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We have more shows that we're adding. And not to mention we have the visuals of the podcast. Not only that, we have four that caters to everybody's budget and everybody gets the podcast. There's no more excuses. Head over to www.patreon.com backslash Dumblon podcast and sign up. Stop missing out. We have built a huge community over there guys. I'm talking about hundreds of thousands of people over there. We even have live chats. Live chats that I actually am talking in every single night. Last but not least, we give away gifts every frickin month. I'm talking like signed stuff from JNI Lives. You just never know what kind of surprise you're going to get. It's like a Cracker Jack box. I love the community that we've built over there at Patreon. If you are already a Patreon member, I freaking love you, dude. Thank you so much. You guys are my babies for life. My writers. If I could, I would literally make out with each and every one of you. I love you guys so much. And that's a lot of kisses. Actually got to go by. Is this thing on Bonnie, who used to be a former sex worker and now host the podcast Dumb Blonde. Most little girls grow up wanting to be doctors and lawyers and. And I was like, I want to be super hot, make a lot of money, and be a rock star's wife. That was my goal as a child. And here we are. 1, 2, 3. What's up, you sexy? Welcome to another episode of Dumb Blonde. I literally just lost it. I started crying on the phone. I was so mad. There were so many emotions. And you know, of course the first thing I want to do is and be like, what the is wrong with you? I can continue being the shitty human I am, doing all the things I'm doing and doing drugs and lying and hurting people and hur. Myself. I was sitting alone with the person who tried to kill me. And that's like a really, like, dark paradox to be stuck in until you can finally, like, get out of it. So it's like it was just. It was just me. Yeah. And I was like, what the. Like, I don't know what to. I'm sitting in the room that I tried to kill myself in with just the person who tried to kill me. Yeah. Like, I have to like, I was just ready. Finally hit the fork in the road. So that night, I sent Bailey to her room and she took a bunch of pills that I did not know she had. The next day she came down and she's like, mom, I gotta tell you something. And I was like, what's up? And she's like, I tried to kill myself. Said, say that again. She said, I tried to kill myself. And I said, well, how did you do it? She took, you know, the pills. And I just looked at her and I said, bailey, we have to treat this as a cry for help. But it just crushed me because I was just like, she was just upstairs. Like, what if she had really Gone through with it, you know, like. Like, what if I took that bottle, pills, and didn't throw up? This is a 911 help, and we need to do something. And it was hardest decision I think Jay and I have ever had to make together as a couple. My parents had put me in a mental hospital when I was a teenager, when I was 14. And I know what happened to me in that mental hospital. And I just know that Bailey's issues run deeper than a medication and being in a straight jacket. This is trauma. This is hurt. This is pain. She needs somewhere to go that she know nothing can get to her. Nothing can bother her. This is not something that you throw a pill at. This is something that. This is. You need to rip. Rip the band aid open, and you've got to really start healing. I'm 14. This is my mother, who I really trust and who I've built a really good relationship with at this point. Her mom actually provided her with the weed a lot. Yeah. Also had you doing what else? Had me drinking a lot at this point. So, yeah, we start drinking together. Everything's. And I'm like, okay. Like, this isn't. Whatever. You're just cool, Mom. You let me drink it. Let me smoke weed. Like, this is cool. It was fourth of July. We had left my Mimi's for her big fourth July thing that she does every year. He's like, hey, we're gonna make a stop. What kind of stop? Felicia, what are we doing? And I was so drunk. The kind of drunk where I just don't even. Like, I can't even feel what's around me. So I'm just like, okay, whatever. Let's just stop somewhere. She's like, yeah, we're stopping by my dealer. And I was like, that's a bomb to drop. What? We're stopping by your dealer. What do you mean? Your dealer? That's when she told me. She was like, yeah, I've been doing cocaine again, but it's recreational. What the. And I remember freaking out. And then she, like, talked me down, and she's like, it's okay. Like. And I'm like, okay, whatever, Mom. It was getting really bad to, like, where your mom wasn't able to, like, take you to school. God, the house was horrendous. Yeah. It was like, nightmares. Like, I still, to this day, it was bad. I remember the first time your daddy took me there, that you had to have been, like, what, seven years old? About seven. Yeah. Your daddy took me there. And my first memory of Bailey is her Cooking dinner for her two cousins that live with me. Little. Two cousins who I was literally raising. Yeah. Literally raising these two children. So you gotta imagine Bailey's, you know, 6, 7 years old, and she's momming these two younger cousins. And this house was completely trashed. Bailey had no bed. She was sleeping in a chair. The neglect in the house was just horrific. It was really bad. Honestly. Outrageous. Yeah. Like, no kids deserve to. To go with. Through what they went through, having two addicts, you know, as parents. So, yeah, that's how bad their addiction was getting. And that's what I'm trying to paint the picture. It wasn't like they were just popping a pill here and there. Like, it was like. It was. Yeah. God, it was terrible. How are Phil and April doing? How's your relationship with them? I just realized that right now it's just a good time to just back off. And they were a part of the whole treatment thing. Like, I got a guardian just like Britney Spears, and her only answer to everything was lock me up and throw away the key. Put him in treatment. Put him in treatment. And I knew that that was not the way you feel. Like April and Phil had something to do with the. Is it. Was it a conservatorship that you had? They all teamed up on me and. And said that he needs to go away for a long, long time. It's got to be so hurtful that the people that are supposed to love you the most seem to be so against you, you know? Is what hurts the most is that my Aunt Missy, my mom, they were all in on it, hiding in a hotel. And then all of a sudden, the police show up. I'm like, are you in all. My mom's like, bam. I have no idea. I have no idea about it. Then as soon as I get handcuffed, it's taken away. She's talking to the cops like. Like they've arranged this. That betrayal has got to be fucking traumatic. For a whole year, she's like, bam. I swear, I had no idea about it. And then a year later, BJ got the body cam footage. I'm like, what do you have to say about this? Well, bam, we didn't know what to do. It's like, but. But you lied to me for a whole year. Were you using a lot then? No, because I was in treatment for two years. But as soon as I would get out, the first thing I wanted to do was that. Because I had no reason to stop. I'm going to say it because this is the Honesty day to today. Whatever issue you have, your family is supposed to be the ones that you can count on. And your friends. Knoxville tried to do this movie called Action Point in South Africa, and they had a 15 million dollar budget, and he tried to do it without us, and it was a flop. They only made $2 million. So when that happens, the label says you're not free to go. You're either gonna have to pay this back or put your house up for sale or do a jackass five. Well, if Bam's not in it, then that's already 6 million. $5 million that we don't have to pay back. So we could already say he's a fucking liability because he's drunk out in front of a hotel room on tmz. So you're still really angry with Knox. Put me through hell. Made me pay all this fucking treatment money, and they're filming behind my back while I'm in treatment. So they already set me up to fail. And then as soon as I do the slightest thing wrong, I'm not in the movie. So I paid 100 grand to go to treatment only for me to up, and then now I'm not in the movie. They had it all planned out. Tremaine and Knoxville, they would be in Los Angeles making all these secret deals. Then they do a documentary about how Jackass got created and talking about Big Brother the whole time. And at the very tail end, probably about 5%. Oh, yeah, and then Ben was doing CKY in Pennsylvania. Sold millions of copies. You barely sold 20,000 copies. I feel like you made Jackass, though, because you already had, like, a little mini empire with CKY before even getting on to Jack. I knew who you were before Jackass. I have learned how to forgive and be happy, and I deleted anybody that. That's giving me a problem. But I just want to take my anger out on one person. Knoxville, get into a ring with me. Take off your boxing clubs. One, two, three, you're done for. Once you get Marksman acted or Baker acted. It usually happens. In Florida, that means that you have to do 90 days in treatment. And if the interventionalist knows that you have good insurance, they will find reasons to keep you there for eternity. So I'm like 88 days in, and I'm like, I get to. In two more days, I get out. Hip hip array. Then he walks in. He's like, you've been rocking those same shorts for like three days now. I'm like, yeah, I'm not trying to get any around here. I Don't care. They're like, that's bad hygiene. You're doing another 90 days at another place. Then I'll do 88 days at another place. Flick the cigarette out into a bush. They filmed it smoking. Like, any cigarette would smoke. It was not on fire. Like, you could lit the whole national forest on fire. You're doing another 90 days at another place. They just kept doing it and doing it, doing it. Called body snatching. Basically. That's the insurance. Let's toss you through. And I realized that there's nothing that you could do to get out there. They will find. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Once you're in the system. So I did everything. You know, we're gonna keep you here for another 90 days. For what? I've done everything you've asked. I've been here for two and a half years. Get me the out. I was in the longest Florida shuffle. It's a fact. It's called a shuffle. She's like, bam, there's no such thing as a Florida cycle. You have to do a statement saying that you didn't know what you were talking about. And I really went on. She, like, forced me to do it. Like, hey, guys, I know I was talking about the Florida shuffle, but I don't know anything about it or what I was talking about. And I was not in the Florida shop shuffle whatsoever. Lies definitely in the Florida shuffle. I was in 13 different treatment centers at 90 days a piece, and one of them was 220. It's called a shuffle. They kept me in there. The definition of the Florida shuffle, where Bam was, which his parents seem to be in denial at times, is that they will just take you and then say, you and I have one. It's like, hey, Bam's about to get out, so let's get him up. Because if they let you out and you have a couple days left, they're hoping that you relapse so they could keep you for another 90 days for insurance. Perfect. Say, hey, you know, Haley's over on 10th street in Delray. Go get her. And then you would keep her for 30 days, and we would split the hundred thousand dollars. And that's how it goes. And that's what he was. It's just a constant shuffle. I saw this psychic lady who basically told me to be a yes man, say yes to everything, so. Oh, that's not. Don't tell Bam that I pull in with the Bentley to this gas station in Vista, California, because my phone died and I didn't know how to get to his House. So I had to charge it in in the gas station. So as soon as I pull up these M13 gangsters with their tattoos face and everything, they go, yo, you banned from J. I'm like, yeah. They're like, can we get a photo? I'm like, yes. They're like, can we sit in your car and get a photo? I'm like, yes. Like, yo, man, this thing must be fast. Can we go around the block and. And whatever. I'm like, yes. So then we go around the block, and we're cracking jokes, and I do not hear this. I park at the gas station, knowing that my phone's still charging, and I'm. Hang on, guys. I leave the car running. I'm like, I got to go get my phone. They're like, all right, cool. So I go in, and I'm like, hey, ma'am, can I get my phone? Like, she's like, I gave it to your friend. I'm like, what friend? I'm from Pennsylvania. I don't have any friends here. She's like, I gave it to somebody, but you gave my phone away. I was forced to call 91 1. So three cop cars pull up, and I guess they were all larried up on whatever, but they thought it was for them, so they took my car as the police show up, not knowing that it's for me and my phone. It had nothing to do with them. This guy just got out of jail for five years for guns and drugs. And apparently he had guns and drugs on him. So he took my car. I walk out. There's three helicopters in the sky, and I hear from officer Bentley. I'll never forget, Bentley's been crashed in the house. I'm like, like, awesome. And I didn't want to press charges because I don't need these guys. After you ate the cash on that as well. Why do you think this happens to you all the time? Bam. Because I listen to a lady to say yes to everything that day. There has to be some level of discernment in your gut, though. You got to be like, no, maybe I shouldn't be riding around with these guys. It was just like, she just said it. So the first thing that. Just say yes to everything. Yo, babe, can we get a phone? Yes. Was she a stripper? No, she was a psychic. Psychic. And then the stripper was next. And then a buddy was the psychic in the strip club. He had a tiny bit. No, it was not. Okay, so that's totally unrelated. So you and Ryan Dunn's relationship let's focus on that for a little bit. You guys were like best of friends. Yeah. He was just such a character. He would be the guy to do the gnarly thing that everybody would back out on to get in that wheelbarrow and get pushed off of that three story building into this pricker bush. Just give me a shot of crown royal and let's get it done and over with. So. And we did everything together. Find out that he got in a car accident. Accident. It was very devastating because I never had anybody die that I was close to and I never knew what it felt like. I remember we were in outside of Phoenix, Arizona. I was doing an appearance the next day. All of a sudden I just punch out the van window and break it for no reason. And the tour manager was like, why did you do. I'm like, I don't know. I'm just mad and I don't know why. I just don't know why. Turns out he wrecked at 12:28 in Pennsylvania and I smashed the window at 928 in Phoenix. So it's like we had such a connection that I knew something bad happened. And I didn't know what till I found out the next morning. It was like he was one. Like a soulmate. Like he wanted you to know. Yeah, soulmate. Soulmates can be your friends too. Do you feel like after Ryan's death is kind of when he started spiraling? Hell yeah. Because I was so lost. Instead of like drinking as a celebration, it was just drinking to forget. How did you guys meet? In the bottle. Yeah, there's more to that I got to hear now. I got to hear this in the bottle story. We met, but we didn't know each other. Like, we knew of each other, but it was because of a person. He was basically friends with the person that I dated. I took his. Oh my God, Mr. Steal your girl. I told him, let's fade. Like I'm down to fade for her. So what the hell. My friend Susan, like, I started going out with her, like going and sleeping over at her house more. And so she hung out with his group. Like a friend. I had basically, like, started liking his pictures. And he started first, like, we just started like liking each other's pictures. We started commenting, like on each other's things. Then my friend Susan, I was going to go hang out at her house and she was like, oh, Garg said he wants to hang out. I was like, I'm down. So then I went and I stayed with Susan. We got drunk and then got Bored. And, like, I didn't want to make a first move because, like, there was a bunch of people. We got bored. I don't want to tell her. Like, I just go to the room. Basically, I had told him. I was like, there's a game that me and Susan play. It's in the bottle. And I was like, all of us, like, let's play it. You know, it actually landed on me and her. I look over and he's on the bed, ready. I swear to God. He was, like, on the bed, and everyone is just staring. He slowly creeped up to the bed. Like, he knew. He was just, like, on the bed. This is his time to shine, baby. He was waiting for this moment. Like, I looked over. I was like, where? And then I just look over and he's literally on the bed. Did you guys end up kissing? Did you crawl on top of him and kiss? Yeah, I was like, the ballsy one. I, like, walked over there and I was like, oh, this is what you guys want to see. See, like, well, you're going to get a show. So after the night that you guys hooked up, you guys just decided to be together from there? No, it was kind of like a hookup that night. And then we kind of were never going to see each other again. No, we. We probably were. We were going to be, like, buddies, you know? Yeah. Like, I didn't. I didn't. Did g. Put it down? Yeah, I gave him the words. I knew, like, I had to, like, attaboy. And I was. I was in my football. I actually. I actually could not. I. Susan even knows this, too. I actually couldn't walk. Like, I couldn't sit. Goodness gracious, I couldn't sit. It hurt. It hurts. Yeah, I heard she was £90. Yeah, we never talk about this, but literally, I, like, I literally. I remember me and my friend, like, I literally. I went to sit down on her, like, on her table. Yeah. And I just sat down. I was like, no. Did you know you'd put it down like that? Oh, yeah. I told the boys. I was like, yes, of course. Because he was knocked out after I put him to sleep. It's a new year. New you, new business, okay? Don't put it off another year. I want you to manifest. Put action behind it and thrive, baby. 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And if you're looking for the perfect gift for Valentine's or for yourself, Skims just launched their best Valentine's shop ever, available in sizes for women, men and kids. Oh, but apparently, like, that's the only thing I really have to look out for. And then the spine disease. So I try to wear. Try. My dad's always going to yell at me, put your shoulders back. So like, my boobs are so heavy they pull my spine forward. When I had my boobs done, that was the same way my the implants were so heavy. You still have big boobs. These are my real ones. I had my. You're like a D still. Yeah, I had my implants taken out, but yeah, that's exact. I would hunch over too. And I still do that now because I'm so used to having those. I had those kazongas for, like, 13 years. So you got a nice rack. I'm a 34. Triple D. They're nice. I'm going to show you when we're done. I can't wait. They're crazy. I can't wait. Hurt. I've thought about a breast reduction, but my husband's like, don't you dare. You're gonna have that crazy scar. And, like, there's so no. If not, if you go to a microsurgeon, really, they'll be able to do it like, super, super thin. Really? Like, I had one girlfriend of mine who she. They took the nipple off and. Yeah, took. And then they put it back on. It looks crazy. Yeah. Someone chewed on the nipples and back on. Like, someone ate the pepperoni and then put it back on. I'm like, it's like a kid's pizza. Yeah. You are so open about your mental health journey right now. Especially in the times that we live in is so important. People try to act like everything's fine all the time. And I love the fact that you're like, I am about to get on a flight and I am scared to death. And, like, you're just so real about it. When I was going through my suicidal ideation, I remember looking at Jay and I was like, I don't know how I'm going to live till 50. I don't want to be here till 50. Now I'm kind of like, I might want to hang out till I'm 80. When I was younger, I just was really struggling, and I remember I used to want to die all the time. I would pray to God, I don't want to wake up. I don't want to wake up. I don't want to be here anymore. I was a cutter. So I got caught at school cutting. They sent me to the hospital. I got put in inpatient, and then from there, they ended up putting me on an antidepressant at 16. Yeah, I've tried to get off of it completely because, you know, my life has changed. And your life does change, and that's what I think people need to remember. Maybe in a season of your life where things are horrible, you don't want to be here. But that doesn't mean that spring isn't coming. People sit there and they think, this is forever. It's not. Nothing's forever. Good and bad. I'm very uncomfortable all the time, almost. So, like, when you meet someone that you're like, okay, I can just chill. Like, it's nice. I can let my tits hang Out. I just take my top off. That's what I strive for. Yeah, exactly. You're a comfort person. I'm dead. Going to have to pay more on the Patreon for that. Yeah, for sure. It wouldn't be the first time we've had some titties flop out on the podcast, so. Yeah. Who took their titties out? Jesse Lawless off the top took her and she had some. She's a little full. Full lesbian. Gorgeous tits. Wow. I feel like every lesbian has the nicest tits. The Bunny XO show's coming back, baby. Are you guys excited? Whoa, whoa, whoa. How'd that sound on you guys? Speakers. How was that for the speakers, guys? That hurt. God, my glasses. We almost died in a plane and I did not think it was gonna make headline news. International news, literally. We're on this plane and I already had a bad feeling about it. I just. When Jay told us we were leaving at 7:00 the next night, I immediately told Mimi, get us other flights. Because I don't for some reason. Just something gave me anxiety. I just had like, butterflies in my stomach when we were driving there. We pulled up and Haley was like, oh, look, it's a rainbow. It's beautiful. And I was like, yeah, that's a good sign that nothing's going to be wrong with this airplane. Never say like that, because I am such a words or spells kind of person, but I just felt it. And sometimes when I have visions, if I don't talk about it, they happen. We get on this plane and the feng shui of the plane is already off. Jay said it the minute he stepped on that plane. Yeah, my husband walked in the plane and he was like, wait, what? My seat is? The seat that he normally always sits in was on the opposite side. Just felt weird. And then the staff was not that great. They were not terrible snacks. Besides the snacks, they just weren't warm and welcoming. And before you're about to have your life in two people's hands, you would like them to be warm and welcoming. And when we take off, they keep like. If you've ever been on a jet, you can feel when they break. And we're like, elevating, elevating. And then all of a sudden we just break. And then it's like. It was so weird because it got like eerily quiet. And then I have my headphones on and I see Boston or security run up to the pilot, comes back and he looks like he's seen a ghost. Almost like he looked really flustered. Moved my headphone thing to the side to hear what he was saying. I said, what's going on? And all I hear Boston say is, something's wrong with the plane. We have to emergency land. Jay just goes, well, tell him sooner than later. Texting my family goodbye and that I love them. I literally was texting Kayla and I was like, oh, my God, they have to emergency land this plane. Come to find out the computer malfunctioned. And when a computer malfunctions on a plane, the screen that they have to be able to see everything around them. Other flight, other planes, UFOs, anything is completely black. So he was blindly driving the plane. What's up with Billy Bob Thornton, though? King literally right him, and I literally turned and locked eyes. And it was like, for a moment, I forgot I was married. And I was like, sachet my way over to him, like just a fucking little dork. And I was just like, such a pleasure to me. Oh, my God. Icon. Like, I was like, this is amazing because he's literally the only person I wanted to meet the entire time. I know you went through all the chairs. Then you're like Billy Bob Thornton. I was so excited. Like, I love all the country music singers, too, but I've met all of them. But to see, like, Jane Seymour and Billy Bob Thornton, they're like. They're fucking icons, dude. Meeting fucking Billy Bob was. Was the highlight of my life. Yeah, for sure. I thought about him for days afterwards. Such an icon through my life. Dude. He was with Angelina Jolie. They were the ones who originally wore the blood smell her on him. I tried. I tried. It was a deep whiff. I whiffed his soul whenever we hugged. I love him. I love him. He's a beast. Sweet. He was so sweet. The fact that he, like, takes time to, like, he speaks to you, you know, like, you meet so many people and you feel like as if they're just speaking, but, like, he really spoke to you. He's a sweetie pie, but yeah, good old fucking Billy Bob. I love him. Have you ever had sleep paralysis? I had an orgasm one time during sleep paralysis. And I could have swore I was getting, like, banged by a demon. You liked that? What? Yeah, I didn't mind the orgasm, but it was a cemetery. No, it was in my bed in the middle of the day. It was scary. And you can, like, hear, like, a growling sound. It's crazy. I've heard scratching next to my bed. Yeah, I've heard growling mine. I just can't breathe. Like, I wake up too. I can breathe, but I can't talk. But then it just puts me right back to sleep. Like I, I physically cannot get myself out of the sleep. I haven't had a sleep paralysis dream in probably two years and actually maybe long. We're all going to go home tonight. I know. I hope. I'm wondering what I'm doing different that I. Why I don't have, have them anymore. You're not taking vitamins like you used to. I don't want them. So you think vitamins cause sleep paralysis? Well, you were overdosing on vitamins. Yeah. Then before that was drugs, you had a chemical imbalance every single time. You've been clear these past two years of everything. Cuz I love Jesus. I think that's how it happens too, is when you don't plan something, it just organically grows. It's almost like the universe grabs it and just rolls with it. Don't get me started on manifesting things. And because I, I really believe that. I really think like a lot of people will ask me, like, what does it take to get where you are? And I'm like, well, first of all, stop thinking of where you want to go and start enjoying where you are. Because if you can't appreciate the, the, the now and what's happening right now, forget it. Like, and when people ask me like what my goal is right now, I'm like, I don't have a goal. I never had a goal. I just was like quietly delighted at all the little milestones and enjoying that moment and working with integrity and, and gratitude and like, that's the key. Like, I don't think if you, if you're always looking for the next best thing or like the thing that's gonna make you. I don't think it works like that. That's so real. And I think a lot of people, including myself, need to hear something like that because I'm always like on to the next goal and sometimes I forget that this is, is a journey, not a destination. So. Yeah, that was very beautifully said. What does it take to make Dita Von Teese happy in a relationship? Well, I'm a bit of a size queen. Yeah, I love that. Admittedly, joking aside, I guess I just, I love doing what I do. I love working, I love, you know, I always have so many projects. I think what I, I love being independent. I don't like being like, I'm somebody's woman. I don't want to date any more famous men. Yeah. I don't know, I just, just Love my work. To me, it's all, like, spread across the board. Like, when I was younger, it was like, I put so much importance on romance. Right. And I just am like, okay, yeah. As you get older, you're just like, no. It's like, yeah. I always tell my husband, I'm like, we've been together almost a decade. I'm like, if. If this does not work out, which it will, I. I could never just get into another relationship again, especially with a public person. And also, just having to get to know somebody on that level again of intimacy and just being, you know, joined at the hip with somebody is just. It's a lot. It's a lot to have to try to work through again. I've always wanted to ask, what is it like? I don't know if this is too graphic, but what is it like the first time you cut into a body? You know, the good thing is that you're not the first one to do it, and so you're assisting. I think it's the first time it's. Your patient is when it's really scary. Right? That's what. Yeah. You know, because being a resident, there was always backup, you know, like, when we did surgery in residency, you had the older surgeon basically saying, like, cut here. I remember the first time they Actually. I was operating with the surgeon. I was. I was, I think, maybe an intern. And I was doing. Essentially, it was a hernia. And that's, like, one of the basic operations. And I'd never started an operation before. And we're standing there over the patient, and he goes, tony, get started. And I had never started an operation before. So I'm like. And I grabbed the clamp off of the. The. The mayo stand, which is the stand that the. The scrub techs have. And he looks at me like, you idiot. Are you gonna make a cut with a clamp? I'm like, oh, no. Like, can I have a scalpel, please? I could never do it. I would probably pass out. No, because it. It's baby steps, you know? I mean, our training. You know, for me, my training started when I was a medical student. You start from literally doing the tiniest little procedures. I remember the first time I did a spinal tap on a little baby. Here's this little kid, this little baby, you know? And I was so nervous as a medical student. But the. But the attending pediatrician was just so gentle and reassuring all the way up to now, where it's like, yeah, I've had people say, thank you for saving my life. And you know, I've cut people's skin open and pull. It's like, when you think about it, like, how arrogant do you have to be to think that you can cut somebody open? Especially in plastic surgery, where they're completely healthy and you make them unhealthy for a period of time, expecting that they're going to be healthy again. Plastic surgery is beautiful, but it's so barbaric at the same time. It can be, oh, yeah. Fascinating to know that you can cut somebody open, take stuff out, sew them up again, and then the outcome is absolutely gorgeous. Yeah. What is the wildest request you've ever had for a surgery? Oh, you know, I can tell you a wild story if you want. Oh, I'm ready. Okay. I mean, I get wild requests, but this was like a wild story. I had a patient who came in to see me. This was. I literally was in practice for four months. So I'm this new plastic surgeon in Michigan. I thought I was kind of like, in my head, I was trying to present myself, like as a Beverly Hills big shot, because I trained out in Beverly Hills. And now I'm in like Rochester Hills, Michigan, this small town. And, you know, at the same time, inside I knew, like, I'm brand new, I'm green, like, I've not treated people by myself before. And I was nervous, but on the surface it's like, oh, yeah, sure. You know, I'm a real plastic surgeon. I trained in Beverly Hills. Yes. So this woman comes in and she had had a facelift and a brow lift done by different plastic surgery surgeon, a guy who was really not thought of well in my community as kind of a chop shop type guy. And so she had some areas where a little bit of loose skin here. Her brows had dropped again and stuff. And she's like, can you fix me or can you make things better? So I'm like. And she goes, I used to be a model, and she was now in her late 50s. She goes, I used to be a model and now I'm just feeling like I've lost it and can you please help me? And I felt bad for her. So I said, you know what? Let me give you a discount and let's do this operation. And it was a brow lift and a facelift, and I brought her to surgery and the surgery went perfectly. So she comes back to see me at one week, and she was happy at one week, and then at three weeks she was happy. And then all of a sudden I get a call from her a couple weeks later. Saying that I botched her and that she is going to go see some other surgeons to see what can be done to fix it. So now, like, I'm literally four months in practice. I never had an unhappy patient before. I didn't know what to. To do with it. And so I call her up and I say, hey, what's going on? She goes, you botched me. I'm trying to find somebody to fix this. So I said, well, please just come back to the office. Let's take a peek at it. Because last time I saw her, she looked great. Healing was fine. So I said, just come back to the office and let's just take a peek and see what's going on. Let's see what I can do to help you. So she comes into the office. She comes barging into. I schedule her at the end of the day because I'm thinking, I think she's mad, and I don't want her to scare other patients away. So you always schedule them at the end of the day so that they don't, like, you know, ruin the rest of your day and scare everybody away. So she comes in, she barges in the door, and she is pissed off, her face is bright red, and she starts screaming at me. And she's like, you botched me. You botched me. You made me look Oriental. And I'm like, oriental. She goes, you made me look like you. And I'm like, what? And like, she's Caucasian, you know, like, no, she doesn't look Asian. And so I go, well, I go, let's settle down. She goes, I saw this other doctor, and he told me that I'm a train wreck now that you completely botched me. And I'm like, I'm actually really good friends with this doctor. There's no way he would ever say that. And I don't tell her this, but I go, well, I go, what can I do to try to make it up for you? Like, let's, you know, let's. Let's see what we can do together. And she goes, you better pay me a half a million dollars or I'm gonna run you out of town. And I go, half. I go, I don't have. Like. I was literally $200,000 in debt. Did she look Asian? No, she looked fine. And she was healing. Finally, looking at her incisions, everything was healing fine. She had body dysmorphia. What she looked at and saw in the mirror was different than what everybody else saw. So I'm like. I go, look, I don't have a half a million dollars. Like, I'm like, I'm literally 200 grand in debt myself, and that's my debt. My wife had another 200 grand, so we're like almost half a million the whole as it is. And so I go, I don't have that money. And she goes, 400. Or she was $150,000. You pay me $150,000 and I will forget that you destroyed my face. And I go, look, you actually look fine. Like, let's talk this over. And then she goes, carte blanche, carte blanche. I get whatever I want by whatever surgeon I want for the next three years, and you pay for it. And I'm like, I mean, this isn't like she's literally negotiating with you. So I go, look, I can't do that. Then she goes, if you don't do that, then I'm gonna send you back to la, where the only people who allow you to operate on them are the whores. And she starts running through my office, literally screaming, the whores, the whores. The whores. She goes up to my big window, and like a horror movie, she's like, I'm a monster. Looking at the window, screaming at the top of her lungs. And so I'm like, oh, my. And now I knew that she was going to be unhappy, so I actually wrote her a check for what I had, what she paid me and what her hospital fees were like. I would have. It's like, more than what I meant, like what she paid me and a lot more. Because before, you know, when. Before she came in, I had this feeling like, this is going to go bad. And I had a release for her where if she were to sign the release, then, like, it releases me of indemnity, of any responsibility. So I say, look, I go, I've got a check for the cost of your operation. I go, this is money that you paid the hospital, too. I go, I will give you this check if you sign this release. And she goes. She looks at it, she goes, this is all you're offering me? And she goes, I will destroy you. I've got good friends in town, and we're going to send you back to where you came from. And she leaves and slams the door and leaves. My employees are, like, hiding under their desks, and they're like, oh, my gosh. So I call up my old mentor in la, who he has seen freaking everything. I remember he told me back in the day, he said, I had a patient of mine. He goes, yeah, I Had a patient of mine who was stalking me would actually be in bushes in front of my house and looking through my windows. And so I'm like, well, he had this person. Like, that person was nuts, so maybe he knows what to do. So I call him up and I say, hey, Doc, this woman, she's, like, going crazy. I think she's gonna, like, she's threatened. She actually threatened to hit me with her car at one point. And she's gonna, like, I think she's gonna attack me. And I go, what did you do to get rid of that patient? And he goes, oh, simple. I hired some guys to beat her up. And I'm like, I don't hire people that I don't even know who to hire to call anyway, like, not that I would hire somebody to beat up a patient of mine. So I'm like, okay, thanks for nothing. And he's like, tell me what happens. This is exciting. And I hang up on him. This is exciting. So I'm standing there, I'm like, what do I do? And, like, my employees, like, their eyes are huge. Like, all of a sudden, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. And she's at the door, and my employees are like, she probably has a gun. And I'm like, oh, my gosh. And they're like, don't open the door. And I'm like, I kind of like a ninja. I, like, creep up to where the window is, and, like, I look around the corner, and, like, I'm looking like there's no gun or anything. So I go up to the door, I open it up, she barges in, takes a check that I put on the front desk, puts in her pocket, signs the release, walks up to me, and she goes, this is not over. And she walks out the door. And so now, the next day, I had an operation. It was actually a breast reconstruction on a woman who had these huge breasts and she'd had cancer and this and that. It was going to be one of the most difficult, probably the most difficult operation I was going to do up to that point in my career. I could not sleep overnight. And I call her up, it was like, five in the morning. And I go, I'm really sorry. I said, I can't operate on you today. She goes, well, that's okay. And she's so nice. She goes, we'll do this later. And I go, no. I go, I don't think I can operate on you. And for months, I had, like, lost all sense of, like, confidence in myself because, like, here I. What did I do to this woman. So a couple weeks go by and I'm at the hospital treating a patient and I get a call from my office and they're like, you need to come back. That patient's mom has left you a message. So I go, what is the message? And the message is, you need to call me. My daughter is suicidal. So now I'm like, I'm like this now my. What happened? Like my patient's gonna freaking kill herself because of this freaking facelift that I did on her. And like, what do I do? I called one of my best friends, a psychiatrist, and I say, brian, like this is what's going on. Like what do I do? And he goes, you need to tell her mom to call the police and send her to the hospital immediately. Because if she's suicidal, you've got to do that. So I'm like, okay. So I call her mom up and I'm like, hey, this is Dr. Yoon, I'm calling. You left me a message about your daughter and you said she is suicidal. Is that true? And she goes, what? Suicidal? What are you talking about? And I go, well, this is what message was left. And she goes, no, no, that's a figure of speech. She needs more money to pay for what you did to her. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Like this is an 80 year old woman, 85 year old woman trying to like, trying to like blackmail me for more money. Oh my God. So I'm like, look, I'm sorry, this conversation's over and. And like that was the end of it, but. And you never heard from them again? You know, I, so I referred her in, I referred her initially when she called before I saw her and that whole crazy episode happened and I gave her some names of some local surgeons who are much older than me, who'd been very established. And so I ran into one of them at a meeting a couple years later and he's like, hey, Tony. I'm like, oh, hey, how's it going? And he's like, you know that one patient? I'm like, oh, I know who you're talking about. And he goes, she's effing crazy. She was just looking for a paycheck. I think that she saw this young, naive, like nice surgeon and was like. And got a nice result. I think part of it may be bdd, like by dysmorphia. And part of it is, I'm gonna take this guy for everything he has. I had a client one time and he was an or an emergency room doctor. We were doing, like, eight balls of cocaine one night, and just. I mean, it was like a party. And I looked at him, and I remember looking at him, and I was just like, this guy's energy is so weird. And I was like, why did you become a doctor? You know, Like, I was really curious because his energy was just so weird. He's like, you want to know why? And I was like, yeah. He said, because I love playing golf. God. And I was like, never going to the hospital again. Lord. I can't even wrap my head around that mentality. Yeah. Like, it. It doesn't make any sense to me that, like, I like. And there's so many out there that are like that. I mean, look, we're all people, you know? I am no better than anyone else. And. And I don't know if he meant that. He likes being able to control people's lives, whether they live or die. Like, that's scary. I think that's what he meant. Like, that's pretty scary. What is it? Dr. Death? It's insane, dude. He's a neurosurgeon, and he was, like, paralyzing people and causing all these problems intentionally and was, like, bouncing hospital to hospital. Like, one hospital didn't want to say anything because they didn't want to kind of. Oh, crap. People died on our watch and didn't want to say any. It was bad. Oh, come on. I see. I just. I could never. Like that I have too much of a conscience to ever, like, have somebody else's blood on my hands like that. Yeah. I'm actually a huge advocate of natural bodies, because once you start cutting on yourself, you're. You're. And getting lipo and stuff like that, your weight distribution is completely different in your body. Now I collect. I get, like, saddlebags if I don't work out. Right. Or, like, ask that a lot. And it's about life. Like, one of the most common questions is, I heard if I have lipo, that I'm gonna, like, gain weight somewhere else. So this is what happens. We're all born with a finite amount of fat cells, which means where they're determined, Right. So if we suction up on a bunch of fat off of your tummy, theoretically, that fat is never coming back. But the way that you can regain weight in your stomach is if you gain more weight, the fat cells that are left behind can swell back into the space and you can gain weight. It's harder to lose. Can be harder to lose. The question that women are asking is, if I get My tummy lipoed? Am I all of a sudden going to gain weight in my hips? It's not that you all of a sudden gain weight in your hips. It's just that you have more fat cells there and they're going to take on volume maybe before your tummy starts to show. So you may eventually show in your stomach as well, but it might show first in another area. And everyone's kind of different with where they carry their fat. So that's. That's the phenomenon that's happening. It's like, because you have lipo, it doesn't cause fat to go somewhere else. It's just that you have more fat cells in an area where you didn't have lipo. And if you're prone to gaining weight there, you might show there first and faster than you would in the place where you already had lipo. Hypo, absolutely. But also, eat after you have body surgery done, you have to eat correctly. You cannot just get out of surgery and start eating hot Cheetos and in and out and all that stuff, because one, you're gonna lose all the results you just went and spent money on. The fact that I had the surgery in 2015 and still have maintained these results is because I have the strictest diet ever. That's why women get multiple surgeries and have multiple batches of lipo, because they didn't adhere to diets or eating healthy, and they just figured that they could just eat whatever they want. And you can't. Like, you really have to work at keeping weight off, no matter what. Can you talk about the sexual assault? What happened? Is this the situation that happened with the mayor? Oh, so I was sexually assaulted recently. We are dealing with someone who is habitually a rapist and, like, rapey vibes. Right. Opposite of consent. Were you raped? Yeah. Sexual assault could be being groped? Could be. Oh, this was when you don't want to be. Or like this, like, you. That's why I asked if you were raped. So, yeah, I was drugged and woke up, like, thinking, like, did someone set me up? Like, are we both in this together? Who would do this? And then I realized it was him who did that. And I was stark naked, did not know where any of my clothes were, Necklace was broken, all that stuff. And it was just like, flight. Like, I just, like, ran. I just really didn't know how to behave. It's got to be tough to hold all that in and not talk about it. I do think talking about it, like you said, is probably the best thing One, for you, therapy. And two, that's your testimony, you know, something that you've survived and that you've gone through. So maybe people are able to connect with you doing the best you can. And I think for a lot of other sexual assault victims, you do the best you can when you are the crime scene, straight up. Being sexually assaulted and being like, the crime scene was surreal. It just felt like my brain and my body was not connected. And so I had to do a lot of therapeutic work, somatic experiencing work on that. And I just felt, you know, like my heart goes out to so many other rape victims who are, like, going through this stuff for years. It's just. It's really tedious. Circling back to the. The traumatic experience of losing her, her father, deep. Do you feel like your mom was not there for you emotionally whenever. Because it plays out on the show. You and your mom have a very tumultuous relationship where it's like, very on again, off again. And I feel as a viewer that your mom almost wasn't emotionally there for you. And do you feel like that has been, like, a huge thing in you and your mom's relationship even to this day? Yes. You see, like, on this show that maybe my mom and I disagree about a lot of things. I would say in all because I had to, like, really, you know, like 12 step inventory trauma center. You actually write down. It's called the fifth step. Anyone you have relationships with. So I'm writing down my mom. I'm writing down my dad. And what came up. Maybe I didn't feel like my mom was supportive. It's actually way more than just not having support. Was I seen? She never saw how much I love someone. She, like, she came up after hearing that he had passed away, that she was happy that he was gone. And I think we might have. We might have our own feelings, like I would with Sophia and her boyfriends in those situations. Do know that, like, I have reasoning and capability of understanding. Like, someone has feelings here, and I need to put my stuff to the side. But a lot of what came up at the 12 Step Trauma center, when you're writing down your relationship is abandonment, abandonment, abandonment. Most people will say, well, I didn't abandon you. Like, you were living at my house. I was giving you shelter. I was doing this. But abandonment might come from not being seen, not being feeling safe. I didn't feel safe in that environment. About your relationship with Nicole, how did you guys become best friends? And are you guys really best friends in real life? Yes, she Needed an older sister because she's an only child, and I needed a younger sister because I'm an only child. Our personalities are so different that it just works. She's just so sweet and innocent and pure and tiny. Snooki is sweet and innocent and I look up to her even though she's literally a foot shorter than me. She doesn't like confrontation where I'll take confrontation head on. She doesn't want to fight. She just wants to have a good time. And her best friend since high school and me started crying over how much we love this girl, how much we love protecting her. So I look up to her for business advice, mother advice. She can take on any task and own it. And she's still stucky, still wants to party and have a good time. I would be fucking exhausted in bed by 2pm we're so ride or die. I don't care who's wrong, who's right. Like I'm gonna be in a nursing home with her. She's fucking incredible. We need to fight less. It breaks my heart when we fight. She has the same self awareness that you did. And I'll tell her, like, we need to keep this open dialogue and conversation going because I never want you to think you can't come to me open and honest. So if you need to check mom, you can check your mother. And I know if there's an older demo that watches, you will disagree with that. That's the problem. I think so too. I feel like that generation stifled a lot of their children's voices. Yes. Where I let Bailey come on the podcast this week. I'm getting a lot of hate for letting a 16 year old talk about her trauma, but that's what my platform is about. So when my own child comes to me and says, mom, I want to tell my story so that I can help other kids my age. What am I supposed to do? Tell her, no, no. You have to wait till you're 18 to speak about things that have happened to you. It's wild. Do as I say. You're not allowed to have a voice. It's a one sided conversation. And I needed to educate myself on how do I break down her walls, make her feel safe and loved while disciplining her. That's what a mom's supposed to do. That's the definition of a mom to me. He pretty much started in the mob at a very young age. Brooklyn and Staten island is kind of like the breeding ground for the mafia. My father grew up, you know, intrigued with that lifestyle. My grandfather came over from Sicily and, you know, he was on the opposite side of the street. My grandfather was a legitimate guy. The men on the other side of the street, you know, there was always respect, the way my grandfather respected them. You know, my father was always intrigued. And my father said, you know, how do you know this one particular guy that my grandfather knew back from Sicily? And he said, he's a bad guy, but he's one of our bad guys. You know, he's good to us. So that always stuck in my father's head because he's like, well, you know, what did he mean by that? But the mafia took care of their communities, they took care of their own. Kozanosha is this thing of ours. And what it is, is the mafia actually protected and policed their own communities. Like back in the day, if someone couldn't come in a community and hurt a little kid or rape a girl, you're gonna get killed. The mafia protected their own. Yeah, they didn't go to the police. They went to the Mafia. They, you know, kind of migrated to New York. And Sicilians, they were immigrants, you know, they were trying to make money. So the mafia started rackets, like where they got into the garment industries, the construction industry. It really was about their own communities and benefiting themselves. And when you become part of that lifestyle, you understand, if you betray that lifestyle, death is the, you know, that's the answer. That's what happens if you betray that lifestyle. So that's what cosa Nostra is. It's a community of men that came together to be able to provide for their families through crimes or whatever. But you're supposed to always be loyal to that lifestyle. And if you're not, it's death is the penalty. I actually have a new found respect for your father. You know, you hear about Sammy the bull and you hear like, oh, he's a rat, he's this, he's that. When you have the world coming, coming against you like that, I would have probably done the same thing your dad did originally. My father was in jail for a year. He was gonna fight the case, but it became the lawyers reached out to my father and said, john's controlling the defense. John doesn't want the lawyer to be able to have a lawyer client meeting without John being present. He wants to know everything that goes on. I just believe that he set my father up. Do you think he was building the case with the feds? It's John saying, well, I lost control of Sammy the bull. He killed this guy and took over this bitch. He killed this guy and took over that business. But my father was very loyal to Kozunoshua, and he didn't kill anyone unless it came orders from the boss. Gotti was pretty much turning on your dad, and your dad kept warning him and was like, hey, man, this is not how it happened. Trying to separate the trial. He faced murder trials before my father to do that. I couldn't understand. Cause that's so not who he was. Would he still be in prison had he not? And it wasn't even about life. I think my father, at that point, was the betrayal. Cause I'm indicted on murders because of you. Hurt. And he felt disrespected. John's like, oh, I was just blowing off steam. And my father's like, oh, blowing off steam. But now I'm facing a life sentence, and now you're telling me I can't defend myself. That was the. The crumble of the Sammy the Bull, John Gotti relationship. I mean, why didn't you just stay true to who you were? Like, that's. Why didn't you just kill him? You ever sat down with him, he'll tell you the same thing. He struggles with it. Maybe he should have killed John in jail. Like, honestly, I just felt betrayed by a brother. I just felt just. I started thinking of the life, and he was like, I was just done. I just threw in the towel, and that was my way out. Adam and I actually had one threesome with another dude in our personal life, like, very early, before we were, like, officially boyfriend and girlfriend. We always thought it was hot. Yeah. But I feel like Adam didn't want to admit to himself that he thought it was hot, because at the time we did that, I was just some girl. And then when I became, like, his woman, it was like, well, is it wrong for me to actually want to do that? To get off with my, like, primary, like, lover and not just some girl girl? Does he like watching you with other men? I would say that he enjoys it, even though maybe he doesn't always want to actually, like, admit it like that. Like, I'm like, your dick got harder. Like, I know you enjoy it. Like, it's in my mouth. I feel it. Yeah. Us women. Us women know our men. Yes. I hate that everybody online is, like, calling him a cuck and stuff like that, because it's like, you guys are just literally having fun living out people's fantasies. And I. I feel like everybody's always trying to put people. People in a box. It's like everybody has to have a stereotype or some sort of name, and it's just ridiculous. Adam's been different girls for years now, and that's, you know, like your guys's thing. You always wanted to sleep with other men or you just didn't know how to ask him or. I wouldn't say always. Finally, time, I think it was like, maybe four or five years into it where I was kind of just like. Like, I know that I'm leaving something on the table by not doing something with another man. Like, because my fans have been asking for it for so long. They're like, hey, we love you and Adam together, but we really want to see with someone else. And obviously there was part of me that was, like, curious about it sexually, but mostly from a business point of view. I was like, hey, like, I really want to do this for my only fans. And it was pretty much always a no. Like, that is not on the table until eventually it was. It was a yes. And I can't really say, like, what exactly, exactly made Adam change his mind, but I think he probably saw the monetary value in it. I think it, like, part of it is that he's always been a little open. It's more like that the world is not open, you know, like, during that whole we call the Jason love saga, like, he. He was not painted in a nice way. And even now, it's like, you know, that's not your wife. That's everyone's wife. Like, that's how everyone sees him. So take me to the last day of him being alive. He was found, passed away on the fifth. But we had a maid in the house. So the maid was in the house. I think Aaron told her, hey, don't talk to Melanie, because that's what he did to all of his team. When he would be upset with me, he'd be like, don't talk to Melanie. How long was she working for him before she. Before he passed away? I think we knew her for, like, two years, maybe a year and a half. And she was getting him a couple of jobs, but a lot of jobs got cancelled because of the trolls and things like that. They would call the events and say, no, we don't want Aaron doing this celebrity event one after the other. Everything just hurt him. He dealt with the hurt by taking pills, I think just going deeper into his addiction and drinking or doing whatever. So that last day, was he still huffing also? I don't really like to see, like, anything from that week. It's just too hard for me because Then I can't sleep for days when I see stuff. I don't know how you're holding it together as well as you are. That's a lot to go through. And then to lose somebody so suddenly, you know, he's on live, huffing paint. He had a. He had an appointment to go to an intake for rehab on Friday, November 5th or so. In his mind, he probably thinks it's like one of those. His last hurrahs before he has to go to rehab, because you know how I thought about it that way moving forward. Aaron always fought with you online, and there was a. I. I watched a clip of the live that he did before he passed away, and you're blowing up his phone, and finally one of the last things you say to him is, you are going to die. Yeah, I just. I hate thinking about, like, why did I. Like, I wish I knew how to handle an addict better. But I mean, to me, I didn't take that as you trying to be hurtful. I took it as you saying, like, you're going to die. It was kind of like, honestly, I would have to say I didn't know how to handle it anymore. And I just wanted people to know that he was like, what was going on because I was scared, right. And I wanted people to possibly help, you know? But that's what I took it as. I took it as you're like, I didn't know what to do anymore. I was like, I was. I think I was just so tired that week and so exhausted from all the craziness that was going on. I didn't know how to handle it. Can you. I think my body just shut down because my brain. When you're. I didn't know what to do when. Anymore. When you're in those types of relationships, they. They consider the trauma that gets caused to your brain like, brain damage, because it. It's like years of brain damage, especially being. Not calling Aaron a narcissist, but being in a narcissistic relationship or toxic relationship, it causes brain damage to you because it's that hurtful. And just the whole, you know, toxicity of the relationship takes its toll on you emotionally, and it's not good. So I have a real brothel menu in the bag. And, like, can I pull it? Can I pull it out and look at it? All right, we got the Mustang Ranch menu here, guys. Has a little intro, and then it gets to the pleasure menu. The special shows, lingerie show, vibrator show, shower show, two or more girl show, drag party, sexy cinema, What's a sexy cinema? We watch a movie, but we're not really watching the movie. Oh, gotcha. Okay, does that involve like everything or is it just like. And is everything timed? That's something you work out with each client. And we don't try to sell time, obviously. Everything does have to be time, though. And then it moves on to foreplay. And it says nude massage, breast massage, French teas, fire and ice, wild horse chair party. What is that that intertwined with? It looks like a tantra chair. So you can do like 120 sexual positions on this chair. I love that. What's the most requested? The standard half and half. A little sucky. Sucky? Yeah, it says full pleasure right here. So they got a straight lay, they got a wild horse roundup, a half and half, and then they have a menage trois. Oh, and then we got specialties on the back. Hold on one second. In ranch or off ranch dates? So you guys are allowed to go off the ranch with the dates? Yes. And what does that entail? Like, what's something like that? I just went on one recently before I left work and came here to do this. But we just went up to North Lake Tahoe because that's still on the Nevada side. So we have an escorting license for anywhere inside Nevada. We just went up to Tahoe for the day and had lunch and did a little shopping and came back and hung out privately. And yeah, we only have a broth license in Story county. So she can go on the date, but then they have to come back to the ranch and have sex. Working at the ranch. What is like one of the funniest stories you could tell me that has happened there? Girl, this one time this man hit us all up on the email and he was like, I want eight girls. So he hit you up and he was like, I want eight girls to ram me in my ass house. Yes. I'm on a two month trip. @ the end of this trip, this is the cherry on top. And we're like, you're bullshitting. He shows up. He shows up, picks eight of you, and you guys all go in this room and take turns just plowing him. Yeah. In the mustang dungeon. Oh, and I didn't have my strap on because I wasn't expecting him to come to the appointment. My girl. He had an extra, but it was a BBC Fine. I'll just go last. So I'm waiting. Waiting pin in the corner. You're just watching this dude getting railed? Yes. Okay. Huffing my vape in the Corner watching Tom get railed. My move, my big black fake. The God. And everybody has been in his ass. And I think now is my moment. Go. And I just. And I don't normally do things like, I'm like, the girl next door. I do vanilla parties, and I just go full for it. And this poor man screams bloody murder. And he's like, let me up. Let me up. And he runs to the bathroom, and I'm like, oh. And all the girls are looking at me like, what the did you do that for? What happened? You didn't use any lube? You didn't slide it in slow? I was like, I thought it was lubed up. Damn. You just went in dry. I went in BBC. Oh, holy. Was he all right? Did he ever come back? He has been emailing Madam Tara to come back. Son of a. He loved it. But I got a call from him one night. We always had this deal. He was like, if I die, you get my bird. He had an African gray parrot his whole life. This was his best friend. He had a love relationship with this bird for real. He was. This was his. His soulmate was his bird. And he was like, when I die, she's yours, right? And so I got a voicemail on my phone one night that's like, hey, man, I could hear it. And his way, hey, man, you know, something's came up. Ruby's yours. I'm like, what the. What the. What the. What the going on? So I get in my car and I start driving down to Long Beach. And I'm calling him over and over and over and over and over and over and over. And he finally answers. He's like, already done, man. Don't even. Just turn around. Just turn around. It's already done. The deal's already done. Just turn around. I'm like, Dude, I'm 20 minutes away. Just hold on. I don't know. Just hold on. Just hold on, dude. I get to Long Beach, I kick open the door, and he's, like, sitting there with his, like, wrist in the air, like, in a pool of blood. And. And I walk in, flip on the pool of blood, fall into it, and I fart. Just start slapping him, slapping him. Just like, what's your favorite Almond Brother song? What's your favorite Almond Brother song? He, like, his eyes come open. He's like, whipping post. If anyone who knows the song, whipping post. Like, it's like, I feel like dying. It was, like, the craziest side to say. And I say, it is so traumatic. Very traumatic. Like, I'M trying not to cry. Very, very traumatic, you know, but that was when I went. Started going really off the rails, because this was still drug addict taste, you know, I went really off the rails. That's a lot scaring. Scaring. My family won't pick up the phone. You know, the crazy thing is, like, when. When I got into my car after the ambulance came, picked him up, I was like, you son of a. I was like, you. You were giving me a story, weren't you? You were giving me some kind of crazy story from my life. Like, weren't you like, you son of a bitch. Do I, like, just die alone? Like, for real? Like, is that my journey? And like, like, look like. Like, obviously it sounds whatever, but it's also, like, so romanticized to me because I'm like, orchard locked up artist in the middle of the woods, painting and smoking cigarettes. You're not gonna die alone. You know what? I know when I say that, it sounds like one of those things, but I am like, I'm such a lover boy in those things where I'm just like, yeah, I know it sounds like. Like sad, but to me, it's so romanticized. And so just like, you know what? Like, I've. I've had it. I've felt it. And like, we'll. We'll see what happens. But you have manifested, not that a woman will make you any more than you already are, your whole by yourself, but you have manifested everything in your life. Yeah. You are going to manifest the perfect woman for you. Yeah. You just have to believe that, like, you have believed in yourself and everything else that you have done in this life. You have to start believing it. Stop romanticizing being alone and start romanticizing falling in love. Start visualizing your perfect girl. I would tell you a trick to do, but I don't know if I'll get in trouble on the podcast, but it's. It's. It's like a. Well, then cut it if it is. But tell me. So when you're masturbating. Yeah. Mimi is like, oh, here we go. Hard. When you're. No, when you're masturbating, envision the perfect woman that you want. Yeah. And masturbate to her and to you, you know, fruition. That's great because I don't watch porn. They say that if you do that, you're literally manifesting the person that you want. And these people will start coming into your life. It's real. Try it. Let me know how it goes. Call me after. I'm like, I got to get past some of this previous manifesting that I've been doing. I, like, clear the slate. Told me that, like, 20 years ago, maybe. Clear the slate. So if you're jerking off to celebrities, you're manifesting celebrities. You see that? You know, so. Word. Word. I'm thinking. I'm thinking maybe the therapist was wrong about the whole, like, start of the trauma. I think we just actually found the reason. Let's kind of paint a picture about, you know, what happened with your grandfather. So there was an undercover agent named Joe. Joe Pistone. You got it again. Infiltrated the mob as Donnie Brosco. Well, everybody thinks that my grandfather was the one who introduced him to everyone. He wasn't. My grandfather got introduced to Pistone from another man. So the guy introduced Pistone. Then my grandfather and him became extremely close. Kind of had a gambling problem. Enter Joe Pistone, AKA Donnie Brasco, presents himself as this jewel thief, hustler, whatever, and he starts working with your grandfather to initially start paying back his debts. Right. They were making money, whatever he did with that money. Yes, it was definitely to pay debt. Probably to go pay some more, probably to go buy us gifts. Whatever it was, it was for his lifestyle and to pay off debt, but also to keep gambling. This man was so engulfed in this lifestyle that I think he never would have quit. Like, they pulled him off because supposedly there was going to be a hit on my grandfather. Yeah. So they. They closed down the whole operation. My grandfather's body language changed differently so much that day. It was. It was always about me and fussing and fussing, but he became, like, talking in the corner, like, not himself. Like, I could read his body language. He was like, you know, he took whatever happened to him like a man. He never ratted. He never cooperated. But he was still nervous because a lot of stuff was happening. He knew something was going down. I OD'ed over this. I just lost my whole life. Couldn't come up for air. Jennifer wasn't talking to me for a year and a half. Everything in my life was falling apart. My son didn't want to talk to me. Nobody wanted to talk to me. Had lost your father, too? Everything just started piling up and piling up and piling up and piling up. I gave up. When did you overdose? May I? Just, like. Like, lost my man. September 18th. Someone gave me a bag of fentanyl when it was supposed to be cocaine. Was it somebody you trusted or you just got it from a dealer? I said, make a phone call. Do me A favor. Da da, da. And she's like, okay. I. I vouch for him. I said, okay. I died in a restaurant in Florida. I was dead, intubated for three days. No one in my family came to the hospital. And I spent nine days there learning how to walk again. That was it for me. I said, okay, you did a line of this stuff and how long? I don't remember anything. You don't? Okay. So three days are wiped from my brain. Literally. Just. That was it. You didn't feel anything? I don't know. I don't know what happened at all. I don't remember anything. Why did nobody from your family come see you? They were just all mad. They said I wasn't gonna make it. And my family didn't want to. They just couldn't do it enough. I mean. And I don't blame them. I don't. I've put them through hell. Hell I put them through. I was so wrapped up in wrestling or whatever that I just. I didn't enjoy myself as a child. And when I was in school, I got bullied. You know, we talked about earlier, it was good having that family, but in school it was rough. My mom actually went missing for six months when I was a kid, too. And when I was in school, people would bully me for that. And I remember I got kicked out because I beat the shit out of this girl because she said something about my mum. And so when she was on the toilet, she was taking a sh. I kicked in the door, and I was swinging on her with the trousers down to her ankles. I love how violent you are. Piece of. And then why did mom disappear for six months? She just. She had a mental breakdown. So my mom, when she was younger, she was also abused by her stepdad, and she was also gang. And so she went through a really tough time, and her family ditched her. They didn't believe her. And my dad did, though. He was just like, come here. And he took care of it and. But she had a really, really tough time getting over that. And I don't think that's something you'll ever get over. No, I think it kind of takes a piece of you and you just got it. It just learns to feel different. Yeah. And she had, like, an eating disorder along with it. So whenever she, you know, she's feeling bad, all the weight just drops off. She stops eating completely, and she gets so sick that she can barely walk around. What was the light at the end of the tunnel up for you? What was the final straw that you know, those tapes came out. You said you tried to commit suicide on FaceTime with your mom, and. And thank God it didn't work. But in that moment that you're thinking about taking your life, was that the moment that you were like, something's got to give. I have to change? Actually, no, it wasn't that moment. I was still really low. It took a while still to get over that. But I remember going into a grocery store, and my hair was matted. I was trying to cover it with a cap, you know? And again, really skinny. I was in the liquor aisle, and this little girl came past, and she just thought I was this Wonder Woman superhero. Like, she was just. She hadn't read the Internet. She's too young, you know, she just looks at me as Paige at the time, you know, and she. She thought I was just the coolest thing since sliced bread. I realized at that moment, because I always thought that role models were perfect, right? But they're not role models. Not perfect. The thing that makes you a role model is the fact that you fuck up, but you end up getting out of it and going on the other side and, like, you know, taking ownership of that and kind of helping people get through those kind of things, you know? Absolutely. They gave me goosebumps. I look at this little girl, and she's looking up at me, not knowing, like, anything that's going on in the world, but she just thinks I'm the coolest thing ever, you know? And it kind of, like, makes me think. Think about that. And I'm like, what the am I doing head with? Waking up one day with the person you don't want to be with? And the switch kind of flip on there being like, what the am I doing? And everything just starts, like, falling into place. It was so weird. It all happened, like, very suddenly. Like, everyone was just like, flip, flip, flip. It was like an epiphany. Yeah. I'm like, what the is happening? I woke up one day like that, and then I called WWE and they bought my flight and took me back to Florida and took care of me. And I got back into training, training again. And then I start wrestling again. And it was like. Like this big moment, and then, bam, My neck gets kicked, and I have to retire much stronger mentally that everyone was really worried, like, oh, my God, she's gonna fucking freak out again. I was at such a good stage in my life at that point. Coming out of it, I was like, I'm never gonna hit that rock bottom again. You learned your lesson? Yeah. That's the most important part, I think, of fudgeing up. It's okay to fudge up, but learn your fucking lesson and don't fucking let yourself become that person again. I knew things were going on, you know, they were like, you always know when they're cheating. Yeah, you always know. It's not. It's never fudgeing, not noticeable. I remember I met him at and at Universal, and I just, like, was like, do you want this anymore? He's like, I'm gonna go to New York. I'm gonna go do Letterman. And when I come back, we're gonna start fresh. He's like, I want you and the baby. You're my girls. We're gonna start. You know. He's like, go. He's like, go buy some art for the house. Go get some, you know, new things for the house. And when I come back, we're gonna start fresh. And I was like, okay. That was like, on a Friday. Do you think he really genuinely, in that moment, meant that, or do you think he was pacifying the situation because he wanted to avoid confrontation? I'll never know. You'll never know? I'll never know. I was in our home, our man mansion in Bel Air. My mother was there, my girlfriend, and we were watching the Latin Grammy Awards. They were like, oscar De La Hoya is about to hit the red carpet. And meanwhile, I'm calling him, like, hey, honey, did you get home all right? We all looked at each other like, oscar De La Hoya's on the red carpet. Like, what the. The is he doing there? This. And it's in la, you know? So we're like, wait, what? And they go to a commercial break. What is he doing there? Why the am I not there? Like, what's happening? Comes back, and there he is holding hands with his now ex wife, Millie. And I just was like, next day, they had a lawyer come to the house and say, you and the baby need to, you know, need to move out. You know, this is so crazy. This. He wanted to meet me. And so I went and I met him, like, the next day. And I knew. And it was the first time I'd seen him since how long after? It was about a month since the Latin Grammy Awards. Okay, gotcha. Like, I don't want to legally go after you. Like, can we. Like, can you help me? Like, I don't know what I'm gonna do. Like, where am I gonna live? Like, he goes, you know, you already took me to court for child support, and I'm not happy about that. And he goes, and if you sue me for palimony, he goes, I'm not gonna see you or the baby till she 16 years old. Was like, no way. No way would you do that? And he goes, I have. I have more money than God. Don't be too hard on me. And he left. That gave me goosebumps. And he fucking left. And I sat in that car. I'm literally crying. I sat in the car and I cried for like, man. And I. And I just was like, there's no way. But he didn't see the baby and I. Till she was about 16 years old. Wow. Yeah, he didn't. My heart just dropped. My mom told me that I was born into just a bunch of Kentucky white trash witches. There was like seven of them and they were just like, all had gifts. They all were like spiritual. Yeah. She. You got from her. There's something hidden about it. There's a tie to your family. And it's. Forgive me for saying this, it's connected to war back in the time. So when you say warrior, but it's connected to like American war. And I almost want to say in the Appalachians, your family was connected to that. So there's. There's hierarchy in the family unit. And then your mother's side cast out over here. I'm getting that. And it makes her nervous that you're gonna find this out because it's gonna kind of undermine who you thought you were. Not the witch part. That's probably why you were pushed over here. It's not what you think. She was hidden. Your mom was hidden. So they didn't tell her the full truth. Even if they told her truth, it was bits and pieces and not fully. Can I stop finding out about my weird ass family? This life. I'm so tired of it. You have guides around you. You have a lot of people. You have like wild lifetimes with very indigenous people. So. Meaning you have that in your background as well. So there's like lineage all the way. You have a lot of people around you, like from many, many. Obviously it's many lifetimes because it wouldn't be in the most recent three that you've been. That he manifested. I think it was Elvis's birthday. Somebody emailed me the other night. I was talking about this. So I have like your sets. Like a couch that was behind me and it had a blue throw on it. It was in my other studio. They're all crying over here. It made me cry too. I am, I'm sorry. No, don't apologize. It's. Yeah, it's The. The one way to get at me is to say something about my kids. Keith came through. So I. I was sitting and the. The two chairs were behind me, and people started going, look, look what's happening behind you. So I turn. I can't see anything because the lights in my face and I don't see anything. They're like, there's the face. There's the face. And I'm like. Like I'm live streaming so I can hear them. I mean, see the thing. And I'm like, oh, it's got to be Jim Morrison. I'm screwing around. I have a picture. It's Keith's profile from his picture. Someone took a picture of me with it behind it and attached Keith's face beside it to show that, like, he manifests. He manifests all the time. So I get comfort in that. Although I'll tell you, as a medium who's lived through this, I still want my son here. There is nothing you can tell a mother or a person who's lost somebody that makes them feel better. So I don't even think I make people feel better when I tell them. If I tell them, I. Because I miss my son. So you can tell me stuff. Doesn't matter. I want my Keith here. I think your soul is always going to ache for him. But it has brought me so many lovely people who. So many people reached out. Oh, my God, I was dying. Like. So you were doing fighting, you were doing Playboy, and you were also dealing with an abusive relationship. Relationship, yes, an extremely abusive relationship. You told me, one day we're gonna laugh about him. And it was so hard to even think about that because I thought the pain would never go away. I thought I would never get away from him. Came into my life, good looking dude, good looking little rich boy. He slowly started verbally abusing me. And then he started putting his hands on me. The worst beatings I've ever had my whole life have not been in a ring. It was from that man. He chipped my teeth, grabbed me one time, even on my chest, and squeezed so hard that it looked like my implant had popped. I had to go to the doctor. It was completely black, left a handprint on me. I remember that he threw me out of a car, did degrading stuff to me, got me on the ground, was beating me up. Elijah had to jump on him when he was like 5 years old. My son had to see this man abuse me because I thought that that was normal. Because the way I grew up and it wasn't. And that is not normal. And it was crazy because from the outside looking in, you would think that you guys had the perfect relationship of what was going on. Because everything was like, you know, you guys had a beautiful house, drove nice cars, you were in Playboy. You're, you know, fighting in the ring and then behind closed doors, this is what's really going on. You are living an absolute nightmare. I don't know how many times I had to go over there because he was doing something weird, man. This dude was so sick mentally that he would try to manipulate our friendship. He said that I fucking sucked him off one time. He wanted to make me think that nobody was there for me and I had no nobody on my side because that's what abusers do. It was sick like that. There was no links that this man wouldn't go to. To try to control you, isolate you from everybody around you. I've got to get her out of the situation. But really nobody could get you out of that situation until you were ready to get out of that situation. Because it is so hard to leave an abusive relationship. Well, we were also using a lot of drugs back then. Well, cocaine is a hell of a drug. Right. We partook in a lot. Do you remember that one time I over dosed on glass at Ben's house? Ben, the paint hover. Oh, we were just talking about. Me and my dad were just talking about him. We had started partying at such a young age that as we got older, the problem with Vegas is. And I mean, I love Vegas. I always have a love for it because that's what that was our hometown. But going to the bar and having 10 drinks and doing a eight ball of cocaine as normal behavior every night, it's like if I. That's how in Vegas that's. It's normalized. Yeah. So we thought this was just a lifestyle. We didn't think that it was a habit, you know, Whereas I found out down the road later on that I had a habit, you know. I don't know about you. Well, yeah, I mean, people were drinking and partying in my family and they were popping pills and it's like somebody was handing me a joint from a young age. And because of that it caused me to have a problem. I thought it was normal. And then by the time I realized it wasn't, it was too late. I'm lucky to be alive. We are lucky to be alive. Oh, for sure. Because that was, was, that was rough, you know, I Couldn't imagine my kids doing that. We were talking about that before the mics were going on, and I was like, I think that. I think about how Bailey is 16 and how I had already been gone away from home for two years. Yeah. At her age. And it's wild. And, you know, it's like I would never want her to have to go through what I went through, but it's just like a different generation. Yeah. Type thing that we just really experienced so much, so early on. But I'm glad that we are where we are now, because at least we found our way out of it. Some people don't find their way out of it. Can we circle back to your son that you just lost in 2023? Can we talk about that? And what happened if I don't get emotional? He wanted to go home. He said he wanted to be with God. That week it happened, I was in Detroit, he was in la, and he called me, said, I need to see you. And I said, well, I'll be there tomorrow. And I flew to la. We spent the most beautiful time together, just him and I talked and we ate and we laughed and we had a great time. So I left on a Friday and said, make a promise that we would never go a day without speaking. I said, okay. You know, I'm not thinking, like. I said, okay. I got home, I called him, I said, I made it. He said, okay, talk to you tomorrow. Saturday came, didn't talk to him. You know, still didn't think nothing of it. Sunday came, I was calling him, didn't talk to him. I panicked automatically. I said, God, this not supposed to happen. We supposed to talk every day. Something is wrong. Something is wrong. Calling his wife, which I never do. Where's Jason? I haven't heard from. And she said, well, he's okay. He's at home. He's. He's just going through a lot. And I said, well, what is he going through? You know, we were talking, we were chatting. I said, I'm about to run in Starbucks. I'll call you back. So about time. I got my Starbucks, got back in the car, called her back, and she was like, he's gone. I said, who's gone? Jay's gone. Like, gone. Wait a minute. She say, he's gone Just that fast. So he took his own life. Oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry. Just that fast. So let's circle back to when you guys did get indicted. How much time did you get? How much time did your son get? And how much time Did Terry get. I got 57 months. My son got 11 years. One of my nephews got eight years, one got nine years, one got 11, and one got 13. Terri got 30 years. He came home on the Cares act, so. But Demetrius is not home. You spoke a lot about being in prison, what you had to do, how you had a change of heart. And in prison is pretty much like your lowest, at your lowest. Like I said, stripped of everything, this is my time to reflect on how did I get here? I walked on that yard. I was in the middle of a sandstorm, and I looked up at the sky and I told God, please help me. Why am I here? Please change me. Let me figure out why I'm here. I knew God. We called on God all the time. You know, when you're in the streets, you probably got. Let me get through this, okay? God, I'm. I'm out. You know, One more time. One more time. You know, you got all this drugs, you driving or you doing something. Come on, God. Thank you, God. I'm blessing him for the wrong things, you know? And when I end up in prison, I realized that I had to call on him much more than I ever had to call on him in my life. Once I was in prison, I. I was alone. No matter how many women were around me, I felt alone. And I had to call on this man and get on my knees and call on them like I never called on them before. Remember that I'm saying this. There's some acknowledgment around a Frank that comes through. Just remember that. I'm saying that there's some significance, usually who they are, who they're with or somebody. But there is an acknowledgement there. You have some people who are not family who pop through. What up, homies. It's probably some of the homies that have passed over, I think. So there's like. See some symbology around, like, marriage, union, joy, happy for you. The way I would word this. If there's anybody who you feel has passed, who loved you a hell of a lot and maybe could have seen a romantic future, but it wasn't the right time or the right place, just remember that. Probably my ex, Tony. I think that guy wants you to know how proud of you he is and that he, when he comes across, acknowledges an awareness and existence in your relationship and that you deserved more than he was able to give at that time. Good. Anybody got a Frank? If anybody's got a Frank in the building, who's got a Frank? Frank. Frank is one of my ex boyfriends, but he's still alive. He's still with us, Tony. So my ex, I. I was actually pregnant with his child. I lost his baby. But we were young, young, young, young. But when I ran away from home, he was my boyfriend and, like, my protector, and he actually always loved me. And we just. Oh, my gosh. Okay, so I know how it came into play. Oh, my God. I. It just hit me right now. When Tony was dying, my. I was with Frankie, and we went to his bedside and I could see Tony. I knew he was already dead. My ex had smoked fake weed, and it sent him into cardiac arrest, and he died. Oh, my God. That can happen. He didn't die automatically, but he went into a coma. He had a heart attack. Went into a coma. And I went to go see him. And I remember I held his hand. And when I was holding his hand, I could see him standing, looking at me in the corner of the room. And I even looked at my. My ex, Frankie at the time, and I was like, he's dead. I was like, he's not coming back. He's in the corner of the room right now looking at us. I need you to tell the bully story because this is like something out of a fucking movie. Kind of took my breath away because I could visualize it. I'm such a visual person. So when I was in middle school, I was bullied relentlessly. There was an instance where there was this kid who used to beat me up pretty regularly. He and a number of his friends had watched me go into the school bathroom alone. And I didn't realize that at the time, but I was washing my hands and my hands were wet, and I heard the door open from behind me. And when I looked, I realized he and about three other people came in. And as they rushed in, they blocked the door. They were gonna beat up our little Tyler. I know this little homo. You're really gonna take me out? Like, come on. That's low hanging fruit, baby. The bullies, they blocked the door. I'm so excited. I'm over here. I'm excited. And this weird instinctual thing came over me. I don't know if it was a defense mechanism or what, but I made eye contact with him. And as I did, I just said, you aunt knows that you were crying with your dad last night and you need to leave me alone. And I just said it point blank. And as I said this, his friends looked at him. He looked at them. And I always say, faster than you can say gay, they were like, out of that bathroom, it took off running because his friends didn't know what was going on, but his aunt had passed. And what was crazy is the night before, he'd been crying in his dad's arms about that loss. And it was actually a very humbling moment. It scared the crap out of him, but it, for me, really helped both protect me. And years later, he reached out and actually thanked me. Oh, because you taught him probably a lesson there that he was taking his anger and his hurt out on somebody else. That's very true. Yeah. That's amazing. It's really fascinating and kind of an interesting moment of growth for both of us. Do you guys really think Drake has had a bbl? Yes. Yeah, definitely. Really? Them abs came out of nowhere. I didn't see them posted. I've never seen him with a shirt off. I've never looked though, either. So, yeah, he posted something with his shirt off. I feel like it was like, right off the table. So you think he's had ab sketching? I think so. I would get abstention. I'm not judging him at all. I do it too. Yeah, well, I've had it done. Really? Really. I know a lot of girls. My doctor does abstract sketching hella good, but I didn't get ab sketching. Love it. I'm. I'll show you guys my stomach whenever I stand. Girl. Oh, my God. I remember this. I knew there's one girl who went and got ab sketching in freaking Mexico and she came back looking like Superman. That was terrible. That's. That's a bit much. I felt bad when the girl, like, a six pack is too much. A four pack is cool. Just like a little. Yeah, just. That's what I did. I just did a little chiseling and that's it. Yeah. Yeah, that's cute. Like a little. I did this in 2015, though, before everybody and their mom was doing it. So I didn't even know what the. My doctor was doing. He's like, yeah, yeah. I'm just like, just make me look good, please.