682: Ian Fidance

Summary

Podcast Summary: Duncan Trussell Family Hour – Episode 682: Ian Fidance

Release Date: April 18, 2025
Host: Duncan Trussell
Guest: Ian Fidance
Podcast Description: A weekly salon-style supershow where comedian Duncan Trussell and guests explore the multiverse. Check out Duncan on the road at DuncanTrussell.com for dates & details.

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1. Introduction and Apology (00:00 - 05:15)

Duncan Trussell opens the episode with an apology addressing complaints about excessive advertisements in a previous episode. He humorously recounts the issue with YouTube automatically inserting ads every two minutes, resulting in an overwhelming number of 796 ads in that episode. Duncan reassures listeners that this has been rectified, reducing the ads to a manageable 32. He encourages listeners to become channel members for an ad-free experience and promotes his upcoming live shows across various cities.

"We didn't realize that YouTube had automatically put ads like every two minutes. I can't believe the number of people that watch that thing. I'm so sorry about that." [00:00]

Duncan then introduces Ian Fidance, emphasizing Ian's brilliance and humor, while hinting at the recent controversy involving Ian and a New York subway incident. He urges listeners to keep an open mind as Ian clarifies the situation.

"I invited Ian on the show to set the record straight about what happened between him and the body and all that." [05:00]

2. The Subway Incident Explained (05:15 - 15:00)

Ian Fidance begins addressing the controversy, acknowledging the negative media portrayal of his actions on the New York subway, where he was involved in an incident with a deceased individual. Ian expresses frustration over the media's misrepresentation and his inability to control the narrative.

"I was in a bad spot, okay? And I've apologized." [05:15]

Duncan attempts to steer the conversation, urging Ian to explain the incident in his own words. Ian candidly describes the event, portraying it as a misguided attempt at humor amid personal struggles.

"I thought it would be funny to grab the dead guy's dick and be like, you know, so." [07:40]

He further elaborates on his intentions, comparing his actions to old-school humor and referencing classic comedies to contextualize his behavior.

"And I thought it'd be funny, like, ah, I'm gonna jerk off and finger my ass." [11:26]

Despite the gravity of the situation, Ian maintains a humorous tone, reflecting on the lack of support and increasing societal intolerance.

"People are so scared of getting canceled. Nobody is willing to go to bat for anyone anymore, I guess. Disgusting." [11:32]

3. Current Endeavors and Moving Forward (15:00 - 30:00)

Ian discusses his move to Austin, seeking a fresh start away from New York's intense environment. He shares his ongoing project – a documentary on Norwegian black metal – and expresses enthusiasm for delving deeper into the genre's darker aspects.

"I'm just tired of New York. It's a lot." [06:40]
"I am going to be staying here for a little while." [06:43]

The conversation shifts to societal critiques, including child labor, environmental issues, and the disintegration of community. Duncan and Ian explore how modern advancements and societal structures contribute to widespread suffering and alienation.

"Cobalt mining for big tech is driving child labor deaths in the Congo." [27:18]

4. Nihilism, Community, and Societal Disarray (30:00 - 55:25)

Duncan and Ian delve into the philosophical realms of nihilism and the loss of genuine community. They discuss how modern society's emphasis on consumerism and digital interactions has eroded traditional bonds, leading to increased feelings of isolation and despair.

"The Kali Yuga is we figured out a way to create a little bubble over here. You don't really see." [28:45]

Ian reflects on his experiences with addiction and recovery, highlighting the importance of community support systems like Alcoholics Anonymous. He underscores the struggle of maintaining genuine connections in a world dominated by superficial digital interactions.

"The goal is to have that experience, to then understand that your purpose is not you. It's for others." [74:31]

5. Personal Struggles, Addiction, and Healing (55:25 - 83:57)

The discussion turns personal as Ian shares his battles with addiction, emphasizing the challenges of overcoming dependency without adequate support. He critiques modern approaches to healing, such as psychedelic therapies, advocating instead for traditional community-based support systems.

"AA and programs Overcome. That is exactly the backbone of all of that, is to get out of self privately look with a clean lens at all of the garbage." [75:27]

Duncan relates his own experiences with therapy and personal growth, highlighting the transformative power of confronting mortality and seeking deeper connections beyond self-centered pursuits.

"Once you really confront mortality, then you have to live in the consciousness of how Precious human life is." [43:10]

6. Reflections on Modern Existence and Spirituality (83:57 - 100:00)

In the latter part of the episode, Duncan and Ian reflect on the existential challenges of modern life, including the omnipresence of digital distractions and the superficiality of contemporary relationships. They explore the necessity of addressing death and mortality to achieve true liberation and meaningful existence.

"Humans are. We do that. That's one of the things we do when we're in groups is we, we congeal into a group mind." [47:40]

The conversation concludes with a blend of humor and philosophical musings, touching upon societal obsessions, personal accountability, and the quest for authentic spiritual experiences.

"Invest in sunglasses. Do the analysis. And then if you're feeling nihilistic from the analysis, shoot people you think are aliens." [83:43]

Notable Quotes

• "Life moves on. And I'm moving on and I'm looking for apartments here and, you know." — Ian Fidance [12:44]

• "The agenda is inevitably based on some state model or some corpo model that's trying to get you to act in a certain way to make money." — Duncan Trussell [73:16]

• "Addiction behavior is you want to blame someone else. And so also it's... you want to be in the director's chair." — Ian Fidance [78:37]

• "Nihilism and narcissism go like peanut butter and jelly." — Duncan Trussell [65:31]

Conclusions and Takeaways

• Media Representation: Ian Fidance emphasizes the distortion of his actions by mainstream media, advocating for listeners to form their own understanding of events.

• Societal Critique: Both Duncan and Ian critique modern society's reliance on consumerism, digital interactions, and superficial connections, arguing that these contribute to a sense of isolation and nihilism.

• Community and Support: The importance of genuine community support systems, such as AA, is highlighted as essential for overcoming personal struggles and fostering meaningful connections.

• Philosophical Reflections: The episode delves into deep philosophical questions about mortality, purpose, and the nature of existence, encouraging listeners to confront these realities to achieve personal growth and liberation.

• Humor as Coping: Despite the heavy topics, both hosts utilize humor to navigate and discuss challenging subjects, illustrating how humor can be a tool for coping and connection.

Final Thoughts: Episode 682 of the Duncan Trussell Family Hour with Ian Fidance offers a candid exploration of personal controversy, societal issues, and philosophical musings. Through a blend of humor and introspection, the hosts encourage listeners to seek authentic connections, confront existential realities, and navigate the complexities of modern life with empathy and awareness.

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Connect with Duncan Trussell:
Visit DuncanTrussell.com for tour dates and more information.

Ian Fidance’s Shows:
Ian Fidance will be performing live in various cities, including Philadelphia, Rochester, Charleston, and Atlanta. Visit IanFinance.com for more details and to listen to his podcast, "Funny with Jordan."

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Note: This summary excludes advertisements, intros, outros, and non-content sections as per the request.

Transcript

[Duncan Trussell]

Greetings, loves. Welcome to the dtfh. Before we get going with this episode, I want to apologize. You know, I was looking at the Darrell Cooper comments and some people are like, what the fuck with the ads? And you know, I looked at that and I'm thinking, come on, relax. Like, really, it can't be that bad. But it was. It really was. We didn't realize that YouTube had automatically put ads like every two minutes. I can't believe the number of people that watch that thing. I'm so sorry about that. We just didn't know. So we've fixed that. So if you like, dropped out of that episode, which was one of my favorite episodes of the show, because you're like, I'm not gonna get stroboscopic ads from you, you greedy fuck. We fixed that. Now there's only 32 ads versus 796. Also, if you are being distracted by the ads, don't forget you can become a member of this channel and you will have ad free episodes. If you're listening to this and you like the audio version, go to patreon.com forward/dtFH to get ad free episodes over there. I got shows coming up. Please come see me if you're listening to this. The week of April 19th, I'm going to be at Meow Wolf Denver Convergence Station. There's an awesome festival happening there. All the links you need to find that [e-mail] at April 24, I'm going to be at the Capitol Hill Comedy Bar in Seattle, Washington. I don't know what's going on with this. Somehow the name of this venue seems to have changed. So if you go on my website, it's going to say Emerald City Comedy Club. So I don't know what's going on exactly here, it's a little confusing. But just go to emeraldcity comedy.com you can find tickets for that. Seattle. And I'm excited to see you. I haven't been to Seattle in a bit. Then I'm going to be at the Comedy Zone in Greenville. That's May 9th. And then I'm going to be at Wise guys in Vegas May 15. And then in June, I'm coming back home to the comedy mothership June 6th, 7th and 8th. Now everybody get ready for a wonderful podcast with one of my dear friends. Ian Fidance is such a cool guy. He's so brilliant and funny and yeah, I know the subway thing that you guys are probably all thinking about. The trouble he got in recently might make you not Want to dive into this, but I'm telling you, the story you've heard about the New York subway event is not what happened. And I invited Ian on the show to set the record straight about what happened between him and the body and all that. So if you please have an open heart and open mind and just know that sometimes the media slants things. And everybody, please welcome to the dtfh, Ian Finance. Don't forget to. I don't use the wingle.

[Ian Fidance]

Me try and slam it in.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, me try and let's play and. Yeah, Me try and let's play.

[Ian Fidance]

Sponsored by. By Pure Moods.

[Duncan Trussell]

You know that song played all the.

[Ian Fidance]

Time in the rehab I went to?

[Duncan Trussell]

Yes. Oh, God. And you know that song, you listen to it and at first you're like, oh, so I really do like this when it first came out. And then you realize, like, this is like the most classest song. What that is. Pull up. Pull up the. Josh, can you pull up the lyrics to Sail Away?

[Ian Fidance]

Wait, make sure it's Sail Away and not that song. That's like sail.

[Duncan Trussell]

And. Yeah. Or no co flow.

[Ian Fidance]

Wait, what's that? Any song that's like.

[Duncan Trussell]

Listen. From Basau to Palau in the shade of Avalon From Fiji to Tyree in the isles of Ebony.

[Ian Fidance]

She's just bragging about what cruise is she going. That's what I'm saying.

[Duncan Trussell]

No one can do this trip. What? No one does that trip. No one can do the Inuit trip.

[Ian Fidance]

I don't have that much money.

[Duncan Trussell]

Is.

[Ian Fidance]

This is from the north to the south. Do you know how many miles it's going to take on my Delta card?

[Duncan Trussell]

This is Jeff. This is what Jeff Bezos's wife is saying. Where they're going now.

[Ian Fidance]

This is her soundtrack.

[Duncan Trussell]

Then we're going to Bali and then Cali, and then we're going to go.

[Ian Fidance]

To spit on the help.

[Duncan Trussell]

Spit on the help.

[Ian Fidance]

Oh, my God.

[Duncan Trussell]

Slap the nanny and then go to Hawaii. So can. Josh, could you please pull up A Man has sex with corpse on New York subway?

[Ian Fidance]

I was in a bad spot, okay? And I've apologized.

[Duncan Trussell]

I'm having you on the show because I want you to, like, not be canceled.

[Ian Fidance]

Thank you.

[Duncan Trussell]

And I. I know that your angle on this is. Is different than what people think, and it's easy to misunderstand a thing like that.

[Ian Fidance]

And it's tough when the story gets out there and I can't control the narrative.

[Duncan Trussell]

Now, first of all, I want to say you're disguised. Okay. Autopsy on corpse that was sexually violated on NYC subway Train unable to determine cause of death. So. But before we get.

[Ian Fidance]

I have an idea.

[Duncan Trussell]

Okay, now you can cut that. The victim was already dead when an unidentified necrophiliac had sex with his corpse at the Whitehall street station on April 8th. Soaked. Now, let's talk a little bit about what you're doing now, because I think a lot of times people get caught up in the past, and this happened on April 8th. That might have as well been a million years ago, because what is time? It's a construct. It's a flat circle, as you say. And so since then, we talked on the phone and you were telling me some things you're doing to make amends for.

[Ian Fidance]

Yes. First of all, I'm in Austin, and that's very cool, and I'm happy to be here. I am going to be staying here for a little while.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yep, you moved to Austin.

[Ian Fidance]

I'm just tired of New York. It's a lot.

[Duncan Trussell]

But I'm saying more specifically, like, you know, the.

[Ian Fidance]

The.

[Duncan Trussell]

Obviously people are shocked because they. They thought of you as many things, but they probably didn't think of you as a necrophiliac.

[Ian Fidance]

Right. But I. I'm doing a documentary on Norwegian black metal.

[Duncan Trussell]

Okay. Yeah.

[Ian Fidance]

So that is kind of a part of that genre is necrophilia. And, you know, I. I don't know if you know, like, black metal. Like, in the 90s, they were setting churches on fire. And so I am down here doing a little research. I might want to dive in to get some. Some of the project going again.

[Duncan Trussell]

I think, Ian, maybe you're missing the forest for the trees here. People, when they hear that, you. And I'd love to hear exactly what happened there. It's. It. Maybe you just tell the story. So you're on the subway. On the subway, a dead body.

[Ian Fidance]

Yes. And I mean, a lot of times, you know, when something. When someone gets R'd, they go, what were they wearing? You know, like, they deserve it. This guy was just sitting there. What are you supposed to do?

[Duncan Trussell]

He's dead.

[Ian Fidance]

I thought it would be funny to. I had a friend on the train, and I thought it'd be funny to grab the dead guy's dick and be like, you know, so.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, okay, so this was. See, now this is the lamestream media. Yeah, well, not when I'm reading this article. There you are in your disguise. When I'm reading this article, what I don't see is a mention of, like, you know, this was like.

[Ian Fidance]

No, they get it wrong. It's like a moment. Elon Said comedy was legal again. And then you go and do some prop comedy and then I'm the asshole.

[Duncan Trussell]

And then they turn on you.

[Ian Fidance]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

So, okay, now I think people are probably. I can already feel it in the ether. People are, like, fooled again by media. So you. It's a bit. You're on the subway, you see a corpse, and what would you do? Well, I mean, you're underground.

[Ian Fidance]

You can't call 91 1.

[Duncan Trussell]

Honestly, I don't think I'm as funny in the moment.

[Ian Fidance]

You're with your bros, you're laughing, you're having fun.

[Duncan Trussell]

I think I'd freeze up because, you know, I think there's so many funny things you can do in that moment. And.

[Ian Fidance]

Well, what. Another thing I did, and they say it's defiling, but I thought again, like, you know when you put someone's arms behind your back and then you put your arms through them?

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Ian Fidance]

And then you are the arms.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, I did that.

[Ian Fidance]

And I thought it'd be funny. Like, ah, I'm gonna jerk off and finger my ass. And then again, it's like, I'm you.

[Duncan Trussell]

You weren't the one who fingered you.

[Ian Fidance]

You just like, isn't that funny if a guy was dead and like, you.

[Duncan Trussell]

Know, you know, funny, old school funny.

[Ian Fidance]

The funny zombie.

[Duncan Trussell]

We lost this level of funny. This was. This used to be the 80s. Yes, in the 80s. Chevy Chase did that, I think. Didn't he do that too?

[Ian Fidance]

It's not like I put a hole in a wall at a girl's gym and then I look through with my buddies and went on a quest to lose our vir.

[Duncan Trussell]

I. This, I mean, this is old and I'm sorry, this is dated, but there was this a very funny movie called Caddyshack with a. Most people aren't familiar with anymore. And Jim Belushi.

[Ian Fidance]

And Jim Belushi, he was in Caddyshack.

[Duncan Trussell]

John Belushi.

[Ian Fidance]

John Belushi.

[Duncan Trussell]

Jim Bell.

[Ian Fidance]

He was in Caddyshack or your Animal House animals.

[Duncan Trussell]

I'm sorry. So I'm getting my hilarious movies. What animal has a Caddyshack? Both have in common is they were created by National Lampoon.

[Ian Fidance]

Yes.

[Duncan Trussell]

But also what they have in common is in Caddyshack, Bill Murray apparently found a corpse in the forest. And they found Bill Murray. Like, I don't know, he's putting clown makeup on the corpse or something, which is. But yeah, John Belushi in Animal House apparently found two corpses and he did a whole human centipede thing. And that is where they Got the idea from Human Centipede, dude.

[Ian Fidance]

Honestly, like, that Bill Murray is my be all end all of comedic actors. And to know that I didn't even know that. And I instinctually go to Defile Corpse under the guise of humor is like.

[Duncan Trussell]

It feels good.

[Ian Fidance]

It feels good. And it feels bad that people just got it wrong with me. Like, people, they just hear Defiling Corpse necrophilia. And it's like, dude, also, when I had. When I had the arms behind him and I was like, oh, I'm jerking off. I put my dick in his ass and I went docking engaged. Like, I was controlling, you know, like an alien is like, this is how I control a body.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah. You know, docking.

[Ian Fidance]

It's funny.

[Duncan Trussell]

Docking engagement.

[Ian Fidance]

Docking engage.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, my God.

[Ian Fidance]

I'm in control.

[Duncan Trussell]

Friend must have been laughing there.

[Ian Fidance]

Oh, my God. Yeah. And I'm waiting for him to fucking come out. My defense. But it's like, people are so scared of getting canceled. Nobody is willing to go to bat for anyone anymore, I guess. Disgusting.

[Duncan Trussell]

Okay, look, I think now. I mean, I knew I've already talked to you about this and so, you know, this is why I invited you on the show. But I guess the last thing to address is that you took his penis home.

[Ian Fidance]

That's funny. Like, now I have a prop at home. Use it as a thumb. Hey, what's up? Oh, you got my thumb. No, it's a dead man's penis.

[Duncan Trussell]

Okay.

[Ian Fidance]

Egg on your face.

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, there you go. Yeah, there you go. I mean, this. And I mean.

[Ian Fidance]

And clearly I had to take it with me to Austin because apparently they're searching my apartment, which I've been looking at. My cat Cam, there's a man. My cats are fine. Yeah. Like I said, I'm chilling down in Austin doing Moon Tower blase blah. Life is life. Just going along.

[Duncan Trussell]

Keep on trucking.

[Ian Fidance]

I'm not going to let my past define me. And I'm not going to let.

[Duncan Trussell]

It was like days ago. Is that.

[Ian Fidance]

It was not even 10 days ago.

[Duncan Trussell]

100 years change. 100 years.

[Ian Fidance]

And I'm not going to let that dictate my actions in the future. So it's just, life moves on. And so I'm moving on and I'm looking for apartments here and, you know.

[Duncan Trussell]

Anybody got an apartment? Perfect.

[Ian Fidance]

Well, I know in the past you have offered to let me crash at your place.

[Duncan Trussell]

Unfortunately. Yeah.

[Ian Fidance]

And I was hoping I was going to invite.

[Duncan Trussell]

So I totally forgot to tell you this, but the.

[Ian Fidance]

Do you know how funny it would be if we were at dinner with your family. And I was like, this isn't sausage. It's a dead homeless man's penis.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, no, I mean, that is. He's loving it. Everyone's loving it.

[Ian Fidance]

We blow up YouTube, and then I'll just put it back in my pocket where I keep it.

[Duncan Trussell]

Dude, listen, I had a talk with the bank who gave us the mortgage, and I guess there was a thing in the mortgage. I didn't even know it was there. And I even know that this was a thing you could do. I thought when you bought a house, you could just. Anyone who wanted to come and stay could stay. But, yeah, apparently, like, for. For two more years, only our family is allowed to stay in the house. And that sucks. Or, you know, that's weird.

[Ian Fidance]

That's the house. What about where you record?

[Duncan Trussell]

And this is where Josh.

[Ian Fidance]

Is that cool? And then I could just do sets at Black Rabbit.

[Duncan Trussell]

There we go. Yeah. Yeah.

[Ian Fidance]

Is that cool?

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Ian Fidance]

Really? Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

There you go.

[Ian Fidance]

Back room right over here. Oh, dude.

[Duncan Trussell]

There you go.

[Ian Fidance]

Thank God. Because I came down here, I didn't have a plan. I only have a bag.

[Duncan Trussell]

And, dude, think how cool that'd be if, like. Like, that could be a selling point for Black Rabbit is there's, like, a real. You could, like, a sideshow before the show, like, and now the Necrophile. And also your fit with the dick.

[Ian Fidance]

The rainy street Ripper, still running around. You guys should, like, fresh supply.

[Duncan Trussell]

You guys should meet.

[Ian Fidance]

Like, if you think the penis gag with the homeless guy on the subway is funny, what do you see what I do with a dead corpse of a twink that went out to a gay bar and then he got killed by a man who's killing homosexuals because he's secretly homosexual.

[Duncan Trussell]

So cool.

[Ian Fidance]

It'll be funny.

[Duncan Trussell]

It's so cool. Austin has become such a hotbed for comedy.

[Ian Fidance]

Yeah. This is the place to be.

[Duncan Trussell]

We had the rainy street. Now we got you. It's like, who's next? I. It's. There's so many great comics are probably gonna come here, and I. I mean.

[Ian Fidance]

The mothership's, like, across the street. I've been going there every day, just asking Rogan if I can go on and tell my story, you know, Wag, wag, wag.

[Duncan Trussell]

You know, I think the problem. A lot of comedy.

[Ian Fidance]

I. I did. He has a lot of security guards that are, like, big, strong. And when I went, hey, let me in, I tapped the penis on his chest. They didn't like that, but.

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, it's not that they didn't like, it. It's that again, like, because we live in essentially a police state.

[Ian Fidance]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

There are, like, laws saying that you can't disfigure a corpse.

[Ian Fidance]

Yeah, but I'm keeping it on ice. It's not like. It's, like, decaying.

[Duncan Trussell]

Dude, listen, you're preaching the choir here. Like, but I'm.

[Ian Fidance]

I mean, I thought that was a place where it's, like, no holds barred. Funny. And I'm like, I could do the penis wag thing there. Cell phones are in a bag.

[Duncan Trussell]

Listen, people like you are pushing back, and it's working.

[Ian Fidance]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

I feel like we're a year, two years away from any comedian being able to carry around a penis in their pocket. A severed penis. Thank you. Yeah. I feel like we're close to what we had.

[Ian Fidance]

I mean, this is the same conversation people have with Kaufman.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, no, he loved that.

[Ian Fidance]

It's like, I'm doing, like, the Tony Clifton. Like, I'm not really a necrophilia that goes around and dead people under the guise of humor. I'm a guy that's.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Ian Fidance]

Doing high concept art, and it's like I'm suffering for it.

[Duncan Trussell]

But, you know, that's why I'm having you on.

[Ian Fidance]

Look, no, I appreciate it.

[Duncan Trussell]

You know, the. The.

[Ian Fidance]

The people just don't want to have conversations.

[Duncan Trussell]

You know the squirting flower on the label thing? You know what that used to be before history got whitewashed? That used to be a baby penis. And you would be like, do you want to smell my baby penis? But.

[Ian Fidance]

Ow.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, no. Oh, God, that sucks when you do that. Okay. But I like, when joking aside, that news story.

[Ian Fidance]

Yes.

[Duncan Trussell]

The. Like, I did think of you. Not that you did it, but I did because you're one of my friends in New York.

[Ian Fidance]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

And so, like, in Hinduism, they say the era that we're in right now is called the Kali Yuga. The Kali Yuga Age of Disintegration. And I can't think of a more age of a disintegration moment than. And I don't know, maybe as the new. As the story comes out, the guy actually killed the corpse. But I'm guessing the corpse was, like, somehow they were able to distinguish that this corpse wasn't murdered by this dude. But so I'm just thinking, like, this episode of the DTFH has been brought to you by True Classic Tees. Now, you might be asking, why aren't you wearing one right now? And I'll tell you why. It's the best reason ever. Because I have A true classic tee hanging in my closet. And I reached for it today and almost put it on, but then I remembered I'm going to be traveling and I like to wear true classic tees when I'm on the road. Okay, is that selfish? Maybe so. But that's how much I love these things. You know when you're looking through your wardrobe and you got that one magical shirt, the one special shirt, and I don't mean to go down a rabbit hole here, but you can look this up. There's an actually a fan philosophical theory based around the magical quality of certain clothes, that certain clothes produce quantifiable changes in life experience. These are true classic teas. They're not telling me to say that. So don't be like, hey, I wore one of these things and I didn't realize that everything's perfect and God is love, but that's what they teach me. It's not just a shirt, it's a teacher. It's like wrapping yourself in the Dead Sea Scrolls. If they were made of the softest, most comfortable, perfectly form fitting material known to humanity. We all know this company or that company says some, something about like how they're good, but I, I got on the phone with the owner, mentioned how busted up I felt over Asheville getting smashed, and he sent them an insane amount of money. Like, what? What? This is real? People like this exist in the world. He's one of them. It's a. It's a they. They actually are the thing. And listen, to be honest, I could find out that the T shirt company was, was run by the second coming. And if their shirts suck, I'm not buying them. I don't really care. Honestly, I can find this company. They cleaned all the waters of the world. Or, you know, they're resurrecting dead grandmothers for one last trip to the park with their kids, which would be terrifying, honestly. But you get my point. If the shirts suck, I'm not going to wear it. I don't care. I don't care that the UAPS could start a T shirt company. And if I, if like they don't have the specific set of conditions that I need for a perfect shirt, and I believe it goes into the quantum field, then I'm not going to wear it. But maybe, just maybe, the UAPS are the ones channeling into a true classic tea, it would not surprise me. Forget overpriced designer nonsense. Skip the cheap throwaways. True Classic delivers premium essentials built for real life. Grab yours at Target or Costco or head to trueclassic.com duncan to get hooked up today. Do my code. I mean, go to Target or Costco. You really want to go to Target? You're really going to go to Target or go to trueclassic.com dug it, so I get credit. Thank you. True. Classic. Thank you. Did that necrophiliac think to himself in that moment when he saw the corpse? He's like, holy. I just started reading the Secret. This is the.

[Ian Fidance]

The stars are aligned.

[Duncan Trussell]

But you know what I mean? Like, when you, when you.

[Ian Fidance]

Yeah, but if, if you take this news story and then you tie it in with everything else that's going on and I. Did you watch that Netflix documentary about the kid influencers?

[Duncan Trussell]

Not yet. I don't want to watch. I don't want to watch it.

[Ian Fidance]

Truly, truly evil.

[Duncan Trussell]

So tell me about it. Because I, I, I just, I hate watching now that I have kids.

[Ian Fidance]

Yeah, watching, like, psychotic mom that was basically dolling up her daughter to make the husband, the ex husband jealous. Like, look how successful the daughter is without you. We're succeeding without you. And then it turned into she basically, like, media trained the daughter from birth to be good on camera and then scouted out this girl's friends and family, like cousins, to live in a content house as kids and make content. And then off camera, the kids are crying and it's like, no, do it again. And then at the same time, the majority of the people watching this content are fucking pedophiles. And the mom doesn't care because it gets clicks and likes. It's like, that is. What's. What's more evil? A dead corpse or pimping out your children for likes, clicks and shares and robbing them of their childhood so that they can be involved in this nefarious era of narcissism and me, me, me. And then that kid is completely. And has a up relationship with reality for the rest of their life.

[Duncan Trussell]

Right?

[Ian Fidance]

What's. What. But, but all these things in tandem are the Kali Yuga of, like, it's common. It's, it's there.

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, it's, it's, it's selfishness. Right? I mean, what you're looking at is, is like these extreme mutated versions of hyper selfishness, you know, that being said, not to keep, like, dwelling on the course. Subway necrophile. We don't know the whole story. So that could have been his friend. He's like, dude, I'm a benefit. I'm gonna die on the subway. I'll be there. Midnight will you please come. Will you please come? My dead man? Yeah, yeah, but the.

[Ian Fidance]

That's a Kinnison joke.

[Duncan Trussell]

I know.

[Ian Fidance]

Fuck you on your dad.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah. Is that really a Guinness?

[Ian Fidance]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

Okay. So the, the. What you're talking about is really fascinating me because, you know, the history of children and new innovations, they always get the short end of the stick. Right. Like children working in factories. Right, right. Like whenever there's a new thing, the industrial revolution happens. The kids, you just. No one even thought back then, no one thought, you shouldn't send your kid to work in a factory in it where they're. All the kids just fall in.

[Ian Fidance]

Yeah, but it's like at the time, what else are kids gonna do? Gets them out of trouble.

[Duncan Trussell]

I don't know.

[Ian Fidance]

What are they working in a factory? Making friends.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah. Pals.

[Ian Fidance]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

And you know, you see these pictures of these soot covered kids after a day.

[Ian Fidance]

They've worked harder in their eight years than I ever have in my entire.

[Duncan Trussell]

Life in this hell realm environment. And you just realize like it. It's never that great for kids in the sense that you. It just depends on what. There you go.

[Ian Fidance]

Yeah. Look at that little guy.

[Duncan Trussell]

Kids in the.

[Ian Fidance]

I'm smoking a pipe before I go.

[Duncan Trussell]

Down in the mines. Nothing like cold out here.

[Ian Fidance]

The cold on my face is blacker than any body hair I've yet to grow.

[Duncan Trussell]

There's the pipe boy again with his pickaxe.

[Ian Fidance]

So funny the pickaxe weighs more than him. Those are cool. I want to hang out with those kids. If I was also a kid. Now I'm realizing I'm older than a kid. And I wish I didn't say that, but then.

[Duncan Trussell]

So click on the color picture that is now. But now we like to imagine that's anything's different. And it's like now we've got these kids digging.

[Ian Fidance]

The picture's a little too black and white, if you know what I mean.

[Duncan Trussell]

Look up child labor and lithium mime.

[Ian Fidance]

Oh, yeah. I mean, truly now, it's never been easier to be alive. And at the same time, throughout the world, there's more people enslaved now ever. There's more child labor than ever. People are living in absolute squalor and suffering now more than ever. But in certain parts of the world, it's like, it's easy breezy, beautiful cover.

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, you know, like click, click. The kids in the river there with like scooping up mud to the side. Josh, the very far right. Like, you see that picture that's up there. France 20. No, it's not. It's like it's got to be fresh. You see? Yeah, that, that. Just click on any of the pictures. Who cares? People know I'm talking about. For those of you listening. It's just what you expect. It's kids digging around in some horrific place. Anyway, the point is the Kali Yuga is not quite what people expect because. Oh, that's a good picture. What is that? Hey, is that, what is that? A protest? Let's click on that protest.

[Ian Fidance]

It's a line for a water slide.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, there you go.

[Ian Fidance]

Good God.

[Duncan Trussell]

Here it is. Better not to be born. Cobalt mining for big tech is driving child labor deaths in the Congo. So now if you think about the history of slavery, you know, you, you. The idea is you would human traffic these people to pick to do work in the west now it works differently. It's. We're not going to call it slavery.

[Ian Fidance]

Even though, I mean now in the west nobody wants to work anymore.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, well, that's when the reason, the reason why is because the technology that we have that is making life so.

[Ian Fidance]

Convenient, that's what fueled by these poor fucking children.

[Duncan Trussell]

It's just because it's like it's a different model. You can distance yourself from it a little bit. Meaning that you can non ironically post a sanctimonious Instagram message about whatever your environmental message is to the world or your cultural message is to the world and ignore the fact that there are bits and pieces in your phone that were dredged out of some hell mine by kids in the Congo. And that's the Kali Yuga. The Kali Yuga is we figured out a way to create a little bubble over here. You don't really see. It's not like you're gonna see cnn, Fox or anybody being like. And let's cut to our life Cam of the lithium. Thank you children for giving us the technology.

[Ian Fidance]

Four year old wearing a GoPro on their head.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ian Fidance]

Show us what's going on.

[Duncan Trussell]

It looks like he fell in a crack. Get the GoPro. But this is the, you know, this is the Kali. And so we, we're seeing all these horrors that are, I mean, really like.

[Ian Fidance]

But have not these horrors been existing since the dawn of time? And isn't the idea of evolution and expansion to get away from them? I mean, isn't that just evolution to evolve to a point where you don't have to. I mean, anxiety is an evolutionary trait that helped us survive.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Ian Fidance]

And we've gotten away from where we get anxious to let us know that there's a bear near us. And then now we get anxious if we have, like an awkward conversation. You know, it's like, isn't that the. The goal, though? To evolve past pain? No, now we're evolving to where our life is easier and it's based off the pain of others. But isn't that something that you can't control?

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, I think that. So I think in my thinking about this problem, you know, like, I'm driving the kid to school today, he's like, do you like flamingos? I'm like, yeah. And I just saw some video of penguins. I'm like, I like penguins too. And. But I didn't tell him. The video that I saw was on Neil Degrasse Tyson's channel. And he was pointing out, you know, these. The reason these penguins are so clumsy is because they have no natural predators. The. There's no natural selection happening on land. They have no natural predators on land. So on land they'll just waddle up to you. They don't. You know what I mean? Whereas, like, you see the way squirrels behave. Aren't penguins predators like seals, but not on land. Oh, so on in the ocean. Look at it. We look at a penguin in the ocean. They're fast, sleek, made for the sea. Yeah, yeah. Because they had to get that way. Because if you're not.

[Ian Fidance]

Yeah, I look like a nun.

[Duncan Trussell]

So that in. In that narration or a commentary he was doing, he's pointing out what we're talking about, right? Which is you're. If you want clumsy penguins, then make it so that they're completely safe. And you're going to get some clumsy fucking penguins via natural selection. You're going to get some clownish silly birds. And the moment, you know, any kind of new predator emerged there, like, you know, if some asshole, you know, just dropped off a couple of honey badgers or something, a male and female honey badger. That's the. That's it for penguins. Yeah, they're gonna rip through those penguins like.

[Ian Fidance]

Like, so we've got to train penguins to mine for lithium.

[Duncan Trussell]

Bingo. Yeah.

[Ian Fidance]

And we gotta go to Anarcha and start clubbing penguins to train them and give them.

[Duncan Trussell]

How cool that'd be to look at your phone and be like a penguin mind for me. And they deserved it because they're slow.

[Ian Fidance]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, clumsy.

[Duncan Trussell]

So. So. But, you know, my kid said, I didn't even mention that shit. And he's like, but sharks eat penguins. And I'm like, yeah, yeah. And he's like, and that's sad. And then I fucked up initially because I was like, well, I mean, is it sad for the shark? Like the sharks probably hungry. And he's like, oh yeah. And then I thought about it. I'm like, no, you're right. That is sad. What am I doing? I'm trying to create some Machiavellian like child ear like no, there was this component of sadness in the natural order of things and how to mitigate that and deal with it without, you know, fucking everything up. In other words, like, what are we going to do? Let's imagine if we had police in Africa, but there were animal police and we made it illegal for the lions to eat gazelle. We found a way to create to.

[Ian Fidance]

Keep the gazelle safe.

[Duncan Trussell]

To keep the gazelle safe, we discovered a way to easily grow plant based gazelle meat that we drive around and throw it to the lions. And anytime a lion's about to get a gazelle, we like have some mechanism, a taser, I don't know, to protect the gazelle. You will create fucked up gazelle and fucked up lion the moment you do that.

[Ian Fidance]

I guess I wanted to ask, when do you introduce the concept of sadness to a child? Because you need sadness to grow. You know, pain is a fertilizer for growth. And it's like I think what we're seeing is people are living in a safer time now more than ever. And I, I know people to this day, they've never faced death like my age. Like, yeah, no one in my life's ever died, you know, and then they're, you know, 48 years old and their grandmother dies at 98 and they're just grief stricken like I can't believe this is it. And it's like, I, I don't know, I mean I have a warp view of it because my dad died when I was 8. So I was introduced to like pain early. And it's like I, I have a up way of thinking of like, you know, people either have not lived through pain so they create their own so that they have to then use that as like almost like a stealth empathizer to feel like they are more in touch with things because they've never experienced, you know, outside pain so they create their own. Or it's these safe people living in a bubble that when they face pain, they don't know how to handle it. So like, how do you make your, your child battle harden for life?

[Duncan Trussell]

This episode of the DTFH is brought to you by Storyworth. Some of you know that I recorded a couple of podcasts with my mom before she passed on and I am so glad I did that. I don't know if y'all get into Superman at all, but you know how Superman has that ice cave he goes into and he can like talk to his parents in there? Holograms of his parents and all this. They could tell him stuff and listen, I don't mean to get all maudlin or whatever, but Liz, everybody's got an expiration date, baby. They did not tell me to say that. By the way. That is not the Story Worth motto. But I'm When I go back and listen to those podcasts with my mom, it's like she's giving me like messages now that I needed to hear. There's all kinds of stuff. It's almost like she was aware that at that time in my life I was somewhat of an idiot. Not that I'm not now, but that probably later on down the line after I had kids, there might be stuff I wanted to hear. And so I feel very lucky that I did that. Storyworth has figured out the most incredible way of getting all of those important messages and stories and things that at some point you're going to wish you asked together. Each week, Storyworth emails your loved one a memory provoking question that you get to help pick questions like did you ever get in trouble in school? Or how did you decide how many children to have? All your loved one needs to do is respond to that email with a story. Long or short, it doesn't matter. They can either write a story or record it over the phone. For Storyworth to transcribe, you'll be emailed a copy of your loved one's response as they're submitted. Over the course of the year, you'll get to enjoy their retelling of the stories you already know and be surprised by stories you never heard before. After that year of fun, Story with compiles your loved ones stories and photos into a beautiful keepsake hardcover book that you'll be able to share and revisit for generations to come. Now, again, they're not telling me to do this, to say this. So I'm sorry Storyworth, I don't mean to go too far off script here. I don't think Storyworth has stumbled upon what they're they're doing completely, because with my Storyworth book, let me tell you what I'm going to do. I could theoretically use that to train an AI based on the loved one. Listen, maybe you don't want to digitally resurrect a loved one. But this is going to be a repository of data that theoretically you could use to train an AI to, you know, they didn't tell me to say it. I'm sorry. Storyworth, don't do that. Just enjoy the book. It's incredible. This stuff might not seem important to you right now. You might be in the phase of your life. You're busy, you're grinding, you're out there, you're not so sentimental, you're reading grind culture books and you don't have time to think about your heart. But at some point, I'm telling you, having this stuff will mean the world to you and if you have kids, it'll mean the world to your kids. And most importantly, if you have the all too common relationship with your folks where face to face communication seems to be getting signal jammed by years of whatever crazy shit you did as a teenager and they haven't quite gotten over that. This is a way to bridge that gap. Why'd you steal their car, man? Family loves Storyworth. That's why it has more than 40,000 five star reviews on True Pilot. With millions of stories preserved since they were founded over 10 years ago. Give all the moms in your life a unique heartfelt gift you'll all cherish for years. Storyworth right now. Save $10 on your first purchase when you go to storyworth.comduncan that's storyworth.comduncan to save $10 on your first purchase. We love our moms.

[Ian Fidance]

I don't know. And I think a lot of people are softer now more than ever. And they are these gazelles that have been manipulated to where they, the lion doesn't come after them. And it's like you need the lions to make the gazelle tougher. You need pain and suffering. You need to be on your own. You need to be walking around and face the world so that it'll harden you for the realities of life later. And I feel like you either have one way of looking at it, those things make you harder and make you more empathetic and understanding and give you better perspective, or it angers you and makes you have a chip on your shoulder towards the world. Yeah, I don't know the answer. I only know what happened to me. And I had that anger for a while and I kind of evolved past it, but it took a while. But is that not life? The struggle and the, the battling your way through to get to the other side?

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, I, you know, the, I also.

[Ian Fidance]

Have a myopic view of it. I, I Can only see things through my eyes.

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, once you get in the dead dad club, you know, you live in a different world like once you. Once you. And it is a designer, like there's a designer reality that people live in and the designer reality is based on whatever the algorithm is serving you. So in whatever your social media platform is and whatever algorithm they're using, it produces a designer style reality for you where you, via the algorithm have filtered out some infinite amount of content and zoomed in on some other bit of content. And then if you look at the ecosystem of the modern human in by ecosystem I mean like that the habitat. And I don't just mean physical habitat, I think now we can argue the digital space is a physical habitat. So you see, we roam in certain meadows, I guess you could say. And so what I've noticed across the board is that in general, most of the habitat that we're in does not address mortality in the way you would expect a mortal species to address it. So we know there's death, we hear about death on the news, we make love to corpses on the subway from time to time, but we don't seem until you actually encounter it firsthand. It's very easy to live in a bubble where you don't really think you're immortal, but via not really addressing the fact that something supersedes all the cultural machinations that you're obsessed with, and that is that in some uncertain moment, someone you love or you are going to drop dead. And until you really address that as much as you can bear, then you will be a wobbly penguin via just that. And I don't think, I don't think humans need people chasing them in the streets or anything to become like fully human. But we already have the most incredible predator in the universe. Death. It's a modular predator. It might come as an aneurysm, a heart attack, you might get beaten to death, stabbed to death, set on fire, the sun might supernova nuclear. But the list goes on and on and on. But via ignoring that you think that you are being positive or that you. It's a maudlin thing to stare that in the eye, when in reality that thing is the evolutionary force that you must address if you really want to live. And that's why Nim Karoli Baba would say, love, love everyone, serve everyone, remember God. But some people think that he actually meant love everyone, serve everyone, remember you're going to die and that we carry death on our shoulder, meaning that you, you must live in the consciousness of how Precious human life is and how at any second it could go away.

[Ian Fidance]

Yeah. And Dave Matthews said, eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die, dude.

[Duncan Trussell]

And, and I would, I mean, I can't show it. I'll get, I would show you my new tattoo, but again, the media mobs. I can't show my, my ball because I have on my remaining testicle, I have that tattooed. I love that very small tattoo.

[Ian Fidance]

I would like to read it. Like braille, dude.

[Duncan Trussell]

It is br. That's a great idea. Holy. I wonder if I could get some kind of braille and plan on my remaining testicle that says, says for tomorrow we die.

[Ian Fidance]

And Dave Matthews, man, also said, don't drink the water. And it's like, well, you can't pick and choose. Am I gonna drink the water and die or.

[Duncan Trussell]

He meant piss drink. If he eat, drink.

[Ian Fidance]

Well, I'm out on that too. I already, I already went against that today.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, yeah, you got it.

[Ian Fidance]

Well, I, I, you know, I, I live in this pocket of like, it's, I, I struggle with it because again, like, you're talking about the natural predator of death. And I feel like, and I'm just looking through it, the, through the guise of like annoying whites. I look at like annoying whites and they don't have a lot of death facing them head on.

[Duncan Trussell]

You think it's just the whites?

[Ian Fidance]

Well, I, I feel like it's, it's this twofold thing where a lot of whites look at conflict throughout the world and they're like, this is happening in death. But because they haven't had death face them face to face, nose to nose, they look at these other deaths as, you know, this horrific thing. And it's horrible, and it is. But at the same time, if you've dealt with like real death and real, like face to face trauma, you're like, hey, happens. Like, if anything, you learn that it's out of your control, empathize. But also like, there's not really nothing like you can do but change the environment around you. And then I look to like, you know, inner city blacks. And it's just so heartbreaking that because they are faced with so many horrific traumas and deaths from an early age, and just like the systems have been around them, they end up becoming like dead eyed nihilists to where it's like, yeah, nothing matters. And they realize in the education system they're just pawns. So it's like, why am I going to do anything but just not give a. And then you're seeing kids younger and Younger, be disaffected and then act out in a way that, like, I mean, dude, all the murders and shootings in New York are like young kids.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Ian Fidance]

And also they're smart and they know that once they turn 18, all the charges drop because everything gets kicked up to child court.

[Duncan Trussell]

Right.

[Ian Fidance]

And it just, just pisses me off that, you know, people will be in an uproar about, you know, X, Y and Z going on in another country. It's like, I guess because maybe I taught and I see like the faces of the kids I taught on all these kids that are being affected by gang violence in every city. And it's like nobody's screaming out for these poor kids. And I think a lot of it is like, well, I'm not allowed to speak on that because I'm not that race and I might get in trouble. But it's like, that's so heartbreaking. But everybody cares about what happens to like, brown kids in another country. But when it happens to black kids in ours, they're like, well, I'm not going to touch that.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Ian Fidance]

And it's like, that is a horrific thing that's going on right now.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Ian Fidance]

And it seems like people get in an uproar every once in a while, but then when, like, legitimate tragedy is happening at their back door, they're like, wow, there's nothing really I can do.

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, you know, there's a. People just don't have community anymore. And.

[Ian Fidance]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

And you know, if you've ever been to like a like, Burning man, you realize the horror of war in the reverse because you see like, why people get really, like, addicted to war and why when people come back from a war, they're like, what the fuck? This isn't even life. Because one thing that's happening when you're at war is community. This intense life or death connections happening with the people around you. You're experiencing the amazing thing that, that can happen where you see it in sports too. You see like when you're watching like an incredible basketball team and you realize, oh, that's not one person. That's a group mind. You're looking at a super organism made up of a bunch of different people. They're practically telepathic, synced up and like working together.

[Ian Fidance]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

And that must feel incredible too, that they're feeling of being part of that must be amazing. And so humans are. We do that. That's one of the things we do when we're in groups is we, we congeal into a group mind. And so that in that experience, when it's positive is transcendent. It's you, you realize like, oh my God, there's not much of a separation between me and you. And so when you're looking at like the violent forms that that takes, I think really what you're seeing is like, you know, what else are you is being offered here? Like, people are going to be magnetized towards something real. And it must feel real to be in a gang. It must feel real. And suddenly you get the experience of living in something that feels more like reality than the synthetic, you know, padded, nerfed kind of corpo reality that is being sold to people as reality reality. And, and so there I get it.

[Ian Fidance]

I think a lot of community comes from this like desire for a pat on the back or just like a parent's love, you know, in the sense of like, you know, a lot of, a lot of, you know, gangs or whatever. It's like you're coming from a single family home, there's a group of guys that are like, hey, do this and I'll be proud of you. And it's like, okay. Like, I think everybody is just, I, maybe again, it's through my lens, but I think everybody throughout their life is just searching for some form of community and reinforcement of being loved. And instead of feeling like the words of I love you, I love you comes from different forms of action. Like being involved in an online community, you get that affirmation through like a like or a share like. And a lot of times it's negative, but it's still that reinforcement of, you know, if you're like all on something that is a net positive because you're all working together to. On this one thing, even though the thing you're doing is negative and it's just reinforcement of like, you're liked, you're welcome.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Ian Fidance]

And it's a matter of finding your community, but finding a positive community. And that's so much harder than finding the base negative and then bonding over that. Does that make sense?

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh yeah. And, but, and, and where, where I get woo woo with this line of thinking is that, you know, fine, you found a community, you found a, you know, people who like, I don't know, collect stamps or whatever, crochet or whatever the fuck it is, and that's fine. But I feel like that going back to what we were talking about earlier, which is if you want to look at the real they live reality that we're in, you remember they live.

[Ian Fidance]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

Put the glasses on, you could see what they like, yeah, eat, consume. Right?

[Ian Fidance]

Yeah, yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

So the, the, you catch a glimpse of that, anyone will. And, but you don't want to believe that could be true. You don't want to believe that you're just a bird animal. Yeah. So you seek the solace of something that would, instead of deny that is happening, make that seem okay to deal with the cognitive dissonance and so to get back to being a happy consumer versus a paranoid consumer, someone who's like, something doesn't seem quite right here. And so those communities like that will form. But I think that step number one is stop ignoring the reality of things, even though you don't have to tell anyone you're thinking these things, by the way. In fact, maybe it's better not to. But if you've caught that glimpse, that's good. Don't be afraid. But then step two would be a simple question. Is this all there is? Is there just these mortal, easily manipulated beings on the planet that are being puppeteered by increasingly effective technological propaganda to step in line and harmonize in a way that's safe for the power structures that exist? Is that all there is? Is that all there is? And then that's where you go into nihilism. And, and actually nihilism serves the, the, that force more than anything. Because if, if really that's all there is, if there's nothing after this, nothing before it. Yeah. Then fuck yeah, dude.

[Ian Fidance]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

Get what you can while you're here. Profit, fucking. Yeah, Enjoy. And because really you're just with you, a mode of sentient meat floating in a. In the void of space, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. In this mode of thinking, who does it serve? It serves oil companies. Because it's like, yeah, fuck the environment. Who cares about anything? None of this matters anyway. What the fuck?

[Ian Fidance]

Well, wasn't that like the 80s? They had no forward thinking. It was just like now, now, now, greed.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ian Fidance]

And now we're suffering all the consequences.

[Duncan Trussell]

So I think if you can successfully argue that we live in a godless void, and I'm not saying you need a theistic point of view to have any kind of humanist morality, but it doesn't hurt. But if you can successfully argue that, then I think the next question becomes, well, then what is the idea here? What's the point of this thing? Right? And so somewhere along the line, some version of hedonism takes precedent over service, over helping, and, or most importantly, you. It's like having this incredible WI FI connection in your brain which is the connection to the Transcendent metaphysical super intelligence that I think all of this stuff exploded from and not using it. So if you're not picking up the phone, you, you, then there won't be a next step for you other than like trying to scratch an itch in the wrong place. And that is buying shit. Getting those likes as much as you possibly can. All the things we all try to do. It's great. I say go for it. I tried. I tried. And it does distract you for sure. And it'll create a lot of drama.

[Ian Fidance]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

To distract you even more. And that's really good. If the, if you don't want to confront the reality of your inevitable annihilation, what better than eating someone's ass for a few hours on MDMA and then getting an argument with him after about how you don't, you don't listen. You know, man. So, so to me, I think step one is a deep, honest, non public internal interrogation. Asking yourself, is there anything other than me? Is there a higher intelligence? And then reach out to that. And then via that something else will start happening that you can't predict because. And then that leads you into certain situations and communities that have a focus not on the temporary, fleeting, transient worldly phenomena and on something else. And, and there's so many different forms of that out there. Yeah. And. And that I think is where you, you start really experiencing the kind of liberation you are seeking in all the other forms.

[Ian Fidance]

Well, that, what you just mentioned and spoke about, that's like the main tenant of. And I'm just gonna say it because I think it's important to make people aware that there's a place to go that's better. But that is like the main tenant of Alcoholics Anonymous and programs Overcome. That is exactly the backbone of all of that, is to get out of self privately look with a clean lens at all of the garbage and everything that's going on. Cleanse yourself of it with the higher purpose of helping someone else do the same. And in that. That's like, like the main goal of AA is to maintain a conscious contact with a higher power. And that's just some. That turns people off. And people go, God, no, I can't. But it's almost like that higher power is that higher form of consciousness of living every moment in the now and taking in and figuring out how can I take this moment to serve someone else? And that's so hard to do because of all these distractions. And sometimes you grab it and you hold on to it and it feels so good. But then it's so fleeting, but you almost have to let it flow through you. And then how can I do this again? And that's like, I never feel better than when I'm helping someone else and when I am not talking about me and not obsessing about me and not obsessing about that. But when I'm in this moment and I. And I almost like, dude, when. When I was teaching and I was explaining something and like, it clicked with a student, I would get this chill from the tip of my toes to the top of my head. And I got that feeling when I would take my first sip of alcohol. And I got that feeling when I would, you know, when you like, rip a new tag on a joke on stage.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Ian Fidance]

Or like something comes out the right way. And I would get that same feeling. And I get that same feeling when I help someone else and we make that connection. And I think the goal is to always maintain that connection. But in order to do that, you have to rip out all this sludge and get rid of those distractions. But what you just said is like so important. And the goal. But it's so hard because you have all these outside influences. But if you can like block them off and then maintain that conscious contact with a higher being, higher purpose, higher feeling, I think that is like, I never feel better than when that's going on. And I always feel better when I leave a meeting than when I walked into it. And I want with my stand up for people to leave feeling better than when they came to the show. And I feel like those are things when I feel it and I grab onto it, I feel infinite. And then it slips through my hands and I concentrate on the fact that it went away. But it's like it always come back. Yeah, it'll always come back. But for me, I feel like that's such a better service of time to be constantly trying to bring it back to the now. And not now me, but now you. How can I serve this? How can I serve that? Like, being around you is such a joy because you immediately bring it to the other person with like, you can feel this energy and. And this is such a little thing. But I'll never forget one of the first times we were texting. You used a bunch of exclamation points to show, like, excitement.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Ian Fidance]

And I was like, this feels good. I can understand that they're excited and I believe that they're excited. And so now I try to do that. And it's not what you can take away, but what you can bring.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Ian Fidance]

And I. I try to bring a good energy, but then on the other hand, when I'm alone, I like, just sulk. And I need to work on having that when I'm alone. Because when I'm alone is when I'm in a bad way.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Ian Fidance]

But when I'm around others, I feel like, so good. And I've looked to you for how to do that because I see the energy you bring to other people.

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, thank you, man.

[Ian Fidance]

And also your constant search for consciousness and contact with something out there rather than self.

[Duncan Trussell]

I. I'm going to tell you a quick story. This dream I had. So I was walking on the beach with Jesus and foreign. This episode of the DTFH is brought to you by Better Help. You know what? Right now, everyone's flipping their shit over the stock market. And there's something cool about being able to look at a bunch of numbers and figure out if you're doing okay. If only we had that for our minds. It really is interesting though, isn't it, that people are completely obsessed with finances, stocks. Look, I get it. And there's a quantifiable metric there to show you how you're doing. And based on that, you can invest and invest and invest in the stock market. And sometimes you lose money, sometimes you make money. But when it comes to the old slushy brownish gray thing in your cranium and the, the. The potentially quantum tubules are giving you a sense of sentience and your. All your memories and experiences that have congealed together and what you call yourself, people seem less passionate about investing in that. People feel like therapy is too expensive. They're totally willing to drop a thousand bucks on dogecoin on Ethereum, but they feel weirded out about doing that. But good news. With BetterHelp online therapy, you can save an average of up to 50% per session. With BetterHelp, you pay a flat fee for weekly sessions, saving you big on cost and on time. Therapy should feel accessible, not like a luxury. With online therapy, you get quality care at a price that makes sense and can help you with anything from anxiety to everyday stress. And I know you've heard me say this again and again in BetterHelp commercials. Therapy changed my life for the better. I, I know. I guess that's like a fashionable thing some people are saying now, but truly it's so worth it. And yeah, I don't, I don't know where I'd be if I hadn't. Hadn't spent those months I never. It's hard, but it was so worth it. And definitely worth the dough. With over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 5 million people globally. It's convenient, too. You can join a session with a click of a button, helping you fit therapy into your busy life. Plus switch therapists at any time. Your well being is worth it. Visit betterhelp.comduncan to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp. H-E-L-P.comduncan. thank you. Basically, like, you know, I was hurting really bad. And I call the story Footprints. I was hurting really bad. And, and, and I. I was looking back at the footprints from when I was hurting really bad, and I only saw one set of footprints. Where was Jesus's footprints? Right? And so then ran into Jesus up the beach. And I'm like, hey, you know, when I was feeling really bad, I noticed that you seem to have split because I only saw one set of footprints. And Jesus said to me, actually, those are my footprints because I was carrying you. And I said, well, honestly though, if we go back and do a forensic analysis of the two sets of footprints, you'll see I'm a ten and a half. And the other set of footprints, which is yours, are a 12.

[Ian Fidance]

Thank God. You just turned it to funny after I went off on this.

[Duncan Trussell]

What's fun.

[Ian Fidance]

Stupid diet drive.

[Duncan Trussell]

No, you. I love you. No, I'm gonna get back to it. I. No, now, listen, listen, this is important. This is important.

[Ian Fidance]

Sorry, sorry, my pants are hungry.

[Duncan Trussell]

I said to Jesus. Yes, now what you say to Jesus? Well, I said, let's take a look at these footprints. And I had some of my friends come out from the movie industry, we did moles. And I was able to prove verifiably that in fact, those were my feet.

[Ian Fidance]

This is quite a dream.

[Duncan Trussell]

Those were my feet, not Jesus's feet. I was walking alone and it appeared. I'm like, so you were gaslighting me. And he's like, I'm God.

[Ian Fidance]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

I split you into two people and you carried yourself. And I woke up weeping, you know. And from that dream, I learned something. Yes. Sometimes Jesus has the same size shoes.

[Ian Fidance]

As me.

[Duncan Trussell]

But Ian.

[Ian Fidance]

And he wears Nike Monarchs. Air Monarchs.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yes, I do. Thank you for saying that. And it means the world to me. And my feeling these days is that. That people. What's. Everyone looks at the world. There's so many people are so sad right now. And they're. They're. They're so.

[Ian Fidance]

Justifiably so.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yes. And. But I understand why. And it's not just a set of phenomena. It's the nihilism. It's that there.

[Ian Fidance]

It's that, you know, could you call it narcissistic nihilism?

[Duncan Trussell]

I think nihilism and narcissism go like peanut butter and jelly. It's like, again, if, like, we're gonna live in an empty, and it is delic. But if we're going to live in an empty, like, non. If we're going to live in a void of consumerism and you are fully certain of this, then what else do you have but yourself? And why wouldn't you worship yourself? It's the only thing you're making contact with in this infinite void. And so, of course, all the things that we look at and feel bad about in other people, when you really sort of trace that, follow it upstream, you realize, well, everyone is being just bombarded with data that has an agenda, and the agenda is inevitably based on some. Some state model or some corpo model that's trying to get you to act in a certain way to make money. And this is a. It's like, look at the stock market. Oh, my God. Do you know Abby Hoffman? Is. Abby. I think it's. Will you look up Abby Hoffman, activist. This is one of the funniest.

[Ian Fidance]

Oh, I thought this was the girl from Love on the Spectrum.

[Duncan Trussell]

Dude, I've got to watch it, bro. Is it good?

[Ian Fidance]

It is so heartwarming and wonderful, and I want the love that they experience with each other. It's such an innocent, joyful. Whoa, what's this?

[Duncan Trussell]

That's Abby Hoffman. He is this social activist. And so one of the most amazing things I've ever heard of anyone doing is a form of activism. He went to the New York Stock Exchange and he dumped bags of money onto the traders. So all of a sudden, in the New York Stock Exchange, money's falling down. The traders stopped trading to grab the money falling out of the air. And he literally, for a few minutes, shuts down the New York Stock Exchange.

[Ian Fidance]

Oh, wow.

[Duncan Trussell]

By dumping money on it. And so that level of culture jamming, to me is so brilliant because it's pointing out that the. This is idolatry. And nobody wants to talk about this. It seems like because we want to believe, we don't live in an age where people worship idols. But I can't think of a more incredible modern deity than the New York Stock Exchange. It's a temple in the morning. At temples, what do they do ding a ding ding. They ring a bell at night, they ding a ding ding.

[Ian Fidance]

They have the golden bull. Wasn't that in the Bible?

[Duncan Trussell]

Yes. Yes. Like, it's a temple. It's a temple. And. And within the temple there's a God. And the God. If the God turns green, everyone's happy. If the God turns red, people will literally kill themselves for the God. They'll jump out just like people used to. Throw themselves under the wheels of massive carts carrying deities, just like the Aztecs did. Everyone loves to think we're so modern. When the. When the deity turns red.

[Ian Fidance]

Yeah, you are.

[Duncan Trussell]

People try to fly, baby. They jump and they shoot and they poison themselves because the deity is red.

[Ian Fidance]

Did his deity turn red because he killed himself?

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, did he?

[Ian Fidance]

Whoa.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah. I don't know. But did he? But bad guy. Come on. Don't you know? I love some of this dear friend of mine, but this is. This is like so interesting. So this is a roundabout way of saying, like, if. If you don't like the word idolatry because it sounds antiquated. Think in terms of fast food. If you're eating shitty food, you're gonna get sick over time. If you're eating like 711 hot dogs for six months straight, I can't even imagine.

[Ian Fidance]

I would if I was in Norway. They have the best 711 hot dogs in Norway. Bergen, Norway. SHOUT out Yes. I thought it was a joke. When everyone. When I toured Europe, everyone was like, you have to eat the 711 hot dog.

[Duncan Trussell]

Can you pull up 711 hot dog? It is.

[Ian Fidance]

It's what they're known for. It's crazy.

[Duncan Trussell]

That is not. I. I thought it was a prank.

[Ian Fidance]

I thought he was like, go to the 711 in Norway, ask for a hot dog. You do it.

[Duncan Trussell]

And then the someone saying, there's fast than light travel there is not possible.

[Ian Fidance]

Let's go to Norway now.

[Duncan Trussell]

Wow. Wow.

[Ian Fidance]

Yep.

[Duncan Trussell]

So I'm curious based on the size of the hot dog. The man's penis bigger or smaller? The one that you defiled.

[Ian Fidance]

Why don't I show you?

[Duncan Trussell]

No, no, no. All right. Sorry.

[Ian Fidance]

Sorry.

[Duncan Trussell]

Okay. In Norway, 711 is a common place to buy hot dogs. Often special offers. AI had to write Poor AI. It is if it's sentient. Imagine being sentient. You have to like, do it right.

[Ian Fidance]

Type in R7 11 hot dogs. Good in Norway.

[Duncan Trussell]

I don't buy it. There's only one way to find out too. You can't like have one of Those shipped. Yes. 711 hot dogs in Norway are generally considered Good and popular how?

[Ian Fidance]

Dude, I don't know when you, you.

[Duncan Trussell]

Know, when you walk into a 7 11, and I don't blame anybody working into 711 for not keeping up with the hot dogs, but you walk in, there, one's been rolling too long.

[Ian Fidance]

Oh yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

And there's that smell of burnt, burning hot dog rolling on that.

[Ian Fidance]

It ain't good.

[Duncan Trussell]

It ain't good. It ain't good. And, but that to me is the, you know, upstream problem right now is that people have been eating 711 hot dogs, which is whatever, you know, the, the is being slopped out.

[Ian Fidance]

Oh yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

And, and, and in, in that story, a new kind of religion emerges where the self becomes the nexus point of all importance, which obviously this is a catastrophic philosophy if we live in a world with other people. But it's exactly what cancer cells think. You know, it's like, it's all about me, baby. I got an idea. Hey, I'm gonna innovate a new way to do this liver thing. They check it out and then, you know, next thing you know, you got tumors. Because some cancer cell wanted to be around them. Yes. And so, so, you know, in the small and in the big, it's a.

[Ian Fidance]

Fucked up mode of being basically a cancer.

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, it's a way to become a cancer.

[Ian Fidance]

Right.

[Duncan Trussell]

Thing. And, and, and, and in the same way that if you, if you have managed to cut yourself off completely from the totality of all things of which you're a part, if you don't recognize you're part of a, Of a universal superorganism, then the cancer cell also has no. If the cancer cell could think. It's not. It's not. It's not thinking like, I think this is gonna fuck up this body that I'm part of.

[Ian Fidance]

No, it's like, hey, check out this reel I just put up. Look at this content.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Ian Fidance]

Cancer. Cancer turns your body into a content house for tumors. That's what it does.

[Duncan Trussell]

Cancer would most definitely take selfies if it could. You wouldn't need to get an mri. You just go to its TikTok and it's like, look at this new one I made. It's beautiful.

[Ian Fidance]

Cancer is doing TikTok dances while your body's rotting.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, that's cool. And that thing I've always loved about AA and in the 12 step program is that it's. It's like an emergent spiritual lineage born from what in the old days, I think you. You would call demonic possession. But it's an antidote to the. To. To the possession.

[Ian Fidance]

Well, it's like this spiritual experience. And that's what you talked about. The. The goal is to have this, like, experience, and that's the goal, to have this, like, spiritual experience that then you're constantly searching for by doing the thing that got you there, which is to go through this house cleaning and then this helping of other people clean their houses. But also, at the same time, it's like, people use psychedelics to experience the same thing. And so it's like, I struggle with whatever way you get there is good. Or like, no, you have to do it this way, you know, like. But I think the goal is to have that experience, to then understand that your purpose is not you. It's for others.

[Duncan Trussell]

What do you mean, you struggle with it?

[Ian Fidance]

Well, I struggle with, like, you know, like. Like when people are. They're like, oh, I'm. I'm sober, but they, like, smoke weed. Or they're like, oh, I'm sober, but I do psychedelics to, like, get me, you know, xyz. And I'm like, no, you should be sober and go through this. Through a spiritual experience, through the work. You're taking a shortcut. But then if you look at the history aa Bill Wilson, you know, did acid to have this experience, and then he based this work off of searching for that spiritual experience. He got through acid. So it's like, who the am I? I have my way, and I fail at it a lot. And I'm constantly trying to do it, and I'm constantly falling short. And then maybe it's a part of jealousy where I'm like, o. I wish I could just do acid and get it, but I'm too worried that if I were to step out and do a psychedelic, that I'd go off on a bad way, you know?

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah.

[Ian Fidance]

And so maybe I. I always look at, like, what am I disliking and why? And it always goes back to me. I'm disliking something that you're doing because I see it in me, and I'm doing, like, a. Like, kind of blaming something else rather than looking at me and going, oh, I need to fix a thing that I don't like in you. And instead I'm just focusing on what I don't like. Well, does that make sense?

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Ian Fidance]

I. I think, like, everything I hate, I think I see in myself. And it's easier just to point the blame than to, you know, myself. I exhibit that.

[Duncan Trussell]

I've had sober friends. I've had sober friends in the program, knowing my Love for psychedelics who have, you know, reached out to me. Almost like they want me to give them permission to take a psychedelic.

[Ian Fidance]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

And I always say, like, if you feel like there's like a 1% chance that this gets you back to the you that I knew when you were dying, I don't know if it's worth it like that. It's a sort of risk to reward thing.

[Ian Fidance]

Totally.

[Duncan Trussell]

You're sober now. You somehow climbed out of a pit. And when anyone who's had a friend gets sucked into that pit. Yeah, it's the most. It's definitely on par with watching someone die of cancer or something. Maybe more annoying.

[Ian Fidance]

Yeah. But also with cancer, you can go, hey, I'll go with you to chemo to address this. Hey, yeah, let's go to the doctor.

[Duncan Trussell]

Hey.

[Ian Fidance]

You recognize your body's falling apart. You know that you're gonna go get treatment. But with alcoholism and addiction, you're like, hey, I see this thing that is hurting, and I know a way for you to get help. And they're like, no, get the away from me.

[Duncan Trussell]

Right.

[Ian Fidance]

I'm not going to do this. It's like, you can take a horse of water, but you can't force it to stop shooting heroin.

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, I'm trying. I've tried. What's so awful when you have your horses get on heroin, dude.

[Ian Fidance]

Yes.

[Duncan Trussell]

They're horrible ride.

[Ian Fidance]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

They fall asleep on the trail.

[Ian Fidance]

They nod out.

[Duncan Trussell]

But someone dying from most other diseases, you don't have to call them like, did you steal my car? Yeah, I'm pretty sure you stole my car. But the, the, the. So, you know, I always say, dude, talk to your sponsor about this one, man. This is not like I or just.

[Ian Fidance]

Like your sober network.

[Duncan Trussell]

And that's a very thing.

[Ian Fidance]

I'll kick ideas around them. Like, my friends that are sober, and they're like, are you stupid? Like, no, don't do that. Like, the last thing was like, I think I'm gonna. I. I haven't taken my meds in a little bit, and I think I'm gonna stop. This is. It's not good. I like the way I'm feeling. And like, dude, take a step back. Going back on your meds. Are you kidding me?

[Duncan Trussell]

Yeah, that. And generally, like, one of the qualities of addiction behavior is you want to blame someone else. And so also it's.

[Ian Fidance]

You want to be in the director's chair. You want everything to be you. I'm choosing. I'm doing this, I'm doing that. You know, one of the best Things I ever heard in a meeting. And I cackled, and everyone looked at me like I was crazy. Some guy goes, I'm not working on myself. You know, my favorite song is Me.

[Duncan Trussell]

Me, me, me, me. God, it's the worst. It's the worst me. Well, and. And this is the.

[Ian Fidance]

But I. I. Sorry to cut you off, but I don't. Dude, during the pandemic, things got really bad for me, and I looked into mushroom therapy, and the. The place I found was like, so you get the mushrooms, you do them, and then we talk about your experience. I was like, hell, no. I thought I was going to be in a room on mushrooms with a therapist, like, talking me through this. You're leaving me. Left to my own devices. I get to go get a bag. I got to do it.

[Duncan Trussell]

And then I tell you, business model, my life.

[Ian Fidance]

I know. And, like, here's a number you can call to get the mushroom.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, my God.

[Ian Fidance]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

But, you know, all that being said, I think, you know, because I have diabetes and I had to get on a zempic for the actual reason, and, you know, seeing how whatever the fuck this is doing didn't just make it so my blood sugar got back to normal, but that also the addictive eating patterns I had just went away. Like, you know, it's Lent. My family's off sugar, which is really hilarious for a diabetic, because they're like, just a couple more days and we can have some cake. And I'm like, oh, great. Wow. Good job. Did you make it a month outside?

[Ian Fidance]

Yeah, but that's all I am, what people do sober October, I'm like, oh, exactly.

[Duncan Trussell]

It's exactly. Yeah. And. And. But. But that I make that joke. But the reality is, like, I. I don't care as much anymore. Like, I. I don't. I don't. I can look at Oreos, Skittles, cake, and not really have the. Like, you know, when there's cookies at the house, like, there would be some part of my mind that knew exactly where they were in the pantry, and I would look at the cookies, I'm like, oh, you're gonna make it, like, maybe a day.

[Ian Fidance]

Oh, yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

And so to see how a lot of the guilt and shame and shit that people who overeat, that I was feeling seems to be mitigated by something. By a medicine that somehow this fucking thing is actually. It just reminds me, when I was a kid. I see it with my kids. You know what they'll do? They'll stop eating. They'll leave you know, they'll eat until they're full. And they're like, I don't want to eat anymore. And you're like, you should eat some more because you're going to be here and, no, I'm not hungry. And that's how people are supposed to be. But that goes away, right? And you eat. Even the signals go away to tell you you're full. And then. So when you. And this is the new conversation around Ozempic and all that whole class of drugs is that this is a neurological issue that we've been like, you fat fucking piece of shit, why do you eat all that fucking cake? You stupid. And it's like, no, you don't understand. Their brain is telling them they're hungry.

[Ian Fidance]

Well, especially because everything they put in the food is definitely manipulating that as well. I mean, we all have millions of microplastics in our balls now. It's like, I. When I die, it'd be better to recycle me than to put me in the ground.

[Duncan Trussell]

And the brain. Yeah, it's showing up in the brain.

[Ian Fidance]

Oh, yeah. It's everywhere.

[Duncan Trussell]

It's everywhere.

[Ian Fidance]

You know, we're being poisoned at every single turn in our lives. Whether it's mentally, spiritually, physically. Everything is poisoning us. And everything we put in our body is not just content of food. It's content of ideas and content of. That's content. And it's like, dude, you got to filter out that poison.

[Duncan Trussell]

As above. So below, it's like, you see physical manifestations of cultural trends. And I can't think of a better embodiment of the. The. The. The disintegration of community and culture than plastic showing up in our brains. Our balls are everywhere. Right. It's. It's. It's that. That is the physical manifestation of an. Of a.

[Ian Fidance]

Of a. I gotta get some microplastics.

[Duncan Trussell]

Oh, yeah, me too. Jesus Christ. Yeah, the. The. So that leaves us with what I think is the number one job right now is. Is first do the analysis. Don't listen to us idiots yapping about this. Do the analysis yourself. Watch. They live. You know, do the analysis.

[Ian Fidance]

Invest in sunglasses.

[Duncan Trussell]

Invest in fucking sunglasses. Do the analysis. And then if. If. Or if you've already done the analysis and you're feeling nihilistic from the analysis, which is the unfortunate walk around with.

[Ian Fidance]

A shotgun and shoot people you think are aliens.

[Duncan Trussell]

I'm working up to that, dude.

[Ian Fidance]

Sorry.

[Duncan Trussell]

Well, no, the subway. Fucking necrophi. You know, I like, I think that's your AA training because you just got to the point I meander. And you're like, dude, just get to the fucking point. You know what we have to do. There's a war. There's aliens. They look like humans. Jokey.

[Ian Fidance]

Like a deaf man's penis. In my pocket.

[Duncan Trussell]

There's a. In his pocket. It's just not dead.

[Ian Fidance]

Dude. There was a kid in, like, fourth grade who would cut a hole in his pocket and his girlfriend would come up and jerk his dick off at the water fountain.

[Duncan Trussell]

Wow.

[Ian Fidance]

I thought that was so cool.

[Duncan Trussell]

Wow.

[Ian Fidance]

And you know what happened? Kid's dead now.

[Duncan Trussell]

From what?

[Ian Fidance]

Fluoride in the water put him on a bad path.

[Duncan Trussell]

Send him down a bad path. Yeah, that's out. What he thought life was going to be like.

[Ian Fidance]

If you're getting jerked off in fourth grade, it's like, you. What else is there? You've already reached peak.

[Duncan Trussell]

You're never gonna feel it.

[Ian Fidance]

Yeah.

[Duncan Trussell]

You're never gonna go. Water fountain without getting an erection. He's got the weirdest fetish of all.

[Ian Fidance]

He's going up to the airport to get that water in the bottle, and he's just like, oh, I'm gonna bust.

[Duncan Trussell]

Why do you have a water fountain in your bedroom? I just get thirsty. Night. I just get thirsty.

[Ian Fidance]

Why do you carry around a camel backpack? And you're going to bars. This is weird.

[Duncan Trussell]

No, I'm not gonna tattoo a water fountain on my feet. Why do you want me to do that? Ian, you're the best, man. You're the best moon tower. You got shows coming up.

[Ian Fidance]

Yeah, I'm everywhere, man. I'm on the road till you're working your ass off.

[Duncan Trussell]

Dude, you got so many dates. That's all, man.

[Ian Fidance]

I am in Philly, May 16th and 17th. I am in Rochester May 8th and 10th. The 22nd. I am in Charleston, South Carolina. Then I'm in Atlanta. The 23rd and 24th. All over. Ianfinance.com so funny with Jordan is a podcast out every Wednesday on YouTube, which.

[Duncan Trussell]

Is killing it, by the way.

[Ian Fidance]

Yeah, it's really fun, man. I'd love for you to come and do it, dude.

[Duncan Trussell]

I'd love to. I love your podcast.

[Ian Fidance]

Oh, thanks.

[Duncan Trussell]

The algorithm loves your podcast because it's always showing me your pocket. It's really cool. I love it when it feed it. It's working.

[Ian Fidance]

It's working.

[Duncan Trussell]

Plastic good.

[Ian Fidance]

Yes, plastic good.

[Duncan Trussell]

Awesome.

[Ian Fidance]

I love you, buddy. Thank you.

[Duncan Trussell]

Thank you. That was Ian Finance, everybody. Go to his shows. The link to his podcast is going to be in the comments. Wherever you find this. And I love you and I'll see you next week. Until then, Hare Krishna. Bye.