Ask, Tell, Confess: I Bought a Roll-Royce...Then a House in LA

Summary

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Dumb Blonde Podcast

Episode: Ask, Tell, Confess – I Bought a Roll-Royce...Then a House in LA

Date: August 1, 2026
Host: Bunnie XO (with guests/friends Mimi, Hayley, Jaime)

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Episode Overview

This lively, unfiltered episode captures the infectious energy of Bunnie XO and her friends as they recap their wild week in LA: celebrating the purchase of a long-awaited luxury car and a new LA home, reflecting on growth and living in the moment, and diving into a hysterically raunchy round of listener- and personal- strip club stories in the "Ask, Tell, Confess" format.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Big Life Updates: Rolls Royce & LA House

• Haley shares her major milestones: Buying her dream car, a white Rolls Royce Cullinan ("Snow White"), as a reward for getting through IVF (01:29–02:47).
  • “I literally have been planning on buying a Rolls Royce Cullinan since last year… It literally was a present to myself for getting through the IVF.” —Haley (01:54)
• A new LA house: The crew announces the purchase of an LA compound, marking a new chapter and a big shift from Vegas (03:24–03:50).
  • “We bought an LA house, baby. We got an LA compound. LA compound. I’m so excited.” —Haley (03:29)
• Living the dream: Joyful banter about living large, soaking up West Coast energy, and how LA feels like a soul-recharging rebirth after hard work and trauma.
  • “It’s still been like a recharge for the soul.” —Haley (04:02)
  • “I feel like I’m living more now in the moment than I ever have.” —Haley (04:53)

2. Living Fully in the Moment

• Putting phones down: The friends talk about the healing power of being present and not sharing everything online (05:05–05:34).
  • “We’re not living in our phones. We’re living in the moment.” —Mimi (05:27)
• Cozy nights and inside jokes: Cooking adventures (the “Cookie Saga”), movie nights, laughter on the porch over LA, tears of gratitude and playful teasing about getting sentimental (04:15–04:53).

3. LA Nightlife Escapades

• Honky-tonk and strip club capers:
  • An anonymous LA bar full of good vibes reminds them of home (05:56–06:08).
  • Seventh Veil adventures: After craving late-night grilled cheese, the group ends up at the legendary strip club—empty except for them and a stunning dancer named "Cinnamon" who turned a Frank Sinatra song into a "sexy" experience (06:38–08:41).
    • “She was, like, shaking her ass to New York, New York. And it was so hot.” —Haley (08:17)
  • Blindfolded surprise: A follow-up visit with Hayley as the group’s “kidnap” target, picking a new dancer for her surprise VIP experience (09:19–10:13).
    • “Let’s blindfold Haley.” —Mimi (09:10)
  • Playful stories about attire choices (Uggs, slippers) and LA’s grittier side (11:52).

4. Ask, Tell, Confess: Best & Worst Strip Club Stories

(13:14–27:50)

Notable Listener & Host Confessions:

• Jaime’s awkward encounter: A shy new dancer in Mobile, AL, and an anticlimactic $40 tip (13:45–14:51).
  • “She just seemed very shy… then kind of walked away. But I thought it was… It may have been me, but…” —Jaime (13:58)
• Haley’s wild confessional: A listener (her ex) recounts their risque public sex at a club; Haley laughs and agrees to voice-distort to “FBI informant” status for privacy (15:23–16:37).
  • “You me in front of everybody. It was honestly, it was a lot of fun.” —Caller (15:48)
• Dancer's disaster: Listener story about a dancer’s clit piercing getting stuck in a client’s zipper—an ambulance had to be called (17:09–17:21).
• Sleeping through the show: Hayley’s micro-story of falling asleep at a Vegas club, woken by an aggressive dancer clapping heels over her head (18:33–18:53).
• Vivid & grotesque: A dancer finds a $100 bill in her body, three days later (19:38–20:06).
• On-the-job deaths & dark humor: A story from Memphis about a dancer overdosing mid-lapdance (21:06–21:24).
• Bloody tampons in vodka: The hosts are both horrified and fascinated by a Columbia, SC regular who liked a “bloody” drink (23:00–23:46).
  • “Dunking it like an Oreo cookie.” —Mimi (23:23)
• Strip club attire secrets: Dialogue about men choosing windbreakers or thin slacks for “maximum effect” during dances (23:52–24:14).
• Accidental messes: Real talk about period accidents on clients, white G-strings, and how “men don’t care” (25:26–26:16).
• Hot Pocket drama: The most outlandish—Sapphire’s boyfriend busting into the club, enraged she ate his last pepperoni Hot Pocket (“You Hot Pocket eating hoe!”) and a debate about which Hot Pocket flavor is best (26:20–27:41).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Haley, on living her best life:
  “It has been my dream car and now I don’t ever have to buy any other car. I have all the cars that I could possibly want.” (02:47)
• On LA: “It’s been a beautiful time and I love living like this. And I think that I would not want to spend it with anybody else but you guys.” —Haley (05:34)
• Mimi, on a tearful moment:
  “I got a little teary eyed. I was like, it’s so beautiful. Don’t be gay.” (04:38)
• On frank, unfiltered tales:
  “She was, like, shaking her ass to New York, New York. And it was so hot.” —Haley (08:17) “Her clit piercing got stuck in the guy’s zipper.” —Mimi (17:09) “She found it lodged inside her vagina. Found it three days later.” —Mimi (19:38) “You Hot Pocket eating hoe.” —Mimi, reading a listener’s story (26:50)
• Haley, practical:
  “Let’s it out. We’ll deal with it when we get home.” (25:01)
• On living in the moment:
  “We’re not living in our phones. We’re living in the moment. And I really enjoy it.” —Mimi (05:27)
• Comic relief amid the raunch:
  “Dunking it like an Oreo cookie.” —Mimi (23:23)
  “I wore my slippers to the red light district in Amsterdam. You should at least wear yours.” —Mimi (11:28)

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Important Timestamps

• 01:29–02:47: Buying a Rolls Royce—Haley’s dream and IVF celebration
• 03:24–03:50: Announcing the LA compound purchase
• 04:02–05:34: Reflections on living in the moment, putting phones down, and gratitude
• 06:38–08:41: Legendary Seventh Veil strip club escapades and Frank Sinatra’s “New York, New York”
• 13:14–27:50: Ask, Tell, Confess: Crowd-sourced and personal wild strip club stories
• 26:50–27:41: “Hot Pocket” story and hosts’ fiery debate on flavor preferences

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Episode Tone & Style

Conversational, irreverent, honest, and extremely candid. The episode veers between heartfelt gratitude for new beginnings and full-throttle, raunchy comedy and storytelling. There’s a clear sense of camaraderie, joy, and unapologetic fun—even when the stories get wild or dark.

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Summary

For longtime fans and new listeners alike, this episode is quintessential Dumb Blonde—equal parts audacious storytelling, true confessions, and authentic joy in friendship and growth. The journey from buying life’s big milestones (a Rolls Royce, a house) blends seamlessly into comedically raw tales of LA nightlife and raucous strip club disasters, with the hosts and guests maintaining honesty and laughter throughout.

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Transcript

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[Haley]

Ask, tell Confess.

[Mimi]

Ask, Tell Confess. Ask, Tell Confess.

[Haley]

And on tonight's news, breaking news from la. You guys. Hello, France.

[Mimi]

Haley, chill.

[Jaime]

Chill, bro.

[Hayley]

I literally didn't.

[Haley]

I saw you tilt your mic towards you. Yeah, there you go.

[Mimi]

All right.

[Haley]

What's up, guys? We are in la. We just got done doing a podcast, of course. Mimi has me working on our vacation, but it's okay. We needed a break. We needed some normality. Right?

[Mimi]

You know, we did.

[Hayley]

It feels like home.

[Jaime]

Yeah.

[Haley]

You know, bro, should we talk about our week that we've been having in la?

[Mimi]

Are we allowed to.

[Haley]

Why the aren't we.

[Jaime]

We can bleep, whatever.

[Hayley]

Yeah.

[Mimi]

The whole podcast.

[Haley]

Okay, so I didn't mean like that.

[Mimi]

And I just busted it wide open.

[Haley]

I didn't mean like that. I meant like. Let's talk about. We fucking added a new addition to the family.

[Mimi]

We did.

[Haley]

Snow motherfucking white, baby.

[Mimi]

Made every headline in America.

[Haley]

Okay, I just need to let you guys know. Your girl came to LA for the past 10 days and I needed a vacation. We have been having a blast, but the car has been in the works for a year.

[Hayley]

Yes.

[Mimi]

This wasn't just this trip.

[Haley]

Yeah. So I literally have been planning on buying a Rolls Royce Cullinan since last year. It was going to be my IVF present to myself because of all the shit I had to go through. And it just so happens that it landed at this time in my life. Okay. It has nothing to do with anything having to do with that part of my life. It literally was a present to myself for getting through the IVF and just kind of like a celebratory gift that I wanted to do, so.

[Mimi]

Would you deserve that? She's.

[Haley]

Yes. So that's why we have her. And we named her Snow White. And I just. She's lush, dude.

[Mimi]

She is lush.

[Haley]

She purrs like a freaking kitten. She's smooth.

[Mimi]

Yeah, it's very, very smooth.

[Haley]

Yeah.

[Hayley]

Like if milk was a car.

[Haley]

Oh, what do they call that?

[Hayley]

Spanish. Yeah.

[Haley]

No, it's so good. And I'm just so thankful that I am in a position to be able to afford that vehicle. But it has been my dream car and now I don't ever have to buy any other car. I have all the cars that I could possibly want.

[Mimi]

Yeah.

[Hayley]

Yeah.

[Mimi]

They're all so pretty.

[Haley]

We've been out here. Just. What else have we been doing, dude? Just living life. We have been having be generate.

[Mimi]

Yeah. Like, I haven't drank this much in same. It's. Yeah, yeah. I. You remember that time like a couple weeks ago when I said I would never drink again?

[Hayley]

Yeah, I remember that. I knew we would be here.

[Haley]

We're going home to Nashville just to get better.

[Mimi]

Like we. I need to heal.

[Jaime]

Yeah.

[Mimi]

We're only going back home for a

[Haley]

week though, and then we're back in la because why?

[Mimi]

Got a house, guys.

[Haley]

We bought an LA house, baby. We got an LA compound. LA compound. I'm so excited. You guys know I've been wanting a West coast house forever. I had one in Vegas and it just. Vegas, I don't know. This isn't me anymore. So I've been trying to slowly make my way to Cali and here we are, baby. So we found the dopest little crib. It's not perfect.

[Mimi]

So perfect.

[Haley]

We found the dopest crib out here in a really good part of town. And so we are going to be west Coasting, baby, A lot.

[Mimi]

We're back.

[Hayley]

We're back.

[Mimi]

Yeah, we're back. Look at us.

[Hayley]

We're back.

[Mimi]

Would you look at us? Look at us.

[Haley]

Look at us. Yeah. I'm so happy though. This week's been really awesome. It's just been like as much as it's been like us fucking going, going, going and just like doing everything that we've ever dreamed of, it's still been like a recharge for the soul.

[Hayley]

No, it's been fun. Our little crew, we have too. Like, just making like desserts at 2am and stuff and like trying to cook.

[Haley]

Yeah.

[Mimi]

The Cookie Saga. The Cookie Saga was like a 48 hour adventure of trying to figure out how to make cookie bowls.

[Haley]

Yeah.

[Mimi]

You know, we got it at the end, guys. It really did work out. Yeah, it really did.

[Haley]

No, I was.

[Hayley]

They looked fun. We've had movie nights, like.

[Haley]

Yeah, it's been fine.

[Mimi]

It was very healing. I had a moment the other day. We were all out on the back porch and it was like everyone was laid out in the sun together and we were looking over LA and I just like, we were all laughing and having a really good time. I got a little teary eyed. I was like, it's so beautiful. Don't be gay.

[Hayley]

Sorry.

[Mimi]

Gay.

[Haley]

Don't be gay. It's. It's just been such a special time, you know, because I. I feel like I'm living more now in the moment than I ever have. I don't even post half the. I don't post anything.

[Mimi]

We do.

[Hayley]

No one knows what we're doing.

[Haley]

Nobody knows what we're doing. And I flipped. Love it here. Quiet on the creek. Yeah. I'm just so. It's been. It's been awesome.

[Mimi]

Yeah. We've stayed very quiet even in our stories. Like normally we all live in our stories.

[Haley]

Yeah.

[Mimi]

This has been so just like.

[Hayley]

Like matcha selfie.

[Mimi]

Yeah, 5%.

[Haley]

Mine's like, outfit check.

[Mimi]

That's it. Yeah. It's really cool to. We're. We're not living in our phones. We're living in the moment. And I really enjoy it.

[Haley]

It's a beautiful. It's been a beautiful time and I love living like this. And I think that I would not want to spend it with anybody else but you guys.

[Mimi]

Oh, my God.

[Hayley]

So she's gonna cry. Hold on. The theme of today's episode is also inspired by our trip.

[Mimi]

It is.

[Haley]

Should we talk about it?

[Mimi]

Let's talk about it.

[Haley]

All right. So the other night we went to this honky tonk that's out here in LA that we had a blast at. Shall we shout them out? What is it called?

[Mimi]

Well, I don't want people going.

[Haley]

Never mind. Never mind.

[Ad]

I went back.

[Haley]

It's our safe space. But we went to this bar that we are going to leave unnamed because we don't want people to take it over and because we'll probably always be there. But it reminded us of home. And we had so much fun. It was a blast. And as we were leaving, we. We passed. Haley went off on a side quest. Her new side quest is she goes to for a grilled cheese at 3am

[Mimi]

Guys, the grilled cheese is. Hold on, let me leave it.

[Hayley]

Okay. Okay, guys, the grilled cheese is so fire. I'm gonna have one multiple times.

[Haley]

Like, she has to have a fucking grilled cheese. And so we were driving by and it was so funny because Motley Crue's Girls Girls Girls was playing the day before. And he talks about the Seventh Veil in Girls Girls Girls. And I looked at somebody, I can't remember who it was. And I was like, is Seventh Veil even open still? And the person was like, no, it's been closed down. And I was just like, oh, okay. We literally drive. It's 2 o' clock in the morning. We drive by Seventh Veil, and I'm like, seventh Veil is open. I'm like, dude, let's go in there and make it rain on somebody. Right? Me, Mimi, Jaime, and a couple other people go into Seventh Veil. And we walk in there. Nobody's in there. Not one fucking person.

[Mimi]

Nobody.

[Haley]

Guys, not one person.

[Mimi]

Just us.

[Haley]

But as soon as I walk in, I see this hottie who's this blonde chick, and she was so banging, dude, so pretty, so beautiful. And we.

[Mimi]

We're sorry, Haley. Okay?

[Hayley]

Yeah.

[Haley]

So Haley wasn't with us, but just listen to the story. So anyways, the theme of this trip somehow became Frank Sinatra's New York, New York. And I won't go any further than that. It's Saba the Rock. And so we wanted this girl to dance for two songs, and we were gonna bless her with, like, a thousand bucks to just go on stage and dance two songs for us. So I picked Young Dolph Major. And then New York, New York by Frank Sinatra. And this girl gets up there, she dances, and I'm telling you, I have never thought that Frank Sinatra's song could be so sexy. And she was, like, shaking her ass to New York, New York. And it was so hot.

[Mimi]

Magical.

[Haley]

We were literally just making it rain.

[Mimi]

I almost saw it in slow motion. Yeah. She's upside down on the pole, and her ass cheeks are clapping on the pole, and. And we're making it rain on top of her. To New York, New York. And it's just these dollar bills are just falling so slowly.

[Hayley]

Magical.

[Mimi]

I know. She's just clicking her heels.

[Hayley]

Yeah.

[Jaime]

Love a good heel clip.

[Mimi]

I miss her.

[Haley]

It was hot. We got to go back and see her.

[Mimi]

No. Can we, please? Because I was.

[Haley]

I think her name was Cinnamon. She was so hot. Gorgeous. Beautiful. Well, anyways, we got home and we told Hayley about it because she was on our side quest. And of course, Haley was upset and fucking was mad that we had gone without her. So the other night, we were at home just having, like, a game night and, like, eating and just, like, I

[Mimi]

don't know, having a really good time.

[Haley]

We were just having a blast. And we. I'm like, dude, let's take Haley to. We're gonna kidnap her and take her to Seventh Veil.

[Mimi]

She goes, let's blindfold Haley.

[Haley]

I think somebody else came up with the blindfold. We won't say any names. Fuck out of Me, I was like,

[Hayley]

what's happening right now?

[Haley]

So we all hop in fucking snow white and we head down to 7th Vale. Hailey has no idea where we're going, but as we turn in, we park in the back parking lot. We walk up and like. I knew it.

[Hayley]

Yeah.

[Haley]

And of course security knows us there now, so they were all sweet to us.

[Mimi]

So sweet.

[Haley]

Love that.

[Mimi]

Yeah.

[Haley]

And so we walk in and the girl that wasn't there, the girl that was there the first night, wasn't there. But go ahead, Haley, take over from here.

[Hayley]

We picked out another girl who was cute and go to the DJ booth and I gave him two songs which were. And Busin by Moneybagg Yo. And what was the other one? Rich. Rich. R B. Right. Dolph. Of course. Because I miss Major.

[Haley]

Yeah.

[Hayley]

And yeah. Then we sat down and waited for her. A little awkward at first. Not gonna lie.

[Haley]

I didn't know what to do.

[Hayley]

I just kind of sat.

[Mimi]

You look like you know what to do. No, no, no.

[Hayley]

Let's.

[Mimi]

Let's talk about the fact that you. She was on the stage for 2.5 seconds and you blew half the wad.

[Hayley]

I didn't know what else to do. Panicked, cuz I was. I was awkward.

[Mimi]

Haley, chill. There's two songs.

[Haley]

I said, hey, don't blow your wad.

[Hayley]

I kept asking everyone. I was like, give me your wad.

[Mimi]

Give me your wad.

[Hayley]

Yeah, well, cuz like it just felt awkward just sitting there, not staring at. At the. Like the.

[Haley]

The swig and berries.

[Mimi]

Y.

[Haley]

What do you call a woman's farts?

[Jaime]

That's me.

[Hayley]

She had it.

[Mimi]

Me.

[Hayley]

What?

[Jaime]

I thought she was looking at me saying, what do you call a woman's part?

[Hayley]

What do you call twig and berries?

[Haley]

I know, that's why rename it. So I said, what do you call a woman's part?

[Hayley]

The Grand Canyon.

[Mimi]

Grand Canyon, dude.

[Hayley]

The Little Canyon.

[Haley]

She was hot, though.

[Hayley]

She was.

[Haley]

Yeah.

[Mimi]

She was so hot.

[Haley]

Yeah, she was sweet.

[Hayley]

She was really nice.

[Mimi]

Yeah.

[Hayley]

But we did it again.

[Haley]

So we made it rain and then we left. We literally go in for two songs

[Hayley]

and we were all in sweats. I was in Uggs.

[Haley]

Yeah.

[Mimi]

Yeah.

[Hayley]

Uggs.

[Haley]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mimi]

We've just wore slippers.

[Haley]

I don't know. LA's just been so magical for us, dude. It's been a rebirth and I am thrilled.

[Mimi]

He goes, should I change my shoes? And he had the Playboy slippers on. I said, no. I wore my slippers to the red light district in Amsterdam. You should at least wear yours. He wouldn't do it.

[Haley]

Oh, scared now.

[Jaime]

They're a little loose. I don't want to lose one in there. One slipper.

[Haley]

I get scared if the bottoms are thin, you know?

[Jaime]

Yeah.

[Haley]

If you step on something, you'll never know exact.

[Mimi]

Said you're like, where's my shoes? I'm like, just go ask this. You said, no, I might step on something.

[Haley]

I said, I might step on a hypothermic needle. This is la. You never know.

[Mimi]

You know what? You never know. It's been wild. Amber saw someone on the sidewalk.

[Jaime]

I also saw.

[Mimi]

Traumatized.

[Jaime]

No, I saw human on the sidewalk.

[Mimi]

She watched.

[Haley]

Somebody walked by.

[Jaime]

I saved her.

[Hayley]

We walked by.

[Jaime]

It was us. I wasn't even there the first time.

[Mimi]

If you would have slipped in someone's human in your platforms, I would have lost it.

[Hayley]

I would have just put me in the coffin right there.

[Haley]

No, I'll throw out, man. Why? Like, there's so much land. Why do you have to pick the side? Wasn't even the side of the side. There's so much real estate that you could drop a deuce in, and you're just trying to. On a sidewall.

[Mimi]

We were at Rodeo Drive the other day, and this woman was spread eagle. I looked over. She's sitting on the steps. Did anyone else see her just spread eagle on steps?

[Jaime]

I did. On the right.

[Mimi]

On the right.

[Ad]

I did.

[Mimi]

I said, look at that lady.

[Haley]

Was I.

[Hayley]

You gotta yell that louder.

[Mimi]

I mean.

[Jaime]

Yeah, I was there.

[Mimi]

You were there. She's spread eagle on those steps.

[Jaime]

Straight spread.

[Haley]

I must have, like, naked.

[Jaime]

No, it was.

[Mimi]

There's something there.

[Jaime]

It was like her lunch break.

[Hayley]

Like.

[Haley]

Like clam chowder.

[Mimi]

Yep. Is that what we should call it?

[Haley]

Clam chowder?

[Mimi]

Instead of taking the cranberries, her little

[Haley]

clam chowder was hanging out. Girl, not the chowder. I know a guy.

[Mimi]

I know a guy.

[Haley]

All right.

[Mimi]

That being said,

[Haley]

we're LA hoes now, baby.

[Mimi]

Okay. Oh, I was gonna say, we're gonna ask you guys about what your favorite stripper story was.

[Hayley]

Yeah.

[Haley]

Oh, sorry. Excited. I'm excited. This isn't my set. I'm tearing it down.

[Hayley]

People over.

[Haley]

Yes. So somebody came up with the idea yesterday. Haley.

[Mimi]

Yeah.

[Haley]

Best or worst strip club story. And you guys, of course, delivered Instagram.

[Mimi]

You can just DM us. We always ask in our stories what you guys are gonna be a part of. Ask the story, Confess.

[Haley]

Just always put ATC in front of it, and hopefully your story will get read.

[Mimi]

We got some good ones, guys, because I. Wait, Jaime has a stripper sort he would like to share with everyone.

[Jaime]

I'll kick us off. Okay. Where was I? Oh, shout out. Mobile. Mobile, Alabama.

[Haley]

Oh, this is a good one.

[Jaime]

Yeah. Was out there. It was after a show. It was somebody's idea. Didn't know who whose it was. Went out there and it seemed fun, but I think the girl trying to hit on me may have been her first day. Now, what indicates that to me is that I definitely saw a large manager looking dude, like, whispering to her and pointing at me. And she just seemed very shy. She kind of just came up with her arms kind of crossed, and she's like, hey. And I'm like, hey. And I'm like, what's up? She's like, how are you? I'm good. Then after like, two minutes, I think she kind of got weird and then kind of walked away. But I thought it was. It was. It may have been me, but.

[Mimi]

Hi, man. Don't. You don't give very.

[Hayley]

Like, stripper that wasn't giving. Like, come sit on my lap.

[Haley]

Yeah, it wasn't giving. Like, I'm about to trick off my whole college fund on you.

[Jaime]

Yeah, no. I think I gave her the $40 I had and just was like, here you go.

[Haley]

Without dancing.

[Jaime]

Yeah.

[Hayley]

No wonder she.

[Jaime]

Her first day.

[Mimi]

A. Was it your first day? I'm a little confused here.

[Ad]

Just.

[Jaime]

It was one of those where no one was in there. We were the only ones in there. And you can tell she just maybe got off the lunch or I don't know what was going on. She smelled nice. She just smells.

[Haley]

Only Jaime would have an awkward ass strip club story.

[Jaime]

But she was. She was sweet and.

[Haley]

Yeah, all right, well, I don't. This one's a little bit raunchier, and it has to do with me. I didn't remember it. I don't know. It's very personal. So I don't know if we're going to air it.

[Mimi]

Okay.

[Haley]

But. So one of my exes wrote in, and they were like, when you me on the floor of OGs, literally in the middle of the club. That story will live forever. How. How am I ever supposed to forget that? I remember you stood up in my cum, went everywhere. You're a monster. And then I said, wait. I go, tell me the whole story so I can tell it. So let's hear what it says.

[Caller]

Yeah, you probably don't remember. You called me in the club. I came in the club, literally sat me in the middle of the floor of OG's. On the big floor in the middle, like, smack, center at one of those round tables with the two chairs, and you came over and you straddled me. And you just like we were sitting there talking and turned me on. And you me in front of everybody. You wrote me in front of everybody. It was honestly, it was a lot of fun.

[Hayley]

He said I kind of liked it.

[Haley]

We might have to chop that up a little bit.

[Mimi]

Okay, can we distort his voice so it sounds like somebody else? Make it like a really. Yeah, yeah.

[Haley]

Like it's like one of those, like FBI informants.

[Mimi]

Can we please do that? Okay, yeah. Jason, do that.

[Haley]

So, yeah, your girl has a couple. I have quite a few strip club stories I could tell, but I just figured I would kick it off with that one.

[Mimi]

That's beautiful. All right, I want to read mine.

[Haley]

You guys know I told you I like sex in public. I've told you guys.

[Mimi]

You do. This one says, I used to work as a dancer when I was 18 till I was 21. I will never forget. One of the girls was giving a man a lap dance. She was grinding on him so hard and we all knew that she was going to get paid. She was on the couch next to me. Halfway through the song, she started to scream bloody curdling murder. Her clit piercing got stuck in the guy's zipper.

[Ad]

Oh.

[Mimi]

An ambulance was called, lights went on, and there they were in their finest moment. The man grabbed her outfit to cover his face while the paramedics removed her piercing for free from his zipper.

[Haley]

Oh, my God, that is rough.

[Mimi]

Dude.

[Jaime]

I've never seen a strip club with the lights on, I don't think.

[Mimi]

Yeah, I feel like everyone scatters like cockroaches. Come on. Imagine being stuck there and you can't move. It's like. What's that one movie we watched with Cameron Diaz?

[Haley]

Oh, something about Mary and he gets stuck in the back.

[Mimi]

Fantastic throat.

[Haley]

Oh, no, that's the sweetest thing.

[Mimi]

The sweetest thing.

[Hayley]

Yeah.

[Mimi]

Yes.

[Haley]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God, that's mine. That made me hurt thinking about that. I can't do it.

[Mimi]

I'm clenching.

[Haley]

Can't do it, Cotton.

[Hayley]

What?

[Haley]

Can't do it.

[Jaime]

Captain, you can pierce your. That's a genuine question.

[Haley]

Yeah.

[Mimi]

You know what's crazy though?

[Hayley]

Like our stripper had it the other night. Really? Yeah.

[Mimi]

Some people, well, they like pierce the hood almost. It's not so much like. But yeah, if you do it wrong and you go to like a not as experienced person, you can lose all feeling in it or it can over stimulate it and you're Constantly stimulated. Like, you can just sit there and organize.

[Hayley]

Are there anyone in LA that can do this? Yeah, make an appointment.

[Haley]

I'm already. I'm already.

[Mimi]

Okay.

[Jaime]

All right.

[Hayley]

Okay, okay. All right. I have a short one. Short and sweet. Short. I fell asleep at a strip club in Vegas. My head rested on the stage. Woke up to a dancer aggressively clapping her heels over my head, screaming, I'm gonna come. That's it.

[Haley]

Okay.

[Mimi]

It's giving Jaime.

[Caller]

No.

[Hayley]

You would fall asleep on the stage?

[Jaime]

Yeah.

[Mimi]

He'd be like, I kind of don't want to be here.

[Hayley]

Yeah, I take a nap right here. How are you going?

[Mimi]

To what song would you come to

[Hayley]

someone that's just sleeping?

[Haley]

I mean, I think she might have been acting or jazzing it up for the.

[Hayley]

It woke him up.

[Haley]

Maybe that's why she did it.

[Hayley]

Yeah, I get it.

[Haley]

To wake him up.

[Jaime]

That last night, the girl didn't click her heels. I was waiting for it.

[Haley]

She barely got naked. Guys.

[Hayley]

You know, the one before that, though, was.

[Haley]

We made it very easy for her.

[Mimi]

Yeah, I wish I would have.

[Hayley]

Probably because I threw half my load on her. That sounded bad. Half my staff.

[Mimi]

Half your load on her.

[Hayley]

All right, anyway, who's next?

[Haley]

This one got me one of the worst strip club stories I've personally witnessed. A girl that was clearly on drugs and didn't have the best hygiene sat next to me and three other dancers in the locker room and bragged that she found a hundred dollars she must have made the other night in a private room. She found it lodged inside her vagina. Found it three days later. She said she must have not realized the customer shoved it in her. She told me this story seven years ago, and I'm still so traumatized.

[Hayley]

How do you not feel that?

[Haley]

I mean,

[Hayley]

You know.

[Jaime]

Well, they can get pretty small when you crumple them. Crumple them up.

[Haley]

I mean, if a girl had a frog in her pussy. If a girl had a frog in her.

[Hayley]

Buzzy didn't know.

[Haley]

And, you know, I don't know.

[Hayley]

I would feel a tampon.

[Haley]

I would rage if I found fucking. Could you imagine in my vagina with

[Mimi]

her nails out there trying to grab. Yeah, I can't.

[Hayley]

I can. She'd probably make us grab it.

[Mimi]

No, she would. It wouldn't happen inside of there.

[Hayley]

Yep.

[Haley]

Wouldn't happen.

[Mimi]

You would make me look in there.

[Hayley]

Yeah, you would. I would make. I would be holding the flashlight like I did for my dad earlier.

[Mimi]

As you're walking out of the room, she just looks at me and she goes, I said, you want to Drops the towel? She's like, I've been waiting.

[Haley]

I thought you never ask. I'm in my prime right now.

[Hayley]

It was. She's ovulating right now.

[Mimi]

She has to be.

[Haley]

It was crazy.

[Mimi]

Yeah.

[Haley]

Good times. Good times.

[Mimi]

I'm gonna take a little dark turn here.

[Haley]

Oh, I know.

[Mimi]

Sorry, guys. I actually know this person. They said, I have one for you. I took a friend to the Platinum Plus. It's legendary in Memphis. For his 21st birthday, the dancer he chose gave her. Gave him a lap dance, and she died in his lap from an overdose.

[Jaime]

She

[Mimi]

actually happened.

[Jaime]

Did he get to keep them?

[Hayley]

Stop.

[Haley]

Should we have a moment of silence? Yes, for her. Let's have a moment of silence.

[Mimi]

That fucking dog.

[Haley]

Yeah, man. That's rough.

[Hayley]

That's.

[Haley]

That's really rough.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Mimi]

Rip the stripper.

[Hayley]

Rip.

[Jaime]

Rip.

[Hayley]

How do I follow that? Let me switch him up. Okay. My new husband and I didn't get a bachelorette party or bachelor party, so we rounded up some friends and went to the strip club. We were trying to buy a dance from a sweet girl that just got off stage, and the ginger bedazzled Bush girl on stage told her to leave the stage while her pussy is dancing. She got fired for being a. And the carpet matches the drapes.

[Haley]

That's intense.

[Hayley]

The Ginger Bedazzled had me at Ginger Bedazzled.

[Haley]

I listened. It was a great visual because I totally imized it.

[Mimi]

Bush.

[Hayley]

Ginger bedazzled bush. Okay.

[Mimi]

Hard.

[Haley]

Oh, I have, like, something in it.

[Mimi]

Okay, let me see.

[Haley]

Ginger, bedazzled bush.

[Mimi]

Gingerbread.

[Haley]

Sorry, I had to keep it going. I. You know, like when you have something in your eye happening. All right, I got a good one right here.

[Mimi]

I don't know.

[Haley]

I got some really good ones.

[Mimi]

Yeah, I got another banger coming up. I can't wait.

[Haley]

Let's see if it tops this one.

[Mimi]

Okay. I feel like we got a lot of the same ones.

[Hayley]

Yeah.

[Mimi]

Yeah, I had that one.

[Hayley]

Yeah. Only. Only right into one of us.

[Haley]

It would have to be the guy. One of my worst strip club stories is it would have to be a guy that used to come in and ask for bloody tampons to put in his vodka. Sh. Good old Columbia, S.C. hole in the wall. I'm trying just like a little vampire.

[Mimi]

I don't like that.

[Haley]

Dunking it like an Oreo cookie.

[Mimi]

Yep.

[Jaime]

That's why the string's there.

[Hayley]

Stop.

[Mimi]

I have full body chills right now. I don't like that.

[Hayley]

Same.

[Mimi]

Yeah.

[Hayley]

I'm gonna throw up vodka like a.

[Mimi]

Is that what, a bloody cranberry and.

[Hayley]

Oh, yeah, like a vodka crayon. But

[Mimi]

I don't like that.

[Hayley]

It would look the same color.

[Mimi]

No, don't like it.

[Hayley]

Wonder if he added a lime.

[Haley]

I wonder if he. Yep, yep.

[Hayley]

A little.

[Mimi]

A little.

[Hayley]

Just a splash of lime.

[Jaime]

I do have a question, though. What's, like, the common attire for a strip club?

[Haley]

Windbreakers for men.

[Jaime]

Really?

[Haley]

Oh, they would always.

[Jaime]

Dude.

[Hayley]

Yeah.

[Haley]

They would always come in with either thin slacks or windbreakers because they can feel everything. You know how many men come in their pants as you're giving them?

[Jaime]

A lot.

[Hayley]

Yeah. I'm pretty sure that guy the other night did.

[Haley]

Yeah.

[Mimi]

Yeah, he walked out. He walked out kind of a little way crazy. The night that you got your dance.

[Haley]

Yeah.

[Mimi]

There was a dude in the corner. I don't know if you guys noticed him.

[Haley]

No, I didn't look at anything.

[Hayley]

No, I was scared.

[Haley]

I was there for the women.

[Mimi]

Yeah. All right. This one says shout out.

[Haley]

7th fail was Ani.

[Mimi]

Work was on a work night out. Ended up in a strip club. Co worker bought me a private dance. Turned out to be my current girlfriend at the time. And I didn't know she was working as a stripper.

[Hayley]

Oh, wow.

[Haley]

That's kind of hot, though.

[Mimi]

And I told her I wasn't actually going out that night.

[Haley]

Okay.

[Mimi]

In the morning, things were interesting.

[Haley]

Yeah, that's not hot.

[Hayley]

Damn.

[Mimi]

Yeah.

[Jaime]

Who noticed who first?

[Mimi]

I mean, but who's mad at who? She didn't tell him.

[Haley]

Just it out in the club and talk about it later. Role play. That's what I would have done. I'd have been like, you know what? This scenario's hot. It's never gonna happen again. Let's it out. We'll deal with it when we get home.

[Jaime]

I mean, there's an easy fix.

[Mimi]

Yeah. Okay.

[Hayley]

My friend went to the strip club and decided to get a private dance from one of the dancers. She danced two songs. He said vibes were perfect, and he was rock hard. When she got up, he had blood all over his lap. Turns out the girl is on her period. He hasn't been to a strip club,

[Haley]

so since that happened to me, it might have been an accident.

[Hayley]

I was given.

[Mimi]

You rubbed blood on someone.

[Haley]

I didn't do it on purpose, so. It was the first time I ever wore a white G string too. The first time I ever wore a white G string. I'm dancing for this person and I'm like, I'm not turned on. Why do I feel like this? You Know, like, down there because it was, like, slippery, and I was like, what the hell's going on? I stand up and my entire white G string from, like, top to bottom is just covered in blood. And there's blood on the guy's pants. And he wanted me to keep dancing. He didn't care.

[Hayley]

Yeah,

[Mimi]

I don't like that the night

[Haley]

want to get his men. I'll tell you something about men. They're not very hard to please.

[Jaime]

That's a fact. Because for me, I wouldn't have really cared.

[Haley]

Yeah.

[Jaime]

I mean, yeah, dudes, washing machine dudes do not care.

[Mimi]

Yeah.

[Sponsor]

Okay.

[Caller]

All right.

[Haley]

This one is from our boy Charlie. Classic. Oh, this is about to be after

[Mimi]

this, two of you guys. Josh. Adam Myers wanted to be on the show and said to FaceTime him. He has a story.

[Haley]

One time, we had a dancer named Sapphire, and she was on stage when her boyfriend busted through the front door screaming. He was going to kill her because she ate the last Hot Pocket at their place. He was not joking. Being held back by three security guards while screaming. You knew I loved the pepperoni ones. You Hot Pocket eating hoe.

[Hayley]

He.

[Mimi]

Hot Pocket eating hoe.

[Jaime]

She's done it before.

[Mimi]

I kind of feel like that should be my nickname.

[Haley]

He was pulled out of the club screaming and losing his mind while Sapphire, the dancer, yelled across the club from the stage, please stop. I love him. And I'm not kidding. Sapphire came up to me and said, I deserve to die because I knew it was his and I ate it anyway. Some people don't play about Hot Pockets.

[Hayley]

That's what a vagina should be called.

[Haley]

Yeah.

[Hayley]

Yeah.

[Mimi]

There we go.

[Haley]

A little beefy Hot Pocket.

[Hayley]

Yeah. Pepperoni ones.

[Haley]

Yeah.

[Mimi]

Yeah. Which one do you think I like?

[Hayley]

I like a good. I like. I kind of.

[Mimi]

If you don't say ham and cheese, I don't know why we're friends.

[Jaime]

I think it would feel like the ham and cheese.

[Mimi]

Yeah, yeah.

[Hayley]

But, like, only in breakfast. I don't like it.

[Mimi]

You can have it any time of the day.

[Hayley]

I don't want to.

[Jaime]

Whatever, dude.

[Mimi]

We're calling Josh.

[Haley]

Are we beefing over Hot Pockets?

[Hayley]

Yeah. Which one's your favorite? I get why you.

[Mimi]

I would be upset, too.

[Haley]

You could cut the tension with a knife.

[Hayley]

Yeah.

[Jaime]

Meatball one is pretty good.

[Hayley]

I don't know if I like the meatball meatball one so much.

[Haley]

Joshua Adam Meyer.

[Mimi]

We got to see him while we were here, guys, and that was really cool. I know.

[Haley]

I love him so much, Josh. And Myers is one of the best humans in the world. We got to see everybody. We got to see highlight. We got to see everybody. We got to see highlight and doobie, like, we got to see all the homies here. So it's been really cool, dude.

[Mimi]

It's been a really good, great, great shirt. But Josh's new music is fire, guys. Yeah, the. The one about implants. My new theme song.

[Hayley]

Y.

[Haley]

All right, guys, we're heading back home to Nashville for a week, and then we'll be back in la. So who knows? You might see us back here again.

[Mimi]

If you did, you didn't.

[Haley]

If you do, you do. If you don't, you don't.

[Mimi]

Yeah.

[Haley]

All right, see you guys next week.

[Hayley]

Love you.

[Haley]

Bye.

[Sponsor]

Are you ready, kids? The SpongeBob SquarePants merchandise is here, and we're talking Officially licensed as seen on apparel and products at the official Paramount shop, featuring inclusive sizing and gear for fans of all ages, from premium apparel to must have accessories. Head to paramountshop.com spongebob and use code podcast20 to get 20% off. That's [e-mail] spongebob. Don't be a Squidward. Grab your gear today.