Ask, Tell, Confess: This One Had Us Gagging

Summary

Dumb Blonde Podcast – "Ask, Tell, Confess: This One Had Us Gagging"

Date: May 29, 2026
Host: Bunnie XO (and friends Haley, Friend 1, Friend 2, plus guests)

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Episode Overview

In this riotous episode, Bunnie XO assembles her signature crew for another raucous "Ask, Tell, Confess" segment. Listeners and the cast bring their wildest, funniest, and most jaw-dropping stories to the table—ranging from awkward sexual encounters to childhood trauma, gross-out confessions, and the odd ways people cope with embarrassment. The group also dives into topics of relationships, body image, and navigating family history, all with their trademark blend of humor, authenticity, and zero filter. Expect candid conversations about sex, hygiene horror stories, and some truly shocking moments that had everyone gagging.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Pre-Cum, Sexual Encounters, and Taboo Confessions

Timestamps: 03:49–12:43

• The crew jumps right into NSFW territory, riffing on experiences with men who have excessive pre-cum, with everyone weighing in on comfort levels and preferences.
  • Haley: "That first whistle was like pre come." [03:49]
  • Host 2: "You guys ever been with a dude who's like, has so much pre come their dick is wet all the time?" [03:55]
  • Friend 1: "It's a little much." [04:18]
• They discuss sharing personal items like vapes and drinks—beware of “poop mouth” friends and what it really means to pass around a joint.
  • Friend 2: "This is why you can't drink after..." [05:59]
  • Haley: "How many joints have you shared with your friends in the past? What if they were all eaters?" [06:08]
• Haley describes an explicit birthday encounter on her balcony—with neighbors just across the way—ending in awkward but empowering laughter.
  • Host 2: "Girl, tell everybody how you were getting eaten out on your balcony... and sent the dude home afterwards." [06:56]
  • Haley: "Bye!" [07:12]
  • Host 2: "If you're gonna give me head though, you're definitely sticking your dick in." [08:04]
• Lovingly honest, Haley admits sometimes "head" just isn't enough, and the circle reflects on what really makes intimacy satisfying for them.
• The segment ends with a quick interlude about selling cars, before jumping right back into more chaotic fun.

2. Relationship and Coming-of-Age Tales

Timestamps: 10:36–14:39

• The panel shares about nights out, being mistaken for a lesbian couple, and embracing perceived sexual ambiguity at bars.
  • Haley: "She holds my hand through every bar because I'm nervous and I don't like a lot of people." [10:06]
• A confessional listening letter launches a story about moving from city to small town, a viral "premature" hotel encounter, and a six-year love that started with a somewhat embarrassing first sexual experience.
  • Haley: "I go to take off my panties, and he comes as he's taking off his boxers... that was the night he lost his virginity." [10:52 – 11:49]
  • Host 2: "At least he redeemed himself." [12:03]
• The group shares similar stories, including first sexual encounters as sex workers, and how nerves and inexperience can make for memorable moments—sweet, awkward, and sometimes hilarious.

3. Stripping Stories, Hygiene Horror, and Gross-Out Humor

Timestamps: 13:41–17:00

• Nostalgic and unfiltered, Bunnie reflects on being a stripper, amusingly comparing men and women's experiences in strip clubs.
  • Host 2: "I have made men come at the strip club in their pants dancing for them." [13:48]
  • Friend 1: "They just leave with wet spots." [14:19]
• The show takes a sudden turn into hygiene disasters—a listener recalls catching her soon-to-be husband's cousin with an STD, pus, and unspeakable toilet etiquette.
  • Host 1: "Caught him squeezing pus out of the head of his dick. And he wiped it on the toilet seat and his pants." [15:07]
  • Haley: "I would lose my... I would start whooping your ass." [15:23]
  • Host 2: "Makes me never want to sit on a toilet seat ever again or touch anybody's hand." [16:35]
• This segues into a frank (and funny) discussion on women’s libido cycles, ovulation, and the desire to be "filled up like a big cum dumpster."
  • Host 2: "You want to get filled up like a big cum dumpster." [17:10]
  • Friend 1: "Okay, no, I don't do that." [17:15]

4. Food, Diets, and Embarrassing Childhood Diet Culture

Timestamps: 18:13–21:19

• The group reminisces about Hostess snacks, diet culture as kids, and the wackier things parents did trying to help them "stay healthy."
  • Haley: "My mom was big into diets... we didn't have junk food in our house." [18:46]
  • Friend 1: "My lunches would literally be like sugar free jello, cottage cheese and like a cheese string." [19:24]
  • Haley: "I thought having a bagel bite at my great aunt's house was the most top tier thing." [20:19]
• Sentimental and hilarious, they contrast childhood restrictions with nostalgic obsessions over snacks, fast food, and forbidden foods.

5. More Wild Listener Confessions

Timestamps: 21:19–26:33

• A listener retells the “no wipe” legendary story—boyfriend removes his friend’s underwear and discovers an unspeakable hygiene situation.
  • Friend 1: "The guy's nickname is still no Wipe." [21:37]
• Bunnie confesses classic “credit carding” pranks with friends, involving even stinkier stories—culminating in hands that won't stop smelling like a Big Mac.
  • Host 2: "I pulled it out and it smelled like a Big Mac and it was so rough." [21:57]
• A tangent into the evolution of fast food quality, conspiracy theories about McDonald's fries and their inability to mold, versus Burger King's pride in their food actually going bad.
  • Haley: "Farmers who farm the potatoes for their French fries are forced to spray a chemical on the potato… can’t go on their property for 24 hours because it’s so toxic." [23:10]
  • Host 2: "Their food doesn't mold." [23:42]
  • Haley: "It 100% should mold." [23:57]

6. Anal Mishaps and the Perils of Sneezing

Timestamps: 24:14–26:33

• A now-infamous confession: after anal sex and a bad timing sneeze, a listener details how she accidentally made a mess all over her boyfriend’s kitchen fridge.
  • Haley (reading confession): "I sneezed and I [pooped] all over his refrigerator. Please keep me anonymous." [24:14]
  • Host 2: "How do you spray like that?" [25:11]
• The crew discusses anatomy, recovery, and what a "rosebud" is—and why you maybe wish you didn't Google it.
  • Host 2: "Do not Google rosebud unless you want to be grossed out." [26:03]

7. Serious Questions: Loyalty, Divorce, and Prison Wives

Timestamps: 28:01–31:20

• A listener asks if she’s wrong for divorcing her husband, who’s serving life for avenging their daughter—but apparently has multiple girlfriends in prison.
  • Friend 1: "He can still protect your daughter, but you have to protect yourself." [28:43]
  • Host 2: "It's not like you guys won’t still have a relationship if you get a divorce, but at least you can go frolic, have fun." [29:02]
  • Haley: "You know your answer already." [30:15]
  • Haley: "There's an entire community of women who search out these inmates." [30:44]
  • Friend 2: "My uncle got with the woman while he was in there. They're still together to this day." [31:07]

8. Poop Knife Legends & Final Listener Disasters

Timestamps: 31:20–33:50

• A recounting of a childhood juvie stint after sneaking out to use the toilet, being trapped, and ultimately having to unclog a toilet with her bare hands.
  • Friend 1 (letter): "I ended up using my hand... Definitely one of the shittiest experiences of my life." [31:20]
  • Haley: "What a shitty situation, though." [33:01]
• Laughter erupts as the group references the infamous "poop knife" and wonders why juvie cells don’t come equipped for turd emergencies.
  • Host 2: "Don’t touch your poop. We love you. Stop picking your turds up out of the toilet." [33:49]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Haley: "That first whistle was like pre come." [03:49]
• Host 2: "I want to get filled up like a big cum dumpster." [17:10]
• Friend 1: "The guy's nickname is still no Wipe." [21:37]
• Host 2: "I pulled it out and it smelled like a Big Mac and it was so rough." [21:57]
• Haley: "It 100% should mold." [23:57]
• Host 2: "Do not Google rosebud unless you want to be grossed out." [26:03]
• Friend 1: "He can still protect your daughter, but you have to protect yourself." [28:43]
• Haley: "What a shitty situation, though." [33:01]
• Host 2: "Don’t touch your poop. We love you. Stop picking your turds up out of the toilet." [33:49]

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Episode Flow and Tone

The conversation is lively, raw, and laugh-out-loud funny throughout—unfiltered and always circling back to gross-out humor, confessional stories, and deeply relatable moments. There’s a constant camaraderie among the hosts and their guests, mixing serious advice, sex positivity, and some shocking TMI stories that are as cathartic as they are hilarious. The tone is never judgmental; instead, it’s supportive, candid, and welcoming of all the messy parts of life—perfectly in line with Dumb Blonde’s ethos of "laughing, relating, and embracing your inner healing."

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Episode Structure & Key Timestamps

• 03:19–12:43 – Sex talk, pre-cum, oral mishaps, relationship beginnings
• 14:39–16:51 – Hygiene horror stories, celibacy, and libido cycles
• 18:13–21:19 – Childhood diet trauma and food nostalgia
• 21:19–26:33 – Gross confessions: No Wipe, credit-card pranks, fast food conspiracies
• 28:01–31:20 – Serious ask: loyalty, prison relationships, and self-respect
• 31:20–33:57 – Poop knife and "shittiest" life moments

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Summary for New Listeners:
This episode is a wild, honest, and side-splitting blend of listener stories, relatable trauma, and friends roasting each other in the most loving way. If you want a hilarious mix of sex, bodily disasters, and real talk about relationships and healing, "Ask, Tell, Confess: This One Had Us Gagging" is not to be missed. Just remember, some things you can’t unhear—or unsee (especially if you Google "rosebud").

Transcript

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[Host 1]

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[Haley]

Ask, tell, confess. Ask, tell, confess.

[Host 2]

Hello fran.

[Host 1]

Welcome to another ask

[Host 2]

tal.

[Haley]

That first whistle was like pre come.

[Friend 1]

Oh, a little edging. Ugh.

[Host 2]

You guys ever been with a dude who's like, has so much pre come their dick is wet all the time?

[Haley]

I'm gonna have to. Yeah, I'm gonna have to say no on that one.

[Host 2]

That's a no for me dog. Have you?

[Haley]

I'm sure all the time.

[Host 2]

Just like anytime they are excited, the pre come just shoots out of their dick.

[Friend 1]

I think so. It's like, calm down.

[Host 2]

It's just right. Yeah.

[Friend 1]

Like, chill out.

[Host 2]

It's so good.

[Friend 1]

It's a little much.

[Host 2]

I hate it. I can't.

[Friend 1]

It's a little much.

[Host 2]

I'd like them dry. Okay.

[Friend 1]

I don't like.

[Host 2]

I like my bones dry.

[Haley]

Okay.

[Host 2]

I don't want it so wet that you could jack it off with it though. You know, like that's wet.

[Friend 2]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

You get like that.

[Friend 2]

I don't think so.

[Haley]

About that.

[Friend 2]

I would say that I. I wouldn't have any comments. I've never experienced stuff like that.

[Host 2]

So you don't have pre Cub.

[Friend 2]

I do.

[Friend 1]

Just. You never felt a guy's dig with free. Com?

[Haley]

Yeah.

[Friend 1]

No, not a lot.

[Host 2]

He never jacked off a friend?

[Haley]

Never. Just.

[Host 2]

Just reached over and gave him the old handy J.

[Friend 1]

Everyone does it.

[Friend 2]

I've thought about it.

[Haley]

What's wrong with you?

[Friend 2]

No, never have.

[Host 2]

Yeah, I've thought about it.

[Friend 2]

Yeah. I mean, I have a lot of thoughts.

[Host 1]

Let me hear some of them.

[Friend 2]

I figured out that there's a dip. I didn't know that chickens and hens were like the same thing.

[Host 2]

No, we're talking about you dragging off your friends.

[Friend 1]

Yeah. Different kind of.

[Host 2]

Yeah.

[Haley]

I want to know more about this. You just found out chickens were chickens?

[Friend 2]

Yeah, Well, I didn't know that. Like, when someone said hen, I thought that was a different than a chicken.

[Host 2]

Go back to the dicks. Yeah. Yeah. So how often do you think about jacking off your friends? Cuz?

[Friend 2]

Never.

[Host 2]

A couple people were offended that you were defending the person on the podcast a couple weeks ago with the. In the mouth.

[Friend 2]

Oh, yeah, I saw that. I just. I'm not a kink shamer. I get. I don't know. It's just if he's not hurting anybody, I wouldn't share, like, a cup with him.

[Host 2]

Yeah.

[Friend 1]

You know, a cup of what?

[Friend 2]

Like orange juice? I don't know, like a water bottle. I wouldn't, like, actively share things with that person. Like a vape.

[Haley]

Oh, poop. Vape is wild.

[Friend 2]

Yeah, but no. Yeah, people were.

[Haley]

This is why you can't drink after.

[Friend 1]

What's the difference between a vape and a cup? Your mouth's still on it.

[Friend 2]

I know.

[Haley]

Said he's not doing.

[Friend 2]

Yeah, I'm not doing either with that person because I know that he likes to do that in his spare time.

[Haley]

So what if he didn't tell you? Like, how many joints have you shared with your friends in the past? What if they were all eaters?

[Friend 1]

If they were poop mouth.

[Friend 2]

I'm going to now think about that.

[Friend 1]

So a lot of people never sharing joints again.

[Friend 2]

Never again. Actually, that's pretty gross.

[Host 2]

Remember back in the old days when people used to sit around in like, a smoke circle and everybody would hit the same blind.

[Haley]

Back in the day.

[Host 2]

Yeah. I mean, I don't know if they still do it.

[Haley]

Oh, they for sure did.

[Friend 1]

Oh, yeah, they still.

[Haley]

Yeah. Until I almost died. I was doing it. Anyone that handed me something, I was. We had one.

[Host 2]

I know.

[Haley]

You know, very small. I don't know where your mouth has been. Yes, you do. You always with Haley. There's some stories.

[Host 2]

Haley, you've been getting some dick lately.

[Haley]

Dick.

[Host 2]

Yeah. You've been getting some. Grandma don't watch anymore.

[Haley]

So we could talk about this revenge body. For sure.

[Host 2]

You have been getting some dick lately. So we don't know where that mouth has been. Girl, tell everybody how you were getting eaten out on your balcony. And he sent the dude home afterwards.

[Haley]

Bye.

[Host 2]

She said my birthday.

[Haley]

You guys. Let me paint the picture, though. Haley's neighbor is right across the way.

[Host 2]

Yeah.

[Haley]

Window.

[Host 2]

Window.

[Haley]

We literally. I remember looking into your neighbor's home. I know what kind of dog they have.

[Host 2]

I know he's a redhead.

[Friend 1]

They know your vagina it was covered by his head.

[Host 2]

I know, but you weren't moaning in that alleyway like a alley cat because it's like she lives in like this alleyway.

[Haley]

Imagine your neighbors being like, is there cats for fighting outside?

[Friend 1]

Honestly, like, you know. You know when you're drunk though and you like really can't hear.

[Host 2]

Yeah. So you don't know what was happening.

[Friend 1]

So maybe.

[Haley]

I don't know. I don't know.

[Host 2]

Why'd you just send him home afterwards?

[Friend 1]

Why did I?

[Host 2]

Yeah.

[Friend 1]

I don't really like him.

[Haley]

How can I hope you're not watching this right now? Oh my God.

[Host 2]

Like, listen, if you are gonna. No, please be honest. I love that. If you're gonna give me head though, you're definitely sticking your dick in. Because I don't feel fulfilled after getting head.

[Haley]

You can't just get head.

[Host 2]

Like if you going to eat me out, you're sticking it in like this is a full time job you're not doing.

[Friend 1]

I didn't want to.

[Haley]

Have you been dicked down by him before. You know what it's like. Oh, you didn't even know what it was like.

[Friend 1]

I didn't want to know when it.

[Host 2]

Damn. You're just like, eat me out. And it was my birthday.

[Friend 1]

That was my birthday present.

[Haley]

What else have you done on this balcony?

[Friend 1]

I don't like that.

[Host 2]

You don't like your butthole leg?

[Haley]

Have you bent over on the balcony?

[Friend 1]

I have not. I've never had sex on my balcony. Oh, I have performed acts though.

[Haley]

Oh, so this isn't. There's been a lot of mouth usage. It's only been there too.

[Host 2]

And you're drinking after this?

[Friend 1]

Bitch, I brush my teeth. No matter.

[Haley]

It doesn't matter.

[Host 2]

I may said don't matter.

[Haley]

Drink after you.

[Host 2]

Well, listen, we're just proud that one of you. That one of us is getting digged down like that. Haley, like we're proud of you.

[Guest 1]

I sold my car in Carvana last night.

[Host 2]

Well, that's cool.

[Guest 1]

No, you don't understand. It went perfectly. Real offer down to the penny. They're picking it up tomor nothing went wrong.

[Host 2]

So what's the problem?

[Guest 1]

That is the problem. Nothing in my life goes as smoothly. I'm waiting for the catch.

[Host 2]

Maybe there's no catch.

[Guest 1]

That's exactly what a catch would want me to think.

[Host 2]

Wow. You need to relax.

[Guest 1]

I need to knock on wood. Do we have. What is this? Table wood?

[Host 2]

I think it's laminate.

[Guest 1]

Okay. Yeah, that's good. That's close enough.

[Sponsor Voice]

Car selling without a catch. Sell your car today on Carvana.

[Host 2]

Pick up. Fees may apply.

[Haley]

I wore a. I wore a baseball hat to the bar the other night. And lady leans over, I'm sitting at the bar, and she goes, men or women? And I said, men or no? At first I said, huh? She said, men or women? I said, men. And then I paused and I said, sometimes women. She goes. I can tell.

[Friend 1]

I was like, mimi. No wonder I didn't get hit on, because they probably thought the whole time

[Haley]

she holds my hand through every bar because I'm nervous and I don't like a lot of people. Yeah, that was Jason.

[Friend 1]

So people probably were like, lesbians.

[Host 2]

Oh, my gosh.

[Friend 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

That's why you're getting.

[Haley]

That's why you didn't get any dude that night. Because they're like, I'm not gonna fight that for her. Yeah, I've already got a really bad resting face. They're like, I'm not gonna.

[Host 2]

And then Jason's like, the third wheel.

[Haley]

Jason didn't go. Oh, he didn't go twice. Now.

[Host 2]

How was it, though? You guys went to losers, right, With Savannah and Justin?

[Haley]

Yes.

[Friend 1]

That was so much fun.

[Haley]

That was a lot of fun. And then we ended up.

[Host 2]

Good live music.

[Friend 1]

I requested nickelback.

[Host 2]

Oh.

[Friend 1]

Turned everyone up.

[Haley]

That was great.

[Friend 1]

I love it.

[Host 2]

All right, well, who's gonna kick off this ass Tell.

[Haley]

Wait, we were talking about pre com. I want to go first.

[Friend 1]

Okay. Oh, God.

[Haley]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

Can't get away from it.

[Haley]

I grew up in a large city. When I was halfway through high school, I moved to bumfuck. Nowhere. Weirdly enough, I was a city kid that knew no one. I got invited to a party. I saw the cutest guy ever. I told one of my friends, I'm gonna go on a date with that guy, and we are going to get married one day. I got laughed at so hard. Well, he didn't want to be the guy in the school that dated the city girl. Summer after graduating high school, I bought us a hotel room for a night for his birthday. And we were having a little makeout sesh laying in his. In our underwear. I go to take off my panties, and he comes as he's taking off his boxers. Mind you, we weren't even dating. Just a situationship. The sex later that night. Then we had sex later that night. Two months later, he asked me to be his girlfriend. And I've been dating for six years. And he recently told me that night was the night he lost his virginity.

[Host 2]

Oh, that was my next thing I was going to say was He a virgin?

[Haley]

Yep. And let me tell you, he's the person I am meant to be with, and I want to have his babies.

[Host 2]

A. Well, I love that. That's a sweet story.

[Haley]

Very sweet.

[Host 2]

And at least he was that one of yours. Least he, you know, redeemed himself and was able to. He obviously put it on her enough to keep her around.

[Haley]

Yeah, I mean, they were.

[Friend 1]

Did you ever have anyone like that? Like. Like, as soon as you got naked, they came.

[Host 2]

I did have a man want to lose his virginity to me whenever I was a hooker.

[Haley]

Did you?

[Host 2]

Yeah.

[Friend 1]

Oh, yeah.

[Haley]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

I was his first.

[Friend 1]

I told you about the one guy that I literally kid. As soon as I, like, unzipped his pants, he came.

[Host 2]

Yeah.

[Haley]

I've never had that problem. Guys.

[Host 2]

Yeah, I mean, I know I've had guys who have came. I just can't remember, you know, it's been so long.

[Haley]

Imagine losing your virginity to that.

[Host 2]

And then he kept wanting to book me.

[Haley]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

No, but I was like, I. I

[Host 1]

had to tell him.

[Host 2]

I was like, look, dude, you need to go find a good girl. You need to go find somebody who's gonna love you.

[Haley]

He fell in love. Falling in love with the stripper. And then they don't talk to you outside the bar.

[Host 2]

Yeah, but I told him the truth.

[Haley]

Happened to you?

[Host 2]

Yeah, I told him. Wait, what?

[Haley]

Do you remember it happened to me? Do you remember when you befriended that girl, and then on the way out, you were like, hey, girl. And she was like,

[Host 2]

no, Haley doesn't remember these things.

[Friend 1]

Is this the one I got the lap dance from?

[Haley]

Yes.

[Host 2]

Hated it.

[Haley]

Hated it.

[Friend 1]

Country paid for a lap dance.

[Haley]

I remember.

[Friend 1]

Yeah. I had to go in the corner and said, we can't do it in front of my friends. And she goes, corner. Okay. I'm just sitting there, like, what perfume do you wear?

[Host 2]

It smells good.

[Friend 1]

And then I looked at her, I said, you don't have to do this. Yeah. I said, we can just sit here. It was so awkward.

[Haley]

So funny.

[Host 2]

It's awkward for dancers, too, though. We don't want to just sit there. Like, I said, get off.

[Friend 1]

Like, you don't have to do this.

[Host 2]

Like, let us move on.

[Friend 1]

Take the money and go.

[Host 2]

I used to love dancing for women. Whenever I was a stripper, I loved it way more than men. Yeah. Way more. I actually, you know what? I have made men come at the strip club in their pants dancing for them.

[Sponsor Voice]

Yes.

[Host 2]

So I have had that happen before, too.

[Friend 2]

Do they tell you.

[Host 2]

I mean, you can normally fill it because it gets wet and also, a lot of the times guys go in the strip club, they wear, like, windbreakers or, like, really thin material pants. Those are the pros that, you know. You know, come in all the time because they want to feel everything.

[Haley]

Yeah.

[Friend 1]

Wow. They just leave with wet spots.

[Host 2]

Pretty much.

[Friend 1]

Yep.

[Haley]

Oh, my God.

[Host 2]

Yeah, I know.

[Friend 1]

She's, like, outside the window, laughing.

[Haley]

Oh, you came.

[Host 2]

I'm telling you, men will find a way.

[Haley]

That's crazy.

[Host 2]

All right, I'm next. Speaking of disgusting men,

[Host 1]

I'm getting married soon to my soul mate. But he has a cousin who I've known since kindergarten. This cousin is very horny all the

[Host 2]

time, and he has a very whorish personality. He said he slept with at least 12 women in the last couple of months. He got an STD and decided to share this information at the family cookout a few days ago.

[Host 1]

Well, after we all ate, I had

[Host 2]

to go pee, so I went inside, not my house. And caught him squeezing pus out of the head of his dick. And he wiped it on the toilet seat and his pants. The end.

[Haley]

Excuse me.

[Host 2]

If I saw somebody doing that, I would lose my. There is no way I would have

[Haley]

beat his ass with his dick out. Like, I wouldn't even let you zip up. I would start whooping your ass.

[Host 2]

But that goes back to touching people's hands and, like, letting people.

[Host 1]

No.

[Friend 2]

Get it.

[Host 2]

Neither squeeze and pus off their phone.

[Friend 1]

Word. Yeah, that's on my list.

[Haley]

Who does that? What kind of monster would be like. Yeah, and also, why was the door open?

[Host 2]

Yeah, I have a lot of questions. And why was she watching for so long to watch him wipe it on the toilet seat and his pants and,

[Friend 2]

like, hear somebody come in.

[Haley]

How do you not hear someone walk in?

[Host 2]

The more I visualize this, the more.

[Friend 1]

Disgusting. Comfortable.

[Host 2]

Huh?

[Friend 1]

They're comfortable. Unless.

[Host 2]

Unless she's one of the 12. Yeah, B.

[Friend 1]

Never know.

[Haley]

Oh, we're over here starting rumors.

[Friend 1]

Sorry.

[Host 2]

Yeah, we just married her soulmate. Let's not put that on her.

[Friend 1]

Yeah, my bad.

[Host 2]

But, man, you know, I don't like it. I don't like it either.

[Friend 1]

They want to be celibate.

[Host 2]

It makes me never want to sit on a toilet seat ever again or touch anybody's hand. What did she say?

[Friend 1]

You said, yeah, right.

[Haley]

She said, makes me want to be celibate. I said, yeah, right.

[Host 2]

Haley's in her horny era.

[Haley]

Her horniness picked up every time you ovulate. You are so horny.

[Friend 1]

Just during ovulation. Then after those three days, don't you

[Host 2]

gotta catch her you have a breeding kink. Then you like to. You want to be bread.

[Friend 1]

No, I don't.

[Host 2]

Well, subconsciously you do because you're ovulating and that's when you get pregnant. So your body is like stick it in your sperm. I want sperm. Yeah. I want to get filled up like a big cum dumpster.

[Friend 1]

Okay, No, I don't do that. Don't do that.

[Haley]

I don't want. What did someone say the other day on my comment section? Said, why be a a hostess when you could be a Twinkie or a Ho Ho? Oh, gosh. What's on the outside? Which one's what one has a little.

[Host 2]

Oh, yeah.

[Friend 1]

The hostess is on the outside.

[Haley]

Yeah,

[Host 2]

they're both nasty.

[Haley]

What?

[Host 2]

They both taste like plastic Swiss rolls all the way.

[Friend 2]

Swiss rolls are good.

[Haley]

Swiss rolls.

[Friend 2]

Yes.

[Haley]

Yeah, when I was a fat, I loved that.

[Friend 1]

Do you remember when hostess had those like 100 calorie packs though? And they had the strawberry little ones Fire.

[Haley]

Nope. I've been a full cow.

[Host 2]

All that tastes like plastic to me.

[Friend 1]

Yeah, I was on south beach diet when I was 12.

[Host 2]

Sorry. Oh, still eat the hostess, dude.

[Haley]

I remember I was on this diet as a kid and you had to take these shots of like these detox shots and then like not eat for 24 hours and all you could have was.

[Host 2]

Who the is giving you this?

[Haley]

My mom.

[Host 2]

Susan.

[Haley]

My mom was big into diets. Anything's world.

[Host 2]

I understand making a kid eat healthy. You know, Bailey gets so mad at me and hates me because I make her eat healthy or tried to make her eat healthy. But putting a child on a diet shot or a diet, like, you know,

[Friend 1]

Special K diet and the south beach diet. I did the Jillian Ab workouts. My mom.

[Haley]

Did you have the wheel with the handles?

[Friend 1]

Yep.

[Friend 2]

Yep.

[Host 2]

At a Shake Weight.

[Haley]

Yeah, I had Shake Shake Weight. Oh.

[Friend 1]

And I look back and I wasn't

[Haley]

even fat because I know same the soup diet where you lived off a soup soup. No, Anything that was in the woman's world.

[Friend 1]

But my mom. My lunches would literally be like sugar free jello cottage cheese and like a cheese string or something.

[Haley]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

Oh, that's terrible to do to a kid, man.

[Haley]

Insane.

[Host 2]

I get not wanting your child to be overweight, but I had a chubby face, you know? But still that's wrong.

[Haley]

I was always chubby.

[Host 2]

Just change their. Try to change their eating habits. It's like that starts at home. Yeah.

[Friend 1]

It's like I'm not buying the groceries.

[Haley]

But what was crazy is we didn't exactly never kept Bad stuff in our house. So it's so weird to me because no, like, we didn't go to daycares or anything like that. I didn't try white bread for probably the first 12 years of my life. She only carried wheat in our house. Nothing was name brand. Like it was. We didn't have junk food in our house. It's very weird for me to think back, like it was always.

[Host 2]

Did you eat like at your friend's house? Because I know that we didn't have junk food in our house. But if I went over to my friend's house and she had cookies, I'd eat the whole.

[Haley]

I didn't really go to friends houses. We were like, we were outside. Like, majority of my friend time was just spent like on the street playing with your friends and you'd come right back to your house and. Yeah, I never went to people's houses like that. It was very strange. Like, I always used to, like, my great aunt would carry like junk food. And by junk food, I just meant like bagel bites. And I thought that was like. I literally thought having a bagel bite at my great aunt's house was like literally the most top tier thing you could possibly imagine. Because we never kept stuff like that in the house. Remember bagel FS cabbage?

[Friend 1]

Do you remember those?

[Host 2]

What Bagels. I wasn't allowed to eat that behind me.

[Friend 1]

Oh, no, I wasn't playing some Midwest.

[Haley]

Yeah. When I was.

[Host 2]

We had hot pockets.

[Friend 1]

Oh, yeah. The ham and cheese ones, the pepperoni ones.

[Host 2]

Good. The ham and cheese were fire.

[Haley]

Ham and cheese are.

[Host 2]

They're like so cheesy and just. I've never been a big marinara fan, even as a kid. Never.

[Friend 1]

I love.

[Host 2]

All right, go ahead, Haley, you're next. We got way off topic. Talking about.

[Friend 1]

Okay, so my boyfriend ripped his friend's underwear off of him. Oh. The friend proceeded to bend over and spread his cheeks and his crack was fully covered in that resembled peanut butter and corn. Twenty years later, the guy's nickname is still no Wipe.

[Host 2]

So his friend ripped his pants off of him.

[Friend 1]

Yeah. So can we start there?

[Host 2]

Why.

[Haley]

Why are we taking people's underwear off?

[Friend 1]

Why are we ripping in there?

[Host 2]

I used to stick my hand down my friend's pants and credit card their and then make them smell.

[Haley]

You always do that.

[Friend 1]

You do that to us.

[Host 2]

I haven't touched any of your.

[Haley]

On the outside.

[Friend 1]

Touch my vagina.

[Haley]

Oh, you've definitely not on the inside.

[Host 2]

No. I would put my hand down their pants and changed one. Well, one time. One time. I did it to my friend. I love her. And if you guys ever meet her, you guys will love her to death too. But I did it to my friend and I pulled it out and it smelled like a Big Mac and it was so rough. And no, it didn't matter how much I washed my hands. This smell was still on it. And I remember we were on the strip eating at McDonald's when it happened.

[Haley]

Yeah, I don't think I like that.

[Host 2]

No, I didn't. I didn't like it either.

[Haley]

Did that stop you? Did it break the habit?

[Host 2]

It did.

[Friend 1]

Have you Big Mac since?

[Host 2]

Oh, I love Big Macs.

[Haley]

That's her.

[Host 2]

Have you guys seen the new.

[Haley]

Is it.

[Host 2]

Have you guys seen the new Whoppers that they have that are fudgeing huge, bro?

[Haley]

The Whoppers are back.

[Host 2]

Yeah.

[Haley]

The BK CEO has put it his foot in this, man. Have you seen this, like, comeback shout out to the CEO of Burger King?

[Host 2]

They're great. I feel like I saw it after

[Friend 1]

the McDonald's CEO wouldn't take a bite. He was like. Like Squidward.

[Haley]

Oh, yeah.

[Friend 1]

Yeah. He looked like he.

[Host 2]

I mean, after you've heard what McDonald's food is made out of.

[Haley]

Fun fact. Don't.

[Friend 1]

Sorry. Cut that out.

[Friend 2]

Bleep that.

[Host 2]

Just bleep it.

[Haley]

I'm about to. Conspiracy theorists don't know if this is true. The farmers who farm the potatoes for their French fries are forced to spray a chemical on the potato to stop its growth at a very certain point. So there will be no, like, malfunction typed impurities in the potato itself. And when they do spray, the farmers can't go on their property for 24 hours because it's so toxic.

[Host 2]

Damn.

[Haley]

But it makes the perfect potato that is then sliced to have the perfect French fries.

[Friend 1]

But that's what I'm still eating the fries.

[Host 2]

Their food doesn't mold.

[Haley]

I've seen that.

[Friend 1]

Where they.

[Host 2]

Nothing. Yeah.

[Haley]

But then have you seen when Burger King put theirs in theirs and they molded?

[Host 2]

Yeah.

[Haley]

Yeah. They were like, oh, sorry, ours molds.

[Host 2]

Yeah, I mean, that's what food's supposed to do.

[Haley]

It 100 should mold. But, like, have you guys seen where they put, like, our breads that we eat underwater and it doesn't soak it up or you like cream flavor?

[Friend 2]

Oh, yeah. You squeeze it and then squeeze it

[Haley]

and it goes right back into place.

[Host 2]

Yeah.

[Haley]

That's so crazy to me.

[Friend 2]

Yeah.

[Haley]

That's what we're consuming.

[Host 2]

All right, who's next?

[Haley]

Me. Okay, this one says, I have a confession. This is a Very short and sweet one. But she said, a guy and I used to date and I did anal afterwards. I was standing in his kitchen while he was making us chocolate milk. I was wearing nothing but a T shirt. I sneezed and I. All over his refrigerator. Please keep me anonymous.

[Host 2]

I have this one too. You guys, stop doubling up and sending only send your to one of us because a lot of us have been getting like duplicates. Yes, that is hilarious. And also he was making them jump.

[Haley]

I mean, what do you do after anal?

[Host 2]

What do you do after you on a fridge?

[Friend 2]

Was it Nesquik?

[Host 2]

I hope it was Ovaltine. That's my favorite. But seriously, like, what?

[Friend 1]

I don't even know what that is.

[Host 2]

Oh, my God. I gotta make you some Ovaltine. It's so good.

[Haley]

My dad loves Ovaltine. Yeah, it's like old people chocolate milk.

[Host 2]

Yeah, it's so good. Okay, but yeah, you get all your vitamins in it.

[Haley]

Are we.

[Host 2]

I mean, but how do you spray like that?

[Haley]

Do you think it just hadn't tightened back up?

[Friend 1]

Cleaned it up?

[Host 2]

Listen, I've had anal before and my butthole is usually swollen and clamped shut afterwards. So I. I need to see what some of these girls buttholes look like. Because, I mean, if you're spraying.

[Haley]

Do you think it was gaping a ro.

[Host 2]

I don't know. Maybe. Do you know what a rosebud is?

[Friend 2]

I think you explained that to somebody.

[Host 2]

Google it right now.

[Haley]

Put it on the tv.

[Host 2]

No. Okay, hold on. I'm not watching it. But wait.

[Friend 2]

Rosebud.

[Host 2]

Yeah, rosebud anal. But that.

[Haley]

Yeah, you.

[Friend 1]

I think you.

[Haley]

You scarred Taylor Holder with that.

[Friend 1]

You showed up. You.

[Haley]

You forced. It was Taylor. You. He said, to this day, you have seen scarred him.

[Friend 1]

You said it in your birthday.

[Friend 2]

Yeah, he did.

[Host 2]

You guys, do not Google rosebud unless you want to be grossed out.

[Friend 2]

I saw a guy.

[Friend 1]

Oh, a guy.

[Friend 2]

He was like suspended in the air.

[Friend 1]

I don't know. Oh, what? What exactly did you type in?

[Host 2]

What is your God?

[Friend 2]

I rose.

[Haley]

That goes based on, didn't it?

[Friend 2]

I went with the first one that it gave me and it was all blurred. I don't know what I was getting.

[Haley]

Unblur. That was a surprise.

[Friend 2]

Yeah, it was. Yeah.

[Host 2]

Surprise, shorty.

[Friend 1]

I didn't know.

[Haley]

My kid was like, I'm gonna grab a T shirt to sleep. And I said, okay, dude, tell me why my kid walked out with a rotten dot com shirt.

[Host 2]

That's hilarious.

[Haley]

My closet. I said, olivia, don't tell anyone you're wearing that. I remember as a kid One time my cousin brought up rotten.com and I walked by and a girl was putting a bowling pin inside of her.

[Host 2]

Oh my goodness. I think I saw that too.

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[Host 2]

All right, as I'll confess, I have an ask. My husband is in prison for life without parole plus 40 years. Let's just say he deleted someone who tried to do inappropriate things to our daughter. The man never got to do anything. Thank God. A man is a hero. But he's been locked up since 2014 and I have held him down from day one. However, I found out he's had and has girlfriends and I want to know if it'd be if I'd be a horrible person if I divorce him. He never did this crap when he was home. We've been together since 2006 and I can't stand the disrespect anymore. But he did protect our daughter and I'm feeling super guilty even thinking of divorce. What are your thoughts?

[Friend 1]

He can still protect your daughter, but you have to protect yourself.

[Host 2]

Amen, sister. Yeah. 100. And also, it's like dude's in there for life. Like, does he get conjugal visits or is this all just a fantasy land

[Friend 1]

where you don't lose throw away your whole life.

[Haley]

Exactly. You didn't delete the person, he did.

[Host 2]

Yeah, and it's not like you guys won't still have a relationship if you get a divorce, but at least you can go frolic and have Fun. Yeah. And let him do his thing.

[Haley]

And then he clearly is doing his own thing for sure.

[Host 2]

And the man's never coming home. So, I mean, unless you guys can have conjugal visits. Like I was saying, what's the. You know, like, I get that he did a heroic thing, and that's amazing that he, you know, was there for your daughter like that, for you guys's daughter. But at the same time, it's like you guys have been together since 2006. Like, there should be a little bit more respect there. But I've. I have heard that meant. And I have to be very careful what I say about, like, prison wives and stuff like that, because I know that it's a very touchy subject and I don't know much about it, but from what I have heard is that these men always do have multiple girlfriends and, like, some sort of, like, con going on on the side. And this is like just prison. Like, everybody.

[Friend 1]

I've seen that too. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Host 2]

Like, everybody in prison just knows that this is, like, what they do. So it's like, if this is what you signed up for and you want to be a part of it, then rock on. If not, then make yourself happy.

[Haley]

Dude.

[Host 2]

You guys have been. You've held him down for a long time.

[Friend 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

Well, if you're having.

[Friend 1]

I always say this, if you're having to ask us, and I think you

[Haley]

know, you know your answer already.

[Friend 1]

Yeah.

[Host 2]

Don't feel bad, though. I mean, like I said, you're still going to be a part of his life. You'll still probably put money on his books, you'll still probably be there, but you don't have to be romantic and you don't have to worry about getting your heart broke, you know?

[Haley]

Yeah. Because that's already heartbreaking enough to find. And like, he's having girlfriends and are

[Host 2]

these women going to visit him? Because that's. Yeah.

[Haley]

Don't drink after people.

[Host 2]

And are these women putting money on his books and holding them down like you are, or is he just selling them? How do these women even find these men that.

[Haley]

Have you not seen that on Tick Tock? That's a thing. You can shop them online, jpeg, and create relationships with them. And like, that one girl, she like, literally found him on one of the websites. Create a relationship with him. He got out and now they, like, live together and stuff. Like, this is literally. There's a entire community of women who search out these inmates.

[Friend 1]

Wow.

[Haley]

And create relationships.

[Friend 2]

Yeah. My uncle got with the woman while he was in in there.

[Friend 1]

Wow.

[Haley]

Really?

[Friend 2]

They're still together? To this day, Yep. He got out.

[Haley]

Go, uncle.

[Host 2]

Go, uncle.

[Friend 2]

Go, uncle.

[Host 2]

All right, who's next?

[Friend 1]

I got a kind of long one. When I was 12, my mom went on vacation with her boyfriend and left my sister and I at home with our grandma. My grandma snores so loud she wears earplugs to bed, and she told us, don't wake me up. The toilet was clogged, and we had no toilet paper, so we snuck out to go to the speedway down the road to use the toilet. My sister and I got caught and ended up in juvie that night and had to sit the whole holiday weekend. I was young and always have been anxious, and we had cells to ourselves, but there was a small window with a piece of construction paper covering it, and the jdos would periodically walk by and lift the paper to check on you. I waited two days to poop because I was worried they would happen to look in while I was taking a. When I finally got the courage, I so much, I ended up clogging the toilet again. Too scared to let anyone see or to even ask for a plunger. I ended up using my hand to grab pieces of toilet paper and rearrange the turds to get it to unclog enough to flush it down. Definitely one of the shittiest experiences of my life. Well, I want to know what happened to grandma.

[Host 2]

She's just still sleeping.

[Haley]

Just.

[Friend 1]

The grandma's not snoring, and it's usually

[Host 2]

while shit's, like, swirling around.

[Friend 1]

I love a Benadryl coma.

[Haley]

This one will wake up 12 hours later and be like, oh, I wake up, guys.

[Friend 1]

30 group text messages, and I'm like, hey, guys. Just catching up.

[Haley]

Sure she will. It'd be like, 30 inch. You're like, six hours later.

[Friend 1]

Hate that, too. And you're like, what?

[Haley]

Okay. What a shitty situation, though. Got you literally, again, is just.

[Host 2]

Yeah. After a lot of people picking up their. Their turds.

[Haley]

What would you do in that situation?

[Host 2]

What would you let the. The place clean it up? Like, Sorry, but, I mean, I had to. It's not like she did it on purpose, you know?

[Haley]

Yeah.

[Friend 1]

Remember the poop knife story?

[Host 2]

Yeah.

[Friend 1]

Try to find something to chop it up.

[Haley]

Yeah. Why wouldn't she just, like, take her sandal or something and chop it up a little and then wash off the sand?

[Friend 1]

Isn't there anything in a cell you could use to chop it? I don't know.

[Haley]

I feel, like, against the rules.

[Friend 1]

Yeah.

[Haley]

In a cell to have something choppable.

[Friend 1]

True.

[Haley]

She's like, you guys don't provide poop. Knives.

[Friend 1]

What is happening kind of jail is this?

[Host 2]

All right, guys, don't touch your poop. We love you. Stop picking your turds up out of the toilet. Love you. See you next week.

[Friend 1]

Bye.