TBT: Mama Tot

Summary

Podcast Summary: Dumb Blonde Productions – Episode "TBT: Mama Tot"

Release Date: March 13, 2025
Host: Bunnie XO
Guest: Ophelia, AKA Mama Tot

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1. Introduction

In this emotionally charged episode of the Dumb Blonde podcast, host Bunnie XO welcomes Ophelia, affectionately known as Mama Tot. The conversation delves deep into Ophelia's tumultuous upbringing, her experiences with familial abuse, teenage pregnancy, and her journey towards healing and self-empowerment.

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2. Guest Background

Bunnie XO introduces Ophelia as someone both she and her husband have eagerly anticipated meeting. The excitement is palpable as Bunnie remarks, “You are fucking iconic” ([03:35]).

Ophelia shares her origins, stating, “I was born in Mobile, Alabama, and I've never left” ([07:30]). She reflects on her age, highlighting that women in their 40s and above are "crushing it," emphasizing their prime years ([08:03]).

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3. Family Dynamics and Early Abuse

Ophelia opens up about her complex family structure, revealing that she is the only child her parents have together. Her father, a respected used car dealer, remarried multiple times, resulting in half-siblings both from her father's and mother's previous marriages.

She poignantly describes her mother's struggles with mental illness, specifically bipolar disorder, diagnosed when Ophelia was around eight or nine years old: “She was bipolar. I think she was diagnosed... I just remembered hearing it” ([10:33]).

The abuse began early in Ophelia's life, with physical mistreatment starting when she was about five or six years old. She recounts a particularly traumatic incident where her mother brutally beat her with a belt, leaving visible marks: “She beat me so bad with a belt... webs just up my arm” ([12:27]).

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4. Coping Mechanisms and Support Systems

Despite the constant turmoil at home, Ophelia found solace in friendships outside her household. She fondly recalls her friend Jessica and Jessica's mother, Miss Jenny, who became a maternal figure for her: “Miss Jenny was everything to me. She did everything... a mom to me” ([25:26]).

Bunnie empathizes, sharing her own experiences with an abusive stepmother and the importance of having a supportive figure: “With Bailey, I try to tell her everything... I couldn't go and talk to my stepmom like that” ([42:23]).

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5. Teenage Pregnancy and Its Consequences

At 15, Ophelia became pregnant, a life-altering event compounded by her unstable home environment. She narrates the moment she discovered her pregnancy and the subsequent reaction from her mother: “She threw a Bible at my stomach... You are on your own with that bastard child” ([49:11]).

Feeling unsupported, Ophelia turned to Miss Jenny for help. Miss Jenny provided not only emotional support but also the necessary supplies for her and her newborn: “Miss Jenny walks in the door with a basket... everything I needed” ([58:50]).

The pregnancy was fraught with complications, including preeclampsia, which led to preterm labor and a seizure, necessitating a stay in the ICU: “I had a seizure due to the preeclampsia... he had pyloric stenosis” ([60:25]).

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6. Navigating Motherhood Amidst Trauma

After giving birth to her son, Gibson, Ophelia faced additional challenges. Her mother continued her abusive behavior, even after the birth: “She said, you need to leave... I grabbed the baby and walked out” ([73:05]).

Ophelia recounts the fear and determination she felt to protect her child, ultimately seeking refuge with a neighbor: “I walked to my neighbor's house... holding Gibson” ([76:15]).

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7. Healing and Present-Day Reflections

Ophelia emphasizes her resilience and commitment to breaking the cycle of abuse: “I have to be... continue being a blessing to somebody else's life” ([29:17]).

She discusses therapeutic approaches she's exploring, such as EMDR therapy, to process her trauma: “I've done about two sessions of it and it felt... an emotional cleanse” ([53:37]).

Ophelia also reflects on her unwavering love and compassion despite the hardships, highlighting her role as a mother who prioritizes her child's well-being above all: “He saved me... I love him” ([72:22]).

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8. Conclusion and Future Discussions

The episode concludes with a teaser for the next part of Ophelia's story, promising to delve deeper into her life post-pregnancy and the ongoing challenges she faces: “Stay tuned to next week's episode to see what happens in part two of Dumb Blonde podcast” ([76:34]).

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Notable Quotes

• Ophelia on Mother's Abuse:
  “She beat me so bad with a belt... webs just up my arm” ([12:27])

• Ophelia on Finding Support:
  “Miss Jenny was everything to me. She did everything... a mom to me” ([25:26])

• Ophelia on Teenage Pregnancy:
  “She threw a Bible at my stomach... You are on your own with that bastard child” ([49:11])

• Ophelia on Resilience:
  “I have to be... continue being a blessing to somebody else's life” ([29:17])

• Bunnie on Shared Experiences:
  “With Bailey, I try to tell her everything... I couldn't go and talk to my stepmom like that” ([42:23])

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Key Takeaways

• Impact of Childhood Trauma: Ophelia's early experiences with abuse have profoundly shaped her emotional and psychological landscape, leading to long-term issues like anxiety and PTSD.

• Importance of Support Systems: Positive relationships outside the immediate family, such as with Miss Jenny, play a crucial role in healing and providing necessary support during crises.

• Resilience and Empowerment: Despite facing significant adversity, Ophelia demonstrates remarkable strength and determination to overcome her past and create a better future for herself and her son.

• Cycle of Abuse: The episode highlights the challenges of breaking free from familial abuse and the importance of seeking help and building healthy relationships to avoid perpetuating the cycle.

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Final Thoughts

This episode of Dumb Blonde offers a raw and honest exploration of Ophelia's life, shedding light on the complexities of dealing with familial abuse, teenage pregnancy, and the journey towards healing. Her story serves as a powerful testament to resilience and the importance of supportive relationships in overcoming life's most challenging obstacles.

Transcript

[Bunny]

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[Ophelia]

All right, gentlemen, coming to main stage next, this is Bunny. Get up there.

[Bunny]

She's got a tornado of titties coming your way. Get those dollar bills ready. She's got an ass that shakes like Michael J.

[Ophelia]

Fox.

[Bunny]

So get up there and throw, throw, throw them dollars. Dude, that is fucking iconic. What's up, you sexy motherfuckers? Today I have somebody that I have been looking forward to meeting. Not only me looking forward to meeting, but my husband was more excited about this guest than I was. Ophelia, AKA Mama Tot is in the house. Baby, how are you?

[Ophelia]

That is me. I'm perfect. I'm so excited to be here. Like, I didn't realize how much Tennessee this area is just like Mobile, Alabama.

[Bunny]

Oh, yeah, Sisters.

[Ophelia]

Yeah. There's no difference other than the downtown area being just more lively than it is in Mobile, but, man, everybody acts the same. Looks the same, like, so it feels like home. Yeah. You know what Nashville reminds me of? What, a Southern version of la?

[Bunny]

Absolutely.

[Ophelia]

Southern version.

[Bunny]

And we're getting the traffic here, too.

[Ophelia]

Yeah. Let me tell you, it gives me anxiety. I've had anxiety getting there.

[Bunny]

Speaking of anxiety, how was it checking into the Airbnb yesterday?

[Ophelia]

It was a little difficult. You know, everything is so technical and computerized and. And I'm not too savvy with that. I mean, I can barely work.

[Bunny]

I don't like it.

[Ophelia]

But it was different.

[Bunny]

Give me, give me a key and a hole.

[Ophelia]

That's all I need. That's what my husband says.

[Bunny]

Okay, yeah, that's what he said.

[Ophelia]

But, yeah, it was a little stressful. For that. But it was beautiful.

[Bunny]

Oh, good.

[Ophelia]

Like, it's beautiful.

[Bunny]

Good. Yeah. We were laughing before the camera started rolling because the Airbnb host, I was like, so is there a parking pass? And he sent me, like, three paragraphs. And I'm just like, bro, I can't handle this. Airbnb aside, we got mama taught in Nashville. So did you go out last night in Nashville? Did you get recognized?

[Ophelia]

Yes. Every time I went to the restroom, I was in there for 20 minutes hugging people.

[Bunny]

Yeah.

[Ophelia]

Okay. And taking pictures. One of them. There was a. A bathroom attendant in there, and we had a whole therapy session. Oh. She just. I mean, in tears. And I. I mean, I ended up, like, tipping her $30 because we just had. It was. It was beautiful. But everywhere I went, honey, there was somebody somewhere. I mean, every. I had no idea that it was this many people that. That knew me in this area. Like, I'm. I just think people in Mobile know me or something. I don't know.

[Bunny]

That's why I think you're so much like my husband, because my husband will go places, and he always has people breaking down, crying to him, telling them his stories and how his music has touched them and, like.

[Ophelia]

Because he's amazing, but so are you.

[Bunny]

And that's what I'm trying to say is you guys both have that same. Where you're just, like, oblivious to how much you touch people's souls, you know?

[Ophelia]

Yeah, I don't think about it. I just.

[Bunny]

You just.

[Ophelia]

I think that I'm talking to my besties every day on those videos, but I'mma go out tonight and. And take some extra tissues because it was.

[Bunny]

Just pull them out.

[Ophelia]

I was. I was. I was. I was a hot mess. Yes. Honey. We was drinking at 11am at the pool. Okay. We came back, got. Got a shower, and then went back out again and we bar hopped, which. That was fun.

[Bunny]

Yeah.

[Ophelia]

Okay. My bestie, Rissa, she is just a ham. She's hilarious. She's.

[Bunny]

She's very protective over you.

[Ophelia]

She's amazing.

[Bunny]

Yeah.

[Ophelia]

But her and Gibson are like, buddy, buddy. They're besties. But we had a great time. So we're gonna go out again tonight and then head on home.

[Bunny]

I'm so stoked to hear your story. I just let's, you know, let's start from the beginning because I know that you have a story, you know, with your mom and stuff like that, if I'm correct. But. So where were you born?

[Ophelia]

Mobile.

[Bunny]

So you're just a lifer.

[Ophelia]

Never left.

[Bunny]

Sorry, my nose is Running.

[Ophelia]

I mean, it's, it's home. It's, you know, I don't have much family there, but, you know, I've established family with, you know, my husband's side of the family and I love that then my kids, sides of their family. But yeah, I was born there. I'm 40, I'll be 41 in September.

[Bunny]

You're beautiful. I'm 42. We're just crushing it. I feel like women that are 40 and above are crushing it right now. Like, you know, in our prime.

[Ophelia]

You know what's funny? If you look at photos from like the 70s or 80s and see people in their 40s, they looked like they were 60, right. But you see people today in their 40s and you, you, you can't even guess their age. No, it, that is wild to me.

[Bunny]

Yeah, you don't look like you're going to be like you're 40 to me @ all.

[Ophelia]

I, I hope not. You know, speaking of my mother, my mother was a beautiful woman. I, I will say that till the day I die. And she really did have some pretty daughters. I would, I would say that.

[Bunny]

So you have sisters and brothers.

[Ophelia]

So this is how, this is how it goes. Because I don't know if I've ever explained it in detail.

[Bunny]

I would search like this. Right. I've searched for like, answers and I couldn't find it. So I was really curious as to that story.

[Ophelia]

Well, I'm the baby. I'm the baby. Okay. So many, many moons ago, my mother got married. Now, I'm not too sure how old. I would think probably in her early 20s.

[Bunny]

They got married young back then.

[Ophelia]

They did. They did. She got married and she had three children with that marriage. And I love him. That's. That's my sibling's dad. We call him Papa. After some time, they, they divorced. And then, you know, years later, she meets my dad. And then I was the only one they had together on my dad's side. He gets married to this lady when he's 21. They have a daughter, they get divorced, he marries this other lady, they have a son, they get divorced, and then he marries my mom.

[Bunny]

Sounds like.

[Ophelia]

So I have two siblings that are my half siblings from my dad, and I have three siblings that are my half siblings from my mom. But between my mom and dad, I was the only one they had together.

[Bunny]

Right. Same with me.

[Ophelia]

Yeah, so. So it went like that. So my mom and dad were, were married until he passed away. And take the truth, if I think about it now, I. If he Wouldn't have passed away. They probably would still be married. Because he just loved the hell out of her craziness. He. He was the only one that could really reign her in, if I can say it like that, right? He knew how to work her. He knew what not to do to set her off. He. He just knew the tricks of the trade when it come to her.

[Bunny]

So did your mom suffer from mental illness? It sounds like she might have been bipolar, possibly.

[Ophelia]

She was bipolar. I think she was diagnosed, I want to say, maybe mid-30s, early-40s. It was around a time where I was about 8 or 9 years old, I think. And I remember the conversations about that, like, just in the house. She never came out and told me that. I just remembered hearing it. And then as I got older, I remember seeing certain medication on the table and, you know, seeing what it was for and stuff. So she never came out and said anything, but I just remembered it.

[Bunny]

It's gotta be tough as a child to try to figure out, you know, put the pieces together. Why is mom acting like this?

[Ophelia]

You know, it's wild because when I was in elementary school, you know, first grade, kindergarten, second grade, to me, I'm thinking that's how every mama was. It's not. You know, I'm not realizing that mine was. Was quite different, right? Until I started to get a little older. Fourth grade, fifth grade, I would stay at other people's homes, you know, slumber parties, birthday parties. And I'd start seeing all these other mamas that would just be so nice and sweet. And, you know, I. There was a little girl named Jessica that moved in the neighborhood. I met her on the bus, and we became instant friends. And her mama's name was Ms. Carmen. Oh, she was so pretty. She just blind bombshell back then. I would start going over Jessica's house and her mom, just the nicest thing. Y'all want some lunch? Here, sit down. You know, it was just heavenly. Heavenly. So it wasn't till I was about in the fourth or fifth grade, I started to realize that I have someone different in my home. This. This. This. This is. This isn't normal. You know, there were just.

[Bunny]

Was she physically abusive?

[Ophelia]

Yes.

[Bunny]

When did this start? When did the.

[Ophelia]

As little as I can remember. You know, I tried to think about this the other day when somebody else asked me that question. And I can remember things back from kindergarten. And so I remember, at least I had to be 5, 6 years old when the physical abuse started. Now, she wouldn't do this in. In front of my daddy. At all. And there was one situation, I think I was maybe about 9 or 10. I hadn't hit middle school, middle school and mobiles like starting at sixth grade. So I was still in elementary school. I don't remember what it was for, which was probably nothing. But she beat me so bad with a belt. And you know, if that's happening, you're gonna start, you know, holding your bottom, trying to. Well, as I did that, there were webs just up my arm, just it completely up my forearm. I. She'd sent me to my room after that. Why I went to sleep. Course I cried myself to sleep. My daddy must have come in there at nighttime when he got off of, off of work just to check on me. And my arm was laying like this and I had on a short sleeve shirt. And he seen that and I got woken up by him just verbally because he would never be physical with anybody, just verbally and threatening my mother like don't you put your hands on that baby. Just really, you know, doing what he could, you know.

[Bunny]

He was very protective over you.

[Ophelia]

Was. He was my angel. He was, he was my protector.

[Bunny]

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[Ophelia]

Quince.com bunny that's so so when he was around because he owned a car dealership so he was not at home Monday through Saturday. He was quite a workaholic. Cars was his was his life. So he'd be gone throughout the day and she was a stay at home mom.

[Bunny]

That was my next question.

[Ophelia]

So I would only really be alone with her unless it was after school or in the summertime. So it was much different for me when he wasn't home. But the second he came home she would be nice or try to be.

[Bunny]

Kind or that's how my stepmother was. I grew up in a very abusive with a very abusive childhood, a very abusive stepmother. And she would play me and my dad against each other and would when you said that you would go over to other people's houses and see how nice them like that like makes me just want to cry because I remember that same feeling as a child. You're like why can't my mom be like that?

[Ophelia]

Being able to recognize, like, you just.

[Bunny]

Want to be loved as a child. That's all kids want. They just want that love. So growing up with that in the house, was it. Did the abuse continue as you got older?

[Ophelia]

Oh, yeah.

[Bunny]

Oh, my God.

[Ophelia]

It didn't quit. It. It got worse.

[Bunny]

Were you the only child?

[Ophelia]

She in the home? No, no, she.

[Bunny]

Okay.

[Ophelia]

She did it to the other three. The thing is, is. And I. I feel it's okay. I can tell this story. I mean, I know it's not my personal story, but I know my big sis would be okay.

[Bunny]

Right. And if not, we can always cut it out.

[Ophelia]

Those kids got the hell out of there, and they went to live with their dad in Florida. From.

[Bunny]

They were little, they had the option to leave.

[Ophelia]

They had the option, and my mama didn't fight for them.

[Bunny]

A.

[Ophelia]

He came. Their daddy came down there and got those kids. My siblings and my mother never fought, never nothing. It was okay. You know, that's why my siblings grew up in Florida.

[Bunny]

Right.

[Ophelia]

And I grew up here, so I would see them from time to time. They would, you know, come for the summertime. It was just like as if. As if she had custody of them. And they would go to the dads on. It was just flipped.

[Bunny]

Right.

[Ophelia]

You know, so they lived with him full time, and then they would see her just, you know, in the summertime and stuff like that. Wow. So I was the only one that was completely raised in that home with her because I didn't have an option to go nowhere. You know, they were married. You know, they weren't separated or divorced. They were in their marriage, and they were both your parents, and they were my parents. So, you know, and it's like my sister said. She said, thank goodness. You know, thank goodness because they've got a great daddy. You know, that's. We just love him to death. I mean, he's. I mean, I was just Papa, right? Oh, yes. Yes. We love. My. My husband loves him, too. Yeah. But he. He was wonderful. He's a great dad, always has been. And now he's an excellent grandfather. But. So I didn't have that option right. Now. There were a few times that one of my sisters, you know, came down during high school years to try to, you know, see how it would work living there.

[Bunny]

Right.

[Ophelia]

They didn't even last a year. They didn't last a year. They got. I even resented one of my sisters when she left.

[Bunny]

Because you felt like she abandoned you.

[Ophelia]

She abandoned, yes. And I come home from school. School. And all of her things was gone because she protected me too. Cuz she was teenager, you know, she would fight back against our mother for, you know, how I was being treated.

[Bunny]

Right. Would she ever tell your dad, like, hey, this is going on?

[Ophelia]

Oh yeah.

[Bunny]

And he, he would just yell at her and like, you know, he. Divorce didn't really have a choice.

[Ophelia]

You know, I'll take you to court and I'll take, you know, because in his mind, for whatever reason he thought that that was going to, that was going to work. But it didn't work because you're not dealing with a normal person.

[Bunny]

Right.

[Ophelia]

You're not dealing with someone in a rational way. And it's so hard to explain that to people because everybody was like, why, why did he stay? Well, I.

[Bunny]

Was he. Was she abusive to him too?

[Ophelia]

No, no, no. She never laid a hand on him. He never laid a hand on her. The only thing I ever seen between my mom and dad was just, was just arguing and it, she was just.

[Bunny]

Like a completely different human with him.

[Ophelia]

Oh yeah.

[Bunny]

Wow.

[Ophelia]

Yeah. And I can tell you that even me being a little girl, I would recognize that the arguments would, would be started by her. That's so wild as a little girl being in the backseat of the car thinking, well, you shouldn't have said that because now he's going to be upset. You know, I was old enough to recognize it.

[Bunny]

What happens whenever you're a child that grows up in abuse is you become hyper aware of your surroundings and you become, you're in constant fight or flight. So you're zeroed in on everything. Like you're like literally you're on a battlefield waiting for the next to step on the next bomb, you know, is what's happening and that's how it feels. Yeah, no 100%. I grew up like that too. And that's why you were so zeroed in and you could read your mom so well because you were waiting to see when her next mood swing was coming or you know, what was happening. And that's just a lot of pressure to put on a child.

[Ophelia]

I, the, I have, I have terrible, terrible anxiety. Me too. Of the fear of the unknown. I have terrible claustrophobia, you know, in elevators and things like that. That stems from. She made me sit in the bathroom for six hours one day as a punishment with the license. So those lights, with the lights off. I was scared of the dark. I was only eight years old. But what I'm trying to say is every day when I would get on the Bus to go home from school. I would be okay, you know, riding the bus in the neighborhood. But the closer it got to my home, my heart would start racing. I would start shaking because I didn't know what kind of mama I was gonna get when I walked through that door. Because it would just. It would change at any moment.

[Bunny]

Was she ever nice to you at any time in your life?

[Ophelia]

Sure, there were times, you know, was.

[Bunny]

It real or was it just because she needed something or wanted something?

[Ophelia]

You know, I can recognize her, the fakeness, because that was always done in front of people. You know, people at the church, at a baby shower, tell. My stepmom was something like that.

[Bunny]

She would beat your ass in the car and then go praise God.

[Ophelia]

You know, that's precisely how it was, you know, and just. I was sitting in the pew one time the night before. She had hit me so hard in my mouth that it had cut the inside of my lip because of my tooth. You know, it had hit that bottom tooth. And I was sitting in the pew, and she was just standing up praising Jesus. And I remember just looking behind her.

[Bunny]

Thinking, so much anger.

[Ophelia]

Do you even know what. What you did to me last night?

[Bunny]

Yeah, that's. That's a lot of emotions as a child to be going through.

[Ophelia]

Oh, it was. It was horrible. So I did everything I could to kind of stay away from the home.

[Bunny]

Right.

[Ophelia]

You know, when school was out, I'd throw my book bag on the couch, I dart out the door. Because when I was in first grade on the bus, I met my friend Sarah, my childhood friend Sarah. And we met that day, and we found out we lived four houses down from one another, and that was it. We have. And we've been friends almost 40 years later, but her mama, Miss Jenny, was everything to me. She. She did everything. She. You know, when I got my period for the first time, I went to her, you know, when I was 15 and was worried I was pregnant, I went to Miss Jenny. You know, I. She was the mama that I so very much wish I had when I went home every day.

[Bunny]

God sent you an angel.

[Ophelia]

Oh. She was a complete substitute of a mother to me.

[Bunny]

Yeah.

[Ophelia]

And my mother was getting that. The feeling of that. And she didn't like anybody to be better than her. She didn't like anybody to know what she did behind closed doors. She was always very afraid of what people were thinking of her and always thought someone was talking bad about her.

[Bunny]

Sounds like she has narcissism, too.

[Ophelia]

Oh, terribly.

[Bunny]

Mm.

[Ophelia]

100%.

[Bunny]

Yeah.

[Ophelia]

So then she would try to forbid me, you know, having friends, having that friend down the road because.

[Bunny]

Because it brought you happiness.

[Ophelia]

Yeah.

[Bunny]

She couldn't stand to see you happy.

[Ophelia]

She. She didn't like that. She didn't want me to tell people my stories when I was little, you know, why did I have this bruise on me? Why this? You know, she didn't want that. It's so wild how that really affected her about how bad. She didn't want people to think that she was a bad person, or I hate to use this word, you know, crazy, right? That she would go out of her way to try to be a different person in front of them so that they couldn't find something bad to say.

[Bunny]

Narcissists hate somebody else. Paint. Exposing them and painting a picture of who they really are because they. They built up so many personalities. They're like puppeteers, you know, so it's like behind the curtain, they don't want people to know what's going on behind the curtain. They want it to seem like they're just this perfect package and they have all their together when really they're just falling apart.

[Ophelia]

That is very, very true.

[Bunny]

So I heard you mention that you thought that you were pregnant at 15. As you started getting older, did the abuse continue up into your teens?

[Ophelia]

Okay, so it did.

[Bunny]

Wow.

[Ophelia]

It did.

[Bunny]

Now, did you ever think to just fight back? Because I finally did.

[Ophelia]

Well, that's what I was getting at, so. My dad died when I was 13.

[Bunny]

Oh, no.

[Ophelia]

And that entire year after he passed, I didn't really see my mama. My heart goes out to her because. And I'm getting emotional even thinking about this, because God forbid something happened to my husband today, I wouldn't know what to do either. I would probably do the same thing. So she just kind of disappeared to her room, you know, didn't wake me up for school, didn't cook, didn't. She didn't do anything.

[Bunny]

Wow.

[Ophelia]

So I didn't see her for weeks and sometimes months at a time. Now, of course, I don't know if she'd come out of that room while I was at school, you know, but when I came home, if I tried to open that bedroom door, I got hollered at, you know, and she has suffered from depression her entire life. Again, I feel for her with that, but I cannot imagine what she went through getting that phone call saying, your husband just had a heart attack. If I ever get something like that, I. I would be the same boat.

[Bunny]

I couldn't imagine.

[Ophelia]

So I. I will never, ever hold this area against her because of that.

[Bunny]

That speaks volumes of you, Ophelia.

[Ophelia]

I empathize with that.

[Bunny]

I'm, like, trying so hard not to cry over here. That speaks volumes of the human that you are, that this woman has put you through so much pain and so much hurt, and you just still have so much love and compassion.

[Ophelia]

Like, well, I have to, you know, it. You know, I don't have time to be angry and bitter and frustrated just because I got dealt a couple of shitty hands in my life. You know, it takes so much more energy to just be that way when you can just, you know, continue being a blessing to somebody else's his life, you know, Sorry.

[Bunny]

I'm over here fighting tears so bad because this. This really, like, touches home. Like, I've. I've can really relate to your story.

[Ophelia]

It's your life.

[Bunny]

Yeah, it's crazy.

[Ophelia]

So. So I didn't see her for, I would say about a year.

[Bunny]

How did your dad passing away affect you?

[Ophelia]

Sure. Okay. So like I mentioned earlier, he owned a car dealership, and it was used cars. And he had just an amazing reputation in. In Mobile for being, you know, a used car lot. He would go out of his way for families. There was this family that showed up one time. They had just enough money for the car, and my dad knocked the price down, then drove the car to the gas station next door, filled it up for him. Like he. My daddy was best man on the planet, so he had a wonderful business, Wonderful business. But he refused to buy local. He did not trust the vehicles. And that's probably why he has such good reputation, you know. So every Monday, he'd fly out of Mobile or, excuse me, Pensacola and fly to St. Petersburg in Florida. And he purchased from those big auctions down there in Florida. And then he would have the vehicles. Vehicles transfer transported on one of those transport trucks. Well, he had been caught. He was a smoker. Menthol, Salem Light 100. He'd been coughing for about three weeks. A cough just wouldn't go away. Just wouldn't go away. He goes to the doctor and he's told that he's got congestive heart failure. Now, from what we understand, that doctor told him, you've got to take some time off of work.

[Bunny]

Yeah, you've.

[Ophelia]

You've got to relax. You're a workaholic. Your heart is not doing good. Let's. Let's take some time off, treat your body good. He took about two weeks off and said, yeah, I need to go back out there and get some Cars. Well, my mama asked him to take my brother with him. You know, my dad's son from a previous marriage, my brother Brad. And my daddy said, no, no, I'll. I'll go. I'll be fine. Don't worry about it. That was Monday. We get a call Thursday, and this is about two hours past the time he's supposed to be home. And of course, my mama just thought he was just running late. And we get a phone call, and I answer it, and it's my grandfather, which is my father's dad. And he said, opie, I need to. I need to talk to your mama. And I said, okay. Well, she's in her room. And he said, I love you. I said, well, I love. My grandpa was great. I said, I love you, too, Grandpa. And he said, let me talk to your mama serious. And I'm thinking serious, okay. You know, I was 13, not. That is not what's going to cross my mind. I go in there and I open the door, and I said, mama, my grandpa's on the phone. And I just kind of left the door cracked because I was going to listen to the phone conversation.

[Bunny]

Yeah, we all did that as kids.

[Ophelia]

And Mama sat up on the edge of the bed, and I could see her back on the phone at the nightstand. And all of a sudden, with about 10 seconds, she starts screaming, saying, no, no. Then I opened the door again, and I said, mama, what is it? And without. And I don't hold no grudge against this again, I'm really putting myself in her shoes. She just turned around and screamed, your daddy is dead. And just starts crying and screaming, just really on the phone, you know, with my grandpa. And I thought, did I really just hear that? So I stood there just in. In shock and waited till she got off the phone. And I really don't remember what happened after that.

[Bunny]

Disassociated.

[Ophelia]

Other than. I do know that I was the one that chose to call my sister my dad's first child. My mother hated her for all the wrong reasons. You know, she ain't never did anything to. Just didn't like her. Right. I was the one that did call my sister and have to. And have to tell her how.

[Bunny]

And you were 13?

[Ophelia]

13. He died December 15, 1994. So right before Christmas. So I don't only remember pieces of the funeral. I remember my dress being too tight because I had outgrown it. You know, I remember just these tiny little unimportant things about disassociated because you.

[Bunny]

Were under so much trauma. That your brain just couldn't handle it. You pretty much like your brain just fragmented to cope and to be able to get through life in that moment.

[Ophelia]

And I still. I still do that today. There are so many things that I have forgotten about that I'd even went through until I'm just driving down the road and all of a sudden a memory just pops in my mind. You know, I remember there was a lot of people at that funeral because he was so well loved in our community. He just kind of bent over backwards for just everybody, you know, he always.

[Bunny]

Sounds like an amazing man.

[Ophelia]

Hey. Oh, he was. He was perfect.

[Bunny]

Yeah.

[Ophelia]

He said that's how he was so blessed, because he enjoyed blessing other people. You know, he. He did the same thing for Miss Jenny, you know, gave her a car for almost nothing. You know, he just would do anything for anybody. But so, yeah, I didn't see her for about a year. I just continued getting up, going to school every morning. You know, I set my alarm clock and got up. I rode the bus. And then I get into middle school.

[Bunny]

That's a lot. You have to deal with so much in such a short, short time of your life. You know, I just can't imagine just all that weight on your shoulders as a child, just knowing that you have to get up and be responsible for yourself, that you have to be.

[Ophelia]

When you're doing it, Bunny, you don't even think about it.

[Bunny]

I know.

[Ophelia]

You just. You just do it. You literally just do it. Because that's your life. And you don't think, oh, this is going to be hard, or, oh, I shouldn't be doing that. You. You just survive.

[Bunny]

Survive. Yep, yep.

[Ophelia]

And sometimes just exist, but, you know, so I'm turning 14 and I'm getting the feel of middle school now, and boys and attention and, you know, what it looks like to go to a party and all that. And then I just. Things changed. Things changed. I started smoking. I started smoking marijuana, weed, the devil's grass, you know, just stupid stuff. Yeah, stupid stuff.

[Bunny]

But you're. That's normal. That's what all teenagers go through.

[Ophelia]

Oh, of course.

[Bunny]

You know, I started doing that stuff at that. I left home at 14 and never went back. So, you know, imagine what I did on the streets of Vegas. Yeah, we were doing snorting glass and I mean, doing crazy shit. So, yeah, no, I totally get it, but that's as a teenager, especially after all the trauma you've been through. You were just looking for an outlet.

[Ophelia]

You. That is all you're doing. You are looking for any way you can to relieve whatever it is you're dealing with.

[Bunny]

Absolutely.

[Ophelia]

So. Because I feel like. Because I wasn't getting the nurturing and the love and the attention from nobody else, you know, it was just me and her in that home. That's it. That's just me and her. And I couldn't talk to her. I couldn't. I couldn't do anything with her. She gets physical with me when I'm about 14, 14 and a half. I don't remember what it was, but that was the first time that I had fought back. I pushed her over the coffee table.

[Bunny]

Good for you.

[Ophelia]

But. But I wasn't meaning to. I wouldn't mean it.

[Bunny]

But still, it was just.

[Ophelia]

I wanted her away from me.

[Bunny]

Right. You just had enough.

[Ophelia]

Get off of me.

[Bunny]

Yes.

[Ophelia]

Is where that come from.

[Bunny]

Yes.

[Ophelia]

And when I did that, I don't think she messed with me. Physical again, really. I don't.

[Bunny]

Like a bully.

[Ophelia]

I don't think she ever did. I think it was, oh, okay, she's my size now. I can't control her now physically.

[Bunny]

Right.

[Ophelia]

You know, I think it probably resonated with her. Like, oh, okay, I may not need to do that now.

[Bunny]

Right.

[Ophelia]

So I. So I did. And she got up and she walked off, and I walked out the house. And, you know, back then, there wasn't cell phones or social media. We all had them. Pagers, honey.

[Bunny]

Yeah. The codes.

[Ophelia]

With the codes. Yeah. Walked to the neighbor's house and called somebody to come get me. And I don't even think I come home for like one or two weeks. And I still went to school. I stayed at my friend's house. I still. School was very, very important to me. Very important to me. And then I turned 15. You know, this is, you know, cutting everything a little bit shorter. You know, we don't have all the time in the world here.

[Bunny]

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[Ophelia]

For details I'm 15 now and I meet this boy. Lord have mercy. Did I fall in love with him? No, he was just he yo Lord I fell in love and this was. He was something else. And I got. I have sex. Not thinking, not knowing this could be life changing. You know, you're not thinking that at the moment. It's the attention that you're getting that you need that affection. It's, it's all of that that you're missing.

[Bunny]

You're just getting that doesn't make you that you're not a bad person. You literally have been through a lot of you're a kid that's experimenting. What you, what you're doing is normal for, you know, a child that's been through all the you've been through.

[Ophelia]

That's precisely what the hell was happening. Yeah, so I. So I didn't see. What's crazy is that I didn't know anything about the symptoms. I didn't know what.

[Bunny]

Did you get pregnant the first time you had sex? Oh, I have a similar story, too. I ended up having to get an abortion because I was living on the streets. But sure, yeah, that's crazy that the same exact thing almost happened to me. Our stories are so eerily similar. It's crazy I did.

[Ophelia]

But you. You know, when my daughter was 16, 17, you know, we had already had a million daggum talks.

[Bunny]

Right.

[Ophelia]

You know?

[Bunny]

Oh, that's how I am with Bailey. With Bailey, it's like I try to keep the lines. I try to do everything that my stepmom did not do with me, you know, and break everything. Emotional trauma that I ever went through and every generational curse, you know? And with Bailey, I try to tell her everything, you know, like we should. If anything happens, she comes and sits down and talks to me. And just like you, I couldn't go and talk to my. My stepmom like that because I never knew what kind of mood she would be in or, you know, she was never diagnosed.

[Ophelia]

She would trust her at all.

[Bunny]

And if you did anything wrong, the whole family and knew about it. Like, it was just one of those things, you know? So you have sex for the first time, you get pregnant.

[Ophelia]

Get pregnant. Had no. Had no idea. No idea the. What. What happened and what made me. Okay, wait a minute here. What's. What's happening to my body? I got my period, I think, when I was, like, 12, 12 and a half. That was the first time I got in my period.

[Bunny]

Yeah.

[Ophelia]

And that's a whole nother story, because it is. It's hilarious. But I woke up that morning, I think it was on a Saturday, something like that, and my boobs were so sore. Now, from the time I. I first got my cycle, I had never had that symptom. Now I'm 40 and two days before I start my period. These things are engorged, you know, a.

[Bunny]

Little app that tracks everything in my life.

[Ophelia]

I've never had that symptom. So I'm thinking, what's going on here? Didn't think anything about it at the time. My friend Sarah, Miss Jenny's daughter, was pregnant. She's probably about six months, I think, six months alone. And I ended up calling her. I said, why. Why are my boobs hurting? What. What did. I. Did? I, like, pull a muscle? And she said, oh, Opie, you know, have you and Garrett have y'all been having sex or doing. And I was like, no. And I said, I said no. She said, are you sure? And I said, no. I mean, I just did it just like that. And she said, okay, I'm coming to get you. The thing is, Ms. Jenny worked at a clinic. Oh, a pregnancy test clinic.

[Bunny]

Wow.

[Ophelia]

Now it was Christian based, so there were a lot of things in there, a lot of anti abortion and all of that stuff. And but because she worked there, you know, she can bring test home or I could come there. So I ended up going to Miss Jenny and Miss Jenny gives me a test and as I'm waiting on it, she comes back in there, she says, you know, what would you do, you know, if you're not pregnant? This has to be a scare tactic. You, you've got to do things a little differently with your life now, don't you think? You know, was not scolding me, but helping me understand. Hey, I might. If this is a negative, this is a good thing and I need to, I need to take care of myself. She was being a mom, she was being a mama. So we had a little, a little conversation, you know, 10, 15 minutes and she said, okay, well I'll be back. And she comes back in there and she says, you're pregnant. And I wasn't scared. I wasn't, I didn't, I think, I wasn't. It wasn't registering how serious this situation was for a 15 year old.

[Bunny]

Right.

[Ophelia]

Because it is.

[Bunny]

Oh no, it is.

[Ophelia]

So I said okay. And I said it just like that. Okay. And she said, but now we've got to go tell your mama because you know, you need to go to the doctor. You need to, you know, make arrangements for things. And my mother is extremely religious. So, you know, I knew right off the bat abortion was not going to be something that my little self was going to do. Right now I am a Christian, but I'm also pro choice.

[Bunny]

I would have never.

[Ophelia]

You have to be. I mean, I got a daughter running around on this world and I want my damn daughter to have at freaking choice. Okay.

[Bunny]

I could have gone back in time and not got the. What happened was I ended up getting the abortion. They didn't give me enough medication. I was awake the whole time. So I felt them ripping the baby from my body and I was crying, telling them to stop and they wouldn't stop. Well, the doctor ended up messing up something inside of me and I had two ectopic pregnancies after that.

[Ophelia]

Really?

[Bunny]

Yeah. So I paid for my choice as anything that I've ever done in my life that I've ever felt that I shouldn't do, and I still did it. I always. My karma always comes back around and, you know, I always get taught my lesson. But I was a. You know, I was a baby. I didn't know what was happening, and I was pressured by the guy that I got pregnant by. And, you know, it was just. I was living on the streets. I was a runaway, you know, so it was like. That was.

[Ophelia]

The hell was you supposed.

[Bunny]

What was I gonna do? You know? But I 100% respect. Respect your decision. I think what you did was amazing and brave to do at 15.

[Ophelia]

Yeah, it's. I mean, even though. Even though. And. And I hate talking about politics, but this is. This is important to me because I feel like. I feel like I'm a good representation of what a real Christian looks like, you know, Is abortion for me? Probably not. Just because I'm an old, sappy woman and I'm in a different situation than someone who has to make a decision like that. I've never been in something like that.

[Bunny]

Right.

[Ophelia]

You know, and truth be told, nobody likes abortion. Nobody. But the people who have to go through that, I can't even imagine, you know, But I think the government needs to stay out of people's business. I'm say that. Yeah.

[Bunny]

This whole thing that's happening in Texas is. And Illinois, Right? Is it. Or is it just. Yeah, that's just.

[Ophelia]

It's crazy.

[Bunny]

There's a lot of things I would love to speak about on that, too. I just don't understand it. And I think a woman's body is, you know, her body and if. What if somebody gets raped or. That's what I'm talking about.

[Ophelia]

That's what I'm talking about.

[Bunny]

There's just so many.

[Ophelia]

It's too many scenarios.

[Bunny]

It's not black and white. It's not black and white. It's literally. There's so much gray area. And what they're doing, I think, is just not right.

[Ophelia]

It just wasn't in the cards for me personally.

[Bunny]

Yes. When you told your mom that you were pregnant, how did that go?

[Ophelia]

She threw a Bible at my stomach. She was standing. Actually. I'd probably sitting just like this. And she was standing in front of me because I'd walked in the door. Now Miss Jenny sat in that vehicle outside.

[Bunny]

I'm so mad at your mom to.

[Ophelia]

Make sure that I was going to be safe delivering this information.

[Bunny]

Because she knew how your mom was.

[Ophelia]

Because Sarah was like, just wait till you start showing into. And I said, no, I, I have to be honest and I have to tell her right now. And I, I told her the same day. I wanted, I wanted to do everything the right way, as I felt should have been done.

[Bunny]

Right.

[Ophelia]

You know, And I couldn't hold that from my mama, even though she wasn't a good one.

[Bunny]

You have such an amazing moral compass.

[Ophelia]

I was still her child and I would certainly be devastated if my daughter kept something like that from me.

[Bunny]

Right?

[Ophelia]

So I wanted her to know that still as her daughter, I respected her and I needed her to know is what I needed. And I said, well, I've got something to tell you. And she said, stands there and she says, what? You know, just an old attitude. And I said, I'm pregnant. Just like that. She looks at me and I don't know if you've ever seen one of these Bibles before. It's one of them big thick bibles. They're old, like from the 70s. And they usually sit on people's coffee tables at somebody's grandma's house.

[Bunny]

And they're happy.

[Ophelia]

Yes. She picked up that bible and threw it at my stomach as hard as she could, as hard as she could. And she said, you are on your own with that bastard child. And walked away. And I sat there a little bit in shock because I'm sitting here as a 15 year old child, because I.

[Bunny]

Was a child trying to process, trying.

[Ophelia]

To figure out, is this a bad thing that just happened? Do I need to go tell Miss Jenny? Is, is the baby okay? Like that's really what I'm thinking because, you know, you don't know this stuff. You see stuff on movies and you know, pregnant women fall down and they lose the baby. I'm really not thinking of me, right? I'm thinking of this very tea, tiny, you know, probably six week little baby in the inside of me. So she walked away and went back to the room and I grabbed my things and I walked out the door. And I knew Miss Jenny would still be sitting out there and she was. And I got in the car and she says, are we going home? And I said, yes ma'am, we're going to your home. And she didn't say anything in the vehicle we just drove. It was me, Sarah and Miss Jenny. I said, brings the bag, just looking out the window, just crying, you know, because I didn't need anything from my mother at that moment other than support. I, you know, no money, no nothing. I just needed her to say, it's gonna be okay.

[Bunny]

Right.

[Ophelia]

I never got that, you know, ever. But I got it from Miss Jenny when I was getting out of the car. When we got to her house, she gets out of the car and she walks over there and she says, that's okay, I love you and we're gonna figure this thing out.

[Bunny]

Praise Jesus for Miss Jenny. Right.

[Ophelia]

She was wonderful, wonderful. You know, here she was. Has her own daughter pregnant at 16, and then she's got little Ophelia because that's what she always called me. Pregnant at 15.

[Bunny]

We're all in here crying. This is so.

[Ophelia]

I needed.

[Bunny]

No, I needed the emotional release. No, it's just.

[Ophelia]

See, it takes you back to those little girl moments, don't it? Yeah, that's what happens when my tick tocks is people just, they feel in those moments and it makes them think that was me when I was 17 or that was me.

[Bunny]

When you do EMDR, I always say it wrong. I don't know if it's EDMR or emdr. I think it's EMDR therapy. I don't know if you've ever done that. They have you go back to the child and you. And have these conversations with the child of yourself, you know, and it's one of the most emotional things you'll ever do. But it was really freeing.

[Ophelia]

One of my other therapists that I've had told me about it, I don't know, maybe about three years ago.

[Bunny]

Yeah.

[Ophelia]

But it. I said, no, I think, I think that one will be a little bit too difficult.

[Bunny]

Yeah, we do it when you're ready. But I've done. I did about two sessions of it and it felt. It was just such an emotional cleanse that I needed.

[Ophelia]

I was about to say, it's probably a release.

[Bunny]

Yes. And so whenever you're ready, I would definitely look into that and, you know, take that time for you because. Yeah, I feel like just from, you know, just the beginning of your conversation now, the little bit I know you're such a. You're a lot like me. It's like it doesn't matter what we go through, we're always going to put other people's emotions before ours because. Oh, yes, deep down inside we just don't want to hurt, you know, so. And as you know, I'm 42 and I didn't get depression until I was 40 years old because of all of the abuse and trauma that I didn't deal with. So the past two years I've been on this spiritual journey of just trying to heal and just, you know, whatever Tactics I can do as far as therapeutic and therapy to help with that. So I just don't ever want it to hit you like a ton of bricks one day like it did me, you know? After you moved to Miss Jenny's, did you stay there the entire.

[Ophelia]

I didn't move there. I stayed there for a few weeks.

[Bunny]

Okay, gotcha.

[Ophelia]

And then my mother called me at Miss Jenny's house and said, I've made you a doctor's appointment, so I'm going to come get you because I need to take you to the doctor now. She was being like a normal mom at the moment, and I said, okay. And I was very grateful that you.

[Bunny]

Just wanted her to love you.

[Ophelia]

Oh, my gosh, yes. Oh, yes, Lord, yes. And she did. She came, got me from Miss Jenny's, and she took me to my first doctor's appointment. And I was like six and a half weeks, and then I. We left there and I went home and tried to, you know, be normal. Now, this was in the summertime that I found out I was pregnant, if I'm not mistaken. But when school starts to happen, which I think is August or September, I go in there in the room. Now, things are okay. They're. They're okay for those. Those few months right now. She was still mean and hateful, but there was no abuse, physical abuse. There were verbal. There would always be that. But it. It wasn't just so. So difficult that I needed to get out of there. It was. It was tolerable. You know, it was like a walk.

[Bunny]

In the park for you if you weren't getting hit, finally, for one.

[Ophelia]

Right. That's exactly right. But no, she. It was nothing physical during that time, which I was glad. So. But school was about to start, and that was the first year that Mobile county made it mandatory for kids to wear uniforms. You know, everybody's gonna wear khaki pants, white shirt, or whatever school color you have. And they. The reason they did that and they did this years ago, back in 1998 or 97, I think, was to cut the bullying down. You know, not everybody's able to have nice clothes and, you know, clean clothes and, you know, stuff like that. So they felt like, okay, well, if all of y'all are wearing the same thing, you don't have anything to say now, do you? I liked the idea. I thought it was cold. But here's where my problem fell in. So I went in there, my mom's room, and I said, what am I going to do about uniforms? And she said, I'm not buying uniforms. I said, well, that's, you know, we can't wear normal clothes no more. She says, I be damned if I go anywhere to have to buy maternity uniforms. You are not going to that school and embarrassing this family. That's like, just, you know, easily come out of her mouth. Just. It was nothing to her to say that. I'm sitting here thinking, I'll be 16 in, like, two weeks. You know, birthday's in September. I have to go to school. You know, it became a huge argument. I called my big sister Laurie, that's me, and Laurie's like this. And I said, lori, can you please talk to her? Because if I don't have uniforms, I can't go to school. I. I got to go to school because, honey, I didn't care what I had to do. I was going to be a forensic anthropologist. That was my goal. That's what I was going to do. I was going to university in Knoxville, Tennessee. That's where I was going to go. And I'm sitting here thinking, if I don't get to school, what in the world am I going to do? You know? So my sister gets involved. It becomes a huge conflict with my mother. It doesn't work. So I couldn't. I. I dropped out of school because she wouldn't go and sign me up. She wouldn't do anything. There was no other guardian that I had that was connected to my school records. I even called Miss Jenny and I said, can we lie? Can we say I live with something to get me? I did everything I could. And Miss Jenny said, you know, Ophelia, I love you, but I cannot get involved with something like that regarding, you know, your school stuff with your mom. Because my mama was terrible, right? It was terrible. And I understood that I would be putting Miss Jenny in harm's way, so I dealt with it.

[Bunny]

Where was the father of the child during all this?

[Ophelia]

When I told him I was pregnant, we. We stayed together. And then when I was about three months, he broke up with me just out of nowhere. He's a douchebag butthole. And I'll. Me and him are. We're like. We are just. I mean, we've been friends for 24 years. He didn't know what the hell to do.

[Bunny]

I mean, you guys were babies.

[Ophelia]

He didn't.

[Bunny]

Yeah.

[Ophelia]

I have never hated him. I never asked for child support. I never did nothing. I just brought this youngin into this world, and that's it. Anytime he would call throughout the years to see Gibson. Absolutely. Of course, you know he will defend me for anybody. He is. I love him. He just got scared. He didn't know what the hell to do. And, yes, I figured it out. And he could have to. But he didn't.

[Bunny]

And men have it easy. Men can just walk away. And it's not.

[Ophelia]

Oh, he. Honey, he was living it up. He was living it up. He was partying. You know, at this time, I think he had turned 18. So now he was the big shot. Going in the clubs now. Oh, gosh. Oh, I was so angry at him.

[Bunny]

Oh, yeah.

[Ophelia]

Hated him. The pregnancy was terrible. Oh, no. I developed preeclampsia at 32 weeks. I kept going into preterm labor.

[Bunny]

What is preeclampsia for people at home who might not know what it is?

[Ophelia]

Well, there's preeclamps, and then there's toxemia. I've actually had both with my pregnancies. Preeclampsia is when the blood pressure of the mother is elevated so high where. If I'm. I hope I'm saying this right, creatine spills over into the kidneys, and they're able to see that through our. Our urine when we pee in a cup. But the blood pressure skyrockets, and the only way to cure mama is to deliver this baby. So if mama gets preeclampsia when she's 28 weeks pregnant, that's bad. They're going to have to induce you and take that. Yeah, it's really, really bad.

[Bunny]

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[Ophelia]

I asked the doctor that, which I thought was a smart question being so young, but I knew my daddy had high blood pressure. He says it could be. He said, sometimes it just happens spur the moment for mamas. He says sometimes it's hereditary. He said, with you there's really just no telling. And I said, well, what about because I'm young? And he said, has nothing to do with it. He said, your age. During the pregnancy, any woman can get preeclampsia or toxemia, but that's it. The, the only way to save your life is to induce the labor and have a C section or if they feel you're okay to have a natural birth, they'll, they'll do that. I had went into preterm labor several times up until this point. I was constantly being taken to the, to the er. My mother constantly taking me to the er, just dropping me off, getting them to check everything out, you know, and we were out yard Salem one Saturday and I didn't feel right. I looked in the mirror in the, you know, the pull down mirror in the car. My face was very puffy. I noticed my feet were swelling. I had read that book what to expect while you're expecting. So I knew the feet swelling was going to be more of a bigger issue once later in my pregnancy. But I'm 32, 32 weeks. I'm thinking, okay, well that might not be a good thing. So I tell my mom, I said, I don't feel right. Something don't feel right with me. I don't, I don't, I don't feel good. So she says, are you having the Braxton Hicks again? Are you having the contractions again? And I said, I don't think so. I don't, I don't think so because I didn't really know what, what to feel like. You know, each time that I had went into, which I think was about four times prior to this, my uterus was not contracting for me to recognize what a contraction was.

[Bunny]

Right.

[Ophelia]

I had just had severe pressure down below, which they said, you know, that, that, that's usually part of a contraction. But I wasn't, I didn't know enough about a contraction to know that was part of that.

[Bunny]

Right.

[Ophelia]

So those other times I Went into preterm labor. My stomach never contracted. I never had Braxton Hicks. I had other symptoms that was diagnosed as preterm labor. So this time I felt my stomach getting hard. I was so young, I didn't know that was a contraction, you know. So I said, I. I just don't feel right. Can you, can you take me? She threw a fit. She was real mean about it. And she said, well, I'll take, I'll just drop you off. And I'm thinking to myself, well, that's fine because that's what you always do. But you know, well, she drops me off and they take me to the back, they get a urine sample from me. Because when the nurse walked in, she said, how long has your face been? Are you swollen? And I said, yeah, you know, cuz I knew. They immediately ordered the urine, cuz they had. They said they already thought this looks like preeclampia right here. Preeclampsia. And they tested. Sure enough, it was when about two hours, the doc came in. He said, okay, little lady, I've got to induce your labor. You have a pretty bad case of preeclampsia. So we're going to have to take this baby right now because that's safe to do. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. The. I mean, people getting. People get induced all the time. Yeah, it's. It's very safe. It's normal. Yeah, it's. Now I don't know what it feels like to just naturally go into labor walking through the mall and your water break.

[Bunny]

Yeah, it must be nice, right?

[Ophelia]

Yeah. Because all of all four were induced.

[Bunny]

Okay.

[Ophelia]

Because of preeclampsia or toxemia. Gotcha. So I said okay, okay. You know, and I called my mama and she said okay. And I didn't see her until, you know, after the baby was born.

[Bunny]

But you did it all by yourself?

[Ophelia]

Oh, yeah. With a nurse that I fell in love with. Was so good to me through the whole thing. I used to go and see her every year on my son's birthday. I'd take him to. To go see her. Yes. It was just me, that nurse, the doctors and the other nurses and I delivered him. For a brief moment they thought they were going to have to do a cesarean. But things took a turn for the better and I was able to just push that little three pound baby out.

[Bunny]

Oh my God.

[Ophelia]

It was the size of my hand.

[Bunny]

Oh my goodness.

[Ophelia]

It's so tiny. Funny.

[Bunny]

Like a puppy. Like a little puppy. Yeah, yeah.

[Ophelia]

He came out looking just like his father.

[Bunny]

No, I Was like, really?

[Ophelia]

Really?

[Bunny]

Lord, after all this, this is what I gotta do. In that moment after you gave birth, how did you feel? Did you feel the love that everybody.

[Ophelia]

Says, this blissful moment? No, no, I didn't feel any of that. I told you I was gonna come on this podcast and be truthful. No, I was exhausted, Boston.

[Bunny]

Oh.

[Ophelia]

And then I was like, oh, you're gonna put him on, you know?

[Bunny]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ophelia]

I was. I was 16, still not realizing I'm legit a mama. Those good feelings didn't really come until after I had. Unfortunately, after I had him, I had a seizure due to the preeclampsia.

[Bunny]

Oh, my goodness.

[Ophelia]

So I had to end up in ICU for a little bit after I had him. So he was being taken, well, taken care of by the nurses while I was, you know, you're trying to get back hangman. So once I was able to come out of there, move to a normal room, and they brought him in there to me, then it was the okay, he's all mine. Yeah, he's all mine.

[Bunny]

So what happens after this? After you have the baby? Do you go back home?

[Ophelia]

I do go back home. And I've. I've told many stories about, you know, things that happened after that on my social media, mainly on my tick tock.

[Bunny]

Can we touch on them a little bit just in case of people, this is their first time here.

[Ophelia]

Yeah. Because especially since I've brought up Miss Jenny, because I was out and about with my mama that day, you know, yard selling and I go into preterm labor and her dropping me off, but don't come back until I had. Until, you know, it was time to be discharged. So I didn't have anything. I didn't have no shampoo, no body wash, no brush. I didn't have anything. I called my mama after I'd gotten out of icu, because I was in there a few days. I called my mama and I said, can you bring me some hygiene stuff? You know, I don't have a toothbrush and all that. And she told me no. I said, okay. You know, a couple hours later, after I'd called Miss Jenny, and I said, miss Jenny, you gonna come see the baby today? And she said, of course I'm coming. Of course I'm coming. See that baby? And I said, well, can you see if Sarah can bring me, like, a pair of shorts or. I said, I don't have anything here now. I didn't say anything. I didn't say I don't have toothbrush. I just Said, can you ask Sarah? She bring me a few clothes I can sleep in comfortably. And she said, of course I will. Well, Miss Jenny shows up at the hospital, walks in the door with this big old basket. And in that basket was body wash and toothbrush and everything I needed to get myself back together. And I said, miss Jenny, how'd you know I needed all that? She said, honey, your mama dropped you off with nothing. So I came back with everything. No, I couldn't. She. She always came in those moments that I needed her. You know, she was a real.

[Bunny]

She was a mom.

[Ophelia]

Yeah.

[Bunny]

She was the mom that you weren't given.

[Ophelia]

She thought she birthed me.

[Bunny]

Yeah.

[Ophelia]

That's how good she was. She was to me. But. But yeah, I. I go home. I remember being wheeled out of the hospital and I was holding so tiny, so tiny now. He was so little, you know, he had to stay in there a few weeks, you know, right. He's so little. Then he had to have a surgery. I know it. Because he had pyloric stenosis. Pyloric stenosis is like this muscle between the esophagus and the stomach that makes it where the formula comes out, projectile. Whenever you're. You have a baby, you'll always hear a pediatrician look, you look for these things. If you see this, you need to bring the baby back in. That's one of that. Because the projectile vomiting could mean pyloric stenosis, right? And sure enough, I paid attention. And they seen it in the hospital after I'd called them in there, I said, hey, this came out like the poltergeist. This ain't right, right? And they X rayed him. Sure enough, he had pyloric stenosis. So then he had to have surgery. But the day we were leaving, they were willing me out. Now I was holding him and I no lie. I looked down and I told. I said, I'm gonna do everything I can to keep this baby safe and happy and healthy and so much better than what I had. Because, you know, we had the finances, we had the beautiful home and the nice car, and I had nice clothes. I had anything I wanted, material wise, right. I just didn't have the only thing I needed, which. Which was that love, you know?

[Bunny]

He picked you, though. You know, your son picked you. He knew you needed him.

[Ophelia]

Oh, he saved me. And he. He probably don't even have any idea, because I don't.

[Bunny]

Is that the one that I met? Okay.

[Ophelia]

My oldest, 24. So 24 years ago I had him. But I, you know, I don't even think those youngins know just how bad it was for me.

[Bunny]

Yeah.

[Ophelia]

Because I don't. I don't want. I don't even want the memories or of me telling this right in their minds.

[Bunny]

Right.

[Ophelia]

You know?

[Bunny]

Well, you've guarded them so much because, you know, you just didn't want them to ever hurt like you did, ever. Or have a. You know. So what happens now after you have the baby? You go back home? What happens now?

[Ophelia]

Yeah, I go home, you know, and it was about, I don't know, maybe two, three days late. And I could have the time frame messed up because I. This is. I have terrible PTSD from all of this mess, but understandable.

[Bunny]

You've been through some.

[Ophelia]

My mother leaves and goes somewhere. I want to say, maybe she was shopping. I don't even know. I'm in my room and I'm. I'm feeding the baby. I'm feeding Gibson, and she come through the door out of. Just out of nowhere. She opens the door and she says, you need to leave. And I said, huh? You know what she says? I don't want you here anymore. I don't want you or that bastard here anymore. She would always call my baby a bastard. Like I could. I could physically harm somebody today. Calling my child that.

[Bunny]

Yeah, I don't know what it was.

[Ophelia]

About that word in her and referring to my baby as that, but it infuriated me. But I knew. I could tell by her eyes. I could tell by her face she was in a manic episode.

[Bunny]

Right?

[Ophelia]

So I had learned throughout the years when to. Don't say nothing, right? Don't. Don't fight back, right? Agree and walk away. Keep the peace. You. You need to be. There is a baby right here, right? We need to be safe, right? So I. I just said, okay. Just like that. I said, okay. And I went to get some stuff, and she said, no, you're not taking any of this because I paid for this.

[Bunny]

What? Just an evil of evil.

[Ophelia]

What, honey? And I put the baby in the car seat, which she didn't pay for. I had gotten at a baby shower that I had was given. I grabbed the baby. I didn't have no clothes. I grabbed what I could fit in his diaper bag, what I could fit in there. And again, there were no cell phones back then, but I went to go use the phone in the kitchen, and she was right behind me, and she snatched it right out of my hand, very aggressively again. I knew that if I did anything, this would escalate, right? And she could harm this baby.

[Bunny]

Right.

[Ophelia]

And the only thing you were being a mom. I need to get the hell out that house with that baby is what I needed to do.

[Bunny]

Yep.

[Ophelia]

So after she snatches the phone and this is. This was. I don't think I have ever been so afraid. Afraid and so quiet in any of her episodes as I was at this moment on this one. And it was because this baby was here.

[Bunny]

Right.

[Ophelia]

I grabbed the car seat and I walked out that damn door. Now, our nearest neighbor was about a mile and a half cuz there were wooded areas between us. And I took that carrier and I walked to my neighbor's house where my friend Amanda lived. And I. I mean, I wasn't crying. I was upset. I. I was afraid because I didn't know if she was going to come behind me in the vehicle and try to run me. I just didn't know.

[Bunny]

You can't trust her.

[Ophelia]

It was the look on her eye, the look on her face. It was. I've never seen.

[Bunny]

I call it shark eyes. They look like sharks whenever they get like that.

[Ophelia]

That her eyes in general were traumatizing enough.

[Bunny]

Right.

[Ophelia]

And my feelings were right. She was. Stay tuned to next week's episode to.

[Bunny]

See what happens in part two of Dumb Blonde podcast.