned. I was shocked.

[Willie]

It's kind of. It's almost hard to mess it up when you stick it.

[Chad]

No soy sauce.

[Phil]

It was actually funny to watch, too.

[Chad]

What's that?

[Phil]

Him cooking, watching him do it.

[Chad]

Oh, I can only imagine.

[Phil]

And I said, hey, you couldn't do that if you've done it a million times again, you could never make that work like it did.

[Willie]

Yeah, there you go.

[Phil]

Cause he just threw it up, done like that. And it hung up halfway, and the egg dropped out through it. Oh, it was hilarious.

[Chad]

Apparently, I wasn't there.

[Phil]

It was hilarious.

[Chad]

I'm guessing he did.

[Willie]

I love to hear that Johnny D's headed these baseball tournaments because he used to always give me the hardest time.

[Johnny D]

About these baseball tournaments. Hey, we lost the first game and headed home right after, baby.

[Chad]

Oh, single elimination.

[Johnny D]

Well, here's the problem. And you know, we might need to have Jeff on because Gus is in the third grade. Fourth grade.

[Chad]

Yeah. Gus is a monster.

[Johnny D]

But if you put them next to each other, Gus is about to start driving.

[Chad]

Yeah.

[Johnny D]

And Ben's is just getting out of the second grade.

[Willie]

This is in third.

[Johnny D]

Yeah.

[Chad]

Yeah. Gus is a monster.

[Johnny D]

So that in this tournament, the school's third graders and the fourth graders faced off in the second round.

[Chad]

Yeah.

[Johnny D]

And I'm a fourth grade dad. And all them were like, the third grade's good. No doubt. They're all, like, nervous that the third graders about to beat them. The third graders are just out there.

[Chad]

About to have fun because if they.

[Johnny D]

Accidentally beat them, I don't want to be a fourth grade boy at school today.

[Chad]

Yeah.

[Johnny D]

Because they beat them.

[Chad]

Oh, yeah. You're supposed to lose.

[Johnny D]

Yeah.

[Chad]

If you're the third grader.

[Johnny D]

But the third graders came out there, first inning, two kids hit it to the fence. I walked over, I said, chip, did Gus just hit the ball to the fence he goes. That was the five best hits we've had all year. Right out the gate I said, well, good news is if you win, I'll beat you back to the neighborhood.

[Chad]

Yeah. Oh, it was like a school baseball tournament.

[Johnny D]

Oh, other schools, but they were just a couple of the teams. But yeah, Gus defeated us from across the pond. But Gus was still there when I left. I said, I'm going to throw stuff in your yard, Gus.

[Phil]

See you later.

[Chad]

Yeah, Gus is probably be on the.

[Willie]

Same side of the pond maybe, who knows.

[Johnny D]

Hey, quit spilling secrets on here. Oh, what is his problem?

[Chad]

You know, sadly, I went to Jeff's moving. I was like, wait, that didn't make any sense. I don't forgot about.

[Willie]

Yeah, I love to hear that. He's doing the travel baseball.

[Johnny D]

We are school fall ball. We had one game an hour and a half away at 7:30.

[Chad]

Yeah, he's spending a weekend in Memphis.

[Johnny D]

Yeah, it rained out and if it wouldn't have rained out, I would have got. I would ate some of that old turkey again just to avoid it.

[Chad]

Just. Yeah. Just to not go the.

[Johnny D]

How do you feel about that? Sigh People are taking their kids hours away to sleep in hotel rooms and play baseball tournaments when their dad is Chad. So like hey, we've retired from baseball.

[Chad]

We've. They're soccer players now.

[Johnny D]

But. But what. How you feel about travel, baseball? I want size opinion.

[Phil]

I wouldn't do it.

[Chad]

Yeah. Can it get rid of.

[Johnny D]

I wouldn't do it. I feel that way.

[Phil]

I had kids that played it today that has dad ain't coming.

[Chad]

Travel, sports in general. Like it's just weird. The beauty of being a kid is you got to play everything. Like that's what I mean. I was on a basketball team. Trash, mind you. Terrible at basketball. But there was nothing else going on. I wanted my buddies. A husky guy jog up and down the court and decide to rest on offense because he knew he couldn't shoot. Like I didn't.

[Johnny D]

It would have been fun to watch.

[Chad]

Yeah, I was terrible.

[Willie]

What was your favorite sport?

[Phil]

Johnny D. Oh, the best part of that when I was growing up is, is we had the farmers plate.

[Johnny D]

The what?

[Phil]

All the. All the neighborhood farmers. We had a.

[Chad]

You know, the old man played the kids. Yeah, yeah. Y' all got hilarious. I got. Y' all stay away too, didn't you?

[Phil]

We had no. We had a guy that remind me of your father. Oh, okay. He ever.

[Chad]

I don't know where this.

[Phil]

He never look, he never. He never wore anything but overalls.

[Chad]

Yeah.

[Phil]

Okay. Gary Martin barefooted overalls and like, I don't think he had any kind of underwear. T shirt on. I don't think he owned it. He would play and look, he would run over you, knock you down and make a layup.

[Johnny D]

Hold on.

[Chad]

Nah, my dad don't make no layup.

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[Johnny D]

The grown man. We're playing the kids in basketball.

[Phil]

Oh, yeah, we both, you know, it was a mixed team. We had the farmers and kids. You know, he was only wearing overalls. Hey, this guy, he was the same guy that I told you that killed a bull.

[Chad]

Oh, Lord.

[Phil]

Oh, gracious.

[Chad]

Man, that punched a cow between the eyes.

[Phil]

No, no, look, he bought a breeding bull for $20,000. No, no, that was the one that bought a breeding bull for the $20,000.

[Chad]

Oh, that's him.

[Johnny D]

Oh, here we go.

[Phil]

And then killed it. Now, I didn't say 50, did me? This said 50. I said 20.

[Johnny D]

Hunter's about to get fired.

[Phil]

I've always said 20. You just killed $20,000 worth of breeding.

[Chad]

And went from 50 down to 20.

[Phil]

You just paid something like $50,000 for that breeding bull. What are we going to do now?

[Willie]

Oh, my goodness.

[Phil]

This is back when he's walking. Like I said, he's got overalls on and he's got one in big farmer red handkerchief that you could. I could use it as a blanket. Yeah, it's that big. He was walking across the pasture. The bull run over him, turned around and was coming back and, hey, he just sidestepped you. And when he did, he hit him right there on the forehead and killed that sucker dead as a hammer.

[Johnny D]

Punched him.

[Phil]

Yeah. And his wife said, what are we going to do now? He said, yeah, call the neighbors. We'll fix a barbecue.

[Chad]

It's a barbecue. We about to have a McRib baby.

[Phil]

Yeah.

[Johnny D]

It's interesting. I don't think that's.

[Phil]

But this guy played basketball.

[Chad]

There's more in it than, you know.

[Phil]

He. He had run over you. Just wasn't even thinking nothing about it. Knock you down.

[Johnny D]

That's how basketball is supposed to play, you know? Remind me of NBA, the greatest basketball player ever, Shaquille o'. Neal.

[Phil]

It reminded me when Charles was Charles Barkley and Shaq Play.

[Willie]

Yes, sir.

[Phil]

Knock everybody out of the way and dunk it. And everybody screams and says, oh, boy, they're the greatest in the world. They are. At knocking people down and dunking it. Yeah, they're seven foot tall, weigh 400 pounds.

[Johnny D]

It's not their fault.

[Chad]

Yeah, yeah. They changed the game.

[Phil]

I'll give them a talent. It's just too much, man, for some of the other players.

[Johnny D]

Try being seven foot tall, £400 of Duncan.

[Phil]

Well, hey, I'm just telling you. Hey.

[Chad]

Or dribbling.

[Phil]

If I didn't referee, Shaq would have fouled out in the first three minutes.

[Johnny D]

Here we go again. On you.

[Phil]

He'd been. Oh, he'd have been on the bench.

[Chad]

You'd have never made it three minutes against Shaq. That boy would have hurt you so bad.

[Johnny D]

Fight back. Oh, I wasn't very good at basketball.

[Phil]

You know, you don't fail. You don't fight back with him. Kind of that kind of weights, huh? That's true.

[Chad]

Oh, you just got to sit there and take it.

[Phil]

You just got to get knocked down, then get back up.

[Johnny D]

I'm surprised you weren't better at basketball considering that you're bigger than everybody else.

[Chad]

No, I'm terrible. I couldn't shoot, man.

[Johnny D]

You don't have to shoot when you're that big.

[Chad]

You just. Yeah, but I didn't have no vertical or nothing. I mean, I was buddy. I had to go to the special. She had to get weighed for football season. There was no getting that off the ground. My fast twitch muscles had not developed at that point.

[Johnny D]

I did go.

[Chad]

The only fastest switch I had was getting Johnny's pizza out to Dagum. Fridge, refrigerator. So I'm just like. I mean, that's all I had in me. So.

[Johnny D]

That's funny. I told. I actually told Jeff that story because he was saying, yeah, in football they had to weigh Gus to make sure he wasn't too big. And I was like Martin for different reasons. Had to be weighed.

[Chad]

Yeah, you go on in. You go on that shed down there on the end. Go see Mr. Ek. He gets you right. 149 and a half every time for three straight years. I never gained a pound.

[Johnny D]

I'm asking about that.

[Chad]

Yeah, okay. No, yeah, okay. Ek was the weigh in official out there at Wolf, or however you say I don't Wolf.

[Willie]

Love Wolf, back in the day. So he said, now, West Wash little boys football.

[Johnny D]

Oh, no, it's Wolfa.

[Chad]

Yeah.

[Johnny D]

Yeah, I played one year there.

[Chad]

Oh, man. Yeah, you went to the shed on the end for the Offensive lineman. That's where they all got weight, because they had that weight restriction on everybody.

[Willie]

So now they just have weight restriction just for runners. Like if you're running the ball.

[Chad]

Yeah, that was ever in my future.

[Johnny D]

Oh, nobody could tackle you.

[Chad]

I made the hole the lane for. How about the gate? You didn't have to tackle me. I tackled myself. You seen that turf Monster, man, that I'd ate dirt in sixth grade trying to run with a football.

[Phil]

I wish I had some of the foot. The footage of me playing.

[Chad]

Oh, me too.

[Phil]

Because I. I didn't have no sense. I didn't hit anybody.

[Chad]

Yeah, y'.

[Phil]

All. And we played triple A schools, and I played monster, man. The whole deal was go to football. Yeah. Well, look, I'm back at you. And I hiked the ball. The guards cross block. You could have drove 18 wheeler sideways through it, you know, while I'm running. I started to hit the quarterback. I said, I ain't gonna make it. And they had a. They had a running back that was about all five, eight, maybe. Weighed about 275 and didn't have no neck. You know, he just had a head on top of a body, and it was like this right here. Well, I hit him a lot like this. Y' all look very square. And eight yards behind the quarterback. I tackled him 45 yards behind me. I finally tripped him up, made him.

[Johnny D]

Fall, just rode on him.

[Phil]

After he just beat me to death with his knees.

[Willie]

And what did you weigh in high school, sir?

[Phil]

130.

[Willie]

130.

[Phil]

That's after they soaked me down, my whole uniform and everything. Hold on.

[Johnny D]

When did you weigh 130 last?

[Chad]

Oh, me?

[Johnny D]

Yeah.

[Chad]

I'm gonna say, like, four.

[Phil]

He's never weighed 130.

[Chad]

I'm gonna say third or fourth grade.

[Johnny D]

See, I don't think I've ever.

[Phil]

I'll fix that. He. He never weighed 130.

[Chad]

Yeah.

[Phil]

I mean, unless he's in kindergarten, I don't know.

[Willie]

Yeah, I. I know in fourth and fifth grade, like, you cannot run the ball if you weigh 129. I think. So that's the weight limit.

[Chad]

Yeah. Offensive lineman when I did was 150 pounds, sixth grade. Because once you got junior high, that didn't matter. Like, you were just part of the squad then. You were.

[Johnny D]

Yeah.

[Chad]

You were trying to be good enough so you could make the high school scout team until you realized exactly what that meant. Like, that they were about to pound your brains in.

[Phil]

Yeah.

[Chad]

Three weeks working on playoffs, like, layoffs. Yeah. So.

[Johnny D]

But I weighed, like, probably like 115 in junior high. And then I just immediately went to, like, 180 in high school. Like, over a week.

[Chad]

Yeah, I don't know that there.

[Johnny D]

I mean, there's a. I grew that way.

[Willie]

You're so tall.

[Chad]

There's a scale in there where you look.

[Phil]

I was so skinny when I was in the 12th grade and played on the A team. Yeah. I also played the freshman team. And I would kill them.

[Willie]

Which high school was it?

[Phil]

I had more knowledge then. That's right, they did. Yo, you were 30.

[Chad]

Older than them.

[Phil]

Yes.

[Willie]

And I'm sure all your older brothers were giving you some.

[Phil]

Oh, no.

[Johnny D]

Yeah, he knew how to fight.

[Phil]

No, no. Coach Cyrus, my coach, you know, head coach. On my senior year, he said, hey, look, you know, I had to leave my right in the middle of it and graduate somewhere else. He said, hey, look, I can get you a walk on over at Tech, you know, with Coach ia. And I said, have you lost your mind? I said, coach, I weigh 130 pounds. I said, I've been in the locker room at Tech. Bill plays. Yo. Tommy plays. Yeah, I've been in there. I said, hey, I'm a kid. I said, those are grown men. Big grown men. I said, now, I said, I love the game, but I ain't stupid.

[Johnny D]

Our kids getting bigger.

[Willie]

100%.

[Chad]

Absolutely. Yeah.

[Johnny D]

Because some of these high school football players nowadays. Yeah, they're giants.

[Chad]

I mean, ain't gonna be long. Gus gonna have an nil deal.

[Phil]

Oh, no.

[Chad]

I don't know who gonna sign him, but you better get in on the ground floor right now.

[Willie]

I still can't believe Gus is in third grade.

[Phil]

Colleges and pros will be watching the feature if he's good enough. Oh, yeah, they'll be making offers. Hey, look, the coaches in Little League is better. High school is better. You know, just then, you know, just coaches away better.

[Chad]

I wonder, when does nil stop? Now that that box has been open, are there going to be high school players getting paid to play?

[Johnny D]

I don't know how that works.

[Phil]

I'm going to go down that way. But as someone eventually dropped down and get to that level.

[Chad]

Yeah.

[Johnny D]

Who's only played against our neighbor across the pond, Gus versus Ben's. You know, we have to have a talk that some people are born with things that we're not born with every time we leave the field.

[Phil]

Yeah.

[Chad]

Remember that.

[Johnny D]

Like football, baseball, it's like, hey, you.

[Chad]

Know, remember that lie when I told you you could be anything you wanted to be? Hey, I lied, son.

[Johnny D]

You ain't gonna be as fast as him.

[Chad]

Yeah. You ain't gonna beat Gus at baseball. Sorry.

[Johnny D]

One day, but it ain't today.

[Chad]

Yeah, but it's.

[Phil]

Well, when I spend some time. Terry Bradshaw only wanted one thing out of this life. To be an NFL quarterback. Oh, that's all.

[Chad]

Yeah, that's good.

[Johnny D]

He did it.

[Phil]

And everybody said, oh, no, he's too stupid. He'll never make it in the pros. Daddy laugh. And he said, yeah, yeah. Well, all he's got to do is get a coach that knows. Knows talent when they see it.

[Chad]

There you go.

[Phil]

And hey, they run up on one and hey, four super bowl rings later.

[Chad]

I would just like to give a round of applause to a man that's older than me that stepped back on the football field and played NFL quarterback this weekend. Philip River.

[Johnny D]

He just needed insurance.

[Phil]

Not only that.

[Chad]

Bravo, Mr. Rivers.

[Phil]

And played well.

[Chad]

That's what I'm talking about.

[Johnny D]

44.

[Chad]

Yeah, 44 went out there and spun it.

[Phil]

Somebody made this little save and a great.

[Willie]

He's got a great kid.

[Chad]

So somebody's got good hand eye coordination.

[Phil]

Yeah, somebody made this little statement. Well, hey, let's wait a couple more games and watch after he gets hit two or three times real hard.

[Chad]

Who cares if you go out there and do it once at 44? I bravo.

[Johnny D]

I'm a people that do it.

[Phil]

I take my hand off for him for going out there.

[Chad]

Yeah, bravo, my friend.

[Phil]

44, that's a little too old.

[Johnny D]

No, they lost.

[Chad]

Yeah.

[Johnny D]

It was sad, but he did it.

[Phil]

He did it. Did he play?

[Chad]

I mean, he did it.

[Johnny D]

He played as good as any 44 year old man.

[Phil]

Hey, I'm gonna tell you.

[Chad]

Yeah. Who's been sitting at the house?

[Phil]

Hey, they've had some of the best games of football.

[Chad]

It's almost like it's theater.

[Phil]

No, no, I mean, they're doing things that are just unreal.

[Johnny D]

No, it's not there. It's no longer a scam because the Saints are winning. You know, you know, they're, you know.

[Phil]

They don't want that. They're making catches that is just unbelievable. And then not only make the catch, but hold on to it when the guy is knocking you.

[Chad]

I need a. I need a sports center special that's called SVP and si.

[Johnny D]

Yeah. Just side doing the highlight reel.

[Chad]

Yeah. With Scott Van Pel.

[Phil]

Oh, hey, I would watch. I. If I'd have been the announcer on that, I would have been busted people's eardrums. Did you see that? No.

[Johnny D]

I got nervous.

[Chad]

Yeah.

[Phil]

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[Johnny D]

My favorite part is that you're watching old games and, like, you might get lost on the ACC Network and think Notre Dame played Miami 10 times.

[Phil]

Hey, that's why the boys get paid the big bucks. Big bucks. Bucks.

[Johnny D]

But, yeah, they do now.

[Willie]

They do now.

[Chad]

They do now.

[Willie]

They do now.

[Phil]

Real.

[Willie]

Real.

[Chad]

Oh, my goodness gracious.

[Phil]

The last one I seen the other day, 1155 million.

[Johnny D]

What?

[Chad]

Yeah, for not in college.

[Willie]

He gets paid like the LSU pros.

[Chad]

Oh, yeah.

[Phil]

I must say, not $155 million. For what? A seven year contract. I think come out 31,000. 31 million a year.

[Chad]

It'd be hard for me to wake up and go to work. All right, time me with 155meal and like 140of that's guaranteed.

[Phil]

I've said bye.

[Chad]

Oh, man, it's gonna be hard. It's gonna be hard for me to wake up. It's gonna be hard for me to care.

[Phil]

I said, merle, here's the deal.

[Chad]

Merle.

[Phil]

Y' all make that, make that, make me. Yeah. Who's Merle? Merrill Lynch.

[Chad]

Merrill. Merrill. Not Mr. Hat.

[Phil]

Keep this where it's just making me money. Why I spend all 50 million a year.

[Johnny D]

Who's Merle? He said, oh, Mr. Lynch.

[Chad]

You want to spend 50 million a year, you go out to make more than 150, that ain't gonna last you too long because you're gonna have a bad.

[Phil]

Who was that? One of the. One of the pros was giving everybody the financial advice on that.

[Chad]

Not.

[Phil]

He said, oh, no, you got. You got to be able to, you know, do something with this. You just, you know, you don't realize, you know how fast it goes.

[Willie]

100%.

[Phil]

No.

[Willie]

Ask. Ask O. Dave.

[Johnny D]

Oh, Big Dave.

[Chad]

No. And Theo Vaughn been one of the greatest things that happened to Vanderbilt. He way better than Diego Pavia. He's brought way more eyes to Vanderbilt football than the quarterback did. So.

[Willie]

Oh, yeah.

[Phil]

But if you. How many. How many teams have we got?

[Johnny D]

A bunch of what?

[Chad]

Okay, I just need you to.

[Phil]

If you knew what all the teams. Okay. The amount of money they spend every year.

[Chad]

A lot.

[Phil]

It's Billions.

[Chad]

Yeah, billions.

[Phil]

Well hey, how do you, how do you not. Can't help but going bankrupt. You're paying out billions.

[Chad]

Know how much we spend on said teams?

[Willie]

They're making a lot of money.

[Chad]

Yeah, yeah, they, they do.

[Johnny D]

Sure. To use code duck at checkout.

[Chad]

Trust me, they're not in the negative on this deal. Even paying all that stuff out. They're still.

[Phil]

That's profitable. That's what's amazing.

[Willie]

Yeah, well that just shows how much is spent.

[Chad]

How much money that it matters.

[Willie]

Yeah.

[Chad]

That for.

[Johnny D]

I think they're all just printing stuff in a room somewhere.

[Phil]

I look at one and looking at. I was looking at the stadium now.

[Chad]

Anymore they just decimal places.

[Phil]

And I mean, hey, you couldn't have stuck another human being in that thing. And what, in the stadium?

[Chad]

Oh yeah.

[Phil]

I mean it was packed. And I thought to myself I wonder how much money they spent all them people that was in that stadium. A lot.

[Johnny D]

A lot, a lot.

[Phil]

Man.

[Chad]

I went offers you free season tickets.

[Willie]

I went to a game. I forget even which game it was but I was with my kid.

[Chad]

I've read all the Michigan articles.

[Willie]

He wanted to go. Chandler wanted a pretzel. The pretzel was like $12 for a pretzel.

[Chad]

Ain't no chance Chad Creole signed off on that.

[Willie]

He got. Then he wanted a water.

[Chad]

The water was like $7.

[Willie]

Said he doesn't need water.

[Johnny D]

You, you, you going to make your son joke.

[Phil]

You ain't getting no $12 bottle of water.

[Willie]

And the only reason why he got the pretzel. Cuz we hadn't had dinner.

[Chad]

Chad, question. When you go to a restaurant? Cuz. Noah, dude, when you go to a restaurant, do you order for your kids water? No, I'm talking about their meal. Cuz you're like you don't eat that much.

[Willie]

But I can tell you nothing irritates me more than spending $4 on a drink that they're going to take two sips out of. So I ordered water immediately for everybody.

[Phil]

Throw it away.

[Chad]

Yeah, love this guy.

[Phil]

Immediately.

[Johnny D]

It's a pretzel, man. You gotta have water.

[Phil]

But it is a big.

[Willie]

I can't tell you that is the.

[Johnny D]

Driest substance on earth next to the Sahara desert. It's a consistent waterfall.

[Phil]

It's a big pretzel.

[Willie]

You had to go to the water fountain.

[Johnny D]

You want to talk about Montezuma's revenge? Use a public water fountain. Does it work? When was the last time you saw a working public water fountain?

[Willie]

That night.

[Chad]

Now to think of it, I'm trying to Figure out when I saw a water fountain.

[Johnny D]

I saw one at the baseball thing.

[Chad]

Forget working just a water fountain.

[Johnny D]

And Ben's goes, dad, can I have some of your water? I said, go hit that water fountain. He goes, dad, do you know how many mouths have been on that? And I was like, what is wrong with our setting?

[Chad]

When you were also. But when you were in school, did y' all have the good water fountain? Like the one that shot up a little bit higher so you didn't have.

[Phil]

One on the left?

[Johnny D]

Way better than the one on the right.

[Chad]

That's what I'm saying. Like, everybody. You're like, no, go over. Go now. That one right there. Trash. Then you got to get down there and make out with it. Like, yeah, that's what it felt like.

[Johnny D]

There's a good one. But look, the. So where I went to elementary now, Allison teaches there. And the water fountains are still there.

[Chad]

They still got them. Yeah, your spit is still on that.

[Johnny D]

Hold on. The story gets worse. So I'm there the other day. I don't remember why. I was like, all right, I'm about to head. And I'm like, oh, sweet. A water fountain. I go, press the button.

[Chad]

Nothing.

[Johnny D]

Nothing. I said, gang, press the other one. Nothing. I said, what? I said, do these not work? They go, oh, no. This had been turned on in, like, five years.

[Phil]

Why are they still there? Take them away.

[Johnny D]

You know what I would do?

[Chad]

You need to put in a water fountain at the hh.

[Johnny D]

That'd be tight.

[Chad]

Yeah, you need a water fountain at Honey.

[Phil]

But.

[Johnny D]

But I mean, remember when you were a kid and your whole dream they.

[Chad]

Need a water fountain in this place.

[Johnny D]

Was to have a water fountain in your room, like with Hawaiian Punch or Yoohoo or something?

[Chad]

I never had that dream.

[Phil]

You never.

[Johnny D]

You never thought, like, if I get a million dollars one day, I'm gonna put a water fountain in my house that spits out Yoohoo.

[Chad]

No flying punch. I only went with I'm getting sunny D. I'm getting a urinal.

[Johnny D]

Urinal money. Almost boat money.

[Chad]

That's what I'm talking about.

[Willie]

That's not.

[Chad]

Dad, do you have a urinal?

[Johnny D]

Yeah.

[Chad]

Oh, you do.

[Willie]

Look, it's 130 for the urinal.

[Chad]

For the urinal is the second hand.

[Willie]

When I was building the house, I.

[Johnny D]

Don'T have a spot for a urinal. That's the difference. Don't you $130 me.

[Chad]

You built a room for the urinal?

[Johnny D]

No, it's in the bathroom stalls. It's kind of Weird.

[Willie]

No, no. I actually put in two urinals. One of my office upstairs, there's a second urinal. I've never seen one in the outside bath, but it's right.

[Johnny D]

Right in front of the.

[Phil]

It's got a private.

[Chad]

That is who you want run in your personal finance. And that may have got two urine.

[Phil]

Right.

[Johnny D]

You wanted a water fountain or a urinal. Both require excess funds.

[Chad]

That's. Yeah, that's.

[Johnny D]

Or you just make your child choke on a pretzel and you can afford it.

[Phil]

Wow.

[Chad]

Sorry, Chad. That really ended up poor for you. For real, though.

[Johnny D]

But timeout. That's cool that you have urinals. And you're right. But every person I've ever known that has a urinal, they had some serious change.

[Chad]

Yeah. I only know one other person.

[Johnny D]

Who?

[Chad]

One of Chad's good friends.

[Johnny D]

Willie. No, Willie has a urinal.

[Chad]

Their kids play sports together.

[Johnny D]

Willie's has a urinal.

[Willie]

Holman.

[Chad]

Yeah, Mr. Holman.

[Johnny D]

Now, look, there's eye doctor in town.

[Chad]

I remember the first time when I walked in because he had redone his barn or whatever, and I was like, yeah, we got us a urinal.

[Johnny D]

The eye doctor in town that does the laser stuff to people's eyes. I went to high school with his son.

[Chad]

Urinal, urinal.

[Johnny D]

Same type of Chad situation, too. It's just a bathroom in the outdoors. It's like, what's this door to. To go in the house? Nope, just a bathroom with the urinal.

[Chad]

Yeah.

[Johnny D]

And I was like, these people.

[Chad]

If y' all are getting ready to break ground on the house. Are you putting in a urinal?

[Willie]

100%.

[Chad]

Please do. He's got.

[Johnny D]

Really. Wasn't always 100, but now I must approve.

[Chad]

If you could give a little separation of church and state between the urinal and the water fountain, though, I'd appreciate.

[Willie]

He will.

[Johnny D]

I want a water fountain in my home. Yeah, that's that. You didn't have that dream.

[Chad]

I did.

[Johnny D]

Like a Hawaiian Punch water fountain. Did you chat?

[Willie]

No, but that sounds like something you would have seen on Blank Check. When's the last time you've seen that movie?

[Chad]

There you go.

[Johnny D]

Exactly. The kid was a genius.

[Chad]

Yeah. There you go.

[Willie]

It's so funny when you look. It's so funny when you look at the numbers. What was spent in that movie? You know, it was in the 90s to make it.

[Johnny D]

You're the only loser I know that would do that. You looked at the. The number.

[Willie]

No. It's just so funny to, like, be like, wars. A million dollars bought this man, you know, there's all kinds of stuff, and.

[Johnny D]

It'S like, blank check.

[Willie]

Yeah. Wouldn't happen today.

[Chad]

A million dollars ain't gonna get you very far.

[Willie]

Gonna get you very far.

[Chad]

I mean, it'd get me far enough, but it ain't gonna get you real.

[Willie]

Not. Not like the blank check move.

[Chad]

Yeah.

[Willie]

Make it look like.

[Phil]

Look.

[Chad]

A million dollars. I would love to have a million dollars now. Just puts you upper middle class. Like, I mean, it.

[Willie]

And that movie, it was funny. But I do think he went through it, what, in about two weeks? That's pretty.

[Chad]

Yeah. I could beat that. Wouldn't take me long either.

[Johnny D]

Mr. Deeds had a Hawaiian punch. Water fountain. Yeah.

[Chad]

Is that where it come from? That's. That's where your dream came.

[Phil]

I was child.

[Johnny D]

I know somebody had one.

[Chad]

Yeah. Because I'm like. I just. That never. That wasn't one of them. I appreciate it was a goal, like. And I think you can do it now.

[Johnny D]

I have no idea how much.

[Chad]

If you want to.

[Johnny D]

I don't want one. I just want water. Now I'm mature.

[Chad]

There you go. All right. Let's get out of here, man. What verse?

[Johnny D]

Water fountains are expensive. Holy cow.

[Chad]

Dad finds you a good one. Barely you.

[Johnny D]

Oh, no, no, no. Here's. Here's one, like, back in the Gap.

[Chad]

There's. There is. There's. There's verses about fountains.

[Johnny D]

Oh, baby. I don't know what kind of water you got, but I got your water right here.

[Phil]

Right.

[Johnny D]

John 4:14. But whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life. So your goal may be to have a water fountain in your house one day, which is pretty cool.

[Chad]

Yeah.

[Johnny D]

But the living water, that's what's better.

[Chad]

That's the one that went better. Look at there. And you can get rid of all that bad water in your urinal.

[Willie]

So. So where's the size advice, huh? Where's. Where's size?

[Johnny D]

We went over.

[Willie]

Chad.

[Johnny D]

We appreciate. I gotta go back to work.

[Chad]

L. It.