TBT: JWoww

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dumb Blonde – Episode "TBT: JWoww"

Episode Information:

• Title: TBT: JWoww
• Host/Author: Dumb Blonde Productions
• Release Date: February 6, 2025

Guests:

• Jenny Farley: Host of the Dumb Blonde podcast
• Bonnie "JWoww" Farley: Reality TV star from Jersey Shore

---

1. Introduction to the Episode

In this heartfelt episode of Dumb Blonde, host Jenny Farley welcomes Bonnie "JWoww" Farley, a familiar face from the iconic reality show Jersey Shore. The conversation delves deep into Bonnie's personal journey, exploring her upbringing, experiences on television, motherhood, and her advocacy work surrounding mental health and autism.

---

2. Bonnie's Early Life and Family Dynamics

Bonnie opens up about her challenging childhood, highlighting the absence of a stable maternal figure and being raised primarily by her father, Terry. She shares traumatic experiences, including her grandmother's tragic passing in a car accident when Bonnie was five, and her mother's struggle with schizophrenia.

• Quote:
  • Bonnie: "I was raised as a boy... there was no makeup in my house. I was a complete tomboy." [00:20:21]
  • Jenny: "Tell me a little bit about your childhood. Tell me like, you know, where was mom when you were growing up?" [00:09:16]

Bonnie reflects on the impact of her single father's role, emphasizing the lack of emotional nurturing and how it shaped her resilience and independence.

---

3. Experience on Jersey Shore and Reality TV Challenges

Transitioning to her time on Jersey Shore, Bonnie discusses the culture shock of living with roommates and being in the spotlight. She expresses mixed feelings about how reality TV portrays her, often leading to misconceptions about her personality.

• Quote:
  • Bonnie: "I do regret going in. So closed off." [00:38:47]
  • Jenny: "Most people that go on reality TV… they take that 15 minutes and do things that they don't think they would normally do." [00:30:43]

Bonnie emphasizes her commitment to staying authentic despite the pressures of television, questioning whether her genuine nature helped or hindered her career.

---

4. Friendship with Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi

A significant part of the conversation centers around Bonnie's deep bond with Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi. Despite early differences, their friendship blossomed over the years, culminating in mutual support and a strong sisterly relationship.

• Quote:
  • Bonnie: "She is my little nugget. My little squirrel. She is the most special part of the show." [00:60:30]
  • Jenny: "They protect each other more than I think any other show." [00:63:33]

Bonnie highlights how their contrasting personalities complement each other, making their friendship resilient and genuine both on and off camera.

---

5. Parenting Challenges and Grayson's Autism Diagnosis

Bonnie speaks candidly about her journey as a mother, particularly focusing on her son Grayson's autism diagnosis. She recounts the struggles of recognizing early signs, navigating the healthcare system, and advocating for his needs amidst personal and professional pressures.

• Quote:
  • Bonnie: "At that point, I knew Grayson was diagnosed and it was going to change our lives." [01:00:35]
  • Jenny: "How you advocate for your children, that's what any mom should do." [01:44:34]

Through determination and resourcefulness, Bonnie established an LLC to secure private insurance, enabling Grayson to receive intensive ABA therapy. She celebrates Grayson's progress and attributes his success to the rigorous support system she put in place.

---

6. Bonnie's Personal Growth and Advocacy

Bonnie reveals her passion projects, turning her trauma into creative endeavors. She is in the process of creating psychological thrillers that portray mental illness authentically, aiming to foster understanding and dialogue.

• Quote:
  • Bonnie: "I want to tell my mother's story through her eyes. That would be my Avatar." [01:00:50]
  • Jenny: "You're turning your trauma into art. That's beautiful." [01:07:40]

Her advocacy extends beyond her personal experiences, as Bonnie actively participates in initiatives like Culture City, supporting individuals with disabilities and mental health challenges.

---

7. Relationship with Zach and Personal Life

Discussing her relationship with Zach, Bonnie emphasizes the importance of mutual respect, support, and protecting their bond from external pressures. She contrasts her past turbulent relationships with the stability and harmony she now shares with Zach.

• Quote:
  • Bonnie: "Zach is my knight in shining armor, and I protect our relationship." [01:19:13]
  • Jenny: "He's your emotional support human. That's wonderful." [01:21:43]

Bonnie shares insights into balancing her public persona with her private life, cherishing the role Zach plays both as a partner and a supportive figure in her life.

---

8. Reflections on Motherhood and Healing

Towards the end of the episode, Bonnie and Jenny discuss the intricacies of motherhood, the healing process from past traumas, and the significance of creating an open, loving environment for their children. Bonnie highlights her dedication to being the nurturing parent she never had, fostering strong emotional bonds with her children.

• Quote:
  • Bonnie: "I'm learning to love my daughter differently. I can't fight fire with fire." [01:44:30]
  • Jenny: "You're doing a great job. Becoming the parent you needed." [01:48:00]

Bonnie expresses her commitment to continuous learning and adapting her parenting style to ensure her children feel safe, loved, and supported.

---

Concluding Thoughts

The episode "TBT: JWoww" offers an intimate glimpse into Bonnie "JWoww" Farley's life beyond reality television. From overcoming childhood trauma and navigating the challenges of single parenthood to building meaningful friendships and advocating for mental health, Bonnie's journey is both inspiring and enlightening. Her dedication to personal growth, authenticity, and her family resonates deeply, providing valuable insights for listeners seeking to embrace their inner healing.

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Bonnie on Raising Boys:

  • Bonnie: "I was raised as a boy... there was no makeup in my house. I was a complete tomboy." [00:20:21]

• Bonnie on Authenticity:

  • Bonnie: "I always stayed authentic to myself." [00:30:43]

• Bonnie on Friendship with Snooki:

  • Bonnie: "She is my little nugget. My little squirrel." [00:60:30]

• Bonnie on Advocacy for Grayson:

  • Bonnie: "At that point, I knew Grayson was diagnosed and it was going to change our lives." [01:00:35]

• Bonnie on Personal Growth:

  • Bonnie: "I want to tell my mother's story through her eyes. That would be my Avatar." [01:00:50]

• Bonnie on Relationship with Zach:

  • Bonnie: "Zach is my knight in shining armor, and I protect our relationship." [01:19:13]

• Bonnie on Motherhood:

  • Bonnie: "I'm learning to love my daughter differently. I can't fight fire with fire." [01:44:30]

---

Note: Advertisements and non-content segments were omitted to maintain focus on the core discussion.

Transcript

[Jenny Farley]

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[Bonnie]

Sex worker and now hosts the podcast Dumb Blonde.

[Jenny Farley]

Most little girls grow up wanting to be doctors and lawyers and. And I was like, I want to be super hot, make a lot of money, and be a rock star's wife. That was my goal as a child. And here we are. What's up, you sexy? Welcome to another episode of Dumb Blonde. Today, this woman is a freaking household name. If you don't know who she is, you are living under a rock. Ms. JWoww, baby. Jenny Farley. How you doing, baby?

[Bonnie]

Well, now I'm blushing.

[Jenny Farley]

You are so beautiful. I was just staring at her across the table and I was like, you are so beautiful.

[Bonnie]

Oh my gosh. Thanks.

[Jenny Farley]

No, like, stunning even in person too. Like, you're beautiful online, but wild, like, online.

[Bonnie]

I'm like, is that how I look in real life? Like? And everyone's like, oh my God, you have all this, like, crazy work done. You've done this. I said. And I look back and I'm like, no. I actually just think I make the most awkward facial expressions on every red carpet because I'm just that person.

[Jenny Farley]

I tell everybody I hate red carpets.

[Bonnie]

Same.

[Jenny Farley]

Like, you can go there looking and feeling your best to yourself and then you get that getty image back and you're like, who the is this wombat? Like, there's so many times that I'm like, what happened?

[Bonnie]

I just went to the PCAs. By the way, congratulations on Jelly winning. I saw. I did not win, but I got all my pictures back And I'm like, is that how I look?

[Jenny Farley]

You looked gorgeous, though. I thought you looked gorgeous.

[Bonnie]

I make the just most asinine, ridiculous faces that clearly don't resonate well in photos.

[Jenny Farley]

It's also because there's 50 cameras going off at one time. You don't know which one to look at. Nobody ever fucking picks a good side to post, ever.

[Bonnie]

They want the bad one.

[Jenny Farley]

They have one that has haunted me for. Did you see the TikTok I made of it? I look, like, slimer. I'm telling you, it is, Jenny. It's the fucking worst thing. And they post it in every fudgeing news article they do. It's the fucking three Chinner. Like, I mean, I'm like. I laughed and it was like, just.

[Bonnie]

You know, like, it was so.

[Jenny Farley]

That's me, too.

[Bonnie]

Like, I'm always like this. I'm always like. And I'm like, I always have, like, PR or someone. Like, just lift. Lift your ch. Like, do something where. And I'm just dead inside because I'm like, I don't know what to do.

[Jenny Farley]

Nobody gives lessons on how to walk on a red carpet either. No, it's like, you have to. You're. You're thrown to the wolves, and you have to figure it out yourself.

[Bonnie]

And as an older millennial, I have the awkward stance or the peace sign.

[Jenny Farley]

Me too. I do the double peace sign. I'm always like, what do I do with my hand?

[Bonnie]

Like, slapping my hand down, like, what are you doing? I'm like, what am I supposed to do?

[Jenny Farley]

It's so awkward, dude. Well, I think you look stunning on all the red carpets.

[Bonnie]

Thank you.

[Jenny Farley]

So I got to listen. I don't really listen to too many podcasts. I'm not. I've kind of like, you know, because I do my podcast, so I don't really dive into other ones, but I listened to the Vile Files podcast with you the other day, and I really loved it.

[Bonnie]

Thank you.

[Jenny Farley]

I was like, she is such a sweet soul.

[Bonnie]

Oh, thanks. That was my first real podcasts, like yourselves, that I wasn't doing for press for just, like, five minutes. And I was just like, all right. I've known Nick for years. I met a. Or I met his girlfriend on their first date.

[Jenny Farley]

Oh.

[Bonnie]

I've known him, like, years prior. I was like, all right, I think I'm just gonna take your suggestion and go on. But without any rhyme or reason.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah.

[Bonnie]

I've never known to do a podcast and, like, understand, like, you know, what am I going to bring to the table?

[Jenny Farley]

On a podcast yourself.

[Bonnie]

But I'm like, what does that mean? And that's where I get nervous. And I'm super introverted, and I get really scared doing these things because I. Even though I know Nick, I'm a fan of Nick, and even though I know you now, I am a super fan of you. So I'm like, I should be interviewing them. Like, why does anyone want to interview me? I'm just a mom in New Jersey.

[Jenny Farley]

You are an icon who's been on TV for almost two decades.

[Bonnie]

Yes. And it feels like 20. But yes.

[Jenny Farley]

The longevity of that alone is so admirable because not very many people get a TV shelf life of that long.

[Bonnie]

No. And I will tell you this. If they would have told me that in 2009, I would have showered and not look like I did in half the episodes. But again, none of us knew back then. But.

[Jenny Farley]

But I think that's what made you iconic, was you were so. You were rough around the edges, but you were like a diamond in the rough. And you literally have not only grown up with a generation, but you are like the big sister that nobody had to a generation.

[Bonnie]

Oh, thank you. You are. Looking back, I can see that. And being the oldest girl in the house and living on my own since I was 17 and all these things, being raised by my dad, like, all of that, I see being like, that's my full circle moment was I was, like, the mom of the house, but the one that, like, didn't allow the shit to continue. The one that called everyone out on their shit still to this day. But I think it took me to be. Which I'll be 39 next week, many, many years to see it. Because when you're living it and you're going through it, I didn't see it then. I couldn't. I, for one, I didn't even. I couldn't even establish the fact that we were famous for just being us.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah.

[Bonnie]

Like, I was just like, I'm just being me and having the best time of my life with these crazy roommates. And it took probably within, like, the last five years to realize how big Jersey Shore truly was.

[Jenny Farley]

It was literally just a moment in history.

[Bonnie]

Yeah.

[Jenny Farley]

Like, it was a historic event that is going to go down in the history books of the cast of Jersey Shore. Like, you guys. There's nobody who doesn't know who any of you guys are.

[Bonnie]

Oh, thank you.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah, for sure. I want to circle back to your childhood, though. You did just say that you were raised by a single father. And I Had heard that before because I was raised by a single father also.

[Bonnie]

I know.

[Jenny Farley]

And yeah, and I love how you.

[Bonnie]

Put him on a pedestal the way that you do.

[Jenny Farley]

Oh, Bill.

[Bonnie]

Yes, Bill.

[Jenny Farley]

Good old Bill.

[Bonnie]

I called Terry my dad, but I'm like, I love that. And I love how you show through your videos, like, how much he means to you. Being a woman, married, you know, grown. And like, you still give the accolades to the man who made you who you are today.

[Jenny Farley]

I appreciate that. It's been a long road. Me and Bill have had a bumpy ride.

[Bonnie]

Same.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah. Tell me a little bit about your childhood. Tell me like, you know, where was mom when you were growing up?

[Bonnie]

So when I was 2 years old, some, first off, my parents had me in the 80s when they were 20, I think my mom actually got pregnant like 19 or 20. And my dad was like 21, 22. And in hindsight looking back, like, I couldn't fathom no technology like we have now. There were no iPads, there were no cell phones, there was no Internet. And you have this 20 and 22 year old that just decided, oh, a one night stand turned into something more and we're going to have this child. And not even in college and around 2 years old, my mom got very sick with a mental illness. And then they still stayed together, but my mom was in and out of the hospital. And a lot of people actually don't know this story, so it's nice to talk about it because people always get confused. But my mom was in, out of the hospital and around. I think it was my fourth or fifth birthday. My grandmother left my birthday party and got in a car accident and died.

[Jenny Farley]

Oh, my God.

[Bonnie]

It was my mom's mom. So that took my mom out of the equation, like, and I feel so terrible because I was like, I couldn't comprehend then, like, leaving my birthday all excited. It's in February, as I said, it's next week coming up.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah. Happy birthday. Yeah.

[Bonnie]

Thank you. Upstate New York. There was snow and a teenager hit the brakes and skidded across ice and T boned my godmother and my grandmother's car. My grandmother soon passed and because my mom was suffering with mental illness so badly, she just couldn't do it anymore. And so my dad at like 25, 26 was like, well, you know, here we are, like, it's just you and me, kid. And it has been ever since. My mom is actually still alive. I take care of her. She's in an assisted living home close by. Everywhere I move, she moves right by me. But she's like my third child.

[Jenny Farley]

I always say that I inherited custody of my parents because my mom died last year.

[Bonnie]

Oh, I'm so sorry.

[Jenny Farley]

I inherited. It's okay. We weren't close at all, but she. I inherited her. And, you know, I had her in an assisted living and got to spend, like, the last year of her life with her, so.

[Bonnie]

Same scenario. As much as I am close to my mom, I love her and I take care of her. She's not my mom.

[Jenny Farley]

Right.

[Bonnie]

You know what I mean? It's my grandmother. My dad's mom was my mom. And unfortunately, she passed away right before the Italy season, which caused a whole spiral for me. But my dad's family really stood up and was like, we're gonna be a community. I remember when I first got my period, I had to call my cousin, and I was like, what is happening? I can't call my dad.

[Jenny Farley]

Oh, it takes a village.

[Bonnie]

Yeah. And, like, my. I got made fun of in school, and someone like, this is so corny. But, like, when I was, like, 13, someone was like, said the word boner, and I was like, I don't know what that is. So I had to go to my cousin who was, like, in her 20s. And I'll never forget. There's not much I remember from my childhood because I think I truly suppress it, but I'll never forget my. The look of my cousin's face when I was like, can you tell me what a boner is again? These were like. I don't. I. I think those were, like, the most important moments. Not the boner one, but like, the moments.

[Jenny Farley]

Listen, I remember. I remember my first boner. No, I'm just kidding.

[Bonnie]

Like, where I think being a mother is so important and having a mother is so important, really, because as bad as my childhood was, and as great as my dad was to help me facilitate, to become the woman that I am today, like, those. Those, like, really important moments you need with that female energy wasn't there. And I think I put my all now into my daughter because of what I didn't have.

[Jenny Farley]

And I can't wait to talk about your daughter later because you said some profound things that I heard, and I just. I love the way that you mother. Don't you think it's crazy that, you know, not having a mom around makes you want to be or, you know, not having a present mother, whether she is in your life or not, makes you want to be sometimes in our cases, the complete opposite of what they were. You know, I inherited My bonus baby. And I knew that I was not going to be like, how my crazy stepmother or how my crazy mom was. I was like this. I want to be a completely different parent. And has that affected you in that way also?

[Bonnie]

Yeah, I would say more so now than ever. In my 20s, I couldn't rationalize. Well, actually, I'll take a step back. In my early 20s, I thought I was gonna get the same diagnosis as my mother, so I went balls to the wall.

[Jenny Farley]

Which diagnosis was that, if you don't mind.

[Bonnie]

Nobody knows, but I will say it. It's schizophrenia.

[Jenny Farley]

My mom was a schizophrenic, too.

[Bonnie]

No way. And you speak about it publicly?

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah, I've been very vocal about it, so.

[Bonnie]

And the only reason why I don't really speak on it is because she's still here. And I don't want to define her as that. But at 22, that's what she got diagnosed with, actually. If we're going to just be open and honest. It was the 80s. It was 1987. My dad couldn't get ahold of my mother for hours. And he worked at the store. Not this great place because, you know, at 22, what kind of career are you going to have? And he kept calling the phone and calling the phone. Nobody was answering. This is landline, guys. Where.

[Jenny Farley]

Oh, I miss those. Yeah, I do miss a good landline phone call in a three way. Yeah.

[Bonnie]

So my dad, like, knew something was wrong and knew something wasn't right with my mother, so he ran home and he couldn't find us. And we lived at, like, a second or third story apartment building, and. And he went through, you know, those back emergency stairwells, and he found my mom, like, in the fetal position, passed out, and me holding her in a diaper.

[Jenny Farley]

Oh, I just got chills.

[Bonnie]

And he thinks that she either had a seizure there or she had a psychotic break. And that was it. And I held her for the two to three hours he couldn't reach us. And that was the day that she went to the hospital. But I'm sure, you know, with that diagnosis, the hospitals don't like to keep people. They kind of get you healthy, happy.

[Jenny Farley]

Well, they put you on medication. Yes.

[Bonnie]

The best of your ability, and then send you back. And. But my grandmother's passing was the end. All be all. And I remember being my daughter's age, 8 or 9 years old, and I told my dad, like, you gotta give up. You gotta stop. Like, we have to move on. And you were parenting your dad at such young age. Yeah. Because I was like, we can't keep living like this because she was so in and out of the program. But he wouldn't get a divorce yet. He was like, we're gonna try and make some money.

[Jenny Farley]

He's trying to make it work.

[Bonnie]

He was. But there was no relationship there. Like, it was just like. I remember one time when I was like 7, my son's age, and my mom, in the middle of the night, fell and broke her shin. And her shin bone was like, through her. It was very traumatizing because I remember it, but it was because her medication, she was too over medicated, and she slipped and fell. And I was like, dad, we have to, like, live for ourselves and we have to get her the help that she needs, because being home might not be the best case scenario. And it just wasn't. And that was just like the beginning of her health issues. I don't know if, you know, like, long term psych meds can cause so many other health issues.

[Jenny Farley]

Yes.

[Bonnie]

And, you know, but I will say this. She was the only mother I knew.

[Jenny Farley]

Right.

[Bonnie]

As in, since the beginning of time. That was. That was my mom. So I don't feel like I missed out on anything. Like, for instance, like a mother with dementia or Alzheimer's. Like, you knew your mom one way, and now, God forbid, you have to see your mother in a different light, and you're always reverting back to the mom that she once was. But that took a lot of soul seeking to see. But, you know, I only knew my mom one way. So, like, I'm like, that was just my mom. Some people have it better, some people have it worse. That was just my mom. So I'm okay with my. My. Just my story. Because I truly believe the way that my story went, as my childhood went, I ended up where I am now. Because if I was happy and content and have the beautiful white picket fence house growing up and both parents and the beautiful family that people have, I would never have wanted to move to New York City and find who I wanted to be. And I would have never ended up on the Jersey Shore.

[Jenny Farley]

Mm. I always say that. I always tell everybody, they're like, you know, God, you've been through so much trauma. Because my mom left me on a doorstep when I was three months old while my dad was in the hospital. So I never knew a nurturing mom ever. Yeah. And then I didn't find her again until, like, AOL when I was, like, 21. She popped up on my screen and was like, hey, I'M your mom. And I'm like, well, this is weird. So it started a whole weird thing. But, you know, I forgot where I was going with that. I had a point, I swear. But, you know, as far as, like, our moms go, do you think not having that mother figure in your life because I. I just want to know. Because I grew up severely, like, aggressive, almost like I was the parent, too. And I feel like not having that mother figure and that feminine energy made me pretty aggressive. Like, I was feisty.

[Bonnie]

I was raised as a boy. I say it all the time. My dad only knew one way to raise me, and it was martial arts, Four Wheeling Jet sk. Skiing, snowmobiling. I was raised a boy.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah.

[Bonnie]

There was no makeup in my house. Like, I remember little giants. Like, I was that girl.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah.

[Bonnie]

Like, why you have cherry red lipstick on, like, lip gloss? Like, that's not a thing. I was wearing, like, FUBU and Tommy Hilfiger and I was like a complete tomboy. And, like, you know, is that why.

[Jenny Farley]

You were such a fighter? Because on the show you came in guns a blazing and you were pretty?

[Bonnie]

Like, I think. I mean, I want to say it. I think. And I guess that would just be my personality. Like, that was just. There was no nonsense.

[Jenny Farley]

Right.

[Bonnie]

And as you know, single family home, there is no nonsense.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah.

[Bonnie]

Like, if you want dinner and your dad's working late, you had to provide yourself dinner. Like, especially in the 90s and you know, in the early 2000s, like, you were there to raise yourself. I think it's different in a mother, single household, because in a.

[Jenny Farley]

It's more nurturing, I would imagine. I would imagine if it was a normal. Yes, mother situation. Yes, yes.

[Bonnie]

Yeah, the assumptions there.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah. We're just at this point. Yeah. We're bonding right now over not having moms, healthy moms. So moving on from that, which, you know, shout out to your dad for stepping up to the plate, because back then, dads didn't do that. And some people get mad at me when I say that. They're like, yes, they did. My dad raised me too. And I. I'm like, do you know how rare that is? Especially back then in the 80s, like, for a single dad to raise girls.

[Bonnie]

Yeah.

[Jenny Farley]

It's wild girls. And that's why I treat Bill the way I do now, because I'm like, you know what? Back then you didn't have to do that, but you did. And like, yeah, you're my dad and technically you did have to do it, but you didn't have to do it, you know.

[Bonnie]

Can I ask you a question?

[Jenny Farley]

Sure.

[Bonnie]

Did you know your mother's diagnosis before you met her?

[Jenny Farley]

No. So when she came back into my state, my parents were like, kept everything hush, hush. I had a crazy stepmom who my dad married who was extremely abusive and I mean, it was just really bad. And they. I didn't get to see a picture of my real mom until I was 18 years old. And I had to fight for it. My dad had to. Was getting on a plane. I don't know if I've ever told the story. I might have. My dad was getting on a plane after coming to visit me because I had ran away from. I left home at 14 and never went back.

[Bonnie]

I've done those before.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah. Never got a dollar from my parents, nothing. Like, never looked back. And my dad had come out to visit me and, you know, just make sure I was okay or whatever. See where I was living. And he was getting on the plane. But because my stepmom was so overbearing, he couldn't let her know that he was doing this. So she walked on the plane before him and he turned around, reached in his pocket, hands me a Ziploc freezer bag full of pictures and just runs on the plane. So I'm left to go sit in my car and look at these pictures of my mom. And that was the first time I had ever gotten to see my mom. And so when she came back in my life on the AOL situation, she was trying to cause problems and, you know, she was telling her version of the truth. And my dad was just like, you cannot believe anything your mom says. She's a diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic.

[Bonnie]

Yeah.

[Jenny Farley]

And he's like. She told me she had six brothers and sisters. And when I met her mom, she was an only child, you know, so I was like, damn. So that sent me on her whole thing. I was like, God, am I going to inherit that? And like.

[Bonnie]

So that's what I was going to ask.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah.

[Bonnie]

The question was going to be like, if you knew her diagnosis, were you scared to get it?

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah.

[Bonnie]

And did that form. You're like. Because I know it happens in your early 20s. They say late teens, early 20s. Wow.

[Jenny Farley]

I thought, I thought it could, like happen at any time. Like if you go under tumor, much stress or with drugs. Yeah.

[Bonnie]

Things. But like there it mostly happens. If it's going to happen organic. Organically is what I heard is it will happen from like 18 to 24 or stress induced or drug induced. Certain drugs can Bring it out.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah.

[Bonnie]

So I had like mandatory therapy growing up because of it. Like the state required it or my dad just lied and was like you need to go therapy.

[Jenny Farley]

But oh, he cared so much about you. He was like, he wanted to get ahead of the problem if there ever was one.

[Bonnie]

Yeah. So but by doing that they informed me of these things I don't think that they should have.

[Jenny Farley]

Right. That health anxiety.

[Bonnie]

Yeah. So I like early 20s went full tilt thinking like if I'm going to have this, I'm going out like with a blaze.

[Jenny Farley]

Guns. A blaze.

[Bonnie]

Got like full blown. Bon Jovi, like because shout out to him. By the way, he lives local to here.

[Jenny Farley]

We love him. I just met him a couple weeks ago, his music, we music cares thing and I was so in awe cuz I grew up in the rock era. So Bon Jo was like a God with his little blue jean shorts and crop tops.

[Bonnie]

Yes. That was my first concert with my dad.

[Jenny Farley]

That's amazing. Oh my goodness.

[Bonnie]

He's iconic to me.

[Jenny Farley]

No, same.

[Bonnie]

I don't think he likes us cuz we're Jersey. But like shout out to him. I'm a super fan.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah, I love that.

[Bonnie]

But in the early, like my early 20s, I really thought for like a solid six months to a year that like I would end up like my mom. And I hated myself for that. And I like experimented with drugs and alcohol and partying and like not getting my together and like resented my father for like bringing me into this world that like I didn't choose and really like hated. I don't know, I just say I think I hated the world because then I also grew up in an affluent neighborhood in upstate New York where everyone is, you know, upper middle class and we didn't have that and we were considered poor. And I was just like, well like this, this sucks. My school is all blonde blue eyed cheerleaders that have like all the money in the world. To me that was a lot of money. It was probably you know, right low six figures. But to me that was like astronomical. Like so I developed this like resentment and like hatred for like the position I was put in. And it took until like how crazy.

[Jenny Farley]

How crazy to be that young and so kind of like aware of everything going on.

[Bonnie]

Aware. But it just, I don't know, I wish, I wish I could like hug my young self and be like it's going to be okay. You just got to go through it.

[Jenny Farley]

You can do that, you can visualize that and do that and it's so healing. I've done it a few times in therapy.

[Bonnie]

Here's a question I got for you.

[Jenny Farley]

Okay?

[Bonnie]

Were you popular in school?

[Jenny Farley]

So I don't know if I was popular because I never wanted to follow the crowd. So if you were a cheerleader, barf. I didn't want to have anything to do with it, you know, so. But I. I was a bully, and I used to fight everybody because I was getting beat up at home. So I fought on the bus all the time, or I fought with girls all the time. And, like, that was my outlet, was beating people up. So I don't know if I was cool, but people just didn't with me because I was always fighting. I was very aggressive. I was always very, you know, life of the party. And I hung out with the popular girls, but. And one of my best friends, Tasha. Shout out Tasha, she was a. She was like the cheerleader captain, but I was like her emo friend who, like, you know, was like a tomboy. I used to wear boxers rolled down and T shirts and tennis shoes to school. So I don't know. I don't know if I was popular. Yeah, I was just kind of always danced to the beat of my own drum and didn't care.

[Bonnie]

I only asked because I felt very mirrored with you. Like, this is giving me mirrored image right now. And I'm the same because of my upbringing and because of my position in life. I wasn't popular, but I wasn't bothered.

[Jenny Farley]

Right.

[Bonnie]

And nobody would try and bother me.

[Jenny Farley]

Right.

[Bonnie]

And I. I kind of migrated to, like, all the groups.

[Jenny Farley]

Same.

[Bonnie]

I had, like, a friend in each, but, like, to me, no friend at all. Like, because I was like, I'll fight for you, but, like, I guarantee nobody would have fought for me.

[Jenny Farley]

Right? Oh, same. That's. I've always been that friend who. And I'm always the fucking one who's the asshole, because I'll speak up first.

[Bonnie]

Same.

[Jenny Farley]

And I always get made to look like the villain, but I'm like, I don't care, you know, like, this. Somebody has to say it, so I'm gonna be the one to say it.

[Bonnie]

And I. I will say that life of me and that part of me definitely transitioned to the show, and I couldn't even hide it.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah.

[Bonnie]

So a lot of times people are like, what is wrong with her? Why is she quiet? Why is she this? Why is she that on the show? And I'm just like. I'm just trying to keep my mouth shut. And it's just like, it looks to be one thing, but it's just me trying to not be like, who I am.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah.

[Bonnie]

Which is the person that's ready to, like, snap your neck for doing to me the wrong thing.

[Jenny Farley]

My life motto was, don't start none, won't be none, always same.

[Bonnie]

But it's hard on a reality TV show because you don't know how it's going to be edited and you don't know how it's going to be perceived and you don't know if you're in the wrong because you're so in the moment.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah.

[Bonnie]

Because to me, it feels right. Right. And then I've seen it play back and I'm like, oh, I wasn't in the right. Like, I was. Or it wasn't being perceived that way because you only have one viewpoint rather than all eight.

[Jenny Farley]

Right.

[Bonnie]

And there were times I was like, oh, I wish I didn't do that.

[Jenny Farley]

What is your biggest lesson you think you've learned? Just being in the public eye for as long as you have. Good and bad for me, and this.

[Bonnie]

Might be good and bad for me. It wasn't like, selling myself. Like, I notice a lot of people that go on reality TV and they take that 15 minutes and they do things that I don't think they would normally do, or they would leave their significant others to try and, like, go to LA and be something that they're not. And I always stayed authentic to myself and. But I don't know if that helped my career or, like, made it so I didn't reach my full potential in the industry.

[Jenny Farley]

Right.

[Bonnie]

Because what if I did move to L. A? What if I did pursue the things that I wanted to do? What if I did date, you know, a football player, like they all do, or a basketball player? What if I did, like, pursue more PR and put myself out there and, you know, do the roles that I were offered, but because I'm so introverted and because I just like being me, I didn't pursue those things.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah.

[Bonnie]

And I always question, like, is that? Was that the best option for me?

[Jenny Farley]

Or you would have been just like them.

[Bonnie]

I think.

[Jenny Farley]

I think how you've gone on your journey has set yourself apart from everybody. And when people have so much access to you, it gets watered down. So the fact that you're almost 20 years in on your. In your public platform, and you're just now sitting down doing podcasts for yourself, like, that speaks volumes because normally people would have gone and capitalized off of what they could have, you know, and you're just kind of doing it on Your own time.

[Bonnie]

Yeah, I dig that. It's. And I don't even know why, like, right now, I couldn't even tell you.

[Jenny Farley]

It was just, like, just ready.

[Bonnie]

I am ready. But I am a fan. Like, I'm a huge fan of yours. I know. I'm like. I was just like, it's.

[Jenny Farley]

You're so sweet.

[Bonnie]

Your podcasts are so. And I was telling my fiance this earlier, warm and welcoming. And they're not for clickbait, and they're not about, like, taking someone down while bringing someone up. It's just, like, authentic. And I love you and your dad and your story with your. Your daughter, your bonus child, and your husband. And I'm like, you know, these. These are the people that if I was to do a podcast, which I normally wouldn't like, this is what I would want to do it with. Like, these are the people I want to be with when I do it.

[Jenny Farley]

I appreciate that. That is, like, such a sweet compliment. And it's hard for me to ever. I tell everybody, you got to take your flowers while you're here, but when people give it to me, I get, like, all sorts of squirmy, and I'm like, hey, want to make out? You know, like, I say something weird. But I appreciate that, and thank you so much, because I've really worked so hard on this podcast to kind of set myself apart from all the rest of them, because I've been doing this for so long, you know, and for you to be able to see what I'm trying to do just makes me so happy.

[Bonnie]

I see it, and I'm a fan.

[Jenny Farley]

I appreciate you. Let's circle back to your childhood. So you're growing up with dad, you are going to school, and then you get out of school and you go to college for graphic design.

[Bonnie]

Yeah. So we didn't have a lot of money growing up, but my dad loved taking me to Disney every few years. And when I was a teenager, I was. Got to go to Disney with my dad, which I'm still a huge fan of.

[Jenny Farley]

Don't you have a Disney sleeve?

[Bonnie]

Yes.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah.

[Bonnie]

And I wanted to be a Disney animator, so I started going to college for, like, software development and CGI and computer graphics and animation. And I'll just be honest, I was awful at it.

[Jenny Farley]

I can't draw a fucking stick figure.

[Bonnie]

So I can draw.

[Jenny Farley]

I admire people who can, but it.

[Bonnie]

Takes a different breed of person to do what animators do. I mean, you're in a room 60, 80, 100 hours a week. You know, Animating seaweed for a movie. So during college, when I was in New York City, I got it like this kind of like this little offer, like, do you want to be on a guido voting off show on VH1? I was like, sure. And this when I was like 22, 23. But fast forward, when I was gonna take my last year of college to graduate to do something, I had no idea what I was gonna do because again, even though I was going to college for it, I didn't think I had the ability to do. So it was do my final year or go on a show that was just recently bought by MTV, no longer VH1, and it was recasted as like a Real World. And they're like, do you want to do that again without knowing anything? Yeah, it was just, you're gonna show up in New Jersey and you'll either be on it or you won't. At 25 and looking back, like, 25, I couldn't even wipe my own ass. I don't know how we, like, send troops off at 18, because, like, even, like, raising children. 18 inch shit.

[Jenny Farley]

I try to tell everybody that, like, 21, 22, you're still babies. Babies and everybody. People get mad at me for saying that. They're like, they're old enough. They're adults.

[Bonnie]

They're.

[Jenny Farley]

They need to be held accountable. And I'm like. Because I'll have like, you know, youngins on the pot, youngins, you know, 21, 22 year olds on the podcast. And I'm like, you're just a baby. And people in the comments will be like, they're not babies. And I'm like, this is a baby. Like, I. You don't know what you're doing at 21. You're not doing what you're doing at 21 at 41.

[Bonnie]

That's for sure, 100%. And I see it all the time. And looking back, I'm like, you were a child and it was a blessing. And I. It was the best experience of my life. And it still is. But, like, I still think until you're 30, you were a child.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Bonnie]

You have to go through some hard shit to be like an adult in my eyes before the age of 25.

[Jenny Farley]

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[Bonnie]

N I e. I wouldn't say regret, but I would say I wish I was more prepared. But I don't believe any of us. Production, mtv, Viacom, the cast, any of us were prepared for what that show was going to be. And I will say this. I do regret going in. So closed off. So a lot of my roommates, like, had brothers and sisters. I'm an only child. They lived with people in college. They've had more experiences. I went in never living with another person besides my dad. Never having the shock value of, like, having roommates and sharing a bathroom.

[Jenny Farley]

The different personalities.

[Bonnie]

Different personalities. So it was so, like, when people are like, oh, you were quieter. You're this or that. I was just shut off.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah.

[Bonnie]

Like, it was a culture shock to me.

[Jenny Farley]

You take me as a type of person who reads energy too. Like, you may not even realize that you're doing it, but you're assessing the situation before you jump into it.

[Bonnie]

Yes. And that's just like, oh, she's. You know, the. The best parts were like, oh, she's high. Or she's. She's like, I get that all the time now. She's on Xanax and Episodes.

[Jenny Farley]

Or she's same.

[Bonnie]

I have, like, natural downer personality as it is. Like, if I did any of those things during the day, I would be drooling in a corner somewhere.

[Jenny Farley]

I can't. I could lick. I could smell his annex and I'll pass out.

[Bonnie]

It's just me being me. Like, I mean, if I'm not assessing the situation, I'm completely, like, zoned out. I'm literally thinking about, like, what I have to do in three days with my daughter. Daughter at cheerleading. Or, like, I am just completely desensitized and disassociated.

[Jenny Farley]

Disassociated. That's. That's a good word. But because of all the trauma that you went through as such a young girl, you probably do disassociate.

[Bonnie]

Oh, and I do that on the red carpets, too. So getting back to health.

[Jenny Farley]

So overwhelming. Yes.

[Bonnie]

So I have stage fright. So when all those photographers or all those people are, like, healing and, like, like, saying everything. I completely disassociate.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah.

[Bonnie]

Or I'll disassociate on the show when I know something's gonna happen that I'm, like, preparing for, and I'm just like, you know, here it comes. But, like, my facial expressions give. I guess I give Xanax or frozen Botox, which I need right now, by the way, very badly.

[Jenny Farley]

Your skin is beautiful, by the way. I've been checking it out this whole time. You don't have one flaw on your skin. It's amazing.

[Bonnie]

No surgery like everyone says. But I do do injections.

[Jenny Farley]

Like, I think it's because you have beautiful cheekbones. Any. Because I have cheekbones too. Anybody that has cheekbones, we get accused of having facial surgery.

[Bonnie]

Yeah.

[Jenny Farley]

And I get it. I understand. Because people have the buccal fat removal and, like, the cheek implants, but sometimes people just have natural cheeks.

[Bonnie]

Yeah. You know, and mine are more prominent when I'm thinner and my weight fluctuates. Like, day turns into night because I am either, like, an emotional leader or I just. Like, during COVID I probably gained, like, 25 pounds.

[Jenny Farley]

I think we all gained weight.

[Bonnie]

Yeah. But so everyone after that, it's like, oh, my God, she's changed so much. She looks so different. It's just like. No, I. I checked myself, because during COVID I'm sure it wasn't great for a lot of people, but, like, there was a lot of drinking and eating. It was very unnecessary in my household. I did not work out. I was drinking a bottle of wine a night, FaceTiming my girlfriends, and it caught up. But so I lost. I. I finally got my together, and I lost the weight. But everyone's like, you know, the surgery, and she's frozen, and she looks medicated. It's just like, no, I'm just. I'm 38, turning 39. I'm on a reality show now. I have children. Having children's a different ball game. Being on tv, I don't want to misrepresent my family. I don't ever want my children to look back at me and be like, how dare you? Because it's also a new age. 2009 is not 2024 in the way we live. What we said and did in 2009, you cannot do today. And even just as an older woman, I wouldn't do.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah.

[Bonnie]

And all that is flooding into me every time I film or every time I'm on the red carpet or every time I'm moving, and I just straight up disassociate and I'm just like, well, let's think about something else in my head.

[Jenny Farley]

Do you think you'll ever stop filming?

[Bonnie]

I hope not.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah.

[Bonnie]

I really hope not. I think our fans are growing up with us.

[Jenny Farley]

They've grown up with you and now you guys have a new generation that you guys are raising.

[Bonnie]

Those are funny.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah, those are funny.

[Bonnie]

First off, like, I'll go to the awards and I'll have like a 20 year old be like, I watched you and I'm like, did. Where was your mother? Your mom ain't my mom. Where was your mother?

[Jenny Farley]

Right.

[Bonnie]

Because you were not supposed to be watching me at 8 years old.

[Jenny Farley]

But that's what I mean when like you were at, you were that big sister or even possibly a mother figure to, you know, these kids that grew up watching you.

[Bonnie]

Yeah. It's. It is beautiful to see. And I always try and think of that. I'll always be myself, but I'll always have that kind of like in the back of my head doing television. Like, what would your daughter think of you in this moment? Yeah, but, but old teenage Jenny is always there. This is just my personality. And I'm sure with you, our personality is our personality. Our childhoods are what built us, created us and made us. The little bit of mandated therapy I didn't as a child is okay, but I am so pro advocate therapy. But I don't do therapy today.

[Jenny Farley]

Right.

[Bonnie]

I live with my demons and I like it. I live with my trauma. Yeah. I became friends with my demons. I became friends with my trauma. It's segueing into something that I want to try new in this world that I did during COVID because I think I can translate those demons and that trauma into art. Where if you can't do that, because I think I am just an artist because that was my dream as a child. To grow up and, you know, do Disney. Yeah. And become an animator. I want to, I want to change my trauma and I want to take my trauma and like just turn it into art in other ways. Whereas if I had someone come up to me tomorrow and was like, you know, my son has this or my daughter has this, or I'm experiencing this trauma, I would 100% advocate for therapy.

[Jenny Farley]

Right.

[Bonnie]

But for me personally, I, you know, I could just rant all the time, my trauma and I don't know, I would love to know your side too, of how you feel with that.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah. So I think focusing on you really quick, I think that you feel that way about therapy now because you were forced to do it as a child, too, possibly. I was forced to do it as a child. So when I was going through my super rebellious stage, I was like this. I'm not doing therapy, nothing. And then 2019, I got my implants taken out and I had a miscarriage, and it sent me into a spiral. And I'm telling you, the suicidal ideation was something I had never dealt with before. And when you talk about being like, you're becoming like your mom, that was my biggest fear in that moment. I was like, this is it. This is my breaking point. Like, this is. You know, I'm never going to be able to pull myself out of it. And, you know, that's when I got back into therapy, because I was like, I have to let this out somehow. I didn't have a creative outlet besides the podcast, you know, But I don't trauma dump on the podcast. I, like. I prefer other people to trauma dump. So I did get back into therapy, and I learned to fall in love with it because I learned to look at it as a way of kind of psychoanalyzing myself and figuring out what I needed to do to heal. That doesn't mean.

[Bonnie]

That's beautiful.

[Jenny Farley]

That doesn't mean that that has to be your story. I think turning trauma into art is an amazing, you know, analogy, and I think that that's beautiful also.

[Bonnie]

That's. No, that's beautiful, too. Like, I. I'm so sorry, though. May I ask why you got your implants removed?

[Jenny Farley]

Sure.

[Bonnie]

Only because I recently had to get mine redone.

[Jenny Farley]

Wow.

[Bonnie]

Wow.

[Jenny Farley]

Okay.

[Bonnie]

Yeah.

[Jenny Farley]

So I was going through. I was having, like, these, like, I have severe anxiety, and I was. I had just got out of an abusive relationship when Jay and I met in 2016, so I'd never healed from that. And I had to heal. During the beginning of our relationship with. With my husband, I was having these panic attacks. I couldn't, like, go to the concerts because it looked like I was on acid. Like, the room would, like, start melting. I couldn't see people's faces. Like, it was really bad. And I had also recently got sober. I got sober in 2017 off of Xanax and Lora Tabs. And then I got so. And cocaine. And then I got sober off alcohol in 2018. Thank you so much. So I think a whole. It was just a whole smorgasbord of never going my whole life feeling anything because I was always numbing to where. When I was just like, I've got to figure out what's going on with my Body. And then also my left boob was, like, swelling so high, and, like, it was just like you couldn't touch it, and you could feel, like something in here. Like it was crazy. So it was just, like, a bunch of things. And I was like, you know what? I'm gonna get my implants out. Maybe that'll help my mental health as well as get the swelling to go down. And so I got my. I didn't have bii. I did have symptoms of bii, but I don't. Breast implant illness. Yeah. But I don't know if I can claim that I had breast implant illness, because I know.

[Bonnie]

No cap. Capsular contraction.

[Jenny Farley]

Some women battle that. So they went in and they did the surgery. My implant folded in half, and scar tissue started growing around it. So that was why my left implant started getting so big. I had no idea a implant could fold in half.

[Bonnie]

And Frankie can back me on this. My producer in July, I had the same thing.

[Jenny Farley]

No way.

[Bonnie]

That's why my jaw drop. My left boob. I box. And I tore my muscle, and my implant folded, and I had a capsular contracture. And my implant tried to go through my shoulder.

[Jenny Farley]

Oh, my God.

[Bonnie]

Through the tear. It tore, and I had to have, like, an emergency removal.

[Jenny Farley]

Oh, my God.

[Bonnie]

Yeah.

[Jenny Farley]

I just got goosebumps.

[Bonnie]

Yeah. And didn't think. Never knew that was a thing. Had them for 10 years. Not an issue. Not one day. And it just tore them where it tore. The scar tissue developed because it's realizing it's a foreign object.

[Jenny Farley]

Right.

[Bonnie]

And it's trying to push it out. And I had to go on an emergency surgery. And I'm only laughing because I was like, oh, my God. Someone else experience.

[Jenny Farley]

That's wild. You're the only other person. Anybody else I've told that to. They're like, how did it fold in half? I'm like, I have no fucking clue. Do we know how yours folded in half?

[Bonnie]

Like, the. When I tore, my muscle was swollen, and it just, like, kind of, like, curved it over. Yeah. And it just started, like, manipulate. But my arm went numb. Like, I was, like, tingly. It felt like I thought I was having a stroke. Like, tingly. My arm. My fingers were going numb. I couldn't lift my arm over my head, and it just looked, like, high and.

[Jenny Farley]

Were you in pain, too?

[Bonnie]

So much pain.

[Jenny Farley]

Oh.

[Bonnie]

And then I started getting bigger. Yeah. So it. It technically wasn't bigger. It was. Was longer.

[Jenny Farley]

Oh, God.

[Bonnie]

Because it was like. It was.

[Jenny Farley]

It was trying to squeeze out.

[Bonnie]

So my plastic surgeon said I that was the first time I did shoulder surgery. He found part of my implant in my shoulder.

[Jenny Farley]

Oh, my gosh. Do you have saline or silicone?

[Bonnie]

Silicone.

[Jenny Farley]

Oh, my gosh. That's scary.

[Bonnie]

I was, like, dying for pictures and videos. He did not take any. I was so mad because I was like, I want to see. So he had to go in and pull the implant from, like, inside the pit shoulder.

[Jenny Farley]

Oh, my gosh.

[Bonnie]

You couldn't see it up here, but, like, in pictures, I'm like, oh, my. Like, I didn't realize how high it was.

[Jenny Farley]

Oh, my God.

[Bonnie]

But the pain. The pain is, like, out of this world.

[Jenny Farley]

Wow.

[Bonnie]

As you know.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah.

[Bonnie]

And so are they gone? Gone?

[Jenny Farley]

They're gone. Gone. These are mine.

[Bonnie]

Good for you.

[Jenny Farley]

Thank you. I mean, listen, I tell everybody if I'm feeling froggy when I'm 60 and want to get these old, saggy, runny eggs fucking up here, I might get some implants when I'm all, you know, two feet in the grave. But right now, I'm just, you know, I. I think that aesthetic that I had, I was, you know, the super big boobs and just super bleached hair. It's like. I think as you get older, you try to go, like, more of a natural route. And I love fake boobs. I. The way they sit, the way they look. Love them. But I just. My body just rejected them.

[Bonnie]

Same. And I. I said to him this last time, I said, if it happens again, because now I have this, like, pocket from the muscle tear that if my body rejects. So this is what happens when you have something like this. And I love to share this, because people don't realize BII or things that can go wrong or capsular contracture or things of this nature and how plastic surgery. And this is why I'm not. I'm an advocate for plastic surgery, but I'm always like, you have to know A to Z when it comes to plastic surgery. So because of this situation and because my body decided to reject my implant later in life, I had to get. Thank God. Not option A, but I will explain option A. I had to get a human donor mesh to wrap around my implant so my body wouldn't reject it again.

[Jenny Farley]

Oh, my gosh.

[Bonnie]

So this is like, my last chance.

[Jenny Farley]

What is that made out of?

[Bonnie]

God forbid. I'm assuming an accident where someone donated their. Their. I don't know.

[Jenny Farley]

What is it? Is it like a. Is it skin?

[Bonnie]

I wish I could tell you. It's a mess.

[Jenny Farley]

We'll have to Google that. Can you guys Google that.

[Bonnie]

So the other option, which was a. Which really kind of upset me because I don't eat pork. I haven't in over a decade. Was pig skin.

[Jenny Farley]

Oh.

[Bonnie]

So going into this emergency surgery, I thought I was gonna have to have pig skin wrapped around it. And it's just a way so your body doesn't reject the implant. It doesn't look like it as a foreign object.

[Jenny Farley]

Right.

[Bonnie]

So they. So I'm assuming it might be human skin is the option. Secondary option. But thankfully, he was able to get that instead of pig. Cause I was like, the irony here, of course, I don't eat pig for 10 years, and. And now I'm gonna have it inside of me.

[Jenny Farley]

Is it a personal choice or religious choice for the pig?

[Bonnie]

Personal. I fell in love with pigs.

[Jenny Farley]

Oh.

[Bonnie]

And I wanted. I don't know. I love animals more than humans.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah, me too.

[Bonnie]

And when I fell in love with pigs, I look at them different now. Yeah, it's fat.

[Jenny Farley]

Okay.

[Bonnie]

Weird.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah, that is weird. Because you would think fat would disintegrate.

[Bonnie]

Donor fat. That is so. Yeah. So it's just so, like, wherever they cut you open to put the implant, they mesh it so your body. There's a barrier between your body and the implant for rejection purposes.

[Jenny Farley]

That is wild. When they pulled. So they. He gave me my implants after he pulled them out there.

[Bonnie]

I'm mad at my doctor.

[Jenny Farley]

There's shit floating around in them.

[Bonnie]

Yeah.

[Jenny Farley]

I did a TikTok on it. There is literally, like, you can hold it up and see. And I had saline. I didn't do silicone, but you can see just floating around in the bag.

[Bonnie]

Oh, my God. So it penetrated inside the bag.

[Jenny Farley]

I don't know. I don't know what it is. I don't know what's in there, but it is gross. I was just like, golly, this is. And if some. And again, it's saline. It's not silicone. So, you know, if that. If something can creep into a saline valve. That's a little scary.

[Bonnie]

That is. Yeah. So. But you're away. I. I reduce mine, but if this happens again, I'm taking them out.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah.

[Bonnie]

I love some flapjack titties.

[Jenny Farley]

I don't know. The body is so resilient. I thought I was gonna have flapjacks. The body is so resilient that your boobs fluff back up. Oh, it's wild. They fluff back up. So I have, like, little perky, and I. I did a tiny lift with a micro surgeon. So I don't have really Bad scarring. As long as you have a microsurgeon do your lift. It's. Yeah, it's. They look really good.

[Bonnie]

I did a lift because I went from a G to a C and I. I have to be like, I'm so happy because I barely see them and it's only. Hasn't been long.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah.

[Bonnie]

So when I think when I can get like a laser or something or like a scar reduction, I think they'll be gone.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Bonnie]

My praying, though, to the gods that it doesn't happen again.

[Jenny Farley]

No, it won't. And we won't speak that in your life. But my friend does scar tattooing in Vegas if you ever want to go to him and he can get rid of any scars that you have.

[Bonnie]

Oh, yeah.

[Jenny Farley]

It's amazing. They do flesh colored.

[Bonnie]

Yeah.

[Jenny Farley]

Tones. So tell me about your relationship with Nicole. How did you guys become best friends? And are you guys really best friends in real life?

[Bonnie]

Yes, I will say. I mean, I spoke to her all this morning. I can't even say how it happened. And maybe she needed an older sister because she's an only child and I needed a younger sister because I'm an only child. And we just, our personalities are so different that it just worked. She's just so sweet and innocent and pure and tiny.

[Jenny Farley]

Snooki is sweet and innocent.

[Bonnie]

She really is. She is day to day. And I look up to her even though she's literally a foot shorter than me, because she's, she's just this, like, she, she doesn't like confrontation, where I'll take confrontation head on. And that's where her sweetness comes from. Like, she doesn't want to fight. She's. She just wants to have a good time. She just wants to party. And. And like, here's the best example. And she'll probably be like, why'd you talk about this? But like six months ago at her summer house, she invited me off camera. This girl has ride or die high schooler friends. A dozen of them. I can't say that about me. I have like one or two. But because I moved to New York City and went to college and separated from everyone because I needed to escape my childhood, I don't have that. And she took me into her circle of friends and her best friend since high school and me started crying over how much we love this girl and how much we love protecting her. So her best friend Steph was worried that I was going to take the position, and I always thought I was worried that I was overstepping. Steph but her best friend since like 3 years old was like, I'm so happy she has you in this life to protect her in this industry where I can't. And I was just sobbing and I was like, thank you so much for allowing me into her life. But we just being completely different people, we just work. And that might just be the reason why we're so close. And we talk a hundred times a day and we're our kids godparents. And, you know, her firstborn is my godchild and I love him. Like, I just love her kids unconditionally. And my daughter knows that that's her aunt. And my daughter knows, like, Sissy is her cousin and they talk every day. But I look up to her in the sense that she is one of the most amazing parents. She took the world by storm by getting pregnant early on to the point where, like, Dr. Drew was like, dyfus should be called on you if we find out you're drinking. Like, really, like, the world was not ready for Snooki to be pregnant.

[Jenny Farley]

Right.

[Bonnie]

But by doing by. But by choosing to have Lorenzo and saying, this is going to be my life. Nicole immersed, and she's fucking incredible. I look up to her for business advice. She owns all these beautiful stores. Mother advice. Like, she. She can take on any task and own it. And she's still snucky.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah.

[Bonnie]

She still wants to party and have a good time. I would be fucking exhausted in bed by 2pm like, she's still like, let's rage and we're going out till 6am I could never.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah.

[Bonnie]

And that's where my personality is. Like, bring it back.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah.

[Bonnie]

I'm gonna reel you in.

[Jenny Farley]

You might be the calm to her chaos.

[Bonnie]

I think so. And I think when we're filming, we need that. We need each other. Like, there is not like, I. I could use you. No, it's. It's really like, I need you. And we're so ride or die. I don't care who's wrong, who's right. Like, she is. Like, I'm gonna be in a nursing home with her.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah.

[Bonnie]

Next to my mother.

[Jenny Farley]

You guys are each other's emotional support humans.

[Bonnie]

We are. And I'm so thankful for her because I don't think if any other scenario would have came into play or our paths would have crossed in any other light, we would be who we are together. It took being on the show together to make us bond in the way that we do. But I. She's my favorite, favorite little person. Just my little, like, tiny little Nugget. She is. She's my little nugget. My little squirrel, I call her.

[Jenny Farley]

I love that last question about Jersey store. And then I want to move on to your kids. How do you feel about Sam being back?

[Bonnie]

That one was emotional.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah.

[Bonnie]

Because, and I hope she agrees, we were super close before Jersey Shore family vacation came back. We weren't really that close during the first six seasons of Jersey Shore. But after that I thought we were really close and it hurt so much when she didn't come back. But again, this was me being young, not seeing it through her lens, not seeing it through her eyes with her ex because I don't think I would ever go back on a show where my ex was. And I got bitter and I got bitter to the point where I was like hating on her because I was like why do you hate us so much? You won't come back to us. But now her being back is such a blessing and it's like we haven't skipped a beat and she's added to like group chat. We speak almost every day. And it's, it's the Sam I've always wanted that I was never able to experience on a show because her and I, and I don't know why because I wouldn't say we had the same personality traits. Her and I could never click the way that I always wanted to click with her in the original Jersey Shore.

[Jenny Farley]

Right.

[Bonnie]

And we just developed that relationship before family vacation and then it was like stripped. But now we have the relationship I've always wanted with her. And I'm not. And I'll be honest, I'm not a girl's girl.

[Jenny Farley]

Right. You gotta fooled me. I think you are more of a girls girl than you give yourself credit for.

[Bonnie]

Authentic girls.

[Jenny Farley]

Right.

[Bonnie]

And it's very hard, especially being on tv to find someone that authentically wants to be my friend.

[Jenny Farley]

Right.

[Bonnie]

I think it's easier for like maybe guys or I just end up like gravitating towards guys because there's no drama.

[Jenny Farley]

Right.

[Bonnie]

But to be an authentic friend is so hard. Especially like a woman trying to find another woman that I agree.

[Jenny Farley]

And I have my tribe and I'm obsessed with that. I agree with you. Finding an authentic girl gang is really hard. But it's like once you find those people, they are literally family.

[Bonnie]

You can't let them go at all.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah, it's, it's amazing.

[Bonnie]

And I have one and I say one friend from when I was in my single digit years old that I will never let go to like the Day I die like, she is my ride or die. And I found a few along the way. But to say that I have girlfriends on a show that I've been with for 15 years, that I could call tomorrow or right now and say, I need your help. I know these girls would pick up.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah.

[Bonnie]

Nicole especially.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah.

[Bonnie]

She'd be like, what the fuck you do?

[Jenny Farley]

But she'd pick up, why did you do it?

[Bonnie]

Yeah. And. And that's. That's the most special part of the show. But I will also say that might actually be our downfall of the show, not our relationship, because there's not enough drama. Because we protect each other more than I think any other show. And the boys too.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah.

[Bonnie]

There's something about us that drives our producers nuts, that we will literally side text each other like, is this okay?

[Jenny Farley]

Aw.

[Bonnie]

Or am I okay?

[Jenny Farley]

But you guys have learned that through the years because honestly, and you know, this is not me disrespecting Jersey Shore in any way, but you guys have been through some trauma and on this show, you know, so now you guys actually have personal boundaries that you guys don't want to cross with each other. And you'll see there's families involved now.

[Bonnie]

100. And you'll see that with Sam, with this new season that's airing, Sam is going to meet Ron soon. And it's been a decade and, oh, I got chills. And from the girls perspective, we were riding and dying for Sam. As much as we love Ron, I told Sam in this show and I don't know if it's gonna air or not, we don't get to see it ahead of time. I need to be a girl's girl for you. Because ever since the note, I wasn't so. And even though I didn't know what was going on in the note and I only took information I heard and I wanted to send it to you anonymously. It's whatever. Cause again, a 25 year child and you don't know how to handle things. But.

[Jenny Farley]

But in the note, you were warning her about him, weren't you?

[Bonnie]

Yes.

[Jenny Farley]

And that was kind of a girl's girl move.

[Bonnie]

It was, it was being diplomatic because what I was warning her about, a lot of people don't realize Nicole and I never witnessed.

[Jenny Farley]

Right.

[Bonnie]

So we were just being told that information.

[Jenny Farley]

Gotcha.

[Bonnie]

And we can move on from it. And it's like it's, you know, it's buried. But like we were kind of like being like, well, if it's not true, nobody's hurt. If it is True. Then the information is no.

[Jenny Farley]

Right.

[Bonnie]

But this season that's airing, I am like, I need to be your girl. I need to have your back. And whatever you don't feel comfortable with, like, I'm gonna have your back.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah.

[Bonnie]

And I can't wait for the viewers to see how it plays out because even though I don't know, I was there and I don't ever want her to leave and I don't ever want her to feel like she's not in a safe place. So that is where I say, I do love girls and I am a girls girl. But it's to a very few.

[Jenny Farley]

I think you get to a space in life, though, where we aren't who we were in our 20s. And as you get older, you realize that you want that feminine energy around you. Like, even if you hung out with nothing but dudes your whole life, there comes a point in your life where you just want the softness.

[Bonnie]

Yeah.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah. I couldn't agree.

[Bonnie]

And it's beautiful. If it's the right group that you have, it can it's. And you want to ride or die for them.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah, absolutely. Well, I think they're lucky to have you on their side. So let's move on to the babies. I read somewhere that you actually, around the time of your grandma's passing, that you had a miscarriage yourself.

[Bonnie]

Yeah, I actually think it was within like 48 hours.

[Jenny Farley]

Oh, my goodness.

[Bonnie]

Yeah. I flew to LA that for my book. I didn't even expect. I didn't know what I wanted to do. I just thought I was in the heightened part of my life and having a kid. I was just like. It was all such. I was shocked. But I went to my doctor and I realized there was no more heartbeat. And then I had to live with that trauma.

[Jenny Farley]

So you knew you were pregnant?

[Bonnie]

Yes.

[Jenny Farley]

Okay. So you knew you were pregnant early.

[Bonnie]

On before, like the 12 week mark.

[Jenny Farley]

Gotcha. So it wasn't like a surprise miscarriage? It was. I mean, it was a surprise. But you knew you were pregnant.

[Bonnie]

I knew, but I knew something was wrong. I don't know if when it happened with you, it just. You. I just didn't feel something was wrong.

[Jenny Farley]

Oh, yeah. And then us as women, we just know our bodies.

[Bonnie]

Yeah. And I had to like pick myself off the floor. It was like. It was such a. Awful. I'll never forget the feeling. I don't remember the moment. I remember the feeling of just being like, I have to go to a book signing and I had to pick myself off the floor and Then I get. Had like three book signings or something in, like, LA County. I was at my third one and I get the call and it was like 10 or 11pm Our time, which is like 2am East Coast. And it was my dad. And I just knew. I didn't even have to, like, answer. I just knew. And when I tell you the. From what happened with the baby, which seems so insignificant to my grandmother, it was just game over for me. Like, I was just a shell, true shell of a human being. That was rough. And we had to go film, like, a month later, Italy.

[Jenny Farley]

Oh.

[Bonnie]

Which was, you know. And when you film there at that time, no cell phone, no Internet, no tv, no anything. Pens, papers, nothing. You're just. You're just in it. And I think Italy, because I couldn't, like, escape or numb myself. I had to, like, deal with those demons. And I was just. I was probably a hundred. I'm 140 pounds walking. Like, this is my weight. I was probably 120 pounds in Italy. I didn't want to eat. I don't want to sleep. I was. At that point, I was like, you know, can I take drugs to. To end my life? Like, the suicidal thoughts come into place because, like, pain sucks. Yeah, pain is terrible. Grieving is. Yeah, grief is just like, debilitating. And then I have cameras in your face. They didn't even know. They knew, but they didn't know the extent. They didn't know about my mom. They didn't know that, you know, my grandmother is the one that raised me. Like, they didn't. They didn't know. So it's like production couldn't even step in to help because I was. I was just a shell. Like, I wanted the hate. Like, I wanted to feel like the piece of that. I was. Like, I didn't want to feel better or to grieve or to go get therapy, which I really should have at that time. It was. I didn't even think it was an option for me. Like, to me, there was no options besides, like, you are just that, you know, just this is how you're supposed to feel. And I wanted to numb it all. It was. It was pretty trying.

[Jenny Farley]

I don't know how you. Even us as women are so resilient when it comes to our emotions because to film while you're having suicidal ideation is. I couldn't even imagine. I know I was in a room, a dark room. And I remember Jay came in and he just held me one time because I drove myself to the hospital because I. And I had called my mom on the way there and I was like, I am having these thoughts of where I just don't want to be here anymore and it's scaring me. So I'm taking myself to the hospital and she likes calm me down. I couldn't imagine having to go and film in another country at that too, while going through that.

[Bonnie]

Yeah. And so the miscarriage, I didn't even have to speak on that because my grandmother died. So I was just like, you know, And I actually spoke about this on Jersey Shore family vacation when we came back because Mike was just recently sober and clean and I was experienced. I was explaining to him my experience with drugs because I've dabbled. I've always been like the partier and stuff. But at that point, right before Italy, I tried speedballing.

[Jenny Farley]

Oh.

[Bonnie]

To roll the dice. So it wasn't like an intentional, but I was like, we're gonna roll the dice.

[Jenny Farley]

When you say speedball, what was.

[Bonnie]

Was. I'm pretty sure it was Xanax and cocaine.

[Jenny Farley]

Okay, gotcha.

[Bonnie]

Like a, a lower and an upper at this. Like at the same time.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah.

[Bonnie]

Is that considered? Is that considered?

[Jenny Farley]

I think speedballs are heroin and meth. So that's why I wanted to clarify. I wanted to clarify that I could be wrong.

[Bonnie]

2012 version or 11 version? No, it was a downer and an upper.

[Jenny Farley]

Gotcha.

[Bonnie]

It was my first script of Xanax because they were giving it to me to get through the, the funeral. And it was like. It was just a band aid. Right.

[Jenny Farley]

I love the way Xanax makes me feel. You just forget everything.

[Bonnie]

It was. And it was only one script. And then I'm a natural downer. So when I took it, I was like falling asleep. But I partied early 20s. So then I was like, drink on.

[Jenny Farley]

It and it's drink.

[Bonnie]

And so I was like, well, I want cocaine now to keep me up. And then I was just like, well, I don't care about my life, so let me add alcohol. And then I would be like too high. So then I would be like, let me go back down. And it was short lived. It was a couple weeks of my life. But I literally, in those few weeks before filming, and thank goodness that I was able to go filming because it probably saved my life because you can't access those things in Italy.

[Jenny Farley]

Right.

[Bonnie]

And then I dropped all that weight so quickly because I was just trying to numb myself to the point where I was like, I'm okay if I don't wake up tomorrow. Like I'm. I'm okay. And I think Italy, on one aspect, as bad as it was, it probably did save me, because the thing with Italy is we rolled right into New Jersey without going home. So this was like 70 days of being away from friends and family. It was like 30 something in Italy, 30 something in Jersey. We touched down at JFK, we went right into a hotel, we took our Italy clothes and went right into New Jersey.

[Jenny Farley]

Geez, that is grueling.

[Bonnie]

It is. And it's not like what we would normally do, but we wanted to keep this momentum going. And it was. You know, it was production. But that honestly probably saved my life because it forced me not to deal with everything, but at least forced me to not get worse.

[Jenny Farley]

Right.

[Bonnie]

I wasn't able to access anything. I wasn't able to be my own demise. You know, even though we were partying and drinking and hanging out and doing things like there were no drugs on the table, and you had the group.

[Jenny Farley]

Around you, too, so that probably helps.

[Bonnie]

Yeah.

[Jenny Farley]

In the healing process. And it's weird, like, indirectly.

[Bonnie]

Yeah. Filming it takes you out of your reality. Even though it is reality. It's. It's not.

[Jenny Farley]

Right.

[Bonnie]

So you feel like, this level of busyness, and you're like, well, I'll do this. I'll do that. Where I grieved when season five was over, but I grieved in, like, a healthier way because time passed, right. And I was really able to digest her death and, like, what happened in February and, like, how everything transpired.

[Jenny Farley]

That's amazing, though.

[Bonnie]

And actually, it was yesterday, the anniversary. Oh, yeah.

[Jenny Farley]

Goodness.

[Bonnie]

It just came up on the memories because it was a week before my birthday.

[Jenny Farley]

Wow.

[Bonnie]

Yeah.

[Jenny Farley]

Oh, my goodness. That's wild. Isn't it crazy how life comes, like, full circle? Yeah, it's wild.

[Bonnie]

Yeah.

[Jenny Farley]

Let's talk about a happier subject.

[Bonnie]

Okay.

[Jenny Farley]

Let's talk about your little feisty spitfire, your daughter.

[Bonnie]

Yes, my one and only.

[Jenny Farley]

Lipo used to be a bad word. But we're also supposed to act like we love every parts of our bodies. It's bs. You guys know on my podcast, I talk openly about surgeries I've had, and I have had lipo myself. I think as women, we're so hard on our bodies. And if something makes you feel good, do it. It's your body, your choice. Don't listen to the outside world. If you want to do something that makes you feel beautiful, do it. Getting your body back is so hard, though. I get it. That's why I want you guys to check out Sono Bello Our friends at Sono Bello are offering you their best deal. You're now included in their winter savings event, but appointments are limited, so please get on this Girls or guys? Sono Bella Doctors are masters in micro laser fat removal, a brilliant technique that removes stubborn fat permanently wherever your problem areas, tummy, love handles, thighs or arms. It's gone in one comfortable visit. Eating healthy and workouts are great. Keep doing that. But if you want to lose that stubborn fat in one visit, check out Sono Bello Save Big during their winter savings event. Schedule your free consultation now at sonobello.com/bunny b u n n I e that's sono b e l l o dot com bunny think about some of the most successful brands out there, like Aloe Yoga, Allbirds or Skims. Of course, you instantly think of their standout products, their innovation, branding, and the marketing strategies that make them so popular. But what's often overlooked is the crucial engine behind these brands, the businesses behind the business. What truly drives their success is isn't just the product itself. It's the seamless systems, tools and infrastructure that makes selling easier and more efficient. Take Shopify, for example. It's the invisible backbone for millions of businesses helping entrepreneurs and established brands alike streamline their operations, handle payments, manage inventory, and deliver exceptional customer service experiences. Without this kind of business infrastructure, these brands wouldn't be able to scale as rapidly or deliver the ease of shopping that consumers expect today. It's not just about the product, it's about the experience that makes it possible to sell effectively and successfully. Nobody does selling better than Shopify, home of the number one checkout on the planet and the not so secret secret with shop pay that boosts conversions up to 50%, meaning way less carts going abandoned and way more sales going. So if you're into growing your business, your commerce platform better be ready to sell wherever your customers are scrolling or strolling on the web, in your store, in their feed, and everywhere in between. Businesses that sell more sell on Shopify, upgrade your business and get the same checkout that I use on my merch site. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.com bunny bu n n I e all lowercase go to shopify.com bunny b u n n I e to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.com/bunny my one and only.

[Bonnie]

My princess. Yeah, I always say I can have a thousand Grayson's and it's just because there's something about just to me having my one Princess that I just want to put my all into. And she truly is spitfire. She's a mini version of me, but she will also call me out of my shit. She's not damaged like I was growing up, so she has a beautiful perspective in life. Watching the Barbie movie really put in perspective for me, because as I'm crying over the trauma that the Barbie movie shows you, she's laughing at all, like, the funny mannerisms and, like, quirky things, and I'm just. Like, that right there. Put in perspective that I'm raising her right where she doesn't understand anything. She doesn't understand America Ferreira's, like, speech and what's it like to be a woman yet? And, like, the demise of, like, you know, how. How beautiful it is to be a woman, but also how it can be your demise. Like, there's, like. There's a ceiling when it comes to women.

[Jenny Farley]

Sometimes society builds you up to tear you down.

[Bonnie]

Yeah.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah.

[Bonnie]

And. But she, like, so for Grayson, a thousand Graysons I can do. But, like, for me, like, she's my. She's my princess. She is my. She's just everything to me.

[Jenny Farley]

You had said something in that interview, the one that I had referenced earlier in the Vial Files podcast. You had said that, you know, you. And I thought this was. It almost made me cry. Like, I literally. I was making dinner listening to it, and I started, like, tearing up. But you said I realized there was. I had to love her differently. I don't know how, if I'm wording it correctly, but you said I learned that I had to love her differently. Like, you couldn't fight fire with fire with your daughter. And you said that you would go in there, and when she's having one of her, you know, fits, you'll hug her, or even afterwards, you guys take space, and then you come back in and you hug her, and you won't let go until she. She lets go.

[Bonnie]

Yeah.

[Jenny Farley]

And I was like, oh, that just, like, the mother wound in me.

[Bonnie]

Yeah.

[Jenny Farley]

Mother trauma wound. I was like, oh, that is so deep.

[Bonnie]

I did that last night, actually. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[Jenny Farley]

She.

[Bonnie]

You know, and I always say, like, nature versus nurture, right? Because she didn't have the child that I have. She has two great parents, and she has a great stepfather, and, like, she has the world at her fingertips. Like, she is not poor with a single parent, and by no means, she has everything. And she has my personality, that fire, that anger that I'm not gonna back down. And I'm like, is this a genetic thing? Like, Is this nature, or is it, like, I always thought it was how I was raised. But to me, she's me as a child. But, like, I was raised by my dad. I always say that, like, grandpa raised me. You have no right. You have a mom. Like, as a joke. But, like, she will come at me 10 times, far, like, harder than I will come at her. And I knew the day that, like, she swore at four and I had to do the dawn, and she spit it out, and she's like, try harder next time. At 4 or 4 or 5, because I just moved into the new house, and it's been five years, I knew that I had a different breed of child on my hands, and it was magnificent to see. I was like, well, can you just at least listen to me? Because I'm like, you're gonna take the world by storm. You're never gonna back down. But I knew disciplining was not gonna be the discipline that I grew up with.

[Jenny Farley]

Right.

[Bonnie]

And even though I don't believe in spanking or corporal punishment or all these type of tactics, that's what I grew up to, and that's what I knew as discipline. So discipline in my house, I wouldn't even say it's discipline. I just think it's. It's just like changing lanes.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah, it's.

[Bonnie]

You can have your feelings, but there needs to be a level of respect. And if you're feeling angry, there are words that we can't say during that anger. And if you need to swear, you go to the bathroom and you swear. Or if you need to, like, get it out, there needs to be other ways, because I'm sure with you that corporal punishment didn't work for you either. Didn't work for you.

[Jenny Farley]

More rebellious.

[Bonnie]

Exactly.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah.

[Bonnie]

So I knew going into parenting, and I didn't know that I would have two such extreme children that I had to learn and grow with them. And that was really. This has been one of the most challenging parts of parenting, and they don't make a book on this. They don't teach you. You know, they teach you A, B, and C. They don't teach you the nitty gritty of, like, this child, you know, my son, if I, like, I'm gonna spank you. Oh, I'm out. I'm done. He's good. Like, I never spank them, but if I say, like, grayson, do you really want me to spank you? Oh, Mom, I'm straightening up. I'm gonna. If I said that to my daughter.

[Jenny Farley]

She'Ll be like, bring it On.

[Bonnie]

Yeah. She will snap her neck and be like, try it. She'd be like, wait till I'm your size.

[Jenny Farley]

No.

[Bonnie]

Oh, she's. She's. But it's. It's. To me, it's glorious. Because I also know that she does not go around speaking like that in public.

[Jenny Farley]

Right.

[Bonnie]

I know that I'm her safe place.

[Jenny Farley]

Right.

[Bonnie]

Where she feels confident that she can speak her truth to me.

[Jenny Farley]

Right.

[Bonnie]

She is like, I can tell you everything and more because I feel safe around you.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah.

[Bonnie]

Because I'll see her out and she'll mind her people P's and Q's. She'll be perfect. She'll be genuine. She'll be pure. And then the moment we get in the car, she's like, oh, my God. And she'll just go on a rant. And I'm like, oh, you held that in. Like, you're good. But like, she. So she can already. She knows the difference already. And she also knows, like, I am. I'm the one she will go the hardest with because she knows I'm the one she can count on the most. Most. And she can do that with. And I. And she. I mother her the way that I wished I was mothered growing up. So I'm like, I want you to feel safe.

[Jenny Farley]

I was.

[Bonnie]

I never felt safe growing up in that. In that way. And I love my dad and I cherish him and I will take care of him, Terry, to the end of days.

[Jenny Farley]

We love you, Terry.

[Bonnie]

Yeah. But like, it was just a different time. And my dad couldn't afford emotions.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah.

[Bonnie]

He just couldn't. He could afford to put a roof over our head. He could afford to the ramen noodles on the weekdays and he could afford the tweety bird clothing. But outside of that, like, or the bi yearly Disney trips that were like, off campus. But he couldn't afford emotions. Emotions were just not allowed because he was raising a girl. Yeah. So I allow all the emotions in my house. I allow all the conversations, all the yelling, all the screaming. I allow everything she needs. So she can then be like, all right, where's my hug? And then she kisses my forehead and she's like, good night. Thank you. So I allow her to go to bed with peace of mind. There's no anger.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah.

[Bonnie]

And I always have the conversations. And I'm learning a lot of this on Tick Tock.

[Jenny Farley]

And this is why I love Phenomenal.

[Bonnie]

It is. I'm not a tick Tocker, but I watch. Yeah.

[Jenny Farley]

It's a wealth of information.

[Bonnie]

It is.

[Jenny Farley]

I mean, from cooking to mental health to, yes. How to raise a baby parrot.

[Bonnie]

Yes.

[Jenny Farley]

It's everything.

[Bonnie]

Beautiful. It's such a beautiful, beautiful platform. And I'm so thankful to be on it as a fan of everyone. But there'll be like. And I'm sure you see a lot of boomer parents don't have conversations or don't speak to their children anymore. Their millennial children. And millennial children are healing from their parents and trying to put their all into theirs. And that's very much mine. Only my dad's my best friend. But there's something to be said about TikTok where you hear these perspectives. And I'm learning through TikTok, like, these conversational pieces. So I'll talk to Milani, which I learned on a TikTok trend. Like, you know, if there's no more food or if I don't have to pay for your food or your house or your clothing anymore, would you still want to hang out with me? Would I still be your cool mom? And she goes, of course I'll hang out with you every day. And she'd be like, why do you ask this dumb question? I'm like, well, I saw this TikTok where there's this survey going around if you'll hang out with your parents when you no longer need them for, like, food or shelter. And she'll look and I. And then I'll turn her, and I'll be like, so what can I do better as a parent? She's almost 10. She's able to grasp it. She'd be like, well, we need to fight less because. And she'll say. She'll be like, it breaks my heart when we fight. And I'm like, I'm so sorry. I never mean for it to get to that level. She's like, like. But I know I need to work on myself too, because I give you the hardest time. And I'm like. I was like, can you promise me something?

[Jenny Farley]

She has the same self awareness that you did.

[Bonnie]

She does. But that's why I'm like, is it like a genetic thing? Is it just like, did I pass something on to you?

[Jenny Farley]

Her soul picked you. Yeah.

[Bonnie]

And she'll be like. And I'll tell her, like, we need to keep this open dialogue and conversation going, because I never want you to think at any point in our lives, 10, 20, 30 years from now that you can't come to me open and honest. So if you need to check mom, you can check your mother. And I know if there's an Older demo that watches you. We'll disagree with that on such level. And that's the problem.

[Jenny Farley]

I think so too. I feel like that generation stifled a lot of their children's voices.

[Bonnie]

Yes.

[Jenny Farley]

Where I let Bailey come on the podcast this week, dropping. And I'm getting a lot of hate for letting a 16 year old talk about her trauma. But that's what my platform is about.

[Bonnie]

Yeah.

[Jenny Farley]

So when my own child comes to me and says, mom, I want to tell my story so that I can help other kids my age. What am I supposed to do? Tell her, no, no. You have to wait till you're 18 to speak about things that have happened to you. It's wild that that demographic could even disagree. So look at their own glass houses and worry about their own problems.

[Bonnie]

Do as I say. You're not allowed to have a voice. But it's like, what kind of parenting is that? It's not where when your child can't have a voice and then it's a one sided conversation because you're, you're self proclaiming. You're perfect as a parent.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah.

[Bonnie]

And what you're doing is righteous and perfect and at the end of the day, every person is imperfect.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah. Absolutely.

[Bonnie]

So if I am parenting you wrong and you need something else. And I learned that when I said that on the vial files. I learned in that moment, disciplining her in that way won't work.

[Jenny Farley]

Right.

[Bonnie]

I need, and I needed to educate myself on how do I break down her walls and make her feel safe and loved while disciplining her.

[Jenny Farley]

That's what a mom's supposed to do.

[Bonnie]

Yeah.

[Jenny Farley]

Figure out how she can get through to you. Figure out how you'll create that bond, that keep that bond and create that open, safe communication and, you know, just even a healing environment for her.

[Bonnie]

Yeah.

[Jenny Farley]

That's a definition of a mom to me.

[Bonnie]

To me too. And unfortunately, I'm learning that I didn't have that. So I'm learning that.

[Jenny Farley]

So you're doing a great job.

[Bonnie]

And as I can see, so are you.

[Jenny Farley]

I appreciate it. You don't have to compliment me though. You gotta take your flowers.

[Bonnie]

You're allowed. I mean, you're not getting enough credit to you. You have your bonus child and you're learning the same way I am. And you're giving your teenage daughter a platform that is allowing her to speak because she has trauma, like she lost her mother. Like these are terrible things to go through as a child. And you're allowing her to heal and learning and I can't Even say that for parents that I know that birth these children that. And I know people in my life that I'm like, you need to educate yourself on parenting a little bit more. And I'm not saying that I'm great by any means, but, like, I think I know my children well enough, and that's all it is. Just get to know your children well enough to see what works and what doesn't, and don't follow what you know.

[Jenny Farley]

Even better. Become the parent that you needed, and that's what you've done. And that's what I'm trying to do with Bailey. Bailey is. His story is so similar to mine as a child. It's crazy. And I know that God placed her in my life to heal, and that's what I'm gonna do. And I choose to do with that lesson that he's. That lesson and blessing that he sent me. So, yeah, I love it. I loved hearing that story about. It's Milani.

[Bonnie]

Yes.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah, about Milani. So take me on the journey with you and your son. Are we good on time? Because I just want to make sure. Are we okay?

[Bonnie]

I don't know what time it is.

[Jenny Farley]

It's 2:30.

[Bonnie]

Yeah.

[Jenny Farley]

Okay, cool. It's just this. And then I want to talk about your engagement, so. So take me on the journey with your son, because you are super outspoken about, you know, being a mom of an autistic son.

[Bonnie]

Yes.

[Jenny Farley]

And take me on that journey.

[Bonnie]

That. The whole thing.

[Jenny Farley]

I mean, just whatever you want. So, you know, take me to the diagnosis. Like, you know, you. You had your son, and then. Did you. Was there signs? Did you know that he was autistic early on? Or did it take a while for you to be like, hey, something's not adding up here?

[Bonnie]

Even though they're not parallel. When raising newborns and toddlers, you go to a pediatrician, and you're supposed to hit certain milestones. And my daughter was always great hitting her milestones. And Grayson, after about a year, started really slowing down. And in the state of New Jersey, they're able to get you something called early intervention, which is. Has no diagnosis attached. It's just like, hey, your pediatrician said he's not hitting his milestones. We can work with him. And at that point, I would say that I was pretty in denial. But, I mean, he wasn't responding to his name. This is 15 months. Any cues? Do you want your baba? Do you want an apple? Do you want lunch? Nothing. And at that point, even though he was an early venture again, they don't diagnose, but they will help with getting him up to the milestone that's needed. So the pediatrician can check a box. I really thought he was deaf. And maybe that was just like the hope in me because I was hitting a point where I was like, he's not responding to his name. I actually have it. And if you want to dig it up, you can. There's an old YouTube video that I posted on it and I'm like, screaming his name. He's running away like he's in his diaper in our yard, running away. And there's no acknowledgment and he's throwing tantrums and throwing himself on the ground. And, you know, there was just no acknowledgment. So we got an ENT appointment, which is ear, nose and throat. And we got his hearing tested again at birth. Fine hearing. So I was like, maybe something happened. I'm hearing. A lot of kids in our area were having, like, friends of ours were like, they needed tubes in their ears. And like, I was like, maybe he's just got clogged hearing and he. It's muffled and he gets tubes. And it's great because he did have like four or five back to back ear infections. So all that was aligning. But again, I really look back and I think I was in denial. We go to ent, they're like, no, he has perfect hearing. And that was the day that it was, it was, it sucked. His father went back to work. I sat in my, like, little BMW with him and just started crying, like, because I knew that whatever battle we were about to go through, that it wasn't going to be an easy one. So he again, is still going through early intervention and the state of New Jersey allows it up until 2 years old. So he missed his 18 month, I think, 18 to 24 month pediatrician appointment. I purposely pushed it because I knew he was gonna fail. So I was like, let's go get like four more months of early intervention speech, ot, whatever the case may be. Actually, he didn't even apply. He didn't even, like, was able to apply to speech because he didn't speak. So he, he wasn't even like allowed to do speech because there was no speech.

[Jenny Farley]

Right.

[Bonnie]

So it was like OT and it was just their version of aba, which is behavioral therapy. And we go to like, his 18 to 24 month appointment, I think in like 28 months. I can't recall. It was, it was months delayed. I delayed it as much as I could. Just to give him a chance to nail his milestones. He failed so miserably. I laugh now because he is my. He is my most perfect child I could ever ask for. He is the light in my eyes. He's the easier one out of the two, by the way. All this I heard.

[Jenny Farley]

Boys are sweet. It's the girls that you have to worry about.

[Bonnie]

Sweet as pie. This he could do no wrong. In my eyes, my daughter is just. They're so different. They're just everything to me in two different ways. So we go to this appointment, and he fails miserably. And I knew it. I knew it. There are things that are, like early signs where you flap and you twinkle toes, which is like when you run on your tippy toes. No speech, no eye contact. Like, when you. You name it, he didn't pass it. And that was the day that they wrote me a script to go to, like, a Children's Specialized hospital and to find a diagnosis. And at that point, without diagnosing him, our pediatrician was like, you're most likely looking at autism, but that doesn't mean that's not a death sentence. And also, by getting a diagnosis, your insurance can help him. So I'm thinking, okay, we go to Children Specialized. And I'll be honest. I could tell they did not want to diagnose my son as a celebrity. They're like, we can't get this wrong. So I know that, like, what normally probably takes two or three appointments was a ton. And they brought in specialists. Like, they were like. We're bringing. Instead of, like, just an ABA therapist, we're bringing in doctor, like, five different doctors from Speech ot. This Russian woman that I thank every day for meeting me, she had this heavy accent. And I'll never forget, those Russians get shit done. She did. She had no emotion, too. And when I. I'll tell you what she said to me, it was. It stuck with me. And I gotta find her. I have to look at his diagnosing papers and, like, really reach out to her and say, thank you because you saved my. So. So all five end up diagnosing Grayson. And after the tears are wiped and after all of this, you go to a window with a script. And at Children's Specialized Hospital, they tell you, you're gonna come here and you're gonna get, like, two hours of OT and two hours of speech and, like, four hours of aba. And I remember the Russian lady going, no, you're gonna get 40 hours ABA every week for years. And that's going to change our son's life. Not four hours, not six hours a week. 40.

[Jenny Farley]

Wow.

[Bonnie]

And I'm thinking, how the hell am I going to pull that off as a working mom? We just ended Jersey Shore. I ended Snooki jwow. But we were doing moms with attitude. I was pushing really hard on social media to be a stay at home working mom. I was doing everything under the sun to be like a brand ambassador. This is pre TikTok because I needed to make money for my children. And I was like, that alone is 40, 50 hours a week.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah.

[Bonnie]

How am I supposed to sit in a hospital with him for eight hours a day, five days a week? Because that's what she said. She goes, I don't care. This is what's going to fix your son. So I take the script and I go to like the little like almost check out and I'm like, I need to sign my sign up for. Sign up for like two hours of, you know, speech this week and two hours of ot. And they're like, all right, great. I get a call like three hours later and they're like, your insurance doesn't take congenital diseases.

[Jenny Farley]

And apparently insurance is such a scam.

[Bonnie]

They stated that autism is something you're born with, like down syndrome. And that's congenital. It's something you're born with. I actually learned that on vial files because I was like, I actually don't.

[Jenny Farley]

What.

[Bonnie]

I don't even know what congenital means.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah.

[Bonnie]

And that's what my ex husband's insurance stated. Autism is by definition. I don't know if autism is something you're born with.

[Jenny Farley]

Right.

[Bonnie]

I don't think it's a proven theory. It's not like down syndrome where you can see a marker is missing or is it added or missing? I don't want to miss speak.

[Jenny Farley]

Missing, I believe missing. Added.

[Bonnie]

It's added. Right. 43 instead.

[Jenny Farley]

Don't quote. I'm the wrong person to ask.

[Bonnie]

Yeah, I think it's like 43 instead of 42 or something like that.

[Jenny Farley]

Oh, yeah.

[Bonnie]

And I was like, wow, this is. This sucks.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah.

[Bonnie]

So then I was like, well, it. I am doing all these brand ambassadors. I brand and there's a reason for this. So I do all this brand ambassading. I'm on Facebook, I'm on Instagram, I'm on YouTube. I make YouTube videos every other week. And I said, well, then I guess I need my own insurance and I need to hire my friends who are helping me on these videos as my employees full time. And I'm Going to make an LLC and I'm going to work my way around it and I'm going to apply for the insurance that's needed from my son to get the help that he needs to get 40 hours of ABA every week.

[Jenny Farley]

Go mama, go.

[Bonnie]

So I asked my friends, would you consider working for me full time? We'll make. And this is when content creation was huge. Will you. We'll make YouTube. We'll do everything we're doing now and we'll just gas it, we'll just blow it up. And I don't care if I monetize. I need to get my son's insurance. And my friends are like, yeah, fuck it, we're independent contractors and they'll need insurance too. So I created an llc. I applied for private insurance. I was able to have the, the two employee minimum. And I spent twenty five hundred dollars a month on this private insurance for me and Grayson. And he got 40 hours of in house ABA every week and OT and speech. And when I doubled down, ABA is what saved him. He is a incredible little human that is above not only the state, but our township curve. So with education in math and literacy, he is top of his class. He is, don't get me wrong, he's a little starter, but like he is.

[Jenny Farley]

I mean he's your child.

[Bonnie]

So he went from not speaking, not. He went into first grade, he's in second first grade without reading, without even comprehending what a word is on paper.

[Jenny Farley]

Wow.

[Bonnie]

To he is like a G or H reading level. He knows how to read books front to back. He's like reading Harry Potter.

[Jenny Farley]

He talks too. I saw a couple videos.

[Bonnie]

Incredibly.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah.

[Bonnie]

He's in jiu jitsu with my fiance twice a week. He wants to wrestle the same way my fiance does. He. When I tell you he will tell me how it is. He, he is like not only talks, it's. He won't stop talking. I'm like, I know I wish this for a few years, but can you.

[Jenny Farley]

Not maybe take it down just a notch?

[Bonnie]

But any argues so fluidly. I'm like, as much as I want to be like, can you like not. I'm like proud. I'm like so proud. I'm like, you can argue with me. Three years ago, I would never have guessed that we would be here. And I don't think a lot of people give the accolades that they need because you know, I've had people in my life and in his life, unfortunately that'll be like, well, you don't know if he would have Just ended up like this. It's always the doubters, right? It's always. You don't know if, like, what you did was even the reason. Like, he could have just been slower than the norm.

[Jenny Farley]

And I'm like, next time somebody says that, be like. But I didn't wait around to find out.

[Bonnie]

Exactly.

[Jenny Farley]

I did what a mom is supposed to do, and I advocated for my children, and that's what the. Any mom should do. And I'm so proud of you for doing that.

[Bonnie]

No, thank you. And, you know, he was put into my life for this. He was. He was put into my life to understand sensory needs and sensory issues. And I'm on the border Culture City now with some of the most amazing people advocating for children and adults like my son or down syndrome and PTSD and war veterans and everyone alike. So they're able to go to venues or fly or go to places they never thought they would be able to. And it's all because of him. And I thank him every day. I'm like, your story is being told through the universe, even right now. And it's so beautiful because your story is going to help so many people, and we're going to break those barriers. So everyone like yourself or everyone with PTSD and Down syndrome and, you know, war veterans that can't hear certain noises can live a beautiful life. And I always say. And it's all because of you, and you open my eyes to want to help people just like you.

[Jenny Farley]

You have a fillet of what is it? Fill it. I don't want to say it the right way. Phillips philanthropic aura with. You're just so sweet. And, like, giving back just makes you so happy. Watching you talk about advocating for your son and being on the board and all that stuff just, I. It really, like, fills your cup like it does. It's beautiful to watch because you can tell you really believe in this and just wholeheartedly, like, it's your mission in life.

[Bonnie]

Yes.

[Jenny Farley]

I love that.

[Bonnie]

I have two passion projects in my life. That's one that's my Ride or Die. That's the one that, like, I'm waiting for Grayson to take over my legacy in that so he can speak for himself through his eyes.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah.

[Bonnie]

And I'll be honest. He doesn't know he has autism. No, we don't speak about it.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah. We don't need to. Why put it. Why put a label on it? There's no need for it.

[Bonnie]

If I say Culture City or if I say autism, he's like, what's that? And I'm like, nothing, honey. No, just something that mommy's talking about. Because Grayson's Grayson, and I advocate for him, but he doesn't have to know that it's because of a diagnosis he had. He just remembers who Grayson is today. He doesn't know who Grayson is or was at 2, 3. And there'll be a day. And that's the reason why I saved those videos for him to see when he's way older, probably your daughter's age, and he can digest that, and I'm gonna let him take that and whatever he wants to do. If he wants to be an advocate, amazing. If he wants to close that chapter in his life, because I don't believe in a couple years, he'll need assistance anymore. Yeah, he has wonderful teachers in his school system that help him, but I. I truly believe he'll be with the general population and mainstreamed by middle school. And so it might just be. And that was the goal. That was what that Russian lady told me. She's like, you're. You need to get. You need to do this now. So by the time he's in middle school, you won't need me.

[Jenny Farley]

But look at you for. You know, kudos to you for listening to her, because as somebody could have looked at her had been like 40 hours a week. Like, that's crazy. But you thought it was crazy, but you still did it. Now look at the results that you've gotten with your son.

[Bonnie]

Incredible.

[Jenny Farley]

You're an incredible woman. That's like. That just warms my heart here and all of that. You're such a fighter for, you know, good causes and, you know, for your children and just after all the shit you've been through, to become the woman that you have is really admirable.

[Bonnie]

Thank you. It's still scary. My other passion project, the one that is stemming off of my trauma, where I'm trying to, like, use it, that one intimidates me, which is the.

[Jenny Farley]

Is it the horror movies? Yes, let's talk about it.

[Bonnie]

And my fiance was like, you have to. To talk about. I was like, I really don't want to. He's like, well, I'm going to call your manager and tell you that you have to. And it's scary because I'm finally comfortable in my own skin right now. I am. I'm just. I'm being honest, but no better feeling. It is, but I don't do well in it. I want to get uncomfortable again. So during COVID my dad was like, what do you want to be when you grow up. And I said, I have no idea. And I'm Damn near pushing 40. But when I. I decided that I wanted to take now, you know, the full story of my background where vial files. Didn't I live with that trauma. But my dream was to make psychological thrillers. Not necessarily horror, which I love horror, but psychological thrillers through the eyes of schizophrenic people. And that's something that I have not spoken about.

[Jenny Farley]

This is you turning your trauma into art.

[Bonnie]

Yeah. So my. The first movie I made during COVID is through a psychiatrist eyes going through her master's degree or a doctorate's degree and doing an experiment on people to see if they could. She could break.

[Jenny Farley]

Wow.

[Bonnie]

She could break them.

[Jenny Farley]

Wow.

[Bonnie]

Yeah.

[Jenny Farley]

That's heavy.

[Bonnie]

That is. And my second one that I'm about to go pitch that I'm finalized, I just finished writing is through the eyes of a woman that possibly has schizophrenia. So to her though, it's real. But to the others, is it. So it's. And I want to play on that. So I. It's not like the slasher films. It's not like, you know, the horror movies of, you know, today. And it is through the eyes of mental illness. But I think there's something so beautiful to it because to me, when I speak to my mom, and I'm sure when you spoke to yours, it's matter of fact, your mother had five or six siblings. That's what she believes. What my mom says. To me, it's what she believes. And it took me 30 something years to get over that anger and being like, that's not real. Like, that's not real. The thing about schizophrenia is you. And if you have a loved one in that, with that mental illness, you have to just accept the fact that what they see and hear is just true to them. And when you can get over that, I feel like you can have a beautiful relationship or you can just roll with the punches and you can. You can like, you can accept their way of life doesn't have to be the relationship you expected it to be, but it can be a relationship.

[Jenny Farley]

Right.

[Bonnie]

And so I'm taking my traumas, my childhood, and. And there's a day that I dream to make one about my mother in itself, but I have to actually do this. Well, yeah, I think you will have to get there.

[Jenny Farley]

I feel like when you dial into things, you really.

[Bonnie]

Yeah. I want to tell my mother's story through her eyes one day. Yeah, that would be my, like Avatar. I swear, I love that but so all the movies that I want to make, and they're little indie films and they're. They're just my passion projects because I feel like that's my therapy.

[Jenny Farley]

You have been making them, correct?

[Bonnie]

Yes.

[Jenny Farley]

Directing, producing.

[Bonnie]

Yes.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah.

[Bonnie]

Because nobody can take my baby from me.

[Jenny Farley]

Right.

[Bonnie]

So if I'm gonna do psychological thrillers, I need to do it my way. So I wrote, directed, and produced the first one. The second one I'm going to do. I wrote it, I'm going to direct it. I will hire a production company because it's actually a real budget. It's not my own money. The first one was my own money. And I'm going to try and pitch it to. To Paramount or shutter, whoever will have me.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah, you're manifesting right now.

[Bonnie]

I hope you are. But yeah, there's something I want to give my mom a legacy, and it's kind of a messed up legacy, horror thrillers, but I want to give people with that type of mental illness a legacy and to say. And to kind of break the barriers the same way I do with my son. Even if it's in a weird way, because it can be healing and it can be a conversational piece. If you see a movie two ways. If you see a movie that you can see it through the eyes of a schizophrenic and the eyes of a logical person, that. That's not a schizophrenic in that movie. And you can sit together and have almost an argument or a conversation and be like, well, I agree with this person. Or I agree with that one. It opens a dialogue of the bigger picture.

[Jenny Farley]

Right.

[Bonnie]

And the bigger picture is how they view the world and how we should be softer to how they view the world. And that is. That's my goal.

[Jenny Farley]

I love that. Yeah, I think that's awesome. And I think that you're doing a really good job with the trauma that you were given. And I understand now why therapy isn't a thing for you, because you're an artist at heart. So creating is what makes you happy. Yeah, I think that's amazing. I can't wait to see it. I want to see it. You got to send it to me. Send me the first one. I want to see it.

[Bonnie]

My baby. One that I made in Covid is like, you know, balling on a dollar budget.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah. It's.

[Bonnie]

It's nothing to be. It's my proud moment to say that I'm gonna do this.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah.

[Bonnie]

This is what I'm gonna do.

[Jenny Farley]

Your first attempt, you Wanted to see if you could go through with it.

[Bonnie]

Yeah, to see if I'm capable. But the, the, the one that I want to make for my mom, it's. And I haven't even written it yet, but that one I want to say, you know, I want to make in her eyes. And I want to tell her story of how in 2017 when the hospital called me saying that she was wandering the streets for three days and was lost and confused and didn't know who she was and hadn't had a drink or water. And this was right before I was leaving for Vegas for the New Jersey shore family vacation. And I have to shout out one of my producers, this is the story I want to tell. My mom was lost, wandering the streets, confused, not knowing who she was. And the thing about schizophrenics is they still have free will, ironically.

[Jenny Farley]

It's wild.

[Bonnie]

And she was.

[Jenny Farley]

Our world is in a mental health crisis as far as help wise.

[Bonnie]

So she lived in the state of New York and I could not get her in the state of New Jersey to save my life because she had free will and she never wanted to move away from what she known. But this was obviously a detrimental situation I was in. So I told my mom, do you want to come swimming at my house?

[Jenny Farley]

No.

[Bonnie]

She goes, yeah, for sure. I want to spend the summer and come swimming at your house. That was my way of getting her to New Jersey to save her because the hospital was like, well, she's going to be released. I had my fiance's sister pick her up at the hospital, pick her cat up that was stuck in her apartment, and drive her to New Jersey where I had nowhere to put her, nowhere. I didn't know what to do. And my producer, Ashley was like, I have an assisted living home. Friend, like my best friend runs one. And she had my mom in there within a week. Her diabetes stabilized her, her blood sugar, everything. And a psychiatrist and medicated, she was off her meds, she was off everything. And I had to go to Jersey Shore the next day.

[Jenny Farley]

Oh, my gosh.

[Bonnie]

But if it wasn't for Ashley, I would have never made the show. I would have never have been able to help give my mom the care that she needs. And I would never have gotten her out of New York because that's where she was choosing to live and I had no right. So the opener of the movie is going to be through her eyes, walking those three days and night when we had a heat wave in the state of New York where like all the air conditioners broke. I don't know if you saw it on the news, like, yeah, damn near eight years ago. And that's going to. That's how I envision the opener of it being.

[Jenny Farley]

I love that. And I think that's going to be captivating.

[Bonnie]

Yes.

[Jenny Farley]

Because a lot of people deal with mental health issues. Some might not be as extreme as schizophrenia, but their mental health is rampant, and everybody deals with either if it's a form of depression, a form of anxiety. BPD is as. People are speaking up more now about having it. So I really think that these are going to be healing for children of people who have schizophrenia and as well as children of parents who have mental illness and people who have mental illness themselves.

[Bonnie]

Yeah.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah.

[Bonnie]

That's my goal.

[Jenny Farley]

I love it. I think it's amazing.

[Bonnie]

It's my therapy.

[Jenny Farley]

I really. I love it. I think it's a beautiful thing.

[Bonnie]

Thank you.

[Jenny Farley]

The last thing I want to talk to you about is your relationship.

[Bonnie]

Ah.

[Jenny Farley]

How's that going?

[Bonnie]

It's good. You know, it's so. I'm scared to talk about it because it is so good. And I also.

[Jenny Farley]

People ruin great things.

[Bonnie]

Yes. Try to people. You know, we came off Rocky on the show originally, but that's not who he is, and that's not who I am. And reality TV is, you know, the devil that I play with.

[Jenny Farley]

Right.

[Bonnie]

And it's my career, but, like, he is my light every. Oh, sorry.

[Jenny Farley]

I felt it. I felt it falling, and I was, like, trying to hold it.

[Bonnie]

Oh, I didn't realize it was on that. Thank you.

[Jenny Farley]

Sorry.

[Bonnie]

Now I understand why there's a weight right there. I was like, were you working out right before?

[Jenny Farley]

It would be too far off, though. I do do weird shit. I'll eat, like, a piece of pizza, like, especially when we're traveling. I always tell them I'm. There we go when we're traveling. I tell them I'm like, I always gain three pounds when I hang out with you guys. So I'll eat, like, a piece of pizza and then I'll start, like, lifting weights afterwards. I'm sorry. When you. Once you hit 40, that does not come off as easy as it did. It's.

[Bonnie]

You hit 40.

[Jenny Farley]

I'm 44.

[Bonnie]

I'm sorry, what?

[Jenny Farley]

I love you.

[Bonnie]

Yeah.

[Jenny Farley]

I'm 44. The inner. The Internet says I'm what? How old does it say I am? Yeah, I. I always say I'm an eternal vampire on the Internet, so I've had to be very. It's crazy because I used to get so Much hate where people were like, you're too young to talk about things you talk about. And I can't believe Jelly married so young. And then how old is he? Just turned 39.

[Bonnie]

I really thought you were younger than me.

[Jenny Farley]

Oh, I love you, but no. Sorry, guys. Sorry about that. My microphone fell over, but okay, so let's fire. Let's go. Let's get back on track, and let's talk about your relationship.

[Bonnie]

Yes.

[Jenny Farley]

So how's that going? And can you tell me a little bit about, like, do you guys have plans for a wedding or what's going on with that?

[Bonnie]

I don't know if I'm going to take. So I've been married before, and by getting married, I don't think it defines a great relationship.

[Jenny Farley]

Right.

[Bonnie]

It just. To me, anyways, I agree. Been there, done that. Like, it just. Just doesn't define a great relationship. So what I have with Zach is so precious. I'm trying to do everything I can to make sure it just stays exactly what it is. He is like, my knight in shining armor, and I protect our relationship.

[Jenny Farley]

You guys, I am so sorry, Jenny. Goodness. I'm, like, sitting here.

[Bonnie]

I know.

[Jenny Farley]

Trying to hold it. I'm like, yeah. Uhhuh. That's great. Here, let me just hold the mic.

[Bonnie]

This is amazing.

[Jenny Farley]

Okay. All right. All right. We good? I'm not touching it. All right. I'm not touching it. All right, so let's get back to the relationship. So marriage does not define a piece of paper, and marriage does not define a great relationship.

[Bonnie]

Yes. And for me, it doesn't. I know Zach would love to get married, and I feel that we will. My birthday is actually our fifth anniversary. My first date in 2019 was my birthday with him. But being so. I guess just. Just going through the heartache of a divorce and being so traumatized through a divorce, I don't ever want to put that on him, but I also don't want to put that negativity on him.

[Jenny Farley]

Right.

[Bonnie]

I want to do something different.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah.

[Bonnie]

I want, like, the Curtis and what, Goldie Hawn relationship.

[Jenny Farley]

I always say that. I always say Kurt Russell.

[Bonnie]

Kurt Russell. Yes.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah.

[Bonnie]

Like, they are beautiful like that. And so for. It's just. It's great. And for him to take on the kids that he in the role and the capacity that he has. Like, if I'm not home, he brings my daughter to cheer. He brings my son to Jiu Jitsu. They have that together. He teaches him. When therapy was at our house, like, he shows up, he gets graced in the shower, he puts him to bed. They read together. They have their mantras together every night. Like, he is their stepfather, and he loves them as much as I do. He's. He's just such a pivotal and such a beautiful role in our house that I actually. I took that as a. And I took a step back in social media and putting him everywhere because I want to protect what we have at all costs. And the world might not see it because of what we have on the reality TV show. So to me, I'm like, he is my everything, and I'm gonna protect that.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah, you have to.

[Bonnie]

And I'll fight you.

[Jenny Farley]

He's a pro wrestler, right?

[Bonnie]

Yes.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah, he's. He works for a. What is it? Aew.

[Bonnie]

Yes. Yeah, but.

[Jenny Farley]

Same as Saraya, right? Soraya was just.

[Bonnie]

I just saw. Sorry. I love her.

[Jenny Farley]

Is she not a doll baby?

[Bonnie]

She is incredible.

[Jenny Farley]

She's a sweet, just warm, human. Just love her. She just came on.

[Bonnie]

I saw, and I was like, my two worlds are colliding right now.

[Jenny Farley]

She is literally, when I come back in another life, I want to be Soraya because I. Inside, I'm an emo, Goth. Goth girl.

[Bonnie]

Yeah.

[Jenny Farley]

I just don't have the aesthetic.

[Bonnie]

Yeah.

[Jenny Farley]

So she's ever. She embodies everything I love.

[Bonnie]

She's aesthetically just perfect for that.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah, she's a. She's a doll baby. But. Yeah. So being with a wrestler. Are you a wrestling fan?

[Bonnie]

So, actually, I'm not, but I'm learning.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah.

[Bonnie]

And I think Zach's dream is to go to the wwe, which is just incredible in itself. We know all these wrestlers that are there, and it's. It's not easy on the body. Soraya, she broke her neck or back twice. Twice. And she. We didn't think that she was gonna come back, so I was there the day she came back, and, like, I am such a fan of the hard work wrestlers put in and the accolades they don't get because everyone's like, oh, it's fake. It's this. It's like the. The injuries are not fake. No, the.

[Jenny Farley]

She says it perfect. She says it's. It's fixed, not fake.

[Bonnie]

Love that it's fixed, not fake. I love that. And the hard work and the traveling and the missing out on so many life, you know, home life, things, because, you know, they. They put their all into the career, so. But my dream is for him to live his dream because he's wanted it. When I first got together with Zach, he. Grayson was 2 and his mother, who's my kid's Mimi. Mimi goes to me and she goes, zach wanted to be a wrestler since he was Grayson's age. And Grayson's just sitting there in his diaper and stuff. And to me, that, that was so precious because I don't know what that's like. I don't know what it's like to have a dream that you've wanted your whole life. Right. Like, I'm molding myself into the dreams that I want now based on my past. And I don't even know if it's going to work out. Right. I don't know if these movies are going to work out. I am.

[Jenny Farley]

They will work out.

[Bonnie]

Yes. But I'm a pig and shit. Being on reality for the last 15 years, like, I fell into this amazing. You know, at the time that I was in college, I wanted to be an animator, but then I went to animation school, I was like, oh, that ain't for me either. Like, I'm so thankful to mold. My dad's a used car salesman or he was growing up. So I'm like, I am a daughter of a used car salesman. I can mold myself into that fresh new car smell and figure it out. But for someone that I meet and that I'm with, that I wake up every morning to. He's wanted this dream since he was 2 and I admire that so much because I don't know what that's like and I'll never know. And the work that he puts into every morning, 5:30 in the morning, gets up, works out, regimented. He wants to be done with his workouts before the kids and I wake up so he can dedicate that hour to helping me get ready with the kids and get them to the school bus. Like, but the way he's so regimented and the way he carries himself and he lives a drug free life, lives an alcohol free life except for the weekends. And he doesn't allow himself. Even if I'm like, Monday, like, do you want to drink? Because I haven't had a drink. He's like, no, it's Monday. Like, I admire that because he has goals. And I've kind of like fallen into my goals and I've learned through, like, my traumas, like where I want my goals to end up or through my kids where I want my goals to end up. This has been his life story.

[Jenny Farley]

Yeah.

[Bonnie]

And that's beautiful. That is beautiful. I'm like, I want his dream probably more than him to be that WWE wrestler standing on stage and performing only because, like, I'VE never seen someone want, like, want something so badly.

[Jenny Farley]

I know. The first. The first thing that helps a man succeed in life and accomplish his dreams is having a woman behind him who believes in him.

[Bonnie]

Yes.

[Jenny Farley]

Because when I got with Jay, we. We had a wing and a prayer.

[Bonnie]

And I. I know your backstory. I know you don't like the flowers and the accolades, but girl, yeah, you two. Not only are you meant together, like, to be together, but you're a. Backstage backstory is so beautiful.

[Jenny Farley]

I appreciate it.

[Bonnie]

It really is.

[Jenny Farley]

I appreciate you. He's my little cherub angel. I tell everybody he's just. He is everything that I wish I could be. My husband is just a sweetheart and just so diplomatic. I'm like, son of a. What is it like to be that nice? You know, like, how do you do it? But no, I think it's a good yin and yang that we have. And I feel like that you. That's how it is with you and. And your significant other also.

[Bonnie]

Yeah. 100%. Yeah.

[Jenny Farley]

Jenny, I have taken over two hours of your time, and I could. I feel like I could sit here and talk with you for another four hours. Like, I just love your vibe. I love the way you present yourself. I love everything you stand for. Please keep kicking ass.

[Bonnie]

You too, dude.

[Jenny Farley]

I appreciate you. Thank you for coming on the podcast.

[Bonnie]

Thank you for having me. This has been incredible.

[Jenny Farley]

And why don't you tell people where they can find you if they're not following you, which I'm sure they all are, but if they're not following you, what are your socials?

[Bonnie]

I believe across the board. It's at jwow. J W W on everything. Yeah, I'm everywhere.

[Jenny Farley]

She's. Yeah.

[Bonnie]

But I do nothing on any of that. Cuz I'm just watching all of you.

[Jenny Farley]

A. I love that. Thank you so much for coming.

[Bonnie]

No, thank you so much for having me.

[Jenny Farley]

I appreciate you. And thank you guys for tuning in to another episode of Dumb Blonde. I'll see you guys next week.

[Bonnie]

Bye.