Roseanne Barr: My Bargain With God

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dumb Blonde - Episode Featuring Roseanne Barr: “My Bargain With God”

Episode Information:

• Title: Roseanne Barr: My Bargain With God
• Host: Dumb Blonde Productions
• Release Date: June 23, 2025

Overview: In this heartfelt and candid episode of the Dumb Blonde podcast, host Bunnie XO engages in an in-depth conversation with iconic comedian and actress Roseanne Barr. Titled “My Bargain With God,” the episode delves into Roseanne’s tumultuous upbringing, her battles with mental health, profound spiritual beliefs, and the personal experiences that shaped her illustrious career. Through laughter and raw honesty, Roseanne shares her journey of overcoming adversity, finding faith, and embracing personal transformation.

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Early Life and Upbringing

Growing Up in Salt Lake City: Roseanne Barr opens up about her challenging childhood in an Orthodox Jewish family living in Salt Lake City, Utah. She recounts the hardships faced due to anti-Semitic neighbors and the internal struggles within her family.

Roseanne Barr [03:42]: “I was raised in an Orthodox Jewish family in Salt Lake City, Utah, in the ghetto. We owned the only kosher butcher shop in the West, and my grandparents were proud to sponsor over 50 refugee families from concentration camps in Europe.”

Family Dynamics and Abuse: Roseanne shares harrowing details about her father’s abusive behavior and the dysfunctional environment at home. These experiences contributed to her developing obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and a deep-seated fear of hate.

Roseanne Barr [40:10]: “My parents were insane. My dad would come home and abuse us, trying to kill us so he could have my mom to himself. It was a nightmare.”

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Mental Health Struggles

Diagnosed Disorders: Roseanne discusses her diagnosis with dissociative identity disorder (DID) at the age of 42 during her time on the Roseanne show. She explains how a severe car accident at 16 led to brain damage, seizures, and the onset of psychiatric issues.

Roseanne Barr [48:37]: “I spent about 10 years healing from the brain damage caused by that accident. It was during my time on the show that I was diagnosed with dissociative identity disorder.”

OCD and Anxiety: Both Roseanne and Bunnie share personal experiences with OCD and anxiety, highlighting how these conditions affect their daily lives and interactions. Roseanne elaborates on her compulsive need to perform tasks multiple times to prevent disasters.

Roseanne Barr [45:29]: “I do everything five times to make sure nothing goes wrong, like checking if the doors are locked multiple times.”

Spirituality and Faith

Connection to God: A significant portion of the conversation centers on Roseanne’s deep spiritual beliefs and her unique relationship with God. She describes feeling a divine calling to help others and shares how her faith has been integral to her healing and personal growth.

Roseanne Barr [11:16]: “I believe God put me here to tell people how to fix their lives. It’s my spirituality.”

Transformation Through Faith: Roseanne reflects on her transformative experiences, emphasizing how letting go of fear and embracing love has changed her outlook on life. She speaks about the importance of prayer and meditation in maintaining her mental health.

Roseanne Barr [74:53]: “Meditation calms my crazy down. It reconnects me with my energy and keeps me centered.”

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Career Highlights and Personal Growth

Leaving Hollywood: After the original Roseanne show ended in 1997, Roseanne recounts her decision to leave Hollywood and pursue farming in Hawaii to provide a stable environment for her family.

Roseanne Barr [34:28]: “I left Hollywood and bought a farm in Hawaii, focusing on raising my children away from the chaos.”

Return to Television: Roseanne details her comeback in Hollywood, creating another number one show that aimed to bridge political and social divides, garnering massive viewership and sparking significant impact.

Roseanne Barr [35:03]: “When I returned to TV, the show drew 28 million viewers in the first two weeks. It opened dialogues between different political groups.”

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Personal Life and Family

Adoption and Reconnection: One of the most touching segments involves Roseanne’s experience with adoption and the eventual reunion with her biological daughter. She narrates how she gave her baby up for adoption and their miraculous reunion facilitated by the National Enquirer.

Roseanne Barr [64:14]: “I gave my daughter up for adoption with the hope we would reconnect when she was 18. It happened just half a year early when she was 17 and a half, thanks to the National Enquirer.”

Roseanne Barr [71:08]: “Our eyes locked in a coffee shop, and it was like a magnet pulling us together. It was a miracle.”

Impact of Family on Mental Health: Roseanne discusses how her upbringing and familial relationships have influenced her mental health and coping mechanisms. She emphasizes the importance of rebuilding strong family foundations for future generations.

Roseanne Barr [57:27]: “Young people today have no coping mechanisms. We need to rebuild family values to provide a foundation for them.”

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Advocacy for Mental Health

Critique of Mental Health Facilities: Roseanne offers a scathing critique of psychiatric hospitals, describing them as places that “farm” children and neglect proper mental health treatment. Her firsthand experiences underscore the urgent need for reform in mental health care.

Roseanne Barr [58:52]: “They farm kids into sex trafficking, pretending they're something they're not. It's the worst. America needs to fix this urgently.”

Promoting Healing and Support: Roseanne advocates for better mental health support for young people, stressing the importance of love, community, and ethical treatment. She highlights initiatives like Moms for America that strive to help children suffering from mental health issues.

Roseanne Barr [60:54]: “We all have to do our part to support mental health healing initiatives. It’s crucial for the well-being of our youth.”

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Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Embracing Change and Love: In the closing moments, Roseanne and Bunnie reflect on the power of love and the importance of embracing personal transformation. Roseanne expresses gratitude for her journey, acknowledging the role of faith and self-love in overcoming her struggles.

Roseanne Barr [80:23]: “Everything is about certainty. I want kids to understand the power of love and knowing your worth.”

A Message of Hope: Roseanne leaves listeners with a message of hope, encouraging them to confront their darkness to reach the light. She emphasizes that reconnecting with one’s spiritual self is a journey worth undertaking.

Roseanne Barr [81:35]: “You have to find your own light and turn it on. Nobody’s going to do it for you.”

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Notable Quotes:

• Roseanne Barr [38:10]: “When you’re on your knees, you’re in the best position to pray.”
• Roseanne Barr [86:47]: “Everything is about certainty. Every single thing.”
• Host Bunnie XO [83:49]: “I felt like Kick a idol of your heart when you became such a beloved grandma.”

Key Takeaways:

• Resilience Through Adversity: Roseanne’s story is a testament to overcoming a challenging upbringing and mental health struggles through resilience and faith.
• Importance of Family and Community: Strong family ties and community support are crucial for personal healing and societal well-being.
• Advocacy for Mental Health Reform: There is an urgent need to reform mental health facilities to provide ethical and effective treatment, especially for young people.
• Spirituality as Healing: Embracing spirituality and faith can be a powerful tool in overcoming personal demons and finding inner peace.

Conclusion: This episode of Dumb Blonde offers an unfiltered look into Roseanne Barr’s life, showcasing her journey from a troubled childhood to finding solace in faith and rebuilding her life. Through her compelling narrative, Roseanne not only entertains but also educates listeners on the importance of mental health, the power of love, and the enduring strength of the human spirit.

Transcript

[A]

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[A]

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[B]

Bunny XO.

[A]

Is this thing on? Ms. Roseanne, I'm so happy to have you on the podcast today.

[B]

Oh, I'm happy to be here.

[A]

Our white trash mother is in the house. Baby, I am so. You have no idea.

[B]

That's Cool. I'm excited to be with you.

[A]

Oh, this has been a long time coming. We've literally been talking for. I feel. It feels like years now, right?

[B]

I think it is years.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because I haven't been to Hawaii in years, and I wanted to have you on over there.

[A]

Yep. And then I think we were, like, on opposite islands or something when that happened. Yeah. I never realized how big Hawaii was until you had asked me to come on the pod, and I was like, okay, yeah, we could do it. And then we looked, and it was like you were on, like, a whole nother island. I was like, holy.

[B]

Everybody always thinks it's a. You know. Well, they usually think it's just Maui.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then they think it's a bunch of other floating places.

[A]

Or Honolulu.

[B]

Yeah, Honolulu. Right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, that's. What island is that? I can't even remember.

[A]

Oahu.

[B]

Is that Oahu? Yeah.

[A]

I'm not well versed in Hawaii, but I. Yeah. Is that. Is that what it is? If I'm wrong. Sorry, guys.

[B]

Yeah, it's Oahu. That's where Honolulu is.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And that's where my granddaughter was born because we had to go over to Oahu because they had a good mother child hospital there. The island I live on is the Big island, which everybody who lives there just calls Hawaii. That's the island name, Hawaii.

[A]

So is the Big island Kona?

[B]

No, the Big island is Hawaii is Hawaii. Okay. Yeah. But everybody forgets that, and they say Kona or they say the Big island now, but it actually is the one that's named Hawaii.

[A]

Gotcha.

[B]

And it's the biggest island with the least amount of people, which I love, because you can drive drunk over there and you won't get no accident.

[A]

Are you driving drunk over there?

[B]

Well, I was at the time, but I had to put an end to that because I don't see well. And so there's no business to be driving drunk with just one eye at all. There's just no business for me to be doing that. And I hit a few people, but luckily I was not hurt.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So I.

[A]

A few speed bumps. That's a joke. Few speed bumps along the way. Right.

[B]

Well, I jerked the car when I saw they was having the McRib back there. At McDonald's, they never give you any warning for when the McRib's coming back.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And with my one eye there. Drunk.

[A]

You're like a pirate. You're like a freaking drunk pirate.

[B]

Yeah. And I never knew, but then when I seen the McRib was back. I went, oh, you know, to get over there line, hit a couple folk. But, you know, I did get the McRib. And then I said, God, if you get me home with no Hawaiian police, of course they're nowhere because, boy, they're always, you know, out eating and drinking. But I said, if you get me home, this is the last time I'm going to do that if you'll get me home without these people being able to identify me. And I made it.

[A]

Isn't it crazy how we barter with God all the time? You know how many times I have gotten down on my knees and said, lord, if you get. Get me out of this, I promise you I'll never do this again.

[B]

You know what's funny is I'm writing a new sitcom for myself. And that's what it's about. It's about all that.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. Because I think that's the funniest stuff in the world. How. How silly we are.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

How, like, about God.

[A]

Yeah. What are your beliefs? I would love to know, because I hear you talk a lot about, like, you know, like. Like spiritual awakenings and how you feel like an alien and, you know, like, you know, you've had some psychicness that runs through your veins, and I totally relate to that. And I just wanted to know, like, what is your spirituality?

[B]

I'm trying. Well, I do feel like an alien because. And I've always felt like an alien because I knew I was on a different frequency than the rest of my family because I didn't even get them. I didn't know what they were up to.

[A]

Same sister, same, same.

[B]

I tried to figure it out always, but it was, like, foreign. It wasn't nothing I would ever do. And it didn't make any sense to me. How come they would say one thing and then do the exact opposite thing right after?

[A]

And then it pisses you because you want to call them out because they're being hypocrites.

[B]

Well, I didn't think they were being hypocrites. I was just like, why would anyone do that?

[A]

Right.

[B]

Especially. Why would somebody say. They'd say, like, you know, God sees everything you do, so you want to be real careful what you do, because God sees it. Then the next minute, they're stealing something.

[A]

Oh, my goodness.

[B]

I'd be like, well, you must not believe what you say.

[A]

Right. Right. Or practice what you preach. Right.

[B]

Maybe some of you doesn't know what the other one does. So then I think, well, you know, they tell you, don't let Your right hand know what your left hand's doing, so that's what they're up to, I guess. I don't know what they're doing. I always wanted to have things make sense.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Well, it's. I think you and I are kind of the same person. And what's black is black. What's white is white. And we don't like the gray in between. Say what you mean and mean what you say, or don't say it at all. Come real or don't come at all. And I don't think that's a bad trait to have in a person.

[B]

Well, I just remember I got hit by a car when I was 16 and the hood ornament went in my head and I got a brain concussion and a head concussion and I was in a coma and all that stuff. And when I woke up, I had some kind of malfunction in the brain. The healing process. But one thing that happened is I couldn't lie. Because, see, I mean, not that I'm a good person. I wanted to be a liar like everybody else, but I couldn't remember the lie, you know? The next day it was just. I had to tell the truth because I couldn't remember my lies. Right.

[A]

Yeah. You didn't want to get caught up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Can we.

[B]

The next day I'd make them a whole new lie, right? And then they'd go, well, yesterday you said, so I go, oh, man, I told two lies. Then I just have to tell the truth because it's simpler. And I want to hear the truth so I don't have to wade through the other person's lies and bullshit to figure out what lie and bullshit they're telling me. That's wasting my whole life. Just tell me the truth. I can deal with the truth. I'd rather have the truth and I'd rather tell the truth. Saves a lot of time. Then I have more time for shopping on Amazon.

[A]

Amen, sister. We were just talking about our love for Amazon. We're, like, both obsessed with Amazon. I told her that I have such a problem with shopping in the middle of the night, and she said she does too. And we're, like, absolutely obsessed with AM Is too easy.

[B]

Like, I'm up there last night at 3:00am Getting. I go, I gotta get a scrub brush for the porch. Because me and my granddaughter, we shoot bugs. You know, we got that bug killer with the salt, and it's so fun. And so we shoot all these June bugs and then, you know, their blood squishes Right out of them.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

And it leaves a mark on the cement. So I gotta get a scrubber. I'm thinking at 3am waking up, you've gotta get a scrubber. So I get on Amazon and I peruse through like 39 pages of different.

[A]

Kinds of scrubbers and then end up with like five. Yeah, you get like. I always get like two or three of the same thing. Even when I order clothes, I order two of the same thing. Different, different sizes. Because I never know.

[B]

You don't know if you never know.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because it never does fit.

[A]

Ever.

[B]

Nothing ever fits.

[A]

Yes. And I like to have a selection.

[B]

You know, because you know which one to send back.

[A]

No, I just give it to my friends. So I have like girlfriends who live around me. So if I have any extra clothes, I just pile them all together and I just give it to.

[B]

Yeah, I try to do that too, but my daughter in law says I should send things back. Instead of doing that, I feel like.

[A]

It'S so much more of a hassle to do that, you know, like I.

[B]

Ask her to do it. Yeah, she's good at returns. She's really thrifty. That's a good word for it. She's thrifty.

[A]

I admire that because I just can't do it. I don't have the patience to send stuff back. I'm just like, I'd rather give it to somebody else.

[B]

Oh, you asked me about my spirituality. See, that's an alien word to me, spirituality. When people say that, I have to say, what do you mean exactly by that? Because everybody says spirituality. I don't know what they mean.

[A]

So I think there's a difference. I think there's a difference between being religious and being spiritual. And I feel like being religious puts so many people into a box. So I feel like when you ask somebody, are you spiritual or what is your spirituality? That it's a little bit more fluid. So it's like, you know, there's some people, like, what do you believe happens when we die? Like, where do you think we go? Do you think that there's a higher power? Do you believe in the devil? Like there's so many different things and aspects of spirituality.

[B]

That's a lot of questions. Well, I believe in God, right? Yeah. And you know, I'm a Jew. I'm a scary Jew. I control everything in the world and that's a hard job. I do try to control everything in the world because I'm so afraid everything's falling apart and that I'm the only person alive who knows how to fix it, because that's part of my mental makeup. And I just stay in that all day talking to God. How do you think I can get shove my way into this situation or that situation to give these people my 2 cents of how they can fix things? Because every time when people listen to me, things go better for them. And I just feel like God put me here to tell people how to fix up their lives. And that's my spirituality. I just feel like God tells me what to do and I do it. So however you're going to interpret that, you know, every day he calls me, I'm like, what? I don't want him to bother me, but he does all the time. And he says, you know, you have to do it. And I'm like, can't you get somebody else? Can't you get somebody they want to hear it from? Can't you get a guy, a real good looking guy or a rapper or somebody like that they want to hear? He goes, no, it has to be you, Roseanne. Like, you know, I'll do it, but it never goes right for me when I do it. I say, how come it never goes right for me and I always do it wrong, you know, I feel like.

[A]

People want to hear from you, though. I feel like people like, yes, you do take the fall and people do. You're an easy target for people to come after. But that doesn't mean that they're not listening to what, what you're saying. They listen to everything you say. Whether they apply it to their lives or not, that's a different story. But I do think people would rather hear messages from God from you than, you know, somebody who you just named like a rapper or, you know, somebody else.

[B]

I think, well, here's what he told me. I'm like, you know, I'll do it. But you know, everyone's going to hate me like they usually do when I say anything about the truth that you want me to tell. And he's like, well, you know, Roseanne, nobody likes a truth teller. They only like him after they've been dead about 2,000 or so years and only if they died in horrible, torturous deaths. Then they like him about 2,000 years later. But if the guy came again, they do it all over to him the second time because they don't like to hear the truth. Well, why? Because it's too scary. It's too naked. And it makes you have to change. And most people can't change, nor do they want to. They don't give a damn. They'd rather tell everybody else how to change. And so would I. But the only difference is I did change. I changed. Not just once, but many, many times. And every time I changed, I wanted to tell people about it because I thought it was so great to be able to change. To be able to change from when your first reaction, you know, when the doctor hits you, There you go. Whatever response reflex. When your first reflex like mine was at a time where I was so filled with negativity to hate, to judge, to look outside myself for answers. And I changed that because I was able to crash to the bottom and I didn't let. But I stopped letting all this artificial crap prop me up. It just was all kicked out from under me and I crashed to the bottom. And that was just the best thing. Cause it made me change and it made me value different things. And the thing I valued most was my connection to God and always did, but this time even more. And I knew that it was transformative and I knew that it was. It was going to change me even more than the other thousand times God saved my life and brought about change in my negative reactions. And I was able to change in that now. And I cry over this because it is a miracle because I'm a Scorpio and I'm old and bitter and a Jew. So I'm so paranoid too, with mental health issues because of a horrible world. But as a child. But my first response now is love. I never understood it. I never knew. And what a different everything. I mean, you know what I'm talking about too. I know you do, because I've watched your story and you're radiating love for this man who. Whose whole being is changing. I'm like, what is that guy on? I gotta get on that because I've got to lose weight, you know, I really do have to lose weight.

[A]

You look phenomenal.

[B]

I know, I know. But I want to look even better. I really do. Because a lot of these shops on Amazon on their. The luxury shops, they don't go above size 8.

[A]

Really? I don't know. I think you're looking in the wrong.

[B]

Places because I've on those luxury shops on Amazon, on the Amazon, the new.

[A]

Ones, I haven't made it over there yet. On that side of it. I'm on the.

[B]

Well, they're way too expensive, I'll tell you that. Amazon's trying to rip us off with that because I'll go on there. They have some ugly dresses there for $3,000 and I'm like, are you kidding? Are you kidding?

[A]

Tell Jeff right now. I'm probably gonna listen to. Jeff needs to comment on that.

[B]

You gotta up your product on the luxury thing and down your prices, honey. I think it's that girl he's gonna marry. You know, I'm still negative when I'm in my comedy mode, because you've gotta slap people a little at times when you're my age. But that girl he's marrying, she must have something to do with that luxury page. And I don't like the way she dresses. She might be a nice girl. I don't know. I don't like the way she's carrying herself and the way she's dressing. And so she should have nothing to do with that luxury page. That's my opinion.

[A]

How do you feel about the fact that she was just part of the group that went to space?

[B]

I think about those. Those poor people that went to space and then something went wrong and they never returned. Why couldn't that happen?

[A]

Well, they said. Well, they said. They said that those people did come back. Didn't they come back in, like, March, the people that went up and they got stuck? Yeah, they did. They did say they came back, but. Yeah, but then they believe that they.

[B]

Really just didn't really go anywhere. Katy Perrying them.

[A]

Right. I was like, do you believe that they went.

[B]

They never would have went in sp. Those girls.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They'd have to be away from their handlers. They couldn't do that for two days. I know that.

[A]

You know, do you think Bezos is handling her, or do you think she's handling Bezos? Who?

[B]

The girlfriend. She's his handler.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

You know, people say dominatrix, I can, you know. You know that business. You have information, as I do, too, from the old days, you know, back when I was alive and had a sex drive and everything. But, you know, she's a dominatrix. You can see that, right? She makes him put on a really pink apron and clean the house. I can see it. Can you?

[A]

I don't. I don't really know too much about their relationship to analyze it. I think she's beautiful. And I think Jeff. You know how it's. It's the tale of their sex life.

[B]

Can't you just fantasize about that? She makes him.

[A]

Nothing about Jeff Bezos makes me want to fantasize anything. Okay. I do not have a thing for Jeff Bezos. Can't do it.

[B]

You win that one.

[A]

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[B]

I'm a very spiritual woman who thinks really dirty thoughts.

[A]

It's all right. Me too. That's why we get along, baby. I wanted to bring it back to your childhood, to Bomber. I know. Wah wah wah. But I really think that it's such a beautiful story of just how far you've came. And I think a lot of my generation who grew up with you loves you so much. But I also have a lot of younger listeners who might not know your life and like how you grew up and being a Jew in Salt Lake.

[B]

City, Orthodox, raised in an Orthodox Jewish family in Salt Lake City, Utah, in the ghetto.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Yeah. They had an inner city there and we was raised in an apartment house. It was like a tenement there that my grandparents had. They owned. And they had owned the only kosher butcher shop in the West, I think. And they had saved all their money. And then they bought this apartment house. I think it had 10 apartments in it. It was two blocks away from their butcher shop. They had saved and all that stuff and they bought that and that was the pride and joy, you know, and they. Then World War II happened or something and they ended up to sponsor 50 over the years, 50 refugee families from, you know, concentration camps in Europe. And when I was a little girl, every apartment building besides, I mean, apartment in the building besides mine and my aunts were those survivors. Wow. And so that's how I grew up. And every Friday night on Shabbat, everyone would come to my grandma's house for the Sabbath dinner and she had a little window seat there and I would entertain. Every Shabbat, I would entertain because I like to see the people feeling happy and clapping and laughing rather than morose. And sad. And so I idolized Shirley Temple. And so I would recreate the Shirley Temple experience for these poor people, and they loved it. And everyone in my family, I didn't realize that they were lying to me and destroying me in every way. But they told me that I was even better than Shirley Temple, and I believed them. They said I was more beautiful and more talented than Shirley Temple. And I totally believed them.

[A]

But maybe they felt that way.

[B]

Well, their feelings were not factual. I found out when I was 12 and went out into the world and attempted to do my Shirley Temple act for. Or the other people in the world who told me, in fact, I was not prettier or more talented than Shirley Temple. And it really destroyed me. And, yeah, I lived in a fantasy world all those years trying to escape. You know, it was a horrible thing. And I had to hear all the stories, and they were horrifying. And, you know, people who are scarred and that kind of thing, you know, there's just no boundaries. You know, I had to hear horrible things, and so I had to make up funny things. When you say you balance it.

[A]

When you say you heard horrible things, what are you referring to?

[B]

Oh, my God. They talk about what happened to them, and they always pointed to me because I was the only kid. And they go, little girls just like her. You know, what they did to him. And they'd tell. And I'd be like, ew, gosh, on the good ship.

[A]

Like, I don't want to hear this stuff.

[B]

Well, I did hear it, and, you know, I thought that was what the world was still like. So I became very paranoid and mentally handicapped and all kinds of neurosis. And, you know, I thought that was what the world was like. And in. And in many cases in my life, that's what it was like. We had a neighbor who didn't like Jews very much, in fact, hated them. And their father had been in the war on the German side and came to America, and his son used to torture me and abuse me and say things like, we should have got you all. And I was only six or seven, on my way home from school. My brother was nine years old and had had his nose broken nine times by getting the crap beat out of him every day after school. And, you know, so just for being Jewish. Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

So, you know, I know it's there. And I always would think about how I could fight it. And I took a vow as a young girl that I always would fight any kind of hatred like that, any kind of irrational hatred. And Always wondered why people were captured by it. And I pretty much figured out why. Because it's satanic. That kind of stuff. You're captive of Satan. And I always knew that there was a war between good and evil, and that evil is about hate. And mine was about fear of hate. But I feared so bad that I actually was giving out hate vibes, and I didn't understand that, that I was attracting what I loathed, and I was giving it out, too. Till I went to the side of, like, man, I'm going to feel love. And when I let it in, which ironically, only happened after I got fired and humiliated and called a racist, but by real racists, I thought people were coming to get me when they was calling me racist every day and all that stuff on tv. And people were coming up to my mom's house, where I was scared shitless, because it was like, this is like the thing you've feared your whole life. And they were coming up to my mom's porch, and I was like, oh, my God, my mom. I was freaking out. And this was in Salt Lake, where I'd experienced those things. And they ring the doorbell and they go, here's some cookies. We want you to tell Roseanne we love her so much, and we just think it's terrible what they did to her. And these were people I didn't even know, and they just kept coming. And every time I would. Then I'd get brave and go outside, and it would happen everywhere. And I got this feeling like I was shown love, and I let it in. I didn't go either. Just using me. They're just setting me up. I didn't have the fear anymore. I didn't have the shield of fear, which lets in hate, which lets in division and doubt. And all the negative love just brought all the positive in every way. I got funny again. I got real funny. I mean, I really cracked my grandkids up.

[A]

No, I could imagine, because I do having you as a grandma.

[B]

Silly things that they love. And I don't have to use words, you know, which I really love, that kind of silly. But I. I wanted to get back out there and fight for the stuff that I hold dear, which is all the stuff that I had on my show. Family, love, equality, decency, helping people, you know, values that money isn't first. I think that's something else is first.

[A]

I think that's what drew people to you, too, is when, you know, in the 80s, you were one of the most powerful women in Hollywood. And to have a Top, top rated show like Roseanne that pretty much showed a, you know, like, in. I. I always call it in a world of feel good family television because there was, like, Family Matters, Full House, and then there's Roseanne, who, you know, you guys painted a picture of what real families were about. Like, everything else was kind of like cookie cutter and, like, sugary, whereas yours was real and raw. And I think that you showed people how to love you good, mama.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

I think you showed people how to love just by being yourself. So to hear you say that you were so negative and stuff like that was that after the Roseanne stuff, the.

[B]

Show was my therapy.

[A]

Was it okay?

[B]

It was my soul and my God thing. It's like, I'm gonna tell a. I'm gonna make something good from this. But, you know, like, all comics and all pry, all writers and people like that, creatives. I mean, it does come from a troll and a slug, But I produce a great song. I mean, we're all kind of that way, you know, our worst enemies while we're in pain. And that's what makes us creative so much. Especially when you're young. That's why people take drugs and, you know, everybody's doing all that. But when you're older and you get that big change where it's like, oh, man, I don't have to do that anymore. It's from another place now. I guess it's wisdom of age, because now I'm writing. Like I said, I'm writing another short show. And I think it's so funny. The people I have in it are funny. And it's a. We're just busting a gut. It's a different experience of people who love me and are creative and fun. I just want to have fun this time. Just fun, fun, fun and laughs off them. No fighting, nothing. I'm doing it as an experiment because I, of course, made a bargain with God. You know, I think I have one more thing in me, and I just promised joy because, you know, I'm a Jew, like I say, and I do study Torah, and Torah tells us that God loves our joy so much more than he. I'm not saying it right, but of course he has mercy on us, for us when we're in sorrow, but he has grace, great joy when we have joy. So I'm doing that to give joy to God rather than when he had to give me so much mercy.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You don't want to create out of joy. Because I feel like hell. I'm 72. I got to go out big, happy big, and, you know, buying all kind of Amazon things.

[A]

What is it like aging, you know, in Hollywood and just seeing yourself from the beginning till now? Would you ever expect to be in the mind frame that you're in now back then?

[B]

Well, I left Hollywood. You know, I left Hollywood after the roseanne show, which ended in 97, and, you know, I didn't want my kids raised there. I didn't want to be there when I wasn't working. So, you know, then I went to Hawaii and I was a farmer immediately.

[A]

So in the 90s is when you went to Hawaii.

[B]

I can't remember. I have to look it up. I can't remember it.

[A]

No worries.

[B]

But anyway, yeah, when my son was going in ninth grade, I don't know what year it was, but anyways, I went over there and bought a farm and immediately started farming, and my son went to high school there, and all my grandkids were there, and we just were farming. I never went back to Hawaii. I mean, to Hollywood, till they called me and begged me. And, you know, I came back and had another number one show after 20 years. I did it twice. And so that was pretty spectacular.

[A]

I think that's a testimony to who you are.

[B]

Well, I didn't want to do it, but God was bugging me that time. He's like, you need to go back. Because they're trying to divide people along so many divisions, like race, class, everything. Male, female. Go do the show about everybody getting along despite who they're voting for. So I'm like, yeah, okay, I will. And it got 28 million viewers the first, first two weeks. And then it went down just a little bit like everything always does. But it made a huge impact, and I felt like it did open dialogue between republicans and Democrats and everybody else. And then, oh, they hated that because.

[A]

They needed or unity when people, they.

[B]

Needed division because the 2018 elections was coming up and, you know, they make money off that division. They fundraise like hell. That's all they care about. But, you know, we lived through it, and here we are in 2025. I think it's the golden age now. I think it's the beginning of the golden age of America and the world, too. And I just think that's the way God wants it and that's the way it's going.

[A]

Did you ever think that you would be so full of love and have the mind frame that you have now back then?

[B]

Well, I prayed for it my whole life, that I would have wisdom and Be rid of my demons and fears I pray for my whole life. But of course, I tried to be on a lot of meds and psychiatrics and every other kind of damn thing, but nothing worked. Till getting fired and going down to hell and being rose back up by the wings of God Almighty. Well, that worked real good. So you got to say, hey, thanks, you buttholes. You know, thanks a lot. I didn't see the diamond lining in that black cloud, but I do now. And I'm happier in hell. And I'm happy to tell people that, you know, when you're at your lowest, that's when, if you got the right heart and you see that you're at your lowest and you ask God humbly to help you, that's when everything opens up, don't it, ma' am?

[A]

Yes, ma' am.

[B]

It's funny how stuff works.

[A]

I always say when you're on your knees, you're in the best position to pray. Pray.

[B]

Right. Well, you can pray a lot of other ways, too. You don't have to really be on your knees.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You can be stand on your head or, you know, in a supermarket, or you can be anywhere and it's always now. Isn't that great?

[A]

Yes, ma' am.

[B]

And now is always the right time to start doing it.

[A]

Yes. I heard you just talk about saying that you've taken, you know, psychiatric drugs and stuff like that.

[B]

Oh, hell yeah.

[A]

I do know that you've also been on like, a spiritual healing with like, ayahuasca.

[B]

Oh, no, I never did that.

[A]

I never did ayahuasca.

[B]

I'm too scared to do that.

[A]

What about mushrooms?

[B]

Well, I did do them one time. Yeah, I did them a couple times. Well, I always do the low dose there because I don't really want to see things. I just want no anxiety. I have such anxiety.

[A]

Do you?

[B]

Oh, my God, let's talk about it.

[A]

Because I do, too. You also talk about having OCD as a child too, which I suffer from ocd and I talk about it on the podcast. So when I read that you had said that you had a fear of. You had rituals and you had a fear of contamination, I was like, I could. I relate to that so much. Like, if I open a water bottle and I take my eyes off of it, I have to have a whole new water bottle.

[B]

I do that one.

[A]

Do you? Is that contamination, OCD also?

[B]

Well, I think it's the fear of germs. I mean. Yeah.

[A]

Well, mine's drug related.

[B]

Or get poisoned.

[A]

Right, right. Or drugged.

[B]

Yes, drugged yeah, that does happen.

[A]

No, it happens all the time and you can't. I just don't trust people.

[B]

I don't either.

[A]

Where do you think your O in childhood came from? Because that's. You know, normally that stems from some sort of something that has happened, you know, like, I know mind stems from abuse and just. I grew up in a very abusive household, so my OCD started at a very young age because of that. Where do you think yours came from?

[B]

Well, my parents were. My whole family was insane.

[A]

You're right. No, same.

[B]

I mean, insane.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

I mean, really seriously crazy. But, you know, because of PTSD and horror. So they didn't know what the hell they were doing. But, like, our house, I mean, you wouldn't believe it. It's just too crazy, right? My parents, all they did was make out. The two of them made out and they had four kids and they just. All they did was make out. Which gave me a repulsion for human sexuality, of course. Oh, no, it was disgusting. I remember when. Ugh.

[A]

Was it regular making out or.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Like, he'd come home from work and she'd be standing there in front of the heat. She'd turn on the heat and it took me a long time to put it together. She have this peignoir set. All of us would just be sitting there and she stand in front of the heat. So this peignoir would billow out there. She'd have these ruby red lips on. She looked like Liz Taylor. She was the beauty of. She was like the only beautiful Jewish girl in the whole town. The rest of them looked like Ruth Buzzy, but anyway. And my dad was the only Jewish football hero ever in Utah. Or the world, I guess, but. So he'd come through the door and she'd be there with the ruby red lips. And he'd come home from work and she'd be there all billowed out with the pen war and the red lips and. And, oh, it was so gross. And Daddy, he'd go, well, hello there. And then he'd rush to her like Clark Gable or some hideous thing like in some movie, and then start with the wind. Kissing. They'd just always be kissing. Oh, it was just sickening.

[A]

I hate that because me and my husband make out all the time, so I wonder if our kid feels the same way.

[B]

Oh, I'm sure they will. They do. I'm sure they do. Ask them.

[A]

I. Well, we do all the time. She's always like, you know, she's so used to it now because we Just. But I mean, we're not like full on, like swap and spit, but we're very affectionate with each other. So I just hope it doesn't send her on a path of being repulsed. Sexual behavior in any sort of way.

[B]

Well, the other ones all went gay.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

So, you know, I don't know. They were probably repulsed by heterosexuality. But, you know, it just. It was all. So Daddy was always trying to kill us kids so that he could just have mom by himself.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

But he wasn't conscious of the fact that he was always trying to kill us.

[A]

How would he try to kill you?

[B]

Well, we didn't have any furniture or anything because Daddy said I could live in a tent. I don't need any furniture. I could live in a tent. A man is owned by the things he owns. He'd say, all that kind of crazy commie shit, you know. We were like, dad, we have no place to sit or do our homework. Yeah, you don't need any, you know. So mom finally went to therapy and so she said, we're going to have a regular house, right? You know, so anyway, she says he's going to remodel. So he strips all the wallpaper off the walls or the kerosene thing and he leaves it on. And he's smoking in the house. And so the neighbors call the cops and they come over there with the welfare and they go, Mr. Barr, do you realize you've stripped all your wallpaper off and you have kerosene? He never threw the wallpaper out either. You have kerosene soaked rags in your home with cigarettes with four children. He goes, I'm sorry, sir. It never occurred to me that that was, was a bad thing to do, sir. Oh, my God. My dad was horrified because it never occurred to him, right? So, you know, that kind of thing, they go, you have 48 hours to clean this up or we're going to take your kids out of this house.

[A]

Oh, my goodness.

[B]

So they leave, my dad comes over, he slaps him across the head. Get cleaning this place up?

[A]

No.

[B]

And then we'd have to go down to get our clothes to go to school because we only had two towels for six people and because dad didn't want to spend any money on towels. But anyway, we have to go in the laundry in the dryer to get our clothes for school. And above the dryer was a naked light bulb that you had to stand in a puddle of water to screw in before you get your clothes out of the dryer.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

So every day we go down to get either a towel or our clothes and we would get like a horrible shock. We. And it was like we'd make fun of it. Us kids would go, wake up, brush your teeth, eat breakfast, go down, get 300, you know, microwave, shock, get your phone, shock therapy, get your lunch. And then, you know, they said we just laugh about it. Nobody said it's dangerous to have your children stand in a puddle of water and screw in a light bulb on a wire hanging down.

[A]

That is insane.

[B]

And it was always like, there was all like all booby trap crazy shit.

[A]

But no wonder you had ocd. I could see, I could see on the trauma.

[B]

I would always do everything five times because I knew if I. Because sometimes I do things twice and then I would recognize the pattern of something's horribly wrong is going to start a fire.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So I always have to do everything five times to make sure like the door was locked. Because sometimes they'd leave the door wide open when we went to sleep. I have to go down and check, check, check, check, check. But they got better. My parents did get better.

[A]

Good. Well, I'm happy to hear that. Didn't they? Also, wasn't it hard for you guys to be Jews in, you know, such a Mormon filled city? Did they have you hide your, your, you know, being Jewish?

[B]

Well, my mother was very paranoid because we lived in, surrounded by, you know, Mormon people. They were mostly nice people.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But they didn't understand why. They did things like say we are not allowed to play with Jewish kids on Sunday, stuff like that. They didn't know what they were doing.

[A]

But weren't you giving speeches at like the Mormon Temple? I had read something.

[B]

Oh yeah, that's when I was about four or five years old. I fell on the table leg and I got Bell's palsy in my face.

[A]

Oh my goodness.

[B]

And so I say in my book, one of my books, I said, the first thing mom does is call the rabbi to come over and pray nothing happens. Second thing, they convince her to call the Mormons to pray. They come over and pray and it goes away. And in my book I say why a health professional was never consulted, you may ask. But that's Utah.

[A]

Right.

[B]

They just pray for everything. And it worked. And then so we started going around to the more matures to talk about how that healed my Bell's palsy. And then when I was 15, I was always reading medical journals because that was my hobby, looking for disease. And it says Bell's palsy. Often a 48 hour condition. So then I went berserk and ran in the street and got hit by a car and that's when I got the brain damage and started having seizures and all kinds of things. But then I did start actually having foresight. I did see things before they would happen.

[A]

Did you ever have that before the accident?

[B]

I don't remember having it before the accident. I did have visions before the accident of thinking information was coming to me. You know, I just interviewed Alex Jones about that. I'm obsessed with downloads like from heaven. Heavenly information coming down that there was no way I would know.

[A]

Right. You didn't know how to receive it at the time?

[B]

I didn't even know why I knew it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I would find it later in a book, word for word. A book. I never read a lot of that when I was younger because I had. I mean, I had dissociative identity disorder.

[A]

Did you? So you had that before you were hit with the. When did you get diagnosed with that?

[B]

I was 42. That was when I was on the Roseanne show. So.

[A]

Okay, so. But before you got hit by the vehicle, you never had any sort of mental issues or anything like that?

[B]

Well, I didn't know I did.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I mean, I just thought everything was, you know, crazy.

[A]

Right. Well, you were also only 15, right, when you got hit by that car? Yeah, yeah. So.

[B]

And then, then I had real like, you know, from catastrophic brain and like football players get, you know. Right. Like, so I spent about 10 years healing from that and didn't even know about my dissociate, dissociative problem.

[A]

Gotcha.

[B]

So then, boy, this sounds like a sad saga for hell. Then I had experiences. Like I would put myself in really weird, unsafe positions and just suddenly go, why am I here? What have I done?

[A]

Like impulsive.

[B]

Well, just waking up in a strange place, not knowing what the hell I was doing there. All. Always. That was always in my life.

[A]

But it, it was that alcohol or drug induced.

[B]

No, that was dissociation.

[A]

Just. Oh, gotcha. Like, you know, just completely being separated from your body.

[B]

Well, having amnesia.

[A]

Right.

[B]

That's what it is if you have amnesia between the parts of you, you know, like. But that helped me when I was on TV because when I go into this one certain mind space, I can write 150 jokes in an hour because I just focus. So there's intense focus and it goes, you know. And then another space that I can get into is, you know, religious study and I can just. But those used to be parts. Now they're just mind spaces, you know? But I didn't remember between what I had done, you know?

[A]

Right.

[B]

So it's chronic mental illness. And then I had the frosting on top with the needing to do everything five times and fear of touching people, not knowing, Just real social. I had social anxiety and I never knew what to say to people. But I could play a character and do stand up. But one on one, I was never any good at the one on one thing.

[A]

Yeah, no, I understand that. My first meet and greet, I wore gloves and a mask and people thought I was. But I'm so open about what my OCD and stuff like that that people online, when they first saw it, they were like, how are you doing this? That's so rude. But then when I came out and I was like, look, I have severe ocd. I don't like shaking people's hands.

[B]

I don't either. I never.

[A]

I will not. I'll fist bump you or I'll do. I will not shake somebody's hands. If somebody's hand is wet or wet.

[B]

Oh, that's the worst. Oh, I almost vomit. That's what.

[A]

I'll think about it all day.

[B]

I will, too.

[A]

I'll think about it all day. I can't do it. It's too much.

[B]

Because I'll go into, like, a horrifying nervous breakdown.

[A]

Same.

[B]

The last time I did it, I said that I'm not doing it again ever. I knew the guy was gonna have a fish hand.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

And I was like, no. They're going, you have to sh. Hand. This is a. I go, I know it's gonna happen. And then it's like, oh. And then it's like, I can. Then I. Like, also, when I touch people, I can read their thoughts. Can you?

[A]

I. It's not that I can read their thoughts, but I can read their energy. So, like, yeah, we talk about it at the minute somebody walks in a room, I'm like, this person's doing this. This one's going through this. They're going through this. Like, I call it.

[B]

It's few. Hand to hand. You can focus in hard.

[A]

I don't want to. I can't do it either.

[B]

I can't.

[A]

When somebody goes in for a handshake, it's like slow mo. And I could just hear it. Like, my insides start, like, just. I can't do it. Like, I hate it. And so they'll go in and I'll just, like, up. Fist bump, you know, like.

[B]

Yeah, me too.

[A]

The way people look at me when I do that, too. Like, can we normalize fist bumping? Like, I don't know where your hands.

[B]

Have been, you know, because people don't know. This is the part of your body where a lot of healing energy is. So you don't want to give that away to someone. But every time when I get the fish hand thing. Oh, I've seen people, too. I say it on stage. I don't shake hands because I've seen people pull their pants out of their butt crack and then turn around and want to shake my hand, stretch their ball up. Hey, Roseanne. I'm like, God, no, I'm not touching you.

[A]

Listen, you are preaching to the choir. I am the same way. I can't do it. So when you. Okay, so I just kind of want to paint a picture for everybody at home. So you ended up at 16, getting hit by a car, and then you went into a mental hospital. I heard you talk about it.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Joe Rogan.

[A]

For about nine months.

[B]

Yeah, about nine months. Utah State Hospital.

[A]

That's a long time.

[B]

I know.

[A]

I went into one. I went into one when I was 14. My parents put me into one. I ended up leaving home at 14 because I had such an abusive household, and I never went back. But their last hurrah was to put me in a mental hospital. And I was in there for just a few days, maybe a week. And the I saw in there in a week, I couldn't imagine what you saw in nine months. Like, it was wild. What? Like how state assisted facilities are ran is crazy. I don't even know how they're allowed to be open.

[B]

It's unspeakable.

[A]

No, it's. It's not. Okay. And I don't know how the state keeps funding people. Places like this for people. It's. There's nothing healing about them.

[B]

It's the opposite.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

Well, I did learn a lot about government there. Did you know everybody's always like, how'd you figure all this stuff out? Or, where'd you get this opinion? Well, because I saw it firsthand. I saw what they do to kids. I saw it.

[A]

Is there an example?

[B]

Well, they farm them.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

They farm kids. You know, Course.

[A]

When you say farm kids, what do you mean by that?

[B]

Well, I was on an adult board as a teenager. Yeah.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Which was even worse? I couldn't imagine being on a child. A child or a teenager's unit.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

But it's way worse and dangerous, and it's.

[A]

Why would they have a child on an adult floor?

[B]

I don't know, but they did. They had two of us girls. The other girl was 12 and I was 16.

[A]

How's that even legal?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

But the other kids in our school where we went every day, a lot of them were on a teen. I don't know, they ran out of room or something. But they, you know, it was kind of like cuckoo's nest at that time. I mean, this was when the 60s. And if you didn't. I mean, people, they didn't know how to treat mental illness.

[A]

No, they still kind of don't. It's a little bit more fluid now and more talked about. But, you know, when our daughter was going through some mental health issues, trying to even find somewhere to help a teen that's going through mental issues especially is impossible.

[B]

Yeah, it is.

[A]

Yeah. So I, They're. They haven't gotten much better.

[B]

No, they're no better. My, my kids. I had problem with my daughters as teens, too. Yeah, two of them. And, you know, I sent them through every kind of thing there was. And that was all a horrible nightmare, too.

[A]

No, it's horrible. They, they don't care about mental health out here like they should.

[B]

And that's the real. What do you call it, where it's like just widespread and wide.

[A]

Wild epidemic.

[B]

Yeah, that's the word. That's the real of young people because, you know, they have. Their memory banks are just over flooded and over 700. Nobody gives them the cornerstone to cling to. There's no.

[A]

No coping.

[B]

There's no foundation to cling to. The foundations are kicked out from under them. And I thought that too when I did the Roseanne show. So I tried to put a stake there that the family was still the foundation. And of course it is, but look how they've just destroyed it. But I think we'll come back. I think we'll come back to. To the real values that humanity really cares about. I mean, people want to get married and have kids. They want to have family. They want to have community. They want to have love. And everybody wants the same thing. Safe places for their children, schools they can learn in, places we can hang out and, you know, care for our neighbors. And I think we're going to have to be the ones to do it it. Because everything's kicked out from under us. And we just got to rebuild it.

[A]

Yeah, right. I couldn't agree more. I'm so.

[B]

And we have to do it. Nobody's going to do it for us because they'll just eff it up and Use us again and take everything we got. But we need to talk to each other across boundaries they've made for us. We have to use our divisive things, talk to other people that ain't just like you. And we'll build some kind of. Of network between us, and we'll make it work for us.

[A]

Yeah, absolutely. Circling back, when you said that you saw them farming children, what did you mean by that? And what did you witness in that hospital?

[B]

Oh, my God. It's too much to even go into, really. I mean, if you didn't knuckle under, you paid a price. You paid a horrible price. And they had collective punishment so that if one person did something, everyone lost.

[A]

Their privileges to create discord in the.

[B]

Yeah, that was the worst.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Yeah, that was the worst. There was no incentive for you to get better because of that, because somebody would f off every time and you'd be punished. I mean, it was collective. It was communism, and that's supposed to make you better. And then the craziest ones that they couldn't treat because they had no idea of how to treat mental health issues. In the 60s in Provo, Utah, they started our therapy group with prayer for one thing, which I don't discount that, but I mean, come on. And they handed out pills like it was candy. And I was on excessive pills. I couldn't really think, which probably was good, but I was just flat affectation. And that was probably good because one of the people who didn't knuckle under or get it or obey or whatever it was, they were trying to teach a mentally ill teenager, you know, know. Of course they killed themselves over. There were many who did. And, you know, oh, well, he killed himself. And you're supposed to go on to school the next day. It was your friend. And, oh, it's just horrible. They take us out on panels to go talk to people at universities who laughed at us.

[A]

They would take you guys all drugged out to go and talk on piano.

[B]

Talk about why we're in there. And these sophomoric students would just be sophomoric and stupid and ask us stupid questions about, you know, people don't understand anything to do with mental illness at all. They still don't, I don't think any better now than back in the 60s. And it's just rife. It's epidemic. Oh, my God. And they're not doing anything about it besides just drugging people. And that doesn't work. It just makes me so sad to see all these kids just what they're doing to the kids is horrible. Oh, my God, don't get me started. But I want to fight it. You know, I have the will out of love for them to want to fight for them, because I wish somebody had fought for me and you. And we have big voices. So I always try to talk to people about mental health for young people. I think it's real important. I'm glad we're talking about it. And I know people who are finally doing something about healing. And, you know, with Mary Flynn, who, you know, General Flynn's sister, and my friends are doing a lot Moms for America. They're doing a lot finally in that to help kids who are captive and suffering all over the world. We all have to do our part there.

[A]

When you just said Provo, Utah, that gave me chills because that's what Paris Hilton speaks out about, because she was sent away to, you know, Riverside. Yep. And so you were like one of the OGs who was there in the 60s, you know, and then to know that in the 60s that was going on and then all the way into the 90s and 2000s when Paris Hilton was there, it's still going on.

[B]

Like, it got worse between. I mean, it got even worse, I think, between me and the Paris because mine was state controlled. And then it was privatized. And by the time Paris had her thing, it was all privatized. So you didn't even have to be a real doctor.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

To get at them kids. And that's really where they farmed them. They farmed a lot of kids that way. And I mean, they farm them into, you know, sex trafficking them, you know, pretending they're. Oh, God. It's just the worst. It's the worst. America needs to be more responsible for its young people and change that up and fix that up right away. It should be. It's my priority, education and saving the kids of America. Oh, my God. Let's not even go down there. There's a lot of work to do.

[A]

So let. Moving on. There was another interesting fact about you that I had read, and it was that, you know, after you had gotten out of the psychiatric hospital, 17, you end up getting pregnant and having a baby.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

And then you give your baby up for adoption, but you rekindle later on down the road. Can you tell me about that journey? Because that's so beautiful.

[B]

Yeah. I was at the Salvation army home for Edenwood Mother's in Denver, and I got to have her for a week and I gave her up to Jewish Family and Children's Services there in Denver. And so I knew I would always be able to find her. And I kept my name, Roseanne Barr. And I knew I was going to get famous because when I was three, one of the visions I had is that you're going to have your own TV show that's going to be called Roseanne and you're going to be talking a lot of, you know, stuff about love on it. And so all that happened, of course, which is why I believe in God, because it happened. And I always believed it would happen. And so I told her when they came to get her, well, I'll see you when you're 18. And I knew, and I knew I'd be famous and I knew because I'd have my show. So I left my name, Roseanne Barr. Cut to She's, I have my show. She's 17 and a half.

[A]

And did she always know about you?

[B]

No. Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But I always knew that we'd find each other when she was 18. And so it happened when she was 17 and a half. And just like I saw would happen way back when when I was pregnant. So 17 and a half years after that it happened. And, you know, I was on TV and that's how they found me. So that was.

[A]

So the parents, the parents looked for you or she looked for you?

[B]

No, they didn't. They didn't look for me. She always, all she knew was that her mother was famous in Hollywood, so she and Jewish. And so she thought it was Goldie Hawn was her mom because she looked just like Goldie Hawn. And so who found her was the National Enquirer.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Because my boyfriend at the time, I found out way later, he went to the Inquirer and told him that I had a baby that I gave up.

[A]

Was this the father of her or just another boyfriend?

[B]

No, Tom Arnold, when I was married to him. And I mean, he was my boyfriend. Yeah. He's making a living off telling stories about me, which I didn't know at the time, but wow. Yeah. So anyway, anyway, they go to Colorado and bribe somebody at the county office there. So they give her the birth certificate. So they called me up, they said, did you have a bye, bye. There's an English guy. Did you have a bibai? I'm like, where'd you get this information? Well, that doesn't matter, Roseanne. We're going to do a story on this and we're going to cover the story whether you want us to or not. But we'd like to have your permission to photograph the two of you meeting and do a front page story in the National Enquirer. I go, ah, fuck off. And so then I went and paid the same person they bribed. So I got the info myself through a lawyer, and I had a mafia guy call her mom, since we found out where they were and said, hey, the Inquirer is going to be calling you, but we want you to know that we had got the information before, you know, blah, blah, that whole thing. And would you like to meet Roseanne? And so they called her, the Inquirer called her, and she answered the phone, my daughter Brandy. And they said, would you like to know who your mother is? Is? And she's all excited thinking this would be Goldie Hawn. And they go, it's Roseanne Barr. And her words, so hilarious. She goes, christ, I didn't even know she was a Jew. Which is so hilarious. She said then. And she was mad, too, because I was fat and everything. And then.

[A]

She has your personality, though.

[B]

She looked down, she said, at the coffee table, and I was on the COVID of the Inquirer. Big picture of me. And she said, she started staring at it and she goes, oh, my God, I do look just like her. And she took the picture to the mirror and she just kept looking and going, I do. I look exactly like her. And then she flew out the next day, her and her mom, her other, you know, her adoptive mom. And we met and it was wonderful. And then, you know, you know, so we've been back together since then. And she is now 53. Oh, my gosh, she is awesome. She has a son and a lovely husband, and she's a wonderful woman.

[A]

What an amazing story. Like, that gave me chills throughout my body because.

[B]

And she. She said she has the same thing I have for, like, picking up downloads and seeing Wheels. Like, totally. So much stuff is alike. Like, our fingers are exactly alike. And I have a picture of her sitting next to my mom. They're twins, and she is exactly like her two sisters. So it's like a completion thing, you know?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So that. That's just.

[A]

She was your missing puzzle piece.

[B]

Yeah. And we're all an interesting family.

[A]

I think that shows a testament of your heart, though, you know, because my mom gave me. My mom left me out of doorstep when I was three months.

[B]

Are you kidding?

[A]

But anyways, we. We circled back around, and when I was 22, I found her and we reconnected and I actually got to take care of my mom before she died. So it was like a whole full circle thing. What was.

[B]

What made her do that?

[A]

My mom was a young stripper on drugs and just, you know, sex. Drugs and rock and roll. She just. I shouldn't have time for a kid. But my dad raised me, so I was raised by my. A single father and then my stepmother, whenever she came into the picture. But I think that's a testament of your heart, is that you knew that you were gonna go back for your baby. You knew that you couldn't give her the life that she needed then, but you sure as shit, when that time came back around, you welcomed her with open arms, and she's still close to you to this day. And I think that's so beautiful.

[B]

Yeah, it was amazing because we. We were meeting in this hotel. We were going to meet in this hotel in. Oh, I can't remember the name of that place in la. Westwood.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I walked in the door and I'd seen her picture and she had seen my picture. And I went in to have a cup of coffee before I went up to their hotel room. So I stepped into the coffee shop and I just looked and she was in there and our eyes just locked. And she got up. It was like this two seconds. She got up from the table and we ran, we both ran, and we just grabbed onto each other and we both started bawling, and the security pushed us into the elevator. It was like a magnet, you know? And her mom came up and we did just. It was a miracle. You know, when you get that feeling of miracles. I've had that so many times, I can't speak in a heart. You go back and take care of the bitch. What?

[A]

I, you know, I just. I never. I never was mad at my mom for doing it. For some reason, I've always been able to understand, you know, like, I get it. And I feel like if she had raised me and been in my life, I would have turned out to be way different and possibly worse.

[B]

So that's foresight. So that's why you can forgive.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because. Yeah, it probably would. You probably would have.

[A]

Yeah. I have an older sister who was. Was kind of raised by her, and she's. Christina, I love you, but she's a freaking lunatic, you know? And I'm just like, I thank God. I'm like, you know what? You had a plan for me, and I'm. I'm cool with it. So she passed away in 2022. My dad actually passed away a. In two days. And I actually got to take care of both of my parents, even though we had rocky relationships. And I did that for me, I didn't do that for them.

[B]

That's the thing, right? Yeah. That's a big one to learn, ain't it?

[A]

Oh, it's when you're abused.

[B]

Because you're abused. Your eyes look. And I'm gonna get hit, and I gotta. For me, it was. I gotta tell jokes. Cause if dad laughs, he ain't gonna hit us. So that was it. You know? But you're always looking outside yourself. But because you're weighing how that fist is going to come. So I was looking for it, anticipating it, avoiding it, which takes you out of yourself, where all the answers are with your connection to your source. You know, that's what they take from us.

[A]

Yep. But then we get it back.

[B]

It's a long time to get it.

[A]

Back, but we get it back, baby, and we come back stronger than ever.

[B]

How'd you get yours back?

[A]

You know, I went through a really dark time. So as soon as I hit 40, I had never had depression in my entire life.

[B]

That's when it hits average, bro.

[A]

It was so bad. It was like, 40, and I got put on my ass. I'm talking like, I couldn't leave my house, okay? Like, it was like. It was to the point where my husband came to me, and he was like, bunny, I love you, but you're reminding me of my mother. And if we don't figure something out, we're going to have to rethink this relationship. Because it was so bad, I had the worst anxiety. I'm talking about, like, I saw spirits. Like, I would see, like, dark shadows all the time. Mimi had to go through it with. It was so bad. Like, I could not even leave my house. And it just sent me on a spiritual journey where I was just like, I don't want to be afraid anymore. I've been afraid my whole life, you know? Like, I want to be strong. I want to rise from this. And so I started seeking answers. I did therapy with an amazing man named Glenn Cohen. And what he does is he rewires neurotransmitters in your brain. He teaches you how to meditate and how to go back and meet your. Yeah. And yourself. Oh, it's. Do you meditate?

[B]

Yeah, I do.

[A]

Oh, it's amazing. I love it. Like, even if I can't go to sleep at night, I'll start doing my breath work and literally fall right to sleep. Like, I never thought I would be. Because I'm such an anxious person. I never Thought I would be able to meditate. And I absolutely love it. Like, it's. It's so calming and just. So it just reconnects you with, you know, and just gets your energy right. I love it to pieces. What kind of meditation do you. You do?

[B]

Well, when I have to do everything five times, I'm obsessed. So I only had four kids, and I was 42, and I had to have that fifth kid. And so I went to this doctor, and I was already sterilized. So I went to this doctor, and he took these six eggs and fertilized them.

[A]

You did ivf? Yeah, I just did ivf.

[B]

Oh, are you gonna have a baby?

[A]

We're having a baby. We're trying to have a baby.

[B]

Are you kidding?

[A]

No. I actually just did my first egg retrieval, and I wanted to talk to you about the ivf, because I was like, she did it. How many rounds of IVF did you have to do to get your. Just one. Oh, I love that.

[B]

We did it on Thanksgiving Day, too. But he put six in there. Four of them took. And I was like, oh, my God, I have quintuplets or whatever. They are quadruplets. I go, this is really getting me on the Enquirer. And then I guess it was six weeks. Then I started to lose them, and I had to go in and get that ultrasound. And they were going. Like, I'd go once a week, and first week, one, I only had three, then two, and then one, and then that one was starting to separate. And at that time, a friend had told me, you got to be in. I think the doctor said, you got to be in bed 12 weeks to keep these.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

And somebody said, you gotta do meditation. And so I started doing it, and then I would go in and get hooked up to that thing. And I did Jewish meditation, which is based on five for the five books of Moses, you know, And I'd go see on the ultrasound and talk to the. Whatever it's called. Fetus.

[A]

The embryo.

[B]

The embryo. And say, I really want you to stay and meditate on communicating with it and meditate to stay calm with all my craziness. And thank God for the OJ Trial, because that really kept me calm. That and meditation. That kept me calm. I was in bed watching OJ and breathing and all, and it worked. And I got my youngest son that way. But I never quit. I never quit meditating because, boy, it calms your crazy down.

[A]

Definitely calms your crazy down. And it just kind of like. Like, we could be at a concert. And I Could start having panic attacks. And if I do the six and then breathe out six and do that two or three times, it literally resets your entire nervous system.

[B]

It definitely does.

[A]

I used to laugh at people like me.

[B]

Well, it controls your heart, that, that's what breathing does. Because you know your heart won't race. When you get panicked, your heart starts racing. That sets everything to go crazy. Your blood pressure, everything. So you're keeping it because that's the thing they take away from us when we get abused, that we can't learn to self control, self contain, you know, go inside to fix us. We want to fix everything else else. And that's the symptom of being abused, is that you want to fix everything else but you. Because you don't know how fix and control.

[A]

Also, I'm such a control freak. And I've learned to let go of control these past five years because I'm 45 now. And that was my biggest issue too, was learning how to just kind of like give it to God. Cast your care.

[B]

Yeah, give it to God. Plus if you step study Torah or you know, whatever you're into.

[A]

What is Torah? I've never heard of it.

[B]

It's the five books of Moses.

[A]

Okay, okay.

[B]

You know, people say the Bible, but that's what it is. But it's real deep because it says like if you're feeling this, that's because this. Like if you're feeling, like if you. And Jesus said it too. If you feel the need to remove the splinter from that guy's eye, that's because you got a big old beam in your own. It's the, that like when you feel the need to call somebody out, it's because that person's doing something that you do too, but you can't see it in yourself. So when you feel the need to call somebody out, that means you gotta go inside and wonder why you're doing that. Everything's about you and how to fix you. To self transform, that's the hardest thing. Hardly anyone can do it. But if you get in the groove of it, especially if you've been abused, it's just there's nothing in the world that's so joyful than to fix what's broken in you.

[A]

Yes, ma' am.

[B]

And give, give the glory to God for helping you to do it. Because that connection is just like going, putting the plug in the wall, ain't it?

[A]

Yeah, it's, it's, it's been a journey. It's a beautiful journey. And as I try to Tell everybody. You know, when you're on your spiritual journey, it's not. Not a beautiful thing. You are going. You have to see the darkness and go through the dark to get to the light.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

You will never be able through it. Yeah. You will never be able to reach that light until you deal with the darkness. And when I did, I stopped seeing the shadows. I started. Like, nothing scares me anymore. I could see because I've always seen spirits or felt spirits. I can see a spirit sitting in the room with me and it doesn't even scare me anymore. And I'll just know that somebody's there and I'm, you know, they want to talk to me or they want to tell me something. And it doesn't even freak me out anymore. Whereas before I used to run from it and it was. Would scare me so bad to where I would like, literally have to go to the hospital because I would be having panic attacks that were so bad.

[B]

That's all bad programming of, you know, the bad side that wants us to think that we're not connected to God. They want us to think that we're so captive to evil, but we're not. It's just flipping on the light.

[A]

No. Yep.

[B]

And we don't know that when we've been abused.

[A]

No, you have to find.

[B]

That's what they want to sever is our connection to God inside.

[A]

Yeah, you want to find. You have to find your own light and turn your own light switch on because nobody's going to do it for you.

[B]

Well, okay. So have you had the egg thing done?

[A]

I did. I did have.

[B]

When did you do it?

[A]

So I took all of March off. I did my shots in March and I did my egg retrieval March 20th in between two eclipses. I was like, why am I doing this right now? And, you know, I haven't said publicly. You know, everybody knows that I've done it. They just don't know when we're gonna have the baby because I want, you know, at least six months to a year with our. Without anybody invading. So we. We have a surrogate because I can't carry. I've had two ectopic pregnancies.

[B]

Oh, you can't do that again.

[A]

Yeah, So I. I just can't risk it. I'm too high risk. But we do have a beautiful surrogate who I absolutely adore. And she's ready. And so we're hoping, you know, sometime this year, you know, 2026, we might have a little bundle of joy, so.

[B]

How lovely.

[A]

Yeah, we're excited.

[B]

You guys deserve that. We'll take say I'm going to pray.

[A]

Please do. I would love a Roseanne prayer.

[B]

You'll get one.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You'll get one for real. And I'll send it to you in words, too.

[A]

Thank you. When you were talking about how you were talking to the egg, to the embryo, I literally, the entire time I was doing the IVF shots, I sat outside with my cow. I wrote a letter to my unborn baby. I meditated. I just. Just, you know, just put it all into the universe because I just want it to happen. So Jay and I.

[B]

That's the power of prayer, literally.

[A]

Y. And Jay and I never wanted kids together, but, like, last year, we were both kind of like, hey, you want to have a kid? And he's like, yeah, I would love to have a kid with you. And I'm just like, all right, let's have a kid.

[B]

That's awesome.

[A]

But I think it's because we all. We both finally feel safe now, you know, And I. I've helped raise his daughter since she was 7 years old, and she's about to be 17. I can't even believe it. And I think we just realized, like, hey, maybe us together won't fuck a kid up too bad.

[B]

Yeah. That's why you're ready because you know you can do it, right? Yeah.

[A]

Absolute.

[B]

You guys deserve that. That'll be a great experience.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

You know, a great family. I can feel it.

[A]

I thank you. I appreciate that.

[B]

You just shine.

[A]

Aw.

[B]

And he shows love all the time.

[A]

He's the sweetest man ever. I can't wait, you guys. Have you guys got to meet yet? Oh, I can't wait for you guys to meet.

[B]

You're going to absolutely love him. He's. He shines, man.

[A]

Yeah. He's the best human in the world, and he's always been like that, even before all of this. Like when him and I first got together, it's just. He's always been just a good human.

[B]

You're going to come on my show and let me ask all your absolutely love how y' all got and all your stuff. You're going to have to spill your guts like I did mine.

[A]

Absolutely. I'm going to let. I'm going to ask you a couple questions, and I'm letting you go because.

[B]

I need a sig.

[A]

All right, let's do it. Let's do it. Okay. What do you wish people knew about you that they'll never read in a headline.

[B]

That I walk in face I guess.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That I really do. And I always did, but I just had so much doubt.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But now I don't have no doubt. I just have only certainty. That feels great.

[A]

I was gonna say that's an amazing feeling when you can finally just walk so strongly and just know that you got this no matter what. If your grandkids Google you one day, what do you hope they find?

[B]

Find my secret sex tape. No, I'm kidding. Let's see. What do I hope they find?

[A]

I'm watching that. If there is one.

[B]

No, there ain't one. I hope they find my deeper writing, deeper writings that I've done on this subject, this deep subject of the human spirit. I hope they find those. I hope they still exist by then.

[A]

They will. They will. You're a frickin icon. Do you feel like the world ever really gave you a chance to evolve?

[B]

Oh, yeah, I do. I think maybe in spite of itself, but yeah. Oh, hell yeah. I was able to meet the greatest people alive and hang out with them, come and go to the greatest places in the world. I never would have got that. I was just a waitress.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, it was fantastic.

[A]

Yeah, I love that. And last question. What's one truth you've never said out loud until now?

[B]

Well, I just said it, but I'll say it again. That everything is about certainty. Every single thing.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I want to say that to kids. Kids.

[A]

Yeah. Roseanne, thank you so much for coming on my podcast.

[B]

You're a doll.

[A]

I am freaking honored.

[B]

I am honored.

[A]

No, I'm honored.

[B]

Honored. And I want to come to your house and hang out with that gorgeous cow.

[A]

If you.

[B]

I love that cow. I want to get one just like it.

[A]

Crunchy needs a grandma. Will you be his grandma?

[B]

Crunchy's grandma? Hell, yeah.

[A]

Oh, my gosh. He'll be so excited to hear that. I'm going to. I'm going to FaceTime you when I get back with Crunchy so that you can meet him.

[B]

So cute.

[A]

He's adorable.

[B]

I need one like that.

[A]

You do got to come visit us in Nashville.

[B]

I do. I got so many friends in Nashville. I'll come by.

[A]

All right. Come visit. I'm going to hold you.

[B]

I love you.

[A]

I love you more. I do. I love you more.

[B]

You're a light man.

[A]

Oh, I love you so much. Thank you so much. Thank you guys for tuning Smoke. Go smoke, all y' all. All right, we're out of here. We got to go. Bye. See you later.