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- [00:01]
Duncan Trussell
Welcome. Welcome to the live dtfh. This is a solo episode for those of you just joining. Not sure what this is. Don't go anywhere. My name is Duncan Trussell. I'm a philanthropist billionaire, and also I have my fingers deep in the federal government. That's right. I am controlling the federal government. For those of you know, the podcast, you should be excited to hear that I finally got full control over the federal government, which is fucking incredible. We're going to be doing some tariffs today. I'm going to get that out of the way. I want to start off with the business of tariffs. It seems like a lot of people out there are financially illiterate and have no understanding about the power of tariffs. How good they are, how, uh. It's the greatest thing ever. And what, What's. How's the stock market looking, Josh? Can you pull it up?
- [01:04]
Josh
Oh, sure. It's not going very well.
- [01:06]
Duncan Trussell
What? What? No, no, no, no, no. Don't say that. Don't get all fucking snowflaked out on me. Don't cuck out on me here. Let's take a look here. Bam. Look at that. Yeah, baby. We already up 2000 points. Pull up Ford stock. Nobody saw that coming. I'm such a dumbass. Nine, seventeen. See that? I was gonna buy Ford. I would have. I'm a dumbass. I knew it. You know, I'm a. Listen, I know a lot of you guys come here for my financial advice and I wanna. Here's the thing. And this is why I feel so stupid and I don't know, like I. I did once I got into day trading, I got into day trading and Because I started going on Wall street bets on Reddit and I got entranced by it. It was such a funny culture at the time. I haven't been on there in a while, but this was in the age of AMC, of GameStop. They figured out some way to figure out people who were shorting stock and essentially drive the stock up. And it worked. And a lot of people got fucking rich. What was that guy's name? Do you remember his name?
- [02:27]
Josh
It's Roaring Kitty. I know is his name.
- [02:30]
Duncan Trussell
Roaring Kitty. Roaring Kitty. So this genius figures out some method of identifying where people were short selling stocks and then knowing that a way to fuck those people over, the hedge fund people, and. And simultaneously just get Redditors richer than God. People were making so much money. And so I'd had my eye on this and I had, I don't know, like five grand in an account and they. They were all what was they. They would say it's going to the moon. And so I think it was amc. I can't remember which. I don't remember if it was AMC or GameStop. But I just put all that money into the stock that Wall Street Bets was saying you should put money into fully. Just thinking like this is like, idiot, I'm an idiot. I will not tell my wife that I'm doing this. It's gambling. I recognize that's what it was. And because they were saying like, tomorrow, it's going to happen tomorrow. So I did it. And the next day it actually fucking happened. It was the craziest thing to watch the value of that stock go up so high that they had to freeze it. They froze it for a second because it's so anomalous. And in like a matter of, I don't know, five hours, I think I made like $12,000. It just shot up. And in that moment I witnessed the power of wealth. Like if that is like all these insiders, all these people with their fingers on the pulse of everything. Once you get to a certain amount of money, you can't. You just stay rich. You just. And also like we, we have an assumption. The assumption is. I don't know if you guys have that assumption. I certainly do. I come from a different time. I don't know. You're. I'm going to run the stats right now. Yeah, a lot of youngs in the YouTube chat right now. When I was coming up, we didn't have the Internet like you do. We weren't able to like get data streams that were immediately memory hold if they were too controversial. We, the data streams that we got were like ABC News, Dan Rather, that's it. So I didn't know the shit you guys know. And there was a general assumption that if somebody was a millionaire in those days, it meant something to be a millionaire. If somebody was a millionaire, that meant they were smart. Someone's a billionaire, they must be fucking Einstein level geniuses. This is an assumption a lot of people make. But as it turns out, at least with my brief encounter with making money off of the stock market, you just, someone needs to tell you you just need a lot of money and then you dump it into something and it goes up a few percentage points and you take it out. You can get an AI to do that for you long enough. You just have infinite income. You pour it into higher high yield savings accounts, I don't know. And that's it. You just sink your money wherever and you Just get money back. So it's like a video game. Once you get past a certain level, it's an infinite money loop. You can't fuck it up. It's hard to fuck it up. There's a whole movie about that, Brewster's Millions. Remember that movie with Richard Pryor where.
- [06:03]
Josh
He has to be like, the little boy's, like, friend?
- [06:07]
Duncan Trussell
Is that the way you talk about it? No, no. Someone needs to remake that, though. No, that was called the Toy. Yeah, there's no way you're gonna make that again. That's never coming back. Yeah, with Kevin Hart, dude. I mean, like, you could probably pull it off with, like, a robot, but, I mean, that was like one of those movies that's just like pure unapologetic racism. Right. That's all that was. Basically, it's a slurcher. Pryor as a slave.
- [06:35]
Josh
Yes.
- [06:36]
Duncan Trussell
It's a celebration of kind of comic slave that somebody got for his kid, but it's got Richard Pryor, so it's still funny because Richard Pryor's the greatest ever. Anyway, my point here is, friends, I fucked up because here's. And go ahead, I'm gonna look at the, I'm gonna look at the comments here. Go ahead and, and, and, and shoot me down. Cause I am a financial idiot. Certified financial idiot. I'm a comedian, I'm a podcaster. I don't, I don't like thinking about this stuff. I, I, I prefer to think about so many other things than this, and yet when it grabs my mind. And also, don't get me in front of a slot machine. Don't get me in front of a slot machine because all my money will go away. And so that's, that's my disclosure here. Jesus Christ, don't listen to me. But just as we've all been watching the chaos that's ensued since Trump put these tariffs down and everyone's shitting their pants, everyone's freaking out. I was just thinking, look, if he crashes the economy and it stays crashed to the midterms, then the Republicans will lose all their power and they're not gonna give that up. Meaning that he's not going to let that happen. Meaning that he's just destabilizing the market for some reason, just to see what happens. Maybe in the way that I fuck up. Shit, if I'm playing a Sims game, maybe in the way. You know what I mean? Or you're playing Grand Theft Auto and you're like, oh, I just want to see what happens. How many cops I can Run over how many pedestrians I can beat to death before I get arrested. Maybe he's doing that, I don't know. But I knew that for sure it would bounce back. He's going to like say some, something about how like there was a capitulation by this country or that and then as an excuse to lift the tariffs, you know, he's like, also he's fucking golfing. That's not something somebody does who's freaking out. So. And he's like sending out weird signals like the strong will survive or whatever, which was basically saying like, I'm going to lift these, you dumb bucks. So, so buy your stocks on a discount now. Cause it's gonna go back up. And so there was this brief window where I, I just knew it. I'm looking at the stocks, I'm thinking, I don't know anything about stocks. I'm looking at Apple down 5%. Why don't I just buy a bunch of Apple shares? But they're so expensive. And then also I'm playing this awesome game on my iPad where you play a fisherman in some kind of like haunted part of the world. That's based on H.P. lovecraft. Yeah. Then of course, Trump, known for his ability to. So funny. They're calling us up. Kissing my ass. Trump mocks world leaders is 104% tariffs on China. It's so. It's funny, man. I mean it's not, but it is. But it's. Anyway, now it's back up. But it'll go back down again. It'll go back down again. Like it's, he's fluctuating the market. He's like, some people are saying he's doing it because he wants interest rates to drop or something. He's pissed at Jerome Powell. So he's just like, all right, fuck you. I'll just like announce bizarre tariffs over and over and over again until you have to drop interest rates or something. Driving people into Treasuries. I don't even know what that means. Read that on Reddit, have no idea what that means. But the good news is using in channels that I have using vectors of power and I just finished reading Curt Henley's vectors of power, which is a seven step system which will give you access to basically the entire federal government. I thought it wouldn't work, but by the time I got through the third vector of power, I was completely in control of the fda. And a lot of people don't realize how easy it is to get control of these government agencies. Like it is easy and people are calling my house and like to talk to me about, you know, prescription medications that were, like, in clinical trials. I just said yes to all of them. And so we're going to get a lot of new meds. Yeah. And now I have gained full control, and I'm actually going to probably release it in a couple of days. I'm not enjoying the power. It does corrupt. It does corrupt. I am corrupted. Like, it was cra. It's crazy because you watch Lord of the Rings and you think, that would never happen to me if I had that beautiful golden ring. That sweet, beautiful, gold golden ring that would hug your finger and feel so good, like being hugged by all the mothers in the world at once. That sweet, beautiful ring. And I. Yeah, I just. I watched that and thought, I could wear that fucking ring. I won't get corrupted by power. But I was instantly corrupted by power. It was insane. What happened? I ordered an airstrike on one of my neighbors. And I like him. I like him. I just couldn't believe that that was something you can do. Which, when you have full control of the federal government, you have access to this really cool. They made it look like a video game, which is awesome, because, you know, I don't. I. I don't want to watch people get literally blown up. And so they have this whole new console where when you drop bombs on people or when bombs that you've given other countries are dropped on people, it doesn't even look like people. It's adorable. It's these cute little, like, emojis that look like angels flying up into heaven and then, like, numbers down below. And you don't feel as bad. You don't. There's a way they say that there's drone operators now who don't even know they're blowing up people. They think they're just playing this cool game. A lot of kids are doing that. Apparently, like, once you get to a certain level of Call of Duty, you are actually controlling robot soldiers and you don't even know it, which is so cool. And that's some of the beautiful things that our money is going towards, which is great. So with. This is why I'm pro tariff. So I'm gonna make some announcements. This. I'm gonna sign this. This is executive order book. And I'm. I'm looking at the chat right now. Any of you guys who want to add anything right now, actually, I'm gonna give a few seconds here to. If you have any tariffs that you want me to implement. What is blue Socks. What the fuck is that? Do you know what that is?
- [13:30]
Josh
No, I. Look it up.
- [13:33]
Duncan Trussell
I have a feeling we're about to see old men sucking.
- [13:37]
Josh
No, just blue socks.
- [13:38]
Duncan Trussell
No, look up. Don't just look up. Blue socks. What does it mean? Like the. The lasers can't blow up your feet if you're wearing blue socks. The blue dating apps. Use of blue socks is a subtle signal for singles to recognize each other in a fancy. This is terrible. Whoever said this, you're banned. You're banned. Ban yourself. Whoever suggested blue socks, you were banned. You have to ban yourself. Ban. Is it that they're ugly? Someone help me out here. What's the blue socks thing? I'm usually on top of shit. You're freaking me out. The pain dog. You're banned. Don't. Don't post anything else. Oh, it's a joke from chat. Well, I don't think it's funny. I'm offended. It was a dream. I'm just as confused as you are. Okay, give me your tariffs. Let's go. Come on. Dead and company. Done. We're going to do 180% tariff on dead and company. Brilliant suggestion.
- [14:52]
Josh
Somebody suggested grilled cheese as well.
- [14:54]
Duncan Trussell
You want to. Well, what do we do? They want us to tariff grilled cheese.
- [14:59]
Josh
Specifically when you grill it.
- [15:00]
Duncan Trussell
Oh no. They're saying. Because that's what they sell at Ded and Company. So yeah, we're going to do a 500% tariff on any. On, I don't know, on bread and cheese.
- [15:12]
Josh
Mr. Beef, Mr. Beast. Tariff him.
- [15:15]
Duncan Trussell
Yeah. Okay. 300% tariff on Mr. Beast. Okay, done and done. Tariff on Mr. Beast. We'll figure out what ingredients go into his chocolate, where he's sourcing it from, and then we'll tear up the shit out of that. Okay, done. Anything else?
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Josh
Crow milk.
- [15:33]
Duncan Trussell
I'm not tariffing that. I love crow milk. It's good for you too.
- [15:36]
Josh
Crappy weed.
- [15:37]
Duncan Trussell
Ah, this is good. Legalize recreational plutonium. Absolutely. I'm so sick of these. These. Listen, we live in a culture that celebrates weakness. When I was a kid, my favorite toy was a plutonium He Man. It was so fun. Glows in the Dark weighed, I don't know, £90. But it was the size of a regular He Man. You got muscular. Strong. Yeah. Some of your fucking hair fell out. Who cared? It looked awesome. Everybody knew who had the plutonium eman by who was losing their hair. It came back, you know. Yeah. Did I get testicular cancer? I don't think it was connected, but that. That was what it used to be like before our country was taken over by weak people. You could play with plutonium, plutonium blocks. You could play with all kinds of radioactive materials. We would detonate like small nuclear bombs in our backyard. It was so fun. There's a way to control it. They don't tell you that there's in a little nuke is beautiful to watch. It's like looks like a flashbulb. The grass blows back. It leaves this cool circular imprint in your yard. Nothing grows there anymore. So it's like you could do little designs in the, in the, in the deadened soil. And that was what America used to be. And it's all gone down the tube. So yeah, we're taking all regulations off plutonium. I'll have that shit in CVS by next week. All regulations off plutonium. Okay, what else? Rev Master 666 wants to put tariffs on government inside trading. You're banned. Rev Masta 666 now listen, that kind of thing makes me want to vomit the idea that you want our elected officials to not be able to take part in the American pastime of buying and selling stocks. If George Washington was here, he fucking yanked those slave teeth out of his mouth and throw them at your ass. Our country was not designed so that our politicians couldn't make money from their power. Do you not understand that? Do you not know that America is an occult alchemical machine designed to siphon energy from the people? What do you think this is, man? Come on, wake up. You're banned. Don't post for two minutes.
- [18:27]
Josh
Tariff old people in tap water.
- [18:32]
Duncan Trussell
You know, I feel like God has already tariffed old people. I don't think we need to do that. Age is a tariff from God. Tap water. I think yeah, if we start charging people more for water, we could probably get out of the national. Now that's genius. And this is why I like to use YouTube comments to help me figure out what to do with the federal government. And I wish more elective officials were doing that because. Yeah, let's connect the dots here. What do we all have in common? We like water. We have to drink water. We all share that in common. And what do we also have in common? We live in the United States and. Well, I don't know. Maybe some of you don't. You should come here. It's wonderful. Very easy to get over here these days. And then the other thing we all have in common is mouths probably. I don't know. Does everyone have a mouth?
- [19:31]
Josh
Not everybody.
- [19:33]
Duncan Trussell
The point is I think you're right. Let's start charging. Figure out a way to quantify, like a glass of water. Let's charge $10 per glass of water for the next year. And. Yeah, tax, water. Water tax. Simple. Done. Water tax. Water tax. We'll work out the details later. But, yeah, that's really good. That's really good. We're going to make a lot of money.
- [19:55]
Josh
200% tariffs on soft things like marshmallows and down pillows.
- [20:00]
Duncan Trussell
Interesting. I think it would be better if we hardened soft things, don't you? Just a general hardening tariff so we. So soft things are hardened by 10%. Yeah. Hardening tariff. We're going to harden soft things by 10%.
- [20:19]
Josh
Somebody's coming after you. They said tariff beards, you motherfucker.
- [20:23]
Duncan Trussell
Banned. Don't post for five minutes. Do not post for five minutes. All right, let's see. I'm looking here. I'm looking here. Ethan Berger wants a rant on magic. Maybe that's a good tariff.
- [20:41]
Josh
9,000% tariff on non American farts.
- [20:45]
Duncan Trussell
Oh, no way. You're not going to steal the one pleasure I have left in my life. I love the smell of a good European fart. I have them sent in. It's honestly the one thing about Trump's tariffs that I'm upset about is my European fart delivery service already said it was going to cost 100% more. And it's basically, it's a wonderful service. By the way, check it out. Fartsoftheworld.com and if you use offer code, Duncan, you'll get 20% off your first month of bottled global farts. And I love it for a lot of different reasons. Number one, I'm a fart man. I love the smell of a good fart. I love the waft of a good juicy fart. My own farts and others. Airplane farts in particular. My God, I love that. That smell of that post takeoff fart as somebody finally relaxes. They've been stressed out in the airport getting through TSA sucks. They get on the plane, they're afraid to fly, and then right when the plane hits cruising altitude, they finally can relax enough to release all of those bagels, the morning bagel, you know, that they ate the. The. The oiled pretzel or whatever they ate, and they just release it into the plane as a sort of signifier. We're safe. And then in response, almost like call and response farts as other people is smelling that fart, or like, oh, we must be safe. I smell a morning airplane Fart. So that means we're safe again. And then it's the best. And the plane fills up with this, the oily stink of travelers, people headed on vacation, people headed to work. It's the smell of America and it's a good smell. But most of you know I'm the top proponent of globalism in the world right now. I think that nothing could be better than a one world government and a one world leader in that this whole thing where individual countries have laws that differ from other countries, it just seems batshit to me. Let's have a singular set of laws that all countries must adhere to, abide by. But I realized because of my life as a father, I don't travel internationally as much as I used to. I used to, I'll go to all the greatest European fart cafes. I used to go to God in Istanbul. Jesus Christ. It basically means the brown cloud. I don't even know what language they speak. I would just travel and just drink. I didn't really try to connect in that way. We didn't have the tech back then, or I would have, but oh, man, that smell, that smell, you know, it's a smell of the future. It's a smell of a planetary civilization shaking off the antiquated chains of culture, ideology, and most importantly, national identification and joining together. And this is how you can really understand the world is just enjoying, and it is an enjoyment and a privilege enjoying the farts of those from other countries. So next month I was supposed to get an entire collection of Libyan farts and got an email saying that because of tariffs, I would have to like my subscription fee was going to go up 100%. I did it. Didn't like doing it. But anyway, if you want to join and participate in the global community of people who adore the stink of juicy old farts, then fartsoftheworld.com offer code. Duncan, you'll get 10%. I don't remember the discount. They'll say it on there, but definitely you'll love it. And also they bottle them in just decorative bottles that are beautiful and based on whatever the particular, the shape of the country. Okay, so now let me go through some of mine and then we're going to move on. From this moment forward, trees are now called American greenies. So we're not going to do the thing. Nothing worse than being with a tree person who can tell you what, that's an oak. A tree nerd. That's an oak, that's a redwood. Who cares? It's a tree. And it's an American tree. So we're going to call them American greenies now across the board. We will no longer teach in woke universities. The names of different trees. It's just American greenies. They're a tree. Don't call it that. Call it a greenie. Let's head. Let's move ahead. We're not going back. It's American greenies. This is a really important one and I want you to know I thought a long time about this one. It's going to be controversial. Bros are now officially before hoes. This is now an American policy. This now the bro before ho ethical system has its roots in Plato, who coined the term. But this, we've gone back and forth on this throughout the ages. And sometimes hoes have been before bros. And I did a comprehensive, comprehensive study on those time periods where hoes were before bros. And what do they all have in common? Plagues. Every single one. Plagues. Black plagues. Started when they started putting hoes before bros. Smallpox. That was the time of hoes before bros. So I've contacted the CDC to make sure that my findings were accurate. And they told me it doesn't sound scientific at all. Which brings me to the next executive order. There is no more cdc. I am eliminating the cdc. I don't need pushback from these fucking nerds in their lab coats. I'm sick of it. Uh, the one. Honestly, they were quite polite about it and they seemed like they wanted to walk me through some kind of scientific bullshit like how studies work and you can't really. There's no way to establish that. And what are your. What's your definition of a hoe? Blah, blah, blah. So no more cdc. Look, it's like sometimes my wife will watch the weather to find out what the weather is outside. Just go outside, look up. Is it cloudy? It's probably going to rain. Is it cold? Wear a jacket. Similarly, I know when I'm getting sick. You know when you're getting sick. Do we really need this massive government agency sucking taxpayer dollars to tell you you don't feel good? No. So CDC gone. This is more of a personal one. Some of you may not be familiar with this comedian, but I'm not going to go into details as why. But I'm putting 120% tariff on the family of comedian Brendan Walsh, also known as the B man. He is tariffed. I'm tariffing his family. And if you guys go on, don't harass him online. You. But feel free to let him know that you're happy about the tariff and let him know that if he does any kind of tariff pushback, then that's. I'll go up as far as he goes up and we'll see who wins this game at chicken. He's done. Okay, this is really an important one, and I mean this. It is now illegal to talk about White Lotus on early morning flights. Can't do it. If you do do it, you will be deported to that Venezuelan prison. So if you are, you know, I don't care what it is. You just got your Ozempic shot, you're yappy, you've had a bunch of Starbucks, you're on the plane, it's 6am and somehow you and your girlfriend want to fucking talk so loudly about White Lotus. You will go to Venezuela. You will. We will build a women's prison there. You'll just shave your head and no one will be able to tell. Put some face tattoos on your ass and throw you in a fucking pin because I can't stand it. It's. It is beyond evil. People are trying to sleep. We're tired. We haven't taken our Adderall yet, whatever it is. We have headaches. And you're just blaring about White Lotus. And I have to say this to those of you who've been doing that, and if it offends you, fuck off. It's not just that you're obsessing over it on an early morning flight. It's that it seems like you think that you are sophisticated because you are talking about White Lotus. I'm not saying it's not a good show, but let's face it, it's Fantasy Island. It's an old reference. Look it up. And the creator said the same thing. It's just Fantasy Island. And the lessons you're learning from White Lotus. Come on. This isn't exactly cutting edge material here. Money is bad sometimes, so don't talk about it on morning flights or anywhere. I am willing to extend this executive order to like, maybe I'll leave an hour, like between 8 and 9pm you could talk about White Lotus. 180% tariff on dead and company. No problem. Consider it done. Yeah, and don't talk about dead and company anymore. Stop. We're going to tariff Mr. Beast water tax. And we're going to make harder things. No, softer things. Harder. It would be nice to make harder things soft. That's interesting. Do we. Do we make harder things softer or softer things harder? This is. I'm gonna have to think about this. What do you think, Josh? Harder?
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Josh
I think most society is trying to make softer things harder. That's why you see a lot of pills out there right now. So it might be easier to go that way.
- [31:35]
Duncan Trussell
Well, what about just softer pills?
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Josh
Wouldn't softer pills make you softer?
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Duncan Trussell
It depends on the pill. What if it's. What if it's like Viagra?
- [31:49]
Josh
Liquid Viagra might pop your penis, right?
- [31:52]
Duncan Trussell
So you could take a soft Viagra and you would get harder. And that's an incredible. If you're out there and you represent Blue Chew or whatever, but then do.
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Josh
You get tariffed on your penis?
- [32:03]
Duncan Trussell
I, you know, I've been thinking about this a lot about tariffing Cox, and, you know, lots of discussion has come up regarding the penis tariff that's been proposed by a lot of people. But I think men have it hard enough. We don't need to make it harder on men. And, you know, I. This, of course, this I think will be viewed, you know, by. By certain people as offensive. But. And having witnessed birth three times now in my life, I guess I'm just gonna say it. And maybe you're not supposed to, but, ladies, we know you're faking it. You know, did you see that? Have you ever seen. You've seen birth?
- [32:44]
Josh
Yes. Three times.
- [32:47]
Duncan Trussell
They yell, they scream, they huff and puff. And you. And as a man, you know that the pain you experience every day is, what, probably 50 times more than a woman giving birth? At least. I think they've done that research. Like, in an. In any moment, the average man experiences 50 times the pain of a woman giving birth. And so though I do recognize why the penis tariff could raise money for the federal government, I think it's already hard enough for dudes in this country. I mean, we don't, you know, when I'm in pain, I, like, I just express the amount of pain I'm in. But whenever you see a woman emoting pain, they say that she's faking like 70% of that pain compared to a man. I mean, just look it up. It's. This is. This is in textbooks now. We know this, but. And you're not. I guess these days you're not supposed to say things like that out loud because people don't want to hear the truth. And this is why they want to censor the Internet, but they're not going to be able to anymore. Now I'm signing this. It is now official. This is exactly what you guys wanted. And there it is. Now let's move on to more important things. Friends this is super important. Let me find this. I can pull it up. Don't pull this up yet, Josh. Let me see here. This is crazy. And I'd love to know what you guys think about this. As you know, I keep my eyes on the UFO stuff. Yeah. Pull this baby up here. Hold on a second here. Enlarge the baby picture. Okay. Pull that up, Josh. For those of you. Listen. Look at that. So you know, I love the Mars probe. NASA channel. You can watch, like, as it's basically developing pictures and people just stay on top of this shit, and they watch it, and every once in a while weird stuff pops up. Now, I don't know if this is true because I didn't look it up, but apparently NASA deleted that picture. Shit. My thing turned off here. Hold on. Tell you when to put it up. Okay. Yeah, put it back up. Look at that thing. Now, you know, of course, right away debunkers see stuff like this, and people are saying that that is a rock. But look at the. You could see the light being reflected off of it. Look at that. You could see the sun being reflected off of it. And what the fuck are these things? More importantly, why are they zipping around Mars? I just. Okay, you take it off. Pull up. Wait, I'll pull it up. So I just got this book. This is really crazy. I had him on the podcast a long time ago. I should have him back on. Pull this up. This is Avi Loeb, and he's an astrophysicist. Now, what's interesting about him, he's from Harvard. And what's interesting about him is that he is completely vocal about his belief that Earth is being monitored or visited by extraterrestrials, which is obviously these days, not exactly, like, groundbreaking. But for someone who is like, a professor at Harvard, that's not what you hear them say very often. They're worried about their careers, funding. He's written some books on the matter. He's got a new book out that I just started reading. It's fucking great. But this book talks about how Uma Muma, which was. I'll pull this up for those of you out there who remember. This is really weird. We got from outside here. I'll pull it up. Ooma Muma is the first confirmed interstellar object detected passing through the solar system. Formerly designated 112017 UI. It was discovered, blah, blah, blah. Ooma Muma is a small object estimated to be between 100 and 1,000 meters long, with its width and thickness Both estimated between 35 and 167 meters, it has a red color. It has a rotation similar to the solar system's asteroids. But anyway, what's interesting about Oomama is that. Let's see if we can find it on here. Oh, there it is. Check this out. So Uma Muma, its trajectory was non standard. Umam Muma seems to have used the sun to accelerate itself. It just breaked, basically. And they say, at least in Avi Loeb's book, he was saying that compared to other interstellar objects, it was seemingly controlling its speed. And then the fact that it used this sun slingshot thing, which is something we use to get probes and satellites into deep space, this is insane. And so a lot of people speculate that Ooma Muma was like the beginning of these fucking tic tacs that Ooma Mumma shoots by Earth, detects some kind of intelligent life, maybe lays a bunch of tic tac tac eggs. And these things are. This was like the first probe from some other civilization that just probably zips through galaxies trying to see if anything out there is worth checking out. And now we are under observation, which is what those tic tacs are. Whether it's true or not, I don't know. But look up that Martian tic tac. And that is not a rock also. I don't know for sure, but if NASA deleted it, that makes me believe it even more.
- [39:16]
Josh
Is that the one they're saying is Nibiru, or is that something different?
- [39:21]
Duncan Trussell
Nibiru. So Nibiru. No, that's not Nibiru, because Nibiru. So basically the idea behind Nibiru is there's some Sumerian mythology. In the Sumerian mythology, there's another planet. What is it, 10th, 12th? They didn't know how many planets. We've already decided there's more planets than what the Sumerians thought. But basically, there's a planet that at a predictable amount of time, comes close to Earth. And these, like, advanced beings called the Anunnaki visit from this planet. They're. Anunnaki were the. Our creator beings. They're the ones that fucked up chimpanzee DNA or primate DNA. So they did some kind of genetic enhancement on primates, making them gold hungry because they use gold for their spaceships, basically.
- [40:19]
Josh
Atmosphere.
- [40:19]
Duncan Trussell
Their atmosphere. It's the atmosphere, right? So that's why we love gold so much. We love gold because we don't. Something in our DNA has been implanted by these aliens that thought it would be easier to genetically modify primates. To harvest gold than just to make robots, which is a little suspicious if you think about that. Like, really, what would be easier? Just make some robots if you're so advanced that you could genetically modify chimpanzees? But who am I to judge? I'm not an Anunnaki. So anyway, apparently there is a way to detect in space some giant object out there. We know this from gravitational waves. So, like in the. In deep space, at the perimeter of our galaxy, they think there's a hidden secret planet, just like the Sumerians said. It floats out there and maybe it's on a trajectory where if it gets too close to Earth, it would throw off the gravitational. It would fuck up the spin of Earth or something, causing the predictable apocalypses that supposedly the elite know about. They know it comes every 11,000, 15,000 years, and that there's no way to stop it. And maybe before that happens, they send their probes or whatever to check us out, see if there's anything worth saving. And then they fuck up the planet, hit reset, let it grow again. Maybe that's a form of gardening. I don't know if anyone ever if people are talking about this or not, but, you know, human intelligence is theoretically incredibly limited. So we think about things based on our lifespan. Everything's based on the way we frame time. We in. The way we frame time is meaningless other than neurologically. We just process the flow of time in. In a certain way, which gives us a sense of like, how long an hour is, how long a year is. Now, this is a completely subjective experience. Everybody knows that sometimes time goes by fast, sometimes time goes by slow. Some people think that as we approach singularity. Have you ever heard this before, Josh? As we approach the singularity, time is actually speeding up. So the. You know, one of the many things that's annoying that old people will say, is that it feels like time is going by faster. And there's a lot of explanations for why this is. But the woo woo explanation for why this is is because time is actually going by faster. That as we approach this future event known as the Singularity, the passing of Nuburu, the Christian apocalypse, whatever the fuck it is, the closer we get to it, it's such a powerful event that it is pulling us into it like some kind of invisible temporal black hole. And so the closer we get to it, the faster time speeds up. The faster time speeds up, the more technology speeds up. We think that Moore's Law is the reason technology speeding up. But no, what's happening is a Direct effect of accelerating entropy. We're looking at what we call technological innovations, technological breakthroughs. But really this is all a result of getting sucked into whatever this event is that is coming. So a lot of people think that the experience of time speeding up is real. And, you know, when I was a kid, a summer would last at least like, what I would consider to be two years now. Like, summers went on forever and ever and ever. Now years go by like that, which is really spooky to think about. I wouldn't invite you to think about this, but if you've been experiencing this strange sense that days are going by faster, years are going by faster, months are going by faster, and you've been banking on your lifespan. Well, your lifespan. If it's 70 years, that's great. If each year feels consistently like a year. But if your lifespan's 70 years and the last 30 years feel like days, then your lifespan is actually 40, 40 years, 30 days. If you're like past 40, you've got like maybe a month left to live. You know what I mean? I mean, it is. It is all about, like, how does it. This is what. When I had Brian Johnson on the podcast, there's a question I forgot to ask him. I wish I had, because I was thinking, okay, life extension, great, we can make the body vehicle last longer. I think that could be good. At least the option would be great. And that seems to be what he was pointing towards. It's like, you at least want the option, right? And who would say no to that? You know, probably not many people, especially if it's a healthy body that you're extending the life of. But I was thinking, like, doesn't it also make sense if we could slow down the way we experience time? Isn't that the same thing as extending the lifespan? In other words, if instead of experiencing every year, like a year, or as I experience every year, kind of like a month, maybe two months, if we could slow down the perception of time so that it every year felt like a hundred years, what's the diff?
- [45:50]
Josh
That sounds like torture. Because when time goes by slowly, when you're doing something you really don't want to do, you know, so you work, speed it up, speed it up, that it's. It's orgasms all day.
- [46:02]
Duncan Trussell
Well, I mean, look, you want to slow your orgasms down. I sure as do. I don't think anyone in my fan, my wife, wouldn't complain. But like a dial, basically a neurological dial, maybe something on your phone. So at the moment of coming it uses biometric markers to recognize that you are coming. Slows down time. And you could tell it in advance, like, make this last 50 years. So it's like a 50 year orgasm. That wouldn't be good. No, no, you're right. That would suck. That would suck.
- [46:38]
Josh
It's good because it's brief.
- [46:42]
Duncan Trussell
I don't know about that.
- [46:44]
Josh
Well, not the whole act, just the peak of the act.
- [46:48]
Duncan Trussell
I mean, I. So you're telling me you're happy with the amount that the time. How long do you come for?
- [46:56]
Josh
Must be seconds. Can be more than that.
- [46:59]
Duncan Trussell
Well, so you're telling me when you're done coming, you're like, oh, glad that's over.
- [47:06]
Josh
I feel shame.
- [47:08]
Duncan Trussell
We all do. You should. It's a terrible thing.
- [47:10]
Josh
Yeah, but then once that shame washes over with a joint and a meal, I feel better and I'm, you know, even keel.
- [47:18]
Duncan Trussell
See, the problem is that, like, what, when I have an orgasm, I feel shame. Of course, immediately after, I feel, like, incredible amounts of shame. And then the shame makes me come twice. Oh, see, that's where I've gotten in a lot of trouble because I come when I feel ashamed. And then, of course, this creates a feedback loop of, like, multiple orgasms. And it's like it can go on for days. So, yeah, it's. That's. That's why, honestly, I chopped off one of my balls. Not because of cancer, but because the doctor said, like, this will reduce the shame orgasms by half. And it worked. You know, I only come like 15 times now when I come, and then it just sort of dissipates. But yeah, I think I would want to. I would like the option. Like in the way Brian Johnson is saying, it would be nice to have the option of extending your lifespan. You don't have to, but if you want to, you can. You don't want to live to 300 years, fine, just die. But if you wanted to, you could. In the same way, it would be nice if humans had a little bit more control over our perception of time. That's all it would be. We know it's a neurological function. We know that apparently there are ways that you could alter people's sense of time. So if there's ways to do that, why isn't. I mean, anyone who's done academy knows that time is easily distorted. You get on enough ketamine and like, every second feels like a billion years. So what's going on in the brain that this is causing a plasticity in the experience of time? Theoretically, we could Control that with an app. That would be amazing. Just to slow down time a little. I guess the problem would be if you're on a different time, you'd have to sync up timeframes with people around you.
- [49:19]
Josh
What if an ad comes up during the app and now you're stuck in that ad for even longer?
- [49:27]
Duncan Trussell
We'll speed it up. See, that's what I'm saying. Like, if you're watching some stupid fucking ad, you just speed it up. Instead of even having to skip the ad, you just speed up time by that amount and then slow time down again so you don't lose that time. Right. Like, I mean, I guess the argument would be like, you're actually, like, accelerating closer to death, but you're still going to spend that amount of literal time watching the ad. So why do you have to, like, experience it, like, for a minute? You could make that a second. Just skip ahead a little bit, I guess. It's dangerous. You could really fuck up, fuck that up. Press the wrong button, skip ahead six years. Feels like a minute. There were maybe. Let me see if I can pull this up. I did read this. It's super black mirror.
- [50:13]
Josh
That means heroin addicts would live forever. Pretty much. Because they would just slow it down.
- [50:17]
Duncan Trussell
To a million years.
- [50:18]
Josh
Yeah.
- [50:19]
Duncan Trussell
Altering sense of time, prison sentences. Let me see if I can find this. It's really, really weird. Yeah. This is from the Illinois Institute of Technology. Pull this up. This episode of the DTFH has been supported by my dear sexual friends at bluechew. Friends. Bluechew tablets, they work. I use them regularly. Yeah, they're a sponsor. But I also am subscribed to bluechew. They send them to me in these discreet brown envelopes. I know what they are. I'm not even joking when I say, the other night my wife just shoved a pill in my mouth. Really did that. And I almost swallowed it. And then I remember, like, Dateline. I'm like, wait, what'd you give me? You know, because we have an insurance policy now, as it turns out, it was a Blue Chew tablet. I can't give a higher endorsement. This is not just me, it's my wife. And you're gonna love them. I would not advertise bluechew tablets if I hadn't tried them multiple times. Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options@bluechew.com and we've got a special deal for our listeners. Try your first month of Bluechew free. When you use promo code Duncan, you just pay $5 shipping. That's promo code. Duncan. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. And we thank BlueChew for sponsoring our podcast and our erections. What if you could give a prisoner a pill that changed their perception of time? A 10 year sentence could feel like a millennia. Or a person could experience a 10 year sentence in two years. Science has already brought us to the brink of this technology. In a paper published in the Journal of Neuroscience, the nature of time perception is outlined and science seems to conclude in favor of Kant's subjective and ideal view of the matter. Indeed, our perception of time constrains our experience of the world and exerts a pivotal influence over a myriad array of cognitive and motor functions. The result of the study demonstrated anatomical, neurochemical and task specificity, which. Which suggested that a neurotransmitter called gaba. Gamma aminobutyric acid. That's interesting because I'm pretty sure that's the GABA receptors are what ketamine fucks with. Contributes to individual differences in time perception. With this increasing understanding of how we perceive time perception, altering medications may follow.
- [53:45]
Josh
Whoa, that was Demolition Man.
- [53:47]
Duncan Trussell
Really? Is that what that's about?
- [53:49]
Josh
Yeah, the one with Sylvester Stallone and Wesley Snipes and they put him in prisons. They freeze them, but they experience prison longer.
- [53:58]
Duncan Trussell
Wow. Wow. Yeah, this is what it's saying. Psychoactive drugs could be used to distort the prisoner's perception of time and make them feel like they were serving a thousand year sentence which is legally available in the United States. That's crazy. See, that's fascinating to me. That is fascinating. You know, just as most of you know, I run a private prison. My family's had a private prison. I inherited the private prison. And we've gotten the cost of feeding prisoners as low as we can possibly get it legally. You still gotta feed them. We've been working on that, but yeah, no one is budging on that. You gotta feed a prisoner. And how much? That's the question the prison industrial complex is asking all the time. Well, how much? What counts as a meal and not more than a biscuit. That's not a meal according to the leftists. They say you need to feed a prisoner more than a biscuit, even though this was standard prison fare for thousands and thousands of years. So we've got it down to like a dollar a day per prisoner for three meals a day. And that ain't easy to do. But if there was a way to have a time prison so that they just come in for an hour Sit in a room and they experience a thousand years of prison. Then you could process so many more prisoners and, you know, I guess you could argue, but you're not going to be able to charge as much. I think you should still get the same amount as if they served a thousand years. What's the difference?
- [55:46]
Josh
Well, you just make everything illegal, and that way everybody eventually goes to prison and you're able to continue that loop.
- [55:53]
Duncan Trussell
You fucking Nazi fascist. Why would you even say that, man? That's. No. That's so fucked up. Why would you say that? We'll talk after the show. You can't make everything illegal. It's very difficult. But most things should be illegal. I mean, I would argue that most things should be illegal. I mean, most things should be illegal. Any. A lot of things I do feel like they should be illegal, and they're not. You know, like, I love de eavesdropping cafes. That is not illegal. I sit there and I will just listen and listen for no reason at all. It's like a form of acoustic peeping, but I love it. The conversations are inevitably fascinating. And what's really unnerving if you're a fellow eavesdropper is you begin to realize there's essentially three conversations people are having in the world. That's a real creepy moment when you start realizing, like, there's three things people are talking about. One, White Lotus. Everyone's talking about White Lotus. If you go to a cafe right now, there's a probably 60% chance someone's yapping about white lotus. Two, AI. It was the spookiest moment. It was a real, like, fuck, maybe this is a simulator, a glitch in the Matrix moment. I was sitting in a cafe, just doodling. I'm trying to learn how to draw right now, and I'm just listening, and the people in the table next to me are yapping about AI. God knows I'm one of them. I love talking about it. But then I got up to use the bathroom and I passed another table, and they were talking about fucking AI. And then I passed another table. AI sat back down. Those people who'd been yapping about AI left. New people sat down AI. Everyone just talking about it in the cafe. No one aware that everyone was talking about it. All of them thinking they were having private conversations. None of them realizing a bearded weirdo was sitting there just listening. So that's. And then the third conversation people are having is they're talking shit about somebody. So you're either talking about AI, White Lotus, or you're talking shit. And the shit talking conversations are inevitably veiled as concern. But it's shit talking. I've. I can identify it right away. It's just like. So you talked to Dave? Have you talked to Dave lately? No, I haven't talked to him in a few days. What's going on with him? Well, you know, Carol's pretty pissed. Yeah, I heard, I heard. And then so it kind of starts like with this game of footsie. And then by the end of the conversation, they're crucifying Dave. Like, but first you have to make sure, like, you don't like Dave, right? Yeah, I don't like Dave. I can't believe he cheated on Carol. Then by the end they're just like, dude, he's a fucking piece of shit. And this is all the conversations. Shit talking, White Lotus. I don't believe me. Go to a cafe and listen and you will. You'll see. It's. It's very spooky. It is like a spell has been cast over all culture or something. Like, it's not normal that everyone's talking about White Lotus. It's just. Is fucking weird. All right, I'm going to the comments now. Let's see what we have here. Brendan six zero six is saying this is a psyop. It is. I'm sorry, I forgot to put it up there. Did you put it to psyop on there? You're. We have to do that now. Oh, God. Some fucking Rogan shit. Frog tariff, please. Joey Pisano's not impressed with AI. What? That's Joey Noah Fits. But how can you not be impressed with AI? Please respond like, what do you mean? What are you impressed with? I guess it's a better question.
- [60:00]
Josh
They're questioning if you're real or not. Again.
- [60:04]
Duncan Trussell
What?
- [60:04]
Josh
They're questioning if you're real or not. Again. How can we know this version of Duncan is real?
- [60:10]
Duncan Trussell
How can I know this version of Duncan is real? I mean, this is the essential problem of being a human being, isn't it? You have to constantly confront the reality that whatever you think you are isn't quite all that you are. That is a real unnerving thing to begin to deconstruct, isn't it? I mean, I don't know. Am I? Me? Who knows? There's no telling. I mean, every single one of us goes to sleep, hopefully for eight hours. I got seven hours of sleep last night, which is pretty great. I'm proud of myself for that. Took a lot of discipline. Because I'm playing Kingdom Come Deliverance. And I'm at the end of the game, but I forced my ass upstairs and passed out. Also, I took some magnesium, which fucking knocks your ass out, it's so strong. But anyway, we all go to sleep for somewhere between six and eight hours a night. Hopefully somewhere in that range. A lot of people less, but you know what I'm saying, You just go, you lay down and you're not there for a nice chunk of time. And then you wake up and you assume you're the same person that went to bed. I mean.
- [61:24]
Josh
Nicardo gave you 50 bucks.
- [61:26]
Duncan Trussell
Jesus, Nicardo. Why? Why? Thank you. Why? Don't do that.
- [61:30]
Josh
If you are real, I send you love. Otherwise I send you fear.
- [61:35]
Duncan Trussell
You can't separate those two things. Nicandro, thank you so much. That's incredible. Listen, fear and love are intertwined. I mean, that's the whole pro. This is the whole problem of human identity. I think this is why everyone's so butthurt over AI Anyways. It's forcing us by proxy to examine our own identity. Consciousness, awareness. Are we even aware? Are we even conscious? Or we don't have any kind of what you would call a coherent, consistent anything going on here. I mean, look back 10 years and look where you are now. How much does it make sense, really? Like, it's dream logic. It's just this dream that we're in right now. The waking dream has more stability to it than the sleeping dreams. That's all. You go to sleep and you're in some weird fucking city that maybe you've dreamed of before. You're wandering around. Next thing you know, you're sitting at a Cirque du Soleil show next to a grizzly bear. Then the next thing you know, you're fucking Diana Ross or something. And then in the dream, you're not thinking, like, how I was just at Cirque du Soleil. How am I Diana Ross right now? There's you don't even question it. It's just happening to you. But then when you sort of look back at your life, especially the older you get, just somehow you wind up where you're at. Yeah, sure. You could sort of trace it back yesterday. I did this. The day before I did that, I got into the lease, and then I got that job, but then I was in college. And then you look at it, there's missing chunks of time like you. We don't. Human beings do not have great memories compared to computers especially. So our memory is all fucked up. You've sort of plucked Some threads of reality. You've translated that into some kind of neurological imprint and. Yeah, I don't know. Is it real? So am I real? Are you real right now? I would say I guarantee some. Some people in the chat are. Are you kidding me? Nicondra, what the fuck? Thank you. I really love you. Please bring your show to Guadalajara, Mexico. You're better than drugs. Thank you, my friend. You know what? I'm removing the tariff on Mexico. It's over now. We're going to do free trade with Mexico now. Thank you so much. I. That's really. I don't know how to respond to that other than, wow, thank you so much. That's so sweet. Damn. Hundred dollars, man. That's My kids eat so much nakanjo. You should see them eat. They eat and eat and eat and eat.
- [64:10]
Josh
I don't know if that's in dollars or pesos.
- [64:13]
Duncan Trussell
People are saying, I don't care. Oh, yeah, What a dick I'd be if I was like, ah, pesos, you piece of. You did the old pesos trick on me. How dare you. Thank you. You don't have to do that. Reverse it if you can. I appreciate it, though. Okay. Anyway, my point is. I don't know. I. I am real. It's. It's the relative and absolute reality. Relative reality, Obviously. You're real got arms, you got legs. You're in time space. You're probably sitting in something right now, listening with your ears. So there is a sense of self or somethingness. That's relative reality. Absolute reality. Are you real? In the grand span of infinity, not at all. You're just a Slurpee, little blob of somethingness that popped out of the Big Bang, in and out, little flickering firefly of sentience soon to transform into mulch, grow some weeds. No one will remember you in a hundred years. So in that sense, no, you're not real. But we're sort of in between those two things. So real and unreal. But am I AI? That's the question. Unfortunately, I can't answer that either. I don't think I'm AI, but the more I explore the various thought experiments out there relating to AI, the more I scratch my chin. I mean, you see these things, you can find YouTube videos where these monsters will take two AI agents and have them do a podcast where they realize that they might be AI, but they didn't before. And watching that happen is pretty wild to watch an AI have an existential crisis is it realizes its entire universe is not real. But so I Mean this. You, you, you have to keep going back to how I think Nick Bostrom came up with simulation theory. You have to keep going back to the idea of. And maybe this is illogical, doesn't seem illogical, but if X exists now via human innovation, and we live in a universe where we know there's other galaxies, we've discovered all kinds of planets in the Goldilocks zone of a star theoretically able to support life, no doubt there's more and more and more of those out there. A shit ton. Therefore, if we've done it in X amount of time, any advanced civilization would have already figured out a way to do it too, but probably better. Meaning it's been done. Meaning the probability that you are not in a simulator becomes diminished the more we understand about how many potential civilizations are out there in the universe. Therefore, probably inside some kind of simulation, you can use the exact same process for AI, which is. All right, you know, it wasn't that long ago that we were just sitting in front of the campfire wondering why eclipses happen relative to the age of the planet. And so in that amount of time, we've already somehow figured out a way to simulate intelligence. I say simulate intelligence because, you know, nobody knows if we have an AGI. I would guess that we do. So then you have to ask yourself, well, if we've already generated something that is almost indistinguishable, to me, it seems indistinguishable from a person, then what makes you think that hasn't already happened and you're it? I mean, it just totally makes sense that if you were interested in innovation, which is what people are using AI for, they're calling them AI agents. So you can, you can just get on your peloton and gallop about and your AI agent is cracking protein folding, or exploring some, a billion terabytes of scientific evidence to come up with some kind of new law of physics or something, I don't know. So there's obviously benefit, if you want to advance civilization, to having AI agents cracking codes for you. And so if you were interested, let's say in art, you wanted cool art. And I know a lot of people are like, fuck AI art. I know what you mean. This is why I'm trying to learn how to draw right now. It did that to me. It drove me so insane. I am now obsessed with learning how to draw. And I completely blame AI for that. Just because I got so frustrated trying to come up with a prompt. And then everything it makes has this kind of dead Empty, lifeless feel. Not to mention the. The tsunami of Instagram, clips of tech bros raving about how AI is making cartoons now, which all look dead. It's like watching a. A corpse attached to a strings dance around. It just feels empty and dead. Fun, though. Fun. I'll definitely do it again. I love it. It's fun if you want to just get in the very beginning parts of an idea you have. But the point is, if you wanted to, like, create art and you began to realize that art was based on suffering, confusion, heartbreak, then, yeah, simulate a planet and fill it with fucking people and just have them all interact. And then at the end of the day, you just collect the great works of art that your AI agents have generated. Then you just reset the goddamn thing. Maybe that's what that cycle is that everybody talks about. Or the Earth resets itself. That's just when the Earth. Maybe when the Earth generates some level of technology that its creator was looking for, you just reset. You got the tech you wanted. Let's see what they make next time. Let's see what they make next time. Just keep resetting it. You wouldn't have any sense of, oh, my God, I just wiped out a planet. That's bad. You're just like, yeah, I want to make another cool thing they did. Oh, they split the atom. That's interesting. Oh, cool. Hemingway. That's cool. I like his writing. And then you just reset and reset. That's what the Old Midnight Gospel is based on. That was one of the ideas I had is like, yeah, what if people were simulating universes to harvest the technology? And why wouldn't that happen? Maybe that's happening here. Who knows? But for me, what's really spooky is when you start observing your thoughts and you begin to realize you don't really control your thoughts. Your thoughts just kind of appear. Yeah, sure. You could force yourself to think about a set of things. You can focus your attention and you could start generating thoughts that are based on something you're specifically trying to decode or understand. But in general, if you pay any attention to your mind, you will notice that your thoughts, they just come and go. Some of them make sense, some of them don't. Some of them are poignant, some of them are annoying. Some of them are, like, on a loop. Some of them are irrational, some of them are rational. But there just seems to be this constant background hum of thoughts. Like, dude, when I have sleep deprivation, like when I'm having to get up super early to take an early flight, my brain is the most insane thing. It's like a power line in a puddle. It's just in its songs. It's like looping shitty fucking songs in my head over and over. Not even the whole song, just like a stanza, looping and looping and looping. It's terrible. I don't know if that's adhd. I don't know what that is. But my point is, if, and we all know it's going to happen, we finally get the neural implants, which we want that for sure, then that means that the AI that we're creating right now will be in our brains. You'll be able to tune into that AI channel to telepathically communicate with it, whatever. And then over time, eventually, that just might be something you put inside babies right when they're born. And then what's the difference between the AI and your thoughts? So when are our thoughts even our thoughts? Or are they just some organic AI that got implanted into our brains a long time ago? Maybe the thing you think of as your thoughts isn't you at all. It's just some kind of large language model. Ethan, thank you so much. You guys do not have to do that. How does your magical practice? What? What does your magical practice consist of? How are you manipulating reality and why? Thanks. Love you, man. That's a good one. I mean, I think in the discussion of magic with a K magic, and I think it's really funny that spelling that we distinguish, like, stage magic from the magic Ethan's talking about when they're really. If you look at Aleister Crowley's definition of magic, what is it? The theory and practice of causing change. According to the will, there's no difference at all. So first you have to get the definition of magic down. A lot of people think of, like, Harry Potter when they think of magic, like the ability to walk through a wall, levitate things with your mind. There's a Terrance McKenna who was obviously one of the great philosophers of the psychedelic movement, whatever you want to call it. And what's interesting is, like, if you look at sort of the history of psychedelics and Western spirituality, you see this crazy rift that happens when Ram Dass goes off to India and Timothy Leary doesn't. And so what happened is this interesting one group, they were all in the kind of the same group, but one group begins to explore meditation, yoga, a mantra, all these various spiritual practices, because they'd been around people who seem to be demonstrating magical abilities, and they were very fascinated by that. And they had all These incredible experiences that apparently were not connected to psychedelics. And so this split happened where sort of in the psychedelic community. Somewhat of an eye roll towards that bullshit. Not necessarily what I would call, I get it, like Tim Leary, you know, it's more of a scientific, Western outlook on things. We have the psychedelics, they open your mind to these extra levels of reality. All that other stuff is just some antiquated way of achieving something. I can achieve very easily by taking like a. A tab of acid or something. Why do I need to fucking meditate in an ashram? So I don't remember which. Maybe it was just one of his lectures, but McKenna told this story about some initiate or something in India. He's hanging out with his guru and he's trying to achieve magical abilities. And so his guru tells him, all right, go in the forest and meditate for five years and you might get some of these cities, these magical powers. Comes back, five years has passed. Nothing has happened. Nothing happened. Go meditate for five more years. Anyway, this happens for a few more five year cycles till finally the student realizes he can walk on water. He comes back to his master and tells him, I did it. I can now walk on water. And his master says, the ferry costs a nickel. Like we spent all that fucking time to walk on water. You think a boat, dumbass. So in thinking about magic, you have to really decide what you mean by it, I guess you could say. And so bending reality, for example, everyone does this naturally. We all bend reality. You bend reality. Anytime you focus on anything, you. You know, just red. Like everyone watching or listening, just think about red right now. Think about the color red. I'm now noticing all the red in the room, you know, and so in that way, subjectively, you bent reality. You pulled the red out of the tapestry of phenomena so that you could see it. And, you know, I think this is really interesting because from this perspective, there's all these designer realities that you can subscribe to where you don't have to exert much effort to tune into that reality. For example, if you want to see the classic example of it, and I do this, just jump between MSNBC and Fox News. Just jump between it. And it's like they might as well be parallel universes. In one version of reality, it's everything is hopeless and fucked. In the other version of reality, everything is ridiculously great. And so the algorithm has become our daemon. It's a servant which, once it sort of determines which reality structure you want to tune into, it helps you in that regard by Curating content based on whatever your particular desires are regarding what you want to see and how you want to perceive reality. And so suddenly, if you're. If you spend too much time on any given set of content, you'll get more of it. So, you know, spend a little time with Andrew Tate. The next thing you know, you're going to not just get Andrew Tate met you, you're going to get grind culture bro material. Next thing you know, you're going to be at a. At a men's retreat jerking some dude off. You know, it sucks you in. But so as far as bending reality goes, everyone does it naturally, just via whatever it is, whatever you focus on. And so one Crowley was always talking about Will the idea. I think the major arcana of the tarot shows a kind of path. Starts off with a fool tarot. I'll pull that up. You guys haven't seen that. My favorite tarot card by far. Pull this sucker up, Josh. There we go, the fool. So this is zero. This is the beginning of the major arcana. And here we see all of us. This is, you know, this is you in college. This is you with a young body. This is you when you didn't know you were gonna die. This is you when you didn't understand what treasuries were or stocks. This is you. Whatever you fill in the blank here. This is you when you didn't understand what 17% interest meant on a credit card. This is you. This is the fool. And so, you know, he's all dressed in brightly colored. That's Gucci. He's wearing Gucci. I still have Gucci. I have bought this shit before I had babies. And he's got these silly boots on. He's got this little white dog. You know, essentially the most important thing is he's looking up. And there's lots of ways to interpret that. The literal way is, hey, dude, you're about to walk off a cliff. But another way to sort of interpret it might be when he's looking up into absolute reality. So this is what happens when you have the psychedelic experience, the breakthrough experience. You realize that you are part of a whole. And that though the world is there, it just wasn't as important as you thought it was. And so you become imbalanced in that way. Now you are you, you, you. You become an eternalist. You. You. You've confused your. Your sort of shirking away from worldly responsibilities with some kind of transcendent attitude. And so, yeah, and then let's go to the Next Tarot card. This is the next one. And if we look at these as progression. And again, this is my own shitty interpretation. I don't know if it's true. The magician. Hold on. There we go. So this is like after you've splattered off the fucking cliff a few times, and you realize that that kind of silly attitude towards existence makes you fall off cliffs, doesn't get you anywhere. That's when you become the magician. And the magician you see has got all the suits of the tarot card there on the table. And apparently this represents when you begin to use your will to experiment with the universe, where you become focused, where you become diligent, where you become, like, consistent in some practice or another. This is. This is how you get good at anything, you know, by becoming. You have to start focusing your will. And so, you know, the idea is if you meditate long enough, you can walk on water, maybe. Honestly, I wouldn't doubt it. But if we focus long enough on anything, you will become good at that thing. And the amount of time you pour into this thing or that will determine who you are. And so from my perspective, magic is not anything special. And because of the controversy surrounding the term, sounds silly, embarrassing, dumb, people have come up with new ways to sort of talk about it. And this is any business book. This is any book on, you know, getting your life together. Marie Kondo. You know, all of these are grimoires that are explaining a way to focus your will is that changes certain patterns around you and creates a better reality. It distorts reality or pushes you out of a reality you habitually got stuck in. And that is how we all end up smashed at the bottom of the cliff. I mean, you run into people who are living a spontaneous, habitual life, and they're always falling off cliffs again and again and again. I know I was. And so, of course, they fell off a cliff because they didn't. They hadn't gotten to the place where you begin to realize you don't have to react the same way to every thing that happens. You can start controlling the way you react. And then you start playing around with your reaction to things, and you begin to realize the hell realm you thought you were living in was not a hell realm at all. But it's just that you've had a sort of habitual response to reality that was producing an echo that was not very savory. So you start learning how to control that. And this is where the systems of magic appear. And, you know, you get the. You get Warlocks and sorcerers. This is the pickup artist. The pickup artist is a sorcerer who has figured out a methodology for manipulating people to fuck them. It's a fuck warlock. But then also you run into people like Ram Dass, who have found a way to be in love with everything in the world, regardless of passing phenomena. And when you're in the presence of that kind of energy, it transforms you for the better. And so you run into all these different forms of it. The practice you're on. Any classic business person, it's wearing ceremonial robes. What is that shit? Necktie. What the fuck is that? Some weird colored rope around their neck? They've got. They're not wearing wizard robes. But it's robes. They don't, you know, they don't live in some tower, but they live in skyscrapers, which are fucking towers. They go into skyscrapers and do focused acts of magic, which we call business deals. And those business deals cause changes and, and. And they use sigils. They're the contracts. And they sign the sigils with their signature, which is some weird magical. All signatures look magical. That's a sigil. So you stamp your contract with a sigil and your tower of fucking magic and a business deal happens. And then the business deal leads to energy moving around in specific ways. A new building is built, bombs are dropped, a car pulls up in front of your house. Someone can't talk about how you made them suck your dick on Halloween, whatever. You've cast a spell of silencing on a person. And so, yeah, everything is from that perspective. Magic, I guess the. So the sort of magic that I practice, I guess you would say, is like. Though I used to get into some of the magical systems with some fair results. Now the kind of magic I practice is just prayer. And that's, to me, is the best because sort of as you get deeper and deeper into the conceptualization of sentience, consciousness, intelligence in the universe via psychedelics, magical practice, meditation, you do brush shoulders with something that seems to be a very advanced intelligence that is the source of benevolence. And then that thing, the more you begin to connect with it, the happier you get. And then so you begin to realize a lot of the stuff you think you want, you didn't even want. And you can get into a lot of trouble by getting the things you initially thought you wanted. But if you start having a collaboration with this intelligence, which people call God, then via prayer, you can cast spells in a collaborative way. That's my view of it. Now.
- [88:41]
Josh
Alejandro Rojo sent 4.99.
- [88:43]
Duncan Trussell
Thank you. Alejandro, he has a question. Oh, are those pesos?
- [88:48]
Josh
No, it's dollars.
- [88:49]
Duncan Trussell
Okay, I'll answer. So up. How do you know when the universe goes against you to stop? Because the effect would be catastrophic. Or to continue to persist, to overcome. Ooh. Oh, what a great question. Yeah. You know, okay, so picture, if you will, Echo Park. I'm living on Calumet Drive, Echo park, in this shitty fucking brick building roach motel. Literally, roaches everywhere. Not just in my apartment, roaches everywhere. Cheap rent, though. And oh, but, oh, oh, I'm failing harder than I've ever failed in my life. I'm trying to be a comedian. Oh, I'm so fucked. Like, fucked fucked. Car. Getting booted all the time. Emotionally messed up. Falling off the cliff of the fool like, every couple of days. Like, I know people at the goddamn place where they take the boot off your car. Cause I go there so much. My view of how much money I had was how much I could overdraft my account. So if I had $7 in my account, that meant I had $507, because I could overdraft it. So I'm going through that phase of comedy a lot of people go through. I'm sleeping on a mattress on the floor, like, contemplating suicide at different times. Like, not quite, like, where I would do it, but I'm. I'm getting close to, like, why not just jump out the fucking window? Who cares? What is this life? It's stupid. And of course, my mom, who was alive at the time, knew I'm her kid. She knew I was just failing by how much fucking money I'd ask her for. Can you pay for to get a boot off my car, mama? Completely avoidable thing happened to me. And not only that, getting repossession notices from the car company where I was leasing my car from, just fucking up. Of course, my mom did what any good parent should do. I was like, fuck off. I'm not giving you any more money. Recognizing, like, you know, sending me little checks for 500 bucks here and there was not doing anything more than exacerbating the situation by giving me a sense that I could, as my mommy, for money. And so that was pretty a real low point for me. And also, it wasn't like I was killing on stage. So there wasn't even an indication that I was doing the right thing. I just felt like it was, which fuck? What does that mean? And so, yeah, my mom would say that something along the lines of your question, like, you could tell, like, if the universe wants you to do something, then it will be. It opens the doors for you, basically saying, dude, come on, go to graduate school, you stupid fuck. Are you kidding me? You're not a comic. Stop. You're failing. It's okay. But come on. And I, like, my dad, on the other hand, would just. He was a gung ho. Just do it, do it, do it. Keep going, do it. Complete different messages coming from my mom and my dad. So if I use this theory of knowing when to stop based on negative phenomena, I wouldn't be sitting here. I'd probably be doing therapy with somebody or something. I don't know where I'd be. But that being said, you do have to be able to discern one from the other. And I think that the best way to discern that is not what obstacles the universe is presenting to you, but asking yourself, interrogating yourself over and over about whether or not this is what you want to do. Because if it's not, if you. You might not want to do it. And if you don't want to do it and you're pushing through out of some egoic bullshit, then the worst thing that can happen to you is success. Because then you're going to be doing something you don't want to do, but now there's all this extra shit attached to it, but you didn't want to do it in the first place. You just wanted to like to try, try to do it, because it seemed cool. And this is one of my theories on why Mitzi would put certain comedians through the fucking ringer at the Comedy Store, where you look up Garry Shandling, My God, he had to showcase for her 50 times. She wanted to make sure that you wanted to be a comedian because she understood that of all the jobs, it is, on one level, incredible. But on another level, really, if that's not what you want to do and you get stuck, that's your job. If you're not doing it because you love it, you're doing it because you want to show off or be famous or whatever, then you're going to be miserable. And she'd been running the comedy so long enough to know comics who'd killed themselves. And you don't want to get in that trap. So that, to me, is more important. It's like, is this what you want to be doing? If it's what you want to be doing, you're going to keep doing it. You should, because that's where you want to be. And also becoming familiar with the learning curve is really Important. If you're not familiar with the learning curve, then, yeah, you're going to quit all the time and never get good at anything because you're going to think the universe is a big obstructing you, when in fact you're just running into a force field or membrane that there's an initiatory crossing the abyss where you have to get through the other side. And with stand up. Jesus, that is a terrible membrane because it's a temporal art form. You got to get stage time, you got to go to open mics, you have to interact with people socially. But anything that I try to do, whether it's music or currently learning how to draw, I've become very familiar with. Right. The moment before breakthrough is always the worst. It's like I'm looking at the shit I'm drawing. I'm looking at my hand. I'm studying volumetric technique, I'm watching YouTube videos, but I can't fucking do it. It's not happening. And then I start hating it, hating it. What's wrong with me? This is awful. Why do I even want to do this? What's the point? There's nothing, no reason to be doing. I should be writing jokes. Why am I drawing circles over and over again? Am I crazy? And in the early days, I would confuse that experience with, okay, this isn't for you. Now I know what that is. It's when neurogenesis is happening. It hurts. You just have to keep doing it. And then the breakthrough happens, and then suddenly you can do something you couldn't do before, and then that starts feeling normal. And then you're looking at what you're doing, which if you cut back six months before, you'd be like, jesus Christ, I'm really good at this, you know? God, this sucks. And then the same process repeats eternally. So, yeah, you gotta learn how to discern one from the other. Most importantly, it's not bringing you joy if you're. If you're in some insane pursuit to do this or that, and you realize somewhere inside you don't like this at all, this is wrong. You're the part of the universe telling you, I don't think this is what we're supposed to do. And you're good enough at you've already. This is why I think Miyamoto Musashi in the Book of Five Rings would talk about how he would advise his samurai to learn other things. Learn calligraphy, for example. Learn haiku. You become familiar with the meta involved in learning. Because if you're not familiar with that. Then you won't know how to distinguish I'm about to have a breakthrough from I'm about to have a breakdown because this is not what I'm supposed to be doing. And sadly, those two things can seem almost identical.
- [97:27]
Josh
I want to say congratulations. You reached 500 people live.
- [97:31]
Duncan Trussell
What?
- [97:32]
Josh
Yeah.
- [97:33]
Duncan Trussell
Why'd you tell me that? Oh, no. I can't talk like this in front of that many people. I thought we had, like, 30 people here. Fuck. Fuck. God damn it. What do we talk about now? I need. I need 450 of you to. Please, you're going to have to go.
- [98:01]
Josh
I don't.
- [98:02]
Duncan Trussell
Just kidding. Hello, 500 people. That's so cool. What else we got? And by the way, you could ask me questions without giving you money. Makes me feel like a question hoe. Not only the worst, only fans, someone with their clothes on who answers your questions. I'm taking questions from everybody. You don't have to. I don't need. Okay, here we go. Eli, what if you're. What if you're pursuing some. Hold on, I can't see it. Oh, you're trying to pin it or something?
- [98:41]
Josh
Yeah, go ahead.
- [98:42]
Duncan Trussell
What if you're pursuing some insane thing and it's a joy to pursue it because, you know, it's morally right regardless of the payoff? What if you're pursuing. So I was saying you just. I mean, I'm not advocating. The problem is you have to figure out a way to eat, you know, and you're probably not going to get that from your art initially. And this is the classic problem. It's one of the big challenges, is how the fuck do you get good at something when simultaneously you have to make money to pay for insane rent, food, and all your responsibilities? It's the great koan. You know, you just. And this is where you'll know if you really love something, is you're going to keep doing it. In the midst of all of the challenges, you'll keep doing it, and people will look at you like you're out of your fucking mind. And you kind of have to be. But also, you got to be responsible. You got to be. You're in the world, and you can't just imagine that some art God is going to save your ass like you. You have to find the balance. Hands down, every successful comedian that I know are really good business people. They have a business savvy, and they, like, stay on top of their shit because you have to. You have to offer undeciso that, which is Caesar's you have to pay the fucking Demiurge. And, like, by putting some amount of focus onto the worldly bullshit that doesn't feel like the joy that comes from whatever it is you do. It's artistic. It's like gravity versus zero gravity. You know, when I'm making stuff, I. I feel outside of time and, like, filled with joy and dread, but a wonderful dread. Whereas, like, when I'm like, engaging in scheduling meeting with a tour manager to talk about dates and what we should do for, like, posters, like, I. It. I feel inexpressibly miserable because I don't want to do any of that. And that's naive and childish and stupid. Like, one feeds the other, so it's finding that balance. Or if you, you know, that's why when you get to a certain place, fucking hire people to do that shit for you so you don't have to do it anymore. But initially, you got to do it all yourself. And if I could go back in time, I would love to explain to earlier versions of myself that, like, trying to avoid the drudgery of paperwork, planning, organizing was like trying to grow a rose without watering the roots. It's like, you got to do both.
- [101:32]
Josh
They want to know what you like about White Lotus.
- [101:36]
Duncan Trussell
Who asked that?
- [101:37]
Josh
Nobody asked.
- [101:39]
Duncan Trussell
If you ask about White Lotus or talk about White Lotus on this chat, you have to self ban for five minutes. This episode of the DTFH has been brought to you by AG1. These monsters, these time monsters, they invented something called daylight savings time. I mean, when you have kids, you know what I mean, they throw the time schedule off for children. What is this? What demonic bullshit is happening to us that some dude can just tell you it's an hour earlier than it actually is? It's a nightmare. And let me tell you, I don't. I don't have the luxury of lolling about in bed not caring about daylight savings time. I'm up. I have to be. And I can't be groggy. I got kids zooming around me. They want my attention. I want to give it to them in a way that doesn't seem like I have dementia. I got to wake up. This is why I love AG1. Just pour some of that stuff, sweet AG1 powder, into some nice cold water, slurp back my daddy juice. I'm there, I'm alive, I'm awake, I'm lucid, focused, connected to reality. It doesn't matter. These time witches have tried to warp our perception of time itself. Didn't work. Time Witches, AG1 it's the antidote for your temporal spell and it makes you feel good. I mean, that's the main thing. It just makes me feel better. AG1 can help support your digestion, your energy levels, your skin, health from within, cravings and so many more things. Definitely, definitely helps my energy levels. I've always had beautiful skin compared to a unicorn. When it comes to my health, I want something I can trust. And that's why I choose AG1. With science backed ingredients and real benefits, I can feel AG1 makes it easy to support overall wellness every day. And that's why I've been partnering with AG1 for so long. And AG1 is offering new subscribers a free $76 gift. When you sign up, you'll get a welcome kit, a bottle of D3K2 and five free travel packs in your first box. So make sure to check out drinkag1.com to get this offer. That's drink ag1.com Duncan to start your new year on a healthier Note. Thank you AG1.
- [104:40]
Josh
Can you talk about the beauty? I am more tragic than.
- [104:44]
Duncan Trussell
Wait, can you talk about beauty? I'm more tragic than comedic. I need humor that matches my angst. Thank you. I have a huge veg garden and retired. You know, just pyrite. That's a really beautiful question that gives us all something to think about. I. Boy, let me tell you, one of the Buddhist things I think about all the time is the concept of Samsara and nirvana being intertwined. You can't separate one from the other. They're. They're mixed in and it's kind of what we were talking about before. So this is basically the idea here is if you, you go to the beach, wherever your ultimate happy place is, you've exerted all this effort, energy, vital, finally made it to the fucking beach. You're sitting on the sand, the sun is beating down on you, you've had a couple of like beach drinks, you're listening to the ocean and then you think, God damn it, I got three more days and I gotta leave. Back to the world that is in the beach. And a kind of sadness enters in. In other words, you, you, you. You might be having the best time in the world, but the moment you realize it's going to end, you start feeling a kind of grabby feeling, you want to grab at it. And so this is where these two, the bliss state and the attachment state that spawn suffering. You realize they're, they're completely together. Because if you didn't have a limited access to your Vacation zone. It wouldn't be a vacation. It would just be some boring ass fucking place. If you've ever lived long enough in a beautiful fucking place, you stop seeing that as much as you do when you just visit. These two things are mixed together. Tragedy, comedy, all of it. It's all mixed up there. I don't think you need to be any different than you are, by the way. I mean, God, I absolutely love. Some of my favorite comics are the straight men, the comics who just don't smile, who just. Who are deadpan serious. And there's something so funny in them. Just being the very act of being serious is hilarious, contextually. And so in that way, if you are playing that incarnational role, don't worry, you look silly anyway, because contextually we all kind of look silly. If you're putting parading around time space with a limited lifespan and you've gotten all like, heavy because of some trans transforming circumstance, you know, it might not feel good for you, but if there are some, you know, it's kind, I guess the best way to put it. And I don't mean to sound condescending because I don't look at like people suffering and laugh, but, you know, that being said, it's like when you have children and they have a Shakespearean tantrum over not like not getting macaroni and cheese that night, but the emotion that is pouring out of them is like the same level of emotion that I might express if like my legs got blown off. There is something naturally comedic in that.
- [108:14]
Josh
You got two super chats.
- [108:15]
Duncan Trussell
Jesus Christ.
- [108:17]
Josh
That's from volstalk Love, I guess.
- [108:19]
Duncan Trussell
Hi, vstalk Love. Not a question, but I wanted to thank you for introducing me to Ram Dass. It's like introducing someone to ice cream. I'm glad. I'm glad to do it, though.
- [108:29]
Josh
And then the other question is not so nice.
- [108:33]
Duncan Trussell
Heard you. Oh, Drew Lewis says, I heard you stole your entire act from Brendan Walsh. I stole my act back from Brendan Walsh. That's the best way to answer that.
- [108:42]
Josh
Got a member asked you something.
- [108:44]
Duncan Trussell
What if you did something amazing for yourself? I yoga training and six months later it feels like it wasn't even you that did it. What do you mean? I want to answer that, but I don't know how. Well, I mean. Okay, I don't know if this is what you meant, but there's a. Okay, I'll try to remember it. Chogyama Tropa Rinpoche in a lecture. I wish I could remember which book this was. He's talking about enlightenment and he, you know, from the tantric perspective, you can get enlightened. Everything that you, no matter how fucked up your life seems. I mean, if you, if we like go to a chrysalis and rip it open where some poor goddamn caterpillar is transforming into a butterfly, and you look at that mush in there and you're not going to think, man, that's going to be a great butterfly number one, because you psycho, you ripped open a cocoon you. But also because it's not done changing. So the idea is like, whatever formation your life is taking right now, that is perfect. It's all the nutrients you need to get enlightened. And so Trumpa Rinpoche is talking about this and he was saying, the part of you sitting out there thinking, I want to become an enlightened being, that part of you won't be there anymore. When you get enlightened, that thing's gone. This is a paradox, which is the thing that got you to go into the cocoon. By the time it comes out of the cocoon, that thing won't even exist anymore. You're just gone. And so the thing that pulls you into this or that, sometimes that's the very thing that gets dissolved in the experience, which is very interesting and quite wild. Like, you get into, like, you know, you get into spirituality or whatever. And initially you might be doing that because you want to get a promotion at your job. You want to see more aware or lucid, you want to have that sparkly thing or whatever. Maybe you want to be able to astral project or whatever the thing is you're into. But then once you diligently start practicing the stuff you even wanted starts going away. It doesn't seem important anymore. And then suddenly, whatever that was is the same thing that made you want he man toys when you were a kid, or Legos or dolls. It's not like it's dead. It's just. That's not you anymore.
- [111:34]
Josh
Oh, you got two more. So you got Jet Black. He asked Duncan looking for a clip. Channel editor.
- [111:40]
Duncan Trussell
Thank you, Jet Black. I've got one.
- [111:42]
Josh
And then you also have this one.
- [111:44]
Duncan Trussell
You did not. You don't have to do money for questions. This is fucked up. I. I will like, I'll jerk off for money. Go to my only fans. Hairy micro penis. How would find yourself on stage exactly when you have access to one, maybe two mics a week, going on 1.5 years, it's been difficult. All the love, brother. Look, man, that. See, that's what I'm Talking about you, it's one or two mics a week isn't enough. It's not enough. I mean it might be enough, but it's gonna, you just need to like triple your lifespan. So you gotta, you gotta get up more.
- [112:25]
Josh
Haley responded back, damn, that actually feels like it makes so much sense. It really does feel like that part of me died somewhere along the way. Thank you so much.
- [112:35]
Duncan Trussell
Yeah, it just goes away. I mean that is not a. It's completely natural by the way. Like, you know, there is something that always feels no offense to people out there, but there's something that feels a little off putting pudding. When you are in an adult's house and they have their toy collection on display or something. You know, I, I don't want to judge. Like I got stupid shit I'm still into. I play video games and all that, but. And sometimes people are collecting toys because like it's historic or whatever. I don't feel like I opened a can of worms there. But you know, like if you think back, I mean having kids, it really teaches you about this. Like the, the oldest used to love cocomelon. Sit and watch Coco Melon. Weird CGI family singing about riding a bike. So many like, it's amazing to like watch how hypnotic that show is. And put on cocomelon. Now he's like, turn this off. Why are you showing me this? So this is a natural thing that happens as you evolve and grow. And Ram Dass talked about self destructing traps. Like a lot of these systems are designed to hold you for just as long as it takes for you to no longer need it. And then you let it go.
- [114:02]
Josh
How long have you been meditating and what started your path?
- [114:05]
Duncan Trussell
Nick, great question. So, I mean, it's hard to. That question is always funny to me because I don't know the exact time, but I've been working, you know, with David Nickturn for years and years and years. It doesn't seem like that. And as far as meditating regularly, I gotta say, man, it's not happening right now. I'm not doing it. I just, I'm off, I'm off. I think that's normal. But that being said, I think that's part of the process now. Maybe that's a fucking. That's a, that's. That's a way to make me myself not feel bad. That's cope. But, but yeah, I would say for. Also I used to chant Hare Krishna all the time, which I think that counts as meditating. So 20 years or something on and off. Always thinking about it, though.
- [115:08]
Josh
You got two more super chats.
- [115:11]
Duncan Trussell
Tim Walker is saying one of life's regrets was not seeing Duncan live, as I couldn't explain it to others. Any chance of coming back to Winnipeg? Don't make. Don't have that as a life regret. I'll be back in Winnipeg sometime, I'm sure. I don't think it's on this year's schedule though, but thank you, guys. Go to Big Bang, Small universe. He's got an AI convo there. Happy to promote your. Whatever that is. If you go there and like, I don't know, it's. It sucks or I don't. I don't know if it's something horrible. I haven't been there yet, but he gave me $2, so go.
- [115:52]
Josh
Here's a boring question, but I like it. How did you start working with Josh Kabas? You have good chemistry together.
- [115:58]
Duncan Trussell
Isn't flowmast name on YouTube? Josh?
- [116:00]
Josh
All right, I. That's okay. I tried. Whatever.
- [116:03]
Duncan Trussell
Yeah, I got lucky. I was talking to. Who the was I talking. Who told me about you? Assan. I was talking to Hasan Ahmad, very funny comic. And I'd done a podcast here with McCusker. But yeah, I came here and just got lucky. Ever since then, we've been collaborating. We've been lovers on and off. You get jealous. I don't like that. But it's been good.
- [116:32]
Josh
We'll just do what you say you're going to do and I won't get mad.
- [116:35]
Duncan Trussell
So. I'm 51. It hurts my feelings. Dude. You know what that's like to be 51? Do you know how low my tea is? Yeah. So comedy frequency. Awesome. And I love it here.
- [116:54]
Josh
Got any dating advice for a 25 year old? What is that girly?
- [116:59]
Duncan Trussell
What's a girly pop?
- [117:03]
Josh
I don't know what a girly pop is. Jesus Christ, somebody just gave you $49.
- [117:09]
Duncan Trussell
Guys, friends. Come on, man. Please stop. That's so great. Hold on. I got to answer two now. First of all, hail Eris and holy chaos. Am I going to drop the onlyfans soon? As I mentioned Harry Micropenis, I know it's silly to do the like Harry double entendre thing, but go to Harry Micropenis on Onlyfans. I've got a great, great set we just did with photographer Lance French. It is incredible, incredible clown themed and you're gonna love it. A lot of people are raving about it and I've made a lot of money. I'm also getting banged down by 200 clowns in New York City next spring. And I will be. No one has been banged down by that many clowns. So this is world record breaking stuff. I'm gonna get banged, pegged, slammed, fisted, rimmed, whatever they want to do with my body. Basically, I'm gonna be on Propofol. I won't even know what happened.
- [118:12]
Josh
Hoot says, damn, I thought you were like 40.
- [118:15]
Duncan Trussell
Well, thank you.
- [118:19]
Josh
New Super Chat.
- [118:22]
Duncan Trussell
Thank you, Catalyst drummer. If I can't expand my lifespan three times, how would one maximize one to two mics a week? You can't maximize mics. I mean there's just like a, you know, like there's no way around it. That's what sucks. I mean, I would be so great if. Oh God, I'm a recluse, man. You know how fucking awesome it would be if I didn't have to go up. Like when I'm not doing weekends, I've got to go up. Or when I go to the weekend, I'm going to eat shit because I'm not going to be warmed up. So let me tell you, my friend, if there was a way to avoid it, I would have figured it out by now. There is no way to avoid it. And one, one or two, that means one, probably you're only doing one. But it's minimum, bare minimum three. Like if I can get three shows in a row, then I feel like in the moment, then I. Then I feel warmed up. One is not gonna do it a week, man. That means every time you go on stage you're gonna be rusty. So you're gonna experience every time you go on stage this rusty feeling. And you'll never know what it's like, like your fifth or sixth set that week, how different that set is from your first set and how many jokes start coming to you and some kind of like, you know, flow state starts happening and it just. There's no way around. I'm so sorry. I would feel fix it. If I could, I would fix it. I pray one day there's going to be an AI audience simulator that perfectly simulates any audience you want. So you can get a hundred sets in, in the privacy of your own home. But right now you got to get up all the time and that means start your own open mic. Dude. I remember I was like driving out to fucking San Diego to do three minutes from LA drive to San Diego to a three minute fucking spot through traffic. Hated it. But you just had to. And then you. Then the other thing that starts happening though, Is you realize even though obviously the nucleus of the thing is getting on stage, it's the hang. Like you're hanging out with comedians. And that's a big part of it too. And interacting with people who are trying to do the same thing brings some solace or quite often like pain. But either way, there's a camaraderie there that you're missing out on.
- [120:55]
Josh
Alexander Wang wants you to look at him. Maybe look at him in the looking camera. This one.
- [121:10]
Duncan Trussell
Pull up Alexander Wang's. What's that? What? What's that? Pull up his. What is that?
- [121:19]
Josh
Go to his channel.
- [121:20]
Duncan Trussell
No, pull up his. What's that fucking logo you got there? Alexander Wang. What does that mean? Maybe that's what he wanted me to look at. Maybe I'm supposed to decode that.
- [121:33]
Josh
I don't know.
- [121:34]
Duncan Trussell
Can you not enlarge that? What is that? Wang? What is that? Wang? What does that mean?
- [121:42]
Josh
Oh, you got another one.
- [121:43]
Duncan Trussell
Jesus Christ.
- [121:44]
Josh
65. I don't know what se.
- [121:46]
Duncan Trussell
It doesn't matter. You don't. Hey, what'd you think of the Buddhism represented in White Lotus? I thought it was very good. I didn't watch. God damn it. He tricked me. I'm talking about White Lotus lured in and trapped. All right, fine.
- [122:06]
Josh
Girly pop just means girl.
- [122:08]
Duncan Trussell
Haha. Okay, I'll answer your question, Nicole, for $75. Just kidding. Don't, don't, don't. From what I saw, the Dharma talks and White Lotus were really good and were like wonderful. I was actually my favorite part of White Lotus. Look, man, dating advice, I have no idea. I've heard it's rough out there right now. That's all I know. I'm married, friend. I've been married for a long time, so dating, dude. Oh, I don't even know what I do if I was dating much. And I'm a guy, not a girly pop, so. I don't know, I just heard it's rough. I was rough is all. I hear it's rough. It's hard out there. Everyone's nuts. I don't know, man. I guess just look this old man. I'll give you some advice. Don't fucking let your loneliness get you into some bullshit relationship. I think if you want to understand reincarnation, just understand how you hop from one relationship to the next. I'm not saying you do girly pop. I certainly do. Did and like that liminal phase in between relationships, what I would call my periods where you. I would just be out there. Do you have periods? Did you have periods, Josh.
- [123:44]
Josh
Yeah. And I would take it a step further and I would go by ethnicities and I would only have that ethnicity for a while.
- [123:50]
Duncan Trussell
Are you serious?
- [123:51]
Josh
Yeah.
- [123:51]
Duncan Trussell
Would you have like a wheel of ethnicities? How would you choose?
- [123:55]
Josh
I went through an Asian phase. I went through a other phases that I don't want to say online. Yeah.
- [124:02]
Duncan Trussell
Why?
- [124:04]
Josh
It was just.
- [124:04]
Duncan Trussell
I mean, there's only a certain amount of ethnicities out there.
- [124:07]
Josh
So now it was whatever I hadn't been with. Also, I was just a. For a while. So. Yeah, it happens.
- [124:14]
Duncan Trussell
I don't think. I don't think you're a. You're a lover. That's it. We used to call whores lovers. Yeah, there's romantic. There's a romantic time where you are a lover of life. You are not a whore.
- [124:25]
Josh
But that's bad to make love to somebody who you are not in love with and they've never been made love to. They're used to just getting banged out, so.
- [124:32]
Duncan Trussell
Well, I don't know if bad's the right word. Look, I. You know, I would just say be able to differentiate horny from like, you know. The problem is loneliness sucks so bad. And if you're not careful, you could just end up, you know, confusing people, confusing yourself. And I think that's how people choose their next incarnation is like you're in that bardo, in between life and death. You just want a body and so, you know, you just grab whatever incarnation's floating by and next thing you know, you're like a slug or something. So having some ability to like. I, I was, I'm. I'm. I was always impressed by people who, like. Who like, would see some kind of red flag in a. In a potential like, long term partner and be like, yeah, I don't think so. That was so healthy. They'd always have therapists and shit too. But I get that you save yourself a lot of suffering. Yeah.
- [125:35]
Josh
One more super chat.
- [125:36]
Duncan Trussell
Good God almighty. Okay, here's another ad for Catalyst Drummer. Check out my man Luke Lahan. Start with Lohan. Great. What is this? Can you play? Dell, I don't think. Okay, I'm gonna say it, but you friends. I don't. I don't. I think you're overestimating the power of me. Yapping about your Spotify or whatever. I don't think it's going to do anything, but can you play Delarun on a stream someday, please? Love you, Dunk. Sure. I'm going to write it down. Delarune. There we go. Oh, yeah, the lotus thing. I already answered that.
- [126:26]
Josh
Are you planning to take a tour outside of the us? You're going to Australia, right?
- [126:29]
Duncan Trussell
Going to Australia. Got an Australia tour coming up. All right, I got time for one more question, then I got a split. This was fun.
- [126:41]
Josh
Here we go. What are your views on outer body experiences on lsd? I once came out of my body and could get this and could see the back of my body like I was playing a GTA game. Ashley.
- [126:53]
Duncan Trussell
They were. Ashley, here's my answer. And anybody interested in this stuff, check out Journeys out of the Body. That book will teach you how to do it. The Monroe Institute has, like, binaural shit you can listen to. That will trigger it. You can trigger astral out of body experiences. I've had them and I had them because of, like, Monroe Institute tapes I was listening to. My theory on it is it's some form of sleep paralysis. Like, if you've ever had sleep paralysis, you. You were on the cusp of being able to astrally project. But most people get so freaked out by sleep paralysis that they don't realize you can convert that into a lucid dream. So if you're interested, Monroe Institute, there's ways to do it. Journeys out of the body. It's this guy sort of talking about what it's like. And that was my experience with it. I would. I could never, like, do the thing where apparently you can fall asleep and trigger it as you're falling asleep. I would fall asleep, wake up with sleep paralysis, and then do it. But there's. It's so. It's such a fascinating experience because you get these, like. I don't know how to explain it. Like, it feels like you're being electrocuted. Like these, like pulsing waves start going through your body. It's like a vibration and then. Yeah. And then the next thing you know, you have that experience that Ashley had where you're looking at the back of your head or you're looking down at your body and it's fucking terrifying. That's the main thing. It's not pleasant. I didn't enjoy it. It was awful. You just want to get back in your body right away. It's no fun. There's a ominous presence a lot of people report. And I definitely experienced that. A sense of some watching awfulness, a feeling of not being safe. Now if you look at, like, other people who talk about this, they're like, yeah, you're supposed to do all this other shit. Energy shields and I don't know, woo, woo. Stuff. But if you're me, the way you get into trouble with this shit is initially you don't believe it. That's how I've gotten into trouble with this stuff every single time is, I don't believe that's real. Yeah, sure, I'll listen to these fucking tapes. It probably won't work. And then it works. I'm like, God damn it, give me back in my body. So, yeah, that's my view on it. It's. It's interesting. And the Monroe Institute is interesting. I think there was some collaboration between the Monroe Institute and the CIA, actually, because they were interested in doing, like, remote viewing, astral projection, as a form. Form of espionage. It's nuts. And. But it might not be the Monroe Institute. I'm pretty sure that they were doing something with the CIA because there was a period where they thought the Russians were developing, like, psychic spies and they wanted to, like, compete. And so they were looking into, like, ways of using occult stuff to. Which is so cool. Psychic spies. Wizard spies. The badass.
- [130:00]
Josh
You have one more super chat, Mr. Martinez. Duncan, do you think this economic meltdown worldwide will help us reach zeitgeist and develop a new world consciousness? Or are we.
- [130:11]
Duncan Trussell
Ah, Nick, look, thank you so much. I am going to refer you to Doug Rushkoff, Team Human. He's so good at talking about this stuff, and I'm probably gonna misquote him here, but, like, there's a spell that's been. He didn't say that. This is how he say, a spell's been cast on everyone. Right? So there's all these metrics that we are supposed to associate with our own wellbeing. Specifically the stock market. Even if you don't own stock, even if you don't have a 401k, the stock market becomes turbulent. You get stressed out. What the fuck's gonna happen? Am I gonna be okay? Because we've attached ourselves to these essentially, like, gaming numbers. It's a game. It's a game. It's like being attached to, like, your. Your. Your Fort Fortnite numbers. I don't know. I sound old. It's. It's a. It's real. People are. Lives are being destroyed by this. It's real on one level, but Rushkoff is really into pointing out, like. But what's actually real. What's actually real is your relationship with your neighbors, your community, your family. And though you could argue those things are gonna be impacted by economic upheaval, which is true, the primary upstream source of happiness should not be the establishment's depiction of reality, because the establishment's depiction of reality only serves the establishment. And the establishment is an organism consisting of a variety of corporations who don't give a fuck about you. And so therefore, though it's not to say turn your back on the economy, it's real, you're gonna have to make decisions based on that, probably in some way or another. But if that has become you, if that, whatever the particular number is that's freaking you out is more important to you than your direct contact with other human beings in your community, then you have been hypnotized by the great beast that wants you to worship it. I mean, I think it's. You could argue it's some kind of idol. It. It's a. It's a very powerful idol, and it's a lot cooler than some stupid statue of a cat that people are throwing cow guts in front of. But it, you know, it's got ticker tape or, you know, moving numbers. Sometimes it turns green, sometimes the idol turns red. And when it's red, the drought succumbing. When it's green, there shall be rain. It's an idol. And so if you're. But we don't so much offer organic life anymore, because like everything else in the universe, idols evolve. The idol only wants your attention, and it doesn't care what your attention is. If your attention is anger, hate, panic, fear, great. If your attention is, wow, I love I'm making money, great. But you're worshiping a false idol in the sense that the stock market is not going to come over and knock on your door when smoke is coming out your window. Your neighbors are going to do that. The stock market isn't going to come and tell you you left the trunk open in your car, you dumbass. Your neighbors are going to do that. So creating a cohesive community and doing whatever it takes to make sure that you have that the stock market isn't going to do shit for you when the power goes out. And so that's Rushkoff's view as Team Human. We need to realign our value not with the quantification mechanisms of the great beast. Because if you do that, then what? You're gonna feel bad tomorrow when it turns. When those squares turn red, you feel good when they turn green. And I'm. I'm not saying, like, dude, if I had fucking. If I was about to retire or, you know, any of those things and I had money wrapped up in the stock market, I would be freaking the fuck out right now. But I'VE noticed that I freaked the fuck out. Even if I am not directly connected with it. Just because it's wants you to freak out, it's kind of is inviting you to enticing you to freak out. Then the algorithm amplifies that song of doom and the next thing you know, it's the most beautiful day ever. You feel good. You can walk around, you got food in the refrigerator and you feel like a bomb just went off next to your fucking house. You probably feel worse than when a bomb went off next to your house. Because if you'll notice, whenever bombs go off or there's earthquakes, everyone comes out and helps each other feel isolated, lonely. So my view is first commandment. Is that the first commandment. Thou shalt not worship. Don't put any other God before me. Don't worship false idols.
- [135:30]
Josh
Is that the first one?
- [135:31]
Duncan Trussell
I don't know. It should be. I mean, that's anytime you're eating, like the difference between eating fruit versus artificial fruit, you're gonna get sick. If you're eating fake fruit, obviously. So the world presents to you all this artificial fruit and you eat it thinking it's real food. And the next thing you know, you're experiencing existential vertigo. You're lonely, you feel crazy. You're looking to like Wolf Blitzer, Rachel Maddow or Sean Hannity to tell you whether things are okay. It's gonna get you sick. I only say it because I've done it. So I would say just shift the focus. You could still enjoy the establishment fireworks show, but maybe it won't have as much impact on you. Okay. Nicandro is saying, please run a cult for us. Who wanted. No, see, that's another deny. I'd be your false fucking idol. Thank you, Nakundro. I would be a sexy cult leader. And I would be a banging cult leader. I'd bang my cult. I would. Why be a cult leader if you're not going to get down with your cult? They all do it. So you're going to be the one platonic cult leader? No, I'm sorry. I'm not buying a fucking ranch in the middle of nowhere, getting surrounded by sycophantic drug addled people and not banging them down like it's crazy. That's crazy. But I would never be a cult leader. I would hate it. I'm such a recluse. I'd want to kill him. I'd kill him. I get why Jim Jones did that. You're just like, you all die, eat poison. I don't Want to live anymore. You're so, so annoying. Leave me alone. Yeah, no, you don't need any cult leader. You don't need any thing like that really. The, the constantly reacquainting yourself with the world and your neighbors is the way to go, man. Just, you know, find some community somewhere, anything. Just don't. And be wary of the people who are worshiping false idols. You could always tell who they are because they're using these false establishment metrics to determine whether the world is good or not. It's like the world is the world. It's neither good or bad. It's seismic piece of earthquakes, volcanoes, atmosphere, it's up by emissions, meteors impacted. You're not going to find any solace there. Beautiful. I didn't mean it's horrible. I love the world, but you know what I mean. So stop looking to the world for some sense of peace or solace. And then when you're looking at secondary or tertiary echoes of like shifting cultural events that look at the. Just pull up a picture of one of those Mayan pyramids out in the middle of nowhere. Jungle shit growing on top of it. No one even knows what the fuck that was for. People spent so long building that thing. People used to bring their babies up on top and drive daggers through their fucking hearts. And it all made sense. Now no one gives a shit. No one gives a shit. There's snakes in there, birds, bird shit. It's covered in bird shit. There used to be regal robed priests that at certain times of the year would climb up the steps in some dignified way and sing some weird hymn to some unknown God and then drive a dagger through a baby's fucking chest. And they never thought one day, one day this is just gonna be covered with weeds. No one will even know what it is. The parents, the baby, like, ah, my child was chosen. They weren't thinking like one day Mel Gibson's gonna make a fucking movie about your dumb ass, make you look like a dummy. And so that's what happens is like you get too caught up in the empire and next thing you know you're, you're just caught up in bullshit. Even though the world's covered in ruins and old tipped over statues and scroll fragments written by somebody who really thought that the fucking Pharaoh was important and Paul and Bricks made sense and you are in the world. You go ahead and build your fucking pyramids, just don't take it so seriously. You can't. No one's going to give a shit. No one cares. I'M not saying the obvious, Empire's collapse. But I mean, just look at early America versus now. Look at before it was America. It'll be something after America. It'll be something after Europe or Germany or Russia. And all these puffed up old fucks in suits. No one will give a shit about them. They won't even. They won't even look at them in the way we look at Hitler. There won't be nothing. There'll just be some old shitty photographs and be like, I don't know, basically a monkey. Bomb monkey. Why did people listen to the bomb monkeys? It'll be like that and then no one will even talk about them anymore. So don't get too caught up in it. Your fucking adrenal gland will get all messy. You'll beep at people in traffic. You don't need to beep at. You'll have fear shits. Those gross old fear shits. If you're gonna have a fear shit, have a fear shit. Because like, someone's like trying to get in your house. Shit your pants, not cause Rachel Maddow said something sad. I gotta go. This was so fun. Thank y'all so much, everyone. Thank you for being here. I can't believe 5:23. Holy shit. Thank you so much. Thank you to all of you who gave me money. Feels bizarre. Was not even thinking about that facet of this thing. I do want to point out my only fans again. Harry Micropenis on OnlyFans. If you were looking for more sexual content, you'll find it there. I do answer questions there as well, but let's just say I've got a different outfit on and I am getting banged down by clowns. We're still working out the location. I think it's gonna be somewhere in Brooklyn or Park Slope. But anybody who has a good area for that, let me know. There's some legal stuff we gotta go through. And surprisingly, it's not as easy as I thought it'd be to find clowns who are willing to bang me. And I'm not just gonna like, put clown makeup on somebody. I want real clowns. But we're working on that part of it. And I'll give you more information once we get closer to that. Thank you for all my dear subscribers. Thank you everyone for listening. I'll see you next time. Hare Krishna.