Ask, Tell, Confess: I Ghosted the Panty Pimp

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dumb Blonde - "Ask, Tell, Confess: I Ghosted the Panty Pimp"

Episode Details:

• Title: Ask, Tell, Confess: I Ghosted the Panty Pimp
• Release Date: March 28, 2025
• Host: Dumb Blonde Productions (Featuring Haley, Mimi, Cassandra, and occasional guest Jason)

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Introduction & Light Banter

The episode kicks off with the hosts engaging in their signature playful banter. Haley enthusiastically promotes their Patreon, highlighting the diverse content available, including the Bunny XO show and Meet the D forts. The camaraderie among the hosts is evident as they joke about matching outfits and playful teasing.

Haley [00:00]: "I might pop an ovary right now if I push a little too hard."

Unveiling the Mysteries Beneath the Pyramids

The conversation swiftly shifts to an intriguing discussion about recent archaeological findings related to the Egyptian pyramids. Cassandra introduces the topic by explaining how sound wave technology revealed five expansive tunnels beneath the largest pyramid, suggesting a hidden world below.

Cassandra [02:10]: "They found five separate tunnels underneath. What is happening?"

The hosts delve into speculations about potential treasures, mummified rulers, and the unprecedented nature of these discoveries in modern science.

Dark Realities: Suicides on Bridges and in Las Vegas

The dialogue takes a somber turn as the hosts discuss the prevalence of suicides on iconic bridges like the Golden Gate. Haley expresses disbelief over the high suicide rates in the Luxor Casino in Las Vegas, highlighting the unexpected dangers even in seemingly safe environments.

Haley [04:12]: "It's sinking in Vegas. Like, and it’s unheard of because shit doesn't sink in Vegas."

They explore the psychological factors leading individuals to such tragic decisions and the physical consequences of these actions.

Voicemail Confession: The Needle Mishap

A poignant moment arrives when the team shares a heartfelt voicemail from a patron named Hillary. She recounts a harrowing experience of accidentally embedding a needle in her butt cheek while attempting to drain an abscess.

Hillary [07:06]: "Needless to say, it was 1:00 in the morning and I had to go to the emergency room and tell them that I had a needle stuck in my butt cheek."

The hosts react with empathy and surprise, discussing the realities of DIY medical interventions gone wrong.

Health Insights: Infections and the Dental Connection

Haley and Cassandra segue into a discussion about the serious implications of infections, both from skin conditions and dental health. Cassandra shares a personal story about Jason developing a severe staph infection from popping a pimple, leading to significant scarring.

Cassandra [08:58]: "Jason got this ginormous scar because they had to take out the tunneling."

Haley emphasizes the critical link between dental health and overall well-being, highlighting how tooth infections can affect the heart and brain.

Haley [09:27]: "Each tooth is connected to something in your body."

Confession Segment: Ghosting the Panty Pimp

In a bold and candid confession, Haley recounts her past involvement in selling panties and her experience with a manipulative middleman. She details how she navigated the transactional nature of the arrangement and ultimately chose to ghost the pimp who demanded sexual favors for each sale.

Haley [10:39]: "As you should have. That dude was trying to pimp you."

The story underscores themes of empowerment and setting boundaries in challenging situations.

Listener Stories: Unusual Fetishes and Sexual Mishaps

The episode features a series of listener-submitted stories that range from quirky to downright bizarre:

1. Billy’s Affair and Fetish:

   • Billy shares a tale about a friend who engaged in an affair with a cashier, involving the exchange of dirty underwear.

     Billy [14:01]: "He would have her bring dirty underwear to work so he can smell them."

2. Mimi’s Air Dump Dilemma:

   • Mimi narrates an uncomfortable sexual encounter where her partner unexpectedly took an "air dump," disrupting the intimacy.

     Mimi [17:04]: "She took an air dump right in my face when I was mid."

3. Haley’s Wiffle Ball Bat Incident:

   • Haley delivers a humorous yet shocking story about a husband retaliating against an affair by using a wiffle ball bat.

     Haley [19:16]: "He didn’t cheat. He was catching her with a wiffle ball bat to get back at her."

The hosts and listeners react with a mix of laughter and astonishment, highlighting the diverse range of human sexuality and the unexpected situations it can lead to.

Birth Control Tales and Insights

The conversation shifts to personal anecdotes about various birth control methods. Alyssa Day shares her accidental pregnancy story due to an IUD ring slipping onto her partner’s penis.

Alyssa [23:16]: "My ring somehow managed, in all the positions we were in, make its way out and onto his penis."

The hosts discuss the mechanics of different contraceptives, including IUDs and sponges, and share their apprehensions and humorous takes on the more unusual aspects.

Haley [25:23]: "And sometimes you have to, like, have them removed is like a thing."

Conclusion

Wrapping up the episode, the hosts reflect on the day's intense and varied discussions, from ancient mysteries to personal health and the complexities of human relationships. They maintain their signature humor and support, leaving listeners with a sense of connection and anticipation for future episodes.

Haley [26:04]: "We're done. All right. All right. And on that note, we're out of here. Love you guys. Bye."

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Notable Quotes:

• Haley [00:00]: "Why in the hell are you not on Patreon?"
• Cassandra [02:10]: "They found five separate tunnels underneath. What is happening?"
• Mimi [17:04]: "She took an air dump right in my face when I was mid."
• Haley [19:16]: "He didn’t cheat. He was catching her with a wiffle ball bat to get back at her."
• Alyssa [23:16]: "My ring somehow managed... make its way out and onto his penis."

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Final Thoughts: "Dumb Blonde" continues to blend humor with candid discussions on a wide range of topics, from everyday mishaps to extraordinary confessions. In this episode, the hosts navigate through serious subjects like health and mental well-being while keeping the conversation light with amusing and unexpected stories. Whether you're seeking laughter, relatability, or unexpected insights, this episode offers a little bit of everything, making it a must-listen for both regular followers and newcomers.

Transcript

[Haley]

Hey, guys, I need to ask you a question. I want to know, why in the hell are you not on Patreon? I don't think you guys even realize how much content we have on Patreon. Let me break it down for you. We have the Bunny XO show. We have Meet the D forts. We have propaganda. We have more shows that we're adding. And not to mention, we have the visuals of the podcast. Head over to www.patreon.com backslash Dumblon podcast and sign up.

[Mimi]

Ask.

[Haley]

I confess.

[Cassandra]

I ask.

[Haley]

Hello, friends. Welcome to Ask Tale Conveyor. Good one. It's a good one. Very subtle.

[Mimi]

Yeah. Very gentle.

[Haley]

I have cramps right now, so I didn't feel like giving it my all.

[Cassandra]

Yeah, I feel that.

[Haley]

Yeah, right? I might pop an ovary right now if I push a little too hard.

[Cassandra]

So let's not do that.

[Mimi]

Yeah.

[Haley]

How's everybody doing? How you doing? Who you doing?

[Cassandra]

Haley, you have to start telling me what you're gonna wear before you come.

[Mimi]

You should know it's always gonna be camera.

[Haley]

She does that to me too, though. She showed up in my house in the same outfit.

[Cassandra]

You guys had that same outfit all one day?

[Haley]

Yeah.

[Cassandra]

I don't know if you guys can see us right now.

[Haley]

Stole my look.

[Mimi]

Yeah, we're just heads.

[Haley]

Mimi's wearing jeans today, though. You want to stand up and show everybody a little. Her butt is smaller than mine now, guys.

[Cassandra]

I don't.

[Haley]

It is tiny little tucus. No, you got a tiny tucus.

[Cassandra]

Do I?

[Haley]

Yeah, you do. Tiny tucus. I like it. That's a porn star name.

[Cassandra]

Tiny Tucus.

[Haley]

Tiny Tucus. I like it.

[Cassandra]

I would click on it.

[Haley]

All right, who's gonna pop this off?

[Cassandra]

Wait, can we talk about. Never mind. Okay.

[Haley]

Talk about what?

[Cassandra]

Did you guys see what happened with the pyramids?

[Haley]

No.

[Mimi]

Like in Egypt.

[Cassandra]

The Egyptian pyramids. I'm only bringing this up because this is coming out next week, being this is current event. Did you guys know that they did, like, sound waves? Because you, you know, you can do a sound wave and tell what, like, the shape of a building is and stuff like that under the middle keeps going down, bro. It's bigger than the pyramid on top.

[Haley]

Wait, repeat that.

[Cassandra]

They did sound waves on the middle pyramid, like, the biggest one, right?

[Haley]

Yeah.

[Cassandra]

And they found out that it goes underneath the ground further than the size of it. On top, there is cavern.

[Mimi]

Those photos are real.

[Haley]

So that just means that there's an underground world under there.

[Cassandra]

Pretty much. So this is, like, in the archaeology. I love, like, archaeology. Tik Tok. That's, like, one of my favorite things. And they have found that with these scans. It's basically five tunnels. Can you, like, hit it real quick? Sorry. There we go. Five separate tunnels underneath. What is happening?

[Mimi]

I've seen those photos where it kind of looks like it's like the Pentagon or not the Pentagon. What is that building in Washington? That's like. You know what I'm talking about?

[Haley]

Nope.

[Mimi]

Top of. It's like a pyramid, but then it's just like a straight up and down thing. Washington Monument.

[Haley]

I don't know. I'm so bad with.

[Mimi]

Well, it basically showed that was underground. It almost looked like the pyramids were, like, covered in sand all the way up until the tip.

[Haley]

Right.

[Mimi]

Show the top. Or it could just be underground.

[Haley]

But I'm sure the pyramids have some crazy technical difficulties like that. If you think about it, like, all pyramids have, like, some mystical around them. Like, even the Luxor in Vegas is sinking. Like, and they. That casino has more suicides in it than any other casino.

[Mimi]

Really?

[Haley]

People literally sinking. It's sinking. Oh, yeah. It's literally like this, right? Like that. It's sinking in Vegas. Like, and it's unheard of because shit doesn't sink in Vegas. You know, it's dry desert. But also on the inside, if you've ever been inside the Luxor, the rooms wrap around the entire casino, so it's open to the casino floor. So people jump to their death in the middle of the casino floor all the time?

[Cassandra]

Are you kidding me?

[Haley]

No. Nope.

[Mimi]

It's terrifying.

[Haley]

They do it and they don't report it on the news.

[Cassandra]

What? I mean, I know that there's, like a. Like, in Reno, too. There's, like, certain bridges and stuff. They have to be super careful because, like, people just go out and. Okay. I mean, I didn't know that was.

[Haley]

Yeah.

[Cassandra]

A thing.

[Haley]

My thing is, is about bridges. How do you die jumping off a bridge? Like, that's a legit question. Oh, because it's so high.

[Cassandra]

Yeah, it's. So the Golden Gate actually installed suicide prevention nets that catch people. Because so many people jumped off. There's only one person to survive jumping off the Golden Gate. It's the. The momentum down. It's like hitting concrete. Concrete. Whether it's water or not, it's like hitting concrete.

[Haley]

Why would people want to die that way?

[Cassandra]

You know? And that's like, another thing.

[Haley]

It's not instant, Right? So you would literally suffer and drown to death, just with broken back.

[Cassandra]

I think it would be instant.

[Mimi]

It's almost just like jumping out of building and hitting the ground.

[Jason]

So it's like your body already shuts down knowing that it's gonna hit something. Like the Skyway bridge in Florida is one of the tallest bridges and they have people try to jump off of that and the minute you hit that water, your bones shatter.

[Cassandra]

Yes.

[Haley]

Well, I've heard of people having heart attacks, like, before they hit the ground, because it's like they know that they're gonna die. So it scares them so much that they have a heart attack.

[Cassandra]

Yeah. Interest.

[Jason]

Just like when you want to go.

[Haley]

Like, what a morbid conversation.

[Cassandra]

Wow.

[Mimi]

Sorry, guys.

[Haley]

Sorry, guys. That's a dark.

[Cassandra]

Real deep. Real quick.

[Haley]

Yeah, it's all right. Don't worry about it. Go ahead. Major thing.

[Cassandra]

Yeah. The pyramids have five caverns down and then keeps going with poles all the way down. And they said, like, it's unlike anything they've ever seen before in, like, science.

[Haley]

Crazy.

[Cassandra]

Yeah, I, I'm, I'm intrigued. I want to know what's under there. Are there things? Is there treasures? Are there people?

[Haley]

There's bodies. Mummified, for sure. They probably have like, like rulers who are, like, mummified. I love that stuff. I would love to go see that when we do the postie international tour. Are we going anywhere near pyramids?

[Cassandra]

No, damn it. I don't think so. I know.

[Haley]

All I know is we're about to see every Goth cathedral that they have to offer. So excited on that side of the world. I can't wait.

[Mimi]

Can't wait.

[Cassandra]

I have one of the voicemails. I want to. This one.

[Haley]

Kicking it off with a voicemail.

[Cassandra]

Kicking it off with a voicemail. Guys, one of our patreons. This is called Needle stuck. Morning.

[Haley]

Hello, it's Hillary. Billy. Hope you guys are having a great day. I love Hillary.

[Hillary]

So really, this is a public service announcement and a confession all at once. Like, 10, 15 years ago, it was the night before my husband's birthday and I had an abscess on my thigh and I thought that I could poke it and drain it myself rather than going to the hospital. So I grabbed a needle and I poked it. And when I poked it, the abscess, like, sucked in the needle like it was a vortex. Needless to say, it was 1:00 in the morning and I had to go to the emergency room and tell them that I had a needle stuck in my butt cheek. And they of course, questioned me and didn't quite understand. And yeah, long story short, I ended up having to have surgery to remove the needle from my butt cheek because it had moved from my thigh to my butt cheek. Because, you know, it's a needle in flesh. Right. And. Yeah, so that's my weird story.

[Haley]

I hope you have a great day. Love you.

[Cassandra]

Bye.

[Haley]

Okay, new fear unlocked. I did not know if you got a needle stuck in your skin that it would move.

[Cassandra]

Moves.

[Haley]

And look how fast it moved. She literally poked herself at 1 o'clock in the morning and went to the hospital. And by that time, it went from her side to her thigh, her thigh.

[Cassandra]

To her butt cheek.

[Haley]

That's like. Like that was on the moon.

[Cassandra]

Also. I don't think I could do that on my. I. I could never poke something like that myself. I mean, I don't.

[Haley]

I'm scared. I'm a. I'm scared of, like, traveling to my brain. So there's sought off your lip. That's different. That's not assist with pus. That's my lip. You know, like, if it was, then we'd have a problem.

[Cassandra]

Yeah, I'm not. Okay. Fun fact. Just so everyone knows, like, when you get stuff like that, like, and you're squeezing and, like, with it. I didn't know how easy it was to get staff that way. So Jason got. I had this, like, little tiny pimple on his chest. He scratched it and, like, he's a picker, so, you know, he's kind of like popping it, popping it, popping it. It got staph infection and it began to tunnel into his chest.

[Haley]

Oh, God.

[Cassandra]

Yeah. So now he's got this ginormous scar because they had to take out the tunneling.

[Haley]

Yeah.

[Cassandra]

So it's crazy. I had no idea. And, like, that was even a thing.

[Haley]

Oh, yeah, No, I. I've learned that. But I also learned that about teeth, too. Like, teeth are, like, connected. Each tooth is connected to a. A vein that goes like. This one is connected to my heart. So the one that I had pulled out was connect is connected to my heart, which explains why I always had heart palpitations, why my heart was always in arrhythmia. And since I've had it taken out, everything is calmed down. Like, each tooth is connected to something in your body.

[Cassandra]

What?

[Haley]

Yeah. Like, it's.

[Cassandra]

Didn't know that.

[Haley]

Yeah. And if you have an infection, like an infected tooth, and they pull it out, it can travel to your brain and kill you. The infection. Yeah. That's why tooth infections are so scary. And some can travel to your heart and cause endocarditis. And, like. Yeah, it's Wild.

[Mimi]

Is that why you, like. People get migraines a lot? Because it could actually be their teeth?

[Haley]

Yes. Teeth affect people's health so much that they don't even realize it. Like, it's insanity.

[Cassandra]

Wow.

[Haley]

You never knew.

[Mimi]

Or the dentist.

[Haley]

Well, I shall go next. Hold on. Let me. Let me get the bifocals on. Here we go. I've got three good ones.

[Cassandra]

Show off.

[Haley]

Which one? Or should I do? Okay. Confession from Rindy. When I was in my addiction, I was trying to find ways to make money for. Well, you know. I started talking to this guy who told me he would help me sell panties that I had worn to men for $100 a pop. But there was a catch. He would do the first one free, but after that, he wanted a BJ for each transaction he helped set up. But being the good girl I am, I got a sexy pair of panties, wore them real good, if you know what I mean, and met a stranger in the parking lot to sell my undies. He gave me a hundred dollars, and off I went. Round two came, and I knew I'd be getting a hundred dollars but would also have to pay up. I made the transaction pocketing another hundred dollars and ghosted the bastard who thought I was going to give him head. As you should have.

[Cassandra]

As you should.

[Haley]

As you should have. That dude was trying to pimp you.

[Cassandra]

Out and then cut out the middleman.

[Haley]

Yeah, Literally, like, that dude got what he deserved.

[Cassandra]

Absolutely.

[Haley]

I used to sell my panties. Yep.

[Cassandra]

Why am I not surprised?

[Mimi]

I'm not. Yeah, they didn't talk me.

[Haley]

I used to sell my panties. But here's the shtick, okay? Because you guys know I'm a hustler. But you guys also know that I'm very weird about giving my DNA away.

[Cassandra]

Oh, my gosh.

[Haley]

I would never let somebody have my DNA so that they could create some fucking hex or spell on me and then fucking, I'm fucked up shit's creek without a paddle. So they used to have this, like, fake cum that you could buy, like, and make it look like you're squirting, and it really is just fake cum. So I would literally take the panties, brand new panties, and just pour the fake come all in it and wad them all up like that and then vacuum seal them and sell them.

[Mimi]

So smart.

[Haley]

Yeah.

[Cassandra]

Wow.

[Haley]

Literally, sorry, guys. If you own a pair of my worn panties. But they were never worn. But, I mean, that's part of the hustle, dude. And I just get it. I just gave away free game that I probably should not have done.

[Cassandra]

But there's never another, like, panties.

[Haley]

But you know what? There are girls who really wear them.

[Cassandra]

And there's a lot of girls.

[Haley]

Yeah. Who give them. You know, like Lydia, she sells panties all the time.

[Cassandra]

Yeah, she does.

[Haley]

I. I've never understood the appeal. And there's, like, guys who, like, want you to fart in them and then, like, vacuum seal so that when they open it up.

[Cassandra]

Yeah.

[Mimi]

I don't know if you girl sell farts and jars.

[Haley]

Yeah, some girl did sell farts and jars. Yeah.

[Cassandra]

I don't know if I can tell this story, so Jason, cut this out. If you don't want this in there.

[Haley]

Jason, you better not, you little.

[Cassandra]

This is about someone Jason knew.

[Haley]

Oh.

[Cassandra]

We just recently found out this story.

[Haley]

And I already got the best bro.

[Cassandra]

I. I kind of want to call him and have him tell the story. Do it.

[Haley]

But I did to Tasha last week.

[Cassandra]

All right. He came home so excited to tell me. Like, a little girl. Hey, walk away from the kids real quick. I want you to tell a story.

[Haley]

You're on air.

[Billy]

I'm not with the kids.

[Cassandra]

Where are our children?

[Billy]

In Cash's room. I'm in the office working.

[Cassandra]

Okay, cool. Tell them the story about your friend who was having that affair with that girl. The cashier.

[Billy]

Oh, my God. All right, so I'm not gonna. I'm not saying his name.

[Cassandra]

No, no.

[Billy]

Homeboy is pretty vanilla. I'm talking, like, wafer vanilla. Okay. And I guess him and his cashier started chatting, and he would have her bring dirty underwear to work so he can smell them.

[Cassandra]

He can sniff them at work.

[Billy]

If I'm at work. And then they would sneak over to a near business parking lot, and when they had sex, he would make her tell her or tell him how his. How their wedding night was so she.

[Cassandra]

Was married, and they're having an affair, and he would want to know about the husband and their wedding night.

[Haley]

It's always the square ones.

[Cassandra]

And I'm telling you, she's not joking when I say this dude was, like, white.

[Billy]

He looks like a sad puppy that you walk by at the pound that wants to be adopted.

[Haley]

Yeah, but that, you know, that's par for the course because super square dudes always have really weird fetishes, which. That's not even that bad. I didn't think it was that bad. Did you?

[Billy]

Oh, he's sniffing underwear.

[Haley]

It's pretty weird, but okay.

[Cassandra]

I love you.

[Haley]

I sniff my own panties sometimes.

[Cassandra]

No, like, the guy who said it was, like, one of those, like, situations.

[Haley]

Like, creepy Thin man from.

[Cassandra]

And then. Okay, to continue the story. Husband finds out. Husband comes to the dude's work and confronts him as he's working. And, like, comes in at night and is screaming through the store where the is he. And like, yeah, it was a big. And, like. And dude got fired. Cashier got fired. Like, it was a big deal. Yep, it was pretty bad.

[Haley]

Sounds like a white trash love story.

[Cassandra]

I mean, yeah, I, like, I just.

[Mimi]

Watched a Instagram reel of this girl putting an empty sushi container and saying, I just ate all this sushi. And the guy on the computer is like, oh, yeah, how did that take? Like, getting off to her? It'll be a hair clip. She'll be like, I just use this in my hair. And he like, oh, yes.

[Haley]

Yeah, clip it. No, that's how people are. When I used to do webcam, it was weird fetishes, man. Weird, weird, weird fetishes. Like, people have strange things that they are into. It could be the simplest thing, like brushing your hair. Some guys like to watch girls just get undressed and you not know that they're there. Like, some people. I used to have this guy who wanted me to act like I was dead. Yeah, no, it's really weird. Yeah. Yep.

[Cassandra]

What? What?

[Haley]

Some dude wanted me to hang myself on the back of my door.

[Cassandra]

Didn't you have a chloroform guy one time?

[Haley]

Yep. Had a chloroform guy. Yeah. Like, there's a. There's a lot of really different fetishes.

[Cassandra]

They wanted, like, you to act like you had chloroform and, like, pass out.

[Mimi]

So that's like the start of a serial killer.

[Haley]

Oh, for sure. If they aren't already.

[Cassandra]

Yeah, yeah, they probably got people in their basement. Definitely.

[Mimi]

I like that.

[Cassandra]

All right, go ahead.

[Mimi]

All right, guys, I got a. I got one for you. It's called the air dump dilemma, like always. Here we go. Okay, this is from Christina. She said my story is about when my abusive ex and I were about to have the hottest sex. Because, as you know, when there's usually abuse, the only time we can truly feel connection is during sex time.

[Haley]

Yep.

[Mimi]

So, anywho, I'm going down on her and can tell she's about to. You know, I'm going all in at this point because once I hear you're about to explode, it gets me. Almost there, because it gets me.

[Haley]

Okay.

[Mimi]

Whoa. Got a lot of detail in here. It's like, well, I must really put it on shorty, because she took an air dump.

[Haley]

Is this A girl or a guy? Okay.

[Mimi]

Girl on girl.

[Haley]

Okay.

[Mimi]

And she took an air dump right in my face when I was mid. Tongue emoji, suck finger. And I about gagged, and I kept going like the Scorpio sex champ I am. Also, just to make her not feel embarrassed, I acted as if I didn't notice, but the whole time I'm thinking about her and spicy food. Do not agree.

[Haley]

Why didn't she stop it?

[Mimi]

I couldn't. I couldn't keep going.

[Haley]

Yeah, I wouldn't be able to keep going. Did she not know the turd flew out was the question.

[Mimi]

Maybe if you have spicy food, you.

[Haley]

Can know that warm. You can smell it.

[Cassandra]

I cannot handle smelling like a crab apple. Do you know what a crab apple smells like?

[Haley]

No. Just sounded good. Pineapple together.

[Cassandra]

Grab an apple together. I can't wait.

[Mimi]

I hear. I hear it.

[Cassandra]

Yeah, that was a great one. Okay, wait, I'm next.

[Mimi]

Very detailed.

[Cassandra]

Yeah.

[Haley]

We had a story that you just told.

[Cassandra]

Oh, yeah, I did.

[Haley]

Why are you freaking cutting in front of me? Hold on, Let me get my bifurcation.

[Mimi]

Three, remember?

[Haley]

Yeah, no, we're not doing three. I'm doing two.

[Mimi]

Okay.

[Haley]

Hold on.

[Cassandra]

Said I want to go home.

[Haley]

This is a lot for me today.

[Cassandra]

You. You know what? It has been a really big day.

[Mimi]

Three days after your surgery.

[Cassandra]

Yeah. We've already done business lunches, multiple recordings. Like, it's crazy.

[Haley]

This one is from Emmy Bear Tell. I'm telling the story on my husband's behalf. So back in the day before we were adults and found recovery, my husband was married to the town tramp. He had recently caught her cheating on him. So they split up a couple days go on. And they run into each other at a party. Needless to say, they ended up hooking up that night. But he didn't her with his dick. He her with a wiffle ball bat. Yep, it was consensual. I've always found the story hilarious, especially the way my husband tells it. He is very much an alpha and is huge on loyalty, so I'm sure he gave her the business with that wiffle ball bat. He literally would die if he hears this while I'm watching Patreon. I did it like this. I did it like that. I did it with a wiffle ball bat. So, Bey, boys, you always got a.

[Mimi]

Song for something she does.

[Cassandra]

She's always got a little too.

[Haley]

Listen, first of all, wiffle ball bats are pretty thick.

[Cassandra]

My mind literally, I was just playing with one in the backyard.

[Haley]

Wiffle ball bat. I need to See the circumference of this wiffle ball bat?

[Mimi]

Some they make that are like this big or.

[Haley]

I just want to know whose hole is that big?

[Mimi]

Dude, Was it a new one? Did you play a game at wiffle ball before?

[Haley]

Who cares if it was new or used? I mean, I just need to see how big this thing is before it goes in the hole. Like how do some of these women get things in there?

[Mimi]

Hey, traffic cone.

[Cassandra]

Oh, I remember.

[Haley]

Remember the whore Olympics though? The ones that they were sitting on?

[Mimi]

Oh that like freaking tentacles.

[Haley]

It was crazy. There's something going on with the hormics. I wish we could bring it back. Are we not allowed to do horlympics anymore?

[Cassandra]

We are not.

[Haley]

Okay. Why?

[Mimi]

Just do it privately for us.

[Haley]

Yeah, can we say we're gonna air it and we don't? Anyways, how do you guys feel about the wiffle ball bat?

[Cassandra]

I was playing with a wiffle ball bat the other day, so I mean, I guess it depends. Oh wait.

[Haley]

Why is it so long?

[Cassandra]

It's long in the tooth.

[Mimi]

That's girthy sizes of wifi.

[Cassandra]

Because that is not the one we were playing with the other day.

[Haley]

That is still round as to be shoving in your vagina. What was he just standing above her like shoving it in like an Oregon like what the hell, dude?

[Cassandra]

I mean that's a big thing. I can understand like, I don't know, end of a water bottle, but like a whole ass.

[Haley]

You can understand the water bottle.

[Cassandra]

I mean that small. Yes. I meant like we're talking about like that's like this big.

[Mimi]

Like sometimes they get like this big around. Yeah, that's around.

[Cassandra]

There's some skinny ones.

[Haley]

I think he was better off have leaving her as an example.

[Cassandra]

I mean she was the town tramp. The size I guess didn't matter if.

[Haley]

She was the town.

[Jason]

That wasn't cheating. If he did it with a wiff.

[Haley]

Ball bat, he wasn't cheating.

[Cassandra]

I know. This was back in the day was cheating.

[Haley]

Yeah, she was cheating on him and so he her with a wiffle ball bat to get back at her and she let him. I don't know. We're not judging her. Big props to him for being able to do it, but.

[Mimi]

Yeah.

[Cassandra]

I mean, yeah.

[Haley]

I'm still trying to figure out how she fit it in her hoot. Nanny wild.

[Cassandra]

I mean if it was skinny, like if it was one of those ones like we just pulled up though.

[Haley]

That's still pretty round. Even that much. That's round. How are you fitting that in there?

[Mimi]

Lots of lube.

[Haley]

Go ahead, Mimi, go.

[Cassandra]

I cannot with you.

[Haley]

Silicone or water? What kind of lube?

[Mimi]

I'm gonna say silicone.

[Haley]

Silicone lube is my favorite. I hate water lube. I don't like it. It gets sticky and crusty. I don't like it. Silicone lube is like, just smooth all the time. You could even use it in water.

[Cassandra]

So, Alyssa.

[Haley]

I've tried it. Alyssa Day when I had a sex life.

[Cassandra]

The more you know, Alyssa says yes.

[Haley]

Hello. You've said my name three times.

[Cassandra]

Sorry. After having my second son, I chose to get a birth control because I used to tie my tubes saying I was too young at 28 after being on the pill before I chose the ring. Well, one night after a hot and heavy session, something felt different. When he pulled out, we were finished. Well, needless to say, we have a new inside joke on the age old game ring toss. My ring somehow managed, in all the positions we were in, make its way out and onto his penis. He laid there laughing, threw it away, and joked about not having another ring toss. Turned in to a third son, 18 months younger than my second.

[Haley]

Oh, no.

[Cassandra]

I love the show. Been watching since day one. Enjoyed a good laugh. Thank you, Alyssa.

[Haley]

I love that.

[Cassandra]

That there's so many different ways of birth control that I don't feel like are that accurate. Like the old school sponge.

[Haley]

I love this. I love the makeup trip sponge.

[Mimi]

Remember when I thought she was talking about an actual, like, square sponge? Like.

[Haley]

Yeah, yeah, but it's the round ones.

[Mimi]

Yeah.

[Cassandra]

Well, no, like, there used to be a birth control called the sponge.

[Haley]

Oh, no.

[Mimi]

What is that?

[Cassandra]

Yeah, that's how my mom is here. So my grandma. That's why my mom and her brother, 19 years apart, she was using the sponge method and it was like a birth control option.

[Haley]

But it's. It's a sponge.

[Cassandra]

It's essentially like a sponge. Yes. And it's supposed to, like, make sure you don't get pregnant. And here came my mom.

[Haley]

Yeah. No, they have so many. But that ring dude, I wonder if it hurt on his wiener.

[Cassandra]

That's what I was like. Did it cut off circulation? Like, how big is it?

[Mimi]

They got stuck on him.

[Haley]

Oh, God.

[Cassandra]

Oh, man.

[Jason]

What happened to somebody I went to school with?

[Haley]

Yeah.

[Cassandra]

Because the rings are like.

[Haley]

Yeah.

[Cassandra]

Do you put them in yourself? I've never done.

[Haley]

I think I never have either, but I think you have to have them put in.

[Mimi]

I think you have to. Yeah.

[Haley]

And sometimes you have to, like, have, like, to have them removed is like a thing.

[Cassandra]

I know that? The little like umbrella looking ones. That's scary.

[Mimi]

Like fish hooks. Those scare me.

[Cassandra]

Is that what it's called or is that a bomb?

[Mimi]

IUD. Yeah.

[Haley]

All that scares the hell out of me.

[Mimi]

DUI.

[Jason]

It's IUD.

[Cassandra]

I don't know. What is it?

[Mimi]

IUD.

[Cassandra]

Isn't that a bomb?

[Haley]

No, they do IUDs and IVF too.

[Jason]

Cuz it's like a thing that goes up in you and it.

[Haley]

Yeah, full.

[Jason]

Kind of.

[Cassandra]

Yeah.

[Haley]

Yep.

[Mimi]

I saw a girl tapers to her wall before.

[Haley]

That's crazy.

[Mimi]

That was on Tick Tock.

[Haley]

People are funny.

[Mimi]

I know. What? Great decoration.

[Haley]

I know.

[Cassandra]

It's ied, you guys.

[Haley]

We're done. All right. All right. And on that note, we're out of here. Love you guys. By.