Transcript

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Is this thing on, you guys? I have the machine sitting on my couch and I have been trying to get him here for years. He's finally in Nashville. He came to grace us with his presence. Mr. Burt Kreischer.

Bert Kreischer (2:12)

I am so happy to be here, dude.

Podcast Host 2 (2:14)

I love that you're barefoot and that you're comfortable. Are you gonna take your shirt off?

Bert Kreischer (2:17)

No, I'm by the way, I am. Oh, wow.

Podcast Host 2 (2:22)

He's like, we're starting off heavy.

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dumb Blonde

Episode: Bert Kreischer Explains Why He Only Wants ONE Woman
Date: January 4, 2026
Host: Bunnie XO
Guest: Bert Kreischer

Episode Overview

In this candid and hilarious episode, Bunnie XO sits down with comedian Bert Kreischer, known as "The Machine," for an unfiltered conversation about relationships, health, marriage, mental health, and aging with authenticity. Beyond the laughs, Bert offers vulnerable reflections on intimacy, self-image, his marriage to Leanne, and why, despite his reputation, he’s only ever wanted to give himself fully to one woman. The episode is a tapestry of raunchy humor, real talk, inspiration, and friendship.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Bert’s Health Journey and Peptide Talk

Weight Loss and Medication:
- Bert discusses being at his highest weight while filming his upcoming Netflix show "Freebird," then losing 20 pounds in two weeks on Manjaro.
  
  “I always look the same, but I just started the Manjaro. And I’m down 20 pounds in two weeks.” — Bert (03:04)
- Both Bunnie and Bert talk about side effects of various weight-loss meds (Manjaro, Trizepatide, Retta) and the unpleasant digestive side effects on tour.
  
  “I did try Zepatide and I shit so much my butthole hurt on a tour bus, Bert.” — Bunnie (08:01)
Peptides, Trainers, & Body Composition:
- Peptides like SS31, BCP, and the visceral-fat-targeting Tesamorelin come up, along with the trials of maintaining muscle and the reality of traveling with trainers/fridges for medication.

Notable Segment

Hot-bagging’ on tour buses explained:
- (10:13) Bert and Bunnie walk listeners through the crude but necessary methods of pooping on tour.
  
  “That’s how you shit on tour buses. My daughter Isla called me...I’ve been hot bagging it. That’s a kid that grew up on tour buses.” — Bert (11:19)

Porn Preferences, Kinks & Sexual Vulnerability

Candid Porn Discussion & Sexual Honesty:
- The conversation turns to porn preferences ("POV" vs. "80s bush" vs. "superhero porn"), with Bert stating he’s only turned on by visuals that remind him of his wife Leanne.
  
  “The thing that turns me on in porn is...anything visually I would see from Leanne, that angle turns me on.” — Bert (16:18)
Intimacy, Inside Jokes, and the ‘Feather’ Emoji:
- Bert shares the story behind their private "feather" emoji for sex, including a vulnerable moment with Leanne and how shared humor keeps their sex life playful and close.
  
  “So now we text feathers to each other and that's our—our emoji is a feather.” — Bert (24:57)

Memorable Quote

“I didn’t think I was going to be attracted to someone like Leanne...when I got naked with her for the first time, I’d never experienced that feeling where...I felt like she was sharing a secret with me.” — Bert (18:45)

Long-Term Love, Uniqueness, and Why Only One Woman

Finding ‘the one’ and Contentment:
- Bert talks honestly about “the car you want to be in,” how he used to always want something new, but now, with Leanne, he wouldn’t trade their shared private jokes and history for anything.
  
  “For whatever reason, I’m just sitting there going, this is the car I want to be in. And I was like, I can’t...Can you believe I still love you?” — Bert (26:44)
On Staying Faithful and Emotional Safety:
- Despite his wild public persona, Bert shares he’s had sex with only six women in his life, and never felt ‘safe’ in bed until Leanne.
  
  “Thank you so much for letting me be who I am in bed...I have no interest in starting that journey with anyone else.” — Bert (37:12)
Emptiness of New Relationships vs. Depth of Old Ones:
- He doubts he’d ever want to invest so deeply in a new relationship if he ever lost Leanne, emphasizing the irreplaceable value of shared history, inside jokes, and comfort.

Mental Health, OCD, and Vulnerability

Living with OCD, Anxiety, and Rituals:
- Bert describes living with OCD, intrusive health worries, and flying rituals.
  
  “Big Brain versus Little Brain...Big Brain was the bad guy, and Little Brain was the sweetest guy. He's who I am.” — Bert (63:58)
Mental Health in the Spotlight:
- Both discuss being open about mental health and how the internet weaponizes vulnerability ("Don’t let it take your laugh”).
  
  “Can you imagine if you let the world take your joy away?...Don’t let it take your laugh.” — Bert (72:41)
Coping Mechanisms:
- Journaling, exposure therapy, and humor are important tools for survival.

Friendship, Inspiration, and Fatherhood

Supporting Friends & Inspiring Others:
- Discusses the camaraderie, support, and inspiration between Bert, Bunnie, Jelly Roll, and their families, including running 5Ks to inspire fans and each other.
  
  “I was like, I gotta get them [my fans] in shape...I need them more than they need me.” — Bert (48:00)
Fatherhood & Regrets:
- Bert is honest about the guilt of missing time with his daughters for his career and the priority of personal, not just professional, goals.

Aging, Career, and the Comedy Landscape

Changing Nature of Comedy & Ageism:
- Bert reflects on being 53, still selling out arenas, and how comedy has opened for older comics ("Chappelle’s 53, Burr’s 56, Rogan’s 56, Tommy’s 48…”).
No Concrete Game Plan—and That’s OK:
- Instead of a roadmap or chasing ticket sales, Bert wants more travel, experiences, and personal fulfillment with Leanne and his family.

Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

On Side Effects and Tour Life:
“Triseptatide shits smell like the kind of shits that a guy in the stall next to you has to say something like, ‘What did you eat?’” — Bert (08:28)
On Porn and Monogamy:
“The thing that turns me on in porn is...anything visually I would see from Leanne, that angle turns me on.” — Bert (16:18)
On Marriage and Emotional Safety:
“Thank you so much for letting me be who I am in bed...I have no interest in starting that journey with anyone else.” — Bert (37:12)
Describing OCD:
“Big Brain versus Little Brain...Big Brain was the bad guy, and Little Brain was the sweetest guy. He's who I am.” — Bert (63:58)
On Vulnerability Online:
“Can you imagine if you let the world take your joy away?...Don’t let it take your laugh.” — Bert (72:41)

Fun & Lighthearted Segments

Rapid Fire Game: Porn Category or Energy Drink Flavor (54:18)
- Bert correctly identifies “Cream Pie Crush,” “Wetworks,” and “Bang Bus” as porn categories, showing off his pop culture knowledge with characteristic humor.
Stories of Naked College Antics (55:16)
Inside Joke: ‘Baby Walrus’ nickname from Italy family trip (100:01)

Key Takeaways

Love and Partnership:
Bert is deeply devoted to Leanne, placing intimacy and friendship above novelty or conquest.
Vulnerability is Strength:
Candid discussions about sexual preference, mental health, and aging are woven throughout, modeling that openness and laughter are powerful tools for healing.
Cherish Shared History:
The value of decades of shared jokes and comfort in a relationship cannot be replaced by the thrill of the new.
It’s OK Not to Have a Plan:
Success—and happiness—are less about hitting specific milestones and more about meaningful personal goals and moments with loved ones.

Important Segments & Timestamps

| Segment/Topic | Timestamp | |---------------------------------------------------------------|-----------| | Bert on Manjaro and weight loss meds | 03:03–04:10| | Tour shitting stories, "hot bagging" | 08:09–11:32| | Porn preferences and sexual vulnerability | 15:18–18:45| | The ‘feather’ emoji and sex/love rituals with Leanne | 19:18–25:15| | Bert’s history of monogamy and early sexual experience | 30:30–38:09| | On running 5Ks and inspiring Jelly Roll and fans | 46:08–48:17| | OCD, anxiety, and health rituals | 63:44–67:34| | Don’t let the world take your laugh/joy away | 72:41–73:27| | Growing older in comedy and letting go of rigid plans | 94:31–101:52|

Episode Tone

Playful, uncensored, friendly, and deeply honest—with Bert and Bunnie both weaving raunchy humor and profound vulnerability throughout. The conversation is marked by warmth, affection, and a refreshing lack of pretense or posturing.

Show recommendation:
Stream Bert’s upcoming Netflix show "Freebird," premiering January 22, 2026.

For listeners:
You’ll laugh, you’ll cringe, you might get choked up, and you’ll walk away with a deeper appreciation for finding your person, loving big, and laughing through life’s chaos.