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B
Confess I asked to confess. Hello everybody. Welcome to.
E
That.
D
That was soft like a tea kettle.
B
Yeah, it was really soft. Just kind of like, you know, sounded.
D
Like it was like blowing with the wind.
B
Well, if you guys could tell we have a different background tonight. Today. Whatever time it is. Actually it's 12 o' clock in the morning.
E
Oh no way.
B
Yep. And we are filming as hell Confess for you because we love you guys so much. We have been on this podcast run in New York and we're going home for two days and then we're going on another podcast run in LA because Mimi likes to overwork me and underpay me. So that's what we've been doing. But we're here doing ass Talking fest. Are you guys excited? Yeah, I'm so excited. Haley's fucking. I don't know what happened to you.
E
You are crackhead ed right now, bro.
B
We went to the gym. I don't know.
F
I got a burst of energy.
E
Yeah, that's your.
B
Are you going to be able to sleep?
F
Run in circles? I don't know.
E
You can sleep down here tonight.
B
No. You want to snuggle with me?
E
Go ahead.
B
Maybe. We kissed in front of a rock star's house today. We did.
F
We kiss in front of every iconic place.
E
We kiss a lot.
B
It's our new thing. We just look at each other and we're like. And it's not like tongue or anything like that, but it's like a little peck. Little peck. A little peck of Rooney. Yeah. All right, who's gonna kick this off?
E
Don't sound too excited, guys.
B
I mean, I feel like I kicked it off last week.
E
Yeah.
B
Didn't I?
E
I'll kick it off.
B
All right, Louie, by the way, Mimi did not want to record right now. We're forcing her. But she's gonna love us tomorrow because we have.
E
I will.
B
We have another podcast. And literally she wanted to record after that. I was like, absolutely not. I want to go home. Take me to my cow and my freaking dog.
E
I'll be thankful tomorrow.
B
Yeah.
E
So my first one came in. This girl's name's Samantha. My mom used to help. My mom used to have me help her run a clean and sober housing when I was 15. That's funny. This story is so funny. There was one building that was for people with disabilities, but most people called it the House of Crazies. One day, a couple wanted to rent a room temporarily and didn't mind being in the house of craziest. About a week later, I'm walking down the hallway and I see feathers everywhere. It's coming from that couple's room. Me and my mom open up the door and the room is completely trashed. All the feathers are from the pillows and blankets we had. I open the freezer and it is completely filled with dildos. Lots of dildos, all different sizes. They never came back for their dildos.
B
What were they doing with the feathers?
E
Maybe one time we filled the room.
B
With feathers at that video shoot. Bro, when I tell you feathers are the hardest thing to clean up, we.
E
Had A you and Maui, right? Cleaning up?
F
No.
E
Who cleaned all those feathers up?
B
I helped a lot. I remember cleaning up a lot, but I don't remember, like, it. Feathers are hard to clean up. Like, what the were they doing?
E
I think we got a shot back at one point.
F
Maybe they had, like, a pillow fight, and then it went into sexy time.
B
That's exactly what happened. We were recording a pillow fight, and the pillows just started coming up.
F
Why were the dildos in the freezer, though?
B
I don't know. I couldn't imagine shoving a cold dildo inside of me. That would suck.
E
Imagine freezer burn in your vagine.
B
Maybe they dipped them in Ecstasy and put them in the freezer. Like, freezes it and then you can put it inside. I don't know. People do weird shit, man. All right? People do strange stuff. You never. You guys never had a party like that? No. I haven't either. It just sounded good. Okay. I'm just freestyling at this point. Go ahead, Haley. You're next.
F
Okay, I have a story from Mayar. It's a tell. One time, me and my husband went to El Paso, Texas, to get away and go on a date. We go get us a crab boil, and we love spicy food, so we get the flamethrower. We had a great dinner, go back to the hotel, have drinks, go back up for some freaky time. As we were getting into it, I felt the sudden burn, and I was like, what the. Turns out the gloves they give us and all our hand washing was useless. I had the flamethrower down there. Turns out we stopped right there and just decided not to finish.
B
Oh, fire crotch. Ow. Fire crotch. That is the worst. Oh, yeah, that sounds.
F
Can't.
B
Terrible. I did that with Ben Gay one time. Actually, quite a few times I've done that with Ben Gay. So, you know, like, when you get really, really bad cramps or when I get really bad cramps, I'll put Ben Gay right here. Like, I'm kind of like, icy Hot. Yeah. It's just. Yeah. Okay. And like, if you move the wrong way, if it gets on your clothes. Clothes. If you, like, you know, put your hand down your pants and sit like Al Bundy, you will literally get freaking Bengay on your vagina lips. It's the worst feeling, and it doesn't go away, you know?
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E
How do you get it off?
B
You got a shower. But way to getting crab boil off I think would be a little bit harder because you can't get that shower.
D
Flamethrower fingers.
B
That's like cayenne pepper. Yeah, I was going to say spices. Yeah. Hot sauce. No, nothing about.
E
Traumatizing.
B
I'd like to know how it felt the next day. If it like burned her lips or something like that.
E
God poor. Can you imagine little blisters down there?
B
Oh, just singed. Little singed lips. It looks like those pieces of steak that were in your cheesesteak the other day.
E
Looks like a dried up pear.
B
Yeah, a dried up pear. Wait, show us a picture.
F
We were talking about this in bed the other night.
B
First of all, why I don't know about dried up pears.
F
Yeah, we're just talking about vagina.
B
Oh, okay, okay, okay. I thought you said we're talking about.
F
Talk about how some vaginas look like dried up pears.
B
Look. You see it?
E
That looks like we've definitely seen one, right? You know what we're talking about, right?
B
We've seen a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I. Some vaginas do look like dried up pears. Yeah, I like it. You guys got a point. You got a point. Yeah. All right, this one is from Rebecca. If your wife is entertaining a convo and calling this person. Boo. Babe. No two hour phone calls and goes and visits your grandma in a nursing home and then she goes to see this person and hides it. Am I right to be pissed? If she is just a friend, why don't I know about her? All her friends I've met, but this one. It's supposed to be our six year anniversary this week. Week. Am I wrong to be pissed?
F
So that's cheating.
E
That's called cheating.
B
Yeah, I mean we don't know if she. Hold on. Fucking Mimi gave me a chair that fucking. Hold on. I'll be right back.
E
All right, make sure you're in focus here.
B
I am. Please. Didn't clip that. I'm back.
H
Clip it.
E
Just put it to like squeaky shoe sound.
B
I'm back.
F
This is my favorite.
B
That shit was squeaky. These fucking Wheels, the wheels on the bus go round and round Round and.
E
Round Round and round Wheels on the.
B
Bus go round and round that long Balls in your face go around she.
E
Always got a song for something.
B
Round and round. Yeah, I think that's all the weenie boys. Okay. Anyways, back on topic. We don't know if for sure she was cheating. And I'm not going to bat for this girl. She could be emotionally cheating, which that's still up. Emotional cheating is way worse than physical cheating.
E
Way worse. Yeah. I feel like you are making a whole. You are making a soul connection with somebody.
B
Yeah.
E
At that point, when you're doing it emotionally, physically, at least if it's physically.
B
You just get it up, get it in, get it on, get it out, wash your hands and go. You know what I'm saying? There's no emotional bond. Emotional bonds are way harder to break. Physical bonds. Yeah. I don't like that. I don't like it either. I would tell her that. She either needs to introduce you to the friend. I don't really. Here's my problem. I don't like giving ultimatums in relationships. I don't like them done to me, and I don't like doing them to people.
E
I feel like that shouldn't even come to that point.
B
Exactly.
F
Like, if it was a friend, you would have introduced her for sure. So why is it a secret?
D
Right.
B
And she's putting you in this position to even have to do an ultimatum. But I would just be like, introduce me to your friend, or we're going to need to reassess this relationship.
E
Absolutely.
B
I'm not comfortable. I feel very uncomfortable.
E
Yeah. And being open and honest about the fact that it makes you feel the way it makes you feel is going to be way more important than even the ultimatum. Like, you know, that's telling your feelings is so important.
B
And maybe, you know, this is a crossroad in you guys's relationship. Or one, it could either bring you guys closer. Or two, maybe it's time to have a talk of, like, you know, do we invite other people in? Or, you know, like, stuff like that. This could be used in a very positive way. Just go into it with your boundaries and stick with them.
E
I love that advice.
B
Yeah, it's good advice.
E
All right, I got. I got a story. This person wants to be kept anonymous.
B
Oh, that means it's good. Wait. Yeah. Juicy.
E
She is an rn. So I was working urgent care and had a.
B
We're listening. We're listening.
H
What is happening?
E
We did.
B
We started making faces I'm sorry. We got caught in the. We can't sit in class. No, no.
E
You guys are never allowed to be in class ever. We're too.
B
Right now.
E
You'd be passing notes the whole class. Our guest would be like, I'm literally like the mom of the group.
B
Literally.
E
Yeah. Always let them cross the street earlier. And these two take off. Green light, cars coming. We look back.
B
I said, should we wait? She said, no, they left us.
F
I said, we left them. She's like, I know. I just like to gaslight.
B
It keeps on walking.
E
No, but they did wait. They're good people.
B
Don't make me laugh, because every time I laugh, my chair kind of moves. Every time. This chair sucks. All right, here we go. Am I good? Jaime. I'm sorry, dude. I'm not doing it on purpose.
E
Could you imagine you and the guest tomorrow just.
B
No, I can't sit down. I will not sit like this.
E
I would never. I would never. That's just really funny.
B
Fuck. No, I can't.
F
I'm not gonna look at you.
B
Okay, Don't. All right, go ahead. Sorry. I'm proud of us for going to the gym. And I. We've had long days.
E
Since Europe.
B
We have had long days. You're up. Okay. We have had a long day. I think we're delirious at this point.
E
I can't handle this.
B
All right.
E
I'm gonna be so thankful. This is all set up tomorrow morning, though, because that means I get to sleep in a little longer.
B
You're welcome.
E
Okay, so this one wants to be kept anonymous. She is an rn. So I was working urgent care and had a young girl come in. Hate you both. I'm just going to continue under 18, but at least 15 years old, saying she had bad stomach cramps.
B
I'm. You don't understand what she just did. I'm going to cry. I am crying. You don't understand what she just did. I'm crying. We both, like. We both went like this. We both went like this. I swear to God. We were both, like, trying not to look, and then we both go. Then our eyes met. It was so funny, dude.
E
We just clicked at.
B
All right. All right, I'm just gonna look over. Go ahead. She's so mad at us. Mom is so mad at us. All right.
E
You're 15.
B
I'm so sorry to whoever's story this is. Dude, we shouldn't have even filmed right now. We're both. We're all so fucking okay. We're all so delirious. Mim you guys. All right, go ahead. You're gonna have to leave the room, Haley.
F
I might.
B
Okay.
F
No, I got it.
B
All right, go ahead, Go ahead, go ahead. All right.
E
She had bad stomach cramps. We checked her over and ruled out most things and thought maybe a stomach bug. However, as I go.
B
I am doing so good. We're both. I'm looking over this way. She's got her head in her shirt. Okay. All right.
E
However, as I go to discharge her, she is now in the fetal position, crying her mom horrific. Who is in the room as she's under 18, had to go use the restroom. She tells me she needs to have her vagina checked immediately and then start screaming. And pain. Pain. I go out, tell the doctor. So now he tells me to go get the patient ready for an exam. So now we are in the middle of an exam. Me and the doctor both see something reflecting light in her vagina.
B
Get the out of here.
E
Long story short, she put a shot glass inside of her. That then suction cup to her cervix, causing tremendous damage and needing surgery.
B
Why? Why? Who looks at a shot glass and like this looks. Is gonna feel.
F
Was it full of alcohol? Oh, someone try to take a shot out of her vagina.
B
Like a body shot? Yeah, but. No, but if it's suctioned, it would have to suction in it the opposite way.
E
Like a diva cup.
B
I need to know. First of all, you can't write us a story like that and not tell us why.
E
Yeah, yeah.
B
Why was there a shot glass. Shot glass in her vagina.
E
Dude, that's wild to me that you would even think, you know what? That belongs in there.
B
Listen, I have a vagina. And I have never once thought to myself, I'm gonna stick a shot glass in my hole. No, nothing about that sounds fun. Like, I don't understand why some of these people shove things inside of them that shouldn't be there, like glass. Golly. Could you imagine if that broken her?
E
Oh, it would be like the Pain Olympics.
B
Oh, she would die.
E
Did you ever watch the really big.
B
You'd die if it got. If it sliced an artery in your cervix or something. Yeah, you could die. I don't know how many arteries are down there. I'm sure a lot, you know?
E
Did you watch Pain Olympics?
B
No.
E
What is that when he put the Mason jar in his butt and it shattered? He's just squatting the whole thing. Yeah.
B
Who did it?
E
Out pieces. Guys, ask Charlie about it. He's a big fan.
F
Of course he would Know.
B
Did you. He.
E
He like, demonstrated it for us at that mansion one time.
F
Excuse me.
B
What?
E
Remember that one time he came over and we were at that house with all the bar stools and he was demonstrating how the guy put the haunted house? Yeah.
B
Yeah.
F
I was a little distracted by the ghosts at that house.
E
Should we call in the lifeline?
F
I think we should call Charlie.
B
Do you want to call Charlie?
E
Calling Charlie.
F
Guys, I need to know.
B
I need to hear the story. What is happening?
E
This is. This is like back in the.
B
Ladies and gentlemen, do not stick glass in your freaking private parts, okay? Not the anus and not the freaking vagina. Don't do it. He's probably like, why are they calling me at. Oh, it's 10. It's 10 in Vegas. He's awake.
E
Charlie.
H
Hello.
B
Hey.
E
Okay, say hi.
H
Hello. Hi.
B
Hi, friend.
E
Hey, Charlie. Charlie.
H
Yeah.
E
I need you to explain to Bunny what the pain Olympics were and what happened to the Mason jar.
H
Okay. So the pain Olympics were a. A thing online where the. The person would win by doing the most up or vile things to themselves. Like, one girl saw their own titty off with a dull butter knife. Then another dude, he poured her.
B
Where was this broadcasted melt away acid on it? Yeah. Yeah. Where was this posted?
E
Yeah. Where was this at? It was just in like the dark web, right? Like on rotten.com.
H
It was just in the dark web and on 4chan and stuff like that, but everybody would watch it. And then the dude with the one man One jar, he put an entire Mason jar up his butt and it cracked and broke and it. You can just see the blood pouring out. But the funniest thing is he went to work right after that. Like, it's. It's wild. The pain Olympics were nuts. It was just basically. And all you won was the fact that you got to say, I won the pain Olympics. You won no money.
B
What a time to be alive.
H
Oh, right.
E
Thanks for telling everyone. Charlie, you're gonna be on this week's.
B
Episode of Ask Healthy fast for the most up.
E
Yeah.
B
That is crazy. We miss you.
E
We miss you, Charlie.
H
We miss that. We miss you all. We can't wait to see you all.
B
Love you so much. Love you. Bye.
E
Bye.
H
I love you.
B
Bye. Only Charlie would know that story. Wild. That's.
F
That's a acid on your dick and.
B
Watch it melt all your titty off with a.
E
Remember watching a dude. Dude cut his. Off his. His dick off?
B
How did you watch that and not rotten.com? what is that? I never got into that.
E
Rotten.com was like the Dark Web before the Dark Web was Dark Web.
B
And they also used to have, like, this thing called Faces of Death. And you could actually watch people, like, die.
E
I watch a girl get her head chopped off.
B
Yeah.
F
I watched a girl get shot point blank on Facebook one time.
E
Oh, Facebook sometimes lets the weirdest stuff get through.
F
Yeah, yeah, it was her boyfriend.
B
It. Were they fighting?
F
She was standing on a rock, I think.
B
She.
F
They were fighting.
B
I don't know.
F
It was like, in Mexico, I think.
B
Oh, no, this was.
F
Yeah, it was like, here, here, here.
B
It was. It sounds like my Instagram watch that kind of stuff.
F
Wild. It scarred me.
B
Just makes me so sick. Like, our brains are not meant to comprehend that kind of.
E
Oh, and I was a teenager when this stuff came out. Two girls, one cupped.
B
No. Oh, yeah.
E
Two kids, one sandbox.
B
Yeah. What? I never saw the two kids, one sandbox.
E
Someone taking a dildo and shoving it in the tip of a. Guys.
B
Okay. I don't get it. I like. I like a lot.
F
Is that the sandbox?
B
There's this.
F
I know, but is the opening like. Like a little sandbox?
B
I mean, she's not wrong to ask that question.
F
Where does the Sandbox come into play?
B
The title.
F
I mean, two girls, one cup. There's an actual cup?
B
Yeah. I don't know. So. I don't know. I mean, it's. It's a legit question.
E
I don't even think it's on the Internet anymore.
B
Our brains are not meant to see like that, bro. Like, we're not supposed to fudgeing ever in our lifetime. See some shit like that. Like, that's fudgeing rough.
E
What's wrong with me?
B
Yeah. Fucked up. Fucked up individual. This is from Shauna. She said, put a finger down if you're married. Ex boyfriend called you when his wife died and asked you to plan her funeral. No, sorry. Okay. Okay.
F
I was waiting for it.
B
He asked her, and he said, because you're good at planning and stuff like that. Then tells you that now you can be together because she's gone.
E
Not a fan.
B
So before I even got to the you could be together part, I was like, oh, he wants to be with her, and this is his opportunity to reach out. Listen, exes will call you for the craziest shit. I just want to see how you're doing. I was just thinking about you. It's like, call me and say something cool. You know, maybe I'll engage with you.
F
If you say $1,000.
B
Cool. Yeah, that. Or, you know, just anything cooler than fudgeing like this shit, you know?
E
That's wild.
B
Yeah.
E
I wonder if she got back with him.
F
I wonder if he killed her.
B
She said no. She said no? She actually answered that. She said, no, he didn't kill her. Yeah, crazy exes will do some crazy shit. Was it Mercury retrograde?
F
Yeah, probably.
E
Who's in the microwave?
F
Yeah, Gay raid was in the microwave.
B
All right. And on that note, don't answer the phone. If your ex has called to ask you to plan their ex wife's funeral, just hang up on them. Yeah. Forward. Send. Don't even hang up on him. Forward.
E
Block them.
B
Block them. Block. Yeah. All right, you guys want to send us off? Toodle, Lou. We're going to bed, guys. Love you. Toodle. Ooh. Bye. Bye.
Episode: “Ask, Tell, Confess: Shot Glasses Don’t Belong There”
Host: Bunnie XO
Date: September 26, 2025
This riotous episode of “Dumb Blonde” spotlights Bunnie XO and her crew—delirious from long hours and late-night energy—tackling listener confessions and wild stories submitted through “Ask, Tell, Confess.” The group swaps embarrassing, bizarre, and sometimes jaw-dropping tales, ranging from sexual mishaps to relationship drama, all while delivering their signature irreverent humor and unfiltered honesty. Be prepared for candid conversations about boundaries, emotional cheating, body image, and “things that just don’t belong there,” with no topic too taboo for the table.
The Feathers & Frozen Dildo Mystery (04:14–05:51):
Fire Crotch: The Perils of Spicy Crab Boil Sex (06:19–07:34):
Fast-paced, refreshingly honest, and unapologetically irreverent, this episode is a whirlwind of shock, humor, kinship, and no-holds-barred advice. The hosts’ dynamic—fueled by late-night exhaustion—leads to hysterical tangents and plenty of belly laughs, maintaining the bright, boundary-breaking tone Dumb Blonde fans adore.
Summary:
If you’re after outrageous confessions, zero-filter commentary on sex and relationships, and genuine laughs, “Shot Glasses Don’t Belong There” delivers in spades, underscoring the ethos: laugh, relate, and embrace life's unpredictable (and sometimes X-rated) curveballs.