Why Godwin Wasn’t a Fan of the ‘Duck Dynasty’ Scotland Trip

Summary

Duck Call Room: Episode Summary Title: Why Godwin Wasn’t a Fan of the ‘Duck Dynasty’ Scotland Trip
Release Date: March 18, 2025
Hosts: Si Robertson & Justin Martin

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Introduction

In this engaging episode of Duck Call Room, hosts Si Robertson and Justin Martin, along with co-hosts John-David Owen, John Godwin, Jay Stone, and Phillip McMillan, delve into a myriad of topics ranging from fishing adventures and hunting mishaps to culinary debates and cultural experiences. The episode is peppered with humor, personal anecdotes, and lively banter, providing listeners with a blend of entertainment and insightful discussions.

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Fishing Fiascos and Electric Fence Escapades

The conversation kicks off with reminiscences about childhood fishing trips and the challenges faced, particularly highlighting the frustrations of competing with wealthier peers who could afford perks like the Flash pass at amusement parks.

John David Owen: "A lot different back then. Well, yeah, but $25 back in was like four hours of work."
[01:37]

The hosts then transition into discussing the dangers of electric fences, sharing personal stories of near-miss incidents and the importance of safety while fishing.

Phil: "I’ve been on water before, and when, you know, lightning come by... that thing hits that fence and popped."
[03:26]

John David emphasizes the unpredictability of nature and the importance of being prepared:

John David Owen: "We gotta go it. Will it take your line and, like, lift it up off the water? It's crazy."
[03:02]

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Culinary Conversations: Mustard Madness and Sausage Stories

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to vibrant discussions about various condiments, particularly mustard. The hosts debate the merits of different types, sharing their preferences and humorous takes on popular brands.

Ryan Reynolds: "I put a whole jar of horseradish, too."
[25:00]

The conversation seamlessly shifts to authentic German bratwurst experiences, with Phil recounting a trip to a German meat market outside San Antonio, highlighting the unique packaging of mustard in toothpaste tubes—a quirky cultural difference that sparks laughter and fascination.

Phil: "They put mustard in toothpaste tubes. That’s crazy."
[38:05]

John David further elaborates on culinary adventures abroad:

John David Owen: "They have their bratwurst. Hot mustard... 'Dusseldorf Law and sniffs.' Extra sharp, very hot mustard."
[31:37]

These exchanges not only entertain but also offer listeners a glimpse into the hosts' diverse culinary tastes and the stories behind them.

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Multicultural Market Musings

The hosts explore their experiences with international grocery stores, particularly focusing on the Azteca Super Mercado. They discuss the variety of authentic Mexican products available, comparing them to American counterparts and expressing both admiration and bewilderment at certain offerings.

Ryan Reynolds: "I just ordered one of everything that the man was selling, sir."
[38:39]

The dialogue touches on topics like ramen from authentic markets versus mass-produced versions, underscoring the importance of cultural authenticity in culinary experiences.

Phil: "Noodles... You had a cold or had, like, you know, stopped up."
[41:37]

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Humorous Interludes and Listener Interactions

Interspersed throughout the episode are lighthearted jokes and listener voicemails that add a layer of fun and audience engagement. One notable voicemail involves a dad joke about stormtrooper helmets used to prevent new drivers from hitting anything, eliciting mixed reactions from the hosts.

Phil: "Don’t like mud on their butt. That's why they got tail feathers to cover their butt."
[49:15]

The hosts playfully critique and analyze the jokes, showcasing their chemistry and comedic timing.

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Closing Remarks

As the episode winds down, the hosts reflect on the various topics discussed, from fishing and hunting tales to gastronomic adventures and cultural observations. Their camaraderie and ability to weave humor into every conversation leave listeners both entertained and informed.

John David Owen: "I'm more of a hunter."
[52:38]

The episode concludes with anticipatory chatter about future discussions, leaving the audience eager for more stories and laughter in upcoming episodes.

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• John David Owen: "A lot different back then. Well, yeah, but $25 back in was like four hours of work."
  [01:37]

• Phil: "I’ve been on water before, and when, you know, lightning come by... that thing hits that fence and popped."
  [03:26]

• Ryan Reynolds: "I put a whole jar of horseradish, too."
  [25:00]

• Phil: "They put mustard in toothpaste tubes. That’s crazy."
  [38:05]

• John David Owen: "They have their bratwurst. Hot mustard... 'Dusseldorf Law and sniffs.' Extra sharp, very hot mustard."
  [31:37]

• Ryan Reynolds: "I just ordered one of everything that the man was selling, sir."
  [38:39]

• Phil: "Don’t like mud on their butt. That's why they got tail feathers to cover their butt."
  [49:15]

• John David Owen: "I'm more of a hunter."
  [52:38]

---

Conclusion

This episode of Duck Call Room masterfully blends storytelling, humor, and insightful discussions, making it a captivating listen for both longtime fans and newcomers. From adventurous fishing tales and safety anecdotes to spirited debates on international cuisines, the hosts deliver a rich and engaging narrative that embodies the spirit of Duck Commander.

Transcript

[Ryan Reynolds]

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[Phil]

At New Balance, we believe if you run, you're a runner, however you choose to do it. Because when you're not worried about doing things the right way, you're free to discover your way. And that's what running's all about. Run your [e-mail] running.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I'm going to Buc ee's tomorrow night. I'm. I've just. Bucky's again, boys, we're going to Six Flags on Saturday. Hey, hold on. Do you remember when you. How many times did you go to Six Flags as a kid?

[Goblin]

I probably been.

[Ryan Reynolds]

That's it.

[John David]

Yeah. Once a Dallas and once two or three times.

[Ryan Reynolds]

But you remember all them rich kids that had the Flash pass and you were like, man, if only I could afford that. All them $25, that's. Oh, now what was holding us back, man? Hey, just get a side job.

[John David]

$25. A lot different back then. Well, yeah, but $25 back in was like four hours of work.

[Goblin]

I ain't doing it.

[Phil]

He said.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I ain't anyway.

[John David]

Oh, what are we. Oh, we're rolling. You were rolling on that, huh? Welcome back.

[Goblin]

Rolling, rolling, rolling. Keep them doggies going.

[John David]

Goblin spend a lot of time alone.

[Ryan Reynolds]

No, he's not. Every time I see God when he's got somebody fishing with him.

[Goblin]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Calm.

[John David]

I'm going to have to get Goblin like a. A Photoshop thing.

[Phil]

What?

[John David]

That way when you take in pictures at that boat ramp, we can put you anywhere. Like, we can.

[Goblin]

I don't care whether you see me.

[John David]

I know you don't. But for the rest of us that don't get to go every day, my favorite part is I can follow along with Goblin, like with my logs that I kept from fishing. I look at the ramp, I'm like, yeah, it makes sense. Like, you just go back and look and fish. They do the same thing the same time every year.

[Goblin]

They kind of doing it weird this year, though.

[John David]

That's just because you dare every Weird water.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Weird water, weird weather.

[Phil]

But I've been on water before, and when, you know, lightning come by, and I mean your hair on your hands and arms and head.

[John David]

Yeah. I've watched it pick my.

[Phil]

That's when I said, hey, crank it.

[John David]

When, you know, as close as when it picks your line up off the water, that's when you're like, all right. Yep. Nope, we're dead. We're good.

[Phil]

Yeah.

[John David]

You just let go of everything.

[Phil]

Yeah. Drop everything.

[John David]

We gotta go it. Will it take your line and, like, lift it up off the water? It's crazy.

[Ryan Reynolds]

We used to have a. We used to have a light fishing rod up in the honey hole that somebody was fishing with. They got hit by lightning and they.

[John David]

Gave it to y'all.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah. But then they took it back at some point.

[John David]

That's pretty.

[Goblin]

Yeah.

[John David]

Probably when I died. I mean, I'd have put that in my casket. You didn't get me the first time. And I'm taking you with me.

[Phil]

So Weird Al was out on Phil's property, and Al was over there leaning against a fence post. And I mean, way over there. And the lightning hit it way over there, and it slapped him off of that post.

[John David]

Who? Al?

[Phil]

Al.

[John David]

Really?

[Phil]

And look, he was touching the wood part. He didn't. Wasn't touching the metal. That thing hit that fence and popped.

[John David]

That's way worse than paying electric fee.

[Phil]

Oh, yeah. And it slapped him and flipped him.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I've only been electrocuted one time. And I said, I am never doing that again. Every kid that was in computer class was mad at me because they had to start over on all their work because it got deleted. Yeah. And my teacher said, I thought you were the student that was going to be dead.

[Phil]

That's right.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Like, the first one died in the classroom on me. And I was like, well, I didn't, but I shook up. I was pale.

[John David]

You don't mess with it no more, do you?

[Goblin]

Good.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I don't even. I don't even have wall sockets in my home.

[John David]

Yeah. See, that?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Covered them all up.

[John David]

It's just 110, too. Imagine if you got hit with 220. Yeah.

[Phil]

No, it hurt you, probably. You went. Yeah. Yeah. 220.

[John David]

2 20. You'd have. You'd be telling a different story.

[Phil]

Yeah. That barrier.

[John David]

Yeah. You'd probably. Your three kids would probably be adopted.

[Phil]

Yeah. The kids would be telling stories. Dad wouldn't do that.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I was only 16. They're 15 when I did it.

[Phil]

Oh.

[John David]

You get any superpowers? A lot of time when People do that. They, like, fly.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You would think it would have made me be able to sit still. But that actually is why all the people that say John David can't sit still and moves too much. That's actually why I'm nervous. I'm gonna get shocked.

[Goblin]

Well, you. At least you charged up on life, so.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I'm ready. I've had a full battery.

[Phil]

Got a full charge. Boy.

[Goblin]

Yeah, he's ready to go.

[John David]

God. When you ever been bit? No, never.

[Goblin]

Well, I mean, I have.

[Phil]

Unfortunately, I have.

[Goblin]

Trying to unhook that electric fence or something or.

[Phil]

Yeah, and this is one.

[John David]

Did you pee on one growing up? Now, you didn't. You didn't fall for that trick? No, yeah, I did.

[Goblin]

Oh, yeah, I did. I went.

[John David]

I thought every young redneck speed on an electric fence before. I mean, I thought that was part of it.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Does that happen? Does it hurt?

[John David]

I mean, depending on how quick you.

[Phil]

Are, it'll give you a joke.

[John David]

The good thing is you do it when you're a kid when you got a good arch and straight so like, you can get away from. From it. Like, if sa tried to do it right now, he'd be it, son. Like.

[Phil]

Oh, see. Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

It just, you know, other side of the field.

[John David]

Well, he'd have to straddle it, you know, one. Like. But like when you're.

[Ryan Reynolds]

But it wouldn't be a constant stream, so it'd be fine.

[John David]

Yeah. I mean, he could probably build. It'd have to jump, you know, like.

[Phil]

Oh, this is what you don't do as a kid.

[John David]

Yeah.

[Phil]

Okay. You know that little chain that they got that you click the light bulb on with? You know, get up on the sink and do that. Okay. Grab it and cook it. Pick it up now because, hey, when you do.

[John David]

Yeah.

[Phil]

Just gonna be swinging.

[Goblin]

Really?

[Phil]

Oh, yes. Yeah. I was actually flying.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You got.

[John David]

You could. Because you couldn't let go.

[Phil]

I couldn't let it go.

[John David]

Yeah. That thing was just biting you.

[Phil]

No, the chain finally broke. Is the only thing that broke the.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Circuit nowadays, the way they did.

[Phil]

A little cheap chain.

[John David]

Yeah.

[Goblin]

Wow.

[Phil]

But it slung me around that thing about three times before it broke.

[John David]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Nowadays the whole ceiling fan would come down if that happened. They don't build stuff like they.

[John David]

I got Brittany when we were dating. She had never been around electric fence. I. She wouldn't pee on it, but I gave her a story.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Sounds wildly inappropriate.

[John David]

No. I gave her a long piece of bahia grass and I said, tell me if that fence is hot. I said, just lay that thing on there. You know, you watch it. It just get a little warm and watch it. That thing bit her son. I knew it was hot. I mean, I'm the one that plugged it up. I plugged it up before I did it. So. Yeah, you just got to test people and see what they do in certain situations.

[Ryan Reynolds]

When I tell you. I don't.

[Goblin]

Somebody telling you to pee on the fence.

[Phil]

Anytime somebody says test, you take. Do the test. No.

[John David]

Yeah, I'll watch you this or sticky tongue to a 9 volt.

[Phil]

Hey, I'll watch you do it.

[John David]

You ever done that one?

[Goblin]

I've done that.

[John David]

Yeah. Put a 9 volt battery on your hot. Yeah, that baby will bite you too. Yeah. Hey, let's do it on here. You took him smelling sauce. Let's let you lick a 9 volt.

[Ryan Reynolds]

No.

[John David]

Come on.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I'll do a lot of things. Diana. Sausage.

[Hunter]

I'm sure we can find a taser in here.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Stop it. If you tase me, I will hurt.

[John David]

You once you get up.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Don't tase me. Don't taste. No, I. The electricity is one that's like.

[Goblin]

Yeah. Reverse what he's got.

[John David]

Yeah, that could. Yeah.

[Phil]

I mean, I don't fool with nothing I can't see.

[John David]

Yeah.

[Phil]

Electricity, it'll bite the crap out of you.

[John David]

Oh, yeah.

[Phil]

You don't even know it's there.

[John David]

The worst is if you like. You know, when you. We were growing up, we didn't have nothing new like boat wise. So you'd have a wire with a short in it and you wouldn't think nothing of it and you'd reach down there and grab something. That whole boat bite you like.

[Goblin]

Oh, yeah.

[John David]

You know you got 12 volts.

[Goblin]

Yeah.

[John David]

You know, you just had that happen. Yeah. And you can't figure out where the power pole is until you doing that. Yeah. Until the shock just gets stronger. You got to like touch it every time you're like, all right, it's right.

[Phil]

There, whatever it is. Right there in that file.

[John David]

Yeah, it's. Oh, man. Fans listening on YouTube, please send us an electrocution story if you cannot. You know, not like a terrible one, but like everybody's been bit by something. Like, I would think at some point in your life, you've.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah. If it's like a horror story, we don't.

[John David]

I ain't really.

[Ryan Reynolds]

We want the idiot kid in sophomore year high school that shut the school down for like 20 minutes.

[John David]

Yeah. The peeing on electric fence kind of stories. Not, you know, not. Not some of them.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Other ones, like our friend Chad.

[John David]

Chad Johnson, he got bit. What'd he do? He fall?

[Phil]

Oh, yeah.

[John David]

He wanted one that fell through.

[Phil]

Oh, he was a lineman.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, he was a lineman. Fell on it. Like, if you look at his arms, they thought he was dead. Yeah, we don't want those stories. Well, we might want those stories.

[John David]

Well, if you survived and had a, you know, life changing experience about it, I'm interested. Or if you got some cool superpowers.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Chad didn't get any superpowers.

[John David]

I don't know. He can catch him fish now on that by running nets and stuff.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Can do that.

[John David]

I don't know if he was doing that before or not.

[Phil]

That was. Yeah, but that was a God ministry. Yeah, fishing was.

[John David]

Yeah.

[Phil]

People. People don't realize, okay. If you use nets and trot lines, hey, that is a whole lot of work. Especially if the fish. You know, if your faith pays off with fish.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Fish are heavy.

[Phil]

Yeah.

[Goblin]

And you gotta clean them.

[Phil]

That's why I feel in his younger days, his forearms was twice as big as his bicep.

[Goblin]

Popeye.

[Phil]

He looked just like Popeye the sailor man.

[Ryan Reynolds]

The sailor man.

[Phil]

On the contrary, he got it.

[Goblin]

It's going away.

[Phil]

I'm serious. His arm, look, take John's from his elbow up to his hand, and then it would be twice as little his bicep would be.

[John David]

That's the way Jackson flexes. When I say, show me your muscles, you go like this. He don't. He don't get him up like you and Waylon. Just go. Ain't quite figured that out yet. That makes me laugh. That's a good time. Spring is here and it's time to get back outside. Look. And when you get back outside, make your yard something that you. You want to be proud of. Look. You can turn it into your dream outdoor space in no time with our friends over at Fast Growing Trees. Fast Growing Trees is the biggest online nursery in the US with thousands of different plants and over 2 million happy customers. Fast Growing Trees offers a wide variety of plants, including fruit trees, which I love. Privacy trees, flowering trees and shrubs, all tailored to your climate and space with an easy online ordering process and quick delivery straight to your door. Plus, with their alive and thrive guarantee and expert support, your plants will ARR. Thrive healthy and you'll receive guidance on choosing the right plants and learn how to properly care for. So whether you want persimmon trees, orange trees, lemon trees, banana trees, they got something for everybody.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And we do a lot of stuff where we're from.

[John David]

That's exactly right. Yeah, we're in A very what we call this temperate climate.

[Ryan Reynolds]

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[John David]

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[Phil]

Fail. Cut grooves, pulling it up.

[Goblin]

I seen them that I could put.

[Phil]

My finger in and you could lay a ruler flat on the metal. Well, no, no, because I just couldn't believe it when we'd go up and down the river like he just tying these things to stumps under and everything. How do you remember he had a photostatic memory? I wouldn't have been able to find half of them. Nets.

[John David]

No, still can't. Well, I found some of them with a crankbait.

[Ryan Reynolds]

But the most impressive part of this is I thought psy made up a new psi word in the middle of that called photostatic memory. Yeah, that's just the word.

[John David]

Is it?

[Ryan Reynolds]

I thought it was photographic memory. I just tried to fact check you and I was once again proven wrong.

[Phil]

I mispronounced it as why.

[Ryan Reynolds]

No, you pronounced it right. I thought you did. And I was like, what is a photo? Static memory. That's. It's essentially the same thing as a photographic memory.

[John David]

Is it also called like an eidetic memory or.

[Phil]

Yeah, well, he can read something. Phil.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Look, Phil can read something and never forget it.

[Phil]

Three weeks. You know, he could. He could actually quote that. I mean word for word.

[Goblin]

He could. I couldn't. Believe me and Daniel Edwards and somebody else. I can't remember who it was. We went to hunting over in the creek and fail, you know, ain't hunted it and I don't know how long. And he took off wide open in that boat, going here, back to here. And he goes, oh, they're close together right here. And he squeezed through and got. And when he let off the gas in that second slew, he bumped a stump. He said, well, that's pretty good for 12 years.

[Phil]

Oh, no, no. He used to look, look.

[Goblin]

Obviously he looks up in the trees for his.

[Phil]

No, no, I was riding, okay. And I'm my back. The boat's forward, okay. I'm looking backwards.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I don't do that.

[Phil]

Look, this is early. No lights. We've got a moon. We go out, get the boat cranked it up. He's got at the steer, okay, wide open with 20 horse mercury on 14 foot aluminum boat. And from Phil's house all the way to second flue blind, duck blind. And I'm looking behind, I'm looking behind the motor. We're running that creek wide open, which is really fast. And look, he's missing stumps like this big around as. As the boat goes by, the wave pushes the water away from it and you can see the stump. He's 6 inches. If he'd hit it, we'll all probably die.

[John David]

That's the same one you hit it.

[Phil]

Said it would have tore the motor up.

[John David]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Phil]

It ain't nothing worse than a drunk stump staggering out and forward where you're going.

[John David]

Yeah, I said that thing wasn't there yesterday.

[Phil]

Yesterday.

[John David]

Man, that river. That river been flooded for 100 years.

[Phil]

I did figure out how that happened. Okay. That thing is a tree, okay? Just died. Well, look, it was. I did go through there the day before, but there's just right down the middle there's an opening. I went through there, right? And the motor's right through the opening. Well, the second time I did it, I was a little too far to the right.

[John David]

And that's where that lower unit lives.

[Phil]

Yeah.

[Goblin]

Probably stuck there.

[Phil]

Yeah. That's when you hit that stump.

[John David]

Yeah, we should have checked it last time they drained the river, see if that lower unit was still stuck.

[Goblin]

They still got the gates open when that water goes down. Look, I got fish scales all over me.

[John David]

Oh, well, hey, man, I feel terrible for you.

[Phil]

A man that fishes and clays fish. Yeah, that happens.

[Goblin]

I got 12 crappies in my live well right now.

[Phil]

Oh, 12 crappies.

[John David]

Well, how was your trip? You just went on, you went and saw.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Are they scared?

[John David]

Dale Hollow.

[Goblin]

That Was awesome.

[Phil]

Where that at?

[Goblin]

I told you it's on Tennessee Kentucky line. Yeah, some of it is in Kentucky River Lake. Beautiful.

[John David]

Yeah, that's Cumberland River.

[Goblin]

It was kind of muddy, but it.

[John David]

Was sigh if you ever.

[Goblin]

It was. It would be green.

[John David]

If you ever get invited to go fish that pond. Del Hollow Lake is one of the coolest places. Maybe the coolest place in the country.

[Goblin]

Yeah, I like.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Maybe the cool. That's.

[Phil]

Well, as far as.

[John David]

As far as lakes go. They.

[Ryan Reynolds]

So that was a. That was. I'm just. We got a. Take a time out. If you're going to call something the coolest place in the country.

[John David]

God. When. How many. How many houses are on that lake?

[Goblin]

Good many. I seen Luke.

[John David]

Yeah, but what I'm saying is like right up on the bank there ain't no. You can see like a. You can see them on a hillside. Like they got no shoreline construction around there except for however many marinas they got on the place and that's it. So like it's like pristine all the way around. Like it is just a really cool place.

[Phil]

Well, I don't know what lake it was, but two divers with double tanks they went down to inspect the dam. Well, they went down, then they come up, took the. Stuck was taking that equipment off. The guy that. The state guy that was there said, hey, what's going on? And they said we ain't going back down. He said, wait a minute. You got. You got to check. He said, we ain't do it. You got to find somebody else.

[John David]

Come on now.

[Phil]

No, I'm serious. The guy asked him, what's the problem?

[John David]

Sharks.

[Phil]

He said, well, we got on the bottom and we're against the wall of the dam and we're going with the light, you know, inch by inch, checking it. He said, and then we get this weird feeling that we're being watched. And he said and we turn around and shine the light. And he said there's about eight catfish, okay, that could swallow me. And these were. These were pretty good sized fellows. These ain't little guys. He said there was eight catfish behind us just sitting there suspended. And he said, and they could eat me and these two tanks and it probably wouldn't even touch the side of their throat. He said, this thing, look. He said this thing was like this. This figure round.

[John David]

Good thing his name wasn't Jonah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I was about to say, we technically don't know. Jonah could have been a catfish.

[Phil]

I was watching a TV show one day and they was in the Amazon river somewhere.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Okay, look. And they catch a catfish, stay on the boat.

[Phil]

Look. And there's three of them standing in the shallow water with him at their belly. One of them's got his head, the other one's got it in the middle. And the other one's holding his tail.

[John David]

Saigo, flip out. This thing is about river monster.

[Phil]

Oh, hey. He would be. Look, I'm telling you, you could lay him on this table, his head will be over this end and his tail would be over that end.

[Goblin]

They got a weird tail.

[Phil]

And hey, look here. And I'm serious. This thing was like that big around Purdy.

[Goblin]

They Purdy.

[Phil]

Oh yeah. And he was double colored. Yeah, he was like an op. That's got the yellow and brown spots. But this one was straight. It wasn't no dots.

[Goblin]

I've seen him.

[Phil]

His top of him was brown and the belly was yellow. Bright yellow. Beautiful fish. But they get hey depending on the food source. I don't tell you, I don't know how big they'd get. That's like the whales.

[Goblin]

Yeah.

[Phil]

Whale weighs 2 tons. If things get big when you see them feeding, it's amazing to watch them. When they feed on krill, I think is the name of it. It's like a crawfish. There's photostatic memory crins of them in the water. And then the whale goes out and his gills are like a big balloon. Well, they just go through the big school of krill and then the water goes out. Eat them like birds until they swallow them. Eat them, feed. Oh, that's why I watch.

[John David]

Eat them like a box.

[Goblin]

I like to chew my food.

[Phil]

Yeah, well, don't stew his.

[John David]

Yeah, I wouldn't like just go run. I mean, what if you just went through a buffet with your mouth open? Whatever you got, Whatever you get, just whatever you got.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Sounds like a make a wish trip. That sounds like a good time.

[John David]

But what if there was like a big hunk of blue cheese, you suck up or something. What if there's something in there you don't like?

[Goblin]

I don't want no blue cheese.

[John David]

That's what I'm saying.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Y'all got against blue cheese.

[John David]

Why is it blue?

[Phil]

I don't know what.

[Ryan Reynolds]

That's not great.

[Phil]

That took off.

[Goblin]

I don't either.

[Phil]

Everybody gets hungry.

[John David]

That's right. There ain't no doubt about that. We all do have to eat. So you might as well eat something good.

[Phil]

Factor it in and got about 40 choices.

[John David]

Factor it into your diet and not only is it good, it's good for you.

[Ryan Reynolds]

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[John David]

Well and it's for way cheaper than you can eat out too.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Like the no brainer solution factor arrives.

[John David]

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[Ryan Reynolds]

I ate a family meal from Wingstop last night and I just got ranch instead of blue cheese. I legitimately ate.

[Goblin]

That's what I'd have done. I don't even like ranch much. It was 30,000 island.

[Phil]

I'm with you.

[John David]

I don't know what. There's four different conversations, including the one in my head.

[Ryan Reynolds]

So Thousand Island. Thousand Islands like ketchup and ranch mixed together, isn't it?

[John David]

No, no, it's just mayo.

[Phil]

It's sweet.

[John David]

It's mayonnaise.

[Goblin]

Thousand island or Ramalad.

[John David]

Man ain't scared to jump on a mayonnaise base, son. He ain't tartar or that's.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Hey, I just looked up Thousand Island. It's an American Canadian salad dressing and.

[John David]

Condiment back we used to get Waddington, New York. The Thousand Islands region. It's what it comes.

[Goblin]

What'd you say?

[John David]

Just saying. Thousand island dressing came from upstate New York where St. Lawrence river is. Thousand Islands. That's where. That's where it got its thing.

[Phil]

All right. Good vinaigrette.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Where did cocktails.

[Goblin]

No, no, no, no.

[Phil]

Oh, you don't like vinegar. Oh, yeah.

[Goblin]

That's like a hamburger. Why do they call it a hamburger when it's made out of beef?

[Phil]

Hey, I don't know.

[John David]

Yeah, that's a good.

[Phil]

That's a good question.

[John David]

Because it come from the ham of the cow.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I would have cocktail sauce every day, maybe.

[Goblin]

Cocktail sauce.

[Phil]

I'm with you on that.

[Goblin]

Oh, yeah, that green stuff.

[Phil]

That one you eat shrimp with.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, but you got to make it yourself.

[Goblin]

What's that green stuff you may get with your sushi?

[John David]

Wasabi.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Wasabi.

[Goblin]

Wasabi.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Because cocktail sauce in a jar doesn't clean out your sinus. That's actually what I need right now. I need one shrimp.

[Phil]

That's right.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And my mom's cocktail sauce. And I'll. I won't sneeze again for three.

[Goblin]

Got to tickle your nose.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh, your brain. Yeah, it's like four parts horseradish, one part ketchup, and a dash of Worcestershire and lemon. That's all you need.

[John David]

See, that sounds like.

[Phil]

Just look.

[Goblin]

And don't go, like, what?

[John David]

Horseradish?

[Phil]

And don't go light on the lemon juice.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I would eat a spoonful of horseradish right now just to open up my side.

[John David]

Oh, yeah, Yeah. I feel like we should have left that instead of the horses.

[Phil]

I could eat a whole of ginger.

[Goblin]

That ginger dressing's good.

[John David]

Yeah, Ginger ain't bad.

[Phil]

I usually. I usually. If there's any left in the bowl after everybody's ate all the shrimp, I just take a spoon. I ate the rest of it out.

[Ryan Reynolds]

The cocktail sauce.

[Phil]

Oh, yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You're spooning cocktails.

[Phil]

Oh, yeah.

[Goblin]

With a cracker. Ate it with a cracker. Yeah.

[Phil]

Hey, I'm so. I just was just.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I love.

[Goblin]

Oh, it's good. Now I got to go get some.

[Ryan Reynolds]

We got to make it yourselves. The problem.

[Goblin]

Oh, yeah, you got.

[Phil]

Oh, no, you got that.

[Goblin]

I got the ingredients in the. In the refrigerator door.

[Phil]

Yeah. Don't skimpy on. Don't skimpy on the juice. Lemon juice.

[Ryan Reynolds]

The jar stuff is okay, but you have to add, like, a whole jar of horseradish, too.

[Goblin]

Yeah, yeah, you do.

[Phil]

Yeah. That's to do.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Hunter's worried about our sauce coming.

[Phil]

Too tame. You gotta get wild with that.

[Goblin]

With that sauce they don't like.

[Hunter]

You have the ingredients to do it right now.

[John David]

Like the documentary.

[Ryan Reynolds]

We just carry horseradish around.

[Hunter]

Hey, you do a lot of things.

[Phil]

A lot of fish.

[John David]

Hey, as much as this man eats horseradish, it wouldn't surprise me if there ain't something out there. In his yeti? Yeah, like for his. For his boat snack?

[Phil]

That's right.

[John David]

Like it's got one that's. Reach over and take a pull out of that jar. What's that? You got to get. You get the creamed horseradish. Which one? You get prepared. That's what it is. I knew it had an adjective.

[Ryan Reynolds]

It's prepared horse.

[John David]

Yeah. I knew there was an adjective. I couldn't remember. I don't shop in that section.

[Ryan Reynolds]

If you go over to Captain Avery's, you can get the extra hot horseradish.

[John David]

Oh, there's different levels of it.

[Phil]

That'd be. You talk about opening or is there.

[John David]

Just more of it?

[Ryan Reynolds]

There's more of it, but I think it's a little hotter. But the prepared stuff at the Brookshire's or the super one?

[John David]

Yeah, it's got.

[Ryan Reynolds]

It's cold. You ain't just buying it off shelf is fridge.

[John David]

Why is it gotta be cold? Because it's prepared.

[Goblin]

I forget what it's called. It's a got a funny name, but it's in a jar. About that doll.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Are you talking about the white one? It's like. It's from Germany.

[Goblin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That one. That's the best one.

[Ryan Reynolds]

That's a good one. You know. Here, this one.

[Goblin]

So that's it. Say that real fast.

[John David]

Thick and creamy horseradish with grated horseradish root.

[Goblin]

But you get to prepare.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Not that you know you're from a certain type of person when somebody says, you know that horseradish with. It's a funny name. And I knew exactly what Godwin was talking about.

[Phil]

Although that's like their bratwurst. Ooh, excellent.

[Goblin]

Excellent.

[Phil]

Red and white both.

[John David]

That's the one. Goblin.

[Goblin]

There you go.

[Ryan Reynolds]

That's the one I use a lot.

[Phil]

Yep.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Bratwurst.

[John David]

We could pull that back up.

[Phil]

Oh, yeah.

[John David]

I'm just curious on something savory. Full body pairs well with Bloody Mary's mashed potatoes. Why would you brew a mashed potatoes?

[Goblin]

Oh, man.

[John David]

Prime rib roast. Put it on your gluten free, keep refrigerant. Why does it have to be refrigerated? I'm confused.

[Phil]

Oh, I know why.

[John David]

Why?

[Phil]

Interesting. The ingredients are too powerful. If you don't, it'll grow mold.

[Goblin]

Yeah, once I got a red salsa.

[Phil]

That I buy and I ate some of it and left it out, I throw it away.

[John David]

Johnny D's bought that three times from Walmart.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, I just realized that. And I don't even.

[John David]

Last purchase on December 20, 2024.

[Ryan Reynolds]

This is my Mom's account.

[John David]

Hi, Janice.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh, this is my mom's Walmart account. Everybody now is judging me hard.

[John David]

Let's order some stuff.

[Ryan Reynolds]

We used to share a Walmart account because we live right beside each other. Why have two accounts to ship to the same place?

[Goblin]

There you go.

[John David]

Yeah, and also, why not let your mom pay for groceries, if she will?

[Goblin]

What was he confused over?

[John David]

I just don't understand why it's got to be. Most things in a jar don't have to be refrigerated until they're open. That's why I was trying to figure.

[Phil]

Out that's sausage and sue the King is.

[Goblin]

That's no sausage.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Earl Campbell Saucer.

[John David]

Jimmy Dean.

[Phil]

No, I'm talking about.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Hey, I'm talking about the sausage character from Ferris Bueller's Day off named Abe Foreman.

[Phil]

The best. The best.

[Ryan Reynolds]

The best sausage is German.

[John David]

Really?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Hold on. As a man who spent a week in Germany, one time, German, I went. It was the weirdest thing ever. So I'll ask for you to back me up on this. I bought a big old sausage, a big old pretzel, and then they had this special mustard.

[Phil]

Oh, yeah. Hot mustard.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And the mustard came in a toothpaste package.

[Phil]

Oh, yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And it was amazing.

[Phil]

Oh, that's why I can't. I can't even think of the name of them. But they've got them. It's like a food truck.

[John David]

Well, they do it all.

[Ryan Reynolds]

They put mustard in tooth packages.

[Phil]

You know, they've got millions of them. It's like a little small food truck. They do bratwurst, red and white.

[Goblin]

Now you got me wanting one of them.

[Phil]

Oh, I know.

[Ryan Reynolds]

It all goes back.

[Phil]

This is the greatest sausage in the world. I actually went in one of their stores.

[John David]

Yeah.

[Phil]

Oh, hey, the meat section.

[John David]

Yeah.

[Phil]

Is half of the store.

[John David]

That's it.

[Phil]

They make the greatest sauce of sausage there is.

[Goblin]

There it is.

[Phil]

Drummers do.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh, they do.

[Phil]

It was good upstairs.

[John David]

What? You Google German mustard in a tube.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah. It was literally in a. And, like, to get the rest of it, you had to roll it, like.

[Phil]

And it's the same thing. What he was talking about if you got a little bad cold.

[John David]

Yeah.

[Phil]

Hey, put that on a sausage and eat it. You ain't got no cold no more.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Hot.

[John David]

Do something.

[Phil]

This baby will get rid of you. Hey. You'll be at the table eating the sausage. And you're gonna need a towel to wipe the sweat off your brow.

[John David]

Look, Dusseldorfer.

[Ryan Reynolds]

It's Dusseldorfer Law and sniffs. Extra sharp, very hot mustard.

[John David]

Original, for sure.

[Phil]

And it is tight.

[Goblin]

I'm in on that because I get eggs.

[Phil]

Oh, no, no. That's great stuff.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I mean, good look is how you know it's good. It's gonna take a month to get to me from Amazon.

[John David]

And it's $10.

[Phil]

Hey, but it'll be worth it.

[Goblin]

$10 for two ounces.

[Ryan Reynolds]

558 ratings. Oh, look how terrible that looks. Yeah, that's it.

[Phil]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Some of the reviews, it was the food they were putting it on that looked terrible.

[John David]

The time for spring cleaning has come, and to be honest, I'm kind of excited this year. You know why?

[Phil]

Why?

[John David]

Because I found a new way to clean myself.

[Ryan Reynolds]

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[Phil]

Y'all must be talking about you've been.

[John David]

Using Mando for a while because you can use Mando on your whole body. Yes, Your whole body. It's clinically proven to control odor for 72 hours by stopping odor at its source. Mando offers a solid deodorant stick that'll stop odor before it starts. And their spray deodorant is ideal for hard to reach places. All their products are baking soda free and paraben free. And they have a ton of fresh scents like bourbon, leather, clover woods, Mount Fuji, and pro sport. I'm a big fan of that mount.

[Phil]

I like it, by the way.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I like it, too.

[John David]

Yeah. Mando is clinically proven to control odor better than a shower with soap alone, 12 hours after a shower, the average man's grundle level, that grinder level down. Get that grundle odor level was a five out of ten. But with Mando, we're talking zero. If you want to try America's number one whole body deodorant formula right now, you can find them in Walmart, Target, and other retailers across the country. But if you want to make it super convenient for you and get the best deals, go to shopmando.com and use code Duck. That's what I'm saying, man. Like, who doesn't want to smell better?

[Ryan Reynolds]

I got Mando all over the place.

[Phil]

Hey, if you didn't hear it While ago, that's 72 hours. That's three whole days.

[John David]

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[Phil]

That's what we ate for dinner in Germany.

[John David]

Sausage and mustard.

[Phil]

Sausage. We order two bratwurst, one red, one white with the mustard.

[John David]

Which one do you like better, huh? Red or white?

[Phil]

Both of them.

[John David]

Both of them.

[Phil]

Excellent. Yeah.

[John David]

You and Christine, like, split one or something?

[Phil]

Oh, no.

[John David]

Y'all each ate half? No, I'm saying each.

[Phil]

He had to buy her a couple because, hey, I'm gonna eat two or three.

[John David]

Ah, okay.

[Ryan Reynolds]

He's a big guy.

[Phil]

No, no, I. It's like the picture that I come up on.

[Goblin]

Or like two or three dozen.

[John David]

Yeah.

[Phil]

Order.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Hold on.

[Phil]

You got. Think about. I ordered three 14 inch pizzas and I would roll them up like a hot dog.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I got it, gang.

[John David]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Well, okay, this one's not as hot, but it will be here on. What day is that?

[Phil]

Sunday or something. And then bring some sausage in there. We'll leave buy. Now buy some hot Jimmy Dean sausage.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Martin, you're in charge of the sausage. I'm bringing the mustard.

[Phil]

Or some hot, hot Jimmy Dean sausage. All right, we'll cook them up and have breakfast.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I got toothpaste mustard from Germany on the way.

[Goblin]

There you go.

[Ryan Reynolds]

What? I mean, do you know there's people that complain about the world right now. We just sat here and said, remember toothpaste mustard from Germany? Yeah. Okay. It'll be here Sunday. That fast?

[Phil]

Technology is wonderful.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Thank you.

[Phil]

Hey, I wish I could order me 100 of them Brockwurst.

[John David]

How much money do you want to spend?

[Phil]

You can.

[John David]

That. That exists. I will say we stopped at a German meat market outside of San Antonio. Yeah, apparently that's a big German settlement down San Antonio.

[Phil]

Yeah, yeah.

[John David]

And the name was called, like, jukes or something. I mean, it felt German. Felt very German. And they were known for some, like, basically raw hamburger meat dish that you ate with a cracker.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And it was raw hamburger meat.

[John David]

They. It looks like hamburger meat. They said it was ground ribeye. Looked like hamburger meat by the time they got done with it. I just say that. And then you ate it on cracker, bro. Like, basically, essentially, you'd Go to a restaurant and order steak tartare?

[Phil]

Well, no, no, because I essentially that now down in New Orleans.

[John David]

And then I took a bite of it, and once I got past the fact I was eating raw hamburger meat.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Now, you can't do that.

[John David]

Yeah, I ate it on a saute and cracker. Yeah, I could have, but it. It was okay. I mean, I didn't see why people would stop and get a slab of it every day. But, like, you know, when in Rome, or in this case, went and went outside of San Antonio.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Germany's a weird place.

[John David]

Yeah, I. I didn't realize there were so many Germans, like, outside San Antonio. It is a. It's a weird place. You can go to a meat market and a taco.

[Goblin]

So I've been there.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Red and white bratwurst.

[Phil]

Yes.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I don't know what that is.

[John David]

This.

[Phil]

This is just red in color and. And, yeah, white color.

[Ryan Reynolds]

The bratwurst itself is red and white.

[Phil]

Yeah.

[John David]

Don't ask me.

[Phil]

It's just a big sausage. One of them is white. One of them is red. The whole thing.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You know, a lot of times, people.

[Goblin]

Thinking of them Wilson weenies.

[John David]

No, them's pink.

[Phil]

Yeah. Yeah.

[John David]

There's a reddish. A reddish pink. Poppers.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I can buy you this very weird T shirt that's red and white.

[John David]

Hey, we can be red, Waldo.

[Phil]

I ain't worried about a T shirt. I wanted the bratwurst. I'm looking. I'm gonna.

[John David]

Authentic German bratwurst.

[Phil]

It could get here.

[Goblin]

How long is it gonna take to get here?

[Phil]

Hey, I'll buy that. Just hopefully. I need to talk to a guy at the meat center.

[John David]

At the what?

[Phil]

At Brookshire's. Maybe he's got German brockwurst, and I just don't know it. That's why I said, look up who steals the king of sausage? And in my humble opinion, it would be Germans. Okay. Because that red and white brockwurst, I.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Just can't wait to have a toothpaste.

[Phil]

No, that's. What. Look, I ate that for dinner. And I was over at 12 and a half years. That was. That was the dinner.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Every time I was there a week. And I just kept that toothpaste of mustard in my back pocket the whole time, just in case.

[John David]

Is that the mustard on the sausage or the pretzel?

[Ryan Reynolds]

I put it on everything.

[Phil]

So you get.

[John David]

It was Frank's mustard.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Well, it was.

[Phil]

You can get a soft one. You get a soft bun to put your sausage on, or you get the hard bread to get you.

[John David]

What was the purpose of the. Yeah, I don't get pretzel and the sausage beside each other.

[Phil]

Both good.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I just ordered one of everything that the man was selling, sir.

[John David]

Oh, okay. It wasn't like, get this pretzel. Not like, I don't know. They weren't like the first ones. Try like, chicken and waffles and like. Oh, man, that's cool.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Like, they might have been.

[John David]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Hard to say. There was a language barrier. I was just pointing at things I wanted.

[John David]

Oh, okay. I got you.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Foreign grocery stores trip me out, though.

[John David]

When you're over there, it's, like, worth going.

[Ryan Reynolds]

That's. If I ever went back to Europe in any way, I would be most excited about the grocery store.

[Goblin]

Oh, what's the deal about the grocery store?

[Ryan Reynolds]

They got weird. Like, they put their mustard in toothpaste tubes. That's crazy.

[John David]

Yeah, that is wild.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And so you buy it. You're like, this is really good. But why was it in a toothpaste tube?

[John David]

Well, because they off the microplastics, man.

[Hunter]

Have you been to the Saigon market in Monroe?

[John David]

That sounds like an oxymoron.

[Phil]

The Saigon market.

[John David]

What is Saigon market in Monroe?

[Phil]

Have they got ducks and all that hanging up?

[Hunter]

I don't think so.

[Ryan Reynolds]

What's a Saigon?

[Phil]

Oh, this ain't a truth.

[John David]

I mean, it's got to be some kind of oriental market.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, yeah, like Saigon market. And, well, and then, you know, you'll.

[Phil]

Be fish laying out. Yeah, both. Both with ice and with ice on them.

[Hunter]

There is.

[Phil]

Okay.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Have you.

[Phil]

Don't they like sardines?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Hunters.

[John David]

What do you, son, or what do you go to the Saigon market for.

[Hunter]

Better tasting ramen snacks.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh, he.

[Phil]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh, no, he getting the real ramen.

[Phil]

Oh, no, noodles. Noodles.

[Ryan Reynolds]

That. That. That Walmart. That's like a quarter. That ain't real stuff.

[John David]

You don't run with. You don't say. Look, ramen is not because you like it from Walmart cheap. It's because that's what you like, dude. Yeah, that's. I mean, as a guy who ate a lot of ramen in his life, there's something where a 25 cent pack of noodles is a necessity.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Goblin]

Let up some weenies and put in it.

[John David]

Yeah, whatever you got. I mean, you know.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Hunter, is this what you speak?

[Phil]

See, they make. They make. I have to say this.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Look at this joint.

[Phil]

No, look, when I was in Vietnam.

[John David]

Oh, they got the hammy melons.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Look at there, that's in Monroe. We gotta go.

[Goblin]

What's them things that look like bananas, but they ain't Bananas.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yellow mango box.

[John David]

Yeah.

[Goblin]

What do you call them?

[Ryan Reynolds]

I don't know.

[John David]

Yellow mango.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I want to go to the Spanish one, but I don't know. I feel like I wouldn't fit in.

[Goblin]

They.

[Ryan Reynolds]

There's one over there.

[Phil]

Basketball. Why you haven't got. Got to fit in.

[Ryan Reynolds]

That's a good point.

[Phil]

Just go to enjoy the moment.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Well, I just don't know why you.

[John David]

Ain'T going to go there and get a prepaid wireless card.

[Ryan Reynolds]

That's all they advertise is prepaid wireless car. I probably know them.

[John David]

Oh, I go and I've been in several of them getting tortillas. Like. Those are the. Those are the best tortillas.

[Phil]

The raw tortillas is anything to do with noodles.

[John David]

Yeah.

[Phil]

That. That'd be homemade and, you know.

[John David]

So you're saying Asia got Italy, but.

[Phil]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[John David]

And noodle making.

[Phil]

Yeah, and noodle.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Man, I've never been to Asia.

[Phil]

Hey, mama son had a soup. Okay.

[John David]

Yeah.

[Phil]

Noodle soup. If you had a cold or had, like, you know, stopped up.

[John David]

Yeah.

[Phil]

Oh, you eat that. You ain't got that no more.

[John David]

Okay.

[Phil]

Yeah. And it was. Same deal you got. It was hot. Okay. Both ways. Hot when they serve you and hot eating it.

[John David]

Yeah. And then hot.

[Phil]

You'd need a towel where you wipe your brow. I'll sweat off your brow.

[John David]

Hot on exit.

[Phil]

Look. I mean. Oh, yeah. All the way. All the way through.

[John David]

Chase it with ice cream, gang. Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I've never.

[Phil]

Hurry up, Hurry up. Ice cream.

[John David]

Yeah. Come on. Ice cream.

[Phil]

Come on.

[John David]

Get there, buddy.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I have never been inside the Azteca Super Mercado over there by the honey hole, but I've always wanted to.

[John David]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And now I've googled them, and now I must go.

[John David]

Wow. What. What are you seeing now? Not that you're one for frivolous spending, but they.

[Ryan Reynolds]

All of your authentic Mexican pinatas just for sale.

[Phil]

You know, that is like. Anybody ages. Like Japanese, Vietnamese, Korean, they. They all use.

[John David]

What is that?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Ice cream.

[John David]

What?

[Phil]

From Mexico is natural stuff.

[Goblin]

It didn't melt.

[Phil]

They got, you know, they got natural stuff that you get off of a.

[Goblin]

Tree or a square bag.

[Phil]

Yeah. All the. I can't even think it's the ingredients.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[John David]

Oh, I said it didn't melt.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah, that's right.

[Phil]

Over there, some people plant a crop, herbs and all that. The Asians, the Japanese, all them.

[Goblin]

I didn't. That existed.

[Phil]

All these in the food.

[Goblin]

I ain't never heard of it.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Hold up. But Azteca Super Mercado has some phenomenal reviews On Google. I've got to go now.

[Phil]

What I've got, I've never been.

[Goblin]

There's one right down there is a grocery store.

[Ryan Reynolds]

It's a grocery store for authentic Mexican stuff. That's what sucks. Like, as an American, I gotta apologize to the rest of the world because we're like, I'm fascinated by the Azteca super mercado. And then you go over to, like, Italy or something. It's like, well, we got our Kentucky Fried Chicken without an ice machine here. And I'm like, that's the best we got to send over?

[John David]

Yeah. I think they're the only ones that don't mind if they get compared to something else.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And McDonald's are everywhere. I'm like, that's what we get. We don't send toothpaste mustard packets. We send McDonald's.

[John David]

We send ice. And we're like, please try.

[Ryan Reynolds]

No, they won't.

[Phil]

They.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And that's the one thing.

[John David]

We send ice and salt. And they're like, can't do that. Like, yeah, I don't know. I don't know what's wrong with you Americans.

[Phil]

What do you eat? Salt. Pepper.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Now the Mexicans are into salt. This episode is going to be titled Four Country Bumpkins. Talk about other places.

[Phil]

Yeah.

[John David]

Do you wish you could have invested in the stock market last year when investors scored the highest profits in decades? But between that mountain of bills and credit card debt, you had nothing left over?

[Phil]

Yes, I've been there.

[John David]

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[Ryan Reynolds]

Cy Beth is frantically asking you to move your microphone back to your face.

[Phil]

Yeah, he's over here going, oh, okay.

[John David]

I knew he's in trouble. In Scotland, when God would come walking in with a Subway back, I said, oh, yeah.

[Phil]

Sup?

[John David]

My man had to go find a ham sandwich sandwich.

[Goblin]

There is one recipe I ordered a hamburger. Like to chip the tooth on the bread. You could have made dressing out of it.

[Ryan Reynolds]

If your food is worse than Subway, Subway is.

[Phil]

Oh, you're not a Subway person.

[Goblin]

I don't believe in giving you ice either.

[Phil]

I think Subway. Some Subways are. It's. It's. Oh, to go to them.

[Goblin]

I tell you what, we got a Waffle House.

[Phil]

I put this on it. This. On this aisle. Yeah. It's a entertainment just watching them make the sandwich.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Wait till you find out about Chipotle.

[John David]

Oh.

[Goblin]

Waffle House. To Scotland. We changed the culture.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Amen. Or hobby peas.

[Goblin]

They like that kale. It's hanging in every store. On the wall, on the wall.

[John David]

That's to keep the spirits.

[Ryan Reynolds]

We got chicken wings. That's what we got as Americans. As a man who ate a family meal of Wingstop last night, we got.

[John David]

Is a family meal. Like 20 of them.

[Ryan Reynolds]

24.

[John David]

24. Wow. You ate all of them.

[Ryan Reynolds]

And a large fry, big dog, and some celery.

[John David]

You know, it seemed crazier. I had. I had wings.

[Goblin]

I ain't had no lunch. I'm hungry. Yeah, yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Wingstop, too.

[John David]

I got an eight piece. I didn't go with 24, so I.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Bought the family pack and thought there would be leftovers. There was not.

[John David]

Hey, Smash, get in where you fit.

[Phil]

Tired.

[John David]

I was eating. I was eating wings, watching, catching up on severance.

[Ryan Reynolds]

So wings is America's thing, right? Is that our thing?

[Goblin]

I don't know.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Wait a week.

[Hunter]

Hey, John David. Why are boneless wings cheaper than bone in wings?

[John David]

Because they're chicken nuggets.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[John David]

And you got.

[Ryan Reynolds]

They bought them from McDonald's and threw them in sauce.

[John David]

Yeah. You got every part from the rooter to the Tudor in it. You can't do that on something with a bone in it.

[Goblin]

Yeah.

[Hunter]

That sounds like more work, though.

[John David]

No, it ain't. More work is the scraps all combined together and put in a patty and going out there.

[Hunter]

Yeah, I guess.

[John David]

Yeah. Chicken nuggets are the byproduct of the chicken.

[Phil]

Yeah.

[John David]

Like you don't take a perfectly good chicken and grind him up. I take whatever's left after you trim everything, grind it up, put it in a patty, call it chicken nugget.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Why did they start putting rotisserie chickens in bags?

[Phil]

Sorry.

[Ryan Reynolds]

That's another thing.

[Goblin]

Why does the early bird get the worm? But good things come to those who wait.

[Phil]

Oh, crap.

[John David]

Boy, that's a toughie.

[Phil]

Philosophy 101.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Well, my mind's now blown.

[John David]

That's a toughie. Do you know?

[Phil]

No, he's just wondering it.

[Ryan Reynolds]

He doesn't know. And I'm not gonna sleep tonight.

[John David]

Yeah, right there. We're driving on a parkway and parking on a driveway.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Now, that would make sense.

[Goblin]

Yeah.

[Phil]

There you go.

[Goblin]

You know, but also, why apartments when they're together?

[John David]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I did have one email for you, Godwin.

[Phil]

What's that, Brian?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Emails in from Hendersonville, Tennessee.

[Phil]

Whoa.

[John David]

Oh, Brittany's hometown.

[Goblin]

Yeah, I drove through there.

[Phil]

He's got the God joke of the.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Day, the goblin joke of the day. I'm gonna give it a thumbs down before I even say it. Brian, I don't like this.

[Phil]

He don't like it.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Why do ducks have tail feathers?

[Phil]

Why do.

[John David]

They don't like mud on their butt?

[Ryan Reynolds]

That's not the answer.

[Phil]

Don't like mud on their butt. That's why they got tail feathers to.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Cover their butt quacks. Beth thought it was funny. Brian. Brian, Beth's losing it right now.

[Goblin]

She's the only one can't even breathe.

[John David]

She's from the 51st state of Canada, if that tells you.

[Phil]

Oh, boy. Shut.

[John David]

Sorry, Trudeau.

[Hunter]

This. This is my favorite voicemail to date.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh, okay.

[John David]

Last time you said this, it was about you. So back on that.

[Phil]

That's it.

[Hunter]

It's this one.

[Ryan Reynolds]

They just play the voicemail. Hunter.

[John David]

Yeah, yeah, spit it out.

[F]

Hey, what's up? Duck call room. My name is Michael. I am from pointy, Texas. I got a little story that turned into a dad joke. So one of my friends daughter just got her permit, right? She's scared of driving.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Hold on. How old is this guy? He sounds like he's 17. Friends daughter got a permit.

[John David]

You know, maybe.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Sorry.

[F]

So I went to the store and bought her a storm troop trooper helmet, and I throwed her here. Put this on and you won't hit anything. Anyway, guys, I love y'all. And Hunter, I hope you play this message because that's one for you, man. Oh, by the way, Hunter, it was.

[Ryan Reynolds]

A Star Jedi or sick.

[F]

Love y'all guys. Catch y'all later.

[Phil]

Are you. What?

[John David]

Where is that?

[Ryan Reynolds]

I'm gonna. I'm gonna explain it because. Hunter. Hunter. Just lost Hunter cam and microphone for that. The joke Stormtroopers never hit anybody. They're always shooting in the movies, and they've never.

[Phil]

They never kill him.

[Ryan Reynolds]

They've never shot anyone.

[Phil]

They ain't never.

[Ryan Reynolds]

So the joke was he gave the girl a helmet because she's driving now. That way she won't hit anybody. Really in Hunter's lane of humor.

[John David]

Yeah. I don't think that qualifies as a dad joke.

[Phil]

It went above my head.

[Hunter]

But that's a funny thing to do to someone. One, though, who's just starting to drive. Give them a stormtrooper helmet so they don't hit anything.

[John David]

Is it. Is it really funny?

[Phil]

That's one of six jokes.

[Ryan Reynolds]

It sounds dangerous to wear a stormtrooper helmet. Those are hard to see out of.

[John David]

Yeah, they look like you can't flash across the eyes. There's no reason they don't. I mean, there's no wonder they don't hit any.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I own a stormtrooper helmet. Really? Calm down, Hunter.

[Goblin]

What about a halo?

[John David]

Hell, he just ordered toothpaste, mustard. You act like buying a stormtrooper helmets. Out of the question.

[Hunter]

Any helmets?

[Ryan Reynolds]

That's. That's.

[John David]

I don't.

[Ryan Reynolds]

A Saints helmet. I used to have a Miami helmet.

[John David]

Hunter, are you about to say that John David's a bigger nerd than you?

[Hunter]

Probably, yeah.

[John David]

Well, how come you're the only one that laughed at the joke?

[Ryan Reynolds]

I just saw it coming.

[Phil]

He's the only one that got it.

[Hunter]

He explained it.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I got the joke. I just. It was just. It was. It's kind of like Brian's joke.

[Phil]

Yeah, but to answer your question, why did the Germans put the hot mustard in a tube of toothpaste? Yeah, that's why you could just. Hey, you put it on. On your finger.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Why are you. You're really big into just eating straight condiments today.

[Phil]

That's good, though. I'm serious.

[Ryan Reynolds]

It is good.

[John David]

Size is a sauce guy. He's like the exact opposite of me. I'm not a condiment guy.

[Ryan Reynolds]

That's because you're afraid of vinegar.

[John David]

I'm not afraid of it. I just think if you did a. If you did a good job in the initial preparation, you should need that.

[Phil]

Salad on a salad.

[John David]

Oh, so I forgot to bring you some new socks. Dang.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Oh, well, hey, I'm more of a hunter.

[Phil]

Bring them next week.

[John David]

Yeah, I bring them. Yeah, my. My friends over.

[Goblin]

The same one on both sides.

[John David]

My friends over at Little Debbie sent me a care package of some new peanut butter. I got I got nutty bars.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Hey, Little Debbie, you can send it here so we can all.

[Goblin]

Yeah, I need to take this cone call.

[Phil]

Hold on. I take it.

[Goblin]

I really do.

[John David]

Well, then watch this. Out of here, Johnny D. Yeah.

[Phil]

Make it live.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Jonah 1:17.

[John David]

Oh, that's hospital. Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Now, the Lord provided a huge fish to swallow Jonah, and Jonah was in the belly of the fish three days and three nights. We don't know if it's a catfish or a whale, but it could have been any of them.

[John David]

God, when? Answer your phone. We'll see you next time. Right here in duck call room.

[Ryan Reynolds]

There's a sock store in Pigeon Forge that I'm going to.

[Phil]

Hey, we'll bring me back.