Transcript
Duncan Trussell (0:00)
Hello, welcome to the DTFH live. This is so exciting. It was so fun last week. I wanted to do it again this week. And I'm glad we have a master at the helm, my dear friend, Josh Cabaza from Comedy Frequency. Let's give him a round of applause. This would not be possible without his hard work, his genius, his technical know how his diligence, his fortitude, his constitution. He stands like a barrier between this podcast and the forces of chaos. They want to take down our consciousness and make us a timid little shuddering bitches.
Josh Cabaza (0:37)
Oh, no, not Josh.
Duncan Trussell (0:40)
He won't let us do that and he knows how. So thanks, Josh. I appreciate it.
Aaron (0:45)
No problem.
Duncan Trussell (0:45)
Oh, I'm glad we're here. Oh, there's so much to talk about. I mean, this is incredible seeing you all here. Thank you for joining us. Listen, I don't know where to start. Maybe you guys decide. I, you know, I don't want to. I hate it when people do this to me. I really do. And I have friends who do this and it's cloying and it bothers me. But when I'm on a news bender, I'll talk to some of my friends and they will say things like, you know, I don't even know what's going on. I don't watch the news. And oh, don't you just want to fucking rip their face off when someone said, don't you just want to kill them? You know, because it's the, the, oh, I'm sorry, oh noble, transcendent one who's turned their back on the world and sits on some high mountain peak watching the birds fly by and meditating while I've got my fucking face shoved right up the ass of media Satan. But it's, you know, there's something beautiful in that. Now, I don't know exactly what is going on with me as far as that goes, but I'm not on a news bender, okay? So maybe I'm just prefacing what I'm about to talk about and why I'm going to talk about it with. Just know I will be on a new. As soon as 4chan's back up, I'll be back in hell. But, you know, I was talking to my wife and she's like, didn't. Didn't you hear about, like Katy Perry? And you know, all those assholes that went up in space and I had not. I knew it was happening. I knew Bezos was sending his wife and some other gals up there to gallivant among the Stars. But I just kind of tuned it out. I didn't really care one way or the other. Though I did think for a moment that he might be trying. This is like, maybe the most brilliant way to like, if you like. Okay, Bezos. He lost a lot of money in the last divorce. And I was just thinking, like, dude, I would not go up there if I was married to him. Even if the marriage seemed like it was going great. Because it just seemed like a way to sort of. My paranoid ass is that he's gonna blow the fucking thing up and collect all the insurance and simultaneously he probably doesn't like Katy Perry. And just like a way to take three birds or four birds with one stone is what I actually thought. I thought it's going to be like a challenge or disaster, but with like, you know, beautiful women, which it wasn't. But maybe that's why I tuned it out, because I still remember the challenge or disaster. That's how old I am. I was sitting on my couch, I'd call. I was sick. And I wasn't really sick, you know. I know I wasn't sick because in those days I don't think parents understood how dangerous sugar was. And my mom would just buy us cookies and I was just shoving my face full of Keebler elves, which I would do. She had to go to work. God damn it. What's better than that? When you call in sick. Not even call in sick. You're just sick. You gaslight your mom enough that she believes you. Now your fat ass is just on the couch shoving Kevlar elves in your mouth. Watching Wheel of Force, Fortune. Maybe it was Prices, right? I was in heaven, dude. It was great. And then the challenger disaster stuff popped up. And I don't know, I think it really did disturb me a little bit. And I just didn't. I don't want that to happen again. And it didn't. They all made it back to Earth. But yeah, now, now that this has happened, Bezos has sent his like a, A, a trove of symmetrical giant breasted ladies up into. Into the. Into space. And this has pissed off a surprising number of people are just really mad in a way that I find somewhat surprising. Look, and again, I think the more I reckon with the shock and awe that happens when, when things like this transpire, the more I begin to have to deal with the fact that maybe I am way more cynical than I like to think I am. That I'm so cynical that to me, I'm surprised when people react to that. By saying, this is the Hunger Games. Seriously, this is what it is. Classism and all that. I, I, and I think I've just assumed that my level of almost nihilistic cynicism when it comes to a certain strata of the culture was shared by most people, so. But dude, people are. Maybe it's just like, I guess, I don't know. But I figured, like, I knew no one would really celebrate this. Like, no one's gonna. It's not like this is, you know, some epic moment. We've already been sending rich people up into space now for a bit, and we all know space tourism is coming. Yeah. You know, did it seem like the exact kind of flex I would fucking do if I was Jeff Bezos and a billionaire? Yeah. I just, like, take my wife and then, like, other, like, hotties that I wanted to bang and send them up into space as a flex. That's just like, you know, that what Jeff Bezos did, I guess, is the new version of driving hotties around in a Ferrari. Right. That's all it is. It's a rich dude driving beautiful women around in his fancy ass fucking car. But now, now that we are entering into the very, I guess you would call it, pre singularity days, we're going to start seeing this identical kind of garish mating behavior. But it's going to be like the next one will be time travel. Like, he'll probably. There'll be a time machine that rich people can access and he'll take all those ladies to watch the crucifixion of Christ. And then everyone will see, like, in paintings of the crucifixion. Is that fucking Katy Perry? That's so weird. Like, it looks just like Katy Perry. So I think that's what we're talking about here. It's, it's, it's no different than that. I don't know why people are so upset by it. Because of the, you know, emergent billionaire class. Yeah. You're gonna. We have to get used to this. Like, nobody should get too upset by it. People are making fun of these ladies. They're upset because Katy Perry kissed the ground. Which, Listen, I know, you know, I'm Katy Perry's top fan in America. You know, I've been to every one of her shows. I love her so much. She is just exactly what I look for when I'm looking for music. But this is not why I'm saying that. I think, like, if you went up in a. I think it's safe to call that an experimental vehicle that's an experimental fucking vehicle. That's a dude who, like, just ships packages, man. That's a very successful package shipper. That's not NASA. That's. He's not even. He's not making e. It's not even musk. This is a dude who started off just packing books and boxes, and he was good at it, and he. And he saw an angle that nobody could see, and he made it happen, and he became a fucking billionaire. All I'm saying is I don't know for sure that Jeff Bezos spent a lot of time studying trigonometry, you know, rocket science. He hires people and all that, but you know what I'm saying, It's like, yeah, I would kiss the fucking ground, too. I would assume I was going to die for a brief glimpse of Earth from space. So people are all making fun of her. People are, like, all on, like, attacking Bezos's, like, wife because she's got, you know, big tits. It's like, dude, what universe do you live in? What world are you people living in? This is. Don't. I just don't get it. I'm not saying you're not allowed to attack. You can attack whoever you want, but just think you're, like a bookseller. You pack books. Mail order books, I think is how he started. You send mail order books. You're Jeff Bezos. I'm sure. Like, you know, you've probably got some kind of ambitious edge to you. You're a workaholic. You've got this feeling like, I don't know why I feel like I'm going to be a billionaire, but I can feel it, man. You don't realize. The reason you feel like that is because a future version of you has been using an as of yet undiscovered technology to travel back in time and whisper that in your ear, creating some kind of bizarre time loop. You've probably been dreaming. Like, God, why do I keep looking down at the Earth? And I look to my right and there's Katie, this beautiful, beautiful woman, and another beautiful woman, and somehow it's all because of me. Maybe you're getting messages from the future. All I'm saying is, if you were Jeff Bezos and you're a billionaire, none of this seems surprising to me, you know, I'm a nerd. I'm a nerd. And it, like, I would do. I'm sorry, but if I, like, become a billionaire and. We'll get to Operation Beast Blast in a moment. Yeah, I'm sending. I'm not gonna just send my wife up into space. She won't go, probably. But yeah, I'm gonna probably, like, see if Sydney Sweeney wants to go up into my space in space for free. You just go up there. It'll be cool. You're not sitting. Switch. My wife would. Yeah, I'm not going up there with her. My wife became a billionaire and she's like, oh, yeah, I'm going to go up in my spaceship with, like, I don't know, Timothee Chalamet, Brad Pitt. I don't know any famous symmetrical guys that are young. Who else?
