Ask, Tell, Confess

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dumb Blonde - Episode "Ask, Tell, Confess"

Release Date: January 24, 2025

Introduction

In the "Ask, Tell, Confess" episode of the Dumb Blonde podcast, host Bunnie XO dives deep into candid and heartfelt conversations with her co-hosts Mimi, Haley, E, and Jason. This episode is a blend of personal confessions, relationship insights, and humorous anecdotes that aim to entertain while fostering a sense of community and understanding among listeners.

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1. Opening Discussions and Community Engagement

The episode kicks off with the hosts engaging in light-hearted banter about their online presence and Patreon content. Mimi passionately urges listeners to support the show through Patreon, highlighting the exclusive content available, such as voicemails and text messages from the audience.

• Mimi (02:52): "Hey guys, I need to ask you a question. I want to know why and the hell are you not on Patreon?"

• E (03:02): "We have the Bunny XO show, Meet the D Forts, propaganda, and more. Head over to www.patreon.com/backslashDumblonpodcast and sign up."

This segment underscores the importance of listener support and participation, setting the stage for the interactive nature of the episode.

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2. Haley's Confession: A Story of Revenge and Resilience

One of the standout moments of the episode is Haley's heartfelt confession about her tumultuous relationship with an abusive boyfriend. She recounts a clever act of revenge where she secretly sabotaged his meals by adding dog food, showcasing her resilience and resourcefulness in the face of abuse.

• Haley (05:55): "About seven years ago, I was living with a terribly abusive boyfriend. We had two dogs. And one night... he threw dog poop at me. The next day, I decided I'd have enough and wanted a little revenge... I added a small piece of dog food to his shepherd's pie and smeared some inside his hoodies and pillowcases. To his surprise, he didn't even notice."

This story not only provides a gripping narrative but also opens up discussions about appropriate ways to handle abusive relationships. The co-hosts, especially E and Jason, navigate the moral complexities of Haley's actions, emphasizing the importance of setting boundaries and seeking healthier solutions.

• E (08:01): "I never want to make anybody feel bad for something they've done... poisoning somebody's food is a whole other level."

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3. Embracing Independence: Planning a Solo Birthday Trip

The conversation shifts to the theme of independence and self-celebration. One of the listeners shares her dilemma about planning a birthday trip without her husband, who is often too busy with work commitments. She grapples with whether to include him or celebrate independently, highlighting the challenges of maintaining individuality within a relationship.

• Listener Story (12:55 - 15:57): The listener discusses not celebrating traditional milestones like birthdays and anniversaries with her husband due to past experiences of material overcompensation. She decides to plan a solo trip to celebrate her 50th birthday, encouraging others to prioritize their happiness and not wait for others to make them happy.

The hosts applaud her decision, reinforcing the message of self-reliance and the importance of personal joy.

• Jason (15:57): "Dolly and her husband... they've got a really awesome relationship. You could have the time of your life, pick a city and just go."

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4. Melissa's Question: Navigating Recovery and Public Perception

Melissa poses a question about the backlash received from opening a bar while advocating for recovery. This sparks a discussion about the complexities of balancing personal choices with public expectations.

• Melissa's Question (27:01): "I would like to hear your take on all the hate you are receiving about opening a bar for someone who speaks so highly about recovery."

E responds by clarifying her stance on sobriety and the nature of the bar her husband is opening, emphasizing that the establishment caters to both those who choose to drink and those who opt for sobriety.

• E (17:44 - 21:26): "This bar is my husband's... He smokes weed and has a few drinks, but I choose not to drink. We're trying to create an inclusive environment where everyone can enjoy without judgment."

The discussion highlights the importance of creating inclusive spaces and challenging societal stereotypes around sobriety and social settings.

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5. Embarrassing Moments in Bed: A Laugh-Out-Loud Confession Segment

The hosts transition into a segment filled with humorous and embarrassing confessions about intimate moments. From unexpected bodily reactions to awkward situations, this segment provides a blend of laughter and relatability.

• Host Confessions (24:00 - 30:10):

  • A confession about a man struggling with whistling after lip fillers leads to a broader conversation about societal pressures and personal insecurities.

  • Haley shares an embarrassing moment of vomiting during an intimate encounter, which resonates with E and Jason, leading to a collective chuckle.

  • Discussions about terms like "queef" and the embarrassment associated with them further add to the comedic relief.

These confessions not only entertain but also build a sense of shared human experience, reinforcing the podcast's theme of embracing real-life moments.

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6. Closing Thoughts and Final Confessions

As the episode winds down, the hosts share final thoughts and reflections on the topics discussed. E shares a personal story from her past struggles with meth addiction, emphasizing the journey to sobriety and personal growth.

• E's Final Confession (30:39 - 35:00): She recounts a harrowing experience of getting a tattoo while under the influence of meth, leading to severe health complications. This story serves as a powerful testament to the dangers of substance abuse and the importance of seeking help.

The hosts collectively encourage listeners to prioritize their well-being, seek support when needed, and find strength in their personal journeys.

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Conclusion

The "Ask, Tell, Confess" episode of the Dumb Blonde podcast offers a rich tapestry of personal stories, insightful discussions, and genuine laughter. By navigating topics ranging from abusive relationships and personal independence to recovery and embarrassing moments, the hosts create an engaging and relatable experience for listeners. This episode not only entertains but also inspires individuals to embrace their true selves, seek healing, and find joy in both the mundane and the extraordinary aspects of life.

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Notable Quotes:

• Haley (05:55): "I served him a big portion with a smile. To top it off, I also smeared a bit of it inside the hood of one of his hoodies and his pillowcases."

• E (08:01): "Poisoning somebody's food is a whole another level of like, whoa, you know, like, what links will you go when you get mad at somebody else?"

• Jason (15:57): "Like, me and the cow. Jason kept saying no, but he's behind my back when it happens. I panic."

• E (17:44): "This place is the only space for people who can and are able to either stay sober or go. Or people who choose not to be and they want to go have fun at a bar."

• Haley (26:02): "I threw up on the dick one time."

• Jason (28:22): "When you get the laughing creeps."

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Join the Conversation

For more engaging discussions, personal stories, and a community that embraces realness, subscribe to the Dumb Blonde podcast and become a part of the Bunny XO family on Patreon.

Transcript

[Bunny]

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[E]

E.

[Bunny]

To get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com bunny all right guys, it's a new year and you know what that means.

[Mimi]

Out with the old, in with the new.

[Bunny]

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[Mimi]

Hey guys, I need to ask you a question. I want to know why and the hell are you not on Patreon?

[E]

I don't think you guys even realize how much content we have on Pat Patreon.

[Mimi]

Let me break it down for you.

[E]

We have the Bunny XO show.

[Bunny]

We have Meet the D Forts.

[E]

We have propaganda.

[Bunny]

We have more shows that we're adding.

[E]

And not to mention, we have the visuals of the podcast. Head over to www.patreon.com backslash Dumblon podcast and sign up. Ask Confess. I ask.

[Haley]

Welcome, everyone, to another episode of Ask Confess.

[E]

That was my contribution.

[Jason]

I've been practicing. I really want to get the whistle down, but I can't. I can't do it.

[E]

I can't. Like I said, I can't whistle regularly.

[Jason]

So I can only whistle.

[Haley]

Yeah, same.

[E]

Listen, ladies, don't get lip filler. If you ever want to whistle, never work. Wait, you have lip filler? Can you. Not a lot, though. You guys don't have a lot.

[Haley]

A lot. Feel like.

[E]

No, not like I do. I got a hold two decades worth of filler in my lips.

[Haley]

I got a decade.

[E]

Do you got a decade?

[Haley]

I got a decade.

[E]

I didn't even know.

[Haley]

Yeah, I've been here officially 10 years.

[E]

Haley was just sending me some dude's massive dong. Yeah, I mean, what is it with these guys On.

[Haley]

That was on my for you page.

[E]

First of all, I want to know how people on Tik Tok get away with this. Yeah, because if I the video of me and Greg having a rump off get Shadow banned. But dudes can be on there with bulges. Girls are just clapping cheeks like nothing. It's almost like if they're underage, the girls like not underage, but if they're like super, super young, like tick tock just pushes them to the masses. So weird.

[Jason]

Yeah, I like it.

[E]

So anyways, isn't it where you found.

[Jason]

That cone video that one time? Or is that on Instagram?

[E]

The cone of the girl was reals.

[Jason]

Oh, reels be wild.

[E]

Oh, we already. Instagram reels is crazy. Yeah, correct. I send you guys some weird.

[Jason]

It's a wild west over there.

[E]

No, it's wild. So what do you guys got for us today?

[Jason]

We got some new Ashtail confesses.

[E]

We're excited.

[Jason]

We're gonna read some and we're gonna listen to some. Because now you can text in and you can send voicemails.

[E]

So Mimi was just telling you guys, if you guys want to be able to leave us voicemails or text us, you need to be a Patreon member. You can sub to any tier and you can access this feature.

[Jason]

All right, I'm gonna give you this one to read.

[Haley]

God. About seven years ago, I was living with a terribly abusive boyfriend. We had two dogs. And one night, during one of his drunken rages, he stepped in dog poop they had left on the floor. Furious, he picked it up and threw it at me. It actually hit me in the face. I was beyond horrified. The next day, while he was at work, I decided I'd have enough and wanted a little revenge. No. I made a homemade shepherd's pie for dinner, but I added a little something extra. A small piece of dog food. Dog poop mixed with the gravy. I served him a big portion with a smile. To top it off, I also smeared a bit of it inside the hood of one of his hoodies and his pillowcases. Just enough for him to catch faint whiffs of it. The word whiff cries.

[Jason]

I love that. It was so faint.

[Haley]

The craziest part, he didn't even notice. That man was something else. Part double, I swear. A week later, I moved out for good. To this day, though, I can't even look at shepherd's pie without feeling sick.

[Jason]

Wait, you don't notice?

[Haley]

How do you not notice?

[Jason]

Oh, my gosh.

[Haley]

He must have stank.

[Jason]

He must have been a stinky person.

[E]

Yeah, that or he was just used to dog in the house. I don't. So here's. This is a thin line. And I never want to make anybody feel bad for something they've done. You know, to an ex who is. Especially in a abusive ex. I get that you gotta leave. You don't start with people's food because that's one is one of my biggest fears. But two, it's just. It's different. You know, like slashing tires, I can understand. Breaking windows. I mean, even throwing hands with each other, I can understand. But making. Poisoning somebody's food is a whole nother level of kind of like, whoa, you know, like, you have to really, like, what links will you go when you get mad at somebody else?

[Jason]

I had a distant cousin die from that one time.

[E]

Somebody fed him poop.

[Haley]

What?

[Jason]

No, they didn't get fed poop. They got fed arsenic.

[E]

Oh. Yeah.

[Jason]

So they actually were targeting the husband, was targeting the wife or something like this. It was on Dateline. He's a distant cousin. I wasn't close with them, but there's like a whole dateline about how he had came in early and put it in the coffee maker because she was always the first person that got there.

[E]

I think I saw that.

[Jason]

Yeah. So they poisoned the coffee. Just so happened. My cousin got there first that day. I know. And. Yeah. Got it instead.

[E]

I just. I feel like if you are that mad at somebody to where you're thinking about poisoning them, you need to leave because that they're making. They're. They're making you become some. A monster.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[E]

And that. That makes you no different than them. And I'm not talking down to you at all. I appreciate the confession. I think that's, you know, very cool that you can. You can owned up to that. But at the same time, it's like we have to jawline somewhere and have boundaries.

[Jason]

Put it in the hoodie, maybe. Not the shepherd's pie.

[E]

Rub it in his face while he's sleeping at night. I don't give a. Yeah.

[Haley]

Anything besides eating.

[E]

Yeah. It's just when you put something in somebody else's body, especially when they trust you, it's like, you know, like, that's where it becomes.

[Haley]

Did he not notice?

[E]

Because what if that. What if that poop had something in it and then the dude accidentally parasites.

[Jason]

Oh, my God.

[E]

You know, like. And then you're going to jail for murder when.

[Jason]

True story.

[E]

You know, it's like there's just so many what ifs that could happen when you're with people's food. I just don't condone with people's food, period.

[Jason]

Gross.

[E]

Yeah. Facts. All right, so we're gonna hop into some of these. Asshole confesses. Stephanie wrote in bunny, Should I be mad? My hubby just told me that he's feeling extremely guilty as he never planned anything for my 50th. A few weeks ago he told me he was going to take me to Texas to see my son. Now he says it's too cold and.

[Mimi]

Traveling would be difficult.

[E]

I mentioned a few things we could do and his response is, it's winter, it's too cold. His final response to me is, you can wait till summer and I will do something for you then. I'm fucking steaming. We never go out as a couple. I myself get out and do vacations with my grandson. The biggest day of my life is coming up.

[Bunny]

It's a new year, new you, new business. Okay? Don't put it off another year. I want you to manifest, put action behind it and thrive baby. The best time to start your new business is this year.

[E]

Right now.

[Bunny]

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[Mimi]

Sign up for your $1 per month.

[Bunny]

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[Mimi]

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[E]

Should I just buy me a plane.

[Mimi]

Ticket for the south and say, see.

[E]

You or I'm going to go have the time of my life, or am I overreacting? Should I settle for something this summer? I should probably. I should probably add, we do live in Michigan and it's cold, but that's.

[Mimi]

What long johns are for.

[E]

So I'm probably the wrong person to ask this because I'm about to drop a bomb here and I'm sure everybody's going to think it's crazy, but my husband and I do not buy each other presents. We don't celebrate birthdays, we don't celebrate Christmas. We don't celebrate anniversaries. We don't do any of that. And we stopped doing that because in the beginning of our relationship, like, he would buy me a car. I would then feel bad and have to return it and buy him a car. We ended up with eight cars in our driveway, you know, and it just got to the point where it just didn't feel like we were in it for the right reasons as far as buying gifts. And we didn't want it to be a monetary thing, you know? And I want, for one, hate people fawning over me today. This month is the first month that I've actually been like, hey, you know what? I'm gonna plan a birthday trip and we're gonna go. Which actually, we need to pull the trigger on that soon. And when I made those plans, I did not include my husband at all because my husband won. His schedule is so crazy. Two, my husband does nothing but travel for a living. And the last thing I'm gonna ask him to do is go out of town with me and my girls to celebrate my birthday. And lastly, I just honestly didn't think that he was gonna want to go. So I told him. I was like, hey, baby, I think I'm planning a trip for my birthday. And he was actually really surprised because he knows I never. We don't celebrate holidays, nothing. And he was like, I think that's awesome. And then, you know, like a week later, he's like, do you want me to go? And I was like, I would love for you to go because I would love nothing. More than my husband to come with me on the birthday trip. But I just didn't, you know, all those other factors. I just didn't want to ask. I really feel like if you want to do something, I get it, you want your husband there with you, too. But at the same time, it's like, do you want somebody there who. Whose heart's not in it, or would you rather just book it yourself, be an independent baddie and go and have fun by yourself and with your grandson or with friends? Or, like, I get it that we only have 1 50th birthday, but it's over in a day. And that's what I always tell everybody about birthdays. It's like, everybody always puts, like, an emphasis on, oh, my God, you turned 40. You have to celebrate. And it's just like, no, I don't, because guess what? The next day, I'm 41, and it's all over with, you know, like, we don't need to make a big to do. So I just feel like if you want something, do it for yourself and do it in the spirit of, you know What? I'm turning 50, and I'm about to go have a blast, whether he's with me or not. And that's going to change your whole perspective on everything, because stop waiting around for him. Live your life without him. And if he want. If he decides, he, like my husband did, like, at last minute, like, hey, do you want me to go? Yes, I would love for you to go. But at least he's going on his own will now and not feeling forced, because I feel like men in general always feel forced when it comes to their wives to have to do stuff, you know, and it's like, you just want somebody who's participating because they want to, you know, So I don't think it's anything to be mad about.

[Jason]

Dolly and her husband, she, like, openly talked about that on the podcast and said, like, carl doesn't really do much with me, and that's okay. I'll go do it. Yeah, you know, I think that's really cool. And they've got, like, a really awesome relationship.

[E]

Yeah, absolutely. And I mean, you know, you never know. You could fucking have the time of your life, pick a city and just fucking go. Bring one of your friends, bring your grandson, bring whoever brings you joy. Because that, in that moment, if that turning 50 is that big of a deal for you, make it a big deal for you, then don't wait for somebody else to make it a big.

[Haley]

Deal for you or Maybe he's already booked the trip, but he's trying to surprise you.

[E]

Downplaying it. Yeah, that could be.

[Haley]

I got on that.

[E]

Oh, I didn't even. That's perspective. Because I didn't even think of that.

[Haley]

Could be because if he keeps saying, like, no, we're not gonna go, whatever, and then she'll be more surprised.

[E]

Yeah, that would piss me off. That would piss me off. That's what would piss me off. I'd be like, you know what? You know, you saw me getting mad over here how many times you could have been like, look, I planned the thing. Leave me alone.

[Jason]

Like, me and the cow. Jason kept saying no, but he's behind my back when it happens. I panic.

[E]

Yeah, exactly.

[Haley]

So, yeah, I need an update on this.

[E]

Yeah, give us an update. Let us know what he decides to do. And if your birthday's soon, then I'm assuming you're probably an Aquarius. So, I mean, you're into. Yeah, Cap, Aquarius or Pisces. So I'm assuming you're pretty independent on your own. So.

[Jason]

Yeah, you. You can do this.

[E]

Yeah.

[Jason]

By yourself.

[E]

I will have a blast by myself if I want to. You know I will. I am a party of one.

[Jason]

Party. Party for one.

[E]

Party of one, baby. Party of one.

[Jason]

This person just asked. Melissa wants to know for the ask how. Confess. I would like to hear your take on all the hate you are receiving about opening a bar for someone who speaks so highly about recovery.

[E]

So, first of all, I don't. I haven't seen all the hate, so I don't consume that. But secondly, I am the one who is 100% sober in the relationship. My husband has never said that he is 100% sober. He has always said that he smokes weed and that he has a few drinks. So the bar. One is my husband's.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[E]

Two. I also feel like I go in bars all the time and I don't drink.

[Haley]

I mean, you have to drink.

[E]

Yeah, I never drink. Like, I lit, but. And I get that some people. It's a different addiction level, and some people can't be in bars and stuff like that. This isn't the only venture we're going to be opening up. You know, this is just an opportunity that my husband was able to make passive income and put his name and his family, you know, as a staple on Broadway, which to any Antioch boy and Nashville boy is a dream.

[Jason]

He's the only Nashville native with a bar.

[E]

This little boy from Antioch grew up walking the streets of Broadway and now he has his own bar on Broadway, which my husband does drink. So it's not like he's out here saying, oh, hey, you have to be. Just because you're sober doesn't mean you can't be fun. I've never understood, like, people are like, I'm sober. I can't do that. Like, I'm sober. And I. There's food. I'm sober, and I love to have fun. I love to go to bars and watch people get drunk, and then when they start getting too drunk, I leave, you know? But it's like, I think it's fun to just be in the atmosphere and be able to be there and, you know, fellowship with friends and then, you know, go home and.

[Jason]

Which we understand some people just can't.

[Haley]

Yeah.

[Jason]

That's just not the space for you. But this is also the space for people who can and are able to either stay sober or go. Or people who choose not to be and they want to go have fun at a bar. That. That's just what that place is.

[E]

Which I would definitely love to talk to the bar owners about doing a mocktail menu for the people who can't drink. Like. Like, for me, I can't drink, so I would. It's not that I can't drink. I choose not to drink. Yes. So it's like, you know, I would love a little mocktail.

[Haley]

You should do it on your floor.

[Jason]

Yeah, you should have a mocktail thing. My. My new shtick is because I don't love to drink, but sometimes I will is I'll carry the same glass around all night.

[E]

Yeah.

[Jason]

So it's like, I'll have my first glass of champagne, but then I literally won't drink the rest of the night. But I'll hold the glass.

[E]

Yeah.

[Jason]

The rest of the night. And there might be that much in it. No one ever offers me another drink. I don't have to tell people. You may, but, you know, I'm like, oh, no, I'm good over here, you know? And I'm like, still on the same drink from two hours ago.

[E]

Yeah. I just feel like society is so hard pressed to put people in boxes, and they're like, you said you're sober, so you can't do this. And you. You can't. And it's like, I can. Just because I'm sober doesn't mean my friends aren't.

[Haley]

Thousands of other people aren't that too.

[E]

And it's just like, we don't. My husband has never said that he doesn't not drink and doesn't smoke weed. My husband is literally like Willie Nelson's fucking grandchild, you know?

[Jason]

Yes.

[E]

So I'm the only one who is sober.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[E]

And I had no idea my husband was giving me my own level of the bar until after it was already done, pretty much. So that was just a really sweet gesture of him. And just how my husband is really rooted in family and stuff. And. Yeah, you know, this is just a fun little venture that we're diving into and just trying to, you know, dip our toes and other businesses. So let us grow. Let us see what we like, Let us see what we don't like. And, you know, if you can't drink and you are recovering alcoholic, please don't go in bars. And you know, like, well, this isn't. Like I said, this isn't the only thing that we're going to be.

[Jason]

We've got your back. Of not going in the bar.

[E]

Yeah, like, for sure.

[Jason]

We fully support that.

[E]

Yeah, absolutely. All right, so we're going to listen to a voicemail, and like I said, if you guys want to be a part of it, go join our patreon so that you can leave us a voicemail or a text message.

[Mimi]

One thing I absolutely cannot stand about bras and panties is when they dig into your sides on the top, girls.

[E]

You know what I'm talking about.

[Mimi]

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[Unknown]

So I'll go first. My during my 20s and after a wild night drinking at the bars, you know you typically will find someone to go home with. That's how it's the best way to end the night when you're drunk. My was one of my new guy friends came home and we were going at it and he starts to go down on me and I remember previously he had always talked about how he maybe have had a bad experience going down on a girl who smelled and that he wasn't going like he doesn't like doing that. So he's a smoker and I don't know if maybe he had congestion but he starts to go down and he is smelling so hard, so loud that it's almost I didn't even know if it was ever gonna happen. He was. I mean it was the loudest likeness because he still couldn't smell. I don't. Needless to say obviously he didn't. He didn't smell anything. Even drunk. I was like yo. Like he was not even discreet.

[E]

Okay. I would have laughed. That poor baby had ptsd. Whatever he Went down and smelled before. He was hoping he did not smell that ever again.

[Jason]

The fact that he went down and was like.

[E]

Even though.

[Haley]

Scratch and sniff.

[E]

Even though he is congested, that poor baby wanted to make sure whatever he smelled before was not.

[Jason]

I'm crying.

[E]

Happening. Oh, poor baby. I don't. What's your most embarrassing moment in bed, Haley?

[Haley]

I threw up on the dick one time.

[E]

I did, too.

[Haley]

So up. And I didn't want him to know. So wait.

[Jason]

What did you do? Because I know this story. What did you do?

[E]

You ate it back up. Yeah. That's what you got to do, man. That's what professionals do.

[Jason]

It was, like, liquid. It's okay.

[E]

It was just. That's tequila. Okay.

[Jason]

I'm, like, literally gonna puke.

[E]

I did the same thing, except when I puked, spinach came out. Okay. And we were filming, so it's on video.

[Haley]

I've seen the film. What?

[E]

And I had to suck the spinach and the puke back into my mouth.

[Haley]

Thank God I didn't have.

[E]

No.

[Jason]

I'm trying not to throw up right now. That is awful.

[Haley]

Yeah.

[Jason]

What the.

[Haley]

I'm glad we have similar stories.

[E]

Yeah. Makes you feel similar. We're throw goats. That's why.

[Haley]

Yeah. Yeah.

[E]

What about you? Memes?

[Haley]

Yeah.

[E]

I. In the bed one time.

[Haley]

Okay.

[Jason]

I tell that story all the time, so.

[Haley]

Huh.

[Jason]

I broke Jason's dick.

[Haley]

Yeah.

[E]

That wasn't. I had that happen to me, too. But that's not embarrassing for me. That was embarrassing for him.

[Jason]

Oh, I guess.

[Haley]

What's embarrassing for you?

[E]

Yeah.

[Jason]

I don't know about embarrassing for me, really? I've never puked on a dick.

[E]

Never in the bed?

[Jason]

No. No. Unfortunately not. Having things on your couch. No.

[E]

You never. You never had a sugar daddy just leave skid marks across a white.

[Jason]

You know, I missed that era of my life, unfortunately, you know. No, I know.

[E]

Yeah, I know. Mimi has some deep, dark. She never tells us.

[Haley]

Yeah. Let it out.

[E]

Let it out, girl.

[Jason]

If it's, like, embarrassing.

[E]

You never farted while getting clapped doggy style?

[Jason]

I don't believe that. I think when I was younger, like Haley said.

[E]

I don't believe that.

[Haley]

I know. You farted and said you queeved.

[E]

I farted in Jay's face when he was eating me out one time. It was the only time he's ever heard.

[Jason]

Okay, okay. When I was trying to have a baby, Jason and I had been trying. Jason and I had been trying for years. So it took five years for us to get pregnant with Olivia. Right. So at this point, And I was just frustrated, and I really wanted to have a baby, and I was willing to do anything. And everyone always said, after you're done having sex, go upside down.

[Haley]

I've heard that.

[Jason]

So the gravity can work. Well, guess what happens when you go immediately upside down?

[E]

Sounds like a plug coming out of water.

[Jason]

Yes. It is so loud. And it goes on for. So.

[E]

That'S the worst. And. And it's one where you have ejaculation, too. So it's just, like. Gurgles.

[Jason]

Yeah, I was gonna say it's like.

[E]

Yeah. So you had your legs up in the air. Just.

[Jason]

I would just, like, dive off the end of the bed and just, like, put my head on the floor with a pillow. And so it's like my ass was just straight up in the air. And it's just like, you just start queefing.

[Haley]

That's amazing.

[E]

That is funny.

[Jason]

And he would laugh so hard, which would make me laugh.

[E]

Oh, no. So it just kept going.

[Jason]

The laughing queefs.

[E]

Oh, my God.

[Jason]

When you get the laughing creeps.

[E]

Oh, my God. No. I hate queeping, period. I don't like it. It's embarrassing.

[Haley]

I hate the word.

[E]

It's an awful word. Who came up with that? Who? Who did one one day and was like, we shall call it queef.

[Jason]

One time, my mom. I said queef in front of my mom. My mom said, what's a queef? And we like to take turns in our family, explain to my mom what things are like. My turn one time was the rusty trombone. I had to explain to my mom what that was. Well, it was my turn to explain queef. And my mom goes, oh, honey, we just used to call those farts.

[E]

Stop. I love Susan.

[Haley]

I love that word too.

[Jason]

Wait, can we call mom and make sure she tells me it's a fart? That would be so funny.

[E]

Love, Susan, man. She's hilarious. Well, do we have any more? You guys want to read one more? Are we good?

[Jason]

Sorry, man.

[Haley]

Yeah. Oh, my grandma said she's mad that we say that I said grandma.

[E]

Oh, what are we calling her?

[Haley]

Nanny. She was like, can you stop saying grandma?

[E]

I love her.

[Haley]

He's so bougie.

[Susan]

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[E]

All right, we got one more before we go, guys. Confess. When I was using meth real hard, probably at the peak of my addiction, before my downfall, I would get high and extremely sexually aroused. That's crazy, because on meth, it's so hard to be horny. On meth.

[Jason]

Really?

[E]

I don't.

[Mimi]

Well, I don't know.

[E]

Maybe it depends on how she was doing it. Well, I was a tattoo artist working in a shop, and while I had a weird thing that I would try and pull either a really old woman or an unattractive woman, I'm talking as unattractive as I could in my high mind, I would like to do anything society deemed taboo or I was told by someone that they can't do. Okay, so I'm high at the shop, and in walks a woman who was like 79, 80 years old. She wanted me to put a butterfly between her breasts. Here I am high, and in between some old titties, and I was tattooing her, but I kind of threw a couple hints at her and she flirted with me. At least that's the story. Lol. I was so high, so I still have a thing for unattractive women when I'm high. I have been clean and sober a long time, so I don't have those experiences anymore. But I had some experiences.

[Jason]

Man, I was really hoping he banged the lady.

[E]

I know. Like, why even ride in and leave us on a cliffhanger?

[Haley]

Like that story banging on the tattoo table.

[E]

First of all, he had to have been smoking it, cuz he a guy.

[Jason]

Yeah, yeah.

[E]

The only time I've ever been horny on meth, because I used to. I had a little brief meth moment in my life was when I would smoke it. You snort meth, you're not horny. There's no way. You're just like, it was clammed up and feel terrible. Oh, it's the worst.

[Jason]

Can we mention the fact that he's doing meth and tattooing people?

[E]

Oh, all tattoo artists are on something. What I 100.

[Jason]

That is just too many open wounds. And, like, what if there's sweat drips?

[E]

The majority. The majority, dude. One time I was doing meth with my. And we talk about this in my book. One time I was smoking meth in a garage somewhere in Vegas and I got these stars put on my hands. This star right here is extremely scarred. And if you Touch it. You can feel it and stuff. We were so high on meth that he was digging in my bone with a tattoo gun. And it felt good. And I, I, I told him to keep doing it. So I go home two weeks later, I'm so sick. I'm laying in bed, like, can't get out of bed. And my friend Grace comes in and she looks at me, she's like, we're going to the hospital. She's like, my wrist was the same size as my bicep, so my whole arm the entire way down was like, just swollen. Well, I didn't have insurance. I was a stripper. And I literally go to this doctor in Pahrump, remember the same the doctor that said he loved to play God?

[Jason]

Yes.

[E]

He was a doctor for all the girls that worked at the chicken ranches. This dude saved me, though. And we walk into his hospital and he looks at my arm and the doctor goes, oh, my God. Oh, my God. And as soon as a doctor said that to me, I lost it. He's like, we need to put her on intravenous antibiotics right now. They hooked me up to a machine. He came in an hour later. My hand starts just itching. I mean, it was so bad, it instantly started attacking it. He came in, he said, I don't think you realize how close to losing your hand you were. He said, had you have waited one more hour, you would have probably lost your hand.

[Jason]

Get the out.

[E]

Yep, that's what methyl duty, friends. Meth and tattoos do not mix, baby.

[Jason]

Man, that's crazy. Yeah, I got a couple of trap house tattoos.

[E]

Yeah, for sure. No, Haley has never been in a trap house.

[Haley]

No, there's no nice salons.

[E]

Haley will date hood dudes, but never been to the hood. You know, like, that's the type of girl she is in the hood. I know, I know. But I'm talking like a real, like trap house.

[Jason]

You've never met. Trap house?

[Haley]

Don't. You guys don't know 2015 and 2016 Haley?

[E]

No.

[Haley]

Oh, you guys don't know that Haley. That was, that was her young memorized. I'm alive. We'll say that.

[E]

Oh.

[Haley]

Been in a lot of shootings.

[E]

Really?

[Haley]

Yeah.

[E]

Yeah. Shootings. Yeah.

[Haley]

The club I used to frequent got shut down for three people dying outside different occasions.

[E]

I was at every single after hours clubs. I feel like there's always shooting.

[Jason]

Always.

[E]

That's why I get so scared for rail and all them. Like, I just, I hate it because, you know, real runs the after hours.

[Jason]

I know.

[E]

And it Just scared.

[Haley]

I've been to after hours on Murphy's World Pike.

[E]

Yeah.

[Haley]

Scary one and done. Yeah. I almost got taken. Wow. One of our security, now that we have sometimes he literally saved my life. This, like, dude, this car full of like four dudes. Four or five dudes, they try to get me in the car with them. They were trying to give me Zans and stuff and they were trying to get me in there to like suck them all off.

[E]

Oh, my God.

[Haley]

Yeah.

[E]

Not the group act.

[Haley]

One of our security saw it, pulled up his car, he's like, haley, get in again. This car. We went to Waffle House.

[Jason]

No, man, you end up in some weird situations. The other night after we left the bar, she text me at like 4:00 in the morning. Was like, I'm at some Airbnb. Here's a video of me. I said, haley, that's how you get drugged. Yeah. And she was like, I didn't get home till 9:30 in the morning.

[Haley]

Yeah, good times.

[E]

And she said the people she was with were like, it's not even late. Yeah. I like, that's how you know they're on drugs when at 9am they're like, it's not even lazy.

[Jason]

Oh, man. I was. I was yawning at the bar. I was like, man, I would really love some raising canes right now.

[E]

All right, well, love you guys. Smell you later. Bye.

[Jason]

Go play with some cows.

[E]

Bye.