Ask, Tell, Confess: Wait, Bunnie is Going to JAIL?!

Summary

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Dumb Blonde Podcast

Episode: Ask, Tell, Confess: Wait, Bunnie is Going to JAIL?!
Date: November 21, 2025
Host: Bunnie XO (Dumb Blonde Productions)

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Episode Overview

This episode of the Dumb Blonde podcast centers around Bunnie XO and her crew engaging in their signature "Ask, Tell, Confess" segment. The show is a raw, comedic deep dive into taboo confessions submitted by the audience and the hosts themselves. The main theme weaves through Bunnie’s personal update about a legal mishap that may land her in jail, crazy anonymous confessions (ranging from the hilarious to the wild and even the shocking), and candid sex and relationship talk. The hosts maintain their unapologetic, honest, and humorous tone throughout.

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Main Discussion Segments & Highlights

1. Bunnie’s Possible Jail Time! (05:03–12:34)

• Bunnie shares her recent run-ins with the law due to an unpaid 2020 ticket in Alabama that she didn’t even remember getting. She’s been pulled over multiple times since, with her new, “drug dealer-looking” car getting more attention than her previous rides (05:20–06:16).

• After paying the ticket and thinking it was resolved, she’s pulled over again and learns her license is still suspended. She’s told by the officer, “you need to go down to the jail and book yourself in.” Bunnie’s reaction is classic:

  “First of all, I didn’t know that was an option... because I know growing up as a criminal, if you give me that option, I’m never checking myself in.” (10:49, Bunnie)

• She jokes about “going in glam,” vlogging the experience, and her fear of having to remove her eyelashes in jail (11:40–12:25).

• The group jokes about what could go wrong—“horrible fear that we’re gonna be waiting outside with cameras and you’re not gonna come back out.” (12:05, D)

• Ultimately, Bunnie admits:

  “I know we’re laughing about it and it’s no joking matter. Don’t drive on a freaking suspended license, but I didn’t know…” (12:32, Bunnie)

2. Candid Relationship & Police Stories (13:25–15:06)

• Bunnie and co-hosts swap tales of being pulled over, pointing out the difference between the “cute girl gets out of tickets” myth and Bunnie’s reality:

  “All these women talk about how they have these great experiences with cops... cops hate me. They literally do not like me.” (13:25, Bunnie)

• The laughter continues as they reflect on a ticket in Vegas and Bunnie driving her husband’s suspicious-looking car.

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3. Hilarious & Shocking Confessions Segment

a. Self-Love Confessions (15:18–17:24)

• One confession: as a teen with no internet, a man took a photo of his own butt on a Nokia phone and masturbated to it, missing when “my ass wasn’t covered in hair.” (15:28–15:49)

• The crew reacts:

  “Have you ever jerked off to a picture of yourself?”
  “Absolutely not.” (16:00–16:02, Bunnie, D)

• D hilariously recounts tricking an ex by sending a photo of a naked woman from a biker garage wall as her own (16:13–17:24).

b. Growing Up with Porn (17:51–19:26)

• Bunnie and D reminisce about dads stashing Playboys in the house and how that shaped their ideas on sexuality.
• Quote:

  “I could just sit there and take a dump at 5, 6, 7, and 8 looking at freaking Playboys.” (17:59, Bunnie)

c. Wildest Things You’ve Masturbated To (19:55–22:34)

• Some confessions include people drawing naked ladies and masturbating; others discuss seeing shocking “traffic cone” and “tentacle” porn videos.
• Bunnie, C, and D trade thoughts on kink and porn preferences, with much laughter and playful oversharing.

d. Craziest/Most Disturbing Confession: Losing Virginity to a Horse (23:51–26:34)

• The group reads, with shock and disgust, a confession about someone losing their virginity to a horse.
• This segment is full of gasps, “I hate the Internet,” and a lot of dark humor coping with the confession’s discomfort.
• Quote:

  “This is the worst confession I’ve ever read in my life.” (26:31, Bunnie)

e. Size Expectations: “My First Was Nine Inches” (26:48–29:31)

• A listener writes about their first experience being with a very well-endowed man, skewing expectations for future partners.
• Bunnie and the team gossip about “ideal” size and how different shapes and sizes affect their preference.
• Quote:

  “The ones that look like Coke cans are weird to look at…” (28:34, Bunnie)

f. Joking About “Boyfriend Dick” and “Husband Dick” (29:42–30:04)

• The group continues their playful banter on sexual compatibility in relationships.

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4. Bunnie’s Husband’s New Look (30:18–31:49)

• Bunnie discusses her husband shaving his beard for the first time in 20 years and embracing his slimmer face and “cop mustache.”

• The crew cracks up comparing him to Beetlejuice and their child Noah:

  “I thought my husband had the biggest head... he looks like Beetlejuice... your head is a—you got a peanut head.” (31:23–31:37, Bunnie)

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5. More Crazy Confessions

a. Murder Confession from a Bartender (32:02–32:54):

• A bartender tells about a woman who allegedly killed a mugger and waited at the bar to call police “after making sure he was dead.” She wasn’t arrested due to claiming a blackout.
• The hosts react with, “Damn, these are crazy. This is a murder.” (32:44, Bunnie)

b. Road Head Leads to Bathroom Emergency (33:25–34:37):

• A listener describes a moment when giving her husband “road head” led to a desperate dash to the toilet after stomach upset.

• The text exchange is relayed, with Bunnie responding:

  “I love having diarrhea. I feel so skinny afterwards...” (34:39, Bunnie)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Jail:

  “If I do... I’m going in glam to the fuck up, baby.” (11:39, Bunnie)
  “I’m not built for prison or in jail. I’m not doing it. My OCD…” (12:11, Bunnie)

• On Her Husband’s Look:

  “He hasn’t shaved his face in 20 years... he wanted to see it because he’s finally lost all that weight.” (30:35–30:37, Bunnie)
  “He looks like Noah with tattoos.” (31:40, C)

• On Shocking Confession:

  “You don’t just lose your virginity to a horse and then not fuck another horse.” (25:09, Bunnie)

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Key Timestamps

• 05:03–12:34: Bunnie’s jail story and legal drama
• 15:18–22:34: First round of confessions – shocking, sexual, and hilarious
• 23:51–26:34: Horse-related confession (the wildest of the episode)
• 26:48–30:04: Sexual expectations/size conversation
• 30:18–31:49: Discussion of Bunnie’s husband’s new look
• 32:02–34:37: Bartender murder confession & “road head” turned toilet dash

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Participating & Submitting Confessions

• Listeners are encouraged to submit their own anonymous stories via YouTube, voicemail, text, or post, and may be featured in future episodes.

  “All you have to do is sub to this YouTube... It’s that easy.” (33:04, Bunnie)

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Tone & Atmosphere

• The overall tone is brash, unfiltered, and humorous, with the hosts not shying away from taboo topics or giving their honest reactions (sometimes shocked, sometimes rolling with laughter, always supportive of being real).
• Bunnie keeps things lively, vulnerably sharing her own mishaps, encouraging honesty, and always circling back to sending love and laughter to the listeners.

---

Transcript

[A]

You know, starting this whole thing, the podcast, the brand, it didn't happen overnight. I remember sitting there thinking, who am I to do this?

[B]

Because that's how I talk.

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Shopify is always around to share advice with their award winning 24. 7 customer support. Turn those dreams into and give them the best shot at success with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com bunny go to shopify.com bu n n I e shopify.com funny as the air turns crisp and the holidays draw near, comfort becomes the best gift of all. Quint delivers layers that last, sweaters, outwear, and everyday essentials that feel luxurious, look timeless, and make holiday dressing and gifting effortless. Y' all already know I'm all about.

[B]

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[B]

Tell confetti. Ask. Hello friends.

[A]

Welcome to another I still confess.

[C]

All right.

[D]

Threw me off there.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, you guys, we just got out of a talk shop live to to give you guys all autographed books and you guys showed up and showed out.

[D]

They really did.

[B]

What hell we had. We had a time in there. It was great. If you guys want to see it, go over to my Bunny XO YouTube, click on Lives. You'll see it there. If you want an signed autographed book from me, it tells you where to do it all the way over there. So if you guys want a signed autograph book, just head over to the Bunny XO YouTube, click on Lives and you will see how to accumulate one. How's everybody doing today?

[D]

You are on one today. Yeah. You're so hyp of energy. Let's go.

[B]

All right. Well it is 8 o' clock at night. We've been filming so you know it's.

[D]

Going to be a crazy week.

[B]

If you can't beat them, join them. I got to hold up the whole bravado. You know.

[D]

The.

[B]

You guys. I'm going to jail.

[E]

Oh.

[B]

Should we talk about it?

[D]

You're just going to tell the Internet this?

[B]

Why would I not tell the Internet this? I tell the Internet everything anyways, right?

[C]

I can feel her clinching.

[B]

So your girl got in trouble with the law? Not intentionally. What happened was I got a ticket in 2020 in Alabama Driving home from like a family vacation. Do I remember getting this ticket? Absolutely not. But for some reason our daughter does. She remembers. She's like, yeah, mom, you remember. It was like April of 2020. And I'm like, how do you remember that? But she remembered it. Anyways, I got pulled over. So here's the thing. I literally, I have, I have three vehicles. Two of them, I have never gotten pulled over and never had a problem. This new one that I got, because I have it designed, it looks like Big Worm would be driving it. Okay. It looks like a drug dealer's vehicle. I have been pulled over twice in this vehicle. I even warned you literally scroll up.

[D]

In that group chat where.

[B]

So get this freaking. I'm driving, I get pulled over by this officer. He gets out and you could tell he thought it was going to be a drug dealer that was in the car. He's like, you need to roll your windows down. Like yelling at me from back of his car, right? So I had to put all the windows down cuz the tent on, it's really dark. And he walks up and he sees that it's me and Monica in it. So he, he gets nicer and he's like, he's like, you know, your tent's a little dark, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, I'm sorry officer, I'm getting a prescription for it, whatever. So he's like, cool, just let me run your license. And he's like, I'll let you be on your way. And so he runs my license and he comes back and he goes, do you know that your license is suspended? And I was like, what? I said when? How, how could this happen? I was like, I'm like a freaking up standing citizen these days. Like, what are you talking about? And he's like, yeah, it's suspended from a, a ticket in Alabama. And I'm like, okay. I'm like, no, I didn't know that. And he's like, well, I'm gonna let you go with a warning. He's like, but get it fixed. And I'm like, oh, thank you so much. He was so cool.

[A]

Shout out to that officer.

[B]

So anyways, I go home, I get a hold of Alabama, find out that the tickets from 2020 instantly pay it. It gets paid. I got it paid. I paid it at the end of October, like October 20th, right? So I'm assuming that everything's fine and my license is reinstated. I'm, you know, driving the other day, I might have been speeding, I don't know. I can't confirm or deny.

[D]

Plead the fifth.

[B]

Plead the fifth. And I'm going down the freeway and literally I pass this officer and he is outside of his car gunning people, you know, him. And I make eye contact, dude. While I'm racing by. Eye contact, right? So I get all the way to almost My exit. And I'm like, that was a close one. And what do you know? I look in my freaking rearview mirror and here comes this officer on my ass. So I have anxiety because from, you know, I'm like, oh my God, is my driver's license still suspended? It shouldn't be, you know, whatever. So I roll the windows down. He comes over and he's like, do you know that you were doing 88? And I was like, okay. You know, like I, I didn't know what I. Yeah, I was just like, okay, that's what you're saying. But I don't believe I did. You know, I was going to argue with him and he's like, do you have your license and registration? He's being a dick. And I'm just like, oh my God, dude. So I just told him straight up, I got pulled over a month ago and I was told that my license was suspended. I paid the ticket, it should be reinstated by now. Whatever. So he goes to his car and then he comes back and he's like, no, your license is still suspended. And I'm like, oh my gosh. I'm like, I'm so sorry. What do I do? He's like, well, it is an arrestable offense.

[A]

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[B]

And I'm just like, dude. And he's like, but I'm not going to arrest you now. He's like, but sometime this week, you need to go down to the jail and book yourself in. First of all, I didn't know that was an option because I know growing up as a criminal, if you give me that option, I'm never checking myself in. You know what I'm saying? Like, this is not. We're not going to a five star resort here.

[D]

I feel like you were being punk faked.

[B]

Yeah, it was crazy. And I was just like, okay. So I agreed to whatever. And then he made me and Monica switch so that Monica can drive or whatever. Come to find out, the ticket was paid. The ticket was paid October 24th. So I don't know why it's still. Why it's still suspended, but I got my lawyer on it. Whatever. So it looks like your girl is going to have to go book herself in. And if I do. You guys have seen all my past mug shots, right? I'm going in. Glam to the fuck up, baby.

[D]

We are going to give you the work.

[B]

And yes. And I'm going to vlog it.

[D]

Front. I'd be the old mug shot back be the new mug.

[B]

When I told my lawyer that I was gonna vlog it, he was like, no comment. I love my lawyers so much.

[D]

But yeah, so that's talk about them possibly holding you.

[B]

They. I hope they don't. I have anxiety. I don't want to be.

[D]

I have a. I have a horrible fear that we're going to be waiting outside with cameras and you're not going to come back out.

[B]

I won't go there unless my lawyer goes with me there's. No way. Like, I'm not built for. I'm not built for prison or in jail. I'm not doing it now imagine I'm not doing it. My ocd.

[C]

Oh, don't they take your eyelashes.

[B]

They better not.

[C]

I will. I will go fight.

[B]

They better arrest me.

[D]

Window with her hand.

[C]

Just put them in my hand.

[B]

They better not. And I know we're laughing about it and it's no joking matter. Don't drive on a freaking suspended license, but I didn't know this. Tickets from five years ago.

[D]

We got pulled over in Vegas that one time. Why were you not. That was like, within a year.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Did he run your stuff? Yeah, he did.

[D]

Yeah. We got a ticket.

[B]

Yeah, I got a ticket. Actually, I've had two tickets, remember? Didn't we get pulled. Oh, no. Charlie was driving. Wasn't he driving or no, was I.

[C]

Driving in the car?

[D]

We were driving. Monica's on my lap.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I got pulled over again after that. Man, I get pulled over a lot, now that I think about it. Gosh, but that was in Vegas.

[C]

Yeah, that doesn't count.

[D]

He goes, you.

[B]

You told driving my car. I was driving my husband's. That looks like a drug dealer's car.

[D]

You told the officer, well, the speed limit in Tennessee is. And he said, ma', am, this is Las Vegas. That was funny. Yeah, I know.

[B]

Well, I thought I could get away with. Listen, all these women are talk. Always talk about how they have, like, these great experiences with cops and how cops let them go and, like, you know, they can just bat their eyelashes. Cops hate me. They literally do not like me. I don't know why, but I've never had that experience. So kudos to you ladies.

[D]

One cool one that just recently. Yeah, shout out to him.

[B]

Yeah, shout out to him. Yeah, actually shout out to him. But other than that, no, I don't have cool ones. It's always like, the guy who's making me go get fucking booked, you know?

[D]

That's so funny. That was funny.

[B]

Yeah. So, yeah. That's how my freaking busy week has gone.

[D]

Yeah. And you're just gearing you up. For you, an even busier week.

[C]

Can't wait.

[B]

We're working on the Christmas song this week.

[D]

I'm so freaking excited about this.

[B]

Wait till you guys see the video for this Christmas song. It is so obnoxious.

[D]

So good. Your brain works in the funniest possible way. When you told us that, I envisioned everything, but it goes.

[C]

Right?

[D]

That's what I mean. Like, you were so good at this.

[B]

It fits the song, but it's a different take.

[D]

Yeah, very different.

[B]

Very different. It's very. It's very goth take. I think it's funny. I think it's.

[D]

You got to have a good dark humor to love this as much as we do.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. And wait, so you guys see who we have guest starring on the track?

[C]

God, it's going to be so funny.

[B]

I can't wait.

[D]

Oh, hilarious. I'm excited for this one.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's going to be fun.

[D]

Each year, it just gets better and better.

[B]

Better and better.

[D]

Thinking back, I used one of your songs recently on, like, my Tree Reveal.

[C]

And.

[D]

And people were like, man, I really thought this sound sounded like Bunny. And I was like, it is. It's Bunny, guys.

[B]

All right. You guys have anything you want to talk about before we get into these confessions?

[D]

No, no, no.

[B]

Got nothing.

[D]

I got nothing for you.

[C]

Nothing.

[B]

All right, I'm going to kick it off. Damn it, cuz. I.

[C]

Yep.

[B]

I don't know.

[D]

We'll see.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Which one is your. Which one are you thinking of?

[D]

Let's start it off.

[B]

When I was young.

[C]

God.

[B]

When I was very young, like 12, and had no access to porn or Internet, I used my crappy Nokia to take a photo of my own ass from an angle where it seemed like a girl's ass and jerked off to it. I kind of missed the time when my ass wasn't covered in hair.

[D]

Guys, I didn't read that one. I scrolled pretty quickly. I know I didn't go, like. I always like to try to, like, punk fake you guys and go somewhere, like, at the bottom of these or in the comments. Did not see that one.

[B]

Have you ever jerked off to a picture of yourself?

[D]

Absolutely not.

[B]

Yeah, me either.

[D]

No, I have. No.

[B]

It's weird.

[D]

That's. Why would I know?

[B]

But what if it was, like, an angle that it didn't look?

[D]

Okay, guys, I did okay. This is not me.

[B]

But it is.

[D]

I had. No, No, I had an X one time. Oh, my God, I can't believe I'm about to tell this. So I had an X one time. And this was like, when camera phones just came out. Like, you still had the flip phone. Not everyone had a camera once, right? So, like, the photos were so low key. And he was like, send me a picture. And I was like, all right. Well, I was sitting with my friend at the time who was also a boy.

[B]

It was also a boy.

[D]

He was also a boy. And me and him were talking. I was not A great person at the time. Okay.

[B]

Anyways, we love a player from the Himalayas, baby.

[D]

My dad, you know, old biker guy. So his like, whole garage was like women that were like standing next to motorcycles or like leather, like all this kind of stuff. Well, one of the pictures he had, if you sat on this couch and looked up, was a girl, spread eagle. I took my camera.

[B]

Yeah. Lips.

[D]

Yes. I took my camera, got really close to it, so it looked like I was in a mirror. And I took a picture and. And I sent it. And he thought that was the best thing ever. And me and this guy sat there laughing so hard at this guy. Just go and add. It was. It was a pity date.

[B]

So Susan let him have.

[D]

Oh, yeah. Guys, I was raised in the bike community. Like the biker rally itself. Like, I was raised going to the fourth of July, which is the Sturges of the west coast, right? These women, I remember being a child and they are walking around topless, was painted stuff and like, you know, assless chaps and like, it was just so like that community, like bikers are sort of like very, you know, like that. So his. His garage just had like.

[B]

It was a different time. I grew up with a dad who had a stack of Playboys in the bathroom.

[D]

In the bathroom, in the bathroom.

[B]

Literally in the bathroom, stacked up. I could just sit there and take a dump at 5, 6, 7, and 8 looking at freaking Playboys.

[D]

What kind of porn was it back then?

[B]

Porn?

[D]

Like, what were. Like, what did it look like?

[B]

So Playboys have always been tasteful. Penthouse are the ones that are like porn. So we had Playboys. So that's. I love the Playboy aesthetic still to this day because it's just pretty. It's just, you know, or it used to be before half died.

[D]

But it was very glamorous.

[B]

Very glamorous, very classy. Yeah, Playboy always looked down on Penthouse. And then as I got older, I was like, I like Penthouse.

[D]

When my grandpa. Yeah, when my grandpa passed away, we went into his closet and he had two stacks of Playboy. But they were like the vintage.

[B]

Oh, they're probably worth something. And you're right, Haley. Yeah, they're probably worth something.

[D]

Oh, yeah, definitely. There was like the 100 edition. They were still in sleeves. Like, they were.

[B]

Wow.

[D]

Very, very cool.

[B]

What'd you guys do with them?

[D]

I don't remember. I think my cousins took those, like the really valuable ones they took. And then there were so many. I remember having a friend at the time because I was a teenager when he passed, I was like, hey, you want the stack of porn? He was like, yeah. I just remember giving him, like, a.

[B]

Like, damn worth something.

[D]

I know. I didn't think about it. They were, like, more on the newer side. We really did keep all the really vintage ones.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

In the family.

[B]

The bush ones. That's why you have bush. I knew it. That's why you're inspired by bush.

[D]

I hate all of you guys. That is wild. Okay, it's stubble, not a bush. Worse. I don't feel like that's worse.

[B]

Who's next?

[C]

Did you see the comment under the one you read, though?

[D]

No.

[C]

Someone said, I used to draw naked ladies in jerk off.

[E]

Yep.

[B]

That's imagination. Did we just hear that?

[E]

I never know, but I've heard of that. I've heard of that.

[D]

You agree? Way too quick.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Jaime, what's the craziest thing you've jerked off to?

[E]

Ooh, ooh.

[B]

And don't lie.

[D]

Tell the truth.

[E]

Trying to think.

[B]

Haley, what's the. Okay, you think about it. Haley, what's the craziest thing you've jerked off to?

[C]

Don't watch anything crazy.

[D]

She's so vanilla.

[E]

Yeah, that's what I was explaining to you, too. I remember you asked me that, and I'm like, honestly, I'm very just.

[B]

I just asked him that on a typical Wednesday.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Not even on air. Yeah.

[E]

Yeah. I was like. I was eating my burger, and then I was like at my tots, and you were like, what kind of porn do you watch?

[D]

I was like, hold on, let me finish this bite real quick.

[B]

I'll let you know.

[E]

I was like, honestly, I'm pretty vanilla. Like, nothing crazy, like. But I have heard other people tell me what they watch, and I'm just like, I. I'm lucky. I don't need that much stimulation. I could just see a freaking kneecap, and I'm.

[B]

Yeah. What's the crazy thing you've wagged off to?

[C]

Go ahead. We didn't. I didn't. We didn't jerk off. Do you guys remember the traffic cone video?

[B]

Oh, my gosh.

[D]

That was rough in the tentacle.

[B]

Yeah. How could I forget?

[D]

That was.

[C]

Do we make Jay look.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

My husband is so innocent, and he hates anything, like, aggressive. Like, he's such a sweet little gentle lover. Just a little angel pie. And literally. Who found that? Was it you?

[D]

It was in her reels. Yeah.

[B]

Haley found.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Some girls swallowing a traffic cone, and we had to send it to my husband, and he hated me for days. He wouldn't talk to me, like, it was bad.

[A]

He.

[B]

He doesn't like.

[D]

I remember first, like, discover, like, rotten.com and those kind of things. And the women, like, literally saw a girl put, like, a bowling pin.

[B]

I've never been. You know, I've never been. I've never wanted to stretch myself out.

[D]

That's how I feel. That actually, like, makes me. If I see someone, like, in a porn or something, it's too big.

[C]

I'm like, I don't like using objects that shouldn't be up.

[B]

Yeah, I get scared. Like, what I get scared about, like, infections, Yeast, bacterial, vaginosis, any of that. Dude.

[C]

Oh, my gosh.

[D]

I remember my neighbor got a perfume bottle stuck in there one time. She had to go to the hospital.

[B]

I've never been that horny to just be like, I just want to shove this inside my vagina.

[D]

Like, that's. I just grab a toy.

[B]

I don't know. What's the craziest thing you've walked off to?

[D]

I can't think of anything like. Like, in this. I mean, like, some of it's really aggressive, you know, but nothing like crazy with, like, traffic cones or. I didn't jerk off. No, I'm not saying. I just meant, like, people who do do that and to. We do not yuck anyone's yum around here. But that's just not like, my forte, I guess. Like. And I also don't, like, like, very soft.

[B]

No, you like it hard? Yeah, I like.

[C]

I like more soft, romantic. And I tried showing Mimi, and she didn't like it.

[B]

I like passionate. I like.

[C]

This is boring.

[B]

I don't. I don't like, you know, toss a bitch around. I don't know. Maybe I do. I love tossovich around.

[D]

Rough, but not, like, not hurting.

[B]

I like passionately aggressive.

[D]

There you go.

[B]

That's a great way to get it, I think.

[D]

Like.

[B]

Like, it still has to be sexy. Like, there has to be some sort of connection, you know? I can't just watch, you know, somebody getting the shit kicked out of them.

[D]

What? Jason tell you about our anniversary trip today?

[B]

And you're like, oh, Jason's got a hog.

[E]

Jason's got.

[B]

What happened?

[D]

He just explained something about it, and she was like, don't bring it up.

[B]

Bitch, if you're not going to say it out loud. Share with the class.

[D]

We'll cut it in case Mom's watching this.

[B]

Mom, turn it off.

[D]

Talking about in the hot tub. And he's like, I got so excited. Just smack the.

[B]

Out of her in the face. In the face twice. Damn, Jason. He's like, what the hell?

[D]

Okay.

[B]

All right. He was waiting for that. That was his own moment.

[D]

It was. It was great.

[B]

All right, who's go. Who's next? We could talk about this all day.

[D]

This one says, when I was around the age of 12, I had never.

[C]

Dang it.

[D]

Never seen a real life vagina. My neighbor had some horses and that was my first encounter. I ended up losing my virginity to a horse. Never told anyone this, and I probably haunt me to the rest of my life. Someone said in the comments, to a horse.

[E]

Wait, wait, that's my question.

[C]

Wait. To a horse? And he said, a real life brown horse. To be honest, the thrill of getting kicked with the possibility of death and being found with only my shirt on was exhilarating. It was a process with having to hide my bike in a ditch, then needing to ninja my way into the stalls without being seen. I wish someone would have given me a high five, but that will never happen.

[D]

I hate the Internet.

[E]

I'm confused.

[C]

He a horse?

[E]

So we're just talking about bestiality now? Like casually on the.

[D]

Yeah, that's gonna be a lot of bleeping if you want to hear the uncensored version of this sub to our YouTube.

[C]

Wow.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

I could have lived my whole life with never hearing that shit. First of all, how do you openly just tell people that? You know, people can track your vpn, right?

[D]

Who you are?

[B]

That's crazy. He's still horses. I guarantee it. You don't just lose your virginity to a horse and then not fuck another horse.

[D]

That catapulted an entire lifelong weird obsession. You know what? I bet you he likes those horse.

[B]

Girls to even be attracted to a horse vagina. Have you seen a horse vagina?

[C]

No.

[B]

Should we pull?

[C]

I don't want to see a horse vagina.

[E]

Did you say that he had a shirt on?

[D]

Yes.

[E]

So we need to poot it.

[B]

He.

[E]

Yeah. That's crazy.

[B]

I don't need this visual. I don't even feel comfortable talking about that poor horse.

[E]

He's Winnie. Not only was he just committing something terrible, he kept the shirt on. Looked like Winnie the Pooh while doing it.

[D]

I just got hot.

[B]

Dude, you are a loser.

[D]

That's crazy.

[B]

I'm yucking that young.

[E]

Yeah, okay.

[B]

That's yuck to animals. And children are. They're so innocent. Like, bro.

[D]

Yes, bro.

[B]

And I'm sure the horse didn't feel it because have you seen a horse dick before? Like, that's crazy, right? So to her, it was probably just she was still eating oats and had no idea. Had no idea.

[C]

He.

[B]

And it was the time of his life, you know? God, there's everything just wrong with this whole. I don't even know if we should air this. That's that bad.

[D]

I hate him.

[C]

It's.

[B]

This is the worst confession I've ever read in my life.

[C]

Yeah, that's why I had it screenshotted.

[D]

Yeah, No, I didn't feel comfortable reading that.

[B]

All right, Haley.

[D]

Yeah. It's actually your turn.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, it's my turn.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. Back to you, Bob.

[B]

Thanks. Back to you, Bob. Out, Bob the. Out. Man. My first was nine inches and I lost my virginity to him.

[A]

Damn.

[B]

Nine inches As a virgin?

[D]

No, thank you.

[B]

What a trooper. She deserves an award. This was my first real relationship. I've only been with one person since, but have seen several others and feel that I. It kind of gave me too high of expectations.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You think of what to expect from other men and honestly made smaller sizes come as a genuine shock to me. Not sure if it's necessarily wrong, but it probably isn't too healthy. I mean, it's. I don't know, It's. You know, she didn't know any better because she was a virgin.

[D]

Exactly.

[B]

It's not her fault. It's not like she went seeking a nine inch dong, you know, but that's just the way the cookie crumbled. I had the complete opposite experience in my loss of virginity. You guys get to read about this in the book, but. Yeah, good for you, homegirl.

[D]

I mean, but do you think that kind of ruined the rest of her expectations and, like, no one's gonna ever compare, you know? Like, what do you think? Well, I'm not asking you. What do you think is like big?

[B]

I mean, I think. Okay, let's. I don't think big is necessarily what I go after. I like comfortable because I get fudgeing utis like so easily. And I've had big schlongs. I don't.

[A]

I don't.

[B]

I love a big schlong, but at the same time, I don't. They hurt and they're uncomfortable and sometimes they don't work properly. So I don't know, I would think like maybe six inches. Six to eight is good, right? Five.

[D]

Skinny, girthy, round.

[B]

I don't like skinny. Have a little girth. Not too much girth. Because the ones that look like Coke cans are weird to look at. No, it's like they. It's like something buff.

[D]

I don't want you.

[B]

I don't like it hitting the back.

[D]

But they can stretch the edges.

[C]

It's like that one character from Star Wars.

[D]

No, the big one.

[C]

That just, like, Jabba the Hut.

[D]

Job of the hut.

[C]

I think so.

[D]

All right. That's what you think. What do you consider big? Huh? Oh, I mean, that scale moved.

[E]

I don't know. Like. Yeah, maybe that's big.

[D]

It's about.

[B]

That's boyfriend material. I love that.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah, that's. That's good.

[E]

I mean, I haven't seen any. Like.

[B]

I'm not a size queen.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm not a size queen at all. Clearly, from the first guy that I've lost my virginity to, my expectations were all over the place. You know what I'm saying? But I don't like big dongs. They hurt. I don't like them at all.

[D]

Too. Too big. No. If you get old, if you could literally knock my uterus out of place. No, thank you.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

The right fit is the right fit.

[B]

Yeah. Boyfriend, boyfriend dick, or husband dick? Yeah, for sure. I don't know.

[D]

Is husband dick.

[C]

Wait, which I thought husband dick was not.

[D]

Yeah, right. Boyfriend dick is the big one, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[E]

I think husbands, like, you just stop talking to each other and.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm going home to get some husband dig after this.

[C]

We heard that right in front of us.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

We're literally like the kids standing there, and mom and dad are talking sexually, and we're like.

[C]

We were both, like, right here.

[D]

Literally right here.

[B]

It's so weird with his beard off, though.

[E]

I'm like, yeah, how is that so far?

[B]

I don't know. I'll tell you next time I see you. Have you kissed him yet without it? Oh, yeah. I kiss him all the time. I love him. I think what happened was, is he has. Okay, so the. The Internet got it wrong. Like, all the news articles are like, oh, he hasn't shaved his face in 10 years. No, no, no, no. He hasn't shaved his face in 20 years.

[A]

So this is the first time he's.

[B]

Ever seen his face without hair. And he wanted to do it because he's finally lost all that weight, so he doesn't know what he looks like right underneath there. So it was, like, a really special moment for him to be able to see it. Now, the way it turned out is a completely different story. But you live in your learn.

[C]

I want to see him with just the goatee. Oh.

[B]

First of all, I don't even want him to grow the goatee back. I want him to keep the mullet and do the fudgeing, weird cop mustache that he had. Oh, my God, it was so hard.

[C]

You have video or picture of that?

[B]

We. He videoed it. Yes.

[C]

I need to see that.

[B]

It's hot. It looks so good. I'm like, baby, leave that.

[D]

Did you see his jawline today?

[B]

Yeah, he's got a little jawline.

[C]

Wild.

[B]

But you know what else I didn't realize? This entire time, I thought my husband had the biggest head after he shaved.

[A]

He's got a little peanut slender.

[B]

It looks like Beetlejuice. Like with that. That thing on Beetlejuice where the head is all small and the body is big. I'm like, bob, I told him that today. I said, baby, you're little. Your head is a. You got a peanut head.

[C]

Dude, he looks like Noah with tattoos.

[B]

Literally. That's what Noah's gonna look like.

[D]

That's exactly what Noah's gonna look like. That is crazy. That's copy and paste right there.

[B]

I know Noah. I'll let him tell the story. But, yeah, Noah said something. Something so funny to him whenever he saw him without a beard on. All right, who's got another story?

[D]

Go ahead, Haley.

[B]

Hurry the up. I want to go home.

[C]

This is from a bartender.

[D]

Eight o'.

[C]

Clock. All right. She said, probably the most terrifying story is of this woman who came into my bar years ago and had two shots and a drink and was real quiet for the first hour. Then she called me over and asked if I could call the police. I said, what was the problem? She then told me that she had just stabbed and sliced the neck of a mugger in the alley and wanted to make sure he was dead first before she reported it. Police were called, mugger was found dead, and the woman was not arrested or charged. She denied ever telling me that she wanted to wait an hour before calling the police claimed that she had passed out in the alley and woke up, then came into the bar in shock.

[B]

Damn, these are crazy. This is a murder.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

You're a bartender.

[B]

Yeah, that. That's crazy.

[D]

Wild.

[B]

Yeah, that's really wild.

[D]

Goodness, you guys got some really crazy stuff this week. I know you want to tell people how they can submit stories. Yeah.

[B]

Guys, if you guys want to be a part of Ask, Tell, Confess, all you have to do is sub to this YouTube.

[C]

Boom.

[B]

It's that easy.

[A]

You can call in, you can leave.

[B]

A voicemail, you can text, or you can post it in the post, or.

[A]

However you would like to remain anonymous.

[B]

Or if you want it to be.

[A]

You know, read out loud.

[B]

We can do that too.

[D]

This is from Hillary and she provided screenshots for us. So we will put them up for you guys, she said. So just two days ago, my husband and I went out and had sushi for dinner. On the way home, he asked for roadhead, but we were almost home. So when we walked into the door, he dropped his pants and sat down. I dropped down on all fours and went to town. A few minutes go by and my tummy starts rumbling bad. But I just kept going while holding it in with every ounce of my being. Next thing I know, he grabs his butt cheek and says, I'm getting a Charlie horse in my ass muscle. In which I replied, good, I've got worse problems with my ass. Jumped up and took off running to the toilet where I proceeded to die a little while. He died laughing and spasming. After a few minutes, he came to check on me. I said, don't come close, I'll text you. He left without saying a word. Below is our texts.

[B]

Read it to me.

[D]

It just says, yeah. They all started singing with the dogs barking. She sent a poop emoji with sweating and laughing. And then she said it came out of nowhere and he put the emoji of like the explosion.

[B]

Poor baby.

[D]

I feel bad. I'm sorry that you pooped.

[B]

I wish I had a poop explosion. Those make me so happy. Yes, I would. I love having diarrhea. I feel so skinny afterwards. Would you rather have diarrhea? Would you rather have be constipated? Which one is it? Diarrhea. Diarrhea all day.

[D]

I do feel skinnier when I got home, especially in the morning. Did anyone else get sick coming home from Europe? Did it take like a while for your gut to like.

[C]

No.

[D]

Member?

[B]

I don't think so.

[D]

I had a rough time with.

[B]

You have problems with your tummy all the time though.

[D]

Yeah, but this one was bad. I feel like it was the readjustment.

[B]

Of talking about a girl who got taken away in an ambulance in L. A for her stomach. You have tummy problems, girl. It's not Europe, it's your stomach. Yeah, yeah.

[D]

I feel attacked.

[B]

And on that note, we're out of here. Love you guys. See you later. Bye.

[G]

Did you know you can opt out of winter with VRBO? Save up to 1500 dollars for booking a month long stay with thousands of sunny homes. Why subject yourself to the cold? Just filter your search by monthly stays and save up to $1,500. Book [e-mail].