Ask, Tell, Confess: The Dudes Write In

Summary

Dumb Blonde Podcast Episode Summary

Title: Ask, Tell, Confess: The Dudes Write In
Host: Bunnie XO
Release Date: February 7, 2025

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Dumb Blonde continues to delve into the hilarious and relatable aspects of everyday life in its episode titled "Ask, Tell, Confess: The Dudes Write In." Hosted by Bunnie XO, the podcast features the dynamic trio—Braden, Jason, and Haley—who engage listeners with their candid discussions about mishaps, relationships, and the unpredictable moments that make life entertaining.

Episode Overview

This episode centers around listener submissions from male listeners, prompting the hosts to share and dissect amusing and awkward personal stories. The conversation is rich with humor, genuine reactions, and insightful commentary, making it a must-listen for anyone looking to laugh and relate to the unfiltered experiences shared by the hosts.

Key Discussions and Insights

1. Awkward Moments and Friendship Loyalty

The episode kicks off with Braden narrating a story about covering for a friend during an intimate moment to prevent his parents from walking in. This tale sets the tone for the episode, highlighting the lengths friends will go to support each other.

• Braden (11:00): "I go straight to pornhub, click on the first video I see, crank that up to 100 on my speakers... the last thing I want is for my confused father to walk in on my friend fucking this girl in our basement."

Bunnie emphasizes the importance of embracing vulnerabilities and supporting friends through embarrassing or challenging times, reinforcing the podcast's theme of "asking the questions others are afraid to."

2. Animal Antics and Farm Life

The hosts share amusing anecdotes about their pets and farm animals. Braden discusses the mischievous behavior of his dog, Pablo, and the challenges of managing a donkey that refuses to cooperate.

• Braden (04:35): "The donkey did shiver a little bit today... would you like to help us? We can go to my house after this."

Jason adds humor by recounting how Pablo disrupts his space, leading to playful yet chaotic interactions.

3. Social Media Confessions and Authenticity

Haley brings up the topic of social media authenticity, particularly focusing on TikTok's resurgence and the scrutiny public figures face regarding their personal revelations.

• Haley (17:03): "One of my favorite content creators... she never even ate any of the ice or used any of the ice. I was like, what just throws the ice away?"

The conversation shifts to the consequences of presenting a curated image online and the backlash faced by influencers who fail to meet their own standards of transparency.

4. Hilarity in Household Disasters

Braden narrates a particularly graphic and humorous story about an unfortunate toilet clogging incident, showcasing the group's ability to find humor in even the most uncomfortable situations.

• Braden (30:18): "I began slicing up my turd on the floor of the shower into little pieces... It was like trying to stuff two Idaho potatoes into a Gatorade bottle. Not gonna happen."

The group's reactions—ranging from disbelief to uncontrollable laughter—underscore their camaraderie and knack for turning awkwardness into shared humor.

5. The Dynamics of Accents and Communication

A lighthearted debate ensues about the use and perception of accents, with the hosts discussing how regional dialects influence social interactions and media portrayals.

• Braden (22:57): "I think anybody with an accent can turn it on or off and exaggerate it. My husband can do it too."

This segment highlights the versatility and adaptability in communication, as well as the comedic potential inherent in accent variations.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Braden (11:24): "I go straight to pornhub, click on the first video I see... the last thing I want is for my confused father to walk in on my friend fucking this girl."

• Haley (17:03): "She never even ate any of the ice or used any of the ice. I was like, what just throws the ice away?"

• Braden (30:18): "I began slicing up my turd on the floor of the shower into little pieces... like when you make brownies from the box and you get a lump of brownie mix."

• Jason (23:00): "I feel like this was the beginning of the poo. Chef."

Conclusions and Takeaways

"Ask, Tell, Confess: The Dudes Write In" offers a blend of humor, honesty, and heartfelt moments as the hosts navigate through listener stories that are both cringe-worthy and endearingly relatable. The episode underscores the value of friendship, the importance of authenticity in the digital age, and the ability to find laughter in life's less graceful moments. Bunnie XO and her co-hosts create an inviting atmosphere where listeners feel encouraged to embrace their own imperfections and share their stories without fear of judgment.

Listeners are left with a sense of camaraderie and a reminder that everyone experiences embarrassing moments, but it's how we handle and share them that brings us closer together. The episode seamlessly balances entertainment with genuine conversation, staying true to the podcast's mission of addressing the "realness life throws at us."

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Join the Conversation:
Tune in to the next episode of Dumb Blonde for more laughs, relatable stories, and the unapologetic honesty that defines the podcast. Whether you're navigating relationships, facing personal challenges, or simply looking for a good laugh, Bunnie XO and her team have you covered every week.

Transcript

[Bunny]

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[Braden]

Ask.

[Bunny]

1, 2, 3.

[Braden]

Hey.

[Haley]

Welcome back to another episode of.

[Jason]

That was awful.

[Braden]

That was. That was the worst intro yet. All right, should we do it again?

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Braden]

All right. Ready? 1, 2, 3.

[Jason]

Hello.

[Braden]

Hello.

[Jason]

Welcome back.

[Haley]

Okay.

[Jason]

What are we doing?

[Haley]

I'm done.

[Jason]

Welcome back to another episode of Ask, Tell, Confess.

[Haley]

Sure.

[Braden]

Sup, dogs? Feel like it's been forever since we've seen each other.

[Jason]

A minute man.

[Haley]

Come here often?

[Bunny]

How's everybody doing?

[Braden]

I want to just get home and see my cow.

[Haley]

I thought you're going to say your dog.

[Braden]

How are they doing right here?

[Jason]

How are they doing in the cold?

[Braden]

They're doing amazing.

[Jason]

They're thriving. Huh?

[Braden]

We have a barn.

[Jason]

Oh, I didn't know.

[Braden]

Yeah, we have a barn for them. They will not go in the barn.

[Jason]

Really?

[Braden]

No.

[Jason]

They love the announcement this week.

[Braden]

The donkey did shiver a little bit today, which was the first time he shivered, so we gave him more hay.

[Jason]

Did you put a blanket on him?

[Braden]

We can't get near him to put a blanket on him.

[Unknown]

Oh.

[Braden]

Would you like to help us? We can go to my house after this.

[Haley]

Let's do it.

[Braden]

And you can help wrangle him. Yeah, because he is a buck. Maybe. I'm not going in that pin with these shoes on. I gotta change my shoes.

[Haley]

I'm not going with these on.

[Braden]

Yeah.

[Haley]

I think I'm an animal.

[Braden]

Well, but yeah, Pablo.

[Jason]

Pablo is doing great. He's thriving.

[Braden]

Dude, the video you sent me the other day of him Haley, did she send it to you?

[Jason]

No, I just.

[Braden]

He's like this. He's, like, literally in calbor.

[Jason]

He literally. If you open the door this much too far, he goes.

[Braden]

Yeah, he is great.

[Jason]

Now come and do that out now.

[Braden]

No, he's so good. He has the best personality.

[Jason]

He broke my chicken coop.

[Braden]

Oh, no.

[Jason]

So if you put little things that they can scratch themselves on, they get really excited. So have Blake install some. Some, like, ends of brooms, because he loves our broom. And I let him out, you know, free roam the property, and he found the chicken coop and realized he could itch himself. Tore the whole roof off.

[Braden]

Oh, he's just a bull in a china shop.

[Jason]

He literally is. Someone was like, is that a buffalo? I was like, no.

[Braden]

So we're fencing in a really big side of the of our acreage for them, and by, like, next week, they'll be over there. So they're gonna move over there.

[Haley]

Oh, how are you gonna move Raisin?

[Braden]

We're gonna just walk him straight over there. S'more is easy. He's so attached to Crunch that wherever Crunch goes, he'll go. Crunch has a little buck in his bronc, but he's really sweet. He really is. Like, so he'll move easy. Now the donkey. That's another. We'll have to prance. Have you tried with treats with the donkey?

[Haley]

Yeah.

[Braden]

Oh, he don't give a fun fact.

[Jason]

Really Give him graham crackers, and it's like, crap.

[Haley]

That's what everyone said. Something about animal crackers.

[Braden]

We gave them mini weights.

[Jason]

Yeah, we gave them, like, we had these graham crackers when we have to put him in his, like, run at night.

[Braden]

Yeah.

[Jason]

And last night, we got out a little too late. We try to do it before sundown because he gets really emotional. So Jason was like, we got home late. So he, like, runs out. He gets the graham crackers. Well, he heard the package, and he started chasing Jason. Jason said, I got a little scared. So he's. Jason's running to the pin, and here comes bubble park.

[Haley]

Need this on video.

[Jason]

I got to check my security camera. It might be on there, dude.

[Braden]

Oh, my God. Put that on Tik tok. I bet that's hilarious.

[Jason]

Terrified.

[Braden]

Cuz he's big. He's not like crunch. He's, like, double the size of Crunch.

[Jason]

He literally opens the packages and starts throwing crackers. You guys, it's great.

[Bunny]

Lipo used to be a bad word, but we're also supposed to act like we love every parts of our bodies. It's B.S. you guys know on my podcast, I talk openly about surgeries. I'VE had and I have had lipo myself.

[Unknown]

I think as women we're so hard on our bodies and if something makes.

[Bunny]

You feel good, do it.

[Braden]

It's your body, your choice.

[Bunny]

Don't listen to the outside world. If you want to do something that makes you feel beautiful, do it. Getting your body back is so hard though.

[Braden]

I get it.

[Bunny]

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[Braden]

All right, well, I guess I will kick it off this week. Not sure which one to do because I got some real good ones.

[Jason]

Good doozy.

[Braden]

My friend was sleeping over at my house. My parents and brother were all sleeping upstairs while we were downstairs watching TV, playing video games. And at around 1am he asks if this girl can come over. He really wants to get with this girl and I don't want to turn him down. So I reluctantly agree on the condition that she's quiet. The three of us are hanging out.

[Bunny]

And I make some excuse to leave.

[Braden]

The room so my friend can have some alone time with this girl. I'm upstairs in my room when I start hearing loud moans. This is bad news for me, but great news for my friend. He's losing his virginity to a girl he really likes. I hear stirring in the next room and I know that their bout of loud lovemaking has woken my parents. The last thing I want is for my confused father to walk in on my friend fucking this girl in our basement. What do I do? I go straight to pornhub, click on the first video I see, crank that up to 100 on my speakers, and let it play for the three minutes that my buddy ended up lasting. My dad ended up coming into my room, discovering the source of the noise. I even threw in some fapping motions under the covers and opened my door and awkwardly left. My buddy ended up having the best time ever, bro. But Jesus. There were some awkward glances exchanged between my parents and I the next morning.

[Jason]

What a G though, that you would do that for your homie.

[Haley]

I wouldn't.

[Jason]

No.

[Haley]

I wouldn't have done that.

[Braden]

What a homie, though. Like, if I had a friend who did that for me, like, we'd be homies for life.

[Jason]

Literally. Yeah. You wouldn't do that for your homie?

[Haley]

No.

[Jason]

Of friend, Are you?

[Braden]

I mean, we've already. You. We already know. Haley's not wired like that.

[Haley]

No. Then I got to deal with the awkwardness.

[Braden]

She's not.

[Haley]

Yeah.

[Braden]

She's not going.

[Jason]

You don't even let me listen.

[Braden]

She showed you. She turns on herself.

[Jason]

She turns on no. When she goes to, like, twiddle the twack in the hotel rooms. She has the sink on, the shower on. She's probably got some type of music going.

[Haley]

No.

[Braden]

Haley's whole frickin whack off hour.

[Haley]

All right, guys, remember, grandma is great.

[Braden]

Like grandma's never whacked off before.

[Jason]

That twiddled the twin, literally.

[Braden]

She. It takes Haley forever to find a porn. And it has to be 80s. It has to be like 80s vintage porn. And fuck it, she literally has to have the shower on. You'll get here a couple toilet flushes.

[Jason]

Oh, it's a. It's an excuse experience.

[Braden]

Yeah, like she's away at the spa, whatever she's doing.

[Jason]

Yeah, that's a good way to put it.

[Braden]

Yeah, she's away at the spa.

[Haley]

Nice.

[Braden]

All right, what you got for us?

[Haley]

All right, this lady said, she said to keep my name anonymous, but I work in a casino and I remember one time there's this guy who had been sitting at a machine for so long, he just couldn't hold it in anymore. I rounded the corner right into right in time to see him stand up and immediately pull his wang out, to pinch it shut and start bolting for the restroom a ways away. The pressure in his bladder must have been too much because it didn't stop the piss. In fact, the pinch just made it for smaller escape for said piss, giving it a lot more trajectory as he was sprinting toward the bathroom. Hissing 10 plus feet in front of him. Swaying side to side from the sprint, he must have gotten at least 20 to 30 machines and as many casino guests. It was insane. I don't know how I was so lucky to not have gotten pissed on.

[Jason]

It's like when you put your finger over a water bottle.

[Braden]

Well, he was probably like drunk or on drugs too, and just zoned out on the.

[Haley]

Why have we not seen that in Vegas? I'd love to see that.

[Braden]

No, you wouldn't. You want somebody pissing on you, you'll freak out, see?

[Haley]

No, not get pissed off.

[Jason]

You know, you'll see some weird at the CMAO fest.

[Haley]

You got pissed on.

[Jason]

Yeah, I was in a crowd of people and this dude just opened his pants and he was this frat boy in a polo and he had all his old buddies with him and me and this. He actually peed down the girl's leg that was next to me and was splashing off of her onto me. I tried to physically fight the man. One of his little friends like just kind of engulfed him into the crowd and he was gone before you know it.

[Braden]

Yeah, I remember this. Mimi told me that I would find that dude. That's disgusting.

[Jason]

That is the worst. People don't piss on people. Yeah, it's not okay.

[Braden]

Nobody likes a little pissy party at all. I don't. No, I don't like it. It's disgusting. Keep your bodily fluids to your self. Pisses me off. If I don't want your bodily fluids on me, don't do it. I'll freak out. Just. Oh, yeah, I will freak out. Okay. Like, it makes, like.

[Jason]

For you.

[Braden]

He's concerned. He's like, what are we doing? What just happened?

[Jason]

What is going on?

[Braden]

He's like, mom, he's looking me in my eyes. We all right?

[Haley]

Yeah, you're right.

[Braden]

Crunchy.

[Jason]

Oh, don't just start.

[Haley]

There we go.

[Braden]

Hi, Crunchy.

[Jason]

Look at him looking up.

[Braden]

Is it because he's mad? I forgot to tell you guys. So did I tell you S'more Chachi had his face pressed against the the gate like this, looking at the cows when I was talking to him. And S'more went down and was, like, looked at him and then, like, went up to, like, just kind of, like, sniff him a little bit. And Chacha was like. And just like, bit. And S'more was like, damn, homie. Like, it was so funny, though.

[Jason]

He don't like him.

[Braden]

I don't know. I'm gonna have to bring them in there to just.

[Haley]

Oh, God, the dude can't do today.

[Braden]

The dude can't bite anybody. He's got underbite. He's got an underbite. Like, that's not happening. There's no way that it's hurt. Oh, can we just talk about something off the record really quick? How about all the people who thought that Tick Tock was going away and confessed like, real?

[Jason]

Yeah, I'm obsessed with these, like, what in the.

[Braden]

Like. But they confess, like, real. Like, how did you not think that Tick Tock was not coming back?

[Jason]

I'm blown away.

[Haley]

Ours was a joke.

[Braden]

I mean, some people. I don't know.

[Jason]

There was a lot of.

[Braden]

Okay.

[Jason]

I'm crying right now. No, I went on, like, a wormhole and someone made a whole collage of confesses and who they were and what the confession was.

[Braden]

I said, too much time.

[Haley]

The fitness people confessing they had bbls.

[Jason]

What?

[Haley]

There's a couple of that.

[Braden]

I didn't make it on that side of Tick Tock.

[Jason]

Yeah, I'm definitely not.

[Braden]

Why do people have to confess? They have a bbl. Like, just be honest from the gate, you know?

[Jason]

Literally.

[Braden]

So weird to me.

[Jason]

Oh, I.

[Braden]

People who, like, keep secrets like that I don't ever want to be friends with. That's fucking weird. If you present Yourself to the world as, like, even, like, if you're, like, a fitness trainer and you really have a bbl, go fuck yourself. Like, you're. It's false advertising.

[Jason]

Exactly. I really feel like that's false advertising.

[Braden]

That's why I'm so honest with everybody. I'm like, yes, I've had work done. It was fucking almost a decade ago now. You know, did it help? Absolutely did. Do I have to keep it up every fucking week?

[Bunny]

Yes.

[Braden]

But at least people can decide for themselves if they want to fucking listen to me or not, you know?

[Jason]

Exactly. You're not hiding it.

[Braden]

It's not misleading. But, you know, what about the people who, like, were advertising, like, to be sold, and they're like, I know I didn't really use these. And, like, it's just crazy.

[Haley]

One of my favorite content creators, she makes, like, those, like, cool ice, like, things and ice molds, and they're so pretty and whatever. She was like, I never even ate any of the ice or used any of the ice. And I was like, what just throws the ice away? Yeah. Like, it's like this big of a stack of, like, ice molds, and they're all, like, fancy and stuff. It's like, never. I never had any of the ice. And I was like.

[Braden]

And that's like, what her whole thing is, her whole shot. Like, what do you do now?

[Haley]

She had all her ice molds, and it was like, hey, how y'all doing?

[Jason]

That's a good one. That's a great one. Yeah, that. That does suck. I. It. I mean, but it does give the transparency of how unreal social media is.

[Braden]

Yeah.

[Jason]

And I feel like that was a rude awakening. A lot of people need to realize.

[Haley]

Y'All not think, like, it was like, yeah, coming back, like, we're going to still see that video.

[Braden]

It's crazy. And I feel another thing is, like, everybody was ganging up on what's her face, Michaela Nogueira, and I never know how to pronounce her last name, but I get, like. I get, like, them being frustrated with her for the past couple of weeks because she's been doing the sad fishing thing. Like, even for me, I'm like, I'm totally empathic to people. And I'm like, man, they're going through a hard time. But it was almost ingenuine because it was like, she was just. She saw that she got so much attention from it. So it was like every other video started to become that, and it was like, you have to really kind of pick and choose when you're. You could be sad a couple times, but you can't. Like, the.

[Haley]

The Internet does not give any context.

[Braden]

Right. Not give any context. But also, the Internet will let you be sad once or twice, and then after that, they're gonna be like, what the fuck is wrong with this chick?

[Jason]

You know, that's how it turned. Was like, it turned supportive to okay, okay.

[Braden]

Yeah.

[Jason]

You know?

[Braden]

Well, it's because she's not telling people, like, what's going on. It's like, I hate when people do that too.

[Haley]

People ask for prayers on Facebook.

[Braden]

It's like, say what you're. You're asking for. You don't have to tell the whole story, but just be like, hey, man, I. This is what's going on. And I just. I'm needing help.

[Jason]

When you do that, also, you open up a ginormous window of assumptions, of speculation. Amount of people who are like, saying, oh, it's. She's not wearing her wedding rings, but then, like, now she goes on a date with her husband. Husband. Like, why did you just all of a sudden stop wearing your wedding rings?

[Braden]

Yeah.

[Jason]

During this whole process. But then it's like, oh, but here's a date with my husband.

[Braden]

Yeah, she. I don't agree with the tactics she uses. I think she tries to. I think she tries to create narratives for herself, but it just comes off the wrong way.

[Jason]

Do you think it's more of, like. Do you think, like a PR team kind of.

[Braden]

I don't think she has any prince, really. No, I don't think she has any pr. I mean, we could look it up. I'm sure my publicist could find out.

[Jason]

If she has a pr Giving it a goo group.

[Braden]

I don't know. I don't. I don't think she has any pr. I think she's just, you know, old school. Like, just YouTube tactics, you know? I don't understand why she gets all the hate she gets, though.

[Jason]

Yeah.

[Braden]

You know, like, it's never made sense to me.

[Haley]

I think because a lot of people don't buy it. They thought her.

[Braden]

Because she doesn't connect.

[Haley]

Yeah.

[Jason]

That.

[Haley]

And they found old videos of when she didn't have that much of a.

[Jason]

Forced accent, but see nothing.

[Braden]

Yeah.

[Jason]

Yeah. No, that would use the video she made today, or I guess it would have been right before there was a couple.

[Haley]

The compilation, and there was a couple in there where she did not have that same accent.

[Jason]

Yeah. And it. It.

[Braden]

I don't know. I mean, I don't know. I think she has the accent but it's like with New Yorkers, you can turn it on and off. It's like with Bailey. It's like with Bailey. She's. She has a Southern accent, but boy, you put her in front of a cute boy and it's, you know, like peanut butter, literally. You know. But so I think. I think anybody with an accent can turn it on or off and exaggerate it. My husband can do it, too. Jay can do it too. And he. Jay's a very Southern. And how he talks always. But I mean, like, if he drinks or he gets excited about something, man, it is honky tons.

[Jason]

His cornbread comes out literally.

[Braden]

No.

[Jason]

No.

[Haley]

Okay, cool.

[Jason]

No.

[Braden]

Why would you think you have an accent?

[Haley]

I don't know.

[Jason]

Do people from your area have accents?

[Haley]

No, it's Midwest. I feel like there's no accent in the Midwest.

[Braden]

No, I don't think there's certain words.

[Jason]

In the Midwest that have a little bit of an accent. I feel like the west coast is the most, like, proper speaking when like.

[Braden]

Or like Valley Girls.

[Jason]

Yeah, there's a lot of likes and ums and like, hellos and dudes and bros. Yeah, those kind of things. Yeah, for sure.

[Braden]

For sure.

[Jason]

I. I feel like I. I think I looked at that one time. I feel like because in that area, you have so much TV and stuff and you can't have accents on tv. They've talked about how over the years the whole west coast doesn't have an accent while the rest of America and different dialects and does. Isn't that crazy?

[Braden]

That is crazy.

[Unknown]

Who's got a teenager?

[Braden]

We do.

[Unknown]

And guess what?

[Braden]

She is ridiculously hard to keep track of.

[Unknown]

And if I didn't have Life360 on my phone, I would never know where this kid is. The entire family and I have a life360 and my husband actually uses it more than I do. He knows where everybody is at every time, which I think is so funny. But I'm telling you right now, Life360, if you have a teen, especially one that's newly licensed, you want to know how many miles per hour they're driving. You want to know how long it took them to get from point A to point B. It sounds crazy, but in this world world, it's not. Life 360 has been a game changer for our family. Life can get chaotic sometimes with that to do list for yourself and things to do with or for your family. One thing you don't have to worry about is where your family members are. Thanks to Life360Life360 is an app that makes it easier to organize your family's.

[Bunny]

Day to day routines and lets you.

[Unknown]

See in real time where they are so you can eliminate the stress of wondering and asking them where they are. I gotta admit, I was super iffy about the family having each other's locations in the beginning because I just felt like it was kind of a breach of privacy. But I'm telling you right now, peace of mind is priceless and knowing that our daughter is okay at all times means so much to me. Knowing that my husband made it to another city when he's on tour, then being able to check on me and know where I'm at. If my battery is low on my phone, they tell me to charge it. If they're missing me, they send me a little I love you message. Like it's the cutest app and I absolutely love life360. I never want to live life without it. Family Proof your family with Life 360, visit life360.com or download the app today and use Code Bunny B u n.

[Bunny]

N I e to get 15 off.

[Unknown]

That's life360.com code bunny b u n.

[Bunny]

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[Braden]

Anyways, I just thought that was funny. All these people making these fucking goodbyes. Goodbyes. The big drama show. I told everybody. I was like we're not going anywhere. There's no way the world is going to lose.

[Jason]

We Got Gas by Tick Tock.

[Braden]

I think they switched servers. I think it is now an American owned company and they're not going to tell you because they know that people will leave tick tock or have meltdowns, and it'll be a show. So I think they had to shut down for 12 hours to switch over to American servers.

[Jason]

I feel like my conspiracy theory I've heard was that they wanted to, like, give Trump recognition for bringing it back. That's why the message had his name in it and stuff was like, we.

[Haley]

Could get the younger generation back on his side.

[Jason]

Yes. That's what I've seen.

[Haley]

Political.

[Braden]

I don't. I don't know about. I think everything's a. Just a play. And we're. We're the stars. Literally. I think everything is just the world. I think the government is a sham. Okay.

[Jason]

Smoke and mirrors.

[Braden]

Smoke mirrors, baby. There's always a bigger batter person. The president is just a puppet for what? The really higher up.

[Jason]

The amount of people that don't understand how the government works. You can tell. Did not pay attention in history class because they were like, this is all because of one person. And I'm like, what?

[Braden]

No.

[Jason]

Do you know how many levels it takes to even get to this person? And then once it's past that person, how many levels it takes? I was like, brothers, that's why we say government, not just one singular person. There's so many people that control this stuff.

[Braden]

Yeah, for sure. Not to get political. Let's get off the floor.

[Jason]

Okay, hold on. I gotta. I got a voicemail.

[Braden]

All right, let's go. Let's get back to having fun. I got one for you.

[Jason]

All right, listen here, listen here.

[Braden]

Ready?

[Unknown]

Your sister's there.

[Braden]

I love it. Was that one of our friends?

[Haley]

It was Braden.

[Braden]

That's hilarious.

[Haley]

He said, hey, how you doing?

[Jason]

How you doing?

[Braden]

How you doing?

[Jason]

This one.

[Braden]

Hurry up, because I got a really good story I could tell.

[Unknown]

So. Quick story. When I was 15.

[Bunny]

Hold on.

[Braden]

What is up with all the dudes? We've had nothing but dudes.

[Jason]

This is the first time we've had dudes. We've had a lot coming in hot.

[Braden]

I love it.

[Jason]

One of them, recap. She was like, my husband watches Estelle confess with me every week, and he had one. I want to say, I love that. I'm like, dude, this is like. These couples are, like, bombing the bar.

[Haley]

I had more guys come up than girls.

[Braden]

I love that.

[Jason]

Isn't that crazy?

[Haley]

Weird.

[Braden]

All right, go.

[Unknown]

How you doing? So, quick story. When I was 15, went over to my girlfriend's house, and I just love the act. The act of just, you know, when they get out of the shower. They're nice and clean. You lean them over the bedside, you full gooch lick them ass all the way up. You know what I mean? All the way down. And anyhow, I did this again. This one time, she gets out, I lean her over, full goose, full lick. I lick up shit. Literally just fucking gacking out shit on my tongue. The scene is embarrassing. And again, it happens when I'm 20. This is five years now. Later, boom. Full gooch lick ate up shit. And I guess the evidence is like, you know, we need to be using loofahs out there in the world and using proper body washing hygiene.

[Braden]

So I love how quick the dudes are though. They get straight to the point. Yeah, I was looking ass licked up.

[Jason]

Doo doo about the fact that he did it twice.

[Braden]

No, but five years later, five years.

[Jason]

Later, no, he said, we need loofahs.

[Braden]

So he's just out here like an ass.

[Jason]

He's just an ass.

[Haley]

He said for Google.

[Braden]

He's asking for it.

[Jason]

I mean, I feel like that was getting your hand bit by, you know, feeding.

[Braden]

I want to know how many times he's had pink eye. Oh, good question, right? Good question.

[Jason]

Jinx. You owe me a blow job.

[Braden]

I'm surprised you weirdos aren't holding hands. Do you guys want to hear this hilarious story or should I save it for next week?

[Jason]

Strong end. Go.

[Braden]

All right, it's kind of long. You guys ready?

[Jason]

Give me the long one.

[Haley]

We're holding on.

[Braden]

Here we go. I was once at a friend's house. Took a in the toilet, clogging it. Like I have never clogged a toilet before. It was like trying to stuff two Idaho potatoes into a Gatorade bottle. Not gonna happen. Then I still had to, big time. I frantically tried to plunge the turd down the toilet to no avail. So I peeked my head out of the bathroom and yelled that I was.

[Bunny]

Going to shower real quick.

[Braden]

I leave the two turds in the toilet, hoping that they will become waterlogged and squishy enough to get plunged. I hop in the shower and take another that I couldn't hold in. Yes, I on the floor of the tub. What came next was one of the most horrifying, unusual, and yet strangely satisfying experiences of my life.

[Jason]

Oh my God.

[Braden]

I was scared to death about what to do since there was no way I could put this thing into the toilet and try to flush it down. By the way, it smelled way worse than when you into a toilet bowl. I guess being submerged takes that smell away. So I couldn't wrap it in a towel or anything. I was freaked out big time. There happened to be a wire coat hanger on the towel rack, so I took that and I began slicing up my turd on the floor of the shower into little pieces, bite sized you could say, and then shoving them down the drain of the shower one by one. Occasionally the water would back up a little bit, so I'd have to push the hanger down the drain to clear things up. For those that have never manhandled a turd, the consistency is bizarre. It's sort of grainy, like girls exfoliating soaps, but it's also random firm pieces in the turd itself. Sort of like when you make brownies from the box and you get a lump of brownie mix that isn't meshed with the wet ingredients. After that was done, the toilet situation was still unresolved. So there I was, kneeled over my friend's toilet with a coat hanger ham, fisting my turds back into the shower, slicing them into more manageable pieces so they could go down the drain.

[Unknown]

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Sorry, do we legally have to say that?

No, this is just how I talk. And I really love my bombas.

[Braden]

They do feel that good.

[Unknown]

And they do good too.

[Bunny]

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[Unknown]

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[Jason]

I thought you were going to say he waffle stomped them.

[Braden]

By the end of the third turd, I was a master. I could slice it up like one of those Asian chefs.

[Haley]

The Pooh Chef.

[Braden]

Then I then I scrubbed my hands and the tub with antibacterial so like never before. After all that, I pissed in the sink because at that point, why the not.

[Jason]

You just had to get the icing on the cake. You pissed in the sink.

[Haley]

Just every hole in there. Had to.

[Braden]

Just every hole.

[Jason]

I was not. I feel like this was the beginning of the poo. Chef.

[Haley]

They need to meet.

[Jason]

Who's the poo show the knife.

[Braden]

Oh, yeah, yeah. The turd trotter.

[Jason]

Cut it up.

[Braden]

Yep.

[Jason]

Had to cut it up every time they're cousin. Same person, different font.

[Braden]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Haley]

I wonder if they know each other.

[Braden]

What's up with all the dudes writing in, though? I love it. That was a guy. Yeah, I think. I mean, I could not hear a woman talking like that.

[Haley]

I. I know how we talk.

[Braden]

Yeah. I mean, but we're not, you know, we're kind of manly.

[Jason]

I love the fact that, like, the dynamic of this show has shifted, literally. And the men are like, wait, I want to be a part of this.

[Braden]

Yeah. Men are like, you know what? We let ladies, we let you have your moment. These next two are for us.

[Jason]

Oh, I love it.

[Braden]

I love it. You guys write in call. We love it. Thank you guys for loving us and.

[Bunny]

Doing ask, talking fest with us every.

[Braden]

Week and just giving us things to laugh about. It's hilarious. All right, you little folks. Okay. Yep. Love you guys. See you next week. Bye.