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Dufresne Ministries Podcast
Establishing A Godly Home, Part Five | Morgan Dufresne | World Harvest Church | Murrieta, CA.mp3
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Hi, I'm Grant Dufresne, and welcome to Dufresne Ministries podcast channel. We believe that as you listen to this message, your faith will be stirred and you will be encouraged in whatever you are believing God for today. Stay tuned at the end of this message to find out more information about our ministry.
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Good evening, everybody. I would love to say that I'm gonna preach on faith like I did last week, but I can't promise that.
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So.
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I want us to go back because we are not done talking about godly families. We're not finished yet. I know I've got at least two sermons left. The Holy Ghost does, and we might have more. So this week I want to do. I want to talk about one thing. I think next week we'll continue and I'll. We've not gotten to talking about what to do in the transition time when your kids are really not under your spiritual control anymore. And I use that term pretty specifically. Like, pretty. That's the best definition I can give your spiritual control. There comes a point where they're not. And if you keep them under your spiritual control, it is no longer the help, the guidance of the Holy Spirit. It becomes manipulation. And so we'll talk about that next week. That's a good time. Because I can say this. Neither my husband nor myself were. And you've heard more of my husband's testimony about how. And yes, we got married young, but I also think we got married young because both of our parents understood when it was time to take a different role in our lives, when we had to start hearing from God for ourselves. And so I don't want to get ahead of myself because we want to stay with the age group we've been on, and that's those that live in our household and can be disciplined by us can be guided and directed by us. I appreciate Pastor Nancy, and I'll. I'll share this next week. You know, God told her go south for us to meet. She went to God in prayer, and God told her where. Stephen, he came to her and said, mom, you know, I'm deciding whether to date this one person. And, you know, he kept asking her and asking her, should I date her? Should I date her? And she went to God in prayer, and God gave her specific instruction, what would happen if he dated her? What would happen? They would get married and how his life would get off course. And then God said, go south. They came to where I live there in Florida, you know, north central Florida. Met. We met. But even though. And I. I Love this. I admire it. And I will repeat this. Even though God gave her the instruction of where we were going to meet, she never once used that to control, to give direction, or to manipulate us in our lives. She's the one who knew where to find me. But once she found me, hands off. And people may think because we work together, we're in ministry together, we, you know, we. We lived with them for a time that, that she was heavily involved in our marriage. And that is the furthest thing from the truth. She took her hands off of her son until he came and inquired of her about who to date. He persisted in asking. So I'm just going to give y' all set y' all up for next week. But tonight, with those still in our home, those who still. God is looking to us to have an influence, to have a role, because there. There does come that breaking time and again. It can be used. What happens is, is when they're younger, God has given us the authority over them. Right now, Pastor Nancy does not have the authority over mine and my husband's life shouldn't have the authority we do. She is our pastor. She has the role of our pastor. She has the hat of our boss. She has the hat of a spiritual parent. But she does not step in. I told Ms. Chelsea the two things she stepped in, told us she wants her kids to learn piano and to learn cursive. And so that's about the extent. Wants her grandkids to learn the piano and learn cursive. You know, that's about all she's really been adamant about in our lives. You know, just. Nobody learns cursive anymore and they need to start on the piano. All right, nanny, we'll do that. We're gonna get on that. But in the meantime, you have parents who. And guardians who take their hands off way too early. You know, like 16 years too early. You know what I mean? 18 years too early. Early they take their hands off. There's a. There's scripture for these things. And I'll again, I'll address the scripture. What the scripture shows us when to let go, when that our children, when it turns. Instead of being the role of the parent and it turns into manipulation and control based off of, I don't know, you could say, well, that's the way my culture does it. Well, your culture is not always in the scripture. You have to address. You're going to end up with kids who either marry wrong, they rebel against you because there's too much control, or they don't get married at all. They don't ever step out foot fully into the things that God has for them. Because you were always the voice of the Holy Spirit. It's dangerous. You will be accountable to God. Likewise, if you don't keep your hands and your training on your children till God says it's time, the same thing can happen. They can go the wrong direction, they can marry wrong. So as parents, we need the Holy Ghost. God is not asking us to guess and go, okay, is it time? Is I. The Holy Ghost will show you. He'll lead you and guide you into all truth, that is truth concerning your life, your children. Amen. We shouldn't have 10, 11 year old kids making all the decisions for themselves. And we shouldn't have children who are in their 30s and the mom and dad are making all the decisions for them and telling them who. And you can't do that. You will have to stand before God for both. Because they either never learned to hear from God for themselves or you let them loose before they ever understood what God's voice was in their life. So I appreciate and I count it a blessing. And you know something? That maybe is not as common that both of us had parents who knew how to let us go and hear from God, but still stay close and be guides and influences. You know, it's a mutual respect. It's mutual respect. So you control, you control your children too long, it'll end up backfiring as time goes on. If their life doesn't go and ends up not, they don't hear from God, they'll turn around and you'll be to blame. You'll be to blame and it'll ruin relationships. However, if you let them go too soon and their flesh isn't disciplined and they have not been trained properly, they will turn on you as well. Because they never learned respect. They, they never learned order. God is a God of order. This world is kept by order. So if you don't, if either one, it's a dangerous place. So I want us tonight we're gonna look at three, three main points of how to establish godly homes with our children. I'm gonna give you three main points. The first most important and influential action that you can take or that you can have, or, or that you can demonstrate in a home to have your children live for God and receive salvation. And I could say this way, stay with salvation. Number one is our actions. Our actions. Not discipline, not correction. Our actions. You know the saying actions speak louder than words. That doesn't come from the Bible. But it's true nonetheless. Remember, brother Norville, God doesn't believe anything you say. He only believes what you do. Love. If you've ever wanted to be loved by somebody, had a friend, a parent maybe, maybe there was somebody that said they loved you. But how did you realize one day that they didn't love you as much as they said? They did something. You know what I mean? They did something that was contrary to those words of love, right? So we can see here that our actions, if we really and truly love God, our actions. And we're going to demonstrate to our children that we love God, our actions are going to line up. So number one is our actions. Let's go to Genesis, chapter six. Because one of the greatest examples I think of this is Noah. Noah and his children fulfilled the plan that God had for them together. And we won't take time to read the whole thing. We know in verse Noah or Genesis, chapter 6, verse 13. God said to Noah, I intend to make an end of all flesh. For through men the land is filled with violence. And behold, I will destroy them and the land. And he gives instruction, going from forward in this passage of how to make the covenant or how to establish God's covenant and how to build the ark and what to do. But look at verse 22. Noah did this. He did all that God commanded him. Underline that word. All. He did all that God commanded him. It matters. If you are living godly in all arenas. It matters. And our actions are what's going to influence our children for good or for evil, for right or for wrong, for honor or for dishonor, for respect or disrespect, you know, for through wisdom or foolishness, it's going to be your actions. You cannot discipline a child. You cannot give them God's words and not live them yourself and expect that they're going to follow just because of what you say. Children are smart. They pay attention. They're smarter than you. They are. Children are smarter than you. Every child in here can outsmart. Why? Because I. They don't have bills on their mind. They don't have relationships on their mind. All their job is, is to pay attention to who's around them and how can I get what I want that, if allowed, will consume their thought. Life. That's why children need chores. They need a job. They need tasks. They need to be kept busy because those little wheels start turning and yours are busy doing something else. And they'll outsmart you. My job is to be smarter than my child. My Job is to be more keen to the spirit so I can be steps ahead of my child because my child will always, you know, I mean, they're always going to look to be a step around the corner to see what they can get by with. You know, like Pastor Nancy says they'd be. Well, this is what she says now that she has grandkids. You know, when I tell them something foolish or whatever that the kids did, well, they would be dumb not to. It just shows you have a smart child. Okay, whatever you say. Trying to spin that thing for her grandkids sake. But they're smart. Children are smart. I want to for them to take that those smarts and use them for God, use them for other people. You know, that same intuitiveness. Children are very intuitive. They pay attention. And I want to train that. Instead of seeing what you can get by with them and how your flesh can be out of control, you need to use that to pay attention to what other people need. What are other people struggling with? What, what is somebody, what does somebody not have that you have pay attention? Don't be trying to see what you can get by with for you, what can you do for somebody else? You know what I mean? So you, you have to redirect these things. A lot of parenting is just redirecting, redirecting. You see, maybe a gift or a talent or something that there seem to. Seem to be able to catch on too quickly. You know, the first thing in our house we're in ministry. First thing we do is how can we put that to use for somebody else? That's just in our household because of what we're called to. How can I take that gift? How can I take that skill? How can I take what they seem to be demonstrating is something that they're keen to and gifted with. Now we're going to take it and we're going to redirect that to somebody else. Not for your gain, but. But for somebody else. Because that's what we do. That's what this family does. Amen. You may see, you know, gifts and things in your own children and you may have an idea or a sense of what God has called them to you. Redirect that instead they'll take. And children become selfish with those things. You direct those things so that they're serving God, that they're doing them unto God, that they're fulfilling God's plan for their life. And they know what, why God gave them that gift. It's not for your personal gain. It's for the kingdom Of God. But see, Noah demonstrated that God gave me instruction, and it is for us to fulfill his will. Are you fulfilling God's will? Are you bringing your church and. Or your children to church and expecting them to serve God and lift their hands, but you won't? Are you. You know what I'm saying? Are you excited when they want to do things and sing in the choir and God's dealt with you for, you know, years about singing in the choir? I mean, you know, we have to. We have to examine ourselves. When you. You. You see yourself really in a mirror when you start raising kids, no, you go, ooh, that was me. That was you. You know, you see yourself, and you have to ask yourself, I recognize what they just did. That's something I remember doing as a child. Is that action that's affecting everyone in this household negatively or affecting people that they go to school with or those that they work with negatively? Am I still doing that? Am I still. Have they learned that, you know, some things are just inborn. They're genetic? Okay, was that the genes or nature versus nurture? Did nature give them that, or did they just get nurtured into doing that? Did they see me do that? Did they see me talk to somebody that way? You know, brother Grant was talking about love. Did they see me use my words in a way that tore somebody else down? What conversations are they listening to? Because they are listening. Tell you what, my little bear, Z hears everything. Everything. Liam's usually in some other world hanging out, and in his mind, Nanny cake's thinking of when she gonna get her next sugar fix and who she's gonna get it from. And my bear is really paying attention. He hears everything. He sees everything. Well, what am I doing with that? Training them. You use that. You pay attention to people around you. Son, what can we do for this person? Who have you been thinking about lately? I asked my kids these things so that they know when I see somebody or when I'm thinking about something, that is God leading me to action. Honey, you know, be sensitive. What do you have? You know, I'll ask him when we can't come home from church. I don't want to just necessarily know about the lesson that they learned. But what can you do about that? What are you going to do with that? Don't just recite your memory verse. What are you going to do with that? Because memorization gets you nowhere. You know, I can remember that I'm to be submitted to my husband. I can remember that. But whether I do it or not, Is a whole nother. It's a whole nother issue. What am I doing with what the scripture says about my role as a wife? Amen. So our actions, number one, most important, you decide what you fill your home with. Noah's home and family life was filled with God's plan. Filled with it for a whole year was consumed with God's plan. And it was a hard task as far as physical labor goes. It was a very physical task that God asked him to do. And he had never seen rain. He was reaching into the impossible. He was doing this by faith. And I love that his children, his sons and their wives all joined. When hell was all around them, Heaven was. With that one family, you can have hell all around your home. You can have it in your family, you can have it on the job. But I tell you, your home can be filled with God just by the way you respond, you act. Amen. It's possible. Now, number two, having godly homes. And the number two, most important thing, and this goes for us as well as adults, are we fulfilling God's plan? We can. Like I said, these three things we can use even with ourselves. We're gonna have to examine ourselves. Number two is training. Not discipline, but training. Go with me. I want us to look at some scriptures here and write these down. If you can underline what you can, go first to Ephesians, chapter 6. Ephesians, chapter six. Is that what I wanted? No, that is not the passage I wanted. Go with me real quick. Proverbs 22, verse 6. Yes. That is not what I wrote down. Go to Proverbs 22, verse 6. We all know this passage, or at least have heard it. Train up a child in the way he should go and in keeping with his individual gift or bent, and when he is old, he will not depart from it. I want us to understand. Look, actually look real quickly at Proverbs chapter 6, verse 20. Flip over a couple pages, Proverbs chapter 6, verse 20, and this one goes into a little bit more depth. My son, keep your father's God given commandment and forsake not. The law of your mother taught you. This is training. Bind them continually upon your heart and tie them about your neck when you go. See, if you've tied around your neck and bound in your heart and have in your heart God's words and you're reacting accordingly, it's going to be very easy for your children to repeat that if you haven't bound them continually upon your heart. And sometimes they are, and sometimes they aren't. That's the response you'll get from your children. Sometimes they will, sometimes they won't. Verse 22. When you go, they the words very important here. They were talking about training the words of your parents. God shall lead you when you sleep, they shall keep you. When you waken, they shall talk with you. It's not just. Can I say this? It's not just my words that my children need to hear. They don't need to hear a bunch of my words. God has a lot to say, but he says it quickly, eloquently and powerfully. I need to do the same thing. I don't need to lecture. I'm not big into lectures. I'm big into training. I'm going to say what I have to say. It's going to be brief, but it's going to be God's word. It's going to be what God says, and it's going to be according to how this family has decided to live our lives. And that is the way God wants us to live, the way of blessing. Choose life. Choose death. That's what the scripture says. It's up to you. And he encourages choose life. So I'm going to give you life words. They're going to be short, sweet, and to the point. But I'm going to train you. These are the words you need to live by. These are the words that when you go to act like that next time, you need to remember what the word of God says so that you can think about that before your flesh decides to act out, but before you decide to respond in a way that's going to hurt other people. You know, with. With that. It made it very easy in some ways to actually transition into marriage because I was very mindful of everything. How I talked to my husband mattered to God. I need to evaluate how I'm speaking to him, how I'm coming into this ministry. I didn't work for a ministry before. I work for the bank, and before that I worked for a restaurant. But because I was taught to work appropriately and honorably and respectfully for another man, it was not difficult. It was not some big transition to come work for the prophet of God. Why? Because the training was there. The fundamentals was there. I was trained in how to conduct my life as a human being, as an honorable human being. If you just want to lecture all day with the scriptures but give no training with that, this is how you speak. This is how you sit, this is how you talk. This is how you walk in a room and Greet somebody. This is how you shake somebody's hand. This is how you're supposed to be early to your job. This is how you meet somebody new that you're going to be having a relationship with, a fellowship with, be it on the job, a new family member. If you have. If you don't train them in these life skills, they have nothing to apply the word of God to. You can't say, my God shall supply all my needs. And you didn't train them to be on time. And they keep getting fired. I'm sorry, God can't take care of that. He's not going to stand behind that. He's not going to bless your marriage. If you want to talk to each other any old way you want, in front of your kids, in front of the family, in front of God, I should say. He's not gonna back that up. He's not gonna bless that. Why would he prosper a mess. Don't even ever tell me that you are okay with the saying, God bless this mess. Don't you ever come up to me. Don't ever. I'm just warning you now. Don't come to a cleaning day with that on your T shirt. Don't invite me to your house and you've got that on the fireplace. Don't. Ooh, that's the only one. That's the only one that gets me. The only one. Because I tell you my folks work too hard to get their lives out of a mess. My parents work too hard to get their lives out of a mess. Mess. In renewing their mind so that I could have better. I will not be okay with my life being a mess and saying God bless it. Because this is the way we do things. And, you know, I'm just letting my kids be kids. No, they're a mess. They're a hot mess. If you don't acknowledge when they're a hot mess, God ain't gonna bless it. There was order to building the ark. There was order to getting out of Egypt. There was order to coming in the promised land. There was instruction every time they needed to conquer a city, there was instruction how to do it. Why? Because God is a God of order. Jesus came here under with a lineage that was a lineage of order. God knew exactly how he was going to get here. Amen. And we see when things got out of order, when. When Abraham, you know, and Sarai compromised and had Ishmael, that was out of order. What happened? They got a mess and God didn't bless it. So I'm Just I don't normally give, like, personal thoughts or opinions unless it's regarding food. I don't normally put that out there. So just bear with me because that's an exciting statement people like to use. And I listen, if you like that phrase, I'm gonna let you take that home and examine out yourself. Because I'm just saying, you heard why. My parents and I've heard their testimony too many times. They were a mess, and they were on their way to be in a divorce mess before God's word reached out. They came to church and they spent our lives giving us something better than the mess that they had started out with. And I'm thankful for that. They trained us properly how to speak to adults. You know, culturally, we say, yes, ma' am and no, ma'. Am. Yes or no, sir. Culturally, that's what I grew up with. I will continue that with my children. I have continued that. You know, and when you show that you can say it once without me telling you, I'm going to expect you to say it to me every time. From now on, we'll work together, but you're going to be trained. It doesn't matter that an adult you don't know speaks to you. You look them in the eye and you speak to them. You greet them, you say hello. These things are lost in society today, folks. If you haven't been out there. And just a friendly, kind. People need to see kindness. And not just from you, from your children. There is nothing. The other day, we were at the grocery store Saturday, and I was looking for something. I think it was like in the cereal aisle. And I was looking for something possibly to get, I think, for the kids snack. Like they have the granola bars and stuff. And I'm just looking. There was a. An older woman over here with her cart. And I was in front of my cart. We were kind of about to pass each other, and she had stopped and the boys were in front of my cart. And the next thing I know, I looked over and Liam is picking up. She had dropped a box, and he was picking up a box off the ground. And she said, thank you. And she turned to me and she said, your boys have been trained so well. I didn't have to ask him. I didn't see what happened. I didn't have to tell him to go. Training, continual training. Get your eyes off of you. It's not all about you, you know, the ones we should be looking after are the ones who've been looking after others for their whole life. That's who. Society has got it wrong. It's all about the kids. No, it's not. There are people who have spent their life raising children, raising grandchildren, working hard so that their kids can have a better life. And my children, what they need to be taught is to honor and respect that and to go out of their way to take care of. Now, those who've worked so hard so they could have something this. I'm. I'm just giving you. I'm giving you. We can go through the word on this, but I'm just giving you some highlights, you know, that. Of things that we've really strived. That I've seen in the Word. You know, I've seen honor. When it talks about honor, and we just. We just don't have time to get into all that, but it's in there. Honor. It's what it boils down to. Honor who you're honoring. These are the things that are important in our household. These are things we train. I don't just tell them we train. How. You know how to do these. I'll tell you a funny one, funny story. We went to Virginia, and we were in the car. Pastor Nancy had been preaching at a church, and we were in the car, gonna go to Washington, D.C. for the day. And I guess I was upstairs getting ready. No, we were at the house. I was upstairs getting ready. I come down and we get in the car, and Pastor Nancy's room was downstairs. We stayed in a cabin, and mine and Steven's room was upstairs. And then the kids had a room upstairs. And we get in the car, and Pastor Nancy informs me that Nanny Kay came up to her. She's putting on her makeup and looks at her. And Pastor Nancy's told this story publicly, so I can tell it. And she looks at her. Nanny Kay comes and goes. She say, you look real old. I said, all right. So I find this out in the car, you know. Now, I did tell her. I do think she knew what she was saying, but at the same time, I. I got to thinking about it. You know, you always come up to kids, you're like, you're getting so old. I mean, you tell them that all the time, Nanny Kate. They do something. You know, they go throw their trash away or they get themselves dressed. You're just getting. Getting so old. And so I don't know if that's. She was thinking, this is a compliment. This is like just what we say. I don't know. So she quickly got trained. You know, I didn't necessarily discipline, but There was a very good verbal, strong instruction. Don't you ever, ever say that to anybody ever again. You know, and then she had to turn to her nanny and apologize. And of course she, you know, she's got, she got tears in her eyes. They realize, I feel really bad. Big mistake. I'm embarrassed. Too bad. You said it publicly. You get embarrassed, you know, and that's something we instruct our kids. You do something publicly in front. We were, one day, we were at the, at the gym and I hear one of the moms go, bear, what are you doing? And she goes, he was just throwing hard punches at his brother as fast as he could. Well, his brother made him mad, but this is public, you know. And she goes, what is it? I said, that's called a second child. In case you don't know, that's the second child. Just this is. Sometimes that comes out. I pulled him in, he got very much in trouble. And then he had to go apologize to the gym owners, to the mother who saw it. Why you want to act out publicly? You can apologize publicly. You dishonored, you disrespected. That was inappropriate. And we'll talk to your daddy when you get home. I mean, what are these things? Just good human beings. We're training up. His flesh got out of control. Six year old flesh got out of control. Good human beings. Okay, what can you do to better train? Don't overlook behavior that could end up growing into a problem later. Train them now. Take it and train it. They're ready to be molded. They're ready. They want to be taught. Kids really do want to be taught. They are teachable. Don't ever say over your child. My child's not teachable. They are teachable. Confess the right things. My child wants to be trained. Father, I thank you that the Holy Spirit is helping them to be trained. In love, in obedience, in honor. Holy Spirit, you're helping me to train them in these things. God will show you. He'll help you and he'll help you to train them for their call. Amen. So, training. So number one, our actions are most important. Number one, Most important. Number two, training. Applying training is simply applying the Word to their life. That's all training is. Just apply the Word to their life through manners. And I'm just, I wrote a couple things down just so you can get an idea. Manners, respect, honor. What about training? And money? How to handle money, how to think about money. Time. What about time? Work ethic, all these things. Biblical principles. We could say is training in biblical Principles, how am I, what am I doing to train them in biblical principles to help me be a better, a contribution to society, to contribute to love. Amen. The number three. Number three is discipline. That's the last, I don't want to call it the last resort, but if you really, if your actions agree with your words and with the word of God, if you're training them in biblical principles, discipline will be few and far between. It really will. And don't shy away from seasons of it seems like there's more training and more discipline. Parents, young parents, that's going to happen. You go, oh, you'll go, what happened to my sweet five year old? You know, like all of a sudden they become six and then they go to a whole nother level. They go from two to three. I'll be honest, and I don't believe it's. Maybe it was God's mercy. I don't want to be prideful and take credit, but I will say we never had the terrible twos. But the thing is we did start training pretty young, you know what I'm saying? We started how to sit at the table. Okay, when we're sitting at the table, you're going to put your hands in your lap, you know, you put your napkin in your lap. We didn't wait till like they had a bigger lap, you know what I mean? You can start at one, one and a half. And you know one thing, I love what pastor did and we implemented this. Tell them what they're going to do. Tell them what you expect. Tell them this is, you know what, we're going to go sit at the table. When I call after my mom's, her big rule was when I call and dinner is done, don't make me call twice. It's not going to go well for you. We were not allowed to be called twice to come to the dinner table. Why? Because that's honor. She had worked, she had worked all day, come home either her, my dad had made a dinner and when we're called, now we're taking and saying her time wasn't valuable. So where's that going to carry over to? That's going to carry over on their job, that's going to carry over to their spouse that it's all about them. And they'll forget that their spouse's time is valuable and everything has to be about when I'm ready to do something, when I want to do something. No, that's poor training. So we started training them young with the small things. So when it Came time for the twos when people struggled because they knew our expectations, patience. It wasn't a difficulty. You know, there was no throwing themselves on the ground. There was no temper tantrums because it was all spelled out. And within those. Those confines, we had a great time. We had fun. They knew the boundaries with which they could enjoy life. They didn't feel the need to press those boundaries because I know my boundaries and I know my mom and dad. They mean what they say, and they say what they mean. And not only that, they saw boundaries in our lives. They heard how we talked to Dr. Pastor and the staff. They saw how we honored those that worked here, those that served. It's all. They see all these things. They're taking all these things in. So it wasn't an issue with transitions. Now, as they got older and they learned that they could do a little more, they could jump a little higher, they could climb a little higher. You know, they could do a little bit more risky things, they got a little braver. That's when we kind of had to start stepping, especially with the boys. You know, they're. Every once in a while, they're going to try to talk back one time and one time only, you know, one and done. They're always going to try because they don't want to get in trouble. They're going to try to a sweet little lie, you know, something that's going to paint them in a better light. They're going to continue. We keep our antennas. I'm not oblivious that because I discipline them once for lying, that they're never going to do that again. In fact, I'm looking for it. I'm the best poker player in the house. You have to be parents. You have to be. You have to be able to read your children faster than they can read you. Listen, there's been times they've said stuff and I've had to go, you know, and you turn your face because you just trying not to laugh. You know, you just. I mean, it's comical. What they're. Liam. Liam, the other night, is trying to get out of bed. He didn't want to go to bed. So he comes in and we hear him creeping in our room. You know, Stephen looks up and he goes, excuse me. That's how. That's how he talks. Excuse me. I think there's an earthquake because my body was shaking. I don't even remember what you tell him. He said, get out of here. There's no earthquake, you know, that was you, brother. Excuse me. Sounds like Something Isaiah would say.
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Know, and so they, they do these funny things. And you know, I'm sitting there, thank God it was dark, because I'm just cracking up. I am just. This is comical. This is good. So they do things, you know, and they are funny, but just make sure that you got a better face on them, you know what I mean? Because if they know it's funny, they'll look to repeat, you know, and then they'll go, hahaha. You know, they laugh, they do it again. Ha. That's so funny, you know, that's not funny a second time at all. Funny the first time. Discipline. There's three things and again, these may be different for you. These are things that we have found in the scripture. My husband and I have found in the scripture and then I'm going to give you scripture and, and we'll close with this. First of all, we don't discipline out of emotion. Never discipline out of emotion. God doesn't do anything out of emotion. He does everything by faith and by order. Disciplining by emotion, you know. Now that doesn't mean that sometimes swift attention is not needed to be gotten. That's how I want to, I want to go to the other side of the mountain on that. Sometimes it's really not emotion. It's time for some. You've got to take action and take action. Now that's not emotion, it's not emotion, but that's some swift attention needs to be had. Okay? So I want to say that because you know kids, not many are in here, they can never use. Well, you're just disciplining me out of emotion. No, you need to be handled in now. We're not waiting to do this. I got my emotions under control. It's you that's out of control. It's you. So you want to get out of control. All right, I can meet that, I can meet that. But I'm in full control because I know what the Word says. I know what I've dealt with with my life. I know what I've gotten disciplined in my life. It's you that's struggling, not me. So discipline. These are three things just for us that we, I have found in the Word to that we will take discipline. And we have. You've heard we've had very creative disciplines in our home. I do see. And the scriptures I'm going to give you, it does talk about the rod. There's been a lot of people who've taken that and interpreted and twisted it and just sugar coated that thing all over the place. But if you're going to do that, then every other words of wisdom that are in proverbs, you're going to have to do the same thing. And you're going to struggle with believing God, your provider, you're going to struggle with believing he heals. If you take anything out of God's word and twist it for your own personal benefit or your own personal feelings and psychology is what it is. All psychology has done is taken out of proverbs, out of context. That's what psychology does, filters everything through the mind. Did God say what he said? Did he say he's going to supply my needs? Did he say, you know, use the rod to keep them out of hell? You know what? I'm going to take it all at face value. I'm going to take him at his word. Three things for us. Number one is lying. Because the devil's a liar. And my kids hear that. I tell them the devil is a liar. And don't you get caught up participating in something that he thrives on. He's going to lie to you. He's going to lie and tell you that God's not enough. He's going to tell you that you're no good. He's going to lie and he's going to tell you you're a nobody. He's going to lie and tell you that God's plan isn't for you and is miserable. He's a liar all day long. And I better never catch you lying to me or anybody else. I move swiftly and quickly online because I know how the devil's lies have torn up people, torn up people's lives. And I will not have my children being okay with that habit. Storytelling lies. What's that word that I'm thinking of? Indulgent, exaggerating, embellishing. Got one child that's really good at that. What do we do? We call them out. Stop. Just stop. Just. Just keep cutting that thing at the knees, you know, cut that business. My grandma, she. She loved to dress up a story, you know, and we loved it. We just, you know, I mean, she's my grandma. You get past 80, you can say what you want, I guess. You know, we loved it. I mean, it was precious. She was, you know, but, you know, for. It's wonderful to go hear your grandma tell you of all the wonderful stuff stories and indulge in the past. And you just love hearing because there's so much sincerity and heart in it. And then you hear your kid do it. And you go, you're foolish. No, it's just not good. That's not good. So cut those things. Lying for us is the number one that will bring swift discipline. Number two, unrestrained flesh. Unrestrained flesh. Because it's unrestrained flesh that the devil can energize. Unrestrained flesh in an adult, a child, teenager. Unrestrained flesh. The devil can come and energize that. You know what else does? Feelings, emotions, all that unrestrained. When I see their flesh, you know, and there's times we go. We go seasons, everything's good. You go days and days, weeks, everything's good. And then one day, you. You know, some of you. I heard the first day of vbs, the flesh just gets unrestrained. And so you know what we had to do? First day, I'm sorry, son. You come home, you got some discipline coming. Because I heard that your flesh got unrestrained, and we're not going to have that. And then I dealt with him. I talked to him. Because the way it got unrestrained was at an adult, somebody he was close to. But nonetheless, you're not gonna treat your nanny, staff member that way. I don't care what your last name is. I don't care where you live. I don't care how long you're here, all day. I don't care. Unacceptable, poor behavior. And he came home. He got in trouble by me because I had to hear about it from somebody else who didn't go to our church. I was not happy. I dealt with him. Then Daddy came home and dealt with him because it was really his flesh. Because immediately, once he got discipline, you could see repentance. You can see it on your child's face. You can see that when they get sincere and they realize, I've hurt someone else. If you don't control their flesh, their flesh will hurt somebody and hurt multiple people one day. Is that what you're okay with? Are you okay with your children's flesh being so out of control that they go from relationship to relationship, hurting themselves and hurting other people? That their flesh is so unrestrained that they get in a marriage and is so combative and they feel like they can do whatever they want whenever they want, and they hurt the person that they gave their life to. Unrestrained flesh will get you fired from a job, get you into drugs. Unrestrained flesh. So that's the number two thing that we're very swift when we see. We let the kids be kids. We've learned to be able to tell just by the Holy Spirit helping us and just Being parents, you learn what's just. Kids being kids. You just got to let some things go. They're having a good time. And what is. I can see, you know, you almost see something change. Something came over them. And, you know, that's not how we do things. That's not how we act. That's not how people around you act. So we're going to have to deal with that, because I refuse to let you be okay with your flesh ruling your life. I love you too much. Love you too much. And number three. And again, discipline comes in many forms. But number three, talking back, that's the third. And let me tell you why. Because one day, and I've said this, it's not going to be my voice talking to them. And we'll talk about that next week. It's going to be the voice of God in their life. And I need them to know that when a voice of authority is. It's going to be their pastor, it's going to be another minister. And I need them to know that when that voice speaks, if they are in the habit now of being okay with getting the last word, responding back with their thought. I don't need to know your thought. I need you to know what my thought is. Because I'm endeavoring to live God's word, and you are just like Noah. We're doing this together. This is not Mommy and Daddy. Sing. This is not Mommy. Sing. This is a team effort, and I'm gonna save your life because you're not. Get. You're not. You're not gonna be okay. One day, somebody else is not gonna be okay with your lip coming back at them. It's dishonorable. And so I want them to know that I care what comes back out of their mouth at me and their daddy. And it better be, yes, ma', am, yes, sir, no, ma', am. No, sir. And that helps keep that flesh down. And one day, when God speaks to them and the word of God corrects them and they read and they see what God has for them, they'll be able to receive it and not argue with it. God, this is the issue. If you won't deal with these things, when God wants to deal with them and set their life on a plan of success and prosperity and health and goodness and, you know, just all these things that God has for them. A wonderful marriage, wonderful family for themselves. If you don't deal with this, God can never take and use. He'll do what he can. But because they're okay with lying to themselves, and lying to others, really lying is lying to yourself. You're trying to convince yourself and somebody else. They tell stories, they lie to themselves about who they really are. They want to talk back. And they're okay with their flesh being out of control. Their life is headed for destruction. Now, real quick, most of these are in Proverbs, so we can go through these very quickly and then we'll close Proverbs chapter 13. Let's get there. Proverbs, chapter 13, Verse24. And I'm going to read out the amplified in these. He who spares his rod of discipline hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines diligently and punishes him. Early verse. Let's go to Proverbs chapter 23. This is not my doctrine. This is the word of God. I am standing up here giving you God's word. Well, actually, look at Proverbs 22. Look at verse 15. Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him. It didn't say foolishness is bound up in the heart of some children. It says a child. That's that. That means every child foolishness in some form or fashion. Some are given to more foolishness than others. Some foolishness doesn't show up till later. You know, they're easy, they're compliant until they maybe hit 13 or 14. And then you go, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What happened here? Look at chapter 23, verse 13, Proverbs 23:13. Withhold not discipline from the child, for if you strike and punish him with the reed like rod, he will not die. We read that one. You shall whip him with the rod and deliver his life from Hades. Let's go real quick to Proverbs 29. Remember though, we talked about. You're not disciplining with your emotion. There's order, there's control. And I always endeavor when they do something that I know is a violation of God's word, the rules of our home, of somebody else. What I do is I always endeavor to show them in the Scripture. Let me show you. That's part of training. That's part of training. I don't just discipline them and then make them guess why they got disciplined. That's not fair. That's not right. When God corrects us, doesn't he show us in his word? Doesn't he give us promises? Doesn't he give us examples? When we see, oh my gosh, I can see that's gonna hurt, hurt, hurt, hurt my marriage, that's gonna hurt this relationship that's gonna hurt me in this way, I need to discipline myself better. We've always seen it from an example. So that's what I try to do, take them back to the. The word so they can see it in example. They can't read the way I can, yet they don't have knowledge of the word that I have. So it's my job as a parent to pass on that knowledge. That's where training and my actions come into play. So do you see? If you try to discipline your child without you living for God and having proper training, they're never going to receive the love and the discipline from love. The reason my children can receive the discipline of love from me is because they know Daddy and I, we're doing these things. We've got, you know, the rod to our own selves. We're endeavoring to be disciplined. We're endeavoring when our flesh doesn't feel like going, you know, we don't say this, but we know when our flesh doesn't feel like getting up to go preach when we'd rather go have a hamburger. No, this is God's will. This is God's. The most wonderful place we could be is in the middle of the will of God. And the devil's gonna lie to you and bring thoughts to you about other places you could be and other things your flesh could be doing. And even your daddy and I, we. We don't go that way. We don't. We don't do that so you don't have to. Again, if you don't have number one and number two, number three, it might be of no avail because I don't agree with discipline outside the context of the word of God. You need to have the training and the example in front of them or your discipline, it really will make them. They're going to turn away. It will turn them because you're. You're saying one thing and wanting them to do one thing and doing another. Look at Proverbs, what I say, 29, 29, 15. The rod of reproof, give wisdom. But a child left undisciplined brings his mother to shame. Verse 17. Correct your son and he will give you rest. Yes, he will give delight to your heart. Look at Hebrews real quick. We'll go to Hebrews chapter 12 and we'll close here. These were all my. The scriptures I had pulled for discipline. Hebrews chapter 12 and verse 5. Have you completely forgotten the divine word of appeal and encouragement in which you reason and addressed his sons My son, do not think lightly or scorn to submit to the correction and discipline of the Lord, nor lose courage and give up and faint when you are reproved and corrected by Him. For the Lord corrects and disciplines everyone whom he loves, and he punishes, even scourges, every son whom he accepts and welcomes to his heart and cherishes. You must admit to and endure correction for discipline. God is dealing with you, with sons. For what son is there whom his Father does not thus choose, train and correct and discipline. Now, if you are exempt from correction and left without discipline, in which all of God's children share, then you are illegitimate offspring and not true sons. Moreover, we have earthly fathers who disciplined us as we yielded to them and respected them for training us. Shall we not much more cheerfully submit to the Father of spirits and so truly live? For our earthly fathers disciplined us only for a short period of time and chastened us as seemed proper and good to them. But he disciplines us for our certain good that we may become sharers in his own holiness. A very powerful passage. Very powerful. And I'm going to leave you with this. I. I've seen now examples of. Of those that I've known my whole life, and I would say I'm old enough now that I'm seeing the repercussions and the negative effects of a lack of discipline. There was proper example in the home. There was even proper training in the home. But because some in the home were disciplined and some were not, I'm seeing the ones that were have a whole different life. And I kind of. In reflecting on that, I kind of wrote some things down that are very apparent, not just to me, but are really affecting their lives very negatively. And. And they have children of their own. They have a family. And. And it's. It's on struggle, we should say that because there was no discipline. There was no agreement to discipline a, you know, a child. Some were. This one wasn't. And there's desperate need for attention, desperate need. Demanding, very demanding. Their way always has to be had. Very emotional. And everything is driven by feelings, the way they parent everything. And there's been some major, you know, difficulties. And I thought, oh, my gosh, the only. Because why is it that. That, you know, it's okay in some. It's been okay. Things have been. Life has been good and doing very well. Why is it there was only one missing factor? Same training, you know, same instruction, really, same example, Exact same example. And one was not disciplined. Never once spanked, never once disciplined. You know, within what? The context of the word. And lives are going very different directions. Marriages are going very, very different directions, and children are going very different directions. And so I've seen it now. You know, I'm not that old, but I've now been around long enough to see the ones I knew that didn't. How it's playing out very differently. Driven by emotion, needing attention. I mean, desperately. And struggling in every arena in life, you know, financial. Every. Every arena. Every arena. So I want us to be sober, first of all, about ourselves. Because what was, number one, our actions? Are we disciplined? Number two, are we training ourselves and training our kids? And number three, what about discipline? Where is it? Do you get emotional? You got to stop that. You'll teach your children to be emotional. They'll become erratic, crazy. You know, they'll make decisions not by what the Holy Ghost says, but off the fly, off the cuff, because you're always running off the. You know, everything's just. Just flippant. Just how I feel right now. I'll discipline you, but then you're not consistent the next day. And they get to get by and talk back and lie. But one day, it really makes you mad, and so you. You lash out. Consistency. Children love consistency. They love safety. They love boundaries. Because now we know how to have fun as a family. Now we know how to have a good time. Now I'm okay with talking to an adult. I'm okay with going to church. I feel comfortable. Kids who are trained right, they feel comfortable with everybody because they've been. They are confident. I know how to talk to you. I know how to be around you. I know how to interact with. With you. You don't train them, and you just want them to cling to you, and it's all about mama or all about Daddy. You're crippling them. Amen. So I know last week's message was a lot more fun. It was a lot shorter. But I. I want us to be able to make progress in every arena. I don't want you going out of here shouting for, you know, praising God for the things you need in your life. But everything else is a mess. You know, you're struggling emotionally. You're struggling with your children. You're struggling in your home. I don't want that. This is a family. Your family matters to this family. What goes on in your family, it's not my business, but it affects this family, and it means something. It means something to God. What happens in your family, it means something to him, and it means something to us that your family succeed, that there's unity. Amen. So I think, I hope that is apparent tonight that we understand, too, our part and what we need to be doing. Amen.
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