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Maria
Hi, everyone. If you've been injured in an accident that was not your fault, listen up. We have legal professionals standing by to answer your questions for free. Call now and find out if you have a case and how much it's potentially worth. Call 800-557-800. I'm here with spokesman John Wolfe. So John, tell everyone listening who should call right now. Well, Maria, first off, thank you for having me here. It's always nice to answer the listeners questions. Now as far as who should call in, anyone who's been injured in an accident and think you deserve compensation, give us a call right now. 800-557-800. You'll find out if you have a case and how much it's potentially worth. Thanks, John. You heard it, folks. Take advantage of this opportunity and call now. 800-557-800. Advertisements sponsored by Legal Help center may not be available in all states.
John Wolfe
My dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for career day and said he was a big roas man. Then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend. My friends still laugh at me to this day.
Maria
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John Wolfe
Hey, guys, I need to ask you a question. I want to know why in the hell are you not on Patreon? I don't think you guys even realize how much content we have on Patreon. Let me break it down for you. We have the Bunny XO show. We have Meet the Defaults. We have Propaganda. We have more shows that we're adding. And not to mention we have the visuals of the pod. Head over to www.patreon.com Dumblon Podcast and sign up Ask, Tell, Confess. Hello, friends. Welcome to another ask, tell confess.
Haley
10 seconds.
John Wolfe
What's my longest record? I don't even remember.
Haley
Oh, that one you went on and it didn't stop. That one when you just didn't stop.
John Wolfe
I must have taken a really good breath.
Haley
You had to.
John Wolfe
Yeah.
Haley
Yeah, man.
John Wolfe
We are on our way to film right now. We are literally all dolled up and nowhere to go. All right. This is how much, how dedicated we are to you guys that literally we swing by the studio on our way to work. Yep, to work. So we love you guys. Not over here. Trying to make you guys feel bad or anything, but you should feel bad. No, just kidding. Totally kidding. What's up, guys? We're fucking off tour. We can finally announce it, right?
Haley
Yep.
John Wolfe
We are off tour. We're done. That's a wrap. Jay has about two more weeks and. But other than that, I am so thankful to be home. I literally went through my house like a wild banshee. Like the Tasmanian double cleaning everything up. I got that laundry room in shape. I ordered new dog water bowls. I ordered chandeliers. I'm. I'm. I'm. It's getting weird.
Haley
Is the waterfall going away?
John Wolfe
Oh, it's going away. I hate that. You mean the aquarium? I hate it, dude. The thing drizzles water like a pond in our laundry room all the time. It's the loudest. No, it's terrible water bowl. I've ever, never buy one of those waterfall dog bowls. It just. I do it so that the water doesn't get stagnant. So I got another. A different kind of waterfall one, but it's like an updated one and it's really cool. I'll show it to you guys.
Haley
Talking about tour. Someone wants to know because there was an announcement about the Canada tour. Are we going?
John Wolfe
I believe so. Tentatively, right now? I believe so. Not 100. Sure. Because I'm not excited about the thought of being in Canada in the middle of the winter. It's.
Haley
It's terrifying.
John Wolfe
Brutal.
Haley
Yes.
John Wolfe
I've been out there. I had a sugar daddy in Canada, and I used to go out there to see him during the wintertime. I couldn't run back.
Haley
He's a little snow bunny.
John Wolfe
I was a little snow bunny getting them dollar bills, y'all. But, yeah, it was. It was pretty rough out there. So. I don't know. We're still putting it together. I. We just got off tour. The thought of getting on another tour makes me want to gouge my eyes. I know.
Haley
I got a phone call asking about 2025's plans. I said, let me. Let me chill out, figure out who. Ron. He said, I need to know the exact dates you guys are coming to tour. I said, ron, you're going to need to chill the fuck out.
John Wolfe
Yeah, Ron, I'm going to need you to give us till after Thanksgiving. No, that. My book. You know, a lot of you guys keep asking about my book. My book is coming out. We have now finally decided on a name. Can we announce it?
Haley
No.
John Wolfe
Son of a. Why can't we announce it?
Haley
Well, you can say It. We'll ask Jen to bleep it if she says no.
John Wolfe
Okay. If I'm not allowed to announce it. I'm sorry, guys, but it's called yeah, Baby. And it's just literally me taking all the. You getting to see Alyssa instead of Bunny and hearing my life story version of you. Yeah, it's the most raw version. A lot of you guys do know a little bit about the story, but I think there's a ton of details that you guys don't know that you're going to read in this book. And you're going to be like, that's why she's the way she is.
Haley
I've known you now going on seven years. I believe I didn't know half that stuff.
John Wolfe
Yeah, I read. And there's so much more.
Haley
I know the first, like, 10,000 words, I was like, what? Yeah.
John Wolfe
I don't know if everybody around me is just gaslighting me or pump faking me, but everybody that reads the beginning of the book is like, I can't put this down. No, I want to read more. And like, of course, you know, hearing that, you want to be like, oh, my gosh. But then at the same time, it's like, I look at it and it doesn't. To me, it's not much because I lived it, you know? So it's like, to me, I'm just like, people had it way worse than I did, you know? And I just feel like my. I don't know. I hope my story resonates with you guys. And we've been really pouring my heart and soul into this book for you guys. So we're already talking about doing a second book. But, yeah, it's going to be awesome. And it's going to drop in next fall, so. Fall of 2025. So be ready for that, guys.
Haley
And what are we doing this weekend?
John Wolfe
We have a whole list. We're doing a shoot, and so I can video that too, right? And we can post.
Haley
I believe. I believe we can have Jaime there and do like, a whole behind the scenes of this and make a whole moment out of it, because it's going to be so cool and such a creative moment for all of us.
John Wolfe
Yeah, I'm excited. I'm trying my first wig this weekend, guys, for the book cover photo shoot. And I can't wait. I see all these girls that look so beautiful in wigs and they get to change their hair color and all that stuff. I put on wigs and I look like the dad from Coneheads. Like, my forehead always looks Amazon, bro. It's the worst wigs. I look like a Klingon anytime I try to wear a wig. So we're gonna give it one more.
Haley
We're gonna do a real wig this time. Time from someone who's going to come in and actually install.
John Wolfe
Yeah, just plop it on your end.
Haley
Yeah. It's going to be a moment. I can't wait. And it's going to be so pretty.
John Wolfe
Yeah, I'm going to wear wigs until the my hair is done healing cuz it's. I mean it's grown a lot in six months but we got another six months to go before I have bangs. My life.
Haley
This question's for Haley. How was it kissing Bunny? This person said, I can't stop trying to figure out what that face was. I heard a soft a moment in which she sucked your bottom lip in.
John Wolfe
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Haley
It's. It's like. Yeah, it's a whole.
John Wolfe
It's a whole lore. There's a whole lore to her gate. And one minute she will be. She'll walk by me on the bus. I don't have a bra. And she will full on, grab a titty. Oh, no problem. She'll fucking try to swipe my hoot. If I walk past her and she's naked, she'll back up into it. And then other times, she backed up.
Haley
Into me before we got here.
John Wolfe
Yeah. And then other times she tries to act like I think there's two sides to her, and that's the Gemini in her. And she tries to act like she doesn't like it. And it's like, bitch, please. I asked her Today. Because when I was rubbing her titty when she was doing my makeup, I was like, did you miss me? She's like, actually, yeah.
Haley
She think it's weird to go do regular people and they're not groping me. I gotta make small talk. It's okay when I do it.
John Wolfe
Yeah.
Haley
I gotta initiate it.
John Wolfe
But if someone gets too close to me, I can't. You.
Haley
Oh, yeah. We're holding hands, by the way.
John Wolfe
I know. I'm like, what are you talking about? As you guys are holding hands, as you guys are holding hands on the couch, she's over there talking shit.
Haley
Yeah, I'm not. I'm not gay at all.
John Wolfe
Okay, so. So do you guys see how she plays this little role? I mean, come on.
Haley
It's gonna take the right person just to flip that switch. And it's either gonna be good or bad. Either. She's never going to joke around again.
John Wolfe
I want to hook up.
Haley
Someone's gonna turn her.
John Wolfe
I want to hook her up with one. You know which one I'm talking about, girl.
Haley
Yeah. No, no.
John Wolfe
Bump them clams, baby. Clam bumping. Muff diving. Yeah.
Haley
I'm gonna close up shop.
John Wolfe
Oh, don't sew it up. It's like a Venus fly trap.
Haley
It was like the iron curtains the other day.
John Wolfe
Haley's vagina is like a Venus fly trap. When it opens, it's like, brr. But then when she gets all scared, it's like.
Haley
It's a clip.
John Wolfe
Close. Oh, no. Not the predator mouth. Predator mouth. Pussy.
Haley
Predator puss. Not the predator puss. Can't do it. Can't do it. Speaking of, someone wants to know about your Christmas song.
John Wolfe
Well, Veo's texting us. Did we say something wrong?
Haley
Okay.
John Wolfe
Oh, my God. Did she hear this already?
Haley
No post.
John Wolfe
Anytime I post this text, I'm like. I get nervous. Christmas song is ready, baby. We're about to film the. The video to it. It's called Come here, Come here Cowboy.
Haley
Yeah.
John Wolfe
It's so cute. It's just a little, cute little country song. And I can't wait for you guys to hear it. We're probably going to release it. Planning on releasing it November 22nd. And then the video will be released the first week of December.
Haley
Yeah.
John Wolfe
So we're excited.
Haley
I'm so excited for this. This is like. That was such a fun and creative process and I would do it time and time again.
John Wolfe
Yeah, no, I'm ready. I. I'm so excited to just get it out into the ether T mobile.
Maria
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Haley
I finally have a home office.
Maria
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John Wolfe
Well let me see what I got over here. Off of Patreon Little Askel confesses. You asked a few memes. How does one go about reading their birth chart? It's not easy and I have been into astrology pretty much my entire life and I'm just now getting familiar with it. But if you want to read, if you want to like do your birth chart, just go to cafeastrology.com it's so easy. Type in your name, your birth date and the time that you were born. You have to know the exact time you were born or it's not going to give you an accurate reading and where and then it will break it down for you and you will have you know, it breaks it down like your sun sign, moon sign, Venus sign and then from there you can just study Google, learn questions like I'm still learning everything.
Haley
It also does a little breakdown at the bottom too so you can learn a little bit about it, but you really got to do your other research of like why and what.
John Wolfe
It's so much like, just learn the basics first. Like, learn what your sun represents. Learn what your moon represents. Learn what you're rising Venus your. For your north and south nodes. Like, learn all of that first. Then learn about the houses. The houses is what's confusing because you have your. Like, my son is in my second house, and I believe my moon is in my fourth. Not exactly positive, but, like, it's just. It means everything. Everything has a meaning. So it's like, if you really want to get into somebody's psyche, study their birth chart. That's why I'm offended. My birth chart is online because people are not. It's really. You're not supposed to.
Haley
Personal thing.
John Wolfe
You're not supposed to post your birth charts. That's why when I saw all these people on Tick Tock doing that trend of, like, posting their birth charts, I was like, holy. Like, this is like giving away your Social Security number. But these are like Acacia records. And so.
Haley
Yeah, but also learn about yourself and then you can learn about others because, like, I. We just learned about yours. Well, I have a stellium. We just found out. And then you just found out you.
John Wolfe
Have an Aries stellium.
Haley
Yeah.
John Wolfe
Which is wild. I don't think I've ever met anybody who has an Aries stellium.
Haley
But don't I have two. Don't I have.
John Wolfe
What was the other one?
Haley
I think cap.
John Wolfe
Did you have a cap stellium, too? Yeah.
Haley
Or an Aquarius. I had two.
John Wolfe
Yeah.
Haley
Yeah. But what. What did we find out about yours yet? Like, something about a Gemma Gemini. You. I don't know.
John Wolfe
But I do know I found someone.
Haley
That has almost the same birth chart as me. Yeah, that's crazy.
John Wolfe
Weird.
Haley
Like, separated at birth. Crazy. But you. When you get in the same room as you guys, you totally get it.
John Wolfe
That's crazy.
Haley
I know. Like, it's like looking at a male version of you.
John Wolfe
Yeah, it's wild. The poop bandit, the beauty glitch, wrote in and said, I work at a facility that has well over 300 men on each shift.
Haley
Okay, first of all, it's a lot of wiener.
John Wolfe
And we. And we all have to use Porta Potties. I couldn't do it. I would. In the ground. I would dig a hole and in the ground. Well, one day we get told that there is a guy going around smearing poop on the handles and walls and even putting poop in the hand sanitizer of the porta Potties, that he had been doing this well over a week, even at the ones we use. They couldn't catch the guy because he cut the lines to the cameras. And it's been over a month and still no sign. So needless to say, our buttholes are clenched together tighter than Fort Knox at work. What would you do? Do you agree? It took them over a week to tell us.
Haley
I would be in bags. Yeah.
John Wolfe
Literally, now that we in bags, all.
Haley
Put a bag in it and poop. There's no difference. In a Porta Potty, Literally, dude, I.
John Wolfe
Would fucking shit in my car. I don't like Porta Potties to begin with. I can't go in one. I don't want to smell all of that. No. Oh, my God. I can't do it.
Haley
I'd shit my pants. Before shooting in a porta Potty.
John Wolfe
When I first met my husband, he used to tell me that his fantasy was having sex with a girl in a porta Potty.
Haley
That's.
John Wolfe
I was like, it doesn't surprise me. I was like, tell me. I was like, tell me you're a fucking Juggalo without telling me you're a Juggalo. That is some Juggalo shit that they would do at the gathering, right?
Haley
Yeah.
John Wolfe
That is shout out to our Juggalos and Juggalettes. We love you guys, but, yeah, I just. I can't do it. Porta Potties disgust me.
Haley
I just feel like you're sitting in, like, sitting. No, I just. Mainly when you go in one, it's like being in, like, first of all, shit coffin.
John Wolfe
You better not be sitting on a fucking porch.
Haley
There are people out there that sit.
John Wolfe
No.
Haley
Yes.
John Wolfe
No, I'm sure. What if somebody has, like, open sores on their ass or their butt cheeks? Oh, my God. Or if a dude uses it and misses and pisses, but you got.
Haley
Whenever you, like, drop something and that backwater comes back up on you.
John Wolfe
Oh, God. I can't do that.
Haley
Have you seen the people who fall in them? Wait, no.
John Wolfe
What? What? What did you just say?
Haley
Seen the, like, videos? I'm. Those are going in our group chat next time. I've seen the videos.
John Wolfe
Wait, what did you just say?
Haley
When someone falls in it.
John Wolfe
Okay, first of all, what the. How are they falling in a Porta Potty?
Haley
Yeah, I mean.
John Wolfe
What do you mean? Push them over in it?
Haley
Yeah.
John Wolfe
Oh, God, no. Like they used to do on Jackass. No, I can't. I can't. I cannot. I cannot. Oh, God. Walking in there. I'm literally. I can't do it.
Haley
I just watched a fight on my. I'm just Telling you guys, my ig reels are above and beyond.
John Wolfe
Can we talk about IG reels, bro?
Haley
Mine is basically rotten dot com.
John Wolfe
I am so scared mine's of what is going to pop up on my ig reels. First of all, you will delete girls, sex workers, their fucking pages. They're literally wearing, like, bikinis. But there's straight up people. I see at least seven people die every day. I can't. That's not my FYI. Got weird shit. Oh, yeah. I don't speak that into my life. Anytime somebody says some weird shit around my phone, I'm like, no, sir, I don't want that in my feed. No, thank you. Like, it scares me.
Haley
Mine is wild.
John Wolfe
Mine's like crusty toenails. Yeah. Some old guy that's like, mine has, like, crusty toenails. Like, it's. Mine's more, like, gross and like, poop and stuff like that.
Haley
Mine is very poop.
John Wolfe
Real.
Haley
Yeah.
John Wolfe
Good. I would rather that than seeing somebody croak.
Haley
Yeah. No. I watched these two girls fight in a porta Potty the other day. Like, door open, and she had her, like, in the toilet just ba, ba, ba.
John Wolfe
Oh, yeah, Yeah, I saw that too. That was at a. At one of those country concerts.
Haley
Yes.
John Wolfe
She's wearing white boots. They call her white boots.
Haley
Yeah.
John Wolfe
Yeah. I love her. She's got. She has a TikTok.
Haley
I love it.
John Wolfe
No, she's awesome. I love her. She fucking whooped that girl's ass, dude.
Haley
She whooped ass in that porta Potty.
John Wolfe
No, it was crazy, but, you know. See what I'm talking about? Nothing good happens in fucking porta Potties.
Haley
Nothing good.
John Wolfe
Don't go into porta Potties. They're disgusting. Yeah.
Maria
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John Wolfe
So if you guys haven't learned anything today on this fucking ass tal confess. Do not go into port up potty. But to answer that lady's question one, yes, I would have been pissed off if. If my employer did not tell me that somebody was new putting poop in the hand sanitizer. That's why I don't use hand sanitizer. When you guys try to give me hand sanitizer, mine doesn't have.
Haley
I don't. Yeah, I don't poop in mine.
John Wolfe
I know, but what if you left your bag somewhere?
Haley
God, could you imagine someone trying to poop in that small of a hole?
John Wolfe
I mean, all they got to do. I'm just saying. I don't use. I don't use community salt and pepper shakers. I don't use community like Tabascos. Anything that can open up in a restaurant, I don't use. I will sit there and suffer. I'll eat the plainest food and have the driest mouth. There's no way that I'm using any of that. People are weird now, man.
Haley
They are. People are weird.
John Wolfe
Yeah. It's so sad that we have to think like that, but honestly, people just are, you know, they don't have good intentions, there's something wrong. Doesn't make me a weirdo because I don't trust nobody, you know, don't trust a hoe. All right, you guys ready to go film?
Haley
Let's go film.
John Wolfe
Let's go. Skedaddle. Are we allowed to say who we're filming with? No.
Haley
We're not even allowed to say this in the beginning, so we're probably gonna cut that.
John Wolfe
I've been.
Haley
No, we just don't want to get in trouble.
John Wolfe
They don't know what it's for, and we're not gonna get in trouble. I've been saying it on freaking Patreon.
Haley
Yeah, but that's Patreon. This is public.
John Wolfe
We're filming. Love you guys.
Dumb Blonde Podcast Episode Summary: "Ask, Tell, Confess: Don’t Give Away Your Birth Chart"
In the episode titled "Ask, Tell, Confess: Don’t Give Away Your Birth Chart," hosts John Wolfe and Haley delve into a variety of engaging topics ranging from personal anecdotes and upcoming projects to a deep dive into astrology and the importance of safeguarding one's birth chart. Hosted by Dumb Blonde Productions, this episode encapsulates humor, real-life experiences, and insightful discussions that resonate with listeners seeking both entertainment and meaningful conversations.
John Wolfe kicks off the episode by urging listeners to support their content on Patreon, highlighting the exclusive shows available to patrons.
“We have the Bunny XO show. We have Meet the Defaults. We have Propaganda. We have more shows that we're adding.”
[01:32]
Haley echoes this sentiment, emphasizing the dedication they have towards their audience by consistently contributing content.
“We are on our way to film right now. We are literally all dolled up and nowhere to go.”
[02:57]
A significant portion of the episode revolves around the announcement of John Wolfe's upcoming book, tentatively titled "Yeah, Baby." The hosts express excitement about sharing personal stories and insights through this publication.
John Wolfe reveals the essence of the book, focusing on his life journey and personal growth.
“It's just literally me taking all the... you getting to see Alyssa instead of Bunny and hearing my life story version of you.”
[05:22]
He discusses the positive reception of the book’s initial chapters, noting that listeners are eager to delve deeper into his narrative.
“A lot of you guys do know a little bit about the story, but I think there's a ton of details that you guys don't know...”
[05:36]
Haley adds her support, mentioning how even after seven years, there are still new facets of John's story emerging.
“I've known you now going on seven years. I believe I didn't know half that stuff.”
[05:55]
The book is slated for release in fall 2025, with plans for a sequel already in motion.
“It's going to drop in next fall, so Fall of 2025. So be ready for that, guys.”
[06:03]
The hosts discuss their creative projects, including filming sessions and the production of a Christmas song titled "Come Here, Cowboy."
John Wolfe shares his excitement about the upcoming book cover photo shoot, humorously detailing his struggles with wigs.
“I'm trying my first wig this weekend, guys, for the book cover photo shoot. I look like the dad from Coneheads.”
[07:05]
Haley contributes by discussing the creative process behind their new Christmas song, expressing enthusiasm for its release.
“It's so cute. It's just a little, cute little country song. And I can't wait for you guys to hear it.”
[13:25]
The song is planned for release on November 22nd, with the video debuting in the first week of December.
“We're probably going to release it November 22nd. And then the video will be released the first week of December.”
[13:37]
A significant and entertaining segment of the episode revolves around a humorous yet relatable discussion about porta potties. The hosts share exaggerated tales of mishaps and frustrations associated with using these facilities during events.
John Wolfe narrates a particularly bizarre incident involving a prankster tampering with porta potty amenities.
“One day we get told that there is a guy going around smearing poop on the handles and walls... he cut the lines to the cameras.”
[18:22]
Haley adds her own humorous take, highlighting the discomfort and anxiety porta potties can cause.
“I'd shit my pants before shooting in a porta Potty.”
[19:25]
Their vivid descriptions and shared disdain for porta potties spark laughter and empathy among listeners who have faced similar experiences.
The core theme of the episode centers on the intricacies of astrology, specifically the significance of one's birth chart, and the reasons why it might be unwise to share this personal information publicly.
John Wolfe introduces the topic by addressing a listener's question about reading birth charts, offering practical advice on where to start.
“If you want to read your birth chart, just go to cafeastrology.com... you have to know the exact time you were born or it's not going to give you an accurate reading.”
[15:34]
He emphasizes the importance of understanding the various components of a birth chart before delving deeper.
“Learn the basics first. Like, learn what your sun represents. Learn what your moon represents... then learn about the houses.”
[16:32]
Haley discusses the personal revelations and connections they've discovered through studying their own birth charts, enhancing self-awareness and interpersonal understanding.
“We just learned about yours. Well, I have a stellium. We just found out.”
[17:24]
The conversation shifts to privacy concerns, with John Wolfe expressing discomfort about the trend of sharing birth charts online.
“You're not supposed to post your birth charts. That's why when I saw all these people on TikTok doing that trend... it's like giving away your Social Security number.”
[17:10]
This segment underscores the delicate balance between self-exploration through astrology and the necessity of maintaining personal privacy to protect one's identity and personal information.
Throughout the episode, John Wolfe and Haley interact with listener questions, providing candid and humorous responses that showcase their chemistry and authenticity.
A notable exchange involves a listener asking about the dynamics of kissing Bunny, leading to a frank and amusing discussion.
John Wolfe: “When I was rubbing her titty when she was doing my makeup, I was like, did you miss me?”
[07:55]
Additionally, they address questions related to their personal relationships and social interactions, maintaining a light-hearted and relatable tone.
The hosts frequently acknowledge their audience, expressing gratitude and fostering a sense of community. They share snippets of their social media experiences, particularly focusing on Instagram Reels, and encourage listeners to engage with their content.
John Wolfe humorously critiques the unpredictable nature of Instagram content.
“I can't do... I am going to see if anyone even realizes how much content we have on Patreon.”
[21:01]
Haley complements this by sharing amusing observations about the content generated by their followers.
“I've seen the videos. It's going in our group chat next time.”
[20:35]
As the episode draws to a close, John Wolfe and Haley transition from their candid conversations to their professional commitments, indicating their need to shift focus back to filming and content creation.
John Wolfe: “So if you guys haven't learned anything today on this fucking ass tal confess. Do not go into port up potty.”
[23:26]
They wrap up with light-hearted banter, preparing to continue their work behind the scenes.
Conclusion
This episode of the Dumb Blonde podcast masterfully balances humor, personal storytelling, and insightful discussions. By addressing topics like the importance of keeping one's birth chart private, sharing personal growth through their upcoming book, and engaging in light-hearted debates about everyday annoyances, John Wolfe and Haley create a relatable and entertaining experience for their audience. Whether you're a long-time listener or new to the podcast, "Ask, Tell, Confess: Don’t Give Away Your Birth Chart" offers a blend of laughter, wisdom, and community connection that embodies the essence of Dumb Blonde Productions.