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Before Wayfair, our outdoor space just felt unfinished. We had the patio but we never actually used it. The furniture didn't match, there wasn't enough seating and once the sun went down it just felt dark and boring. It definitely wasn't giving Come hang out here now we're outside all the time. Late night hangs having friends over sitting outside. After a long day, it finally feels cozy and put together instead of random chairs thrown around outside. Adding better seating, lighting and decor completely completely changed the vibe and honestly made the whole backyard feel way more us. I also loved being able to read real customer reviews before ordering because outdoor furniture online can be such a gamble. And thank God for the assembly options because some of those pieces are heavy and I do not have the patience for a seven hour furniture meltdown. One thing I would absolutely tell a friend to buy right now is a good outdoor conversation set with deep cushions. Total game changer. Once you have a comfy seating outside, you actually start using your outdoor space way more. If you haven't tried Wayfair yet, it really is the easiest way to make your home feel more like you without driving all over town looking for stuff. Patio furniture, rugs, lighting, decor. Literally everything in one place. And the reviews make shopping so much easier. Patio season is here babies, and these deals won't last. Head to Wayfair.com right now to get your outdoor space ready for way less. That's W A Y-F A I R.com Wayfair Every style, every Home I swear my younger self would have loved something like Chime because traditional banks really will nickel and die me to death. Monthly fees, overdrafts, ATM fees. Like why am I paying a fee to access my own money? It's honestly wild when you think about it. That's why I like Chime. It feels built for normal people instead of people with millions sitting in an account somewhere. You can get access to thousands of fee free ATMs. Sponsors Spot Me lets eligible members overdraft up to $200 fee free and with direct deposit you can unlock a bunch of extra perks that actually help in real life. And honestly, the cash back is one of my favorite parts. Being able to get 5% cash back in categories you actually use like gas or groceries makes way more sense than random rewards you never touch. Plus the savings account has a 3.75% APY, which is way higher than the national average, so so your money actually has a chance to grow instead of just sitting there doing nothing. I also know a lot of people who live Paycheck to paycheck right now. So features like My pay are huge because eligible members can get access to up to $500 of their pay before payday when they need it. Life happens. Unexpected stuff pops up. Having a little flexibility without getting slammed with fees makes a massive difference. If you're tired of feeling like your bank is working against you instead of for you, Chime is definitely worth checking out. It just feels more realistic for how people actually live today. Chime is not just smarter banking. It is the most rewarding way to bank. Join the millions who are already banking fee free today. Head to chime.com b u n n I e that is chime.com bunny it only takes a few minutes to sign up. Chime is a fintech, not a bank. Banking services from MyPay and Chime Card provided by Chimes Bank Partners. Optional products and services may have fees or charges, stated annual, percentage yield, and cash back for Chime prime only. No minimum balance required. Checking account ranking based on a J.D. power survey published October 20, 2025. For more information on APY rates, MyPay, Spot Me and travel perks, go to Chime.com disclosures Is this thing on Bonnie,
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who used to be a former sex worker and now hosts the podcast Dumb Blonde?
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Most little girls grow up wanting to be doctors and lawyers and shit. And I was like, I want to be super hot, make a lot of fucking money, and be a rock star's wife. That was my goal as a child. And here we are. What's up, you sexy motherfuckers? Welcome to another episode of Dumb Blonde. I'm sure you probably heard me and Mod sun talking about how he's the hot uncle. What's up, baby?
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B
How are you? I will so take that role. I like that role better than the hot older guy.
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A
Well, because we were talking about how Jay and I are like mom and dad to everybody, and Mod was like, yeah. He's like, I'm totally that, too. And I'm like, no, you're like the hot uncle. Like, you're not. You're not dad yet. You're like, hot uncle, right? Am I wrong here?
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B
I like that. I like that. Am I wrong? People in the room, are we.
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A
Are we wrong? Are we wrong here?
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B
Okay, cool, Cool. We're on the same page.
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A
I'm so happy to have you here.
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B
Thank you.
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A
This has been a long time coming.
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B
Yeah, it has.
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A
I slid in your DMs, like, two years ago. Yeah, and thankfully you didn't reply because
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B
I know, I know. This is the time I was supposed to have.
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A
I swear to God. It really is the time.
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B
But I really saw the dm, like, three weeks ago and immediately was like, all right, I missed this one. You ever want to do it again?
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A
No. And I'm just so happy to have.
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B
And I listen. Why I did is because I listened to your podcast just outside of it.
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A
That really makes me happy. It makes me so happy when I have men tell me they listen to the podcast because that means a lot to me because I have such a huge female following.
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B
Yeah.
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A
So when I get the men that are like, yeah, I listen to your podcast, I'm like, dude, can I hug you? Because it's, like, so sweet.
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B
Your conversations, just like, natural conversations. Do you have mostly female guests? Is it.
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A
No, I mean, it's. I do have a ton of female guests, but I love, you know, having men on, too. So it's like. It's a variety, but definitely probably more female dominated. But I think it's because of my platform and just who I am. I just have a more female fan base. Even when I was.
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B
You're like. You're like the super power female that's, like, says, be, like, confident in yourself no matter what.
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A
I appreciate.
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And, like, fights back against people that talk. I love that.
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A
It's exhausting. Sometimes I even told them it's such a good.
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B
It's such a good message to send, though. Not being like, I'm gonna talk back to you, but just being like, yo, this whole thinking that you can't have your word against someone that's talking shit because you're a notable person. And, oh, if I say the wrong thing, this and that, like, that's like a whole wall that needs to be broken down right now.
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A
I really needed to hear this.
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B
Don't you think so, though?
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A
I swear to God, that's why I'm fighting the good.
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B
So many people. Like, I. I'm in a good place right now. I feel like I have my light back around me. Right.
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A
You look so happy.
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B
Thank you. Thank you. I am happy. I feel this is the most secure I've felt, like, in my skin as well, in years and years and years. But there was a time where it wasn't like that. But then there was also this time where, like, I don't know when it happened, but for some reason, I got in my head, like, oh, like, do I have to, like, worry about saying the wrong thing or being a certain person or. Or all that stuff? Like, yeah. And that's why when you have this, like, message of, like, I will say my opinion back to you regardless. Regardless of who I am or how many people follow me. That's like, these are, like, these are messages for the youth that they need to, like, understand that, you know for sure.
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A
100. And sometimes I get caught up in the. Am I doing the right thing or should I not say this? But I feel like as. I don't like to call myself a celebrity. You're a celebrity. But as people in the public eye, it's like we're told that we're not allowed to talk back to people. It's like, no, don't say this or don't say. And it's like, why. Why are people allowed to bully? And that's why this problem has gotten so bad online. That's why. It was because they always tell you if somebody abuses you, don't stay silent. But yet the first thing they tell you whenever somebody abuses you online is stay silent.
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B
Yeah.
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A
Like, what. What are we talking about here? This is like mixed messages.
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B
I mean, my favorite times of being myself is when those thoughts never entered my head. The second they did, I felt like I was so fake. I felt so fake and not me.
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A
And do you feel like you've been silenced because of your celebrity?
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B
Well, yeah. I mean, to a certain extent, yeah. 100%. Or just even just thoughts of being like, don't put yourself. So, like, I've. I've gone through things where I have put myself in the position to kind of speak my half of things, you know, especially with past relationships. Right. I bleed into the public eye. I have had a relationship where I was like, no, this and saying my word back. And then it being like, something that follows you forever and becomes a narrative. And then I've had situations in the last couple years where it was like, I didn't even stand up for myself. And like, those things are just like, okay. Understand? Yeah. Like, my sister's my PR person, so she's like, PR crisis, you know?
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A
Is she a pit bull?
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B
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
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A
Yeah.
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She's. She's my older sister. That'll. She fights for me.
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A
I love that.
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But anytime that I found any one of my great moments that people will come up and tell me affected them in a. In a great way are always me having no thought of that. No thought of that. And I'm not saying, like, go make yourself look bad. You know what I'm saying?
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A
Yeah.
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Not saying say some wild shit at 2:30am that you wouldn't say the next morning.
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I mean, I've done that a few times. I'm guilty. I almost did it last night.
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B
You're awesome for what you do. Okay. And, like, just as myself, I have felt inauthentic before. And those moments, like, really kind of. I let myself down, you know? And, like, where I'm at at this point in my life, I'm like, okay, I remember who I am.
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A
Yeah.
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Like, I remember who I am. I am 37 years old. Just. Just age in music, right? We love Jelly because he really puts it on the line.
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A
Daddy roll.
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B
He gives us daddy roll. Yeah. He, like, gives this whole real talk about what it is. It's like, be so proud of your story. Do not try to hide it. Do not try to keep up with the other people and this and that. Like, wear it and be it and love it and be proud of it. And, like, that's what creates the light around you, you know? I've felt my shit dim. I felt it dim. And in the last year, I had to just, like, reorganize my life, get back to just being in love with myself.
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A
How did you do that? What were, like, some steps? Because I know you went through a really tough breakup, and we can talk about that. We can touch on it now or later on whenever you're comfortable with it. But I remember seeing a video of you on stage after that breakup, and it broke my heart for you.
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B
Yeah.
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Because I could tell you were who holding in so much. And I think right at. Right in that moment, I just felt so much love for you.
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B
Yeah.
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Because I was like, damn. I was like, this man is literally wearing his heart on his sleeve in front of hundreds and thousands of people each night. Like, this is tough, dude. So how did you go from being on that stage to finding yourself?
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B
That was definitely like, an. Like, an authentic moment again. I'm glad that you say that, because that was a moment of, like, true authenticity, you know? Like, we went through this breakup while I'm on tour, bled out in front of the world, going on stage every night. It's like, my biggest song is with her, and it's my song.
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I know.
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So I had to really be like, okay, like, yeah, this is the hardest thing, but it's my song. Like, I'm not gonna deny myself of that, you know? Yeah. And so I'm gonna keep playing it. Yeah. It's hard as hell to play and hear that voice every night, but I'm gonna keep playing because that's my song.
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Yeah.
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And so, I mean, that kind of started this whole spiral of being, like, from there, it was very, you know, I would have to, like, do a meet and greet every day and kind of, like, fake a smile. You know what I'm saying?
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Yeah.
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And that's fine. You know, not like, just completely. Just being in shambles in front of people, like, still being like, all right, I'm a warrior, you know?
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Yeah.
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But so, like, I went on that tour and came home and had to, like, reorganize my life completely and just, like, environment so important. Like, your. I love to say this about people because I clearly look different than I did a year ago. You know what I'm saying?
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I love the dark hair, by the way.
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I do, too.
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I love it.
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I love it.
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A
Yeah.
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And like, just you saying that, like, again, we've been told certain rules that are so backwards. We're told, like, materialism is wrong. Right. Okay. I'm talking, like, if you really in your heart believe that, like, a great outfit won't make you feel better about yourself, you're tripping.
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No, it does.
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You're tripping. Yeah, but we're told, like, no, no, no, no, don't. Or you're told, like, your appearance, your. Your appearance. Like, I changed my appearance. I go out and people be like, dude, you look better than you've ever looked. That makes me feel great. That helps me feel secure. Right. It's like these things that are. That are just these little building blocks that, like, you've kind of been told are not the way. Right. Like a simple thing. You have to break down what it is to you. But for me, I've just figured out recently, like, what is happiness? Duh. The most cliche thing ever. What is happiness?
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Yeah.
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I figured out what it is. To me, it's something to look forward to. That's it. All this. All this, like, be present, be in the moment. All that is, like, get it, love it. Thank you, Deepak Chopra isms. I love it. Give it to me.
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A
Like, I need to know what the next hurdle.
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I want to wake up and have something to look forward to that makes me happy. It doesn't need to be some, like, career driven goal. It doesn't need to be anything ridiculous. It can be something so simple as, like, I wake up and, like, I love the first picture that I have hanging on my wall in my room. And that, like, makes me want to get up. It can be also something giant. I have something to look forward to. Let me create something to look forward to. Whatever it is, you know? And it's like, once I realized that 37 years old into my life. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. It was just like, boom. That. That's what it is to me, you know, and just realizing that there's these little things that are okay with utilizing in your life, like changing your appearance, changing your environment, building things to look forward to, obviously keeping great people around you that give you the hard talks. The hardest talks are the ones that make your life easy, the uncomfortable ones.
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But those. Those are. You have to be comfortable having uncomfortable conversations. That's what me and my husband always.
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I love that. I love that.
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You really do. Because, I mean, life's not always cherries and unicorns. Sometimes it's buttholes and cigarette butts. You know, like, we don't. Life's not always a bundle of joy, so you have to be. Be comfortable being able to be like, hey, you know, kind of looking within and having uncomfortable conversations with yourself, like, what do I need to change to make myself happy?
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B
Yeah.
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A
Yeah, for sure.
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I really, like, dove into that in the last year and, like, focused on that and that only and finding things that were, like, missing in my life.
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A
Yeah.
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You know, really. Really applying those, you know, like, as a musician, doing the work. 100.
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A
Yeah. I think that's a huge thing, because it sounds to me like you're doing the work. A lot of people are, like, looking for happiness, but they don't want to go find it. They want it to come to them, and it's like, no, you got to get the up and go find it.
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B
Go chase that shit and push yourself. And it can be something so simple. Like when you. When. When people hear these talks, like, a lot of the time, their human condition is, like, jump to something, like, gigantic.
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A
Right.
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Or, like, build a goal that's, like, a year from now.
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A
Right. You know, or not unattainable, but at that moment.
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Yeah, right? Yeah, 100%. It's like, dude, build a goal for yourself for the next six hours. Like, it doesn't be healthy for a day. Yes.
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You know, like, yeah. It can be so tiny.
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Discipline.
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Listen to a record you haven't played. Yeah, exactly.
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It's so good. I am in. What is it, the sixth today? The seventh. So three.
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A
Today's Cinco de Mayo, isn't it? Or no. Damn, we missed it.
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B
So five days from now, I'll hit five years sober, right? Yeah. And why. I know it's really. I'm really like, yeah, that's amazing.
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A
Let's definitely dive into your sobriety.
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B
I would love to. And, like, just piggybacking off that, though, like, what's so great is like another tip or advice or stance on life is like, drug addicts. Whether you're a recovered drug addict or currently in a battle, just know you have the greatest discipline in the world. To wake up and get up every day takes discipline to go dedication, to go meet the plug in a random parking lot at 2am that is discipline.
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A
Yeah.
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And I'm just like, holy shit.
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A
And to feel like shit every day afterwards, like, you know, and have to have that.
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B
Yo, if you can do those things, you can get a six pack in six months. You know what I'm saying? You can do all these things. You can get that job that you wanted. You can go through all that.
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A
Nothing can stop you.
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No, I have drug addict discipline, you know? And, like, I hold that anytime I, like, talk to, like, addicts and shit like that. I'm just always like, yo, just know you. You could become president.
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A
Yeah.
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B
You could take over the world with your discipline.
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A
If they just put that channel, that energy, something that's constructive.
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B
It's so powerful. Yeah, it really is.
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A
So crazy way of looking at it. But it's facts.
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B
It's so true.
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A
Literally, it's facts.
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So there's. I look at, like, people that are just, like, so down and out. I'm like, yo, just know you could take over the world.
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A
I love you. You are the type of motivational speaker that a motherfucker needs, though, because they'll listen to you because you have such a cool way of saying it. People are kind of like, truth bombs are, like, going off in their head. They're like, holy. Yeah, that makes total sense.
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B
100. If you can also just get away from the whole, like, positive speaking, Google search sentences, be like, all right, let's remove all those weighted words and just like, say the thing you're trying to say. Like, Charles Bukowski is my favorite writer of all time. He would always be like, you have no guts if you're turning a sentence into a paragraph. Stop with all that. The. The wind blew through the window. Still at night while I was the twilight was glowing through the sheets of my room. It's like, bro, you found happiness looking out the window while the moon was out.
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A
You know, that's so real, though, because. What did you just say? Say that again for me so that I can remember it.
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B
I don't even.
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A
Oh, the paragraph. You just turned a sentence never.
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B
You have no guts if you're turning a sentence, it's to a paragraph.
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A
I love that. That's going to be my new motto.
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B
Yeah, it's real. You, you, you do that.
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A
I do.
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B
You. You are like straight to the point.
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A
No, I tell paragraphs. No, I tell people.
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B
I'm looking at you going, you do. You're a paragraph person.
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A
No, I am. I feel like I am.
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B
I'm not saying talking a lot. I'm saying you say it how it is. That's essentially what it is. Is like being like, stop trying to fill this whole thing with all these isms and, and all these blown out ideas. It's like, you say it how it is. Trust me.
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A
I needed you here today.
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B
My viewer. I am like, objectively. Is it objectively from the outside or subjectively? I don't know. I am. Again, didn't go to.
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A
I'm not sure. Listen, I didn't, I didn't graduate ninth grade.
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B
We'll go with objectively and if we're wrong, it's all good.
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A
It's all right.
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B
I am from the outside looking in. I watch you and I, I do have a good opinion of that. Like, you say it how it is.
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A
I appreciate you so much. Speaking of some crazy shit that I discovered whenever we're going to take it all the way back. You're. You're like a, you're a farm boy from Minnesota. Let's talk about this. Because you have like a really crazy childhood story.
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B
I do. I really love.
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A
It's actually really cool. Yeah.
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B
Many lives. Like, and, and I, and I, I totally just like, I love it so much. I've never, I've never been the one to be like, does. Living in. Does. Does that I'm in, in la? Should I tell people, like, I'm LA or this and that? It's like I'm Minnesota, like Midwest Minnesota. I grew up on a farm. A farm with no animals. My parents were absolute w. They were the animals.
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A
So you told. So I heard that your mom was a cheerleader and your dad was a biker.
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B
Yeah.
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A
Like what? Your mom was a cheerleader in high school and then.
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B
Yes, literally married the bad boy. Oh, 100%. 100% for good and bad. I got all, I got a lot of my dad's good qualities and like all of my mom's good qualities. So I kind of won with that. No, my mom was like cheerleader, straight A student. My dad was like kicked out of Catholic school and had to go to this other school and like pulled up, beat up my mom's boyfriend at the time and like threw, threw her on the back of his bike.
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A
It Was like, you're mine.
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B
Yeah.
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A
That's my kind of guy.
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B
No, no, literally, 100%. Yeah.
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A
A lot of girls at home are like, that's hot.
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B
And he was. I'm telling you, I know what I say. Like, threw her on the back of my bike. Like, take it however you want it. Like, that is. My dad is like. He was. He was the real deal. He was one of one. There's this quote from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. That's too weird to live, too rare to die. That was my dad. He couldn't get his together, but he was so rare that, like, we had to have him here, you know? And. Yeah, so we. We grew up on, like, a giant. Like, would you say like, five acres? Sorry, I'm talking off camera to my sister.
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A
You're good. We love that.
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B
Five acres in the middle of Minnesota. Like, I go back to this town, it still hasn't changed a bit. It's so small. And I actually had this great conversation with someone last night that also, like, grew up in the middle of nowhere. But it's like, from age 0 to 6, no neighbors, no friends. Only my sister, who. Older sister. It takes a long time for your older sister to like you. Yeah. Like, we were.
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A
Trust me, I'm an older sister. I get it.
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B
And we'll get to this, too. But my sister was the. Like, my mom, the cheerleader, straight A student.
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A
This one right here.
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B
Yes, yes, yes. So we were total opposites in so many ways. But one zero to six, grew up on a farm, no friends, total. Just imagination.
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A
What was life like with your parents? Were they pretty stable or were they just.
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B
No.
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A
Yeah.
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B
Not at all.
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A
Take me on that.
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B
I mean, my mom was the definition, like, of an angel. Like, just. Just trying to caring about kind of zooming out and looking forward and being like. My kids shouldn't see or hear or know about things that are going on, you know? But my dad literally would have his girlfriend's calling the house, being like. And my sister would answer the phone and be like, he like, my sister's like nine. Like, bitch. You know what I'm saying? Like. Like, that was the first time I heard curse words. Was my sister, like.
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A
I love that sister was rowdy at nine, though, to stick up for mom.
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B
Hell yeah. Oh, hell yeah. And, like, I mean, also, my sister was like, the bartender. My sister was, like, making them gin and tonics and old fashions. At nine years old.
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A
My goodness.
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B
Yes. Yeah. I was literally. My favorite picture of when I was a kid was me like, drinking a Pabst at, like, fucking four years old.
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A
First of all, iconic. Secondly, that's crazy.
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B
Like, van slip ons. My dad's, like, posted all. I'm, like, drinking a Pabst. Like, literally.
- [23:10]
A
Oh, my goodness. So you guys grew up.
- [23:12]
B
Rock and roll, 100%.
- [23:13]
A
That's how I grew up, too.
- [23:14]
B
And we grew up, like, 10 minutes from Bob Dylan's farm in Minnesota. Who's my favorite artist of all time? Minnesota White. Yeah. Um. And so it was all rock and roll. It was all, like, you listen to the Allman Brothers. You're either a Dylan guy or a Beatles guy. We are Dylan people. Like, and. And the band. And it was music all the time.
- [23:34]
A
I love that.
- [23:34]
B
And motorcycles. Like, my mom and dad rode motorcycles. Like, my first scar that I still have on my leg is falling off my dad's bike when I was 4 years old, burning my leg on a thousand degree exhaust pipe.
- [23:44]
A
Oh, my God.
- [23:45]
B
You know?
- [23:45]
A
Yeah.
- [23:45]
B
It was wild. Wow. For Minnesota. Like, I know when people have this picture of Minnesota in their head, they're not thinking like this. This is what it was like growing up there for me, you know? And. But I. But what stuck with me the most through those. I don't even know if you call one through six formative years, but there were so much for me. Okay.
- [24:06]
A
Yeah.
- [24:06]
B
Great. Thank you. Because I. It. It made me who I am.
- [24:10]
A
Yeah.
- [24:11]
B
I am permanently in my own world, in my own imagination, because I had all this space and no friends and no neighbors and no nothing. So I was in my head all day, running around this field pretending I was whatever, superhero or a spy or any of those things. And I've never left that world ever. Once. I've.
- [24:35]
A
Like, I think that's. I think that's part of your childlike charisma, you know? Like, you have this, like, just sweet wonder about you. And I even told Jay that. I was like, he. I was like, he's just so sweet, you know? And I. Now I understand where you get it from.
- [24:50]
B
I. From there. Thank you.
- [24:53]
A
You're welcome.
- [24:54]
B
It's horrible, everyone. You raise your threshold for compliments to not immediately throw someone back at other people.
- [25:00]
A
I won't let you do.
- [25:01]
B
Just say thank you. I tell this to all people. I'm like, raise your threshold, dude. Like, I gave you a compliment. Don't just give me one back. Just be like, damn, thanks.
- [25:09]
A
Like, Mod is dropping gems. Guys, I hope you're listening. I needed you today because I had a horrible day yesterday. And today this is.
- [25:16]
B
Well, let's get into that, too, because we're going to flip this and be like, welcome to Dumb Brown Hair. We're going.
- [25:26]
A
No, we're not doing it. So I wanted to circle back on the Bob Dylan thing that you had said, and I wanted to tell you something that you might actually enjoy. My husband is a huge Bob Dylan fan. Loves Bob Dylan. His son Noah was actually born to, Like a Rolling Stone. And I know that's your favorite Bob Dylan song. So when I heard that, I was like, oh, my God, this is like Kindred Souls. It's crazy. I so.
- [25:49]
B
I so can tell the Jelly Roll fan and Bob, like, I can so see.
- [25:53]
A
Oh, he just went and saw him at. Where were we? In Austin. What's it called? The. The whole big fucking festival they have out there, the Austin City Limits or something like that. Yeah, he went and saw Bob Dylan. I was like, did you record it? And he was like, no.
- [26:09]
B
Like, yo, yo. Again. It's like the great. I tell every artist, there's so many artists that are so lost right now, especially the younger ones that have had a different upbringing in a different kind of world of being an artist. You know, I grew up as an artist, pre Internet, pre having a studio in your house where you had to actually work, pre laptop and pro tools. Like, this was like the growing up with instruments set up in your garage. And every day after school, you came and jammed with your friends, and if your friend didn't show up, you can jam. You know what I'm saying? Like, I grew up in that world. I grew up in the back of vans playing shows for free, sleeping on people's floors, all that. The world that it's in now is A lot is shifted in a lot of different ways. And a lot of artists get really lost because they'll have these giant peaks and valleys. My whole thing was like just a giant, like, slow lift, right? Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And there's so many for young artists. Peaks and valleys, peaks and valleys. And it gets hard. And I'm like, yo, study. I don't care if you hate Bob Dylan's voice. I don't give. I don't give a fuck. Just study his career. Like, this is a man that was slated as the voice of a generation. Him and an acoustic guitar and a harmonica. The second that he was at his peak of this voice of a generation, he grabbed an electric guitar, showed up to Newport Jazz Festival, the first electric performance ever at Newport Jazz Festival. Got booed off stage for a year after that. Played like a Rolling Stone to his concerts and got booed by his biggest fans and never stopped playing the song. And it is now regarded as like the top greatest song ever in. And like, that is like believing in what you're doing and not putting the control in the hands of the audience of telling you that it's great or telling that it's successful. And then as soon as they loved him being electric, he went and made a country album. They hated it. Soon as they loved that he went and made a blues record. They hate it. As soon as they love that gospel record. As soon as they love that, it's like, dude just was like, never. Are you in control of my success and who I am? And I follow my instincts and follow my guts. And also a guy who disappeared for 10 years and came back and dropped what I think is his greatest record of all time, Blood on the Tracks. Like, it's just the greatest mentality for an artist to be in to not, not think that, like, not be put in a box. Oh, they're gonna forget me. Oh, they're gonna forget about me if I don't post today. They're gonna forget about me. If I don't drop a song right now, they're gonna forget about. It's like, man, just like create art as if you're already done, gone, and it'll be the best start of your life. Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile with a message for everyone paying big wireless way too much. Please, for the love of everything good in this world, stop with Mint. You can get premium wireless for just $15 a month. Of course, if you enjoy overpaying. No judgments. But that's weird. Okay, one judgment. Anyway, give it a try@mintmobile.com Switch upfront
- [29:10]
A
payment of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month. Required intro rate first 3 months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra. See full terms@mint mo. That's amazing. I love that you tell young artists to go and study Bob Dylan. My, my husband did that on his Good Night Nashville album. We watched every Bob Dylan documentary that you could find and he just consumed Bob Dylan for like months. It was wild and it was the best thing he ever did. Now look what he's doing. Can't. You can't put him in a box.
- [29:38]
B
We love you so much.
- [29:41]
A
But I'm just saying what, what you're saying is real though. Like you told, you tell people to go and study him and that, you know, he's like one of your favorite artists and like my husband too. And look what he's doing.
- [29:51]
B
And it's regardless of the music, it's like study the path that he took as an artist. You know, it's like my. I learned a quote because I've been like a. I've been chasing art and I'm talking like the facets of art, like painters for. I've been studying painters. I study the lives of people. You know, I've been studying painters since I was a very young kid. And when I heard the quote at like 13 years old, that was like, a great artist reinvents themselves every 10 years, right? And like, that's their periods. You know, as an, as a painter, you have like periods like, you know, you have the blue period or the abstract period. And like all these people, like, lived by that. And I put that into, like, my life as a musician. It was like the first 10 years of my career as a musician. I was a drummer, you know, and then my bands were doing good, like my dreams were coming true. And I felt something that I had to do and completely abandoned all comfort and went back to ground zero and was like, I am mod sun now. I am going movement on dreams stand on it. I'm starting this new thing. And I did 10 years as a rapper calling what I did hippie hop and making positive rap music that like, this was before Kendrick Lamar did like, I love Myself. Like, yeah, we had De La Soul and we had like more like positive kind of hip hop. But like, in that term it was like, I want to make hip hop based around the secret and the law of attraction, right? Which was like, it was not. It was goofy, you know, it was like, it was an idea that people were like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And I was like, I'm pushing through this. I did 10 years of that. Then I did like a 10 year stint of being like back into my. More like alt and, you know, really high register belting. And then I'm in this like tenure phase right now that's like so, so raw. And it's finally, I, like, I was about to take three years off of music. I went back to Minnesota in August of this last year, and I was like, I'm just gonna paint and write scripts and direct for the next like four years. Because I don't really think I have the desire to try to outdo myself, right? This is when I was very, like, lost. This was like part of the being lost period that I just had where
- [32:05]
A
you had to rediscover yourself.
- [32:07]
B
Yeah. And I went Back to Minnesota.
- [32:08]
A
And I was like, isn't that crazy that you went back home?
- [32:10]
B
Yes. To do that? Yes.
- [32:12]
A
To, like, get your roots?
- [32:13]
B
Yes.
- [32:13]
A
Is mom still there?
- [32:14]
B
Yeah. Yeah.
- [32:15]
A
Because we're going to circle back after with what happened at 6. No, you're good. I love hearing. I could listen to you talk for hours.
- [32:22]
B
I tried to warn you that I am just rambling, man. Lord, I was born around.
- [32:27]
A
No, I love it. But I think that's amazing that through everything that you have accomplished, when you're going through hard times, the first thing you want to do is go back to that space where you were able to just be away from everybody and isolated and just alone with your thoughts to just figure it out.
- [32:43]
B
I, like, I came back home from Minnesota and, like, the first song I wrote, like, the end of the song is like. You're searching for a high but you can't fly till you fall. And it's funny how you find yourself once you lose it all. Home is waiting when there's nowhere left to go. You'll find love there I hope you know. And it's like the last little part of the song, and it's like, it wraps up that whole feeling of being, like, searching for all these things. I've fallen. That was how you fly. Isn't it funny? You can't fly till you fall.
- [33:15]
A
Yeah, like, I mean, well, there's nowhere
- [33:17]
B
up, nowhere else has to be thrown from the nest to learn how to fly. Like, bro, that is. Oh, that's. That is assault. There's more truth than poetry in that. But it is so poet.
- [33:27]
A
No, it's so real. So let's circle.
- [33:29]
B
Circle me back. I'm in love.
- [33:31]
A
I got you, baby. Listen, my husband's a Sagittarius. I got this. So six years old. Tell me what happens then. You're living this rock star lifestyle with your family. Mom's dad's girlfriends are calling the house. Shit's crazy. You guys are partying. Were you guys exposed to drugs back then too and stuff? Or was it just more alcohol?
- [33:53]
B
She. She would know better because I was. I was young. Like, she has more memories than I do. We talk about this all the time where she was like, yeah, I was like, nine. So there's a big difference between six and nine, you know, where it's like, there's more memories. But basically what happened is, like, they got. They got divorced. And my mom was working for my. My dad had. He owned a warehouse, and it was a warehouse that would hold. Things that truckers needed to come in town and pick up, like, parts and stuff. Yeah. Like, I think it was a lot like paint based, like paint for industrial stuff and the loosest kind of career ever. Like, I'm talking like it was party at the warehouse, you know what I'm saying? But it would just be truckers pulling up to this warehouse picking up stuff. And my dad was a trucker before his whole life, which is why I love the road so much. Like, he was a trucker in his early life. And so they pull up to their house. Anyway, my mom was working at that place with my dad. When they got divorced, my dad fired my mom. Okay.
- [35:00]
A
Son of a. Yeah, yeah, he fired my mom.
- [35:03]
B
And so my mom had no career, no money, nothing. And my mom was like, yo, I. You can't have. Like, you. Like, she fought for full custody, right? She was like, no, no. And so my mom got full custody and due to that, got the house that we were living in. The house wasn't paid for. My mom had no money, House got foreclosed on. Okay. So this big giant farm life that I was loving and was just like, I think we're like, I think this is cool. Like, we're good to go. Went to immediately, like, living in like a two bedroom apartment in. We moved to the suburbs. She moved us to the suburbs. She's like, I gotta. I'm gonna bring you out of this, like, farm, put you in the suburbs. Like, we need to get you adjusted all this. Like, my mom went to being basically like an intern at a job to like top of the chain in.
- [35:58]
A
Like, that's where you get your drive from.
- [36:00]
B
40 years or what? Or I don't know how long it was that she worked at that job, but she retired like 10 years ago now. She's been retired, but she went from literally working for free to like, top of the list, right? And. Yeah, yeah. And through those times and like the first thing my mom did. So this is. This is part of my other formative. Everything is like, my mom was like, all right, dude. Like, you don't. You don't know how to be social. You know, I'm seven years old now. You don't know how to be social?
- [36:27]
A
Were you not in school?
- [36:29]
B
Yeah, I was in school. Like, but. But this school that I was in when I was on the farm was like five kids, right? You know what I'm saying? It was like five kids. That kind of trolling pretty much a hundred percent. Okay. Okay. So now I'm like seven or whatever. Seven or eight. And my mom's like, I'm gonna put you in sports. If you hate sports, you can quit, right? You can totally quit, but I'm gonna put you in sports because I feel like it'll give you, like, this social acceptance of. Of being, like, a team and, like, kind of forced to make those friends. Right. And you'll have a coach, which is a father figure. Okay.
- [37:03]
A
So was dad. Did dad cut you guys off, like. Oh, it was.
- [37:07]
B
It was that kind of debt. So he stayed in Minnesota for, I want to say, like, four years after they had gotten divorced, and then he moved to Long Beach, California. But in those four years, it was the, hey, I'm coming by to pick you up this weekend, and never show up. Oh, it was that. It was like me waiting in the. On the front step with a bag.
- [37:25]
A
Oh, that's so hard.
- [37:25]
B
And never. And never showing up. And when he did show up, my dad always just wanted to be like, I'm so fly. I'm so, like, it. Like, he would. He would go and, like, get a big house in, like, the really, like, poor neighborhoods, like, and. And try to, like, show off and be all fly and this and that. And like, he was just. Dude, he was. He was the best hustler in the world. He could sell headphones to a deaf guy. I swear to God, he was like, the greatest hustler ever. So I. For a lot of his life, I have no idea what he did, but he could always have, like, $100 bill in his pocket, and that was probably it.
- [37:57]
A
Yeah.
- [37:58]
B
Because he did die with nothing, you know.
- [38:00]
A
Sorry, I just wanted to ask, because you said that you needed a father,
- [38:03]
B
that she wanted you to have a father. No. So I. I had no father figure for sure. Yeah. So she put me in sports and like, greatest thing, any. Any tip to people out there that have children. My mom. I put on ice skates, got on the ice, got off. My mom looked at me and said, you're a fucking natural.
- [38:20]
A
No.
- [38:22]
B
And like, from that point on, my mom told me that about everything. And she might have been lying through her teeth, but that inserted something in me that to this day, I believe I am a natural at anything. I do. I have so much confidence in myself that, like, I'm meant to do this, you know, and it's like delusion and delusion is a lot a big part of success, you know?
- [38:44]
A
Absolutely. Delusion and manifesting go hand in hand.
- [38:47]
B
100. It's so fun.
- [38:49]
A
I've done it my whole life.
- [38:50]
B
Like, opposite words. You like delusion, negative, manifesting positive.
- [38:53]
A
It's like, does delusion have to be negative? I mean, I feel like you're avoiding negativity.
- [38:57]
B
It's not at all.
- [38:58]
A
I feel like you're avoiding negativity when you want to be in your own delusional world.
- [39:02]
B
Yeah.
- [39:02]
A
So I don't understand how.
- [39:04]
B
Yeah, exactly. Oh, sorry. I'm telling myself that I'm worth it.
- [39:07]
A
Yeah. Like, oh, the world hates that. Don't ever say that you are worth something, because if you do, they're going to try to humble you.
- [39:15]
B
100%. Yeah, 100%.
- [39:19]
A
So mom put you in sports?
- [39:20]
B
Yeah, put me in sports. Told me I was a natural. I began playing sports.
- [39:23]
A
Did you stick with the sports?
- [39:25]
B
Yeah, for many years. My first. So, like, check this out. So like, my first, I would say from like, 8 to 13, I was totally, totally 100 thinking that I was a professional athlete. Right. I love that I was 100. Like, I'm a professional athlete.
- [39:44]
A
Okay, this is what.
- [39:44]
B
I played goalie in hockey. I played lacrosse. I was nasty at lacrosse.
- [39:49]
A
Those are hard sports.
- [39:50]
B
Goalie and hockey. I was nasty at goalie. I played catcher in baseball. My mom's like, yo, why not, like, choose the thing that's not all eyes on you if something goes wrong? Like, she's, like, sitting in the stands like, dude, you're the goalie in the back, that if the goal goes in, you come home and you're like, I want to fucking kill myself. But she was just like, all right, you got this. You know, Like, I was a loner, right? I was a loner. I was an imagination person. So I chose those, you know, when I zoom out and look back on it, I chose those positions because I was, like, sitting back in the net, like, by myself, surrounded by no one, just being, like, talking to myself, like.
- [40:24]
A
Yeah, because maybe in a way, you always felt like it was like you against the world.
- [40:29]
B
100.
- [40:30]
A
Yeah.
- [40:31]
B
So 100. Even as a child, it was always like. I always was like, I cannot rely on anyone else to make me get there. I was always. A lot, a lot. Later into my life, one of my, like, basically, like, mentors in my life told me this thing that changed my life, which was like, your life will be so much better if you can just be a hundred percent responsible 100 of the time. When things go wrong, there is. It's a form of empathy to just realize that you're responsible somehow for it going wrong. And if you can stop being like, oh, poor me, poor me, like, and just be like, all right, cool. Lesson Learned like yeah, you'll, you'll, you'll be so much greater. So like, yeah, I always had this like 100 responsible. 100 of the time. I'm gonna make it. So I was playing sports and then the wildest thing happened when I was 13. You know, I'm flipping through ESPN and watching these sports games, right? Professional athletes. And then my sister is obsessed with Hanson.
- [41:33]
A
Oh no, I had not a Hanson girl over there.
- [41:36]
B
No, Full on Hanson. Full on Hanson. Okay. And we're fighting for the remote and I'm flipping the hockey and she's flipping to Hanson. And it just dawns on me. I go, I'm watching full on. Adults with their career. There is no child on the ice in the NHL, right? And she's watching children play to an arena of people at a professional level. These kids are like between 10 and 13. I think I can relate more to the youngins on the instruments than I can to the grown ups on the ice. I was like, mom, get me a drum set for Christmas. Get me a drum set for Christmas. That was it.
- [42:23]
A
You were like, this is it.
- [42:24]
B
Get me a drum set for Christmas.
- [42:25]
A
And like, were you musically inclined before?
- [42:27]
B
Not one.
- [42:28]
A
Did you sing? Did you write?
- [42:30]
B
Not one bit.
- [42:31]
A
Really?
- [42:32]
B
Always, Always in to drawing and painting.
- [42:36]
A
Okay.
- [42:36]
B
That was always my thing. Like I think one of my other first careers directing now. Yeah, yeah. One of my other first career goals was to be a comic book guy that drew comic books.
- [42:46]
A
I love that.
- [42:47]
B
So always into like that side of art. So I connected to that side of art. But as soon as I saw this, this youngin with hair down to here being like 10 years old playing drums to a arena of people. And I realized in that moment, I said, I can't see what the hell the guitar player is doing from the TV screen. I can't see. I can't tell. This is too confusing for my mind to understand. This piano player, no idea. Can't even see it from the tv. I can just see he's moving his hands. But drums, he's got sticks in his hand and he's got four drums in front of him. I can see every move he's making. Wow. I was like, I can learn from a distance, you know, I can learn that from a distance. From that, it led me to finding Travis Barker.
- [43:32]
A
Well, wait, wait, wait.
- [43:33]
B
Let's start next to.
- [43:36]
A
Because I, I play an instrument too, which is piano, which I suck at it now. But I grew up playing piano and to learn an instrument by watching somebody.
- [43:43]
B
Yeah.
- [43:44]
A
Is a fucking talent in Its own.
- [43:46]
B
But you see what I'm saying with drums, it's like the only one that you can look and be like, but that's still hard. You're going like this. You're going like this. You're going like this. No matter how fast you're doing, I can still tell what you're doing.
- [43:57]
A
That's crazy that you were able to do that. So you got a drum set, and you got a drum there, and you watched a hundred dollar drum set. Did you discover Blink182 by then?
- [44:07]
B
So I had the drum set and I was still in sports at this moment, right? Had the drum set, would look at it and be like this. And like, I took lessons for a second. My mom put me in lessons. I had one lesson. It was from a dude who came over fully drunk and tried to pick up my mom on a day. And my mom was like, dude, I don't think we can make this happen. Like, I don't think I can just have, like, random men coming to this house to, like, teach you how to play drums, you know? I love your mom. She's the.
- [44:37]
A
What a great.
- [44:38]
B
One day. You gotta meet her because she's so cool. Like, I just got this awesome new new house in Tarzana that's like my. It's my happy place. And like, I have. She has her own room there full on. And I'm just like, I'm like, mom. And when I get this house, like, I'm gonna get this house. And you have to spend six months of the year at least, out here, period. End of story.
- [44:56]
A
You are a mama's voice, but in a good way.
- [44:58]
B
Oh, it's. I love it. I love it. I have great. I have great. I was raised by my mom and my sister, right? Completely. Like, I have great female energy to, like, make females feel safe and comfortable and open around me. And it's my, like, one of my favorite qualities about myself. That's why I'm so not alpha male.
- [45:17]
A
That's. That's amazing. There's too many alphas running around in the world just hurting women. That's why so many women have chosen the bear. Have you seen this whole thing that's going on online where it's like, they're like, if you got. They've asked women, have you seen this thing? If you get lost in, like, a forest, would you want to be lost in the forest with a bear or with a man? And about 99% of women have chosen the bear. Is that not fucking insane? That's the Fucking world we live in. So we need men like you, Mod we need men like you Baby, please They need to make more so real it's wild. But anyways, circling back. So you start playing the drums.
- [45:58]
B
Yeah.
- [45:58]
A
And is this when you had started? I had heard somewhere that you had started, like, watching the Blink 182.
- [46:05]
B
Yeah. So, like, drums sat for a minute, like, kind of got a little discouraged.
- [46:09]
A
I'm going to look at my notes, too, by the way, because.
- [46:10]
B
Right.
- [46:10]
A
We're right here.
- [46:11]
B
Please do cut the camera. Cut to me. She's not doing anything. There's nothing.
- [46:14]
A
I'm not texting, I swear.
- [46:17]
B
They kind of, like, went to the wayside because I got a little discouraged, you know, by, like, the lessons and, like. And, like, it just. There was only so many little videotapes that she took a Hanson that I could watch.
- [46:28]
A
Yeah. I mean, they only had, like, two good hits, right?
- [46:31]
B
Yeah. I mean, don't say that around her. She tripping. She tripping. She like, listen. How dare you? She shows her Hanson tattoo.
- [46:38]
A
I was not a Hanson fan. Was not a Hanson fan. But do you really have a Hanson tattoo? Okay. I was like, we gotta talk about this, sis. They really did only have, like, two hits, though, that I thought of. Right. And what was the other one that were, like, mainstream? Give it a goo.
- [46:57]
B
Come on, you can talk. You can talk.
- [46:59]
A
Yeah, you can talk. We love that. Yeah, we love that.
- [47:02]
B
Oh, no, look at. She's already. Well, you guys being a little hard on Hanson over here.
- [47:08]
A
Different kind of release pattern. You know, music wasn't coming up. I love that. A different release pattern. I love that. That's amazing. That is hilarious.
- [47:21]
B
All right, all right, all right. They had two hits. Okay, so they have two hits there. I mean, they're looking up the story.
- [47:28]
A
Giving them two hits. Giving them two hits. Might have been nice.
- [47:32]
B
You've never heard of.
- [47:33]
A
You've never heard of.
- [47:34]
B
You're young. You're young. I can already tell you're young.
- [47:37]
A
Yeah.
- [47:38]
B
I already know how old you are.
- [47:39]
A
If she doesn't know who Hanson is, she's too young for you, bro.
- [47:41]
B
100. 100. Literally had a conversation with someone the other night. It's like, you don't know Hanson. All right. Okay.
- [47:49]
A
Understand. Oh, no. All right. So you started playing these drums.
- [47:53]
B
Yeah.
- [47:53]
A
And you got tired of Hanson. Tired of listening to Hanson.
- [47:56]
B
And then all of a sudden, it must have been 1999 or 2000. Like, 2000. All of a sudden, I see Blink 182. See Travis Barker. I see the coolest looking person I've ever seen in my life. And I'm like watching them play drums and I'm like, oh, bet. I was like, I got a drum set in my basement. I was like, it's. It's done. This is the person I connect with. And that was at the time just when like Napster and Kazaa and these other little things that you could dial. This is 56k dial up Internet.
- [48:28]
A
Yeah.
- [48:28]
B
I just. Those were the days to download every single thing. I would have to stay up all night because the phone line would get used. So I'd have to stay up all night and download these things. And I'd wake up right away in the morning as it was downloading all the. And I'd go, and I'd fucking make sure that did it come through okay. And. But while you could do this, this is, this was actually the greatest thing. While you were downloading something at these times, it took you like 3 days to download a music video. You know, Real talk and. But you could preview, you could preview it while it was downloading. So if it had 15%, you could watch 15% of it. So I would sit this far from the computer screen and watch that 5%, watch that 10%, watch that 15% and sit there and just watching every. I can see everything you're doing, everything you're doing. And that is crazy. And. And proceed to do that. I mean, the whole time my mom is going, get off the Internet. Go be a normal kid. I can't use the phone. Like, what are you doing down there? And I'm like, guess this Internet thing wasn't a fad. Yeah.
- [49:23]
A
Right.
- [49:24]
B
So I guess I was kind of on to something, huh? Yeah. And I just proceeded to watch every single thing and was always the kid that was like, oh, I can play like one song. Time to start a band, you know?
- [49:39]
A
So when did you start your first band?
- [49:41]
B
First band. 13 years old.
- [49:43]
A
Really?
- [49:44]
B
13 years old.
- [49:45]
A
You just fucking were like one day. This is, this is my tenured. You know how you said you change every 10 years? This was like your 10 year change and you were ready to just do something completely different.
- [49:54]
B
Yep.
- [49:54]
A
I love that about you.
- [49:55]
B
And I started it. Started it, had to. Like, and, and still again, like it was. It was really hard because when I turned 16. Right. Or just so right as you're going into high school, so right as you're going into freshman year. That was when hockey. Because I was like slated to be like a pro goalie. Like I was a good Minnesota is a. Is a hockey town.
- [50:18]
A
Yes.
- [50:18]
B
And pros come from Minnesota. And my city that I was in, Bloomington, Minnesota, we had. The scouts would come to our school to pick pros. Right.
- [50:28]
A
Wow.
- [50:29]
B
I was slated to be a professional goalie. Okay. And I was working with goalie coaches. And, like, you're gonna be a pro. Like, we got this, right? And I had to make, like, the hardest decision ever at that time, which was going into high school. This is right when it. Right when it turned into, like, okay, sports is a job now, because you're gonna go to school all day. Hated school, barely made it through.
- [50:52]
A
Same.
- [50:53]
B
And then you're going to practice immediately from school. Like, your life is just. You're. You're in a nine to five.
- [50:59]
A
Yeah.
- [51:00]
B
You know, literally. And I had to make the choice and be like, no, I'm gonna be. I'm gonna be a drummer. I'm gonna be a drummer. And I had to quit and everyone. Like, I had. I had grown men, goalie coaches coming to take me out to lunch to try to convince me otherwise. Don't do it. Don't do it. Trust me. You're a goalie. You're not gonna be a musician. Do you know. You know how many times at this time I got told? One in a million. And I was like, you're looking at the one. You're looking at the one, my boy.
- [51:32]
A
Like, that's all it takes.
- [51:33]
B
Sorry to say I'm gonna be the one. And I believe that. And I quit every sport, picked up a skateboard, started getting really good at skateboarding, and my life just became skateboarding drums and wearing Dickies down in here and vans and famous Stars traps T shirts. And I had to change my whole appearance, like, overnight. Like, it all changed. Like, I don't care. This whole poserism and this whole, like, oh, all of a sudden you're dressing the part like this. Oh, you like punk music? So now all of a sudden, you got, like, liberty spikes and you're wearing the Sid Vicious chain. Like, yeah, cool. Change your appearance.
- [52:04]
A
Are people allowed to grow?
- [52:06]
B
Yeah, exactly.
- [52:07]
A
And experience?
- [52:07]
B
But then again, that's the world shutting the door on them. It's like that word poser. It's like, yeah, for sure. The first day I showed up to the skate park not knowing how to skate and was, like, wearing the lame shit. Like, I was posing.
- [52:18]
A
Yeah.
- [52:19]
B
To be like y'. All. Because I wanted to be like y'.
- [52:22]
A
All. Yeah.
- [52:22]
B
But, like, don't ever for a second doubt that. A year later, I was one of Y', all. Right, right. But you put in, is everyone not a poser the first day they're doing something? You don't think Van Gogh picked up a. A paintbrush and felt like a poser the first time he painted? Try to paint looking, like, at other paintings. Like, everyone's a poser the first time they try to do something they want to do.
- [52:41]
A
I love that.
- [52:41]
B
The fuck is wrong with y'?
- [52:43]
A
All?
- [52:43]
B
Like, yeah, yeah. It's so real. And it's like, people just be so afraid of, you know, whatever. It's so easy to do that. It's human condition. Like, you want people to like you, you know?
- [52:52]
A
I love that, though, that even at 13, you had such a confidence and such a strong mindset to say, you know what? No, I don't care that these grown adults are telling me that I'm not going to make it. I'm going to fucking make it. Like, I have. I've had that mindset my entire life. Even as a kid, people told me, you're gonna end up barefoot and pregnant. You leave home. I left home at 14 and never looked back.
- [53:10]
B
Yeah.
- [53:10]
A
You know, you have to be your fucking number one fan. Nobody else is gonna believe in you the way that you do. And it's manifesting. You're literally a powerful human being. To be able to manifest something like that, especially so young, you know, and to sit there, I'm still mind blown, but to sit there and learn how to play the drums by watching music videos, that's like some fucking, like, crazy. Like, am I allowed to say. Is it politically correct if I say. But it's like Rain Man. Like, you are just, like, zeroed in and just like, you must have, like, your IQ must be huge. Have you ever had an IQ test?
- [53:43]
B
No, I never have.
- [53:44]
A
We need to do one.
- [53:44]
B
But I really barely. I really barely made it out of high school, you know, that doesn't matter. No, I know for sure.
- [53:50]
A
Some of the smartest people.
- [53:51]
B
Yeah.
- [53:52]
A
Failed in school for sure. Like you. It's just not. At school, to me, is a trap. But don't. Kids, if you're listening, go to school.
- [54:00]
B
Go to experience school.
- [54:01]
A
Yeah. Go to experience in school and just to have your friends and all that stuff. But yeah, to sit there and be able to, like, you know, just be so headstrong at such a young age is admirable. Tell me about this first band and where this took you.
- [54:15]
B
First band. I mean, the first band was like. Was like, you know, a couple of friends. Like, this really was. When I was 13, 14. And it was just like, you're learning how to play guitar. Like you're the only one in this city. Because I was in the suburbs surrounded by like, jocks and cheerleaders. For real. Like, right. That was what it was. It was sports and cheerleading and that's it. So I'm in those suburbs and I found like one kid that could play that was learning how to play guitar. I was like, bet, like, we're in a band, you know what I'm saying? And it was really just me and a guitar player, you know what I'm saying? There was no, like. And then we found our, like, kind of like other like, delinquent homie that we're like, just pick up a bass.
- [54:53]
A
Like everyone says, like slap of the bass.
- [54:55]
B
Everyone's like, you know, like, anyone can play bass. Like, you know, no disrespect to y' all bass players, like, but everyone kind. That's kind of a thing in music.
- [55:03]
A
Yeah.
- [55:04]
B
You know, Sid Vicious was put in the Sex Pistols cuz he looked so cool, right? They were like, you just look so cool. Just pick up the bass, bro. Yeah, like, whatever.
- [55:12]
A
My dad's a guitar player and. And what was an extremely amazing guitar player. And he in his latter years in life, just switched over to bass because it was easier.
- [55:20]
B
Yeah, 100%. I mean, you got four strings and you're usually only playing two of them and you only have to do one at a time. And you're just like, yeah, yeah, it's awesome. You gotta have groove. You gotta have like falling in the pocket. But for sure, yeah. So that band was more just like, we're learning our favorite songs. You know the name Almost There.
- [55:37]
A
Ah, I love that.
- [55:39]
B
Almost There.
- [55:39]
A
What?
- [55:40]
B
That's the next band I was in, though. We were 16. We're called the Sideline Heroes.
- [55:47]
A
I love that.
- [55:49]
B
That's. That name still to this day, is so cool. Sideline Heroes.
- [55:53]
A
Like, why haven't you written a song called Sideline here?
- [55:55]
B
I know, I do. I really need to. I really need to.
- [55:57]
A
I'd like writer cred for that.
- [55:58]
B
Yeah, we're going to write together. We're totally going to write together. You're definitely doing the intro. We're taking something from this. And. And we were rad. We were super rad. Like, we. We were all like the bad kids in high school. We were all the like, you know, failing students in high school and the like, anti everything, you know, this was like, oh, this was the. This was the revolution starter of guys wearing girls jeans. You Know what I'm saying? And getting hated on.
- [56:28]
A
Yeah. So you guys were wearing skinny jeans back then?
- [56:31]
B
Oh, not skinny jeans, girls jeans. Because they didn't even make guys skinny jeans.
- [56:36]
A
Oh, so you guys were literally just wearing girls jeans. I love that 100.
- [56:40]
B
And I. I dyed half my hair blonde, half my hair black. And I came to school with, I kid you not, a briefcase, not a backpack. I walked through the hallways of high school with a briefcase and a scarf on in 70 degree weather.
- [56:54]
A
You would have been one of my friends in high school because I loved anybody who was different. Like, I have always been drawn to the people who are different because I'm different, you know? So I, I loved people like you. What was your relationship status in high school when you started playing in a band? All the girls start flocking a lot more.
- [57:13]
B
You know, I always had like, like I said I have female energy, right. So I always had like, like girls. Yeah, I always, I always did like. And I come. I've been very fortunate with like the females that I've attracted in my life.
- [57:29]
A
I don't think you have female energy. I think you have safe energy.
- [57:31]
B
Yeah.
- [57:32]
A
And to females that's huge.
- [57:34]
B
Yeah.
- [57:34]
A
We don't want to be around Predator Earl. Yeah, we want to.
- [57:37]
B
And also not. Hey, let me talk to you though, in a way that I don't talk around my friends.
- [57:42]
A
Right.
- [57:43]
B
Not that I'm like. I'm like so the exact person in front of me women then. You know what I'm saying?
- [57:49]
A
Yeah. That's how my husband is. He's safe. Like women are okay being around him and alone with him because they don't have to fear of anything weird and creepy.
- [57:58]
B
So I had a. I did have a really cute girlfriend in high school for sure. Yeah.
- [58:02]
A
What was her name?
- [58:03]
B
Jenny. Jenny Scoob. What's up? But I still. My sister is still friends with her and talks to her and checks in. But like that was like. Yeah, that was for sure the first love my life for sure. We dated like all. I want to say, like all through high school. But she was like the really pretty, sweet girl that would like come to like. Cuz we were playing like punk rock shows. There was a venue in Minnesota called the Garage. It was like a youth center and we would play there every weekend. And like, we got big in the city, you know what I'm saying? We really did. And that, that led me to being in the first band that really like made it. Made it type of, type of scenario. Like the first man I toured with the first band that, like, ever spoke to a label and any of that. And we were called the Semester. And I. I got, I got to be in that band because the two really good artists, musicians that were like, musician kids that were like, grew up in church playing instruments and giving guitar lessons to, like grown men when they were like fucking 14, you know, really good. And I was self taught, right? Yeah, they were really good. And I had to, like, try out to be in their band, you know, it was like, Mike, 16, 17, like, trying out to be in a band like, this is wild. They were amazing and they were from a different city, but the band I was in, that was all from my same city, would go and we'd play at this youth center and it was a whole scene. It was all the, like, outcast kids from surrounding areas were there and they were starting a new band. And my band was like breaking up. And I was like, all right, I want to play with these guys. And I ended up being in a band with these guys after three tryouts, you know, I ended up playing with them and they would later break my heart and I would later bring them back into my life and.
- [59:49]
A
Well, we gotta talk about it. You can't. You can't go over. Well, really quick though, not to interrupt. Well, to interrupt you. I just wanted to say, isn't it crazy how your girlfriend was the sweet girl coming to the Bad Boys show? Isn't that so reminiscent of your mom and your dad?
- [60:02]
B
It really is exactly like that.
- [60:05]
A
Yeah.
- [60:05]
B
So funny because I've kind of never like, put that together in a string of sentences.
- [60:09]
A
Yeah, I had to, like, circle back to that because I just. I thought that was really.
- [60:13]
B
And it totally was. Like, I'm not wrong. It totally was. Yeah. Yeah.
- [60:17]
A
So what did these boys do to you? What?
- [60:18]
B
Okay, well. Well, so like from. So then. So then I guess like sophomore year now I was in this, like, really, like, good band where we were playing every day, writing our own songs, like recording and doing all this. And I was the mouthpiece. I was always the best mouthpiece. Like, I wasn't the best artist musician in the band because I was self taught, you know?
- [60:40]
A
Right.
- [60:40]
B
I didn't even understand what timing was right. I was just like, just play fast, man. What are you talking about? You know, we're playing punk music here.
- [60:47]
A
Yeah, who's counting?
- [60:48]
B
I was. I was the mouthpiece, though. I would get us into the biggest venue in town. I would. I was like, dude, I was the best. Best at forming an email. I could like, hit the Sentences that the grown up would be like, I believe in this kid. Right. So I'll get us into the big venues. I would get us on, you know, like, I would get us on to go do like a little four show, little mini tour by talking to other bands from other places. And I was getting the eyes on us, you know, and the whole goal was like, I'm gonna be in this band for the rest of my life. Like, we got out of high school the. Literally the day after I graduated, and I barely graduated the day after I graduated. We got in a tour event and went on a three month tour around the country.
- [61:28]
A
Wow.
- [61:29]
B
Playing shows for $20. Sleeping on people's floor. The whole point of playing a show is to get on stage and go, hey, we got nowhere to say tonight if anyone here wants to let us stay at their house. Like that whole era of bands is done. Long gone.
- [61:43]
A
You know, my husband used to do that when we, him and I first got together. I've seen him play shows to five people.
- [61:48]
B
Yeah.
- [61:49]
A
And rock the stage. Like, it was like. It was like he's playing a amphitheater.
- [61:53]
B
I'm telling you right now, that's what separates us in them.
- [61:57]
A
No, for real, you guys. Not that we're putting down new artists.
- [62:00]
B
No.
- [62:00]
A
Now. But it's like you guys really were in these streets. Like, you guys had to.
- [62:06]
B
Yeah.
- [62:06]
A
Sleep on people's couches. You guys had. We didn't have a tour van, a tour bus when this first started out. We had a rental car. Or when we graduated from the rental car to a sprinter van. Or not a sprinter, but the 18.
- [62:19]
B
18 passenger. And then you would get to the sprinter, but.
- [62:22]
A
Yes.
- [62:22]
B
Yeah, yeah.
- [62:23]
A
Like there's levels to this.
- [62:25]
B
Oh, 100.
- [62:26]
A
I get it. 100.
- [62:27]
B
100. I remember just being like, what was
- [62:29]
A
your first show like, that you played like.
- [62:31]
B
First show ever.
- [62:32]
A
Yeah.
- [62:32]
B
As a drummer.
- [62:33]
A
Yeah.
- [62:33]
B
Her show ever as a drummer was like at this. You. At this youth center.
- [62:39]
A
Okay, so you were 13 when that happened. Or like.
- [62:41]
B
Yeah, that would be like the first show that wasn't like in our living room to like five people or like my mom. And then we can circle back to my first show as mat son. Because then you'll see how this whole thing like builds up and then boom. And then builds up and then boom, like those kind of things. And it's been, it's been wild with that. But so anyways, back to how they broke my heart.
- [63:01]
A
Yeah.
- [63:02]
B
Sorry, we, we went on this tour. Okay. I was like in contact with labels. I was like, this is it. This is my whole life. We got back from that tour, they called me on three. Three. All the other three of them on the phone go, you're kicked out of our band. You're not good enough. Peace. These were my, like, best friends. These are everything. They literally looked at me. They literally called me and said, peace, you're not good enough to be in our band. And that was it.
- [63:26]
A
After you guys had just pulled the Rug out tour and we're talking, did they get greedy?
- [63:30]
B
Pulled the rug out? They just said I wasn't good enough for them. That wasn't good enough of a drummer that's hurt. And like, just pulled the rug out. And like, I. This is the most beautiful time in my life because it was so. It was so hard and it created exactly where I am today. I went, yeah, I was living with my mom still. You know what I'm saying? Super broke. Like being in a van, you're broke, like, right? Like Starving Artists is real, completely broke. And this is my first now year out of high school. And my mom's like, dude, dude, you were betting everything on this. And like, you literally were like, fuck any other plans in high school or what I'm supposed to be thinking about, like, this is all I'm doing. And they just pulled the rug. I mean, my mom's such like a. She's like, I'm gonna go knock on their door and talk to their parents, you know, My mom's like, nah, like, she'll fight for me, right? Same with my sister and. But I just like, this was my first time ever feeling like, depression, right? It's my first time I locked myself in my mom's garage and I was a stoner. Oh, also I got kicked out of the bank because I was like a stoner and also like, had found drugs and like, stuff like that. Maybe a caveat that I forgot to introduce.
- [64:38]
A
Let's not skip over that.
- [64:39]
B
These guys were also super straight laced. And I was like, I grew up with a dad, like, telling me to party at age five. Guys, you guys were in church growing up and like, like, we live a different life. But yeah, I'll finish that story and then we'll.
- [64:51]
A
We'll circle back to the. Yeah, introduce Introduction to drugs.
- [64:55]
B
So maybe glossed over that part a little bit.
- [64:58]
A
But I love that you take accountability for that because a lot of people would not.
- [65:01]
B
100. I mean, I'll never forget it the first time. Like, again, I told him, I was like, yo, I tried cocaine. And they were like, how dare you.
- [65:10]
A
They clutched their pearls.
- [65:12]
B
They were like, oh, your life is over. You know, like that type of. And I was like, yeah, dude. Like, I was on mushrooms the other day. That was crazy. You know, they're like. They're like, cool. They're like, bro, this dude is losing it. You know? So again, I do take responsibility. But the way they went about it being like, you're not good enough. You're out. Right?
- [65:29]
A
Yeah.
- [65:29]
B
That was, like, heartbreaking. And then to just be like, forget our number. We're never talking to you again. So then, anyways, locked myself in my mom's garage, smoked weed all day, and finally connected to Bob Dylan. Because when I was young, it was just, listen to Bob Dylan. Listen to Bob Dylan. When your parents are telling you to listen to something, you're like, no, dog. Like, you're my parents. Like, yeah, right. But I was always like, there's. There's something there. And I, like, forced myself to, like, really get into it. And I just smoked weed and listened to Bob Dylan all day. And I was like, that's it. I love this because when I was in bands, I would sing along to songs, and then I'd turn them off, and I'd be like, to my homies who are really good, and be like, hey, what came I singing in? You're not even in a key, dog. You can't sing. Don't ever sing. You know, telling me you can't sing. You're not a singer. And I would hear, I hate Bob Dylan's voice. He can't sing. And I'm like, boom, there's our through line. They. They say, this dude can't sing. They say, I can't sing. He did something with it. I'm doing something with it. And that was it. I was like, I'm starting my own thing, and if I can't sing yet, I'll tell you what I can do. Like, I'm gonna get there, but I'll tell you what I can do. You play drums, and I got rhythm, and I can. I understand pattern. I'm gonna rap.
- [66:39]
A
Wow.
- [66:40]
B
Can't tell me. I can't talk right, you know?
- [66:43]
A
I love that.
- [66:44]
B
So it's like, I love that nobody can tell you a high hat, a hi hat's like a rap. And I was like, cool. I'm gonna put that together, you know?
- [66:55]
A
This is a paid message from GoFundMe.
- [66:58]
B
Meet Juan Naula.
- [66:59]
A
When his son was hospitalized for a viral infection, Juan started a GoFundMe to pay for medical expenses.
- [67:05]
B
It was 5k to pay the bill for my son and I need only 22 hours. It was amazing. People really trust on GoFundMe.
- [67:14]
A
How did Juan raise $5,000 in less than a day? He posted a short video on GoFundMe telling his story in 30 seconds.
- [67:21]
B
30 seconds. Be specific. Be quick and tell. What are you going to be using the funds for? I was nervous to do it because it doesn't feel okay to ask money. But you shouldn't be nervous. Sometimes you just have to do it and see the results. We were able to save my son's life thanks to gofundme that we still have my son with us.
- [67:45]
A
Start your GoFundMe today at gofundme.com that's gofundme.com gofundme.com this message reflects one person's experience. What is that?
- [67:55]
B
Oh, yeah, it's a World cup holder.
- [67:58]
A
Like the soccer tournament World cup holder for the world.
- [68:01]
B
Fits every car, holds every cup.
- [68:03]
A
It has a Carvana logo.
- [68:05]
B
Carvana made it. They buy and sell cars, so they made a car cup holder.
- [68:10]
A
So.
- [68:11]
B
Got any good cups lately?
- [68:12]
A
Used to. Just couldn't figure out where in the world to put them.
- [68:15]
B
The World Cup Holder brought to you by Carvana. Proud sponsors of the World cup holder, sign up today to win yours@cup-holder2026.com not
- [68:22]
A
authorized or endorsed by FIFA. Not a real product for parody and
- [68:24]
B
fair use purposes only.
- [68:25]
A
So your. I see a pattern here that all throughout your life, if somebody tells you you can't do something, you're gonna prove them wrong.
- [68:34]
B
It's. It's my gift and my curse because it goes to authority too. And ruins can ruin great relationships that I'm in because I cannot be told what to do.
- [68:46]
A
Does that trickle over into, like, women too?
- [68:48]
B
100. 100. I run so far from authority and that's like. That's like anyone just being like, try living your life the way I live it too. And me being like, how dare you tell me to change my lifestyle.
- [69:02]
A
Yeah.
- [69:02]
B
How dare you to tell me that I shouldn't be staying up till 6am every night and sleeping till 2pm how dare you tell me that I should try to like, move with the sun. How dare you try to tell me that I should live like this or, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. And I'm. And that's like my biggest thing that I'm working on right now is like, understanding that, like, there's a difference between authority of, like, me being a kid and being like, chased by the cops for skateboarding on a six. There. There's a difference between, like, that authority and be like you.
- [69:30]
A
Yeah.
- [69:31]
B
And a difference between someone being like, hey, you want to, like, live how I live too?
- [69:35]
A
Yeah.
- [69:36]
B
You want to, like, meet? Can we be middle dog? Like, you want to do that and not just be like, I'm your plus one, like, to your life? Yeah, like, a hundred percent. I'm really focused on, like, understanding that, but it's a trigger.
- [69:50]
A
Are you in therapy?
- [69:51]
B
I have done great, great therapy sessions. And then I, like, kind of stray away.
- [69:57]
A
Because of the authority? Probably. Yeah, because you have somebody telling you what to do.
- [70:02]
B
But they've given me so many of those. Like, here's the starting point, right. You know, which is what we need. Like, here's the starting point. Like, like, my therapist gave me the greatest piece ever, which was like, this is why you do that because, like, I've seemed to end up in relationships with famous girls, right? It's been, like, a pattern. And why, you know, people be like. Even my friends be like, man, you're a star, bro.
- [70:30]
A
Yeah, Okay. I think you just like strong women.
- [70:33]
B
Boom.
- [70:33]
A
Who are driven.
- [70:34]
B
Boom. Boom. I was in my head being like, what is wrong with me? Why am I like. Like this? Why am I, like, so attracted to, like, a celebrity woman and whatever? And it's like, my therapist was like, okay, so you watch your mom get completely everything taken away from your for your father and think that she was feel worthless and powerless, and you've seen, you know, her be abused in multiple ways. You want to be with a strong woman and the industry you're in, the strong women you're surrounded by are the ones with fame. If you were working in an office, you'd want to fuck the CEO.
- [71:16]
A
Yeah.
- [71:17]
B
You feel me?
- [71:18]
A
And there's nothing wrong with that.
- [71:19]
B
And I was just like, boom. I feel so much better about myself because I was like, damn, I'm a star. Like, what is that? I'm like, well, I am from Minnesota, small town. I used to see magazine covers and be like, one day, you're trying to
- [71:33]
A
rationalize it, but there's nothing wrong with wanting a strong woman who has her
- [71:36]
B
own shit going on 100%.
- [71:38]
A
It's the independence, I think, that attracts it you to women who are famous because they can do whatever the they want because they have their own money, you know? So, yeah, it does circle back to childhood trauma, but doesn't always mean that it's a negative thing.
- [71:49]
B
True.
- [71:50]
A
You know?
- [71:50]
B
Truly, Truly. And I am like, where's the normal girl in my life that works at Starbucks?
- [71:57]
A
Can we talk about some of your relations? We're going to circle back to the drug thing too. I haven't forgotten. But can we talk about some of your relationships? Yeah, I did see a couple of them online. Some girls that you have been with. And I mean, like, Bella Thorne, beautiful, strong woman. Take me on that journey.
- [72:14]
B
Dude, that was a really. That was like a really fun one. And then like, ended like, really traumatically and stuff. And like, that. That was. That was just like, you know, this was when I was a drug addict and alcoholic and this was like, met her through friends, was like, look at this, like, wild child girl. I was also like, in like this, like, I'm like, very hippie ism. Like the way I live life is very hippie. You know what I'm saying? And she was on that, you know, I was like this girl with, like, hairy armpits. It's like so beautiful. I was like, why is that so attractive to me?
- [72:49]
A
Like, she's a rebel, baby.
- [72:50]
B
It was like, it really was. I was like, you're so, like, just naturally, like, don't give a and whatever. So just like so many amazing times with her. And, you know, I have. I do have this, like, not only with authority, like, I don't want to be the plus one. So it is hard to like match the energy of like, oh, you're like more popping than me, you know? And like, so. So a lot of it was that. But, like, I was super supportive and I loved watching her shine. And she was very, like, very. Lived her life in like a grown way and took care of things and all that, but it ended poorly, you know what I'm saying? We were like, in this, like, maybe we're in like a like polyamorous, like, like throuple relationship with this other person. And I'm a jealous person too, so
- [73:40]
A
even if it's another female.
- [73:41]
B
Oh, yeah.
- [73:42]
A
Oh, he said, oh, yeah.
- [73:43]
B
I'm just so jealous.
- [73:44]
A
Yeah, because you're a lover boy.
- [73:45]
B
I so jealous. Yeah, I have a jealousy thing again. Like, I know my things to work on, you know, March 10th.
- [73:52]
A
I swear to God, we've been sitting here this whole time, and in my head, Pisces just keeps replaying. That is wild.
- [73:57]
B
Total Pisces.
- [73:58]
A
Yeah, I love that. I'm a. I'm a Pisces Venus. So I love hard.
- [74:01]
B
Yeah.
- [74:02]
A
Like, when we love, we are. It's like an ocean.
- [74:04]
B
And I dive off the cliff, too. I dive off the cliff into It. And like, so, so anyways, like, this was definitely like one of my first, like, really, really, you know, I'd love to beat the two and a half year mark, but they. These things with me seem to last like two and a half years, you know, and it was two and a half years of my life.
- [74:23]
A
That's when you really get to know somebody, though, and that's when the masks start falling off. Like, people always say, oh, it's the first six months. No, it's not. It could be over a year. And you don't really get to know somebody until like a year and a half. Two years into the relationship.
- [74:37]
B
Yep.
- [74:37]
A
My husband and I fought like cats and dogs the first three years of our relationship. I do not know how we fucking survived it and made it to where we are because we literally had to learn to one, we had to learn that we were both trash bags. And then we had to unpack the trash together. And then we had to decide, like, hey, are we going to continue to be trash bags or are we going to try to just level up together? And I think that in relationships, in a real partnership, but, you know, that's two and a half. Two years is. Or two. Two and a half years is where you get to a point of like, it's make or break. And if the two people can't decide, hey, we want to do this together and level up, which a lot of people aren't built like that anymore. These, like, I, heaven forbid, if anything ever happened, I would never want to date in this society again because nobody knows how to work on things and like, really struggle with somebody. You know, like, people don't. They, they want the happiness and they want the fairy tale, but they don't want to struggle. They don't want the lows, they want the highs. You know what I'm saying? So I think that's probably where you're meeting that situation over and over again is because you're picking partners who don't want to do the work. Or maybe you at that moment didn't want to do the work.
- [75:50]
B
So real. So real.
- [75:52]
A
Sorry, I'm not, I'm not trying to over here be a therapist or anything.
- [75:55]
B
Like, I'm actually like tuned into these conversations more than ever because I'm like, do I, like, just die alone? Like, for real? Like, is that my journey? And like, look like, like, obviously it sounds whatever, but it's also like so romanticized to me because I'm like tortured, locked up artist in the middle of the woods, painting and Smoking cigarettes and writing books.
- [76:15]
A
Would you choose the bear or the man?
- [76:17]
B
The bear.
- [76:18]
A
Because you said you were in the middle of the woods, so would you. Would you be all day?
- [76:23]
B
And that would be the same if I was a female, too. I'd be like, the bear.
- [76:28]
A
He said the bear. What?
- [76:29]
B
Yeah. 100.
- [76:31]
A
Sorry. I just wanted to make you laugh. You're not gonna die alone. You're not.
- [76:34]
B
You know what? There's a girl I know. When I say that, it sounds like one of those things, but I am, like, I'm such a lover boy in those things where I'm just like, who? Like, I. Yeah, yeah. I know it sounds like. Like sad, but to me, it's so romanticized and so just like. You know what? Like, I've. I've had it. I've felt it. And, like, we'll. We'll see what happens. But I am in love with other things.
- [76:59]
A
You know, you have manifested, not that a woman will make you any more than you already are, your whole by yourself, but you have manifested everything in your life.
- [77:09]
B
Yeah.
- [77:09]
A
You are going to manifest the perfect woman for you.
- [77:11]
B
Yeah.
- [77:12]
A
You just have to believe that. Like, you have believed in yourself and everything else that you have done in this life. You have to start believing it.
- [77:19]
B
Yeah.
- [77:19]
A
Stop romanticizing being alone and start romanticizing falling in love. Start visualizing your perfect girl. I would tell you a trick to do, but I don't know if I'll get in trouble on the podcast. But it's. It's. It's like a.
- [77:31]
B
Well, then cut it if it is, but tell me.
- [77:33]
A
Okay, so when you're masturbating.
- [77:35]
B
Yeah.
- [77:36]
A
Mimi is like, oh, here we go. So when you're. When you're. No, when you're masturbating, envision the perfect woman that you want.
- [77:43]
B
Yeah.
- [77:43]
A
And masturbate to her and to you, you know, fruition.
- [77:48]
B
That's great because I don't watch porn.
- [77:50]
A
That's manifesting, though. But. And they say. I don't know if it's like a witchcraft thing or a spell thing. I'm not into that. But they say that if you do that, you're literally manifesting the person that you want. And these people will start coming into your life. It's real. Try it. Let me know how it goes. Call me afterwards.
- [78:07]
B
I gotta get past some of this previous manifesting that I've been doing. Yeah.
- [78:13]
A
Clear the slate.
- [78:14]
B
Like 20 years ago.
- [78:16]
A
Clear the slate. So if you're jerking off to celebrities, you're manifesting celebrities. You see that? You know, so Word.
- [78:23]
B
Word. I'm thinking. I'm thinking maybe the therapist was wrong about the whole, like, start of the trauma. I think we just actually found the reason why. Yeah. Wasn't the, like, mom thing. It's like, what you've been.
- [78:39]
A
It's a smorgasbord of all of it. But, I mean, if you are whacking off to celebrities, it makes sense, you know, so. So moving on to.
- [78:46]
B
No, it's back in the. It's the imagination. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like.
- [78:49]
A
Yeah.
- [78:50]
B
But I do think watching porn you up.
- [78:52]
A
Yeah, I see. I don't mind porn. It doesn't bother me, but I. When it's a problem.
- [78:56]
B
Yeah.
- [78:57]
A
Like, if you're watching porn more than touching your partner, then that's a problem.
- [79:01]
B
Oh, yeah.
- [79:02]
A
Yeah. Which. That happens in a lot of relationships. Yeah. It definitely. Moving on to your next relationship, the one that. Your most recent one.
- [79:12]
B
Are we most recent? Yeah.
- [79:13]
A
Can we touch on that one?
- [79:14]
B
Yeah, certainly.
- [79:15]
A
That was a brutal year for you last year.
- [79:17]
B
Yeah.
- [79:18]
A
Can you take me on that journey? How did you meet Avril?
- [79:22]
B
We. We. We met through music. You know, we met through music and it was like. It was a great time. Like, I worked on an album that she was doing, and we had a song of mine together, and it's called.
- [79:37]
A
What is it called?
- [79:38]
B
Our song is called Flames.
- [79:39]
A
Flames. Yeah. You guys got to listen to the song. It's a great song.
- [79:41]
B
Song. Yeah, It's a great song. And like, we met through, like, a really awesome way, which was making music, you know, and it was lovely. And she was, like, true talent. Being around, like, really true talent especially was as, like, I. I write songs for other artists as well, you know, and produce for other artists as well. And she. It was like, amazing, like, coming up with an idea and seeing someone, like, so talented sing it. And it was like. It was. It was incredible. And also, I've known who she was since I was a very young kid in Minnesota.
- [80:15]
A
I heard you had her posters on
- [80:17]
B
100% at a post manifested.
- [80:19]
A
See? Start whacking off, Mod.
- [80:21]
B
Yeah.
- [80:21]
A
All right. Start manifesting. Whacking off.
- [80:23]
B
Yeah. Right. I know.
- [80:25]
A
That's your homework.
- [80:26]
B
Low key. And she was. Yeah, yeah. So it was like, just.
- [80:31]
A
Sorry, sister.
- [80:31]
B
It was a really. It was a really beautiful time when we met, and it was also in the pandemic. So, like, we, you know, like I said, I dive in fast as I just like, completely dive into something. And I think she was that way as well. And we just like, ended up immediately being with each other and living together. And it was in the pandemic where we were all stuck inside anyway, so it was like.
- [80:56]
A
It was a way to get to know somebody really fast, though.
- [80:59]
B
Yeah.
- [81:00]
A
Because that's what my husband and I did. We got married a month after meeting.
- [81:03]
B
Yeah. And, like, that's. That's, like how I've always been.
- [81:05]
A
Hop into the fucking frying pan.
- [81:06]
B
Yeah.
- [81:07]
A
Like, we're gonna figure this shit out.
- [81:08]
B
Yeah. And. And, yeah, it was, like, a really incredible time. She was, like, a very. She's. She's like a grown woman, you know? And that was a wonderful change for my relationship types to be with, you
- [81:22]
A
know, the most amazing compliment that you can give a woman.
- [81:26]
B
I love that.
- [81:26]
A
Yeah.
- [81:27]
B
Well, yeah. And. And again, like, I want to give anyone that I was in a relationship, like, the compliments. You know what I'm saying? Like, when we spoke about Bella a second ago, it was like, I was directing a video for a band called Palais Royale yesterday, and they're friends with her and the whole concept of the video, even if this doesn't make it in, I'd love to tell you this. It's really great. They don't even know that I'm making this video for them. Okay. Their mother passed away last week. Their three brothers in a van. Okay. Their mother just passed away, and they have this giant song that's so good that was already slated to come out. And they're like. Their label's like, we. Can we shoot a video, please? It's a sensitive time. Like, we don't. We won't be on camera. So their management came to me and was like, can you put something together? And the whole thing is, like, friends and fans and other people from big bands coming together to create this, like, moment of a special video for them. Not, like a sad video at all. Not like a dedication to their mom. Nothing like that.
- [82:26]
A
Because I.
- [82:27]
B
The song's very upbeat.
- [82:27]
A
Fellowship.
- [82:28]
B
Yeah. It's like, showing them, like, we got your back. And, like, also, like, when you do a gorilla video like that, where you're just kind of, like, all coming together and on the spot.
- [82:36]
A
Yeah.
- [82:36]
B
It's, like, usually just thrown together. Like, I shot them, like, an expensive, crazy art video. Anyways, jumping back, they. Their management knows that they're, like, good friends with Bella, and they were like, yo, would you be comfortable if we invited her? And I was like. Literally was like, I would love to say hi to her and give her a hug and send her my love. You know what I'm saying? I was Like, I would love that. You know, a year after we broke up, I was like, if I ever see you in public, like, I'm going to just give you the dirtiest look. But it's like I have nothing but, you know, love for that. So, like, drumming back, like, yeah, it was. Being with a grown woman, it was awesome. It was. We're two different people. But it was great. I think I had a great influence on her. I think she could have had a really more wonderful influence on me just from the side of, like, grown up and, and being a grown up kind of, you know, because I'm learning later in life of how beautiful it is. Like, I'm. Like I said, I'm very secure of who I am right now. And I've been a little lost in the last, like, three years as far as, like, where do I fit in or who am I? And, you know, there was, there's great things that I could have, like, taken out of it, but that just sends
- [83:48]
A
you a message again of you're not good enough.
- [83:51]
B
Yeah, yeah, certainly, certainly. And, and, and like, on top of that too. It's just like, I had to, like, really regain this big, big empathetic heart that I've been missing for a long time. And, like, it's really come around lately, this, like, leading with empathy. You know, I pray every single day, right? And like, in my prayers I'm just like, allow me to lead with empathy and like, be a shining light, like. And my form of empathy is just finally attached to, like, being like, dude, you gotta get outside of yourself. And when someone does you wrong, stop thinking them, you did me dirty, I'm out for reap revenge and this and that. It start being like, just be in their position, like, step outside and, and things have, like, formed in my life lately where I was just like, oh, my God, I don't, I can't have any of those feelings for anyone. I couldn't force myself to anymore. You know, if we had done this, like, talk like, three months ago, I might have been like, man, that person. No, I want, I want, I hope she hears this. You know what I'm saying? I'm just like, yo, run into you all of. I hope you're well. Because I, I, that's healing though, is
- [85:12]
A
being able to, you know, put. I don't, maybe it's egos, heartbreak aside, and be like, hey, man, I understand you were going through your own too. Even though you shattered my heart.
- [85:25]
B
Yes.
- [85:26]
A
Stomped on it on the way out. I still love you and I Am
- [85:30]
B
responsible for what happened as well.
- [85:32]
A
Yeah.
- [85:32]
B
In some way it trickles down to that. It's like, you know, I didn't give you what you communicated in a lot of times too what you needed, you know. And like that, that was another great thing I learned from the relationship was communication. Because like I'm like a run from the problem person. I'm like literally like leave the house. Like, I don't want to fight. I'm out of here.
- [85:53]
A
Yeah.
- [85:53]
B
When you calm down, I'll be back. That's so corny.
- [85:56]
A
Yeah.
- [85:57]
B
That's so the wrong way to go about things. Yeah. And so my communication skills have like gone through the roof lately. And, and, and, and just being empathetic and, and also like I, I don't think it's hard to get there when you're not in a good place.
- [86:12]
A
Yeah. Well, you're, when you're still emotional.
- [86:14]
B
Yeah. When you're still on the other side of it being like, man, like I'm, I feel like shit right now. How am I supposed to be happy for you?
- [86:20]
A
But it's like, it's okay.
- [86:22]
B
Yeah.
- [86:22]
A
You felt like that too.
- [86:23]
B
Yeah. Yeah, I know, I know. And that's what you know. My best friend is, is Machine Gun Kelly. And he is, he is, he is. I, I talk to him if I'm not with him that day. I talk to him on the phone for three hours every day. And he is like, we are so there for each other. It is like literally I, I talking about all these relationships and stuff. Haven't felt emotional. I feel emotional talking about how much I love my best friend.
- [86:49]
A
He is like, tell me about you guys relationship. I want to hear all about it.
- [86:52]
B
Look at my eyes right now.
- [86:53]
A
I know. That's what I want to hear about it. All right. We're back guys. Ladies and gentlemen, we just had to take a bathroom break. Mod's eyes were floating.
- [87:02]
B
Extremely caffeinated right now. Everyone like extremely caffeinated.
- [87:06]
A
So tell me about you and MGK's relationship because you got a little teary eyed before.
- [87:11]
B
I did. I did because he, we met each other. We've known each other for over a decade now. He has seen, he sees me the way I would love the world to see me. Right. And like I think I'm a pretty good representation of that. You know what I'm saying? But he really a hundred percent is just like, I want you to, I want the world to see you how I see you, you know? And he is that person in my life that is like he he has, like, the truest, like, love for me as a person, you know, and wants to see me succeed and wants to see me happy. And when I say these things too, like, am I just gonna die alone? He's like, bro, no, but you gotta start looking at the right. But that's why I was really talking, because we really talk to each other for three hours a day right now just about, like, such real life stuff and real life things as well as him. Like, you know, the next song I'm releasing is a song that I played for him, and he was like, yo, it's great. This is going to be your greatest song. But I want to help you take it there, you know? I want to help you take it there. And then.
- [88:19]
A
Is it rap or is it rock?
- [88:20]
B
It's a little bit. It's a. It's a. It's. It. It's definitely not rock, but there is a little bit of my, like, rap influence in it. And it's an interpolation. And I think we're gonna maybe talk about, like, dropping this right around the release of the song.
- [88:34]
A
Yeah, absolutely. And when will it be releasing?
- [88:36]
B
What?
- [88:37]
A
When will it be released?
- [88:38]
B
June 7th.
- [88:38]
A
Okay.
- [88:39]
B
Yeah, June 7th is when releasing it. And it's like me interpolating you are my sunshine, which is, like, in. In this such cool way. It's, like, so cool how we did it and how we made it happen. But I've always been avoiding writing the Sun Song, like, mod sun, modern sunshine. Like, I've always been avoiding, like, writing the sun song, like, oh, I don't want to put my finger on the pulse like that. And, like, I finally did, and I found this, like, really awesome way to do it. And it's like the. My favorite I've ever sound and my, like, coolest lyrics that I just feel like a different artist right now. And every time I listen to it, it's like the first time, but. But he's there for me that. For that kind of thing. And then as well in his music. Like, I've written songs with him for his music, and. And we just look to each other for that. But more. More importantly, like, our bond as friends is so powerful. It is so, you know, meeting in the middle of two totally different people. We're two totally different people, and so opposite. And I've just never had a friend that, like, truly, like, cares about me the way that he does. I don't know if I've ever had anyone in my life that cares about me the way he does, you know? He really.
- [89:47]
A
Soulmate.
- [89:47]
B
Yeah. Like, he really. Like, we were. We were meant to be best friends in this life and, like, probably crossed paths in another life and we're.
- [89:55]
A
You guys were probably brothers.
- [89:57]
B
Yeah.
- [89:57]
A
Another life.
- [89:58]
B
Cool.
- [89:59]
A
He's in your soul. Family.
- [90:00]
B
Yeah. Cool. And, like, it's so funny. Like, Megan says stuff like that for sure, too. She's like, you know, but yeah, I've just never. I've never felt like someone be. So, you know, I don't feel like a burden to him at all. Like, if anything, it's like I'm. I don't tell him enough, you know? And I'm. I've been really good my whole life at avoiding conversations about myself, you know, I really like to be the person. I read the 48 laws of power way too early in my life. And the first. The first rule is, like, never try to outshine the person in the room. Like, you know, I don't know if
- [90:37]
A
I agree with all of the 48. No.
- [90:39]
B
And also, it's one of those books that if you have read, you just don't tell people.
- [90:42]
A
It was like, written by a narcissist or something.
- [90:45]
B
Yeah. No, I didn't know if it was
- [90:47]
A
okay to say that because I didn't know if that was like, your thing.
- [90:49]
B
And it's all also one of those books that I'm like, yeah, I'm just not gonna tell anyone I've read that. Because they immediately are like, if they've read it too, they're like, oh, so you're an asshole too? Yeah.
- [90:59]
A
Kindred souls.
- [91:00]
B
They're like, oh, so you're just like, yeah, playing me right now.
- [91:04]
A
I tried to get into it. Cause I went through a whole spiritual. I've been going on my spiritual journey since fucking. I got sober in 2017 and to now. And so I went through a phase where I, like, wanted to read books. And I was like, this is what I'm gonna do, you know, Even though I have ADD and fucking can't do it, but I can list audiobook books all day long, reading them. Can't do it.
- [91:23]
B
It's a. It's a task.
- [91:24]
A
Literally.
- [91:25]
B
You gotta really push yourself to do it.
- [91:27]
A
Push yourself and plan.
- [91:28]
B
It's weird how much you plan. It's like people are supposed to just like, be like, oh, yeah, this is my, like, read a book time. And it's like. It feels like serious work.
- [91:36]
A
It's like school.
- [91:37]
B
I do the same thing. I'm like, I'm gonna read a book a week this year. And I'm like, I get, like, one month into it. I'm like, yeah, I'm gonna read a book a month.
- [91:44]
A
Yeah. My husband will do that, and he'll read four books in a week, and then he won't read for the rest of the year.
- [91:49]
B
Yeah. He's like, I'm taking all I need from it. Y. And I'm good for this year. Yeah.
- [91:53]
A
Literally. But I did. I tried to read the 48 laws of attraction, and I started reading it, and I was like, is this, like, some, like, weird linguistic hypnotic type? Like, program your mind type? And I was just like, I don't want. I don't want to consume this.
- [92:08]
B
And there's. There. There was information in it that I was able to, like, put towards my life.
- [92:12]
A
Yeah.
- [92:13]
B
And then there was also stuff that made me way less human.
- [92:16]
A
Right.
- [92:16]
B
It was like, yeah, I'm successful, but I hate myself. You know what I'm saying? It's like, I hust everybody around me to get here. What the.
- [92:26]
A
Yeah. No. Crazy, right?
- [92:28]
B
Yeah.
- [92:28]
A
I love hearing that about you and Kel's relationship, because. Which I just recently started calling him Kels because my husband does.
- [92:34]
B
Oh, thank God. Yeah, they actually called me when they're in the studio.
- [92:38]
A
Yeah.
- [92:38]
B
Because Jelly walked in, was like, hey, man, do I, like, call you, like, Colson now or something? And Kelsey's like, hold that thought. He got me on FaceTime. And he was like, hey, yo, what should Jelly call me? And I was like, bro, if you don't call him Cows, I'm gonna be so bummed. I was like, you know him, right? I hate the Colson thing. I'll never call him that. That's, like, the first time it's come out of my mouth actually, ever, is that.
- [93:02]
A
It's so proper.
- [93:03]
B
I only call him Cows. And I'm just like, hate, though. Like, oh, I know, cousin. Like that thing.
- [93:09]
A
I'm like, when people say I know Jason, I'm like, oh, you don't know him. Yeah, Jason's my husband.
- [93:14]
B
Yeah. Yeah, exactly. I was like. Like, I think you're talking about jealous.
- [93:17]
A
Yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly. But I love that you said that about him, because I got that feeling about him too, because I'm really protective about my husband and who he brings around. And I'm always the. I'm the wife who's like, keep an eye on him. And every time I say that, something proves right. And then when I met Kels, I looked at both of them, and I was like, I'm so glad you guys have this friendship. I was like, you guys both need each other. Because I feel like he needs a big brother, and I feel like Jake needs a little brother. And I feel like.
- [93:45]
B
And we get, like, watching them on this.
- [93:47]
A
Yeah, we get you too. So now it's like, it's just, It's a sweet little family vibe.
- [93:51]
B
Yeah, I mean, I mean, my, my other thing with cows, too, is I'm just like, you know, he's had a, he, he's had a hard time truly being so. What, what I, what he says to me, I want the world to see you how I see you. I'm like, that times 10 with him. Because I'm like, you're so misunderstood. If anyone got to have one conversation with them, they'd be like, like, sweetest guy ever, nicest person, like, love this person to death. Cool as not arrogant. So humble. So everything. It's just the perfect human being of, like, everything.
- [94:25]
A
And he's definitely opposite of what I thought when I first, because I've had girls on the podcast who have dated them, and, you know, they didn't, of course they didn't have great things to say, but you get this idea of somebody once you hear it from numerous people. So when I met him, I was like, oh, this is just a sweet boy who has a wallop, you know,
- [94:43]
B
like a hundred percent.
- [94:44]
A
And it was just like, oh, I get it now, you know, and genuine
- [94:48]
B
and authentic and all the greatest qualities of a person. And I, I, I can't wait. You know, I think he should, I think he should do your podcast. I think you should do podcasts in general. I'm like, it takes 10 clips to rewrite his narrative, and, and I just can't wait for the world to, to really know. And, and that's not even saying that they don't. Like, he has millions of, of, of people that love him.
- [95:10]
A
Oh, absolutely.
- [95:10]
B
It's. It's really just being like, I can't wait for the other million that are out there that don't understand him to understand who he really is, because he's the fucking greatest person I've ever met in my entire life.
- [95:21]
A
He's lucky to have a best friend like you.
- [95:23]
B
I, I'm so lucky to have his best friend. And the caveat on that is now we live two minutes from each other, and, like, it'll be 3:00am and he just, like, walks in my door or vice versa. And it's so great.
- [95:33]
A
It's the family you needed. You know, you got your sister and now you don't have any Brothers, right?
- [95:37]
B
No.
- [95:37]
A
There you go.
- [95:38]
B
I have a stepbrother.
- [95:39]
A
Oh, gotcha.
- [95:40]
B
Yep. I have a step brother. Super cool.
- [95:43]
A
So take me on the sobriety journey, because you said that you're about to hit five years, right?
- [95:47]
B
I'm about to hit five years.
- [95:48]
A
Congratulations.
- [95:49]
B
Thank you so much.
- [95:50]
A
Sobriety sucks.
- [95:51]
B
It.
- [95:51]
A
I tell everybody that. It's like, it's the realest. And when I say sobriety sucks, I mean that in, like, a joking way, because you really get to know yourself.
- [96:00]
B
Yeah.
- [96:00]
A
And you have to deal with some of the hardest you've ever dealt with in your life. The minute you decide to come become sober, it.
- [96:08]
B
I mean, it changed everything about me. Also the time that, you know, if you. You can. You can kind of backtrack to five years from now or five years ago, where the world of, like, cocaine, which was my everything, you can, kind of track where it got really scary. And it's right around that point.
- [96:28]
A
When did you start using?
- [96:31]
B
2011.
- [96:34]
A
Okay. How old were you? I. Let's say I was, what, 30.
- [96:38]
B
So I was like, 21 type. Like, 20. I'm sorry, like, 23, 22. So maybe it was earlier than that. I started. I really started doing cocaine at, like, 22 years old.
- [96:48]
A
Gotcha.
- [96:49]
B
Yeah. And like, And. And was that person. It's so funny. Cocaine is such a up drug because it was like, I was anti. That anyone who ever, like, did it around me. I was like, oh, my God. What the fuck?
- [97:00]
A
Yeah, dude.
- [97:00]
B
I did one line. I was addicted from the first line.
- [97:03]
A
That gene.
- [97:04]
B
Yeah.
- [97:04]
A
You probably get it from your dad.
- [97:06]
B
Yeah. And total alcoholic. I mean, my dad passed away from being an alcoholic, like, and party animal, and, you know, was literally doing cocaine with me up. And, you know, when I was up, like, for real, like.
- [97:19]
A
So dad resurfaced.
- [97:20]
B
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would love to get into all that too, if we. If we. I know we've been talking for what
- [97:26]
A
seems like it's about you, you know, if you wanted to talk about it.
- [97:29]
B
Oh, I'm not kicking you out. I love this. Okay, cool.
- [97:33]
A
This is your time.
- [97:35]
B
I was addicted from the first line of cocaine I did. I have the alcoholic gene where it's like, I can just go and go and go and go and go, like, and. And being on stage and being in that lifestyle and being all that, it was always like, I wanted to be the best at everything. So it became be the best drug addict, be the best alcoholic. And when you're trying to be the best drug addict and best alcoholic, it means you do more than anyone else.
- [98:01]
A
Yeah.
- [98:01]
B
You know, and cocaine's a funny thing because when you first start doing cocaine, it's like, yo, like, you want to do. Like, you want to do. Like, let's do okay on the table right here in front of us. And it quickly turns into by yourself in the bathroom, you know, or like,
- [98:17]
A
if you had a couple drinks, like you just wanted.
- [98:20]
B
Oh, yeah. But I was like a dark addict, you know what I'm saying? I was by myself, doing eight balls by myself.
- [98:29]
A
I did that one night.
- [98:30]
B
Not. Not to party, just to. Just sitting behind a microphone, just like, all right, like, I'm making this. You know what I'm saying? Like, like, all. All night. I mean, it was. It was bender after bender after bender. Like, I was a up for three days type of person and addict, and it went on for, you know, like, over a decade of my life, and to the point that there was, like, really scary times, really times where I was, like, able to hide it because I was a fun. The. The whole thing is I was functioning as a functioning addict, alcoholic. Right. But to pass out, to finally pass out after being, like, tweaked out on cocaine for two days, my thought in my head was that I had to slam a bottle of whiskey, you know, to do it. So it was just like the cocktail that kills you, you know?
- [99:17]
A
Yes, absolutely. I used to do cocaine and Xanax. That was my.
- [99:21]
B
Yeah.
- [99:21]
A
So I'd get so low that I had to come back up, and then I'd have to go back down again. I don't. My heart is fucked.
- [99:26]
B
Yeah. 100. 100.
- [99:29]
A
Yeah.
- [99:29]
B
Like, my. My heart is. Because it's just, like, needs stimulation so much that now I'm like. Like I said, I've drank fucking four shots of espresso today and a C4, and I'm like. But my. I don't know. I don't know. Like, that's kind of like. I operate in those ways, and it's not great, but. But regardless of that, so, like, I have been going, going, going on this journey, and I basically, like, one day after. Funny enough, why I also have so much love in my heart for Bella, who we were talking about earlier is like, that was the reason I got so much. October was the end of that relationship. That relationship ended, funny enough at Coachella. So la.
- [100:11]
A
I was about to say, an LA love story.
- [100:13]
B
Yeah, I know. It's so gross. It ended at Coachella. It ended at Coachella, like, literally at the festival. And I had a friend who lived out in the middle of Joshua Tree and had just had like Airstream trailers and I just took all my drugs in a backpack. It went to this Airstream trailer in the middle of Joshua Tree and was like holed up in there for two days to the point that like my friend who I was just with last night, Shout Out Losty, he, he was like my quote unquote, like assistant, like living with me at the time, kind of a caretaker in a lot of ways because I was like in my really bad phase of being an addict. He like had to drive down from LA to Joshua Tree, like throw me in the. He found me in an Airstream in the middle of Joshua Tree, like passed out with like a bag of cocaine on my chest legitimately and threw me in the back of the car and like drove me back up to la. And from that moment on I went on like a six day bender that if I shut my eyes for maybe an hour every three days during that, like, I really was like, pushed it to my limits and you were like
- [101:19]
A
on a suicide mission.
- [101:20]
B
I really did. I really did. And it was also just mixing like, like whippets and, and ketamine and all the. All ridiculous, like stupid. Just like ridiculous. But anyways, after this like long, I wasn't, I was staying at my house, I was staying at my friend's house. After this long, like four or five days of being at my friend's house, just out of my mind. I like came back to my house and lined up this like really fat caterpillar lining, cocaine snorted. My eyes went rolled into the back of my head bed. And my guy who I was talking about lost, he basically like found me just out, down and out, like on my bathroom floor. Like came to, didn't have to go to the hospital, came to him and was really like, damn, that, that was it. Like, I just got my second lease on life. I'm done. I'm done.
- [102:11]
A
And I'm so happy.
- [102:12]
B
And I quit. And I, and, and to everyone out there that is at all thinking of, of sobriety or what can come with it or, or, you know, how to do it or whatever. Like, I look at it in a way that I also made this great trade and it's like, again, the world makes you think that it's not okay to ask for something when you're doing something that's like, good for yourself, right? Oh, I asked for something. Okay. I was like, I have. I knew cocaine was gonna kill me from literally a year into doing it. I was like, cocaine is going to Kill me. Okay? I had these big, wide dreams in my eyes of being super successful as a musician and, you know, getting the big record deal and making it and getting bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and all that. And I was blocking my blessing because I was bringing around a suitcase filled with shame everywhere I went, okay? I felt shameful every time I did a lot of cocaine, okay? So I can be working as hard as I've ever worked and going so hard and making great things and doing all this, but I am telling whatever is up here, I'm a God person. Ever since I got sober, it brought me to, like, faith in God and all that. Before, it was just like, the universe. And you're just telling whatever you believe in that you don't deserve it because you feel shame about yourself. Now, if you're an addict that doesn't feel bad about drinking or doing drugs or any of that, I don't think you're blocking your blessing. I don't think it's great for you, but I don't think you're blocking your blessing because you're not telling the higher power that I'm a piece of shit. I was telling the higher power I'm a piece of shit. I don't deserve it. I don't deserve it. And so the second that I got sober, I was like, check it out. I was like, God, I was like, whatever this is that I'm talking to. Like, I'm gonna show you that I'm worth it, and I'm gonna make the great trade. And the great trade is I am going to change my life and stop all this shame. Put down the cocaine, put down the alcohol, put down the drugs. And in return, I want you to give me my dreams. I want you to give me my dreams. And I swear to you, not like, within a year, like, every one of those dreams that I hadn't checked off of my bucket list happened just like that. And I'm just like, yeah, it can sound selfish to be like, I want something in return, but I did, and I got it. And. And it helps me stay sober knowing that, like, I owe a favor. I even owe a favor of being like, thank you so much. You did it. And, like, whatever I do from here on out, extra credit. It's extra credit because I know that I asked you for a specific thing and you gave it to me.
- [104:47]
A
That's amazing. That is a beautiful story. I love that even in your lowest moment, you. Because most people will, like, overdose or go through something like that, and they'll be like, oh, I made it. Maybe I should do it again, or they don't learn their lesson. And in that moment, you were like, no, this. I'm fed up and I'm gonna do better. And it seems to be a pattern in your life of proving that you are worth it. And I think that stems from maybe your dad not coming around as a little boy and. But that's been your drive.
- [105:18]
B
Yeah.
- [105:19]
A
What has been your cross to bear has also been your saving grace, you know? And it's beautiful.
- [105:25]
B
You're awesome.
- [105:26]
A
No, but it's so real. And I'm so proud of you.
- [105:29]
B
Thank you.
- [105:29]
A
Like, I'm genuinely proud of you. That. And that's why I say sobriety does suck, but it's the most rewarding journey you will ever be on.
- [105:38]
B
Yeah.
- [105:39]
A
And I think a lot of people in this world need a role model like you. They need somebody who's, you know, looks like you, cool, and tattoos and is in the music industry that is showing, like, hey, I have struggled my ass off, but I'm still fighting. I'm still here. You're not going to keep me down. And that's. That's a role model to me. That's what people need.
- [106:00]
B
I love that. And I would. I would love to be. I would love to be able to do that for anyone, you know, that is. That is truly my goal, like, in my prayers, too. I'm just like, allow me to be of service. Like, allow me to be of service today to all. All the people down here, you know, and. And. And just reminding myself that. That. That service can come as far. It can be as huge as is saying something that changes someone's life. It can be as small as holding the door for someone, you know, and just, like, lead with that. Keep this light around you and, you know, finding your worth and finding your purpose and all that is really important. But, like, it all boils down to like, dude, how do you just, like, how are you just proud of yourself?
- [106:42]
A
Yeah.
- [106:43]
B
How are you just proud of yourself? How did you do something nice today that made you feel proud of your. Yourself? Yeah. Yeah.
- [106:48]
A
That's so real. Can you talk about doing drugs with your dad? Like, he came back around and like that.
- [106:55]
B
Yeah, 100%. So, like, my. My father, we. We had these points in our life where I would go years without talking to him, you know, through being like, man, you. You're a piece of. Or you. You hurt my sister. You know, her relationship was even harder, like, with him in a lot of ways, you know, and and like, you know, you can fudgeing. Go outside if you need to because I know you can start crying if I start talking about shit.
- [107:18]
A
I have dad trauma, too, so I'll probably cry with you guys.
- [107:21]
B
I'll give you a big hug. I promise.
- [107:24]
A
I'm sorry.
- [107:25]
B
And so, like, you know, he was a couch surfer hustler all the way until the day he died. But basically we had gone years talking to each other and his girlfriend one day because I had moved, so he was living out in Long Beach. I got. By the way, I got sent out in the middle of high school, senior year. My mom couldn't. Couldn't handle me anymore because I was just like, a troubled kid. She sent me to go in high school, live with my dad in Long beach, which was, like, the funniest decision she could ever make because it was just like, insanity, but free for all. Yeah. Yeah. And so we would connect. And then I was on tour one time. This is why we had our big fallout. I was on tour one time and I ended a tour in California. This was like, Broke Boy touring still. I was still in a band. And I came and stayed at his house and I was there. And, like, we got wasted together. Me and my band was there. We were having, like, this, like, party. We got wasted together. I walked out on the streetlights with him. He looked at me, both of us, fucking blackout drunk. He looked at me and he's like. The doctor told me I got a month to live. And I was like, what the fuck? Like, what the fuck? I was like, I'm not going back home. Like, my band can go back home without me. This is when I literally, like, was, like, out. Because, okay, it's funny, I kind of skipped over something in the band thing. I got kicked out of that one band, right? I got picked up by another band to play drums. That led me to being in this giant band called Scary Kids Scaring Kids playing drums. And all of them. It all. Yeah, I played drums to them and it all worked out. My first tour ever as Mod sun was Scary Kids Scaring Kids going, yo, will you play drums for us? And I was like, I'll only do it if I can open his Mod Son.
- [109:07]
A
Wow.
- [109:08]
B
So my whole come from it stands for Movement on Dreams Stand under None. I looked up at the sky one night I said, what is my name? It came into my head and I never questioned it came into my head M O D S U N what does that mean? Movement on dreams Stand under none what does that mean? Modern sunshine like that, that was it. And I never questioned it once. There was never any other name. It happened in one minute.
- [109:28]
A
You're so spiritual without even really knowing it for sure. I mean, you might know it now, but back. Yeah, I don't know if you did.
- [109:34]
B
I like to believe it. It's hard to convince yourself sometimes that you're like, connected to something, but I believe it for sure. But my first tour as Mad Son was literally performing to a hardcore post. Hardcore, like, crowd being just booed off stage, coming out rapping over Miley Cyrus Party in the usa. Like, did he just boot up stage?
- [109:54]
A
I pay to see that. Somebody give me the footage.
- [109:56]
B
Yes. Real Talk. It's out there. I'll send it to you. But anyway, so I go after this tour, my dad's like, says this to me and I'm like, yo, everyone can whatever. I got my laptop with me. I'm just gonna work on this mod son music that I really believe in. And. And he never mentioned it again after that night. And he didn't die and I didn't see him go to the hospital. And I was like, what the fuck is going on here, dude? Like, why would you tell me that? And nothing happened. And I was, like, there for like. Like four months, like, being like, what the is going on?
- [110:36]
A
Yeah.
- [110:38]
B
And I'm not gonna say what I think was going on because I truly don't know. But I didn't talk to him for like two or three years after that.
- [110:47]
A
You know what I mean? Do you think maybe he knew he had a terminal illness and just didn't know how to tell you? Or do you think he was.
- [110:55]
B
I don't think it was that. I think it was something else that I would hate to say because if it was, if I was wrong, I would feel like an asshole.
- [111:01]
A
It was a form of manipulation.
- [111:03]
B
Yeah. I think maybe I'm wrong and he just was cured. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. But it fucked me up. And I went like two or three years of trauma.
- [111:14]
A
Dad.
- [111:14]
B
Thank you. I went like two or three years without talking to him. And then all of a sudden I was living in California. Okay. I'd moved out to California by this time. Fast forward three years, I'm living in California. I'm living up in North Hollywood. And his girlfriend called my sister and was like, yo, your father's in the hospital. He's on, like, not like life support, but maybe like something like that.
- [111:38]
A
Dialysis or something.
- [111:39]
B
Yeah, okay. Are you talking about when he started living with Me. Okay. So I guess he was in a coma.
- [111:48]
A
I love how detached you were from it.
- [111:50]
B
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [111:51]
A
You're like, no more pain.
- [111:52]
B
No, no, no, no. But check this out. I drive down there, okay. Drive down the hospital. My sister's still living in Minnesota at the time. She flies out and basically his girlfriend had to show up to be like, here's your dad's bag. He can't live with me anymore. Okay. Kicking him out, which I don't fucking blame her at all. Dude was like a fucking crazy. Right? So I'm like, here we go again. Let's open the door, move up to North Hollywood with me. My dad ends up literally sleeping on my couch. Like, I'm talking my grown up father, like, sleeping on my couch and, like, being like my kid. And my dad knows that when I'm talking like this, I'm not talking down because in the same sentence, I'll be like, coolest dude that ever lived. Coolest fucking dude that ever lived. And I would not be me without him. You know, this is not like hate train. This is just like, what it was, you know, Hurt.
- [112:43]
A
It's pain that you're allowed to talk about.
- [112:45]
B
Yeah. And. And, you know, so he starts living with me and we're having a great time because this is like, my friend, you know, this is like, truly my friend. And. And so, you know, we're living at this house in North Hollywood, which is where my, like, cocaine days, like, really got out of control. I'm talking like the ugly cocaine where you just have, like a plate out at all times.
- [113:07]
A
Been there, done that.
- [113:07]
B
Yeah.
- [113:08]
A
I had a candle, like a candle holder.
- [113:10]
B
Yeah.
- [113:10]
A
That had lines just lined up on
- [113:11]
B
it all the time. Yeah. We think it's so glamorous.
- [113:13]
A
Yeah. Yeah. It was so my space.
- [113:15]
B
Yeah. So rich. I know, I know. And. And yeah, I mean, he just proceeds. What. What really up was that the doctor was like, dude can never drink again. You know, if he ever drinks again, he's gonna die.
- [113:27]
A
Did he have cirrhosis of the liver?
- [113:29]
B
Yeah.
- [113:30]
A
Okay.
- [113:30]
B
So it was like, he ever drinks again, he's gonna die. He's in your care. And I'm like, I'm like, dad, you can't drink. You cannot drink because you're not dying on my hands. You cannot drink. He's like, didn't tell me I can't do coke. Right?
- [113:47]
A
They just don't want help, man. That's how my parents are.
- [113:49]
B
And I'm like. I'm like, you're not wrong. I'm like, like, it's 3:00am, I'm by myself. You wanna. I guess let's blow these lines down. Like. Yeah, you're not wrong. They didn't say that.
- [114:00]
A
You know, they just said no alcohol.
- [114:01]
B
And, like, again, dude was so cool. I wish everyone in the world could meet him because he was so cool and charismatic and funny. Life was a joke to him. Life was literally. The purpose of life was to make people laugh. And he would make you laugh. He would own every room he walked into and make every it. He had. Women, like. Women loved this man.
- [114:21]
A
Charismatic.
- [114:22]
B
He. He could be living out of his piece of car and he would be able to be in a relationship with a beautiful woman. Like, they loved him. Love this man.
- [114:32]
A
Probably his first life here.
- [114:34]
B
Yeah, yeah. True, true, certainly.
- [114:37]
A
And came in just fucking guns ablazing.
- [114:39]
B
Yeah.
- [114:39]
A
Life's a party.
- [114:40]
B
Yep.
- [114:41]
A
Yeah.
- [114:41]
B
And so I ended up moving out of that house to another house down in Laurel Canyon. And I got a room for him because I was like, all right. My dad, like, rolls with me like, this is my rose dog. Like, you come on tour with me, you do this with me. Like, whatever. And things were going fine. And then I went into his room one night and I found a. A bunch of plastic bottles of vodka under his bed.
- [115:03]
A
Oh, dad.
- [115:04]
B
And I was like, yo. I was like, you're out. I was like, you're out, bro. Because I'm. You're not dying under my roof.
- [115:11]
A
Yeah.
- [115:12]
B
Like, I'm not gonna take the responsibility that I'll live with for the rest of my life that you died under my roof. You're out. And it was so hard because, again, I had to disconnect from my father. Again.
- [115:25]
A
Yeah.
- [115:26]
B
The same cycle all over again, you know? But I knew it was the right thing. I knew is the right thing to do. So then he goes off, lives with another girlfriend. You know, that was kind of his thing. He'd go find a girlfriend to live with. And. And it's. It's hard because, you know, we didn't die, he didn't die on the best terms with each other, you know, because, like, another two years, whatever went by, and.
- [115:58]
A
Damn. Dad was hanging on.
- [115:59]
B
Yeah.
- [116:00]
A
For dear life.
- [116:01]
B
Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, I. You know, I got a call last night. I've talked about this before, so I'll talk about it again just because it is a big part of the story. But I got a call from him one night. We always had this deal. He was like, if I die, you get my bird. He had an African gray parrot. His whole Life. This was his best friend. He had a love relationship with this bird, for real. He was. This was his. His soulmate was his bird. And he was like, when I die, she's yours, right? And so I got a voicemail on my phone one night that's like, hey, man. I could hear it in his way, hey, man, you know, something's came up. Ruby's yours. I'm like, what the fuck? What the fuck? What the. What the fuck's going on? So I get in my car and I start driving down to Long beach and. And I'm calling him over and over and over and over and over and over and over. And he finally answers. He's like, it's already done, man. Don't even. Just turn around. Just turn around. It's already done. The deal's already done. Just turn around. I'm like, Dude, I'm 20 minutes away. Just hold on. Just hold on. Just fucking hold on, dude. I get to fucking Long Beach. I kick open the door, and he's, like, sitting there with his, like, fucking wrist in the air, like, in a pool of blood and shit. And I walk in, slip on the pool of blood, fall into it, and I far start. Just start slapping him, slapping him just like, what's your favorite Almond Brother song? What's your favorite Almond Brother song? He, like, his eyes come open. He's like, whipping post. If anyone who knows the song, Whipping post, like, is like, I feel like dying. It was, like, the craziest side to say in that state. But anyways, that being said, ambulance was called, came and brought him back to life, Saved his life, brought him back to life. All good, you know, happened.
- [117:37]
A
It is so traumatic.
- [117:38]
B
Very traumatic.
- [117:39]
A
Like, I'm trying not to cry.
- [117:40]
B
Very, very traumatic, you know, and all good. And he made it through. And, you know, at that moment, I was like, dad, you need to get help when you get let out of this hospital. Stitched you back up. You got these badass stitches now, all right? I know you like that, Mr. Hell's angel, like, you know what I'm saying? It's like, they let you out. I'll put you anywhere you need to go to get help. I got you whatever you need. And he was just like, man, I was wasted. I don't even remember what happened. You know, my mom, who has this horrible relationship with him, calls him and is just like, you need to apologize to your son.
- [118:23]
A
Apologize.
- [118:24]
B
You need to apologize to your son. And he's just like, I won't do it, you know? And so, boom, we we split. We split there. That was when I was like, whatever. But that was when I went. Started going really off the rails, because this was still drug addict days, you know, I went really off the rails. That's a lot of scary scaring. My family won't pick up the phone. You know, the crazy thing is, like, when. When I got into my car after the ambulance came, picked him up, I was like, you son of a. I was like, you. My crazy kind of narcissistic mind as well. It's like. Like, you. You were giving me a story, weren't you? You were giving me some kind of crazy story from my life. Like, weren't you? Like, you son of a. I almost
- [119:08]
A
got from that story, and I was gonna say this in a second, was, I feel like your dad knew that you would save him.
- [119:13]
B
Yeah.
- [119:14]
A
So I don't think he really wanted to die at that moment. I think he just.
- [119:17]
B
I don't think he did either.
- [119:18]
A
Knew.
- [119:19]
B
I don't think he did either. And also, I did. I. Also. Part of me is like. Part of me is like. Like, my dad is a dude who doesn't want to look like a faker. As soon as he found out I was on his way, that's when I think he did this.
- [119:33]
A
I am so sorry. And that's not okay.
- [119:36]
B
No, it's not okay. And. And. And that was when. That was when I really had to cut off this relationship. That was when I really had to
- [119:43]
A
cut it off, understandably.
- [119:44]
B
Yeah. I really had to cut it off because I was like, oh, my God. This is like, insanity. I was like, this is crazy also. And then in the same breath, I was like, you son of a bitch. You wanted me to have this goddamn story of, like, pivotal fucking whatever in my life. This is when everything changed. And now I'm worth it to be an artist. Like, whatever. Tortured artist syndrome, like Van Gogh cut off his ear. That whole goddamn thing threw every artist into thinking they have to be tortured to be brilliant.
- [120:10]
A
Yeah.
- [120:11]
B
My dad was like that. I'm like, you gave me this, all right. I'm gonna wear it as my badge of honor now. And whatever.
- [120:17]
A
I mean, he's given you a lifetime of trauma.
- [120:19]
B
Yeah.
- [120:20]
A
I mean, that was. That was a huge piece of it. But he's started when you were young, baby. Big facts.
- [120:26]
B
And he moved away with another girl.
- [120:29]
A
And then even after he slit his wrist, he just moved away with another girl.
- [120:33]
B
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And would reach out every now and then. And then what the bummer is, this is like, we Were supposed to meet up. Like, maybe this was, like, two years after this happened. We're supposed to meet up. He's like, hey, man, I'm coming down. I had, like, healed from this a little bit. I was like, yes, let's get lunch, you know, let's get lunch. I'd healed from this, you know, And. And. And. And I do want to talk to you. And God damn it, I miss you. You're my dog, you know, you're my
- [121:01]
A
dad, that little boy. And you just wanted your daddy.
- [121:06]
B
Yeah. And he was. He was. He was. He made plans to come down on a train, and then. Oh, my God, I didn't zip up my zipper after. Oh, I can't fucking. I went to the bathroom halfway because we got camera angles. But keep that in mind. I'm a real person. And. And so he. He was. He was. He. He had. He was getting on a train to come down. And the day before, he's like, hey, man, so can you pick up me and my girlfriend from the train station? And then can you take us to this classic car lot we're going to look at buying this car? And I was like, bro, what the. I'm not trying to see you and your girl. You were coming down to my. You were coming down to see me. Now this is about you and your girl coming down to buy a classic car. Like, what the. I was like, no. I was like, no, dude, no. I was like, I was gonna see you. And I was like. It was a lot for me to even say I was gonna go get lunch with you, you know?
- [121:56]
A
Yeah.
- [121:56]
B
And I was like, no, no, it's not happening. And. And then shortly after that, he went into another coma, and that was how he went out. But. But the caveat to all this is that when I got to go see him in the hospital, I brought a little. One of those little, like, JVC speakers in my pocket. And it was during COVID so it was a one at a time thing. And, like, my sister went in. You know, my sister never should have done all this, but she had to take on, like, all of this, like the adult, you know, because he had no one. He had no one. And my sister took just all this out, which week. I love you. I love you. Look at she is getting on.
- [122:35]
A
You're strong.
- [122:35]
B
You have my glasses. And anyways, anyways. Anyways, cool rock and roll part about it is that I got my chance.
- [122:42]
A
I'll just hug right now. I feel like everybody's crying. I feel like we need hugs. And.
- [122:47]
B
Yeah, Come on. Yes. Facts. Come on, come on, come on. I did want to give you a hug. Yeah, Cap. Capping the cool part. Here we go. Okay. So, like, my sister goes in and sees him, and, like, I go in and. And get my chance to see him, and I pull out this speaker, and I turn it on full volume and play Whipping Post by the Allman Brothers. And I get kicked out of the hospital.
- [123:23]
A
Oh, no. Very rock and roll.
- [123:25]
B
And I gave. I know he was. Because. Because when I said I was like, what's your favorite Allman Brother song in this crazy time, I was like, man, that might be the last thing that he heard. She's like, his song, dude. And. But I thought that was just the way that he wanted to go out. And I was like, I'm gonna give that to you, pops, after all this shit. Like, hell. Yeah. You know, that's the way you'd wanted me get kicked out of the hospital, coming to see him, you know?
- [123:52]
A
Oh, my God, dude, that is a lot.
- [123:56]
B
Yeah.
- [123:57]
A
A lot to unpack, a lot to process, a lot to hear. I couldn't imagine living through that. You know, you and your sister both are so. You guys are making me cry, man. You guys are so lucky to have each other.
- [124:11]
B
Straight up. 100. Yeah.
- [124:13]
A
You guys get to have each other to just go through all this up together. And, you know, I have trauma with my family, too, and I have learned with my dad, especially, and. And my mom. And before my mom died, it was kind of the same thing with. I inherited custody of her and had she and her. And I ended up not talking, and she ended up just dying abruptly one day in my care. And the biggest lesson that my mother ever gave me in her life was in her death. And it was forgiveness. That if. No. Which. Forgiveness is on everybody's own terms and on your own time, but forgiveness is for you. It's not for them. And, you know, our parents, for some reason, that generation of human did not want to fucking fix their trauma. They were content being fucking wild hellions. And you weren't gonna tell them they were gonna live their life how they wanted to. It didn't matter who they hurt. And we are here to correct that. You're breaking generational curses.
- [125:19]
B
Thank you.
- [125:19]
A
Every day.
- [125:21]
B
I have been tallying myself that for a long time.
- [125:25]
A
You are. You are. You're doing.
- [125:27]
B
I was like, my dad was so close to being the coolest in the world, and he just couldn't get past this one thing.
- [125:36]
A
He sabotaged himself.
- [125:38]
B
Yeah. I was like, the. The. The the tree was going like this and then, you know, from me on out, it goes like this, you know.
- [125:44]
A
Yeah, no, but you are. You guys are both breaking generational curses. You guys are doing every. Everything right. And you guys are just beautiful humans. And I want you to know that I'm so sorry that that is part of your story. It's really heartbreaking and there's not much more that I can even.
- [126:02]
B
No, thank. Thank you for all that and, and it, you know, like again, there's like that flip side to everything and like, you know, my sister, shortly after all this had happened, well, she had just moved out to, to la, but. But it really has brought us like this thing where we're just like man the world, like we got each other.
- [126:22]
A
Yeah. You guys against the.
- [126:24]
B
And she goes on tour with me. She's. She's tour manages and.
- [126:27]
A
Well, no wonder she's banging the. Who are you banging?
- [126:29]
B
Oh yeah, the drummer.
- [126:30]
A
The drummer. No wonder you're banging the drummer. You're always with them. I mean that now I get it now. I get it. It's the inevitable. You got her on tour and everything. I mean, mean, yeah, for sure. I'd be banging the drummer too.
- [126:43]
B
Yeah, yeah. But she's my ride or die for sure.
- [126:46]
A
Thank you guys for sharing that. That, that was really heavy. And you know, I just hope that you guys are able to find peace with everything one of these days. Whenever you're ready.
- [126:57]
B
And yeah, I, yeah, I feel like I, I'm. I feel like I have in a lot of ways, you know. Like I've always felt like I've been able to like zoom out for. From the situation that I have and like, you know, obviously just you know, hope for you. My sister's gone through like everything I have but plus more because she was like. Had to raise me, you know, in a lot of ways, you know. Cuz my mom was like a single mom so she had to work all the time, you know. All the time? Yeah, all the time had my mom had to work and like greatest mom in the world and is my mom and always felt like my mom. But then when I grow up I realize like being able to talk to my sister that it was like. Oh no, my sister like had to raise me as well, you know.
- [127:42]
A
It's crazy because I don't know if you believe in it, but soul families, like we pick our families for the lessons that we want before we can get.
- [127:50]
B
Wait, really?
- [127:51]
A
So I. This is what I believe. Not everybody believes it, but I, I truly 100 wholeheartedly believe that we have soul families and that can reach out to our friends. That can be. That can be like your sister. Like, your sister could have been your mom in another life, and that's why she's so motherly to you. Your dad could have been like a son in another life, and that's why you were kind of like his father here. You know, my mom. I know it's crazy as. And it's, like, mind blowing, but my mother, like, Tyler Henry was just on my podcast, and he even. Yeah, it's. I. You guys got to see the clip on Tik Tok is at, like, 2 million right now. It's me balling my eyes out. But my mom came through, and she was like, I am so sorry for what I've done to you. And she. He said that she's. He. She's showing me the mother and daughter inverted. And he said that you were like her mother and she was like your daughter in this. And that just confirmed everything that I've ever believed in, because literally, I feel like we pick the lessons that we want to go through on in life before we get here. And I know it sounds crazy and it's weird, but it's like our soul.
- [128:55]
B
Listen, our soul maybe the least crazy thing that we've talked about today. To me, I'm like, you know, yes.
- [129:01]
A
Yeah.
- [129:02]
B
Yes. No.
- [129:03]
A
But I feel like, without a doubt, our soul yearns for those lessons. And so your lesson, I always say you have to find the blessing and the lesson in every situation that you have. You know, so it's like in the situation with your dad, what was the blessing and what has been the lesson? And then from that, that is what you. You have to work on in your life and what you're here for. That's your life purpose, is to figure out why your life took these turns and went in the trajectory that it did. And your dad put you through what he did because your soul yearned for that before you came here. I know it's wild, but, I mean, I think.
- [129:38]
B
I feel like you nailed it for me. Like, yeah, 100%.
- [129:41]
A
Aw. Well, let's talk about something fun you want to talk about. Let's switch real quick. You brought me a book?
- [129:49]
B
Yes. Yes.
- [129:50]
A
Did I ever wake up? What is this? Tell me all about.
- [129:52]
B
That's my first book, so I have six books out, but that's my first book, and it's the thing that really changed my life. Like, that truly changed my life as far as, like, art. Like, yeah, yeah, of course. It's like how to. You know, this was. This was a 21 year old mod son who was living his life by the Law of Attraction and the Secret. And the only time I ever heard people speak on it, especially at this time, was much older people, you know that I was like, I want to make a version that youngins can hear those words and actually connect. Same thing with the hockey and the Hanson thing. Yeah, I wanted to make that. I wanted to make my version of the Secret or the law of Attraction and what that meant to. From the. The lens of a younger person. So it's like very like creative writing but motivational. It's like the did I ever wake up? Is like basically being like how to live your life like it's a dream. Dream and believe that you're in a dream and believe that you're like able to. To make manifest. Yes, to believe that. And it changed my life. I mean that book is sold like 200000 copies. It's, it's. It's the one thing that I've been able to like live my journey through is like this piece of intellectual property that is my book, you know.
- [131:05]
A
And you have six books.
- [131:06]
B
I have six books out, yeah.
- [131:08]
A
Tell me about this.
- [131:10]
B
This is the only one that's like in. In this realm. And then I have like two poetry books out and then I have three journaled kind of. If I had one here, it'd be really easy to understand. But it's like I go on some kind of trip and I write the first half of this 100 page thing or whatever. I write my story just day by day. This day did this, did this, this, this. And then the COVID is on the. The same cover is on the flip side of the back. So you flip it over like that, it looks the exact same. But then you go to the pages and they're blank. So it's like two stories come to live together. And it kind of like influences like the younger generation the importance of writing and not just diary entries would like to write and literature and the importance of those things that live between the pages. All the answers are in the books, truly. And not my books, the books I'm saying like period, you know. And so I just like to influence like the world to be in touch with especially like the importance of literature and just like telling your own story, not, not for the simple fact of being like the world needs to hear my story, but telling yourself your story, you know, documenting things, living like you're dead like that. Like living like you're dead. Living, making art like you're dead and gone. How important would it be for your 100 years from now, people connected to your family to find your journal? It would be so amazing for them. Yeah, they would love that.
- [132:35]
A
That is like my brain is over here. You already know my brain is like. Because I'm writing a book this year actually too about my life.
- [132:41]
B
But great. This is so important. It's so important to it. I. I think those things I tell as many people possible that like, also, like, check it out, dude. Music is, is the one piece of art that I do that I feel has so little intellectual property. Because my favorite song is like a Rolling Stone, let's say, right. Bob Dylan, Like a Rolling Stone. Regard as the greatest song of all time. That is 99 cent cents right now. Okay. A song that a kid just made his very first song that. Let's just, let's just for all sakes of this argument, call it terrible. Okay. It's 99 cents. That is up to me.
- [133:18]
A
Yeah.
- [133:19]
B
If this is a song that's regarded as the greatest song in the world, why is it the same price as the song from the kid that just made it last night in one hour not knowing what he was doing?
- [133:28]
A
Yeah.
- [133:28]
B
Why is that? Okay. A book that is intellectual property. If I say that book is worth $3,000, that book is worth $3,000, period. And a discussion and like, I don't care how much it took to make it. I don't care how many time it looks to take it. If I say that's how much it is worth, that's how much it's worth. And it's the same with my paintings. And it's the same with any of the things that I do outside of music. Because music, I'm in this confine of, Of a world that's not changing and hasn't changed. And it's like, like that's just a crazy thing to me that there's a set price on greatness in that world. But a painting, you know.
- [134:06]
A
Yeah.
- [134:07]
B
A Basquiat painting is selling for $200 million.
- [134:10]
A
Yeah.
- [134:11]
B
And yeah. I mean, you know, I never looked
- [134:14]
A
at it that way. That's amazing.
- [134:16]
B
It's like that. That's why I love those types of intellectual property. I think they're so important.
- [134:21]
A
Yeah.
- [134:21]
B
You're not putting your worth compared comparatively, like comp. Stuck in a world. Like you could literally tell. You could say, I'm making one book and I'm selling it for $100,000. And you'll find someone to buy that book.
- [134:34]
A
No, for sure.
- [134:35]
B
You know, all you need to do
- [134:36]
A
is sell one at that price.
- [134:37]
B
You know what I'm saying? That's what I'm saying.
- [134:39]
A
Your money back.
- [134:40]
B
That's what I'm saying. Yeah.
- [134:41]
A
No, that's wild. I've never thought of it that way. Your mind is brilliant. It really is. And I feel like, dude, you need your own podcast modcast.
- [134:48]
B
It's coming.
- [134:49]
A
Oh, my God, yes. Do it. I love that.
- [134:52]
B
Yeah.
- [134:52]
A
I've been waiting to it and I'll support it.
- [134:54]
B
100. Please do, do, please do.
- [134:56]
A
Yeah, you need one. Because this generation needs to hear what you have to say because you are. You have so much depth and so many people. I do a lot of interviews. So many people do not have depth. And you really need to have a microphone in front of you. That might be your calling.
- [135:09]
B
And thank you.
- [135:10]
A
This podcast has been so therapeutic for me. I know. If you had a podcast. Oh, my God.
- [135:16]
B
I mean, I hear it with you. I hear you allowing people to, like, find themselves when I. When I listen to your episodes. And then I also hear you stumble upon things that you're figuring out about yourself when you're talking to someone, asking. And you ask the question.
- [135:29]
A
Yeah.
- [135:29]
B
And you're like, oh, shit.
- [135:30]
A
Yeah, I love it.
- [135:32]
B
Like, you.
- [135:33]
A
I needed you today. Like, I am. I can totally admit that I needed you today. Mimi shaking her head yes, because I had no, I needed you today. Like, this was such a blessing because I just fucking had the worst day yesterday. And I was just, like, really questioning a lot of things. And then you just came in here and the things that you have said have just, like, sparked my flame again, and I needed that. So thank you for that. Oh, thank you for your time.
- [135:57]
B
That makes me so happy. Oh, yeah. Hard call back. Hit me, hit me.
- [136:04]
A
That's. That's why she's the manager, man.
- [136:08]
B
Watch this. So. So years go by and my. So I got. One of the things that changed my life that this is awesome to mention is that after a year and a half of being Mod sun and make and releasing music as Mod sun, my brand of, like, rap and. And this. I got chosen by Rolling Stone magazine to be one of 15 people put in a contest to be the first unsigned artist put on the COVID Rolling Stone, right? And it was just like, this thing that I was like, the law of attraction is real. Like, are you hearing me yet? Like, it's real. All my songs are. Are about the law of attraction. And I'm about. I'm in five issues of Rolling Stone right now. Yeah, this is nuts. And so while that's going on, here comes the guitar player that kicked me out from the other band. And he was in a band that was signed and they break up. And he sends me a picture of him having my logo miss like this tattooed on his wrist. And he goes, so proud of you, bro. So proud of you, bro. And I was like, Like, I have missed you so goddamn much. I have missed you so much. I was like, come be my guitar player.
- [137:18]
A
You are.
- [137:18]
B
So I'm going out to New York to do this competition for Rolling Stone and be on camera for a week. Come be my DJ and guitar player, bro. I have missed you so much. Boom, he's there. We go on for years together to tour the world together. And he's guitar and singing, and he's been featured on some of my songs. His name's Pat Brown. Love him to death. The what I do and my life and being an artist was not made for him. So now he's. He's a tour manager now and he tour manages Tiesto and like, his pot, he's popping, he's legit. He did his thing, brought him back around. We fucking had an amazing run. Travel the world together. Still talk to this day. The other guy that kicked me out, he was my DJ before he became my dj after. After he kind of left around. No, no, it was before. He was my first dj, before my friend Pat came around. And then he decided to go to art school and went to art school for a while and then was like, man, this school shit's not for me. I was like, he came to my going away party to move to California. I hadn't talked to him for like two years. Came to my going away party that my sister threw me a surprise party. She invited him, he came. We hadn't talked in a while. He's like, man, I'm going through this rough relationship. I just broke up. Like, I want to quit school. I don't know what to do. I was like, I'm moving to California tomorrow. I got an extra bedroom there. I have missed you. I was like, if you want to pack your up, come live with me, bro. Just, let's work together. You make art and you can do all my covers and shoot some videos and dj, play guitar, whatever you want to do, you know? And brought him back around. And now he's still out here. He's gone on to be a huge person. Graphic designer for girls skateboards. And now he has his own Creative agency and stuff. And so, you know, I'm super proud of both of them, but you broke my damn heart and I never held it against you.
- [139:13]
A
He's a Pisces. He definitely held it against you.
- [139:17]
B
Yeah. You sure you want to fucking be in the same town as me?
- [139:21]
A
I love that. And then lastly, I know I've had you forever, but we have to talk about. You're going to be dropping an album.
- [139:27]
B
Yeah. Yeah, well, I'm gonna be dropping an album. My first, my first song from this new run of things. I have left the Internet for the last six months. I haven't dropped anything in almost a year. And I'm coming back with my song that I've been. I've worked so hard on this new music, but also just came into it so pure. Like I said, like I went back to Minnesota, I was like, I'm not gonna make music for three years and if I want to after that, cool, I will. I came in with so much pure intention to make music. And I stumble upon making what I like believe is like, could be the song that everyone knows me for for the rest of my life, you know, And Kel's helped write on it with me. My, my. One of my newest additions to my best friendography is this guy named no Love who is, I think, one of the most talented people around. It's just this tight knit group that we have. And yes, I'm releasing a song. It's going to be out on June 7th. So depending on when this comes out, it's either out right now or it's about to come out. And from there I'm gonna just continue releasing over the summer and then I'm gonna go on a tour. Most likely this will be out when this gets announced too as well, at the end of September.
- [140:36]
A
And yay, we'll be on tour too. So I get my own tour bus whenever I go on tour with daddy. And so hopefully our paths will cross and you guys, like, we can either go to one of your shows or you come to ours or both or whatever. Yeah, we'll have to link schedules. That'll be fun.
- [140:51]
B
And I'm just. I've never been more fulfilled with the music I make and, and this. The simple fact is that like I, you know, I was drummer growing up and I always wanted to play guitar and get good at guitar and I've kept 12 guitars around me at all times throughout my whole life and just never clicked for me. And within the last six months, due to my really great friend, no Love, who's incredible guitar player. It's clicked for me. It's totally clicked. And I've been writing all my songs, just me and a guitar. And whether they get like a little production on top of that. It's all very purposeful production, but a lot of it. My favorite song that I've ever wrote that I've been trying to write since I was 13 years old. It's called Morning Breaks. It's going to come out this summer. It's just my. My voice and a guitar. Same time recorded playing it. And it is the song I've been trying to write my entire life. Life and my friends that mean the world to me are like, I cried to this. You know, I cried to this song. And I'm just like, bingo. I'm. I'm fulfilled. I'm just so fulfilled musically. My expectations are start and end right there. Am I fulfilled? Absolutely. Good. Let it out into the world. Whatever these things do. Grow up on your own and. And have a great time out there. Songs. But you have fulfilled me and I'm so proud of that. And I have. Have nothing but happiness to. To share it with the world. And that's all I want to do is share it. Grow your own legs. Go live your life. I hope you become the biggest goddamn songs that I've ever created. But either way, you have made me so happy.
- [142:23]
A
No, say they will. They will.
- [142:25]
B
They will.
- [142:26]
A
I know.
- [142:26]
B
I believe they will. But I'm also like, you're a child that hasn't been born yet. So I'm not telling you you have to be a goddamn superstar. But I expect you to be a superstar.
- [142:35]
A
Yeah. Get the up and let's get to work, baby. I love it. I'm excited to hear it. My favorite music is Stripped down music like that. Like acoustic. Acoustic where you can just feel it, you know, like, yeah, you're going to send it to me. I want to hear it. Give me a sneak peek so we can listen to it on the way home.
- [142:50]
B
I will. I will.
- [142:51]
A
Mod. Thank you for coming here today.
- [142:52]
B
Thank you. This is great. And I needed you, but also, also vice versa. I needed you. Like it. It's. I. I think, you know, I tell some of my close friends too. Like when they're. When they're going through something, I'm like, well, you know what? Go outside and be social. Go into a social setting. You might be like, man, I don't feel like being around people tonight. Go out. You'll be reminded how much people love you. Yeah. And like that is so crucial to getting through a tough time. Like, re, remind yourself how loved you are, you know, just, like, it's okay to do these little, like, hacks in life. It's not all this, like, make sure that you're focused on the right. It's like, no, allow other people to make you happy as well. And, like, don't be so goddamn hard on yourself. Be gentle. Go out, Remind yourself it could be one person that's like, damn, I missed seeing you. And you're like, I needed that.
- [143:45]
A
Yeah, you're just like, I needed that.
- [143:47]
B
Thank God I am great.
- [143:49]
A
Yeah.
- [143:50]
B
You know, I love that.
- [143:51]
A
What are you guys doing over here? I'm watching her, looking at her over here. Everybody's fucking crying.
- [143:59]
B
Y' all my new best friends, man.
- [144:02]
A
God, you guys, Mod, I love you, and I want you to come back to the podcast as many times as you want. If you guys.
- [144:08]
B
I would love to come and co
- [144:10]
A
host with me one day or something, maybe.
- [144:12]
B
I would love to.
- [144:13]
A
That would be so fun.
- [144:15]
B
I would love to.
- [144:15]
A
All right. I love you and thank you.
- [144:17]
B
Thank you so much for having me on. This has been the top line.
- [144:24]
A
Why don't you tell people where they can find you, just in case they don't know where you're at.
- [144:27]
B
M O D S U N on everything. Mod Sun. And, you know, I would love to meet you all out there. Anyone out there. But see ya on great, great talks. Really happened. Great connections really happen. Friends are still alive and well, and it's never too late to make a new friend.
- [144:43]
A
Love you so much.
- [144:45]
B
Thank you.
- [144:45]
A
Thank you guys for tuning in to another episode of Dumb Blonde. I will see you guys next week. Bye.